SOLO- Unmasking the Aspects of Self-Sabotage and Self-Care

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Having ever found yourself lost in relationships, seeking validation from external sources rather than acknowledging your own worth? That's the journey we embark on today. We venture through the maze of societal pressures, exploring how they can often muffle our inner voice and lead us to live lives we never signed up for. We converse about dreams so large they seem unattainable, and the anxiety that often accompanies the courage to heed our own instinct. 

As our conversation deepens, we touch upon the slippery slope of self-sabotage. We illuminate its prevalence and how it tends to be overlooked. We stress the significance of self-care, kindness, and trusting our inner voices. We contemplate how the fear of loss can shape our relationships and actions, often causing us to suppress our needs and desires. This dialogue serves as a gentle reminder to have faith in life's process and embrace the belief that what is destined for us will not bypass us. Tune in as we peel back the layers of self-love, authenticity, and the pursuit of a life that genuinely aligns with our aspirations. Remember, the journey towards self-discovery is one of the bravest quests one can embark on.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 0 (00:01):
Good morning and welcome back to Go Ask Sawyer.
Season two has taken me alittle bit to get back into this
, and so I wanted to starttoday's episode.
On this Sunday morning, I'mhere with my dog, gunnar, who
decided he needed to sit rightnext to me, and I wanted to come

(00:22):
back and talk to everybodyabout what happens when you lose
yourself, and I've noticed thatI lose myself.
I don't know if it's a way ofself-sabotage or if it's a way
of validation, but I for surehave a problem with losing

(00:43):
myself in work relationshipsspecifically, and I hate that.
I hate that because Iabsolutely love myself and I
think I'm a pretty cool person.
I love my personality.
I love what I bring to thetable.
I think I'm a pretty deliciousmeal, if I may say so myself.
But I am so quick to allowothers to tell my story, and

(01:09):
what I mean by that is not thatthey speak for me, but I am so
quick to push my ideas, thoughts, opinions down for other people
, and I don't know why.
I don't know why.
I was listening to an Instagramreel the other day of a man who
grew up, had a very hardupbringing, was told he wasn't

(01:31):
going to amount to anything.
When he was a kid, his16-year-old son died.
He almost lost the will to live.
And then he had a daughter andkind of started living for his
daughter.
And when he was in therapy hewas talking to his therapist
about how he lived for hischildren and she said that so
often in life we find otherthings to live for because we

(01:54):
don't feel like we're enough tolive for.
And maybe that's it kind of hitme when he said that, because
anyone who knows me knows that Iconstantly look for outside
validation to let myself knowthat what I'm doing is right.
Am I on the right path?
Am I doing this?
And actually maybe I should saythis I come off like I do my

(02:19):
own thing and I don't care aboutwhat others think.
But I really don't, and I seethis most evident when I'm in
relationships.
I'm always worried about whatthey're going to think or what
they're going to feel if Idisagree or if I want more, and
I don't know how to not losemyself.

(02:39):
And I think that's the part inmy therapy sessions that I'm
trying to work at right now iswhen I'm in relationship, and
this doesn't happen as oftenwith friends, and I think I'm
sure a lot of us find this alsothat I'm able to disagree with
friends easier, and I don't knowif it's because I don't I'm not
worried I'm going to lose them,or it's something very

(03:02):
vulnerable and different when itcomes to someone that you love,
and probably because we don'twant to be left and for some
reason you feel like yourfriends won't leave, but a lover
could, and that heartbreak issomething horrible for anyone
who's gone through heartbreak,which I'm sure most of us have.
But I wanted to start my seasontwo podcast in just trying to

(03:26):
look at or talk about or bringto light how many of us I know I
do myself lose ourself and whydo we lose ourself in
relationships and how do we notdo that.
I have a sign on my wall thatsays love me when I'm lost, and
so often I would project thatonto my lovers.

(03:48):
What a funny word.
Lovers, my lovers, and almostnot blame them, but maybe blame
them like I was lost.
Why wouldn't you have loved methrough it?
I was broken or going throughsomething.
Why wouldn't you have loved methrough it?
And it's only until recentlythat I realized that was
actually meant for me.
Like to allow, to give myselfthe love I need when I'm lost.

(04:12):
So often I want someone else tofind me and love me and help me
and do all the things when, ifI just start doing that for
myself, I won't have to look forthat validation in other people
.
I started reading the Pivot Year365 days to becoming the better
or the person you truly want tobe.

(04:32):
I really like it.
It's by Brianna West, and Ireally like it because it's just
a short thing every day.
But yesterday it talked aboutthe voices of the world compared
to our own inner voice and howso often in our lives, our lives
are woven together by astoryline we didn't write and we

(04:53):
lose sight of our inner compassand we lose sight of things
that we really want and beforeyou know it, you're just kind of
mindlessly walking through life, a life that someone else kind
of created for you.
And when I talk about someoneelse, I'm talking about society.
You should do this, youshouldn't do this.
You should be with this person,you should live here, you
should do this for a job.

