July 30, 2025 • 43 mins
Grace Bastidas knows what families need—because she’s spent her career listening to them. As the founding editor of Parents Latina and the (recently stepped-down) editor-in-chief of Parents—the first woman of color to hold that role in the brand’s 100-year history—Grace has spent years talking to experts, amplifying parent voices, and shaping how we think about raising kids today.
Grace joins Carol to talk not just about what she’s learned from covering parenting for many years, but also about her own experience raising two daughters in a bilingual, bicultural home. Grace shares how she draws on her Colombian roots and her NYC upbringing to create a home where identity, language, and cultural connection thrive. She explains how she’s raising her daughters to stay rooted in who they are, even as they grow up in a global, fast-moving world.
Grace’s professional experience gives her a broad view of what works for families, but it’s her personal stories that bring those insights to life. She speaks candidly about parenting through imperfect moments, the importance of slowing down, and how reconnecting with your values can help both you and your children feel more grounded.
If you're looking for trusted, real-world parenting wisdom from someone who truly understands what families need—this conversation is for you.
Follow Ground Control Parenting:
📱 Instagram, TikTok & Facebook: @GroundControlParenting
💼 LinkedIn: Carol Sutton Lewis
🌐 Website: GroundControlParenting.com
Grace joins Carol to talk not just about what she’s learned from covering parenting for many years, but also about her own experience raising two daughters in a bilingual, bicultural home. Grace shares how she draws on her Colombian roots and her NYC upbringing to create a home where identity, language, and cultural connection thrive. She explains how she’s raising her daughters to stay rooted in who they are, even as they grow up in a global, fast-moving world.
Grace’s professional experience gives her a broad view of what works for families, but it’s her personal stories that bring those insights to life. She speaks candidly about parenting through imperfect moments, the importance of slowing down, and how reconnecting with your values can help both you and your children feel more grounded.
If you're looking for trusted, real-world parenting wisdom from someone who truly understands what families need—this conversation is for you.
Follow Ground Control Parenting:
📱 Instagram, TikTok & Facebook: @GroundControlParenting
💼 LinkedIn: Carol Sutton Lewis
🌐 Website: GroundControlParenting.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hello, and welcome to Ground Control Parenting, a blog and
now a podcast creative for parents raising black and brown children.
I'm the creator and the host, Carol Sutton Lewis. In
this podcast, I talk with some really interesting people about
the job and the joy of parenting. And today I
am really excited to welcome an amazing parenting expert, Grace Fastidas,
(00:25):
who is a storyteller, an editor, a writer, and an
on air personality as well as a parenting expert. She
just wrapped up a very successful run as editor in
chief of Parents, and she was the first woman of
color to hold this position in the media brand's nearly
one hundred year history. Before joining Parents, Grace launched and
led a multicultural parenting brand for LATINX caregivers that relaunched
(00:49):
as Familia under the Parent's umbrella. She's also been a
parenting podcaster, having co hosted and produced the podcast That
New mom Life. She has moderated and presented at conferences
and summits across the country, including the Aspen Ideas Festival
and the Common Sense Summit, and she regularly shares her
parenting expertise in the media on shows like CBS Mornings,
(01:10):
Good Morning America, Kellya Mark and The Today Show. She's
written for The New York Times and Wall Street Journal,
and she's always been passionate about giving voice to underrepresented communities.
Grace earned a Bachelor of Arts degree from Fordea University
with a dual major in journalism in Latin American Studies.
She lives in Brooklyn, New York, with her husband and daughters,
who are ten and twelve. Welcome to Ground Control of Parenting.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Grace, Thank you for having me, Carol.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
I am so happy to have you here. I'm happy
that you can talk with us about all things parenting.
So let's get started. And the first thing I didn't
mention this. I mentioned you were in Brooklyn now, But
you are a native New Yorker. I am bless you mean, yes, exactly,
we are so rare.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Yes, they're not a lot of us around. They're not.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
But tell me about growing up in New York City.
What was life like in New York City when you
growing up?
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Well, I, even though I live in Brooklyn now, I
did grow up in Elmhurst, Queens, which at the time
was considered the biggest melting pod in all of the
United States. And while today we use the term salad
instead of melting pot, because we're trying to celebrate all
the cultures and not mix them together.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Interesting.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
It was a place of diversity. So I grew up
with kids who were also first generation, and they were
of Korean heritage, they were Greek, they were Ecuadorian, they
were Indian, so that was really the norm. And I
remember World Culture Day at my school and all these
kids dressed in their native garb, and you know, you
don't realize as a kid how special this was. And
(02:43):
you know, when I think about it now, it was
really such an amazing place to be in because I
was able to see all these cultures in action all
the time.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
You know, first of all, I was born in Queens too.
I was born in Jamaica, Jamaica saying all them.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
So two Queen's girls hanging out exactly.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
I went to one sixteen in Jamaica, Queens and we
did have I remember food festivals. People would all bring
the foods from home or from their culture or whatever,
and we really did celebrate that. I mean, I hope
they hope that still happens, but there really was this
sense of you come as yourself, but you bring with
you this whole heritage and you were encouraged to share.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
It, and as kids, it's so mind blowing, right, it
really opens up your idea of what it means to
be in this world and really mixing in with all
these cultures and really trying things for the first time.
I remember those huge pots of food and wondering, what
is this exactly? I want to try?
Speaker 1 (03:41):
You know, it just occurred to me that growing up
in New York City, we understood from day one that
there were all different kinds of people in our world.
I mean, they're pretty homogeneous communities where people just see
people that look like themselves. But it was really such
an advantage to be in a city where you knew
that there were lots of different stories.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
I joked that I grew up in a bubble because
I really did, as a kid, think that was the
way the world look and people were of different cultures, ethnicities, races,
And turns out that is not the case.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
I mean, it is the case, but it's not the case.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
In different in different cities, especially when you leave New
York City, right, there isn't that mix that we see here?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Yeah, no, exactly. So, so you're in Queens and your
family originally.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Was from Colombia, Columbia, and yes, I like to say Brankia, Colombia.
Same with my best accent where Shakira and Sophia Vergara
are from. In case you need to.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Pinpoint exactly you did you did your family hang out
with them when they were all the time. No, I'm
glad that you said where you were from, because I
was going to try it and it wasn't going to
sound anywhere that word. And so home involved a lot
of of Colombian culture.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Well, definitely. So my parents immigrated from Columbia and they
brought their culture with them, and those their friends were
from Colombia. Those were the traditions we practice and the
music we listened to. We spoke Spanish at home, we
ate Colombian food, So it was very much a very
Colombian environment. And because everyone around us was of the
(05:24):
same culture, that was just the way it was. I
remember watching TV as a kid and wondering, what is
meat loaf? Families were sitting and having meat loaf. I'm like,
why am I not getting any meat load? So you
know it was. And when I went to school, I
was American, so I was straddling these two cultures and
(05:44):
never really knowing where I fit in, and as a kid,
you want to fit in right, and you don't see
until you become an adult the advantages of that, of
being able to insert yourself in different places and at
home in different cultures. And I still go to Columbia today.
I just I went earlier this year with my daughters
(06:07):
who are bilingual, and I just feel the sense of
belonging because that culture is really so familiar to me.
It's how I grew up and it's made me who
I am today.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
I love that parents bring their cultures and instill it
in their children. I have many friends who are first
generation America and they straddle, as you say, they toggle
between these two worlds. And to your point, when you're
a child, it's harder, I would imagine, but it's so advantageous.
You start out knowing about different parts of the world.
(06:41):
You have an advantage over your peers. So moving forward,
you are married and your husband is from England, and
so you are raising daughters, biracial daughters, and as you said,
they speak Spanish, so clearly it's been important to you
to sort of carry on the traditions that are some
of the dicisions that you grew up with. How do
you approach this when you were thinking about having children.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Well, it takes a lot of effort and consistency, right,
So it doesn't just come naturally. When I tell you
about how I was raised, I was living a very
Colombian life and immersed in that culture. And when I
became a mom, I saw myself moving further away from
a culture. Because I'm bilingual, but I speak English with
(07:24):
my friends. Spanish was a language, or is a language
that I speak more with the elders in my family.
So speaking to children in Spanish did not come easily
to me. It was something that I had to keep
on doing until it became natural. But I will say
that for my husband and I, we've done a really
great job at really intertwining these cultures. A lot of
(07:45):
it has to do with travel. I told you we
were just in Colombia and my daughters got to go
to a few music shows. They were eating pastries and
fruits from Colombia and enjoying all this bounty, and we
were just all together in England where they got to
hang out with their cousins from my husband's side, and
(08:06):
they had afternoon tea and they learned the history. Everywhere
we go we talk about the history because it's all
around you when you go to England and closer to home.
