April 13, 2025 • 13 mins
After feeling lost for nearly two years, I've found myself again and am starting a new journaling series focused on purposeful healing and radical self-acceptance. This journey begins with understanding our shadow self—those parts we hide from others—and learning to love ourselves so completely that we naturally repel people who don't honor our light.
• Using morning pages to unclog creativity and access deeper wisdom
• Creating intentional healing through journaling and self-reflection
• Understanding how our shadow self emerges when we're disconnected from our center
• Learning to stop dimming your light for people who don't deserve your brightness
• Reconnecting with your inner child and becoming your own strongest advocate
• Practicing beginner's mind to experience life with renewed curiosity
Join me next Sunday as we continue this journey of intentionally healing on purpose. Bring your journal or notes app, and let's commit to showing up for ourselves in ways we never have before.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey y'all, welcome back.
It is.
Go Ask Sawyer.
New season, new endings, newbeginnings, not new endings, old
endings.
Yeah, full moon in Libra, bigpink moon.
End of eclipse season, just awhole wrap up.
I've been away for so long.
I was sitting here gettingready for the podcast and I was
(00:22):
like put my hair up and I putlip gloss on and I was like,
wait, no one can see me.
I have lost my voice.
Friends, I lost myself formaybe the last two years, last
two and a half, and I was well,you know, eclipse season likes
to bring things up and a lot hashappened this year, and when I
(00:43):
say this year, I guess I'mreally talking about since
September and maybe a little bitbefore last spring, last spring
, till now, so maybe a fullcircle moment.
I got so lost in, oh my gosh, somany things.
I remember talking to thisperson I used to know and I just
remember saying like I'm solost I can't see, like I feel
like I don't even know who I amanymore.
(01:04):
And now I understand why.
Right, but it is just, it'sterrifying when you think you
used to know, not used to, whenyou think you know yourself, and
then you look around and youjust don't even recognize you.
I couldn't.
I love taking selfies, I lovetaking pictures.
I couldn't even do that anymore.
I couldn't look at myself inthe mirror.
(01:25):
I my cat just got his pawsstuck in my screen.
Anyways, I had no thoughts.
I had no.
I was pulling cards, I wasreading Bible verses, I was
journaling, I was meditating andlike nothing could get in and I
just was so blocked and thensome shit went down and I found
(01:47):
myself again.
I want to do I have an idea todo a series of kind of like
finding yourself on purpose,like the whole focus, the whole
point is we do these things onpurpose.
I am purposely going to healmyself.
I am purposely going to love myinner child, which I'm going to
(02:07):
talk to you about in a moment.
I am purposely going to show upfor myself.
I am purposely andintentionally If I can be so
delusional about what I thinkabout people, what if I was
delusionally optimistic aboutmyself?
What if I had dreams so big Iwas like I am just going to do
(02:28):
it.
I had this quote on my laptopthat says leap and the net will
appear, signed Faith.
So this series that I'm going tostart is.
It's a journaling series, soyou will need and we're going to
start every episode the sameway you will need either your
notes app, if you're a phonygirl, or a journal or a pen I
(02:49):
mean, sorry, journal and a penor something to write with.
I'm really, really, reallygoing to encourage you to either
keep a note in your phone andgo back to that every time you
listen to this, or a journal.
I started reading a book, theArtist's Way.
You do these morning pages, soevery day you write, he says
three, or sorry, she says threepages every day, no matter what.
(03:10):
And that's.
We're going to kind of startevery podcast the same way.
But the whole premise or thewhole purpose seems to be just
to get everything out of yourbrain, even if you're just
writing I don't know, I don'tcare, this is stupid, I don't
know, I don't care, this isstupid.
And eventually other stuffstarts coming out.
So it's like a way to unclogyour creative self.
(03:30):
Through doing that, I havereally started to unclog
different things about myself.
I have all of a sudden like newideas that were just popping
out.
It was crazy.
I've been doing it now sinceNovember and I do it pretty
religiously, five days a week.
