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October 8, 2025 16 mins

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Your mind keeps knocking, even at 2 a.m.—book the appointment, fix the thing, worry about everything. We’ve been there, and we break down what actually helps when thoughts won’t let go: a deep sigh that resets your system, a “mind house” where you park tasks for later, and small, deliberate actions that pull you back into the present.

We talk about the paradox of stress—how doing less often makes anxiety louder—and why adding the right kind of activity changes the game. From a short walk to a gentle class, from chopping vegetables to ironing a shirt, we show how familiar, hands-on tasks quiet mental noise through sensory anchors and achievable steps. You’ll hear how writing things down turns open loops into closed tabs, and how a simple script—“Thanks, Brian, I’ll return to this at 7”—can soften self-talk and reduce rumination without pretending to erase your thoughts.

This conversation is warm, practical, and grounded in real life: busy schedules, low energy, and those moments when rest feels like another chore. We share stories, tiny tactics, and mindset shifts that make it easier to interrupt the loop and return to living—sight, smell, touch, and all. If you’ve felt stuck in analysis, crave calmer days, or want tools that work when willpower doesn’t, you’ll find them here.

If this helped, follow the show, share it with a friend who overthinks, and leave a quick review—what’s one small action you’ll try today?

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
We all get those negative thoughts, don't we?
Coming into our minds.
Yeah, and that that they can behard to get rid of, especially
when they're like on repeat.
Like some kind of this recurringthought that we we we think
about it and then we we we sortof analyze it and then it comes

(00:20):
back again and we think about itagain and again and we think
what's going on?
And it like taunts us, doesn'tit?
That keeps coming backthroughout the day.
And that or night, which ishorrible at night.
That's what we're gonna bechatting about in today's
episode of Get Real with theEnglish system.

(00:41):
Mind, health, and anxiety.
There's always a deep sighbefore we do these podcasts
because we do have to talk aboutthings that uh sometimes uh are
quite difficult to handle ineveryday life, you know.
And and we all have them, don'twe?
Yeah, and I think you said yousaid a good point about sighing

(01:06):
because sighing does actuallyrelieve anxiety.
I know.
So it's a natural mechanism thatwe can use as an
anxiety-reducing sort oftechnique.
Just sigh, just have a good sighabout it.
Yeah, it's like taking a deepbreath in and just letting it

(01:30):
out, isn't it?
Just letting go.
If you close your eyes well, notif you're driving, but if you
close your eyes well, you youtake a deep sigh as well.
It can really it like interruptsa negativity, interrupts that
negative thought that'strundling into your brain.
Sometimes it's not just anegative thought, it's just a

(01:52):
repetitive thought I find withme, for example, like if I have
to go and and book anappointment or something, I
might say, okay, I have to bookan appointment.
I might not book it right thereand then because it's not it's
not the time, but then I justkeep on thinking about it until

(02:14):
I find I've done it.
So I I've had to learn atechnique of sort of putting
things that I have to do intoplaces in my mind so that I can
sort of calm my mind down andsay, okay, I'll get to do that
when I can.

(02:34):
Sort of put it into littlecompartments, as to say, almost
as if my mind was a room.
There were like lots of rooms inmy mind where I could just place
that thought in that room andclose the door and think, when I
can, I'll open that door andI'll deal with that issue,
whatever it is that I've got,because it might even be a good

(02:55):
thing, like booking a holiday,for example.
But I might just keep onthinking about that all the
time.
Because you want to book theholiday.
No, no, no, that was an exampleof no, my mind sort of works
like that with whatever it hasto do.
I know it's different to the wayyour mind thinks.
No, I think that's very, I thinkthat's very accurate.

(03:17):
I would be the same with if Ihave something to do, every now
and again it will pop into mybrain, you have to book that
appointment.
Yeah, you have to do, but I tendto procrastinate more and I tend
not to do it.
To forget about things untilsomething is if something is
really urgent that I have to do,then I'll do it quickly.
Yes, when it's if it's like aregular checkup or something

(03:39):
that I can't be bothered with,or even like a legal thing
that's not that important, I'lltend to I'll tend to
procrastinate and put it off.
But then you you manage not tothink about it again.
Well, I won't think about itthat day, and it might come up
in three or four days afterwardsthinking, oh, I should have done
that or I should do that.
Yeah, it's so it's not like arepetitive thought though, you

(04:01):
can sort of put it away all day.
But I think if you I think agood a good solution for anyone
that's uh that's the same asJutka or even me with
procrastination is to write itdown somewhere, either in your
on your phone or or physicallywrite it on a piece of paper,
and then if you actually can'tdo it there and then, you know,

(04:23):
make it like you're to-do listfor the day and then just get it
done.
Yeah, get it done that day.
Yeah, so like you say put it inmy calendar thing to do, like
book a holiday, you could say,okay, tonight when I'm resting
and I've a holiday, but look,it's something like I can sort
of put off and say, Okay, I'lldo it at the weekend, you know,
I'll do it together with myhusband, we're we're look at

(04:45):
we'll look through themtogether.
But I suppose, yeah, I do too.
I think the it's more because Ithink that if you're very
stressed at work or whatever,and you have to you think I
should need I need to go away,but just to de-stress and have a
nice time, say like with yourhusband or your partner.
Yeah, but then it's like thatalso becomes an extra thing that

(05:07):
you have to do, which you don'twant to do because it's it's
time consuming and it's a bitlike work.
Well, I just said if you hadlike someone that could just
say, Okay, I booked this holidayfor you and you're leaving on
Friday thing.
That to tell you the truth,that's why we jumped into your
holidays this summer because youdid it all like in this summer,
you found this beautiful house,and I just jumped at the chance.