My husband also has a letter from King George that
we hung up that was for his grandfather and for
all his efforts in the war. And we have a
(08:28):
lot of stories. When we sit around the table, we
tell stories. And I think there's really a nice thing.
It's storytelling in such a nice way to not only
preserve your culture, but give children a sense of place
in this complicated world and a little bit of a
road map so that they know where they came from.
And you know, I also invite my family to any
(08:50):
celebration we have, and if you've ever been to a
party with Latinos and Latinas, you know like the music
and the food and everybody's talking at the same time.
So my daughters really get to see both sides of
this and they take it all in so beautifully and
it's just part of the way we live. I did
(09:11):
put in the effort, and like I said, you have
to be consistent, but I think that has paid off
where they walk through the world talking about all the
places that make who they are and their heritage, and
they also have friends who are bi racial and bicultural
or multicultural. So it's very normal the way we move
(09:34):
around the world to know that people are from different places.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
It occurs to me that your experience growing up biculturally
gave you a greater understanding of the advantages, but also
that it was a little tough to try to sometimes
toggle between the two. So I imagine you were particularly
sensors to that. When you had children of your own,
you could kind of relate, and so I imagine that
helped you sort of map out a world for them
(09:59):
where they could where they were getting the benefits of
both cultures but feeling really good about their their way
through well.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
I think the beauty of being first generation and a
first generation parent is that you get to pick the
best right. You get to pick the best of that
culture and all the things that you want to pass
on and celebrate to your children. You know that when
you're thinking about how to raise children, you don't have
(10:26):
to accept everything. There's always pros and cons to every culture,
and things that are just passed down that you may
want to leave behind and others that you want to take.
So I've been very intentional about bringing all the good
stuff into my family.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
So yeah, you know, I like that. I hadn't thought
about that. That is true. You get to you get
to you get to pass on all the things that
you that you enjoyed. So but it's really impressive that
your children are bilingual. I mean that. And did that
come as a result of you exclusively speaking Spanish to
them when they were young?
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Yes, oh my goodness. So when my daughters were born,
so they're ten and twelve. So when my twelve year
old was born, and I started in English, and then
I thought, wait a second, how is she going to
learn Spanish if I'm not speaking Spanish. And we know
that those early years are when the brain is developing, right,
and there's like that moment that you can get them
(11:22):
to really they're like little sponges. So I made the
switch into Spanish, and I bought bored books in Spanish,
and I made sure that when my family came over,
they spoke in Spanish. But it did not come naturally
to me because I would hear myself talk and say
sweet little nothings in Spanish to a baby who couldn't
(11:43):
answer back. And I was like, who is this person?
This isn't me? Is it my mom talking? Is it
my aunt talking? It just felt really awkward. But during
those early years, I also had my aunt as our babysitter,
and she speaks predominantly Spanish, so I didn't want to
leave her out of the conversation. So that really helped
(12:04):
kind of move it along and make me more comfortable
in speaking Spanish to a teeny tiny baby, and.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
She would only speak Spanish to them, and she.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Would only speak Spanish to them exactly. Yeah. But interestingly,
my husband does not speak Spanish. So I always like
to joke that the secret to my marriage is that
my husband has not understood a word I've said in
the last twelve years. He understands a lot in context,
but he doesn't speak the language. But I did not
(12:31):
let that stop me, and he was very supportive. So
when we sit around the dinner table even now, it's
just a mishmash of languages and we're speaking Spanish and
we're speaking English and it somehow magically works. So I
don't think that should be ever a deterrent for parents
who want to pursue a second language with their children.
(12:52):
And then when my children started elementary school, I put
them in a dual language public school here in New
York City so that they could see their friends and
their peers also speaking the language, which I think is
so important because at one point children always think like,
wait a second, why am I doing this? No one
I know speaks this. Well, you're the only one. So
(13:14):
I didn't want them to push up against that. So
by putting them in a setting where the language and
culture is celebrated and their peers speak it, I think
that's really extended our ability to speak Spanish and we
go around the world.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Because you know, I've had some questions from some young
parents about how to bring their children up bilingually, and
this is really helpful because it's good to hear that
it's not always so easy. I mean, you think one
person knows the language, they can just speak it.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Even if you don't speak the language fluently, you can
learn it together. That's the beauty, right. So when I
started speaking in Spanish with my kids and they as
they got bigger, you know, kids, they have a million
questions and you want to answer as many as possible.
But sometimes they would ask me something that I would
just say, what the heck, how am I going to
answer this in Spanish? What is that animal called? For example,
(14:08):
I grew up in New York City, They're like, what's
that a raccoon? They wanted to know what a raccoon was,
and I'm like, raccoon. I don't think I've ever needed
that word in Spanish in my entire life, and I
just googled it and yes, that's my buchet. So I
was also educating myself in things that I just didn't
(14:30):
use the language for. So you can make it work
no matter what you can.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
And I actually put my oldest in a French immersion class,
like a little preschool, couple hours a day, and I
marveled at by like day three, they're only talking to
her in French, and day three I'm picking her up
and she's doing whatever it is they're saying to do.
And to this day she stayed with French. She speaks
French better than I do. So this is just to
let parents know that any little thing you do with
(14:55):
respect man difference when they are tiny, it really does
make a difference, literally does. So. Your interest in community
born of having been grown up in this really amazing
community and working hard to create your own community with
your kids. Your interest in community has billed over into
your professional life, and I want to first ask you
(15:18):
about how you came to create the LATINX multicultural brand
that you grew out of nothing to have millions of followers.
How did that begin?
Speaker 2 (15:28):
So I created the brand Parents Latina in twenty fourteen.
I had a two year old at home and I
was pregnant with my little one, and I really found
there was this huge white space for LATINX parents like
myself who were predominantly English speakers.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Huge brown space. No huge space, yes.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
That were predominantly English speakers, but weren't getting culturally relevant
parenting contents to them, right, So really wanting to preserve
the culture and pass on the values and forego those
things that didn't serve them from their culture and handling
(16:13):
perhaps a relationship with somebody outside of the culture. So
there was a lot to be said for how to
raise multicultural children, bilingual children, and at the time I
started thinking, I'm going to write about this, this is
such a need, and Parents Latina came around and I
(16:35):
launched it in twenty fourteen and led that brand for
about seven years, and it really was a passion project
for me because I was also the audience. I was
living that life, wanting to take all the most wonderful
things about my culture and infuse them in how I
was parenting my children. So I created this brand that
(16:58):
you know, lo and Behold. It was such a necessity
because we had readers of all different cultures, but all
asking similar questions. And that was really what helped to
thrive because no matter where you were living in this country,
if you were surrounded by other LATINX parents, or if
(17:19):
you did not see anybody that looked like you, it
really served as this community for people who knew that
they weren't alone in this mission to raise proud multicultural children.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Well, that's definitely music to my ears. I've been focusing
on that for some time, but I want to ask
a little about the nuts and bolts of it. We'll
be right back after these messages. Welcome back to the show.
How did you find the audience? How did you when
you started writing? Where did you send it so that
it could be seen?
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Well, Parents Latina was a magazine that was under the
Parents' umbrella. So the Parents, which is nearly one hundred
years old, created this brand that I created, that I
launched from the start. I created the content in it,
the mix of content, and we started by putting it
in doctors' offices, right doctor's offices in very LATINX communities
(18:18):
all around the country, and you know, slowly we grew
it into having an online presence and having social media.
So it started very small, and when people started hearing
about it, they just felt suddenly seen, like, wait a second,
there's some there are other people like me out there.
