July 30, 2025 • 19 mins
Have you ever noticed how some people always find something to complain about, while others maintain a positive outlook despite life's challenges? This fascinating episode dives into the neuroscience behind habitual complaining and reveals how our brains literally rewire themselves based on our thought patterns.
"Neurons that fire together, wire together" isn't just a catchy phrase—it's the scientific explanation for why chronic complainers become increasingly skilled at spotting problems everywhere. We explore how complaining creates physical tension in your body, potentially manifesting as headaches and other stress-related symptoms, while creative visualization techniques can interrupt negative thought spirals.
The conversation distinguishes between healthy, strategic venting (time-limited, solution-focused sharing) and harmful chronic complaining that leaves everyone feeling drained. You'll discover practical techniques to break the complaint cycle, including sensory visualization exercises that shift your focus from negativity to present-moment awareness. Through compelling personal stories, including a powerful example of managing pain during a medical procedure through mindset shifts, we demonstrate how redirecting your attention can transform your experience of difficult situations.
Most powerfully, we share a simple daily practice: limit complaining to 10-15 minutes, then identify two things you're grateful for. This small habit can gradually retrain your brain to notice positives as readily as it once noticed negatives, creating a more peaceful default state. Whether you're dealing with physical discomfort, workplace stress, or relationship challenges, the mindset tools in this episode offer a pathway to greater serenity without requiring perfect external circumstances.
Ready to transform your relationship with complaining and discover how relaxation can become your friend rather than a distant goal? Listen now, and take the first step toward rewiring your brain for greater peace and happiness in everyday moments.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
When does complaining become a bit of a pain?
When does it become a problemfor our mental health?
Yeah, I think the problem isthat the more you complain, the
more you rewire your brain intothat kind of motion, and we know
(00:21):
that neurons that fire together, they wire together, they wire
together, they wire together.
So the more you complain, themore you get better at
complaining and the more you seeproblems wherever you go.
So do you remember, just asecond ago we were saying it's
hot in here, isn't it?
Yes, it is.
And then we said, no, we'llreframe that into thinking oh,
(00:43):
it's actually lovely in here,because we were cold with the AC
, where we were before, exactly.
So listen to this week's episodeof Get Real with the English
Sisters Mind health and anxiety,where relaxation becomes your
(01:05):
friend.
Oh, isn't that a lovely thingto say.
I think that's what we have tolook for.
Yes, I think it is.
We have to make friends withrelaxation, with hope, with joy,
learning that serenity reallycan be our default, and it
doesn't have to be somethingthat we have to go away on a
(01:28):
holiday to gain serenity.
We can have serenity within us.
Yeah, I like that, because alot of the times we're always
running away, aren't we?
We're looking for escapism andwe're looking for something
different to give us thatserenity we're always chasing.
Well, more often than not,that's what we tend to do.
We think, oh, when I get away,when I go on holiday, when I
(01:51):
finish this, when I'll do that,then I'll be finally free and
I'll be able to enjoy life.
But I think, you know, the morelife goes on, the more you
begin to realize that's notreally true and you can have
serenity here and now.
Yeah, well, you can haveserenity with a massive to-do
(02:11):
list, can't you?
Yes, you can.
When you're very busy, you canstill find those moments of joy,
happiness and serenity.
Because the truth is like whatyou were saying as life goes on,
you realize that life is nevergoing to be perfect.
You're never going to have 100%of everything that you really
(02:33):
want.
There's always going to besomething that's like niggling
away at you or bothering you, ifyou allow it to.
You have to kind of learn toappreciate that space in between
those moments, the space inbetween the things you're doing.
It's like if you have to alwayscook a meal, but you learn to
(02:53):
maybe put some music on andlearn to be in the moment while
you're cooking, and allow yourmind to feel serenity, instead
of feeling or thinking aboutthoughts that in your mind that
bring you to complain about yourlife, about your situation,
about other people, about theworld, the politics.
(03:16):
That's what is not going to behelpful for you in the long run,
is it?
Well, it isn't, and I thinkthere is a culture now of
complaining.
Yeah, so many of us do tend todefault into complaining and
moaning about things, and yetone thing is like venting or
sharing a problem with a friendor a loved one, yes, or even a
(03:39):
colleague.
