You may have heard of Jack and Jill of America—but do you know how this powerhouse mother's organization shapes Black children into confident, capable leaders? In this episode, Carol talks with Darlene McGee Whittingham, National President, and Tasha B. Penny, National Program Director, about the history, mission, and modern-day relevance of Jack and Jill.
They explore what this organization offers Black families, how it fosters leadership from the toddler years to the teen years, and how parents—whether members or not—can draw inspiration from its core values of leadership, cultural pride, and service. If you’ve heard the name but don’t know the full story, or if you’re curious to know more about how Jack & Jill supports Black children across the country, you won’t want to miss this episode!
Follow Ground Control Parenting:
📱 Instagram, TikTok & Facebook: @GroundControlParenting
💼 LinkedIn: Carol Sutton Lewis
🌐 Website: GroundControlParenting.com
They explore what this organization offers Black families, how it fosters leadership from the toddler years to the teen years, and how parents—whether members or not—can draw inspiration from its core values of leadership, cultural pride, and service. If you’ve heard the name but don’t know the full story, or if you’re curious to know more about how Jack & Jill supports Black children across the country, you won’t want to miss this episode!
Follow Ground Control Parenting:
📱 Instagram, TikTok & Facebook: @GroundControlParenting
💼 LinkedIn: Carol Sutton Lewis
🌐 Website: GroundControlParenting.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hello, and welcome to Ground Control Parenting, a blog and
now a podcast creative of parents raising black and brown children.
I'm the creator and your host, Carol Sutton Lewis. In
this podcast series, I talk with some really interesting people
about the job and the joy of parenting for generations.
Jack and Jill of America, Inc. Has been a pillar
in Black communities, helping to cultivate young leaders through service,
(00:26):
cultural experiences, and educational programming. Jack and Jill has two
hundred and seventy one chapters nationwide, representing more than fifty
thousand family members. You may have heard of the organization
or maybe even be a part of it, but today
we're going deeper exploring the impact of its work, separating
the perceptions from the reality, talking about what this work
(00:47):
means for Black parenting today and how parents can tap
into these resources. Whether you're in Jack.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
And Jill or not.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Joining me are two dynamic leaders from Jack and Jill.
Darlene McGhee Whittington, who is the twenty eighth National president
of Jack and Jill of America, Inc. She previously served
as Southeastern Regional Director and was the organizer and chartering
president of the Greater Metropolitan Atlanta Chapter. Throughout her leadership,
she's played a key role in national and regional programming, governance,
(01:14):
and event planning. Darlene is a graduate of Spelman College
and she received her master's in biochemistry from Vanderbilt University.
She's had an award winning twenty four year career in
pharmaceutical sales and marketing and currently works in hematology at
gen Mab Pharmaceuticals. She's actively involved in Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc.
The Links, Incorporated in the National Coalition of one Hundred
(01:35):
Black Women, among many other organizations. Darlene lives with her husband,
Delmar and her daughter, Skuyler, who is sixteen, in Atlanta.
We also have Tasha B. Penny, who is the national
program director of Jack and Jill and she's the immediate
past Far West Regional Director. A legacy member of Jack
and Jill, she graduated from the Contra Costa County, California
(01:55):
Chapter and later joined the Los Angeles Chapter, where she
held multiple leadership roles, including Chapter Vice President. Tasha also
earned her BA from Spelman College and her law degree
from the Catholic University Columbus School of Law. She practiced
law for nearly twenty years, most notably as Deputy City
Attorney in Los Angeles. Before joining the entertainment industry, she
(02:15):
served as the legal consultant for HBO's Emmy nominated Insecure
We All Love That Show, and is now a creative
executive at A Penny for Your Thoughts Entertainment. Tasha is
also active in Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. As well
as Big Sunday, which is a nonprofit volunteer organization in
Los Angeles, and the La Mission. Tasha and her husband
Prentice have been married for over twenty years and are
(02:37):
proud parents of Nathaniel who's seventeen, and twins Aubrey and Benjamin,
who are fifteen. Welcome to Ground Control Parenting, Darlene and Tasha.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Thank you, thank you for having us.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
I am so happy to have you both here to
talk about Jack and Jill. So. I grew up in
this organization full disclosure. My family joined when I was
a child, and I graduated out as a legacy member meeting.
I was automatically able to join with my children when
they were small, and while that means I've known about
the organization for much of my life, I understand it's
not as well known to all, and I'm eager to
talk about it, what it is and what it does.
(03:12):
So let's get started. So I'll start by asking about
the basics for parents who may not be familiar with
Jack and Joel, and I'll start with you, Darlene. Can
you share a little bit about it, its origins, why
it came to be, and its core mission?
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Absolutely so. Jack and Jill of America is an organization
founded by black mothers in Philadelphia in nineteen thirty eight,
just in the midst of segregation as an opportunity to
create a community where their children could not only survive,
(03:47):
but thrive socially, culturally, educationally, especially during those times. And
what we are so excited about now is that going
from that one small group to a national organization eighty
seven years later with one hundred with two hundred and
seventy one chapters nationwide, seven regents, we continue to do that,
(04:13):
which is creating spaces for our children to be future leaders.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
That's great. Now it's a national organization with local chapters.
So how is it structured to support its mission at
both levels? How do the chapters work with national leadership?
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Tasha Okay, great that's a fantastic question. So essentially we
have our national executive board and our national executive board,
they set the tone, they set the programming, and our
chapters implement it at the local level. So at the
national level, what we ask of chapters is that when
you create programming for your children, that the programming fall
(04:58):
into certain categories. And of course this is all leadership development,
So it might be educational, it might be health, it
might be civic, cultural things of that nature. So every
so our leadership, we have the oversight we may do
We may have national partners and so we may do
(05:19):
big events that you might be able to participate in,
or the national partners may have different organizations at the
local chapter where our local chapter can then connect with.
But essentially, we want to make sure that every child
in Jack and Jill has the same experience, So we
ask for certain programming thrusts that all chapters follow, and
(05:41):
we kind of just provide the oversight guidance for that.
So you have your national leadership, you have your regional leadership,
and then you have your chapter leadership that is implementing
all of this.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
And so and I'll ask you this question as well,
since you're the national program director. What kinds of activities
generally brings the kids together? I mean, how what kind
of things do the local chapters do with the families
and the kids.
Speaker 4 (06:09):
Okay, so at the local level, well, at the local level,
all of our chapters are broken up into grade groups.
So because we are a membership of mother membership with
children ages two to nineteen, we can't have all of
our nineteen year olds hanging out with our two year
olds such as it makes sense. So we're broken up
into grade group activity. So each grade group will focus
(06:33):
on one of those target areas, whether it's educational, health, social, recreational.
So every month, each grade group activity provides or creates
some type of program with that theme or a combination
of those. Are those themes together to implement that type
of activity for our children. So our two year olds
(06:54):
have an activity, and then our twins may have an activity.
They don't have to have the same activity that these
might mirror each other, but it's an activity that is
related to their developmental stage.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
And so I mean, as one who grew up in this,
I mean I know that while when I was growing up,
I didn't know the bigger picture all I knew was
that we would get together in our different groups, with
our age appropriate groups. But I felt and I imagine
that generally an additional leadership there was a sort of
social component to it. It was I imagine Darlingne talking about
(07:31):
how it came together. It was important for mothers to
gather their children together to find strength and social interaction.
I mean, is that still Isn't the social nature of
it a part of what Jack and Joel is focused on?
Speaker 3 (07:44):
Oh my god, it absolutely is. So not only are
we focused on you know, we don't want all of
our experiences to be didactic. We want our children to
enjoy being in Jack and Jill. So not only are
we building future leaders, but we are curating life long
friendships between our children. They essentially grow up together. So
(08:05):
there's certainly a social component we have. They have dances,
they have pool parties, they do so many social things
together in the midst of the sort of leadership development
components as well, So you may have we have what
we call our thrust cultural heritage, education, health, civic engagement.
(08:31):
So in the midst of those things, there's always a
social piece that we ask all of our chapters to
add on as well, So the children are enjoying themselves
in their activities.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Yeah, I know that here in New York City, in
any event, there are some there are smaller social activities
on monthly basis, and then there's some bigger social activities
where people come from different areas to gather. I know
in New York they're parties. And the nice thing is
that in the bigger events, it's not always exclusively Jack
(09:05):
and Jill members. You can bring friends. When Jack and
Jill was formed, due to segregation, it might have been
easier for all the kids to know each other and
be together. But now as educational opportunities have expanded over
all these years, and you have circumstances where our children
are in variety different schools where there aren't a lot
of people who look like them, it seems as if
(09:26):
Jack and Jill provides an opportunity to sort of bring
everybody back.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
I like to say that Jack and Jill continues to
be relevant today almost for the opposite reason why it
was founded. So it was founded by black mothers who
felt their children were being excluded from these sort of
curated and elevated experiences, and now many of our children
(09:56):
are looking to come back together because they are in
dominantly white spaces and are looking to come together, to
come with each other to elevate culturally. So I'd like
to think of it that way as well.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
So and either one of you or both of you
can weigh in on this, Jack and Joe have was
formed as a mother's organization, as you said, So do
you know what led to that focus? Was that just
sort of because the moms were the people that were
really focused at that time when the kids. And if
a father is now the primary caretaker, can he join.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
Well, So what I will say is that, yes, it
was originally formed by mothers because when you look back
at nineteen thirty eight, our mothers were the primary caretakers
of the home, the activities, and the children. So it
made sense for this to be a mother's organization with
their children. So what we have we have two ways
that you can become a member in our organization. So
(10:53):
you can become a member by invitation or through legacy
status as you stated, where you were a child member
growing up, as was I, So when I had my children,
I could automatically apply for membership. Now, the thing about
the legacy application or the legacy status is that if
you have a son who has graduated, he can share
(11:14):
that legacy with his wife. We still are a mother's organization,
so our fathers are involved in that way where they
may assist us with activities. Oftentimes they may provide, you know,
chaperoning for certain events. And because they were in active,
they when they graduated, their mother was in good standing,
(11:36):
so she passed on her membership to him for his wife.
