May 4, 2025 • 23 mins
We explore why we settle for less than we deserve in relationships, jobs, and life situations, examining how journaling can help us recognize patterns and reconnect with our true desires.
• Settling often stems from not believing we're worthy of better options
• Fear of the unknown and change keeps us in uncomfortable but familiar situations
• We often don't realize we're settling until well past the honeymoon phase
• Staying in situations where we've settled creates anger, resentment, and loss of self
• Being "impeccable with your word" requires aligning your actions with your stated desires
• Writing down what you want creates a contract with yourself
• Your body signals when you're settling through depletion and exhaustion
• Regular journaling helps unblock creativity and clarify what you truly want
• Telling yourself "I love you" can help heal abandonment wounds
• Journal prompts: "I am," "I receive," "I trust," "I will," and "I allow"
Set aside 3-5 minutes daily for journaling and notice how it helps you recognize where you're settling and what changes you need to make.
Books referenced: 'The Four Agreements' by Don Miguel Ruiz and 'The Artist's Way' by Julia Cameron.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and happy Sunday.
Welcome back to Go Ask Sawyer.
This is your host, jamie, andwelcome to our new journaling
season of Go Ask Sawyer, wherewe are working to uncover
different parts of ourselfthrough journaling.
In everything I have ever donetherapy, life coaching, working
(00:22):
out, reading everythingJournaling to me has been the
one thing that has kind of Idon't want to say saved me, but
journaling has always been theway back to myself and the way
to kind of work through whateveris happening.
So if you are new here, welcometo my other 10 people that are
listening to me.
(00:42):
Thank you, guys for joiningagain.
As always, you will need yournotes app or a journal and
something to write with and Idon't know 15 to 20 minutes of
time for yourself, and this isreally for you, this is not for
me.
You decide to show up today,you decide to press play, you
decided to give yourself achance.
So, as always, we are going tostart with three minutes of
(01:05):
uninterrupted journaling.
So you are going to pause thepodcast here, set your timer for
three minutes and I want youjust to write without stopping
for three minutes.
You can put the date on it, youcan write lyrics to a song.
You can start naming everythingaround you.
You can write a letter toyourself.
You can write I don't know overand over and over.
You can reflect namingeverything around you.
You can write a letter toyourself.
(01:25):
You can write I don't know overand over and over.
You can reflect back to lastweek's episode about shame and
think about different maybethings that have come up.
Or you can just use it as atime to curse someone out that
you are upset with at work or inyour life.
So set your timer for threeminutes at work or in your life.
So set your timer for threeminutes, hit pause and go.
(01:46):
Welcome back.
I hope you enjoyed your timewriting and got some thoughts
and ideas out on your paper.
Today, our focus for thisepisode is going to be around
settling why we settle.
So our first journaling podcastwas about our worth, thinking
about our worth and reallytrying to dig deep to figure out
(02:08):
why maybe sometimes we don'tfeel worthy in different areas
of our life.
Last week we looked at shameand how shame shows up for
ourselves, like how we causeourselves shame and then when
other people are shaming us,those projections.
Today we're looking at settling, and this I mean we settle
(02:29):
again because we don't thinkwe're worthy of other things.
So we settle in all sorts ofplaces environments, jobs,
friendships, romantic ships,decisions we've outgrown.
I've been thinking a lot aboutthat, like, oh, I've always
wanted to move downtownMilwaukee.
Okay, we'll just do that.
I've always wanted to movedowntown Milwaukee and I hang on
(02:51):
to that, hang on to that, hangon to that, and then maybe I do
it and I realize this is notactually what I wanted.
So what thoughts and decisionswhere have we settled in that,
when we look up the definitionfor settling, it's to reach an
agreement, adapt a securelifestyle, become comfortable in
a position which is not alwaysa bad thing, because I would
(03:16):
love to figure out how to createa secure lifestyle,
specifically with someone right,like, while staying challenged.
How do you become comfortablein your relationship and
continue to be challenged?
But maybe that would mean thatyou have someone in your life
that you have open conversationwith and you're both on the same
(03:36):
page and you both challengeeach other so that you can feel
comfortable and safe with them.
But yet you're also pushingyourself to be the best.
And I've asked I surveyed someteachers and some friends about,
like, why they've settled indifferent aspects of their life
and the answers are really a lotof times the same right Hard
(03:57):
time believing I'm worthy enoughto demand what I want.
The unknown feels scary.
We fear change and uncertainty.
Most of us realize, don't evenrealize, we're settling until
it's too late, right, thathoneymoon phase of whatever it
is, the friendship, the romanticship, the job.
(04:17):
We don't even realize we'resettling for something, maybe
less than while we're in thathoneymoon phase, because those
rosy glasses are on.
And then, six months to a yearin, and you're just like whoa,
like I've either lost myself orI've stopped dreaming big or
I've just become complacent.
So it's not always likedirectly in front of us.
(04:40):
But what do we do when werealize we have settled?
And again, you guys, I cannotemphasize enough how much
journaling can help you.
