May 12, 2024 • 10 mins
Ever found yourself caught in the crossfire of someone else’s emotional turmoil, or struggling to shield your dreams from the dampening skepticism of others? This week on Go Ask Sawyer's 10 Minute Thoughts, I, Jamie Sawyer, unpack the liberating mantra 'Stay in Your Lane,' drawing from the powerful tenets of 'The Four Agreements.' I'll take you through a transformative voyage of self-discovery, where embracing the art of not taking things personally is not just a fleeting notion but a practical strategy for daily resilience. You'll hear a gripping excerpt that might just be the key to unlocking an untouched level of personal freedom – a mindset shift that allows you to rise above the fray of a reactive society.
This episode is a treasure trove of anecdotal wisdom and tactical advice. I'll regale you with personal stories that underscore the potency of maintaining your inner peace despite outside interference. We'll examine the essence of staying grounded in the present and how to foster a sanctuary of trust even when faced with adversarial voices. Navigating the tension between self-preservation and external provocation has never been so critical. So, join me as we chart a course through the challenges of keeping steady in your own lane, where the rubber of your convictions meets the road of life’s ever-winding highway.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 0 (00:00):
Hello and welcome back to Go Ask Sawyer.
This is Jamie Sawyer, your hostwith our new series 10 Minute
Thoughts.
Today's theme is Stay in yourLane.
I feel like I did an episode onStay in your Lane back in
Season 1 when I first started.
I probably did one in Season 2and now this is a quick 10
(00:20):
Minute Thought on it.
But I do think it's worthrevisiting certain themes.
It's worth digging up newthings that you find about it.
Maybe you first hear aboutstaying in your lane and you
think to yourself, yeah, Ireally want to do that, but I
don't know how.
And then throughout the yearsyou learn new things about it.
And this week I just got donereading the Four Agreements,
(00:41):
which I don't know how it hastaken me so long to read this
book.
I know it has been around kindof forever, but Rule 2, don't
take anything personally reallyreally hit me.
I feel like right now we areliving in kind of a time where
we think we need to react towhat people say.
We need to have something tocome back with.
(01:01):
It shows that they're not goingto get us.
We're going to be stronger andthis last year has really
challenged me to stay in my laneand kind of let natural
consequence go where it needs togo without having a reaction.
So I'm going to read a littleexcerpt from Rule 2, don't Take
Anything Personally.
(01:21):
And then I have a story for youand we're going to go into our
day.
Even when a situation seems sopersonal, even if others insult
you directly, it has nothing todo with you.
What they say, what they do andthe opinions they give are
according to the agreements theyhave in their own mind.
Taking things personally makesyou easy prey for these
predators.
They can hook you easily withone opinion and feed you
(01:45):
whatever poison they want, andbecause you take it personally,
you eat it up.
I thought about this right Likethe more you know who you are,
the more you trust yourself whenpeople have stuff they throw at
you.
So often I tell my studentsthis, and I have to tell myself
this over and over it has moreto do with them than it does you
.
Now is it fair that they spewwhatever they do on you?
(02:06):
No, that is not fair.
But that is also somethingthey're fighting with inside.
They feel they have a right tospew their opinions on you, but
remember it's really aboutwhat's going on inside of them.
This next part.
There is a huge freedom thatcomes to you.
When you take nothingpersonally, you become immune to
these magicians and no spellcan affect you, regardless of
(02:28):
how strong it may be.
The whole world can gossipabout you and if you don't take
it personally, you are immune.
Someone can intentionally sendemotional poison and if you
don't take it personally, youwill not eat it.
When you don't take theemotional poison, it becomes
even worse in the sender but notin you.
Again, kind of remembering thatthat silence is almost always
(02:51):
worse than even saying anythingback, because a lot of times
when you're in your lane andpeople are coming in your lane,
they're trying to get some sortof rise or action out of you.
So let's talk about how to stayin our lane.
First of all.
Look down when are your feet?
Let's talk about how to stay inyour lane First of all.
Look down when are your feet.
That's your lane, this is yourlane, this is who you are, not
right, not left, not up, notdown.
(03:11):
In your lane, where your feetare.
