June 10, 2025 • 25 mins
What does therapy really look like beyond the stereotypical image of lying on a couch while someone silently takes notes? In this illuminating conversation, licensed clinical social worker Liandra Aptekar Hamburg introduces us to the power of solution-focused therapy and why quick fixes rarely lead to lasting change.
Liandra brings eleven years of clinical experience to her virtual practice serving New York and New Jersey clients. Her approach transforms the traditional therapist role into something far more dynamic – she becomes a thought partner, problem solver, and accountability holder who helps clients develop practical tools they can use long after their session ends. "I take an active role in my work with clients," she explains. "I'm not only listening, but also problem solving and incorporating cognitive behavioral strategies for hands-on tools and goal setting."
The conversation explores common misconceptions about therapeutic progress and why real change often involves uncomfortable growth. Yolandra shares how she helps clients understand the interconnectivity between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to break harmful patterns. She also reveals her journey from school social worker to private practice owner, motivated by her own childhood academic struggles and her mother's advocacy that helped her realize learning differently didn't mean failure.
One of her most valuable tools? The "therapy notebook" – a tangible way to capture insights during sessions. "Writing helps emotions leave our body onto the page, which then serves as our memory and safety net," she explains. This simple practice creates a personalized toolbox clients can reference whenever needed.
Whether you're curious about therapy, considering starting your journey, or simply interested in understanding how our minds work, this conversation offers valuable perspective on the path to mental wellness. Ready to learn more? Contact Liandra through Psychology Today or reach her at 516-603-2679 for a free 15-minute consultation.
Liandra Aptekar Hamburg LCSW
Liandra Aptekar Hamburg
516-603-2679
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the Good Neighbor Podcast, the place
where local businesses andneighbors come together.
Here's your host, Doug Drohan.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Hey everyone, Welcome to another episode of the Good
Neighbor Podcast brought to youby the Bergen Neighbors Media
Group.
I am your host, Doug Drohan,and today we are joined by
,Liandra Aptekar Hamburg or, assome might say, Hamburg.
Anyway, , welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Thank you for having me, Doug.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
So after your name there's an acronym, lcsw, which
is Licensed Clinical SocialWorker.
So why don't we get right intoit?
What do you do for a living?
What's the name of your company?
And let's go from there.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
What do you do for a living?
What's the name of your company?
And let's go from there.
Awesome.
So I am a psychotherapist and,like you said, licensed clinical
social worker.
So I have a virtual practiceand I serve clients in New York
and New Jersey and I seeadolescents, I see young adults,
adults and couples, so I amtechnically a standard therapist
(01:07):
.
Social workers work in alldifferent types of forms and
settings.
I am a virtual practice, so myapproach is.
What makes me a little bitdifferent is I'm solution
focused, and what that lookslike is I take an active role in
(01:27):
my therapy and my work with myclients, so I'm not only
listening, but I'm also servingas a thought partner.
I'm problem solving, I'm anaccountability holder and I use
a lot of cognitive behavioralstrategies to incorporate
hands-on tools and goal setting.
I typically give homework in mysessions and all of that serves
(01:50):
to act as stronger facets formy clients to be able to access
strategies outside of theirtherapy session.
So that is a little bit abouthow I approach therapy and how I
work with my clients.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
So that's what you mean by solution focused.
So it's not just a one waystreet where I'm going to lay on
the couch and expect you tosolve all my problems.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
You want, exactly, exactly.
That's definitely one form oftherapy, but that is, that is
not my approach at all.
It's quite the opposite,actually.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Right.
I mean, as you say it'scollaborative and it's cognitive
, which I guess is, as you sayit's collaborative and it's
cognitive, which I guess is, youknow, the opposite of cognitive
is let's just give you a pilland we'll deal with your
depression.
Cognitive, I guess, is moreabout trying to understand why
you feel the way you do and thengiving you coping mechanisms of
how to kind of work the problem, as they say in Apollo 13.
(02:45):
Is that correct or is thataccurate?
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Absolutely.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And what it looks like whenwe're working together is we
figure out what is the problemor what is your goal?
How do we think about things?
How do we connect?
It's the interconnectivitybetween how we think, how we
feel and what we do.
the interconnectivity betweenhow we think, how we feel and
what we do.
(03:07):
So we have to recognize whatthe pattern is and how that
cycles and then figure outtogether where can we do some
trial and error here whetherit's changing the way we think
and how we think, whether it'schanging what we do, how we
react, how we communicate.
But we have to kind of changesomething within the cycle to
change that kind of pattern thatwe create.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Yeah, because you know you go down that rabbit
hole and it's kind of a dominoeffect of you start to feel this
way and then this kicks in andthis kicks in.
So I forget who it was, whosaid it Maybe a lot of people
said this, but you know how.
You know how we we're all, alot of us are all experience the
same thing.
It's how we we're all, a lot ofus are all all experienced the
same thing.
It's how we react to that andyou can, you can say how we
(03:48):
choose to react to it, and somepeople feel like they don't have
a choice and maybe, you know,sometimes you do feel powerless.
So the important thing ishaving those, the skillset to
say, okay, I'm starting to feelthis way now, instead of going
down that dark path of anxiety,of feeling worthless or helpless
(04:09):
.
What is it that I can do to youknow?
Is it taking a deep breath?
Is it focusing on positivethings?
But you know it's always easiersaid than done, right?
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Yeah, and that's, and that's, that's why we exist
right.