There's always two days I miss,but pretty religiously, and so
that's kind of that's how we'regoing to start the podcast.
(03:53):
I'll always give you a focus, Iwill always give you some sort
of prompt, but I really wantthis series to be about you, not
me, you.
I want this series to be afocus on how do you love
yourself so much that you don'tallow people in your life who
(04:14):
don't see your light.
I've talked so much about likedimming your light for other
people and don't get lost inwhat other people want.
And if you don't love yourself,how do you expect others to
love you?
And y'all, I did it.
I stayed somewhere.
I should not have stayed.
(04:35):
I dimmed my light so much that,like, all I can picture in my
head when I talk about thissituation is like a withered.
I had this beautiful visionwhen I was in Colorado, but like
this girl who was just like,sadly sitting at this table
waiting for a person to show upfor her, and like God, universe
kept giving her signs like thisis not a good person.
(04:55):
Look at this, this is not agood situation, look at this.
And I just kept saying, okay,one more.
Okay, show me one more.
Like, I was that girl and I'vereally been doing so much
reflecting as to like, how did Ilet that happen?
When someone showed me who theywere the first time, when
groups of people showed me whothey were the first time, and it
didn't feel good, why didn't Ijust leave?
(05:16):
Why didn't I just say, nah,there's like 8 billion other
people in this world.
Why did I stay?
And I know, in my lastrelationship or, yeah, my last
relationship for thisdelusionship, I said the same
thing and I was like dang it,jamie, get yourself together.
So I'm back in therapy.
Yay, we've been doing a lot ofwork there, so that's great.
I'm so thankful.
(05:37):
I started that in January, on mybirthday actually, because I
was like I'm just going to, I'mdoing the work, I'm getting it,
I'm starting it, I'm doing it.
So I thought like, okay, we'regoing to start this series.
The whole premise is on purpose.
Each episode is going to befocused on something different
and I'm going to encourage allmy listeners.
I think I had four people,maybe 10 to journal and just be
(05:59):
yourself and show up for you.
So the verse that I'm going tohave, that I really, I really
like, and I've been trying topractice, is Proverbs 17, 27.
The one who has knowledge useswords with restraint, and
whoever has understanding iseven-tempered.
So as much as I want to get madand blame and point fingers, at
(06:21):
the end of the day it's me.
At the end of the day, I can'tblame anyone for anything except
myself for my own sabotage,deconstruction, everything all
of that.
So today we're starting withour shadow right.
A very wise woman who I justspoke with the other day said
the devil is not as strong as wethink he is.
(06:44):
He waits until you are at thetop of your game, until you are
not leaning into God, universe,understanding.
He waits until you are so highup and then he just drops one
little temptation in and he justsees what happens.
He's not that strong and it'susually when we are far away
from our beliefs, ourunderstanding, our creator.
(07:06):
That's when our shadow shows up,and our shadow is a part of
yourself that you considerundesirable or unacceptable,
often referred to as a shadowright.
So it's society that you don'twant others to see.
Maybe you judge others that actthis way, others that act this
(07:30):
way.
It has negative emotions,impulses, behaviors, but I have
found that when I'm at the top,and when I say I'm at the top,
like I'm not, like I'm the bestof all time, but I'm like
feeling really good, things aregoing well for me.
Maybe I'm not reading every day, I'm not praying every day, I'm
not with nature every day,because I just have it all
together that's when that shadowmight come out right.
And my shadow is really aboutbeing chosen.
(07:53):
Ooh, my shadow loves to bechosen.
But the more you understand yourshadow and your ego and why
this happens, the easier Ipromise it will be to really
love yourself wholly and maybeeven to notice like, oh, you
know what.
I got some triggers going onhere.
Or I'm really leaning into this, because temptation as a shadow
(08:15):
, it's not a negative thing onceyou understand it and you
become friends with it.
And I always remember hearingthat a couple of years ago I
kept hearing that over and overand I was like what does that
mean?
I love all the parts of myself,I love the darkness, I love
everything.
