July 20, 2025 • 22 mins
In this final episode of our journaling series, we explore how healing comes in circles and manifests when familiar wounds are triggered but we respond differently. Mercury retrograde creates a perfect opportunity to slow down and reflect on our personal growth since April, measuring healing not by perfect avoidance of pain but by our newfound tools to navigate it without drowning.
• Started journaling series in April with "finding yourself again" as our foundation
• Explored topics of worth, shame, settling, and why we lie to ourselves and others
• Discussed abandonment issues and how they trigger feelings of being unworthy, small, and ugly
• Healing happens when same wounds get activated but we have new ways to respond
• People who hurt us most are usually those who don't know their own worth
• Healing requires recognizing your value even when others don't reflect it back to you
• Small consistent actions like daily journaling or exercise compound into significant change
• Season 5 will focus on stories of healing beyond just the host's experiences
Send your healing stories to @GoAskSawyer on Instagram or through the podcast text line. Please stay cute, stay loud, keep dancing, even when everyone is watching.
Season 4 Episodes:
April 13 - Finding yourself again
April 20 - Finding your worth - choosing you first
April 27 - Shame - What is our authentic self
May 4 - Setting - Why do we do it and how do our unhealed versions of ourself keep us settling
May 18th - Break time! Shake off routine - what did you try that was new?
May 25 - Lying series begins
June 1 - Part 1: Lie to ourselves - self deception
June 8 - Part 2: The masks we wear and how we harm ourselves
June 15 - Having faith, cutting cords, and zero fucsk - how have any of these impacted you? Didn’t listen, go do that.
June 22 - Unlocking your personal legend - what is it you were meant to do and how are YOU holding yourself back. I feel like I am supposed to be using my voice more and I know this because whenever I go to do it, I get really nervous and second guess everything I want to say. I feel like that is the sabbatoge part of me coming out to keep it hidden. The parts of us that are supposed to be used and seen, we often feel the most uncomfortable with. (Not everyone, but most.)
July 6 - Part 1: Emotional Honesty in relationships - what being the strong one (lying) can actually cost us.
July 13 - Part 2: The silent war in relationships - what is left unsaid speaks volumes.
Follow me on Instagram @goasksawyer
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, hello, happy Sunday, welcome back to Go.
Ask Sawyer.
This is Jamie, your host, and,as always, I appreciate you
pressing play because there areso many podcasts you can tune
into and there are so manyplaces you could be and if I
(00:20):
landed in your ears, I thank youso much for giving me just a
moment of your time.
Today we are wrapping up ourjournaling series that we
started back in April and Ireally there's a lot of full
circle moments that are comingto a head, so I think this is
kind of a cool moment, a coolday.
(00:41):
Today is July 20th.
Mercury retrograde, as we alllove, started July 17th, goes
till August 11th, and Mercuryretrograde, we've all heard, is
like everyone's like ah, x'scome back and lessons, and
really it's just a time where itseems like the planet is moving
(01:04):
backwards.
It might seem like why arethese lessons showing up again?
Why are these people showing upagain?
Why are these feelings showingup again?
Delays might happen,miscommunication can come up, so
it's really to kind of liketake the fear out of it.
It's really a time where weneed to slow down, we need to
reflect and just revisit oldideas rather than starting
(01:29):
something new so you could see aMercury retrograde time as a
great time to pause and maybereflect on how far you have come
, what lessons have you learned?
What places in your life haveyou overcome something?
So today we're going to talkabout kind of the journey that
(01:50):
we have all been on togethersince April and how are we
healing from it.
Because the healing processwhich my whole podcast, my whole
ideas around are really allabout healing Like that is the
main theme, because ideas aroundare really all about healing.
That is the main theme.
Because hurt people, hurtpeople, healed people, heal
(02:15):
people.
And I just keep seeing more andmore confirmation of this every
single place that I look inpeople and situations, even in
myself.
So lots of green flags allaround me.
But I want to start us today inthinking about so.
If you've been following myseries and you have your journal
, please take it out.
Go find it, hit pause, take itout.
If you had it on your notes app, go back to your notes app,
(02:37):
open it up.
Today is going to be a day ofreflection, so give yourself a
little bit of time because we'regoing to cheer each other on
and we are all light right?
John 1.5 says the light shinesin the darkness and the darkness
has not overcome it.
Light will always shine indarkness, always.
(02:59):
So I really want to encourageeveryone listening today to be
that light.
Don't succumb to the darkness,don't succumb to actions that
are low vibrational, don'tsuccumb to people that want to
pull you out of your beautifulshining light that you have,
because we need more light inthis world.
(03:22):
I think we can all agree onthat.
So full circle moment we startedback in April, april 13th to be
exact, was the first episodeabout finding yourself again.
