You’re Not Broken, You’re Healing (and that’s beautiful)

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Ever caught yourself thinking you're beyond repair? That moment when life's roadmap seems to have vanished, leaving you disoriented and questioning your path forward? This raw and heartfelt conversation tackles the powerful distinction between feeling broken and being in the process of healing.

Drawing from a surprisingly relevant experience of driving without lane markings, we explore how disorienting life becomes when we lose our guideposts. Yet just as we can navigate uncertain roads by slowing down and trusting ourselves, we can navigate our healing journeys with similar patience and self-trust. We share why the metaphor of windswept trees perfectly captures human resilience—how despite being bent by life's storms, we continue growing, incorporating our twists and scars into our ongoing development.

Many listeners have expressed feeling fundamentally damaged by difficult childhoods, traumatic experiences, or profound losses. We challenge this perspective by exploring the Japanese art of kintsugi, where broken pottery is repaired with gold, creating something more beautiful than before. Your wounds, once acknowledged and tenderly addressed, become sources of unique strength rather than permanent damage.

The healing journey takes time—sometimes years—and requires generous self-compassion. Whether you're processing grief, recovering from trauma, or simply feeling lost, remember: you were born whole, and that wholeness remains your birthright. Today's pain doesn't define tomorrow's possibilities. Give yourself permission to heal at your own pace, to seek support when needed, and to recognize the remarkable resilience you already possess.

Have you been too hard on yourself lately? Perhaps it's time to place a hand on your heart and whisper, "It's okay. I'm healing now." Connect with us on YouTube and Instagram to continue this conversation and discover more resources for your healing journey.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Have you ever heard of the saying you're healing,
but not broken?
Yes, I mean, I have heard a lotof people say to us that they
feel as if they're broken, yeah,as if they can't be fixed, as
if they need to be fixed butthey're just broken, that
there's no repairing.
Yeah, yeah, I've heard thatmany, many times.

(00:23):
Yeah, and so that's what we'regoing to be talking about in
this week's episode of Get RealWith the English Sisters your
healing, not broken.
Yeah, I really do like that.
I was thinking today when wewere driving back from seeing a

(00:44):
client, thinking today when wewere driving back from seeing a
client, we, we went on themotorway and there was no, there
was no signaling.
The signal, the light, thelanes had been taken away, the
white lines to in order torestore them.
Yeah, they were obviously where, where you had to drive, they
were going to be repainting themor something, because there was
road works yes, road works andI was finding it actually really

(01:08):
difficult to drive along them,yeah, to keep my lane, and I was
finding it really unsettling.
I was thinking, gosh, this isreally hard.
Obviously you have to slow downand everything, but I was
thinking if you had like justthe white lines that show you
the lane.
They're just so significativehow they can actually help you

(01:31):
so much and guide you, and yetall you have to do is go
straight, because so it's notcomplicated, no, but yet you
would think you know that youcould, you could just do that.
You think what's the big deal?
You know there's a white lineor there's not a white line.
I mean there's no need to panic, sort of thing.
But as soon as you don just dothat, you think what's the big
deal?
You know there's a white lineor there's not a white line.
I mean there's no need to panic, sort of thing.
But as soon as you don't seethat guideline, it is a bit like
that and I was thinking that aswell.

(01:53):
You know, like in life it issometimes it's nice not to have
all these specified, you knowguidelines, rectified, you know
guidelines, but I do think ageneral line of where you're
going is, you know, is neededfor each and every one of us in
order so that we know what we'redoing, like a guiding light.

(02:15):
Well, yes, a guiding light,yeah, a guiding line, something
that you know what you're doing.
Yeah, so if you're, if you'refeeling so if you are feeling
broken, there are, there arelessons to be taken from this,
aren't there?
I think I?