It's like if it were that easy,or if we were able to kind of
figure that out for ourselves.
It doesn't mean that there'ssomething wrong with us that we
can't.
It just means we need toprocess, we need to bounce ideas
, we need perspective, we needto get out of the way it is in
our head.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Yeah, and I'm sure it all takes just one session with
you and then they're cured, soto speak, right that they just
come in for, you know, 30 to 90minutes and then they're done.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Exactly, and that's, that's definitely one of those
things that when we think aboutlike misconceptions, or what
people kind of think about whenthey when they start therapy or
when they are like, okay, let mestart this new journey for
myself, is this, you know,expectation of what progress
looks like and this kind ofmagic wand that therapy can fix
(05:12):
me, or make me feel better and,yeah, in some cases absolutely
right, Like we might have aproblem or a stressor and that
might resolve or pass and wefeel better and that's great.
But a lot of times therapyactually entails change.
That takes practice and failureand we're we're unlearning a
(05:35):
lot of deeply rooted dynamicsand and patterns.
That's uncomfortable andcomplex.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Yeah, yeah, it's kind of like advertising people.
People tell me oh you know, Itried it for a month or two and
I didn't get any calls, so itdoesn't work.
And I always say you know,listen, it's a.
I can't change consumerbehavior or consumer psychology
or the way the human brain workswhen it comes to
familiarization, memory.
(06:02):
You know the forgetting curve.
I heard a talk once wheresomebody said that human beings
forget like 90% of somethingthey just learned if they don't
actively relearn it or reiteratewithin the next day could be
even hours.
So there's like the forgettingcurve.
But then there's the learningcurve, which is familiarization.
And you know there'ssociologists who came up with
(06:25):
the mirror exposure effect anddifferent things dating back to
the 1800s that a lot ofmarketing is based on.
But it's how the human brainreacts to stimuli and then how
we recall or remember things.
So yeah, you know there's veryfew businesses.
You know you get in yourhaircut.
Sure, you get your haircut, youget instant gratification, or
you're getting your bathroomremodeled or whatever.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
But yeah, so my solution, like my approach of
solution oriented, is that, likeyou know, it might change,
might take a while, it might beuncomfortable and difficult, but
like my goal is that even atevery session that we kind of
frame things in a way that feelshopeful, that feels like we can
take these difficult thingsthat might might not feel better
(07:08):
right away or might we mighthave trouble changing or
accessing, but like making it inkind of like a growth mindset
model.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, sometimes just talking to
somebody makes you feel better,you know.
That's why bartenders andhairdressers and personal
trainers sometimes you know theybecome their therapist because
they just want to get it offtheir chest.
So one of the things youuncover is you know what got
people to where they are right.
Does it mean, like the Freudianmethod of, you know, blaming
(07:37):
your parents for everything?
Or is it yeah?
Speaker 3 (07:42):
Yeah, yeah.
So definitely that is aframework in clinical work and
and psychology and and change.
I tend to not be as focused onthat.
If there are things that youknow you might come to the table
or you have no idea how we gothere, we definitely worked.
You know problem solve and bedetectives and like how did it
(08:03):
get here?
And sometimes things are worked.
You know problem solve and bedetectives and like how did it
get here?
And sometimes things are, youknow, very related to how we
grew up.
If we think about developmentlike that nature and nurture,
like oftentimes, it's acombination of nature and
nurture.
but if we can understand whatpart is nature, what part is
nurture, where did you know?
We get these kind of judgmentsof how we should live our life
(08:26):
or how we do unconsciously liveour life, and it really does
help us be able to create change.
But I'm not so focused andheavy on that unless it's
necessary, based on what youcome to me for.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Yeah, I think One of the reasons people like
Ancestrycom or you know thingslike that, is it kind of has a
roadmap of who you are or whyyou are who you are.
Yeah, On a different note, likemy mom just shared a story.
She's 90 years old and I knewthat when she was 21, she drove
(09:02):
to California with hergirlfriend, borrowed a family
car and in 1956, you know,you're two 21-year-old women
driving across the country, buton our way out there the car
broke down a couple of times.
They got jobs working as carhops out in Oklahoma.
My mother, they were in LA.
They found out that ElvisPresley was landing at the
airport, so they drove to theairport and got his autograph
(09:24):
and all these things.
And you know, just like for meto start my own business was a
risk right.
And then my grandmother, mymother's mother and father,
owned a couple of fish markets.
My uncle, you know, had this.
So sometimes you see thesetraits in a family that kind of
explain who you are.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
And on the positive side, I'm like, oh okay, you
know, maybe we did have thiskind of entrepreneurial streak
that runs through us, and Ithink a lot of that is nature,
because, you know, my mom, youknow, being a child of the
depression encouraged me to geta, you know, a civil servant job
, like the post office orsomething like that, because it
was a union job.
(10:03):
Yeah, you know.
So it's interesting tounderstand on the positive side,
while we are who we are, but Iguess it's also important to
understand that, you know, maybewe act a certain way.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Yeah, uh, we also don't want to get stuck in like
we are.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
We are who we are, right, right yeah, because if
you're not happy with it, thenyeah, right.
So, um, are there certain kindsof uh issues or patients that
you deal with more now?
Uh, first of all, how long haveyou been a therapist?
Speaker 3 (10:37):
yeah, so I?
I've been practicing for 11years and private practice for
seven or so years um and I.
I started off and I can.
