June 11, 2025 • 30 mins
Many parents have heard the term neurodivergent, but aren't quite sure what it means—or what to do when their child doesn’t seem to follow the "typical" path. Pediatric psychologist and parent coach Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart returns to the podcast to help us make sense of it all. Dr. Lockhart explains what neurodivergence is, how to recognize when your child might need support, and why "different" doesn’t mean “less than.”
Carol and Dr. Lockhart also discuss how to manage the emotional rollercoaster that can come with parenting a neurodivergent child—especially for Black and Brown parents. Dr. Lockhart shares how to advocate effectively, communicate with teachers, and most importantly, how to shift the focus from “fixing” your child to celebrating their unique strengths.If you're looking for clarity, encouragement, and real-world guidance to better understand and support the children you care about—this conversation is for you.
Follow Ground Control Parenting:
📱 Instagram, TikTok & Facebook: @GroundControlParenting
💼 LinkedIn: Carol Sutton Lewis
🌐 Website: GroundControlParenting.com
Carol and Dr. Lockhart also discuss how to manage the emotional rollercoaster that can come with parenting a neurodivergent child—especially for Black and Brown parents. Dr. Lockhart shares how to advocate effectively, communicate with teachers, and most importantly, how to shift the focus from “fixing” your child to celebrating their unique strengths.If you're looking for clarity, encouragement, and real-world guidance to better understand and support the children you care about—this conversation is for you.
Follow Ground Control Parenting:
📱 Instagram, TikTok & Facebook: @GroundControlParenting
💼 LinkedIn: Carol Sutton Lewis
🌐 Website: GroundControlParenting.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hello, and welcome to Ground Control Parenting, a blog and
now a podcast, Creative Parents Raising Black and Brown Children.
I'm the creator and your host, Carol Sutton Lewis. In
this podcast series, I talk with some really interesting people
about the joy and the job of parenting. Today, we're
talking about neurodivergent children. Now, many of us have heard
this term a lot, but aren't one hundred percent clear
(00:26):
on what it actually means. So to help us with this,
I am so excited to welcome back a wonderful parenting expert,
doctor Anne Louise Lockhart, to today's conversation. Doctor Lockhart is
a pediatric psychologist, parent coach, and national speaker with over
twenty years of experience. She founded a New Day Pediatric
Psychology in San Antonio, Texas to specialize in helping parents
(00:49):
understand and navigate the challenges of raising toddlers through teens.
She's passionate about empowering parents with practical strategies to support
their children's development and much behavior and foster strong emotional connections.
She is the mother of two, so she brings both
professional expertise and personal experience to her work. You may
(01:09):
remember last season when doctor Lockott brought her wonderful parenting
expertise to the podcast, and I'm so happy to have
her back this season. Welcome back to Grab Control Parenting.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Thanks for having me back. I'm really happy to be
here today.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Oh great, it's really great to have you back, and
I'm really eager for your guidance on this really important topic.
So let's get started. Okay, first fundamental question, what's the
difference between neurotypical and neurodivergent when we're talking about children?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Yeah? So I love this question because understanding the differences
between the two can help parents better understand and support
their kids in the way that they need and so,
rather than assuming how they should be. So. At its core,
neurotypical kids have brain functioning that aligns with societal expectations
(01:58):
for development, for learning, for behavior, for social skills. And
these are the kids who more or less follow traditional
developmental milestones. They meet the milestones exactly when and how
they're supposed to do, with a little bit of variation,
of course, so they can sit still in class, they
can pick up on social cues. They have great eye
(02:18):
contact that's well regulated. They regulate their own emotions with
some guidance and they can learn in the way that
most traditional schools teach.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
So neuro divergent kids, on the other hand, they have
a brain that has differences that make them process the
world in a very unique way. So divergent meaning kind
of they're moving away from what is typical. Does it
mean that it's abnormal or wrong. It's just not within
the realm of typical development as we would see it.
(02:52):
It's because their brain is wired differently, either through hereditary conditions,
through experiences, through a chemical or brain imbalance in some way.
So it's not better or worse, it's just different. Because
most of society's built around neurotypical expectations, neurodivergent kids often
struggle because they think that they're incapable because the system
(03:17):
isn't designed for them. So when you pile this on
top of a black or brown child, you can see
how these systemic issues make success more difficult because the
system wasn't made for them, and they have a harder
time because there are systemic challenges in place that set
them up to fail. So that's the main difference between
(03:37):
the two. And people think of like it's autism, but
they're neurodevelopmental disorders like autism, ADHD, intellectual disabilities or learning challenges,
specific learning challenges like dyslexia, language processing disorders. It also
includes dyspraxia, so challenges with motor coordination. Neurodivergence also includes
(03:59):
O selective mutism, social anxiety, depression, turetts, techn disorders, and
then as well as giftedness and traumatic brain injury. So
there really is a range. And so when people think
about it, it's like, no, it's just that your child's
brain is wired differently and they perceive and see the
world through a different lens.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
You know, it's really helpful to hear you structure it
like this because so many parents, when they encounter behavior
in their children that they don't understand or that they
don't see other children having, their immediate move is to panic,
is to think there's something wrong. It's really important that
we see the way that they learn and the way
they experience things as just another thing that we have
(04:41):
to understand about them, versus some problem that we have
to fix. Because if you'd think of it as a
problem you have to fix, some parents become afraid of
that and are not as likely to dive in to
see how they can be helpful. I have had a
quick question. In earlier days, I would hear of ADD
an ADHD and one. I think the H is hyperactivity,
(05:04):
but I don't hear about ADD much anymore. Are those
still two distinct conditions?
Speaker 2 (05:09):
So ADD was a diagnosis that was in our Diagnostic
and Statistical Manual, the DSM, and so they got rid
of it in twenty thirteen and where ADD attention deficit
disorder was a diagnosis used to describe children with attention
issues but didn't have hyperactivity. However, since then, with this
(05:29):
newest addition, there is now ADHD that's for everything, because
there's three types of ADHD, So the ADD still exists
in terms of the attention piece. However, it's now under
the umbrella of ADHD primarily inattentive type, So you have
ADHD primarily inattentive type, ADHD primarily hyperactive impulsive type, or
(05:52):
ADHD combined type. So kids with what used to be
known as ADD, which is now ADHD in attentive type.
These are often overlooked and missed. We often see these
in girls because they struggle quietly. They look like they
have anxiety, they look like they have just this inner
turmoil and angst, like they're off in their own world.
