July 20, 2023 • 33 mins
Get ready for a breathtaking journey that will shatter the mundane and thrust you into an invigorating world of transformation. Meet our inspiring guest, Connie Anne, who will share her riveting saga of self-discovery. From being broke and homeless to finding her purpose, Connie reveals how the book 'The Secret' sparked a radical shift in her mindset, setting her on the path to greatness.
Have you ever felt the urge to question established norms or explore different spiritual paths? Connie did just that, her curiosity leading her through tomes of wisdom from authors like Eckhart Tolle, fueling her understanding of life and alternative thinking. Her story is a testament to the power of resilience and the importance of positive thinking. She walks us through the dark times, her two steps forward, three steps back journey, and how influential figures like Tony Robbins and Bob Proctor helped her take back the reins of her life.
Finally, we delve into Connie's newfound perspective on life, her choice of positivity, and the journey of personal growth. She shares how she moved beyond her 'okay-ish' life to create a life of purpose and happiness. Her inspiring narrative underlines the importance of self-reflection and positive thinking. Tune in, be inspired, and embark on your journey from 'okay-ish' to 'great'. This is not just a podcast episode - it's a beacon of hope for anyone seeking to take control of their lives. Don't miss it!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Peggie Koenig (00:00):
Welcome to.
So you Want to Move to theCountry and Raise Goats?
This is a podcast about change.
Change is all around us, andsometimes we're ready for it and
sometimes we're not.
When it overwhelms us, well, wejust want to move to the
country and raise goats.
This podcast features storiesfrom people who have gone
(00:20):
through change.
We hope that their insightswill help you better understand
and deal with the changes inyour life.
Catherine Gryba (00:32):
Our guest today is Connie Ann, and Connie Anne
describes how she changed herlife from being okay-ish to
great.
Connie Ann worked in sales andthen the film industry and this
was okay.
She had an okay marriage, livedin a home with a white picket
fence Again it was okay, but shewas not in a good place.
(00:55):
At 32 years old, she wasstanding in her garden one day
and said to herself this cannotbe it for the next 50 years.
She evaluated her life and madesome as she describes them
self-imploding decisions,leading her to be broke and
homeless.
(01:16):
She said if I got myself intothis mess, then I can get myself
out.
She discovered the book theSecret.
She studied it, read it,contemplated, discovered she was
running away from things andnot towards something.
Join Peggie and I as we learnfrom Connie Anne what her next
(01:40):
steps were, how she took controlover her thinking, built
connections and moved tochanging her life from okay-ish
to great.
So today our guest is ConnieAnne and we're thrilled to have
Connie joining us.
She lives in British Columbiaand Connie is a consultant and a
(02:06):
coach and she works withentrepreneurs and corporate
teams in applying the law ofattraction.
But, Connie, it's been quite ajourney for you to get here.
You haven't always been aconsultant and a coach, so how
did you get to do what you'redoing today?
Connie Anne Toma (02:25):
Well, first of all, thank you for having me.
It is an honor and a privilegeto be here.
Yes, it's been quite a road.
I think if I were to start Iwould have to begin the day I
was in my garden and my home andI was about 32 years old and
got this dizzying feeling thatthis can't be it, this can't be
(02:48):
all of it, this can't be therinse and repeat for the next 50
years.
So I really had to evaluate mylife and in evaluating it I made
some not good decisions, somedecisions at the time that were
(03:10):
very hard.
They were life imploding andthey led me to being broke and
homeless.
A gracious friend of mineemptied out a corner of a spare
room in her apartment, which isactually her storage room.
We put an air mattress on thefloor and I was there for a
(03:37):
while, kind of doing a littlecouch, surfing through the
graciousness of my friends andtrying to pull it together.
At one point, when I was atthat first friend's house, I was
sitting on the edge of the airmattress, which essentially was
sitting on the floor, and saying, wow, how did I get here?
(04:00):
I had the house, I had themarriage, I had the white picket
fence and all of it.
And how did I get from there tohere?
And started blaming the outsideworld right, my ex-husband,
this and looking back on mychildhood and my parents, this,
(04:21):
this, this and teachers, andbeing my sister's little sister,
always being in her shadow.
So something came up and inasking, how did I get here?
Somehow, somewhere, I wasenlightened.
(04:41):
I guess that everything thatled me literally to be sitting
on that floor, those werechoices that I made.
I chose to not go to work and dothe work I was being paid to do
.
I got fired.
I chose to walk out of thathouse, literally in that
(05:02):
relationship, with no plan.
I chose all of that stuff.
I did that to me.
I made these choices.
I even chose to marry my firsthusband.
That was my choice.
I can't blame him.
I did that to me.
And as I realized and I startedasking for help and knowing
(05:29):
that, I got myself in therethinking okay, if I can make
this big mess, I wonder if I cando the opposite.
What can I do?
Because when I was in thatgarden that day, I thought that
was not a good place and it waslike the universe said oh, I'll
show, you Ask and you shallreceive, and there I was, connie
(05:54):
.
Catherine Gryba (05:54):
You would have been in the depths of it.
As you say, you were couchsurfing.
No job broke, homeless.
How did you have the presenceof mind to get to the point
where it actually isn'teverybody's fault?
I need to look in the mirrorand that's what got me to where
I am today.
How long after you were kind ofOuch surfing Did you begin to
(06:22):
realize that Because that soundslike that started to become the
beginning of your journey outof your depths?
Connie Anne Toma (06:31):
Yeah, yeah, it was.
I can't pinpoint thatspecifically.
I do know the fantastic bookand subsequent movie, the Secret
.
The book was bestowed upon meand so I thought, wow, well,
maybe there's something to thisand when we understand that we
(06:53):
can create our future.
that also means that I createdthat place where I was, and I
think that I have to creditRhonda Byrne for some of that
transition and the amazingperson that gifted me that book.