I can share more about this,but I started off working in the
school systems and differentkinds of school settings and I
can, if necessary.
(10:57):
If you're interested, I canshare more why I started there.
But how I got here is I wantedto really broaden my clinical
skills and work with more peopleand I felt like I had so much
to give and I felt like a littlelike the barriers and
boundaries like really limitedthat.
So with private practice, Iwork with tons of different
(11:19):
issues.
A lot of my specialties, beingsolution focused, is with
anxiety, depression, lifetransitions.
With anxiety, depression, lifetransitions, it could be grief I
work a lot with grief, so Ireally see a lot of everybody.
But with solution-focused likeanxiety, depression, goals, like
(11:44):
even something where we're likefeeling like, oh, like I just
really want to do this and Ican't believe I can't do this on
my own kind of thing.
It doesn't have to be a biggerexperience than that.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Right, I know, since you started before COVID.
I know during COVID there was adifficult time for a lot of
teenagers and students and youknow, and being in Bergen County
and Wyckoff, and the pressuresthat a lot of the kids and
students are under to succeedand to go to great colleges and
to be this, that and the otherthing you know, different
(12:12):
therapists that I've met overthe years said that that became
a bigger part of their practiceis working with teenagers and
working with young adults.
Because there's, you know, andmore so now as a result of you
know, everybody workingvirtually Right, as a result of
you know everybody workingvirtually Right.
So I, you know, I grew up,obviously in a different era
where you went to work every day.
(12:32):
Yeah, and you know I worked inManhattan my whole career and,
yeah, nobody loved the commute,but once you were there, there's
a certain camaraderie, acertain community that is
lacking these days.
You know, just going out for adrink, going out for somebody's
(12:55):
birthday, going joining the, youknow the softball team or
whatever teams are going on, oryou know somebody's pregnant and
having a big thing in theoffice for their you know, or
their wedding, and just missingthat, and I would think that
that just makes dealing withsocial issues so much more
challenging.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Such a toll, and that's part of what I was like.
You know, I love working withadolescents and it's still one
of my specialty areas.
However, more people struggled,not just adolescents, not just
school age and, you know,struggled with, you know, even
going back to work or evengetting back integrated into the
way things were.
So I really, you know thatthat's what made me kind of go
into my full-time practice asopposed to school-based.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
So what, what advice do you give people that are now,
you know, working in this newhermetically sealed work
environment?
Like, do you say, or do youadvise them to say, hey, try to
go out and be actually, you know, create a social networking
situation with your coworkersand like, if they're not doing
(13:53):
it, maybe you could suggest afew of you get together.
Or like, are there anythinglike any types of new types of
networking that's happening nowthat people are not together
every day?
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Yeah, I think I.
You know it's easy to say thisblanket statement like yes,
social, like everyone wants andneeds social experience.
You know, I really try tounderstand like what does what
is that person missing?
Because some people might havemore interaction in other ways
that isn't work related or, youknow, and they might not need
that, you know, socialization orthat kind of interaction with
(14:30):
work.
So I really do try to likeunderstand what does that person
need and what do they want?
But what is getting in the way?
And then it's, it's still verychallenging for people to feel
like they.
How can they make new friendsor connect with people when
there isn't this inherentcommunity that you know feels
easily accessible, but you knowit's.
(14:53):
So, yeah, I really try to takean approach of like what is a
small step?
So it might not be like, oh,like, go to this event, or like,
oh, like you know, reach out tothis person, but like what are
those steps before that actuallymake that feel like well, this
is why I didn't do it on my ownand we really try to problem
solve that together.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Yeah, yeah, so you mentioned you used to work in
the school system.
So why was that?
And and because you mentionedyou know if we want to get into
that, so what?
You know, that was your firstkind of where you were like a
counselor or what was that role?
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Yeah, so I was a school social worker.
And how I got into that is Igrew up.
My mom is a psychologist, so Igrew up with a therapist in the
house and I watched her.
I watched her, you know, reallysee, I saw the power of her
advocacy and support with herclients but also for myself.
(15:48):
I, as a school age child,struggled a lot academically and
without my mom's advocacy andsupport and push for services I
really would have suffered a lotmore.
I did suffer, but a lot more,and with that help and advocacy
(16:09):
and support and voice I was ableto learn how to accept that I
learned differently and thatthat didn't mean I was a failure
.
It didn't mean there wassomething wrong with me.
I just was different.
And once I was able to acceptthat for myself, I created these
like tactile study skills andtools of how I needed to learn
(16:31):
and how I needed to process, andthat experience inspired me to
want to do that with other kidsand adolescents and and school
aged um.
So when I went to, I went tograduate school at Columbia
university and when I graduatedI did one of my internships in a
special education school andwhen I graduated I was like
schools, like that's.
(16:51):
That was why I did this Um andyou know I worked for lots of
years and I love my work thereas a school social worker and
counselor.
Every school kind of organizesthe word differently.
Um, but like I was kind ofsaying, I really I felt like I I
met a lot of barriers, of howmy clinical passion like
(17:14):
couldn't be met and I reallyjust wanted to like help more
people, not just work withadolescents.
I was working with parents, butlike I was like I want to work
with parents more, not just, youknow, with their child in the
school you know school period,so that's kind of what like
shifted me into where my passionstarted and where my passion is
now.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Nice and I noticed on your, you know, on your social
media, you have like thisreverse to do list and if you
talk to athletes any successfulathlete they usually say I
remember the failures more thanthe triumphs.