(06:13):
But they don't often cause problems in the home or
in school because everything is internalized. But then ADHD, hyperactive
impulsive type, typically shows up in boys, and they're more
noticeable because they are very disruptive because they're more active,
they're more impulsive, they say things out of turn, they're
walking round and jumping around when they're not supposed to do.
(06:36):
So it does cause adults more pain and struggle because
it's harder to manage. And so every child with ADHD
is unique. It's not considered a spectrum disorder. It's considered
a neurodevelopmental disorder because it's an executive functioning dysregulation disorder.
So anything related to executive functioning, which is in our
prefrontal cortex, so planning, time, management, processing, speed, even our personality, organization,
(07:04):
prioritizing things, all of those things are executive functions. So
anyone or many of those areas can be impacted by
this underactive brain for an ADHD kid. So that's why
it can show up like anything. You can have a
kid who's very gifted and has ADHD and highly organized,
but they struggle with making friends and with following through
(07:26):
on things. But then you might have another kid with
ADHD who does great with friends, struggles in school, and
is very messy.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
So you have identified one of the big issues with
respective parents trying to understand their children and how to
help them. Some children have more than one diagnoses. How
can parents know which diagnosis is presenting and what to
do about it? So, at what point do you begin
to move from typical parent concern about your child hitting
(08:01):
milestones to investigating whether your child is thinking more in
a more neurodiverse manner.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Yes, so that's a great question, and a lot of
parents they get stuck because they think they fail their
kids somehow if they're not performing neurotypically. And I think
we have to move away from that because every child
is different, and even if your child operates in a
way that is not neurotypical that you had hoped or
expected or other people have, it doesn't mean that you've
(08:29):
failed in some way. There's something significantly wrong with your child.
They just have a different kind of brain. And so
I think it's about giving ourselves some compassion and giving
our kids some grace and also normalizing for ourselves it's
okay to have children who think and operate and behave differently. Okay,
So I think we have to just put that out
there first. And the big thing then is people say, oh, well,
(08:53):
every kid has problems with organizing or paying attention or
being hyper. Lots of kids do well, Yeah, of course
they do. They're kids. Kids are immature. The issue is,
for example, with anxiety. If a child is worried about
they're seven years old and they're worried about monsters under
the bed, or they're scared about separating from you when
you drop them off at childcare, or they don't want
(09:14):
to go to class to do that presentation for their
group project. Those are normal fears. Being afraid of strangers,
being afraid of the dark, being afraid of separation, being
afraid of public speaking. Those are typical fears. But the
difference between a fear and a worry and anxiety disorder,
then it becomes an issue, is when it causes clinically
(09:36):
significant impact on multiple areas of functioning. So now your
kid has ibs or stomach issues. Now they're having to
go to the doctor all the time because they're anxiety
is affecting their health, or they have chronic headaches because
of excessive stress, or now they have to be homeschooled
because they're so afraid of leaving the house that now
(09:56):
they have no friends and they never want to go anywhere.
That to me is significant impairment in functioning and it's
not just a typical anxiety or worry. And I think
that's where we have to look at for neurodivergence, is like,
you have all these different things going on, So then
how do I know I have if I should get
my kid assessed? Well, maybe you look for a professional
(10:16):
to assess your child if you see there's a significant
impact on their functioning. And don't do it on your
own because if you google or WebMD it, you'll find
all kinds of stuff wrong with your kid that you
aren't even looking for. So don't do that. Go to
the professional who's trained to do this. Go to your
physician first, your pediatrician, and express like, hey, this is
(10:37):
what I'm concerned. They don't seem to be meeting these milestones,
or they can't make any friends, or their stomach is
constantly hurting, or they're missing excessive amounts of school. Talk
about that first with the pediatrician. And then ask, Okay,
does this need further assessment? Can you refer us to
a pediatric psychologist to look into it further to see like, Okay,
is this just a normal phase or is there a
(10:59):
diagnosis going on that needs treatment and intervention because it
might not be. It might just be a phase, or
it might be a few sessions and you need to
get some education as a parent, maybe some parent coaching,
and then they're good to go, and other kids might
need much more and even consider medication in addition to
the therapy.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
We'll be right back after these messages, welcome back to
the show. And you mentioned parent coaching, and it strikes
me that that's a pretty important component of this because
when parents find themselves with a child who is behaving
or experiencing things differently than they had imagined, it puts
the parents through a lot of different feelings and emotions. Understandably,
(11:40):
of course, you want to do the best you can
for your child, but you're also trying to both understand
what you're how your child's feeling, and trying to not feel,
as you said earlier, responsible or that you failed or
that there's an issue. How can parents work to give
themselves the grace I mean, is it? You know, I
always talk about the panic is not a good way
to go under any circumstance. But the most important reason
(12:02):
is it blocks you from being able to figure out
what to do. How do parents? How can parents work
to help themselves take care of themselves in the process
when they're taking care of their children.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Yeah, that absolutely is an important question because I've been
doing this work for about twenty years, and I started
out doing play therapy and pediatric psychology, just seeing kids
and teenagers, and of course I would integrate the parents
in the therapy process, but the primary focus was helping
the child master or overcome whatever challenge they were having.
I found that effective. What I noticed is that when
(12:34):
I started moving more into parent coaching, when I started
my practice nine years ago, I found that kids and
teens got better even without me ever seeing them, just
by educating, supporting, and seeing their parents. Because the kid
is only with me an hour a week, maybe, but
they're with their parents all the time when they're not
(12:55):
in school. So being able to talk to the parents
and equip and educate and support the parents and help
them feel more confident and aware of what their kid
was going through and how parenting a kid, for example,
who's neurodivergent is different than parenting a neurotypical kid. And
parents who have those types of kids will know that
because they're like, oh, they're more spicy, they are harder
(13:17):
to parent. I feel more frustrated. I feel like they
bring out the worst in me. All these things that
they go through. You cannot do the typical things that
you would do in parenting that a lot of parenting
advice gives. With a neurodivergent kid, it doesn't work. It
doesn't work. And so being able to provide that parent
coaching is so much more helpful for the parent because
then the kid also benefits from it because now their
(13:39):
household feels more peaceful, more harmonious, more different. And so
I think that's just a huge piece. I've just found
so much benefit, so much reward actually in doing parent
coaching with parents, and I see how much their kids
benefit because their parent feels more self assured. Not to say, oh,
I'm a bad parent, Why I need parent coaching. That's
not about it. It's about being more effective. You can
(14:00):
respond differently.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Absolutely, in terms of that effectiveness you mentioned earlier. If
you are child that is experiencing things differently, having trouble
making friends, having difficulty with social cues, and you're a
black or brown child and you are in the classroom setting,
a lot of things could potentially go wrong. In fact,
studies have shown that some black neurodivergent children face disciplinary
(14:23):
actions at a higher rate just because there's not an
understanding that they are how differently they're experiencing the world. So,
how can parents advocate for their children once there has
been a diagnosis? And I asked this question not just
for a black child, but especially for a black child,
there's going to be the need to advocate for your
(14:45):
child in the classroom. How can parents do this and
work with educators to ensure equitable and fair treatment. How
do they figure that out? I mean, where do they
get the tools to do that right?