That's one thing is to, youknow, to talk about something
and like get it off your chestbecause, yes, it's worrying you
and that's really healthy.
That is healthy because that'slike strategic venting, like you
allocate a time you say, oh, Ineed to talk to you about this.
This is what we discovered weused to do because, I mean,
(03:59):
we're, we're just like everybodyelse.
We used to moan and complainand big complaints and
complaints and complaints, andin the end, we started realising
gosh, do I actually feel betterafter this?
No, after this chat, am I justcomplaining my life away?
Yeah, I felt drained, I felttired after all that complaining
, and so in the end, I rememberthinking I think I should just
(04:23):
like.
And so in the end, I rememberthinking I think I should just
like allegate, like when I seeVLS like five to 10 minutes of
strategic complaining, like justventing things out, but
solution focused, because Iwould complain and then say,
well, can you help me find asolution?
What kind of action can I taketo relieve these symptoms?
Yeah, and a lot of the timethere was no action, but you
(04:45):
just got it.
There was action, though,because you would give me
strategic advice and tips on howto help with my family issues,
my husband work related issues.
You would actually really helpme, I would, but a lot of the
times it is just a question ofgetting something off your chest
and then maybe tell you know,sometimes I would say, well, you
(05:07):
know, maybe you shouldn't talkas much, or something that seems
like a silly thing.
Yeah, you know, maybe youshould.
When someone's telling yousomething, instead of
immediately reacting to it, youshould just take a step back.
Yes, yes, talk about, talkabout it.
Yeah, you know, sometimes it'sjust something so easy you
wouldn't even think it was likeanything.
It was just like?
(05:27):
That's not really easy, though,is it?
A lot of the times when you'rewith somebody that's
particularly litigious person oryou know they're going to
quickly go into the defensive,you might feel that you have to
be on the defensive as well,yeah, and you're under attack.
So sometimes it is hard to just.
You know, we used to say we'regoing to stop talking about this
(05:51):
now because it's just gettingus down.
Yeah, that's what I mean, andthen we would change the subject
and talk about something it wasfun.
Yeah, something that would leadour mind to creation.
Yeah, creative or productive,because it is really quite easy
to get out of the complaining.
If you become more creative,that's a good one.
You know you can.
Yeah, because the two c's butinstead of complaining, you can
(06:15):
become creative.
I think you know you can bringyourself back into that sensory
experience really quickly.
You know there's this old thingabout how they say just imagine
smelling an orange or a lemon.
Yeah, you know, that's a reallyquick tip.
So if you find you're in thismassive complaining even to
yourself, you can stop a momentand think okay, now I'm going to
(06:38):
just close your eyes a minute,if you can obviously not if
you're driving we repeatedly saythis and you can obviously not.
If you're driving we repeatedlysay this and you can visualize a
lemon and imagine.
You know, sometimes when youcut a lemon or orange open, it
might you know, there might be afew of those the zest, yeah,
that acidic zest comes up, itmight go into your nose and you
(07:00):
can imagine that scent.
And you can, if you want.
You can.
If it's an orange, you canimagine eating and it's juicy
and you can imagine that scent.
And you can, if you want, youcan.
If it's an orange, you canimagine eating and it's juicy
and you can imagine the tasteand you can begin to bring
yourself out of the complainingby bringing yourself back into
your body that way, into thepresent.
Yeah, because you're thinkingof something creative.
(07:21):
You're imagining the scenario,because we know it's not really
there.
So you're being creative.
See, I think a lot of timespeople think that being creative
actually means writing orpainting, but it doesn't.
It can be as simple as that.
Allow your mind to be a littlebit more.
Yeah, you can imagine you'reputting your hand into a cool
(07:43):
river and touching the pebbles,which would be rather pleasant.
Yeah, your hand and your wristinto this cool river of flowing
water sounds lovely right now.
You know, take your socks off,put your feet in there and you
can come out.
It's amazing how our body doesreact to what our mind is
(08:05):
thinking.
So I'm thinking, if you arecomplaining, your body will
react too.
So you'll have tension, you'llbe holding tension in your body.
It could give you headaches.
Uh, other other, you know,tummy problems or you know all
kind of these kind of things cancome from this state of
complaining.
So it might seem that you'renot really doing yourself much
(08:26):
harm.
