June 29, 2026 • 54 mins
In this episode, I talk about something I've been thinking about a lot lately: what excellence actually means.
For a long time, I thought excellence looked the same every day. Wake up early. Train hard. Work harder. Stay disciplined. Keep pushing.
Then life changed.
My health changed. My energy changed. I'm preparing to become a father. And I realized something that I hadn't fully understood before.
Excellence isn't one fixed standard that stays the same forever.
Every season asks something different of you.
That doesn't mean lowering your character or making excuses. It means being honest about the season you're in while continuing to keep promises to yourself.
In this conversation, I share what I've learned from running, marriage, disappointment, my parents, and the challenges I've faced over the last year. We also talk about why discipline still matters, how to avoid letting your identity become tied to performance, and why your standard should be built on character instead of circumstances.
I don't think the goal is to become someone who impresses other people.
I think the goal is to become someone you respect.
If you've been in a season where life feels different than it used to, I hope this conversation gives you something to think about.
Thank you for listening, and if you enjoyed the episode, I'd really appreciate it if you subscribed, left a review, or shared it with someone who might need to hear it.
Keep Getting After It.
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You're not lazy. You're not lost. You just know there's a gap between the life you're living and the one you're capable of — and that gap is getting harder to ignore.
Every week, I pull apart the mental patterns that keep capable people stuck — comfort disguised as patience, avoidance disguised as strategy, mediocrity dressed up as balance. I bring in philosophy, personal stories from the trails and the trenches, and conversations with people who decided to stop waiting.
This isn't a show about hacks. It's about the harder work: getting honest with yourself, building the discipline to act on that honesty, and becoming someone you'd actually respect.
Keep getting after it.
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
My friends, happy Monday.
At least when this episode comesout, it will be Monday, but you
might be listening to this on aTuesday, Thursday, or maybe a
Saturday.
But welcome back to the GettingAfter It podcast.
I am excited to talk to youabout what we're going into
today.
As I have been thinking aboutthe future episodes of Getting
(00:22):
After It, what's important tome, what kind of conversations I
want to have.
If you remember last week Italked about how I want to
create episodes that are alittle bit more um beneficial to
you that rely on other people'steachings and just give you my
thoughts about them.
And uh today we're gonna bedoing that.
(00:43):
Uh and really quick, so somehousekeeping items, as they say.
I just got back from Arizona.
I was there with my family foruh a wedding.
My cousin got married, which ispretty weird.
Uh, but I was there where wow, Ican't speak apparently, too.
Um I was just there with myfamily and um really enjoying my
(01:05):
time out there.
One thing I will say, Arizona ishot as hell.
Uh there were three days where Iran outside, and I, you know,
thinking I'm strong, thinkingI'm, you know, oh yeah, I run
outside all the time.
I'll be fine.
Um it was 108 degrees.
That was probably the averagetemperature while I was there.
And there was one run inparticular that I thought I was
(01:29):
gonna die.
I decided, hey, okay, I'm gonnarun seven miles.
Seven miles, not bad.
I do that all the time.
Uh, and I went out there, um,started my run.
And what I like to do, I like todo out and backs.
So really, that means I run, youknow, uh for that run
specifically, it was three and ahalf miles out and then three
(01:49):
and a half miles back.
But the reason I like to do thatis because it kind of forces me
to stay in the whole run, to dothe whole thing.
Um, that run I brought a smallwater bottle with about a
thousand milligrams of sodiumand other electrolytes, all that
good stuff.
And uh I had ice cubes in mywater bottle, okay?
And as I'm running, I'm not evenkidding you, about two miles in
(02:12):
to this thing, my water bottlethat was super cold when I left
was hot.
And when I drank it, itliterally tasted just like I
left a water bottle outside.
It was disgusting.
But, anyways, so I ran the threeand a half miles out, and I was
like, oh boy, maybe this was abad idea.
(02:33):
Because at that point, my mouthwas so dry, it was hard to
swallow.
Um, the heat was so intense, andthe sun was just blaring onto
me.
This is at like 3 p.m., mindyou.
So kind of stupid on my part todecide to go out and run at that
time.
Um, but you know, we learn fromthese things, we try and get
(02:53):
better from them.
And anyways, I was out there andI I ran under an under
underpass, which I'll put up aphoto right here.
And I just remember thinking,like, okay, this could be it.
Um I might not make it.
Of course, I was safe.
But I ran by a canal the wholetime, just with the thought that
if I worst case scenario, Ineeded to cool off, I was gonna
(03:17):
jump in the canal.
Um, so really random, but like,man, the heat makes you feel
like you are unbelievably weak.
And uh that's just something Iwanted to open up with because I
think, you know, I'm happy to behere.
I I'm not saying I like legitwould have died, but um, it felt
(03:39):
like it sometimes.
And um, a lot of the times, youknow, when you are running,
sometimes it does feel likeyou're gonna die.
And just want to let you knowthat hey, I still struggle with
that stuff all the time.
So, uh, anyways, why did I sharethat story?
Well, today we're gonna talkabout excellence, and I have
been thinking a lot about whatthis means, especially for me
(03:59):
right now, um, and for me indifferent seasons of life,
because uh I think for the mostpart, a lot of us um we expect
ourselves to be excellent in insome way.
We we have this definition ofexcellence that we learned when
we were younger or we saw onsocial media, and because of
that, we try and uh keep ourlives to be something or try try
(04:23):
and live up to thoseexpectations, to that level of
excellence.
And sometimes it's it's hard todo so.
Um and I I think that's fair.
Like it's it's very fair to belike, oh, well, it's hard to do
what I used to do now.
And if you've listened to thepodcast in these most recent
(04:44):
weeks, you know that mytestosterone is down to 136.
I think it's getting better nowbecause I've been on shots for
the past three weeks, um, but ittakes about like four to six
weeks to actually kick in andand help me feel regular.
So um, but during that time,like I if you asked me to do
(05:04):
what I was doing previously orwhat I was doing two years ago
now, I don't think I'd be ableto do it.
Um again, the last time that Ihad testosterone levels this low
was at the beginning of Valleyand I's marriage, but back then
it was 160.
So I'm lower than I am now thanI was back then.
Um but before we get into allthat, I do want to read
(05:26):
something.
So I thought this would be kindof a fun thing to do every
episode.
This book is called The DailyDad.
Now, this is a book by RyanHolliday, but what it is, it is
366 meditations on parenting,love, and raising great kids.
And leading up to the birth ofmy son, I think it'd be kind of
cool every single episode tofind something that um is
(05:49):
relevant to the topic that we'rediscussing, uh, but also kind of
paints the picture out a littlebit.
So I love this book um already.
Like I've gone through, I'veread some of the sections, and I
can already see how it's gonnabe very valuable and very
practical.
And I want to start off by goingto an entry for January 15th,
(06:10):
but it's called If You Want YourKids to Respect You.
That's what it is.
That's the title.
And it has this quote at thebeginning You will earn the
respect of all men if you beginby earning the respect of
yourself.
Ooh, okay, so that quote alonekind of paints the picture with
what we're going into today.
But let's read this entry.
So every parent wants to belistened to.
(06:32):
We want our advice to be takenseriously, we want to be looked
up to.
Most of all, we want to berespected.
Well, if you want your kids torespect you, be worthy of
respect.
Just think about it for asecond.
Why would they respect advicethat you don't live by?
Why would they admire you whenyou're not living up to your own
(06:53):
potential?
Why would they look up to youwhen you yourself are dealing
poorly with self-esteem issues?
When you have accepted the liesof imposter syndrome and allowed
them to affect how you act as aparent.
Get your stuff straight.
Be the parent you know you canbe, be the person you know you
(07:15):
can be.
The rest will follow.
And if it doesn't, then at leastyou'll be strong enough to deal
with whatever comes.
So I love that because in thissection, I mean, there's a
couple things that I want tocall out.
The first thing is if you wantyour kids to respect you, but
you could say anybody, if youwant to earn respect, you have
(07:37):
to be someone who is worthy ofrespect, which means you have to
respect yourself.
And then it he talks a littlebit about hypocrisy and how you
know if you want your kids to dothese things, to do great
things, then you need to bedoing them too.
You can't just tell them to goout there and and get straight
(07:57):
A's or like go out and and makevarsity in the team if you're
not also pushing yourself, ifyou're not leading by example.
And I love what it says here.
When you um why would they lookup to you when you yourself are
dealing poorly with self-esteemissues, when you have accepted
(08:17):
the lies of imposter syndromeand allowed them to affect how
you act as a parent?
That's pretty powerful.
And I mean, I'm not sure whatyour life is like, but I can
tell you a little bit from mine.
Imposter syndrome is somethingthat I feel pretty strongly, not
as much as I did in the past,but um definitely with this
(08:38):
podcast, like imposter syndromehas been there.
Um and I have learned to insteadof think that I am an imposter,
to say that, hey, I am willingto learn publicly, and I'm gonna
document my journey while I doso.
And that is where this is comingfrom.
(08:58):
It's not, hey, Brett is going toteach you all these lessons that
he's gathered.
It's more of like, hey, I'mgoing to bring you on this
journey of education that I'mI'm taking myself, and
hopefully, along the way, youcan learn too.
So that's where that comes from.
Uh, like I said, I'm gonna bedoing a little snippet of that
book every time uh we do apodcast just until Winston's
(09:22):
born, and maybe, you know, ifyou guys like it, we'll continue
that until who knows when, whenwe finish the book, maybe.
But again, so today's topic isall about excellence.
And as we do that, let's crackthis open.
This is the um special editionFIFA Coke Zero.
(09:42):
I've been watching a lot of FIFAwith my wife, it's actually been
awesome.
Um, I'm not a big sports guy,but I feel very invested in
FIFA, especially with Brazil.
Go, Brazil! That's that's whowe're rooting for here.
Um, but let's get back into thetopic of excellence.
So I think when people hear theword excellence, it can sound
(10:03):
very intense.
Like that is the person thatthey think of who is waking up
at 4 30 in the morning, they'reeating chicken and rice, they're
cold plunging, they're reading80 books a year, and they're
making a million dollars andrunning marathons, and somehow
they never get tired.
I think with social media, thathas become a lot of people's
(10:24):
definition of excellence.
And I'm not saying that that isinherently bad.
In fact, if you're able to dothose things and you're happy
and you feel fulfilled, thengood on you.
That's great.
But I think most of us, thatexpectation is a little bit too
unrealistic.
(10:45):
Um, that is not what I'm talkingabout today.
Because honestly, that version,it does feel a little bit fake
to me.
It feels very Instagram, uh, orat least a little bit
incomplete.
Maybe that's a better way to sayit.
But I have been thinking aboutthis a lot because my own
definition of excellence hasbeen changing, and that has been
(11:06):
uncomfortable for me, honestly.
Because for a long time,excellence was easy to define.
It was wake up early, trainhard, run a lot, and work hard,
record the podcast, read,journal, keep on moving.
And when I was feeling good,that standard made sense.
When my energy was high and mybody felt strong, when my
(11:28):
testosterone was normal, when Icould wake up at 5 a.m.
and just go, excellence feltpretty clear to me.
