Every one of us has a volcano within—quiet and serene until the pressure of unsaid words and unacknowledged feelings forces it to erupt. Join me, Jamie, as I reveal my own encounters with the tempestuous silence that, left unchecked, can lead to emotional explosions. Weaving through personal anecdotes and reflections, this episode strips back the layers of self-suppression, examining the urge to maintain harmony at the expense of our voice. Together, we'll confront the barriers to self-expression, particularly those faced by individuals marginalized by society, and why it's vital to assert oneself without the weight of guilt or the need for justification.
As your solitary guide, I'll also dive into the profound impact self-trust has on our capacity to be assertive. We'll revisit the echoes of childhood that may have taught us to diminish ourselves and explore the tension between seeking external validation and fostering an internal wellspring of self-approval. This journey is a call to embrace the full spectrum of our emotions and opinions, shedding light on the transformative power of self-liking and the courage to stand in our truth. So, take a pause, listen in, and let's embark on a path to honor our inner child and boldly claim the space we deserve. No guests, no distractions—just us and the promise of personal growth.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to Go Ask Sawyer.
This is Jamie, your host, andtoday we are talking about
playing small or, I guess, inthe greater theme of things,
having your light dimmed andwhat it can do.
I feel like I've done a lot ofthings in my life where I have
(00:22):
not spoken my truth, or I'veonly spoken part of it, to keep
the peace, to make the otherperson feel good, and what ends
up happening is I unleash andunload on either a someone who
does not deserve it or someonewho does deserve it, but maybe
in the way that I deliver it itcannot be heard.
(00:43):
So sit back, buckle up, turn upthe volume and let's talk.
I recently wrote a piece Icalled the shutdown and it goes
like this Note that starts it.
You never realize your lightwent out until you look back and
all you see is darkness.
It didn't happen that way.
You're being overdramatic.
That never happened.
That's not how I said it.
That's not what I meant.
It doesn't have to be that deep.
(01:05):
Why would you think that way?
The phrase comes, the body getshot, the throat closes, pins
and needles shoot through,silence takes over and all in an
instant, the shutdown occurs.
Shame and embarrassment stifleany knowing that might be true.
The shrink happens a quartermillimeter at a time, so no one
(01:26):
notices.
Stay in your place.
Your perspective is notrelevant here.
The light goes out Now as Iwrote that.
As I was writing, I was remindedof the many times those phrases
have been used to me or havebeen used toward me throughout
my 43 years now on this earthand a part of me was like well,
no wonder I don't know how touse my voice, no wonder I second
(01:49):
guess, no wonder I have aproblem trusting and I've talked
a lot about trust.
But when you confront someoneabout hey, you did this to me
and instead of them just sayinglike listening and acknowledging
, but instead come back with allsorts of things about how
that's not the way it happened,or you don't have to be so
dramatic, or for whatever reason, your emotions and your
(02:11):
feelings are not needed, validor true you start to second
guess things At least I do.
And when that happens this hashappened to me a few times when
that happens, the more that getspushed down, at least for me
then the explosion happens.
Instead of just having thatconversation and I was reminded
(02:31):
by this twice this week, I'vehad two friends come to me and
just talk to me about they.
Someone said something to themand they recently kind of just
went off on this person andinstantly, like embarrassment
and shame, hit them notinstantly, but like after the
incident was done, like five to10 seconds after, like, oh my
gosh.
I can't believe either a Ithought I've healed from this,
(02:53):
this is the old me or B I can'tbelieve I just went off this way
.
The same thing went off orhappened to me right before
Christmas Eve when I went off atmy brother and sister in law.
And did I mean to go off thatway?
And I think in every instantthe person could say, no, I
didn't mean to yell that way, Ididn't mean to snap that way.
(03:15):
That's not what I wanted to say.
But we're the words being said,true, and that part is where
I've really been thinking, like,although the delivery isn't
what we want, because we havelearned to play small, because
we have learned that ourfeelings are not valid, because
we have been taught tounderstand that if something
offends us, we just need to getover it.
