July 22, 2020 • 24 mins
Brittany Schank is a licensed clinical social worker and owner of Solace Counseling in Fargo, N.D. Brittany is an encourager for those who have lost part of themselves, a listening ear, a hope finder, and a space holder for healing. She believes we need less fixing and more loving, less perfection and more appreciation for who we are, and less criticism and more encouragement around us.
Brittany is also a guard member with the North Dakota Air National Guard. With over 14 years of military service, Brittany has achieved the rank of Master Sergeant and serves as the Education and Training Manager. She is with the 119th Wing based out of Fargo, N.D.
I am so encouraged to share Brittany’s story with you. You won’t want to miss hearing how she overcame adversity as a young child to be able to inspire and support others in their journey.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
When we are able to speak that truth, we connect so
much deeper and we feel likeneighbors and we feel like a
community.
And the truth is that most of ushave some of those things at
some point in life where we'relike, that was tough.
That about ruined me.
That really kind of left a pieceof a piece of scar on my heart.
And it's something that Iconstantly have to work through
and get through, and alsorecognize like that scar changed
(00:23):
the way that I view things.
And perhaps got me to where I amtoday.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Glazing grid podcast was founded on the idea of
shattering success, perceptions,and showcasing authenticity at
its core.
I wanted to learn more about thereal story behind people's
journeys with the focus startingin my own community of Fargo,
North Dakota.
What emerges through thesecandid conversations is honesty,
strength, and courage with theripple effect of connection and
(01:00):
community.
It all starts with theconversation and on this one,
I'm Jessie winter, Robin, andthis is glazing grid On today's
episode.
I am so encouraged for you tohear more about Brittany shank.
Brittany is a licensed clinicalsocial worker and the owner of
solos counseling and Fargo.
(01:20):
Brittany believes we need lessperfection and more appreciation
for who we are.
And I couldn't agree more.
She's also a master Sergeantwith over 14 years of military
service with a one 19th winghere in Fargo.
Here's Brittany, Brittany, thankyou so much for joining me and
being on the show.
I really appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Absolutely.
Thanks for asking me to be onhere.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Give our listeners just a high level overview.
You and I met years ago when Iwas serving with a one 19th wing
as well.
I believe we were both on thejunior enlisted council.
I was on there for like a hotminute before I got out of the
military.
But as I was thinking about ourconversation, I don't think I
know why you decided to enlistin the guard.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
You know, quite honestly, I didn't really know
why I chose to enlist in theguard when it happened.
So I was in high school and oneof my close friends, her dad
knew somebody in the military.
And so my friend, I think shefelt kind of forced like, Oh, my
dad's friend has been talking tomy dad and now I need to go
through a recruiter.
And she had asked me in gymclass if I wanted to come with,
(02:26):
when she talked to a recruiterlike for support.
And I didn't really know a wholelot about the military, I for
sure did not even understand allof the branches of the military
at that point.
So I went with her and when wewere there and I heard about all
the benefits I heard about whatthe jobs look like, I assumed
all jobs meant you had to carrya gun around and you had to
shoot at things.
(02:46):
And that was not who I was orwhat I wanted to do.
And when I got there andrealized there were
administrative jobs and jobsthat kind of spoke more to who I
was, I started to becomeinterested in curly.
It was that day that I knew thatI wanted to join.
I just didn't quite know exactlywhat I wanted to do or what,
what job would have been thebest fit for me?
(03:07):
How old
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Are you Brittany at that time?
17.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Yep.
I was 17.
I enlisted when I was 18, so Ididn't need my parents consent
or anything.
And they were all forward atthat time.
I don't know that I had anyidea, honestly, what the
military was going to do for me,the feeling I would get from
being able to serve the benefitsthat it provided.
So looking back now, I'm, I'm sograteful.
I'm still in the military andI'm grateful I did it, but at
(03:32):
the time I don't quite know thatI knew why either it just
sounded like a good thing to do.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
I can definitely relate to that as well.
I enlisted when I was 17, so Ihad my parents consent, but it
was a lot of the same situationa girlfriend had, you know, was
in the military.
And I was like, Oh, it soundsinteresting.
And then you check it out andyou're like, Oh, this is
actually really cool.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Brittany, you
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Were born and raised in Fargo Morehead.
You graduated from West Fargohigh school and attended North
Dakota state university mightnot state university and
university of North Dakota.
What was your favoriteuniversity?
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Oh, for sure.
My favorite years were mygraduate school years, but I
don't know that it had anythingto do with the school
necessarily.
It was just that the work that Idid in my graduate program was
fantastic and was like reallyspoke to who I was.
I don't think I'm going to picka favorite school and make
anything, but I will say mygraduate program was by far my
(04:28):
favorite and that program thatjust happened to be at UNB.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Yeah.
Those are all three really greatschools.
So that's very neat.
Bernie, one of the things I findso impressive about you is not
only did you earn your master'sdegree serve in the military,
you're a mom to Peyton bear, butyou were also the business owner
of solace counseling here inFargo, by the way,
congratulations on your one yearanniversary of seeing clients
(04:53):
full time, July 8th.
That's awesome.
Congratulations.
My question for you is, was itdaunting opening up your own
business or did you always havethe strive to know that's what
you wanted to do?
And if so, it was never anoption to move forward.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
So it was not daunting to open up my own
business.
There were a lot of hurdles indoing it, but I have always been
more of a business mindedperson.
I think it just took me a longtime to figure it out.
That that's what it was.
My husband also owns his ownbusiness in Argo.
He owns it's called diamond cutlawn installed.
My husband was in a job where hewas working really, really hard
(05:31):
to get into an upper managementposition.