But this past season has beendifficult and it's been
different because, like I said,now my testosterone dropped to
about 136, my energy has hasfallen off, my strength has
(11:48):
dipped, my body didn't feel likemy body anymore.
It just one day I like it's hardto explain, but it doesn't feel
like my body.
And things that used to be easynow became hard.
Waking up felt impossible somemornings, and running felt
harder, staying lean feltharder, training felt harder,
(12:12):
and even just feeling likemyself and journaling and doing
all these things that I I talkabout very openly or recording
the podcast, all of it feltharder.
And that messes with you,especially if you are someone
who has built your identity ondiscipline and consistency and
talking about fitness, talkingabout doing hard things, and
then when your body startspushing back, you have to ask
(12:34):
yourself a very hard questionthat I I do not like asking, and
that is am I losing my standard?
Or is this season asking me todefine excellence differently?
And so that's where this wholeidea for the episode came from
today is I just I've recognizedthat I am not an anomaly.
(12:56):
I think there's a lot of peoplewho go through certain life
changes or they they are indifferent seasons where
excellence for them is going tobe different than what it was
before.
It also might ask of it mightask more of you, but it might
ask less of you.
And I want to make somethingvery clear.
(13:17):
Do not get me wrong, I stillbelieve in high standards.
Getting after its message hasnot changed.
The principles are the same.
But I still believe in pushingyourself, I still believe in
doing hard things, and I stillbelieve that you should expect a
lot from yourself.
But I also believe excellence isbeing honest, and it has to
(13:39):
match the season that you're in.
Like, that does not mean you arelowering your character, it does
not mean that you're becomingsoft.
It means asking yourself, okay,what does excellence require
from me right now?
Not five years ago, or not whenlife was easier, not when you
had more energy or fewerresponsibilities right now.
(13:59):
What is it asking?
Because your standards shouldgrow with you.
And sometimes growth, it doeslook like adding more, like more
miles, more work, morediscipline, more output.
But sometimes growth looks likeadapting.
Sometimes it looks like beingpatient or taking care of your
health or being present withyour wife or preparing to become
a father, or doing less, but theright things more.
(14:24):
And that has been a hard, thathas been hard for me to accept,
honestly.
Because I like effort, Iunderstand effort.
It's it's easily measurable, andit makes sense to me.
If there's a problem, I want todo something about it.
If I feel weak, I want to train.
If I feel behind, I want towork.
(14:45):
If I feel anxious, I want tomove.
And that mindset has helped me alot.
Do not get me wrong.
It has helped me a lot, and ithas helped me reach certain
goals, like running thesub-three marathon or running my
first Ultra or starting thepodcast.
But that is because I I was muchmore focused on output at the
(15:06):
time.
And it has helped me build alife that I'm proud of.
But in a season that I'm in now,and throughout seasons of life,
I'm sure I will come tounderstand this, there are
seasons where effort does notfix everything.
And that is a very humblingplace to be.
Because you realize thatexcellence is not just output.
(15:29):
It's not just performance, andit's it's not just hitting
numbers.
And as I was prepping for thisepisode, I was really trying to
figure out okay, in onesentence, how can I write this
out?
How can I make it as clear aspossible with whatever my
definition of excellence is?
It might be different fromyours, but as I came through, I
wrote this down, and I thinkthis is my own personal
(15:51):
definition of excellence.
Here it is.
Excellence is keeping promisesto yourself while becoming the
kind of person that you respect.
That's it.
That's what I believe excellenceis.
And those promises, they willlook different depending on the
season of life that you're in.
Like, there's no question aboutit.
(16:12):
They will look different.
Like when I was younger,excellence looked like pushing
hard, like I said.
And I felt like I needed toprove something to the time,
really to myself, that I couldkeep promises to myself.
I needed to become someone who Icould trust.
And really, that is one of themost underrated things in life
(16:34):
is self-trust.
Um, you do it by like followingup with what you you say you
were going to do.
Like nobody can give that toyou.
Like you cannot fake that, youcannot read your way into it or
listen to a thousandmotivational podcasts and
finally have the answer.
You build it through action.
(16:55):
Small action, but consistently.
And a lot of the times it'sthings that nobody really sees.
Like you wake up when you saidyou would, or you train when you
said you would, you tell thetruth, you finish your work.
And in my opinion, that is whereexcellence starts.
It's not on Instagram, it's noton a stage, it's it's not in
(17:16):
some huge life-changing moment.
It starts in the tiny decisionswhere you either become someone
you trust, or someone you haveto negotiate with.
And I don't want to be someonewho has to negotiate with
himself every single day.
That seems exhausting.
Because I've been that guybefore, and I know it is.
He's the guy that says, Oh, I'lljust start tomorrow, or hey,
(17:39):
I'll just do it later.
Or man, I deserve a break.
I'm so tired.
And listen, sometimes, yes, youare tired.
Sometimes you do need to rest.
That's fine.
But you know the difference.
Deep down, you know there is adifference between rest and
avoidance, between grace andexcuse making and adjusting the
(18:03):
standard versus abandoning that.
But those differences matter.
That's a very important thingthat you need to understand.
That I had to understand in avery difficult way.
It was by living both of theselives.
And because once you start lyingto yourself, even in small ways,
you do start losing respect forwho you are.
(18:25):
And that is a dangerous trade.
I don't think anybody d deservesto make that trade.
That is hard.
You might get comfort in thatmoment, but you lose something
deeper.
You lose that self-trust.
And once you lose trust withyourself, everything gets
harder.
Like everything.
Your goals get harder, yourrelationships get harder, your
(18:47):
faith gets harder, and yourconfidence gets harder to
maintain.
Because confidence is not justfeeling good about yourself.
That's that's part of it, butconfidence is evidence, and it
is the memory of you doing hardthings and keeping your word.
So when I talk about excellence,I'm really talking about
(19:07):
becoming someone you can trust,someone you can respect, and
someone who you don't needperfect circumstances to do the
right thing.
That's why I started out withthis little snippet from the the
Daily Dad, because I think ifyou want to have your kids
respect you or fill in the blankthere, have this person respect
(19:27):
you, have anyone respect you,you first need to respect
yourself, and you need to earnthat through self-trust.
And that takes time to build.
But I have learned this from alot of people, and I would say
the first example would be myparents.
Like as a kid, I watched themlive in a way that made me want
(19:48):
to be better.
Like they were not perfect,nobody is, but they showed me
what it looks like to live withvalues, and that is something I
can never repay them for.
They taught me how to work hard,how to care about your family,
how to keep going when thingsare difficult, and to live a
life that you can be proud of.
(20:10):
And when you grow up aroundthat, it really does shape you.
Like you might not see it at thetime, you're just a kid, but you
don't understand the weight yourparents are carrying.
Like you don't understand thestress that they have or
understand bills that they haveto take care of, or or really
their private sacrifices to giveme the life that I lived.
Like you don't really see thatstuff.
(20:31):
It's not until you look back andrealize, oh, they were teaching
me the whole time.
Not with speeches or or um booksevery night they were teaching
us through that.
No, it was it was with how theylived, and that matters because
excellence is contagious.
And I've come to realize so islaziness, so is bitterness, so
(20:55):
is excuse making.
So I feel I feel very, veryblessed to have parents that I
grew up around who not onlysacrificed things that they
wanted for for our well-being,but they also showed what it
means to live a life of values,to care about one another more
than they care about money, orshow their kids that they have a
(21:20):
faith in God and teach lessonsaround that that make us all a
better, better kids, betterpeople.
Um the way that you live, Ithink gives other people
permission.
And that is a heavy thoughtbecause I'm about to become a
father.
And Winston, he's coming here inSeptember.
(21:40):
We're gonna meet him soon.
I'm actually so excited for it.
I know there's a lot of peopleout there who are like, Oh man,
you're in for it.
I am in for it, and I know it'sgonna be great.
Like, sure, there will be timeswhere it's difficult.
But that's why I run ultramarathons, guys.
I want to do hard things, so I'mready for this kind of stuff.
Um But I really have beenthinking a lot about him.
(22:03):
And soon that I won't like Iwon't just be talking about
standards.
I will be modeling them for him.
And that is different.
Like Ali has seen me try and dothe same thing for her.
But with a child, it'scompletely different because he
doesn't have any opinions.
He doesn't know any different.
(22:24):
And my son will not care what Isay on a podcast if I don't live
it at home.
He won't care if I tell peopleto be disciplined while I'm
careless with my own life.
Or if I talk about faith and Idon't live with faith.
Like he will not care aboutmarriage if I don't love his
mother well.
Kids are smart.
(22:45):
That's one thing I've learnedfrom nieces and nephews.
They're they really are smart.
They pick up on a lot.
They watch and they absorb.
They're sponges.
They notice what you do whenyou're tired.
And they notice how you speakwhen you're frustrated.
Or whether you keep your word.
And that has really been on mymind.
It's been weighing on it quite abit, which I think is a good
thing.
(23:05):
Like I want to feel thatpressure.
I want to feel that pressure ofbecoming a dad because I know
I'll mess up plenty of times,but at least I want to be
cognizant of my actions andpresent in the moments that
matter most.
And I know fatherhood is goingto change my standard again.
There will be less sleep, lessfree time, and less control
(23:27):
while adding responsibility andinterruptions and moments where
my plans don't matter.
And honestly, I know there willbe parts that are hard for me.
And I like routine, I likestructure, and I like knowing
what my day looks like.
But a baby doesn't care about mycalendar.
You know, a baby does not careabout when I was planning to
(23:48):
record a podcast or if I wantedto get eight hours of sleep or
anything like that.
And honestly, I think that'sgood for me because it will
force me to grow yet again.
Excellence as a father will notalways look like doing more,
though.
Sometimes it will look likebeing patient with my son at 2
a.m.
when I'm feeding him, orsometimes it will look like
(24:10):
changing another diaper whenI've changed 10 that same day.
I actually don't know how oftenbabies are uh going through
diapers, so 10 might be a lot.
Um I mean I'm not taking 10poops a day.
So, but babies are also smaller.
I don't know.
You guys in the comments tellme.
Um but it's going to look likeme adapting through the whole
(24:35):
thing, and I think that's whatreal excellence is.
And it's it's the private kind,it's it's where nobody applauds,
like I said.
That's that kind of life is theone I want to build.
And I know, like I said, it'sgonna change a lot of things,
but again, that's that'ssomething that for me is 100%
(24:55):
worth it.
Because not only am I going tohave this little baby who I love
more than anything, and who Iwant to provide the best life
for, that's gonna motivate me toreally dig deep and say, okay,
how can I emulate the bestvalues for this little kid?
So he knows that his dad alwaysworked hard, so he knows what to
(25:18):
do in situations like this, or Idon't know, I just I'm really
excited for it.
And I know it's gonna test me,but I welcome that test more
than anything else.
And um, it's kind of funny.
Allie and I were talking theother day about this and how
really the podcast um has been aform of me journaling over the
(25:39):
past four years.
It has been lessons that I'velearned, it's been me
documenting my own experiencesand talking about things that
I've I've had to go through atcertain parts of my life and
what I did during those times.
And I was thinking, man, howcool is it?
You know, maybe maybe I'm deadand Winston is is 40 years old
and he doesn't listen to thepodcast until that point.
