December 3, 2025 • 23 mins
Ever notice how fast words can outrun wisdom? We dive into the surprising strength of saying less how holding your tongue can calm conflict, deepen trust, and make room for real growth. From resisting the urge to “fix” your partner’s story to letting kids make glorious kitchen messes that turn into mastery, we share practical tactics and personal moments where silence did more than a perfect speech ever could.
We talk about the high cost of instant replies and why late-night emails and heated texts rarely age well. You’ll learn simple, evidence-backed moves to slow down: draft and delay, breathe before you hit send, and choose words you can stand behind tomorrow. We also examine gossip and small talk, replacing them with constructive conversations that honor context, compassion, and responsibility. If your words are going to travel, make sure you want them traveling.
Active listening gets a spotlight. Interruptions often feel like enthusiasm but land as dismissal. Try a new rhythm let them finish, reflect a detail back, and ask if they want ideas or just an ear. That small shift can de-escalate tension and build respect fast. We explore where praise belongs in all this too: don’t silence genuine compliments. Hold back harm; let encouragement through. By the end, you’ll have a toolkit for using silence as a deliberate choice creating space for others to step up, and for you to speak with clarity when it counts.
If this resonates, tap follow, share it with someone who talks for a living, and leave a quick review to help more curious listeners find us. What’s one moment this week where you’ll choose the pause?
Apple Podcasts
Spotify
YouTube Channel
Follow us on Social Media
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
When less is more and when it's best to just bite
your tongue and keep quiet.
And for some of us, it's verydifficult.
SPEAKER_01 (00:11):
It is, yeah.
For some of us, it's like wealways have to say something.
We always want to be involved.
SPEAKER_00 (00:19):
We do.
And that's what we're going tobe chatting about in this week's
episode of Get Real with theEnglish sisters, Mind Health,
and Anxiety, the podcast thatyou can come to to just chill
and relax and learn somethingabout yourself and others,
hopefully.
We are therapists.
(00:39):
And we are here to help.
Exactly.
And we have found that sometimesin life, yes, quite a lot of
times, it's best just not to sayanything than say too much or
interfere too much.
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01 (00:56):
Because a lot of the times the people that you're
with can actually do withoutyour words.
SPEAKER_00 (01:04):
Yeah, and I think they can also step up if you're
not always interfering as well.
Because I think sometimes welike to take control, don't we?
Yeah.
Especially if we're verycompetent.
And I think as women, especiallya lot of the times as women.
SPEAKER_01 (01:22):
Well, like even when you've got the small children,
if you have a family and youwant to, you think, oh, I know
how to do that, you know, or orlike if you're talking to your
partner, you say, No, don't doit that way.
You know, you have to heat themilk this way, or whatever it
is.
I remember, you know, many timesjust having to think, no, quiet.
(01:44):
You know, let uh my husband letit let him figure it out.
But it was like a discussion meand you had.
I remember, you know, yousaying, No, just bite your
tongue, hold still, let himlearn.
You know, who cares?
Uh, you know, if he makesmistakes, it doesn't really
matter.
It's not like life or death,they were just silly things,
changing and happy, it's notperfect.
(02:06):
Who cares?
You know, just but but quiet.
SPEAKER_00 (02:10):
Yeah, because I think if you take over too much,
you take control, then the otherperson just kind of backs off,
don't they?
They do back off.
SPEAKER_01 (02:17):
Anyone would you back off and you say, Oh, well,
you know, no, oh, I'm not goodat this, and you get put off.
And of course, this is oneexample.
There are so many examples whenbiting your tongue is really a
good idea.
Like in the it's like if you'reangry, for example, it's
definitely what they say.
SPEAKER_00 (02:35):
Never write that email at the last thing at
night, always wait till the nextday.
Sleep on it.
Sleep on it.
Same way as especially becauseemails are official and anyone
can request them at any time.
Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_01 (02:49):
That is definitely an email or a text, keep it to
yourself, wait, make sure timehas passed before sending it
until you're absolutely clear onyour ideas, and then send it in
a more in a calmer way, and andand make sure that the words
that you write are you have tobe responsible for.
SPEAKER_00 (03:10):
I noticed that like in relationships.
I remember with mum and dad, mumwas always like nagging at dad,
always telling him off, goodnessdo it like this, do it like
this, or you're not doing itproperly, it's supposed to be
this way.
And I used to that used to geton my nerves, so I really do try
not to do it with my with myhusband.
I try not to, but of course,it's inevitable that you're
(03:34):
gonna catch yourself doing it,especially if once you become
aware of it, you may noticethroughout your day how many
times you actually interfere oror say something when really it
would have been more beneficialfor you just to keep quiet.
SPEAKER_01 (03:46):
Absolutely, it's many times when it's best to
hold your tongue, it's like anold Shakespearean phrase, you
know, hold your tongue.
It's best to hold it, you know,or to literally put your tongue
in between your teeth so youliterally cannot talk.
And there are times when I'veactually done that because I'm
(04:08):
thinking if I don't do that, I'mgonna say something, and what I
say may not be what I want tosay, but it's gonna come out out
of anger, uh wanting to controla situation like what we were
saying before, and that's notgonna be good for the other
person, so I will literally putmy tongue in between my just
gently hold it there, so it'slike a conscious reminder for me
(04:31):
as to not place it against theroof of your mouth.
You can do that, and that alsoautomatically will relax you.
We can't do it now because thisis a podcast where we have to
talk anymore.
But it will quieten us, it willquieten us, but yeah,
definitely.
I think you know, there's lotsof times in when you're angry or
(04:52):
when other people are gossiping,you know, and that gossip isn't
any good.
I I just wish, you know, justquiet and don't I I I I yeah, I
I personally do not like it.
SPEAKER_00 (05:03):
If there's anything, I might tell you about it, but
it's but then it always mightend up in like a bit of a
therapy session, be like aconstructive gossip where we
think the poor person.
Did you know the poor person isuh they're going through a rough
time or whatever?
SPEAKER_01 (05:19):
Yeah, and that's kind of like in a way, it's like
constructively talking aboutsomebody.