They remember losing thatchampionship game, they remember
striking out with the basesloaded, they remember missing
(17:55):
whatever.
They remember that that's morevisceral and more memorable than
the accomplishments, that thefive championships whatever, the
accomplishments that the fivechampionships, whatever.
So I think it's.
You know, it seems to be humannature to always think about the
things you didn't do or or havethose regrets.
But one of the things I know,you know as an entrepreneur,
(18:18):
that I hear from a lot of people, either on TED talks or in this
networking group that I'm with,is a lot of people talk about
waking up every day withgratitude and, you know, being
grateful for the things you haveand sometimes that can just set
your mind, you know, yourmindset shift in a better way if
you can try to do that everyday.
(18:38):
But I think there is, you know,again, it's kind of that rabbit
hole of people going down thatwoe is me and like, oh, you know
, I've failed at this and Istink at this and I'm not good
at that, and as a parent, youknow you're always trying to,
you know, elevate your kids andtry to get them out of that.
But sometimes it's really tough, you know, and we've all been
(18:58):
there.
So I like the idea of trying towrite down and acknowledge.
Do you find writing somethingdown rather than just thinking
about it has a difference?
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
So, yeah, part of like my bread and butter, I like
to.
I call this like the quotes youcan't see my quotes but a
therapy notebook, and what thatis is exactly that.
It's a place where we can writedown things that resonate with
you throughout our sessions,because I mean 45 minutes of
(19:30):
talking and listening.
There's so much that happensthat when we're done, I know
even the way that I process.
I forget most of things.
I might remember one thing andthat one thing is great to
remember, but let's like notleave it up to our memory.
Let's write things down in themoment.
Like not leave it up to ourmemory, let's write things down
in the moment.
And then also, we build thistangible like toolbox where,
like cognitive restructuring,like coping strategies,
(19:54):
mindfulness, how to think morepositively, like we work
together and we create a placeto have that all.
And I truly believe, like withmy own struggles with learning,
I realize and working in schools, that you know writing it has
us process in an additional way,as opposed to just listening
(20:15):
and then like speaking.
So we're kind of using this aslike if we talk about a cycle.
Writing actually like helps us.
Leave our things leave our body, emotion leaves our body, words
leave our body.
Our thoughts are leaving ourbody onto the page and then that
page serves as our memory.
It serves as a, as a toolbox asa net, a safety net.
(20:40):
So I definitely am.
I'm a huge advocate of writing,and it doesn't even have to be
like a journal or a diary ifwe're not comfortable or we
don't like that kind of cornyapproach.
So yeah, I'm all about it.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
That's great.
That's great.
So how do people you know howwould they contact you?
And you said everything'svirtual.
So how long is the sessiontypically?
And then you know what's thebest way to reach you.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
Yeah, so a standard session time, a standard
psychotherapy hour, is actually45 minutes.
So sessions are 45 minutes asI'm very flexible, so if someone
wants a longer session, we canwork together with that.
I really try to make therapyaccessible for everyone, no
matter what their barriers are,or if you know, like I, just I
(21:28):
know I need more time.
We can definitely work that out,but sessions are typically 45
minutes.
And if you want to reach out tome, I do have a Psychology
Today page.
You can search Leandra Aptakar,hamburg or Leandra Hamburg, and
I also have an Instagram thatis L A H underscore therapy and
(21:49):
you can always see some contentthere.
But also you can send me amessage.
Also, there is links there tosend me an email.
So whatever way you feel youfeel more comfortable with as a
potential client, sometimespeople might not like calling
and that's totally okay.
So those are, those are someways, and I do a free
(22:11):
consultation, typically 15 or sominutes, to see if we're a good
fit.
You can ask me any questions,yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
So, speaking of anxiety, you went off on your
own to start your own practice.
What has that been like?
You know being a business ownerand I speak to so many.
This is what the show is allabout, right, and you studied to
be a licensed clinical socialworker, or the other guy studied
to be a plumber, or she studiedto be, you know, a plastic
(22:41):
surgeon.
No one taught them how to run abusiness no one, you know.
They didn't study marketing.
They didn't, you know, studyaccounting.
So what has it been likerunning your own practice?
And is there any advice youcould give to someone in your
field who's you know wants to gooff on their own?
Speaker 3 (22:59):
Yeah, so I you know I've learned through my mentors
and who I've worked with a tonand also, of course, like I
might read, I ask a lot ofquestions.
So when I meet people, I'malways asking them, I'm always
inquisitive and kind of learningfrom other people.
(23:20):
I'm a big like why recreate awheel that's already working
right?
So I'm speaking to a lot ofpeople, but also I'm taking
risks and I'm just puttingmyself out there and I might not
know everything and I might,you know, be learning along the
way and what can I do betternext year or next time?
So it's still a work inprogress, yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
I always say you know there's a thing in closing ABC
always be closing.
But I always say ABL equals ABG, which is always be learning,
is always be growing.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
Yep, I love it.
You get my approach.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Yeah, no, absolutely.
I mean, you have to know whatyou know and then ask for help
for things that you don't knowhow to do.
So, yeah, this is great.
So, leandra, thank you verymuch for joining the show.
You and I will be right back,but let's just recap real
quickly again the phone numberto reach you, and so it's
(24:20):
646-863-4012.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
So that's actually so .
My Psychology Today pageactually does like a ghost
number.