But in reading and knowing andunderstanding that, we can
(07:15):
manifest, and there is this law,this law of attraction that
allows us to create the life wewant.
If that's the case, then thelife I don't want, I must have
created it as well, becausethere is no up without a down.
If I can, I am just notresponsible for my good life.
(07:36):
I am responsible for my badlife.
It can't be both, or one or theother.
Peggie Koenig (07:43):
Sorry, Connie, I'd like to go back to that
garden for a minute.
Were you at a point in yourlife where you were unhappy,
like I'm trying to understandwhere you were at, because what
you did?
You made some dramatic changeand you say I made some bad
decisions.
(08:03):
But at that point in the gardenwas it sort of a culmination of
this is not working, or was itsomething that was growing
within you for a while beforeyou made those changes?
Connie Anne Toma (08:17):
It was a slow I guess I would call the term
death by a thousand paper cuts.
I didn't marry somebody thatreally knew how to be two people
, how to navigate through,sharing all things, and I found
(08:41):
myself alone in my marriage andI was a computer widow.
When you're dating somebody inhindsight, when we're dating
somebody and they love somethingpassionately, that's a one
person activity.
I think that needs to beaddressed.
(09:03):
I did not.
I thought it was cool and westarted playing online games
together, but it actually endedup becoming the wedge between us
where I would go to bed alonewhile the computer game was
playing.
I'd wake up in the middle ofthe night to get a drink of
water and he'd be at thecomputer.
(09:25):
I would make a gourmet dinnerand he would come out and grab a
plate of food and go back tothe computer and I'd sit at the
table.
I had sat thinking we wouldhave a nice evening and eat
alone, and so, and of coursethere were many other things and
I mean I could go on for a longtime, but I won't.
And it also became clear to methat I was not going to have
(09:52):
children with this person and Iwas in my late 30s.
So I could stay, because now Iam not going to have children,
too late for me to leave thismarriage and go find a suitable
father.
Peggie Koenig (10:14):
So when you made those changes, Connie, did you
know what you were looking for,or was that not clear in your
mind?
I mean, was it a risk?
Like did you?
You jumped in, you knew you hadto make the change.
How did that all work out?
Connie Anne Toma (10:33):
I I made the at the point, the seemingly
mistake of running away from andnot running towards.
Okay, I was not running towardsanything, I was running away
from, and so that's how I endedup not really having a plan.
Catherine Gryba (10:55):
Yeah.
Connie Anne Toma (10:56):
All of a sudden, I have a duffel bag full
of what felt like to be theright things to take with me at
the time.
And that was it.
And while I'm driving away, I'mcalling a friend saying hey, I
need a bed, I need a couch.
What do you got?
Peggie Koenig (11:14):
I think it's such an important point to make for
people who are contemplatingchange or know that they have to
make a change, to actually berunning towards something if
they can, because that period oftime that you went through, I
think you showed a lot ofresilience.
However, as you say, you didn'thave a plan.
(11:35):
You really have to dig deep onthat resilience in order to move
forward.
So, yeah, very traumatic, I canonly imagine.
So you were gifted the book theSecret and you watched the
(11:56):
movie and that really startedyour thinking and building, I
think, of a philosophy it soundslike, or a core value.
Connie Anne Toma (12:11):
Yeah, it really started me on a journey.
Prior to that moment, in thegarden, I was already looking
for the answers to why am I hereif I'm not meant to have
children?
Why?
What is my journey here?
What is that thing?
And so I was already startingtowards and I was looking at
(12:32):
being spiritual rather thanbeing religious.
I grew up in a Catholic homeand First Communion and all
these things, and it didn'tresonate with me.
So I was exploring thesealternative ways of thinking
back then and the Secret justdropped a piece into place that
(12:57):
I guess I was supposed to have,right.
I mean, the amazing EckhartTolle says you know, you're
having the experience you'resupposed to have, because it's
the experience you're having.
So that that book was supposedto come with to me when it did.
And I wonder well, I don'twonder too much because I will
never go back there If I hadn'tbeen gifted that book, how would
(13:20):
have that unfolded?
But it's not for me tounderstand, because that's not
what happened.
It happened how it did.
Catherine Gryba (13:28):
But you know, I read that you also read a
number of books by other authors.
Eckhart Tolle was one of themand it sounds like you were.
You knew you were searching formore and when I read your
background it just seemed to methat you were really exploring.
Maybe not quite sure what youwere searching for, but there
(13:51):
was sounds like there was a lotof knowledge and thinking that
you were doing along yourprocess to get you to where you
are today.
Tell us a little bit about theimportance of that stage of
change around that exploringpiece.
Connie Anne Toma (14:10):
Yeah, it was really my journey of figuring
out what now, what Right.
Okay, I ran away from now I'vegot to figure out what my next
steps are and the books, thebooks I read, went from I
arranged from reincarnation topast life, regression to, to, to
(14:35):
infrascoping and and astrotraveling and all of these
things that are possible, right,and to not be shot off to
anything.
I think it's so important when,when something comes to you, to
just explore it and see if youreally do, if there's something
(14:55):
for you to have, because I dotruly believe that everything
comes to us on purpose.
So, if somebody gives me a book,or if I'm, if I'm listening to
a podcast or or even overhearingto other people talking at the
table next to me, to cafe, and Ihear something, I kind of I pay
(15:15):
attention, because those littlethreads, those breadcrumbs,
have took taken me to the life Inow live in and in doing all of
that reading now and that'swhen I said the perceived
mistake I made of running awayfrom instead of running towards
(15:36):
that built me up and gave me theknowledge and the strength and
and brought me to the books andbrought me to the understandings
I have today so I can helpother people who are where I was
navigate through it a littlebit better, and people tell me
well, thank goodness you didn'thave children.