SPEAKER_00 (05:24):
It's learning, isn't it?
We learn from them as well, fromwhat they've gone through.
SPEAKER_01 (05:28):
Yeah, but I just been through I do not appreciate
just gossip for the sense of it,and I know and I'm glad I'm with
you and with my partner as well.
He does not like it, so but Iknow that it's a well-known
hobby for many, many of you, andI think okay, that's fine, as
long as it's the words you'regonna say, if if they're not
(05:50):
gonna be of any, if they'regonna be hurtful, I think,
because then though you'reresponsible for those words,
then they're gonna be spread.
So somebody else is gonna bespreading those words.
So well, they'll say so-and-sosaid this about yes, so and so's
lost his job, so-and-so, ohyeah, oh dear.
(06:12):
I mean, it's not even oh dear.
I I mean, literally, do youremember that person when we
meet that lady?
We're always so shocked, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (06:21):
It's like verbal diarrhea, isn't it?
About everyone in theneighbourhood, yeah.
And she's a lovely person,really.
I mean, she's lovely, yeah.
But but yeah, what is this?
I think it's just their way ofchatting, but it's not helpful.
It's like small talk, but I wishthat small talk would not exist.
Yeah, be more constructive.
SPEAKER_01 (06:39):
Yeah, sometimes it's just nice to just look into each
other and say, How are you?
Oh, no, lovely.
Give yourself a hug, and that'sit.
Let's talk about ourselves andleave the other people out of it
that have nothing to say forthem because they can't, they
can't because they're not there.
SPEAKER_00 (06:57):
No, they wouldn't.
A lot of uh the TV programmesare like that though.
Well, they're based on watching.
Yeah, I was just watching uh theOC for the housing because I
like the houses there, but I wasthinking they just well,
obviously it's all staged.
It's staged as well, staged, butthe it's still not very nice
because like the it's likegossiping all the time.
(07:18):
So and so said this.
She had a whatever, and it'sit's uh I don't like that part
of the program because I mean Idon't even I I call it.
I do something either working ordoing something else.
I just look at the houses.
Yeah, I do look at the housesbecause I think that part of the
program is like demeaning forthe others in in it, and then
(07:40):
they have these littlesquabbles, and then afterwards
they make up.
SPEAKER_01 (07:44):
But the thing is, it's going back to the
importance of words and the factthat you're responsible for the
words that come out of yourmouth.
That obviously they hold animportance, they are important,
so you it's better to bite yourtongue or to quieten yourself
rather than just say words thatare not going to be wise.
SPEAKER_00 (08:10):
That's the only hurtful words that are gonna be,
yeah, or even not hurtful, justinterfering, like interfering
when someone's doing somethingsaying, I know how to do it
better, or you should be doingit this way, or why didn't you
do it like this?
All these, all these kind ofthings.
But I think also um biting yourtongue holds its place when
you're having a conversationwith your partner and you keep
(08:33):
wanting to interrupt becauseapparently men don't like to be
interrupted.
Really?
Well, that sounds very women do,but I think the women, when
women talk, I don't know, it'sobviously this is obviously a
generalization, but in ourpersonal experience, like we're
always interrupting each other,aren't we?
(08:53):
Yeah, like we're it's like alittle bit of you say something,
then they say something, andthen there's it's a bit of like
a little dance.
But for men, I find that theylike to get their whole point of
view out, and sometimes it cantake two or three minutes, and
it's very hard to keep quiet forme without question or asking
(09:15):
some because I want to know somedetail while they're telling the
story.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So sometimes you have to keepquiet, don't you?
Well, yes, that's a goodexample.
They come, they might come backto you and say, You're not
listening to me, you have youkeep interrupting me, you know,
you don't love me.
Why don't you want to hear whatI've got to say?
SPEAKER_01 (09:35):
Yeah, I do think that is an act of love, is when
you can keep quiet to somebodythat's telling you their story
or a story.
They're telling that story, andif you're able to listen, uh
listen, truly listen, not bedistracted, look at your phone
or look away, but truly listento that person, and then only
(09:56):
when they have finished, thenrepeat back some of their words
or uh show them that you'veunderstood what they have said,
that's a great gift.
Well, that's active listening,isn't it?
Yeah, I mean I didn't want tomake it to a therapy session,
but yes, it is active listening.
That's when you are that canactually be really helpful in in
(10:18):
in couple relationships when oneperson says you're they never
listen to me.
And because even though theylook as if they're listening,
because they might not be ontheir phone, they might just be
going, Yeah, yeah, I get it, Iget it.
Then afterwards they don'treally listen.
Why are you laughing now?
SPEAKER_00 (10:38):
Because I'm thinking of someone, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (10:41):
It's a little in joke, but yes, I exactly.
They're not really listening,and so yes, they just do it
their way, and then they do ittheir way, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (10:53):
But that's also part of the acceptance, isn't it?
And then you have to find out isthat does that work for you or
not?
SPEAKER_01 (11:00):
Yeah.
Well, I mean, it doesn't workfor me if I'm talking to
somebody.
I I I love it when I whensomebody actually says, Oh, if I
tell them, so I had a hectic daytoday, and then I fell over, and
and then they uh they'll let metell my story, and then I say,
Oh dear, so did you really hurtyourself when you fell over?
(11:21):
That's active listening.
They're asking a questionrelated to something I've said.
It means I'm being heard.
It's not just ignoring what I'vesaid and just oh yeah, well,
sort of like I don't know, whatare we doing tomorrow?
Yeah, or something.
Hey, I've just told you I gotstuck, I got stung by a bee.
I remember once you said it whenyou told your husband you got
(11:44):
stung by a bee, and I got nosympathy, and it got rolled on,
and you wanted some kind of hey,you got stung, gosh, where?
Well, let me see you, you'reokay now.
It was a bee.
Well, there but you're allergic.
SPEAKER_00 (11:58):
Yeah, I'm allergic, but not really badly allergic to
a little bit.
