June 1, 2025 • 12 mins
We're continuing our journaling series "The Truth of it All: A Journey into Emotional Honesty" by examining the lies we tell ourselves and how they impact our emotional wellbeing.
• Beginning with a three-minute journaling brain dump to clear our minds
• Exploring common self-deceptions like saying "I'm fine" when we're not
• Discussing how we minimize our feelings with phrases like "it's not that big of a deal"
• Understanding emotional gaslighting and how we question our own reality
• Examining how we often lie to ourselves more when seeking validation from others
• Identifying personal truths we avoid facing because they feel risky
• Sharing vulnerable examples of hard truths I'm currently facing myself
• Considering how self-honesty is a radical act of self-love
Next week we'll explore "Who are you without the mask?" as we continue our journey into emotional honesty. Stay cute, stay loud, keep dancing even when everyone is watching.
Book: 'A Gentle Reminder' by Bianca Sparacino
Follow me on Instagram @goasksawyer
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and happy Sunday.
Welcome back to Go Ask Sawyer.
This is your host, jamie, andwelcome to our new journaling
series where we are kind ofdiving deep into who we are,
uncovering different layers ofus through acts of journaling,
and we started a mini serieslast week.
(00:20):
The overall title is the Truthof it All A Journey into
Emotional Honesty, and this weekand next week we are looking at
ourselves, the lies that wetell ourselves.
This one was hard, hard andeasy for me.
Easy because I have been doingthis kind of work for a long
(00:45):
time and I know like I'm veryaware of how I sabotaged myself,
how I lied to myself, but itwas just kind of seeing the
patterns happening again.
That was really hard to look at.
So that's what we are divinginto this week.
As always, we are going tostart our podcast with a
three-minute brain dump into ourjournals.
(01:05):
So grab that notebook andsomething to write with or your
notes app, wherever you're at.
I'm going to ask you to presspause and set a timer for three
minutes and just write aboutanything and, as I've said
before, song lyrics, a letter tosomeone, a letter to yourself,
or just start telling yourselfabout your day.
(01:26):
Whatever is in your brain.
Do not judge yourself and justwrite.
So I'm going to ask you topause here.
Set that timer for threeminutes and I'll see you back.
Welcome back.
Welcome back.
I hope that was therapeutic foryou.
My journaling has beenextremely transformative,
especially this last year when Ireally got serious with it
(01:48):
since last November.
So I do hope that brings yousomething.
So let's get into the lies thatwe tell ourself, and I don't
have a Bible verse for us.
Today.
I found a book I have A GentleReminder by Bianca Soprano, and
this book is just great kind oflike about how like you deserve
to be loved, how to move on frombreakups or hard situations,
(02:12):
and the quote I'm going to sharewith you that she says is the
bravest thing you will ever dois learn how to love the things
that made you you, and that'sreally what the series is about
like really learning how to loveall of those parts of ourself
that maybe we're not ready toface.
I also saw this quote today.
(02:34):
Someone said that the more thatwe heal and build ourselves
from the inside out, thestronger and greater our
foundation is.
So, then, no matter whathappens on the outside of us, we
always know who we are at ourcore.
So as we move into our episodetoday, let's just think about
self-denial, rationalization andemotional avoidance.
(02:59):
We often think of lying assomething we do to others.
But what about the lies we tellourselves?
Like, what are those lies thatwe tell ourselves every single
day?
I'm fine.
I used to use this so so sooften.
You say you're fine when youreally aren't.
I think I used to say I wasfine because I wasn't ready to
(03:22):
really feel my feelings at thetime and maybe with the person I
was with I didn't feel safeenough to share what the issues
were.
So it was easier to say I'mfine, it's fine, it's all going
to be fine.
When really it is not fine atall.
We tell ourselves it's not thatbig of a deal, right, we go
through something and wegaslight ourselvesself into
(03:44):
thinking like, why are we soupset about it?
It's really not that big of adeal, when really it is.
When we tell ourself it's not abig deal, we're really holding
back that sensitive part ofourself that wants to come
forward and cry and scream orpunch a wall.
Now, I'm not suggestingpunching a wall there's lots of
kickboxing classes for that.
(04:05):
But when we tell ourself it'snot that big of a deal, we're
pushing down our own feelings.
We're letting almost ourselfknow that it's not safe to
really let those feelings outwith ourselves, not even with
other people like ourselves.