Well, I'm not sure that I quitefeel that way, but I do know
(15:59):
that it gave me some tools toreally help other people see
that there are other ways tothink through situations.
Catherine Gryba (16:09):
So, connie, during this stage of searching
and researching, did you buildconnections with people, and
perhaps leaders in some of thesefields?
Because books is one thing,movies is one thing, but what
were your connections withpeople?
Connie Anne Toma (16:32):
The first person that helped me through it
not personally, but throughsomething else that happened in
there was I was also starting tohave anxiety attacks again.
I've had doubts of anxietyattacks throughout my life.
Tony Robbins really helped meto understand how to control my
(16:54):
mind that way and that I haveabsolute control over my
thinking and that I can controlthat.
The one, the one True personwho I really connected with was
Bob Proctor.
Bob Proctor was, he was amazing.
(17:15):
He passed away just over a yearago but he he took everything
and anything from Napoleon Hilland Earl Nightingale and Wayne
Dyer and Wallace D Waddles andeverybody and he put it together
in such a way that made so muchsense to me and helped me to.
Really.
(17:36):
Bob Proctor was the man in thetan suit in the movie the Secret
, by the way, so I was led tohim a bit through watching that
movie and exploring everybodythat was in it, because I knew
that they knew something that Ineeded to know and I really
gravitated towards him and hejust he brought all those
puzzles together in all of histeachings and trainings and even
(17:58):
his free seminars and webinars,and I actually did end up being
trained and taught from hiscompany.
I enrolled as as one of hisconsultants and facilitators
with his company Because what he, what he spent his life doing,
the legacy he left us is soprofound and it's really what
(18:24):
launched me from understandingthat I had total control over my
thoughts, feelings and actionsand got me to where I am.
Peggie Koenig (18:37):
So, Connie, how long was the process from
sitting at the edge of the airmattress and couch surfing to to
where you really got your feeton the ground?
How long was that process?
Connie Anne Toma (18:54):
That was approximately two years before I
really got my feet underneathme In that process.
While I was going through adivorce, my mom passed away as
well, so I really I found myselfkind of two steps forward,
(19:16):
three steps back when thathappened, of course, and and so
now I don't have any money anddon't really have a job to speak
of and still still sharingspaces with people, and now I
don't even have my mom to leanon.
(19:36):
And, and so a friend of minewhen I was I was doing some
learning you know one of theother kind of a call things that
I was, I was dabbling in shesaid you can go wherever you
want.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
You've got to do over right,you have, you have.
So I did have, of course,divorce settlement, alien rate
(19:58):
settlement for my mom and andshe's like, very soon you're
going to be able to go, do, beand have whatever you want.
And and she pulled me up andthat was, that was the final,
the final, I don't know the, the, the stake in the railway.
That just solidified everythingthat I can choose.
(20:23):
To look at this completelydifferent, this was entirely a
learning lesson for me.
This was completely designedfor me to have an incredible
life, a reboot, a do over, takeeverything I've learned, knowing
that I have full control of therest of my life this next 50
years.
(20:43):
Look out, I'm coming.
And that was really the placewhere I felt like I grew my
wings.
I had a wings, I had my crown,I had my, my cape, I had it all.
Peggie Koenig (20:59):
So, but what a process, what a process.
I can't even imagine the upsand downs and at times perhaps
feeling hopeless or justwondering where it was all going
to end up.
So you're obviously a veryresilient person.
I'm thinking where do you thinkthat comes from?
(21:20):
Do you have you given that somethought?
You know that's grit, that'sreal grit, I think, to hang in
there when you're at really atthe bottom and to, and like you
say, two steps forward, threesteps back, I mean that's that
can really get you down.
Connie Anne Toma (21:41):
That's a really good question.
Um, what choice do we have?
What choice was there?
I had no choice, right.
When you, when you dive into aswimming pool and your feet
touch the bottom of the pool,there's nowhere to go but up,
(22:04):
and if you stay at the bottomyou drown.
You gotta, you gotta bend yourknees and you gotta, you gotta,
push up.
Where did it come from?
I think being in the shadow ofmy sister, and I was always a
rebel.
My mom would say put nylons on.
And I wouldn't.
(22:25):
She should have told me don'tyou dare wear nylons with that
dress.
And I ran downstairs to mybedroom and put them on.
I think I always rebel becauseif nobody, I felt like I was
never really quite heard when Iwas growing up.
So I always just thought youknow what I'm going to always
show them.
I'm not going to be in theshadow.
(22:46):
You're right, I'm not like mysister.
I am me.
I've always felt really defiantand rebellious.
That way, nobody's payingattention to me anyway, so I'm
going to do whatever I want,watch me, and I feel like that's
part of that.
That could very well be wherethat came from.
That was a great question.
(23:07):
Thank you, Peggie.
Peggie Koenig (23:12):
I'm going to explore that it's such an
interesting process to go fromsitting on the edge of an ear
mattress to and not.
I mean, those kinds of changesare never linear, right, they're
just, they're all over theplace up and down.
(23:32):
So, yeah, having that grit, Ialways think it's a good
question to ask people to thinkabout where it came from,
because other people goingthrough change that's what
they're looking for too, thatresilience in that grit.
Connie Anne Toma (23:48):
Yeah, yeah, there's nowhere to go.
And I think when we really areon the bottom, then we can bend
our knees and spring up.
If you jump in, if you use theswimming pool analogy again, and
you jump in and you don't jumpin quite hard enough and you
don't hit the bottom, it'salmost harder to get to the top.
Sometimes we have to havesomething that we bend our knees
(24:09):
and springboard up from.
That's what gets us there.
Catherine Gryba (24:14):
It also sounds like you've found some purpose
in your research and your.