But you still have to take thecortisone, but I don't have to
have the epi pen or anythingwith with you know it wasn't
that serious.
I could have dealt with it on myown, but it just hurt so much.
SPEAKER_01 (12:11):
It hurt because you felt as if you weren't being
listened to it.
SPEAKER_00 (12:14):
Actually, it did hurt.
Oh, it hurt, and then I wantedto be listened to.
SPEAKER_01 (12:18):
Oh, yeah.
It does hurt when you're notlistened to.
So I think that if you're kindof person that I've interrupted
you.
SPEAKER_00 (12:26):
Do you find that in especially in relationships with
your partner that sometimes theyfeel as if you're always
interrupting too much and alwayshave a solution for them when
they just want to figure thingsout themselves?
SPEAKER_01 (12:38):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (12:39):
Because that could be like if for him, for
instance, for my husband, hedoesn't like to be fussed over
that much.
So but it's funny because reallyhe does.
Yeah.
But he says he doesn't.
He says he does.
If I just totally ignored it, hewould say, like, where's the
medicine or whatever?
Where's the ice?
Yeah.
So, but really he likes to beleft more to his own devices.
(13:03):
But I think sometimes we,especially as caretakers and
nurturers, we always want to bethere to offer solutions or
offer medicine or like here's aplaster.
SPEAKER_01 (13:14):
Oh, I'll go and get it for you.
It's part of how we were broughtup and and and having families
and taking care, exactly as yousay.
But sometimes it's best it's toomuch for them, isn't it?
SPEAKER_00 (13:26):
It's like a bit overwhelming.
They just want to be able tofigure it out themselves and
think, oh, uh maybe that forthem to ask the question, do you
do we have plasters instead ofquickly offering a plaster or
put some put some Medicaid, youknow, wash that out, you're
gonna get infected.
Exactly.
SPEAKER_01 (13:42):
That's when we have to learn to buy to quiet in and
think, hey, you know, everyone'san adult around here.
SPEAKER_00 (13:48):
Let them decide.
SPEAKER_01 (13:50):
Exactly.
SPEAKER_00 (13:50):
I think that also happens with when you're when
your children's like that.
That's what I mean.
SPEAKER_01 (13:54):
Yeah, you tend to because I I don't I don't think
I was like that as much before.
SPEAKER_00 (14:01):
I always was like you were always like the mother
my aunties and everything.
Yeah, oh no, I was a clean up,but you were yeah, that's true.
We're always looking after Mumtaught us to be like little
nurses, you bought us thoselittle nurse music.
SPEAKER_01 (14:15):
No, talk about conditioning, goodness made.
SPEAKER_00 (14:17):
We had to look after each other when we were sick,
it's probably just to keep usbusy.
SPEAKER_01 (14:21):
Probably was, yeah, like when we went through
chicken pox and that, wecouldn't go out.
She would bought us and she Imean, it was a darling little
costume.
SPEAKER_00 (14:29):
It's a little costume, the handmade costume
that she had made.
Yeah, with a little red cross onit.
SPEAKER_01 (14:34):
We used to love that the little stethoscope, checking
each other out.
Yeah, that was cute, but at thesame time, it teaches you,
doesn't it?
Teaches you, even with our uhour our toys, every toy was
special.
SPEAKER_00 (14:48):
Yeah, none of that throwing them about.
SPEAKER_01 (14:50):
No way.
The toys were treated with suchlove and care that I remember,
you know, thinking, I mean,gosh, I have to like they're so
pre even my little tea set.
I had this little tea set, theorange and red little plastic
tea set, it was a little 70sthing.
Really?
Gosh, I used to have to treasurethat, rinse it out because I
(15:12):
would put real tea in it, Ithink, or some water or
something, it gets sticky withthe milk or something, and we'd
have to rinse it out, take greatcare and put it each little cup
back inside its original littlepackaging.
After each time I played with itin the box, everything was
treated with such care, ittaught us how to look after
(15:34):
things, which is a lovely skill,really.
And it transferred onto otherthings in life, but sometimes,
as we're saying in thisparticular case, it's like
because we know how to care forthings, you and maybe you do as
well, you can relate to this,you can you can see how to do
it, whereas at times it's bestnot to see how to do it and just
(15:57):
let it be done.
I remember when my kids werelearning how to cook in the
kitchen, it was a disaster.
Flour on the floor here andthere, and I just had to let it
be.
And now one of them is a chef,and the other one absolutely
adores cooking, and and theysaid it's because you let us
just muck around in the kitchen,mum.
And you never said, Oh, I knowhow to do it.
(16:19):
This is the wrong way, this isthe right way.
I just sort of let them get onwith it and say, Oh, we're very
good with that.
SPEAKER_00 (16:27):
I didn't have the patience.
SPEAKER_01 (16:28):
No, you didn't have the patience, no.
SPEAKER_00 (16:30):
But also, my kids didn't really show an interest
either.
SPEAKER_01 (16:33):
No, exactly.
It depends if they're desperatefor it, you know.
Let me, I want to do this, Iwant to do that.
Obviously, you think, okay, Iwant to help.
It was also a way of keepingthem busy, sort of like, yeah,
have a potato, help me, keep itthere, you know, sort of thing.
But that's part of rearingchildren, and it and you have to
(16:56):
learn that also there to think,no, it doesn't matter.
SPEAKER_00 (16:59):
Let them figure it out.
SPEAKER_01 (17:00):
Let them figure it out.
That what's this gonna tastelike?
I don't know.
I think that might be a bit toomuch.
Water, sugar, flour, but you letit be.
SPEAKER_00 (17:12):
Would you really let it be?
SPEAKER_01 (17:14):
Many times I let it be.
I remember, especially when theywere learning how to make
pancakes, they were a totaldisaster.
And I used to think, no, that'snot gonna work.
SPEAKER_00 (17:21):
Didn't you give them recipes?
SPEAKER_01 (17:23):
I well, I haven't you know we haven't got recipes,
I would just claim.
SPEAKER_00 (17:26):
I know, but you wouldn't you say like one cup
for them, one cup of water, twocups of flour.