(03:37):
Don't be so dramatic, don't beso sad.
Why are you, why is this such abig deal?
When I first came out, somereally important people in my
life loved to make lesbian jokesall the time and I just took it
because I felt so guilty.
But after a while it was justlike, oh my gosh, like I don't
understand.
Like, are you making fun of me?
Are you making fun of being alesbian?
(03:59):
Like, do you actually havequestions where you don't know
how to ask?
Like I'm also trying to figureout what I am doing with my life
and what I just did.
But again because of that guiltor because, like, oh my gosh,
jamie, don't be so sensitiveComes up time and time again,
you learn to push it down andthen one day you just snap and
the other person is like whoa,why are you so upset?
(04:19):
It's like your inner child thathas been told to be quiet, that
has been told to sit in thecorner, that has been told they
cannot be a trustworthy orreliable witness, is finally
coming up and just going offbecause they're sick of it,
because they're tired.
And I used to think this meantlike, oh, I'm not healed, or
shoot I don't wanna saybacksliding, that's not the word
(04:40):
, but I'm not where I wanna be.
But in actuality it's becauseyou're so aware, all of a sudden
, of trauma you've been through.
You're so aware of how theworld has treated you.
You're so aware of how otherpeople see you, depending on
your gender, your skin color,where you work, how you live.
You're really aware of excusemy French the BS that you've put
(05:03):
up with for so much of yourlife and you just want it to
stop, because you wanna be heard, because you wanna say no,
that's not okay.
And for whatever reason, atleast with me, if I say no,
that's not okay, I of courseneed to back it up with an
explanation.
Well, it's hurting my feelings,or it's not relevant, or that's
a racist comment, or that's asexually aggressive comment, or
(05:27):
you can't talk to me that way.
Why can't I just say no, don'tsay that, do not speak that way
around, do not make those kindof jokes, do not say those words
.
Yes, I am correct and I don'tneed to back myself up.
I also had a conversation withsomeone I worked with the other
day and we were talking aboutpatients.
She told me I need to have morepatients.
She told me I need to have morepatients with coworkers and
(05:49):
situations and people around me,because I'm very much like I'm
an activator.
So I did the five-strengthsquiz and I'm an activator.
So if I get an idea and I tellyou about my idea, I expect that
you are gonna jump on boardwith idea, this idea right now.
And we are our team and we aregoing.
And what I am still strugglingto get around is that not
(06:10):
everybody is on my team, noteverybody wants to play that
game, not everybody is ready togo when I'm ready to go, and
that so frustrates.
But I do need to learn patience.
I need to wait for people todecide when they wanna get on
board and when they don't.
But here's where thedimmingness comes in, or the
snapping comes in is that ifyou're not on board with me in a
certain amount of time, like inmy head, then I get real set,
(06:33):
frustrated, quiet, because Ijust don't understand why what
I'm trying to do and say,because I know it's going to
work, why can't it be followedand done right away?
But I feel myself and again Iwould love to have a
conversation if someone wants tocomment I feel like then I have
to manipulate the situation,walk on eggshells, play the game
(06:56):
, because I can't just say whatI want.
I have to play the game to getyou to play along in the timely
manner that I want you to play.
And in leadership like I've alsobeen going back and forth with
this dimming or light or walkingon eggshells or saying what you
need or not.
In leadership, because greatleaders just the people that
I've watched that I'm like yep,I wanna follow.
(07:17):
You have this way of making youfeel like you are valid, you
have a spot on the team, yourthoughts are heard, but they
also have a way of holding youraccount and that's the part I'm
trying to learn the holdingother people accountable without
playing small on my end,because holding people
accountable, which is reallysilly, is terrifying to me.
(07:39):
I said A, b and C.
You did not follow through andnow here's the consequence.
And I think when we play smallfor a long period of time and
then try to assert ourselves,we're looked at as especially
women, right.
We're looked at as aggressive.
We're looked at as angry.