My number is it's 516-603-2679.
And if you do reach out viaPsychology Today, it will still
reach me with your number andthen I will call you back or, if
I pick up, I'm happy to give myphone number that way as well.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
So Long Island, New York, you can't take the.
Yeah, I'm a Long Islander too.
But you don't live in LongIsland.
Now You're in Washington.
Speaker 3 (24:54):
No, I'm a Jersey convert.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Yep, same here, same here.
Well, this is great, just bearwith.
Chuck's just going to take usout and you and I will be right
back.
Okay, just bear with, theChuck's just going to take us
out and you and I'll be rightback.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Okay, thank you for listening to the good neighbor
podcast.
To nominate your favorite localbusinesses to be featured on
the show, go to GNP Bergen.
com.
That's GNP Bergen.
com, or call 201-298-8325.
This is the Good Neighbor Podcast, the place
where local businesses andneighbors come together.
Here's your host, Doug Drohan.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Hey everyone, Welcome to another episode of the Good
Neighbor Podcast brought to youby the Bergen Neighbors Media
Group.
I am your host, Doug Drohan,and today we are joined by
,Liandra Aptekar Hamburg or, assome might say, Hamburg.
Anyway, , welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Thank you for having me, Doug.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
So after your name there's an acronym, lcsw, which
is Licensed Clinical SocialWorker.
So why don't we get right intoit?
What do you do for a living?
What's the name of your company?
And let's go from there.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
What do you do for a living?
What's the name of your company?
And let's go from there.
Awesome.
So I am a psychotherapist and,like you said, licensed clinical
social worker.
So I have a virtual practiceand I serve clients in New York
and New Jersey and I seeadolescents, I see young adults,
adults and couples, so I amtechnically a standard therapist
(01:07):
.
Social workers work in alldifferent types of forms and
settings.
I am a virtual practice, so myapproach is.
What makes me a little bitdifferent is I'm solution
focused, and what that lookslike is I take an active role in
(01:27):
my therapy and my work with myclients, so I'm not only
listening, but I'm also servingas a thought partner.
I'm problem solving, I'm anaccountability holder and I use
a lot of cognitive behavioralstrategies to incorporate
hands-on tools and goal setting.
I typically give homework in mysessions and all of that serves
(01:50):
to act as stronger facets formy clients to be able to access
strategies outside of theirtherapy session.
So that is a little bit abouthow I approach therapy and how I
work with my clients.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
So that's what you mean by solution focused.
So it's not just a one waystreet where I'm going to lay on
the couch and expect you tosolve all my problems.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
You want, exactly, exactly.
That's definitely one form oftherapy, but that is, that is
not my approach at all.
It's quite the opposite,actually.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Right.
I mean, as you say it'scollaborative and it's cognitive
, which I guess is, as you sayit's collaborative and it's
cognitive, which I guess is, youknow, the opposite of cognitive
is let's just give you a pilland we'll deal with your
depression.
Cognitive, I guess, is moreabout trying to understand why
you feel the way you do and thengiving you coping mechanisms of
how to kind of work the problem, as they say in Apollo 13.
(02:45):
Is that correct or is thataccurate?
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Absolutely.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And what it looks like whenwe're working together is we
figure out what is the problemor what is your goal?
How do we think about things?
How do we connect?
It's the interconnectivitybetween how we think, how we
feel and what we do.
the interconnectivity betweenhow we think, how we feel and
what we do.
(03:07):
So we have to recognize whatthe pattern is and how that
cycles and then figure outtogether where can we do some
trial and error here whetherit's changing the way we think
and how we think, whether it'schanging what we do, how we
react, how we communicate.
But we have to kind of changesomething within the cycle to
change that kind of pattern thatwe create.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Yeah, because you know you go down that rabbit
hole and it's kind of a dominoeffect of you start to feel this
way and then this kicks in andthis kicks in.
So I forget who it was, whosaid it Maybe a lot of people
said this, but you know how.
You know how we we're all, alot of us are all experience the
same thing.
It's how we we're all, a lot ofus are all all experienced the
same thing.
It's how we react to that andyou can, you can say how we
(03:48):
choose to react to it, and somepeople feel like they don't have
a choice and maybe, you know,sometimes you do feel powerless.
So the important thing ishaving those, the skillset to
say, okay, I'm starting to feelthis way now, instead of going
down that dark path of anxiety,of feeling worthless or helpless
(04:09):
.
What is it that I can do to youknow?
Is it taking a deep breath?
Is it focusing on positivethings?
But you know it's always easiersaid than done, right?
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Yeah, and that's, and that's, that's why we exist
right.
It's like if it were that easy,or if we were able to kind of
figure that out for ourselves.
It doesn't mean that there'ssomething wrong with us that we
can't.
It just means we need toprocess, we need to bounce ideas
, we need perspective, we needto get out of the way it is in
our head.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Yeah, and I'm sure it all takes just one session with
you and then they're cured, soto speak, right that they just
come in for, you know, 30 to 90minutes and then they're done.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Exactly, and that's, that's definitely one of those
things that when we think aboutlike misconceptions, or what
people kind of think about whenthey when they start therapy or
when they are like, okay, let mestart this new journey for
myself, is this, you know,expectation of what progress
looks like and this kind ofmagic wand that therapy can fix
(05:12):
me, or make me feel better and,yeah, in some cases absolutely
right, Like we might have aproblem or a stressor and that
might resolve or pass and wefeel better and that's great.
