September 11, 2024 • 31 mins
We're back with Season 6! Lauren Wesley Wilson, founder and CEO of ColorComm and author of What Do You Need: How Women of Color Can Take Ownership of Their Careers to Accelerate Their Path to Success, returns for the Season 6 opener. Lauren shares her experience as a new mom and busy entrepreneur, reflecting on how her upbringing has shaped her parenting style.
Carol and Lauren discuss how new parents can balance the joys and challenges of family life and career, offering practical advice on time management and avoiding guilt. Learn how the skills you develop as a parent and professional can support both areas of your life.
This season will explore parenting across all stages of child development, from babies to the grown and flown. Join us on this insightful journey!
Follow us @GroundControlParenting and on groundcontrolparenting.com
Carol and Lauren discuss how new parents can balance the joys and challenges of family life and career, offering practical advice on time management and avoiding guilt. Learn how the skills you develop as a parent and professional can support both areas of your life.
This season will explore parenting across all stages of child development, from babies to the grown and flown. Join us on this insightful journey!
Follow us @GroundControlParenting and on groundcontrolparenting.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hello, and welcome to Ground Control Parenting, a blog and
now a podcast creative for parents raising black and brown children.
I'm the creator and your host, Carol Sutton Lewis. In
this podcast series, I talk with some really interesting people
about the job and the joy of parenting. I am
so happy to welcome Lauren Wesley Wilson to the podcast today.
Lauren is a founder and CEO of the Colourcom Corporation.
(00:26):
She created color Coom to serve the needs of multicultural
talent working in the communications, marketing, advertising, digital and public
relations industries. And Lauren has just written a book, What
Do You Need How Women of Color can take ownership
of their careers to accelerate their path to success, which
is so full of the savvy and critical help for
all women and especially women of color who want a
(00:48):
surge ahead in their careers. Lauren graduated from Spelman College
with a BA in political science and she got her
masters in communications from Georgetown University. She and her partner
Alan Williams are the proud parents of Nora, who is
eight months old. Welcome to Ground Control Parenting, Lauren.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Thank you so much for having me. Lura gets a
shout out.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Yeah, of course, we're talking about Nora this episode.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
So this season, I'm focusing on parenting across all stages
of childhood, starting with the youngest, and I'm so happy
to talk with you about being the mom of a baby. Yes,
as listeners may recall, this is part two of our conversation.
In part one, which was a bonus episode that came
out a few months ago, we talked about your book
What Do You Need, how women of color can take
ownership of their careers to accelerate their past to success,
(01:34):
and about how some of the advice that you gave
in this book could even apply to parenting. So now
in this episode, we want to hear from Lauren Wesley Wilson,
author and CEO of Colorcom about the joys and challenges
of being a new mom. So I always like to
start these conversations with asking about how you were parents,
and so tell me. I know you were born in
Missouri and you grew up in the suburbs of Saint Louis,
(01:56):
but tell me about family life. Do you have siblings,
what was the neighborhood like.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
No siblings, only child. It's just my parents had me
later in life. So they were married for a decade.
They had me late mid to late thirties, kind of
just like what I'm doing right now having Nora in
my late thirties, So there's some parallels there. Yeah, I
mean it was a very isolated environment. It wasn't a
(02:23):
whole lot of diversity, Although I am in Saint Louis,
you would think, but I went to two working parents
in the corporate world, and they were I was the
first one getting dropped off to school and I was
definitely the last one getting picked up. So needless to say,
they worked a long time. My education was in like
(02:45):
the private school system in Saint Louis, and grew up
watching my mom be a business owner like I am
today and my dad in the corporate space.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
So you grew up in the neighborhood that wasn't particularly diverse,
and you were schooling wasn't particularly verse. Do you have
a recollection of how it impacted you? Did you were
you conscious of not seeing a lot of people that
look like you or yeah?
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I thought that was just like the way it was.
I mean, I just I didn't realize that there was
so much diversity among my race and just in general
until going to an all black Women's College Spellman College.
But I just thought that, like, that's just the way
it was. I didn't think that, like I thought that everyone.
