September 18, 2025 • 27 mins
Text me a message! I would love to hear from you!
Marriage is one of God’s greatest gifts, but it isn’t always easy. In this episode, I shares biblical principles for building a Christ-centered marriage filled with peace, unity, and grace. From breaking free of unhealthy patterns to learning how to pray for your spouse, this conversation will encourage you to invite Jesus into the heart of your home.
To read the blog post for this episode clip here: From Drama to Peace: Building a Christ-Centered Marriage
I've created this free resource just for you: 7 Powerful Prayers to Pray Over Your Husband
I've released my new book!!! Get your copy here: Seek First: 31 Quiet Moments With Jesus
If you enjoy this episode and want to buy Audrey a coffee, please click here: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/ajmccrac73d
Subscribe to My Weekly Email List!
Visit GraceForMyHome.com
Follow me on Facebook.
Follow me on Instagram.
Contact me via admin@graceformyhome.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Audrey (00:00):
Hello and welcome back to Grace For my Home.
I'm Audrey McCracken and I'm soglad to be back with you again
this week.
I hope that you're doing wellthis week.
I want to talk with you aboutloving your husband well, don't
you think that's a worthy goal?
In the world we live in, itseems like there are so many
(00:21):
forces that try to bringdivision and animosity in all
areas of life.
It seems like so many peopleare not happy unless they're
causing drama or causing issues.
And you know, I grew up thatway.
I grew up with a lot of drama.
I grew up in a home that therewasn't a lot of peace.
(00:44):
It was an alcoholic home, andmy parents grew up in a home
like that, so they wererecreating what they knew.
And when I became an adult, orI started growing into an adult,
though, I hated it.
When I look back now I see thatI started to create my own
drama, and that's because homeis where the heart is and you
(01:07):
can hate something, but if it'swhat you're comfortable with and
it's what you know, then youwill continue to seek that out
or create it, and I found thattrue in my life.
It's kind of like a fish inwater.
You know a fish is in water butthat fish does not know that
he's in water because that's theworld he lives in.
And when we grow up in homeswhere there's a lot of turmoil,
(01:31):
there's a lot of strife orfighting, you know, that's just
the world we know and we thinkeverybody lives that way.
You know I did, I thoughtthat's how everybody lived.
And so when we get out into theworld and we find ourselves in
situations where we don't havethat kind of environment,
(01:58):
oftentimes we'll create it.
And that's what I did.
And I remember when I startedrealizing, when I became a
Christian and I startedrealizing that life doesn't have
to be that way, realizing thatlife doesn't have to be that way
, I started craving peace, likeI wanted to live in a peaceful
home, I wanted to raise childrenin a peaceful home.
But there was even some doubtthat even when I saw that things
(02:19):
could be different, I haddoubts that they could be
different.
For me, you know, it was likeokay, well, other people, maybe
there are some homes wherepeople live that way, but I
don't know that my home could bethat way, and so drama just
seemed like a natural state oflife for me.
But as I started seeking theLord and as I started craving
(02:42):
peace peace in my mind and peacein my heart and as I started
craving peace peace in my mindand peace in my heart I started
seeing where, you know, the Lordwould put his hand on an area
and say, you know, this isn'tworth it, let this go.
And the more I obeyed him, themore peace I would experience.
And you know, god is all abouthealing, but sometimes healing
(03:06):
takes time.
You know, I love the stories ofsomeone who prayed and God
healed them immediately.
Those are wonderful stories andI believe that God does that.
I believe that God does things.
You know, the Bible often willuse the word suddenly and
suddenly.
But some healing, some thingsthat God does, he does them
(03:26):
slowly and it's over timebecause he wants us to
participate in the process.
He doesn't want to just makeeverything better in our lives.
He wants to show us theprinciples that make things
better in our lives.
He wants us to grow betterlives and to see that it's not
magic, it's the principles, it'shis word, it's the things that
(03:49):
he has set up that work and whenwe live in those life-giving
principles, it brings life intoour days, into our life.
And so, as the Lord startedteaching me, I so wanted that
peace.
I so wanted to live in a homewhere Christ reigned and where
we loved each other and wesupported each other and we
(04:11):
believed in each other.
And you know, there is noperfect family, there is no
perfect home.
You know, we are all sinfulpeople living in a sinful world,
but we who are Christians andwe have Jesus living inside of
us I do believe that we can gofrom glory to glory.
I do believe that things canget better.
And when I first got married, Iremember my husband also came
(04:36):
from a home where there was alot of drama.
He came from an alcoholic homeas well, but he had been a
Christian longer than me and youknow I had prayed before I ever
met my husband.
I'd prayed that the Lord wouldbring somebody into my life that
was spiritually mature, maybemore mature than me.
(04:57):
And God did that.
Michael was definitely moremature than me when we got
married, even though I was olderthan him, and I remember after
a few months of being I know itwas less than a year, I don't
remember exactly how long but afew months into our marriage.
He said one day, can we justlive?
(05:17):
And he said that because I wasconstantly bringing up issues or
constantly worrying aboutsomething in our relationship.
You see, I so wanted to have astrong marriage, a good marriage
, a good home, that I wasconstantly looking for issues so
I could weed them out, or Icould point them out or, you
(05:39):
know, we could talk about it ordeal with it and I mentioned
this last week on the podcast itor deal with it, and I
mentioned this last week on thepodcast.
But if we're looking for fault,we will find it.