But like until I reallyunderstood it, and like what I
may still be trying to hide,like that validation, I don't
(08:36):
care what other people think.
I don't care what other peoplethink For the most part I don't,
but I have really.
I'm really trying to lean intolike I do not care.
I'm trying to go back to like ifyou are not at the top of your
game personally andprofessionally, I don't know why
you're giving me advice and notlike in a rude, negative way,
but so many of us are so scaredto even try to even attempt,
(08:59):
because what will they say Y'all, I got a cat stroller.
Well, first of all, I got a cat.
He's really naughty.
His name is Oliver, so if youever hear me yelling on here,
it's probably because he'seating a plant.
But I got him a stroller rightand I told people and they're
like, oh God, jamie, like theeye rolls, the oh, there's the
cat, cat lady, and honestly, Idon't care.
Like I was thinking about todayon our walk with my cat and my
(09:20):
dog and I was like, who cares?
I am the cat lady, I am the doglady, I am a podcaster, I am a
healer, I am spiritual, I loveyoga, I love lifting weights, I
am a mother, I am a friend.
I make really fucked updecisions.
Sometimes I hurt people that Ishould not hurt.
I am a mother, I am a friend.
I make really fucked updecisions.
(09:40):
Sometimes I hurt people that Ishould not hurt.
I am all these things andhonestly I'm okay with that
because I am.
I've just realized so manypeople that I keep worrying
about are not.
They don't have a lot to theirname, and I'm not saying like
attached to your name or youshould feel bad about yourself
or you need to list off all ofthese things, but like, what are
you proud of?
What?
Can you stand 10 toes down?
(10:02):
I really hope all these noisesin the background I'm able to
cancel out because my dog andcat are fighting right now.
So I'm gonna ask you to show upas loudly as you can to my
podcast.
I'm gonna ask you to put yourhand on your heart and think
back to times when you werelittle and you were looking for
someone to validate all of yourbig feelings, like, yes, you can
(10:24):
feel that way and I want you tohold that child and say I got
you, I got you.
I'm going to make you so proud,because if we can't fully love
ourselves and show up forourselves, how do we expect
other people to do the same?
And I know I've said this amillion times before.
But, honestly, I am a work inprogress and that's also what I
(10:47):
want everyone to know is you area work in progress and it's
okay to fall back, and it's okayto trip and fall down and it's
okay to get back up so manytimes because so many people
don't get back up.
I'm tired of blaming otherpeople for my circumstances when
they're my circumstances.
I got some edges, I have somewounds, I have some big ego
(11:11):
issues that I need to deal with,because never again do I want
anyone in my space that is notcheering as loudly for me as I
am cheering for myself.
So right before I started thepodcast, I pulled a card from
the Shaman's Dream Oracle deckand it just popped out, which I
just I love, but of course youguys can't see me, so you can't
(11:33):
see if it popped out.
But it's First Breath.
Beginner's Mind, a fresh startand renewed curiosity.
Natural trust, beginner's mind.
When the first breath card showsup for you, it is time to leave
the old stories and talesbehind.
You have arrived, take a deepbreath and another.
There is nothing else you needto do but take in the new world
that is revealing itself aroundyou.
(11:55):
Trust your natural curiosity.
There is no need to dwell onhow difficult the journey has
been or how tight the passage toget to where you are now.
Just take it all in andexperience the awe and wonder of
your arrival at thisdestination, even if it is
familiar place you have come tomany times before.
Try to experience it as if forthe first time For you are
(12:17):
renewed and the old you is nolonger your concern.
Practice the beginner's mind notlabeling or naming what you see
and experience that situationthat was so difficult only a few
days ago.
Just be with it, breathe.
You have already gone beyond it, have overcome and resolved it,
even if no one else realizesthis yet, soon enough they will
(12:37):
as you move on, do not squanderthe power of first breath,
giving the old narrativemouth-to-mouth resuscitation,
for it is new beginnings Toanimate a world you can play and
create in.
Do not underestimate the powerof your breath and the magic of
your word.