Oh, I'm just venting, I'm justcomplaining about this.
You don't probably don't evenrealize you're complaining,
because the truth is that mostof us don't.
Most of us just get up in themorning and we are, we, yeah.
We usually start moaning toourselves oh no, I've got this
and I've got that and I've gotto go to work and look what's
happened on the news and blah,blah, blah.
(08:47):
And then we might meet acolleague or your partner and
then you rant about whatever yousaw, about work, about work or
about the news, like thismorning my husband.
The first thing he said to mewas did you hear about that and
that?
And it was just one big rant,it was said.
My daughter's fiancé was tellingher that he was having a
(09:08):
massive rant with his colleague,but then in the end they said,
oh, life is great, isn't it?
And she said that they justchanged the whole atmosphere
because it was a lovely sunnyday and they were just enjoying
the moment.
And they suddenly realised,yeah, but they were just
enjoying the moment and theysuddenly realized, but they were
ranting on about world politics, something I don't know what,
(09:29):
exactly what they were talkingabout.
But they said, oh, but isn'tlife great?
And then they, they quicklychanged it, they changed the
whole mood and they were allhappy that that that's a
wonderful thing to do.
So that was like they had alittle rant, they a little vent,
and then they came back intothe present.
What they're actually doing now, which Most of the time it
(09:51):
isn't that bad for most of us,we are fortunate, exactly Most.
You know, our basic needs areusually met and we're not.
Complaining is a tricky one,because it can become a social
habit, and you can also findthat people that are in great
pain they work with that paininstead of complaining about it,
and then their lives can justchange from one minute to the
(10:13):
next, can't they?
You know, in physical pain aswell, we know, as
hypnotherapists, yes, that youcan, you can change it like what
?
Like what we did just now whenwe felt so hot, yes, we thought,
isn't it lovely to feel the hotbreeze?
And then we're immediately likeI feel really cool now.
Yeah, I feel better.
Yeah, yeah, so you can, you can.
Your mind is like a chemical lab.
(10:34):
It can produce chemicals foryou.
It certainly can.
I've had a few nasty tests doneon me and I can tell you, if
your mind like health tests forvisits and stuff, if your mind
is focused in a, you know, in aplace that's calm and serene and
you feel privileged to be ableto get that, you know because I
(10:57):
always feel privileged, becauseI think, well, you know, I'm
lucky to be able to have thesetests and lucky to be able to
have, you know, medical stafflooking after me, then you're in
a much better place.
And if you're in a state ofcomplaining where you know you
can have I mean, I had a ladynext to me once I had to do this
like weird blood test.
(11:17):
It was an oxygen test and theyhad very painful it was.
Yeah, well, I mean, luckily youhypnotized me before I went in
so you didn't feel anything, Iknow, I mean I felt like minor,
minor pain, burning or somethinglike that, because I had my
eyes closed the whole time.
But what happened is that thatI there was a lady next to me
(11:41):
who was having the sameprocedure done and the poor lady
was like literally shoutingyeah and and I was just focused
on the I.
I took my attention, I sort ofcame out of my body and started
placing all my attention on thenurse and asking about how she
(12:02):
was today.
And you know, I remember at onepoint she said look, darling,
you know, this is, this is aboutyou, and I was she, but it was
helping me to ask about her andshe told me all her stuff about
her two kids while she was doingthe procedure and I was.
I, I managed to do it and I didfeel burning, etc.
(12:24):
But I was okay.
Yeah, it was nothing bad.
That was proof for me that, wowthe mind, yes, the power of
your own mind, the power of myown mind.
And so we can take that backinto any example of life.
And the more we focus on whatis causing us pain physical,
(12:44):
psychological, worry the worseit actually gets, I think, and
the more the more you can like.
In my case, when I was doingthat thing, that was painful.
I was focused on another person.
So I think that if we can getout of our own heads and step
(13:05):
into other people's shoes andimagine how were they feeling,
how, how were they feeling?
Well, exactly, it's true.
Yeah, I'm going on a bit of arant.
No, it's not easy for themeither, because they know they
have to do this really painfulthat's.
I remember feeling empathy forher because she was going.
(13:26):
Oh, I'm so sorry, darling, shewas so sweet.