There is enough fault aroundfor us to find, if we purpose in
our hearts to find it.
Because when we have our mindsset on finding fault, then
(06:02):
that's what we're looking for.
And so we're very aware of it.
And that's how I was living.
I was looking for the problems,I was looking for the areas
where we could improve or wherethings just weren't as good as
they should be or I thought theyshould be.
And so when you have a mindthat's looking for negativity,
then you're amazed at how muchit pops up.
And so after a few months ofmarriage, my husband was just
(06:25):
tired, because I seem to alwayshave a problem with something,
or you know, I would bequestioning him Well, why do you
do it this way?
Or what did you mean when yousaid that?
And he was just tired and hesaid you know, audrey, can we
just live?
And I didn't even realize I wasdoing that and I'm glad he
pointed it out Now.
(06:46):
I wasn't too happy at the time.
I'm not going to act like youknow.
I was like, oh, thank you,michael, I wasn't.
It was kind of like an arrow inmy heart.
But it was a realization that IA lot of the issues I'm
creating they're not issues, butI'm creating them.
(07:07):
And there's a scripture in Job,job 3.25, and it says For the
thing which I greatly feared hascome upon me and that which I
was afraid of is coming to me.
And see, I greatly feared nothaving a good marriage and I
greatly feared not having apartner, a husband, that I was
(07:28):
close to or that loved me orthat respected me or that cared
about me.
I feared that so much that Iwas trying to do everything I
could to make that never be myreality.
And in concentrating on it somuch, I was making that my
reality.
I was pushing my husband awaybecause I was neurotic about
(07:52):
many things and I look back nowand I think he was so patient,
he was so kind and he didn'tknow what was going on.
He was a young husband as welland we were trying to figure
each other out and figure outthis marriage thing.
We had both come from homesthat were not ideal and we had
decided we were going to livefor Jesus and we're going to
(08:12):
love each other.
But he was very patient with meand I'm thankful.
The Lord knew what he was doingwhen he gave me Michael, and
I'm so thankful for that.
Gave me Michael, and I'm sothankful for that.
One of the huge blessings ofbeing married or being in a
marriage relationship is that wehave a partner.
We get to do life with somebody, and what a wonderful privilege
(08:37):
.
Everybody doesn't have thatgift.
We have someone to share joywith and to share sorrow with,
and to go through hard timeswith, and to laugh with, and to
do the things that God's put ushere on earth to do.
So a husband is a blessing.
The Bible says that he whofinds a wife finds a good thing,
(08:58):
but I think that she who findsa husband has found a good thing
too.
But you may be saying but Audrey, you don't know my husband.
You don't know my husband andmaybe your husband's great, but
you don't know my husband.
He has a lot of problems.
And I just want to tell youthat my husband has a lot of
problems too, and so do I.
We all have problems.
(09:19):
We are, like I said before.
We're two imperfect peopleliving in.
We have sin in our hearts.
We're living in the same housewith and if we have kids and you
have other people living in ahouse with sin in their heart
and then we're in a sinful worldtrying to live for God.
It's not easy.
It's not easy, but it ispossible.
(09:41):
There's enough grace.
There's more than enough gracefor you, for your home, for your
marriage, for your children,for your family.
Whatever situation you findyourself in.
We all have differentcircumstances and I want to be
clear that I'm not talking aboutabusive relationships.
I know that there are a lot ofunhealthy relationships out
(10:02):
there and I'm not saying in anyway trying to justify in any way
abuse or situations where, ifyou're being abused, but what
I'm talking about is just normaleveryday life with someone
who's not perfect and givingthat person grace, because
(10:23):
you're not perfect either.
But since I have become a wifeand the Lord has blessed me with
a husband and since the verybeginning I have wanted to be
close to him and I've wanted tohave the best marriage we
possibly could.
And I've learned a lot ofthings along the way, and one of
the things I've learned, like Ijust mentioned, was that
(10:47):
sometimes you can try too hard,you can try so hard, and I don't
mean that you shouldn't tryhard for your marriage, but
there is grace for your home,there is grace for your marriage
.
You know, do all marriages workout?
No, they do not.
Can you try everything and tryto do exactly the right things
in your marriage and it stillfall apart?
(11:07):
Yes, because a marriage is apartnership and you can only do
what you can do.
You cannot do for the otherperson what they need to do.
And you might say well, audrey,you know these things that
you're sharing today, my husbandreally needs to hear them.
Well, I don't get a lot ofhusbands that listen to this
podcast.
I might get one or two, but thevast majority are women.
And so I'm talking to youbecause you have an ear to hear
(11:32):
and I want to share with you afew things that over the years,
the Lord has helped me.
It has helped bring more peacein my home.
It has helped bring more joy inmy marriage.
These ideas are all fromscripture, but there's just some
things that I wish someone hadshared with me before I was
married, but I don't know that Iwould have listened until I
(11:53):
really needed them.
So I'm going to share them withyou today, and maybe you're in
a space where you could reallyuse them right now.
Maybe they will be anencouragement to you and if not,
maybe later on you can comeback and they will mean more
then.
But the first thing I want toshare with you is the golden
rule, because the golden ruleholds true in so many different
(12:14):
relationships and it holds truein marriage.
Jesus said in Matthew 7, 12, dounto others as you would have
them do unto you.
Do unto others as you wouldhave them do unto you.
You know we want to treatothers the way we want to be
treated, and that holds true inour marriage.