So you can always kind of maybepause here and look back to
that time of you know what didyou need to find?
(03:43):
Maybe it was a new self thatwas emerging.
April 20th, we talked aboutfinding your worth, choosing
yourself first, which is, I dobelieve, is really hard to do.
In a world of social media, ina world of comparison, in a
world of everyone else seems tobe doing better than myself, how
do we kind of drown out allthat noise and just say, no, I
(04:06):
choose me Like I choose, I amdoing phenomenal, I'm going to
live in my delusional maincharacter energy world.
And actually the whole month ofI think it was April to the end
of May.
I had like lived in this maincharacter energy and, if any of
you follow me in my personallife, I was posting a lot of
dancing videos.
I got back on TikTok, I wasposting all these dancing videos
(04:30):
but it was more or less.
It was really for me and I cansay that with confidence 90%,
10% vanity, but it was reallyfor me to show up as this person
that I want to be, because Iwant to attract someone,
something that is going to matchthat energy.
(04:51):
Okay, so how are you being themain character in your life?
April 27th we talked about shameand what is our true, authentic
self and why do we feel shame?
And is it us that's feelingthat way or is it other people
outside us making us feel thatshame?
And then connecting that to thenext week, may 4th, settling.
(05:17):
Why do we settle in jobs, ships, situations, environments that
we should not be in because theyare not giving to our true,
most authentic self?
If we cannot get to that coreroot of shame, I believe that we
allow ourselves to settle morebecause we don't think we're
(05:38):
worth more.
That line we don't think we'reworth more it really gets to me
because I can clearly see inpeople in my circle I don't know
why I get so teary-eyedwhenever I do these dang
podcasts.
Anyways, I can clearly see inall the people that I'm
surrounded by how much theydeserve and how amazing they are
(06:01):
.
I look at people in my lifesometimes and I'm like dang, you
deserve every good thing thatcomes to you.
And some people are in lowvibrational situations.
In my opinion maybe not intheirs, but why can't we see
that in ourselves?
How is that so easy to see inothers and so hard to see in
(06:23):
ourselves?
But again, that goes back towho am I?
Do I know my worth?
Can I stand in my worth?
And sometimes our outside worldis going to say you're being
selfish, you're being too much.
Oh my gosh, you're being toodramatic.
Why do you keep doing this?
Why do you keep doing that?
But realize those voices mightbe coming from people who aren't
even doing it.
Those voices are coming frompeople who don't even know their
(06:45):
worth.
Those voices are coming frompeople who aren't putting in the
work, who wouldn't even want tostart healing, who wouldn't
even want to look deep insidethemselves, like dang.
Why am I so insecure?
That person hurt my feelingsand I'm going to put that on
them instead of asking myselfwhy did my feelings get so hurt
when they said that?
Why did my feelings get so hurtwhen?
(07:07):
So, my friend Maureen, she usedto get other friends how dare
she right?
And actually I think my otherfriend Megan I used to have this
problem with too, when myfriends would get other friends,
I would get so offended, Iwould get so jealous and
offended and upset, like why doyou need other friends?
But it was because I thought ifthey have other friends and
(07:30):
they won't need me anymore.
If they had other people thatare cooler than me, I don't know
how that's possible, butwhatever, I would get put on the
side, I'd get put on the benchI wouldn't be allowed in.
Maybe they would do somethingcool without me.
And again, you guys can hear myanxious attachment right coming
(07:50):
out as I'm speaking on this andthat makes me so sad for me in
the way of why would I thinkthat way?
Like why would I not know myworth and know my friends are my
friends and like we're all good?
And I mean that is somethingthat I'm constantly healing,
that is a constant healed woundin me that I'm like, where did
(08:11):
this even come from?
Okay, so what in you knowingyour worth, understanding, shame
settling, are you settling?
May 18th, we talked or we took alittle break.
We shook off the routine.
I think I encouraged you guysto try something new.
Say yes to something new.
I did my first open mic twoweeks ago.
(08:32):
It was I think it was the lastweek in June and it was.
I took myself on like aMilwaukee day date.
I did the farmer's market andthen I took myself to the beach
for the day.
And then I had heard about thisopen mic and I had never been
to one.
So I was like, well, I'm goingto go try it.
And I went and they were like,do you want to read your stuff?
And I was like what?
No, maybe kind of I don't knowno.
(08:52):
And then I did, you guys like Iread two of my poems I had
written and, oh my gosh, I felton top of the world.
I felt so great and that wassomething new and I got really
good reactions from it.
So yeah, definitely on thedocket to find some more.
But what have you tried thissummer?
That's been new, that you'relike I can't even believe I did
(09:15):
that.
