Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey y'all, welcome
back.
Happy Sunday.
Go ask Sawyer I'm your host,jamie, and this is my new
journaling series that I'mtrying out to just start to
uncover some emotions childhoodtraumas, wounds, whatever you
want to call it.
There's 10,000 words for it now, but I'm just taking you on a
(00:21):
journey.
For those of you who have atherapist, don't have a
therapist, don't know where tostart.
So what you will need today isyour journal something to write
with, of course, or your notesapp, if you're that kind of girl
.
I want to type it out or writeit out.
However you can get yourfeelings down.
I will say pen to paper.
There is something soliberating and freeing about
(00:45):
writing your stuff down, and forthose of you who do say like I
don't know what to say, I don'tknow what to write, I'm going to
guide you through it today.
You will also need a timer onyour phone if that, and then
just some time.
For me, our focus today isshame and uncovering shame, and
(01:05):
I do have a feeling we mightcome back to this a couple
different times, but onlybecause I feel like shame can be
so big and it can be so layered, but underneath of it all is
our authentic self, and that'swhat we're trying to get to and
get back to so we don't projectour hurts on other people.
So, to start us out, whatyou're going to do is you're
(01:28):
going to press pause on thepodcast, set your timer for
three minutes and in yourjournal you are just going to
write until that timer goes off.
For three minutes, you canwrite a letter to yourself, you
can write lyrics to a song, youcan write this is stupid.
Over and over.
You can write about what you'redoing today.
(01:50):
I do not care what you write, Iam telling you three minutes,
just write it all down and thenresume.
All right, welcome back.
So today, again, we are focusedon shame, and this is not that I
want to say.
This is a hard one for me, butthis is something that I feel
(02:11):
like I have.
This is something even mythroat is like.
I don't want to say it.
This is an emotion that I feellike has driven me to do
different things, to actdifferent ways, to hide
different things, and I don'tthink what I realized in the
beginning of whenever I starteddoing this is the more you can
(02:35):
own up to your shame, likewhatever you may have done,
which we'll get into today, butthe more you can just own it,
the less power it has over you.
We all do stupid things, we allact out of character, we all
act out of alignment, we allmaybe hurt people for either
intentionally or unintentionally, for different reasons, and
(03:00):
then we don't want to talk aboutit, we want to bury it down.
But I'm telling you thatfeeling will stay with you and
it will never release and itwill show up in different areas
of your life and just kind oflike distort or ruin different
things.
Okay, so when we are looking atour shame, we need to remember
(03:21):
that shedding, peeling backlayers, requires honesty.
I'm not asking you to be honestwith me, I'm not asking you to
go out and tell all your friendsall your things, but being
honest with yourself and I thinkthat is really hard to do
Because once we start to becomehonest with ourself, then it's
(03:43):
like you can't look away from it, right, like once you tell
yourself I shouldn't be at thisjob.
Like if you're talking to yourfriends, like oh my gosh, I hate
my job and blah, blah, you'relike talking about it you can
kind of pretend thatconversation didn't happen and
then move on with your day andgo back to your job and, just
you know, have a great time.
But once you sit with yourselfand realize like I shouldn't be
(04:05):
at this job anymore, like thisjob is sucking me dry, that
personal conversation withyourself you can't get rid of,
you can't go away from.
So you got to get honest withyourself.
When we think about shame, howdo we bring it on ourselves,
right?
And then, how do other peoplemake us feel shame?
(04:28):
And I did ask a few friendsthis exact question and it kind
of came back the same every timeI feel shame when I'm out of
alignment with myself or when Ibehave in a way that isn't true
to me, maybe gossiping, maybelying, cheating, even the
(04:49):
smallest thing.
I littered the other day.
I know this is really stupid,but I littered and I just kept
walking.
I thought about it all day long.
I was like, why would I litter?
Why would I do that?
The earth is so dirty anddisgusting the way it is, why
would I add to that?
And I know that that's like aokay, jamie, but I'm just giving
(05:12):
an example, right, that was mebringing shame on myself.
And then, when do other peoplemake us feel shame, and I guess
that one I'm still trying toanswer because I feel like when
someone is making me feel shameor me feel bad about something,
oftentimes I'm noticing it's aprojection, right?
(05:32):
It's something either theywould never do, like oh my gosh,
I would never cheat on myhusband or wife or girlfriend or
boyfriend, or I would neversteal from that store or it
could also be something thatthey would want to do, like,
again, their shadow self.
But instead of likeacknowledging, like huh, if the
(05:55):
circumstance is right, I mightdo the same thing they're going
to make you feel bad about it,right?