That will get us a long waysJust treating our husbands the
way we want to be treated.
(12:35):
We all want to be treated withrespect.
We all want to be given thebenefit of the doubt, we all
want to be loved and treatedwith kindness, and you know we
want people to listen.
We want people to have gracewith us when we've had a bad day
and we're grumpy.
You know we want those things,and so we have to remember that
(12:56):
we have to also give thosethings, and I think the golden
rule is a great place to startwhen it comes to building a
stronger marriage.
How do I want my husband totreat me?
Then treat him that way.
Also, genesis 2.24.
Let me read that for you.
I love Genesis 2.24 because itgoes back to the very beginning.
(13:19):
You know, what did God have inmind before the fall of man?
You know, what did God have inmind before the fall of man?
What was his original design,his original intention when it
came to marriage?
And it says in Genesis 2, 24,and we know that he wasn't
(13:47):
talking to just Adam and Eve,because they didn't have a
mother and a father, they didn'thave parents.
God was their parent, and sothis was something that was
written down for us, for thosewho would come after.
And it says when a man finds awife, then he will leave his
home, he will leave his fatherand mother and he will cleave to
her.
See, when we come into marriage,our mate, our husband, our wife
(14:09):
becomes the most importantperson in our life.
That's our new family.
We have created a new familyunit and that person not only is
important to us, but we becomeone with that person.
We become united with thatperson.
We are to be so close that weare to become one, and I love
(14:29):
that because it uses the wordbecome.
You know, and become isn't likean instant thing.
It is becoming.
Michael and I are stillbecoming, we're becoming one,
and it's hard work and itdoesn't always feel good.
But when you look back and yousee the distance you've come and
you see the progress you made,you think this was worth it.
(14:51):
You know, all of this time, allof this work, all of this
energy, I'm so glad that thatGod put us together and I'm so
glad that we held on throughtimes when it was really hard.
You know, I can see where wehave become closer and we've
become one more and more throughthe years.
(15:12):
The next scripture I want toshare with you is 1 Corinthians
13, and that's the love chapterand then, starting in verse four
, it says love is patient, loveis kind, love does not envy, it
does not boast, it is not proud,it does not dishonor others, it
is not self-seeking, it is noteasily angered, it keeps no
record of wrongs.
(15:32):
Love does not delight in evilbut rejoices with the truth, in
that beautiful.
When you think of that in termsof marriage, we can be that
person for each other.
We can be patient, we can bekind.
We don't have to envy or boastor be proud.
(15:53):
We can be ourselves for eachother.
We can be patient, we can bekind.
We don't have to envy or boastor be proud.
We can be ourselves with eachother.
You know, do not dishonor, it'snot.
Don't seek just for yourself,don't be easily angered, don't
keep record of wrongs.
That's a big one.
That is a big one especially inthe terms in terms of marriage.
But don't delight in evil.
(16:14):
Rejoice in the truth, rejoicein what is right and always
protect each other, always trust, always hope, always persevere.
That is such a good word formarriage.
The next one I want to sharewith you is Ephesians 4, 2
through 3.
Ephesians 4, 2 through 3 saysbe completely humble and gentle,
(16:37):
be patient, bearing with oneanother in love.
Make every effort to keep theunity of the spirit through the
bond of peace.
And that's what I so cravedwhen I first got married.
I craved the bond of peace.
I craved to live in a homewhere we were on each other's
side and we weren't fighting andwe weren't arguing.
(16:59):
I craved that, to have a commonvision and to love each other
well.
And so I love the way this saysbe gentle and humble and
patient.
Bear with one another in love.
You know, don't give up on eachother.
Give yourself grace and givehim grace.
The next one I want to share is1 Peter 4, 8.
(17:20):
It says, above all, love eachother deeply, because love
covers a multitude of sins.
You know, when we put lovefirst, then we will overlook a
lot of things, a lot of hurts,instead of keeping a record of
those hurts.
We will overlook a lot ofthings, a lot of hurts, instead
of keeping a record of thosehurts.
We will forgive and we willmove on.
Love covers a multitude of sins, ours and theirs.
(17:46):
1 Thessalonians 5.11 saysTherefore encourage one another
and build each other up just as,in fact, you are doing another
and build each other up, just asin fact you are doing.
Determine in your heart thatyou're going to build your
husband up.
I'm not talking about falsepraise.
I'm not talking about sayingthings that you don't mean or
(18:07):
that are insincere, just to saythat you built your husband up.
I'm saying tell him the truth.
You can always tell him thetruth, you don't have to make up
stuff.
But I know that there arethings that you love about your
husband.
You wouldn't have married himif there wasn't something about
him that you love, that yourespected, that you liked.
(18:28):
Go back and remember thosethings and encourage him in
those things.
You know he needs encouragementtoo A lot of times.
I don't know your husband, Iknow my husband, and my husband
often will act like he's fine.
You know he doesn't needencouragement, but he does.
But they need encouragement too.
(18:49):
The last scripture that I wantto share is James 5, 16.
And it says therefore, confessyour sins to one another and
pray for each other so that youmay be healed.
The prayer of a righteousperson is powerful and effective
.
Your husband needs your prayers.
He may not ask you for prayer,he may not act like he needs
(19:11):
prayer, but he needs yourprayers.
You know, just like us, he'sfacing things every day.
He's trying to tear down hisfaith and his confidence, you
know, and trying to make himthink that you know, maybe unity
isn't possible, maybe loveisn't possible in this world,
and we can help.