I've never tried that before.
I really pushed myself Allright.
Then we got into our lyingseries, which started May 25th.
We started talking about likewhy people lie.
I mean, I lie, you lie, ourjobs lie to us, our people lie
to us but like, why do we do it?
And then, june 1st and June 8th, I asked you to look at
(09:38):
yourself.
Like, where are you lying toyourself?
What masks are you wearing andhow is that hurting you?
How is that hurting yourauthentic self?
And I, as I'm saying this too,I'm also thinking about like,
what are we so scared of that wefeel like we have to lie.
And I mean I could say amillion things.
(09:59):
Right.
Oops, I did something wrong.
I cheated on a test, I didsomething wrong.
I told my friend I was goingsomeplace that I really wasn't.
We're trying to cover upsomething that we did that maybe
is out of alignment with who weare, who we think we are, who
we say we are.
(10:19):
But when we're lying toourselves and when we're doing
that, how much harm is thatcausing?
And then we go back into say ittogether shame settling, not
really being our authentic self.
So go back to those episodes ifyou have not listened to them.
And then, june 15th, we tookanother break and we talked
(10:40):
about having faith and cuttingcords and having zero fucks
about what we do.
Just again going back to, like,how do we walk in faith?
And walking in faith for me inthese last couple of weeks has
really been about not knowingwhat is coming for me and
understanding that maybe theoutcomes aren't always going to
(11:03):
be shiny and bright, but walkingthat way anyways.
I just listened to this wholesermon yesterday about, kind of
like, why we have fear and howwe allow distractions to get in
the way of God, and the story ofPeter walking on water when God
said come out of the boat andwalk to me.
(11:24):
I believe it's in Matthew.
I'm sorry I don't have itwritten down, let's just talk
about it.
Walk to me.
I believe it's in Matthew.
I'm sorry I don't have itwritten down, let's just talk
about it.
He was able to walk on waterwhen he kept his eyes on God and
as soon as the wind came and helooked at the wind and got
scared, he fell down right.
The wind being the distraction,the wind being the outside, the
wind being the we don't trust.
Like, what do we have our eyeson?
(11:45):
How do you have so much faithwhen you have your eyes on God,
or if you do not believe whoeveryou believe in, because we're
not here to judge, we are hereto support.
When you have faith in that andyou keep your eyes on that,
you're able to cut those otherthings out that don't need to be
(12:05):
there.
You are able to give zero fucksabout what other people might
think who don't have their eyeswhere you do, because their
story is not your story.
Their life is not your life.
So how did that episode impactyou If you didn't listen to it?
June 15th, june 22nd, we lookedat unlocking your personal
legend and I read a few pagesfrom the Alchemist and we talked
(12:29):
about what are you here for?
Like, what do you need to keepgoing toward?
And I am getting more and moreand more under understanding
confirmation that I'm supposedto use my voice, and I know this
because every time I am aboutto use it, I have all of these
thoughts, like if you guys couldsee the amount of journals I
(12:50):
have and the amount of writing Ihave and the amount of ideas.
But every time I'm about to saysomething, I instantly second
guess myself and I get scaredand I go into who do I think I
am?
But I think that's that's thewin, that's the distractions,
and I think, like other peopleare going to hear me and be like
, oh my gosh, who does Jamiethink she is?
I don't know, I just think I'mme and I got some thoughts and
(13:11):
the more I speak and then justhear feedback from people like I
really love that podcast or ohmy gosh, I just listened to this
and that really touched me, orI really appreciate what you
said on this day, it's likeconfirmation, confirmation,
confirmation, confirmation.
And yet I still second guess.
So I do feel like my personallegend is using my voice.
(13:34):
So I'm going to dig more intothat.
What is yours right?
What is your personal legendthat?
What is something that when youdo it you feel so alive, but
right before you do it you'reterrified.
I feel like that's how you kindof know you're getting close.
July 6th we talked about 6thand 13th we looked at emotional
(13:55):
honesty in our relationships andthat's again any kind of ship
that you're on.
The first one was what is beingthe strong one when you're
lying?
You're trying to be the strongone You're trying to fix.
You're trying to push thingsdown.
What does it actually cost us?
And then the 13th just lastweekend I talked about the
silent war in relationships.
What is left unsaid speaksvolumes, and I think we can all
(14:20):
attest to.
Whenever we decide to be silentabout something instead of
speak up as much as we thinkwe're keeping the peace, we're
just causing a whole war insideus and maybe we're even we're
causing the wedge in therelationship.
So, as we have this full circlemoment, mercury retrograde has
started.
We've come to the end of mythis journaling series.
(14:44):
I hope you have not stoppedjournaling.
Come to the end of thisjournaling series.
I hope you have not stoppedjournaling.
