10 Minute Thoughts - The Tides of Jealousy

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Ever felt the sting of jealousy, that insidious whisper that creeps into your heart when a friend succeeds or a partner shares a laugh with someone else? Join me, Jamie Sawyer, on 10 Minute Thoughts as I unravel the complexities of this emotion, sharing my own battles with jealousy and discussing its roots in fear of loss and insecurity. With references to Biblical wisdom and a deep dive into personal misalignment, I'll take you through the process of recognizing and overcoming the 'dirty air' energy that jealousy brings into our lives. This isn't just about envy; it's about understanding ourselves and the expectations that can lead us down a dark path.

As we navigate the choppy waters of self-reflection, we'll explore how communication and authenticity play crucial roles in disarming jealousy's grip on our relationships. I'll touch on the importance of recognizing our own worth and potential, which can get lost in the shadow of envy. It's a journey of self-improvement that demands self-awareness, and I'm here to guide you through it. So let's confront these feelings together, challenging their hold on our hearts and striving for a life where peace isn't just a fleeting visitor but a lifelong companion.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, hello, hello, welcome back.
This is Jamie.
Jamie Sawyer of Go Ask Sawyerand you are on episode two of
our new series, 10 MinuteThoughts.
So my thoughts for this week,our focus is on jealousy.
Oh, jealousy, the ugly J word.

(00:20):
I had a conversation at work theother day with a friend and she
said jealousy is something likeshe was speaking in the eye,
something I want from someone,but they are willing, willingly
giving it to someone else.
And that made so much sense,right?
Because it is the times that Iam the most jealous I've noticed
in my life are when someone Ilove is willingly giving an

(00:44):
action or words to someone elsein their life that I want them
to give to me.
And I really just thought tomyself, like why, again, 10
minute thoughts?
Why does this happen?
How can I stop it?
Because we all know jealousy isugly.
Jealousy does not actually doanything positive in your life.
It usually destroys more thingsthan it helps.

(01:07):
So for today's 10 minutethoughts, I did find two Bible
verses that I thought reallykind of wrapped up the whole
idea of jealousy and what itdoes to you, and the first one
is James 3.16 says for where youhave envy and selfish ambition.
There you will find disorderand every evil practice.

(01:28):
That one, I just thought again.
When there is jealousy, whenyou are envious of someone or
something else, there's usuallymaybe disorder or chaos in your
life and you never get what youwant in a do.
I want to say in a positive way, in a pure way, the actions

(01:50):
that you put forth to get whatyou are trying to get because of
jealousy are never pure and youusually end up maybe driving
people away.
Your energy is just off.
I always see is it Linus in theCharlie Brown part of the group
with his blankie and that bigpuff of dark air, the dirt air
around him.
I feel like jealousy comes withthat kind of dirty air energy
around you.

(02:11):
And the second verse that Ifound was Proverbs 14, 30.
It says a heart at peace giveslife to the body, but envy and
jealousy rots the bones.
So let's talk about whenjealousy occurs and what do we
do about it when it does.
I know for myself and again alot of this has to do with,

(02:34):
let's say, I mean, good friendsof mine can tell you I have a
big problem with them havingother friends.
We always used to make a jokeof it that it's like oh, jamie's
going to be jealous of thesenew friends, yet I can have as
many friends as I want.
It's very two faced.
I understand I am.
I will call myself out in everyway, but my whole understanding

(02:55):
was I don't know why you needother friends if you have me.
I don't know why you need to goand form these other
relationships.
And my jealousy came from Idon't know.
Does it go back to?
I think I'm going to lose myfriend.
I think the relationship theyhave with this other person is
better than what they have withme.
I don't trust who.
I am enough to know that we allneed people for different things

(03:20):
.
We all need differentrelationships for different
things.
I have good friends that areguys that give me a different
energy and outcome than some ofthe girlfriends that I have.
If I'm in a partnership or arelationship with my partner, I
have other friends because Ineed from her I'm going to need

(03:40):
one thing, and from mygirlfriends I'm going to need
another thing.
I have relationships with myparents because they're going to
give me something different.
And that's just one example,because jealousy has always been
something that I've struggledwith and I'm usually able to
ward it off, keep it off.
But it's popped up againrecently and I just thought like
, oh crap, because I also knowmy should we call it the alter

(04:03):
ego?
I also know my alter ego gets alittle crazy when I get jealous
and creates lots of stories inmy head that are probably not
true.
Lots of stories in my head thatare probably not true, creates
disorganized destruction,creates chaos, creates accusing

(04:24):
ideas that are not fair to placeon other people.
So that's really where thispopped up, because, a I want to
know how to deal with it.
Two, I also want to know how tosit with it.
I've been really trying topractice when I'm feeling
something, instead of justpushing it off or pushing it
away, like sitting with it.
So some things that I have comeup with I've jotted down that I
wanted to share with you alltoday.
So, first of all, friends are abig jealousy point for me.