(03:31):
I thought that a lot of people lived similar lives
as me. I thought that there were just maybe like
not a lot of black people where I was, or
just many black people are an environment where they're alone,
or not that many people of color in their own environment.
I didn't realize that there was much of a difference.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Do you remember your parents talking to you about the
differences between you and your friends. I my children were young,
when they were about four, they all very kind of
realized suddenly that they didn't look like some of their friends.
And how did they make you feel confident about that
it was okay to be different.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
I think I always like lead with confidence until I got,
like to be an older teen, That's when I think
the confidence was in question. But I think growing up
I was definitely aware of of our differences. I mean,
I think I brought it to their attention about me
being different. But then also it was a lot of
education that I remember, Like, for example, I was maybe young,
(04:37):
I can't remember how I was, maybe I was like
eight or nine, and I like cut my hair, and
then my mom has to educate me like you can't
cut your hair and your hair is not going to
grow back as fast as someone else who cut their
hair like five inches, Like your hair is not going
to grow back that fast. And I'm like, wait a minute,
what I thought my hair was going to grow back
(04:58):
as fast as you know, the Suzies and you know
things like that. There were like constant differences that my
parents constantly had to educate me on, just like the
things that you do as a black woman is different
than the white women that you socialize with and that
you go to school with.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Yeah, so two working parents to parents in the corporate world.
Were they focused on you in school and did they
have expectations and how did they convey those to you?
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Yeah? So my dad always says education was super important,
and my mom always says, while education was important, we
needed to put you in private school because like of
the like after school daycare and it was close to
their home. Like for her it was more of a
convenience as it was like public versut private. They didn't
have a lot of thought on that. She was just
(05:50):
more like this is convenient, They're gonna watch it from
seven to seven, that's what the money goes for. It
was more like that versus you know, my dad was
really on education. But I mean, I mean I had ideas.
My parents were very high achieving people, and especially my mother,
and she'll always remind you, like she got all a's
(06:11):
in high school, and she was Pi Beta Kappa in college,
and she went to Howard on a full scholarship and
grad school on a full scholarship. Social always remind you,
like how you know how smart she was. But I
think for me, I wasn't the best student. I wasn't
not that I wasn't capable growing up, but I was
kind of just I didn't study. I was a I
(06:33):
learned it in class and then I'm you know, I
was there to socialize. So my my, I wish I
could do it all differently, but I wasn't, as I
wasn't always giving my best effort candidly.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
And so you went from your predominantly white world neighborhood
schools to as you said, a predominantly black college.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Yes, I was very jars to go from one extreme
to the next.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
So yeah, what was that transition?
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Like, I mean, I'm interested in how you were left
to Spilman and then how it was to actually go
to school there.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Yeah, I mean I touched a little bit on the book.
In my book what do You Need a little bit
about in the first chapter about belonging and feeling like
struggling to belong in both environments a little bit. You know,
there was a point in my teenage youth where I
didn't want to go to my high school anymore, where
I just I really understood myself a little bit better
(07:30):
as a black teenage woman, where I was starting to
feel different than everyone else. So I was starting to
feel like I don't like the same activities that were
forced to like or the same events or things, and
why don't I like that? And I think culturally because
it just wasn't as interesting. And so I you know,
I think both of my parents went to HBCUs and
so it wasn't something at my white private school that
(07:54):
was encouraged in their minds. It was like taking a
step back, like, you parents pay all that money for
you to go to this school. Who should be thinking
like Ivy League or Top twenty five or just bigger
institutions that are have a cachet. So the HBC thing
at you. Thing at the time wasn't like celebrated as much,
(08:16):
and they were like, oh, well, if you want to
go to a women's school, there's a whole bunch of
women's choices. But like, you know, not Spellman per se,
but my parents, which to their credit, like they did
their own They always were doing their own research. They're
always doing their own education. They're always doing like, we're
not going to listen to what the school says. We
think this is best for you. You know, what's best
(08:39):
for you would probably be in a black environment. You've
never really been around a lot of people who look
like you, and that's probably the best fit for you.