(18:40):
And you know, when you think about Latin culture and
people are from all so many different countries and so
many different paths of life and races, and there's so
much diversity even within that LATINX community. But I really
focus on those threads that connect everybody so o love
of family, our joy, our ability to be optimistic even
(19:05):
when you know things aren't going well, and all the
things that we wanted to instill in our children. And
I was able to find those connections and really create
something that felt special and that people felt that talked
to them specifically.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Yeah, no, that I'm glad you said that, because certainly,
growing up in New York, knowing about the many, many
different Spanish speaking cultures, my sense has been that there
are things that separate them as well as things that
bring them together. So it's good to hear that you
were able to find the connecting threads. And I mean,
(19:42):
what an immensely strong and powerful market sharing the same
sort of focus. So now that you explain that, it
makes all the sense in the world that all the
communities would really enjoy that.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
And I also think that when you live in this
country and your first second generation grow growing up LATINX,
you also celebrate other Latino cultures like I love Mexican food,
Peruvian food, I love talking to Argentinians about sports. So
I think also giving parents permission that you're while you
(20:16):
were raised in this very specific culture, you can raise
kids that are Pan Latino. You know, you can do
whatever you want. Yeah, the goal is really to celebrate
the cultures that we come from, the countries that we
come from, the language and all those values that are
instilled enough to like really keep that going with our
own children.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
That makes so much sense. And then after you developed
the Parents Latina brand, then were you became editor in
chief of Parents and so so now you had both
the LATINX market and the general market to talk to
about parenting. But how are you able and I know
you did this, how are you able to bring and
(20:58):
amplify the parents Latino voice and perspective into the general
parents market.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
I think when I became editor in chief of Parents,
one of my goals was to make sure that we
showed as many parenting perspectives as possible, so different family dynamics,
different races, different walks of life, to really let people
know that you are included in that conversation no matter
(21:25):
where you come from, how you parent, what your family
structure looks like. Because the important lesson that Parents Latina
taught me is that there are so many ways to
look at this. It's like a Rubik's cube, right, you
keep turning it and turning it, and it all has
value in it all is special. And I wanted parents
(21:47):
to understand that there was a space for them no
matter what they were, how they looked, or what they
were doing inside their home. I wanted them to feel
seen and understood and heard. And I think that was
really what I wanted to bring to parents, really just
breaking down the idea that there is one way to
be a parent, which there isn't. There's no one way
(22:09):
there's no one size fits all, and that was really
how I made that leap from parents from parents Latina
to parents.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
You know. I often say that parenting is the great equalizer,
and I often talk about in terms of economics, because
it doesn't matter how much money you have or don't have.
Parents are facing the same issues with their kids. But
it also is the great equalizer with respect to different
communities and how whatever happens in your home, you're still
(22:38):
worried about your child in school. You know their health,
their safety, and so it makes sense that when you
are focusing on parents' brand, generally you're including all these
different people, but you're the connecting thread. Is it all
the things that parents worry about?
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Yes, I've I've talked to a lot of celebrities, and
even when you talk to a celebrity and you think
they're out there do their thing, if they're a parent,
they've got the same concern. They're wondering, how is my
kid going to sleep through the night, or you know,
how's your kid doing in school? Let's talk about that, right, right.
But there is that relatability, that instant relatability because we
(23:15):
are all in the trenches together.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
So true so true. So I want to shift a
little bit to talk about sort of parenting issues, and
one that I know is near and dear to you
is building off what we talked about, the parenting community
and the importance of parents everywhere seeking and finding their community.
So how do you think about helping parents find their
community or the importance of it, And if parents are
(23:42):
looking to find a community, what should they be doing.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
You know, we're living in a very isolated world. As
much as we're connected and we've got followers and we're
all surrounded by people, we really don't take the opportunity
to really connect with people in real life. And I
think that is so crucial for this world that we're
living in, especially for our children who are spending so
(24:07):
much time online, they're socializing on their devices and really
surrounding them with caring, trusted adults. And how important that is,
not only because it's other people to rely on, other
trusted people that they can go to whenever they have
an issue, but also give them other perspectives, other ways
(24:30):
of thinking about things that maybe you know isn't the
same as their parents. But when kids want to talk
to somebody or feel that need, it's good to have
as many people as possible that they can reach out to.
And for us as parents, we need all the support
we can get, Carol, We need to you know, many
(24:50):
times it's a listening ear right, somebody to bounce something
off off of. If my kid's going through something, did
your kid go through that? And just it's really just
sharing information. But sometimes it's also like, hey, I can't
make it to school for pickup on time? Will you
please hold on to my child? Simple things like that.
(25:11):
And while we can build community in so many different
ways depending on where you live, who you are, I
think it really starts with recognizing the humanity in each other,
you know, and letting go of pretenses and this idea
of perfection and empathizing that everybody is going through something,
no matter who you are. We talked about, you know,
(25:33):
the parenting being the great equalizer role going through something.
So just being real with each other, sharing our stories,
our struggles and empathizing and listening, you know, taking a
moment to actually listen to somebody. I think it's very important.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
You know, it's so interesting when you talk about the
fact that our children are being raised in a world
where their primary source of a lot of information and
relationships actually come from media, come from devices. Even when
they're really little, they learn that you can see things
(26:10):
on a screen and interact with the screen. But as parents,
even if we didn't grow up that way, that's definitely
the way that we're working now. When you talk about
the need for community, we need it to raise our children,
but we also need it to remind ourselves that we
have to get out of the screens. I mean, there's
a lot of great stuff that comes from an adult
being able to interact with a screen. You can work remotely,
(26:32):
you can, but we're creating a world where, to your point,
the humanity gets put aside because you're really not You
could have a lot of interaction without human beings as adults,
and we've kind of that's become a normal way that
we think about interacting, and so it's important that we
(26:52):
exercise that muscle for ourselves to be able to sit
with people and listen to them and talk to them.
I mean, it sounds crazy, but it's We now live
in a world where so many of us sit together
on our phones.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Oh yes, we go on to dinner look at our phones.
There is magic in interacting with other human beings. I've
seen it in my house whenever I throw a dinner
party or have my family over. My girls get dressed up,
they're choosing the music, we're talking about the food, We're
interacting with our cousins and our friends and really laughing.
(27:27):
You know, there's such beauty in being able to do that,
and I think we have to be intentional about doing it,
you know. I think for parents, we just we can't
take one more thing, Carol so much, we don't want
another thing to do. But there's ways of keeping it
simple and just getting together with other people. Everybody bring
(27:48):
a dish, sure, and let's just sit around the table
and laugh and talk and share. And there's such beauty
in that that we need to do more of it.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
I am a devote of parent groups. I grew up
as a parent in a parent group and we weren't
all great friends before, and actually think it was an
advantage that we didn't all know each other very well,
but we shared a lot of parenting. Not knowing the
women so well, we got to learn about each other
through our perspectives on parenting, and it was a space
where we could just be and ask stupid questions and
(28:25):
be put yourself, be vulnerable and say, Okay, I screwed
this up yesterday with my child Royally, I know I
did this wrong. Okay, what do I do to fix this?
So and having that space, trying to find that space now,
I think is really important. Maybe it doesn't have to
be a formalized gathering, but having people around you where
you can just really step so far away from any
(28:47):
outside pressures of what parenting is supposed to look like
and then just be. I mean, to this day, I
will still call up girlfriends and say, Okay, yesterday we
had this conversation. I know that was not right. I mean,
I let me figure out what I say next to
just make it better. Because you know, your children are
never too old to hurt their feelings.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
So now we all need people who are just gonna
listen and cheer us on right and just let us
know that it's gonna be okay.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
Yeah, we need encouragement. We also need people to kind
of kick us along. I mean, to help us build
the muscles that we need to parent, because there's a
lot of Parenting is such a hard job and throwing
up your hands is like it's so hard, So it's
too much. I can't even I mean, and sometimes it's
need for pity parties where everybody says, yes, it's really horrible.
But sometimes you need your community to say, Okay, this
(29:37):
is an issue that you really need to pay some
more attention to. We can help you. But you know,
because to your point, there is no such thing as
a perfect parent and every one and there's no such
thing as a perfect child. So there are going to
be times and your kid does something that just throws
you for a loop and you don't understand, and it's
really helpful to have a parenting community say yeah, that's
not great, You're okay, they're gonna be okay, but here's
(30:00):
what you need to do, as opposed to just sort
of feeling how bad something is. I love when I
can talk to my friends about and get some really
kind of sometimes hard to hear advice.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
So sure, and you know, what worked for your friend
may not work for you exactly, but it's good to
share perspectives exactly.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
I mean, that's a really important point. I mean, your
community is not there to tell you what to do
because it's so personal, but it's just it's when you're
trying to sort through issues. It's really helpful to have
a lot of different perspectives or just understand how somebody
did it their way and made it through. That's why
I do this parenting podcast. I love to talk to
parents about what worked for them exactly. It's not going
(30:40):
to work for everybody, or.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Being able to talk about whatever issue you have, and
sometimes in talking it through, you can figure it out yourself,
but you need that person to be the listening ear.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Absolutely so, I have seen that you've been really refreshingly
candid about the less magical aspects of parenting. Sometimes it's hard,
sometimes it's boring. It is boring, and it's tough work.