Jeremiah 5.11 says For I knowthe plans I have for you,
declares the Lord plans toprosper you and not harm you,
plans to give you hope and afuture.
I really loved this verse whenI found it because it reminded
(05:06):
me of that saying, and I'm surewe've all seen it all over the
gram and the TikTok and all thethings.
God will not allow you to becomfortable in a situation that
is not meant for you.
He will make sure you feeldiscomfort.
So you have to move.
Think of how many times you'vebeen in situations and you all
(05:27):
of a sudden get anxiety.
And again, I just went througha situation this last year where
I had depression and anxietyand it turned out it wasn't that
it was the situation.
How many times have you been ina situation where, all of a
sudden, you've stopped all thehabits that you normally
exercise eating right?
He will never allow you to bepeaceful and comfortable with a
(05:49):
person or a situation you're notsupposed to be with, and I
really hope and this is a hopefor myself and a hope for all of
you that we really payattention to those moments and
times in which we look aroundand kind of realize like I am
not happy, I am sad, or I thinkI'm depressed, or I have anxiety
(06:11):
and I've never had anxietybefore, or I'm not doing what I
love anymore, and we're reallyable to pay attention to like
who am I surrounding myself with?
What am I putting in my body?
Am I sleeping?
Am I not sleeping?
What am I putting in my brain?
Again, what TV shows am Iwatching?
Am I getting exercise?
Am I getting outside?
So, again, all of this does goto settling.
(06:35):
Once we're like in thosemoments of I shouldn't be here,
that's where we have tounderstand our worth.
We have to understand why wesettle, and I'm actually going
to ask you to pause the podcasthere and write down like one to
four times you know you'vesettled and this can be anything
(06:55):
from like high school, college,however old you are right now,
where are times in your lifethat you know you should have
left and you didn't.
So go ahead and pause here andjust write those down.
Okay, welcome back.
That was not meant to feel weird, but it was more just kind of
meant to be like huh, what aremy patterns?
(07:15):
I don't know.
My pattern is one, feelingchosen, blah, blah, blah,
working on that um.
And two, proving myself rightlike I will stay places to
constantly prove my worth, whichis so silly, because if I
really understood my worth assoon as I would realize that
(07:36):
that environment didn'tunderstand my worth, I would
just pack my bags and go right.
So that's why it's so importantto understand how great we
really really are when we stayin places where we are not meant
to be.
The emotions come with thatright Anger, resentment and loss
of self.
So anger is a strong sense ofannoyance, displeasure or
(07:58):
hostility, resentment, feelingbitter and having being treated
unfairly, and then, of course,loss of self.
Loss of self, abandoning one'swants, desires, values to fit
into a ship.
I've decided to callrelationships ships because I
just like it.
I don't know If you don't likeit, you can call it a
(08:18):
relationship, but I like ships.
This last week I feel like I wasdealing with a lot of like
anger emotions, not atnecessarily anyone, at myself,
like I was really strugglingwith feeling angry at myself for
being where I am, and I knowlike anger is the surface level
(08:38):
emotion.
So this week I've been doing alot of work journaling, thinking
, talking around anger, and Ithink that anger is what is it
like?
A distilled emotion that hascome from the last, you know,
two years of staying in a placeI should not have been and I'm
(09:00):
just angry with myself that Ididn't believe in myself more.
I'm just angry with myself thatI didn't believe in myself more
.
So this anger is more for meand I know there's more under
that.
So I also want you to thinkabout like okay.
Are there places I've stayed?
And then what emotions come upafter that Like are, all of a
(09:20):
sudden, you resent.
Do you resent that person, thatjob, that friendship, and is
that fair to put on the person?
Or is it really you right?
When we choose to settle in,wherever we're at, we're
choosing to stay complacent.
Is that the word?
We're choosing to staycomplacent in a place with no
growth?
When we settle, we die.
I'm not being dramatic, butlike those beautiful parts of us
(09:41):
die.
So I'm going to be using rightnow the four agreements.
I just reread it for the secondtime by Don Miguel Ruiz, and I'm
again an amazing book.
If you have not picked it up,please go get it.
Hopefully that can help whenwe're in moments of like.
Why am I settling?
What am I doing?
So being impeccable with yourword is where everything starts.
(10:12):
Once this is solid, everythingelse can fall into place and you
can get a clear picture of youand what you actually want,
which is why it's so importantto journal.
What do I actually want in life, in a partner, in a job?
What do I want my world to looklike?
Your word, the word, is the mostpowerful tool you can have as a
(10:33):
human.
It is a tool of magic but likea sword, it has two edges.
Your word can create the mostbeautiful dream.
Think of a time someone hassaid to you like oh my gosh, you
are the most beautiful thingI've ever seen.
Or every time I'm around you, Ijust feel so lit up inside.
Your words have so much powerbehind them.
(10:55):
They can also literally destroypeople and things around you
your word.
So when you use your word atsomeone or about something,
realize how powerful that is.