Speaker 2 (14:58):
And I think it's an important because you bring up
how these kids get disciplined more often. I don't think
they get disciplined more often. I think they get punished
more often because punishment is about making sure they feel
some kind of pain or discomfort or misery in the
mistake or the behavior they've engaged in, and discipline is
about teaching, guiding, supporting, and a lot of these kids
(15:21):
aren't getting disciplined in that way. I think people use
that term thinking that that's what they mean. It's like
now when you kick out a kid out of daycare
who's four, When you put a kid in time out
and make them feel embarrassed, when you knock them down
off the behavior chart into red and send them to
the principal's office or send them home from school, that's
not really discipline. That's punishment because what are they learning
(15:43):
from doing that? If they don't want to be at
school anyway, then they're like, whoo, I'm out of this
class deuces like, it's not discipline. They are just sometimes
getting what they want, so it actually can backfire on
you and then they still aren't learning the skills and
then they'll come back and do the same thing. Right,
So I think we have to keep that in mind
(16:03):
that a lot of our black and brown children are
not getting taught, They are getting punished, and that is
why so many of them hate school, don't feel people
are advocating for them, that the people are out to
get them, and why people talk about the school to
prison pipeline because of all of these different issues. So
I think there's a few things that parents need to
(16:24):
be aware of. Is they have to validate their kids'
experiences and don't gaslight them. They say, I think my
teacher is out to get me. You know, this white
lady doesn't like when I show up and she tries
to touch my hair. And I always get in trouble for
saying the same things that this other white kid next
to me says. You don't want to then invalidate their experiences.
Maybe they're telling tall tales, maybe they're telling the truth,
(16:45):
But validate their experience if that's how they perceive it,
instead of saying, oh, it's not that bad or no,
I don't think she has it out for you. You know,
I can see I can see why you would think that,
given the examples that you've given me. I'm really sorry
that has been your experience. So just acknowledge, whether it's
true or not, just acknowledge that this is what they're
experiencing and what they've expressed to And I think we
(17:05):
have to be able to adapt to what's happening, giving
them the skills, basically building them up so they have
the skills to manage their impulses, that they think before
they speak, all the different skills that they need, all
the executive function skills that get them in trouble because
they lack the skills. Teaching them those skills and helping
(17:27):
them practice and not making it like a big Okay,
let's take a break from TV and practice executive function
skills like you can do it in the course of
their day, very organically, very naturally, so that you can say, oh, hey,
we were going to eat pizza and burgers tonight, but
the shop that we were going to go to close down,
(17:48):
and so why don't we do blah blah blah from
this other place whatever? Building flexibility, or you notice they're
about to say something out of turn and you could
be like, oh, think before you speak and just kind
of mirroring and managing, or when you get frustrated you
want to go off, you're like, oh, I was about
to just get really angry. I'm going to take a
deep breath. Like there's so many different ways that we
(18:08):
can practice and model that which we want them to have.
The third thing is to advocate for them to show
up at the parent teacher conferences. Make sure the school
knows your face knows that you're going to show up
because you care about your kid and their success. And
I hear this so often in a lot of schools
that have a lot of black and brown kids, where
(18:30):
a lot of parents never show up, they don't talk
to their teachers, the teachers don't even know who they are.
But then just in places where maybe your kid is
one a few kids like them, that they definitely need
to know that you're not going to take no nonsense,
that you're going to show up, that you're advocating for
your kid, that your kid talks to you about things.
(18:51):
They know that you're there, they know that you have
your kids back. But you also want to support the
teacher of the school, the mission of the school, and resources.
If you have teachers, or a school district or a
school who has no idea how to teach kids who
are neurodivergent, give them those resources. There are therapists, there
(19:11):
are trainers, There are mental health people in your area,
in your city, nationally who can train your school, who
can train the classroom, who can train the districts. I
do that work. I know lots of people who do
that work. So bring in people like that so that
they can be equipped and they can learn that, Oh, yes,
these types of students do need to be taught differently,
(19:33):
and what can I do to accommodate that? What can
I do to make adjustments? And by the way, many
neurodivergent diagnoses are protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act,
so schools that receive state and federal funds are required
to make reasonable accommodations. So whether it's like extra time
on tests or one on one instruction, or being able
(19:53):
to record lectures or reduced homework, all of those things
are considered a reasonable come nations and they are required
by law for these kinds of students.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
I can't emphasize more what you've said about parents needing
to show up being a presence in your child's school.
Across the board, all parents need to show up, but
particularly if you have, through your research and your discussions
with professionals, determined that there is some aspect of your
child's learning that needs special attention and a reason to
(20:25):
show up at the beginning of the school year as
another interested parent and to connect with the teachers. Is
because if and when there is some issue that relates
to your child's particular way of approaching things if he
or she is being disruptive and you need the school's help.
You want to be someone who's shown up at the
beginning with a clear interest in the school, a clear
(20:48):
interest in the school community, and a clear interest in
your child, so that you know your example of your
child coming home and talking about how the white teachers
touching his hair and validating that with your child, but
then being able to go to the teacher and say,
this is what my child has said to me. Why
do you think he would say that? But you need
to have that relationship where you're not showing up for
(21:08):
the first time in an adversarial conversation. And so it's
really really I appreciate your saying that, and I can't
agree with that. More busy working parents, it's very hard
to become a very active member of your school community.
But early days, in particular, when your child first starts out,
it's really important to get your face in there to
(21:28):
be seen and then find somebody on the inside, another
parent who has more time, is more at the school,
a friend, one of those people that hangs around the
school all the time, because then you get the inside
scoop and that person has eyes on your child when
you're not there.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Well and too, Carol, I mean I'm a busy parent
as well too. I don't think it's realistic to expect
parents to do all the things, be at the school
and every volunteer opportunity. That's just not realistic for many parents,
especially if they have work that takes them outside of
the home and they're not working from home. Even with that,
they doesn't mean that we have endless amounts of time.