It took a lot of convincing from them, and it
took me as a as a junior in high school
going to see how close Spelman and More House was
because I really didn't want to go to all the
girls school. And it took them strategically but not pushing,
(09:03):
but like lightly delicately introducing me to another world, you know,
another world. And so that's that was kind of my
journey to HBCU because if I if I honestly just
listened to my school, I mean I wouldn't I wouldn't
be far from that.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
Interesting. Interesting, Just a quick aside.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
My father decided I should go to Spellman when I
was twelve and we were on a family trip and
was driving to Texas and he stopped in Atlanta to
show me Spellman Wow, so that you know this is
where you're going to call it. And it was so hot.
It was in August. It was all I remember is
that it was really really hot and there were big
gates and it didn't look at all appealing. And so
(09:42):
the note from that I did not go to Spelman.
But but the note from that is that it sounds
like your parents did it well. The the light touch
is the better touch, because my father sort of cemented
my not going there by the hard push hard.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Yeah, you have to, I think strategically, like most kids want,
and I think in general they want to come to
that decision on their own. And I think my parents
did a good job. Even though my mom will tell
you she like she knew Spahman was a choice for me,
But it's like I came to that decision on my own.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
That's key. Yeah, it's key.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
So fast forward to the present. Yes, now you have
your baby daughter, Noura how much of the parenting, how
much of the way that you were raised is impacting.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
I mean, there are a lot of parallels you've done already.
You're had a mom.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Who was very ambitious and very happily, working hard at work,
and so far she is an only child as you are.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
I know.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
So how are you feeling about parenting? Are you drawing
a lot on what you experienced.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Yes, I'm like everything my parents did I want to implement. Ah,
But at the time I hated my parents. I like,
they probably spent like three years of my teenage life
like hating your parents. And that's normal. But I think
that one of the things that my parents different than
the other students. As I was in a white environment,
I always felt that my parents were more strict, and
(11:07):
they were. They were older parents, and they were also
they're also black parents, and so being older and also
being black, they're going to be stricter. And I always
would make comparisons to what the other kids are doing
and the freedoms that they receive. And my parents never
ever cared, never bought into that, never try to rationalize,
(11:27):
which was great, never tried to understand me. They're like,
this is the way it is, and this is the
way that it will be. And I am very thankful
because I see some of my friend's parents that were
more lenient, had more freedoms and the trouble they got
into as kids, and also quite frankly, how that sometimes
(11:48):
not all the time, not all the time, but sometimes
that carries into adulthood. Your patterns of behavior as a teenager,
the setbacks that you choose to make as a teenager,
can reflect how you show up as an adult. And
you know, even for myself, I wasn't a good student,
and I know all the teachers always said, Lauren's not
(12:10):
giving her best, she's not trying, and I wasn't trying.
Only when I was a senior in high school, and
maybe a junior headed senior, I knew I had to
get my GPA up, and I got all a's and
all the hardest classes and took ap whatever just because
I was like, Okay, I need to get my grades
up to have a better choice for some schools. But
in my school, they didn't show us our GPA. It
(12:32):
wasn't a comparison thing. So we never really knew in
high school how we were doing. And I never frankly cared,
I felt like I'm fine, And so I say all
that to say that, you know, as it relates to
some of the tough choices you have to make in parenting,
Like I think that I would just kind of follow
(12:53):
some of those things that my parents have done.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
We'll be right back after these messages. Welcome back to
the show.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
Yeah, no, it's true.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
I mean my parents are a little older, and I
remember being the one that couldn't do the things that
because they've.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Seen it all, they know how it's going to end.
They might they might be an older parent, but they
watch their friends. They see how the movie is going
to end, and they're trying to protect you, and they
know and they actually know. Sometimes young parents they don't
know what they don't know, right, they're learning as we
all go along. But you get a little bit older,
you see some things and you know absolutely, okay, this
(13:28):
is not going to happen.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
And the more distance you have between you and the baby,
the more you clearly understand that this is the child
and you're the adult.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Right.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
So you see so much in so many different school worlds,
particularly when the parent gets it conflicted, they get it,
they get twisted and they really like the life that
their child is leading, and they really want they put
themselves back in that position that's like I wish I
could have, you know, stayed out all night or done whatever,
and so they're like, yes, go and do live the life.