We can help to build a shieldof faith around our husband,
(19:34):
around our children.
And prayer is so powerful, itchanges things, it says right
here the prayer of a righteousperson is powerful and effective
, and so I encourage you to prayfor your husband.
A few months ago, I put togetherseven prayers, prayers that
I've prayed over my husband andthat I still continue to pray
(19:54):
today, and I'll link that in theshow notes in case that would
be a help to you, and I hopethat it is.
But go to the show notes ifyou're interested in that and
I'll put a link there.
But I hope that thesescriptures today have been
helpful for you.
These are not the typicalmarriage scriptures, right,
these are not the ones weusually go to when we talk about
(20:16):
marriage, but I have foundthese to be helpful in my
marriage to remind me that myhusband is my husband, but he's
also a person and that, justlike me, he struggles and that
he needs my prayers, he needs mysupport, he needs my love, he
needs my friendship.
And when I remember why wemarried and I remember that
marriage is a good thing andthat God has helped us find
(20:39):
peace in our marriage.
Yes, we have areas where wedisagree and we have seasons
where I don't feel as close toHim as I want to, but that's
normal.
And I think when we first gotmarried I didn't realize that
was normal.
So when we went through thoseseasons I thought, oh, you know,
my marriage is not going to bestrong, I'm not going to have
that marriage that I so want,and that fear would creep in,
(21:04):
that it's going to be like whenI was growing up and we weren't
stable and I had that fear.
Oh, we're going to be that kindof home and I've learned over
the years we're not.
But it's normal for life to ebband flow.
It's normal for us to drawapart for seasons while we're
working on different projects,but then to come back together
and then I have a lot of freeagency in that.
(21:26):
You know one of the things andI'll share this quickly I
remember when we first gotmarried, we listened to some
wonderful messages on marriageand they were terrific.
One of the suggestions was tohave a weekly date night and I
so wanted to do that because tome, going on a date, taking time
(21:47):
just for me and him, spendingtime together, working on our
marriage, that just was like theepitome of I'm important to him
and that was important to meand I so wanted us to establish
that weekly date night and wedid for a while.
But, you know, as kids come andhe was a pastor and a high
(22:09):
school principal for many yearsI was homeschooling and doing
things in my church and thenstarting a coffee shop.
You know, guys, life gets sobusy that that is just not a
realistic thing, expectation.
And I remember a season when wewere homeschooling it was
before the coffee shop and Iremember a season when I was so
(22:30):
frustrated because our datenights had just gone away.
I felt like I was in the bigocean just trying to doggy
paddle, trying to keepeverything together, and it felt
like our marriage was on theback burner and he had a lot on
him and I had a lot on me.
And I remember feeling so sadthat you know, something is
(22:53):
wrong with our marriage becausewe're not spending time just me
and him.
And I went to a forum that Iwould go to, a homeschool mom
forum, where you know we wouldask questions about curriculum
and different things, butoccasionally we would talk about
marriage and questions aboutcurriculum and different things,
but occasionally we would talkabout marriage and home and
those kind of things and Iremember asking do y'all have a
regular date night with yourhusband?
(23:15):
How do you feel when you don'tspend a lot of time with him?
And one mom who had beenhomeschooling a lot longer than
me she had a lot of wisdom, shesaid something, something and it
really helped me.
She said I enjoy those things,but I'm not going to set up a
law where if we can't meet thatstandard, then I think
(23:35):
something's wrong with my homeor my husband or my marriage,
because that's just one morething to beat myself with and I
don't want one more arbitrarystandard that I have to meet up
to or we're failing.
And that was helpful for me.
You know we can have goals, wecan have plans and I think
that's good.
(23:56):
I think it's good to haveboundaries in your marriage and
goals in your marriage thingsyou want to make sure you make a
priority, but during seasons,when those things are not
realistic.
Don't beat yourself up anddon't beat him up.
Just when things change, whenyou turn the corner, just go
back to those things.
You know, even now, sometimes Ihave to go to my husband and say
(24:18):
, hey, I need this, you don'tneed this.
Maybe you don't need a datenight, maybe you don't need time
, just me and you.
But I need that and we'll makeit happen.
Sometimes I even have to findsome.
When the kids were younger, I'dhave to find somebody to keep
the kids.
But see, I wanted him to dothat To me.
That was love To me.
He was loving me by doing allof the planning, all of the work
(24:39):
.
That was his way of saying Ilove you, I want to spend time
with you.
But as I grew and I saw thatthis is really more of a need
that I have than he has, then itcaused me to say I will make
this happen and I will not judgehim for not making it happen.
You know, I'm not going to sethim up to fail.
I'm going to set him up tosucceed, because the whole point
(25:02):
is that we grow closer.
The whole point is that weenjoy each other.
And so, as we grow, as wemature, we learn to have grace
with each other.
So, before we go, I want to praywith you, but I also want to
encourage you, reach out.
If you have any questions forme, any suggestions for things
you'd like me to touch on inpodcast episodes or blog posts,
(25:25):
I would so love to hear from you.
You can send me an email, atext, a DM.
I'd like me to touch on inpodcast episodes or blog posts.
I would so love to hear fromyou.
You can send me an email, atext, a DM.
I'd so love to hear from you.
But before you go, let's pray.
Father, in Jesus' name, I cometo you and I pray, god, for
these who are listening today.