SPEAKER_01 (17:31):
Yeah, I would, but I remember, especially with a
younger one, it wasn't butwouldn't work.
So with you, mum wouldn't letyou.
Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_00 (17:39):
So I would just have to let it be the wending or the
cookies, just give you a littlebit of dough or something.
Should probably see, oh dear,this one's gonna this one's
gonna just I remember the breaddough would come out black when
you used to probably didn't makeme wash my hands well enough.
She did, but you were needing itfor so long, I think.
She's playing with it as if itwas play dough or something.
(18:01):
Yeah, well anyway, she did letus she was very patient with
things like that.
SPEAKER_01 (18:05):
She was indeed.
Yep.
I mean, you have I think it Ithink it's a good recipe if you
want them to become you knowgood at something.
You they acquire those kind ofskills in early life.
But yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (18:22):
Today I had the all the washing, all the soap went
all over the floor and uh itspilt and fell off the washing
machine and it spilt all overthe floor.
All the detergent before I hadto come to podcasts.
I had to clean it up and I askedmy husband to help, and he
quickly came and he said youshould use Cortex to just like
(18:44):
absorb it all by like papertowels.
Yeah, paper towels.
I go, that's I was thinkingthat's a waste.
Really?
Yeah.
I kept quiet though, but then hewent off, so I just said, I'm
gonna use a mop because I wasthe one dealing with it.
And so I used the mop, and thenin the end, when I was cleaning
it, I was thinking, gosh, Ishould have just listened to
(19:05):
him.
And I mean, that's when he wassaying giving a solution, but I
was thinking I should have justlistened to him because in the
end I'm using so much water,which I actually re repurposed
it, but I it made me think aboutall the people that haven't got
any water, and I was thinkingthis is just it's a waste too
much.
Yeah, in the end, I used thewater to clean all the terraces
(19:26):
and everything and and watersome of the f plants, even
though it's winter now and Ididn't really need that much
because it had soap in it aswell, didn't it?
I would mostly use it to cleanthe terrace, yeah.
But I thought that that's awaste.
And then afterwards I said, Youwere right, it would have been
useful to use you know, justsome paper towels to just mop it
(19:49):
up.
SPEAKER_01 (19:49):
Well, obviously, in that case, he didn't quiten his
tongue.
SPEAKER_00 (19:53):
Well, he didn't, because he just came in and he
saw it and he said because hesaw me using the mop and he
said, Don't you want to usepaper towels instead?
And I said, No, I just carry onwith this because I thought it'd
be easy, I could just rinse itout.
But there was so much yeah,there was just too much soap.
SPEAKER_01 (20:07):
That that well, it's concentrated, isn't it?
SPEAKER_00 (20:09):
You've got to be careful with those in those.
I thought if it goes in thewashing machine, it doesn't
cause that many bubbles inthere, so they can't be so
frothy.
SPEAKER_01 (20:18):
But it was frothy, a whole bottle of it falling on
the floor.
That was like a little bombgoing on.
SPEAKER_00 (20:27):
But then I told him his his his suggestion was
better, and he seemed quitechuffed with it.
SPEAKER_01 (20:32):
Well, of course he was.
He loves being right, as most ofus do.
We all do, not just him, poorfellow.
All of us.
It's it's lovely if you actuallyget that recognition.
Somebody's saying, Oh, hey, youwere right, you know that.
I mean, that's not that doesn'toften happen.
No, but it is lovely.
That's in the case when you dohave to give somebody that kind
(20:53):
of compliment, that's when it isnice not to quiten your tongue.
Yes, when there is a chance togive encouragement or praise.
SPEAKER_00 (21:01):
I think a lot of us do think nice things about other
people.
And we don't and we do bite ourtongue, exactly.
We do quiten because we mightfeel a bit embarrassed or just
thinking.
Vulnerable, vulnerable, yeah.
No, we shouldn't be.
SPEAKER_01 (21:13):
Yeah, I actually remember seeing the my my uh my
my son's girlfriend yesterdayand thinking, oh, she had this
really cute pink jumper on.
SPEAKER_00 (21:23):
I thought the same.
You didn't see it yesterday.
No, no, not yesterday, but theday before.
Really?
It was my birthday.
I thought she looked reallypretty, and I didn't tell her.
SPEAKER_01 (21:31):
Oh well, I I actually saw her and I saw her
with that pink jumper, and Ithought I in my head I thought,
oh, that's so cute, she looks socute.
And and I and I didn't say itinstantly, and then I thought,
no, say it.
You do so.
I said, Oh, that's a lovelyjumper.
I saw her, she loved it.
She goes, Oh, yeah, thanks.
SPEAKER_00 (21:48):
Yeah, sometimes I think it's intimidating to say
things all the time.
So I didn't say all the time,obviously.
Sometimes I don't say thingswhen I should.
I think well, you're all youalways give off a lot of
compliments.
Yeah.
My husband was kind of tellingme off the other day because he
said, You give so manycompliments, it's like too much.
And I thought, well, that's whatI think.
(22:09):
So maybe that's why I quietenedmy tongue and I didn't say
anything.
Could be.
It could be, because of that.
Because last time I was with myhusband, he said I gave too many
compliments.
Well, there you go.
So whether you give lots ofcompliments, which hopefully you
do, because it's I think it'salways lovely to receive genuine
(22:30):
compliments.
I do too.
Uh, or whether you always tendto want to interrupt someone or
something, interfere, and youyou you know it's better to
quiet and let us know what youthink.
Yes, and uh how you're gonnaimplement what we've been
talking about today.
We're gonna be doing both, Ithink.
(22:50):
Giving more compliments andwhitening our tongue more.
Sometimes you think, no, hey, Iwanna, you know, I wanna speak
out and we have a voice, andyes, we do have a voice, but
there's there's uh there'ssituations and situations where
like sometimes keeping quietdoes make you more powerful and
giving you a lot of people.
(23:11):
Silence, yes, where silence isgolden, yes, exactly.
Silence is golden.
So thank you for watching.