You know the movies and thepeople you talk to and the Tony
Robbins, and it sounds like thatpurpose that you found also
helped you to spring from thebottom of the pool.
Also, I don't know, because Ithink it's really hard if we're
(24:39):
really searching and withoutpurpose, without having a, you
know, kind of a clearer path,it's really hard to know where
to go.
And also we hear often thatthere is someone in our life
that gives us that push thatsays like, sit up straight and
(25:00):
you've got options and you justneed to use them.
And it sounds like thathappened to you also, that you
just needed a little bit of areminder that you had more
choice than you thought you did.
Connie Anne Toma (25:12):
Yes, yes, that I do have to give credit to
that one friend that you knowsaid what are you doing?
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Yeah, you know, yes, yes, youdon't have your mom and you
don't have your marriage and youdon't have children.
But, oh my gosh, you have a car.
You could fill it with gas andliterally go anywhere.
Catherine Gryba (25:31):
Like anywhere in the world.
Connie Anne Toma (25:32):
I could have moved at that point and gone
anywhere.
And she really was.
She really was the cat, as I'velost touch with her since then.
But if she's out there I'm notgoing to name names, but if
she's out there and sherecognizes this conversation, I
want to say thank you, and thatmight have been one of the last
conversations I had with her.
Maybe that was the final pieceof our journey together.
(25:56):
Was that in?
And we do need that person.
And Bob Proctor told me rightthrough through trainings and
stuff that you can have it all.
And you know, stop feelingsorry for yourself and start
thinking about what you do wantyou know, what life do you want
to create?
(26:16):
Because the law of attraction isreal.
It really does work.
It is a thing.
It's a thing like gravity.
You can believe in it or not,but it's doing what it's going
to do.
So I don't work with itproperly and have the life that
you are truly here to have.
So my, my hope for the rest ofmy life is to to encourage as
(26:40):
many people as I can who arewhere I was, and even people who
aren't where I was, because Itruly hope nobody goes through
that.
But we know the truth of thematter is, in eight million
people on the planet, there'sprobably one or two.
But whoever wants help, there'shelp there for them.
They can truly do, be and haveit all.
They just got to learn how todo it properly.
Peggie Koenig (27:04):
So you have a business now.
Am I right, or is or is it?
Connie Anne Toma (27:08):
do you call it a business, or do you call it a
practice, or I I call it abusiness, my government calls it
a business, so I'll do that too, I am.
I am my, my number one thingthat I do with with my one on
one clients is I do take themthrough Bob Proctor's paradigm
(27:35):
shifting program.
That is the one thing when,when I healed, when I was
healing, when I was feelingstronger and wondering what my
true purpose was, and then, andall of these things that came to
me while I was healing anddeciding what I was running
(27:57):
towards, I wanted to help otherpeople have that, the support
that that I found in all ofthese places doing all this
research, uh, to like one placeto go to do it.
And I started designing a um, aprogram of sorts, outlining it,
but realized that Bob Proctoralready did it.
(28:18):
He spent 60 years researchingand studying and putting
together the things that I wasresearching and putting together
, um, and, and he is such apowerful, beautiful teacher and
and he was such a beautifulhuman being that um, I think I
think I'll just do what he doesand cause.
(28:39):
He fixed me, so I'm going to usewhat he knows to help those who
need help as well.
So I teach his material, but inbetween, I also do do my own
coaching, um and and for thosethat can't afford a full coach.
I do have a uh, a small monthlysubscription fee group on
(28:59):
Facebook that I train every weekin Um and whoever needs help,
at whatever level.
Um, I think everybody deservesto have somebody in their corner
that will believe in them untilthey believe in themselves
again, or for the first time,for the first time.
Catherine Gryba (29:15):
So, Connie, what advice do you have for
people that are standing intheir garden saying I'm, I can't
do this for 50 years?
Connie Anne Toma (29:30):
You must, you must, you must move on.
You.
You must look after yourself.
Not everybody can.
I talk to women all over theworld in in first world and and
third world countries.
Do what you can Look afteryourself, be strong.
(29:50):
You're not alone.
We feel so alone.
I felt so isolated.
I could have been in a room of10,000 people and still felt
completely alone with who I am.
But but you're not.
You're absolutely not in.
Find support.
Find support.
(30:11):
Think of the life you want tohave.
If you could have it all, ifyou have anything you want, even
if it's when you close youreyes and you think about the
future, that you truly, if youcould have it all, what would it
be?
And in your mind, go there,that is.
That is the first step to thelaw of attraction is seeing that
(30:34):
and enclosing your eyes andseeing yourself in that place,
whatever that is, and be selfish.
It's your imagination, it'syour mind.
Be selfish and go there.
Go there as often as you needto and know that there is a
place, there is a place.
(30:54):
It truly is, and even in yourmind, for now, when you visit it
in the future, that's exactlythe same as a past bad memory.
You can have a future goodmemory.
Your subconscious mind does notknow the difference between
your imagination and reality.
And hold on to whatever you can.
Don't talk to people who bringyou down.
(31:16):
Don't talk to people aboutnegative stuff.
Don't spread sadness andmadness on social media.
Lift up.
Lift yourself up.
When we talk, think and respondto the negative stuff, we're
making more of it in ourselves.
Our emotions create the actionof our bodies and, as best we
(31:43):
can with where we are, we musthave hope and the image and the
knowledge that tomorrow can bebetter.
I could have got up from thatcouch or the mattress on the
(32:04):
floor and done somethingcompletely opposite to what I
did, and we wouldn't be havingthis conversation and I wouldn't
have my incredible husband thatI have now, who's my best
friend.
I would have never met BobProctor.
I would never have been able tochange the lives of the men and
(32:24):
women whose lives I've alreadytouched and the thousands more
who need us to be strong forthem until they can be strong
for themselves.