(02:36):
I do like what you said.
You're not really broken, youare in the process of healing
and there may be scars yeah,there always is.
Most of the time, we all have afew scars, you know whether on
our skin or whether in ourhearts.
You know metaphorically, um, sodefinitely I think I also think

(03:00):
of, like in the garden, whenyou have, um, a tree that's like
bent because it's it's beenblown about by the wind and it's
had all life life thrown at itand yet when the wind calms down
, it can actually, you know,grow straight again, grow up

(03:20):
straight.
I've got many trees like that inmy garden, really blown about,
and you think, oh, my gosh, youknow they're not gonna make it
right.
Yeah, but they do, they do,they do, and they have all their
little niggles and their twirlsand their knots, and yet they
do, they do grow stronger for it.
The resilience is there and Ithink it's nice to remember that

(03:43):
sometimes, because I think alot of the times, especially
when we do feel as if we'rebroken or we feel as if A lot of
people just feel as if theyhaven't had the right sort of
foot in life, they were giventhe wrong deck of cards because
the family was not quite right.
And you think, no, I can neverbe.

(04:06):
I've heard this phrase.
I'm a friend, I can never be asgood as you, because you were
sort of like you had thishealing childhood.
And yet a lot of them don't getthat, and so they feel as if
there's missing parts somehow.
But I do think those missingparts can be found.

(04:30):
Life is a bit like a puzzle,isn't it?
You find things that you needWell.
Well, it's doing as life goeson, as you, as as you live day
by day and you gather strengthand you accept the fact that
you're not broken, that you arehealing.
I think that's a big part of it, yeah, and you look for that

(04:52):
guideline and you look for thosewhite lines along the, the, the
road.
Or you look for the guidelineand you look for those white
lines along the road, or youlook for the person or the
people that can help you andsupport you and you're kind to
yourself.
That's when the healing canreally take place, because then
you can put everything intoaction that you need to heal,
instead of beating yourself upand saying that you know, just

(05:15):
putting yourself down and sayingthat you know, just putting
yourself down and saying thatyou're broken when you're not.
None of us ever are.
Well, it's not possible.
It is actually.
Yes, I mean it.
When we say we're broken, whatwe're saying is that we're
hurting.
Yes, there's a part of usthat's hurting and that part
needs to be listened to becausewe, we're very, very upset or

(05:36):
because we haven't had that,that childhood, that with the
parents that were like perfector whatever.
So we've, we feel as if there'sparts that weren't fully
listened.
Listen to, yes, so I think Ithink you're right.
Yeah, I think it's ourselvesthat we have to sort of say no,

(05:57):
I'm going to give myself a breakhere.
I I don't necessarily, youdon't necessarily have to say
you're broken.
You can say I'm in the processof healing and it doesn't matter
how long that's going to take.
It's a process.
Well, I think most of us arehealing all the time, aren't we?
It's a process.
Well, I think most of us arehealing all the time, aren't we?

(06:17):
From lots of little things,from so many things, we've
always got some Small and large,whatever it is buckle in life.
There's always something goingon in our life that we're having
to heal from.
I mean it might sound like it'sexaggerated to say that, but
I'm sure that most of youlistening can can identify with
it that there's always a part ofyou that's either grieving or

(06:40):
you're grieving a loss of of aparent or of someone or
something.
There's always something inyour life that you may have an
illness or something that you'retrying to come to terms with,
or an addiction or past trauma.
Yeah, I mean, most of us, ifwe're alive, we've had things
happen.
Exactly we're like those trees.
You know the wind has passed,the rains have fallen, the sun

(07:05):
has shone, and maybe sometimes abit too hard, and and things
have happened.
You know we've been windswept,we've been, but that's part's
part of living.
So I think yes, I do agree.
I think we do have to understandthat we are complex and
infinite beings.

(07:25):
It is difficult to say, youcannot say we are broken,
because we are born whole,exactly, and nobody can really
take that away.
Even though you've had abusiveyou know an abusive past, if you
go back to your beginning andyou look inside, you are
actually whole.