When someone does somethinghurtful to us, we say, oh, they
didn't mean it like that Againanother way to push down our
(04:30):
feelings that we have play downmy hurt.
But again it's all to myself,because this episode today and
next week is really about you.
It's not about what we'retelling other people.
And then again the other one.
Well, that's just the way lifeis Like.
We go through lessons, we gothrough ups and downs, but when
are we just going to stop and belike, no, that really sucked,
(04:51):
that really hurt.
Or, you know, I tell myselflike Jamie, that's not fine, you
don't have to use my name, youcan use yours.
But does that sound familiar toyou?
These are all micro lies, tinylittle lies that in the moment
probably seem harmless orhelpful, like they're getting us
out of.
We don't want to wallow in asituation, so they're keeping us
from getting stuck.
(05:12):
They protect our pain, but it'sall short term, because it
costs us our truth, ourconnection and the healing in
the long run.
These last few months I'vereally I've run from pain and
I've forced myself to sit inpain and the sitting in it.
(05:32):
I understand no one likes it,but it is really hard.
It is really hard to be like Iam not fine and then to uncover
that so when we lie to ourselves, we're doing a disservice
ourselves.
We're doing a disservice inthat we're not really allowing
ourselves to heal and then befree and hear ourselves.
(05:54):
So often we want other peopleto hear us, but if we're not
even hearing ourselves, we needto understand our own voice and
our own pain and this is wherewe get into the emotional
gaslighting.
So I am also really good atthis.
Gaslighting, as we all know likethat cool new term everyone
loves to throw around is a formof psychological manipulation
(06:17):
where someone is subtly made toquestion their own perception of
reality, memory or sanity.
This can involve denying ordistorting reality, a lot of
times minimizing experiences.
Again, it wasn't that big of adeal.
That's not how it happened.
I've been going through a lotof this lately, like questioning
my own reality, like me againstme, not me against anyone else,
(06:39):
me against me.
Like questioning who I reallyam and what is really happening
and what was really happening.
But again, that was because Ihad minimized feelings for a
while, and I had minimizedfeelings for a while, I had
minimized my own needs, I hadshifted blame and I had so many
(07:04):
doubts and uncertainty incertain places that I just
became to question myself.
And the more I questionedmyself, the more I felt like I
didn't even know my own truth,which I think is the scariest
thing.
Because then you're just likehow do I trust my body?
It's telling me this and that,or in reality, I am seeing
(07:28):
something directly in front ofme.
Right, my body is telling mesomething.
Is not true.
But because, in the reality ofit, if I'm looking at the
situation for what, it is right.
Like, let's say, we ask afriend hey, I heard you went to
dinner with two other friends,that kind of hurt my feelings
and the friend is like thatdidn't even happen.
(07:49):
Now, again, that's thegaslighting toward me.
I understand that.
But you start to question yourreality, like, oh, okay, well,
maybe I'm being too much, maybeI'm being jealous, maybe I'm
being insecure, when, like,everything in your body is like
nope, you know exactly what'shappening.
Or when you ask a friend or aloved one like, hey, why don't
(08:13):
you post about me on socialmedia?
And they kind of get upsetabout it.
So then you're like, oh my gosh, I'm doing too much, it's fine,
it's fine, I'm fine, it's fine.
You tell yourself, it's fine,it's really not that big of a
deal.
I'm making too big of a dealabout it.
I'm lying to myself, I ampushing my feelings down.
So I'm telling myself in thisweird way that I can't even
(08:36):
trust my best friend and when Isay my best friend, I mean me.
And that's been something in myprior relationship and this
current situation that I was in.
Like that's something that I'vereally had to struggle with
myself.
Like I was the first to go tostruggle with myself.
(08:56):
I was the first to go Meaningthe feelings and the thoughts
and the wants that I had.
I would push them away becauseI felt like I was needing too
much or wanting too much.
I was minimizing my needs, Iwas ignoring my intuition, I was
talking myself out of thingsthat I knew to be true for
myself and I mean that'ssomething I never want to happen
again.
But that's part of this processreally sitting with yourself and
(09:19):
saying like where in my lifehave I said it's fine when it's
not been fine?
Where in my life have I toldmyself half truths?
Where in my life have I said,well, they didn't really mean it
, like that, I'll give themanother chance.
