10 Minute Thoughts - Step Into Our Light

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Have you ever found yourself toning down your talents or muting your achievements to avoid overshadowing others? It's a challenge I've faced repeatedly, and it's what we explore in our latest 10 Minute Thoughts session on Go Ask Sawyer. With the wisdom of Marianne Williamson's "Our Greatest Fear" as a backdrop, I unravel the complexities of why we 'play small' and the profound effect it has on our lives and relationships. This intimate discussion is an invitation to confront the fears that hold us back from shining fully and to consider the paradoxical freedom found in expressing our true selves.

This episode is for anyone who has ever dimmed their light for the sake of comfort—be it in personal dynamics or broader social contexts such as politics and social justice. We examine the societal pressures that nudge us towards silence and the internal battles we wage in the quest for authenticity. By sharing my personal experiences and observations, I hope to offer insights that resonate with your journey towards living boldly and without compromise. Tune in for a conversation that promises to empower and challenge you to step into the brilliance that is authentically yours.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, hello, hello, welcome back.
This is Jamie Sawyer with GoAsk Sawyer for our new series
called 10 Minute Thoughts.
So each of these podcasts willbe 10 minutes, just my thoughts
on, usually a subject that seemsto be brewing either with
inside me or something I havenoticed within friends or people

(00:24):
that I'm around.
So my hope for this series isthat, as you're listening for
those 10 minutes, somethingsticks with you throughout the
day Maybe some advice you cangive other people, maybe things
that you've heard, maybe this isa message that you just needed
to hear today.
So today's 10 minute thoughtsis about playing small,
something I am very, very wellaware of in most relationships

(00:47):
and most things in my life, andI've really been working with
why I do this, why I get intosituations in which I dim my
light, in which I play small,and sometimes I've noticed
people around me havesubconsciously asked me to play
small.
Sometimes I realize I'm doingit myself.

(01:07):
So here are my thoughts on thislovely topic for today.
We're going to start out with apoem by Marianne Williamson
called Our Greatest Fear.
I also saw this poem in someschools that I have been touring
as well, and it goes like thisOur deepest fear is not that we
are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we arepowerful beyond measure.

(01:28):
It is our light, not ourdarkness, that most frightens us
.
We ask ourselves who am I to be?
Brilliant, gorgeous, talentedand fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does notserve the world.
There's nothing enlightenedabout shrinking so that other

(01:52):
people won't feel insecurearound you.
You were born to make manifestthe glory of God that is within
us.
It's not just in some of us,it's in everyone, and as we let
our own light shine, weunconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from ourown fear, our own presence

(02:12):
automatically liberates others.
That really resonated with me,because I feel like, in general,
people are drawn to me becauseI allow them to be themselves,
because I create a safe space,because I'm focusing on hearing
what you have to say and whatyou want, and not about telling
you who you need to be, and Iknow that's an authentic part of

(02:35):
myself that draws people in,and so I always wonder to myself
why then, all of a sudden, isthere a shift in relationships
that I have in which myauthenticity starts to go away
and it's usually again to gainlove, which if I'm trying to
gain love from someone byplaying small, then it's not

(02:55):
true love.
Maybe to gain acceptance, butif I'm trying to gain acceptance
, these are not the right peopleI'm surrounding myself with.
Maybe it's to make others feelsafe, seen and validated, but if
I have to play small on my endto make you feel seen and
validated, then I feel likethere's a disconnect there.
To not call other people, callother people out in their

(03:16):
wrongness.
Maybe someone is talking in arude way about people.
Maybe people are speaking ofracism.
Maybe people are speaking ofgay people.
Maybe people are speaking ofracism.
Maybe people are speaking ofgay people.
Maybe people are speaking of apolicy that is completely wrong.
Even moving into a year ofelection, everyone gets crazy
around this time but we playsmall to make others feel that

(03:40):
their thoughts are okay, eventhough maybe their thoughts or
their beliefs end up attackingyou or end up attacking another
person.
So you play small, you dim yourlight, you don't talk as loud,
which again is another placethat you would know.
Either A I'm not supposed to bethere, or B I should not have
to play small.
If what these people arefeeling, saying or thinking are

(04:04):
offending me, are offendingfriends, are offending just
other people in general, um, andif that is going to offend them
and upset them, then maybethose again aren't your people.
And I've definitely been inthose situations, especially the
2020 election, that had me so,so, so frustrated.
I don't really want to go backto that time, but just in the

(04:24):
way that people that I reallyloved would just look at me and
be so okay with how the worldhated on anyone who was not a
white, straight person whobelieved in Christianity, and it
just it saddened me becausethat is not what the world is.
But that could be anotherepisode.
We play small so that we don'tcause problems.