(26:01):
But how cool would it be if hesits down and he's like, man, I
wonder, I wonder what dad wasgoing through at this time.
Like, what was he like at thebeginning of his marriage?
Or what was he like when when Iwas getting ready to be born?
Like, I want him to see allthese things and at least get a
glimpse of uh what it was likewhen I was 28 or 2024.
(26:21):
Um, and that's kind of a coolthought for me.
But I want to emulate all those,all those values, all those
principles.
And the only way to do that isthrough actually following
through them.
And that's why I said likeself-trust is one of the most
important things that we canhave.
Because the more that we trustourselves, the more confident
we'll be.
The more that we trustourselves, the more that we will
(26:44):
understand what our potential isand understand what our
capabilities right now are,understand where we can refine
ourselves to get even a littlebit better.
Um, that's important.
But, anyways, let's go back tothe topic of excellence.
Uh, because there's anotherperson who I have to shout out,
and this probably won't surpriseyou, but I also learned
(27:05):
excellence through Jocko.
Like, yeah, like I said, it'snot gonna surprise anyone who's
listening to the show, but Jockotaught me discipline, and he
didn't he wasn't there teachingme discipline by my side.
It was more through how Iobserved him, which is another
reason why I think it's soimportant to be the person that
you want to be, uh, because yourkids will pick up on that.
(27:26):
Like, Jocko doesn't even know Iexist.
I met him one time, but Iguarantee you he forgot.
He meets a lot of people, and Ihave observed him over the past
seven years, eight years, and hehas helped me put words into
something that I've alreadyfelt.
(27:47):
One of his famous quotes isdiscipline equals freedom.
That idea alone has changed howI've I've seen a lot of things.
And I don't think discipline isa punishment anymore.
If you would have asked me thatwhen I was 12 years old, I
thought discipline was literallyyou get disciplined.
Like that's what I thought itwas.
I had no concept of what Jockerwas talking about with
(28:08):
discipline equals freedom.
Like, it is not being mean toyourself.
In fact, I think disciplinegives you options, and
discipline, in my opinion, isthe highest form of self-respect
that you can give to yourself.
Like when you train, your bodygives you more options in terms
of the things that you can do,or when you save money, your
future has more options.
Or when you tell the truth, yourrelationships build more trust,
(28:31):
and you can take that in for awhile.
Or when you wake up early in themorning, you have more space
throughout the day to get thingsdone that you needed to.
Like, discipline gives you alife that is not ruled by some
impulse, and that is powerful.
But I'll also say this like youdo have to be careful, and I
want to make the distinctionhere.
Because sorry, because if you'renot careful, discipline can
(28:55):
become another way to beatyourself up.
And I've done that, I've beenthere, and there is a fine line.
Like, I have taken a goodstandard and turned it into a
weapon.
I've had days where I've misseda workout and it felt like I was
failing as a person.
Like, that is not healthy, thatis not excellence, that is ego
(29:16):
dressed up as discipline.
And there's a difference there.
Like, excellence should make youbetter, it should make you
stronger, it should make youmore honest, and it should make
you more useful to the peoplearound you.
But if your standard makes youproud, cold, impatient,
self-obsessed, or impossible tolive with, then something is
off, and discipline is not beingused the right way.
(29:39):
That is a lesson that marriagehas taught me.
Um Allie has taught me adifferent kind of excellence,
and I want to spend some timetalking about her for this,
because she truly has reallyredefined my definition of
excellence.
Because if you were to ask mebefore marriage, I thought
(30:01):
excellence was mostly personal,you know?
And it makes sense why I thinkthat way.
You know, they're my goals, it'smy routine, it's my work, and my
fitness and my growth.
And then I got married.
And I realized pretty quicklythat you cannot bring a selfish
version of excellence intomarriage and expect it to work.
I tried that, not intentionally,but I did.
(30:24):
And early in our marriage, Ithought I could be the same guy
I was before, with the samepriorities, same habits and
routines, and then just add awife into the picture.
And that is a stupid way tothink.
At least I can say that nowlooking back.
That is a dumb way to think.
Early Brett, early marriage,Brett, you're an idiot.
I just gotta say it.
(30:44):
You're stupid.
And marriage is not just addingsomeone.
That is not it.
Marriage literally changes whatexcellence requires.
Like being a good husband meansthat your life is no longer just
about your goals.
It means that you learn how tolisten to your wife.
You learn how to notice things,you learn how to support someone
(31:05):
else's dreams with the sameenergy that you give your own.
And it means you stop actinglike your routine is sacred and
everyone else has to work aroundit.
At the beginning, that was hardfor me because I've had been
living a lifestyle of intensediscipline for the past five
years up to this point.
And then I threw Allie into thepicture, and it took me a while
(31:26):
to really learn that marriage isnot just about me, it's about
one, growing together and beingcommitted to that growth, but
then two, trying to become thebest version of ourselves that
we can be.
And you can't become the bestversion of yourself when you're
married if all you're thinkingabout is you.
And that's something that tookme a while.
And I liked to be driven.
(31:49):
I liked chasing things, I likedthat feeling of being locked in.
But if I'm locked in oneverything except my wife, then
I am missing the whole point.
No podcast goal matters morethan my wife.
No race matters more than Allie,or no business idea matters more
than Allie.
No personal ambition mattersmore than the person I promised
(32:09):
to love.
That does not mean I stoppedchasing goals.
And it means that my goals haveto fit inside the kind of man I
want to be.
And that is the new standard.
What I didn't realize back thenis that I was setting new
standards for myself.
But they included Allie in them.
And honestly, Allie has made mebetter because of it.
(32:32):
Like she has taught me thatexcellence is not just
intensity, it's about learninghow to listen and being patient
and turning your phone off orasking, How are you really
doing?
Like, talk to me.
You okay?
And it's sitting at the dinnertable and being fully there, not
halfway there, not on yourphone, but physically present
while mentally mentally focusedon the person that you love.
(32:57):
And that was again, was hard forme in the beginning.
But I think ambitious peoplehave a tendency to live in the
future.
You know, they're thinking aboutthe next race or for me, the
next episode of the podcast, orwhat their next conversation at
work is going to be, their nextbusiness deal.
But that can rob you of the lifethat's right in front of you.
And I do not want to do that.
(33:18):
I really don't.
Especially if the point ofexcellence is to continue to
raise your standard and tocontinue adapting, then when I
have little Winston, I don'twant to miss anything in his
life.
Because I know it's going to beso short, that little window
where I get to watch him growup.
That's wild to me.
(33:40):
Like it's kind of sad how littletime we get with our kids, but
you know, that's important to bepresent of.
Because I know this much.
(34:02):
Or if it costs you your peacewith God, again, too expensive.
Like, excellence that makes youless kind, less patient, less
honest, and less present is notthe kind that I want.
And you can easily get that wayby chasing goals that are out of
your your reach, or if youbecome selfish, or if you become
(34:22):
um a hundred percent focused onyourself.
I guess that's selfishness.
But you know what I'm saying.
Like, that is a danger.
And you you really can't forgetwhat is important in life if all
you're thinking about is how canI get to the next thing, or how
can I be the best in running, orwhatever it is.
That's dangerous.
And so I think you have toadapt.
(34:44):
But another thing that hastaught me excellence, and this
is an interesting one, as I wasgoing through and thinking about
like, okay, well, who's taughtme how to be excellent besides
Bill and Ted?
If you guys know the quote, beexcellent to each other.
That's a great quote.
But another way that I'velearned excellence is through
disappointment.
Of all things, disappointmenthas taught me excellence too.
(35:07):
Probably more than success has,honestly.
Like, success feels good, butdisappointment tells the truth.
You may have heard the quotethat failure is not failure,
it's data.
And disappointment, I think,falls into that category.
And it shows you what youactually believe.
(35:27):
It shows you whether yourstandard was real or just
convenient.
And running has done this for memany times.
Like when a race goes well, it'seasy to talk about discipline.
It's easy to talk about thethings or the challenges that
you face during a race and howyou overcame them.
And it's easy to talk about theprocess.
But when a race goes bad, whenyour body quits or when your
(35:50):
asthma flares up in in the LasVegas marathon and you DNF, or
when you don't get the resultsthat you wanted, that is when
you find out what your standardreally is.
Like, do you become bitter?
Do you make excuses?
Do you blame everything?
Do you quit entirely?
That is the question.
And that is what disappointmentbrings up to surface, which is
(36:15):
really interesting.
Like, life gives you plenty ofthose moments.
Infertility was one of those forme.
You guys know this.
And that was not something Icould muscle my way through.
I couldn't outwork it.
I couldn't outdiscipline it.
I couldn't wake up earlier andfix it.
And as a man, that wasincredibly hard.
I talked about how I struggledwith my masculinity during that
(36:37):
time.
It was really hard.
Being told you have zero spermdoes something to you.
I don't you probably don'tunderstand until you've gone
through something like that.
But the other thing is beingtold that your testosterone is
extremely low, that doessomething to you.
Like 136, I haven't doneresearch on this, but I can
almost guarantee you most womenhave more testosterone than
(37:01):
that.
Like you start questioningyourself and you start
questioning your body and startwondering if something's wrong
with you.
And in that season, excellencehas to change.
It had to change.
Like right now, my life, it'snot 100% focused on performance.
It is about how I handlesuffering.
(37:23):
Can I stay faithful in God?
Can I stay close to Ali?
Can I avoid becoming bitter?
Can I ask for help when I needit?
Or can I keep on moving withoutpretending everything's fine?
That is excellence in the seasonthat I'm in right now.
And it doesn't look superstrong.
It's just being honest withmyself because that matters.
(37:47):
Honestly, that matters.
Because sometimes differentseasons in life will take away
the version of excellence thatyou prefer.
Like I said, I love output.
I love going out and actuallydoing something difficult and
seeing the results there, right?
You can easily quantify that andsay, oh yeah, well, I ran for
two hours today, I got X amountof miles in.
(38:09):
I'm feeling good about myself.
That was excellent.
But in a season like this, whereI have to adjust the bar,
because that old version of meisn't here now.
I want him to come back.
I'm working on him to get back.
But I have to be patient.
And I think you can say thatbeing patient, that's excellent.
(38:33):
Being or having the ability toat least show up even when
you're exhausted, that isexcellent.
Or when you barely get any sleepbecause testosterone affects
your sleep, like doing what youcan, that is excellent.
And it makes me think of the TimTim or wow, Tim Tim race.
Um the Team Tim race that mywife is planning to run in
(38:57):
December of this year, November,December of this year.
But really the whole goal ofthis is that we are going to get
together as a group.
We're going to host a race.
And the whole point is that fortwo hours, you are going to do
what's hard for you.
And that might look like you runthree miles.
It also might look like you run15 miles.
Like it doesn't matter.
(39:18):
Whatever's difficult for you iswhat you're supposed to be
doing, doing during that time.
And so, you know, there might besomeone who's never really ran
before, and they show up to therace, but they walk 10 laps.
And that's great.
It doesn't matter what you'redoing.
As long as you are pushingyourself.
That is the whole point of TeamTim is doing hard things.
(39:39):
And if you're listening to theshow, you know that doing hard
things is relative.