Catherine Gryba (32:35):
You know, Connie, I think it's such an
incredible message for all of usis that we all have to be on
guard and challenge ourselves tomove our life from okay-ish to
great, and I think what you'vereally shared with us is that it
really starts with how thechoices we make and how we look
(32:58):
at moving from okay-ish to great.
So what a story You've had.
Congratulations to you, Connie.
Really an inspiration, and Iwant to thank you very much for
being part of our podcast.
Connie Anne Toma (33:12):
Thank you very much.
Peggie Koenig (33:13):
It's been a pleasure, thank you, thank you.
Welcome to.
So you Want to Move to theCountry and Raise Goats?
This is a podcast about change.
Change is all around us, andsometimes we're ready for it and
sometimes we're not.
When it overwhelms us, well, wejust want to move to the
country and raise goats.
This podcast features storiesfrom people who have gone
(00:20):
through change.
We hope that their insightswill help you better understand
and deal with the changes inyour life.
Catherine Gryba (00:32):
Our guest today is Connie Ann, and Connie Anne
describes how she changed herlife from being okay-ish to
great.
Connie Ann worked in sales andthen the film industry and this
was okay.
She had an okay marriage, livedin a home with a white picket
fence Again it was okay, but shewas not in a good place.
(00:55):
At 32 years old, she wasstanding in her garden one day
and said to herself this cannotbe it for the next 50 years.
She evaluated her life and madesome as she describes them
self-imploding decisions,leading her to be broke and
homeless.
(01:16):
She said if I got myself intothis mess, then I can get myself
out.
She discovered the book theSecret.
She studied it, read it,contemplated, discovered she was
running away from things andnot towards something.
Join Peggie and I as we learnfrom Connie Anne what her next
(01:40):
steps were, how she took controlover her thinking, built
connections and moved tochanging her life from okay-ish
to great.
So today our guest is ConnieAnne and we're thrilled to have
Connie joining us.
She lives in British Columbiaand Connie is a consultant and a
(02:06):
coach and she works withentrepreneurs and corporate
teams in applying the law ofattraction.
But, Connie, it's been quite ajourney for you to get here.
You haven't always been aconsultant and a coach, so how
did you get to do what you'redoing today?
Connie Anne Toma (02:25):
Well, first of all, thank you for having me.
It is an honor and a privilegeto be here.
Yes, it's been quite a road.
I think if I were to start Iwould have to begin the day I
was in my garden and my home andI was about 32 years old and
got this dizzying feeling thatthis can't be it, this can't be
(02:48):
all of it, this can't be therinse and repeat for the next 50
years.
So I really had to evaluate mylife and in evaluating it I made
some not good decisions, somedecisions at the time that were
(03:10):
very hard.
They were life imploding andthey led me to being broke and
homeless.
A gracious friend of mineemptied out a corner of a spare
room in her apartment, which isactually her storage room.
We put an air mattress on thefloor and I was there for a
(03:37):
while, kind of doing a littlecouch, surfing through the
graciousness of my friends andtrying to pull it together.
At one point, when I was atthat first friend's house, I was
sitting on the edge of the airmattress, which essentially was
sitting on the floor, and saying, wow, how did I get here?
(04:00):
I had the house, I had themarriage, I had the white picket
fence and all of it.
And how did I get from there tohere?
And started blaming the outsideworld right, my ex-husband,
this and looking back on mychildhood and my parents, this,
(04:21):
this, this and teachers, andbeing my sister's little sister,
always being in her shadow.
So something came up and inasking, how did I get here?
Somehow, somewhere, I wasenlightened.
(04:41):
I guess that everything thatled me literally to be sitting
on that floor, those werechoices that I made.
I chose to not go to work and dothe work I was being paid to do
.
I got fired.
I chose to walk out of thathouse, literally in that
(05:02):
relationship, with no plan.
I chose all of that stuff.
I did that to me.
I made these choices.
I even chose to marry my firsthusband.
That was my choice.
I can't blame him.
I did that to me.
And as I realized and I startedasking for help and knowing
(05:29):
that, I got myself in therethinking okay, if I can make
this big mess, I wonder if I cando the opposite.
What can I do?
Because when I was in thatgarden that day, I thought that
was not a good place and it waslike the universe said oh, I'll
show, you Ask and you shallreceive, and there I was, connie
(05:54):
.
Catherine Gryba (05:54):
You would have been in the depths of it.
As you say, you were couchsurfing.
No job broke, homeless.
How did you have the presenceof mind to get to the point
where it actually isn'teverybody's fault?
I need to look in the mirrorand that's what got me to where
I am today.
How long after you were kind ofOuch surfing Did you begin to
(06:22):
realize that Because that soundslike that started to become the
beginning of your journey outof your depths?
Connie Anne Toma (06:31):
Yeah, yeah, it was.
I can't pinpoint thatspecifically.
I do know the fantastic bookand subsequent movie, the Secret
.
The book was bestowed upon meand so I thought, wow, well,
maybe there's something to thisand when we understand that we
(06:53):
can create our future.
that also means that I createdthat place where I was, and I
think that I have to creditRhonda Byrne for some of that
transition and the amazingperson that gifted me that book.
But in reading and knowing andunderstanding that, we can
(07:15):
manifest, and there is this law,this law of attraction that
allows us to create the life wewant.
If that's the case, then thelife I don't want, I must have
created it as well, becausethere is no up without a down.
If I can, I am just notresponsible for my good life.
(07:36):
I am responsible for my badlife.
It can't be both, or one or theother.
Peggie Koenig (07:43):
Sorry, Connie, I'd like to go back to that
garden for a minute.
Were you at a point in yourlife where you were unhappy,
like I'm trying to understandwhere you were at, because what
you did?
