June 8, 2025 • 11 mins
We explore the concept of emotional masks and how they impact our authenticity, focusing on identifying which masks we wear and why we put them on in the first place.
• Continuing our journaling series "The Truth of it All" focusing on emotional honesty
• Examining common masks: the people pleaser, the fixer, and the overachiever
• Understanding what's beneath our masks and why we developed them
• Exploring what parts of ourselves never got a chance to be expressed
• Asking powerful questions like "Who are you when no one is clapping, needing or evaluating you?"
• Reflecting on how faith connects to embracing our authentic selves
• Acknowledging the challenge and beauty of transitioning to new versions of ourselves
Stay cute, stay loud, keep dancing, even when everyone is watching.
Follow me on Instagram @goasksawyer
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and happy Sunday.
Welcome to Go Ask Sawyer.
This is your host, jamie, andyou have come into our new
series of journaling, ajournaling series in which we
are uncovering different partsof ourself.
We've looked at shame, we'velooked at anger, we've looked at
how we really can see andunderstand our worth and then,
(00:23):
right now, we're looking at like, why we lie.
So we are in a mini seriescalled the Truth of it All, a
journey into emotional honesty,learning how to become very
honest with ourselves.
Last week and this week, wefocused on why we lie to
ourselves.
Next week and the week after,we are going to focus on why we
lie to people in our lives.
(00:43):
So today our episode is calledwho Are you Without the Mask,
without having to put on aseparate mask or different masks
in your life?
And maybe you are lucky enoughto not wear masks at all, or
maybe you find that you have towear.
So we'll get into that a littlebit more.
But to start our series off, aswe always do, we are going to
(01:07):
start our journaling.
So grab a notebook andsomething to write with or your
note app that also works and youare going to take three minutes
and just journal anything,anything and everything.
You write letters to someone,lyrics of a song.
If you've been journaling awhile, just dump out your brain
whatever is in there, givingourself just a moment to get
(01:28):
clear and be ready for today.
So I'm going to ask you rightnow to take a pause.
Pick up that pen or pencil andthat timer, set it for three
minutes, pause the episode andget to writing and welcome back.
I really hope that that wastherapeutic and felt good for
whatever that was for you.
I really love journaling.
(01:48):
I found it was a way for me tojust get clear with myself and
to kind of understand a littlebit deeper what I was dealing
with.
I also found that I was hidingfrom myself in my journal, so
this gave me an opportunity totry to be as truthful as I could
with myself.
Most of us build our identityaround survival, so when we
(02:09):
think about our mask, just likein Halloween, we're pretending
we're someone else.
Sometimes it's fun fordifferent parties, maybe for
mask parties, but most of thetime we're doing it because of
different things we have beentaught.
So maybe you became a peoplepleaser.
Right, I'm a recovering peoplepleaser.
You're always agreeable, you'realways accommodating, you're
(02:29):
always flexible.
You say yes when maybe youdon't want to say yes, or you
can even use people pleasing inmanipulative ways.
You want someone to dosomething or you don't want
someone to do something.
You want someone to like you,so you do what you can to please
them.
Be flexible, say yes, be nice.
(02:50):
But often we are also taught Ithink more women than men that
that is the way you should beseen.
You should be seen as agreeable.
If we are not, you know we'reconsidered bitchy or aggressive
or too much.
You know we're consideredbitchy or aggressive or too much
.
If you are somebody who doesn'talways go with the flow, maybe
oh my gosh, they're verydifficult, they're so extra,
(03:11):
they're so demanding we becomethis people pleaser.
So others, others right, don'tgive us these other masks that
we might not want to put on.
Maybe we become the achiever theoverachiever to put on.
Maybe we become the achieverthe overachiever.
We're always getting the rightgrades, the good promotions, the
praise, the good jobs, the goodpartners, the good house.
(03:32):
We become that person that Idon't want to say can't ever be
happy in the present moment, butis almost always striving to
like what's next or what can Iget next, and you might not even
be gloating about it, like, ohmy gosh, look at all the things
I have.
But in your head you mustconstantly be achieving the next
thing, because if you are juststaying in one place, maybe you
(03:56):
consider that staying stuck, oryou're lazy or comfortable Okay,
or maybe you are the fixerer.