And by the time he got an uppermanagement position, he was
sober jolt.
It was literally at the momentthat he had chosen to open his
own business, that he wasoffered the position that he had
been dreaming of.
And when I say years, I meanyears, and he made a really
brave choice to open his ownbusiness and decline that
(05:52):
position.
And that moment in our life whenI watched do that, I think gave
me the courage to, and I didn'tknow at that time, but gave me
the courage when it was time forme to open up my own business,
to know we can do it.
And if I fail at it, then I knowthat he can succeed at it.
So you can help me along the wayand to see what he gave up
(06:12):
essentially for a dream was hugein my mind.
And so when it came time for meto do it, it was far easier.
I think because I had him tohave seen prior to me doing it,
it was not daunting, but it wasliterally like one step in front
of the other.
I was just talking to a friendrecently and I had said, you
know what?
It always feels like the nexttask is the one that's
impossible until we get throughit.
(06:34):
And then we're like, okay, sothat one was doable.
We're good there.
But now this next one feelsimpossible.
I tell myself history has provenitself that we just put one
step, one foot in front of theother.
We do one at a time and wealways get there.
So I did not always know I wasgoing to own a business.
It wasn't that long ago that Iremember my husband and I were
(06:55):
getting ready to go to sleep.
And I said to him someday, I'mgoing to own my own private
practice.
And I didn't believe it.
There was not a single ounce ofme.
I don't think that actuallybelieved it.
I think that statement was ahundred percent to see if he
believed it.
And if he would believe in meand his response as always, my
husband is one of the mostsupportive people I've ever met
(07:16):
was like, yeah, if you want to,you will.
And just an encouragementresponse.
And I think that right there waslike the ounce of hope that got
inside of me that had theability to kind of grow one foot
in front of the other one stepat a time we got here,
Speaker 2 (07:29):
You'll get through it.
You just need to go through it.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Yes, absolutely.
And another thing that I feellike I was really grateful for
is just the people that werearound me.
I had close friends that weretherapists and counselors.
I had people that were close tome that weren't not therapists
and counselors and people thatwere really good encouragers.
And so I think if we make surethat we surround ourselves by
people who are real with us, butwho are also not going to try
and pull us down for their ownreasons, their own purposes or
(07:54):
whatever that kind of lookslike.
I think it's really important tohave those people in our corner
and the people who struggle tosee that vision or struggle to
support us, um, that we do ourbest to just kind of put them on
the sidelines during thatjourney and then pick them back
up when we're in a positionwhere we're able to hear that,
and it's not going to send ourgrowth.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Brittany, you shared with me, you grew up in what you
would call a chaotic childhood,which left you feeling not very
confident for a large portion ofyour life.
Can you share more about yourlife journey and why it left you
with a lack of confidence?
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Yeah, absolutely.
So I, I have an older brotherwho's two years older than me
and my mom was 16 when she hadhim at 18 when she had me, which
meant that my mom was a teenagemom time to, uh, as we were
growing up, that in itselfbrings a different perspective.
My mom did the best.
She could man, a teenage mom oftwo kids to be able to raise
(08:49):
them and us not have some prettysignificant negative things
happen.
Us, I think is a miracle.
And it's a Testament to theamount of work that she put in
to doing the best she could toraise us.
But obviously also being raisedby a teenage mom, times two, has
it struggled as well.
And so even though I fullybelieve my mom and my dad both
(09:12):
put in a hundred percent of whatthey could naturally there,
there's some, some devastationthat comes with that.
And so growing up, we werepretty low income and there was
always food in the cupboards.
I remember that like there wasalways when the company, but I
remember when we got caller IDthat the first number we learned
was unavailable becauseunavailable meant it was a bill
(09:33):
collector and don't answer it.
Life was simple because wedidn't have a whole lot of
money.
And so that was kind of onephase of it, of having as a
business owner to change mythoughts on money and what money
means, uh, what success lookslike for me and what's okay.
Success for me.
But some of the other things wegrew up where perhaps child care
or caregivers for us, we're themost skilled or advanced, you
(09:56):
know, getting into things thatwe probably shouldn't have
gotten into.
One of the things that I, a waythat I like to characterize it
is a lot of truth and dare hasgone wrong.
And just really being inundatedand seeing inappropriate things
growing up.
My older brother was hestruggled with mental health a
lot.
He was 18.
So I was 16 at the time, hecommitted a pretty heinous crime
(10:18):
and ended up going to prison forit for many, many years.
And so at that time I was inhigh school and it was in the
Fargo form, the crime he hadcommitted.
And I remember walking into thelibrary and my best friend was
by my side and we sat down andone of my class clowns came in
and just yelled in the library,something about how my brother
(10:39):
had committed this crime.
And, and to be really clear, hiscrime was attempted murder.
So it was a pretty scary time inmy life and a time where I
already lacked confidence.
And so to feel like I was put onthe spotlight for something that
I, I didn't have involvement in,but I could very well be judged
for was really scary to me.
(11:00):
There was a school piece of it,of what happened with my friends
and my friends is families arelikely going to find out and am
I still going to be allowed tohang out with them?
So there was the school side ofit of trying to like decipher
all of that.
And then there was the home sideof it does knowing that we were
pretty low income and my, mybrother likely needed an
attorney.
And how are my parents going tohelp him get an attorney and
(11:21):
what was true and what was nottrue about the crime.
And, um, there was a lot, itwas, there was a lot going on in
that moment.
And for a long time after thatthroughout life, I do, I call it
a chaotic childhood.