You made some dramatic changeand you say I made some bad
decisions.
(08:03):
But at that point in the gardenwas it sort of a culmination of
this is not working, or was itsomething that was growing
within you for a while beforeyou made those changes?
Connie Anne Toma (08:17):
It was a slow I guess I would call the term
death by a thousand paper cuts.
I didn't marry somebody thatreally knew how to be two people
, how to navigate through,sharing all things, and I found
(08:41):
myself alone in my marriage andI was a computer widow.
When you're dating somebody inhindsight, when we're dating
somebody and they love somethingpassionately, that's a one
person activity.
I think that needs to beaddressed.
(09:03):
I did not.
I thought it was cool and westarted playing online games
together, but it actually endedup becoming the wedge between us
where I would go to bed alonewhile the computer game was
playing.
I'd wake up in the middle ofthe night to get a drink of
water and he'd be at thecomputer.
(09:25):
I would make a gourmet dinnerand he would come out and grab a
plate of food and go back tothe computer and I'd sit at the
table.
I had sat thinking we wouldhave a nice evening and eat
alone, and so, and of coursethere were many other things and
I mean I could go on for a longtime, but I won't.
And it also became clear to methat I was not going to have
(09:52):
children with this person and Iwas in my late 30s.
So I could stay, because now Iam not going to have children,
too late for me to leave thismarriage and go find a suitable
father.
Peggie Koenig (10:14):
So when you made those changes, Connie, did you
know what you were looking for,or was that not clear in your
mind?
I mean, was it a risk?
Like did you?
You jumped in, you knew you hadto make the change.
How did that all work out?
Connie Anne Toma (10:33):
I I made the at the point, the seemingly
mistake of running away from andnot running towards.
Okay, I was not running towardsanything, I was running away
from, and so that's how I endedup not really having a plan.
Catherine Gryba (10:55):
Yeah.
Connie Anne Toma (10:56):
All of a sudden, I have a duffel bag full
of what felt like to be theright things to take with me at
the time.
And that was it.
And while I'm driving away, I'mcalling a friend saying hey, I
need a bed, I need a couch.
What do you got?
Peggie Koenig (11:14):
I think it's such an important point to make for
people who are contemplatingchange or know that they have to
make a change, to actually berunning towards something if
they can, because that period oftime that you went through, I
think you showed a lot ofresilience.
However, as you say, you didn'thave a plan.
(11:35):
You really have to dig deep onthat resilience in order to move
forward.
So, yeah, very traumatic, I canonly imagine.
So you were gifted the book theSecret and you watched the
(11:56):
movie and that really startedyour thinking and building, I
think, of a philosophy it soundslike, or a core value.
Connie Anne Toma (12:11):
Yeah, it really started me on a journey.
Prior to that moment, in thegarden, I was already looking
for the answers to why am I hereif I'm not meant to have
children?
Why?
What is my journey here?
What is that thing?
And so I was already startingtowards and I was looking at
(12:32):
being spiritual rather thanbeing religious.
I grew up in a Catholic homeand First Communion and all
these things, and it didn'tresonate with me.
So I was exploring thesealternative ways of thinking
back then and the Secret justdropped a piece into place that
(12:57):
I guess I was supposed to have,right.
I mean, the amazing EckhartTolle says you know, you're
having the experience you'resupposed to have, because it's
the experience you're having.
So that that book was supposedto come with to me when it did.
And I wonder well, I don'twonder too much because I will
never go back there If I hadn'tbeen gifted that book, how would
(13:20):
have that unfolded?
But it's not for me tounderstand, because that's not
what happened.
It happened how it did.
Catherine Gryba (13:28):
But you know, I read that you also read a
number of books by other authors.
Eckhart Tolle was one of themand it sounds like you were.
You knew you were searching formore and when I read your
background it just seemed to methat you were really exploring.
Maybe not quite sure what youwere searching for, but there
(13:51):
was sounds like there was a lotof knowledge and thinking that
you were doing along yourprocess to get you to where you
are today.
Tell us a little bit about theimportance of that stage of
change around that exploringpiece.
Connie Anne Toma (14:10):
Yeah, it was really my journey of figuring
out what now, what Right.
Okay, I ran away from now I'vegot to figure out what my next
steps are and the books, thebooks I read, went from I
arranged from reincarnation topast life, regression to, to, to
(14:35):
infrascoping and and astrotraveling and all of these
things that are possible, right,and to not be shot off to
anything.
I think it's so important when,when something comes to you, to
just explore it and see if youreally do, if there's something
(14:55):
for you to have, because I dotruly believe that everything
comes to us on purpose.
So, if somebody gives me a book,or if I'm, if I'm listening to
a podcast or or even overhearingto other people talking at the
table next to me, to cafe, and Ihear something, I kind of I pay
(15:15):
attention, because those littlethreads, those breadcrumbs,
have took taken me to the life Inow live in and in doing all of
that reading now and that'swhen I said the perceived
mistake I made of running awayfrom instead of running towards
(15:36):
that built me up and gave me theknowledge and the strength and
and brought me to the books andbrought me to the understandings
I have today so I can helpother people who are where I was
navigate through it a littlebit better, and people tell me
well, thank goodness you didn'thave children.
Well, I'm not sure that I quitefeel that way, but I do know
(15:59):
that it gave me some tools toreally help other people see
that there are other ways tothink through situations.
Catherine Gryba (16:09):
So, connie, during this stage of searching
and researching, did you buildconnections with people, and
perhaps leaders in some of thesefields?
Because books is one thing,movies is one thing, but what
were your connections withpeople?
Connie Anne Toma (16:32):
The first person that helped me through it
not personally, but throughsomething else that happened in
there was I was also starting tohave anxiety attacks again.
I've had doubts of anxietyattacks throughout my life.