And so how do you encourage parents to manage these
tough parts while keeping sight and maintaining their emotional well being.
(31:13):
How do we cope with the kind of not even
not when something is really hard, but sometimes when it's
just the same and boring.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
And I think it's really important for people to practice
self compassion and know when they're you know, they're in
a season of life and things do pass. You're in
a life stage. If you have very young children who
aren't you know, if you have babies who aren't sleeping,
through the night that is really just a season and
that shall pass, and really just treat yourself with grace.
(31:47):
I wish I would have done that when I was
a younger mom, when I had younger kids, because you
have so many expectations, and you know that they are
self imposed somebody. Sometimes they're imposed by your culture or
community or whatever it is. But I think it's important
to just know that this isn't going to be forever
right this moment in time if you're having a tough moment,
(32:10):
but also to get comfortable with things just being good enough,
not putting those expectations on yourself. I think we want
to do things just right, otherwise we're going to mess
it up. Right, but that is not the case. I
think we need to just really zoom out and look
at the big picture and know that, hey, this is
(32:31):
good enough for now, and I'm just going to move
on to another thing and really just celebrate the winds, right,
focus on the winds instead of all the things that
we're not doing right or that didn't get done today.
You know, I sign that, you know permission slip. I
booked that summer camp, I call the doctor, made that
(32:56):
yearly appointment, just the tiniest things that you got done,
instead of like, oh goodness, this is I really have
to sort this closet out or I really have to
do There's always going to be things that we really
have to do, and that mental load of all the
expectations but also all the things that are on that
(33:17):
to do lists. So I think we've got to really
get used to just being like, okay, I'm all right
for now, and really practice self compassion, give yourself grace,
and give yourself a moment as well, you know, just
go outside for a walk. That just changes your perspective.
Just giving yourself a little bit of time so that
(33:40):
you can show up as best as possible. I think
the time to yourself is so important because you know,
we're so on the go and there's always something that
needs doing, especially when you're a parent, right, you're overwhelmed,
you're busy, But I think you have to and I
tell I tell, especially young moms who've just had children,
(34:03):
make sure and you carve out time for yourself, even
if it is a walk around your neighborhood or coffee
with a friend. Get used to making that happen without
any guilt, without any bad feelings. That you're leaving your
baby behind, because when that becomes habit, that is something
that can sustain you for the long run, something that
(34:24):
will remind you, hey, have I taken some time for myself? No,
I haven't. Let me do something about that. My mom,
who died a few years ago, first generation immigrant, she
taught me the power of hustle. You know, you got
to get up and do your best and be determinate
and persevere. But she always put herself last and didn't
(34:48):
really take time for rest. And I'm trying to be
very intentional about not doing that and showing my children
that I need some time as well, that I can
prioritize myself, and being vocal about it. Right I'm not
having a good day, I need to take some time
and I will come to you with what you need later,
(35:10):
and just really saying it out loud, so that when
they get older, hopefully they can prioritize themselves and they
can listen to themselves and their needs and do something
about it.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
An earlier podcast the season talked about how we build
emotional intelligence in our children, and we talked about the
fact that some parents don't have it and it's hard
for them to build it in their children. They don't
have it themselves. But what you just said, that example
you just gave is a wonderful example of how you
build it in your children and yourself. If you can
tell your children, I've got to take a beat and
(35:44):
I'm not doing as well as I have been, I mean,
you don't have to be dramatic, but you can just
say I need some mommy time, I need some time alone,
and I'll be back and we'll be great. And as
you said, they will learn to be able to listen
to themselves. I mean, that is, that's a lesson. That
is it's not only good for us in the moment.
It's great that our children see us doing this.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
For sure. And I'll narrate this. They're ten and twelve,
so they're old enough to understand that, hey, I had
a bad day. I'm just gonna take some time and
close the door to my room and give me an hour,
and then I will come and help you with what
you need to do. I think they understand, and it's
okay to I don't think it's necessarily dramatic to give
(36:26):
them more information, but I think I want them to
know what emotions I'm going through and how I plan
to deal with them so that when they're feeling frustrated
or just feel like they have way too much going on,
they can take a step back and also say, hey,
I need a moment to myself.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
This is great, great modeling. You know, as we wrap up,
I'm thinking that as we began this conversation, you talked
about one of the things that you were happy to
grow up with and happy to bring forward. It's a
sense of joy that there was joy in your family.
And as we talk about how parents can cope with
(37:06):
things when they aren't so great. You know, these days
we talk a lot about joy, finding joy. I know
a lot of talk about black joy, to talk about
all cultures with joy. But it occurred to me as
you were speaking that when we talk about parenting joy,
more often than not we're talking about we refuse that
to refer to the joy of being with your child
(37:26):
and watching your child grow or having experiences. But we
need to find our own joy in ourselves. Not certainly
we can have that parenting joy, but part of the joy,
because it's such a charged word, people are like, oh joy,
But part of the joy comes from taking that time
for yourself sort of remembering the other parts of yourself.
(37:48):
I mean, truly, it can make you a better parent,
but it also helps you retain your connection to your
other self. And I think if we try to find
that space for joy in quotes, that's not just the
joy of the parenting, but the joy of being a
parent away from your children.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
That's finding those things that fulfill you, that reconnect you
with who you have always been.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
You are still a parent, I mean, the new joyful
you includes all that stuff that you've learned as a parent,
but it's separate from the service of your child, which
I think but certainly my family, my mom was a
way as well. It was all in service for the
child as opposed to in service for ourselves as well.
So that is great advice. So I'm going to wrap
(38:34):
it up here. At first, I want to say thank
you Grace so much. This has been a great conversation.
As I knew it would be.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
Thank you for having me on Carol. You are simply delightful.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
I knew this would be fun. You are the best,
and I know the parents listening really appreciate hearing your
experience and your advice. There's one more thing before you go,
and that is you have to play the GCP Lightning
Round four quick questions. All right, are you ready?
Speaker 2 (38:58):
Let me sit up straight?
Speaker 1 (38:59):
Okay, are ready for this? Let go your favorite poem
or saying.
Speaker 2 (39:04):
Tomorrow is another day. I say that a lot because
I think that as parents, if things didn't go as
planned today, there's another chance tomorrow. I think the pandemic
taught me this when I will just get up the
next day and do it all over again. But I
do think there is that ability to start over, change course.
(39:25):
Maybe you don't like a certain thing that is happening
in your home, you are in control. Just change it.
Tomorrow's a new day and a new perspective.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Great love that one. Okay, your favorite two children's books,
and they could be ones you grew up with, or
ones that your daughters like to hear or this.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
This is a really tough question because I love books.
I love reading to my daughters. I stop so many
of the baby books. But one of the one comes
to mind, Marisol McDonald doesn't match, or Marisol McDonald No.
Combina's a bilingual book about a Peruvian sky who likes
to wear stripes and polka dots and eat peanut butter
(40:04):
and jelly burritos, and her friends make fun of her,
but that is just the way she is. Her cultures
may not match completely, but that makes her who she is.
And I love that book. Another book, it's a board
book called I Am a Bunny rich d Scary and
that book I have probably read that over a thousand
(40:24):
times between my two daughters, and I know it by heart.
I am a bunny. My name is Nicholas, I live
in a hollow tree. I could go on if I won't,
but that book just makes me feel all warm and
nice inside.
Speaker 1 (40:39):
Love Richard Scary books. Busy Town, Oh the best. Okay,
give me a mom moment that you'd love to do over,
and by that I mean you want to do it
better the next time.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Oh goodness, I'm sure there are many of them. But
we were just on vacation and my ten year old
brought up again how I did not attend her kindergarten graduation.
I think I was traveling working on something. I'm not sure,
but she still talks about it, so I would totally
do that again just to get her to pipe down. Lady,
(41:12):
she's still holding that against me. She's about to enter
fifth grade, still talking about her kindergarten graduation.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
Well, I guess the only the positive there is that
between kindergarten and now, you've been pretty good.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
So always been good. I just could not make it
to that one.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
They keep you on this time.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
They don't drop it, they don't forget anything.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
They do not trust me, mine or older that they
definitely don't be prepared to hear about that going forward.
And so finally give me a moment when you knew
you nailed it as a mom I.
Speaker 2 (41:46):
Think you know, we're living in a really complex world.