Speaker 3 (13:56):
I didn't have.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
And so I definitely definitely second that concept that you
got to children actually really thrive with limits. Limits are no,
it's hard, but it's really important, and not having limits,
even though it's easier in the short run, makes it
really tough for them into adulthood for sure. So now
(14:16):
I know you've had this question before, but as you
transition to momhood, of course we must ask you what
do you need? And I know that you have answered
it's flexibility, And can you talk a little bit more
about what that means for you?
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Flexibility. I need flexibility in terms of, you know, you
have these goals to set up and like let's say
meet with friends, or or maybe after work you're going
to do some activity, or maybe after work you're like,
I'm going to come home and I'm gonna knock out
like this assignment, or I'm going to knock out like
(14:53):
another project that's due. And it doesn't always happen that way.
And I think before pre child, I was able to
kind of keep to more of those things that I
said I was going to do. And now you add
a childng to the mix, and it just feels like
no day is the same and you can have these
(15:14):
plans to do certain things and then they change because
now you have another human who has other needs, Like
it just does. Everything doesn't go as planned all the time,
like sometimes it does, but then sometimes it doesn't, you know,
And I just that type of flexibility. Like there's my
daughter's getting christened this weekend in Washington, d C. And
(15:35):
there's people coming in town and we're all getting together
and and I owe we have the in the in
the Episcopal faith, you have there's two godmothers and there's
a godfather. And so I'm you know, the godmothers were
calling me, They're like, what's the plans for this weekend?
And I'm like, okay, I'm gonna definitely call you back
tomorrow morning. Where you're talking like it doesn't happen like
(15:56):
I like, I'm not. I never was that person and
now I'm flaking on every I'm more of a flake
than ever right right now. And it's because I just
like things keep moving, keep changing, and then I don't
have the energy or the capacity to like really have
that substantive talk that I owe you and not just
a quick two minutes, but I owe you some plans,
(16:16):
I owe you some things. And that's what I mean
by like flexibility.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Right, it sounds like you need flexibility on two fronts.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
First of all, you need to have internal flexibility because
as someone who managed expectation exactly, someone who is very
goal oriented, when you expect to get ex done by
why when you don't it it's a burden a bit.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
I mean, it's not you can't just say okay, never mind.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
And so the flexibility to acknowledge that, Okay, my world's
expanded exponentially here. And the beauty and the challenge of
a child is that even when you actually see the
pathway to get from point A to point B, the
child will do something.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
That will deter you.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
So there's this other whole kind of ability to just
mess up the schedule that you can't control.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
That you love dearly, but I need you to go
about it exactly. Are we still awake?
Speaker 1 (17:08):
So you need some you know, the deep breaths and
the flexibility to say, Okay, this did not work, so
we'll figure out plan B. But also it sounds like
you need the sort of community flexibility because your friends
that have these expectations of you based on Lauren pre Nora,
I mean, they haven't changed. And so I mean I
(17:29):
say this, I have lots of friends who girlfriends from
long standing who ended up not having children, and so
they are I've had to really manage the expectation of
can you do this?
Speaker 3 (17:42):
Do you have time to do this?