But I think it's also about keeping communication, sending those emails,
(22:04):
looking up their grades every week, being in communication with
the staff office, like just being able to have some
type of communication with the teacher, with the school, showing
up to certain events that occur, you know, just making
your presence known. But definitely at the minimal showing up
to parent teacher conferences. I hear from so many teachers
(22:25):
that they have lots of students that their parents just
never show up to these and they never meet them.
It should not be the case. At the very minimal,
doing the parent teacher conferences so they know who you
are and you can address any concerns before they get
too bad.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
And I think it's important for parents to back up
and just eliminate that part of the shame or whatever
childhood remembrances you have of parent teacher conferences or whatever
is blocking you or making you think that it's not
that important. Or if your child is not doing as
well as you would like and you think you don't
want to sit and listen to this or you're going
(23:00):
to feel responsible, you really need to put that aside.
And truly you are an advocate for your child, and
you and the teacher are allies trying to figure out
how to help your child do better. So just try
to put aside any kind of emotional concern about going
to these parent teacher confidence and look at them as
(23:21):
opportunities to learn, opportunities to learn about the teacher. I mean,
not all teachers are great teachers. I mean I love teachers,
and many of them are wonderful. But you have an
opportunity now to experience this adult who is teaching your
child when the child's not around. There are all sorts
of really good reasons to engage with the teachers at
these conferences, and unfortunately some of them are just so
(23:41):
quick you really don't have a whole lot of time
for them. Exactly, even if they're very quick. You have
enough time to advocate for your child. Right, So when
I ask you about a slightly different twist on this,
because neurodiversions isn't just about challenges, it's also about unique strengths.
I mean you mentioned in the long list of ways
that children are diagnosed as thinking neurodivergently, there's giftedness and
(24:05):
even with ADHD, a child can hyper focus on something
in a way that enables them to discover things that
other children aren't. So how can parents You've said it,
they have a lot of work to do. They're working
hard to help their children operate in the neurotypical world,
But how can they nurture the talents and the gifts
of their children. How can they both from their own
(24:28):
perspectives and then for their children celebrate this.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
So I believe that even with diagnoses and challenges, I
believe in a strengths based approach first. So even if
your child has a diagnosis that causes them challenges, I
think it's about approaching it and educating them from their
strengths perspective before getting into the challenges. So, for example,
(24:56):
they are very creative and innovative because they're brain is divergent.
It goes against the grain. And what happens when people
go against the grain they see things from different perspectives.
So that is why I love working with these kids,
because they come up with the funniest and most creative
and most amazing solutions to things that people would never
(25:18):
have thought about. My kids principal at their school, the
head of their school. She's ADHD and dyslexic, and the
kids absolutely love her because she is so creative and
comes up with such cool things for the kids to
do and shows up to their events. So I think
the creativity and the innovation and the energy is amazing
(25:39):
because they think outside the box and they come up
with like original ideas and solutions. They have a lot
of times a lot of people in business as adults
are the CEOs, they're the tech giants, they're the millionaires
because they think differently than other people do. They're storytellers,
they're artists, they're musicians, and they make connections between concepts
(26:00):
that maybe others don't see. So that's a huge strength.
I think. Another one is their deep focus and special interests.
One thing about ADHD and also with autism as well,
is an anxiety is they can get very hyper focused
on a particular interest and they dive way deep. So
I had a kid once who was autistic at ADHD
years ago, and he knew everything about ceiling tiles. I
(26:24):
was like, random, why is it o borns? But I
mean when the school had a big old leak and
they had to replace their roof, he knew everything about it. Right,
But they know stuff, and they can get very focused
on the Harry Potter series or Star Wars, or ceiling
tiles or the best shoes to get in winter. Like,
they have intense passions and they can dive deep into
(26:46):
things they love. And I think parents can nurture that.
They can say I love that about you. I love
that you can read about something or watch something or
binge something and then you just go for it. So
they can become very big experts in that and that
can be fed with hobbies. A third thing is they
have very strong problem solving and analytical thinking. Again, they're divergent,
so they see things differently than others may not see it.
(27:09):
So like my son is highly sensitive and when he
was three or four, I remember he asked me if
God had camouflaged skin, and I was like camouflage skin
I don't understand. And he's like, well, if we're made
in his image and we all look different, then he
must have camouflage. Like that's I had never thought about that, Like,
that's a just interesting thing to think. And so like
(27:31):
they think like that. They analyze things and they see solutions.
They see things about issues or problems or poems or
stories or movies that others don't see. And then I
think that they're also very resilient and adaptable. Although we
sometimes see them with weaknesses when they cause challenges, they
know how to adapt and persevere because they have to
(27:52):
because the world isn't built for them. And so they
see that neurotypical kids often have it easy and they
have to struggle so much harder can build character and
that could be seen as a strength. And so it's
really about helping them develop coping strategies to be able
to manage the challenges that come their way and say, yeah, man,
that sucked that you had to go through that, but
(28:13):
you know what, I'm proud of you that you persevered,
like look at you. You know. So I think that
determination and building that kind of stuff is really helpful.
And I think That's what can help parents is see
your kid through their strengths rather than their challenges. When
I have a parent say to a kid, and I
had one recently, told her kid, who has ADHD, you know,
(28:33):
she's so stubborn, And she told her to her face,
She's like, she's so stubborn. I was like, I see
her as persistent because you know, she wants to make
sure that she's heard. That's why she's so good in
her sports. That's why she's a great student, why she
has such good friends, because she is persistent and she
is determined. Yes, on the other side of the coin,
(28:53):
could that be seen as stubbornness, absolutely, but helping the
kids see that, yes, I see persistence as your strength.