And like I said, my daughters are ten and twelve,
and they have a lot of questions about life and
things they see out there. Anytime I have a conversation
with them about a tough topic consent, homelessness, gun violence, anything,
(42:10):
I really have to prepare myself and try to get
this out in a way that doesn't scare them but
informs them and that answers all their questions. And I
got to tell you, even though it's an ongoing dialogue,
because these conversations continue all the time, I always have
to pat myself on the back for having the tough
conversations and when they ask questions, and when they bring
(42:32):
up something that they've been wondering about, I'm like, yes,
bring it on, sister, because I'm so happy that they
feel comfortable asking me tough questions.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
Yeah, that's great, so you win, you win the lightning round.
Those are a great answers. And again, I thank you
so much for being.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
With us today. Thank you so much, Carol.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
I hope everyone listening enjoy this conversation that you'll come
back for more. Please subscribe, rate and review where you
find your podcasts, and tell your friends. For more parenting
info and advice, please check out the Ground Control Parenting
website at w w W groundcontrol Parenting dot com. You
can also find us on Facebook and Instagram at ground
Control Parenting and on LinkedIn under Carol Sutton Lewis. Until
(43:19):
the next time, take care and thanks for listening.
Hello, and welcome to Ground Control Parenting, a blog and
now a podcast creative for parents raising black and brown children.
I'm the creator and the host, Carol Sutton Lewis. In
this podcast, I talk with some really interesting people about
the job and the joy of parenting. And today I
am really excited to welcome an amazing parenting expert, Grace Fastidas,
(00:25):
who is a storyteller, an editor, a writer, and an
on air personality as well as a parenting expert. She
just wrapped up a very successful run as editor in
chief of Parents, and she was the first woman of
color to hold this position in the media brand's nearly
one hundred year history. Before joining Parents, Grace launched and
led a multicultural parenting brand for LATINX caregivers that relaunched
(00:49):
as Familia under the Parent's umbrella. She's also been a
parenting podcaster, having co hosted and produced the podcast That
New mom Life. She has moderated and presented at conferences
and summits across the country, including the Aspen Ideas Festival
and the Common Sense Summit, and she regularly shares her
parenting expertise in the media on shows like CBS Mornings,
(01:10):
Good Morning America, Kellya Mark and The Today Show. She's
written for The New York Times and Wall Street Journal,
and she's always been passionate about giving voice to underrepresented communities.
Grace earned a Bachelor of Arts degree from Fordea University
with a dual major in journalism in Latin American Studies.
She lives in Brooklyn, New York, with her husband and daughters,
who are ten and twelve. Welcome to Ground Control of Parenting.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Grace, Thank you for having me, Carol.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
I am so happy to have you here. I'm happy
that you can talk with us about all things parenting.
So let's get started. And the first thing I didn't
mention this. I mentioned you were in Brooklyn now, But
you are a native New Yorker. I am bless you mean, yes, exactly,
we are so rare.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Yes, they're not a lot of us around. They're not.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
But tell me about growing up in New York City.
What was life like in New York City when you
growing up?
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Well, I, even though I live in Brooklyn now, I
did grow up in Elmhurst, Queens, which at the time
was considered the biggest melting pod in all of the
United States. And while today we use the term salad
instead of melting pot, because we're trying to celebrate all
the cultures and not mix them together.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Interesting.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
It was a place of diversity. So I grew up
with kids who were also first generation, and they were
of Korean heritage, they were Greek, they were Ecuadorian, they
were Indian, so that was really the norm. And I
remember World Culture Day at my school and all these
kids dressed in their native garb, and you know, you
don't realize as a kid how special this was. And
(02:43):
you know, when I think about it now, it was
really such an amazing place to be in because I
was able to see all these cultures in action all
the time.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
You know, first of all, I was born in Queens too.
I was born in Jamaica, Jamaica saying all them.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
So two Queen's girls hanging out exactly.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
I went to one sixteen in Jamaica, Queens and we
did have I remember food festivals. People would all bring
the foods from home or from their culture or whatever,
and we really did celebrate that. I mean, I hope
they hope that still happens, but there really was this
sense of you come as yourself, but you bring with
you this whole heritage and you were encouraged to share.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
It, and as kids, it's so mind blowing, right, it
really opens up your idea of what it means to
be in this world and really mixing in with all
these cultures and really trying things for the first time.
I remember those huge pots of food and wondering, what
is this exactly? I want to try?
Speaker 1 (03:41):
You know, it just occurred to me that growing up
in New York City, we understood from day one that
there were all different kinds of people in our world.
I mean, they're pretty homogeneous communities where people just see
people that look like themselves. But it was really such
an advantage to be in a city where you knew
that there were lots of different stories.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
I joked that I grew up in a bubble because
I really did, as a kid, think that was the
way the world look and people were of different cultures, ethnicities, races,
And turns out that is not the case.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
I mean, it is the case, but it's not the case.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
In different in different cities, especially when you leave New
York City, right, there isn't that mix that we see here?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Yeah, no, exactly. So, so you're in Queens and your
family originally.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Was from Colombia, Columbia, and yes, I like to say Brankia, Colombia.
Same with my best accent where Shakira and Sophia Vergara
are from. In case you need to.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Pinpoint exactly you did you did your family hang out
with them when they were all the time. No, I'm
glad that you said where you were from, because I
was going to try it and it wasn't going to
sound anywhere that word. And so home involved a lot
of of Colombian culture.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Well, definitely. So my parents immigrated from Columbia and they
brought their culture with them, and those their friends were
from Colombia. Those were the traditions we practice and the
music we listened to. We spoke Spanish at home, we
ate Colombian food, So it was very much a very
Colombian environment. And because everyone around us was of the
(05:24):
same culture, that was just the way it was. I
remember watching TV as a kid and wondering, what is
meat loaf? Families were sitting and having meat loaf. I'm like,
why am I not getting any meat load? So you
know it was. And when I went to school, I
was American, so I was straddling these two cultures and
(05:44):
never really knowing where I fit in, and as a kid,
you want to fit in right, and you don't see
until you become an adult the advantages of that, of
being able to insert yourself in different places and at
home in different cultures. And I still go to Columbia today.
I just I went earlier this year with my daughters
(06:07):
who are bilingual, and I just feel the sense of
belonging because that culture is really so familiar to me.
It's how I grew up and it's made me who
I am today.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
I love that parents bring their cultures and instill it
in their children. I have many friends who are first
generation America and they straddle, as you say, they toggle
between these two worlds. And to your point, when you're
a child, it's harder, I would imagine, but it's so advantageous.
You start out knowing about different parts of the world.
(06:41):
You have an advantage over your peers. So moving forward,
you are married and your husband is from England, and
so you are raising daughters, biracial daughters, and as you said,
they speak Spanish, so clearly it's been important to you
to sort of carry on the traditions that are some
of the dicisions that you grew up with. How do
you approach this when you were thinking about having children.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Well, it takes a lot of effort and consistency, right,
So it doesn't just come naturally. When I tell you
about how I was raised, I was living a very
Colombian life and immersed in that culture. And when I
became a mom, I saw myself moving further away from
a culture. Because I'm bilingual, but I speak English with
(07:24):
my friends. Spanish was a language, or is a language
that I speak more with the elders in my family.
So speaking to children in Spanish did not come easily
to me. It was something that I had to keep
on doing until it became natural. But I will say
that for my husband and I, we've done a really
great job at really intertwining these cultures. A lot of
(07:45):
it has to do with travel. I told you we
were just in Colombia and my daughters got to go
to a few music shows. They were eating pastries and
fruits from Colombia and enjoying all this bounty, and we
were just all together in England where they got to
hang out with their cousins from my husband's side, and
(08:06):
they had afternoon tea and they learned the history. Everywhere
we go we talk about the history because it's all
around you when you go to England and closer to home.
My husband also has a letter from King George that
we hung up that was for his grandfather and for
all his efforts in the war. And we have a
(08:28):
lot of stories. When we sit around the table, we
tell stories. And I think there's really a nice thing.
It's storytelling in such a nice way to not only
preserve your culture, but give children a sense of place
in this complicated world and a little bit of a
road map so that they know where they came from.
And you know, I also invite my family to any
(08:50):
celebration we have, and if you've ever been to a
party with Latinos and Latinas, you know like the music
and the food and everybody's talking at the same time.