Tony Robbins really helped meto understand how to control my
(16:54):
mind that way and that I haveabsolute control over my
thinking and that I can controlthat.
The one, the one True personwho I really connected with was
Bob Proctor.
Bob Proctor was, he was amazing.
(17:15):
He passed away just over a yearago but he he took everything
and anything from Napoleon Hilland Earl Nightingale and Wayne
Dyer and Wallace D Waddles andeverybody and he put it together
in such a way that made so muchsense to me and helped me to.
Really.
(17:36):
Bob Proctor was the man in thetan suit in the movie the Secret
, by the way, so I was led tohim a bit through watching that
movie and exploring everybodythat was in it, because I knew
that they knew something that Ineeded to know and I really
gravitated towards him and hejust he brought all those
puzzles together in all of histeachings and trainings and even
(17:58):
his free seminars and webinars,and I actually did end up being
trained and taught from hiscompany.
I enrolled as as one of hisconsultants and facilitators
with his company Because what he, what he spent his life doing,
the legacy he left us is soprofound and it's really what
(18:24):
launched me from understandingthat I had total control over my
thoughts, feelings and actionsand got me to where I am.
Peggie Koenig (18:37):
So, Connie, how long was the process from
sitting at the edge of the airmattress and couch surfing to to
where you really got your feeton the ground?
How long was that process?
Connie Anne Toma (18:54):
That was approximately two years before I
really got my feet underneathme In that process.
While I was going through adivorce, my mom passed away as
well, so I really I found myselfkind of two steps forward,
(19:16):
three steps back when thathappened, of course, and and so
now I don't have any money anddon't really have a job to speak
of and still still sharingspaces with people, and now I
don't even have my mom to leanon.
(19:36):
And, and so a friend of minewhen I was I was doing some
learning you know one of theother kind of a call things that
I was, I was dabbling in shesaid you can go wherever you
want.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
You've got to do over right,you have, you have.
So I did have, of course,divorce settlement, alien rate
(19:58):
settlement for my mom and andshe's like, very soon you're
going to be able to go, do, beand have whatever you want.
And and she pulled me up andthat was, that was the final,
the final, I don't know the, the, the stake in the railway.
That just solidified everythingthat I can choose.
(20:23):
To look at this completelydifferent, this was entirely a
learning lesson for me.
This was completely designedfor me to have an incredible
life, a reboot, a do over, takeeverything I've learned, knowing
that I have full control of therest of my life this next 50
years.
(20:43):
Look out, I'm coming.
And that was really the placewhere I felt like I grew my
wings.
I had a wings, I had my crown,I had my, my cape, I had it all.
Peggie Koenig (20:59):
So, but what a process, what a process.
I can't even imagine the upsand downs and at times perhaps
feeling hopeless or justwondering where it was all going
to end up.
So you're obviously a veryresilient person.
I'm thinking where do you thinkthat comes from?
(21:20):
Do you have you given that somethought?
You know that's grit, that'sreal grit, I think, to hang in
there when you're at really atthe bottom and to, and like you
say, two steps forward, threesteps back, I mean that's that
can really get you down.
Connie Anne Toma (21:41):
That's a really good question.
Um, what choice do we have?
What choice was there?
I had no choice, right.
When you, when you dive into aswimming pool and your feet
touch the bottom of the pool,there's nowhere to go but up,
(22:04):
and if you stay at the bottomyou drown.
You gotta, you gotta bend yourknees and you gotta, you gotta,
push up.
Where did it come from?
I think being in the shadow ofmy sister, and I was always a
rebel.
My mom would say put nylons on.
And I wouldn't.
(22:25):
She should have told me don'tyou dare wear nylons with that
dress.
And I ran downstairs to mybedroom and put them on.
I think I always rebel becauseif nobody, I felt like I was
never really quite heard when Iwas growing up.
So I always just thought youknow what I'm going to always
show them.
I'm not going to be in theshadow.
(22:46):
You're right, I'm not like mysister.
I am me.
I've always felt really defiantand rebellious.
That way, nobody's payingattention to me anyway, so I'm
going to do whatever I want,watch me, and I feel like that's
part of that.
That could very well be wherethat came from.
That was a great question.
(23:07):
Thank you, Peggie.
Peggie Koenig (23:12):
I'm going to explore that it's such an
interesting process to go fromsitting on the edge of an ear
mattress to and not.
I mean, those kinds of changesare never linear, right, they're
just, they're all over theplace up and down.
(23:32):
So, yeah, having that grit, Ialways think it's a good
question to ask people to thinkabout where it came from,
because other people goingthrough change that's what
they're looking for too, thatresilience in that grit.
Connie Anne Toma (23:48):
Yeah, yeah, there's nowhere to go.
And I think when we really areon the bottom, then we can bend
our knees and spring up.
If you jump in, if you use theswimming pool analogy again, and
you jump in and you don't jumpin quite hard enough and you
don't hit the bottom, it'salmost harder to get to the top.
Sometimes we have to havesomething that we bend our knees
(24:09):
and springboard up from.
That's what gets us there.
Catherine Gryba (24:14):
It also sounds like you've found some purpose
in your research and your.
You know the movies and thepeople you talk to and the Tony
Robbins, and it sounds like thatpurpose that you found also
helped you to spring from thebottom of the pool.
Also, I don't know, because Ithink it's really hard if we're
(24:39):
really searching and withoutpurpose, without having a, you
know, kind of a clearer path,it's really hard to know where
to go.
And also we hear often thatthere is someone in our life
that gives us that push thatsays like, sit up straight and
(25:00):
you've got options and you justneed to use them.
And it sounds like thathappened to you also, that you
just needed a little bit of areminder that you had more
choice than you thought you did.