How do you stay in your lane?
You just stay there.
Don't worry about what otherpeople have to say about you.
Don't worry about peoplecrushing your dreams or saying
you can't do something or youcan't accomplish something or
something isn't for you.
If there is a dream in yourheart, if there is a thought on
your soul, it has been placedthere, that is, in your lane.
(03:33):
What happens when somebodycomes into your lane?
A friend and I were justdiscussing the other day what do
you do when someone brings youreally bad news or says
something really bad to you,horrible to you.
How do you know when it's yourturn to say something back or
not?
And I think a lot of that ishow safe do you feel with that
person?
And that's, we'll get to thatin a second.
(03:55):
When that person has come intoyour lane and we're going to
talk about with coming into yourlane, I mean, has said
something uninvited, has donesomething to you uninvited,
they've come into your lanewithout your permission.
So I was driving up north thislast weekend and I was in my
lane listening to my audiobooklessons in chemistry, having a
grand old time, and this carjust came into my lane Like so
(04:17):
much so I had to honk my horn, Ihad to swerve, I had to slam on
my brakes and she flipped meoff.
Oh my gosh, I was so mad.
I was so mad, but I was likewhat just happened?
You came in my lane, you almostcaused an accident, you almost
ran me off the road.
My dog like hit the seat andyou flipped me off.
So I did what I normally don'tdo and I sped up into the other
(04:42):
lane just to see who this was.
And it was just I'm not goingto be judgy, whatever it was
like.
It looked like an annoyingwhite woman, whatever, but like.
But she then started mimickingme with this weird crying motion
and flipped me off again and,oh my gosh, every being in me
wanted to go at her to show herhow wrong she was, which she was
(05:03):
.
But then I was just like she'sjust not worth it.
I'm going up north, I'm goingto a place of relaxation and I
know maybe 80% of the peoplewould say you have every right
to I don't even know scream ather, yell at her, throw
something out the window at hercar, but like why I don't want
to get in an accident, I don'twant something worse to happen
(05:24):
to me or my car or her car, andthen I have to somehow pay for
it because of something thathappened, is car or her car, and
then I have to somehow pay forit because of something that
happened.
Is she having a bad day?
I don't know.
Was she late for something?
I don't know, maybe.
But it just got me thinkingLike, yes, I wanted to show her
and make her understand howwrong she was, but at the end of
the day, why?
If she's going to mimic me withthis weird crying motion and
(05:46):
flip me off after she came intomy lane uninvited, she's got a
lot of demons working inside her.
She probably doesn't need me toyell at her either.
And that's really what I keepthinking about.
Like when someone enters yourlane and just does something
without being invited, how manydemons, how much anger, how much
(06:06):
hurt, how much sadness is inthem that they feel they have
any right.
Put that on you and as soon asyou pick it up and start
fighting with it or going backand forth with it just like in
the passage I just read from thefour agreements you're drinking
the poison, you're engagingwith the poison.
The real immunity is let them Ithink I said that in my last
episode Let them.
Let them think they're betterthan you.
(06:27):
Let them think they got the oneup on you.
Let them.
Good for them, good for you.
Do you know who you are at yourcore?
Are there times in life whereyou do need to put someone in
their place, 100%?
There are people that overstepway, way, way too much.
But I just really want you tothink about when you are
engaging.
Is it a power struggle?
Or can you look at that personand just really think, man,
(06:55):
they're really going through itand for some reason they're
throwing it on me.
I'm not going to take it, I'mgoing to put it down because I
have more important beautiful,wonderful, positive energy to
put out into my lane, to put outinto the world.
So when someone comes into yourlane uninvited and again look
down at your feet, someone haswalked into your space, someone
has spewed their words into yourspace.
If you pick it up, you arepicking up the poison.
If you go back and forth,that's wasted energy.
(07:16):
Leave people in their ownenergy.
I think I said this in the lastepisode, also about Linus and
the dark cloud around him.
Let them sit in their darkcloud of poison.
Let them sit in it.
They don't want to be in it, sothey're trying to throw it on
you and then, if they do comeinto your space, ask yourself do
I feel safe?
Do I feel safe having aconversation?