I ask you to move in theirhomes and move in their hearts
and move in their lives.
I ask you to give them, lord,the wisdom that they need and
(25:48):
that they so desire.
I ask you, lord, god, to wrapyour arms around them this week
and to show them things in yourword that they've never seen
before.
And, lord, that you would feedthem, lord, with your good fruit
, lord, with your word, and Lord, I pray that you would feed
them fresh bread and I justthank you for them, lord, and I
pray that we would all grow ingrace.
In Jesus' name, we pray Amen.
Hello and welcome back to Grace For my Home.
I'm Audrey McCracken and I'm soglad to be back with you again
this week.
I hope that you're doing wellthis week.
I want to talk with you aboutloving your husband well, don't
you think that's a worthy goal?
In the world we live in, itseems like there are so many
(00:21):
forces that try to bringdivision and animosity in all
areas of life.
It seems like so many peopleare not happy unless they're
causing drama or causing issues.
And you know, I grew up thatway.
I grew up with a lot of drama.
I grew up in a home that therewasn't a lot of peace.
(00:44):
It was an alcoholic home, andmy parents grew up in a home
like that, so they wererecreating what they knew.
And when I became an adult, orI started growing into an adult,
though, I hated it.
When I look back now I see thatI started to create my own
drama, and that's because homeis where the heart is and you
(01:07):
can hate something, but if it'swhat you're comfortable with and
it's what you know, then youwill continue to seek that out
or create it, and I found thattrue in my life.
It's kind of like a fish inwater.
You know a fish is in water butthat fish does not know that
he's in water because that's theworld he lives in.
And when we grow up in homeswhere there's a lot of turmoil,
(01:31):
there's a lot of strife orfighting, you know, that's just
the world we know and we thinkeverybody lives that way.
You know I did, I thoughtthat's how everybody lived.
And so when we get out into theworld and we find ourselves in
situations where we don't havethat kind of environment,
(01:58):
oftentimes we'll create it.
And that's what I did.
And I remember when I startedrealizing, when I became a
Christian and I startedrealizing that life doesn't have
to be that way, realizing thatlife doesn't have to be that way
, I started craving peace, likeI wanted to live in a peaceful
home, I wanted to raise childrenin a peaceful home.
But there was even some doubtthat even when I saw that things
(02:19):
could be different, I haddoubts that they could be
different.
For me, you know, it was likeokay, well, other people, maybe
there are some homes wherepeople live that way, but I
don't know that my home could bethat way, and so drama just
seemed like a natural state oflife for me.
But as I started seeking theLord and as I started craving
(02:42):
peace peace in my mind and peacein my heart and as I started
craving peace peace in my mindand peace in my heart I started
seeing where, you know, the Lordwould put his hand on an area
and say, you know, this isn'tworth it, let this go.
And the more I obeyed him, themore peace I would experience.
And you know, god is all abouthealing, but sometimes healing
(03:06):
takes time.
You know, I love the stories ofsomeone who prayed and God
healed them immediately.
Those are wonderful stories andI believe that God does that.
I believe that God does things.
You know, the Bible often willuse the word suddenly and
suddenly.
But some healing, some thingsthat God does, he does them
(03:26):
slowly and it's over timebecause he wants us to
participate in the process.
He doesn't want to just makeeverything better in our lives.
He wants to show us theprinciples that make things
better in our lives.
He wants us to grow betterlives and to see that it's not
magic, it's the principles, it'shis word, it's the things that
(03:49):
he has set up that work and whenwe live in those life-giving
principles, it brings life intoour days, into our life.
And so, as the Lord startedteaching me, I so wanted that
peace.
I so wanted to live in a homewhere Christ reigned and where
we loved each other and wesupported each other and we
(04:11):
believed in each other.
And you know, there is noperfect family, there is no
perfect home.
You know, we are all sinfulpeople living in a sinful world,
but we who are Christians andwe have Jesus living inside of
us I do believe that we can gofrom glory to glory.
I do believe that things canget better.
And when I first got married, Iremember my husband also came
(04:36):
from a home where there was alot of drama.
He came from an alcoholic homeas well, but he had been a
Christian longer than me and youknow I had prayed before I ever
met my husband.
I'd prayed that the Lord wouldbring somebody into my life that
was spiritually mature, maybemore mature than me.
(04:57):
And God did that.
Michael was definitely moremature than me when we got
married, even though I was olderthan him, and I remember after
a few months of being I know itwas less than a year, I don't
remember exactly how long but afew months into our marriage.
He said one day, can we justlive?
(05:17):
And he said that because I wasconstantly bringing up issues or
constantly worrying aboutsomething in our relationship.
You see, I so wanted to have astrong marriage, a good marriage
, a good home, that I wasconstantly looking for issues so
I could weed them out, or Icould point them out or, you
(05:39):
know, we could talk about it ordeal with it and I mentioned
this last week on the podcast itor deal with it, and I
mentioned this last week on thepodcast.
But if we're looking for fault,we will find it.
There is enough fault aroundfor us to find, if we purpose in
our hearts to find it.
Because when we have our mindsset on finding fault, then
(06:02):
that's what we're looking for.
And so we're very aware of it.
And that's how I was living.
I was looking for the problems,I was looking for the areas
where we could improve or wherethings just weren't as good as
they should be or I thought theyshould be.
And so when you have a mindthat's looking for negativity,
then you're amazed at how muchit pops up.