I'm so sorry, darling, this isgoing to be painful, and I
thought, don't tell me that.
But you know, she was like sortof, yeah, she was preparing me.
I'm so sorry, you know.
You know blah, blah, blah and Iwas going that's okay, don't,
don't worry about it, you know.
And thinking, I looked at herand I thought obviously you'd
(13:46):
put me into kind of like atrance, like state, because you
were very relaxing just theother day.
I was thinking about thatprocedure and I was thinking,
gosh, now you came out of itsaying it was fine, I came out
of it.
It was hilarious because Iactually came out of it.
Oh, that was it.
That's what happened.
When I came out, I was likestill like oh, oh, la, da, da.
(14:07):
And then about 20 minutes laterI thought, ouch, you know, my
arm is killing me.
Do you remember?
I thought how, like, what onearth, like my body was saying
something's happened to my arm.
You know, because arm iskilling me, do you remember?
I thought how well I, what onearth, like my body was saying
something's happened to my arm.
You know, because I'd had this.
It's like I can't remember whatit is.
It's a special blood test thatyou do to see the oxygen levels,
(14:28):
and I can't remember what it'scalled, but anyway it was.
It was definitely.
It wasn't a pleasant thing.
It wasn't a pleasant thing, itwasn't a regular test, but
anyway, that's a bit of a rant.
The reason why I'm saying it isbecause when you focus on the
negative, or you focus oncomplaining, or you focus on the
pain, you can feel it more Well.
(14:48):
That's why sometimes, if you'rein pain, you put the film on
and you're watching yourfavourite film or series and you
suddenly think, oh, for amoment I'm okay.
And then, when you go to seriesand you suddenly think, oh, for
a moment, I'm okay, yeah, andthen when you go to bed and you
close your eyes and you mightsuddenly start focusing, because
you don't have external stimuli, it always feels worse.
It does Sometimes.
(15:08):
Sometimes If you not always,but a lot of the times Sometimes
you manage to take somethingand you feel better or just the
pain just eases, naturally, yes,no, always go.
No, but you can tend to focus oncertain focus more unless
you're calm.
You're calm, you don't.
No, if you bring that kind ofserenity, any anxiety or nerves
(15:32):
or tension into your body,you're going to feel more
anxious, no, but you'll feelmore of everything.
You'll be in that fight orflight mode where you'll be
highly, you know, you'll bewatching for signals and for
things and you'll you'll feelmore pain and more, more,
everything, focus more on thenegative one, because I what we
(15:54):
said once, we, if you, if youthink you've never seen a red
and blue car in your life that'sright on the road then all of a
sudden you're going to startnoticing red and blue cars
everywhere, aren't you?
Yeah, well, it's like when Igot that yellow car, which was
so weird, and I thought this isthe only yellow car that has
ever.
I've never.
My husband said here, this is alovely yellow car.
(16:16):
I thought, mama mia, whatterrible color.
This is bright yellow, likeliterally everybody's gonna know
my every movement, I thought,because I'm the only one in
these small villages with thesebright yellow car.
And he was laughing, thinkingyeah, that way I know exactly
where you, where you're going.
Everyone say I saw your wifepass by and but yet when I
(16:41):
actually started driving it, westarted noticing yellow cars
everywhere.
That just goes to show how muchyour brain deletes and how it
focuses on what it wants, whatyou're focusing on exactly and
how, when you, when you don'tfocus it, you just don't see or
feel it.
You like delete it, don't you?
It's not there in your visionof range.
(17:02):
So if your brain can do that,why not choose to manipulate it
in a way that we can use it toour own advantage?
If you like, you know the wordmanipulate.
We're talking about doingthings for our own good.
So you know there's and we canuse it to our advantage, can't?
(17:23):
We can, we can.
So let us know if you likecomplaining and if you like a
good rant and if you think it'stime to stop and maybe just
limit it to a few minutes a dayand focus on the positive and
the beauty around you and thejoy, the small joys of life, we
(17:45):
can promise you you willcertainly feel a lot calmer and
happier and you'll have morepeople that will want to be
around you, definitely Becausenobody likes a complainer or
want to be around you.
Definitely Because nobody likesa complainer Not if you're, not
if you're always, you know, ifyou're sort of like well known
for this.