Speaker 1 (17:42):
And in fact, in my own world, I've got the
group of friends who will understand if on the dime
I say, oh no, can't do it now, And then
the friends that don't understand that.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Right, those people are pibly like, okay, good, I hope
she can't. I hope she can't make it because I'm
actually trusted to too much as well.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
Exactly no, my my mom friends, and even though our
kids are all gone, you know, we know, I mean
even down to the phone call. If somebody calls, you
got to hang up immediately, because you know, if your
kid's calling, you hang up immediately, and everybody understands. Then
there are people that just wouldn't so your community will
be over time, they will certainly be become a flexible,
but it's important and good that you recognize that that's
a thing that you'll need to sort of socialize with
(18:20):
your friends. The concept of look flexibility like I am
still that very efficient and amazing woman that you know
and love. It's just going to look a little different now.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
And so yes, so my mom says, so what she
tells me, stop committing to things, like stop what my
problem is? I'll say yes, I'll say yes I can
do this book, talk yes I can do this, and
I'll say, you know, I'll raise my hand for all
the things she's like, stop committing to things. Your new
phrase needs to be thank you, let me check, because
(18:51):
you can't do it all and now you're saying yes
to it all, and then you owe the people you
said yes to.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
I wish I could tell you that as your children grow,
it gets better. With that that becomes easier. It doesn't,
I mean, until of course they leave the nest, and
then yeah, then you don't have to worry about it
so much, but they still call. So a couple more
questions before we end. What keeps you up at night?
Like this is a crazy world. I'm sure there are
lots of things politically and worldwide that keep you up,
(19:19):
you know, global issues, But what are the kinds of
things that you may be surprised to find yourself thinking
about as a new mom? I mean, what are the
things that you kind of that you wish you knew
more about?
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Time management? I mean, it's just, you know, it's amazing
to see, like we've talked about this, the amazing ambitious
leaders and CEOs and how they're all like have families,
you know, and it obviously it can be done. You know,
there's definitely role models, women of color, role models, but
(19:58):
it just sometimes feels like all consuming and even though
like I have help, I'm like, you know, I'm lucky.
I do have help, and I pay for the help
that I have, so I do have help, but at
the same time, it still doesn't feel like enough. I mean,
that's great, that's help during the hours that I'm not
at work. What about after work? Because in my capacity,
(20:20):
it's never a nine to five situation, right, There's always
work to be done as a leader, as a CEO,
There's just things that need to get done that you're
not going to just get done by sitting at work,
there's you know, the whole host of things, and it
just feels like the constraints on your time are even
(20:43):
more limited. And it's like, well, how do you get
to the goals that you want to get to, you know,
given the limiting time that you have. And also not
just time, but it's energy. You have to have energy.
A baby takes up a lot of that energy. Yes,
it is your marathon, it is your workout. That's the energy.
(21:05):
That's how much energy that's being expended.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
Yes, no, it's true.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
But in terms of time management, the answer lies in
part with again going back to being flexible, sort of
a reorientation of what's important. And I don't mean deciding
that work is not important and children are important, but
it's a re orientation of sort of the priorities of
what's within each thing, the priorities. And then I'm going
(21:32):
to give you a little tip that could save a
lot of angst.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
Oh yes, please, I'm here.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
So the core of the concern about time management is
the thinking that somehow you are doing something not great
for your child, or damage to your child in some
way because they are not getting enough of you. I
mean and that's the sort of a guilt of not
being there always is real, and that's what makes us feel.
You know, I need more time, they need me more
and if they don't get me something, there'll be some
(21:58):
detriment that I will be responded contifore So the little
the tip that I'm going to give you is that
get that out of your mind, because it doesn't matter
how much time, how present you are, or how much
time you spend with your child, they will always believe
that you could spend more.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
I kid you well, they will. As one who had
a very very.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
Flexible work life where I did a lot of volunteer work,
nonprofit work, and and I ran a very small business
that didn't take up a whole lot of time, and
I actually prioritized the child bearing years, much to my
own surprise. I can't tell you the number of times,
particularly that last child love you drew, but the last
child who made very clear that that day that I
(22:41):
missed library reading when I was supposed to be there,
no way permanently. So, I mean, we laugh about it,
but they have their memories.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
They were selective.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Yeah, there is no amount that you have to try
to parents everywhere you got the guilt thing is not
useful at all. You can and the way you try
to mitigate the guilt is to be president. Am I
doing the best thing that I can do? I mean,
because the other part of it is that if you
are end up doing a lot of things you don't
want to do for the service of your child, you're there,
(23:14):
but your energy is not there, and that's not helping them.