Thank you for coming and seeingus on YouTube too.
We have the podcast version onYouTube and also the video
version with the podcast, and wealso have our shorts you can
come and have some fun on themand uh just give us a little
(23:31):
shout out, give us a comment,say you like us, and if you do,
obviously, and what's it?
Um follow, follow, follow,follow, and subscribe.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Lots of love and smiles from theEnglish sisters bye.
When less is more and when it's best to just bite
your tongue and keep quiet.
And for some of us, it's verydifficult.
SPEAKER_01 (00:11):
It is, yeah.
For some of us, it's like wealways have to say something.
We always want to be involved.
SPEAKER_00 (00:19):
We do.
And that's what we're going tobe chatting about in this week's
episode of Get Real with theEnglish sisters, Mind Health,
and Anxiety, the podcast thatyou can come to to just chill
and relax and learn somethingabout yourself and others,
hopefully.
We are therapists.
(00:39):
And we are here to help.
Exactly.
And we have found that sometimesin life, yes, quite a lot of
times, it's best just not to sayanything than say too much or
interfere too much.
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01 (00:56):
Because a lot of the times the people that you're
with can actually do withoutyour words.
SPEAKER_00 (01:04):
Yeah, and I think they can also step up if you're
not always interfering as well.
Because I think sometimes welike to take control, don't we?
Yeah.
Especially if we're verycompetent.
And I think as women, especiallya lot of the times as women.
SPEAKER_01 (01:22):
Well, like even when you've got the small children,
if you have a family and youwant to, you think, oh, I know
how to do that, you know, or orlike if you're talking to your
partner, you say, No, don't doit that way.
You know, you have to heat themilk this way, or whatever it
is.
I remember, you know, many timesjust having to think, no, quiet.
(01:44):
You know, let uh my husband letit let him figure it out.
But it was like a discussion meand you had.
I remember, you know, yousaying, No, just bite your
tongue, hold still, let himlearn.
You know, who cares?
Uh, you know, if he makesmistakes, it doesn't really
matter.
It's not like life or death,they were just silly things,
changing and happy, it's notperfect.
(02:06):
Who cares?
You know, just but but quiet.
SPEAKER_00 (02:10):
Yeah, because I think if you take over too much,
you take control, then the otherperson just kind of backs off,
don't they?
They do back off.
SPEAKER_01 (02:17):
Anyone would you back off and you say, Oh, well,
you know, no, oh, I'm not goodat this, and you get put off.
And of course, this is oneexample.
There are so many examples whenbiting your tongue is really a
good idea.
Like in the it's like if you'reangry, for example, it's
definitely what they say.
SPEAKER_00 (02:35):
Never write that email at the last thing at
night, always wait till the nextday.
Sleep on it.
Sleep on it.
Same way as especially becauseemails are official and anyone
can request them at any time.
Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_01 (02:49):
That is definitely an email or a text, keep it to
yourself, wait, make sure timehas passed before sending it
until you're absolutely clear onyour ideas, and then send it in
a more in a calmer way, and andand make sure that the words
that you write are you have tobe responsible for.
SPEAKER_00 (03:10):
I noticed that like in relationships.
I remember with mum and dad, mumwas always like nagging at dad,
always telling him off, goodnessdo it like this, do it like
this, or you're not doing itproperly, it's supposed to be
this way.
And I used to that used to geton my nerves, so I really do try
not to do it with my with myhusband.
I try not to, but of course,it's inevitable that you're
(03:34):
gonna catch yourself doing it,especially if once you become
aware of it, you may noticethroughout your day how many
times you actually interfere oror say something when really it
would have been more beneficialfor you just to keep quiet.
SPEAKER_01 (03:46):
Absolutely, it's many times when it's best to
hold your tongue, it's like anold Shakespearean phrase, you
know, hold your tongue.
It's best to hold it, you know,or to literally put your tongue
in between your teeth so youliterally cannot talk.
And there are times when I'veactually done that because I'm
(04:08):
thinking if I don't do that, I'mgonna say something, and what I
say may not be what I want tosay, but it's gonna come out out
of anger, uh wanting to controla situation like what we were
saying before, and that's notgonna be good for the other
person, so I will literally putmy tongue in between my just
gently hold it there, so it'slike a conscious reminder for me
(04:31):
as to not place it against theroof of your mouth.
You can do that, and that alsoautomatically will relax you.
We can't do it now because thisis a podcast where we have to
talk anymore.
But it will quieten us, it willquieten us, but yeah,
definitely.
I think you know, there's lotsof times in when you're angry or
(04:52):
when other people are gossiping,you know, and that gossip isn't
any good.
I I just wish, you know, justquiet and don't I I I I yeah, I
I personally do not like it.
SPEAKER_00 (05:03):
If there's anything, I might tell you about it, but
it's but then it always mightend up in like a bit of a
therapy session, be like aconstructive gossip where we
think the poor person.
Did you know the poor person isuh they're going through a rough
time or whatever?
SPEAKER_01 (05:19):
Yeah, and that's kind of like in a way, it's like
constructively talking aboutsomebody.
SPEAKER_00 (05:24):
It's learning, isn't it?
We learn from them as well, fromwhat they've gone through.
SPEAKER_01 (05:28):
Yeah, but I just been through I do not appreciate
just gossip for the sense of it,and I know and I'm glad I'm with
you and with my partner as well.
He does not like it, so but Iknow that it's a well-known
hobby for many, many of you, andI think okay, that's fine, as
long as it's the words you'regonna say, if if they're not
(05:50):
gonna be of any, if they'regonna be hurtful, I think,
because then though you'reresponsible for those words,
then they're gonna be spread.
So somebody else is gonna bespreading those words.
So well, they'll say so-and-sosaid this about yes, so and so's
lost his job, so-and-so, ohyeah, oh dear.
(06:12):
I mean, it's not even oh dear.
I I mean, literally, do youremember that person when we
meet that lady?
We're always so shocked, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (06:21):
It's like verbal diarrhea, isn't it?
About everyone in theneighbourhood, yeah.
And she's a lovely person,really.