That is your you know, awesomeness. But your kryptonite is
the stubbornness because you don't know when to stop and
when to shut up. When there's an argument, you just
keep going and keep going, and that can be your downfall.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
I love that. I love that parents can think about
the strength and then when it goes too far as
the kryptonite and children. I of course grew up with Superman,
but people children can easily grasp that Superman concept. Yes,
Just to wrap up, it seems as if the earlier
you can talk to professionals without any about your concerns,
(29:34):
and the earlier parents can get a grip on what
kind of potential challenges, what kind of different way of
thinking your child is experiencing, and the sooner a parent
can feel more emboldened and able to be an advocate,
to be supportive, and ultimately to celebrate. I love what
you've said about celebrating the differences. And you know the
(29:56):
world is filled with people who had a vision that
I didn't have, and they've made the world a better
place and enriched themselves in the process. And so it's
a bit of a journey for a parent to get
to the point where they can focus on the celebrating,
but it's really really important that they do. Doctor Lockhart,
thank you so much for this important and interesting and
(30:17):
helpful explanation of these really important topics. So thank you
again for joining us.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
Thanks for having me, Carol.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
I hope everyone listening enjoyed this conversation that you'll come
back for more. Please subscribe, rate and review where you
find your podcasts, and tell your friends. For more parenting
info and advice, Please check out the Ground Control Parenting
website at www. Groundcontrolparenting dot com. You can also find
us on Facebook and Instagram at ground Control Parenting and
on LinkedIn under Carol Sutton Lewis. Until the next time,
(30:47):
take care and thanks for listening.
Hello, and welcome to Ground Control Parenting, a blog and
now a podcast, Creative Parents Raising Black and Brown Children.
I'm the creator and your host, Carol Sutton Lewis. In
this podcast series, I talk with some really interesting people
about the joy and the job of parenting. Today, we're
talking about neurodivergent children. Now, many of us have heard
this term a lot, but aren't one hundred percent clear
(00:26):
on what it actually means. So to help us with this,
I am so excited to welcome back a wonderful parenting expert,
doctor Anne Louise Lockhart, to today's conversation. Doctor Lockhart is
a pediatric psychologist, parent coach, and national speaker with over
twenty years of experience. She founded a New Day Pediatric
Psychology in San Antonio, Texas to specialize in helping parents
(00:49):
understand and navigate the challenges of raising toddlers through teens.
She's passionate about empowering parents with practical strategies to support
their children's development and much behavior and foster strong emotional connections.
She is the mother of two, so she brings both
professional expertise and personal experience to her work. You may
(01:09):
remember last season when doctor Lockott brought her wonderful parenting
expertise to the podcast, and I'm so happy to have
her back this season. Welcome back to Grab Control Parenting.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Thanks for having me back. I'm really happy to be
here today.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Oh great, it's really great to have you back, and
I'm really eager for your guidance on this really important topic.
So let's get started. Okay, first fundamental question, what's the
difference between neurotypical and neurodivergent when we're talking about children?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Yeah? So I love this question because understanding the differences
between the two can help parents better understand and support
their kids in the way that they need and so,
rather than assuming how they should be. So. At its core,
neurotypical kids have brain functioning that aligns with societal expectations
(01:58):
for development, for learning, for behavior, for social skills. And
these are the kids who more or less follow traditional
developmental milestones. They meet the milestones exactly when and how
they're supposed to do, with a little bit of variation,
of course, so they can sit still in class, they
can pick up on social cues. They have great eye
(02:18):
contact that's well regulated. They regulate their own emotions with
some guidance and they can learn in the way that
most traditional schools teach.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
So neuro divergent kids, on the other hand, they have
a brain that has differences that make them process the
world in a very unique way. So divergent meaning kind
of they're moving away from what is typical. Does it
mean that it's abnormal or wrong. It's just not within
the realm of typical development as we would see it.
(02:52):
It's because their brain is wired differently, either through hereditary conditions,
through experiences, through a chemical or brain imbalance in some way.
So it's not better or worse, it's just different. Because
most of society's built around neurotypical expectations, neurodivergent kids often
struggle because they think that they're incapable because the system
(03:17):
isn't designed for them. So when you pile this on
top of a black or brown child, you can see
how these systemic issues make success more difficult because the
system wasn't made for them, and they have a harder
time because there are systemic challenges in place that set
them up to fail. So that's the main difference between
(03:37):
the two. And people think of like it's autism, but
they're neurodevelopmental disorders like autism, ADHD, intellectual disabilities or learning challenges,
specific learning challenges like dyslexia, language processing disorders. It also
includes dyspraxia, so challenges with motor coordination. Neurodivergence also includes
(03:59):
O selective mutism, social anxiety, depression, turetts, techn disorders, and
then as well as giftedness and traumatic brain injury. So
there really is a range. And so when people think
about it, it's like, no, it's just that your child's
brain is wired differently and they perceive and see the
world through a different lens.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
You know, it's really helpful to hear you structure it
like this because so many parents, when they encounter behavior
in their children that they don't understand or that they
don't see other children having, their immediate move is to panic,
is to think there's something wrong. It's really important that
we see the way that they learn and the way
they experience things as just another thing that we have
(04:41):
to understand about them, versus some problem that we have
to fix. Because if you'd think of it as a
problem you have to fix, some parents become afraid of
that and are not as likely to dive in to
see how they can be helpful. I have had a
quick question. In earlier days, I would hear of ADD
an ADHD and one. I think the H is hyperactivity,
(05:04):
but I don't hear about ADD much anymore. Are those
still two distinct conditions?
Speaker 2 (05:09):
So ADD was a diagnosis that was in our Diagnostic
and Statistical Manual, the DSM, and so they got rid
of it in twenty thirteen and where ADD attention deficit
disorder was a diagnosis used to describe children with attention
issues but didn't have hyperactivity. However, since then, with this
(05:29):
newest addition, there is now ADHD that's for everything, because
there's three types of ADHD, So the ADD still exists
in terms of the attention piece. However, it's now under
the umbrella of ADHD primarily inattentive type, So you have
ADHD primarily inattentive type, ADHD primarily hyperactive impulsive type, or
(05:52):
ADHD combined type. So kids with what used to be
known as ADD, which is now ADHD in attentive type.
These are often overlooked and missed. We often see these
in girls because they struggle quietly. They look like they
have anxiety, they look like they have just this inner
turmoil and angst, like they're off in their own world.
(06:13):
But they don't often cause problems in the home or
in school because everything is internalized. But then ADHD, hyperactive
impulsive type, typically shows up in boys, and they're more
noticeable because they are very disruptive because they're more active,
they're more impulsive, they say things out of turn, they're
walking round and jumping around when they're not supposed to do.
(06:36):
So it does cause adults more pain and struggle because
it's harder to manage. And so every child with ADHD
is unique. It's not considered a spectrum disorder. It's considered
a neurodevelopmental disorder because it's an executive functioning dysregulation disorder.