Because today we still are a mother member organization.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
And beyond fostering the leadership qualities and the children and
friendships and networks for the kids. Since your gathering mothers
on a regular basis, are there intentional goals for the
moms like are their parenting support goals or networking opportunities
for the mothers because I know the mothers will. Back
when I was involved, mothers met regularly to help figure
(12:08):
out what the children were going to be doing.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Absolutely, we have our mother members meet on a regular
basis to talk about our children. Of course, we our
organization is to elevate our children through careful study, and
in order to do that, we have to do just that.
We have to talk about what we think would be
best for them and in that we meet with each other,
(12:31):
we have social activities with each other, and we found
that mothers who our friends work better together for the
better bet of their children. So not only do we
come together to curate these experiences for our children, but
oftentimes our mothers find themselves becoming fast friends and remaining
(12:54):
fast friends and getting together socially as well.
Speaker 4 (12:59):
And we do provide opportunities, you know, through some of
our partnerships, where we may have different webinars that may
help our mothers on their parenting journey. Oftentimes, the different
types of activities that we provide for our children, our
mother members are the resident experts, so they lend their
talents to helping provide and promote those activities. And by nature,
(13:22):
I think a lot of times that's how that networking
develops when you find out, oh, this mother member has
this expertise, I have this, how can we compliment work together,
or you know, I'm in need of your services, or
things of that nature. So there definitely is an organic
opportunity for networking. Just by the fact that we are
(13:43):
so focused on providing such great opportunities for our children,
we end up sharing our lives with each other. It's
we become that village. So to speaking and becoming that village,
we are sharing our experiences.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
I definitely know that there are groups of moms that
I was in Jack and deal with who get together
regularly now and our children are long gone, are totally
grown and flown. But you're right. The friendships that occur
and that stay that persist over all those years of
getting together with your kids, they persist, they continue long after,
long after that your child graduates out. So I know
(14:21):
that Jack and Jill takes really seriously the goal of
providing leadership. I mean, you've talked about that already, but
can you give me a sense of the kind of
ways that you cultivate leadership? And certainly you can think
of teens because the older children, of course you'd want
to cultivate leadership in them. But does it start any
earlier than the teen years?
Speaker 4 (14:39):
I would absolutely say yes. And that's such a great
question because oftentimes when we think of leadership, we think, Okay,
it has to be this targeted training or it has
to look like this, But really, this leadership training that
we do is in everything that we do. So I'm
going to talk about our younger experience let's say, so
(15:01):
I was in a chapter where we had an activity
for I want to say it was our group one
or group two little people, let's say first and second grade.
And so the activity was about civic engagement in your
duty to vote, the right to vote, why we vote. Now,
that can be a very heavy topic and you could
really lose a little second grader or a first grader
(15:23):
about voting, but you make it make sense for them.
So the activity was around ice cream, and so you
had five different flavors, and so the children were able
to talk about each flavor, advocate why this flavor was
better than the next flavor, and then you could taste
the flavors and then they could go and they could
(15:43):
vote for which flavor they thought was the best. So
they were unknowingly participating in the democratic process. But it's
also teaching them advocacy skills at an early age. So
if we start that young where they are advocating for
what they believed in and why this is the better
thing for better flavor versus the other, it translates into
(16:06):
other areas. So we started very early before they're even
aware that's what's happening. So by the time they become
teenagers and sometimes it'll be like, how did you how
do you learn that?
Speaker 2 (16:16):
And they're like, mom, chack in.
Speaker 4 (16:18):
Jail, And it happens all the time. So it's not
something that we do. Oh when their teens now is
the time. We started very early on before they realize
that's what's happening.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
And by the time they become teens, to your point, Carol,
they are so adept at leading, its almost second nature.
Once they become members of the teen group, they are
actually protolding elected offices. We have a president of our
teen group, vice president, secretary treasurer, and they are able
(16:56):
to lead on regional and national levels, and they know
how to create an agenda, they know how to make emotion.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
And not only.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
They're learning how to be leaders on that level. They
are telling us and Jack and Jill, when you're young,
your mothers look at the thrust and say, Okay, this
month is legislative, so let's talk about voting. But when
you get to the teen group, the teens have their
own retreats and they come together and say, Okay, this
(17:28):
month is Black history or this month is cultural and
they tell the parents, this is what we would like
to do and so they are leading and curating experiences
for themselves and we as parents are really just helping
them navigate that process. And that's how the leadership development
starts to mature.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
To that point. I know that there are conventions. They're
conventions of children in various regions. They get together and
you mentioned that they learn how to set agendas, but
they also learn how to campaign for office because they
have to run within the convention. They have to run
for certain offices. If they're trying to run for regional
(18:08):
office and it's a full blown campaign. I mean, there's so.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
You would be so impressed to see them.
Speaker 4 (18:15):
We just had one of our team conferences. So as
I said earlier, we're comprised of seven regions, So the
Eastern region had their team conference last week, so they
held their elections for their regional team board. And these
teenagers are so amazing and fantastic. They have to set
up a book. They have to you know, print or
have a little QR codes with all of their information
(18:38):
about who they are, their leadership experience. You may see
the different activities they have participated in this organization. But
the great thing about this organization is that they take
all of the leadership opportunities that they've learned here and
they bring it to other organizations, but we like to
believe it really all starts here and they just take
(18:59):
all of that and show the world what they can do.
But they campaign, they have to have speeches, they have
to be ready for fish bowl questions, very polished, very mature.
And these are fourteen year olds, fifteen year olds, sixteen
year olds doing what most adults would be afraid to do.
It's a beautiful thing to watch and see that they
(19:21):
have the confidence to say I can't lead at this age.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
That is great and it gives them opportunities they may
not have in other aspects of their world in school
or whatever, to be able to be in the comfort
and the safety of their friend group and still exercise
these really important muscles of leadership. So that is great. Now,
Jackie Jill is a membership organization, and you mentioned there
were two ways to be involved. You can get invited
(19:48):
or you could be a legacy. So tell me, since
it's membership that means everyone is not open, it's not
fully open. What are some of the challenges or limitations
that interested foundamilies might face and joining I mean people
hearing this like, oh my god, that's amazing.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
I want in absolutely and and that is a really
good question.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
So most families typically joined by invitation through sponsorship. Of course,
we have our legacies who are are able to join
by virtue of their it's their birthright.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
You grew up in Jack and Jill.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
You are fully imversed in the mission. You know what
the mission is, and this is this is really why
we have membership by sponsorship, because we want mothers to
bring in other mothers that are like minded, that believe
in our mission of creating leaders. So that said, we
acknowledge that that model can present some challenges. Chapters typically
(20:45):
have capacity limits, other chapters may there may not be
a chapter that may be close to you geographically. And
it's also true that the sponsorship model, which was originally
designed to protect this mission, can unintentionally create barriers. But
we're mindful of that balance and we're constantly working to
(21:07):
preserve the community and standards that our founders have envisioned.
So while we're exploring ways to remain accessible to families
who also share our values.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
We'll be right back after these messages. Welcome back to
the show. When you talk about capacity. It's because the
groups are curated. The objective is to create an experience
for our children that is the most advantageous there might
be because I've seen this happen a group where they
(21:41):
have a lot of boys and no girls I mean,
or a few girls, and so a family that is
able to be sponsored, mean they know people that would
invite them in the issue of the gender balance in
the grouping, I mean, so it gets a little complicated,
and I know that sometimes there's a bit of a weight,
but I'm encouraged to hear that you guys have focused
(22:04):
on this and that they're The objective is to bring in,
like you said, like minded people who are willing to
I should also say there's a little bit of a work.
There's a little bit of work involved here.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
You know, I'm talking to the.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
National team. There's a lot of work you guys are.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
Doing, even on the chapter level.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
Yeah, our mothers know that you get out of Jack
and Jill really what you put in. And it's interesting
that you mentioned the balance and the children in the
in the sexes. My daughter is in a group right
now where she's in the tenth grade, and right now
in our tenth grade we have ten boys and four girls,
(22:46):
and we're always cognizant of that, like we need more
girls in the tenth grade. So you'll find chapters that
have very specific needs and would like to balance those
the age groups. But it's it's not it's not hard
and fast. So you know, it really does depend on
the mother because you're having you're basically dropping your children off.
(23:11):
You're hosting once a year per child, and on the
other months you don't necessarily have to be present, but
the host mothers for that month will be hosting your child,
so you are giving other families and other mothers access
to your child when you may or may not be present.
So that's why it's so vital that that our membership
(23:34):
be mothers that that believe in the mission.
Speaker 4 (23:37):
But also, I want to say, it's not just believing
in the mission, and some others don't understand this until
they really start coming to some of our events, but
we bring to life the mission. So all of these
activities we mother members are curating for our children. So
(23:57):
that's why when I said, oh, we work, we want
mother members who want what we want, but who are
willing to do the work to bring it. It takes
all of us to make this go and to make
this a butt for experience. So it's not like some
fairy dust that's just gonna you're in Jack and Jill
(24:17):
and now here you go. You have to actively work
at making this organization what it is. And so some
people don't always understand the work, the dedication, the time.
If you know you are busy and you travel like
ninety five percent of the year, this is not the
(24:38):
organization for you. I understand that you have children, But
just as we want to love and get to know
on your children and we want our children to have
that experience, we will also leave that shared experience of
our mother members because it shouldn't falled just on some
This is a collective. We are doing this together.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
Yeah. No, this concept of work is no joke. I mean,
when when you're trying to create additional experiences for your children,
it takes a lot of work. It takes work to organize.
I mean it takes when you're to your turn to host,
you have to contact everyone. I mean it's like you're
it is as if you are creating an event. Well
(25:20):
once a year, yes, but you have to focus on
the ones that you're not creating to make sure that
your child. Everybody's got a busy schedule. The parents have
busy schedules, the children have busy schedules. So it is
it is. I appreciate that you say, it's not just
like fairy dust. You're in this organization and then suddenly
all the great things come to you. It's it really.
It takes a lot of work in a lot of time.