I always say I'm a survivor of achaotic childhood because it, it
felt like there wereconsistently hurdles that we had
to overcome felt like days werereally slow and it felt like
(11:43):
time took a long time.
I remember wishing time away alot.
If I could just get to 18, thenlife could be better than I
could take control of my life ina different way.
Life was chaotic and I survivedit.
And luckily we had peoplesurrounding us that were
supportive.
I remember one of my biggestfears.
I remember just staying up atnight, crying about it and
worried about it was that mybest friend who was somebody I
(12:06):
would go to her houseconstantly.
I mean, her house was my secondhome and her lifestyle was very
different than mine.
She lived in a really slow pacedlifestyle.
Her parents were quite a bitolder than my parents.
I never had ever heard them talkabout money there.
And my biggest fear after mybrother's crime was that I
wasn't going to be able to hangout with her anymore or that her
(12:29):
parents were never going toallow her at my house.
Again, they were part of my lifesupport at that time.
And so I remember being reallysad and really scared that that
lifeline was going to be pulledfrom me.
I remember feeling so gratefulthat her parents, they never
talked about it to me.
They never brought it up.
It felt like nothing hadchanged.
(12:50):
That that in a sense was theonly thing that stayed stable
after my brother's crime.
It continued to kind of be asafe Haven for me.
And so I think with pieces likethat involved in my life, it
helped me to be able to moveforward in a way that perhaps
other people aren't quite asable to move forward and, or
they might feel stuck in.
(13:11):
But I feel like I just had likethese safety nets that were put
in my life to allow me tocontinue to move forward, even
when childhood was chaotic.
Thank you for sharing.
Yeah, absolutely
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Powerful.
I can relate so much to thefeelings of the chaotic
childhood as well in a differentform because my dad struggled
with alcoholism.
As you mentioned, there was somuch love.
There's still the struggle.
That's part of my journey aswell.
And recognizing that, yes, I cansay that I had so many wonderful
(13:43):
moments in my childhood, but itall is also mirrored with
struggle and chaos at times, anduncertainty and wishing those
seasons and moments potentiallyyears away.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Absolutely.
Yeah, absolutely.
You know, I'm a firm believertoo, that one of the things
about life now is I like toconsistently feel like I'm
growing and doing somethingmore.
So one of the things I strugglewith is that once I feel like
I've hit a moment where I becomelike an expert on something or
something has become too easy,my natural response is to create
(14:18):
something new or to do somethingmore, to put myself back in a
position where I don't feel likeit's easy anymore.
I used to look at that as areally bad thing.
Like, Oh, you're just repeatingthe patterns of childhood.
That's what it looked like inchildhood that nothing was ever
easy.
And there's beauty andrecognizing that that can be
really destructive for me andmaking sure I'm balancing that
I'm not creating destructionwith it.
(14:41):
And then I think there's somebeauty in us being able to own
and hear that hurt that comesalong with learning that pattern
and knowing too, that there's away we can turn it into benefit
and goodness, being able to digdeep inside ourselves and
realize at what point am Idestructing and continuing that
pattern behind me.
And at what point am I usingthat pattern behind me to create
(15:02):
good and to create something andpride to me that feels right.
And so I think it's beautifulwhen we get to know that there's
lots of people who have gonethrough chaos and have somehow
been able to pull beauty out ofthe other side of it.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
You call yourself and encourage her for those who have
lost part of themselves in yourpractice, how do you work with
your clients to help them knowthey are encouraged and feel
believed in
Speaker 1 (15:25):
One of the things that I tell lots of people about
therapy is every therapist has adifferent standpoint and a
different viewpoint and adifferent way that they work
with clients.
But I'm a firm believer thatpeople come to therapy, not to
fix things about themselves orchange things about themselves.
People come to therapy to learn,to love themselves.
And so there are things andbeliefs and traits.
(15:49):
The bonus that I am a believerthat are not able to be changed
and should not be changed.
And so, for example, I'll putmyself on the spot.
I think that I was born with afire inside of me and I use fire
just as something for us tovisualize.
But what I mean by that is I wasborn with some sort of drive
because by the time I was very,very young, I was already kind
(16:11):
of like telling people what todo.
Setting schedules, like theamount of times I would say to
my mom, mom, it's time to go dothis.
It's time to go to that.
Mom.
It's time to go to church.
My family was not superreligious.
I would go to church onWednesdays all by myself.
It was not that it was a familything, right.
I was literally telling my mom,this is what you need to do for
me.
It's time to go to Walmart.
I need to get this.
And it drove my mom nuts to thisday.
(16:32):
It drives my mom nuts if I'mlike, so what time is it that
we're going to the store?
She's like pushed up, but it'ssomething that I was born with.
Right?
And so in therapy, I'm a firmbeliever that our goal in
therapy is for us to figure outwho you are and help you love
that person, that you are notchange who you are.
Hopefully that is a way, andwe've seen it time and time
(16:53):
again for us to be able toencourage people, to love
yourself, to be yourself, tocontinue life as yourself.
But it's a shift in us viewingourselves as right.
And correct.
And well, so often we takepieces of ourselves in some it's
not well when in fact it is welland let's figure out how that
has been well for us.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
I love how you share the experiences that you carry.
You know, keep you humble andremind you that we were all very
similar and we can learn fromone another's experiences.
It's beautiful.
It's honest, it's real.
And with that humility andexperience, you've always been
born with this drive.
(17:34):
What is your future motivatingfactor?
Speaker 1 (17:37):
So I want to do really, really well by my kids
and my family.
And so when I ask myself, like,why am I doing what I'm doing
today?
100% is for my family and mykids.