The truth is, people don'treally want to be around you,
(18:07):
you know.
So if you're becoming awarethat you might be one of these
complainers, you know you canhave a little laugh about it and
then think, okay, for today,with my partner, with my friends
, I will complain, but I willlimit it to like 10 to 15
minutes complain and then findtwo nice things to say
afterwards well, that's a goodthing, yes, you complain and
(18:30):
then find two things that you'rereally grateful for, two lovely
things that occurred exactly,exactly.
Yes, because we know, don't we,that gratitude is the key to
happiness, so much so it really,really is.
So come and visit us on YouTube, too, where you can see the
whole video and please do comeand say hi.
You can message us on yourpodcast app and just come and
(18:55):
say hi to us, the English, yutkaand bioletta zuko.
See you then.
See you then, bye.
When does complaining become a bit of a pain?
When does it become a problemfor our mental health?
Yeah, I think the problem isthat the more you complain, the
more you rewire your brain intothat kind of motion, and we know
(00:21):
that neurons that fire together, they wire together, they wire
together, they wire together.
So the more you complain, themore you get better at
complaining and the more you seeproblems wherever you go.
So do you remember, just asecond ago we were saying it's
hot in here, isn't it?
Yes, it is.
And then we said, no, we'llreframe that into thinking oh,
(00:43):
it's actually lovely in here,because we were cold with the AC
, where we were before, exactly.
So listen to this week's episodeof Get Real with the English
Sisters Mind health and anxiety,where relaxation becomes your
(01:05):
friend.
Oh, isn't that a lovely thingto say.
I think that's what we have tolook for.
Yes, I think it is.
We have to make friends withrelaxation, with hope, with joy,
learning that serenity reallycan be our default, and it
doesn't have to be somethingthat we have to go away on a
(01:28):
holiday to gain serenity.
We can have serenity within us.
Yeah, I like that, because alot of the times we're always
running away, aren't we?
We're looking for escapism andwe're looking for something
different to give us thatserenity we're always chasing.
Well, more often than not,that's what we tend to do.
We think, oh, when I get away,when I go on holiday, when I
(01:51):
finish this, when I'll do that,then I'll be finally free and
I'll be able to enjoy life.
But I think, you know, the morelife goes on, the more you
begin to realize that's notreally true and you can have
serenity here and now.
Yeah, well, you can haveserenity with a massive to-do
(02:11):
list, can't you?
Yes, you can.
When you're very busy, you canstill find those moments of joy,
happiness and serenity.
Because the truth is like whatyou were saying as life goes on,
you realize that life is nevergoing to be perfect.
You're never going to have 100%of everything that you really
(02:33):
want.
There's always going to besomething that's like niggling
away at you or bothering you, ifyou allow it to.
You have to kind of learn toappreciate that space in between
those moments, the space inbetween the things you're doing.
It's like if you have to alwayscook a meal, but you learn to
(02:53):
maybe put some music on andlearn to be in the moment while
you're cooking, and allow yourmind to feel serenity, instead
of feeling or thinking aboutthoughts that in your mind that
bring you to complain about yourlife, about your situation,
about other people, about theworld, the politics.
(03:16):
That's what is not going to behelpful for you in the long run,
is it?
Well, it isn't, and I thinkthere is a culture now of
complaining.
Yeah, so many of us do tend todefault into complaining and
moaning about things, and yetone thing is like venting or
sharing a problem with a friendor a loved one, yes, or even a
(03:39):
colleague.
That's one thing is to, youknow, to talk about something
and like get it off your chestbecause, yes, it's worrying you
and that's really healthy.
That is healthy because that'slike strategic venting, like you
allocate a time you say, oh, Ineed to talk to you about this.
This is what we discovered weused to do because, I mean,
(03:59):
we're, we're just like everybodyelse.
We used to moan and complainand big complaints and
complaints and complaints, andin the end, we started realising
gosh, do I actually feel betterafter this?
No, after this chat, am I justcomplaining my life away?
Yeah, I felt drained, I felttired after all that complaining
, and so in the end, I rememberthinking I think I should just
(04:23):
like.
And so in the end, I rememberthinking I think I should just
like allegate, like when I seeVLS like five to 10 minutes of
strategic complaining, like justventing things out, but
solution focused, because Iwould complain and then say,
well, can you help me find asolution?