(05:31):
You said, Oh, there's an extradouble room.
Yeah, we're leaving like in fourdays or something, and I said,
Oh wow, that sounds amazing.
Let me just see what if myhusband, George, or likes the
idea.
He said, Great.
After he'd been like searchingfor holidays in his spare time,
he said, Oh wow, that looksamazing.
If you look, let's just go.
So, yeah, I do believe that'syou're right.

(05:53):
That is one of the things thatwhen you are very busy.
Well, yeah, when you're reallybusy or really stressed out or
anxious, you don't really feellike doing these extra things,
they just become and also Ithink because you probably feel
a bit low as well.
So, like low in energy, andmaybe low in mood.
So, like thinking of going awayand packing and organizing it

(06:14):
all can all just be a bit toomuch.
But as we always say, when youdo feel into bed, maybe and just
put the covers over your headand not look.
Yeah, you don't want to see whatthe world is.
That's when you need to go,though, isn't that?
That's what we've always said.
When we find it sort ofuncomfortable to do something,
that's when you really need todo it.
Because it it's ironic, but nomatter how busy you think you

(06:38):
are, it's like when you thinkyou're too busy to go to gym.
In the end, when you go to gym,you'll feel better, no matter
how busy you actually are.
Sometimes doing more is actuallyoddly better for you than doing
less when you're stressed.
And it it's it's an odd thing,isn't it?

(07:00):
Because you would think no.
So that's just you've just hitit on the nail there.
When you when you are feelinganxious or stressed or have
negative thoughts, one of thebest things you can do is
exercise, but it's one of thethe last things you want to do.
I remember when I was reallystressed out and the kids were
young, mum and dad were sick.
Yeah, yeah.
A long time ago, my husband toldme to go to join a gym and uh

(07:24):
like a fitness centre, and Ithought he was just off his
rockers.
I said, What?
You nearly bit his head off,didn't you?
I said, What?
You think I've got time to goand do that when I'm so stressed
out and I've got so much on myplate?
And he said, I think he'll begood for you, Violetta.
And if and so in the end, Ilistened to him.
Uh it started, I startedthinking about it, and I
listened and I did it, and itwas one of the best things that

(07:46):
I could have ever done formyself.
That's what I that's what I wasthinking about.
You know, sometimes ironically,the last thing you want to do is
go and join a club or go on thatpainting course.
You think I haven't got time togo painting or pottery or
whatever you you may like, abook club or something.
Stop reading a book.
You think I haven't got time forthat.
I'm far too stressed.

(08:08):
Well, actually, taking on moreis actually going to help you.
Well, yes, taking on more of theright kind of things, though.
The things the kind of thingsthat will be stressed.
The kind of things that youthink I don't have time for are
those kind of things that now isthe time to make time for, and
that will actually help you whenyou do have these anxious

(08:30):
thoughts that we all get.
As I was saying, I get them,Violetta gets them, and we're
therapists, so it's not likewe're immune to them at all.
All humans get them, and it'sjust a question of how you
manage them and adding more toyour life instead of taking

(08:51):
things away, because the lessyou do of those kind of things
that are good for you, the lessyou feel like doing, and the
less motivated you are.
So if you think you don't havetime to cook your favourite dish
because you're too stressed andyou just keep on ordering these
takeaway pizzas or whatever, inthe end, they make you feel

(09:13):
worse than if you say, No, I'mgonna go and like me the other
day, for example, I went and Ibought a whole pumpkin.
And I thought, when am I gonnahave the time to cut this
pumpkin up and actually bake itand bother making, you know,
whatever I want to make with it.
But I did it, and it actuallymade me feel less stressed doing

(09:35):
that, taking the time toactually cut the pumpkin, roast
the pumpkin, then I made theselovely gnocchi with the pumpkin,
then the next day I had pumpkinsoup, this delicious vellute, I
don't know what it's called, inyou know, well, it brings you
into the present, doesn't it?
Doing things like that.

(09:56):
It's a mindful experience.
It's a lot of work, but in theend, it's work that that
benefits you.
For instance, the other day Iwas reading an article about
ironing, and they were sayinghow beneficial ironing is for
you.
And I remember I used to spendhours ironing.
Do you remember?
We used to call it ironing talk.

(10:16):
Yeah.
There was something odd thereabout iron talk.
Oh, yeah, sorry, iron talk.
When you would just chat awaywith somebody while you were
ironing.
Well, really, it was just uh theiron talk we we called it when
we were just mindlesslychattering.
Yeah.
When we weren't ironing.
Ah, is that what it was?