And I also have to say for likehumanity as a whole, because I
think that with my kids, I wantthem to know that it does not
(17:58):
matter what happens to us inlife.
We can accomplish the thingsthat we dream, as long as we put
the dream out there and arewilling to do the work for it
for my kids.
I want them to know that, and Iwant them to live that.
I want them to see mommy doingthat.
And I also want them to knowthat we don't have to do life in
a way that society says we haveto do life.
And what I mean by that is wewere talking right before we got
(18:20):
on here about schedules andlike, where do my kids go for
daycare and things like that.
And one of my biggest goalsgoing into business was I really
wanted to find a balance betweenfamily and work.
And so I vowed to myself that Iwould not work more than four
days a week.
And if it was ever possible, Iwould love to work three days a
week.
Also knowing that thatoftentimes comes along with some
(18:41):
financial pieces to it.
And how can we balance all ofthat family work, finances,
everything.
Since I started fellascounseling, it has been true.
I have, I have not worked morethan four days a week, um, which
allows me to stay home with mykids an extra day, a week to be
able to feel fulfilled as a mom.
That's what feels right to me.
And I want my kids to know, andfor them to grow up and seeing
(19:01):
that whatever feels right forthem is right in a work-life
balance.
If being a stay-at-home momfeels right, have that, or stay
at home, dad have at it.
If working part-time have at it,if working 70 hours a week feels
right, you can do that.
And I just hope to be a goodrole model for my kids in them,
knowing that we can create andwork hard at getting what it is
(19:23):
that we want and desire.
So often we have to use ourvoices to get there and our hard
work to get there, but alsohumanity as a whole, and us
being able to recognize that ourpast, whether it was full of
sunshine, most of the time orfull of dark cloud was most of
the time.
Um, it doesn't have to definewhere we are today.
Being somebody who comes from alower income home and a home
(19:46):
where there was lots of chaosand crime and really
inappropriate lifestyles at somepoint that it doesn't mean that
we can't do great things inlife, and we can use that to
propel us.
And I think it's so easy for usto not want to be in the
spotlight when we come from thatbecause of our lack of
confidence or what if people doknow that I come from a home
where I have a brother who wentto prison for attempted murder
(20:08):
or something like that, and fearkind of that judgment.
And so I hope for humanity as awhole, for us to know that we
can embrace our story and we canforward and kind of be
catapulted from our story,fulfilling who we are as people.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
I think that's so great.
I struggle for so long with justthe shame of a kid in that
environment.
And as I was sharing my story onthe podcast and talking to my
co-founder Janine about it, itwas this light bulb of how long
am I going to carry this shamewith me?
(20:42):
And why am I carrying suchshame?
And so it was that thatrecognizing, and not letting our
past negatively define us, butusing those moments to propel us
into who we are meant to be.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Absolutely.
And you know, what's reallybeautiful is oftentimes those
stories are what connect us.
And they're the pieces of ourstory that we don't want to say
out loud.
So often when we hear somebodyelse like, Oh my goodness,
you've had struggles too.
Like you've had things inchildhood too, or like, yeah, I
have.
And it begins to connect in away that when we don't tell
(21:18):
those stories, we're notconnected.
It's far harder to connect outof, out of like, Oh, life is
just perfect and great.
And then people are like, okay,not for me, but I'm not going to
say that are vulnerable.
And we are able to speak thetruth of what life looks like.
It's just what life looks like.
Right.
When we are able to speak thattruth, we connect so much deeper
(21:38):
and we feel like neighbors andwe feel like our community.
And the truth is that most of ushave some of those things at
some point in life where we'relike, that was tough.
That boat room means that reallykind of left a piece, a piece of
scar on my heart.
And it's something that Iconstantly have to work through
and get through, and alsorecognize like that car changed
the way that I do things andperhaps gotten to where I am
(22:00):
today.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Britney, what has this season taught you?
And what are you looking forwardto the coming months and years
ahead?
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Yeah.
The season of life has taught methat I can do hard things.
We all can do hard things andthat it really truly is one foot
in front of the other.
And if we stop and the quick fanwe're done, and so just keep
going, even when it's hard, evenwhen we're low, even when it's
heavy, even when it's raining,you just have to slowly keep
going for it.
(22:29):
Military members, anybody who'sbeen to like Keesler air force
base.
When you start with call it theKeesler shuffle, when we were
like barely moving, right?
Like Keesler shuffle.
If you have to, whatever itlooks like, just keep moving.
And if you can't keep moving,find somebody who can encourage
you to keep moving.
What we're looking forward tonow is we're looking forward to
continuing to grow.
(22:49):
I'm looking forward to have thesolid counseling have two years,
three years, five years, 10years of open practice.
I'm looking forward to all ofthe people in our community that
are able to be served and areable to kind of dig through and
trench through their stories andbe able to come out the other
side, feeling stronger and moreempowered.
I'm looking forward to watchingmy daughter go to kindergarten
(23:11):
this year and start school forthe first time.
And so I'm at a place in lifewhere I'm looking forward to not
fast-forwarding, I'm lookingforward to living and seeing
every single day and what eachday has to bring and to be able
for, for my eyes to be open andsee life.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Brittany, we have a fun little lightning round of
questions to end this out.
Are you ready?
I'm ready.
Let's do this toilet paper overwe're under, over taco bell or
McDonald's cookie dough, orcould you use some scratch,
cookie dough,
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Yoga pants, or jeans, yoga pants all day fireplace or
fire pit fire pit Mickey mouse,or Dora the Explorer Mickey
mouse.
I love it.
I felt like I was on a gameshow.
Thank you so much for having meon here.
This has been a fantasticpodcast and I am loving what
(24:06):
you're doing.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Oh, thank you.