I mean, she's lovely, yeah.
But but yeah, what is this?
I think it's just their way ofchatting, but it's not helpful.
It's like small talk, but I wishthat small talk would not exist.
Yeah, be more constructive.
SPEAKER_01 (06:39):
Yeah, sometimes it's just nice to just look into each
other and say, How are you?
Oh, no, lovely.
Give yourself a hug, and that'sit.
Let's talk about ourselves andleave the other people out of it
that have nothing to say forthem because they can't, they
can't because they're not there.
SPEAKER_00 (06:57):
No, they wouldn't.
A lot of uh the TV programmesare like that though.
Well, they're based on watching.
Yeah, I was just watching uh theOC for the housing because I
like the houses there, but I wasthinking they just well,
obviously it's all staged.
It's staged as well, staged, butthe it's still not very nice
because like the it's likegossiping all the time.
(07:18):
So and so said this.
She had a whatever, and it'sit's uh I don't like that part
of the program because I mean Idon't even I I call it.
I do something either working ordoing something else.
I just look at the houses.
Yeah, I do look at the housesbecause I think that part of the
program is like demeaning forthe others in in it, and then
(07:40):
they have these littlesquabbles, and then afterwards
they make up.
SPEAKER_01 (07:44):
But the thing is, it's going back to the
importance of words and the factthat you're responsible for the
words that come out of yourmouth.
That obviously they hold animportance, they are important,
so you it's better to bite yourtongue or to quieten yourself
rather than just say words thatare not going to be wise.
SPEAKER_00 (08:10):
That's the only hurtful words that are gonna be,
yeah, or even not hurtful, justinterfering, like interfering
when someone's doing somethingsaying, I know how to do it
better, or you should be doingit this way, or why didn't you
do it like this?
All these, all these kind ofthings.
But I think also um biting yourtongue holds its place when
you're having a conversationwith your partner and you keep
(08:33):
wanting to interrupt becauseapparently men don't like to be
interrupted.
Really?
Well, that sounds very women do,but I think the women, when
women talk, I don't know, it'sobviously this is obviously a
generalization, but in ourpersonal experience, like we're
always interrupting each other,aren't we?
(08:53):
Yeah, like we're it's like alittle bit of you say something,
then they say something, andthen there's it's a bit of like
a little dance.
But for men, I find that theylike to get their whole point of
view out, and sometimes it cantake two or three minutes, and
it's very hard to keep quiet forme without question or asking
(09:15):
some because I want to know somedetail while they're telling the
story.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So sometimes you have to keepquiet, don't you?
Well, yes, that's a goodexample.
They come, they might come backto you and say, You're not
listening to me, you have youkeep interrupting me, you know,
you don't love me.
Why don't you want to hear whatI've got to say?
SPEAKER_01 (09:35):
Yeah, I do think that is an act of love, is when
you can keep quiet to somebodythat's telling you their story
or a story.
They're telling that story, andif you're able to listen, uh
listen, truly listen, not bedistracted, look at your phone
or look away, but truly listento that person, and then only
(09:56):
when they have finished, thenrepeat back some of their words
or uh show them that you'veunderstood what they have said,
that's a great gift.
Well, that's active listening,isn't it?
Yeah, I mean I didn't want tomake it to a therapy session,
but yes, it is active listening.
That's when you are that canactually be really helpful in in
(10:18):
in couple relationships when oneperson says you're they never
listen to me.
And because even though theylook as if they're listening,
because they might not be ontheir phone, they might just be
going, Yeah, yeah, I get it, Iget it.
Then afterwards they don'treally listen.
Why are you laughing now?
SPEAKER_00 (10:38):
Because I'm thinking of someone, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (10:41):
It's a little in joke, but yes, I exactly.
They're not really listening,and so yes, they just do it
their way, and then they do ittheir way, yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (10:53):
But that's also part of the acceptance, isn't it?
And then you have to find out isthat does that work for you or
not?
SPEAKER_01 (11:00):
Yeah.
Well, I mean, it doesn't workfor me if I'm talking to
somebody.
I I I love it when I whensomebody actually says, Oh, if I
tell them, so I had a hectic daytoday, and then I fell over, and
and then they uh they'll let metell my story, and then I say,
Oh dear, so did you really hurtyourself when you fell over?
(11:21):
That's active listening.
They're asking a questionrelated to something I've said.
It means I'm being heard.
It's not just ignoring what I'vesaid and just oh yeah, well,
sort of like I don't know, whatare we doing tomorrow?
Yeah, or something.
Hey, I've just told you I gotstuck, I got stung by a bee.
I remember once you said it whenyou told your husband you got
(11:44):
stung by a bee, and I got nosympathy, and it got rolled on,
and you wanted some kind of hey,you got stung, gosh, where?
Well, let me see you, you'reokay now.
It was a bee.
Well, there but you're allergic.
SPEAKER_00 (11:58):
Yeah, I'm allergic, but not really badly allergic to
a little bit.
But you still have to take thecortisone, but I don't have to
have the epi pen or anythingwith with you know it wasn't
that serious.
I could have dealt with it on myown, but it just hurt so much.
SPEAKER_01 (12:11):
It hurt because you felt as if you weren't being
listened to it.
SPEAKER_00 (12:14):
Actually, it did hurt.
Oh, it hurt, and then I wantedto be listened to.
SPEAKER_01 (12:18):
Oh, yeah.
It does hurt when you're notlistened to.
So I think that if you're kindof person that I've interrupted
you.
SPEAKER_00 (12:26):
Do you find that in especially in relationships with
your partner that sometimes theyfeel as if you're always
interrupting too much and alwayshave a solution for them when
they just want to figure thingsout themselves?
SPEAKER_01 (12:38):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (12:39):
Because that could be like if for him, for
instance, for my husband, hedoesn't like to be fussed over
that much.
So but it's funny because reallyhe does.
Yeah.
But he says he doesn't.
He says he does.
If I just totally ignored it, hewould say, like, where's the
medicine or whatever?
Where's the ice?
Yeah.