And mommy looks really kind of mad and distracted all
the time. What that's not a good influence either. So
time management, I get it. It's important, and it's a
shift because now you have this person that's a new person,
But it's it is the guilt and the concern about
doing something terrible because of these little things. This too,
(23:36):
really shall pass. Let me tell you it shall pass.
So when the going gets really Ralph, just take a
deep Beth and remember that you know they really are fine.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
They'll be fine.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Yes, good to not Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
The last question, I'm going to ask you a question
I asked all the CEOs who come on the podcast.
And this is a little early for you, so I
mean your child hearing, but you may have an answer.
So what work skills are you finding most helpful in
parenting and the converse. What parenting skills have been really
useful at work?
Speaker 2 (24:07):
All right, I would say the ability to say no
and to recognize that you're not going to do at all.
Your to do list may not get complete, and that's okay.
You know, if I don't get a completed do list,
that's fine, But like look at your to do list
and try to complete like seventy five percent. It's really
(24:28):
just about checking off all those tasks. But the ability
to say no is so important. You got to you
got to start saying no, no, no, no no.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
And that's that's from that's on both fronts.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
That's on both fronts. That's from work to parents, like
work to child, child to work as well.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
So I'm gonna I'm going to come back to you
in a few years.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Okay, that's how I'm doing. That's see how I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
Say that question about the work transfer, because I have
found talking to mom CEOs that there's a lot of
I mean, as odd as it may seem, there's some.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
Home practices and parenting practice.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
This is one CEO told me that trying to negotiate
arguments between my kids, you know, it makes me a
better manager at work, she said, I if I treat
them all like they're all like kids in the playground, it.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Makes it easier. I would also say the ability to
think ahead, Like as a business leader, you're always thinking ahead.
You're thinking you know, I'm already thinking about next year,
Like you're already thinking about what's next in so many
different capacities, whether it's financially, whether it's business, whether it's activity,
whether it's operationally. And that's the same thing when having
(25:37):
a child. You have to think ahead. You have to
think about all the contingency plans, like we're going away
this weekend. We're going to Washington, DC. Like my child's
on solids now. She wasn't on solids before when we traveled.
Now she's eating real food. Okay, what does that look
like when we're in a different city, you know, all
(25:58):
the things that we need to be prepared for. Like
it sounds simple and it sounds easy, but it's not.
If you kind of already have your rhythm and method
at home.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
No, no, that you have put your finger on one
of the most important things about parenting that a lot
of people don't focus on, and that is the thinking ahead.
You really have to be semesters ahead. You have to
be like it's January, you need to think about summer camps.
I mean particularly in cities like New York, very busy
cities with a lot of people who have a lot
(26:26):
of interest in programs.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
It's key.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
And you find so many parents who naturally want to
be Oh, we don't want to pressure them, we don't
want to think about that, we don't want to make
these decisions right now. But now that skill is going
to serve you really well. And don't let anybody tell
you you're being to to nerdy or to uber focus.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
There's no too much of a plan I used to
get growing up. You're too much of a planner. You're
too much of a planner. I mean you would need
to have a plan. You do, and you need to
have a plan.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
The beautiful balance of parenting is being able to knowing
you need a plan, being able to make that plan,
and then being okay when that plan blows up.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Yes, yes, being okay when that plan blows up. And
the reason why you do need to plan is because
things just aren't available when you decide and you're ready
because when you, like you said, the moment you're ready
to do something. Everything's booked, especially in New York. All
the programs are book exactly, et cetera. And you want
to be able to make sure you're you know, in
that time slot that you want, arevingtly.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
So planning is key. So, Lauren, I can't thank you enough.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
I'm so always thrilled to talk with moms of little ones,
and I'm so excited for you as you start this
amazing journey of motherhood. And I'll be curious to see
how much you're able to apply the lessons of your
book to your parenting. Yes, so one quick thing before
we go, I need you to play the GCP very fast,
(27:49):
the GCP Lightning Round.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Oh sure.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
So I'm going to ask you four quick questions. First,
is a favorite poem or saying or something that you
just you hear yourself saying a lot, or something that
that your mom said a lot to you.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
My mom recently has been telling me and just in
all of my friends that she mentors if you want more,
you need to do more.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
I love that. That's good. I love that challenge.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
And your favorite two children's books and they can be
either once you read to Nora or once that you
grew up with that you remember.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
I love the Caterpillar book. I love that because I
read that to Nora all the time. And then I,
I mean, who doesn't love like Cat in the Hat?