But a lot of times therapyactually entails change.
That takes practice and failureand we're we're unlearning a
(05:35):
lot of deeply rooted dynamicsand and patterns.
That's uncomfortable andcomplex.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Yeah, yeah, it's kind of like advertising people.
People tell me oh you know, Itried it for a month or two and
I didn't get any calls, so itdoesn't work.
And I always say you know,listen, it's a.
I can't change consumerbehavior or consumer psychology
or the way the human brain workswhen it comes to
familiarization, memory.
(06:02):
You know the forgetting curve.
I heard a talk once wheresomebody said that human beings
forget like 90% of somethingthey just learned if they don't
actively relearn it or reiteratewithin the next day could be
even hours.
So there's like the forgettingcurve.
But then there's the learningcurve, which is familiarization.
And you know there'ssociologists who came up with
(06:25):
the mirror exposure effect anddifferent things dating back to
the 1800s that a lot ofmarketing is based on.
But it's how the human brainreacts to stimuli and then how
we recall or remember things.
So yeah, you know there's veryfew businesses.
You know you get in yourhaircut.
Sure, you get your haircut, youget instant gratification, or
you're getting your bathroomremodeled or whatever.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
But yeah, so my solution, like my approach of
solution oriented, is that, likeyou know, it might change,
might take a while, it might beuncomfortable and difficult, but
like my goal is that even atevery session that we kind of
frame things in a way that feelshopeful, that feels like we can
take these difficult thingsthat might might not feel better
(07:08):
right away or might we mighthave trouble changing or
accessing, but like making it inkind of like a growth mindset
model.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, sometimes just talking to
somebody makes you feel better,you know.
That's why bartenders andhairdressers and personal
trainers sometimes you know theybecome their therapist because
they just want to get it offtheir chest.
So one of the things youuncover is you know what got
people to where they are right.
Does it mean, like the Freudianmethod of, you know, blaming
(07:37):
your parents for everything?
Or is it yeah?
Speaker 3 (07:42):
Yeah, yeah.
So definitely that is aframework in clinical work and
and psychology and and change.
I tend to not be as focused onthat.
If there are things that youknow you might come to the table
or you have no idea how we gothere, we definitely worked.
You know problem solve and bedetectives and like how did it
(08:03):
get here?
And sometimes things are worked.
You know problem solve and bedetectives and like how did it
get here?
And sometimes things are, youknow, very related to how we
grew up.
If we think about developmentlike that nature and nurture,
like oftentimes, it's acombination of nature and
nurture.
but if we can understand whatpart is nature, what part is
nurture, where did you know?
We get these kind of judgmentsof how we should live our life
(08:26):
or how we do unconsciously liveour life, and it really does
help us be able to create change.
But I'm not so focused andheavy on that unless it's
necessary, based on what youcome to me for.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Yeah, I think One of the reasons people like
Ancestrycom or you know thingslike that, is it kind of has a
roadmap of who you are or whyyou are who you are.
Yeah, On a different note, likemy mom just shared a story.
She's 90 years old and I knewthat when she was 21, she drove
(09:02):
to California with hergirlfriend, borrowed a family
car and in 1956, you know,you're two 21-year-old women
driving across the country, buton our way out there the car
broke down a couple of times.
They got jobs working as carhops out in Oklahoma.
My mother, they were in LA.
They found out that ElvisPresley was landing at the
airport, so they drove to theairport and got his autograph
(09:24):
and all these things.
And you know, just like for meto start my own business was a
risk right.
And then my grandmother, mymother's mother and father,
owned a couple of fish markets.
My uncle, you know, had this.
So sometimes you see thesetraits in a family that kind of
explain who you are.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
And on the positive side, I'm like, oh okay, you
know, maybe we did have thiskind of entrepreneurial streak
that runs through us, and Ithink a lot of that is nature,
because, you know, my mom, youknow, being a child of the
depression encouraged me to geta, you know, a civil servant job
, like the post office orsomething like that, because it
was a union job.
(10:03):
Yeah, you know.
So it's interesting tounderstand on the positive side,
while we are who we are, but Iguess it's also important to
understand that, you know, maybewe act a certain way.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Yeah, uh, we also don't want to get stuck in like
we are.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
We are who we are, right, right yeah, because if
you're not happy with it, thenyeah, right.
So, um, are there certain kindsof uh issues or patients that
you deal with more now?
Uh, first of all, how long haveyou been a therapist?
Speaker 3 (10:37):
yeah, so I?
I've been practicing for 11years and private practice for
seven or so years um and I.
I started off and I can.
I can share more about this,but I started off working in the
school systems and differentkinds of school settings and I
can, if necessary.
(10:57):
If you're interested, I canshare more why I started there.
But how I got here is I wantedto really broaden my clinical
skills and work with more peopleand I felt like I had so much
to give and I felt like a littlelike the barriers and
boundaries like really limitedthat.
So with private practice, Iwork with tons of different
(11:19):
issues.
A lot of my specialties, beingsolution focused, is with
anxiety, depression, lifetransitions.
With anxiety, depression, lifetransitions, it could be grief I
work a lot with grief, so Ireally see a lot of everybody.
But with solution-focused likeanxiety, depression, goals, like
(11:44):
even something where we're likefeeling like, oh, like I just
really want to do this and Ican't believe I can't do this on
my own kind of thing.
It doesn't have to be a biggerexperience than that.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Right, I know, since you started before COVID.