And so after a few months ofmarriage, my husband was just
(06:25):
tired, because I seem to alwayshave a problem with something,
or you know, I would bequestioning him Well, why do you
do it this way?
Or what did you mean when yousaid that?
And he was just tired and hesaid you know, audrey, can we
just live?
And I didn't even realize I wasdoing that and I'm glad he
pointed it out Now.
(06:46):
I wasn't too happy at the time.
I'm not going to act like youknow.
I was like, oh, thank you,michael, I wasn't.
It was kind of like an arrow inmy heart.
But it was a realization that IA lot of the issues I'm
creating they're not issues, butI'm creating them.
(07:07):
And there's a scripture in Job,job 3.25, and it says For the
thing which I greatly feared hascome upon me and that which I
was afraid of is coming to me.
And see, I greatly feared nothaving a good marriage and I
greatly feared not having apartner, a husband, that I was
(07:28):
close to or that loved me orthat respected me or that cared
about me.
I feared that so much that Iwas trying to do everything I
could to make that never be myreality.
And in concentrating on it somuch, I was making that my
reality.
I was pushing my husband awaybecause I was neurotic about
(07:52):
many things and I look back nowand I think he was so patient,
he was so kind and he didn'tknow what was going on.
He was a young husband as welland we were trying to figure
each other out and figure outthis marriage thing.
We had both come from homesthat were not ideal and we had
decided we were going to livefor Jesus and we're going to
(08:12):
love each other.
But he was very patient with meand I'm thankful.
The Lord knew what he was doingwhen he gave me Michael, and
I'm so thankful for that.
Gave me Michael, and I'm sothankful for that.
One of the huge blessings ofbeing married or being in a
marriage relationship is that wehave a partner.
We get to do life with somebody, and what a wonderful privilege
(08:37):
.
Everybody doesn't have thatgift.
We have someone to share joywith and to share sorrow with,
and to go through hard timeswith, and to laugh with, and to
do the things that God's put ushere on earth to do.
So a husband is a blessing.
The Bible says that he whofinds a wife finds a good thing,
(08:58):
but I think that she who findsa husband has found a good thing
too.
But you may be saying but Audrey, you don't know my husband.
You don't know my husband andmaybe your husband's great, but
you don't know my husband.
He has a lot of problems.
And I just want to tell youthat my husband has a lot of
problems too, and so do I.
We all have problems.
(09:19):
We are, like I said before.
We're two imperfect peopleliving in.
We have sin in our hearts.
We're living in the same housewith and if we have kids and you
have other people living in ahouse with sin in their heart
and then we're in a sinful worldtrying to live for God.
It's not easy.
It's not easy, but it ispossible.
(09:41):
There's enough grace.
There's more than enough gracefor you, for your home, for your
marriage, for your children,for your family.
Whatever situation you findyourself in.
We all have differentcircumstances and I want to be
clear that I'm not talking aboutabusive relationships.
I know that there are a lot ofunhealthy relationships out
(10:02):
there and I'm not saying in anyway trying to justify in any way
abuse or situations where, ifyou're being abused, but what
I'm talking about is just normaleveryday life with someone
who's not perfect and givingthat person grace, because
(10:23):
you're not perfect either.
But since I have become a wifeand the Lord has blessed me with
a husband and since the verybeginning I have wanted to be
close to him and I've wanted tohave the best marriage we
possibly could.
And I've learned a lot ofthings along the way, and one of
the things I've learned, like Ijust mentioned, was that
(10:47):
sometimes you can try too hard,you can try so hard, and I don't
mean that you shouldn't tryhard for your marriage, but
there is grace for your home,there is grace for your marriage
.
You know, do all marriages workout?
No, they do not.
Can you try everything and tryto do exactly the right things
in your marriage and it stillfall apart?
(11:07):
Yes, because a marriage is apartnership and you can only do
what you can do.
You cannot do for the otherperson what they need to do.
And you might say well, audrey,you know these things that
you're sharing today, my husbandreally needs to hear them.
Well, I don't get a lot ofhusbands that listen to this
podcast.
I might get one or two, but thevast majority are women.
And so I'm talking to youbecause you have an ear to hear
(11:32):
and I want to share with you afew things that over the years,
the Lord has helped me.
It has helped bring more peacein my home.
It has helped bring more joy inmy marriage.
These ideas are all fromscripture, but there's just some
things that I wish someone hadshared with me before I was
married, but I don't know that Iwould have listened until I
(11:53):
really needed them.
So I'm going to share them withyou today, and maybe you're in
a space where you could reallyuse them right now.
Maybe they will be anencouragement to you and if not,
maybe later on you can comeback and they will mean more
then.
But the first thing I want toshare with you is the golden
rule, because the golden ruleholds true in so many different
(12:14):
relationships and it holds truein marriage.
Jesus said in Matthew 7, 12, dounto others as you would have
them do unto you.
Do unto others as you wouldhave them do unto you.
You know we want to treatothers the way we want to be
treated, and that holds true inour marriage.
That will get us a long waysJust treating our husbands the
way we want to be treated.
(12:35):
We all want to be treated withrespect.
We all want to be given thebenefit of the doubt, we all
want to be loved and treatedwith kindness, and you know we
want people to listen.
We want people to have gracewith us when we've had a bad day
and we're grumpy.
You know we want those things,and so we have to remember that
(12:56):
we have to also give thosethings, and I think the golden
rule is a great place to startwhen it comes to building a
stronger marriage.