(07:46):
But you may need to be healed.
You may need that healing part,and the first step is
acknowledging that and beingkind to yourself and allow that
healing to take place.
Be gentle, be kind, be, begentle to yourself.
Above all, I would say, except,okay, this has happened to me, I

(08:11):
, I'm in the process of healing.
I mean, it's like thosebeautiful japanese vases.
Everyone always says, you knowhow the broken ones, that they
heal them, they heal them, they,they seal them with gold, they
do, they do them.
The vasa breaks and then theyput the beautiful gold, yeah,
and so it's even nicerafterwards.
Yes, I mean, that's that's thekind of metaphor everyone uses,

(08:36):
and, and because it's a validone, and it's true, it's really
windy out there today, just aswe were saying, just as, yeah, I
do hope this isn't being pickedup, but it might be, I don't
know We've actually decided toleave one of the windows open,
but yes, it is very much likethat, but yes, it is very much

(08:58):
like that.
I think it's comforting to feelas if you're in the process of
healing, to actually put yourhand to your heart and just say
it's okay, it's okay, yeah, I'mhealing now and I'm going to be
okay and I may need help.
I may need the support ofwhoever family, friends, a
therapist but I'm going to beokay and I'm not going to be

(09:21):
nasty to myself or harsh onmyself and say that I'm broken,
because I'm not.
And there's great resilience inacknowledging that.
It makes you feel resilient,doesn't it?
It does, and we are, as humanbeings.
We are very resilient,extremely.
And when we go to bed at night,each night, we renew, we do all

(09:46):
that wonderful things insideour bodies.
We're incredible.
So, yes, we are very resilient,indeed, much more than what we
give ourselves credit for.
And I think, even if, you know,bad things have happened to us
in the past and we may feel asif we're broken, you know, let's
not let that get in the way ofour future we can still have a

(10:10):
good future ahead of ourselves.
It doesn't mean that, becausewe are broken, that now, today,
we feel like that, that, thattomorrow can't be different.
It can be.
Yes, because I know, like I wasthinking of a young mother, we
were, you know, a young lady whowanted to become a mother and
she said I cannot be a motherbecause I've had no good example

(10:34):
.
I'm broken.
You know, she said I was brokenby my parents.
It was being awful.
You know this and that, but youare here today and you are
speaking to us and that already,I think, is going to make you a
great mum.
Well, yes, because you'realready concerned about it.
Yes, you're going to be a good,you're going to be a good mum

(10:55):
because otherwise you wouldn'teven be thinking yes.
So you, you, your past doesn'tmake up your future.
You can change it.
Yeah, it's not, it's one day ata time.
Yes, one day at a time.
And then having the guidance toknow where you're going and
what you want for yourself, andbeing being proud of yourself.
Yeah, proud of yourself and theprogress you've made.

(11:17):
Be proud and allow that timeand healing can take as long as
it needs to take.
Sometimes, you know, for somepeople it's just settling and
being with themselves.
You know they may go for a walkand understanding that it's not

(11:38):
definite's.
Nothing is set in stone.
We're human beings, we evolveso much and we change so much.
So you can't say you, you'rebroken.
You can say you may feel as ifyou're devastated, as if you're
broken today, but then thingschange and you need to and you
need the nourishment, just likethe tree needs the nourishment,

(11:59):
the water, the elements.
You know you might need somechicken broth or something.
You know, just take it easy.
Maybe you can take care ofyourself.
Cuddles yes, give yourself acuddle, you know.
Look after yourself and thenyou'll see, the healing will
take place.
So, thank you for listening,listening.

(12:19):
Please do come and see us onsocial media, on youtube, on
instagram yep, instagram alsoand you can see the, the live,
the video, on youtube too.
And thank you for listening.
As always, we do love andappreciate you all and we look

(12:40):
forward to seeing you again nextweek.
We are therapists and we arehere to help you.
Thank you so much.
Bye-bye, bye.