Some people's heart is not goingto be yours, and your hard might
not be someone else's.
Everybody has a differentversion of hard.
That's what makes us unique.
And right now, my standard hasadapted to really just survive a
(40:01):
bad season.
And I guarantee it'll changeshape again.
But there's also something thatI always have with myself that
you've heard before, but they'recalled my non-negotiables.
And they're pretty clear.
Like I can forgive myself for alot of things that I've done.
(40:22):
For being tired or missing aworkout when I really needed
rest or having a bad day orneeding to adjust.
I can forgive myself for allthose things.
But what I can't respect myselffor is someone who lies.
I can't respect myself if Iactually quit and threw in the
towel or if I neglect my family,or if I make excuses all the
(40:44):
time rather than try and solvethe problem itself.
If I blame people, if I avoidhard conversations, or if I stop
trying.
Those are my lines.
And notice in each of those,there none of those was I need
to run 60 miles a week or I needto record three podcasts every
(41:05):
single week.
None of those werenumber-oriented.
There was not an I need to do Xto get Y.
All these are things that Icannot negotiate with.
I will never neglect my family.
I won't blame other people.
I'm not going to avoid havingthe hard conversations, and most
importantly, I will not stoptrying.
(41:26):
That is crucial.
You have to always continue totry, even when that looks
different.
Like, I think everybody needslines like this.
You don't need 500 rules.
You don't need a giant list ofimpossible standards that you
yourself question if you caneven hold.
You just need clear lines.
The kind that tell you who youreally are.
(41:48):
Because without them, I'venoticed that you can drift, and
drifting is very easy to do,especially now.
Nobody wakes up one day andsays, Hey, I want to become
someone I don't respect.
That sounds fun.
No, no one does that.
It happens slowly.
It's one excuse at a time, onelie at a time, one broken
promise at a time, and one lazychoice at a time.
(42:10):
And then you look up and wonderwhere the old version of you
went.
You say, Well, man, I used to bethis crazy guy who used to run
ultra marathons, but now I'mreally good at eating lays on
the sofa.
I don't know.
I keep seeing Lay's ads becauseit's the World Cup, like I said.
And there's this one ad whereWill Farrell's driving around in
a semi-truck and he says, Hey,jump on the bandwagon.
(42:33):
And uh he's eating Lays.
So there you go.
But I don't want to wake up 10years from now and realize that
I became soft in the places thatmattered most to me.
Like, I mean soft in character,soft with the truth or
responsibility or with faith,with fatherhood and marriage.
Promises that I make to myself.
(42:54):
That is what I want to avoid.
And that's why setting astandard matters.
Like, not because I'm trying toimpress anyone, not because I
want everybody to look at me andsay, wow, that guy is
disciplined.
Who cares?
Seriously, who cares?
Like, people's opinions areunstable anyway.
They change them all the time.
(43:16):
But your opinion of yourselfshould not.
You should always trustyourself.
And you are trying to become theperson that you would want your
kids to become.
The kind of person your wife cantrust.
The kind of person your youngerself would be proud of.
The kind of person your futureself will thank you for
(43:36):
becoming.
That's the aim.
That's the whole goal here.
And this is where I think a lotof people get lost.
They let someone else defineexcellence for them.
Social media does this all thetime.
If I'm being completely honest,I thought Jocko's definition of
excellence, where he was wakingup at 4 30 every single day,
even if he got three hours ofsleep, he was still showing up
(43:58):
to the gym, getting it done,never.
Eating anything bad.
I thought that was the standardof excellence.
And it wasn't until I actuallylearned that some of those
things don't serve me well.
And Jocko would be the first tosay, Good.
I'm glad you figured that out.
Do what you need to do to becomethe best version of you that you
can be.
I'm not trying to become likeJocko.
(44:19):
There's some things I've takenfrom Jocko that I apply to
someone else's life.
But I think, especially when youopen up things like Instagram or
social media in general, youthink excellence is, you know,
someone else's body or someoneelse's house, marriage,
business, morning routine, ortheir highlight reel.
(44:39):
And if you're not careful, youstart chasing a standard that
you never chose.
That is exhausting.
Because now you're not eventrying to become your best self.
You're trying to become acollage of other people.
A little bit of this fitnessinfluencer, of this uh
entrepreneur, this podcaster,this productivity guy.
(45:01):
And eventually you becomeanxious because you're choosing
or you're chasing 10 differentlives at once.
And that is confusion, in myopinion, not excellence.
You need to decide what your ownstandard is.
If it helps to write it out,then do it.
But in order to do so, I thinkit's helpful to consider these.
You need to ask yourself thesequestions.
(45:22):
What kind of man do I want tobe?
What kind of husband or spouse?
What kind of father?
What kind of friend?
What kind of follower of Christ?
What kind of worker?
Once you have all those, you canunderstand what your standards
are.
Because, like I said, most ofyour life is not going to be
public.
Most of your choices will neverbe praised.
(45:44):
Nobody's going to clap when youtell the truth.
I wish they would.
That would be kind of nice.
But nobody's also going to makea highlight reel of you being
patient, just sitting around.
Like, it doesn't sound exciting.
Nobody's going to give you amedal for cleaning the kitchen.
But you know it has to get done.
And nobody's really going to seemost of the reps that build your
(46:04):
character.
But you will.
God will.
Your family will.
Your life will reflect thosevalues.
It will reflect those standards.
And that is enough.
That is what we should all beworking towards.
And I think that is whereexcellence becomes less about
achievement and more aboutintegrity.
(46:25):
Achievement is good.
I love goals.
I love races.
I love building things.
But achievement can become atrap if you use it to avoid the
deeper question.
Who am I becoming?
Because you can achieve a lotand still be someone that you
don't respect.
You can be successful anddishonest, fit and selfish, rich
(46:46):
and miserable.
That is not the life that Iwant.
I want the full thing.
I don't want it to be perfect.
That's not real, but I want itto be aligned.
I want my actions to match whatI say I value.
That is hard.
And I have failed at it.
I still fail at it.
I still get distracted orimpatient.
(47:07):
I still waste time.
And I still fall short of my ownstandards.
Like, but I am trying.
That is what is important to me.
And I think trying matters morethan we think.
Because it's like I'm not sayingit in a weak way.
I'm saying it in a real way.
Because life is not going to beall daisies and roses 100% of
(47:30):
the time.
It is not going to be easy allthe time.
Things will come up with yourhealth, things will come up with
your family.
Things will come up at work.
But the goal is to alwayscontinue trying to become that
best version of you.
And you don't arrive there oneday and just stay forever.
That's one thing I mentionedlast week's episode was I think
(47:53):
that you just continue you haveto continue to keep on choosing
it over and over again.
And you're never going to arriveat some theoretical spot to
where, you know, all of a suddenyou've made it.
And everything else can take ayou can take a step back, you've
made it, you're good to go.
You don't have to work as hardin these areas.
I wish it happened like that,but it doesn't.
(48:15):
It doesn't happen like that.
We have to consistently chooseto get better.
You can get better for a year,but as soon as you decide, hey,
I'm I'm taking a break, you'regonna decline real quick.
You're gonna drift.
And that drift is much easierthan all the work that you put
in to get to where you aretoday.
And I wish there was a pointwhere you could say, all right,
(48:38):
I did it.
I'm excellent now and I canrelax forever.
But you know that's not how itworks.
You are always becoming.
Each day is a vote.
Every choice is a vote, andevery private action is a vote
for who you want to become.
And over time, those votesbecome your identity.
That is why the so small stuffmatters.
It's why I talk aboutconsistency.
(48:59):
Like the run matters, thejournal entry matters, the
prayer matters, the hardconversation matters.
It all matters because over likeit's going to stack up against
itself over time.
And it's the repeated choicesthat do this.
And that is where I think thestandard is built.
It's slow and it's quiet, it'sone step at a time.
(49:21):
That's why I always say thatrunning is a great metaphor for
life, because it really showsyou that if you want to get from
point A to point B, the only wayto do that is to take one step
and then another, and thenanother, and then another, and
keep doing it until you finallyget there.
And here's the other thing (49:38):
once you get to that point, once you
get to point B, you're thinkingabout the next run.
You're thinking about, okay,let's let's let's amp this up a
bit.
And that's how life should betoo.
With our standards, with ourgoals, and they will change from
time to time.
I'm really excited for Winstonto be born because also for this
(50:00):
podcast, I'm going to documenteverything in terms of how I
feel at certain times.
And I'm going to talk about howI've had to adapt my goals, but
I'm still in the game.
I'm still trying.
I'm still pushing myself, andI'm still trying to become the
best Brett that I can be becauseI want Winston to have a dad
that he can look up to.
And I would say that overall,with the the if I think about a
(50:25):
challenge for this episode, Iwant it to be simple.
I want the challenge to be verysimple.
And it's just to ask yourself,what is my standard?
Not the standard that I postabout, or not the standard that
I pretend to have, not thestandard that I've I've copied
from someone else.
What is your actual standard?
What do your actions say thatyou value?
(50:48):
Where have you been makingexcuses?
And and where have you been toohard on yourself?
Those are uncomfortablequestions.
But they should be.
That's good.
Because growth should make youhonest.
And after you answer thosequestions, define what your
non-negotiables are.
(51:08):
Keep them simple.
And for me, it's something likeyou know, tell the truth, don't
quit, don't neglect your family,don't blame others for your
life, don't avoid hardconversations, and never stop
trying.
That is a standard that I carryinto any season.
If my testosterone is 136 andI'm incredibly tired, or if I'm
(51:28):
on top of the world and I'mfeeling healthy and strong and I
just finished an ultra marathon,those standards will not change
in between that or in each ofthose sections of my life.
That standard can come with meanywhere.
The output might change, thehabits might change, the
schedule will change, I'll tellyou that much.
(51:50):
But the character cannot, andthat is the whole point.
Because excellence changes withevery season.
Character does not.
And maybe, maybe that's what I'mlearning right now.
I'm learning that I can stillhave high standard without
pretending I'm the same, I'm I'min the same season I used to be
in.
Or that I'm learning thatadapting is not the same as
(52:11):
quitting.
I'm learning that patience canbe part of excellence.
And I'm learning that the goalis not to become impressive, the
goal is to become someone who Irespect.
So set the standard and keep it.
Adjust when life changes,because it will.
It's going to.
But do not abandon yourstandards.
Do not become someone who liesto themselves and do not become
(52:34):
someone who blames everyoneelse.
Your life is built by what yourepeat.
Your character is built by whatyou refuse to compromise.
And your future self iswatching, either through
nostalgia or regret.
So give them something to beproud of.
That's all I got for today,guys.
(52:54):
But it really is standards andcharacter, all these topics are
so important to me because theyhave been the definition of who
I've become.
Like, yes, it's great that I'vebeen able to run ultra marathons
or that I qualified for Boston.
But none of that matters if I'ma huge piece of shit.
You know?
(53:15):
None of that really matters.
No one would want to be aroundme.
No one would listen to thepodcast.
Your standards are moreimportant than you think.
And I think a lot of us, weovercomplicate it.
Myself included.
Like I definitelyovercomplicated it when I was
trying to figure out okay, well,how am I going to be the best
version of myself?
