November 13, 2024 • 11 mins
In this episode I go over the definition of Fawn Response and reflect on how I showed some signs of it during Episode 2. We also talk about what to expect from future episodes moving forward.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to Golden Girl, a space where we dive deep into health, healing, connection, and
(00:06):
community.
I'm your host, Becca Golden, and this podcast is all about sharing and documenting my journey.
Each episode we'll discuss topics like health and wellness, what I'm learning in therapy,
work-life balance, relationships, community, and all the ways I strive for more aliveness
and presence every day.
Let's dive in.
(00:26):
Welcome back to Golden Girl.
I am so excited about this podcast.
The more that we have been recording and the more that I've been editing, it just, it feels
so right to express myself and share all of my thoughts with everyone.
(00:47):
So the first thing I want to go over is the Fawn trauma response.
I think most people have heard of fight or flight, but these other two, fawn or freeze,
are really interesting to me because I think those are the types of responses that I'm
more used to doing when my body feels a threat and they're not really talked about that often.
(01:08):
So I think that they can be harder to recognize.
According to my Google search, the fawn response is a coping mechanism that involves people
pleasing behaviors to avoid conflict, criticism, or disapproval.
Some signs of the fawn response include having difficulty saying no, prioritizing the needs
of others over your own, being overly agreeable, having trouble setting boundaries, feeling
(01:34):
responsible for the reactions of others, faking emotions to fit in, feeling disconnected from
your own sense of self.
So in the context of my trip to San Diego and in the context of my life in general,
I have definitely learned to respond to life's stressors with the fawn response.
(01:56):
So I'm going to read more about this because this is so relevant for me.
Fawning refers to consistently abandoning your own needs to avoid conflict, criticism,
or disapproval.
Fawn types seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs, and demands of others.
They act as if they unconsciously believe that the price of admission to any relationship
(02:21):
is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preferences, and boundaries.
That hits so hard.
Yikes.
Okay.
So that is to a T the behaviors that I was doing around my family.
And in a lot of situations.
(02:42):
And so now that I am unpacking why I do those things in certain situations, it is giving
me a huge opportunity to build trust with my inner voice because every time now that
I'm faced with this option of either building self trust or breaking self trust, I am able
to decide, is this really what I want or is this more of a fawn behavior?
(03:05):
This last sentence, it's really painful to read because it feels really true for how
I've been acting.
The price of admission to any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights,
preferences, and boundaries.
Oof.
That sucks because this is definitely what I do.
(03:28):
And I'm thinking through past relationships when I had a hard time maintaining my own
boundaries or when I would maintain my sense of self or lose my sense of self by being
in a relationship with somebody.
I'm going to reflect on this a lot moving forward.
Okay.
So now that we know what the official definition of fawn is, it really helps clarify some of
(03:51):
my statements during the last podcast episode as well.
As I was editing the San Diego podcast, it gave me a very interesting opportunity to
hear the way that I talk about my trauma.
It was very eye opening because I could hear the type of tone that I had and I was still
exhibiting these fawn response statements.
(04:14):
So a few things that I want to go back and point out.
In that episode, I got to a point where I said that I was deciding to take a back seat
when my family would be all in a room together or making decisions together.
I said that this was a me problem and that I was deciding to stay silent.
(04:35):
And even in that episode, as I unpacked it, I still believed that I was the problem and
that I needed to be the only one to work on it.
And I just want to clarify a few things about that because I always want to take accountability
for my own actions.
And while it is good to take responsibility to an extent, I noticed that I was taking
(05:01):
full responsibility for it in that episode and I don't think that's fair to me either.
It's very difficult still for me to blame anyone for anything ever.
But I think that that's because it gives me a sense of security and protection from future
trauma.
So it's really eye opening.
(05:23):
And something that I can now start to work on is how do I continue to hold myself accountable
for my own experience, continue to hold myself accountable for my own actions, but not hold
myself accountable for things that were not my fault.
Okay, moving on.
The other thing I want to say about that San Diego episode is in the days leading up to
(05:48):
the trip, I talked to my therapist about this trip and all the safeguards that I had put
in place around going.
And we discovered that I was very anxious about going on the trip and I was so afraid
of going.
And I couldn't figure out why because it didn't feel like being afraid to be there.
(06:09):
It felt more like afraid of the outcome.
And so in digging deeper, we discovered that I was putting pressure on myself to have the
trip be a success.
And what I mean by that is this trip was kind of testing out how much I've healed through
(06:29):
therapy and through all this work I've been doing because I was going and facing all these
traumas.
So if I succeeded and I was able to survive the trip unscathed, then that means that I
did a good job.
And then on the flip side of that, if I went on this trip and it ended up triggering me
and maybe I allowed people to have their way and I kept my own needs to myself, anything
(06:56):
that led to me returning to old patterns deep down, these inner parts inside me felt like
that would be a failure.
And then I would have failed the test.
And so I wasn't afraid of going to San Diego.
I was afraid of being a failure, which is so sad.
(07:19):
So I decided to flip the narrative.
And instead of thinking that going on the trip and having everything go perfectly be
a win, I decided that going on the trip was the win.