(05:14):
How many times it's always theshould, the should, the, should,
the should.
But what does your inner voicesay, that voice that when you're
walking down the road it saysturn right, and you don't know
why it's saying turn right.
Or you walk into a party andthat voice says I don't really
want to be here, but you stayanyways because you should be
there, or you think people wantyou there.

(05:36):
We're scared to say I don'treally want to stay here, or
whatever is going through yourhead.
And I just so often I mean Itoo am sometimes scared to
listen to that inner voice and Ijust wonder why, like I wonder
if it's because if we listen tothat inner voice, our lives
would look a lot different.
We would start saying no to alot of things we say yes to.

(05:57):
We would start dreamingdifferent, thinking different.
It's really hard for me andthose of you that are listening,
that know how to manifest ordream big.
I have ginormous aspirationsbut because I've never you know,
it's like you dream of this.
I'm just going to use anexample.
Becoming okay, one of my dreamsis to become a best-selling

(06:20):
author and I write, but I'venever written a book.
I've started, stopped, started,stopped.
But my dream is to become awriter and public speaker,
podcaster, create a wholeinspirational, motivational
movement that I could makelucrative and travel around the
world and live this life with mypartner next to me and our dogs

(06:46):
maybe one cat and make moneydoing things that I love.
That dream seems so far-fetchedto me I don't even know what it
would feel like.
I just keep thinking calm andpeace.
Calm and peace.
But do you ever have somethingthat is so big?
I feel like that's my innervoice.
But you know, I got to makemoney now.
I got to pay bills now.

(07:07):
I have to do these things now,and you know I'm a
procrastinator.
And then I lose myself inthings and then I put other
things first and I self-sabotagemy, my own self all the time.
Who else is a self-sabotager?
Raise your hand, unless you'rein the car, keep your hands on
the steering wheel, but I just Ifeel like I'm in a place where

(07:30):
I I don't know what to do.
So it's almost like I have todo enough.
And I was looking up a versetoday.
I looked up just to see, like,what the verse of the day is,
and it says in the same way thespirit helps us in our weakness.
We do not know what we ought topray for, but the spirit
himself intercedes for usthrough wordless groans.

(07:51):
And so often I'm reminded thatwhen you don't know what to do,
do nothing I think even Oprahsaid that one point and
sometimes I feel like I need toknow what to ask for or what to
pray for or what to move for,and so often, if you just
allowed the quiet, if you justallowed the space to sit, the

(08:12):
words would come to you, theprayer would come to you, the
knowing would come to you, theinner voice would come to you.
And maybe that's what I need toget back to is that stillness.
I'm definitely going throughsome stuff right now that I know
I'm purposely keeping myselfbusy, so I don't have to be
still, so I don't have to feel.

(08:33):
But I know that the sooner Iallow the feelings to come, the
sooner I'll be able to workthrough it and release.
But it is just.
It feels like I want to fix allthe things quickly.
Anyone else ever feel that way?
Like you know you're in amoment of your life that you do
need to pause or you do need topray, or you do need to sit with

(08:53):
it and maybe choose yourself,and you're just like, okay, can
I quickly do this so I can getto the other side.
But if I truly trusted inmyself, if I truly believed in
the universe and God andeverything that we are
surrounded by, if I trulybelieved what is meant for me
will not pass me by, why am I soquick to try to get to the

(09:15):
other side, when I know thatbeauty will be brought to me,
when I know that what is meantfor me could be even greater
than I even realize?
And the more you force, themore you push, the more you make
something happen.
Then it happens and it's like,ah, just didn't feel right.
But anything that does happenin that very organic way feels

(09:35):
so beautiful and so wonderfuland just like, wow, this is
exactly the way it was supposedto meant to be.
Anyone ever look back at certainthings that happened that in
the moment just seemed sohorrible and so hard?
And like you look at it likewhy in the world is this
happening?
And now you're like, oh, I getit.

(09:56):
I see all the lessons, I seeeverything that I was supposed
to get from that.
I feel like I'm in one of thosemoments now that I'll get to
see the beauty and the glory andthe amazingness, but it's just,
I'm too close to it right now.
So my message on this rainySunday is hello, I've missed you
all my 15 listeners.

(10:17):
Practice the pause, let thesilence come, let the inner
voice speak to you and trust theprocess because at the end of
the day it is real.
What is meant for you will notpass you by.
Even Gunner agrees what ismeant for you will not pass you
by.
And my little Gunner here, mydog.
He's a rescue.
He's coming up on.

(10:37):
I've had him almost two years,this November, and he is the
most perfect, awesome dog I'veever had and I waited a long
time for him and he's just mybest little friend.
Please be kind to yourself.
Think about that self-sabotage.
Think about do you loseyourself in people, in
relationships?
Do you stay quiet to comply?
Do you push down your needs andwants to make others around you

(11:01):
feel better, feel morecomfortable, feel more safe?
But as you make them feel morecomfortable and safe, are you
actually making yourselfuncomfortable and safe?
We'll see what happens thisweek and I will be back next
Sunday.
Be kind and if you can't bekind, ask for forgiveness and
move on.
Happy Sunday.