When on the inside you I said,well, they didn't really mean it
, like that, I'll give themanother chance.
When on the inside you're likedude, you're lying to yourself,
like this is not the truth thatyou want.
(09:40):
And I do realize that I ambringing other people and
situations into this, but I feellike so often I lie to myself
more when I'm with someone thanwhen I'm just single right,
ready to mingle.
It's easier for me to becompletely truthful with myself
and stand in it when it's justme, but when I want the
(10:04):
validation from someone else,it's easier for me to lie to
myself, put myself second andput my needs somewhere else.
Right?
So I have a few truths that Iknow I need to sit with and
that's where I want you to thinkthis week.
Where are lies that you've beentelling yourself?
(10:25):
And the biggest thing and Ithink I reached out to a few
friends this week but what aresome truths you've been avoiding
facing because they feel toorisky.
And what would happen if youhonored that quiet voice inside
your head Telling ourself thetruth is a radical act of
self-love.
It's a radical act of self-love.
(10:45):
It's not always comfortable,but neither is living in that
lie.
That just doesn't fit.
And then that's when you againliving in that lie that just
doesn't fit, and then that'swhen you again go out of
alignment.
So what is the truth that youneed to face that you might not
be ready to face?
I have a few that I wrote down,so I will go first.
One of my hard truths right nowis I am wasting time doing
(11:07):
meaningless things when I couldbe more focused on my finances,
my mind and my body and gettingmyself out of toxic situations.
A part of me still feels likeI'm not worthy of deep love,
which is why I still overgive toprove to other people that I am
worthy, and this is a truththat I'm kind of grappling with.
(11:28):
This is another one I've beengrappling with Living my life
currently one foot in, one footout, half of me being committed
to this new version of myselfthat I want to be, but the other
half holding on to old patternsand comforts.
When I do this, I'm tellingmyself that I'm not ready, I
tell myself that I am not worthyand I'm kind of lying to myself
(11:49):
like it's okay.
When I do this, the energy inmy body can't move, and so then
I'm creating this likefrustration and confusion.
If I cannot commit and be loyalto my future self, I will
always stay stuck in thiscomfortable person that I am,
which gets stuck in toxic cycles, which puts other people before
(12:11):
herself and which cannot lockin.
And I think it still hurts thatshe and when I say she, there's
a few she's didn't choose tofight for me.
So, on that note, what are sometruths that you need to sit with
and be super radical about?
You need to sit with and besuper radical about?
(12:33):
Write those down Until nextweek.
Next week we're talking aboutwho are you without the mask?
Stay cute, stay loud, keepdancing even when everyone is
watching Peace.
Hello and happy Sunday.
Welcome back to Go Ask Sawyer.
This is your host, jamie, andwelcome to our new journaling
series where we are kind ofdiving deep into who we are,
uncovering different layers ofus through acts of journaling,
and we started a mini serieslast week.
(00:20):
The overall title is the Truthof it All A Journey into
Emotional Honesty, and this weekand next week we are looking at
ourselves, the lies that wetell ourselves.
This one was hard, hard andeasy for me.
Easy because I have been doingthis kind of work for a long
(00:45):
time and I know like I'm veryaware of how I sabotaged myself,
how I lied to myself, but itwas just kind of seeing the
patterns happening again.
That was really hard to look at.
So that's what we are divinginto this week.
As always, we are going tostart our podcast with a
three-minute brain dump into ourjournals.
(01:05):
So grab that notebook andsomething to write with or your
notes app, wherever you're at.
I'm going to ask you to presspause and set a timer for three
minutes and just write aboutanything and, as I've said
before, song lyrics, a letter tosomeone, a letter to yourself,
or just start telling yourselfabout your day.
(01:26):
Whatever is in your brain.
Do not judge yourself and justwrite.
So I'm going to ask you topause here.
Set that timer for threeminutes and I'll see you back.
Welcome back.
Welcome back.
I hope that was therapeutic foryou.
My journaling has beenextremely transformative,
especially this last year when Ireally got serious with it
(01:48):
since last November.
So I do hope that brings yousomething.
So let's get into the lies thatwe tell ourself, and I don't
have a Bible verse for us.
Today.