What kind of action can I taketo relieve these symptoms?
Yeah, and a lot of the timethere was no action, but you
(04:45):
just got it.
There was action, though,because you would give me
strategic advice and tips on howto help with my family issues,
my husband work related issues.
You would actually really helpme, I would, but a lot of the
times it is just a question ofgetting something off your chest
and then maybe tell you know,sometimes I would say, well, you
(05:07):
know, maybe you shouldn't talkas much, or something that seems
like a silly thing.
Yeah, you know, maybe youshould.
When someone's telling yousomething, instead of
immediately reacting to it, youshould just take a step back.
Yes, yes, talk about, talkabout it.
Yeah, you know, sometimes it'sjust something so easy you
wouldn't even think it was likeanything.
It was just like?
(05:27):
That's not really easy, though,is it?
A lot of the times when you'rewith somebody that's
particularly litigious person oryou know they're going to
quickly go into the defensive,you might feel that you have to
be on the defensive as well,yeah, and you're under attack.
So sometimes it is hard to just.
You know, we used to say we'regoing to stop talking about this
(05:51):
now because it's just gettingus down.
Yeah, that's what I mean, andthen we would change the subject
and talk about something it wasfun.
Yeah, something that would leadour mind to creation.
Yeah, creative or productive,because it is really quite easy
to get out of the complaining.
If you become more creative,that's a good one.
You know you can.
Yeah, because the two c's butinstead of complaining, you can
(06:15):
become creative.
I think you know you can bringyourself back into that sensory
experience really quickly.
You know there's this old thingabout how they say just imagine
smelling an orange or a lemon.
Yeah, you know, that's a reallyquick tip.
So if you find you're in thismassive complaining even to
yourself, you can stop a momentand think okay, now I'm going to
(06:38):
just close your eyes a minute,if you can obviously not if
you're driving we repeatedly saythis and you can obviously not.
If you're driving we repeatedlysay this and you can visualize a
lemon and imagine.
You know, sometimes when youcut a lemon or orange open, it
might you know, there might be afew of those the zest, yeah,
that acidic zest comes up, itmight go into your nose and you
(07:00):
can imagine that scent.
And you can, if you want.
You can.
If it's an orange, you canimagine eating and it's juicy
and you can imagine that scent.
And you can, if you want, youcan.
If it's an orange, you canimagine eating and it's juicy
and you can imagine the tasteand you can begin to bring
yourself out of the complainingby bringing yourself back into
your body that way, into thepresent.
Yeah, because you're thinkingof something creative.
(07:21):
You're imagining the scenario,because we know it's not really
there.
So you're being creative.
See, I think a lot of timespeople think that being creative
actually means writing orpainting, but it doesn't.
It can be as simple as that.
Allow your mind to be a littlebit more.
Yeah, you can imagine you'reputting your hand into a cool
(07:43):
river and touching the pebbles,which would be rather pleasant.
Yeah, your hand and your wristinto this cool river of flowing
water sounds lovely right now.
You know, take your socks off,put your feet in there and you
can come out.
It's amazing how our body doesreact to what our mind is
(08:05):
thinking.
So I'm thinking, if you arecomplaining, your body will
react too.
So you'll have tension, you'llbe holding tension in your body.
It could give you headaches.
Uh, other other, you know,tummy problems or you know all
kind of these kind of things cancome from this state of
complaining.
So it might seem that you'renot really doing yourself much
(08:26):
harm.
Oh, I'm just venting, I'm justcomplaining about this.
You don't probably don't evenrealize you're complaining,
because the truth is that mostof us don't.
Most of us just get up in themorning and we are, we, yeah.
We usually start moaning toourselves oh no, I've got this
and I've got that and I've gotto go to work and look what's
happened on the news and blah,blah, blah.
(08:47):
And then we might meet acolleague or your partner and
then you rant about whatever yousaw, about work, about work or
about the news, like thismorning my husband.
The first thing he said to mewas did you hear about that and
that?
And it was just one big rant,it was said.
My daughter's fiancé was tellingher that he was having a
(09:08):
massive rant with his colleague,but then in the end they said,
oh, life is great, isn't it?