Friends, will you join me onthis new destination of or sorry
(12:58):
, this new journey ofintentionally healing on purpose
, speaking intentionally onpurpose, telling your truth with
transparency, on purpose, toallow the people and events that
need to be in your life to bethere and push out the ones that
are not.
(13:18):
If you are, join me next Sunday, till then, stay cute and stay
quiet to your haters.
They'll all figure it out inthe end.
Peace.
Hey y'all, welcome back.
It is.
Go Ask Sawyer.
New season, new endings, newbeginnings, not new endings, old
endings.
Yeah, full moon in Libra, bigpink moon.
End of eclipse season, just awhole wrap up.
I've been away for so long.
I was sitting here gettingready for the podcast and I was
(00:22):
like put my hair up and I putlip gloss on and I was like,
wait, no one can see me.
I have lost my voice.
Friends, I lost myself formaybe the last two years, last
two and a half, and I was well,you know, eclipse season likes
to bring things up and a lot hashappened this year, and when I
(00:43):
say this year, I guess I'mreally talking about since
September and maybe a little bitbefore last spring, last spring
, till now, so maybe a fullcircle moment.
I got so lost in, oh my gosh, somany things.
I remember talking to thisperson I used to know and I just
remember saying like I'm solost I can't see, like I feel
like I don't even know who I amanymore.
(01:04):
And now I understand why.
Right, but it is just, it'sterrifying when you think you
used to know, not used to, whenyou think you know yourself, and
then you look around and youjust don't even recognize you.
I couldn't.
I love taking selfies, I lovetaking pictures.
I couldn't even do that anymore.
I couldn't look at myself inthe mirror.
(01:25):
I my cat just got his pawsstuck in my screen.
Anyways, I had no thoughts.
I had no.
I was pulling cards, I wasreading Bible verses, I was
journaling, I was meditating andlike nothing could get in and I
just was so blocked and thensome shit went down and I found
(01:47):
myself again.
I want to do I have an idea todo a series of kind of like
finding yourself on purpose,like the whole focus, the whole
point is we do these things onpurpose.
I am purposely going to healmyself.
I am purposely going to love myinner child, which I'm going to
(02:07):
talk to you about in a moment.
I am purposely going to show upfor myself.
I am purposely andintentionally If I can be so
delusional about what I thinkabout people, what if I was
delusionally optimistic aboutmyself?
What if I had dreams so big Iwas like I am just going to do
(02:28):
it.
I had this quote on my laptopthat says leap and the net will
appear, signed Faith.
So this series that I'm going tostart is.
It's a journaling series, soyou will need and we're going to
start every episode the sameway you will need either your
notes app, if you're a phonygirl, or a journal or a pen I
(02:49):
mean, sorry, journal and a penor something to write with.
I'm really, really, reallygoing to encourage you to either
keep a note in your phone andgo back to that every time you
listen to this, or a journal.
I started reading a book, theArtist's Way.
You do these morning pages, soevery day you write, he says
three, or sorry, she says threepages every day, no matter what.
(03:10):
And that's.
We're going to kind of startevery podcast the same way.
But the whole premise or thewhole purpose seems to be just
to get everything out of yourbrain, even if you're just
writing I don't know, I don'tcare, this is stupid, I don't
know, I don't care, this isstupid.
And eventually other stuffstarts coming out.
So it's like a way to unclogyour creative self.
(03:30):
Through doing that, I havereally started to unclog
different things about myself.
I have all of a sudden like newideas that were just popping
out.
It was crazy.
I've been doing it now sinceNovember and I do it pretty
religiously, five days a week.
There's always two days I miss,but pretty religiously, and so
that's kind of that's how we'regoing to start the podcast.
(03:53):
I'll always give you a focus, Iwill always give you some sort
of prompt, but I really wantthis series to be about you, not
me, you.
I want this series to be afocus on how do you love
yourself so much that you don'tallow people in your life who
(04:14):
don't see your light.
I've talked so much about likedimming your light for other
people and don't get lost inwhat other people want.