(25:41):
I mean their mother's meetings, there are a lot a
lot there, and there are not only are their mother's
meetings and and but there are attendance requirements. I mean,
you really have to really be dedicated to the mission. So,
because many people who've heard of Jack and Jill are
not able to be a member for whatever reason, either
there's not one locally or the sort of they're not
(26:01):
a legacy, or there's no invitation forthcoming, I want to
talk a little bit about how parents can adopt the philosophies.
Because if you go on your website and you look
at which is public and wonderfully open website, you outline
the national program thrusts, which are really instructive. I mean
(26:22):
you can you tell me again what they are and
sort of you actually outline different aspects of what you
want to teach the children. So there's there's education, what
are the other ones?
Speaker 4 (26:34):
So it's education, it is help, it is civic, also
community service. We have social, recreational, we have pul cultural heritage.
So those are the areas that we ask our mother
members and then in our team groups when they're planning
(26:54):
their activities each month, that their activities fall under one
of those categories. You can combine them. It could be
one event. But I will say social is really in
everything because when we all get together, it's always going
to be a social thing. It's just by the nature
of what you do. The social aspect may be just
get to know you before the activity starts, because you know,
(27:18):
some of our kids, since we're all in various schools,
we may not see each other every day, and it's
kind of like who are you again, So sometimes, you know,
we have to do that with our children. So social
is always going to be there. So that's not really
the meat of our programming, but we want to make
sure that we're giving the butt for experience.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
So I definitely get the butt for experience. But I'm
thinking that parents who are not, for whatever reason able
to join, can still get, can still get a lot
from this conversation because the kind of things that you
do with your children, the concept of gathering kids in
the community to focus on these various different programming interests
(27:59):
is something that that actually can be employed outside of
Jack and Jill. I mean, I'm thinking, for example, years
and years ago, I think it was a I'm pretty
sure it was a Jack and Jill activity. A friend
of mine worked at a bank, a black owned bank,
and we took the kids to the bank to have
a lesson in financial literacy. I mean, parents who who.
(28:19):
I'm not trying to take anything away from the wonderful
organization of Jack and Jill, but if you don't have
access to that, you two can think about how you
can organize groups of children in your neighborhood, and particularly
especially if they are at disparate schools and don't all
know each other, and gather them around an event. Whenever
(28:39):
we would do any kind of activity, I always thought
this is such a good thing for parents everywhere to do.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
You know, we have similar groups that are doing very
similar things in the Los Angeles or the state of California,
I should say, and as an organization many of us
that are members of Jack and Jill support that group
and support their activities because it's not so much about
the organization as much as it is what we're doing
(29:06):
for children, what we want for our children. So we
love to partner with or expose or share resources or
this is how you can do something. So I think
when there are other people who want to be aligned
with making sure we're providing for our children as an organization,
(29:27):
we absolutely come on board with and support that, and
we can share a resource with you, we absolutely will,
And I love that because, for various reasons, not everyone
Jack and Jill. They may not be able to participate,
but that doesn't mean that our children can't still have
great opportunities. But we also have those activities and events
(29:48):
where we do invite our children in in the community,
and we are sharing the resources and the expertise and
the different forums. So we also not everything is exclusive
to our members. There also is community engagement because our organization,
part of our mission is, you know what we want
for our own children, we want for all children. So
(30:10):
we also support that standpoint and.
Speaker 1 (30:13):
To that end. Going to that leads right into my
next question, which is the advocacy component. Through the advocacy component,
Jack and Jill An as an organization, addresses issues that
are for the benefit of all children. I mean, can
you talk about a little bit about how you've done
legislative advocacy and as part of your service component, there's
(30:33):
some I recall reading about kids going to Washington.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
Absolutely, we have what's called the Pink and Blue Legislative Agenda.
Each administration sort of lays out their priorities in speaking
with our children determine what's important to them. Advocacy has
really been a part of Jack and Jill's DNA since
its inception. We teach our children that to whom much
(31:00):
is given, much is required, and is their responsibility to
not only advocate for themselves, but to advocate for all
children and for the community at large. So beyond the programming,
we stand at the front lines with our children, marching, fundraising, lobbying,
raising our voices, just for policies to protect and empower
(31:24):
ourselves and for them to learn to empower to feel
empowered themselves. So through this Pink and Blue Legislative Agenda,
we advocate for issues like voting rights, the Crown Act,
gun safety, mental health, for African Americans, the quality of education,
so things that are important for all children, not just
(31:46):
our own. As our program director has said, so we
want our children to want for every child what they
have themselves.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
So no doubt every one listening can hear how great
this organization is and how proud its members are. But
I do have to raise the issue of the lit
of criticism that the organization has garnered over the years.
It has been called in social media and just generally
as an elitist organization. I know you've heard this. How
(32:22):
do you respond to that as a concept?
Speaker 3 (32:24):
Thank you for that question. That is a difficult question
to respond to. How people sort of perceive you. So
what I can say is that elitist perception. I can
see how how folks can see us that way, because
we will not apologize for being excellent and for wanting
(32:45):
the best for our children Black families. You know, we
do create, intentionally build these experience for experiences for our children.
But what we do do and what we hope people
will see, is that in doing so, we are all
having as I spoke just previously before, we're also telling
our children that to whom much is given, much is required.
(33:08):
Our membership reflects just a wide range of people in
different backgrounds and professions. It is not people that have
the most money. It is the mothers that I say,
go the hardest for their children. And it is not
an inexpensive endeavor. But there are mothers in our organization
that are not well to do, that are willing to
(33:28):
make financial sacrifices to have their children have these experiences.
So it's not all about exclusivity and who's got the
most money, but it is about the mothers who are
bought in and willing to do the work.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
The other thing that I would hear in college and
that I've heard since then, there is the criticism that
the organization has historically allowed, or at least tolerated the
use of colorism as a mean of screening. I grew
up in the Metropolitan New York City Jack and Jill chapter,
and we had a rainbow hue. I mean, there was
no there was no colorism in this organization as far
(34:03):
as I could see. And now if you look at online,
you look at the various you can just click through
all the pictures of all the children, you'd be hard
pressed to make that claim. But is this something the
organization has ever had to address as a concept.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
I don't know that we've had to address it nationwide.
I can recall there being instances as regional director that
I've had to address.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
On a regional level with our children.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
But I can confidently say that Jack and Jill the
membership reflects the full beauty and diversity and richness of
the entire Black community. We intentionally create spaces where all
black children and mothers feel welcome, valued and seen. Because
of that, we have one goal. Our goal really is
(34:54):
really to pour into our children. So it's not that
I haven't heard that. I just haven't seen that, and
it's not my experience and it's certainly not what is
happening in Jack and Jill today.
Speaker 4 (35:04):
And I will say as former regional director that one
never came to me. And having grown up in this
organization as a brown sugar babe, I'll say for the
viewers that can't see me, I didn't experience that growing up,
you know, And I don't believe that's been my family's
experience either. But again, if you look at our families,
(35:26):
I think you would it would be hard to make
that argument. We are reflective of just the beautiful people
that we are, so it would be really hard for
that argument to stand.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
Now, there's one other aspect of this, and frankly, I
think some of the criticism comes from this point that
some children and adults talk about feeling excluded from Jack
and Jill. You know, if you have a community of
friends and some of them belong to this organization in
which you have to be invited in. If you have
a membership organization, if you're not a member, sometimes you
(35:59):
can feel excluded. But do you think this particular criticism
has been more levied at Jack and Jill than other
black membership organizations. I mean, when I hear this, I
think there are lots of membership organizations, you know, for authorities, priorities,
there are lots of them. Do you think that people
focus on this aspect more with respect of Jack and
Jill than they do for other membership organizations.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
I think so.
Speaker 3 (36:23):
I think we get that criticism a lot more so
than other membership based organizations because we're an organization focused
on children, and when people reflect on their childhood experiences
and memories, good or bad, they can carry different emotional weights.
So it's one thing to feel left out of a
social organization. As an adult, you know, you're able to
(36:44):
sort of handle those things. It's a different thing as
a child when you sort of feel excluded. So I
think part of that perception comes from our visibility. You know,
Jack and Jill's being more visible now than ever, and
people sort of view us as a social club, and
it's like, so if you guys are just hanging out,
they don't realize all the work that goes into it
(37:06):
and the curriculum involved, and they're like, you know, if
you guys are just hanging out and having parties. I
don't understand why people have to be excluded, but I
do think that we get more of a more criticism
than typical membership organizations like sororities and fraternities.
Speaker 4 (37:22):
And I also believe that as well, because a sorority
of fraternity is for the rest of your life, whereas
Jack and Jill membership is your children have to be
from ages two to nineteen are typically when a child
graduates high school. Once your child is graduates high school
or is nineteen, you are no longer an active mother member.
(37:46):
So while you may socialize with some of the mother
members that you knew or you know developed relationship within
Jack and Jail if you remain as a as a
member and call it our associate members. If you remain
as a member at that point, it purely is social.
So it's a small shelf life, and so I think
(38:11):
that's why it's discussed differently than the other organizations. Whereas
your sororities and fraternities, that's for the rest of your life.
At any point you know, you choose to join, until
the day you die, you will be a member of
that organization. And Jack and Jill has a very short
shelf life, you know.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
I think about this a lot with respect of how
parents can help in the situation, because you're right, Darlene,
I think it might be a little bit more intense
because we're dealing with children, and children may have stronger
feelings or close friendships that they feel maybe more hurt
by not being able to do something. But here's where
(38:50):
an instance where I think that parents on both parents
who are Jack and Jail parents and parents who are not,
can be helpful. We can all say nobody likes to
be left out of anything, but there's a different way
to look at this. I mean, I think parents that
have children in Jack and Jill can definitely make sure
their children are not going out of their way to
(39:10):
help people feel excluded, because you know, kids can be
kind of mean, they're not as thoughtful. So I imagine
that parents that are in Jack and Jill can just
not encourage their children to absolutely to make a big
deal of that to be sensitive. They should encourage their
children to be sensitive to kids that are not in
Jack and Jill. And that's a really important kind of
(39:32):
empathy slash compassion teachable moment you can have with your
children sort of to think about how other people feel.