I hope you're still doing it,even if it's three minutes a day
.
Just put it on paper Like Isaid anything.
I don't know what to writetoday.
Write letters, write songlyrics, things like I write
Bible verses and then I reflecton them and then, all of a
sudden, I'll think of a songafter that and then I go look up
the song and then I write thelyrics down from the song and
(15:07):
then I start analyzing about whythese lyrics mean so much to me
.
Also, realize, friends, onceyou get these things out, it is
allowing room for breath, it isallowing room for peace, it is
allowing room for other thingsto come in and it's also a way
we heal ourselves.
Getting this stuff out is howwe heal ourselves.
(15:28):
Healing is never done.
It comes in circles and, in myopinion, here's how I know I am
healing.
Right, it's never done, buthere's how I know I'm healing
what I've experienced from it Ican tell I'm healing when the
same wound is activated and Ireact differently.
It might not be perfect I neverwant to say I'm perfect but I
(15:51):
don't react the same.
So, for example, abandonment inmy ships, on my ships I think
you guys all just heard me talkabout Maureen and Megan and when
they would get other friendsand I would, all my abandonment
issues would come up.
And again they would come up informs of jealousy and all this
(16:11):
stuff.
But it was really just aboutfeeling abandoned.
When those other, whenabandonment continues to come up
, I used to feel it all over mybody.
I would feel so discarded, sounworthy, so small, so ugly.
I would want to isolate.
And I would feel so discarded,so unworthy, so small, so ugly.
I would want to isolate and Iwould rethink everything about
(16:32):
who I was.
I would go so far deep insidemyself that I would sometimes
forget who I was.
And after much healing,journaling, therapy, reading
God's word, working out, showingup for myself, eating
differently, talking to people,when my abandonment gets
triggered now and it has I feellike I'm able to identify it and
(16:57):
like reparent myself.
I don't even know if it'sreparent or like be the friend
that I need.
I'm able to like show up formyself, like I hold, like I hug
myself.
Right, I hug myself and I'mlike Jamie, you're okay, you're
safe, you're okay, you're safe,you're okay, you're safe.
Like I literally have to holdmyself.
When I do that, I have to tellmyself I love myself.
(17:20):
I have to do all theaffirmations, but I know how to.
I didn't know how to do thatbefore.
So when things come up andtrigger you, how do you get
yourself out of it?
I can now disconnect from thepain and realize it isn't about
me.
I am still me.
I am still beautiful and worthyand worth it.
(17:41):
It was just the situation andit does not mean that I don't
still get hurt by feelingabandoned.
I don't still feel that pain,but it doesn't completely
swallow me.
I don't drown in it.
I used to drown in it, but Idon't do that now Because, again
, I have tools, I have resources.
(18:01):
I also had to know that.
I had to know my worth and Iknow I keep saying that, but I
don't think we realize thepeople who can hurt us the most
are usually others who don'tknow their own self, their own
worth.
They don't know how to takeaccountability for, like, their
(18:24):
feelings or thoughts or actions.
So then they put it on us andif we don't know how to handle
that, all of that stuff willtrigger everything the
abandonment issue, the anxietyissue, the I am worthless issue,
I am not smart issue, whateverthat is that comes in for you,
(18:46):
that inner child.
Sometimes I literally evenpicture my little Jamie self
sitting somewhere thinking wheredid this even come from?
I don't even know.
Well, in therapy we've kind ofidentified some things, but I
think a lot of it was justpushing things under the rug.
We're not going to talk aboutit.
We're not going to talk aboutit, which made me feel like my
(19:06):
emotions weren't worthy.
So I really, really encourageyou to get to work.
If you start now, so manyamazing things can happen.
I got back on my workout horseJuly 1st and every single day
since July 1st I have been inthe gym and running or just
running, because I have twoother friends that I'm doing
(19:28):
this running thing with, wherewe send each other we have to
run or walk at least one mileevery day and then send each
other the results.
But since July 1st and today, Iused to be an avid runner and
then I got hurt and whatever.
Today I ran two miles and Ifelt so good.
I felt so good, you guys, andit's because I started showing
(19:50):
up for myself on July 1st and itwas like we're going to walk,
run one mile, and it was nothingbig.
But every single day I havebeen doing it and I have been
showing up for me and like it'sall those little things, friends
, it's all those little things,friends, it's all those little
things.
So you know that you're healing.
I think when the same woundsget triggered and instead of
(20:13):
reacting in one specific,certain way that you always
normally do, you're able to belike whoa, okay, I see what's
happening.
This still hurts, this stillsucks.
I'm still going to go cry in mybed about it and eat all the
food and do all the sad things,but I know what this is and I
know how to get out of it.