(04:45):
The second one is just beinginvited places.
I get a weird thing of jealousyif it's like I've always
invited you one place and thenyou never invite me here or
there.
Now that could also be mere-examining that friendship or
relationship If I'm alwaysincluding this person, but yet
they don't include me.
That could mean I need tore-examine that relationship and

(05:09):
also, like am I communicatingmy needs to that person?
Even I've noticed the way, let'ssay, I'm in a partnership and I
noticed that when they're withthese certain people, my
partner's laughing all the timeand they're singing and they're
dancing, and then when they'rewith me, they're just not Like I
would be jealous of theiractions with these other people

(05:29):
and then think to myself athousand things that are
probably not true.
But also, am I communicating?
Hey, am I creating a safe spacewith me?
What is going on in ourrelationship that they feel they
cannot be that authentic partof themselves with me?
So what am I missing in thatrelationship?

(05:49):
Maybe even, like, when jealousycomes up, what am I not giving
myself?
That's what I've really beenlooking at.
A, am I out of alignment?
So a lot of times I'm noticingwhen that jealousy pops up, I'm
not in alignment with myself.
I've abandoned myself somewhereand now I'm putting on
unrealistic expectations to thatother person.
A lot of times I'm not stoppingand feeling it.

(06:11):
I'm just really gettingfrustrated and angry and sad,
instead of saying like, okay,what is going on here?
And then I'm trying to learnhow to speak on it.
Talking to the person that upsetme or I felt jealous with hey,
this made me feel this way.
Can we talk about it Now?
You also have to have a safeconnection with that other
person, not everyone you canhave that conversation with.

(06:31):
They might take it, takeoffense to it.
They might be like how dare yousay that these are my friends
or how dare you feel that way,or why are you trying to control
me?
I mean, those also areindicators that maybe that is
not the right I don't knowfriendship relationship to have.
But being able to have that hardconversation of hey, I felt
jealous, I felt this way.

(06:51):
Can we talk about it?
So then I also think to myselfhave I communicated my feelings?
And then what can I do formyself?
Like that goes back to theabandonment thing.
Is there something that I'm outof alignment with myself?
Going back to the abandonmentthing, is there something that
I'm out of alignment with myself?
Going back to the podcast fromlast week, have I played small
in some places, so I'm notshowing up as my full self?
Have I ignored some red flagsthat I probably should have paid

(07:14):
attention to?
Have I abandoned myselfsomewhere along the way, said
yes when I should have said no,and then am I putting unspoken
or unrealistic expectations on asituation, on a relationship or
on a person, which is reallyunfair to do.
But I know I've done that moreoften than not and I know we're
all human and that's usuallywhere that comes from.

(07:34):
And if you're saying yes to anyof those things the playing
small, the ignored flags,abandoning yourself or unspoken
expectations how can you resetyourself?
And that's kind of what I'mtrying to get to right now.
Where have I abandoned myself?
That I need to reset?
Where am I out of alignment?
Where have I not communicated?
Clearly, I need A, b and C.

(07:57):
If you cannot give me A, b andC, then I need to think to
myself A, can I give thosethings to myself?
Is it time for me to move on?
And are A, b and C expectationsthat I want for my whole future
, my purpose, my person?
And I think that's where wereally get to the root of the

(08:17):
jealousy.
If I'm out of alignment, if I'mignoring flags, if I'm playing
small, then things are going tobe happening in which I am not
showing up as my full self.
So then maybe I am wishingsomebody would give me the
attention that they're givingeach other people, or I'm
wishing I had that job or couldtravel the way those people did,

(08:37):
instead of showing up the waythat I need to show up for
myself.
So I'm still working onjealousy.
How does jealousy show up inyour life?
Is it more about how people act, or is it about maybe things or
opportunities other people havethat you want?
And just remember and I need toremind myself this too jealousy
just rots the bones andjealousy causes a lot of chaos.

(09:00):
Have a beautiful day.
I'll see you soon on our next10 Minute Thoughts.
Bye.