If you'd like to learn moreabout glazing, join the
conversation where you listen toyour podcasts and please
subscribe and fate and share.
You can also follow the of gritjourney on glazing grid,
podcast.com.
I'm Jesse[inaudible].
And thank you so much forlistening to this episode on
glaze and grit.
(24:28):
Talk to you soon.
When we are able to speak that truth, we connect so
much deeper and we feel likeneighbors and we feel like a
community.
And the truth is that most of ushave some of those things at
some point in life where we'relike, that was tough.
That about ruined me.
That really kind of left a pieceof a piece of scar on my heart.
And it's something that Iconstantly have to work through
and get through, and alsorecognize like that scar changed
(00:23):
the way that I view things.
And perhaps got me to where I amtoday.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Glazing grid podcast was founded on the idea of
shattering success, perceptions,and showcasing authenticity at
its core.
I wanted to learn more about thereal story behind people's
journeys with the focus startingin my own community of Fargo,
North Dakota.
What emerges through thesecandid conversations is honesty,
strength, and courage with theripple effect of connection and
(01:00):
community.
It all starts with theconversation and on this one,
I'm Jessie winter, Robin, andthis is glazing grid On today's
episode.
I am so encouraged for you tohear more about Brittany shank.
Brittany is a licensed clinicalsocial worker and the owner of
solos counseling and Fargo.
(01:20):
Brittany believes we need lessperfection and more appreciation
for who we are.
And I couldn't agree more.
She's also a master Sergeantwith over 14 years of military
service with a one 19th winghere in Fargo.
Here's Brittany, Brittany, thankyou so much for joining me and
being on the show.
I really appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Absolutely.
Thanks for asking me to be onhere.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Give our listeners just a high level overview.
You and I met years ago when Iwas serving with a one 19th wing
as well.
I believe we were both on thejunior enlisted council.
I was on there for like a hotminute before I got out of the
military.
But as I was thinking about ourconversation, I don't think I
know why you decided to enlistin the guard.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
You know, quite honestly, I didn't really know
why I chose to enlist in theguard when it happened.
So I was in high school and oneof my close friends, her dad
knew somebody in the military.
And so my friend, I think shefelt kind of forced like, Oh, my
dad's friend has been talking tomy dad and now I need to go
through a recruiter.
And she had asked me in gymclass if I wanted to come with,
(02:26):
when she talked to a recruiterlike for support.
And I didn't really know a wholelot about the military, I for
sure did not even understand allof the branches of the military
at that point.
So I went with her and when wewere there and I heard about all
the benefits I heard about whatthe jobs look like, I assumed
all jobs meant you had to carrya gun around and you had to
shoot at things.
(02:46):
And that was not who I was orwhat I wanted to do.
And when I got there andrealized there were
administrative jobs and jobsthat kind of spoke more to who I
was, I started to becomeinterested in curly.
It was that day that I knew thatI wanted to join.
I just didn't quite know exactlywhat I wanted to do or what,
what job would have been thebest fit for me?
(03:07):
How old
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Are you Brittany at that time?
17.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Yep.
I was 17.
I enlisted when I was 18, so Ididn't need my parents consent
or anything.
And they were all forward atthat time.
I don't know that I had anyidea, honestly, what the
military was going to do for me,the feeling I would get from
being able to serve the benefitsthat it provided.
So looking back now, I'm, I'm sograteful.
I'm still in the military andI'm grateful I did it, but at
(03:32):
the time I don't quite know thatI knew why either it just
sounded like a good thing to do.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
I can definitely relate to that as well.
I enlisted when I was 17, so Ihad my parents consent, but it
was a lot of the same situationa girlfriend had, you know, was
in the military.
And I was like, Oh, it soundsinteresting.
And then you check it out andyou're like, Oh, this is
actually really cool.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Brittany, you
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Were born and raised in Fargo Morehead.
You graduated from West Fargohigh school and attended North
Dakota state university mightnot state university and
university of North Dakota.
What was your favoriteuniversity?
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Oh, for sure.
My favorite years were mygraduate school years, but I
don't know that it had anythingto do with the school
necessarily.
It was just that the work that Idid in my graduate program was
fantastic and was like reallyspoke to who I was.
I don't think I'm going to picka favorite school and make
anything, but I will say mygraduate program was by far my
(04:28):
favorite and that program thatjust happened to be at UNB.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Yeah.
Those are all three really greatschools.
So that's very neat.
Bernie, one of the things I findso impressive about you is not
only did you earn your master'sdegree serve in the military,
you're a mom to Peyton bear, butyou were also the business owner
of solace counseling here inFargo, by the way,
congratulations on your one yearanniversary of seeing clients
(04:53):
full time, July 8th.
That's awesome.
Congratulations.
My question for you is, was itdaunting opening up your own
business or did you always havethe strive to know that's what
you wanted to do?
And if so, it was never anoption to move forward.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
So it was not daunting to open up my own
business.
There were a lot of hurdles indoing it, but I have always been
more of a business mindedperson.
I think it just took me a longtime to figure it out.
That that's what it was.
My husband also owns his ownbusiness in Argo.
He owns it's called diamond cutlawn installed.
My husband was in a job where hewas working really, really hard
(05:31):
to get into an upper managementposition.
And by the time he got an uppermanagement position, he was
sober jolt.
It was literally at the momentthat he had chosen to open his
own business, that he wasoffered the position that he had
been dreaming of.
And when I say years, I meanyears, and he made a really
brave choice to open his ownbusiness and decline that
(05:52):
position.