So my daughters really get to see both sides of
this and they take it all in so beautifully and
it's just part of the way we live. I did
(09:11):
put in the effort, and like I said, you have
to be consistent, but I think that has paid off
where they walk through the world talking about all the
places that make who they are and their heritage, and
they also have friends who are bi racial and bicultural
or multicultural. So it's very normal the way we move
(09:34):
around the world to know that people are from different places.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
It occurs to me that your experience growing up biculturally
gave you a greater understanding of the advantages, but also
that it was a little tough to try to sometimes
toggle between the two. So I imagine you were particularly
sensors to that. When you had children of your own,
you could kind of relate, and so I imagine that
helped you sort of map out a world for them
(09:59):
where they could where they were getting the benefits of
both cultures but feeling really good about their their way
through well.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
I think the beauty of being first generation and a
first generation parent is that you get to pick the
best right. You get to pick the best of that
culture and all the things that you want to pass
on and celebrate to your children. You know that when
you're thinking about how to raise children, you don't have
(10:26):
to accept everything. There's always pros and cons to every culture,
and things that are just passed down that you may
want to leave behind and others that you want to take.
So I've been very intentional about bringing all the good
stuff into my family.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
So yeah, you know, I like that. I hadn't thought
about that. That is true. You get to you get
to you get to pass on all the things that
you that you enjoyed. So but it's really impressive that
your children are bilingual. I mean that. And did that
come as a result of you exclusively speaking Spanish to
them when they were young?
Speaker 2 (11:00):
Yes, oh my goodness. So when my daughters were born,
so they're ten and twelve. So when my twelve year
old was born, and I started in English, and then
I thought, wait a second, how is she going to
learn Spanish if I'm not speaking Spanish. And we know
that those early years are when the brain is developing, right,
and there's like that moment that you can get them
(11:22):
to really they're like little sponges. So I made the
switch into Spanish, and I bought bored books in Spanish,
and I made sure that when my family came over,
they spoke in Spanish. But it did not come naturally
to me because I would hear myself talk and say
sweet little nothings in Spanish to a baby who couldn't
(11:43):
answer back. And I was like, who is this person?
This isn't me? Is it my mom talking? Is it
my aunt talking? It just felt really awkward. But during
those early years, I also had my aunt as our babysitter,
and she speaks predominantly Spanish, so I didn't want to
leave her out of the conversation. So that really helped
(12:04):
kind of move it along and make me more comfortable
in speaking Spanish to a teeny tiny baby, and.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
She would only speak Spanish to them, and she.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Would only speak Spanish to them exactly. Yeah. But interestingly,
my husband does not speak Spanish. So I always like
to joke that the secret to my marriage is that
my husband has not understood a word I've said in
the last twelve years. He understands a lot in context,
but he doesn't speak the language. But I did not
(12:31):
let that stop me, and he was very supportive. So
when we sit around the dinner table even now, it's
just a mishmash of languages and we're speaking Spanish and
we're speaking English and it somehow magically works. So I
don't think that should be ever a deterrent for parents
who want to pursue a second language with their children.
(12:52):
And then when my children started elementary school, I put
them in a dual language public school here in New
York City so that they could see their friends and
their peers also speaking the language, which I think is
so important because at one point children always think like,
wait a second, why am I doing this? No one
I know speaks this. Well, you're the only one. So
(13:14):
I didn't want them to push up against that. So
by putting them in a setting where the language and
culture is celebrated and their peers speak it, I think
that's really extended our ability to speak Spanish and we
go around the world.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Because you know, I've had some questions from some young
parents about how to bring their children up bilingually, and
this is really helpful because it's good to hear that
it's not always so easy. I mean, you think one
person knows the language, they can just speak it.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Even if you don't speak the language fluently, you can
learn it together. That's the beauty, right. So when I
started speaking in Spanish with my kids and they as
they got bigger, you know, kids, they have a million
questions and you want to answer as many as possible.
But sometimes they would ask me something that I would
just say, what the heck, how am I going to
answer this in Spanish? What is that animal called? For example,
(14:08):
I grew up in New York City, They're like, what's
that a raccoon? They wanted to know what a raccoon was,
and I'm like, raccoon. I don't think I've ever needed
that word in Spanish in my entire life, and I
just googled it and yes, that's my buchet. So I
was also educating myself in things that I just didn't
(14:30):
use the language for. So you can make it work
no matter what you can.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
And I actually put my oldest in a French immersion class,
like a little preschool, couple hours a day, and I
marveled at by like day three, they're only talking to
her in French, and day three I'm picking her up
and she's doing whatever it is they're saying to do.
And to this day she stayed with French. She speaks
French better than I do. So this is just to
let parents know that any little thing you do with
(14:55):
respect man difference when they are tiny, it really does
make a difference, literally does. So. Your interest in community
born of having been grown up in this really amazing
community and working hard to create your own community with
your kids. Your interest in community has billed over into
your professional life, and I want to first ask you
(15:18):
about how you came to create the LATINX multicultural brand
that you grew out of nothing to have millions of followers.
How did that begin?
Speaker 2 (15:28):
So I created the brand Parents Latina in twenty fourteen.
I had a two year old at home and I
was pregnant with my little one, and I really found
there was this huge white space for LATINX parents like
myself who were predominantly English speakers.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Huge brown space. No huge space, yes.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
That were predominantly English speakers, but weren't getting culturally relevant
parenting contents to them, right, So really wanting to preserve
the culture and pass on the values and forego those
things that didn't serve them from their culture and handling
(16:13):
perhaps a relationship with somebody outside of the culture. So
there was a lot to be said for how to
raise multicultural children, bilingual children, and at the time I
started thinking, I'm going to write about this, this is
such a need, and Parents Latina came around and I
(16:35):
launched it in twenty fourteen and led that brand for
about seven years, and it really was a passion project
for me because I was also the audience. I was
living that life, wanting to take all the most wonderful
things about my culture and infuse them in how I
was parenting my children. So I created this brand that
(16:58):
you know, lo and Behold. It was such a necessity
because we had readers of all different cultures, but all
asking similar questions. And that was really what helped to
thrive because no matter where you were living in this country,
if you were surrounded by other LATINX parents, or if
(17:19):
you did not see anybody that looked like you, it
really served as this community for people who knew that
they weren't alone in this mission to raise proud multicultural children.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Well, that's definitely music to my ears. I've been focusing
on that for some time, but I want to ask
a little about the nuts and bolts of it. We'll
be right back after these messages. Welcome back to the show.
How did you find the audience? How did you when
you started writing? Where did you send it so that
it could be seen?
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Well, Parents Latina was a magazine that was under the
Parents' umbrella. So the Parents, which is nearly one hundred
years old, created this brand that I created, that I
launched from the start. I created the content in it,
the mix of content, and we started by putting it
in doctors' offices, right doctor's offices in very LATINX communities
(18:18):
all around the country, and you know, slowly we grew
it into having an online presence and having social media.
So it started very small, and when people started hearing
about it, they just felt suddenly seen, like, wait a second,
there's some there are other people like me out there.
(18:40):
And you know, when you think about Latin culture and
people are from all so many different countries and so
many different paths of life and races, and there's so
much diversity even within that LATINX community. But I really
focus on those threads that connect everybody so o love
of family, our joy, our ability to be optimistic even
(19:05):
when you know things aren't going well, and all the
things that we wanted to instill in our children. And
I was able to find those connections and really create
something that felt special and that people felt that talked
to them specifically.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Yeah, no, that I'm glad you said that, because certainly,
growing up in New York, knowing about the many, many
different Spanish speaking cultures, my sense has been that there
are things that separate them as well as things that
bring them together. So it's good to hear that you
were able to find the connecting threads. And I mean,
(19:42):
what an immensely strong and powerful market sharing the same
sort of focus. So now that you explain that, it
makes all the sense in the world that all the
communities would really enjoy that.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
And I also think that when you live in this
country and your first second generation grow growing up LATINX,
you also celebrate other Latino cultures like I love Mexican food,
Peruvian food, I love talking to Argentinians about sports. So
I think also giving parents permission that you're while you
(20:16):
were raised in this very specific culture, you can raise
kids that are Pan Latino. You know, you can do
whatever you want. Yeah, the goal is really to celebrate
the cultures that we come from, the countries that we
come from, the language and all those values that are
instilled enough to like really keep that going with our
own children.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
That makes so much sense. And then after you developed
the Parents Latina brand, then were you became editor in
chief of Parents and so so now you had both
the LATINX market and the general market to talk to
about parenting. But how are you able and I know
you did this, how are you able to bring and
(20:58):
amplify the parents Latino voice and perspective into the general
parents market.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
I think when I became editor in chief of Parents,
one of my goals was to make sure that we
showed as many parenting perspectives as possible, so different family dynamics,
different races, different walks of life, to really let people
know that you are included in that conversation no matter
(21:25):
where you come from, how you parent, what your family
structure looks like. Because the important lesson that Parents Latina
taught me is that there are so many ways to
look at this. It's like a Rubik's cube, right, you
keep turning it and turning it, and it all has
value in it all is special. And I wanted parents
(21:47):
to understand that there was a space for them no
matter what they were, how they looked, or what they
were doing inside their home. I wanted them to feel
seen and understood and heard. And I think that was
really what I wanted to bring to parents, really just
breaking down the idea that there is one way to
be a parent, which there isn't. There's no one way
(22:09):
there's no one size fits all, and that was really
how I made that leap from parents from parents Latina
to parents.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
You know. I often say that parenting is the great equalizer,
and I often talk about in terms of economics, because
it doesn't matter how much money you have or don't have.