Like I said, I had my ownversion of Jocko's version.
(53:36):
And you got to figure out what'simportant to you.
And I think from there you canreally refine who you are and be
the best version of you that youcan be.
So I really appreciate you guysfor listening to this episode.
Um, let me know if you guys likethe little snippet from the
Daily Dad, and I'll keep it inthe next one.
But um, thank you for listening.
(53:58):
Thank you for being here thiswhole time.
Thank you for staying to theend.
It means a lot.
And if it helped you at all,please leave a little leave a
little uh rating on ApplePodcasts or Spotify.
That goes a long way, and Ireally appreciate it.
Leave a comment.
I also read those all the time.
So, but seriously, you guys arethe best.
Get out there, figure out whatyour standards are and hold
(54:18):
them.
And until next episodes, myfriend, keep getting after it.
My friends, happy Monday.
At least when this episode comesout, it will be Monday, but you
might be listening to this on aTuesday, Thursday, or maybe a
Saturday.
But welcome back to the GettingAfter It podcast.
I am excited to talk to youabout what we're going into
today.
As I have been thinking aboutthe future episodes of Getting
(00:22):
After It, what's important tome, what kind of conversations I
want to have.
If you remember last week Italked about how I want to
create episodes that are alittle bit more um beneficial to
you that rely on other people'steachings and just give you my
thoughts about them.
And uh today we're gonna bedoing that.
(00:43):
Uh and really quick, so somehousekeeping items, as they say.
I just got back from Arizona.
I was there with my family foruh a wedding.
My cousin got married, which ispretty weird.
Uh, but I was there where wow, Ican't speak apparently, too.
Um I was just there with myfamily and um really enjoying my
(01:05):
time out there.
One thing I will say, Arizona ishot as hell.
Uh there were three days where Iran outside, and I, you know,
thinking I'm strong, thinkingI'm, you know, oh yeah, I run
outside all the time.
I'll be fine.
Um it was 108 degrees.
That was probably the averagetemperature while I was there.
And there was one run inparticular that I thought I was
(01:29):
gonna die.
I decided, hey, okay, I'm gonnarun seven miles.
Seven miles, not bad.
I do that all the time.
Uh, and I went out there, um,started my run.
And what I like to do, I like todo out and backs.
So really, that means I run, youknow, uh for that run
specifically, it was three and ahalf miles out and then three
(01:49):
and a half miles back.
But the reason I like to do thatis because it kind of forces me
to stay in the whole run, to dothe whole thing.
Um, that run I brought a smallwater bottle with about a
thousand milligrams of sodiumand other electrolytes, all that
good stuff.
And uh I had ice cubes in mywater bottle, okay?
And as I'm running, I'm not evenkidding you, about two miles in
(02:12):
to this thing, my water bottlethat was super cold when I left
was hot.
And when I drank it, itliterally tasted just like I
left a water bottle outside.
It was disgusting.
But, anyways, so I ran the threeand a half miles out, and I was
like, oh boy, maybe this was abad idea.
(02:33):
Because at that point, my mouthwas so dry, it was hard to
swallow.
Um, the heat was so intense, andthe sun was just blaring onto
me.
This is at like 3 p.m., mindyou.
So kind of stupid on my part todecide to go out and run at that
time.
Um, but you know, we learn fromthese things, we try and get
(02:53):
better from them.
And anyways, I was out there andI I ran under an under
underpass, which I'll put up aphoto right here.
And I just remember thinking,like, okay, this could be it.
Um I might not make it.
Of course, I was safe.
But I ran by a canal the wholetime, just with the thought that
if I worst case scenario, Ineeded to cool off, I was gonna
(03:17):
jump in the canal.
Um, so really random, but like,man, the heat makes you feel
like you are unbelievably weak.
And uh that's just something Iwanted to open up with because I
think, you know, I'm happy to behere.
I I'm not saying I like legitwould have died, but um, it felt
(03:39):
like it sometimes.
And um, a lot of the times, youknow, when you are running,
sometimes it does feel likeyou're gonna die.
And just want to let you knowthat hey, I still struggle with
that stuff all the time.
So, uh, anyways, why did I sharethat story?
Well, today we're gonna talkabout excellence, and I have
been thinking a lot about whatthis means, especially for me
(03:59):
right now, um, and for me indifferent seasons of life,
because uh I think for the mostpart, a lot of us um we expect
ourselves to be excellent in insome way.
We we have this definition ofexcellence that we learned when
we were younger or we saw onsocial media, and because of
that, we try and uh keep ourlives to be something or try try
(04:23):
and live up to thoseexpectations, to that level of
excellence.
And sometimes it's it's hard todo so.
Um and I I think that's fair.
Like it's it's very fair to belike, oh, well, it's hard to do
what I used to do now.
And if you've listened to thepodcast in these most recent
(04:44):
weeks, you know that mytestosterone is down to 136.
I think it's getting better nowbecause I've been on shots for
the past three weeks, um, but ittakes about like four to six
weeks to actually kick in andand help me feel regular.
So um, but during that time,like I if you asked me to do
(05:04):
what I was doing previously orwhat I was doing two years ago
now, I don't think I'd be ableto do it.
Um again, the last time that Ihad testosterone levels this low
was at the beginning of Valleyand I's marriage, but back then
it was 160.
So I'm lower than I am now thanI was back then.
Um but before we get into allthat, I do want to read
(05:26):
something.
So I thought this would be kindof a fun thing to do every
episode.
This book is called The DailyDad.
Now, this is a book by RyanHolliday, but what it is, it is
366 meditations on parenting,love, and raising great kids.
And leading up to the birth ofmy son, I think it'd be kind of
cool every single episode tofind something that um is
(05:49):
relevant to the topic that we'rediscussing, uh, but also kind of
paints the picture out a littlebit.
So I love this book um already.
Like I've gone through, I'veread some of the sections, and I
can already see how it's gonnabe very valuable and very
practical.
And I want to start off by goingto an entry for January 15th,
(06:10):
but it's called If You Want YourKids to Respect You.
That's what it is.
That's the title.
And it has this quote at thebeginning You will earn the
respect of all men if you beginby earning the respect of
yourself.
Ooh, okay, so that quote alonekind of paints the picture with
what we're going into today.
But let's read this entry.
So every parent wants to belistened to.
(06:32):
We want our advice to be takenseriously, we want to be looked
up to.
Most of all, we want to berespected.
Well, if you want your kids torespect you, be worthy of
respect.
Just think about it for asecond.
Why would they respect advicethat you don't live by?
Why would they admire you whenyou're not living up to your own
(06:53):
potential?
Why would they look up to youwhen you yourself are dealing
poorly with self-esteem issues?
When you have accepted the liesof imposter syndrome and allowed
them to affect how you act as aparent.
Get your stuff straight.
Be the parent you know you canbe, be the person you know you
(07:15):
can be.
The rest will follow.
And if it doesn't, then at leastyou'll be strong enough to deal
with whatever comes.
So I love that because in thissection, I mean, there's a
couple things that I want tocall out.
The first thing is if you wantyour kids to respect you, but
you could say anybody, if youwant to earn respect, you have
(07:37):
to be someone who is worthy ofrespect, which means you have to
respect yourself.
And then it he talks a littlebit about hypocrisy and how you
know if you want your kids to dothese things, to do great
things, then you need to bedoing them too.
You can't just tell them to goout there and and get straight
(07:57):
A's or like go out and and makevarsity in the team if you're
not also pushing yourself, ifyou're not leading by example.
And I love what it says here.
When you um why would they lookup to you when you yourself are
dealing poorly with self-esteemissues, when you have accepted
(08:17):
the lies of imposter syndromeand allowed them to affect how
you act as a parent?
That's pretty powerful.
And I mean, I'm not sure whatyour life is like, but I can
tell you a little bit from mine.
Imposter syndrome is somethingthat I feel pretty strongly, not
as much as I did in the past,but um definitely with this
(08:38):
podcast, like imposter syndromehas been there.
Um and I have learned to insteadof think that I am an imposter,
to say that, hey, I am willingto learn publicly, and I'm gonna
document my journey while I doso.
And that is where this is comingfrom.
(08:58):
It's not, hey, Brett is going toteach you all these lessons that
he's gathered.
It's more of like, hey, I'mgoing to bring you on this
journey of education that I'mI'm taking myself, and
hopefully, along the way, youcan learn too.
So that's where that comes from.
Uh, like I said, I'm gonna bedoing a little snippet of that
book every time uh we do apodcast just until Winston's
(09:22):
born, and maybe, you know, ifyou guys like it, we'll continue
that until who knows when, whenwe finish the book, maybe.
But again, so today's topic isall about excellence.
And as we do that, let's crackthis open.
This is the um special editionFIFA Coke Zero.
(09:42):
I've been watching a lot of FIFAwith my wife, it's actually been
awesome.
Um, I'm not a big sports guy,but I feel very invested in
FIFA, especially with Brazil.
Go, Brazil! That's that's whowe're rooting for here.
Um, but let's get back into thetopic of excellence.
So I think when people hear theword excellence, it can sound
(10:03):
very intense.
Like that is the person thatthey think of who is waking up
at 4 30 in the morning, they'reeating chicken and rice, they're
cold plunging, they're reading80 books a year, and they're
making a million dollars andrunning marathons, and somehow
they never get tired.
I think with social media, thathas become a lot of people's
(10:24):
definition of excellence.
And I'm not saying that that isinherently bad.
In fact, if you're able to dothose things and you're happy
and you feel fulfilled, thengood on you.
That's great.
But I think most of us, thatexpectation is a little bit too
unrealistic.
(10:45):
Um, that is not what I'm talkingabout today.
Because honestly, that version,it does feel a little bit fake
to me.
It feels very Instagram, uh, orat least a little bit
incomplete.
Maybe that's a better way to sayit.
But I have been thinking aboutthis a lot because my own
definition of excellence hasbeen changing, and that has been
(11:06):
uncomfortable for me, honestly.
Because for a long time,excellence was easy to define.
It was wake up early, trainhard, run a lot, and work hard,
record the podcast, read,journal, keep on moving.
And when I was feeling good,that standard made sense.
When my energy was high and mybody felt strong, when my
(11:28):
testosterone was normal, when Icould wake up at 5 a.m.
and just go, excellence feltpretty clear to me.
But this past season has beendifficult and it's been
different because, like I said,now my testosterone dropped to
about 136, my energy has hasfallen off, my strength has
(11:48):
dipped, my body didn't feel likemy body anymore.
It just one day I like it's hardto explain, but it doesn't feel
like my body.
And things that used to be easynow became hard.
Waking up felt impossible somemornings, and running felt
harder, staying lean feltharder, training felt harder,
(12:12):
and even just feeling likemyself and journaling and doing
all these things that I I talkabout very openly or recording
the podcast, all of it feltharder.
And that messes with you,especially if you are someone
who has built your identity ondiscipline and consistency and
talking about fitness, talkingabout doing hard things, and
then when your body startspushing back, you have to ask
(12:34):
yourself a very hard questionthat I I do not like asking, and
that is am I losing my standard?
Or is this season asking me todefine excellence differently?