And then when you just try topick it back up, like oops, I
didn't mean that, it's alreadyout there, we've all done the
(11:16):
activity where you squeeze thetoothpaste out of the tube and
then you try to get it back inOnce those words are out there.
They're out there and, like Ithink I said in my shame episode
, we can't go back and redoanything.
But how can you learn, how canyou change and move on from that
?
It is through the word that youmanifest everything, regardless
(11:38):
of what language you speak.
Your intent manifests throughyour word.
What you dream, what you feeland what you really are will all
be manifested through your word.
What happens when you say Ididn't intend to do that.
Yet your actions and words allpoint to exactly what you just
did.
In that case, you're out ofalignment, right.
(11:59):
Like I didn't mean to run overmy cat, that was not my intent.
However, when I got in the car,my cat that was not my intent.
However, when I got in the car,I was looking at my phone, I
was trying to get my radioconnected, I was thinking about
where I had to be.
I didn't actually look in myrearview mirror and I ran over
my cat.
So my actions were verydistracted, not paying attention
(12:20):
, not thinking about what I wasactually doing, and then I
killed my cat.
That did not actually happen.
It is just a story I made up.
But when we say that, how areour words and actions like
aligning or not, we find thatonce we can let go, we use our
word, we stand on it, we do notsettle, and once we get out of
(12:40):
those places think about howmuch energy you have you just
feel less exhausted.
I don't think and again, Inever pay attention to this when
I'm in the moments until I'vemoved into a different situation
and I'm like, oh my gosh, I wasexhausted or that really sucked
the energy out of me every timeI was with A, b or C or at that
(13:04):
job.
When you feel depleted afteryou leave places, please
understand that is your body'sway of telling you you are
starting to settle or you're ina place you shouldn't be.
People and places should fillyou up.
I understand we haveobligations, but if we are not
impeccable with our word, wewill stay in places of comfort,
(13:26):
we will stay out of alignmentand we will allow things to
happen right that bring us if wewant to say shame.
That bring us frustration.
That bring us anger.
And yes, please all understand.
Easier said than done, I havestayed in so many situations I
should not have and you only seeit hindsight.
(13:48):
So how can we be better about it?
Well, journal, get really clearon what you want your vision to
be.
So I wrote down an example.
Okay, if I write, I want asolid, committed, healthy
relationship with a partner whocommunicates their wants and
needs and makes me feel secure.
But I settle for someone andmakes me feel secure, but I
settle for someone who makes mefeel confused, who brings
(14:12):
unhealthy habits intorelationships and does not make
me shine.
My actions are telling myuniverse spirit that I'm saying
I want this but I'm not actuallyready for it.
These actions, these placesthat I stay.
If I say I'm wanting this butI'm settling for this, they all
tell my higher up self that AI'm not ready, I don't actually
(14:32):
want it and I don't feel worthyfor it.
So how can we allow thesethings to come into our life if
we're saying one thing and doinganother?
When you guys write and Ireally encourage you every day,
set that timer for three to fiveminutes.
When we write, every day, weshow up for ourselves.
This is from the Artist's Way byJulia Cameron, an amazing book.
(14:55):
I did hear that Dochi also readit and went through it before
she started doing her music,which I think is super cool.
But it's an amazing book if youhave not picked it up.
Music, which I think is supercool, but it's an amazing book
if you have not picked it up.
It's really going to push youto kind of like dig way deep and
some chapters are hard and someare easy.
(15:15):
But she says when we reallylook at how we are showing up in
our lives, we're taking amoment to notice where we are
not in alignment.
I love this part.
When we write affirmations,intentions and desires, we are
creating a contract withourselves.
Think about any business you gointo, it's always like put it
in writing.
I don't believe it until it'sput in writing.
(15:35):
Once I sign my name on papersaying what salary I want, what
responsibilities, I will do allof that Before it's put in
writing, it's not real.
Once it's in writing, all ofthat before it's put in writing,
it's not real.
Once it's in writing, that's acontract.
When we write things down in ourjournal and I'm going to give
you guys a few sentences, I wantto write, I want you to write
(15:55):
at the end of here, that's abusiness deal you're making with
ourselves, or yourselves, Ishould say, which is also
probably why it's so hard towrite for some of us, because
we're not ready to say the truthor we're not ready to really
write down what we want.
Because once we start writingit down, oh, you are going to
notice all the parts of yourlife where you're like dang, I
am not.
It's going to be like thatlittle tap on the shoulder, Like
(16:18):
dude, you just said you wantedto stop eating fast food, yet
your friends keep wanting to goto fast food places and you keep
going.
What are you doing, right?
We're ignoring that promise orthat goal that we've set up for
ourself.
So really be again back to ourfour agreements.
Write down what do you want yourlife to look like, your partner
(16:39):
to look like your job, to looklike?
Get crazy with it.
I have been getting so insanewith my dreams because I keep
thinking I'm worth it, why not?
What do you stand for?
And guess what?
I hate to bring us all the wayback around.
But when we are not true to ourword, we create shame in
ourselves and we're right backto where we started.