We're looked at as loud, like,oh my gosh, she's always trying
(08:00):
to put the hammer down, likeshe's so strict.
But really I just wanna die, orI just want you to stop saying
what you're saying, or I justwant you to realize that's not
okay, that's not an okay way totalk to me, that's not an okay
way to address me, that is notan okay way to be in my space.
And so, although, yes, we mightpop off on someone, I think
(08:21):
it's important to think are thewords valid?
Is what is the message I'mtrying to get across?
Is that valid?
Maybe the tone wasn't great,maybe the delivery was not great
, but that's when you need tostart looking at why am I
snacked?
Where were other areas leadingup to this moment?
When I did not speak what Ineeded to speak, when I did not
(08:41):
stand on what I needed to standon, when I allowed patterns of
someone else to continue insteadof stopping it, when I allowed
someone to continue to use wordsor phrases or jokes to put me
down and I didn't say any.
And I'm not saying it's yourfault, but I think it's inch,
it's, it's an awareness, whenyou start realizing you're part
(09:05):
of the problem.
Because once you realize maybeI'm part of the problem, then
you can work to start to fix it,then you can work to start to
say okay, that made me feelweird.
I'm going to say something now,not next time, because I'm a
big next time person, right?
Like, okay, if you do somethingto me once maybe it was off,
maybe it was a bad day, maybe itwas a mood, maybe I said
(09:27):
something to upset you I'm goingto wait for you to do it again.
And sometimes, if you do itagain, I'm going to say
something and I'm not or I'm not.
But that's when the blow upstarts to occur.
The more you put off what youneed to say.
Is it easy?
Oh my gosh.
No, it's not easy at all.
I'm still.
I feel like, when I have totalk to somebody or say
something important, like if Icould create a visual, I would
(09:48):
be like what the road runnerlike, tripping and falling and
having an anvil fall on my headand trying to get back up and
say the thing, when really Ijust want to stand there and say
what I have to say and stand onit.
But also, because so many thingshave been repressed, think
about your life, right, like youreally think about things that
have been repressed, because andI can even you don't talk about
(10:12):
my, I mean even my coming outstory, right, like I thought I
was gay, but everyone around metold me I wasn't.
Everyone around, told me I wasa phase and I understand, like I
was married, so like you don'twant to be, like yep, go ahead,
get divorced, blow up your life,all the things.
But I really, really secondguessed myself so many times
after that.
I'm even remembering back tohigh school when I told my
(10:32):
advisor like I wanted to go tocollege and she was like, but
your grades aren't good enough.
Because at the high school Iwent to like, unless you were a
straight, a student or a greatsports athlete, like there just
wasn't, it didn't seem.
Again, from my perspectivethere wasn't much else for you.
Yet I was on POMS, which theydid not recognize as a sport.
(10:52):
We don't need to get into it.
Going to state, going tonationals, and from what I
understand, the other big sportsweren't doing that.
So when you really start to lookback and go back and again,
this might not be everybody, Iknow I have some friends that
are they really stand on whatthey believe in, but I know they
weren't necessarily always thatway.
I know there's still thingsthat they worry about.
But if you start to go back andthink and look like, why did
(11:16):
this really start happening?
And then you start to look atjust little microaggressions.
That's the word.
In your life when you havetried to stand on something and
someone made you feel that thatwas not correct, especially when
you were younger.
That sticks with you and againthat goes back to trusting
yourself.
We only don't trust otherpeople because we don't trust
ourselves, because we know whatwe have done.
(11:38):
We know the times that we havebetrayed.
We know the times that we havebroken trust.
We know the times that we havelied.
So if we cannot trust ourselves, how are we trusting other
people?
But that goes hand in hand withplaying small because you don't
think what you're worth it.
I've really been struggling withthat worth it because I want
the big love, like, I want thepartnership.
(11:59):
I want someone who's like, yeah, let's do this thing called
life together.
I want someone to struggle withand pray with and grow with.
And I am really struggling.
I know I'm so great but like,why don't I really wait for that
?