And so that's where this wholeidea for the episode came from
today is I just I've recognizedthat I am not an anomaly.
(12:56):
I think there's a lot of peoplewho go through certain life
changes or they they are indifferent seasons where
excellence for them is going tobe different than what it was
before.
It also might ask of it mightask more of you, but it might
ask less of you.
And I want to make somethingvery clear.
(13:17):
Do not get me wrong, I stillbelieve in high standards.
Getting after its message hasnot changed.
The principles are the same.
But I still believe in pushingyourself, I still believe in
doing hard things, and I stillbelieve that you should expect a
lot from yourself.
But I also believe excellence isbeing honest, and it has to
(13:39):
match the season that you're in.
Like, that does not mean you arelowering your character, it does
not mean that you're becomingsoft.
It means asking yourself, okay,what does excellence require
from me right now?
Not five years ago, or not whenlife was easier, not when you
had more energy or fewerresponsibilities right now.
(13:59):
What is it asking?
Because your standards shouldgrow with you.
And sometimes growth, it doeslook like adding more, like more
miles, more work, morediscipline, more output.
But sometimes growth looks likeadapting.
Sometimes it looks like beingpatient or taking care of your
health or being present withyour wife or preparing to become
a father, or doing less, but theright things more.
(14:24):
And that has been a hard, thathas been hard for me to accept,
honestly.
Because I like effort, Iunderstand effort.
It's it's easily measurable, andit makes sense to me.
If there's a problem, I want todo something about it.
If I feel weak, I want to train.
If I feel behind, I want towork.
(14:45):
If I feel anxious, I want tomove.
And that mindset has helped me alot.
Do not get me wrong.
It has helped me a lot, and ithas helped me reach certain
goals, like running thesub-three marathon or running my
first Ultra or starting thepodcast.
But that is because I I was muchmore focused on output at the
(15:06):
time.
And it has helped me build alife that I'm proud of.
But in a season that I'm in now,and throughout seasons of life,
I'm sure I will come tounderstand this, there are
seasons where effort does notfix everything.
And that is a very humblingplace to be.
Because you realize thatexcellence is not just output.
(15:29):
It's not just performance, andit's it's not just hitting
numbers.
And as I was prepping for thisepisode, I was really trying to
figure out okay, in onesentence, how can I write this
out?
How can I make it as clear aspossible with whatever my
definition of excellence is?
It might be different fromyours, but as I came through, I
wrote this down, and I thinkthis is my own personal
(15:51):
definition of excellence.
Here it is.
Excellence is keeping promisesto yourself while becoming the
kind of person that you respect.
That's it.
That's what I believe excellenceis.
And those promises, they willlook different depending on the
season of life that you're in.
Like, there's no question aboutit.
(16:12):
They will look different.
Like when I was younger,excellence looked like pushing
hard, like I said.
And I felt like I needed toprove something to the time,
really to myself, that I couldkeep promises to myself.
I needed to become someone who Icould trust.
And really, that is one of themost underrated things in life
(16:34):
is self-trust.
Um, you do it by like followingup with what you you say you
were going to do.
Like nobody can give that toyou.
Like you cannot fake that, youcannot read your way into it or
listen to a thousandmotivational podcasts and
finally have the answer.
You build it through action.
(16:55):
Small action, but consistently.
And a lot of the times it'sthings that nobody really sees.
Like you wake up when you saidyou would, or you train when you
said you would, you tell thetruth, you finish your work.
And in my opinion, that is whereexcellence starts.
It's not on Instagram, it's noton a stage, it's it's not in
(17:16):
some huge life-changing moment.
It starts in the tiny decisionswhere you either become someone
you trust, or someone you haveto negotiate with.
And I don't want to be someonewho has to negotiate with
himself every single day.
That seems exhausting.
Because I've been that guybefore, and I know it is.
He's the guy that says, Oh, I'lljust start tomorrow, or hey,
(17:39):
I'll just do it later.
Or man, I deserve a break.
I'm so tired.
And listen, sometimes, yes, youare tired.
Sometimes you do need to rest.
That's fine.
But you know the difference.
Deep down, you know there is adifference between rest and
avoidance, between grace andexcuse making and adjusting the
(18:03):
standard versus abandoning that.
But those differences matter.
That's a very important thingthat you need to understand.
That I had to understand in avery difficult way.
It was by living both of theselives.
And because once you start lyingto yourself, even in small ways,
you do start losing respect forwho you are.
(18:25):
And that is a dangerous trade.
I don't think anybody d deservesto make that trade.
That is hard.
You might get comfort in thatmoment, but you lose something
deeper.
You lose that self-trust.
And once you lose trust withyourself, everything gets
harder.
Like everything.
Your goals get harder, yourrelationships get harder, your
(18:47):
faith gets harder, and yourconfidence gets harder to
maintain.
Because confidence is not justfeeling good about yourself.
That's that's part of it, butconfidence is evidence, and it
is the memory of you doing hardthings and keeping your word.
So when I talk about excellence,I'm really talking about
(19:07):
becoming someone you can trust,someone you can respect, and
someone who you don't needperfect circumstances to do the
right thing.
That's why I started out withthis little snippet from the the
Daily Dad, because I think ifyou want to have your kids
respect you or fill in the blankthere, have this person respect
(19:27):
you, have anyone respect you,you first need to respect
yourself, and you need to earnthat through self-trust.
And that takes time to build.
But I have learned this from alot of people, and I would say
the first example would be myparents.
Like as a kid, I watched themlive in a way that made me want
(19:48):
to be better.
Like they were not perfect,nobody is, but they showed me
what it looks like to live withvalues, and that is something I
can never repay them for.
They taught me how to work hard,how to care about your family,
how to keep going when thingsare difficult, and to live a
life that you can be proud of.
(20:10):
And when you grow up aroundthat, it really does shape you.
Like you might not see it at thetime, you're just a kid, but you
don't understand the weight yourparents are carrying.
Like you don't understand thestress that they have or
understand bills that they haveto take care of, or or really
their private sacrifices to giveme the life that I lived.
Like you don't really see thatstuff.
(20:31):
It's not until you look back andrealize, oh, they were teaching
me the whole time.
Not with speeches or or um booksevery night they were teaching
us through that.
No, it was it was with how theylived, and that matters because
excellence is contagious.
And I've come to realize so islaziness, so is bitterness, so
(20:55):
is excuse making.
So I feel I feel very, veryblessed to have parents that I
grew up around who not onlysacrificed things that they
wanted for for our well-being,but they also showed what it
means to live a life of values,to care about one another more
than they care about money, orshow their kids that they have a
(21:20):
faith in God and teach lessonsaround that that make us all a
better, better kids, betterpeople.
Um the way that you live, Ithink gives other people
permission.
And that is a heavy thoughtbecause I'm about to become a
father.
And Winston, he's coming here inSeptember.
(21:40):
We're gonna meet him soon.
I'm actually so excited for it.
I know there's a lot of peopleout there who are like, Oh man,
you're in for it.
I am in for it, and I know it'sgonna be great.
Like, sure, there will be timeswhere it's difficult.
But that's why I run ultramarathons, guys.
I want to do hard things, so I'mready for this kind of stuff.
Um But I really have beenthinking a lot about him.
(22:03):
And soon that I won't like Iwon't just be talking about
standards.
I will be modeling them for him.
And that is different.
Like Ali has seen me try and dothe same thing for her.
But with a child, it'scompletely different because he
doesn't have any opinions.
He doesn't know any different.
(22:24):
And my son will not care what Isay on a podcast if I don't live
it at home.
He won't care if I tell peopleto be disciplined while I'm
careless with my own life.
Or if I talk about faith and Idon't live with faith.
Like he will not care aboutmarriage if I don't love his
mother well.
Kids are smart.
(22:45):
That's one thing I've learnedfrom nieces and nephews.
They're they really are smart.
They pick up on a lot.
They watch and they absorb.
They're sponges.
They notice what you do whenyou're tired.
And they notice how you speakwhen you're frustrated.
Or whether you keep your word.
And that has really been on mymind.
It's been weighing on it quite abit, which I think is a good
thing.
(23:05):
Like I want to feel thatpressure.
I want to feel that pressure ofbecoming a dad because I know
I'll mess up plenty of times,but at least I want to be
cognizant of my actions andpresent in the moments that
matter most.
And I know fatherhood is goingto change my standard again.
There will be less sleep, lessfree time, and less control
(23:27):
while adding responsibility andinterruptions and moments where
my plans don't matter.
And honestly, I know there willbe parts that are hard for me.
And I like routine, I likestructure, and I like knowing
what my day looks like.
But a baby doesn't care about mycalendar.
You know, a baby does not careabout when I was planning to
(23:48):
record a podcast or if I wantedto get eight hours of sleep or
anything like that.
And honestly, I think that'sgood for me because it will
force me to grow yet again.
Excellence as a father will notalways look like doing more,
though.
Sometimes it will look likebeing patient with my son at 2
a.m.
when I'm feeding him, orsometimes it will look like
(24:10):
changing another diaper whenI've changed 10 that same day.
I actually don't know how oftenbabies are uh going through
diapers, so 10 might be a lot.
Um I mean I'm not taking 10poops a day.
So, but babies are also smaller.
I don't know.
You guys in the comments tellme.
Um but it's going to look likeme adapting through the whole
(24:35):
thing, and I think that's whatreal excellence is.
And it's it's the private kind,it's it's where nobody applauds,
like I said.
That's that kind of life is theone I want to build.
And I know, like I said, it'sgonna change a lot of things,
but again, that's that'ssomething that for me is 100%
(24:55):
worth it.
Because not only am I going tohave this little baby who I love
more than anything, and who Iwant to provide the best life
for, that's gonna motivate me toreally dig deep and say, okay,
how can I emulate the bestvalues for this little kid?
So he knows that his dad alwaysworked hard, so he knows what to
(25:18):
do in situations like this, or Idon't know, I just I'm really
excited for it.
And I know it's gonna test me,but I welcome that test more
than anything else.
And um, it's kind of funny.
Allie and I were talking theother day about this and how
really the podcast um has been aform of me journaling over the
(25:39):
past four years.
It has been lessons that I'velearned, it's been me
documenting my own experiencesand talking about things that
I've I've had to go through atcertain parts of my life and
what I did during those times.
And I was thinking, man, howcool is it?
You know, maybe maybe I'm deadand Winston is is 40 years old
and he doesn't listen to thepodcast until that point.
(26:01):
But how cool would it be if hesits down and he's like, man, I
wonder, I wonder what dad wasgoing through at this time.
Like, what was he like at thebeginning of his marriage?
Or what was he like when when Iwas getting ready to be born?
Like, I want him to see allthese things and at least get a
glimpse of uh what it was likewhen I was 28 or 2024.
(26:21):
Um, and that's kind of a coolthought for me.
But I want to emulate all those,all those values, all those
principles.
And the only way to do that isthrough actually following
through them.
And that's why I said likeself-trust is one of the most
important things that we canhave.
Because the more that we trustourselves, the more confident
we'll be.
The more that we trustourselves, the more that we will
(26:44):
understand what our potential isand understand what our
capabilities right now are,understand where we can refine
ourselves to get even a littlebit better.
Um, that's important.