The outcome, whether I survive unscathed or not, was irrelevant.
Going on a trip was a success and if I were to not go, that would be the failure.
(07:45):
So it's not exactly unlearning my fear of failure.
That's for future sessions, but it did allow me to let go of expectations of myself because
I was going on the trip, which means it was a success.
And it also gave me permission to completely fail at whatever happened on that trip because
(08:07):
I went.
So that was the goal.
The goal wasn't to pass the test.
The goal was to take the test.
It took so much of the pressure off and really eliminated that fear.
I could experience this trip, however, it was meant to be experienced and I didn't have
to put so much pressure on myself to avoid getting triggered.
I really think this flipping the narrative concept is so important.
(08:31):
It's these little things that can help you take pressure off of yourself so that you
can feel worthy of wherever you're at in your process.
You could use this type of mindset towards anything.
So like in podcasting, let's say, let's say this podcast is terrible and nobody listens
(08:53):
to it and everyone hates it and it's a disaster.
I think that means it's a success because I did it.
And I think a failure would be if I didn't even try to do the podcast.
So yeah, that's a great example.
So that brings us to the end of this episode.
(09:14):
Moving forward, I want to use this podcast to tell my story of what has happened to my
health over the last two years.
But I just think it'll take so long because there's just so much.
It was a crazy journey and I want to put it out there for everyone to hear in chronological
order.
(09:34):
And I also want an element of this podcast to be very informative where I can dive really
deep into each thing that I uncovered on that journey.
I think I have to just do an episode where I go through the whole health journey chronologically
without diving into anything just to explain this foundation of timeline.
(09:57):
And then from there, I think I can go into more depth around each health thing that I
discovered like hypermobility and lipidema and MCATs and mold and trauma and nervous
system and minerals.
Oh, the minerals.
Yeah.
So, oh, that's like not even the half of it, but that episode is going to be so long.
(10:22):
So buckle up everybody because it'll be a long one, but it'll really help me feel more
empowered because every time I record one of these, I feel like a million bucks.
Oh, this is the last thing I want to say.
It really is helping me uncouple this experience from my identity.
(10:43):
It's helping me take this whole health experience that I've had and separate it from my identity
so that it's just something that I can talk about and share.
It's an experience that I went through, but it isn't who I am.
It's not my identity.
I think identity is going to be a common theme throughout all of these episodes because I
(11:04):
think a lot of us really struggle with not tying our identity to the things we do or
the relationships we have or the interests we have or our job.
So, I think identity is something we'll dive into more moving forward too.
But that's it for this episode.
(11:26):
Thank you for listening and for your support.
I'll see you next time.
Welcome to Golden Girl, a space where we dive deep into health, healing, connection, and
(00:06):
community.
I'm your host, Becca Golden, and this podcast is all about sharing and documenting my journey.
Each episode we'll discuss topics like health and wellness, what I'm learning in therapy,
work-life balance, relationships, community, and all the ways I strive for more aliveness
and presence every day.
Let's dive in.
(00:26):
Welcome back to Golden Girl.
I am so excited about this podcast.
The more that we have been recording and the more that I've been editing, it just, it feels
so right to express myself and share all of my thoughts with everyone.
(00:47):
So the first thing I want to go over is the Fawn trauma response.
I think most people have heard of fight or flight, but these other two, fawn or freeze,
are really interesting to me because I think those are the types of responses that I'm
more used to doing when my body feels a threat and they're not really talked about that often.
(01:08):
So I think that they can be harder to recognize.
According to my Google search, the fawn response is a coping mechanism that involves people
pleasing behaviors to avoid conflict, criticism, or disapproval.
Some signs of the fawn response include having difficulty saying no, prioritizing the needs
of others over your own, being overly agreeable, having trouble setting boundaries, feeling
(01:34):
responsible for the reactions of others, faking emotions to fit in, feeling disconnected from
your own sense of self.
So in the context of my trip to San Diego and in the context of my life in general,
I have definitely learned to respond to life's stressors with the fawn response.
(01:56):
So I'm going to read more about this because this is so relevant for me.
Fawning refers to consistently abandoning your own needs to avoid conflict, criticism,
or disapproval.
Fawn types seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs, and demands of others.
They act as if they unconsciously believe that the price of admission to any relationship
(02:21):
is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preferences, and boundaries.
That hits so hard.
Yikes.
Okay.
So that is to a T the behaviors that I was doing around my family.
And in a lot of situations.
(02:42):
And so now that I am unpacking why I do those things in certain situations, it is giving
me a huge opportunity to build trust with my inner voice because every time now that
I'm faced with this option of either building self trust or breaking self trust, I am able
to decide, is this really what I want or is this more of a fawn behavior?
(03:05):
This last sentence, it's really painful to read because it feels really true for how
I've been acting.
The price of admission to any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights,
preferences, and boundaries.
Oof.
That sucks because this is definitely what I do.
(03:28):
And I'm thinking through past relationships when I had a hard time maintaining my own
boundaries or when I would maintain my sense of self or lose my sense of self by being
in a relationship with somebody.