(07:37):
Some people yeah, you might beable to be like, hey, I don't
want to have that conversationright now, or I don't like the
way you talk to me, or this ishow it made me feel, or there
was a miscommunication.
Let me clear that up.
But I feel like eight times outof 10, that person who is
coming into your lane uninviteddoesn't actually want to hear
what you have to say.
(07:58):
They walked into your laneuninvited because they wanted to
say something mean and rude toyou and that's it, because in
their head they're already right.
So when you engage in the poison, when you engage in this person
that has come into your lane,you're engaging with negative
energy, you're engaging withdirt, you're engaging with
poison.
You have to be selective aboutwho you give your energy to.
(08:20):
Not everyone deserves yourenergy, good or bad.
Not everyone deserves abeautiful conversation with you.
Not everyone deserves a hardconversation with you.
Hard conversations are reallydifficult and emotionally
draining in and of themselves,depending on what the subject is
, and you really need to be ableto feel safe with the person
you're talking to, to have thatconversation, and you can always
(08:42):
start it with.
This is going to be a hardconversation.
I'm going to do my best to bepresent.
Can you do the same for me?
And if they can't if they sayno, I can't.
If someone comes into your lanecompletely complaining about
something, let's just say wehave our complaining friends
right that are alwayscomplaining.
I feel like a little bit of mehas become that way at work,
(09:04):
which I do feel bad about, but Ithink it's just the season I'm
in.
You could always ask thatperson hey, do you want advice
or are you just looking to talk?
And also know that if thatperson is complaining to you,
that might be some energy that'sgoing onto you and picking up.
Are you in the right mindsetfor that?
When that energy exchange goesback and forth and maybe
(09:25):
negativity happens and you wantto get that last word in or you
want to prove your rightness,ask yourself why?
Why is it so important for meto prove my rightness to this
person?
I just really want you to thinkthe next time someone comes into
your lane uninvited, whetherthat be literally, through
action or through words, don'ttake the poison.
(09:46):
Don't pick up what they'rethrowing at you.
You don't have to.
You do not have to engage, youdo not have to prove your
rightness.
Do they even have goodintentions for you in life, or
are they just trying to throwout their dirty energy because
they don't want it anymore?
I'm going to leave you withthese words, which I do say to
(10:06):
my students, and I have toremind myself as well Not every
action needs a reaction.
Stay in your lane.
It's easier said than done, butI promise you you will really
start seeing people and you willstart to see all the stuff
going on inside them and you'llstart to see patterns, and it's
not okay for them to come intoyour lane uninvited, and you can
let them know that.
(10:27):
Have an amazing day.
I'll see y'all soon.
Bye.
Hello and welcome back to Go Ask Sawyer.
This is Jamie Sawyer, your hostwith our new series 10 Minute
Thoughts.
Today's theme is Stay in yourLane.
I feel like I did an episode onStay in your Lane back in
Season 1 when I first started.
I probably did one in Season 2and now this is a quick 10
(00:20):
Minute Thought on it.
But I do think it's worthrevisiting certain themes.
It's worth digging up newthings that you find about it.
Maybe you first hear aboutstaying in your lane and you
think to yourself, yeah, Ireally want to do that, but I
don't know how.
And then throughout the yearsyou learn new things about it.
And this week I just got donereading the Four Agreements,
(00:41):
which I don't know how it hastaken me so long to read this
book.
I know it has been around kindof forever, but Rule 2, don't
take anything personally reallyreally hit me.
I feel like right now we areliving in kind of a time where
we think we need to react towhat people say.
We need to have something tocome back with.
(01:01):
It shows that they're not goingto get us.
We're going to be stronger andthis last year has really
challenged me to stay in my laneand kind of let natural
consequence go where it needs togo without having a reaction.
So I'm going to read a littleexcerpt from Rule 2, don't Take
Anything Personally.
(01:21):
And then I have a story for youand we're going to go into our
day.
Even when a situation seems sopersonal, even if others insult
you directly, it has nothing todo with you.
What they say, what they do andthe opinions they give are
according to the agreements theyhave in their own mind.
Taking things personally makesyou easy prey for these
predators.