So anything related to executive functioning, which is in our
prefrontal cortex, so planning, time, management, processing, speed, even our personality, organization,
(07:04):
prioritizing things, all of those things are executive functions. So
anyone or many of those areas can be impacted by
this underactive brain for an ADHD kid. So that's why
it can show up like anything. You can have a
kid who's very gifted and has ADHD and highly organized,
but they struggle with making friends and with following through
(07:26):
on things. But then you might have another kid with
ADHD who does great with friends, struggles in school, and
is very messy.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
So you have identified one of the big issues with
respective parents trying to understand their children and how to
help them. Some children have more than one diagnoses. How
can parents know which diagnosis is presenting and what to
do about it? So, at what point do you begin
to move from typical parent concern about your child hitting
(08:01):
milestones to investigating whether your child is thinking more in
a more neurodiverse manner.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Yes, so that's a great question, and a lot of
parents they get stuck because they think they fail their
kids somehow if they're not performing neurotypically. And I think
we have to move away from that because every child
is different, and even if your child operates in a
way that is not neurotypical that you had hoped or
expected or other people have, it doesn't mean that you've
(08:29):
failed in some way. There's something significantly wrong with your child.
They just have a different kind of brain. And so
I think it's about giving ourselves some compassion and giving
our kids some grace and also normalizing for ourselves it's
okay to have children who think and operate and behave differently. Okay,
So I think we have to just put that out
there first. And the big thing then is people say, oh, well,
(08:53):
every kid has problems with organizing or paying attention or
being hyper. Lots of kids do well, Yeah, of course
they do. They're kids. Kids are immature. The issue is,
for example, with anxiety. If a child is worried about
they're seven years old and they're worried about monsters under
the bed, or they're scared about separating from you when
you drop them off at childcare, or they don't want
(09:14):
to go to class to do that presentation for their
group project. Those are normal fears. Being afraid of strangers,
being afraid of the dark, being afraid of separation, being
afraid of public speaking. Those are typical fears. But the
difference between a fear and a worry and anxiety disorder,
then it becomes an issue, is when it causes clinically
(09:36):
significant impact on multiple areas of functioning. So now your
kid has ibs or stomach issues. Now they're having to
go to the doctor all the time because they're anxiety
is affecting their health, or they have chronic headaches because
of excessive stress, or now they have to be homeschooled
because they're so afraid of leaving the house that now
(09:56):
they have no friends and they never want to go anywhere.
That to me is significant impairment in functioning and it's
not just a typical anxiety or worry. And I think
that's where we have to look at for neurodivergence, is like,
you have all these different things going on, So then
how do I know I have if I should get
my kid assessed? Well, maybe you look for a professional
(10:16):
to assess your child if you see there's a significant
impact on their functioning. And don't do it on your
own because if you google or WebMD it, you'll find
all kinds of stuff wrong with your kid that you
aren't even looking for. So don't do that. Go to
the professional who's trained to do this. Go to your
physician first, your pediatrician, and express like, hey, this is
(10:37):
what I'm concerned. They don't seem to be meeting these milestones,
or they can't make any friends, or their stomach is
constantly hurting, or they're missing excessive amounts of school. Talk
about that first with the pediatrician. And then ask, Okay,
does this need further assessment? Can you refer us to
a pediatric psychologist to look into it further to see like, Okay,
is this just a normal phase or is there a
(10:59):
diagnosis going on that needs treatment and intervention because it
might not be. It might just be a phase, or
it might be a few sessions and you need to
get some education as a parent, maybe some parent coaching,
and then they're good to go, and other kids might
need much more and even consider medication in addition to
the therapy.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
We'll be right back after these messages, welcome back to
the show. And you mentioned parent coaching, and it strikes
me that that's a pretty important component of this because
when parents find themselves with a child who is behaving
or experiencing things differently than they had imagined, it puts
the parents through a lot of different feelings and emotions. Understandably,
(11:40):
of course, you want to do the best you can
for your child, but you're also trying to both understand
what you're how your child's feeling, and trying to not feel,
as you said earlier, responsible or that you failed or
that there's an issue. How can parents work to give
themselves the grace I mean, is it? You know, I
always talk about the panic is not a good way
to go under any circumstance. But the most important reason
(12:02):
is it blocks you from being able to figure out
what to do. How do parents? How can parents work
to help themselves take care of themselves in the process
when they're taking care of their children.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Yeah, that absolutely is an important question because I've been
doing this work for about twenty years, and I started
out doing play therapy and pediatric psychology, just seeing kids
and teenagers, and of course I would integrate the parents
in the therapy process, but the primary focus was helping
the child master or overcome whatever challenge they were having.
I found that effective. What I noticed is that when
(12:34):
I started moving more into parent coaching, when I started
my practice nine years ago, I found that kids and
teens got better even without me ever seeing them, just
by educating, supporting, and seeing their parents. Because the kid
is only with me an hour a week, maybe, but
they're with their parents all the time when they're not
(12:55):
in school. So being able to talk to the parents
and equip and educate and support the parents and help
them feel more confident and aware of what their kid
was going through and how parenting a kid, for example,
who's neurodivergent is different than parenting a neurotypical kid. And
parents who have those types of kids will know that
because they're like, oh, they're more spicy, they are harder
(13:17):
to parent. I feel more frustrated. I feel like they
bring out the worst in me. All these things that
they go through. You cannot do the typical things that
you would do in parenting that a lot of parenting
advice gives. With a neurodivergent kid, it doesn't work. It
doesn't work. And so being able to provide that parent
coaching is so much more helpful for the parent because
then the kid also benefits from it because now their
(13:39):
household feels more peaceful, more harmonious, more different. And so
I think that's just a huge piece. I've just found
so much benefit, so much reward actually in doing parent
coaching with parents, and I see how much their kids
benefit because their parent feels more self assured. Not to say, oh,
I'm a bad parent, Why I need parent coaching. That's
not about it. It's about being more effective. You can
(14:00):
respond differently.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Absolutely, in terms of that effectiveness you mentioned earlier. If
you are child that is experiencing things differently, having trouble
making friends, having difficulty with social cues, and you're a
black or brown child and you are in the classroom setting,
a lot of things could potentially go wrong. In fact,
studies have shown that some black neurodivergent children face disciplinary
(14:23):
actions at a higher rate just because there's not an
understanding that they are how differently they're experiencing the world. So,
how can parents advocate for their children once there has
been a diagnosis? And I asked this question not just
for a black child, but especially for a black child,
there's going to be the need to advocate for your
(14:45):
child in the classroom. How can parents do this and
work with educators to ensure equitable and fair treatment. How
do they figure that out? I mean, where do they
get the tools to do that right?