But, anyways, let's go back tothe topic of excellence.
Uh, because there's anotherperson who I have to shout out,
and this probably won't surpriseyou, but I also learned
(27:05):
excellence through Jocko.
Like, yeah, like I said, it'snot gonna surprise anyone who's
listening to the show, but Jockotaught me discipline, and he
didn't he wasn't there teachingme discipline by my side.
It was more through how Iobserved him, which is another
reason why I think it's soimportant to be the person that
you want to be, uh, because yourkids will pick up on that.
(27:26):
Like, Jocko doesn't even know Iexist.
I met him one time, but Iguarantee you he forgot.
He meets a lot of people, and Ihave observed him over the past
seven years, eight years, and hehas helped me put words into
something that I've alreadyfelt.
(27:47):
One of his famous quotes isdiscipline equals freedom.
That idea alone has changed howI've I've seen a lot of things.
And I don't think discipline isa punishment anymore.
If you would have asked me thatwhen I was 12 years old, I
thought discipline was literallyyou get disciplined.
Like that's what I thought itwas.
I had no concept of what Jockerwas talking about with
(28:08):
discipline equals freedom.
Like, it is not being mean toyourself.
In fact, I think disciplinegives you options, and
discipline, in my opinion, isthe highest form of self-respect
that you can give to yourself.
Like when you train, your bodygives you more options in terms
of the things that you can do,or when you save money, your
future has more options.
Or when you tell the truth, yourrelationships build more trust,
(28:31):
and you can take that in for awhile.
Or when you wake up early in themorning, you have more space
throughout the day to get thingsdone that you needed to.
Like, discipline gives you alife that is not ruled by some
impulse, and that is powerful.
But I'll also say this like youdo have to be careful, and I
want to make the distinctionhere.
Because sorry, because if you'renot careful, discipline can
(28:55):
become another way to beatyourself up.
And I've done that, I've beenthere, and there is a fine line.
Like, I have taken a goodstandard and turned it into a
weapon.
I've had days where I've misseda workout and it felt like I was
failing as a person.
Like, that is not healthy, thatis not excellence, that is ego
(29:16):
dressed up as discipline.
And there's a difference there.
Like, excellence should make youbetter, it should make you
stronger, it should make youmore honest, and it should make
you more useful to the peoplearound you.
But if your standard makes youproud, cold, impatient,
self-obsessed, or impossible tolive with, then something is
off, and discipline is not beingused the right way.
(29:39):
That is a lesson that marriagehas taught me.
Um Allie has taught me adifferent kind of excellence,
and I want to spend some timetalking about her for this,
because she truly has reallyredefined my definition of
excellence.
Because if you were to ask mebefore marriage, I thought
(30:01):
excellence was mostly personal,you know?
And it makes sense why I thinkthat way.
You know, they're my goals, it'smy routine, it's my work, and my
fitness and my growth.
And then I got married.
And I realized pretty quicklythat you cannot bring a selfish
version of excellence intomarriage and expect it to work.
I tried that, not intentionally,but I did.
(30:24):
And early in our marriage, Ithought I could be the same guy
I was before, with the samepriorities, same habits and
routines, and then just add awife into the picture.
And that is a stupid way tothink.
At least I can say that nowlooking back.
That is a dumb way to think.
Early Brett, early marriage,Brett, you're an idiot.
I just gotta say it.
(30:44):
You're stupid.
And marriage is not just addingsomeone.
That is not it.
Marriage literally changes whatexcellence requires.
Like being a good husband meansthat your life is no longer just
about your goals.
It means that you learn how tolisten to your wife.
You learn how to notice things,you learn how to support someone
(31:05):
else's dreams with the sameenergy that you give your own.
And it means you stop actinglike your routine is sacred and
everyone else has to work aroundit.
At the beginning, that was hardfor me because I've had been
living a lifestyle of intensediscipline for the past five
years up to this point.
And then I threw Allie into thepicture, and it took me a while
(31:26):
to really learn that marriage isnot just about me, it's about
one, growing together and beingcommitted to that growth, but
then two, trying to become thebest version of ourselves that
we can be.
And you can't become the bestversion of yourself when you're
married if all you're thinkingabout is you.
And that's something that tookme a while.
And I liked to be driven.
(31:49):
I liked chasing things, I likedthat feeling of being locked in.
But if I'm locked in oneverything except my wife, then
I am missing the whole point.
No podcast goal matters morethan my wife.
No race matters more than Allie,or no business idea matters more
than Allie.
No personal ambition mattersmore than the person I promised
(32:09):
to love.
That does not mean I stoppedchasing goals.
And it means that my goals haveto fit inside the kind of man I
want to be.
And that is the new standard.
What I didn't realize back thenis that I was setting new
standards for myself.
But they included Allie in them.
And honestly, Allie has made mebetter because of it.
(32:32):
Like she has taught me thatexcellence is not just
intensity, it's about learninghow to listen and being patient
and turning your phone off orasking, How are you really
doing?
Like, talk to me.
You okay?
And it's sitting at the dinnertable and being fully there, not
halfway there, not on yourphone, but physically present
while mentally mentally focusedon the person that you love.
(32:57):
And that was again, was hard forme in the beginning.
But I think ambitious peoplehave a tendency to live in the
future.
You know, they're thinking aboutthe next race or for me, the
next episode of the podcast, orwhat their next conversation at
work is going to be, their nextbusiness deal.
But that can rob you of the lifethat's right in front of you.
And I do not want to do that.
(33:18):
I really don't.
Especially if the point ofexcellence is to continue to
raise your standard and tocontinue adapting, then when I
have little Winston, I don'twant to miss anything in his
life.
Because I know it's going to beso short, that little window
where I get to watch him growup.
That's wild to me.
(33:40):
Like it's kind of sad how littletime we get with our kids, but
you know, that's important to bepresent of.
Because I know this much.
(34:02):
Or if it costs you your peacewith God, again, too expensive.
Like, excellence that makes youless kind, less patient, less
honest, and less present is notthe kind that I want.
And you can easily get that wayby chasing goals that are out of
your your reach, or if youbecome selfish, or if you become
(34:22):
um a hundred percent focused onyourself.
I guess that's selfishness.
But you know what I'm saying.
Like, that is a danger.
And you you really can't forgetwhat is important in life if all
you're thinking about is how canI get to the next thing, or how
can I be the best in running, orwhatever it is.
That's dangerous.
And so I think you have toadapt.
(34:44):
But another thing that hastaught me excellence, and this
is an interesting one, as I wasgoing through and thinking about
like, okay, well, who's taughtme how to be excellent besides
Bill and Ted?
If you guys know the quote, beexcellent to each other.
That's a great quote.
But another way that I'velearned excellence is through
disappointment.
Of all things, disappointmenthas taught me excellence too.
(35:07):
Probably more than success has,honestly.
Like, success feels good, butdisappointment tells the truth.
You may have heard the quotethat failure is not failure,
it's data.
And disappointment, I think,falls into that category.
And it shows you what youactually believe.
(35:27):
It shows you whether yourstandard was real or just
convenient.
And running has done this for memany times.
Like when a race goes well, it'seasy to talk about discipline.
It's easy to talk about thethings or the challenges that
you face during a race and howyou overcame them.
And it's easy to talk about theprocess.
But when a race goes bad, whenyour body quits or when your
(35:50):
asthma flares up in in the LasVegas marathon and you DNF, or
when you don't get the resultsthat you wanted, that is when
you find out what your standardreally is.
Like, do you become bitter?
Do you make excuses?
Do you blame everything?
Do you quit entirely?
That is the question.
And that is what disappointmentbrings up to surface, which is
(36:15):
really interesting.
Like, life gives you plenty ofthose moments.
Infertility was one of those forme.
You guys know this.
And that was not something Icould muscle my way through.
I couldn't outwork it.
I couldn't outdiscipline it.
I couldn't wake up earlier andfix it.
And as a man, that wasincredibly hard.
I talked about how I struggledwith my masculinity during that
(36:37):
time.
It was really hard.
Being told you have zero spermdoes something to you.
I don't you probably don'tunderstand until you've gone
through something like that.
But the other thing is beingtold that your testosterone is
extremely low, that doessomething to you.
Like 136, I haven't doneresearch on this, but I can
almost guarantee you most womenhave more testosterone than
(37:01):
that.
Like you start questioningyourself and you start
questioning your body and startwondering if something's wrong
with you.
And in that season, excellencehas to change.
It had to change.
Like right now, my life, it'snot 100% focused on performance.
It is about how I handlesuffering.
(37:23):
Can I stay faithful in God?
Can I stay close to Ali?
Can I avoid becoming bitter?
Can I ask for help when I needit?
Or can I keep on moving withoutpretending everything's fine?
That is excellence in the seasonthat I'm in right now.
And it doesn't look superstrong.
It's just being honest withmyself because that matters.
(37:47):
Honestly, that matters.
Because sometimes differentseasons in life will take away
the version of excellence thatyou prefer.
Like I said, I love output.
I love going out and actuallydoing something difficult and
seeing the results there, right?
You can easily quantify that andsay, oh yeah, well, I ran for
two hours today, I got X amountof miles in.
(38:09):
I'm feeling good about myself.
That was excellent.
But in a season like this, whereI have to adjust the bar,
because that old version of meisn't here now.
I want him to come back.
I'm working on him to get back.
But I have to be patient.
And I think you can say thatbeing patient, that's excellent.
(38:33):
Being or having the ability toat least show up even when
you're exhausted, that isexcellent.
Or when you barely get any sleepbecause testosterone affects
your sleep, like doing what youcan, that is excellent.
And it makes me think of the TimTim or wow, Tim Tim race.
Um the Team Tim race that mywife is planning to run in
(38:57):
December of this year, November,December of this year.
But really the whole goal ofthis is that we are going to get
together as a group.
We're going to host a race.
And the whole point is that fortwo hours, you are going to do
what's hard for you.
And that might look like you runthree miles.
It also might look like you run15 miles.
Like it doesn't matter.
(39:18):
Whatever's difficult for you iswhat you're supposed to be
doing, doing during that time.
And so, you know, there might besomeone who's never really ran
before, and they show up to therace, but they walk 10 laps.
And that's great.
It doesn't matter what you'redoing.
As long as you are pushingyourself.
That is the whole point of TeamTim is doing hard things.
(39:39):
And if you're listening to theshow, you know that doing hard
things is relative.
Some people's heart is not goingto be yours, and your hard might
not be someone else's.
Everybody has a differentversion of hard.
That's what makes us unique.
And right now, my standard hasadapted to really just survive a
(40:01):
bad season.
And I guarantee it'll changeshape again.
But there's also something thatI always have with myself that
you've heard before, but they'recalled my non-negotiables.
And they're pretty clear.
Like I can forgive myself for alot of things that I've done.
(40:22):
For being tired or missing aworkout when I really needed
rest or having a bad day orneeding to adjust.
I can forgive myself for allthose things.
But what I can't respect myselffor is someone who lies.
I can't respect myself if Iactually quit and threw in the
towel or if I neglect my family,or if I make excuses all the
(40:44):
time rather than try and solvethe problem itself.
If I blame people, if I avoidhard conversations, or if I stop
trying.