(17:00):
A lot of times, that's wherethat shame comes from being out
of alignment, knowing we'redoing things against our word,
our goals, our values that wemade for ourself.
And I'm going to go back to howcan we stay on top of it every
day, right, for three to fiveminutes, I don't even care.
And again, you guys, I've beendoing this since November and it
has been so eyeopening.
(17:20):
I do write three pages everyday of literally just.
Sometimes it's random stuff,sometimes it's letters, all
sorts of things.
It helps so much to get out.
Let yourself laugh, cry, scream, whatever it is.
Write it down and you're goingto start to notice that newness
is going to come out.
If we keep everything inside, wecan't grow.
(17:41):
If we keep everything tampeddown inside, we can't really
experience new things.
All of a sudden, I have all ofthese ideas all of a sudden,
because I've been writing everymorning.
It's almost like something wasclogged and I just cracked all
the way open and all of this iscoming out.
What have you been doing or notdoing lately that you've been
proud of?
(18:02):
So, as we come toward the end ofour podcast, I'm not going to
pull a card today because I feellike I do want to read, apart
from the four agreements,because at this point it's
really you At the end of the day.
What do they say?
Your best and only relationshipthat will never break is the
one you have with yourself, andI know that a lot of my anger
(18:25):
that I was dealing with thislast week is like that inner
child, like it's almost like.
Sometimes I can see a little mesitting there thinking why did
you leave me?
Why did you abandon me so fast?
Why did you walk away and justleave me here?
Was I not good enough?
That abandonment, ooh, trauma.
(18:45):
Recently I had a friend whotriggered that pretty bad
Working on that right now, but Iguess not even really a friend.
But every time we abandonourselves, we're telling
ourselves our dreams are notworth it, our values are not
worth it, we are not worth it.
And then we stay in places weshouldn't and we settle.
Recently I've been dancing alot in public, all over
(19:08):
everywhere, because it's been along time since I've just felt
like pure, because it's been along time since I've just felt
like pure, unadulterated joy.
And also I've been puttingmyself out in the world in ways
I've always wanted to, but I'vebeen embarrassed.
I've been embarrassed becausewho do I think I am?
I don't know how to podcast,I'm not a great dancer who do I
(19:28):
think?
I am saying all these things,telling people what to do, but
I'm doing this like 30 days ofdelusional dreams and happiness,
like living in a world that isalready real as the main
character of my own life,creating the life I want, before
it's even come into fruition.
And it's been really scary andreally fun, and then scary again
(19:52):
, and then fun again, and then Iself-doubt and then I go back
into the thing, but I just keepcoming back up for air and
thinking, no, I love this, I'mhaving so much fun.
What is it going to take for youto believe you are worthy of
greatness?
It's going to take you.
It is going to take you writingit down and being impeccable
(20:13):
with your word.
The truth and this is from thefour agreements the truth is the
most important part of beingimpeccable with your word.
Only the truth will set youfree, and this I'm not
necessarily telling you to golike tell people all over the
world the truth.
I think it's more about tellingyourself the truth, which is
(20:33):
really hard to do Sometimes.
I think it's harder to tellyourself the truth about
whatever it is, than otherpeople, because once you tell
yourself the truth, you have tosee it and then you have to
realize like dang, is that mebeing out of alignment or is
that my character?
And if that's me being out ofalignment, I can fix that.
But if that's actually mycharacter, if this has become
(20:55):
like a pattern, how am I goingto fix that?
So I'm going to leave you withtwo things.
Number one use the word in thecorrect way.
Share your love.
Tell yourself how wonderful youare, how great you are.
Tell yourself how much you loveyourself.
Use the word to break all ofthose teeny tiny agreements that
(21:17):
make you suffer.
A lot of times I end myjournaling with I love you,
jamie, because I need to hear itand say it, and I still almost
cry every time.
I say that Isn't that funny?
I don't think it's funny,actually.
I think it just comes from thatabandonment wound and like kind
of coming back to self.
Like when you apologize tosomeone for doing something that
(21:39):
hurt them, it causes you to cry.
When you realize like someoneyou care about you cause them
pain, or if you run over yourcat, right, and so when I keep
saying like I love you, jamie, Ilove you, jamie, it's me, you
know, apologizing to myself andcoming back to me, and that is a
lot harder than I think weunderstand.
(22:01):
Try that today.
Put your hand on your heart andsay I love you and then say
your name and see what happens.
All right, before I let us go inyour journal, open it up to
wherever you are, I want you towrite.
I'm going to pause after eachone and so just write the phrase
and then maybe skip a line ortwo so that you can come back to
(22:21):
this.
So the first one is I am, Ireceive, I trust I will, and
then I allow.
And I just want you to writesentences with all of those I am
, what I receive, what I trust,what I will and I allow.
(22:43):
Be crazy about it.
Notice how your body reacts.
Also, when you write thosesentences, do you hear yourself
saying that's not really true?
Or I know I'm going to writethis down, but I won't actually
do it?
Like you're literallysabotaging yourself as you're
writing.
Try to write if you noticeyourself sabotaging.