Connie Anne Toma (25:12):
Yes, yes, that I do have to give credit to
that one friend that you knowsaid what are you doing?
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Yeah, you know, yes, yes, youdon't have your mom and you
don't have your marriage and youdon't have children.
But, oh my gosh, you have a car.
You could fill it with gas andliterally go anywhere.
Catherine Gryba (25:31):
Like anywhere in the world.
Connie Anne Toma (25:32):
I could have moved at that point and gone
anywhere.
And she really was.
She really was the cat, as I'velost touch with her since then.
But if she's out there I'm notgoing to name names, but if
she's out there and sherecognizes this conversation, I
want to say thank you, and thatmight have been one of the last
conversations I had with her.
Maybe that was the final pieceof our journey together.
(25:56):
Was that in?
And we do need that person.
And Bob Proctor told me rightthrough through trainings and
stuff that you can have it all.
And you know, stop feelingsorry for yourself and start
thinking about what you do wantyou know, what life do you want
to create?
(26:16):
Because the law of attraction isreal.
It really does work.
It is a thing.
It's a thing like gravity.
You can believe in it or not,but it's doing what it's going
to do.
So I don't work with itproperly and have the life that
you are truly here to have.
So my, my hope for the rest ofmy life is to to encourage as
(26:40):
many people as I can who arewhere I was, and even people who
aren't where I was, because Itruly hope nobody goes through
that.
But we know the truth of thematter is, in eight million
people on the planet, there'sprobably one or two.
But whoever wants help, there'shelp there for them.
They can truly do, be and haveit all.
They just got to learn how todo it properly.
Peggie Koenig (27:04):
So you have a business now.
Am I right, or is or is it?
Connie Anne Toma (27:08):
do you call it a business, or do you call it a
practice, or I I call it abusiness, my government calls it
a business, so I'll do that too, I am.
I am my, my number one thingthat I do with with my one on
one clients is I do take themthrough Bob Proctor's paradigm
(27:35):
shifting program.
That is the one thing when,when I healed, when I was
healing, when I was feelingstronger and wondering what my
true purpose was, and then, andall of these things that came to
me while I was healing anddeciding what I was running
(27:57):
towards, I wanted to help otherpeople have that, the support
that that I found in all ofthese places doing all this
research, uh, to like one placeto go to do it.
And I started designing a um, aprogram of sorts, outlining it,
but realized that Bob Proctoralready did it.
(28:18):
He spent 60 years researchingand studying and putting
together the things that I wasresearching and putting together
, um, and, and he is such apowerful, beautiful teacher and
and he was such a beautifulhuman being that um, I think I
think I'll just do what he doesand cause.
(28:39):
He fixed me, so I'm going to usewhat he knows to help those who
need help as well.
So I teach his material, but inbetween, I also do do my own
coaching, um and and for thosethat can't afford a full coach.
I do have a uh, a small monthlysubscription fee group on
(28:59):
Facebook that I train every weekin Um and whoever needs help,
at whatever level.
Um, I think everybody deservesto have somebody in their corner
that will believe in them untilthey believe in themselves
again, or for the first time,for the first time.
Catherine Gryba (29:15):
So, Connie, what advice do you have for
people that are standing intheir garden saying I'm, I can't
do this for 50 years?
Connie Anne Toma (29:30):
You must, you must, you must move on.
You.
You must look after yourself.
Not everybody can.
I talk to women all over theworld in in first world and and
third world countries.
Do what you can Look afteryourself, be strong.
(29:50):
You're not alone.
We feel so alone.
I felt so isolated.
I could have been in a room of10,000 people and still felt
completely alone with who I am.
But but you're not.
You're absolutely not in.
Find support.
Find support.
(30:11):
Think of the life you want tohave.
If you could have it all, ifyou have anything you want, even
if it's when you close youreyes and you think about the
future, that you truly, if youcould have it all, what would it
be?
And in your mind, go there,that is.
That is the first step to thelaw of attraction is seeing that
(30:34):
and enclosing your eyes andseeing yourself in that place,
whatever that is, and be selfish.
It's your imagination, it'syour mind.
Be selfish and go there.
Go there as often as you needto and know that there is a
place, there is a place.
(30:54):
It truly is, and even in yourmind, for now, when you visit it
in the future, that's exactlythe same as a past bad memory.
You can have a future goodmemory.
Your subconscious mind does notknow the difference between
your imagination and reality.
And hold on to whatever you can.
Don't talk to people who bringyou down.
(31:16):
Don't talk to people aboutnegative stuff.
Don't spread sadness andmadness on social media.
Lift up.
Lift yourself up.
When we talk, think and respondto the negative stuff, we're
making more of it in ourselves.
Our emotions create the actionof our bodies and, as best we
(31:43):
can with where we are, we musthave hope and the image and the
knowledge that tomorrow can bebetter.
I could have got up from thatcouch or the mattress on the
(32:04):
floor and done somethingcompletely opposite to what I
did, and we wouldn't be havingthis conversation and I wouldn't
have my incredible husband thatI have now, who's my best
friend.
I would have never met BobProctor.
I would never have been able tochange the lives of the men and
(32:24):
women whose lives I've alreadytouched and the thousands more
who need us to be strong forthem until they can be strong
for themselves.
Catherine Gryba (32:35):
You know, Connie, I think it's such an
incredible message for all of usis that we all have to be on
guard and challenge ourselves tomove our life from okay-ish to
great, and I think what you'vereally shared with us is that it
really starts with how thechoices we make and how we look
(32:58):
at moving from okay-ish to great.
So what a story You've had.
Congratulations to you, Connie.
Really an inspiration, and Iwant to thank you very much for
being part of our podcast.
Connie Anne Toma (33:12):
Thank you very much.
Peggie Koenig (33:13):
It's been a pleasure, thank you, thank you.
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