And that moment in our life whenI watched do that, I think gave
me the courage to, and I didn'tknow at that time, but gave me
the courage when it was time forme to open up my own business,
to know we can do it.
And if I fail at it, then I knowthat he can succeed at it.
So you can help me along the wayand to see what he gave up
(06:12):
essentially for a dream was hugein my mind.
And so when it came time for meto do it, it was far easier.
I think because I had him tohave seen prior to me doing it,
it was not daunting, but it wasliterally like one step in front
of the other.
I was just talking to a friendrecently and I had said, you
know what?
It always feels like the nexttask is the one that's
impossible until we get throughit.
(06:34):
And then we're like, okay, sothat one was doable.
We're good there.
But now this next one feelsimpossible.
I tell myself history has provenitself that we just put one
step, one foot in front of theother.
We do one at a time and wealways get there.
So I did not always know I wasgoing to own a business.
It wasn't that long ago that Iremember my husband and I were
(06:55):
getting ready to go to sleep.
And I said to him someday, I'mgoing to own my own private
practice.
And I didn't believe it.
There was not a single ounce ofme.
I don't think that actuallybelieved it.
I think that statement was ahundred percent to see if he
believed it.
And if he would believe in meand his response as always, my
husband is one of the mostsupportive people I've ever met
(07:16):
was like, yeah, if you want to,you will.
And just an encouragementresponse.
And I think that right there waslike the ounce of hope that got
inside of me that had theability to kind of grow one foot
in front of the other one stepat a time we got here,
Speaker 2 (07:29):
You'll get through it.
You just need to go through it.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Yes, absolutely.
And another thing that I feellike I was really grateful for
is just the people that werearound me.
I had close friends that weretherapists and counselors.
I had people that were close tome that weren't not therapists
and counselors and people thatwere really good encouragers.
And so I think if we make surethat we surround ourselves by
people who are real with us, butwho are also not going to try
and pull us down for their ownreasons, their own purposes or
(07:54):
whatever that kind of lookslike.
I think it's really important tohave those people in our corner
and the people who struggle tosee that vision or struggle to
support us, um, that we do ourbest to just kind of put them on
the sidelines during thatjourney and then pick them back
up when we're in a positionwhere we're able to hear that,
and it's not going to send ourgrowth.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Brittany, you shared with me, you grew up in what you
would call a chaotic childhood,which left you feeling not very
confident for a large portion ofyour life.
Can you share more about yourlife journey and why it left you
with a lack of confidence?
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Yeah, absolutely.
So I, I have an older brotherwho's two years older than me
and my mom was 16 when she hadhim at 18 when she had me, which
meant that my mom was a teenagemom time to, uh, as we were
growing up, that in itselfbrings a different perspective.
My mom did the best.
She could man, a teenage mom oftwo kids to be able to raise
(08:49):
them and us not have some prettysignificant negative things
happen.
Us, I think is a miracle.
And it's a Testament to theamount of work that she put in
to doing the best she could toraise us.
But obviously also being raisedby a teenage mom, times two, has
it struggled as well.
And so even though I fullybelieve my mom and my dad both
(09:12):
put in a hundred percent of whatthey could naturally there,
there's some, some devastationthat comes with that.
And so growing up, we werepretty low income and there was
always food in the cupboards.
I remember that like there wasalways when the company, but I
remember when we got caller IDthat the first number we learned
was unavailable becauseunavailable meant it was a bill
(09:33):
collector and don't answer it.
Life was simple because wedidn't have a whole lot of
money.
And so that was kind of onephase of it, of having as a
business owner to change mythoughts on money and what money
means, uh, what success lookslike for me and what's okay.
Success for me.
But some of the other things wegrew up where perhaps child care
or caregivers for us, we're themost skilled or advanced, you
(09:56):
know, getting into things thatwe probably shouldn't have
gotten into.
One of the things that I, a waythat I like to characterize it
is a lot of truth and dare hasgone wrong.
And just really being inundatedand seeing inappropriate things
growing up.
My older brother was hestruggled with mental health a
lot.
He was 18.
So I was 16 at the time, hecommitted a pretty heinous crime
(10:18):
and ended up going to prison forit for many, many years.
And so at that time I was inhigh school and it was in the
Fargo form, the crime he hadcommitted.
And I remember walking into thelibrary and my best friend was
by my side and we sat down andone of my class clowns came in
and just yelled in the library,something about how my brother
(10:39):
had committed this crime.
And, and to be really clear, hiscrime was attempted murder.
So it was a pretty scary time inmy life and a time where I
already lacked confidence.
And so to feel like I was put onthe spotlight for something that
I, I didn't have involvement in,but I could very well be judged
for was really scary to me.
(11:00):
There was a school piece of it,of what happened with my friends
and my friends is families arelikely going to find out and am
I still going to be allowed tohang out with them?
So there was the school side ofit of trying to like decipher
all of that.
And then there was the home sideof it does knowing that we were
pretty low income and my, mybrother likely needed an
attorney.
And how are my parents going tohelp him get an attorney and
(11:21):
what was true and what was nottrue about the crime.
And, um, there was a lot, itwas, there was a lot going on in
that moment.
And for a long time after thatthroughout life, I do, I call it
a chaotic childhood.
I always say I'm a survivor of achaotic childhood because it, it
felt like there wereconsistently hurdles that we had
to overcome felt like days werereally slow and it felt like
(11:43):
time took a long time.
I remember wishing time away alot.
If I could just get to 18, thenlife could be better than I
could take control of my life ina different way.
Life was chaotic and I survivedit.
And luckily we had peoplesurrounding us that were
supportive.
I remember one of my biggestfears.