I found a book I have A GentleReminder by Bianca Soprano, and
this book is just great kind oflike about how like you deserve
to be loved, how to move on frombreakups or hard situations,
(02:12):
and the quote I'm going to sharewith you that she says is the
bravest thing you will ever dois learn how to love the things
that made you you, and that'sreally what the series is about
like really learning how to loveall of those parts of ourself
that maybe we're not ready toface.
I also saw this quote today.
(02:34):
Someone said that the more thatwe heal and build ourselves
from the inside out, thestronger and greater our
foundation is.
So, then, no matter whathappens on the outside of us, we
always know who we are at ourcore.
So as we move into our episodetoday, let's just think about
self-denial, rationalization andemotional avoidance.
(02:59):
We often think of lying assomething we do to others.
But what about the lies we tellourselves?
Like, what are those lies thatwe tell ourselves every single
day?
I'm fine.
I used to use this so so sooften.
You say you're fine when youreally aren't.
I think I used to say I wasfine because I wasn't ready to
(03:22):
really feel my feelings at thetime and maybe with the person I
was with I didn't feel safeenough to share what the issues
were.
So it was easier to say I'mfine, it's fine, it's all going
to be fine.
When really it is not fine atall.
We tell ourselves it's not thatbig of a deal, right, we go
through something and wegaslight ourselvesself into
(03:44):
thinking like, why are we soupset about it?
It's really not that big of adeal, when really it is.
When we tell ourself it's not abig deal, we're really holding
back that sensitive part ofourself that wants to come
forward and cry and scream orpunch a wall.
Now, I'm not suggestingpunching a wall there's lots of
kickboxing classes for that.
(04:05):
But when we tell ourself it'snot that big of a deal, we're
pushing down our own feelings.
We're letting almost ourselfknow that it's not safe to
really let those feelings outwith ourselves, not even with
other people like ourselves.
When someone does somethinghurtful to us, we say, oh, they
didn't mean it like that Againanother way to push down our
(04:30):
feelings that we have play downmy hurt.
But again it's all to myself,because this episode today and
next week is really about you.
It's not about what we'retelling other people.
And then again the other one.
Well, that's just the way lifeis Like.
We go through lessons, we gothrough ups and downs, but when
are we just going to stop and belike, no, that really sucked,
(04:51):
that really hurt.
Or, you know, I tell myselflike Jamie, that's not fine, you
don't have to use my name, youcan use yours.
But does that sound familiar toyou?
These are all micro lies, tinylittle lies that in the moment
probably seem harmless orhelpful, like they're getting us
out of.
We don't want to wallow in asituation, so they're keeping us
from getting stuck.
(05:12):
They protect our pain, but it'sall short term, because it
costs us our truth, ourconnection and the healing in
the long run.
These last few months I'vereally I've run from pain and
I've forced myself to sit inpain and the sitting in it.
(05:32):
I understand no one likes it,but it is really hard.
It is really hard to be like Iam not fine and then to uncover
that so when we lie to ourselves, we're doing a disservice
ourselves.
We're doing a disservice inthat we're not really allowing
ourselves to heal and then befree and hear ourselves.
(05:54):
So often we want other peopleto hear us, but if we're not
even hearing ourselves, we needto understand our own voice and
our own pain and this is wherewe get into the emotional
gaslighting.
So I am also really good atthis.
Gaslighting, as we all know likethat cool new term everyone
loves to throw around is a formof psychological manipulation
(06:17):
where someone is subtly made toquestion their own perception of
reality, memory or sanity.
This can involve denying ordistorting reality, a lot of
times minimizing experiences.
Again, it wasn't that big of adeal.
That's not how it happened.
I've been going through a lotof this lately, like questioning
my own reality, like me againstme, not me against anyone else,
(06:39):
me against me.
Like questioning who I reallyam and what is really happening
and what was really happening.
But again, that was because Ihad minimized feelings for a
while, and I had minimizedfeelings for a while, I had
minimized my own needs, I hadshifted blame and I had so many
(07:04):
doubts and uncertainty incertain places that I just
became to question myself.
And the more I questionedmyself, the more I felt like I
didn't even know my own truth,which I think is the scariest
thing.
Because then you're just likehow do I trust my body?
It's telling me this and that,or in reality, I am seeing
(07:28):
something directly in front ofme.
Right, my body is telling mesomething.
Is not true.
But because, in the reality ofit, if I'm looking at the
situation for what, it is right.