I have the tools I need tobring myself back and that is
(20:37):
progress.
So this is the official end ofseason four, my journaling
season of healing, reparenting,looking at those things, pulling
them up.
We have a new season coming up.
I'm really excited.
We have some fun things coming,but I want you to look at your
wounds, sit with them, touchthem, love them, pour salve all
(21:03):
over them, be as gentle withyourself as possible and please
know that you're worth it,always and forever.
Healing is never done, but withthe right tools and people and
love, it gets easier and moreexciting, because the more you
own your story, the less anyonecan come at you, and if anyone
(21:23):
wants to share their story ofsomething you're healing from, I
would absolutely love to hearfrom you.
Through the podcast, you cansend me a text.
I believe there's a phonenumber in there.
Please send me a text throughthat, or go to at Go, ask Sawyer
, all one word on Instagram.
Find me there and send me amessage.
I would love to hear your story.
(21:45):
Because season five I want tobe about our stories of healing,
because it's not just me.
So, friends, as always, I loveyou so much.
Please stay cute, stay loud,keep dancing, even when everyone
is watching.
Peace.
Hello, hello, happy Sunday, welcome back to Go.
Ask Sawyer.
This is Jamie, your host, and,as always, I appreciate you
pressing play because there areso many podcasts you can tune
into and there are so manyplaces you could be and if I
(00:20):
landed in your ears, I thank youso much for giving me just a
moment of your time.
Today we are wrapping up ourjournaling series that we
started back in April and Ireally there's a lot of full
circle moments that are comingto a head, so I think this is
kind of a cool moment, a coolday.
(00:41):
Today is July 20th.
Mercury retrograde, as we alllove, started July 17th, goes
till August 11th, and Mercuryretrograde, we've all heard, is
like everyone's like ah, x'scome back and lessons, and
really it's just a time where itseems like the planet is moving
(01:04):
backwards.
It might seem like why arethese lessons showing up again?
Why are these people showing upagain?
Why are these feelings showingup again?
Delays might happen,miscommunication can come up, so
it's really to kind of liketake the fear out of it.
It's really a time where weneed to slow down, we need to
reflect and just revisit oldideas rather than starting
(01:29):
something new so you could see aMercury retrograde time as a
great time to pause and maybereflect on how far you have come
, what lessons have you learned?
What places in your life haveyou overcome something?
So today we're going to talkabout kind of the journey that
(01:50):
we have all been on togethersince April and how are we
healing from it.
Because the healing processwhich my whole podcast, my whole
ideas around are really allabout healing Like that is the
main theme, because ideas aroundare really all about healing.
That is the main theme.
Because hurt people, hurtpeople, healed people, heal
(02:15):
people.
And I just keep seeing more andmore confirmation of this every
single place that I look inpeople and situations, even in
myself.
So lots of green flags allaround me.
But I want to start us today inthinking about so.
If you've been following myseries and you have your journal
, please take it out.
Go find it, hit pause, take itout.
If you had it on your notes app, go back to your notes app,
(02:37):
open it up.
Today is going to be a day ofreflection, so give yourself a
little bit of time because we'regoing to cheer each other on
and we are all light right?
John 1.5 says the light shinesin the darkness and the darkness
has not overcome it.
Light will always shine indarkness, always.
(02:59):
So I really want to encourageeveryone listening today to be
that light.
Don't succumb to the darkness,don't succumb to actions that
are low vibrational, don'tsuccumb to people that want to
pull you out of your beautifulshining light that you have,
because we need more light inthis world.
(03:22):
I think we can all agree onthat.
So full circle moment we startedback in April, april 13th to be
exact, was the first episodeabout finding yourself again.
So you can always kind of maybepause here and look back to
that time of you know what didyou need to find?
(03:43):
Maybe it was a new self thatwas emerging.
April 20th, we talked aboutfinding your worth, choosing
yourself first, which is, I dobelieve, is really hard to do.
In a world of social media, ina world of comparison, in a
world of everyone else seems tobe doing better than myself, how
do we kind of drown out allthat noise and just say, no, I
(04:06):
choose me Like I choose, I amdoing phenomenal, I'm going to
live in my delusional maincharacter energy world.
And actually the whole month ofI think it was April to the end
of May.
I had like lived in this maincharacter energy and, if any of
you follow me in my personallife, I was posting a lot of
dancing videos.
I got back on TikTok, I wasposting all these dancing videos
(04:30):
but it was more or less.
It was really for me and I cansay that with confidence 90%,
10% vanity, but it was reallyfor me to show up as this person
that I want to be, because Iwant to attract someone,
something that is going to matchthat energy.
(04:51):
Okay, so how are you being themain character in your life?