So also, being able to discernbetween someone is projecting on
me and I really don't feel badabout what I did, like I'm good,
or I already have enough shame.
I don't actually need you toshame me because you are not in
(06:16):
control of me.
Okay, so today we're reallygoing to focus on the first one
bringing shame on ourself.
And how do we move through andmove past that?
So Proverbs 11.2 says whenpride comes, then comes disgrace
, but with humility comes wisdom.
So it's one thing to have yourpride get in the way and to do
(06:38):
something that you don't reallylike.
Again, we'll bring shame backYou're embarrassed of, you're
ashamed about, but it's anotherthing to be able to own up to it
.
There's so much power whenwe're able to say like, yep, I
did that, I did, I own it and Idid it and I'm going to learn
from it and I'm going to moveforward.
(06:59):
There's so much power in that.
Then, once you take that, noone else can take that from you.
I want you to think of a momentright now in which you've done
something that you are just notproud of, that, like in your
heart of hearts, you're like Ipray to God nobody finds out
about this.
Think of that moment.
(07:19):
And then I want you to say itout loud I didn't pay taxes, I
did Just give me an example.
I want you to say it out loud.
I want you to put your hand onyour heart and I want you to say
it out loud again I, oh my gosh, I do have a lot of things that
I could say, but I don't knowif I'm there yet.
(07:40):
Okay, I don't know if I'm thereyet to share it with my 10
listeners.
Okay, I don't know if I'm thereyet, but if we ever meet in
person, I promise I'll say itout loud.
And then I want you just to sayI forgive you, like.
Repeat it again, say it outloud, I forgive you.
Say it out loud again.
Hand to heart, what have youdone that has brought shame to
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you that you know you were soout of alignment?
The strongest way out of shameis through trusting yourself.
It's got to start with youowning up to it and trusting
yourself.
The only way out of darkness isto turn the light on right.
What is that saying?
Everything that happens in thedark will always come to light.
Holy crap.
(08:22):
That has come true for me somany times, so many times, and
it is so true.
If you do something in secret,if you do something in the dark,
I promise you it will come tolight.
I promise you it will come tolight.
And that really sucks, anyways.
But the way out of the darknesslike if you're in it and you're
like I got to get out of thisturn the light on, speak about
(08:45):
it to yourself, start withyourself.
And again, I am not saying thatyou need to tell the world your
most shameful things.
You can tell that to atherapist, but it really starts
with you.
Like when I started journaling Ijust started.
I was even scared to tellmyself the truth, like I was
even scared to write some of thethings down because I didn't
want to face them myself.
(09:06):
How much more powerful is it tobe like no, I'm going to go
through it, I'm going to sit inthe darkness, I'm going to sit
in this shitty, horrible feeling.
I'm going to curl up in a balland I'm just going to face it
and own it.
I promise you, as much as ithurts, you will feel so much
more empowered and better on theother side.
(09:26):
When we do feel shame,sometimes when we hide it, it
makes us act out of character,and I'm going to share a story.
Recently, I had sent a text tosomeone that was not very nice.
They were the receiver of thistext and although in the text
(09:46):
there was truth in the words ofit, some of the words of it, I
was in a place of anger andconfusion and hurt and sadness
and I took all of those emotionsand I put it in that text and
projected it on that person andyou know I sat with it.
(10:07):
Whatever.
A couple of weeks went by, morelight was shown on certain
situations and I thought youknow what I want to apologize
for that because that was not me, like that was not me at my
core and although I don't, Ididn't actually have to send
that apology text, in my heartof hearts I knew that wasn't me
(10:31):
and I did not want that to bethe last interaction.
So I did reach out to say Iwould like to apologize, but I
also had no expectations on theother end.
I realized that other personcould have been like screw you,
I don't want to talk to you, orthat other person had blocked me
or whatever happened.
But, as luck had it, theyopened up and said yes, let's
(10:55):
talk, and we had a two hourconversation about some really
hard things and a lot of beautycame out of it.
And no, it was not easy Evenfor me sitting in it to hear the
person say like I didn'tdeserve that, I didn't deserve
that, and to hear and to havethem keep asking like why did
(11:21):
you do that?
And for me to really not havean answer, like I had my
explanation but I didn't have atrue answer.
It was really hard for me tohear that on the other end, but
I was like no, I'm going to sitwith this because I hurt them
right.
I brought shame on myself bydoing something hurtful to
somebody else and I was tryingto own up to it.