And then for parents whose kids are not a Jack
and Jail for whatever reason, it is important for you
to help build up your child self esteem by telling
them these are your friends. They are still your friends.
They have friends that you can do a lot of
good things with. They have things that they do with
other people, just like you have things you do with
(39:53):
other people, and that it doesn't it's not personal.
Speaker 2 (39:57):
So I couldn't agree more.
Speaker 3 (39:59):
I think that it's the onus really is on us
as parents to emphasize to our children to be kind
and to have their friends who are not in Jack
and Jill know and understand that It's not about being
in Jack and Jill, but about ensuring that not only
they have access to, but that their friends lean into
(40:21):
and have access to leadership development things like cultural pride,
a sense of belonging, and that our children can emphasize
that as well. I think if it's being pushed down
from the mothers and the children, I think they'll be
less of a feeling of exclusivity.
Speaker 1 (40:37):
I would agree. So here's my final question. Ladies. You
guys have by virtue of your national perspective, your national
leaders of this organization, what do you think And I
know you're focused on leadership as an umbrella, but what
of a kind of skills and experiences looking into the
future that our kids really need to thrive whether or
(41:01):
not they grow up in Jack and Jill. I mean,
what are the kind of key things that you want
Jack and Jill children and children everywhere to be able
to do as they grow up And how do you
hope that Jack and Jill can help this happen.
Speaker 4 (41:15):
Well, beyond just being phenomenal leaders, I think it's most
important that our children develop a strong sense of self,
knowing that they are equipped, that they're just as smart
as anyone else in the room that they have had
(41:35):
the experience or have the ability to have the experience
is necessary for what it is that they want to do.
But I would really just say that they feel equipped.
Number one, that they belong and that they have what
it takes to be successful in their endeavors, but just
really comfortable in the skin that they're in. We're in
(41:57):
a climate that is I didn't grow up in a
world like this, and so I'm looking to make sure
that everything that we are instilling in our children will
give them the strong sense of self that they can
withstand the things that we see are coming their way.
Speaker 3 (42:14):
Agreed, Just overall, raising children that are grounded in who
they are and know whose they are.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
Proud of where they.
Speaker 3 (42:25):
Come from, and are confident in their ability and ready
to lead. I like to say that our children are
unapologetically the talented tenth but with that comes much responsibility
and the responsibility, and we hope to foster in them
(42:47):
the desire to lead their community because they have been
given leverages that other children have not.
Speaker 2 (42:54):
So that is what I think.
Speaker 3 (42:56):
If you can build confidence and compassion, that's the best combination.
Speaker 1 (43:01):
Right, strong sense of self, know who you are, sense
of identity. Confidence. Yep, those are all the keys that
we all want for all of our children. Ladies, thank
you so much. I'm going to wrap it up here.
I thank you so much for this conversation, for this
information about this organization, and it really has been It's
(43:22):
been a really good conversation, as I knew it would be.
But there's one more thing before we go. I want
you to play the GCP Lightning Round. I have four
quick questions and I will ask them of each of you.
So first, give me your favorite poem or saying. Darlene,
do you want to go first?
Speaker 3 (43:40):
My favorite saying is from Maya Angelou. It is people
will forget what you said. People will forget what you did,
but they will never forget the way you made them
feel good.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
One yeah, Pasha, do you have a favorite poem or saying?
Speaker 4 (43:58):
I have a favorite saying. It's not it is eloquent,
but it's something I tell my children on a daily.
Closed mouths don't give fit they speak. Let me know
what it is you want, Let everyone know what it
is you want. So definitely advocating for yourself all the time.
Closed mouths don't give hit.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
That is great. So they're both great. Give me a
favorite children's book each of you. What's your what It
could be one you grew up with or one that
you're love reading to your kids.
Speaker 3 (44:27):
My favorite book was are You there God, It's me Margaret.
Speaker 1 (44:30):
Oh. That's a good one.
Speaker 4 (44:33):
And a favorite book that I've read to my children
many times over is remarkable Farkle McBride.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
Say it again, are.
Speaker 4 (44:42):
Remarkable, remarkable Farkle McBride. And it's it's a fun book.
This little kid wants to play all these instruments, but
he quits them all. He thinks he likes this one,
and then he quits, quits, quits, and at the end
he realized he likes them all together like an orchestra.
And so that's kind of like you know, with their friends,
(45:04):
trying to illustrate to my kids. Don't quit this person,
don't quit that. We like everything. You can have a group,
you can like it together. So that one just has
so many lessons in it for me as a mom.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
That's great. That's great. Okay, I need both of you
to give me a mom moment that you would do over.
And I don't mean by that that it was so
good you'd want to do it the second time. I
mean one that you that you might have wanted to
do differently, you'd want to do it differently if you
did it again.
Speaker 3 (45:29):
For me, I distinctly recall a moment when my daughter
was dancing in a group of a bunch of people
and there were some adults who were laughing and said,
and we're basically telling her that she wasn't dancing as
good as.
Speaker 2 (45:47):
Some of the other girls.
Speaker 3 (45:48):
And you know, I talked to her about that, and
I and tried to really undergird her her confidence in
that moment. But as a result, she dropped dance, she
dropped her dancing classes. And so you know, I often
go back to that moment and wonder if I could
have said something differently, if I could have done something differently,
And that really was a teaching, a teachable moment for
(46:10):
me to know that you have to fiercely protect your
children's confidence because they could they could lose it so easily.
Speaker 1 (46:18):
Tasha, any fond memories of things that you would like
do over for.
Speaker 4 (46:23):
I don't know if it's a fond memory, but it's
a real memory. You know, as a mom, doesn't happen
too much. But I was being celebrated, and my husband
was out of town and my parents came to celebrate
with me, but I really I wanted my children and
my husband, so was very much missing my husband. And
then my children decided that they just didn't want to participate,
(46:47):
and I had choice words for each of them. Privately.
I was very hurt and disappointed. And I went to
my event and as I'm giving remarks and I look
out in the audience, who do I see but my children.
I felt like the worst mother on the planet. And
so in mid speech I just had to say, oh,
(47:09):
I did something bad today, And.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
So it was.
Speaker 4 (47:14):
You know, I wasn't too big not to apologize in
this public setting to my children, but I wish that
it had never happened. And if I could take back
that moment and just to be cool with them saying
we don't want to support you, I wish. But it
was teachable in the sense that you know, when you
(47:36):
do wrong, it's okay to apologize to your children and
ask for their forgiveness. And yeah, so it was. It
was a teachable moment for me as their mother.
Speaker 1 (47:46):
Well yeah, okay, I hear that. I appreciate that. But
they also kind of pranked you, So it kind of
I didn't.
Speaker 2 (47:53):
Know what a prank because I always thanks to them.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
Okay, to wrap this up with a nice bow. Give
me moments where you nailed it as a mom, your favorite, like,
get that right where.
Speaker 2 (48:07):
I nailed it.
Speaker 3 (48:09):
You know, this isn't one moment in particular, but it's
it's a it's a snapshot in time when my daughter
was in elementary, really really small, you know, kindergarten, first grade,
and we have what's called the Jack and Jill prayer,
So we have a mother's prayer. A little snippet of
that prayer is first fit yourselves to be emulated by
(48:30):
our children, but also you want your children to have
a genuine esteem for you. And at that time, whenever
I picked my daughter up from school, you know, you
would you know, you would call, and then they would
call down to the hall and say, okay, Skyler Whittington,
your mom's here. My daughter would every day come around
that corner and run to me, top speed, top speed.
(48:56):
And I didn't know how special it was until I
brought my sore with me. One time, I said, will
you come with me to pick up sky because I
was we were having lunch or and then you know,
we our lunch went long. I said, well, just come
with me, and she went with me and I you know,
called for sky. She came around and my sister was like,
does she do that every day?
Speaker 2 (49:15):
And I said yeah, and she was like wow. She
was like no, just stop, just.
Speaker 3 (49:20):
Wait, wait till somebody else picks up their kid and
their kid comes, you know, sauntering walking down the hall.
And she said she runs at U top speed every day.
You're doing something right. And my sister had to bring
that to my attention, and so I think about that
time fondly.
Speaker 1 (49:36):
That's great.
Speaker 2 (49:37):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
Yeah, yeah, awsha.
Speaker 4 (49:40):
So I will say I've been in leadership in jack
and jail many many, many years, and because I'm on
the West Coast, oftentimes I've taken calls and meetings and
different things in my car. So my children have heard
it all, and you know, I've sworn them to be
quite kept say anything until they've been perfectly right. As
(50:00):
a church mouse didn't know how much they were listening.
And so this year, my son is president of his
Black Student Union at his high school. He reactivated it
and he wanted to have different HBCU admissions people come
and present at his school and we're in the West Coast,
(50:22):
so nobody's coming here. But he met the admissions director
of one of the HBCUs and invited them to participate
in a zoom with his BSU. He arranged it without
any assistance from his school counselors. He did this all
on his own. He held the meeting, and the admissions
(50:43):
counselor was so impressed with everything that he did, and
my son is and my son did it? Tell me
he was doing this until after it was done, and
I was like, how did you know? Where did you learn?
And he was like, Mom, I got it from you.
I've been watching you. And that just struck me because
I didn't know how much I was doing. Was really resonating,
(51:03):
and he was taking notes without taking notes. So that
was the oftentimes I felt so bad for us. They
have to listen to this meeting up, they have to
be on this call back, and they're so they soak
it up. And it was just a proud moment to
know that he did that completely on his own. I
had nothing to do with that whatsoever. Wow, I feel
proud of him.
Speaker 1 (51:24):
That is great. That is great, Ladies, Thank you so
much for coming, thank you for all the hard work
you're doing for our children, and thanks for joining Ground
Control Parenting. Really appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (51:35):
Thank you for having us. Thank you atal pleasure.