You carry the emotional weightfor every single person around
you.
And who taught you to become afixer?
Why are you a fixer?
Why do you feel the need tomaybe fix other people's
problems, to take on otherpeople's emotions, to do other
(04:19):
things for people they have notasked you to do?
And as I'm'm saying this, I'mdefinitely I'm having some aha
moments of my own, like, oh, Ido that right.
Like you see a problem and youtake it on yourself to just fix
a situation when no one hasasked you to do that in the
first place.
Again, why do we do that?
Is it validation, feelingwanted, feeling needed?
(04:41):
It's a mask that I wear, that Iam the fixer.
I want to be the fixer.
Why is that?
If I take my mask off, what doI actually want to be?
The person that just does notcare?
The person that kind of justwants to watch, whatever it is,
all go up in smoke, the personthat just wants to sit back and
let you try to figure it out,the people, pleaser.
(05:02):
If I take my mask off, what amI afraid people will see?
I don't agree with you.
I don't actually like you.
I don't like the situation.
I don't want to be flexible.
I don't want to have to say yesall the time when I'm really
saying no.
So, thinking about, what maskare we wearing?
I talked to a friend recentlywho said a mask that they wear
(05:25):
is that they're an extrovert.
They love being out and talkingto people and the life of the
party and the good time, butreally they would rather just be
at home on their couch doingwhatever they wanted to do.
And I said, well, why do youwear that mask?
What are you afraid of?
And they said, well, if I'm notthe life of the party, then who
(05:47):
am I?
Or if I'm not the life of theparty or this extrovert, is
everyone still going to want tohang out with me?
And that just really got methinking about the masks that I
wear and why I wear them.
What am I trying to disappearfrom?
What is an identity that maybeI am not ready to take on, at
some point, the masks.
(06:07):
The mask, oh my gosh.
At some point the masks make usless authentic because once
again, we are not really beingourselves, our true selves.
We are scared to try onsomething new, try out something
new, decide if maybe what I'mdoing or not doing is working.
(06:27):
I really feel like I have beenmany different versions of
myself in many differentrelationships that I've had, and
maybe all the versions aresomewhat similar.
I could ask friends that I'vebeen connected with for years,
but a part of me feels like Iwas a really, really bad people
pleaser for a while, meaninglike I didn't know how to say no
to things without worrying thatsomeone was going to not like
(06:50):
me, and I feel like I'm slowlycoming out of that.
There are still areas that Iwant to make sure everyone is
happy and pleased out of that.
There are still areas that Iwant to make sure everyone is
happy and pleased, but I'mworking really hard to get out
of that.
There are areas where I stillsee myself automatically going
in to try to fix a situation orsomeone or something, when it is
not my job.
(07:10):
But that's that control thing,that's that like why do I
constantly feel the need to fixother people and other things?
Why can't I pour into myselfthat way, the way I pour into
other people?
What mask am I even wearing formyself?
So asking yourself, like, ifyou are a people pleaser, who is
under that?
If you are a fixer, who isunder that?
(07:33):
If you are the life of theparty, who is under that?
If you go out and your mask isabout finances, like you got it
all together, you got this nobig deal, but you go home and
realize you don't have it alltogether, why feel the need to
wear that mask out Under theoverachiever?
What are they scared of?
(07:53):
What are you not wanting?
The overachiever might need tofeel that, no matter what, they
are amazing, they are loved,they are intelligent, they are
smart.
The achiever might even need tohear that, like, being slow is
just as important as being fast.
Being in the present moment isjust as strong and achieving as
(08:14):
setting all those goals in thefuture and learning how to
create them.
So I really want you to thinkabout when you think about your
mask.
Okay, because we wear this,because somewhere along the way
we were taught this is someonewe had to be, and now, as adults
, at whatever age we're at,we're learning that I don't
necessarily have to be that way.
So then ask yourself what partof me never got a chance to
(08:37):
speak when I was a child?
What did I know about myself?
But recently, or now inadulthood, you've forgotten.
I really like this last one.
If you didn't have to proveanything to anyone, how would
you show up in the world?
Who are you when no one isclapping, needing or evaluating
(08:58):
you?