(23:04):
Like I know I won't do that.
Maybe afterwards say yet, notyet.
Yet.
I have not yet I will, I havenot yet.
Don't let yourself doubtyourself before anything has
started.
Again, we are conditioned toaccept other people's
definitions of us.
That's where a lot of thiscomes from too how other people
(23:26):
see us, how other people thinkwe should be, should talk,
should act.
When we dare to defy it andshow up for ourselves, it feels
weird.
All right, y'all, stay cute,stay loud, keep dancing, even
when everyone is watching Peace.
Hello and happy Sunday.
Welcome back to Go Ask Sawyer.
This is your host, jamie, andwelcome to our new journaling
season of Go Ask Sawyer, wherewe are working to uncover
different parts of ourselfthrough journaling.
In everything I have ever donetherapy, life coaching, working
(00:22):
out, reading everythingJournaling to me has been the
one thing that has kind of Idon't want to say saved me, but
journaling has always been theway back to myself and the way
to kind of work through whateveris happening.
So if you are new here, welcometo my other 10 people that are
listening to me.
(00:42):
Thank you, guys for joiningagain.
As always, you will need yournotes app or a journal and
something to write with and Idon't know 15 to 20 minutes of
time for yourself, and this isreally for you, this is not for
me.
You decide to show up today,you decide to press play, you
decided to give yourself achance.
So, as always, we are going tostart with three minutes of
(01:05):
uninterrupted journaling.
So you are going to pause thepodcast here, set your timer for
three minutes and I want youjust to write without stopping
for three minutes.
You can put the date on it, youcan write lyrics to a song.
You can start naming everythingaround you.
You can write a letter toyourself.
You can write I don't know overand over and over.
You can reflect namingeverything around you.
You can write a letter toyourself.
(01:25):
You can write I don't know overand over and over.
You can reflect back to lastweek's episode about shame and
think about different maybethings that have come up.
Or you can just use it as atime to curse someone out that
you are upset with at work or inyour life.
So set your timer for threeminutes at work or in your life.
So set your timer for threeminutes, hit pause and go.
(01:46):
Welcome back.
I hope you enjoyed your timewriting and got some thoughts
and ideas out on your paper.
Today, our focus for thisepisode is going to be around
settling why we settle.
So our first journaling podcastwas about our worth, thinking
about our worth and reallytrying to dig deep to figure out
(02:08):
why maybe sometimes we don'tfeel worthy in different areas
of our life.
Last week we looked at shameand how shame shows up for
ourselves, like how we causeourselves shame and then when
other people are shaming us,those projections.
Today we're looking at settling, and this I mean we settle
(02:29):
again because we don't thinkwe're worthy of other things.
So we settle in all sorts ofplaces environments, jobs,
friendships, romantic ships,decisions we've outgrown.
I've been thinking a lot aboutthat, like, oh, I've always
wanted to move downtownMilwaukee.
Okay, we'll just do that.
I've always wanted to movedowntown Milwaukee and I hang on
(02:51):
to that, hang on to that, hangon to that, and then maybe I do
it and I realize this is notactually what I wanted.
So what thoughts and decisionswhere have we settled in that,
when we look up the definitionfor settling, it's to reach an
agreement, adapt a securelifestyle, become comfortable in
a position which is not alwaysa bad thing, because I would
(03:16):
love to figure out how to createa secure lifestyle,
specifically with someone right,like, while staying challenged.
How do you become comfortablein your relationship and
continue to be challenged?
But maybe that would mean thatyou have someone in your life
that you have open conversationwith and you're both on the same
(03:36):
page and you both challengeeach other so that you can feel
comfortable and safe with them.
But yet you're also pushingyourself to be the best.
And I've asked I surveyed someteachers and some friends about,
like, why they've settled indifferent aspects of their life
and the answers are really a lotof times the same right Hard
(03:57):
time believing I'm worthy enoughto demand what I want.
The unknown feels scary.
We fear change and uncertainty.
Most of us realize, don't evenrealize, we're settling until
it's too late, right, thathoneymoon phase of whatever it
is, the friendship, the romanticship, the job.
(04:17):
We don't even realize we'resettling for something, maybe
less than while we're in thathoneymoon phase, because those
rosy glasses are on.
And then, six months to a yearin, and you're just like whoa,
like I've either lost myself orI've stopped dreaming big or
I've just become complacent.
So it's not always likedirectly in front of us.
(04:40):
But what do we do when werealize we have settled?
And again, you guys, I cannotemphasize enough how much
journaling can help you.
Jeremiah 5.11 says For I knowthe plans I have for you,
declares the Lord plans toprosper you and not harm you,
plans to give you hope and afuture.
I really loved this verse whenI found it because it reminded
(05:06):
me of that saying, and I'm surewe've all seen it all over the
gram and the TikTok and all thethings.
God will not allow you to becomfortable in a situation that
is not meant for you.
He will make sure you feeldiscomfort.
So you have to move.
Think of how many times you'vebeen in situations and you all
(05:27):
of a sudden get anxiety.