Stick with that and the jobright, I'm a good teacher, but I
really like to get paid more.
(12:20):
In society Doesn't seem to vieweducation as something great.
I've talked to my brother aboutthis.
Right, like, I want to get paidmore money and he's reminded me
that I've gone into a fieldwhere I want to help people and
that's not going to make you sixfigures.
So it all and like that alwaysgoes back and forth in my head.
(12:42):
Like what do I have to choosebetween six figures and helping
people?
Like helping people brings mejoy and fulfills me, but I can't
make enough to buy a house, acar and travel and have kids.
Well, my kids are old now butthey still cost a lot of money,
tristan especially, geez.
So as I come all the way backaround full circle, playing
(13:02):
small, stop it.
This is more for me than foryou.
Playing small, stop it.
Don't wait for that.
Next time that someone sayssomething that makes you feel
weird, say it the first time.
Please don't say that I don'tlike it.
Please don't say that itdoesn't make me feel good and
I've also looked at that, theunderstanding that because
something doesn't make me feelgood is a valid enough reason.
But you know, because we dealwith manipulators and
(13:24):
narcissists and people pleasersI am one of them.
We always need a reason, butthat's my reason.
It doesn't make me feel good.
I'll deal with the why later,but for right now, that doesn't
make me feel good.
If you explode on someone, takea pause.
Okay, is the message I neededto say?
What I actually wanted to say?
Yes, okay, did I deliver itincorrect?
And again, what is correct?
What is incorrect?
Some people like yelling, but Ihave also noticed that when you
(13:47):
yell, people don't listen.
If you yell at me, I instantlyshut off.
That's a different suitcase fora different episode.
But if the delivery was extremeand you go backwards, where
were the times that you playedsmall?
Where were the times that youlet your light kind of go out
and all of a sudden your innerchild is like Nope, I've had
enough, so I'm going to leaveyou with a famous.
(14:08):
I've seen this on reels, I'veseen this on memes.
We always worry about if otherpeople like us or not, but at
the same time, we don't evenlike everyone.
So if you like yourself, Ireally think that that's the
biggest thing.
If you don't like yourself,that's a lot to sit with.
But if you like who you are, ifyou like yourself, if you like
what you're doing, doesn'treally matter.
If people like you or not, theyprobably don't even like
(14:30):
themselves, which will be in ournext episode of heat and fear
in our society.
That's all I have for you today.
Stop playing small likeyourself.
Stand on what you believe andbe willing to stick up for
yourself.
Have a beautiful day.
I'll see you all next time.
Hello and welcome to Go Ask Sawyer.
This is Jamie, your host, andtoday we are talking about
playing small or, I guess, inthe greater theme of things,
having your light dimmed andwhat it can do.
I feel like I've done a lot ofthings in my life where I have
(00:22):
not spoken my truth, or I'veonly spoken part of it, to keep
the peace, to make the otherperson feel good, and what ends
up happening is I unleash andunload on either a someone who
does not deserve it or someonewho does deserve it, but maybe
in the way that I deliver it itcannot be heard.
(00:43):
So sit back, buckle up, turn upthe volume and let's talk.
I recently wrote a piece Icalled the shutdown and it goes
like this Note that starts it.
You never realize your lightwent out until you look back and
all you see is darkness.
It didn't happen that way.
You're being overdramatic.
That never happened.
That's not how I said it.
That's not what I meant.
It doesn't have to be that deep.
(01:05):
Why would you think that way?
The phrase comes, the body getshot, the throat closes, pins
and needles shoot through,silence takes over and all in an
instant, the shutdown occurs.
Shame and embarrassment stifleany knowing that might be true.
The shrink happens a quartermillimeter at a time, so no one
(01:26):
notices.
Stay in your place.
Your perspective is notrelevant here.
The light goes out Now as Iwrote that.
As I was writing, I was remindedof the many times those phrases
have been used to me or havebeen used toward me throughout
my 43 years now on this earthand a part of me was like well,
no wonder I don't know how touse my voice, no wonder I second
(01:49):
guess, no wonder I have aproblem trusting and I've talked
a lot about trust.