April 27th we talked about shameand what is our true, authentic
self and why do we feel shame?
And is it us that's feelingthat way or is it other people
outside us making us feel thatshame?
And then connecting that to thenext week, may 4th, settling.
(05:17):
Why do we settle in jobs, ships, situations, environments that
we should not be in because theyare not giving to our true,
most authentic self?
If we cannot get to that coreroot of shame, I believe that we
allow ourselves to settle morebecause we don't think we're
(05:38):
worth more.
That line we don't think we'reworth more it really gets to me
because I can clearly see inpeople in my circle I don't know
why I get so teary-eyedwhenever I do these dang
podcasts.
Anyways, I can clearly see inall the people that I'm
surrounded by how much theydeserve and how amazing they are
(06:01):
.
I look at people in my lifesometimes and I'm like dang, you
deserve every good thing thatcomes to you.
And some people are in lowvibrational situations.
In my opinion maybe not intheirs, but why can't we see
that in ourselves?
How is that so easy to see inothers and so hard to see in
(06:23):
ourselves?
But again, that goes back towho am I?
Do I know my worth?
Can I stand in my worth?
And sometimes our outside worldis going to say you're being
selfish, you're being too much.
Oh my gosh, you're being toodramatic.
Why do you keep doing this?
Why do you keep doing that?
But realize those voices mightbe coming from people who aren't
even doing it.
Those voices are coming frompeople who don't even know their
(06:45):
worth.
Those voices are coming frompeople who aren't putting in the
work, who wouldn't even want tostart healing, who wouldn't
even want to look deep insidethemselves, like dang.
Why am I so insecure?
That person hurt my feelingsand I'm going to put that on
them instead of asking myselfwhy did my feelings get so hurt
when they said that?
Why did my feelings get so hurtwhen?
(07:07):
So, my friend Maureen, she usedto get other friends how dare
she right?
And actually I think my otherfriend Megan I used to have this
problem with too, when myfriends would get other friends,
I would get so offended, Iwould get so jealous and
offended and upset, like why doyou need other friends?
But it was because I thought ifthey have other friends and
(07:30):
they won't need me anymore.
If they had other people thatare cooler than me, I don't know
how that's possible, butwhatever, I would get put on the
side, I'd get put on the benchI wouldn't be allowed in.
Maybe they would do somethingcool without me.
And again, you guys can hear myanxious attachment right coming
(07:50):
out as I'm speaking on this andthat makes me so sad for me in
the way of why would I thinkthat way?
Like why would I not know myworth and know my friends are my
friends and like we're all good?
And I mean that is somethingthat I'm constantly healing,
that is a constant healed woundin me that I'm like, where did
(08:11):
this even come from?
Okay, so what in you knowingyour worth, understanding, shame
settling, are you settling?
May 18th, we talked or we took alittle break.
We shook off the routine.
I think I encouraged you guysto try something new.
Say yes to something new.
I did my first open mic twoweeks ago.
(08:32):
It was I think it was the lastweek in June and it was.
I took myself on like aMilwaukee day date.
I did the farmer's market andthen I took myself to the beach
for the day.
And then I had heard about thisopen mic and I had never been
to one.
So I was like, well, I'm goingto go try it.
And I went and they were like,do you want to read your stuff?
And I was like what?
No, maybe kind of I don't knowno.
(08:52):
And then I did, you guys like Iread two of my poems I had
written and, oh my gosh, I felton top of the world.
I felt so great and that wassomething new and I got really
good reactions from it.
So yeah, definitely on thedocket to find some more.
But what have you tried thissummer?
That's been new, that you'relike I can't even believe I did
(09:15):
that.
I've never tried that before.
I really pushed myself Allright.
Then we got into our lyingseries, which started May 25th.
We started talking about likewhy people lie.
I mean, I lie, you lie, ourjobs lie to us, our people lie
to us but like, why do we do it?
And then, june 1st and June 8th, I asked you to look at
(09:38):
yourself.
Like, where are you lying toyourself?
What masks are you wearing andhow is that hurting you?
How is that hurting yourauthentic self?
And I, as I'm saying this too,I'm also thinking about like,
what are we so scared of that wefeel like we have to lie.
And I mean I could say amillion things.
(09:59):
Right.
Oops, I did something wrong.
I cheated on a test, I didsomething wrong.
I told my friend I was goingsomeplace that I really wasn't.
We're trying to cover upsomething that we did that maybe
is out of alignment with who weare, who we think we are, who
we say we are.
(10:19):
But when we're lying toourselves and when we're doing
that, how much harm is thatcausing?
And then we go back into say ittogether shame settling, not
really being our authentic self.
So go back to those episodes ifyou have not listened to them.