How do I want my husband totreat me?
Then treat him that way.
Also, genesis 2.24.
Let me read that for you.
I love Genesis 2.24 because itgoes back to the very beginning.
(13:19):
You know, what did God have inmind before the fall of man?
You know, what did God have inmind before the fall of man?
What was his original design,his original intention when it
came to marriage?
And it says in Genesis 2, 24,and we know that he wasn't
(13:47):
talking to just Adam and Eve,because they didn't have a
mother and a father, they didn'thave parents.
God was their parent, and sothis was something that was
written down for us, for thosewho would come after.
And it says when a man finds awife, then he will leave his
home, he will leave his fatherand mother and he will cleave to
her.
See, when we come into marriage,our mate, our husband, our wife
(14:09):
becomes the most importantperson in our life.
That's our new family.
We have created a new familyunit and that person not only is
important to us, but we becomeone with that person.
We become united with thatperson.
We are to be so close that weare to become one, and I love
(14:29):
that because it uses the wordbecome.
You know, and become isn't likean instant thing.
It is becoming.
Michael and I are stillbecoming, we're becoming one,
and it's hard work and itdoesn't always feel good.
But when you look back and yousee the distance you've come and
you see the progress you made,you think this was worth it.
(14:51):
You know, all of this time, allof this work, all of this
energy, I'm so glad that thatGod put us together and I'm so
glad that we held on throughtimes when it was really hard.
You know, I can see where wehave become closer and we've
become one more and more throughthe years.
(15:12):
The next scripture I want toshare with you is 1 Corinthians
13, and that's the love chapterand then, starting in verse four
, it says love is patient, loveis kind, love does not envy, it
does not boast, it is not proud,it does not dishonor others, it
is not self-seeking, it is noteasily angered, it keeps no
record of wrongs.
(15:32):
Love does not delight in evilbut rejoices with the truth, in
that beautiful.
When you think of that in termsof marriage, we can be that
person for each other.
We can be patient, we can bekind.
We don't have to envy or boastor be proud.
(15:53):
We can be ourselves for eachother.
We can be patient, we can bekind.
We don't have to envy or boastor be proud.
We can be ourselves with eachother.
You know, do not dishonor, it'snot.
Don't seek just for yourself,don't be easily angered, don't
keep record of wrongs.
That's a big one.
That is a big one especially inthe terms in terms of marriage.
But don't delight in evil.
(16:14):
Rejoice in the truth, rejoicein what is right and always
protect each other, always trust, always hope, always persevere.
That is such a good word formarriage.
The next one I want to sharewith you is Ephesians 4, 2
through 3.
Ephesians 4, 2 through 3 saysbe completely humble and gentle,
(16:37):
be patient, bearing with oneanother in love.
Make every effort to keep theunity of the spirit through the
bond of peace.
And that's what I so cravedwhen I first got married.
I craved the bond of peace.
I craved to live in a homewhere we were on each other's
side and we weren't fighting andwe weren't arguing.
(16:59):
I craved that, to have a commonvision and to love each other
well.
And so I love the way this saysbe gentle and humble and
patient.
Bear with one another in love.
You know, don't give up on eachother.
Give yourself grace and givehim grace.
The next one I want to share is1 Peter 4, 8.
(17:20):
It says, above all, love eachother deeply, because love
covers a multitude of sins.
You know, when we put lovefirst, then we will overlook a
lot of things, a lot of hurts,instead of keeping a record of
those hurts.
We will overlook a lot ofthings, a lot of hurts, instead
of keeping a record of thosehurts.
We will forgive and we willmove on.
Love covers a multitude of sins, ours and theirs.
(17:46):
1 Thessalonians 5.11 saysTherefore encourage one another
and build each other up just as,in fact, you are doing another
and build each other up, just asin fact you are doing.
Determine in your heart thatyou're going to build your
husband up.
I'm not talking about falsepraise.
I'm not talking about sayingthings that you don't mean or
(18:07):
that are insincere, just to saythat you built your husband up.
I'm saying tell him the truth.
You can always tell him thetruth, you don't have to make up
stuff.
But I know that there arethings that you love about your
husband.
You wouldn't have married himif there wasn't something about
him that you love, that yourespected, that you liked.
(18:28):
Go back and remember thosethings and encourage him in
those things.
You know he needs encouragementtoo A lot of times.
I don't know your husband, Iknow my husband, and my husband
often will act like he's fine.
You know he doesn't needencouragement, but he does.
But they need encouragement too.
(18:49):
The last scripture that I wantto share is James 5, 16.
And it says therefore, confessyour sins to one another and
pray for each other so that youmay be healed.
The prayer of a righteousperson is powerful and effective
.
Your husband needs your prayers.
He may not ask you for prayer,he may not act like he needs
(19:11):
prayer, but he needs yourprayers.
You know, just like us, he'sfacing things every day.
He's trying to tear down hisfaith and his confidence, you
know, and trying to make himthink that you know, maybe unity
isn't possible, maybe loveisn't possible in this world,
and we can help.
We can help to build a shieldof faith around our husband,
(19:34):
around our children.
And prayer is so powerful, itchanges things, it says right
here the prayer of a righteousperson is powerful and effective
, and so I encourage you to prayfor your husband.
A few months ago, I put togetherseven prayers, prayers that
I've prayed over my husband andthat I still continue to pray
(19:54):
today, and I'll link that in theshow notes in case that would
be a help to you, and I hopethat it is.