But when you confront someoneabout hey, you did this to me
and instead of them just sayinglike listening and acknowledging
, but instead come back with allsorts of things about how
that's not the way it happened,or you don't have to be so
dramatic, or for whatever reason, your emotions and your
(02:11):
feelings are not needed, validor true you start to second
guess things At least I do.
And when that happens this hashappened to me a few times when
that happens, the more that getspushed down, at least for me
then the explosion happens.
Instead of just having thatconversation and I was reminded
(02:31):
by this twice this week, I'vehad two friends come to me and
just talk to me about they.
Someone said something to themand they recently kind of just
went off on this person andinstantly, like embarrassment
and shame, hit them notinstantly, but like after the
incident was done, like five to10 seconds after, like, oh my
gosh.
I can't believe either a Ithought I've healed from this,
(02:53):
this is the old me or B I can'tbelieve I just went off this way
.
The same thing went off orhappened to me right before
Christmas Eve when I went off atmy brother and sister in law.
And did I mean to go off thatway?
And I think in every instantthe person could say, no, I
didn't mean to yell that way, Ididn't mean to snap that way.
(03:15):
That's not what I wanted to say.
But we're the words being said,true, and that part is where
I've really been thinking, like,although the delivery isn't
what we want, because we havelearned to play small, because
we have learned that ourfeelings are not valid, because
we have been taught tounderstand that if something
offends us, we just need to getover it.
(03:37):
Don't be so dramatic, don't beso sad.
Why are you, why is this such abig deal?
When I first came out, somereally important people in my
life loved to make lesbian jokesall the time and I just took it
because I felt so guilty.
But after a while it was justlike, oh my gosh, like I don't
understand.
Like, are you making fun of me?
Are you making fun of being alesbian?
(03:59):
Like, do you actually havequestions where you don't know
how to ask?
Like I'm also trying to figureout what I am doing with my life
and what I just did.
But again because of that guiltor because, like, oh my gosh,
jamie, don't be so sensitiveComes up time and time again,
you learn to push it down andthen one day you just snap and
the other person is like whoa,why are you so upset?
(04:19):
It's like your inner child thathas been told to be quiet, that
has been told to sit in thecorner, that has been told they
cannot be a trustworthy orreliable witness, is finally
coming up and just going offbecause they're sick of it,
because they're tired.
And I used to think this meantlike, oh, I'm not healed, or
shoot I don't wanna saybacksliding, that's not the word
(04:40):
, but I'm not where I wanna be.
But in actuality it's becauseyou're so aware, all of a sudden
, of trauma you've been through.
You're so aware of how theworld has treated you.
You're so aware of how otherpeople see you, depending on
your gender, your skin color,where you work, how you live.
You're really aware of excusemy French the BS that you've put
(05:03):
up with for so much of yourlife and you just want it to
stop, because you wanna be heard, because you wanna say no,
that's not okay.
And for whatever reason, atleast with me, if I say no,
that's not okay, I of courseneed to back it up with an
explanation.
Well, it's hurting my feelings,or it's not relevant, or that's
a racist comment, or that's asexually aggressive comment, or
(05:27):
you can't talk to me that way.
Why can't I just say no, don'tsay that, do not speak that way
around, do not make those kindof jokes, do not say those words
.
Yes, I am correct and I don'tneed to back myself up.
I also had a conversation withsomeone I worked with the other
day and we were talking aboutpatients.
She told me I need to have morepatients.
She told me I need to have morepatients with coworkers and
(05:49):
situations and people around me,because I'm very much like I'm
an activator.
So I did the five-strengthsquiz and I'm an activator.
So if I get an idea and I tellyou about my idea, I expect that
you are gonna jump on boardwith idea, this idea right now.
And we are our team and we aregoing.
And what I am still strugglingto get around is that not
(06:10):
everybody is on my team, noteverybody wants to play that
game, not everybody is ready togo when I'm ready to go, and
that so frustrates.