I'm going to reflect on this a lot moving forward.
Okay.
So now that we know what the official definition of fawn is, it really helps clarify some of
(03:51):
my statements during the last podcast episode as well.
As I was editing the San Diego podcast, it gave me a very interesting opportunity to
hear the way that I talk about my trauma.
It was very eye opening because I could hear the type of tone that I had and I was still
exhibiting these fawn response statements.
(04:14):
So a few things that I want to go back and point out.
In that episode, I got to a point where I said that I was deciding to take a back seat
when my family would be all in a room together or making decisions together.
I said that this was a me problem and that I was deciding to stay silent.
(04:35):
And even in that episode, as I unpacked it, I still believed that I was the problem and
that I needed to be the only one to work on it.
And I just want to clarify a few things about that because I always want to take accountability
for my own actions.
And while it is good to take responsibility to an extent, I noticed that I was taking
(05:01):
full responsibility for it in that episode and I don't think that's fair to me either.
It's very difficult still for me to blame anyone for anything ever.
But I think that that's because it gives me a sense of security and protection from future
trauma.
So it's really eye opening.
(05:23):
And something that I can now start to work on is how do I continue to hold myself accountable
for my own experience, continue to hold myself accountable for my own actions, but not hold
myself accountable for things that were not my fault.
Okay, moving on.
The other thing I want to say about that San Diego episode is in the days leading up to
(05:48):
the trip, I talked to my therapist about this trip and all the safeguards that I had put
in place around going.
And we discovered that I was very anxious about going on the trip and I was so afraid
of going.
And I couldn't figure out why because it didn't feel like being afraid to be there.
(06:09):
It felt more like afraid of the outcome.
And so in digging deeper, we discovered that I was putting pressure on myself to have the
trip be a success.
And what I mean by that is this trip was kind of testing out how much I've healed through
(06:29):
therapy and through all this work I've been doing because I was going and facing all these
traumas.
So if I succeeded and I was able to survive the trip unscathed, then that means that I
did a good job.
And then on the flip side of that, if I went on this trip and it ended up triggering me
and maybe I allowed people to have their way and I kept my own needs to myself, anything
(06:56):
that led to me returning to old patterns deep down, these inner parts inside me felt like
that would be a failure.
And then I would have failed the test.
And so I wasn't afraid of going to San Diego.
I was afraid of being a failure, which is so sad.
(07:19):
So I decided to flip the narrative.
And instead of thinking that going on the trip and having everything go perfectly be
a win, I decided that going on the trip was the win.
The outcome, whether I survive unscathed or not, was irrelevant.
Going on a trip was a success and if I were to not go, that would be the failure.
(07:45):
So it's not exactly unlearning my fear of failure.
That's for future sessions, but it did allow me to let go of expectations of myself because
I was going on the trip, which means it was a success.
And it also gave me permission to completely fail at whatever happened on that trip because
(08:07):
I went.
So that was the goal.
The goal wasn't to pass the test.
The goal was to take the test.
It took so much of the pressure off and really eliminated that fear.
I could experience this trip, however, it was meant to be experienced and I didn't have
to put so much pressure on myself to avoid getting triggered.
I really think this flipping the narrative concept is so important.
(08:31):
It's these little things that can help you take pressure off of yourself so that you
can feel worthy of wherever you're at in your process.
You could use this type of mindset towards anything.
So like in podcasting, let's say, let's say this podcast is terrible and nobody listens
(08:53):
to it and everyone hates it and it's a disaster.
I think that means it's a success because I did it.
And I think a failure would be if I didn't even try to do the podcast.
So yeah, that's a great example.
So that brings us to the end of this episode.
(09:14):
Moving forward, I want to use this podcast to tell my story of what has happened to my
health over the last two years.
But I just think it'll take so long because there's just so much.
It was a crazy journey and I want to put it out there for everyone to hear in chronological
order.
(09:34):
And I also want an element of this podcast to be very informative where I can dive really
deep into each thing that I uncovered on that journey.
I think I have to just do an episode where I go through the whole health journey chronologically
without diving into anything just to explain this foundation of timeline.
(09:57):
And then from there, I think I can go into more depth around each health thing that I
discovered like hypermobility and lipidema and MCATs and mold and trauma and nervous
system and minerals.
Oh, the minerals.
Yeah.
So, oh, that's like not even the half of it, but that episode is going to be so long.
(10:22):
So buckle up everybody because it'll be a long one, but it'll really help me feel more
empowered because every time I record one of these, I feel like a million bucks.
Oh, this is the last thing I want to say.
It really is helping me uncouple this experience from my identity.
(10:43):
It's helping me take this whole health experience that I've had and separate it from my identity
so that it's just something that I can talk about and share.
It's an experience that I went through, but it isn't who I am.
It's not my identity.
I think identity is going to be a common theme throughout all of these episodes because I
(11:04):
think a lot of us really struggle with not tying our identity to the things we do or
the relationships we have or the interests we have or our job.
So, I think identity is something we'll dive into more moving forward too.
But that's it for this episode.
(11:26):
Thank you for listening and for your support.
I'll see you next time.
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