Speaker 1 (51:39):
I hope everyone listening enjoyed this conversation that you'll come
back for more. Please subscribe, rate and review where you
find your podcasts, and tell your friends. For more parenting
info and advice, please check out the Ground Control Parenting
website at www. Groundcontrolparenting dot com. You can also find
us on Facebook and Instagram at ground Control Parenting and
on LinkedIn to Carol Sutton Lewis. Until the next time,
(52:03):
take care and thanks for listening.
Hello, and welcome to Ground Control Parenting, a blog and
now a podcast creative of parents raising black and brown children.
I'm the creator and your host, Carol Sutton Lewis. In
this podcast series, I talk with some really interesting people
about the job and the joy of parenting for generations.
Jack and Jill of America, Inc. Has been a pillar
in Black communities, helping to cultivate young leaders through service,
(00:26):
cultural experiences, and educational programming. Jack and Jill has two
hundred and seventy one chapters nationwide, representing more than fifty
thousand family members. You may have heard of the organization
or maybe even be a part of it, but today
we're going deeper exploring the impact of its work, separating
the perceptions from the reality, talking about what this work
(00:47):
means for Black parenting today and how parents can tap
into these resources. Whether you're in Jack.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
And Jill or not.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Joining me are two dynamic leaders from Jack and Jill.
Darlene McGhee Whittington, who is the twenty eighth National president
of Jack and Jill of America, Inc. She previously served
as Southeastern Regional Director and was the organizer and chartering
president of the Greater Metropolitan Atlanta Chapter. Throughout her leadership,
she's played a key role in national and regional programming, governance,
(01:14):
and event planning. Darlene is a graduate of Spelman College
and she received her master's in biochemistry from Vanderbilt University.
She's had an award winning twenty four year career in
pharmaceutical sales and marketing and currently works in hematology at
gen Mab Pharmaceuticals. She's actively involved in Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc.
The Links, Incorporated in the National Coalition of one Hundred
(01:35):
Black Women, among many other organizations. Darlene lives with her husband,
Delmar and her daughter, Skuyler, who is sixteen, in Atlanta.
We also have Tasha B. Penny, who is the national
program director of Jack and Jill and she's the immediate
past Far West Regional Director. A legacy member of Jack
and Jill, she graduated from the Contra Costa County, California
(01:55):
Chapter and later joined the Los Angeles Chapter, where she
held multiple leadership roles, including Chapter Vice President. Tasha also
earned her BA from Spelman College and her law degree
from the Catholic University Columbus School of Law. She practiced
law for nearly twenty years, most notably as Deputy City
Attorney in Los Angeles. Before joining the entertainment industry, she
(02:15):
served as the legal consultant for HBO's Emmy nominated Insecure
We All Love That Show, and is now a creative
executive at A Penny for Your Thoughts Entertainment. Tasha is
also active in Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. As well
as Big Sunday, which is a nonprofit volunteer organization in
Los Angeles, and the La Mission. Tasha and her husband
Prentice have been married for over twenty years and are
(02:37):
proud parents of Nathaniel who's seventeen, and twins Aubrey and Benjamin,
who are fifteen. Welcome to Ground Control Parenting, Darlene and Tasha.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Thank you, thank you for having us.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
I am so happy to have you both here to
talk about Jack and Jill. So. I grew up in
this organization full disclosure. My family joined when I was
a child, and I graduated out as a legacy member meeting.
I was automatically able to join with my children when
they were small, and while that means I've known about
the organization for much of my life, I understand it's
not as well known to all, and I'm eager to
talk about it, what it is and what it does.
(03:12):
So let's get started. So I'll start by asking about
the basics for parents who may not be familiar with
Jack and Joel, and I'll start with you, Darlene. Can
you share a little bit about it, its origins, why
it came to be, and its core mission?
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Absolutely so. Jack and Jill of America is an organization
founded by black mothers in Philadelphia in nineteen thirty eight,
just in the midst of segregation as an opportunity to
create a community where their children could not only survive,
(03:47):
but thrive socially, culturally, educationally, especially during those times. And
what we are so excited about now is that going
from that one small group to a national organization eighty
seven years later with one hundred with two hundred and
seventy one chapters nationwide, seven regents, we continue to do that,
(04:13):
which is creating spaces for our children to be future leaders.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
That's great. Now it's a national organization with local chapters.
So how is it structured to support its mission at
both levels? How do the chapters work with national leadership?
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Tasha Okay, great that's a fantastic question. So essentially we
have our national executive board and our national executive board,
they set the tone, they set the programming, and our
chapters implement it at the local level. So at the
national level, what we ask of chapters is that when
you create programming for your children, that the programming fall
(04:58):
into certain categories. And of course this is all leadership development,
So it might be educational, it might be health, it
might be civic, cultural things of that nature. So every
so our leadership, we have the oversight we may do
We may have national partners and so we may do
(05:19):
big events that you might be able to participate in,
or the national partners may have different organizations at the
local chapter where our local chapter can then connect with.
But essentially, we want to make sure that every child
in Jack and Jill has the same experience, So we
ask for certain programming thrusts that all chapters follow, and
(05:41):
we kind of just provide the oversight guidance for that.
So you have your national leadership, you have your regional leadership,
and then you have your chapter leadership that is implementing
all of this.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
And so and I'll ask you this question as well,
since you're the national program director. What kinds of activities
generally brings the kids together? I mean, how what kind
of things do the local chapters do with the families
and the kids.
Speaker 4 (06:09):
Okay, so at the local level, well, at the local level,
all of our chapters are broken up into grade groups.
So because we are a membership of mother membership with
children ages two to nineteen, we can't have all of
our nineteen year olds hanging out with our two year
olds such as it makes sense. So we're broken up
into grade group activity. So each grade group will focus
(06:33):
on one of those target areas, whether it's educational, health, social, recreational.
So every month, each grade group activity provides or creates
some type of program with that theme or a combination
of those. Are those themes together to implement that type
of activity for our children. So our two year olds
(06:54):
have an activity, and then our twins may have an activity.
They don't have to have the same activity that these
might mirror each other, but it's an activity that is
related to their developmental stage.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
And so I mean, as one who grew up in this,
I mean I know that while when I was growing up,
I didn't know the bigger picture all I knew was
that we would get together in our different groups, with
our age appropriate groups. But I felt and I imagine
that generally an additional leadership there was a sort of
social component to it. It was I imagine Darlingne talking about
(07:31):
how it came together. It was important for mothers to
gather their children together to find strength and social interaction.
I mean, is that still Isn't the social nature of
it a part of what Jack and Joel is focused on?
Speaker 3 (07:44):
Oh my god, it absolutely is. So not only are
we focused on you know, we don't want all of
our experiences to be didactic. We want our children to
enjoy being in Jack and Jill. So not only are
we building future leaders, but we are curating life long
friendships between our children. They essentially grow up together. So
(08:05):
there's certainly a social component we have. They have dances,
they have pool parties, they do so many social things
together in the midst of the sort of leadership development
components as well, So you may have we have what
we call our thrust cultural heritage, education, health, civic engagement.
(08:31):
So in the midst of those things, there's always a
social piece that we ask all of our chapters to
add on as well, So the children are enjoying themselves
in their activities.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Yeah, I know that here in New York City, in
any event, there are some there are smaller social activities
on monthly basis, and then there's some bigger social activities
where people come from different areas to gather. I know
in New York they're parties. And the nice thing is
that in the bigger events, it's not always exclusively Jack
(09:05):
and Jill members. You can bring friends. When Jack and
Jill was formed, due to segregation, it might have been
easier for all the kids to know each other and
be together. But now as educational opportunities have expanded over
all these years, and you have circumstances where our children
are in variety different schools where there aren't a lot
of people who look like them, it seems as if
(09:26):
Jack and Jill provides an opportunity to sort of bring
everybody back.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
I like to say that Jack and Jill continues to
be relevant today almost for the opposite reason why it
was founded. So it was founded by black mothers who
felt their children were being excluded from these sort of
curated and elevated experiences, and now many of our children
(09:56):
are looking to come back together because they are in
dominantly white spaces and are looking to come together, to
come with each other to elevate culturally. So I'd like
to think of it that way as well.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
So and either one of you or both of you
can weigh in on this, Jack and Joe have was
formed as a mother's organization, as you said, So do
you know what led to that focus? Was that just
sort of because the moms were the people that were
really focused at that time when the kids. And if
a father is now the primary caretaker, can he join.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
Well, So what I will say is that, yes, it
was originally formed by mothers because when you look back
at nineteen thirty eight, our mothers were the primary caretakers
of the home, the activities, and the children. So it
made sense for this to be a mother's organization with
their children. So what we have we have two ways
that you can become a member in our organization. So
(10:53):
you can become a member by invitation or through legacy
status as you stated, where you were a child member
growing up, as was I, So when I had my children,
I could automatically apply for membership. Now, the thing about
the legacy application or the legacy status is that if
you have a son who has graduated, he can share
(11:14):
that legacy with his wife. We still are a mother's organization,
so our fathers are involved in that way where they
may assist us with activities. Oftentimes they may provide, you know,
chaperoning for certain events. And because they were in active,
they when they graduated, their mother was in good standing,
(11:36):
so she passed on her membership to him for his wife.
Because today we still are a mother member organization.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
And beyond fostering the leadership qualities and the children and
friendships and networks for the kids. Since your gathering mothers
on a regular basis, are there intentional goals for the
moms like are their parenting support goals or networking opportunities
for the mothers because I know the mothers will. Back
when I was involved, mothers met regularly to help figure
(12:08):
out what the children were going to be doing.
Speaker 3 (12:09):
Absolutely, we have our mother members meet on a regular
basis to talk about our children. Of course, we our
organization is to elevate our children through careful study, and
in order to do that, we have to do just that.
We have to talk about what we think would be
best for them and in that we meet with each other,
(12:31):
we have social activities with each other, and we found
that mothers who our friends work better together for the
better bet of their children. So not only do we
come together to curate these experiences for our children, but
oftentimes our mothers find themselves becoming fast friends and remaining
(12:54):
fast friends and getting together socially as well.