They can hook you easily withone opinion and feed you
(01:45):
whatever poison they want, andbecause you take it personally,
you eat it up.
I thought about this right Likethe more you know who you are,
the more you trust yourself whenpeople have stuff they throw at
you.
So often I tell my studentsthis, and I have to tell myself
this over and over it has moreto do with them than it does you
.
Now is it fair that they spewwhatever they do on you?
(02:06):
No, that is not fair.
But that is also somethingthey're fighting with inside.
They feel they have a right tospew their opinions on you, but
remember it's really aboutwhat's going on inside of them.
This next part.
There is a huge freedom thatcomes to you.
When you take nothingpersonally, you become immune to
these magicians and no spellcan affect you, regardless of
(02:28):
how strong it may be.
The whole world can gossipabout you and if you don't take
it personally, you are immune.
Someone can intentionally sendemotional poison and if you
don't take it personally, youwill not eat it.
When you don't take theemotional poison, it becomes
even worse in the sender but notin you.
Again, kind of remembering thatthat silence is almost always
(02:51):
worse than even saying anythingback, because a lot of times
when you're in your lane andpeople are coming in your lane,
they're trying to get some sortof rise or action out of you.
So let's talk about how to stayin our lane.
First of all.
Look down when are your feet?
Let's talk about how to stay inyour lane First of all.
Look down when are your feet.
That's your lane, this is yourlane, this is who you are, not
right, not left, not up, notdown.
(03:11):
In your lane, where your feetare.
How do you stay in your lane?
You just stay there.
Don't worry about what otherpeople have to say about you.
Don't worry about peoplecrushing your dreams or saying
you can't do something or youcan't accomplish something or
something isn't for you.
If there is a dream in yourheart, if there is a thought on
your soul, it has been placedthere, that is, in your lane.
(03:33):
What happens when somebodycomes into your lane?
A friend and I were justdiscussing the other day what do
you do when someone brings youreally bad news or says
something really bad to you,horrible to you.
How do you know when it's yourturn to say something back or
not?
And I think a lot of that ishow safe do you feel with that
person?
And that's, we'll get to thatin a second.
(03:55):
When that person has come intoyour lane and we're going to
talk about with coming into yourlane, I mean, has said
something uninvited, has donesomething to you uninvited,
they've come into your lanewithout your permission.
So I was driving up north thislast weekend and I was in my
lane listening to my audiobooklessons in chemistry, having a
grand old time, and this carjust came into my lane Like so
(04:17):
much so I had to honk my horn, Ihad to swerve, I had to slam on
my brakes and she flipped meoff.
Oh my gosh, I was so mad.
I was so mad, but I was likewhat just happened?
You came in my lane, you almostcaused an accident, you almost
ran me off the road.
My dog like hit the seat andyou flipped me off.
So I did what I normally don'tdo and I sped up into the other
(04:42):
lane just to see who this was.
And it was just I'm not goingto be judgy, whatever it was
like.
It looked like an annoyingwhite woman, whatever, but like.
But she then started mimickingme with this weird crying motion
and flipped me off again and,oh my gosh, every being in me
wanted to go at her to show herhow wrong she was, which she was
(05:03):
.
But then I was just like she'sjust not worth it.
I'm going up north, I'm goingto a place of relaxation and I
know maybe 80% of the peoplewould say you have every right
to I don't even know scream ather, yell at her, throw
something out the window at hercar, but like why I don't want
to get in an accident, I don'twant something worse to happen
(05:24):
to me or my car or her car, andthen I have to somehow pay for
it because of something thathappened, is car or her car, and
then I have to somehow pay forit because of something that
happened.
Is she having a bad day?
I don't know.
Was she late for something?
I don't know, maybe.
But it just got me thinkingLike, yes, I wanted to show her
and make her understand howwrong she was, but at the end of
the day, why?
If she's going to mimic me withthis weird crying motion and
(05:46):
flip me off after she came intomy lane uninvited, she's got a
lot of demons working inside her.
She probably doesn't need me toyell at her either.
And that's really what I keepthinking about.