And then, june 15th, we tookanother break and we talked
(10:40):
about having faith and cuttingcords and having zero fucks
about what we do.
Just again going back to, like,how do we walk in faith?
And walking in faith for me inthese last couple of weeks has
really been about not knowingwhat is coming for me and
understanding that maybe theoutcomes aren't always going to
(11:03):
be shiny and bright, but walkingthat way anyways.
I just listened to this wholesermon yesterday about, kind of
like, why we have fear and howwe allow distractions to get in
the way of God, and the story ofPeter walking on water when God
said come out of the boat andwalk to me.
(11:24):
I believe it's in Matthew.
I'm sorry I don't have itwritten down, let's just talk
about it.
Walk to me.
I believe it's in Matthew.
I'm sorry I don't have itwritten down, let's just talk
about it.
He was able to walk on waterwhen he kept his eyes on God and
as soon as the wind came and helooked at the wind and got
scared, he fell down right.
The wind being the distraction,the wind being the outside, the
wind being the we don't trust.
Like, what do we have our eyeson?
(11:45):
How do you have so much faithwhen you have your eyes on God,
or if you do not believe whoeveryou believe in, because we're
not here to judge, we are hereto support.
When you have faith in that andyou keep your eyes on that,
you're able to cut those otherthings out that don't need to be
(12:05):
there.
You are able to give zero fucksabout what other people might
think who don't have their eyeswhere you do, because their
story is not your story.
Their life is not your life.
So how did that episode impactyou If you didn't listen to it?
June 15th, june 22nd, we lookedat unlocking your personal
legend and I read a few pagesfrom the Alchemist and we talked
(12:29):
about what are you here for?
Like, what do you need to keepgoing toward?
And I am getting more and moreand more under understanding
confirmation that I'm supposedto use my voice, and I know this
because every time I am aboutto use it, I have all of these
thoughts, like if you guys couldsee the amount of journals I
(12:50):
have and the amount of writing Ihave and the amount of ideas.
But every time I'm about to saysomething, I instantly second
guess myself and I get scaredand I go into who do I think I
am?
But I think that's that's thewin, that's the distractions,
and I think, like other peopleare going to hear me and be like
, oh my gosh, who does Jamiethink she is?
I don't know, I just think I'mme and I got some thoughts and
(13:11):
the more I speak and then justhear feedback from people like I
really love that podcast or ohmy gosh, I just listened to this
and that really touched me, orI really appreciate what you
said on this day, it's likeconfirmation, confirmation,
confirmation, confirmation.
And yet I still second guess.
So I do feel like my personallegend is using my voice.
(13:34):
So I'm going to dig more intothat.
What is yours right?
What is your personal legendthat?
What is something that when youdo it you feel so alive, but
right before you do it you'reterrified.
I feel like that's how you kindof know you're getting close.
July 6th we talked about 6thand 13th we looked at emotional
(13:55):
honesty in our relationships andthat's again any kind of ship
that you're on.
The first one was what is beingthe strong one when you're
lying?
You're trying to be the strongone You're trying to fix.
You're trying to push thingsdown.
What does it actually cost us?
And then the 13th just lastweekend I talked about the
silent war in relationships.
What is left unsaid speaksvolumes, and I think we can all
(14:20):
attest to.
Whenever we decide to be silentabout something instead of
speak up as much as we thinkwe're keeping the peace, we're
just causing a whole war insideus and maybe we're even we're
causing the wedge in therelationship.
So, as we have this full circlemoment, mercury retrograde has
started.
We've come to the end of mythis journaling series.
(14:44):
I hope you have not stoppedjournaling.
Come to the end of thisjournaling series.
I hope you have not stoppedjournaling.
I hope you're still doing it,even if it's three minutes a day
.
Just put it on paper Like Isaid anything.
I don't know what to writetoday.
Write letters, write songlyrics, things like I write
Bible verses and then I reflecton them and then, all of a
sudden, I'll think of a songafter that and then I go look up
the song and then I write thelyrics down from the song and
(15:07):
then I start analyzing about whythese lyrics mean so much to me
.
Also, realize, friends, onceyou get these things out, it is
allowing room for breath, it isallowing room for peace, it is
allowing room for other thingsto come in and it's also a way
we heal ourselves.
Getting this stuff out is howwe heal ourselves.
(15:28):
Healing is never done.
It comes in circles and, in myopinion, here's how I know I am
healing.
Right, it's never done, buthere's how I know I'm healing
what I've experienced from it Ican tell I'm healing when the
same wound is activated and Ireact differently.
It might not be perfect I neverwant to say I'm perfect but I
(15:51):
don't react the same.
So, for example, abandonment inmy ships, on my ships I think
you guys all just heard me talkabout Maureen and Megan and when
they would get other friendsand I would, all my abandonment
issues would come up.