And again, I just went througha situation this last year where
I had depression and anxietyand it turned out it wasn't that
it was the situation.
How many times have you been ina situation where, all of a
sudden, you've stopped all thehabits that you normally
exercise eating right?
He will never allow you to bepeaceful and comfortable with a
(05:49):
person or a situation you're notsupposed to be with, and I
really hope and this is a hopefor myself and a hope for all of
you that we really payattention to those moments and
times in which we look aroundand kind of realize like I am
not happy, I am sad, or I thinkI'm depressed, or I have anxiety
(06:11):
and I've never had anxietybefore, or I'm not doing what I
love anymore, and we're reallyable to pay attention to like
who am I surrounding myself with?
What am I putting in my body?
Am I sleeping?
Am I not sleeping?
What am I putting in my brain?
Again, what TV shows am Iwatching?
Am I getting exercise?
Am I getting outside?
So, again, all of this does goto settling.
(06:35):
Once we're like in thosemoments of I shouldn't be here,
that's where we have tounderstand our worth.
We have to understand why wesettle, and I'm actually going
to ask you to pause the podcasthere and write down like one to
four times you know you'vesettled and this can be anything
(06:55):
from like high school, college,however old you are right now,
where are times in your lifethat you know you should have
left and you didn't.
So go ahead and pause here andjust write those down.
Okay, welcome back.
That was not meant to feel weird, but it was more just kind of
meant to be like huh, what aremy patterns?
(07:15):
I don't know.
My pattern is one, feelingchosen, blah, blah, blah,
working on that um.
And two, proving myself rightlike I will stay places to
constantly prove my worth, whichis so silly, because if I
really understood my worth assoon as I would realize that
(07:36):
that environment didn'tunderstand my worth, I would
just pack my bags and go right.
So that's why it's so importantto understand how great we
really really are when we stayin places where we are not meant
to be.
The emotions come with thatright Anger, resentment and loss
of self.
So anger is a strong sense ofannoyance, displeasure or
(07:58):
hostility, resentment, feelingbitter and having being treated
unfairly, and then, of course,loss of self.
Loss of self, abandoning one'swants, desires, values to fit
into a ship.
I've decided to callrelationships ships because I
just like it.
I don't know If you don't likeit, you can call it a
(08:18):
relationship, but I like ships.
This last week I feel like I wasdealing with a lot of like
anger emotions, not atnecessarily anyone, at myself,
like I was really strugglingwith feeling angry at myself for
being where I am, and I knowlike anger is the surface level
(08:38):
emotion.
So this week I've been doing alot of work journaling, thinking
, talking around anger, and Ithink that anger is what is it
like?
A distilled emotion that hascome from the last, you know,
two years of staying in a placeI should not have been and I'm
(09:00):
just angry with myself that Ididn't believe in myself more.
I'm just angry with myself thatI didn't believe in myself more
.
So this anger is more for meand I know there's more under
that.
So I also want you to thinkabout like okay.
Are there places I've stayed?
And then what emotions come upafter that Like are, all of a
(09:20):
sudden, you resent.
Do you resent that person, thatjob, that friendship, and is
that fair to put on the person?
Or is it really you right?
When we choose to settle in,wherever we're at, we're
choosing to stay complacent.
Is that the word?
We're choosing to staycomplacent in a place with no
growth?
When we settle, we die.
I'm not being dramatic, butlike those beautiful parts of us
(09:41):
die.
So I'm going to be using rightnow the four agreements.
I just reread it for the secondtime by Don Miguel Ruiz, and I'm
again an amazing book.
If you have not picked it up,please go get it.
Hopefully that can help whenwe're in moments of like.
Why am I settling?
What am I doing?
So being impeccable with yourword is where everything starts.
(10:12):
Once this is solid, everythingelse can fall into place and you
can get a clear picture of youand what you actually want,
which is why it's so importantto journal.
What do I actually want in life, in a partner, in a job?
What do I want my world to looklike?
Your word, the word, is the mostpowerful tool you can have as a
(10:33):
human.
It is a tool of magic but likea sword, it has two edges.
Your word can create the mostbeautiful dream.
Think of a time someone hassaid to you like oh my gosh, you
are the most beautiful thingI've ever seen.
Or every time I'm around you, Ijust feel so lit up inside.
Your words have so much powerbehind them.
(10:55):
They can also literally destroypeople and things around you
your word.
So when you use your word atsomeone or about something,
realize how powerful that is.
And then when you just try topick it back up, like oops, I
didn't mean that, it's alreadyout there, we've all done the
(11:16):
activity where you squeeze thetoothpaste out of the tube and
then you try to get it back inOnce those words are out there.
They're out there and, like Ithink I said in my shame episode
, we can't go back and redoanything.
But how can you learn, how canyou change and move on from that
?
It is through the word that youmanifest everything, regardless
(11:38):
of what language you speak.
Your intent manifests throughyour word.
What you dream, what you feeland what you really are will all
be manifested through your word.
What happens when you say Ididn't intend to do that.
Yet your actions and words allpoint to exactly what you just
did.