And if you don't love yourself,how do you expect others to
love you?
And y'all, I did it.
I stayed somewhere.
I should not have stayed.
(04:35):
I dimmed my light so much that,like, all I can picture in my
head when I talk about thissituation is like a withered.
I had this beautiful visionwhen I was in Colorado, but like
this girl who was just like,sadly sitting at this table
waiting for a person to show upfor her, and like God, universe
kept giving her signs like thisis not a good person.
(04:55):
Look at this, this is not agood situation, look at this.
And I just kept saying, okay,one more.
Okay, show me one more.
Like, I was that girl and I'vereally been doing so much
reflecting as to like, how did Ilet that happen?
When someone showed me who theywere the first time, when
groups of people showed me whothey were the first time, and it
didn't feel good, why didn't Ijust leave?
(05:16):
Why didn't I just say, nah,there's like 8 billion other
people in this world.
Why did I stay?
And I know, in my lastrelationship or, yeah, my last
relationship for thisdelusionship, I said the same
thing and I was like dang it,jamie, get yourself together.
So I'm back in therapy.
Yay, we've been doing a lot ofwork there, so that's great.
I'm so thankful.
(05:37):
I started that in January, on mybirthday actually, because I
was like I'm just going to, I'mdoing the work, I'm getting it,
I'm starting it, I'm doing it.
So I thought like, okay, we'regoing to start this series.
The whole premise is on purpose.
Each episode is going to befocused on something different
and I'm going to encourage allmy listeners.
I think I had four people,maybe 10 to journal and just be
(05:59):
yourself and show up for you.
So the verse that I'm going tohave, that I really, I really
like, and I've been trying topractice, is Proverbs 17, 27.
The one who has knowledge useswords with restraint, and
whoever has understanding iseven-tempered.
So as much as I want to get madand blame and point fingers, at
(06:21):
the end of the day it's me.
At the end of the day, I can'tblame anyone for anything except
myself for my own sabotage,deconstruction, everything all
of that.
So today we're starting withour shadow right.
A very wise woman who I justspoke with the other day said
the devil is not as strong as wethink he is.
(06:44):
He waits until you are at thetop of your game, until you are
not leaning into God, universe,understanding.
He waits until you are so highup and then he just drops one
little temptation in and he justsees what happens.
He's not that strong and it'susually when we are far away
from our beliefs, ourunderstanding, our creator.
(07:06):
That's when our shadow shows up,and our shadow is a part of
yourself that you considerundesirable or unacceptable,
often referred to as a shadowright.
So it's society that you don'twant others to see.
Maybe you judge others that actthis way, others that act this
(07:30):
way.
It has negative emotions,impulses, behaviors, but I have
found that when I'm at the top,and when I say I'm at the top,
like I'm not, like I'm the bestof all time, but I'm like
feeling really good, things aregoing well for me.
Maybe I'm not reading every day, I'm not praying every day, I'm
not with nature every day,because I just have it all
together that's when that shadowmight come out right.
And my shadow is really aboutbeing chosen.
(07:53):
Ooh, my shadow loves to bechosen.
But the more you understand yourshadow and your ego and why
this happens, the easier Ipromise it will be to really
love yourself wholly and maybeeven to notice like, oh, you
know what.
I got some triggers going onhere.
Or I'm really leaning into this, because temptation as a shadow
(08:15):
, it's not a negative thing onceyou understand it and you
become friends with it.
And I always remember hearingthat a couple of years ago I
kept hearing that over and overand I was like what does that
mean?
I love all the parts of myself,I love the darkness, I love
everything.
But like until I reallyunderstood it, and like what I
may still be trying to hide,like that validation, I don't
(08:36):
care what other people think.
I don't care what other peoplethink For the most part I don't,
but I have really.
I'm really trying to lean intolike I do not care.
I'm trying to go back to like ifyou are not at the top of your
game personally andprofessionally, I don't know why
you're giving me advice and notlike in a rude, negative way,
but so many of us are so scaredto even try to even attempt,
(08:59):
because what will they say Y'all, I got a cat stroller.