Those are my lines.
And notice in each of those,there none of those was I need
to run 60 miles a week or I needto record three podcasts every
(41:05):
single week.
None of those werenumber-oriented.
There was not an I need to do Xto get Y.
All these are things that Icannot negotiate with.
I will never neglect my family.
I won't blame other people.
I'm not going to avoid havingthe hard conversations, and most
importantly, I will not stoptrying.
(41:26):
That is crucial.
You have to always continue totry, even when that looks
different.
Like, I think everybody needslines like this.
You don't need 500 rules.
You don't need a giant list ofimpossible standards that you
yourself question if you caneven hold.
You just need clear lines.
The kind that tell you who youreally are.
(41:48):
Because without them, I'venoticed that you can drift, and
drifting is very easy to do,especially now.
Nobody wakes up one day andsays, Hey, I want to become
someone I don't respect.
That sounds fun.
No, no one does that.
It happens slowly.
It's one excuse at a time, onelie at a time, one broken
promise at a time, and one lazychoice at a time.
(42:10):
And then you look up and wonderwhere the old version of you
went.
You say, Well, man, I used to bethis crazy guy who used to run
ultra marathons, but now I'mreally good at eating lays on
the sofa.
I don't know.
I keep seeing Lay's ads becauseit's the World Cup, like I said.
And there's this one ad whereWill Farrell's driving around in
a semi-truck and he says, Hey,jump on the bandwagon.
(42:33):
And uh he's eating Lays.
So there you go.
But I don't want to wake up 10years from now and realize that
I became soft in the places thatmattered most to me.
Like, I mean soft in character,soft with the truth or
responsibility or with faith,with fatherhood and marriage.
Promises that I make to myself.
(42:54):
That is what I want to avoid.
And that's why setting astandard matters.
Like, not because I'm trying toimpress anyone, not because I
want everybody to look at me andsay, wow, that guy is
disciplined.
Who cares?
Seriously, who cares?
Like, people's opinions areunstable anyway.
They change them all the time.
(43:16):
But your opinion of yourselfshould not.
You should always trustyourself.
And you are trying to become theperson that you would want your
kids to become.
The kind of person your wife cantrust.
The kind of person your youngerself would be proud of.
The kind of person your futureself will thank you for
(43:36):
becoming.
That's the aim.
That's the whole goal here.
And this is where I think a lotof people get lost.
They let someone else defineexcellence for them.
Social media does this all thetime.
If I'm being completely honest,I thought Jocko's definition of
excellence, where he was wakingup at 4 30 every single day,
even if he got three hours ofsleep, he was still showing up
(43:58):
to the gym, getting it done,never.
Eating anything bad.
I thought that was the standardof excellence.
And it wasn't until I actuallylearned that some of those
things don't serve me well.
And Jocko would be the first tosay, Good.
I'm glad you figured that out.
Do what you need to do to becomethe best version of you that you
can be.
I'm not trying to become likeJocko.
(44:19):
There's some things I've takenfrom Jocko that I apply to
someone else's life.
But I think, especially when youopen up things like Instagram or
social media in general, youthink excellence is, you know,
someone else's body or someoneelse's house, marriage,
business, morning routine, ortheir highlight reel.
(44:39):
And if you're not careful, youstart chasing a standard that
you never chose.
That is exhausting.
Because now you're not eventrying to become your best self.
You're trying to become acollage of other people.
A little bit of this fitnessinfluencer, of this uh
entrepreneur, this podcaster,this productivity guy.
(45:01):
And eventually you becomeanxious because you're choosing
or you're chasing 10 differentlives at once.
And that is confusion, in myopinion, not excellence.
You need to decide what your ownstandard is.
If it helps to write it out,then do it.
But in order to do so, I thinkit's helpful to consider these.
You need to ask yourself thesequestions.
(45:22):
What kind of man do I want tobe?
What kind of husband or spouse?
What kind of father?
What kind of friend?
What kind of follower of Christ?
What kind of worker?
Once you have all those, you canunderstand what your standards
are.
Because, like I said, most ofyour life is not going to be
public.
Most of your choices will neverbe praised.
(45:44):
Nobody's going to clap when youtell the truth.
I wish they would.
That would be kind of nice.
But nobody's also going to makea highlight reel of you being
patient, just sitting around.
Like, it doesn't sound exciting.
Nobody's going to give you amedal for cleaning the kitchen.
But you know it has to get done.
And nobody's really going to seemost of the reps that build your
(46:04):
character.
But you will.
God will.
Your family will.
Your life will reflect thosevalues.
It will reflect those standards.
And that is enough.
That is what we should all beworking towards.
And I think that is whereexcellence becomes less about
achievement and more aboutintegrity.
(46:25):
Achievement is good.
I love goals.
I love races.
I love building things.
But achievement can become atrap if you use it to avoid the
deeper question.
Who am I becoming?
Because you can achieve a lotand still be someone that you
don't respect.
You can be successful anddishonest, fit and selfish, rich
(46:46):
and miserable.
That is not the life that Iwant.
I want the full thing.
I don't want it to be perfect.
That's not real, but I want itto be aligned.
I want my actions to match whatI say I value.
That is hard.
And I have failed at it.
I still fail at it.
I still get distracted orimpatient.
(47:07):
I still waste time.
And I still fall short of my ownstandards.
Like, but I am trying.
That is what is important to me.
And I think trying matters morethan we think.
Because it's like I'm not sayingit in a weak way.
I'm saying it in a real way.
Because life is not going to beall daisies and roses 100% of
(47:30):
the time.
It is not going to be easy allthe time.
Things will come up with yourhealth, things will come up with
your family.
Things will come up at work.
But the goal is to alwayscontinue trying to become that
best version of you.
And you don't arrive there oneday and just stay forever.
That's one thing I mentionedlast week's episode was I think
(47:53):
that you just continue you haveto continue to keep on choosing
it over and over again.
And you're never going to arriveat some theoretical spot to
where, you know, all of a suddenyou've made it.
And everything else can take ayou can take a step back, you've
made it, you're good to go.
You don't have to work as hardin these areas.
I wish it happened like that,but it doesn't.
(48:15):
It doesn't happen like that.
We have to consistently chooseto get better.
You can get better for a year,but as soon as you decide, hey,
I'm I'm taking a break, you'regonna decline real quick.
You're gonna drift.
And that drift is much easierthan all the work that you put
in to get to where you aretoday.
And I wish there was a pointwhere you could say, all right,
(48:38):
I did it.
I'm excellent now and I canrelax forever.
But you know that's not how itworks.
You are always becoming.
Each day is a vote.
Every choice is a vote, andevery private action is a vote
for who you want to become.
And over time, those votesbecome your identity.
That is why the so small stuffmatters.
It's why I talk aboutconsistency.
(48:59):
Like the run matters, thejournal entry matters, the
prayer matters, the hardconversation matters.
It all matters because over likeit's going to stack up against
itself over time.
And it's the repeated choicesthat do this.
And that is where I think thestandard is built.
It's slow and it's quiet, it'sone step at a time.
(49:21):
That's why I always say thatrunning is a great metaphor for
life, because it really showsyou that if you want to get from
point A to point B, the only wayto do that is to take one step
and then another, and thenanother, and then another, and
keep doing it until you finallyget there.
And here's the other thing (49:38):
once you get to that point, once you
get to point B, you're thinkingabout the next run.
You're thinking about, okay,let's let's let's amp this up a
bit.
And that's how life should betoo.
With our standards, with ourgoals, and they will change from
time to time.
I'm really excited for Winstonto be born because also for this
(50:00):
podcast, I'm going to documenteverything in terms of how I
feel at certain times.
And I'm going to talk about howI've had to adapt my goals, but
I'm still in the game.
I'm still trying.
I'm still pushing myself, andI'm still trying to become the
best Brett that I can be becauseI want Winston to have a dad
that he can look up to.
And I would say that overall,with the the if I think about a
(50:25):
challenge for this episode, Iwant it to be simple.
I want the challenge to be verysimple.
And it's just to ask yourself,what is my standard?
Not the standard that I postabout, or not the standard that
I pretend to have, not thestandard that I've I've copied
from someone else.
What is your actual standard?
What do your actions say thatyou value?
(50:48):
Where have you been makingexcuses?
And and where have you been toohard on yourself?
Those are uncomfortablequestions.
But they should be.
That's good.
Because growth should make youhonest.
And after you answer thosequestions, define what your
non-negotiables are.
(51:08):
Keep them simple.
And for me, it's something likeyou know, tell the truth, don't
quit, don't neglect your family,don't blame others for your
life, don't avoid hardconversations, and never stop
trying.
That is a standard that I carryinto any season.
If my testosterone is 136 andI'm incredibly tired, or if I'm
(51:28):
on top of the world and I'mfeeling healthy and strong and I
just finished an ultra marathon,those standards will not change
in between that or in each ofthose sections of my life.
That standard can come with meanywhere.
The output might change, thehabits might change, the
schedule will change, I'll tellyou that much.
(51:50):
But the character cannot, andthat is the whole point.
Because excellence changes withevery season.
Character does not.
And maybe, maybe that's what I'mlearning right now.
I'm learning that I can stillhave high standard without
pretending I'm the same, I'm I'min the same season I used to be
in.
Or that I'm learning thatadapting is not the same as
(52:11):
quitting.
I'm learning that patience canbe part of excellence.
And I'm learning that the goalis not to become impressive, the
goal is to become someone who Irespect.
So set the standard and keep it.
Adjust when life changes,because it will.
It's going to.
But do not abandon yourstandards.
Do not become someone who liesto themselves and do not become
(52:34):
someone who blames everyoneelse.
Your life is built by what yourepeat.
Your character is built by whatyou refuse to compromise.
And your future self iswatching, either through
nostalgia or regret.
So give them something to beproud of.
That's all I got for today,guys.
(52:54):
But it really is standards andcharacter, all these topics are
so important to me because theyhave been the definition of who
I've become.
Like, yes, it's great that I'vebeen able to run ultra marathons
or that I qualified for Boston.
But none of that matters if I'ma huge piece of shit.
You know?
(53:15):
None of that really matters.
No one would want to be aroundme.
No one would listen to thepodcast.
Your standards are moreimportant than you think.
And I think a lot of us, weovercomplicate it.
Myself included.
Like I definitelyovercomplicated it when I was
trying to figure out okay, well,how am I going to be the best
version of myself?
Like I said, I had my ownversion of Jocko's version.
(53:36):
And you got to figure out what'simportant to you.
And I think from there you canreally refine who you are and be
the best version of you that youcan be.
So I really appreciate you guysfor listening to this episode.
Um, let me know if you guys likethe little snippet from the
Daily Dad, and I'll keep it inthe next one.
But um, thank you for listening.
(53:58):
Thank you for being here thiswhole time.
Thank you for staying to theend.
It means a lot.
And if it helped you at all,please leave a little leave a
little uh rating on ApplePodcasts or Spotify.
That goes a long way, and Ireally appreciate it.
Leave a comment.
I also read those all the time.
So, but seriously, you guys arethe best.
Get out there, figure out whatyour standards are and hold
(54:18):
them.
And until next episodes, myfriend, keep getting after it.
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