In that case, you're out ofalignment, right.
(11:59):
Like I didn't mean to run overmy cat, that was not my intent.
However, when I got in the car,my cat that was not my intent.
However, when I got in the car,I was looking at my phone, I
was trying to get my radioconnected, I was thinking about
where I had to be.
I didn't actually look in myrearview mirror and I ran over
my cat.
So my actions were verydistracted, not paying attention
(12:20):
, not thinking about what I wasactually doing, and then I
killed my cat.
That did not actually happen.
It is just a story I made up.
But when we say that, how areour words and actions like
aligning or not, we find thatonce we can let go, we use our
word, we stand on it, we do notsettle, and once we get out of
(12:40):
those places think about howmuch energy you have you just
feel less exhausted.
I don't think and again, Inever pay attention to this when
I'm in the moments until I'vemoved into a different situation
and I'm like, oh my gosh, I wasexhausted or that really sucked
the energy out of me every timeI was with A, b or C or at that
(13:04):
job.
When you feel depleted afteryou leave places, please
understand that is your body'sway of telling you you are
starting to settle or you're ina place you shouldn't be.
People and places should fillyou up.
I understand we haveobligations, but if we are not
impeccable with our word, wewill stay in places of comfort,
(13:26):
we will stay out of alignmentand we will allow things to
happen right that bring us if wewant to say shame.
That bring us frustration.
That bring us anger.
And yes, please all understand.
Easier said than done, I havestayed in so many situations I
should not have and you only seeit hindsight.
(13:48):
So how can we be better about it?
Well, journal, get really clearon what you want your vision to
be.
So I wrote down an example.
Okay, if I write, I want asolid, committed, healthy
relationship with a partner whocommunicates their wants and
needs and makes me feel secure.
But I settle for someone andmakes me feel secure, but I
settle for someone who makes mefeel confused, who brings
(14:12):
unhealthy habits intorelationships and does not make
me shine.
My actions are telling myuniverse spirit that I'm saying
I want this but I'm not actuallyready for it.
These actions, these placesthat I stay.
If I say I'm wanting this butI'm settling for this, they all
tell my higher up self that AI'm not ready, I don't actually
(14:32):
want it and I don't feel worthyfor it.
So how can we allow thesethings to come into our life if
we're saying one thing and doinganother?
When you guys write and Ireally encourage you every day,
set that timer for three to fiveminutes.
When we write, every day, weshow up for ourselves.
This is from the Artist's Way byJulia Cameron, an amazing book.
(14:55):
I did hear that Dochi also readit and went through it before
she started doing her music,which I think is super cool.
But it's an amazing book if youhave not picked it up.
Music, which I think is supercool, but it's an amazing book
if you have not picked it up.
It's really going to push youto kind of like dig way deep and
some chapters are hard and someare easy.
(15:15):
But she says when we reallylook at how we are showing up in
our lives, we're taking amoment to notice where we are
not in alignment.
I love this part.
When we write affirmations,intentions and desires, we are
creating a contract withourselves.
Think about any business you gointo, it's always like put it
in writing.
I don't believe it until it'sput in writing.
(15:35):
Once I sign my name on papersaying what salary I want, what
responsibilities, I will do allof that Before it's put in
writing, it's not real.
Once it's in writing, all ofthat before it's put in writing,
it's not real.
Once it's in writing, that's acontract.
When we write things down in ourjournal and I'm going to give
you guys a few sentences, I wantto write, I want you to write
(15:55):
at the end of here, that's abusiness deal you're making with
ourselves, or yourselves, Ishould say, which is also
probably why it's so hard towrite for some of us, because
we're not ready to say the truthor we're not ready to really
write down what we want.
Because once we start writingit down, oh, you are going to
notice all the parts of yourlife where you're like dang, I
am not.
It's going to be like thatlittle tap on the shoulder, Like
(16:18):
dude, you just said you wantedto stop eating fast food, yet
your friends keep wanting to goto fast food places and you keep
going.
What are you doing, right?
We're ignoring that promise orthat goal that we've set up for
ourself.
So really be again back to ourfour agreements.
Write down what do you want yourlife to look like, your partner
(16:39):
to look like your job, to looklike?
Get crazy with it.
I have been getting so insanewith my dreams because I keep
thinking I'm worth it, why not?
What do you stand for?
And guess what?
I hate to bring us all the wayback around.
But when we are not true to ourword, we create shame in
ourselves and we're right backto where we started.
(17:00):
A lot of times, that's wherethat shame comes from being out
of alignment, knowing we'redoing things against our word,
our goals, our values that wemade for ourself.
And I'm going to go back to howcan we stay on top of it every
day, right, for three to fiveminutes, I don't even care.
And again, you guys, I've beendoing this since November and it
has been so eyeopening.
(17:20):
I do write three pages everyday of literally just.
Sometimes it's random stuff,sometimes it's letters, all
sorts of things.
It helps so much to get out.
Let yourself laugh, cry, scream, whatever it is.
Write it down and you're goingto start to notice that newness
is going to come out.
