10 Minute Thoughts - What Makes Good Character

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Can embracing your flaws lead to genuine happiness and stronger character? Tune into this enlightening episode of Go Ask Sawyer, where we explore the profound impact of self-acceptance on personal growth. We delve into the essence of integrity, not as an absence of mistakes, but as the courage to own up to them. This episode emphasizes the critical importance of being honest with oneself, confronting hard truths, and breaking generational cycles. By accepting our darker parts, we can diminish the power others have over us and ultimately strengthen our sense of self and character.

We also tackle the often uncomfortable realm of difficult conversations in relationships. Sharing personal experiences, we discuss the pitfalls of avoiding these necessary talks and the resulting unresolved conflicts and missed opportunities for growth. The episode highlights the need to address hurt feelings early and the influence of insecurity on our interactions. Evaluating the people in our lives, we underscore that great character doesn't demand perfection, but rather an acknowledgment of our humanity and the inevitability of mistakes. Listen to gain insights into how these principles can impact your relationships and personal development.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, welcome back to Go Ask Sawyer.
This is Jamie, your host of GoAsk Sawyer, season three.
We are focusing on 10-minutethoughts, those ideas you have
rolling around in your brainwhen you're falling asleep,
going on a walk, sitting insilence.
Today's focus is on characterwhat gives someone good
character and I think you knowwhen I say that word.

(00:22):
If we all really sat andthought about it, we can think
of certain people in our lifethat you're like man, they're
just a good person, they justhave good character, even if
because this is the part I'vebeen thinking about even if
they've done wrong to otherpeople, there are still people
that we can look at and think Imean, they're a good person, I
like them, or they're a goodperson, I trust them, or they're

(00:44):
a good person, I want themaround me.
And so I really kind of wantedto explore what that good
character piece is today.
Proverbs 10, 19 says whoeverwalks in integrity walks
securely.
But whoever takes crooked pathswill be found out.
And I was thinking about thattoday because I mean, I've taken

(01:05):
many a crooked path.
Who has not?
Many things have been found out.
But I think the more importantpiece is are other people
finding out what you did?
Or are you finally finding out?
Are you finally sitting backand saying, hey, I need to own
this action, hey, I need to ownthis decision?
Because so often we are soworried about other people

(01:28):
judging or finding us out thatwe fail to realize we're just
hiding from ourselves.
The more you're able to acceptyourself, the more you are able
to accept your flaws, the moreyou are able to sit and think
about like, how did I play arole in that?
What have I done?
And accept yourself and loveyourself and move forward, the

(01:48):
less anyone can get to you.
I think that's so, so important.
I really never realized thatuntil maybe this last year.
The more you are able to acceptthe darkest parts of you it
does not matter what anyone elsehas to say, because it just
doesn't At the end of the day,you will be the last one
standing yourself right, like,even if you're married, even if

(02:09):
you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, best friend, at the
end of the day, it will be youleft standing.
At the end of the day, if youcan't accept yourself, you will
never truly be genuinely happyor confident.
Truly be genuinely happy orconfident.
Let's say that again becauseit's so important.

(02:30):
If you not your parents, notyour friends, not your enemies,
not your cheerleaders, if youcan't accept yourself and who
you are and all the deep, darkflaws and shadows about you, you
will never be truly content andhappy.
The more you are willing to digdeep, the more you are willing
to uncover about yourself, themore content and happy you will

(02:53):
be, because no one will have totell you about yourself.
That's why we don't like tohear right when people have to
tell us about ourselves.
Because if you haven't acceptedthat, when someone is like hey,
you're a conniving person, hey,you're a disgusting person, hey
, you're not a trustworthyperson, we don't like to hear

(03:15):
those words Like ooh, thosesting.
But if you already know likeyeah, I've played parts in
people's lives where I was veryuntrustworthy.
Yeah, I've played parts inpeople's lives I was a
disgusting character.
Yeah, I've played parts inpeople's lives where I hurt
someone deeply, it doesn't meanthat is who you are.
That is not a definition of you.
That is not part of yourcharacter.

(03:36):
Maybe you have played that part.
It does not define you.
I truly, truly encourage you tosit with yourself and dig deep
to uncover those things thatyou're worried other people are
going to find out about, becausethe faster you find out about
it, the less anyone else will beable to say to you about it.
And when we think about someonewho has good character, they're

(03:57):
honest.
The more honest you can be withyourself about roles that you
play in your life, roles thatyou play in other people's lives
, the stronger you are.
Integrity does not mean you'rea great person all the time.
It means you're.
I have integrity and I havemorals.
And yeah, I screw up and yeah,I have not always been the best,
but when I do make a mistake, Iwill own up to it.

(04:20):
A voice Someone with goodcharacter has a voice.
They stand up for people whodon't have a voice.
They also know how to use theirvoice.
They know when to get loud andwhen to get quiet.
They know when to listen andwhen to give advice.
They know how to have aconversation with someone who
does not like having hardconversations.