And she said that they justchanged the whole atmosphere
because it was a lovely sunnyday and they were just enjoying
the moment.
And they suddenly realised,yeah, but they were just
enjoying the moment and theysuddenly realized, but they were
ranting on about world politics, something I don't know what,
(09:29):
exactly what they were talkingabout.
But they said, oh, but isn'tlife great?
And then they, they quicklychanged it, they changed the
whole mood and they were allhappy that that that's a
wonderful thing to do.
So that was like they had alittle rant, they a little vent,
and then they came back intothe present.
What they're actually doing now, which Most of the time it
(09:51):
isn't that bad for most of us,we are fortunate, exactly Most.
You know, our basic needs areusually met and we're not.
Complaining is a tricky one,because it can become a social
habit, and you can also findthat people that are in great
pain they work with that paininstead of complaining about it,
and then their lives can justchange from one minute to the
(10:13):
next, can't they?
You know, in physical pain aswell, we know, as
hypnotherapists, yes, that youcan, you can change it like what
?
Like what we did just now whenwe felt so hot, yes, we thought,
isn't it lovely to feel the hotbreeze?
And then we're immediately likeI feel really cool now.
Yeah, I feel better.
Yeah, yeah, so you can, you can.
Your mind is like a chemical lab.
(10:34):
It can produce chemicals foryou.
It certainly can.
I've had a few nasty tests doneon me and I can tell you, if
your mind like health tests forvisits and stuff, if your mind
is focused in a, you know, in aplace that's calm and serene and
you feel privileged to be ableto get that, you know because I
(10:57):
always feel privileged, becauseI think, well, you know, I'm
lucky to be able to have thesetests and lucky to be able to
have, you know, medical stafflooking after me, then you're in
a much better place.
And if you're in a state ofcomplaining where you know you
can have I mean, I had a ladynext to me once I had to do this
like weird blood test.
(11:17):
It was an oxygen test and theyhad very painful it was.
Yeah, well, I mean, luckily youhypnotized me before I went in
so you didn't feel anything, Iknow, I mean I felt like minor,
minor pain, burning or somethinglike that, because I had my
eyes closed the whole time.
But what happened is that thatI there was a lady next to me
(11:41):
who was having the sameprocedure done and the poor lady
was like literally shoutingyeah and and I was just focused
on the I.
I took my attention, I sort ofcame out of my body and started
placing all my attention on thenurse and asking about how she
(12:02):
was today.
And you know, I remember at onepoint she said look, darling,
you know, this is, this is aboutyou, and I was she, but it was
helping me to ask about her andshe told me all her stuff about
her two kids while she was doingthe procedure and I was.
I, I managed to do it and I didfeel burning, etc.
(12:24):
But I was okay.
Yeah, it was nothing bad.
That was proof for me that, wowthe mind, yes, the power of
your own mind, the power of myown mind.
And so we can take that backinto any example of life.
And the more we focus on whatis causing us pain physical,
(12:44):
psychological, worry the worseit actually gets, I think, and
the more the more you can like.
In my case, when I was doingthat thing, that was painful.
I was focused on another person.
So I think that if we can getout of our own heads and step
(13:05):
into other people's shoes andimagine how were they feeling,
how, how were they feeling?
Well, exactly, it's true.
Yeah, I'm going on a bit of arant.
No, it's not easy for themeither, because they know they
have to do this really painfulthat's.
I remember feeling empathy forher because she was going.
(13:26):
Oh, I'm so sorry, darling, shewas so sweet.
I'm so sorry, darling, this isgoing to be painful, and I
thought, don't tell me that.
But you know, she was like sortof, yeah, she was preparing me.
I'm so sorry, you know.
You know blah, blah, blah and Iwas going that's okay, don't,
don't worry about it, you know.
And thinking, I looked at herand I thought obviously you'd
(13:46):
put me into kind of like atrance, like state, because you
were very relaxing just theother day.
I was thinking about thatprocedure and I was thinking,
gosh, now you came out of itsaying it was fine, I came out
of it.
It was hilarious because Iactually came out of it.
Oh, that was it.
That's what happened.
When I came out, I was likestill like oh, oh, la, da, da.
(14:07):
And then about 20 minutes laterI thought, ouch, you know, my
arm is killing me.
Do you remember?