(10:37):
That's what we named it as.
Oh, are you sure?
I thought I remember ironing andchatting like when we were
younger.
We didn't even have cell phones.
No, we wouldn't chat and chat.
Not on real life, talking, noton cell phones.
When we were young and we wouldiron at home, like when we were
like kids.
We weren't there, we would ironon our own.
No, I remember ironing.

(10:57):
I remember mum being sort ofaround pottery.
And you'd talk to her.
And you and Mum were likesewing, and I'd be ironing, or
she would be ironing morelikely.
No, no, I can't remember that.
But anyway.
It was like the old time.
I used to call iron talk when itwas just like not real talk, and
it was just mindless chattering,which is just chit-chat.
But it was like very good foryou because it meant that you

(11:18):
were like in the present momentand relaxed.
What happens when you're talkinglike about like rubbishy things?
Do you know why?
It's because your mind, yourbrain, is focused on the action
of doing something manual, likeironing.
So the other part of your mindcan be more relaxed.
It's not that that's a reasonfor it, isn't it?

(11:41):
While when you're like sewing orcooking, or something that
doesn't not like cooking if youhave to read the recipe, no,
it's like when things when youknow how to do them just because
you do them so often, they'rejust sort of like automatic,
then you can relax, sort ofbecause your m your hands are
busy.
Yes, but it's not too stressful.

(12:05):
No, it's something that you havean automatic competence at, you
know, it's something you'reautomatically good at.
That's why children love beingaround their parents when
they're cooking.
If you're if it's if you likecooking, if you like cooking and
you're calm, and you're showingyour kids how to make a cake or
do something.
Yes, very much.
It's like very therapeutic,isn't it?

(12:26):
Because you're just all calm andyou're all happy and cozy and
you're doing a little thing.
Exactly.
Put that in there, and it's likeeverything is almost as if time
slows down because especially ifyou've got a little one, you
have to be very patient withthem.
Yes, yes, and show them, andthey're just all learning and
all fumbly and they don't knowhow to do it properly.
Yeah, yeah, you're absolutelyright.

(12:47):
So I suppose it's the same asgardening.
Any kind of those things thatyou can sort of relax at doing
are good for these kinds ofrepetitive thoughts because they
can keep your mind busy becauseyou're doing your actually in
the action of doing, which isbetter than not doing in this
case.
So it's you're in the action ofactually doing something.

(13:11):
So your mind is busy doing, andthen your hands are busy doing
more than and then your mind canwander.
I know, I suppose some peoplesay that's when the anxious
thoughts can come in again.
Uh often.
When your mind is wandering.
Well, yeah, because I was justthinking, hey, I'm saying all of

(13:31):
this, but yesterday I wasactually cutting the grass.
So I was actually really busydoing something.
It was quite hard work, and yetmy mind was wandering, so I had
to tell it to stop.
I had to say, stop, you know,that that's like the time when
literally you're going to putthat thought in a room and keep
it quiet for the moment, andthen I'll I'll come back to it

(13:54):
when I can.
Let me enjoy the rustling of theleaves, let me see what I am
experiencing now.
And I'm telling you, it did takeeffort on my part.
So you have to be sort ofconsciously aware of what's
going on in there.
So if we're using the metaphorof your mind is like a house,
you have to go and check theroom sometimes, you know, and

(14:14):
clear out and be consciouslyaware of what's going on in your
house.
Because if you're not, you'llbecome disturbed by it.
You won't be able to actually bein that moment and notice what's
going on around you.
Yeah, well, I think is that somany of us are so like we're

(14:37):
always on the go, we're alwaysso busy, we're always doing that
when we do have like when we aredoing something manual like
that, it's when our brain haslike time to say, Hey, can you
listen to me?
This is what you need to do, orthis is who you need to call.
So you say when we're doing whenwe're having to.
So I think that's when you haveto acknowledge these thoughts

(14:57):
you're having, and maybe not seethem as negative thoughts, but
just see them as something thatyou have to do, or something
that I did actually do it lateron.
Yes.
Yeah, so it was good for me.
If it is something reallynegative, like if you're just
beating yourself up and aboutsomething or putting yourself
down, uh uh, you know, one ofthe good tricks is like to give

(15:20):
give your brain a name, and uhand you can just say, Hey,
whatever the name you you'vegiven it, uh you know, that
that's fine, that's okay.
But now I'm in my little mindfulmoment and I want to enjoy this.
So thank you for letting me knowabout that, Susie or Brian, or
whatever.

(15:40):
And then, you know, and thenI'll I'll come back to you later
with that.
But at the minute, you know, Ijust want to have a nice time
and do my gardening or runningor whatever it is.
You know what I mean?
Yes, I do know what you mean.
I know of many people that saythat does work, that they do
give their brain uh sort of aname and they uh they talk to it

(16:02):
that way, and that's also goodbecause you're becoming
consciously aware of some of thethoughts that are going through
your mind that you might not beaware of, and that's good too,
because also in meditation youdon't have to block all thoughts
out, you can just see them andyou can let them pass through,
you can become aware of them.

(16:23):
Thank you for listening.
Lots of love and smiles andlaughs from the English sisters.
Bye.
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