And again they would come up informs of jealousy and all this
(16:11):
stuff.
But it was really just aboutfeeling abandoned.
When those other, whenabandonment continues to come up
, I used to feel it all over mybody.
I would feel so discarded, sounworthy, so small, so ugly.
I would want to isolate.
And I would feel so discarded,so unworthy, so small, so ugly.
I would want to isolate and Iwould rethink everything about
(16:32):
who I was.
I would go so far deep insidemyself that I would sometimes
forget who I was.
And after much healing,journaling, therapy, reading
God's word, working out, showingup for myself, eating
differently, talking to people,when my abandonment gets
triggered now and it has I feellike I'm able to identify it and
(16:57):
like reparent myself.
I don't even know if it'sreparent or like be the friend
that I need.
I'm able to like show up formyself, like I hold, like I hug
myself.
Right, I hug myself and I'mlike Jamie, you're okay, you're
safe, you're okay, you're safe,you're okay, you're safe.
Like I literally have to holdmyself.
When I do that, I have to tellmyself I love myself.
(17:20):
I have to do all theaffirmations, but I know how to.
I didn't know how to do thatbefore.
So when things come up andtrigger you, how do you get
yourself out of it?
I can now disconnect from thepain and realize it isn't about
me.
I am still me.
I am still beautiful and worthyand worth it.
(17:41):
It was just the situation andit does not mean that I don't
still get hurt by feelingabandoned.
I don't still feel that pain,but it doesn't completely
swallow me.
I don't drown in it.
I used to drown in it, but Idon't do that now Because, again
, I have tools, I have resources.
(18:01):
I also had to know that.
I had to know my worth and Iknow I keep saying that, but I
don't think we realize thepeople who can hurt us the most
are usually others who don'tknow their own self, their own
worth.
They don't know how to takeaccountability for, like, their
(18:24):
feelings or thoughts or actions.
So then they put it on us andif we don't know how to handle
that, all of that stuff willtrigger everything the
abandonment issue, the anxietyissue, the I am worthless issue,
I am not smart issue, whateverthat is that comes in for you,
(18:46):
that inner child.
Sometimes I literally evenpicture my little Jamie self
sitting somewhere thinking wheredid this even come from?
I don't even know.
Well, in therapy we've kind ofidentified some things, but I
think a lot of it was justpushing things under the rug.
We're not going to talk aboutit.
We're not going to talk aboutit, which made me feel like my
(19:06):
emotions weren't worthy.
So I really, really encourageyou to get to work.
If you start now, so manyamazing things can happen.
I got back on my workout horseJuly 1st and every single day
since July 1st I have been inthe gym and running or just
running, because I have twoother friends that I'm doing
(19:28):
this running thing with, wherewe send each other we have to
run or walk at least one mileevery day and then send each
other the results.
But since July 1st and today, Iused to be an avid runner and
then I got hurt and whatever.
Today I ran two miles and Ifelt so good.
I felt so good, you guys, andit's because I started showing
(19:50):
up for myself on July 1st and itwas like we're going to walk,
run one mile, and it was nothingbig.
But every single day I havebeen doing it and I have been
showing up for me and like it'sall those little things, friends
, it's all those little things,friends, it's all those little
things.
So you know that you're healing.
I think when the same woundsget triggered and instead of
(20:13):
reacting in one specific,certain way that you always
normally do, you're able to belike whoa, okay, I see what's
happening.
This still hurts, this stillsucks.
I'm still going to go cry in mybed about it and eat all the
food and do all the sad things,but I know what this is and I
know how to get out of it.
I have the tools I need tobring myself back and that is
(20:37):
progress.
So this is the official end ofseason four, my journaling
season of healing, reparenting,looking at those things, pulling
them up.
We have a new season coming up.
I'm really excited.
We have some fun things coming,but I want you to look at your
wounds, sit with them, touchthem, love them, pour salve all
(21:03):
over them, be as gentle withyourself as possible and please
know that you're worth it,always and forever.
Healing is never done, but withthe right tools and people and
love, it gets easier and moreexciting, because the more you
own your story, the less anyonecan come at you, and if anyone
(21:23):
wants to share their story ofsomething you're healing from, I
would absolutely love to hearfrom you.
Through the podcast, you cansend me a text.
I believe there's a phonenumber in there.
Please send me a text throughthat, or go to at Go, ask Sawyer
, all one word on Instagram.
Find me there and send me amessage.
I would love to hear your story.
(21:45):
Because season five I want tobe about our stories of healing,
because it's not just me.
So, friends, as always, I loveyou so much.
Please stay cute, stay loud,keep dancing, even when everyone
is watching.
Peace.
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