Parents are facing the same issues with their kids. But
it also is the great equalizer with respect to different
communities and how whatever happens in your home, you're still
(22:38):
worried about your child in school. You know their health,
their safety, and so it makes sense that when you
are focusing on parents' brand, generally you're including all these
different people, but you're the connecting thread. Is it all
the things that parents worry about?
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Yes, I've I've talked to a lot of celebrities, and
even when you talk to a celebrity and you think
they're out there do their thing, if they're a parent,
they've got the same concern. They're wondering, how is my
kid going to sleep through the night, or you know,
how's your kid doing in school? Let's talk about that, right, right.
But there is that relatability, that instant relatability because we
(23:15):
are all in the trenches together.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
So true so true. So I want to shift a
little bit to talk about sort of parenting issues, and
one that I know is near and dear to you
is building off what we talked about, the parenting community
and the importance of parents everywhere seeking and finding their community.
So how do you think about helping parents find their
community or the importance of it, And if parents are
(23:42):
looking to find a community, what should they be doing.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
You know, we're living in a very isolated world. As
much as we're connected and we've got followers and we're
all surrounded by people, we really don't take the opportunity
to really connect with people in real life. And I
think that is so crucial for this world that we're
living in, especially for our children who are spending so
(24:07):
much time online, they're socializing on their devices and really
surrounding them with caring, trusted adults. And how important that is,
not only because it's other people to rely on, other
trusted people that they can go to whenever they have
an issue, but also give them other perspectives, other ways
(24:30):
of thinking about things that maybe you know isn't the
same as their parents. But when kids want to talk
to somebody or feel that need, it's good to have
as many people as possible that they can reach out to.
And for us as parents, we need all the support
we can get, Carol, We need to you know, many
(24:50):
times it's a listening ear right, somebody to bounce something
off off of. If my kid's going through something, did
your kid go through that? And just it's really just
sharing information. But sometimes it's also like, hey, I can't
make it to school for pickup on time? Will you
please hold on to my child? Simple things like that.
(25:11):
And while we can build community in so many different
ways depending on where you live, who you are, I
think it really starts with recognizing the humanity in each other,
you know, and letting go of pretenses and this idea
of perfection and empathizing that everybody is going through something,
no matter who you are. We talked about, you know,
(25:33):
the parenting being the great equalizer role going through something.
So just being real with each other, sharing our stories,
our struggles and empathizing and listening, you know, taking a
moment to actually listen to somebody. I think it's very important.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
You know, it's so interesting when you talk about the
fact that our children are being raised in a world
where their primary source of a lot of information and
relationships actually come from media, come from devices. Even when
they're really little, they learn that you can see things
(26:10):
on a screen and interact with the screen. But as parents,
even if we didn't grow up that way, that's definitely
the way that we're working now. When you talk about
the need for community, we need it to raise our children,
but we also need it to remind ourselves that we
have to get out of the screens. I mean, there's
a lot of great stuff that comes from an adult
being able to interact with a screen. You can work remotely,
(26:32):
you can, but we're creating a world where, to your point,
the humanity gets put aside because you're really not You
could have a lot of interaction without human beings as adults,
and we've kind of that's become a normal way that
we think about interacting, and so it's important that we
(26:52):
exercise that muscle for ourselves to be able to sit
with people and listen to them and talk to them.
I mean, it sounds crazy, but it's We now live
in a world where so many of us sit together
on our phones.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Oh yes, we go on to dinner look at our phones.
There is magic in interacting with other human beings. I've
seen it in my house whenever I throw a dinner
party or have my family over. My girls get dressed up,
they're choosing the music, we're talking about the food, We're
interacting with our cousins and our friends and really laughing.
(27:27):
You know, there's such beauty in being able to do that,
and I think we have to be intentional about doing it,
you know. I think for parents, we just we can't
take one more thing, Carol so much, we don't want
another thing to do. But there's ways of keeping it
simple and just getting together with other people. Everybody bring
(27:48):
a dish, sure, and let's just sit around the table
and laugh and talk and share. And there's such beauty
in that that we need to do more of it.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
I am a devote of parent groups. I grew up
as a parent in a parent group and we weren't
all great friends before, and actually think it was an
advantage that we didn't all know each other very well,
but we shared a lot of parenting. Not knowing the
women so well, we got to learn about each other
through our perspectives on parenting, and it was a space
where we could just be and ask stupid questions and
(28:25):
be put yourself, be vulnerable and say, Okay, I screwed
this up yesterday with my child Royally, I know I
did this wrong. Okay, what do I do to fix this?
So and having that space, trying to find that space now,
I think is really important. Maybe it doesn't have to
be a formalized gathering, but having people around you where
you can just really step so far away from any
(28:47):
outside pressures of what parenting is supposed to look like
and then just be. I mean, to this day, I
will still call up girlfriends and say, Okay, yesterday we
had this conversation. I know that was not right. I mean,
I let me figure out what I say next to
just make it better. Because you know, your children are
never too old to hurt their feelings.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
So now we all need people who are just gonna
listen and cheer us on right and just let us
know that it's gonna be okay.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
Yeah, we need encouragement. We also need people to kind
of kick us along. I mean, to help us build
the muscles that we need to parent, because there's a
lot of Parenting is such a hard job and throwing
up your hands is like it's so hard, So it's
too much. I can't even I mean, and sometimes it's
need for pity parties where everybody says, yes, it's really horrible.
But sometimes you need your community to say, Okay, this
(29:37):
is an issue that you really need to pay some
more attention to. We can help you. But you know,
because to your point, there is no such thing as
a perfect parent and every one and there's no such
thing as a perfect child. So there are going to
be times and your kid does something that just throws
you for a loop and you don't understand, and it's
really helpful to have a parenting community say yeah, that's
not great, You're okay, they're gonna be okay, but here's
(30:00):
what you need to do, as opposed to just sort
of feeling how bad something is. I love when I
can talk to my friends about and get some really
kind of sometimes hard to hear advice.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
So sure, and you know, what worked for your friend
may not work for you exactly, but it's good to
share perspectives exactly.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
I mean, that's a really important point. I mean, your
community is not there to tell you what to do
because it's so personal, but it's just it's when you're
trying to sort through issues. It's really helpful to have
a lot of different perspectives or just understand how somebody
did it their way and made it through. That's why
I do this parenting podcast. I love to talk to
parents about what worked for them exactly. It's not going
(30:40):
to work for everybody, or.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Being able to talk about whatever issue you have, and
sometimes in talking it through, you can figure it out yourself,
but you need that person to be the listening ear.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
Absolutely so, I have seen that you've been really refreshingly
candid about the less magical aspects of parenting. Sometimes it's hard,
sometimes it's boring. It is boring, and it's tough work.
And so how do you encourage parents to manage these
tough parts while keeping sight and maintaining their emotional well being.
(31:13):
How do we cope with the kind of not even
not when something is really hard, but sometimes when it's
just the same and boring.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
And I think it's really important for people to practice
self compassion and know when they're you know, they're in
a season of life and things do pass. You're in
a life stage. If you have very young children who
aren't you know, if you have babies who aren't sleeping,
through the night that is really just a season and
that shall pass, and really just treat yourself with grace.
(31:47):
I wish I would have done that when I was
a younger mom, when I had younger kids, because you
have so many expectations, and you know that they are
self imposed somebody. Sometimes they're imposed by your culture or
community or whatever it is. But I think it's important
to just know that this isn't going to be forever
right this moment in time if you're having a tough moment,
(32:10):
but also to get comfortable with things just being good enough,
not putting those expectations on yourself. I think we want
to do things just right, otherwise we're going to mess
it up. Right, but that is not the case. I
think we need to just really zoom out and look
at the big picture and know that, hey, this is
(32:31):
good enough for now, and I'm just going to move
on to another thing and really just celebrate the winds, right,
focus on the winds instead of all the things that
we're not doing right or that didn't get done today.