Like when someone enters yourlane and just does something
without being invited, how manydemons, how much anger, how much
(06:06):
hurt, how much sadness is inthem that they feel they have
any right.
Put that on you and as soon asyou pick it up and start
fighting with it or going backand forth with it just like in
the passage I just read from thefour agreements you're drinking
the poison, you're engagingwith the poison.
The real immunity is let them Ithink I said that in my last
episode Let them.
Let them think they're betterthan you.
(06:27):
Let them think they got the oneup on you.
Let them.
Good for them, good for you.
Do you know who you are at yourcore?
Are there times in life whereyou do need to put someone in
their place, 100%?
There are people that overstepway, way, way too much.
But I just really want you tothink about when you are
engaging.
Is it a power struggle?
Or can you look at that personand just really think, man,
(06:55):
they're really going through itand for some reason they're
throwing it on me.
I'm not going to take it, I'mgoing to put it down because I
have more important beautiful,wonderful, positive energy to
put out into my lane, to put outinto the world.
So when someone comes into yourlane uninvited and again look
down at your feet, someone haswalked into your space, someone
has spewed their words into yourspace.
If you pick it up, you arepicking up the poison.
If you go back and forth,that's wasted energy.
(07:16):
Leave people in their ownenergy.
I think I said this in the lastepisode, also about Linus and
the dark cloud around him.
Let them sit in their darkcloud of poison.
Let them sit in it.
They don't want to be in it, sothey're trying to throw it on
you and then, if they do comeinto your space, ask yourself do
I feel safe?
Do I feel safe having aconversation?
(07:37):
Some people yeah, you might beable to be like, hey, I don't
want to have that conversationright now, or I don't like the
way you talk to me, or this ishow it made me feel, or there
was a miscommunication.
Let me clear that up.
But I feel like eight times outof 10, that person who is
coming into your lane uninviteddoesn't actually want to hear
what you have to say.
(07:58):
They walked into your laneuninvited because they wanted to
say something mean and rude toyou and that's it, because in
their head they're already right.
So when you engage in the poison, when you engage in this person
that has come into your lane,you're engaging with negative
energy, you're engaging withdirt, you're engaging with
poison.
You have to be selective aboutwho you give your energy to.
(08:20):
Not everyone deserves yourenergy, good or bad.
Not everyone deserves abeautiful conversation with you.
Not everyone deserves a hardconversation with you.
Hard conversations are reallydifficult and emotionally
draining in and of themselves,depending on what the subject is
, and you really need to be ableto feel safe with the person
you're talking to, to have thatconversation, and you can always
(08:42):
start it with.
This is going to be a hardconversation.
I'm going to do my best to bepresent.
Can you do the same for me?
And if they can't if they sayno, I can't.
If someone comes into your lanecompletely complaining about
something, let's just say wehave our complaining friends
right that are alwayscomplaining.
I feel like a little bit of mehas become that way at work,
(09:04):
which I do feel bad about, but Ithink it's just the season I'm
in.
You could always ask thatperson hey, do you want advice
or are you just looking to talk?
And also know that if thatperson is complaining to you,
that might be some energy that'sgoing onto you and picking up.
Are you in the right mindsetfor that?
When that energy exchange goesback and forth and maybe
(09:25):
negativity happens and you wantto get that last word in or you
want to prove your rightness,ask yourself why?
Why is it so important for meto prove my rightness to this
person?
I just really want you to thinkthe next time someone comes into
your lane uninvited, whetherthat be literally, through
action or through words, don'ttake the poison.
(09:46):
Don't pick up what they'rethrowing at you.
You don't have to.
You do not have to engage, youdo not have to prove your
rightness.
Do they even have goodintentions for you in life, or
are they just trying to throwout their dirty energy because
they don't want it anymore?
I'm going to leave you withthese words, which I do say to
(10:06):
my students, and I have toremind myself as well Not every
action needs a reaction.
Stay in your lane.
It's easier said than done, butI promise you you will really
start seeing people and you willstart to see all the stuff
going on inside them and you'llstart to see patterns, and it's
not okay for them to come intoyour lane uninvited, and you can
let them know that.
(10:27):
Have an amazing day.
I'll see y'all soon.
Bye.
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