Speaker 4 (12:59):
And we do provide opportunities, you know, through some of
our partnerships, where we may have different webinars that may
help our mothers on their parenting journey. Oftentimes, the different
types of activities that we provide for our children, our
mother members are the resident experts, so they lend their
talents to helping provide and promote those activities. And by nature,
(13:22):
I think a lot of times that's how that networking
develops when you find out, oh, this mother member has
this expertise, I have this, how can we compliment work together,
or you know, I'm in need of your services, or
things of that nature. So there definitely is an organic
opportunity for networking. Just by the fact that we are
(13:43):
so focused on providing such great opportunities for our children,
we end up sharing our lives with each other. It's
we become that village. So to speaking and becoming that village,
we are sharing our experiences.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
I definitely know that there are groups of moms that
I was in Jack and deal with who get together
regularly now and our children are long gone, are totally
grown and flown. But you're right. The friendships that occur
and that stay that persist over all those years of
getting together with your kids, they persist, they continue long after,
long after that your child graduates out. So I know
(14:21):
that Jack and Jill takes really seriously the goal of
providing leadership. I mean, you've talked about that already, but
can you give me a sense of the kind of
ways that you cultivate leadership? And certainly you can think
of teens because the older children, of course you'd want
to cultivate leadership in them. But does it start any
earlier than the teen years?
Speaker 4 (14:39):
I would absolutely say yes. And that's such a great
question because oftentimes when we think of leadership, we think, Okay,
it has to be this targeted training or it has
to look like this, But really, this leadership training that
we do is in everything that we do. So I'm
going to talk about our younger experience let's say, so
(15:01):
I was in a chapter where we had an activity
for I want to say it was our group one
or group two little people, let's say first and second grade.
And so the activity was about civic engagement in your
duty to vote, the right to vote, why we vote. Now,
that can be a very heavy topic and you could
really lose a little second grader or a first grader
(15:23):
about voting, but you make it make sense for them.
So the activity was around ice cream, and so you
had five different flavors, and so the children were able
to talk about each flavor, advocate why this flavor was
better than the next flavor, and then you could taste
the flavors and then they could go and they could
(15:43):
vote for which flavor they thought was the best. So
they were unknowingly participating in the democratic process. But it's
also teaching them advocacy skills at an early age. So
if we start that young where they are advocating for
what they believed in and why this is the better
thing for better flavor versus the other, it translates into
(16:06):
other areas. So we started very early before they're even
aware that's what's happening. So by the time they become
teenagers and sometimes it'll be like, how did you how
do you learn that?
Speaker 2 (16:16):
And they're like, mom, chack in.
Speaker 4 (16:18):
Jail, And it happens all the time. So it's not
something that we do. Oh when their teens now is
the time. We started very early on before they realize
that's what's happening.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
And by the time they become teens, to your point, Carol,
they are so adept at leading, its almost second nature.
Once they become members of the teen group, they are
actually protolding elected offices. We have a president of our
teen group, vice president, secretary treasurer, and they are able
(16:56):
to lead on regional and national levels, and they know
how to create an agenda, they know how to make emotion.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
And not only.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
They're learning how to be leaders on that level. They
are telling us and Jack and Jill, when you're young,
your mothers look at the thrust and say, Okay, this
month is legislative, so let's talk about voting. But when
you get to the teen group, the teens have their
own retreats and they come together and say, Okay, this
(17:28):
month is Black history or this month is cultural and
they tell the parents, this is what we would like
to do and so they are leading and curating experiences
for themselves and we as parents are really just helping
them navigate that process. And that's how the leadership development
starts to mature.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
To that point. I know that there are conventions. They're
conventions of children in various regions. They get together and
you mentioned that they learn how to set agendas, but
they also learn how to campaign for office because they
have to run within the convention. They have to run
for certain offices. If they're trying to run for regional
(18:08):
office and it's a full blown campaign. I mean, there's so.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
You would be so impressed to see them.
Speaker 4 (18:15):
We just had one of our team conferences. So as
I said earlier, we're comprised of seven regions, So the
Eastern region had their team conference last week, so they
held their elections for their regional team board. And these
teenagers are so amazing and fantastic. They have to set
up a book. They have to you know, print or
have a little QR codes with all of their information
(18:38):
about who they are, their leadership experience. You may see
the different activities they have participated in this organization. But
the great thing about this organization is that they take
all of the leadership opportunities that they've learned here and
they bring it to other organizations, but we like to
believe it really all starts here and they just take
(18:59):
all of that and show the world what they can do.
But they campaign, they have to have speeches, they have
to be ready for fish bowl questions, very polished, very mature.
And these are fourteen year olds, fifteen year olds, sixteen
year olds doing what most adults would be afraid to do.
It's a beautiful thing to watch and see that they
(19:21):
have the confidence to say I can't lead at this age.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
That is great and it gives them opportunities they may
not have in other aspects of their world in school
or whatever, to be able to be in the comfort
and the safety of their friend group and still exercise
these really important muscles of leadership. So that is great. Now,
Jackie Jill is a membership organization, and you mentioned there
were two ways to be involved. You can get invited
(19:48):
or you could be a legacy. So tell me, since
it's membership that means everyone is not open, it's not
fully open. What are some of the challenges or limitations
that interested foundamilies might face and joining I mean people
hearing this like, oh my god, that's amazing.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
I want in absolutely and and that is a really
good question.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
So most families typically joined by invitation through sponsorship. Of course,
we have our legacies who are are able to join
by virtue of their it's their birthright.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
You grew up in Jack and Jill.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
You are fully imversed in the mission. You know what
the mission is, and this is this is really why
we have membership by sponsorship, because we want mothers to
bring in other mothers that are like minded, that believe
in our mission of creating leaders. So that said, we
acknowledge that that model can present some challenges. Chapters typically
(20:45):
have capacity limits, other chapters may there may not be
a chapter that may be close to you geographically. And
it's also true that the sponsorship model, which was originally
designed to protect this mission, can unintentionally create barriers. But
we're mindful of that balance and we're constantly working to
(21:07):
preserve the community and standards that our founders have envisioned.
So while we're exploring ways to remain accessible to families
who also share our values.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
We'll be right back after these messages. Welcome back to
the show. When you talk about capacity. It's because the
groups are curated. The objective is to create an experience
for our children that is the most advantageous there might
be because I've seen this happen a group where they
(21:41):
have a lot of boys and no girls I mean,
or a few girls, and so a family that is
able to be sponsored, mean they know people that would
invite them in the issue of the gender balance in
the grouping, I mean, so it gets a little complicated,
and I know that sometimes there's a bit of a weight,
but I'm encouraged to hear that you guys have focused
(22:04):
on this and that they're The objective is to bring in,
like you said, like minded people who are willing to
I should also say there's a little bit of a work.
There's a little bit of work involved here.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
You know, I'm talking to the.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
National team. There's a lot of work you guys are.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
Doing, even on the chapter level.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
Yeah, our mothers know that you get out of Jack
and Jill really what you put in. And it's interesting
that you mentioned the balance and the children in the
in the sexes. My daughter is in a group right
now where she's in the tenth grade, and right now
in our tenth grade we have ten boys and four girls,
(22:46):
and we're always cognizant of that, like we need more
girls in the tenth grade. So you'll find chapters that
have very specific needs and would like to balance those
the age groups. But it's it's not it's not hard
and fast. So you know, it really does depend on
the mother because you're having you're basically dropping your children off.
(23:11):
You're hosting once a year per child, and on the
other months you don't necessarily have to be present, but
the host mothers for that month will be hosting your child,
so you are giving other families and other mothers access
to your child when you may or may not be present.
So that's why it's so vital that that our membership
(23:34):
be mothers that that believe in the mission.
Speaker 4 (23:37):
But also, I want to say, it's not just believing
in the mission, and some others don't understand this until
they really start coming to some of our events, but
we bring to life the mission. So all of these
activities we mother members are curating for our children. So
(23:57):
that's why when I said, oh, we work, we want
mother members who want what we want, but who are
willing to do the work to bring it. It takes
all of us to make this go and to make
this a butt for experience. So it's not like some
fairy dust that's just gonna you're in Jack and Jill
(24:17):
and now here you go. You have to actively work
at making this organization what it is. And so some
people don't always understand the work, the dedication, the time.
If you know you are busy and you travel like
ninety five percent of the year, this is not the
(24:38):
organization for you. I understand that you have children, But
just as we want to love and get to know
on your children and we want our children to have
that experience, we will also leave that shared experience of
our mother members because it shouldn't falled just on some
This is a collective. We are doing this together.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
Yeah. No, this concept of work is no joke. I mean,
when when you're trying to create additional experiences for your children,
it takes a lot of work. It takes work to organize.
I mean it takes when you're to your turn to host,
you have to contact everyone. I mean it's like you're
it is as if you are creating an event. Well
(25:20):
once a year, yes, but you have to focus on
the ones that you're not creating to make sure that
your child. Everybody's got a busy schedule. The parents have
busy schedules, the children have busy schedules. So it is
it is. I appreciate that you say, it's not just
like fairy dust. You're in this organization and then suddenly
all the great things come to you. It's it really.
It takes a lot of work in a lot of time.
(25:41):
I mean their mother's meetings, there are a lot a
lot there, and there are not only are their mother's
meetings and and but there are attendance requirements. I mean,
you really have to really be dedicated to the mission. So,
because many people who've heard of Jack and Jill are
not able to be a member for whatever reason, either
there's not one locally or the sort of they're not
(26:01):
a legacy, or there's no invitation forthcoming, I want to
talk a little bit about how parents can adopt the philosophies.
Because if you go on your website and you look
at which is public and wonderfully open website, you outline
the national program thrusts, which are really instructive. I mean
(26:22):
you can you tell me again what they are and
sort of you actually outline different aspects of what you
want to teach the children. So there's there's education, what
are the other ones?
Speaker 4 (26:34):
So it's education, it is help, it is civic, also
community service. We have social, recreational, we have pul cultural heritage.