But I do need to learn patience.
I need to wait for people todecide when they wanna get on
board and when they don't.
But here's where thedimmingness comes in, or the
snapping comes in is that ifyou're not on board with me in a
certain amount of time, like inmy head, then I get real set,
(06:33):
frustrated, quiet, because Ijust don't understand why what
I'm trying to do and say,because I know it's going to
work, why can't it be followedand done right away?
But I feel myself and again Iwould love to have a
conversation if someone wants tocomment I feel like then I have
to manipulate the situation,walk on eggshells, play the game
(06:56):
, because I can't just say whatI want.
I have to play the game to getyou to play along in the timely
manner that I want you to play.
And in leadership like I've alsobeen going back and forth with
this dimming or light or walkingon eggshells or saying what you
need or not.
In leadership, because greatleaders just the people that
I've watched that I'm like yep,I wanna follow.
(07:17):
You have this way of making youfeel like you are valid, you
have a spot on the team, yourthoughts are heard, but they
also have a way of holding youraccount and that's the part I'm
trying to learn the holdingother people accountable without
playing small on my end,because holding people
accountable, which is reallysilly, is terrifying to me.
(07:39):
I said A, b and C.
You did not follow through andnow here's the consequence.
And I think when we play smallfor a long period of time and
then try to assert ourselves,we're looked at as especially
women, right.
We're looked at as aggressive.
We're looked at as angry.
We're looked at as loud, like,oh my gosh, she's always trying
(08:00):
to put the hammer down, likeshe's so strict.
But really I just wanna die, orI just want you to stop saying
what you're saying, or I justwant you to realize that's not
okay, that's not an okay way totalk to me, that's not an okay
way to address me, that is notan okay way to be in my space.
And so, although, yes, we mightpop off on someone, I think
(08:21):
it's important to think are thewords valid?
Is what is the message I'mtrying to get across?
Is that valid?
Maybe the tone wasn't great,maybe the delivery was not great
, but that's when you need tostart looking at why am I
snacked?
Where were other areas leadingup to this moment?
When I did not speak what Ineeded to speak, when I did not
(08:41):
stand on what I needed to standon, when I allowed patterns of
someone else to continue insteadof stopping it, when I allowed
someone to continue to use wordsor phrases or jokes to put me
down and I didn't say any.
And I'm not saying it's yourfault, but I think it's inch,
it's, it's an awareness, whenyou start realizing you're part
(09:05):
of the problem.
Because once you realize maybeI'm part of the problem, then
you can work to start to fix it,then you can work to start to
say okay, that made me feelweird.
I'm going to say something now,not next time, because I'm a
big next time person, right?
Like, okay, if you do somethingto me once maybe it was off,
maybe it was a bad day, maybe itwas a mood, maybe I said
(09:27):
something to upset you I'm goingto wait for you to do it again.
And sometimes, if you do itagain, I'm going to say
something and I'm not or I'm not.
But that's when the blow upstarts to occur.
The more you put off what youneed to say.
Is it easy?
Oh my gosh.
No, it's not easy at all.
I'm still.
I feel like, when I have totalk to somebody or say
something important, like if Icould create a visual, I would
(09:48):
be like what the road runnerlike, tripping and falling and
having an anvil fall on my headand trying to get back up and
say the thing, when really Ijust want to stand there and say
what I have to say and stand onit.
But also, because so many thingshave been repressed, think
about your life, right, like youreally think about things that
have been repressed, because andI can even you don't talk about
(10:12):
my, I mean even my coming outstory, right, like I thought I
was gay, but everyone around metold me I wasn't.
Everyone around, told me I wasa phase and I understand, like I
was married, so like you don'twant to be, like yep, go ahead,
get divorced, blow up your life,all the things.
But I really, really secondguessed myself so many times
after that.
I'm even remembering back tohigh school when I told my
(10:32):
advisor like I wanted to go tocollege and she was like, but
your grades aren't good enough.