I know during COVID there was adifficult time for a lot of
teenagers and students and youknow, and being in Bergen County
and Wyckoff, and the pressuresthat a lot of the kids and
students are under to succeedand to go to great colleges and
to be this, that and the otherthing you know, different
(12:12):
therapists that I've met overthe years said that that became
a bigger part of their practiceis working with teenagers and
working with young adults.
Because there's, you know, andmore so now as a result of you
know, everybody workingvirtually Right, as a result of
you know everybody workingvirtually Right.
So I, you know, I grew up,obviously in a different era
where you went to work every day.
(12:32):
Yeah, and you know I worked inManhattan my whole career and,
yeah, nobody loved the commute,but once you were there, there's
a certain camaraderie, acertain community that is
lacking these days.
You know, just going out for adrink, going out for somebody's
(12:55):
birthday, going joining the, youknow the softball team or
whatever teams are going on, oryou know somebody's pregnant and
having a big thing in theoffice for their you know, or
their wedding, and just missingthat, and I would think that
that just makes dealing withsocial issues so much more
challenging.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Such a toll, and that's part of what I was like.
You know, I love working withadolescents and it's still one
of my specialty areas.
However, more people struggled,not just adolescents, not just
school age and, you know,struggled with, you know, even
going back to work or evengetting back integrated into the
way things were.
So I really, you know thatthat's what made me kind of go
into my full-time practice asopposed to school-based.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
So what, what advice do you give people that are now,
you know, working in this newhermetically sealed work
environment?
Like, do you say, or do youadvise them to say, hey, try to
go out and be actually, you know, create a social networking
situation with your coworkersand like, if they're not doing
(13:53):
it, maybe you could suggest afew of you get together.
Or like, are there anythinglike any types of new types of
networking that's happening nowthat people are not together
every day?
Speaker 3 (14:07):
Yeah, I think I.
You know it's easy to say thisblanket statement like yes,
social, like everyone wants andneeds social experience.
You know, I really try tounderstand like what does what
is that person missing?
Because some people might havemore interaction in other ways
that isn't work related or, youknow, and they might not need
that, you know, socialization orthat kind of interaction with
(14:30):
work.
So I really do try to likeunderstand what does that person
need and what do they want?
But what is getting in the way?
And then it's, it's still verychallenging for people to feel
like they.
How can they make new friendsor connect with people when
there isn't this inherentcommunity that you know feels
easily accessible, but you knowit's.
(14:53):
So, yeah, I really try to takean approach of like what is a
small step?
So it might not be like, oh,like, go to this event, or like,
oh, like you know, reach out tothis person, but like what are
those steps before that actuallymake that feel like well, this
is why I didn't do it on my ownand we really try to problem
solve that together.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Yeah, yeah, so you mentioned you used to work in
the school system.
So why was that?
And and because you mentionedyou know if we want to get into
that, so what?
You know, that was your firstkind of where you were like a
counselor or what was that role?
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Yeah, so I was a school social worker.
And how I got into that is Igrew up.
My mom is a psychologist, so Igrew up with a therapist in the
house and I watched her.
I watched her, you know, reallysee, I saw the power of her
advocacy and support with herclients but also for myself.
(15:48):
I, as a school age child,struggled a lot academically and
without my mom's advocacy andsupport and push for services I
really would have suffered a lotmore.
I did suffer, but a lot more,and with that help and advocacy
(16:09):
and support and voice I was ableto learn how to accept that I
learned differently and thatthat didn't mean I was a failure
.
It didn't mean there wassomething wrong with me.
I just was different.
And once I was able to acceptthat for myself, I created these
like tactile study skills andtools of how I needed to learn
(16:31):
and how I needed to process, andthat experience inspired me to
want to do that with other kidsand adolescents and and school
aged um.
So when I went to, I went tograduate school at Columbia
university and when I graduatedI did one of my internships in a
special education school andwhen I graduated I was like
schools, like that's.
(16:51):
That was why I did this Um andyou know I worked for lots of
years and I love my work thereas a school social worker and
counselor.
Every school kind of organizesthe word differently.
Um, but like I was kind ofsaying, I really I felt like I I
met a lot of barriers, of howmy clinical passion like
(17:14):
couldn't be met and I reallyjust wanted to like help more
people, not just work withadolescents.
I was working with parents, butlike I was like I want to work
with parents more, not just, youknow, with their child in the
school you know school period,so that's kind of what like
shifted me into where my passionstarted and where my passion is
now.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Nice and I noticed on your, you know, on your social
media, you have like thisreverse to do list and if you
talk to athletes any successfulathlete they usually say I
remember the failures more thanthe triumphs.
They remember losing thatchampionship game, they remember
striking out with the basesloaded, they remember missing
(17:55):
whatever.
They remember that that's morevisceral and more memorable than
the accomplishments, that thefive championships whatever, the
accomplishments that the fivechampionships, whatever.
So I think it's.
You know, it seems to be humannature to always think about the
things you didn't do or or havethose regrets.
But one of the things I know,you know as an entrepreneur,
(18:18):
that I hear from a lot of people, either on TED talks or in this
networking group that I'm with,is a lot of people talk about
waking up every day withgratitude and, you know, being
grateful for the things you haveand sometimes that can just set
your mind, you know, yourmindset shift in a better way if
you can try to do that everyday.