I'm going to say that one moretime because I feel like these
last two questions, if youjournal about them, can really
start to help you get to theroot of things.
If you didn't have to proveanything to anyone, how would
you show up in this world?
Who are you when no one isclapping, needing or evaluating
you?
Once you can answer thesequestions, I feel like you're
(09:21):
going to start to find that partof yourself that's been
patiently waiting behind thismask, like what are the things
that you really want to say?
Mark 11, 23 to 24 says truly, Itell you, if anyone says to this
mountain, go throw yourselfinto the sea and does not doubt
in their heart, but believesthat what they have to say will
(09:43):
happen.
It will be done for them.
Therefore, I tell you, whateveryou ask for in prayer, believe
that you have received it and itwill be yours.
And after this verse, Ijournaled a bit and just said
like have faith.
It's all about having faith.
Having faith in yourself thatyou are able to stand in who you
are when no one is clapping foryou, having faith that you are
(10:06):
who you are without being neededor validated, and having faith
that you will be completelyaccepted and who you are even if
no one is there.
And those are the best moments,right?
Those are the absolute bestmoments.
Once we learn to take thesemasks off, we're really able to
truly see, like, oh my gosh,this is who I am.
(10:27):
Or oh my gosh, I've made allthese mistakes along the way
because I was wearing this mask,because I was worried about A,
b or C, I don't know.
I'm in this weird moment, theselast two weeks, in which I feel
like I'm on the verge of a newversion of myself, or maybe even
like a new version of life, orlet's just say, let's just put a
(10:56):
period on it.
A whole cycle of my life hasliterally ended.
In the last three weeks therehave been so many ties cut ties
tied and complete circle momentshappen and it's just.
It's this feeling in my gutthat like I'm about to enter
something new and I'm so excitedand I'm working so hard to show
up as this version of myselfthat I'm trying to get to and I
know and I know she's there andI know she's amazing.
(11:18):
But when you haven't been thatversion of yourself, it's going
to take you a minute and it'sgoing to be scary and you're
going to have to maybe talkdifferent or pause different and
think different and responddifferent.
And that's really hard ifyou've never done that different
.
So take that mask off today.
What is lying under it?
What is that inner childwaiting for the world to see?
(11:40):
And don't be scared to try.
A new version of you.
Every version of you isbeautiful.
They all just want to be ableto come to life.
So until next time, stay cute,stay loud, keep dancing, even
when everyone is watching.
Peace.
Hello and happy Sunday.
Welcome to Go Ask Sawyer.
This is your host, jamie, andyou have come into our new
series of journaling, ajournaling series in which we
are uncovering different partsof ourself.
We've looked at shame, we'velooked at anger, we've looked at
how we really can see andunderstand our worth and then,
(00:23):
right now, we're looking at like, why we lie.
So we are in a mini seriescalled the Truth of it All, a
journey into emotional honesty,learning how to become very
honest with ourselves.
Last week and this week, wefocused on why we lie to
ourselves.
Next week and the week after,we are going to focus on why we
lie to people in our lives.
(00:43):
So today our episode is calledwho Are you Without the Mask,
without having to put on aseparate mask or different masks
in your life?
And maybe you are lucky enoughto not wear masks at all, or
maybe you find that you have towear.
So we'll get into that a littlebit more.
But to start our series off, aswe always do, we are going to
(01:07):
start our journaling.
So grab a notebook andsomething to write with or your
note app that also works and youare going to take three minutes
and just journal anything,anything and everything.
You write letters to someone,lyrics of a song.
If you've been journaling awhile, just dump out your brain
whatever is in there, givingourself just a moment to get
(01:28):
clear and be ready for today.
So I'm going to ask you rightnow to take a pause.
Pick up that pen or pencil andthat timer, set it for three
minutes, pause the episode andget to writing and welcome back.
I really hope that that wastherapeutic and felt good for
whatever that was for you.
I really love journaling.
(01:48):
I found it was a way for me tojust get clear with myself and
to kind of understand a littlebit deeper what I was dealing
with.
I also found that I was hidingfrom myself in my journal, so
this gave me an opportunity totry to be as truthful as I could
with myself.