Now that, of course, is justone example and yes, I did reach
out to the person but itdefinitely helped kind of
(11:43):
project me forward, move meforward.
I sat with a lot of shame aftermy divorce when I decided, when
I was trying to decide, if Iwas going to get divorced or not
, I thought I was gay.
I didn't know for sure.
No one was really helping me.
Like how are you in a marriageand you're like I don't know if
I'm gay or not.
It was bad.
But I had a lot of peoplearound me making me feel
(12:06):
shameful for who I was and Iunderstand it was out of love
because they were like I don'twant you to end your marriage, I
don't want you to hurt yourkids, I don't want you to hurt
your husband.
At the time bad person.
(12:30):
I was shameful, I was wrong andI held that shame with me for a
long time that I did all ofthis stuff and I have since been
able to release it.
But what has maybe beensomething also that people have
made you feel shame about, and alot of times, shame forces us
to abandon parts of ourself, andthe more we abandon, the more
we have to hide parts of ourself.
And I think once you reallystart digging and seeing this,
(12:52):
you'll notice you're lessauthentic, you're less creative,
You're less close to spirit,whoever that is for you.
Your voice becomes mute, andnot necessarily like you can't
talk, but there's just somethingabout your voice and the way
you speak that is not.
It's all clogged, it's not real.
So, as we're nearing the end ofthis, I really want you to
(13:13):
think about and write aboutafter this podcast.
When has someone made you feelshame?
What were you doing?
What did you do?
Did you deserve that?
Or was that project, was thatthem projecting on you?
And then I want you to thinkabout a time when you did
something that you felt shamefulfor that you were like dang,
(13:37):
that was not me.
And I want you to reflect onthat moment and really think
about like, and again, thiscould you could, like this is
something I've done with mytherapist like gone back into my
childhood and tried to rememberlike the first time I felt
shameful for something, and thenlike how that kind of repeats,
repeats, repeats, repeats itself, but like write down that
(14:01):
situation that you did, thatmade you feel shameful, and
think about how you can own itand forgive yourself and start
to try to move forward from that.
And not that we can like go inthe past and redo anything,
because, like, what's done isdone, but it's never too late to
(14:21):
say I'm sorry.
It's never too late to I mean,maybe the consequences of that
might be different, but likeit's never too late to say I'm
sorry, it's never too late tostart again.
It's never too late to changeyour behavior.
Right, like, if this situationhappened again, how would you
(14:43):
want to act differently?
How could you embrace the shamethat you have done and then let
it go?
The more that you're able toembrace it and own it and then
let it go, the clearer, Ipromise you guys, the clearer
you will become.
(15:04):
Shedding anything requires somuch honesty and again it
happens with you.
First, notice, when you'rewriting, how often you aren't
actually writing your feelingsBecause, again, you're still
hiding from yourself.
So often we hide from ourselves.
So, before I did, this cardjust flew out.
(15:25):
I pulled up my deck, so I'mgoing to leave us with a card
before we go for the day.
Stars in the sky limitlesspossibility, stars in the sky.
I just love stars.
I absolutely love looking atthe sky at night and seeing all
those stars and thinking like,wow, nature is amazing.
(15:45):
When you look up into thevelvety dark blanket of the
night sky covering the vastexpanse of space, can you count
all the stars twinkling above?
Can you imagine that you areonly glimpsing a teeny sliver of
what is actually there?
This is the domain of limitlesspossibility, of the
never-ending sea of potentialthat you yourself are made of
(16:07):
and have now at your disposal.
Your life right now is alivewith possibility and needs your
clear focus to home in on whatavenue of exploration most calls
to you.
It's time to choose and not bedistracted by the sheer
magnitude of what might be.
Be here now.
Gather your thoughts and yourmost cherished dreams.
(16:30):
Focus on the brightest star inyour never-ending sky and take
small steps, small movements,toward calling in this
glittering potential intoreality.
If you can imagine this andhold that vision, you will
summon all the celestial helpersand guides to aid you bringing
it into fruition.
Keep your focus on the essenceof potential rather than the
(16:52):
form of it.
The universe has its own ideasof how best to serve you and all
of us at the same time.
Trust this as fact rather thantheory, and you ought not act
surprised when your dreams cometrue, for they surely will,
exactly how you need them to.
You guys, embrace the shame,embrace this opportunity to sit
(17:16):
with yourself and write and betrue to yourself.
If you cannot truly love everysingle part of you, how do you
expect to show others how tolove you?
All right, y'all.
Stay cute, stay loud, keepdancing even when everyone else
is watching Peace.