Well, first of all, I got a cat.
He's really naughty.
His name is Oliver, so if youever hear me yelling on here,
it's probably because he'seating a plant.
But I got him a stroller rightand I told people and they're
like, oh God, jamie, like theeye rolls, the oh, there's the
cat, cat lady, and honestly, Idon't care.
Like I was thinking about todayon our walk with my cat and my
(09:20):
dog and I was like, who cares?
I am the cat lady, I am the doglady, I am a podcaster, I am a
healer, I am spiritual, I loveyoga, I love lifting weights, I
am a mother, I am a friend.
I make really fucked updecisions.
Sometimes I hurt people that Ishould not hurt.
I am a mother, I am a friend.
I make really fucked updecisions.
(09:40):
Sometimes I hurt people that Ishould not hurt.
I am all these things andhonestly I'm okay with that
because I am.
I've just realized so manypeople that I keep worrying
about are not.
They don't have a lot to theirname, and I'm not saying like
attached to your name or youshould feel bad about yourself
or you need to list off all ofthese things, but like, what are
you proud of?
What?
Can you stand 10 toes down?
(10:02):
I really hope all these noisesin the background I'm able to
cancel out because my dog andcat are fighting right now.
So I'm gonna ask you to show upas loudly as you can to my
podcast.
I'm gonna ask you to put yourhand on your heart and think
back to times when you werelittle and you were looking for
someone to validate all of yourbig feelings, like, yes, you can
(10:24):
feel that way and I want you tohold that child and say I got
you, I got you.
I'm going to make you so proud,because if we can't fully love
ourselves and show up forourselves, how do we expect
other people to do the same?
And I know I've said this amillion times before.
But, honestly, I am a work inprogress and that's also what I
(10:47):
want everyone to know is you area work in progress and it's
okay to fall back, and it's okayto trip and fall down and it's
okay to get back up so manytimes because so many people
don't get back up.
I'm tired of blaming otherpeople for my circumstances when
they're my circumstances.
I got some edges, I have somewounds, I have some big ego
(11:11):
issues that I need to deal with,because never again do I want
anyone in my space that is notcheering as loudly for me as I
am cheering for myself.
So right before I started thepodcast, I pulled a card from
the Shaman's Dream Oracle deckand it just popped out, which I
just I love, but of course youguys can't see me, so you can't
(11:33):
see if it popped out.
But it's First Breath.
Beginner's Mind, a fresh startand renewed curiosity.
Natural trust, beginner's mind.
When the first breath card showsup for you, it is time to leave
the old stories and talesbehind.
You have arrived, take a deepbreath and another.
There is nothing else you needto do but take in the new world
that is revealing itself aroundyou.
(11:55):
Trust your natural curiosity.
There is no need to dwell onhow difficult the journey has
been or how tight the passage toget to where you are now.
Just take it all in andexperience the awe and wonder of
your arrival at thisdestination, even if it is
familiar place you have come tomany times before.
Try to experience it as if forthe first time For you are
(12:17):
renewed and the old you is nolonger your concern.
Practice the beginner's mind notlabeling or naming what you see
and experience that situationthat was so difficult only a few
days ago.
Just be with it, breathe.
You have already gone beyond it, have overcome and resolved it,
even if no one else realizesthis yet, soon enough they will
(12:37):
as you move on, do not squanderthe power of first breath,
giving the old narrativemouth-to-mouth resuscitation,
for it is new beginnings Toanimate a world you can play and
create in.
Do not underestimate the powerof your breath and the magic of
your word.
Friends, will you join me onthis new destination of or sorry
(12:58):
, this new journey ofintentionally healing on purpose
, speaking intentionally onpurpose, telling your truth with
transparency, on purpose, toallow the people and events that
need to be in your life to bethere and push out the ones that
are not.
(13:18):
If you are, join me next Sunday, till then, stay cute and stay
quiet to your haters.
They'll all figure it out inthe end.
Peace.
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Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!