(18:38):
But I think there is, you know,again, it's kind of that rabbit
hole of people going down thatwoe is me and like, oh, you know
, I've failed at this and Istink at this and I'm not good
at that, and as a parent, youknow you're always trying to,
you know, elevate your kids andtry to get them out of that.
But sometimes it's really tough, you know, and we've all been
(18:58):
there.
So I like the idea of trying towrite down and acknowledge.
Do you find writing somethingdown rather than just thinking
about it has a difference?
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (19:09):
So, yeah, part of like my bread and butter, I like
to.
I call this like the quotes youcan't see my quotes but a
therapy notebook, and what thatis is exactly that.
It's a place where we can writedown things that resonate with
you throughout our sessions,because I mean 45 minutes of
(19:30):
talking and listening.
There's so much that happensthat when we're done, I know
even the way that I process.
I forget most of things.
I might remember one thing andthat one thing is great to
remember, but let's like notleave it up to our memory.
Let's write things down in themoment.
Like not leave it up to ourmemory, let's write things down
in the moment.
And then also, we build thistangible like toolbox where,
like cognitive restructuring,like coping strategies,
(19:54):
mindfulness, how to think morepositively, like we work
together and we create a placeto have that all.
And I truly believe, like withmy own struggles with learning,
I realize and working in schools, that you know writing it has
us process in an additional way,as opposed to just listening
(20:15):
and then like speaking.
So we're kind of using this aslike if we talk about a cycle.
Writing actually like helps us.
Leave our things leave our body, emotion leaves our body, words
leave our body.
Our thoughts are leaving ourbody onto the page and then that
page serves as our memory.
It serves as a, as a toolbox asa net, a safety net.
(20:40):
So I definitely am.
I'm a huge advocate of writing,and it doesn't even have to be
like a journal or a diary ifwe're not comfortable or we
don't like that kind of cornyapproach.
So yeah, I'm all about it.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
That's great.
That's great.
So how do people you know howwould they contact you?
And you said everything'svirtual.
So how long is the sessiontypically?
And then you know what's thebest way to reach you.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
Yeah, so a standard session time, a standard
psychotherapy hour, is actually45 minutes.
So sessions are 45 minutes asI'm very flexible, so if someone
wants a longer session, we canwork together with that.
I really try to make therapyaccessible for everyone, no
matter what their barriers are,or if you know, like I, just I
(21:28):
know I need more time.
We can definitely work that out,but sessions are typically 45
minutes.
And if you want to reach out tome, I do have a Psychology
Today page.
You can search Leandra Aptakar,hamburg or Leandra Hamburg, and
I also have an Instagram thatis L A H underscore therapy and
(21:49):
you can always see some contentthere.
But also you can send me amessage.
Also, there is links there tosend me an email.
So whatever way you feel youfeel more comfortable with as a
potential client, sometimespeople might not like calling
and that's totally okay.
So those are, those are someways, and I do a free
(22:11):
consultation, typically 15 or sominutes, to see if we're a good
fit.
You can ask me any questions,yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
So, speaking of anxiety, you went off on your
own to start your own practice.
What has that been like?
You know being a business ownerand I speak to so many.
This is what the show is allabout, right, and you studied to
be a licensed clinical socialworker, or the other guy studied
to be a plumber, or she studiedto be, you know, a plastic
(22:41):
surgeon.
No one taught them how to run abusiness no one, you know.
They didn't study marketing.
They didn't, you know, studyaccounting.
So what has it been likerunning your own practice?
And is there any advice youcould give to someone in your
field who's you know wants to gooff on their own?
Speaker 3 (22:59):
Yeah, so I you know I've learned through my mentors
and who I've worked with a tonand also, of course, like I
might read, I ask a lot ofquestions.
So when I meet people, I'malways asking them, I'm always
inquisitive and kind of learningfrom other people.
(23:20):
I'm a big like why recreate awheel that's already working
right?
So I'm speaking to a lot ofpeople, but also I'm taking
risks and I'm just puttingmyself out there and I might not
know everything and I might,you know, be learning along the
way and what can I do betternext year or next time?
So it's still a work inprogress, yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
I always say you know there's a thing in closing ABC
always be closing.
But I always say ABL equals ABG, which is always be learning,
is always be growing.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
Yep, I love it.
You get my approach.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Yeah, no, absolutely.
I mean, you have to know whatyou know and then ask for help
for things that you don't knowhow to do.
So, yeah, this is great.
So, leandra, thank you verymuch for joining the show.
You and I will be right back,but let's just recap real
quickly again the phone numberto reach you, and so it's
(24:20):
646-863-4012.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
So that's actually so .
My Psychology Today pageactually does like a ghost
number.
My number is it's 516-603-2679.
And if you do reach out viaPsychology Today, it will still
reach me with your number andthen I will call you back or, if
I pick up, I'm happy to give myphone number that way as well.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
So Long Island, New York, you can't take the.
Yeah, I'm a Long Islander too.
But you don't live in LongIsland.
Now You're in Washington.
Speaker 3 (24:54):
No, I'm a Jersey convert.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Yep, same here, same here.
Well, this is great, just bearwith.
Chuck's just going to take usout and you and I will be right
back.
Okay, just bear with, theChuck's just going to take us
out and you and I'll be rightback.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Okay, thank you for listening to the good neighbor
podcast.
To nominate your favorite localbusinesses to be featured on
the show, go to GNP Bergen.
com.
That's GNP Bergen.
com, or call 201-298-8325.
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