Speaker 2 (14:58):
And I think it's an important because you bring up
how these kids get disciplined more often. I don't think
they get disciplined more often. I think they get punished
more often because punishment is about making sure they feel
some kind of pain or discomfort or misery in the
mistake or the behavior they've engaged in, and discipline is
about teaching, guiding, supporting, and a lot of these kids
(15:21):
aren't getting disciplined in that way. I think people use
that term thinking that that's what they mean. It's like
now when you kick out a kid out of daycare
who's four, When you put a kid in time out
and make them feel embarrassed, when you knock them down
off the behavior chart into red and send them to
the principal's office or send them home from school, that's
not really discipline. That's punishment because what are they learning
(15:43):
from doing that? If they don't want to be at
school anyway, then they're like, whoo, I'm out of this
class deuces like, it's not discipline. They are just sometimes
getting what they want, so it actually can backfire on
you and then they still aren't learning the skills and
then they'll come back and do the same thing. Right,
So I think we have to keep that in mind
(16:03):
that a lot of our black and brown children are
not getting taught, They are getting punished, and that is
why so many of them hate school, don't feel people
are advocating for them, that the people are out to
get them, and why people talk about the school to
prison pipeline because of all of these different issues. So
I think there's a few things that parents need to
(16:24):
be aware of. Is they have to validate their kids'
experiences and don't gaslight them. They say, I think my
teacher is out to get me. You know, this white
lady doesn't like when I show up and she tries
to touch my hair. And I always get in trouble for
saying the same things that this other white kid next
to me says. You don't want to then invalidate their experiences.
Maybe they're telling tall tales, maybe they're telling the truth,
(16:45):
But validate their experience if that's how they perceive it,
instead of saying, oh, it's not that bad or no,
I don't think she has it out for you. You know,
I can see I can see why you would think that,
given the examples that you've given me. I'm really sorry
that has been your experience. So just acknowledge, whether it's
true or not, just acknowledge that this is what they're
experiencing and what they've expressed to And I think we
(17:05):
have to be able to adapt to what's happening, giving
them the skills, basically building them up so they have
the skills to manage their impulses, that they think before
they speak, all the different skills that they need, all
the executive function skills that get them in trouble because
they lack the skills. Teaching them those skills and helping
(17:27):
them practice and not making it like a big Okay,
let's take a break from TV and practice executive function
skills like you can do it in the course of
their day, very organically, very naturally, so that you can say, oh, hey,
we were going to eat pizza and burgers tonight, but
the shop that we were going to go to close down,
(17:48):
and so why don't we do blah blah blah from
this other place whatever? Building flexibility, or you notice they're
about to say something out of turn and you could
be like, oh, think before you speak and just kind
of mirroring and managing, or when you get frustrated you
want to go off, you're like, oh, I was about
to just get really angry. I'm going to take a
deep breath. Like there's so many different ways that we
(18:08):
can practice and model that which we want them to have.
The third thing is to advocate for them to show
up at the parent teacher conferences. Make sure the school
knows your face knows that you're going to show up
because you care about your kid and their success. And
I hear this so often in a lot of schools
that have a lot of black and brown kids, where
(18:30):
a lot of parents never show up, they don't talk
to their teachers, the teachers don't even know who they are.
But then just in places where maybe your kid is
one a few kids like them, that they definitely need
to know that you're not going to take no nonsense,
that you're going to show up, that you're advocating for
your kid, that your kid talks to you about things.
(18:51):
They know that you're there, they know that you have
your kids back. But you also want to support the
teacher of the school, the mission of the school, and resources.
If you have teachers, or a school district or a
school who has no idea how to teach kids who
are neurodivergent, give them those resources. There are therapists, there
(19:11):
are trainers, There are mental health people in your area,
in your city, nationally who can train your school, who
can train the classroom, who can train the districts. I
do that work. I know lots of people who do
that work. So bring in people like that so that
they can be equipped and they can learn that, Oh, yes,
these types of students do need to be taught differently,
(19:33):
and what can I do to accommodate that? What can
I do to make adjustments? And by the way, many
neurodivergent diagnoses are protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act,
so schools that receive state and federal funds are required
to make reasonable accommodations. So whether it's like extra time
on tests or one on one instruction, or being able
(19:53):
to record lectures or reduced homework, all of those things
are considered a reasonable come nations and they are required
by law for these kinds of students.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
I can't emphasize more what you've said about parents needing
to show up being a presence in your child's school.
Across the board, all parents need to show up, but
particularly if you have, through your research and your discussions
with professionals, determined that there is some aspect of your
child's learning that needs special attention and a reason to
(20:25):
show up at the beginning of the school year as
another interested parent and to connect with the teachers. Is
because if and when there is some issue that relates
to your child's particular way of approaching things if he
or she is being disruptive and you need the school's help.
You want to be someone who's shown up at the
beginning with a clear interest in the school, a clear
(20:48):
interest in the school community, and a clear interest in
your child, so that you know your example of your
child coming home and talking about how the white teachers
touching his hair and validating that with your child, but
then being able to go to the teacher and say,
this is what my child has said to me. Why
do you think he would say that? But you need
to have that relationship where you're not showing up for
(21:08):
the first time in an adversarial conversation. And so it's
really really I appreciate your saying that, and I can't
agree with that. More busy working parents, it's very hard
to become a very active member of your school community.
But early days, in particular, when your child first starts out,
it's really important to get your face in there to
(21:28):
be seen and then find somebody on the inside, another
parent who has more time, is more at the school,
a friend, one of those people that hangs around the
school all the time, because then you get the inside
scoop and that person has eyes on your child when
you're not there.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Well and too, Carol, I mean I'm a busy parent
as well too. I don't think it's realistic to expect
parents to do all the things, be at the school
and every volunteer opportunity. That's just not realistic for many parents,
especially if they have work that takes them outside of
the home and they're not working from home. Even with that,
they doesn't mean that we have endless amounts of time.
But I think it's also about keeping communication, sending those emails,
(22:04):
looking up their grades every week, being in communication with
the staff office, like just being able to have some
type of communication with the teacher, with the school, showing
up to certain events that occur, you know, just making
your presence known. But definitely at the minimal showing up
to parent teacher conferences. I hear from so many teachers
(22:25):
that they have lots of students that their parents just
never show up to these and they never meet them.
It should not be the case. At the very minimal,
doing the parent teacher conferences so they know who you
are and you can address any concerns before they get
too bad.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
And I think it's important for parents to back up
and just eliminate that part of the shame or whatever
childhood remembrances you have of parent teacher conferences or whatever
is blocking you or making you think that it's not
that important. Or if your child is not doing as
well as you would like and you think you don't
want to sit and listen to this or you're going
(23:00):
to feel responsible, you really need to put that aside.