So those are the areas that we ask our mother
members and then in our team groups when they're planning
(26:54):
their activities each month, that their activities fall under one
of those categories. You can combine them. It could be
one event. But I will say social is really in
everything because when we all get together, it's always going
to be a social thing. It's just by the nature
of what you do. The social aspect may be just
get to know you before the activity starts, because you know,
(27:18):
some of our kids, since we're all in various schools,
we may not see each other every day, and it's
kind of like who are you again, So sometimes, you know,
we have to do that with our children. So social
is always going to be there. So that's not really
the meat of our programming, but we want to make
sure that we're giving the butt for experience.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
So I definitely get the butt for experience. But I'm
thinking that parents who are not, for whatever reason able
to join, can still get, can still get a lot
from this conversation because the kind of things that you
do with your children, the concept of gathering kids in
the community to focus on these various different programming interests
(27:59):
is something that that actually can be employed outside of
Jack and Jill. I mean, I'm thinking, for example, years
and years ago, I think it was a I'm pretty
sure it was a Jack and Jill activity. A friend
of mine worked at a bank, a black owned bank,
and we took the kids to the bank to have
a lesson in financial literacy. I mean, parents who who.
(28:19):
I'm not trying to take anything away from the wonderful
organization of Jack and Jill, but if you don't have
access to that, you two can think about how you
can organize groups of children in your neighborhood, and particularly
especially if they are at disparate schools and don't all
know each other, and gather them around an event. Whenever
(28:39):
we would do any kind of activity, I always thought
this is such a good thing for parents everywhere to do.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
You know, we have similar groups that are doing very
similar things in the Los Angeles or the state of California,
I should say, and as an organization many of us
that are members of Jack and Jill support that group
and support their activities because it's not so much about
the organization as much as it is what we're doing
(29:06):
for children, what we want for our children. So we
love to partner with or expose or share resources or
this is how you can do something. So I think
when there are other people who want to be aligned
with making sure we're providing for our children as an organization,
(29:27):
we absolutely come on board with and support that, and
we can share a resource with you, we absolutely will,
And I love that because, for various reasons, not everyone
Jack and Jill. They may not be able to participate,
but that doesn't mean that our children can't still have
great opportunities. But we also have those activities and events
(29:48):
where we do invite our children in in the community,
and we are sharing the resources and the expertise and
the different forums. So we also not everything is exclusive
to our members. There also is community engagement because our organization,
part of our mission is, you know what we want
for our own children, we want for all children. So
(30:10):
we also support that standpoint and.
Speaker 1 (30:13):
To that end. Going to that leads right into my
next question, which is the advocacy component. Through the advocacy component,
Jack and Jill An as an organization, addresses issues that
are for the benefit of all children. I mean, can
you talk about a little bit about how you've done
legislative advocacy and as part of your service component, there's
(30:33):
some I recall reading about kids going to Washington.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
Absolutely, we have what's called the Pink and Blue Legislative Agenda.
Each administration sort of lays out their priorities in speaking
with our children determine what's important to them. Advocacy has
really been a part of Jack and Jill's DNA since
its inception. We teach our children that to whom much
(31:00):
is given, much is required, and is their responsibility to
not only advocate for themselves, but to advocate for all
children and for the community at large. So beyond the programming,
we stand at the front lines with our children, marching, fundraising, lobbying,
raising our voices, just for policies to protect and empower
(31:24):
ourselves and for them to learn to empower to feel
empowered themselves. So through this Pink and Blue Legislative Agenda,
we advocate for issues like voting rights, the Crown Act,
gun safety, mental health, for African Americans, the quality of education,
so things that are important for all children, not just
(31:46):
our own. As our program director has said, so we
want our children to want for every child what they
have themselves.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
So no doubt every one listening can hear how great
this organization is and how proud its members are. But
I do have to raise the issue of the lit
of criticism that the organization has garnered over the years.
It has been called in social media and just generally
as an elitist organization. I know you've heard this. How
(32:22):
do you respond to that as a concept?
Speaker 3 (32:24):
Thank you for that question. That is a difficult question
to respond to. How people sort of perceive you. So
what I can say is that elitist perception. I can
see how how folks can see us that way, because
we will not apologize for being excellent and for wanting
(32:45):
the best for our children Black families. You know, we
do create, intentionally build these experience for experiences for our children.
But what we do do and what we hope people
will see, is that in doing so, we are all
having as I spoke just previously before, we're also telling
our children that to whom much is given, much is required.
(33:08):
Our membership reflects just a wide range of people in
different backgrounds and professions. It is not people that have
the most money. It is the mothers that I say,
go the hardest for their children. And it is not
an inexpensive endeavor. But there are mothers in our organization
that are not well to do, that are willing to
(33:28):
make financial sacrifices to have their children have these experiences.
So it's not all about exclusivity and who's got the
most money, but it is about the mothers who are
bought in and willing to do the work.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
The other thing that I would hear in college and
that I've heard since then, there is the criticism that
the organization has historically allowed, or at least tolerated the
use of colorism as a mean of screening. I grew
up in the Metropolitan New York City Jack and Jill chapter,
and we had a rainbow hue. I mean, there was
no there was no colorism in this organization as far
(34:03):
as I could see. And now if you look at online,
you look at the various you can just click through
all the pictures of all the children, you'd be hard
pressed to make that claim. But is this something the
organization has ever had to address as a concept.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
I don't know that we've had to address it nationwide.
I can recall there being instances as regional director that
I've had to address.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
On a regional level with our children.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
But I can confidently say that Jack and Jill the
membership reflects the full beauty and diversity and richness of
the entire Black community. We intentionally create spaces where all
black children and mothers feel welcome, valued and seen. Because
of that, we have one goal. Our goal really is
(34:54):
really to pour into our children. So it's not that
I haven't heard that. I just haven't seen that, and
it's not my experience and it's certainly not what is
happening in Jack and Jill today.
Speaker 4 (35:04):
And I will say as former regional director that one
never came to me. And having grown up in this
organization as a brown sugar babe, I'll say for the
viewers that can't see me, I didn't experience that growing up,
you know, And I don't believe that's been my family's
experience either. But again, if you look at our families,
(35:26):
I think you would it would be hard to make
that argument. We are reflective of just the beautiful people
that we are, so it would be really hard for
that argument to stand.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
Now, there's one other aspect of this, and frankly, I
think some of the criticism comes from this point that
some children and adults talk about feeling excluded from Jack
and Jill. You know, if you have a community of
friends and some of them belong to this organization in
which you have to be invited in. If you have
a membership organization, if you're not a member, sometimes you
(35:59):
can feel excluded. But do you think this particular criticism
has been more levied at Jack and Jill than other
black membership organizations. I mean, when I hear this, I
think there are lots of membership organizations, you know, for authorities, priorities,
there are lots of them. Do you think that people
focus on this aspect more with respect of Jack and
Jill than they do for other membership organizations.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
I think so.
Speaker 3 (36:23):
I think we get that criticism a lot more so
than other membership based organizations because we're an organization focused
on children, and when people reflect on their childhood experiences
and memories, good or bad, they can carry different emotional weights.
So it's one thing to feel left out of a
social organization. As an adult, you know, you're able to
(36:44):
sort of handle those things. It's a different thing as
a child when you sort of feel excluded. So I
think part of that perception comes from our visibility. You know,
Jack and Jill's being more visible now than ever, and
people sort of view us as a social club, and
it's like, so if you guys are just hanging out,
they don't realize all the work that goes into it
(37:06):
and the curriculum involved, and they're like, you know, if
you guys are just hanging out and having parties. I
don't understand why people have to be excluded, but I
do think that we get more of a more criticism
than typical membership organizations like sororities and fraternities.
Speaker 4 (37:22):
And I also believe that as well, because a sorority
of fraternity is for the rest of your life, whereas
Jack and Jill membership is your children have to be
from ages two to nineteen are typically when a child
graduates high school. Once your child is graduates high school
or is nineteen, you are no longer an active mother member.
(37:46):
So while you may socialize with some of the mother
members that you knew or you know developed relationship within
Jack and Jail if you remain as a as a
member and call it our associate members. If you remain
as a member at that point, it purely is social.
So it's a small shelf life, and so I think
(38:11):
that's why it's discussed differently than the other organizations. Whereas
your sororities and fraternities, that's for the rest of your life.
At any point you know, you choose to join, until
the day you die, you will be a member of
that organization. And Jack and Jill has a very short
shelf life, you know.
Speaker 1 (38:29):
I think about this a lot with respect of how
parents can help in the situation, because you're right, Darlene,
I think it might be a little bit more intense
because we're dealing with children, and children may have stronger
feelings or close friendships that they feel maybe more hurt
by not being able to do something. But here's where
(38:50):
an instance where I think that parents on both parents
who are Jack and Jail parents and parents who are not,
can be helpful. We can all say nobody likes to
be left out of anything, but there's a different way
to look at this. I mean, I think parents that
have children in Jack and Jill can definitely make sure
their children are not going out of their way to
(39:10):
help people feel excluded, because you know, kids can be
kind of mean, they're not as thoughtful. So I imagine
that parents that are in Jack and Jill can just
not encourage their children to absolutely to make a big
deal of that to be sensitive. They should encourage their
children to be sensitive to kids that are not in
Jack and Jill. And that's a really important kind of
(39:32):
empathy slash compassion teachable moment you can have with your
children sort of to think about how other people feel.
And then for parents whose kids are not a Jack
and Jail for whatever reason, it is important for you
to help build up your child self esteem by telling
them these are your friends. They are still your friends.
They have friends that you can do a lot of
good things with. They have things that they do with
other people, just like you have things you do with
(39:53):
other people, and that it doesn't it's not personal.
Speaker 2 (39:57):
So I couldn't agree more.
Speaker 3 (39:59):
I think that it's the onus really is on us
as parents to emphasize to our children to be kind
and to have their friends who are not in Jack
and Jill know and understand that It's not about being
in Jack and Jill, but about ensuring that not only
they have access to, but that their friends lean into
(40:21):
and have access to leadership development things like cultural pride,
a sense of belonging, and that our children can emphasize
that as well. I think if it's being pushed down
from the mothers and the children, I think they'll be
less of a feeling of exclusivity.