I remember just staying up atnight, crying about it and
worried about it was that mybest friend who was somebody I
(12:06):
would go to her houseconstantly.
I mean, her house was my secondhome and her lifestyle was very
different than mine.
She lived in a really slow pacedlifestyle.
Her parents were quite a bitolder than my parents.
I never had ever heard them talkabout money there.
And my biggest fear after mybrother's crime was that I
wasn't going to be able to hangout with her anymore or that her
(12:29):
parents were never going toallow her at my house.
Again, they were part of my lifesupport at that time.
And so I remember being reallysad and really scared that that
lifeline was going to be pulledfrom me.
I remember feeling so gratefulthat her parents, they never
talked about it to me.
They never brought it up.
It felt like nothing hadchanged.
(12:50):
That that in a sense was theonly thing that stayed stable
after my brother's crime.
It continued to kind of be asafe Haven for me.
And so I think with pieces likethat involved in my life, it
helped me to be able to moveforward in a way that perhaps
other people aren't quite asable to move forward and, or
they might feel stuck in.
(13:11):
But I feel like I just had likethese safety nets that were put
in my life to allow me tocontinue to move forward, even
when childhood was chaotic.
Thank you for sharing.
Yeah, absolutely
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Powerful.
I can relate so much to thefeelings of the chaotic
childhood as well in a differentform because my dad struggled
with alcoholism.
As you mentioned, there was somuch love.
There's still the struggle.
That's part of my journey aswell.
And recognizing that, yes, I cansay that I had so many wonderful
(13:43):
moments in my childhood, but itall is also mirrored with
struggle and chaos at times, anduncertainty and wishing those
seasons and moments potentiallyyears away.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Absolutely.
Yeah, absolutely.
You know, I'm a firm believertoo, that one of the things
about life now is I like toconsistently feel like I'm
growing and doing somethingmore.
So one of the things I strugglewith is that once I feel like
I've hit a moment where I becomelike an expert on something or
something has become too easy,my natural response is to create
(14:18):
something new or to do somethingmore, to put myself back in a
position where I don't feel likeit's easy anymore.
I used to look at that as areally bad thing.
Like, Oh, you're just repeatingthe patterns of childhood.
That's what it looked like inchildhood that nothing was ever
easy.
And there's beauty andrecognizing that that can be
really destructive for me andmaking sure I'm balancing that
I'm not creating destructionwith it.
(14:41):
And then I think there's somebeauty in us being able to own
and hear that hurt that comesalong with learning that pattern
and knowing too, that there's away we can turn it into benefit
and goodness, being able to digdeep inside ourselves and
realize at what point am Idestructing and continuing that
pattern behind me.
And at what point am I usingthat pattern behind me to create
(15:02):
good and to create something andpride to me that feels right.
And so I think it's beautifulwhen we get to know that there's
lots of people who have gonethrough chaos and have somehow
been able to pull beauty out ofthe other side of it.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
You call yourself and encourage her for those who have
lost part of themselves in yourpractice, how do you work with
your clients to help them knowthey are encouraged and feel
believed in
Speaker 1 (15:25):
One of the things that I tell lots of people about
therapy is every therapist has adifferent standpoint and a
different viewpoint and adifferent way that they work
with clients.
But I'm a firm believer thatpeople come to therapy, not to
fix things about themselves orchange things about themselves.
People come to therapy to learn,to love themselves.
And so there are things andbeliefs and traits.
(15:49):
The bonus that I am a believerthat are not able to be changed
and should not be changed.
And so, for example, I'll putmyself on the spot.
I think that I was born with afire inside of me and I use fire
just as something for us tovisualize.
But what I mean by that is I wasborn with some sort of drive
because by the time I was very,very young, I was already kind
(16:11):
of like telling people what todo.
Setting schedules, like theamount of times I would say to
my mom, mom, it's time to go dothis.
It's time to go to that.
Mom.
It's time to go to church.
My family was not superreligious.
I would go to church onWednesdays all by myself.
It was not that it was a familything, right.
I was literally telling my mom,this is what you need to do for
me.
It's time to go to Walmart.
I need to get this.
And it drove my mom nuts to thisday.
(16:32):
It drives my mom nuts if I'mlike, so what time is it that
we're going to the store?
She's like pushed up, but it'ssomething that I was born with.
Right?
And so in therapy, I'm a firmbeliever that our goal in
therapy is for us to figure outwho you are and help you love
that person, that you are notchange who you are.
Hopefully that is a way, andwe've seen it time and time
(16:53):
again for us to be able toencourage people, to love
yourself, to be yourself, tocontinue life as yourself.
But it's a shift in us viewingourselves as right.
And correct.
And well, so often we takepieces of ourselves in some it's
not well when in fact it is welland let's figure out how that
has been well for us.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
I love how you share the experiences that you carry.
You know, keep you humble andremind you that we were all very
similar and we can learn fromone another's experiences.
It's beautiful.
It's honest, it's real.
And with that humility andexperience, you've always been
born with this drive.
(17:34):
What is your future motivatingfactor?
Speaker 1 (17:37):
So I want to do really, really well by my kids
and my family.
And so when I ask myself, like,why am I doing what I'm doing
today?
100% is for my family and mykids.
And I also have to say for likehumanity as a whole, because I
think that with my kids, I wantthem to know that it does not
(17:58):
matter what happens to us inlife.
We can accomplish the thingsthat we dream, as long as we put
the dream out there and arewilling to do the work for it
for my kids.
I want them to know that, and Iwant them to live that.
I want them to see mommy doingthat.
And I also want them to knowthat we don't have to do life in
a way that society says we haveto do life.