Most of us build our identityaround survival, so when we
(02:09):
think about our mask, just likein Halloween, we're pretending
we're someone else.
Sometimes it's fun fordifferent parties, maybe for
mask parties, but most of thetime we're doing it because of
different things we have beentaught.
So maybe you became a peoplepleaser.
Right, I'm a recovering peoplepleaser.
You're always agreeable, you'realways accommodating, you're
(02:29):
always flexible.
You say yes when maybe youdon't want to say yes, or you
can even use people pleasing inmanipulative ways.
You want someone to dosomething or you don't want
someone to do something.
You want someone to like you,so you do what you can to please
them.
Be flexible, say yes, be nice.
(02:50):
But often we are also taught Ithink more women than men that
that is the way you should beseen.
You should be seen as agreeable.
If we are not, you know we'reconsidered bitchy or aggressive
or too much.
You know we're consideredbitchy or aggressive or too much
.
If you are somebody who doesn'talways go with the flow, maybe
oh my gosh, they're verydifficult, they're so extra,
(03:11):
they're so demanding we becomethis people pleaser.
So others, others right, don'tgive us these other masks that
we might not want to put on.
Maybe we become the achiever theoverachiever to put on.
Maybe we become the achieverthe overachiever.
We're always getting the rightgrades, the good promotions, the
praise, the good jobs, the goodpartners, the good house.
(03:32):
We become that person that Idon't want to say can't ever be
happy in the present moment, butis almost always striving to
like what's next or what can Iget next, and you might not even
be gloating about it, like, ohmy gosh, look at all the things
I have.
But in your head you mustconstantly be achieving the next
thing, because if you are juststaying in one place, maybe you
(03:56):
consider that staying stuck, oryou're lazy or comfortable Okay,
or maybe you are the fixerer.
You carry the emotional weightfor every single person around
you.
And who taught you to become afixer?
Why are you a fixer?
Why do you feel the need tomaybe fix other people's
problems, to take on otherpeople's emotions, to do other
(04:19):
things for people they have notasked you to do?
And as I'm'm saying this, I'mdefinitely I'm having some aha
moments of my own, like, oh, Ido that right.
Like you see a problem and youtake it on yourself to just fix
a situation when no one hasasked you to do that in the
first place.
Again, why do we do that?
Is it validation, feelingwanted, feeling needed?
(04:41):
It's a mask that I wear, that Iam the fixer.
I want to be the fixer.
Why is that?
If I take my mask off, what doI actually want to be?
The person that just does notcare?
The person that kind of justwants to watch, whatever it is,
all go up in smoke, the personthat just wants to sit back and
let you try to figure it out,the people, pleaser.
(05:02):
If I take my mask off, what amI afraid people will see?
I don't agree with you.
I don't actually like you.
I don't like the situation.
I don't want to be flexible.
I don't want to have to say yesall the time when I'm really
saying no.
So, thinking about, what maskare we wearing?
I talked to a friend recentlywho said a mask that they wear
(05:25):
is that they're an extrovert.
They love being out and talkingto people and the life of the
party and the good time, butreally they would rather just be
at home on their couch doingwhatever they wanted to do.
And I said, well, why do youwear that mask?
What are you afraid of?
And they said, well, if I'm notthe life of the party, then who
(05:47):
am I?
Or if I'm not the life of theparty or this extrovert, is
everyone still going to want tohang out with me?
And that just really got methinking about the masks that I
wear and why I wear them.
What am I trying to disappearfrom?
What is an identity that maybeI am not ready to take on, at
some point, the masks.
(06:07):
The mask, oh my gosh.
At some point the masks make usless authentic because once
again, we are not really beingourselves, our true selves.
We are scared to try onsomething new, try out something
new, decide if maybe what I'mdoing or not doing is working.
(06:27):
I really feel like I have beenmany different versions of
myself in many differentrelationships that I've had, and
maybe all the versions aresomewhat similar.
I could ask friends that I'vebeen connected with for years,
but a part of me feels like Iwas a really, really bad people
pleaser for a while, meaninglike I didn't know how to say no
to things without worrying thatsomeone was going to not like
(06:50):
me, and I feel like I'm slowlycoming out of that.