Like, let's say, we ask afriend hey, I heard you went to
dinner with two other friends,that kind of hurt my feelings
and the friend is like thatdidn't even happen.
(07:49):
Now, again, that's thegaslighting toward me.
I understand that.
But you start to question yourreality, like, oh, okay, well,
maybe I'm being too much, maybeI'm being jealous, maybe I'm
being insecure, when, like,everything in your body is like
nope, you know exactly what'shappening.
Or when you ask a friend or aloved one like, hey, why don't
(08:13):
you post about me on socialmedia?
And they kind of get upsetabout it.
So then you're like, oh my gosh, I'm doing too much, it's fine,
it's fine, I'm fine, it's fine.
You tell yourself, it's fine,it's really not that big of a
deal.
I'm making too big of a dealabout it.
I'm lying to myself, I ampushing my feelings down.
So I'm telling myself in thisweird way that I can't even
(08:36):
trust my best friend and when Isay my best friend, I mean me.
And that's been something in myprior relationship and this
current situation that I was in.
Like that's something that I'vereally had to struggle with
myself.
Like I was the first to go tostruggle with myself.
(08:56):
I was the first to go Meaningthe feelings and the thoughts
and the wants that I had.
I would push them away becauseI felt like I was needing too
much or wanting too much.
I was minimizing my needs, Iwas ignoring my intuition, I was
talking myself out of thingsthat I knew to be true for
myself and I mean that'ssomething I never want to happen
again.
But that's part of this processreally sitting with yourself and
(09:19):
saying like where in my lifehave I said it's fine when it's
not been fine?
Where in my life have I toldmyself half truths?
Where in my life have I said,well, they didn't really mean it
, like that, I'll give themanother chance.
When on the inside you I said,well, they didn't really mean it
, like that, I'll give themanother chance.
When on the inside you're likedude, you're lying to yourself,
like this is not the truth thatyou want.
(09:40):
And I do realize that I ambringing other people and
situations into this, but I feellike so often I lie to myself
more when I'm with someone thanwhen I'm just single right,
ready to mingle.
It's easier for me to becompletely truthful with myself
and stand in it when it's justme, but when I want the
(10:04):
validation from someone else,it's easier for me to lie to
myself, put myself second andput my needs somewhere else.
Right?
So I have a few truths that Iknow I need to sit with and
that's where I want you to thinkthis week.
Where are lies that you've beentelling yourself?
(10:25):
And the biggest thing and Ithink I reached out to a few
friends this week but what aresome truths you've been avoiding
facing because they feel toorisky.
And what would happen if youhonored that quiet voice inside
your head Telling ourself thetruth is a radical act of
self-love.
It's a radical act of self-love.
(10:45):
It's not always comfortable,but neither is living in that
lie.
That just doesn't fit.
And then that's when you againliving in that lie that just
doesn't fit, and then that'swhen you again go out of
alignment.
So what is the truth that youneed to face that you might not
be ready to face?
I have a few that I wrote down,so I will go first.
One of my hard truths right nowis I am wasting time doing
(11:07):
meaningless things when I couldbe more focused on my finances,
my mind and my body and gettingmyself out of toxic situations.
A part of me still feels likeI'm not worthy of deep love,
which is why I still overgive toprove to other people that I am
worthy, and this is a truththat I'm kind of grappling with.
(11:28):
This is another one I've beengrappling with Living my life
currently one foot in, one footout, half of me being committed
to this new version of myselfthat I want to be, but the other
half holding on to old patternsand comforts.
When I do this, I'm tellingmyself that I'm not ready, I
tell myself that I am not worthyand I'm kind of lying to myself
(11:49):
like it's okay.
When I do this, the energy inmy body can't move, and so then
I'm creating this likefrustration and confusion.
If I cannot commit and be loyalto my future self, I will
always stay stuck in thiscomfortable person that I am,
which gets stuck in toxic cycles, which puts other people before
(12:11):
herself and which cannot lockin.
And I think it still hurts thatshe and when I say she, there's
a few she's didn't choose tofight for me.
So, on that note, what are sometruths that you need to sit with
and be super radical about?
You need to sit with and besuper radical about?
(12:33):
Write those down Until nextweek.
Next week we're talking aboutwho are you without the mask?
Stay cute, stay loud, keepdancing even when everyone is
watching Peace.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.