So, but really he likes to beleft more to his own devices.
(13:03):
But I think sometimes we,especially as caretakers and
nurturers, we always want to bethere to offer solutions or
offer medicine or like here's aplaster.
SPEAKER_01 (13:14):
Oh, I'll go and get it for you.
It's part of how we were broughtup and and and having families
and taking care, exactly as yousay.
But sometimes it's best it's toomuch for them, isn't it?
SPEAKER_00 (13:26):
It's like a bit overwhelming.
They just want to be able tofigure it out themselves and
think, oh, uh maybe that forthem to ask the question, do you
do we have plasters instead ofquickly offering a plaster or
put some put some Medicaid, youknow, wash that out, you're
gonna get infected.
Exactly.
SPEAKER_01 (13:42):
That's when we have to learn to buy to quiet in and
think, hey, you know, everyone'san adult around here.
SPEAKER_00 (13:48):
Let them decide.
SPEAKER_01 (13:50):
Exactly.
SPEAKER_00 (13:50):
I think that also happens with when you're when
your children's like that.
That's what I mean.
SPEAKER_01 (13:54):
Yeah, you tend to because I I don't I don't think
I was like that as much before.
SPEAKER_00 (14:01):
I always was like you were always like the mother
my aunties and everything.
Yeah, oh no, I was a clean up,but you were yeah, that's true.
We're always looking after Mumtaught us to be like little
nurses, you bought us thoselittle nurse music.
SPEAKER_01 (14:15):
No, talk about conditioning, goodness made.
SPEAKER_00 (14:17):
We had to look after each other when we were sick,
it's probably just to keep usbusy.
SPEAKER_01 (14:21):
Probably was, yeah, like when we went through
chicken pox and that, wecouldn't go out.
She would bought us and she Imean, it was a darling little
costume.
SPEAKER_00 (14:29):
It's a little costume, the handmade costume
that she had made.
Yeah, with a little red cross onit.
SPEAKER_01 (14:34):
We used to love that the little stethoscope, checking
each other out.
Yeah, that was cute, but at thesame time, it teaches you,
doesn't it?
Teaches you, even with our uhour our toys, every toy was
special.
SPEAKER_00 (14:48):
Yeah, none of that throwing them about.
SPEAKER_01 (14:50):
No way.
The toys were treated with suchlove and care that I remember,
you know, thinking, I mean,gosh, I have to like they're so
pre even my little tea set.
I had this little tea set, theorange and red little plastic
tea set, it was a little 70sthing.
Really?
Gosh, I used to have to treasurethat, rinse it out because I
(15:12):
would put real tea in it, Ithink, or some water or
something, it gets sticky withthe milk or something, and we'd
have to rinse it out, take greatcare and put it each little cup
back inside its original littlepackaging.
After each time I played with itin the box, everything was
treated with such care, ittaught us how to look after
(15:34):
things, which is a lovely skill,really.
And it transferred onto otherthings in life, but sometimes,
as we're saying in thisparticular case, it's like
because we know how to care forthings, you and maybe you do as
well, you can relate to this,you can you can see how to do
it, whereas at times it's bestnot to see how to do it and just
(15:57):
let it be done.
I remember when my kids werelearning how to cook in the
kitchen, it was a disaster.
Flour on the floor here andthere, and I just had to let it
be.
And now one of them is a chef,and the other one absolutely
adores cooking, and and theysaid it's because you let us
just muck around in the kitchen,mum.
And you never said, Oh, I knowhow to do it.
(16:19):
This is the wrong way, this isthe right way.
I just sort of let them get onwith it and say, Oh, we're very
good with that.
SPEAKER_00 (16:27):
I didn't have the patience.
SPEAKER_01 (16:28):
No, you didn't have the patience, no.
SPEAKER_00 (16:30):
But also, my kids didn't really show an interest
either.
SPEAKER_01 (16:33):
No, exactly.
It depends if they're desperatefor it, you know.
Let me, I want to do this, Iwant to do that.
Obviously, you think, okay, Iwant to help.
It was also a way of keepingthem busy, sort of like, yeah,
have a potato, help me, keep itthere, you know, sort of thing.
But that's part of rearingchildren, and it and you have to
(16:56):
learn that also there to think,no, it doesn't matter.
SPEAKER_00 (16:59):
Let them figure it out.
SPEAKER_01 (17:00):
Let them figure it out.
That what's this gonna tastelike?
I don't know.
I think that might be a bit toomuch.
Water, sugar, flour, but you letit be.
SPEAKER_00 (17:12):
Would you really let it be?
SPEAKER_01 (17:14):
Many times I let it be.
I remember, especially when theywere learning how to make
pancakes, they were a totaldisaster.
And I used to think, no, that'snot gonna work.
SPEAKER_00 (17:21):
Didn't you give them recipes?
SPEAKER_01 (17:23):
I well, I haven't you know we haven't got recipes,
I would just claim.
SPEAKER_00 (17:26):
I know, but you wouldn't you say like one cup
for them, one cup of water, twocups of flour.
SPEAKER_01 (17:31):
Yeah, I would, but I remember, especially with a
younger one, it wasn't butwouldn't work.
So with you, mum wouldn't letyou.
Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_00 (17:39):
So I would just have to let it be the wending or the
cookies, just give you a littlebit of dough or something.
Should probably see, oh dear,this one's gonna this one's
gonna just I remember the breaddough would come out black when
you used to probably didn't makeme wash my hands well enough.
She did, but you were needing itfor so long, I think.
She's playing with it as if itwas play dough or something.
(18:01):
Yeah, well anyway, she did letus she was very patient with
things like that.
SPEAKER_01 (18:05):
She was indeed.
Yep.
I mean, you have I think it Ithink it's a good recipe if you
want them to become you knowgood at something.
You they acquire those kind ofskills in early life.
But yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (18:22):
Today I had the all the washing, all the soap went
all over the floor and uh itspilt and fell off the washing
machine and it spilt all overthe floor.
All the detergent before I hadto come to podcasts.