You know, I sign that, you know permission slip. I
booked that summer camp, I call the doctor, made that
(32:56):
yearly appointment, just the tiniest things that you got done,
instead of like, oh goodness, this is I really have
to sort this closet out or I really have to
do There's always going to be things that we really
have to do, and that mental load of all the
expectations but also all the things that are on that
(33:17):
to do lists. So I think we've got to really
get used to just being like, okay, I'm all right
for now, and really practice self compassion, give yourself grace,
and give yourself a moment as well, you know, just
go outside for a walk. That just changes your perspective.
Just giving yourself a little bit of time so that
(33:40):
you can show up as best as possible. I think
the time to yourself is so important because you know,
we're so on the go and there's always something that
needs doing, especially when you're a parent, right, you're overwhelmed,
you're busy, But I think you have to and I
tell I tell, especially young moms who've just had children,
(34:03):
make sure and you carve out time for yourself, even
if it is a walk around your neighborhood or coffee
with a friend. Get used to making that happen without
any guilt, without any bad feelings. That you're leaving your
baby behind, because when that becomes habit, that is something
that can sustain you for the long run, something that
(34:24):
will remind you, hey, have I taken some time for myself? No,
I haven't. Let me do something about that. My mom,
who died a few years ago, first generation immigrant, she
taught me the power of hustle. You know, you got
to get up and do your best and be determinate
and persevere. But she always put herself last and didn't
(34:48):
really take time for rest. And I'm trying to be
very intentional about not doing that and showing my children
that I need some time as well, that I can
prioritize myself, and being vocal about it. Right I'm not
having a good day, I need to take some time
and I will come to you with what you need later,
(35:10):
and just really saying it out loud, so that when
they get older, hopefully they can prioritize themselves and they
can listen to themselves and their needs and do something
about it.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
An earlier podcast the season talked about how we build
emotional intelligence in our children, and we talked about the
fact that some parents don't have it and it's hard
for them to build it in their children. They don't
have it themselves. But what you just said, that example
you just gave is a wonderful example of how you
build it in your children and yourself. If you can
tell your children, I've got to take a beat and
(35:44):
I'm not doing as well as I have been, I mean,
you don't have to be dramatic, but you can just
say I need some mommy time, I need some time alone,
and I'll be back and we'll be great. And as
you said, they will learn to be able to listen
to themselves. I mean, that is, that's a lesson. That
is it's not only good for us in the moment.
It's great that our children see us doing this.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
For sure. And I'll narrate this. They're ten and twelve,
so they're old enough to understand that, hey, I had
a bad day. I'm just gonna take some time and
close the door to my room and give me an hour,
and then I will come and help you with what
you need to do. I think they understand, and it's
okay to I don't think it's necessarily dramatic to give
(36:26):
them more information, but I think I want them to
know what emotions I'm going through and how I plan
to deal with them so that when they're feeling frustrated
or just feel like they have way too much going on,
they can take a step back and also say, hey,
I need a moment to myself.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
This is great, great modeling. You know, as we wrap up,
I'm thinking that as we began this conversation, you talked
about one of the things that you were happy to
grow up with and happy to bring forward. It's a
sense of joy that there was joy in your family.
And as we talk about how parents can cope with
(37:06):
things when they aren't so great. You know, these days
we talk a lot about joy, finding joy. I know
a lot of talk about black joy, to talk about
all cultures with joy. But it occurred to me as
you were speaking that when we talk about parenting joy,
more often than not we're talking about we refuse that
to refer to the joy of being with your child
(37:26):
and watching your child grow or having experiences. But we
need to find our own joy in ourselves. Not certainly
we can have that parenting joy, but part of the joy,
because it's such a charged word, people are like, oh joy,
But part of the joy comes from taking that time
for yourself sort of remembering the other parts of yourself.
(37:48):
I mean, truly, it can make you a better parent,
but it also helps you retain your connection to your
other self. And I think if we try to find
that space for joy in quotes, that's not just the
joy of the parenting, but the joy of being a
parent away from your children.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
That's finding those things that fulfill you, that reconnect you
with who you have always been.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
You are still a parent, I mean, the new joyful
you includes all that stuff that you've learned as a parent,
but it's separate from the service of your child, which
I think but certainly my family, my mom was a
way as well. It was all in service for the
child as opposed to in service for ourselves as well.
So that is great advice. So I'm going to wrap
(38:34):
it up here. At first, I want to say thank
you Grace so much. This has been a great conversation.
As I knew it would be.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
Thank you for having me on Carol. You are simply delightful.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
I knew this would be fun. You are the best,
and I know the parents listening really appreciate hearing your
experience and your advice. There's one more thing before you go,
and that is you have to play the GCP Lightning
Round four quick questions. All right, are you ready?
Speaker 2 (38:58):
Let me sit up straight?
Speaker 1 (38:59):
Okay, are ready for this? Let go your favorite poem
or saying.
Speaker 2 (39:04):
Tomorrow is another day. I say that a lot because
I think that as parents, if things didn't go as
planned today, there's another chance tomorrow. I think the pandemic
taught me this when I will just get up the
next day and do it all over again. But I
do think there is that ability to start over, change course.
(39:25):
Maybe you don't like a certain thing that is happening
in your home, you are in control. Just change it.
Tomorrow's a new day and a new perspective.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Great love that one. Okay, your favorite two children's books,
and they could be ones you grew up with, or
ones that your daughters like to hear or this.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
This is a really tough question because I love books.
I love reading to my daughters. I stop so many
of the baby books. But one of the one comes
to mind, Marisol McDonald doesn't match, or Marisol McDonald No.
Combina's a bilingual book about a Peruvian sky who likes
to wear stripes and polka dots and eat peanut butter
(40:04):
and jelly burritos, and her friends make fun of her,
but that is just the way she is. Her cultures
may not match completely, but that makes her who she is.
And I love that book. Another book, it's a board
book called I Am a Bunny rich d Scary and
that book I have probably read that over a thousand
(40:24):
times between my two daughters, and I know it by heart.
I am a bunny. My name is Nicholas, I live
in a hollow tree. I could go on if I won't,
but that book just makes me feel all warm and
nice inside.
Speaker 1 (40:39):
Love Richard Scary books. Busy Town, Oh the best. Okay,
give me a mom moment that you'd love to do over,
and by that I mean you want to do it
better the next time.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Oh goodness, I'm sure there are many of them. But
we were just on vacation and my ten year old
brought up again how I did not attend her kindergarten graduation.
I think I was traveling working on something. I'm not sure,
but she still talks about it, so I would totally
do that again just to get her to pipe down. Lady,
(41:12):
she's still holding that against me. She's about to enter
fifth grade, still talking about her kindergarten graduation.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
Well, I guess the only the positive there is that
between kindergarten and now, you've been pretty good.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
So always been good. I just could not make it
to that one.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
They keep you on this time.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
They don't drop it, they don't forget anything.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
They do not trust me, mine or older that they
definitely don't be prepared to hear about that going forward.
And so finally give me a moment when you knew
you nailed it as a mom I.
Speaker 2 (41:46):
Think you know, we're living in a really complex world.
And like I said, my daughters are ten and twelve,
and they have a lot of questions about life and
things they see out there. Anytime I have a conversation
with them about a tough topic consent, homelessness, gun violence, anything,
(42:10):
I really have to prepare myself and try to get
this out in a way that doesn't scare them but
informs them and that answers all their questions. And I
got to tell you, even though it's an ongoing dialogue,
because these conversations continue all the time, I always have
to pat myself on the back for having the tough
conversations and when they ask questions, and when they bring
(42:32):
up something that they've been wondering about, I'm like, yes,
bring it on, sister, because I'm so happy that they
feel comfortable asking me tough questions.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
Yeah, that's great, so you win, you win the lightning round.
Those are a great answers. And again, I thank you
so much for being.
Speaker 2 (42:52):
With us today. Thank you so much, Carol.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
I hope everyone listening enjoy this conversation that you'll come
back for more. Please subscribe, rate and review where you
find your podcasts, and tell your friends. For more parenting
info and advice, please check out the Ground Control Parenting
website at w w W groundcontrol Parenting dot com. You
can also find us on Facebook and Instagram at ground
Control Parenting and on LinkedIn under Carol Sutton Lewis. Until
(43:19):
the next time, take care and thanks for listening.
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