But go to the show notes ifyou're interested in that and
I'll put a link there.
But I hope that thesescriptures today have been
helpful for you.
These are not the typicalmarriage scriptures, right,
these are not the ones weusually go to when we talk about
(20:16):
marriage, but I have foundthese to be helpful in my
marriage to remind me that myhusband is my husband, but he's
also a person and that, justlike me, he struggles and that
he needs my prayers, he needs mysupport, he needs my love, he
needs my friendship.
And when I remember why wemarried and I remember that
marriage is a good thing andthat God has helped us find
(20:39):
peace in our marriage.
Yes, we have areas where wedisagree and we have seasons
where I don't feel as close toHim as I want to, but that's
normal.
And I think when we first gotmarried I didn't realize that
was normal.
So when we went through thoseseasons I thought, oh, you know,
my marriage is not going to bestrong, I'm not going to have
that marriage that I so want,and that fear would creep in,
(21:04):
that it's going to be like whenI was growing up and we weren't
stable and I had that fear.
Oh, we're going to be that kindof home and I've learned over
the years we're not.
But it's normal for life to ebband flow.
It's normal for us to drawapart for seasons while we're
working on different projects,but then to come back together
and then I have a lot of freeagency in that.
(21:26):
You know one of the things andI'll share this quickly I
remember when we first gotmarried, we listened to some
wonderful messages on marriageand they were terrific.
One of the suggestions was tohave a weekly date night and I
so wanted to do that because tome, going on a date, taking time
(21:47):
just for me and him, spendingtime together, working on our
marriage, that just was like theepitome of I'm important to him
and that was important to meand I so wanted us to establish
that weekly date night and wedid for a while.
But, you know, as kids come andhe was a pastor and a high
(22:09):
school principal for many yearsI was homeschooling and doing
things in my church and thenstarting a coffee shop.
You know, guys, life gets sobusy that that is just not a
realistic thing, expectation.
And I remember a season when wewere homeschooling it was
before the coffee shop and Iremember a season when I was so
(22:30):
frustrated because our datenights had just gone away.
I felt like I was in the bigocean just trying to doggy
paddle, trying to keepeverything together, and it felt
like our marriage was on theback burner and he had a lot on
him and I had a lot on me.
And I remember feeling so sadthat you know, something is
(22:53):
wrong with our marriage becausewe're not spending time just me
and him.
And I went to a forum that Iwould go to, a homeschool mom
forum, where you know we wouldask questions about curriculum
and different things, butoccasionally we would talk about
marriage and questions aboutcurriculum and different things,
but occasionally we would talkabout marriage and home and
those kind of things and Iremember asking do y'all have a
regular date night with yourhusband?
(23:15):
How do you feel when you don'tspend a lot of time with him?
And one mom who had beenhomeschooling a lot longer than
me she had a lot of wisdom, shesaid something, something and it
really helped me.
She said I enjoy those things,but I'm not going to set up a
law where if we can't meet thatstandard, then I think
(23:35):
something's wrong with my homeor my husband or my marriage,
because that's just one morething to beat myself with and I
don't want one more arbitrarystandard that I have to meet up
to or we're failing.
And that was helpful for me.
You know we can have goals, wecan have plans and I think
that's good.
(23:56):
I think it's good to haveboundaries in your marriage and
goals in your marriage thingsyou want to make sure you make a
priority, but during seasons,when those things are not
realistic.
Don't beat yourself up anddon't beat him up.
Just when things change, whenyou turn the corner, just go
back to those things.
You know, even now, sometimes Ihave to go to my husband and say
(24:18):
, hey, I need this, you don'tneed this.
Maybe you don't need a datenight, maybe you don't need time
, just me and you.
But I need that and we'll makeit happen.
Sometimes I even have to findsome.
When the kids were younger, I'dhave to find somebody to keep
the kids.
But see, I wanted him to dothat To me.
That was love To me.
He was loving me by doing allof the planning, all of the work
(24:39):
.
That was his way of saying Ilove you, I want to spend time
with you.
But as I grew and I saw thatthis is really more of a need
that I have than he has, then itcaused me to say I will make
this happen and I will not judgehim for not making it happen.
You know, I'm not going to sethim up to fail.
I'm going to set him up tosucceed, because the whole point
(25:02):
is that we grow closer.
The whole point is that weenjoy each other.
And so, as we grow, as wemature, we learn to have grace
with each other.
So, before we go, I want to praywith you, but I also want to
encourage you, reach out.
If you have any questions forme, any suggestions for things
you'd like me to touch on inpodcast episodes or blog posts,
(25:25):
I would so love to hear from you.
You can send me an email, atext, a DM.
I'd like me to touch on inpodcast episodes or blog posts.
I would so love to hear fromyou.
You can send me an email, atext, a DM.
I'd so love to hear from you.
But before you go, let's pray.
Father, in Jesus' name, I cometo you and I pray, god, for
these who are listening today.
I ask you to move in theirhomes and move in their hearts
and move in their lives.
I ask you to give them, lord,the wisdom that they need and
(25:48):
that they so desire.
I ask you, lord, god, to wrapyour arms around them this week
and to show them things in yourword that they've never seen
before.
And, lord, that you would feedthem, lord, with your good fruit
, lord, with your word, and Lord, I pray that you would feed
them fresh bread and I justthank you for them, lord, and I
pray that we would all grow ingrace.
In Jesus' name, we pray Amen.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.