And what I mean by that is wewere talking right before we got
(18:20):
on here about schedules andlike, where do my kids go for
daycare and things like that.
And one of my biggest goalsgoing into business was I really
wanted to find a balance betweenfamily and work.
And so I vowed to myself that Iwould not work more than four
days a week.
And if it was ever possible, Iwould love to work three days a
week.
Also knowing that thatoftentimes comes along with some
(18:41):
financial pieces to it.
And how can we balance all ofthat family work, finances,
everything.
Since I started fellascounseling, it has been true.
I have, I have not worked morethan four days a week, um, which
allows me to stay home with mykids an extra day, a week to be
able to feel fulfilled as a mom.
That's what feels right to me.
And I want my kids to know, andfor them to grow up and seeing
(19:01):
that whatever feels right forthem is right in a work-life
balance.
If being a stay-at-home momfeels right, have that, or stay
at home, dad have at it.
If working part-time have at it,if working 70 hours a week feels
right, you can do that.
And I just hope to be a goodrole model for my kids in them,
knowing that we can create andwork hard at getting what it is
(19:23):
that we want and desire.
So often we have to use ourvoices to get there and our hard
work to get there, but alsohumanity as a whole, and us
being able to recognize that ourpast, whether it was full of
sunshine, most of the time orfull of dark cloud was most of
the time.
Um, it doesn't have to definewhere we are today.
Being somebody who comes from alower income home and a home
(19:46):
where there was lots of chaosand crime and really
inappropriate lifestyles at somepoint that it doesn't mean that
we can't do great things inlife, and we can use that to
propel us.
And I think it's so easy for usto not want to be in the
spotlight when we come from thatbecause of our lack of
confidence or what if people doknow that I come from a home
where I have a brother who wentto prison for attempted murder
(20:08):
or something like that, and fearkind of that judgment.
And so I hope for humanity as awhole, for us to know that we
can embrace our story and we canforward and kind of be
catapulted from our story,fulfilling who we are as people.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
I think that's so great.
I struggle for so long with justthe shame of a kid in that
environment.
And as I was sharing my story onthe podcast and talking to my
co-founder Janine about it, itwas this light bulb of how long
am I going to carry this shamewith me?
(20:42):
And why am I carrying suchshame?
And so it was that thatrecognizing, and not letting our
past negatively define us, butusing those moments to propel us
into who we are meant to be.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Absolutely.
And you know, what's reallybeautiful is oftentimes those
stories are what connect us.
And they're the pieces of ourstory that we don't want to say
out loud.
So often when we hear somebodyelse like, Oh my goodness,
you've had struggles too.
Like you've had things inchildhood too, or like, yeah, I
have.
And it begins to connect in away that when we don't tell
(21:18):
those stories, we're notconnected.
It's far harder to connect outof, out of like, Oh, life is
just perfect and great.
And then people are like, okay,not for me, but I'm not going to
say that are vulnerable.
And we are able to speak thetruth of what life looks like.
It's just what life looks like.
Right.
When we are able to speak thattruth, we connect so much deeper
(21:38):
and we feel like neighbors andwe feel like our community.
And the truth is that most of ushave some of those things at
some point in life where we'relike, that was tough.
That boat room means that reallykind of left a piece, a piece of
scar on my heart.
And it's something that Iconstantly have to work through
and get through, and alsorecognize like that car changed
the way that I do things andperhaps gotten to where I am
(22:00):
today.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Britney, what has this season taught you?
And what are you looking forwardto the coming months and years
ahead?
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Yeah.
The season of life has taught methat I can do hard things.
We all can do hard things andthat it really truly is one foot
in front of the other.
And if we stop and the quick fanwe're done, and so just keep
going, even when it's hard, evenwhen we're low, even when it's
heavy, even when it's raining,you just have to slowly keep
going for it.
(22:29):
Military members, anybody who'sbeen to like Keesler air force
base.
When you start with call it theKeesler shuffle, when we were
like barely moving, right?
Like Keesler shuffle.
If you have to, whatever itlooks like, just keep moving.
And if you can't keep moving,find somebody who can encourage
you to keep moving.
What we're looking forward tonow is we're looking forward to
continuing to grow.
(22:49):
I'm looking forward to have thesolid counseling have two years,
three years, five years, 10years of open practice.
I'm looking forward to all ofthe people in our community that
are able to be served and areable to kind of dig through and
trench through their stories andbe able to come out the other
side, feeling stronger and moreempowered.
I'm looking forward to watchingmy daughter go to kindergarten
(23:11):
this year and start school forthe first time.
And so I'm at a place in lifewhere I'm looking forward to not
fast-forwarding, I'm lookingforward to living and seeing
every single day and what eachday has to bring and to be able
for, for my eyes to be open andsee life.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Brittany, we have a fun little lightning round of
questions to end this out.
Are you ready?
I'm ready.
Let's do this toilet paper overwe're under, over taco bell or
McDonald's cookie dough, orcould you use some scratch,
cookie dough,
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Yoga pants, or jeans, yoga pants all day fireplace or
fire pit fire pit Mickey mouse,or Dora the Explorer Mickey
mouse.
I love it.
I felt like I was on a gameshow.
Thank you so much for having meon here.
This has been a fantasticpodcast and I am loving what
(24:06):
you're doing.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Oh, thank you.
If you'd like to learn moreabout glazing, join the
conversation where you listen toyour podcasts and please
subscribe and fate and share.
You can also follow the of gritjourney on glazing grid,
podcast.com.
I'm Jesse[inaudible].
And thank you so much forlistening to this episode on
glaze and grit.
(24:28):
Talk to you soon.
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