I had to clean it up and I askedmy husband to help, and he
quickly came and he said youshould use Cortex to just like
(18:44):
absorb it all by like papertowels.
Yeah, paper towels.
I go, that's I was thinkingthat's a waste.
Really?
Yeah.
I kept quiet though, but then hewent off, so I just said, I'm
gonna use a mop because I wasthe one dealing with it.
And so I used the mop, and thenin the end, when I was cleaning
it, I was thinking, gosh, Ishould have just listened to
(19:05):
him.
And I mean, that's when he wassaying giving a solution, but I
was thinking I should have justlistened to him because in the
end I'm using so much water,which I actually re repurposed
it, but I it made me think aboutall the people that haven't got
any water, and I was thinkingthis is just it's a waste too
much.
Yeah, in the end, I used thewater to clean all the terraces
(19:26):
and everything and and watersome of the f plants, even
though it's winter now and Ididn't really need that much
because it had soap in it aswell, didn't it?
I would mostly use it to cleanthe terrace, yeah.
But I thought that that's awaste.
And then afterwards I said, Youwere right, it would have been
useful to use you know, justsome paper towels to just mop it
(19:49):
up.
SPEAKER_01 (19:49):
Well, obviously, in that case, he didn't quiten his
tongue.
SPEAKER_00 (19:53):
Well, he didn't, because he just came in and he
saw it and he said because hesaw me using the mop and he
said, Don't you want to usepaper towels instead?
And I said, No, I just carry onwith this because I thought it'd
be easy, I could just rinse itout.
But there was so much yeah,there was just too much soap.
SPEAKER_01 (20:07):
That that well, it's concentrated, isn't it?
SPEAKER_00 (20:09):
You've got to be careful with those in those.
I thought if it goes in thewashing machine, it doesn't
cause that many bubbles inthere, so they can't be so
frothy.
SPEAKER_01 (20:18):
But it was frothy, a whole bottle of it falling on
the floor.
That was like a little bombgoing on.
SPEAKER_00 (20:27):
But then I told him his his his suggestion was
better, and he seemed quitechuffed with it.
SPEAKER_01 (20:32):
Well, of course he was.
He loves being right, as most ofus do.
We all do, not just him, poorfellow.
All of us.
It's it's lovely if you actuallyget that recognition.
Somebody's saying, Oh, hey, youwere right, you know that.
I mean, that's not that doesn'toften happen.
No, but it is lovely.
That's in the case when you dohave to give somebody that kind
(20:53):
of compliment, that's when it isnice not to quiten your tongue.
Yes, when there is a chance togive encouragement or praise.
SPEAKER_00 (21:01):
I think a lot of us do think nice things about other
people.
And we don't and we do bite ourtongue, exactly.
We do quiten because we mightfeel a bit embarrassed or just
thinking.
Vulnerable, vulnerable, yeah.
No, we shouldn't be.
SPEAKER_01 (21:13):
Yeah, I actually remember seeing the my my uh my
my son's girlfriend yesterdayand thinking, oh, she had this
really cute pink jumper on.
SPEAKER_00 (21:23):
I thought the same.
You didn't see it yesterday.
No, no, not yesterday, but theday before.
Really?
It was my birthday.
I thought she looked reallypretty, and I didn't tell her.
SPEAKER_01 (21:31):
Oh well, I I actually saw her and I saw her
with that pink jumper, and Ithought I in my head I thought,
oh, that's so cute, she looks socute.
And and I and I didn't say itinstantly, and then I thought,
no, say it.
You do so.
I said, Oh, that's a lovelyjumper.
I saw her, she loved it.
She goes, Oh, yeah, thanks.
SPEAKER_00 (21:48):
Yeah, sometimes I think it's intimidating to say
things all the time.
So I didn't say all the time,obviously.
Sometimes I don't say thingswhen I should.
I think well, you're all youalways give off a lot of
compliments.
Yeah.
My husband was kind of tellingme off the other day because he
said, You give so manycompliments, it's like too much.
And I thought, well, that's whatI think.
(22:09):
So maybe that's why I quietenedmy tongue and I didn't say
anything.
Could be.
It could be, because of that.
Because last time I was with myhusband, he said I gave too many
compliments.
Well, there you go.
So whether you give lots ofcompliments, which hopefully you
do, because it's I think it'salways lovely to receive genuine
(22:30):
compliments.
I do too.
Uh, or whether you always tendto want to interrupt someone or
something, interfere, and youyou you know it's better to
quiet and let us know what youthink.
Yes, and uh how you're gonnaimplement what we've been
talking about today.
We're gonna be doing both, Ithink.
(22:50):
Giving more compliments andwhitening our tongue more.
Sometimes you think, no, hey, Iwanna, you know, I wanna speak
out and we have a voice, andyes, we do have a voice, but
there's there's uh there'ssituations and situations where
like sometimes keeping quietdoes make you more powerful and
giving you a lot of people.
(23:11):
Silence, yes, where silence isgolden, yes, exactly.
Silence is golden.
So thank you for watching.
Thank you for coming and seeingus on YouTube too.
We have the podcast version onYouTube and also the video
version with the podcast, and wealso have our shorts you can
come and have some fun on themand uh just give us a little
(23:31):
shout out, give us a comment,say you like us, and if you do,
obviously, and what's it?
Um follow, follow, follow,follow, and subscribe.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Lots of love and smiles from theEnglish sisters bye.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Are You A Charlotte?
In 1997, actress Kristin Davis’ life was forever changed when she took on the role of Charlotte York in Sex and the City. As we watched Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte navigate relationships in NYC, the show helped push once unacceptable conversation topics out of the shadows and altered the narrative around women and sex. We all saw ourselves in them as they searched for fulfillment in life, sex and friendships. Now, Kristin Davis wants to connect with you, the fans, and share untold stories and all the behind the scenes. Together, with Kristin and special guests, what will begin with Sex and the City will evolve into talks about themes that are still so relevant today. "Are you a Charlotte?" is much more than just rewatching this beloved show, it brings the past and the present together as we talk with heart, humor and of course some optimism.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.