There are still areas that Iwant to make sure everyone is
happy and pleased out of that.
There are still areas that Iwant to make sure everyone is
happy and pleased, but I'mworking really hard to get out
of that.
There are areas where I stillsee myself automatically going
in to try to fix a situation orsomeone or something, when it is
not my job.
(07:10):
But that's that control thing,that's that like why do I
constantly feel the need to fixother people and other things?
Why can't I pour into myselfthat way, the way I pour into
other people?
What mask am I even wearing formyself?
So asking yourself, like, ifyou are a people pleaser, who is
under that?
If you are a fixer, who isunder that?
(07:33):
If you are the life of theparty, who is under that?
If you go out and your mask isabout finances, like you got it
all together, you got this nobig deal, but you go home and
realize you don't have it alltogether, why feel the need to
wear that mask out Under theoverachiever?
What are they scared of?
(07:53):
What are you not wanting?
The overachiever might need tofeel that, no matter what, they
are amazing, they are loved,they are intelligent, they are
smart.
The achiever might even need tohear that, like, being slow is
just as important as being fast.
Being in the present moment isjust as strong and achieving as
(08:14):
setting all those goals in thefuture and learning how to
create them.
So I really want you to thinkabout when you think about your
mask.
Okay, because we wear this,because somewhere along the way
we were taught this is someonewe had to be, and now, as adults
, at whatever age we're at,we're learning that I don't
necessarily have to be that way.
So then ask yourself what partof me never got a chance to
(08:37):
speak when I was a child?
What did I know about myself?
But recently, or now inadulthood, you've forgotten.
I really like this last one.
If you didn't have to proveanything to anyone, how would
you show up in the world?
Who are you when no one isclapping, needing or evaluating
(08:58):
you?
I'm going to say that one moretime because I feel like these
last two questions, if youjournal about them, can really
start to help you get to theroot of things.
If you didn't have to proveanything to anyone, how would
you show up in this world?
Who are you when no one isclapping, needing or evaluating
you?
Once you can answer thesequestions, I feel like you're
(09:21):
going to start to find that partof yourself that's been
patiently waiting behind thismask, like what are the things
that you really want to say?
Mark 11, 23 to 24 says truly, Itell you, if anyone says to this
mountain, go throw yourselfinto the sea and does not doubt
in their heart, but believesthat what they have to say will
(09:43):
happen.
It will be done for them.
Therefore, I tell you, whateveryou ask for in prayer, believe
that you have received it and itwill be yours.
And after this verse, Ijournaled a bit and just said
like have faith.
It's all about having faith.
Having faith in yourself thatyou are able to stand in who you
are when no one is clapping foryou, having faith that you are
(10:06):
who you are without being neededor validated, and having faith
that you will be completelyaccepted and who you are even if
no one is there.
And those are the best moments,right?
Those are the absolute bestmoments.
Once we learn to take thesemasks off, we're really able to
truly see, like, oh my gosh,this is who I am.
(10:27):
Or oh my gosh, I've made allthese mistakes along the way
because I was wearing this mask,because I was worried about A,
b or C, I don't know.
I'm in this weird moment, theselast two weeks, in which I feel
like I'm on the verge of a newversion of myself, or maybe even
like a new version of life, orlet's just say, let's just put a
(10:56):
period on it.
A whole cycle of my life hasliterally ended.
In the last three weeks therehave been so many ties cut ties
tied and complete circle momentshappen and it's just.
It's this feeling in my gutthat like I'm about to enter
something new and I'm so excitedand I'm working so hard to show
up as this version of myselfthat I'm trying to get to and I
know and I know she's there andI know she's amazing.
(11:18):
But when you haven't been thatversion of yourself, it's going
to take you a minute and it'sgoing to be scary and you're
going to have to maybe talkdifferent or pause different and
think different and responddifferent.
And that's really hard ifyou've never done that different
.
So take that mask off today.
What is lying under it?
What is that inner childwaiting for the world to see?
(11:40):
And don't be scared to try.
A new version of you.
Every version of you isbeautiful.
They all just want to be ableto come to life.
So until next time, stay cute,stay loud, keep dancing, even
when everyone is watching.
Peace.
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