And truly you are an advocate for your child, and
you and the teacher are allies trying to figure out
how to help your child do better. So just try
to put aside any kind of emotional concern about going
to these parent teacher confidence and look at them as
(23:21):
opportunities to learn, opportunities to learn about the teacher. I mean,
not all teachers are great teachers. I mean I love teachers,
and many of them are wonderful. But you have an
opportunity now to experience this adult who is teaching your
child when the child's not around. There are all sorts
of really good reasons to engage with the teachers at
these conferences, and unfortunately some of them are just so
(23:41):
quick you really don't have a whole lot of time
for them. Exactly, even if they're very quick. You have
enough time to advocate for your child. Right, So when
I ask you about a slightly different twist on this,
because neurodiversions isn't just about challenges, it's also about unique strengths.
I mean you mentioned in the long list of ways
that children are diagnosed as thinking neurodivergently, there's giftedness and
(24:05):
even with ADHD, a child can hyper focus on something
in a way that enables them to discover things that
other children aren't. So how can parents You've said it,
they have a lot of work to do. They're working
hard to help their children operate in the neurotypical world,
But how can they nurture the talents and the gifts
of their children. How can they both from their own
(24:28):
perspectives and then for their children celebrate this.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
So I believe that even with diagnoses and challenges, I
believe in a strengths based approach first. So even if
your child has a diagnosis that causes them challenges, I
think it's about approaching it and educating them from their
strengths perspective before getting into the challenges. So, for example,
(24:56):
they are very creative and innovative because they're brain is divergent.
It goes against the grain. And what happens when people
go against the grain they see things from different perspectives.
So that is why I love working with these kids,
because they come up with the funniest and most creative
and most amazing solutions to things that people would never
(25:18):
have thought about. My kids principal at their school, the
head of their school. She's ADHD and dyslexic, and the
kids absolutely love her because she is so creative and
comes up with such cool things for the kids to
do and shows up to their events. So I think
the creativity and the innovation and the energy is amazing
(25:39):
because they think outside the box and they come up
with like original ideas and solutions. They have a lot
of times a lot of people in business as adults
are the CEOs, they're the tech giants, they're the millionaires
because they think differently than other people do. They're storytellers,
they're artists, they're musicians, and they make connections between concepts
(26:00):
that maybe others don't see. So that's a huge strength.
I think. Another one is their deep focus and special interests.
One thing about ADHD and also with autism as well,
is an anxiety is they can get very hyper focused
on a particular interest and they dive way deep. So
I had a kid once who was autistic at ADHD
years ago, and he knew everything about ceiling tiles. I
(26:24):
was like, random, why is it o borns? But I
mean when the school had a big old leak and
they had to replace their roof, he knew everything about it. Right,
But they know stuff, and they can get very focused
on the Harry Potter series or Star Wars, or ceiling
tiles or the best shoes to get in winter. Like,
they have intense passions and they can dive deep into
(26:46):
things they love. And I think parents can nurture that.
They can say I love that about you. I love
that you can read about something or watch something or
binge something and then you just go for it. So
they can become very big experts in that and that
can be fed with hobbies. A third thing is they
have very strong problem solving and analytical thinking. Again, they're divergent,
so they see things differently than others may not see it.
(27:09):
So like my son is highly sensitive and when he
was three or four, I remember he asked me if
God had camouflaged skin, and I was like camouflage skin
I don't understand. And he's like, well, if we're made
in his image and we all look different, then he
must have camouflage. Like that's I had never thought about that, Like,
that's a just interesting thing to think. And so like
(27:31):
they think like that. They analyze things and they see solutions.
They see things about issues or problems or poems or
stories or movies that others don't see. And then I
think that they're also very resilient and adaptable. Although we
sometimes see them with weaknesses when they cause challenges, they
know how to adapt and persevere because they have to
(27:52):
because the world isn't built for them. And so they
see that neurotypical kids often have it easy and they
have to struggle so much harder can build character and
that could be seen as a strength. And so it's
really about helping them develop coping strategies to be able
to manage the challenges that come their way and say, yeah, man,
that sucked that you had to go through that, but
(28:13):
you know what, I'm proud of you that you persevered,
like look at you. You know. So I think that
determination and building that kind of stuff is really helpful.
And I think That's what can help parents is see
your kid through their strengths rather than their challenges. When
I have a parent say to a kid, and I
had one recently, told her kid, who has ADHD, you know,
(28:33):
she's so stubborn, And she told her to her face,
She's like, she's so stubborn. I was like, I see
her as persistent because you know, she wants to make
sure that she's heard. That's why she's so good in
her sports. That's why she's a great student, why she
has such good friends, because she is persistent and she
is determined. Yes, on the other side of the coin,
(28:53):
could that be seen as stubbornness, absolutely, but helping the
kids see that, yes, I see persistence as your strength.
That is your you know, awesomeness. But your kryptonite is
the stubbornness because you don't know when to stop and
when to shut up. When there's an argument, you just
keep going and keep going, and that can be your downfall.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
I love that. I love that parents can think about
the strength and then when it goes too far as
the kryptonite and children. I of course grew up with Superman,
but people children can easily grasp that Superman concept. Yes,
Just to wrap up, it seems as if the earlier
you can talk to professionals without any about your concerns,
(29:34):
and the earlier parents can get a grip on what
kind of potential challenges, what kind of different way of
thinking your child is experiencing, and the sooner a parent
can feel more emboldened and able to be an advocate,
to be supportive, and ultimately to celebrate. I love what
you've said about celebrating the differences. And you know the
(29:56):
world is filled with people who had a vision that
I didn't have, and they've made the world a better
place and enriched themselves in the process. And so it's
a bit of a journey for a parent to get
to the point where they can focus on the celebrating,
but it's really really important that they do. Doctor Lockhart,
thank you so much for this important and interesting and
(30:17):
helpful explanation of these really important topics. So thank you
again for joining us.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
Thanks for having me, Carol.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
I hope everyone listening enjoyed this conversation that you'll come
back for more. Please subscribe, rate and review where you
find your podcasts, and tell your friends. For more parenting
info and advice, Please check out the Ground Control Parenting
website at www. Groundcontrolparenting dot com. You can also find
us on Facebook and Instagram at ground Control Parenting and
on LinkedIn under Carol Sutton Lewis. Until the next time,
(30:47):
take care and thanks for listening.
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