I thought how, like, what onearth, like my body was saying
something's happened to my arm.
You know, because arm iskilling me, do you remember?
I thought how well I, what onearth, like my body was saying
something's happened to my arm.
You know, because I'd had this.
It's like I can't remember whatit is.
It's a special blood test thatyou do to see the oxygen levels,
(14:28):
and I can't remember what it'scalled, but anyway it was.
It was definitely.
It wasn't a pleasant thing.
It wasn't a pleasant thing, itwasn't a regular test, but
anyway, that's a bit of a rant.
The reason why I'm saying it isbecause when you focus on the
negative, or you focus oncomplaining, or you focus on the
pain, you can feel it more Well.
(14:48):
That's why sometimes, if you'rein pain, you put the film on
and you're watching yourfavourite film or series and you
suddenly think, oh, for amoment I'm okay.
And then, when you go to seriesand you suddenly think, oh, for
a moment, I'm okay, yeah, andthen when you go to bed and you
close your eyes and you mightsuddenly start focusing, because
you don't have external stimuli, it always feels worse.
It does Sometimes.
(15:08):
Sometimes If you not always,but a lot of the times Sometimes
you manage to take somethingand you feel better or just the
pain just eases, naturally, yes,no, always go.
No, but you can tend to focus oncertain focus more unless
you're calm.
You're calm, you don't.
No, if you bring that kind ofserenity, any anxiety or nerves
(15:32):
or tension into your body,you're going to feel more
anxious, no, but you'll feelmore of everything.
You'll be in that fight orflight mode where you'll be
highly, you know, you'll bewatching for signals and for
things and you'll you'll feelmore pain and more, more,
everything, focus more on thenegative one, because I what we
(15:54):
said once, we, if you, if youthink you've never seen a red
and blue car in your life that'sright on the road then all of a
sudden you're going to startnoticing red and blue cars
everywhere, aren't you?
Yeah, well, it's like when Igot that yellow car, which was
so weird, and I thought this isthe only yellow car that has
ever.
I've never.
My husband said here, this is alovely yellow car.
(16:16):
I thought, mama mia, whatterrible color.
This is bright yellow, likeliterally everybody's gonna know
my every movement, I thought,because I'm the only one in
these small villages with thesebright yellow car.
And he was laughing, thinkingyeah, that way I know exactly
where you, where you're going.
Everyone say I saw your wifepass by and but yet when I
(16:41):
actually started driving it, westarted noticing yellow cars
everywhere.
That just goes to show how muchyour brain deletes and how it
focuses on what it wants, whatyou're focusing on exactly and
how, when you, when you don'tfocus it, you just don't see or
feel it.
You like delete it, don't you?
It's not there in your visionof range.
(17:02):
So if your brain can do that,why not choose to manipulate it
in a way that we can use it toour own advantage?
If you like, you know the wordmanipulate.
We're talking about doingthings for our own good.
So you know there's and we canuse it to our advantage, can't?
(17:23):
We can, we can.
So let us know if you likecomplaining and if you like a
good rant and if you think it'stime to stop and maybe just
limit it to a few minutes a dayand focus on the positive and
the beauty around you and thejoy, the small joys of life, we
(17:45):
can promise you you willcertainly feel a lot calmer and
happier and you'll have morepeople that will want to be
around you, definitely Becausenobody likes a complainer or
want to be around you.
Definitely Because nobody likesa complainer Not if you're, not
if you're always, you know, ifyou're sort of like well known
for this.
The truth is, people don'treally want to be around you,
(18:07):
you know.
So if you're becoming awarethat you might be one of these
complainers, you know you canhave a little laugh about it and
then think, okay, for today,with my partner, with my friends
, I will complain, but I willlimit it to like 10 to 15
minutes complain and then findtwo nice things to say
afterwards well, that's a goodthing, yes, you complain and
(18:30):
then find two things that you'rereally grateful for, two lovely
things that occurred exactly,exactly.
Yes, because we know, don't we,that gratitude is the key to
happiness, so much so it really,really is.
So come and visit us on YouTube, too, where you can see the
whole video and please do comeand say hi.
You can message us on yourpodcast app and just come and
(18:55):
say hi to us, the English, yutkaand bioletta zuko.
See you then.
See you then, bye.
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