(04:45):
We don't cause problems in ourrelationships, we don't cause
problems in our workplace, butagain, you're really just making
the problem bigger and larger.
Some examples that I know I'mplaying small are usually when I
start to lose myself.
So maybe I'm not as goofy.
I don't do my weird randomhappy food dances or my dances

(05:06):
in the kitchen.
Maybe I even stop listening tothe music that I really like, I
stop watching shows that Ireally like, I betray or I go
against things that I want.
So, for example, let's say Ireally want to get married
someday, but I'm trying to be inthis relationship where the
other person doesn't want thatand all of a sudden I'm like,
well, maybe I don't want iteither, like that's playing

(05:28):
small.
If I want something, I need tostand on it, even our needs or
how we want to be loved.
I want someone to come and holdmy hand, I want someone to
write me notes, I want someonewho says come home, I want
someone who I've had a long dayand they're like, hey, I'm going
to make dinner for you and youjust chill.
But I end up getting into arelationship where none of that

(05:50):
happens and in my head I'm like,well, that's okay, but then I'm
just betraying something that Ireally want Again, dimming my
light, playing small, puttingdown my needs to make the
relationship work and I knowwhat you're all thinking.
But, jamie, then it's notworking.
Yeah, I know that, and that'swhat I'm trying to get to the
bottom of why I do this, and Ithink a lot of it just has to do

(06:14):
.
I'm reading a book right nowcalled the Mountain Is In you,
and there's a part that talksabout the different parts of
happiness and you get up to acertain point of happiness and
you just think that's all thereis.
You are kind of at that toptier of this, is all happy can

(06:35):
really be your upper limit, asGay Hendricks called it, your
upper limit of happiness.
And maybe I've just neverreally experienced what it is
like to be in a relationship.
And when I say relationship,I'm speaking love, I'm speaking
friendship, I'm speaking evenjobs, and my friendships have

(06:55):
gotten so strong and deep inthese recent years that it's not
necessarily there, but thereare still times where I play
small in relationships,friendships, to keep the peace,
and that's if we're looking atauthenticity.
That is not me.
If you want big love, what keepsyou from going after big love?
If you want the job that bringsin the money, what is holding

(07:18):
back and I know a lot of it isthat, like I don't deserve this,
or because you've neverexperienced it, you don't know
how to experience it.
Maybe I want big love but Idon't know how to show up for it
.
I don't know how to speak on it, I don't know how to ask for my
needs and I don't know how tostand on what I want.
Meaning?

(07:39):
If I want big love, why do Istay in places that doesn't give
me that?
If I want the job with themoney that's going to allow me
to travel, why do I stay inplaces that continue to devalue
the work that I do?
If I want friendships that allowhard conversations to happen,
that are going to have peoplethat see you for who you are,

(08:00):
why do I not say the things thatneed to be said?
Why do I not call out issueswhen it's like that is just not
okay?
Why do I not say more oftendon't speak to me that way?
Why do I not say more often Iwould love to have this
conversation, but you're nothearing my point and a lot it

(08:21):
all zeroes back to if I speak mypoint, if I speak my mind, they
might leave, but then that justcomes back to and if they do
okay, if they do okay.
I keep seeing on Facebookeveryone's sharing this little
phrase that says let them Speakyour mind, but also understand
that the person that you'respeaking to might not be able to

(08:42):
meet you where you're at.
The person that you're speakingto might not be able to meet
you where you're at.
The person that you're speakingto, might not be able to give
you what you want, and if thatis the case, you have to be able
to stand on it and either Aleave, b let them know.
Hey, then this conversationcan't go any further.
This job then I got to go findsomething else.

(09:03):
Where is your upper limit?
Where are you playing small?
Where are the places in yourlife where you don't speak on
what you need to speak on,because you're either afraid to
not keep the peace, to lose love, to lose acceptance, any of
those things?
And if you have no places inyour life like that man, that's

(09:24):
awesome.
Let's connect.
Help me, but I'm going tocontinue working on this.
I don't want to play smallanymore because I don't think
that that's what draws people tome.
I actually know that's not whatdraws people to me at all.
So I hope you have a beautifulday.
I hope these 10 minute thoughtssit with you, or maybe they
don't.
Maybe you listened to thistoday and you're like that poem

(09:45):
was cool.
I'm not gonna listen anymore,and that's okay too.
I'll see you next week.
Have a great day, bye.