Because at the high school Iwent to like, unless you were a
straight, a student or a greatsports athlete, like there just
wasn't, it didn't seem.
Again, from my perspectivethere wasn't much else for you.
Yet I was on POMS, which theydid not recognize as a sport.
(10:52):
We don't need to get into it.
Going to state, going tonationals, and from what I
understand, the other big sportsweren't doing that.
So when you really start to lookback and go back and again,
this might not be everybody, Iknow I have some friends that
are they really stand on whatthey believe in, but I know they
weren't necessarily always thatway.
I know there's still thingsthat they worry about.
But if you start to go back andthink and look like, why did
(11:16):
this really start happening?
And then you start to look atjust little microaggressions.
That's the word.
In your life when you havetried to stand on something and
someone made you feel that thatwas not correct, especially when
you were younger.
That sticks with you and againthat goes back to trusting
yourself.
We only don't trust otherpeople because we don't trust
ourselves, because we know whatwe have done.
(11:38):
We know the times that we havebetrayed.
We know the times that we havebroken trust.
We know the times that we havelied.
So if we cannot trust ourselves, how are we trusting other
people?
But that goes hand in hand withplaying small because you don't
think what you're worth it.
I've really been struggling withthat worth it because I want
the big love, like, I want thepartnership.
(11:59):
I want someone who's like, yeah, let's do this thing called
life together.
I want someone to struggle withand pray with and grow with.
And I am really struggling.
I know I'm so great but like,why don't I really wait for that
?
Stick with that and the jobright, I'm a good teacher, but I
really like to get paid more.
(12:20):
In society Doesn't seem to vieweducation as something great.
I've talked to my brother aboutthis.
Right, like, I want to get paidmore money and he's reminded me
that I've gone into a fieldwhere I want to help people and
that's not going to make you sixfigures.
So it all and like that alwaysgoes back and forth in my head.
(12:42):
Like what do I have to choosebetween six figures and helping
people?
Like helping people brings mejoy and fulfills me, but I can't
make enough to buy a house, acar and travel and have kids.
Well, my kids are old now butthey still cost a lot of money,
tristan especially, geez.
So as I come all the way backaround full circle, playing
(13:02):
small, stop it.
This is more for me than foryou.
Playing small, stop it.
Don't wait for that.
Next time that someone sayssomething that makes you feel
weird, say it the first time.
Please don't say that I don'tlike it.
Please don't say that itdoesn't make me feel good and
I've also looked at that, theunderstanding that because
something doesn't make me feelgood is a valid enough reason.
But you know, because we dealwith manipulators and
(13:24):
narcissists and people pleasersI am one of them.
We always need a reason, butthat's my reason.
It doesn't make me feel good.
I'll deal with the why later,but for right now, that doesn't
make me feel good.
If you explode on someone, takea pause.
Okay, is the message I neededto say?
What I actually wanted to say?
Yes, okay, did I deliver itincorrect?
And again, what is correct?
What is incorrect?
Some people like yelling, but Ihave also noticed that when you
(13:47):
yell, people don't listen.
If you yell at me, I instantlyshut off.
That's a different suitcase fora different episode.
But if the delivery was extremeand you go backwards, where
were the times that you playedsmall?
Where were the times that youlet your light kind of go out
and all of a sudden your innerchild is like Nope, I've had
enough, so I'm going to leaveyou with a famous.
(14:08):
I've seen this on reels, I'veseen this on memes.
We always worry about if otherpeople like us or not, but at
the same time, we don't evenlike everyone.
So if you like yourself, Ireally think that that's the
biggest thing.
If you don't like yourself,that's a lot to sit with.
But if you like who you are, ifyou like yourself, if you like
what you're doing, doesn'treally matter.
If people like you or not, theyprobably don't even like
(14:30):
themselves, which will be in ournext episode of heat and fear
in our society.
That's all I have for you today.
Stop playing small likeyourself.
Stand on what you believe andbe willing to stick up for
yourself.
Have a beautiful day.
I'll see you all next time.
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