(04:42):
Courage A person with goodcharacter has great courage to
have hard conversations, greatcourage to stand on their word.
Great courage to try thingsthat maybe their family has
never tried.
They have great courage tobreak generational cycles.
They have great courage tostand up for things that maybe

(05:04):
people around them never havebefore.
You know, when you're always inthe we're going to go with the
flow.
We're going to go with the flow.
Well, everyone else does this.
Well, everyone else does this.
I was in a mode like that for along time.
And when you have the courageto finally break through that,
that is so powerful and someaningful and people look at
that as character, like holy cow.

(05:25):
They may get mad at you, youmight have people cut you off,
you may have people yell at youor constantly be in an argument
with you, but also realize thosepeople may have never had the
courage to look at the world, tolook at issues, to look at
things differently, and a lot oftimes when people get loud,

(05:46):
they're not feeling heard orthey just want to be right, so
they're going to try to screamand talk over you.
A person with great characterdoes not create conflict.
Hear me again A person withgreat character does not create
conflict.
A person with great characterdoes not create conflict.
A person with great characterlooks for solutions.
A person with great characterlooks to put out flames, looks

(06:06):
to put out conflict.
A person, I think with goodcharacter looks to how can we
change this, how can we fix this?
How can we make this better?
A person with great character,determined and understands their
flaws I think that's even I wastalking about that just before.
A person with great characterunderstands their flaws.

(06:28):
They see their biases, theyknow hey, this stuff makes me
uncomfortable.
Hey, this topic makes meuncomfortable.
Hey, I have not always been thegreatest friend to my friends.
Hey, uncomfortable.
Hey, I have not always been thegreatest friend to my friends.
Hey, sometimes I ghost people.
I mean, a huge flaw of mine I'vedone it four times at least is
when I think I'm going to hurtsomeone's feelings.

(06:49):
I put up a whole ginormous walland I will run the other way
because I don't know how to dealwith it.
Right, I don't know how to dealwith it.
I don't want to deal with it,and that is something that I
have been taught right, like alot of things in family have
been well, we'll just keep itquiet, or we'll just ignore it,
or we'll just pretend it didn'thappen, but that doesn't

(07:10):
actually fix anything.
But my, my trait is because Iam scared of conflict.
If you're mad at me, you musthate me and I'm unlovable, and
now I'm going to run away andthat is not a good
characteristic to have, but Iknow I have this characteristic.
It is hard for me to have hardconversations.
It's hard for me to see my rolein maybe what I should have

(07:35):
done right, like, let's say, arelationship.
A lot of times this happens inmy relationships where they end
in some sort of explosion andthen I'm just like great, this
is over and never talk to meagain and I run the other way
and it's.
It's hard to look back andrealize, man, if I would have
just, you know, six months ago,if I would have just talked
about this, it could have beendifferent Six months ago.

(07:56):
If I would have just said theiractions hurt me, things could
have been different.
But I was scared that if I saidtheir actions hurt me, then I
would have to uncover morethings.
And that's a characteristic ofmine that I get sometimes scared
to go too deep or scared to godeep because of what I might
uncover.
And that's something that I'mworking with right now.

(08:17):
Like what would I be scared of?
So the last thing aboutcharacters and having a good
character is how we speak aboutother people.
I've noticed and I've done thistoo, and usually when I'm doing
this I'm feeling I'm in aninsecure state.
But there are certain peoplethat whenever I hang around them
, all they want to do is talkabout other people.
They don't want to talk aboutideas, they don't want to be

(08:38):
creative, they don't want togenuinely just lift each other
up.
It's hey, did you see what theywere wearing?
Hey, did you see what she said?
Hey, can you believe they didthis?
And that's just a charactertrait.
That is just heavy and I'verealized I've talked to some
friends about this too like whenthat keeps coming up, that's,

(08:58):
it's like an insecurity and italso almost feels at times like
is there nothing else to talkabout except another person?
And if there's only anotherperson to talk about, then what
is our friendship based on?
And what does that say, andwhat does that say about that
person's character, that allthey can ever think to talk
about is other people?
So, on this topic of characterand having a good character, I

(09:21):
think it's just really importantto think about what do I bring
to the table, what are thecharacteristics I'm really proud
of and what are characteristicsdo I need to work on?
And then also who in my lifebrings light to me, who in my
life do I love to be around?
Who in my life do I just lightup?
And then who do I have in mylife that brings darkness or
drains my energy?

(09:41):
And that's usually saying a lotabout their character, who they
are, their integrity.
And the last thing I'm going tosay is you do not need to be a
perfect person to have greatcharacter.
We are human.
We are all going to mess up.
We are all going to hurt peoplethat we do not mean to hurt.
But that does not define youand that does not define your
character.
I hope this gave you