If we keep everything inside, wecan't grow.
(17:41):
If we keep everything tampeddown inside, we can't really
experience new things.
All of a sudden, I have all ofthese ideas all of a sudden,
because I've been writing everymorning.
It's almost like something wasclogged and I just cracked all
the way open and all of this iscoming out.
What have you been doing or notdoing lately that you've been
proud of?
(18:02):
So, as we come toward the end ofour podcast, I'm not going to
pull a card today because I feellike I do want to read, apart
from the four agreements,because at this point it's
really you At the end of the day.
What do they say?
Your best and only relationshipthat will never break is the
one you have with yourself, andI know that a lot of my anger
(18:25):
that I was dealing with thislast week is like that inner
child, like it's almost like.
Sometimes I can see a little mesitting there thinking why did
you leave me?
Why did you abandon me so fast?
Why did you walk away and justleave me here?
Was I not good enough?
That abandonment, ooh, trauma.
(18:45):
Recently I had a friend whotriggered that pretty bad
Working on that right now, but Iguess not even really a friend.
But every time we abandonourselves, we're telling
ourselves our dreams are notworth it, our values are not
worth it, we are not worth it.
And then we stay in places weshouldn't and we settle.
Recently I've been dancing alot in public, all over
(19:08):
everywhere, because it's been along time since I've just felt
like pure, because it's been along time since I've just felt
like pure, unadulterated joy.
And also I've been puttingmyself out in the world in ways
I've always wanted to, but I'vebeen embarrassed.
I've been embarrassed becausewho do I think I am?
I don't know how to podcast,I'm not a great dancer who do I
(19:28):
think?
I am saying all these things,telling people what to do, but
I'm doing this like 30 days ofdelusional dreams and happiness,
like living in a world that isalready real as the main
character of my own life,creating the life I want, before
it's even come into fruition.
And it's been really scary andreally fun, and then scary again
(19:52):
, and then fun again, and then Iself-doubt and then I go back
into the thing, but I just keepcoming back up for air and
thinking, no, I love this, I'mhaving so much fun.
What is it going to take for youto believe you are worthy of
greatness?
It's going to take you.
It is going to take you writingit down and being impeccable
(20:13):
with your word.
The truth and this is from thefour agreements the truth is the
most important part of beingimpeccable with your word.
Only the truth will set youfree, and this I'm not
necessarily telling you to golike tell people all over the
world the truth.
I think it's more about tellingyourself the truth, which is
(20:33):
really hard to do Sometimes.
I think it's harder to tellyourself the truth about
whatever it is, than otherpeople, because once you tell
yourself the truth, you have tosee it and then you have to
realize like dang, is that mebeing out of alignment or is
that my character?
And if that's me being out ofalignment, I can fix that.
But if that's actually mycharacter, if this has become
(20:55):
like a pattern, how am I goingto fix that?
So I'm going to leave you withtwo things.
Number one use the word in thecorrect way.
Share your love.
Tell yourself how wonderful youare, how great you are.
Tell yourself how much you loveyourself.
Use the word to break all ofthose teeny tiny agreements that
(21:17):
make you suffer.
A lot of times I end myjournaling with I love you,
jamie, because I need to hear itand say it, and I still almost
cry every time.
I say that Isn't that funny?
I don't think it's funny,actually.
I think it just comes from thatabandonment wound and like kind
of coming back to self.
Like when you apologize tosomeone for doing something that
(21:39):
hurt them, it causes you to cry.
When you realize like someoneyou care about you cause them
pain, or if you run over yourcat, right, and so when I keep
saying like I love you, jamie, Ilove you, jamie, it's me, you
know, apologizing to myself andcoming back to me, and that is a
lot harder than I think weunderstand.
(22:01):
Try that today.
Put your hand on your heart andsay I love you and then say
your name and see what happens.
All right, before I let us go inyour journal, open it up to
wherever you are, I want you towrite.
I'm going to pause after eachone and so just write the phrase
and then maybe skip a line ortwo so that you can come back to
(22:21):
this.
So the first one is I am, Ireceive, I trust I will, and
then I allow.
And I just want you to writesentences with all of those I am
, what I receive, what I trust,what I will and I allow.
(22:43):
Be crazy about it.
Notice how your body reacts.
Also, when you write thosesentences, do you hear yourself
saying that's not really true?
Or I know I'm going to writethis down, but I won't actually
do it?
Like you're literallysabotaging yourself as you're
writing.
Try to write if you noticeyourself sabotaging.
(23:04):
Like I know I won't do that.
Maybe afterwards say yet, notyet.
Yet.
I have not yet I will, I havenot yet.
Don't let yourself doubtyourself before anything has
started.
Again, we are conditioned toaccept other people's
definitions of us.
That's where a lot of thiscomes from too how other people
(23:26):
see us, how other people thinkwe should be, should talk,
should act.
When we dare to defy it andshow up for ourselves, it feels
weird.
All right, y'all, stay cute,stay loud, keep dancing, even
when everyone is watching Peace.
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