Speaker 1 (40:37):
I would agree. So here's my final question. Ladies. You
guys have by virtue of your national perspective, your national
leaders of this organization, what do you think And I
know you're focused on leadership as an umbrella, but what
of a kind of skills and experiences looking into the
future that our kids really need to thrive whether or
(41:01):
not they grow up in Jack and Jill. I mean,
what are the kind of key things that you want
Jack and Jill children and children everywhere to be able
to do as they grow up And how do you
hope that Jack and Jill can help this happen.
Speaker 4 (41:15):
Well, beyond just being phenomenal leaders, I think it's most
important that our children develop a strong sense of self,
knowing that they are equipped, that they're just as smart
as anyone else in the room that they have had
(41:35):
the experience or have the ability to have the experience
is necessary for what it is that they want to do.
But I would really just say that they feel equipped.
Number one, that they belong and that they have what
it takes to be successful in their endeavors, but just
really comfortable in the skin that they're in. We're in
(41:57):
a climate that is I didn't grow up in a
world like this, and so I'm looking to make sure
that everything that we are instilling in our children will
give them the strong sense of self that they can
withstand the things that we see are coming their way.
Speaker 3 (42:14):
Agreed, Just overall, raising children that are grounded in who
they are and know whose they are.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
Proud of where they.
Speaker 3 (42:25):
Come from, and are confident in their ability and ready
to lead. I like to say that our children are
unapologetically the talented tenth but with that comes much responsibility
and the responsibility, and we hope to foster in them
(42:47):
the desire to lead their community because they have been
given leverages that other children have not.
Speaker 2 (42:54):
So that is what I think.
Speaker 3 (42:56):
If you can build confidence and compassion, that's the best combination.
Speaker 1 (43:01):
Right, strong sense of self, know who you are, sense
of identity. Confidence. Yep, those are all the keys that
we all want for all of our children. Ladies, thank
you so much. I'm going to wrap it up here.
I thank you so much for this conversation, for this
information about this organization, and it really has been It's
(43:22):
been a really good conversation, as I knew it would be.
But there's one more thing before we go. I want
you to play the GCP Lightning Round. I have four
quick questions and I will ask them of each of you.
So first, give me your favorite poem or saying. Darlene,
do you want to go first?
Speaker 3 (43:40):
My favorite saying is from Maya Angelou. It is people
will forget what you said. People will forget what you did,
but they will never forget the way you made them
feel good.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
One yeah, Pasha, do you have a favorite poem or saying?
Speaker 4 (43:58):
I have a favorite saying. It's not it is eloquent,
but it's something I tell my children on a daily.
Closed mouths don't give fit they speak. Let me know
what it is you want, Let everyone know what it
is you want. So definitely advocating for yourself all the time.
Closed mouths don't give hit.
Speaker 1 (44:17):
That is great. So they're both great. Give me a
favorite children's book each of you. What's your what It
could be one you grew up with or one that
you're love reading to your kids.
Speaker 3 (44:27):
My favorite book was are You there God, It's me Margaret.
Speaker 1 (44:30):
Oh. That's a good one.
Speaker 4 (44:33):
And a favorite book that I've read to my children
many times over is remarkable Farkle McBride.
Speaker 1 (44:41):
Say it again, are.
Speaker 4 (44:42):
Remarkable, remarkable Farkle McBride. And it's it's a fun book.
This little kid wants to play all these instruments, but
he quits them all. He thinks he likes this one,
and then he quits, quits, quits, and at the end
he realized he likes them all together like an orchestra.
And so that's kind of like you know, with their friends,
(45:04):
trying to illustrate to my kids. Don't quit this person,
don't quit that. We like everything. You can have a group,
you can like it together. So that one just has
so many lessons in it for me as a mom.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
That's great. That's great. Okay, I need both of you
to give me a mom moment that you would do over.
And I don't mean by that that it was so
good you'd want to do it the second time. I
mean one that you that you might have wanted to
do differently, you'd want to do it differently if you
did it again.
Speaker 3 (45:29):
For me, I distinctly recall a moment when my daughter
was dancing in a group of a bunch of people
and there were some adults who were laughing and said,
and we're basically telling her that she wasn't dancing as
good as.
Speaker 2 (45:47):
Some of the other girls.
Speaker 3 (45:48):
And you know, I talked to her about that, and
I and tried to really undergird her her confidence in
that moment. But as a result, she dropped dance, she
dropped her dancing classes. And so you know, I often
go back to that moment and wonder if I could
have said something differently, if I could have done something differently,
And that really was a teaching, a teachable moment for
(46:10):
me to know that you have to fiercely protect your
children's confidence because they could they could lose it so easily.
Speaker 1 (46:18):
Tasha, any fond memories of things that you would like
do over for.
Speaker 4 (46:23):
I don't know if it's a fond memory, but it's
a real memory. You know, as a mom, doesn't happen
too much. But I was being celebrated, and my husband
was out of town and my parents came to celebrate
with me, but I really I wanted my children and
my husband, so was very much missing my husband. And
then my children decided that they just didn't want to participate,
(46:47):
and I had choice words for each of them. Privately.
I was very hurt and disappointed. And I went to
my event and as I'm giving remarks and I look
out in the audience, who do I see but my children.
I felt like the worst mother on the planet. And
so in mid speech I just had to say, oh,
(47:09):
I did something bad today, And.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
So it was.
Speaker 4 (47:14):
You know, I wasn't too big not to apologize in
this public setting to my children, but I wish that
it had never happened. And if I could take back
that moment and just to be cool with them saying
we don't want to support you, I wish. But it
was teachable in the sense that you know, when you
(47:36):
do wrong, it's okay to apologize to your children and
ask for their forgiveness. And yeah, so it was. It
was a teachable moment for me as their mother.
Speaker 1 (47:46):
Well yeah, okay, I hear that. I appreciate that. But
they also kind of pranked you, So it kind of
I didn't.
Speaker 2 (47:53):
Know what a prank because I always thanks to them.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
Okay, to wrap this up with a nice bow. Give
me moments where you nailed it as a mom, your favorite, like,
get that right where.
Speaker 2 (48:07):
I nailed it.
Speaker 3 (48:09):
You know, this isn't one moment in particular, but it's
it's a it's a snapshot in time when my daughter
was in elementary, really really small, you know, kindergarten, first grade,
and we have what's called the Jack and Jill prayer,
So we have a mother's prayer. A little snippet of
that prayer is first fit yourselves to be emulated by
(48:30):
our children, but also you want your children to have
a genuine esteem for you. And at that time, whenever
I picked my daughter up from school, you know, you
would you know, you would call, and then they would
call down to the hall and say, okay, Skyler Whittington,
your mom's here. My daughter would every day come around
that corner and run to me, top speed, top speed.
(48:56):
And I didn't know how special it was until I
brought my sore with me. One time, I said, will
you come with me to pick up sky because I
was we were having lunch or and then you know,
we our lunch went long. I said, well, just come
with me, and she went with me and I you know,
called for sky. She came around and my sister was like,
does she do that every day?
Speaker 2 (49:15):
And I said yeah, and she was like wow. She
was like no, just stop, just.
Speaker 3 (49:20):
Wait, wait till somebody else picks up their kid and
their kid comes, you know, sauntering walking down the hall.
And she said she runs at U top speed every day.
You're doing something right. And my sister had to bring
that to my attention, and so I think about that
time fondly.
Speaker 1 (49:36):
That's great.
Speaker 2 (49:37):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
Yeah, yeah, awsha.
Speaker 4 (49:40):
So I will say I've been in leadership in jack
and jail many many, many years, and because I'm on
the West Coast, oftentimes I've taken calls and meetings and
different things in my car. So my children have heard
it all, and you know, I've sworn them to be
quite kept say anything until they've been perfectly right. As
(50:00):
a church mouse didn't know how much they were listening.
And so this year, my son is president of his
Black Student Union at his high school. He reactivated it
and he wanted to have different HBCU admissions people come
and present at his school and we're in the West Coast,
(50:22):
so nobody's coming here. But he met the admissions director
of one of the HBCUs and invited them to participate
in a zoom with his BSU. He arranged it without
any assistance from his school counselors. He did this all
on his own. He held the meeting, and the admissions
(50:43):
counselor was so impressed with everything that he did, and
my son is and my son did it? Tell me
he was doing this until after it was done, and
I was like, how did you know? Where did you learn?
And he was like, Mom, I got it from you.
I've been watching you. And that just struck me because
I didn't know how much I was doing. Was really resonating,
(51:03):
and he was taking notes without taking notes. So that
was the oftentimes I felt so bad for us. They
have to listen to this meeting up, they have to
be on this call back, and they're so they soak
it up. And it was just a proud moment to
know that he did that completely on his own. I
had nothing to do with that whatsoever. Wow, I feel
proud of him.
Speaker 1 (51:24):
That is great. That is great, Ladies, Thank you so
much for coming, thank you for all the hard work
you're doing for our children, and thanks for joining Ground
Control Parenting. Really appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (51:35):
Thank you for having us. Thank you atal pleasure.
Speaker 1 (51:39):
I hope everyone listening enjoyed this conversation that you'll come
back for more. Please subscribe, rate and review where you
find your podcasts, and tell your friends. For more parenting
info and advice, please check out the Ground Control Parenting
website at www. Groundcontrolparenting dot com. You can also find
us on Facebook and Instagram at ground Control Parenting and
on LinkedIn to Carol Sutton Lewis. Until the next time,
(52:03):
take care and thanks for listening.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
New Heights with Jason & Travis Kelce
Football’s funniest family duo — Jason Kelce of the Philadelphia Eagles and Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs — team up to provide next-level access to life in the league as it unfolds. The two brothers and Super Bowl champions drop weekly insights about the weekly slate of games and share their INSIDE perspectives on trending NFL news and sports headlines. They also endlessly rag on each other as brothers do, chat the latest in pop culture and welcome some very popular and well-known friends to chat with them. Check out new episodes every Wednesday. Follow New Heights on the Wondery App, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free, and get exclusive content on Wondery+. Join Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts or Spotify. And join our new membership for a unique fan experience by going to the New Heights YouTube channel now!
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.