I know, Doctor's so good.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
So this may be an early question too, because you
haven't had so many mom moments, But are there any
mom moments already that you kind of wanted to do over?
Meaning that you did something You're like, ooh, I could
do that differently.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Yes. I the other night, I like warmed up the
food too hot and I definitely burned my daughter and
it took about forty five minutes crying. So yes I would.
I would. I would taste the food again and I
would put that in the ice machine and I would
have just you know, I would have done that differently.
(29:12):
But I don't know if you're talking about anything else.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Yeah, no, no, No, that's a great answer, and it happens,
and it's just you know, your daughter's fine.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
I mean, she won't remember that.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
To because she it was a night, it was a whole.
It was a ripple effect to going to bed, and
I was just like, I give up. I give up today,
I give up.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
So to counteract that give me a moment where you
nailed it as a mom.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
Gosh, I haven't been a mom long enough to nail it.
I don't know my nailing it. Maybe the Christmas photo
shoot that nobody wanted to participate in. Nor was asleep
half the time, but I was happy. I felt like
I nailed it. We got some good photos and we
got some memories for her. So that is so precious.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
And as one who has literally Christmas pictures from the
time my children were very little, all stacked up on
a wall in my kitchen, treasure those pictures.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
I think so right, Like nobody wanted to do it,
and then I put my mom in it. Of course
Alan was in it, and everyone's like, we're getting up
early it seven am. I don't want to do it.
And then they're like, oh the photos. I love the photos.
Can you send me the Christmas photo?
Speaker 3 (30:18):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Really, no credit? No sorry, no no thank you, just complain,
complain And now you're like, it's framed in your house
and you absolutely love it.
Speaker 3 (30:28):
Yes, and you will have to keep taking those pictures.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
I'm telling you, you know, I'm gonna keep making them
get up early.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
I think they will love it absolutely, Laurence, thank you
so much. I really appreciate it, and our listeners will
love hearing all about you and your new momhood.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
Thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
I hope everyone listening enjoyed this conversation that you'll come
back for more. Please subscribe, rate and review where you
find your podcast, and tell your friends. For more parenting
info and advice, please check out the Ground Control Parenting
website at wwwgroundcontrolparenting dot com. You can also find us
on Facebook and Instagram at ground Control Parenting and on
LinkedIn under Carol Sutton Lewis. Until the next time, take
(31:12):
care and thanks for listening.
Hello, and welcome to Ground Control Parenting, a blog and
now a podcast creative for parents raising black and brown children.
I'm the creator and your host, Carol Sutton Lewis. In
this podcast series, I talk with some really interesting people
about the job and the joy of parenting. I am
so happy to welcome Lauren Wesley Wilson to the podcast today.
Lauren is a founder and CEO of the Colourcom Corporation.
(00:26):
She created color Coom to serve the needs of multicultural
talent working in the communications, marketing, advertising, digital and public
relations industries. And Lauren has just written a book, What
Do You Need How Women of Color can take ownership
of their careers to accelerate their path to success, which
is so full of the savvy and critical help for
all women and especially women of color who want a
(00:48):
surge ahead in their careers. Lauren graduated from Spelman College
with a BA in political science and she got her
masters in communications from Georgetown University. She and her partner
Alan Williams are the proud parents of Nora, who is
eight months old. Welcome to Ground Control Parenting, Lauren.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Thank you so much for having me. Lura gets a
shout out.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Yeah, of course, we're talking about Nora this episode.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
So this season, I'm focusing on parenting across all stages
of childhood, starting with the youngest, and I'm so happy
to talk with you about being the mom of a baby. Yes,
as listeners may recall, this is part two of our conversation.
In part one, which was a bonus episode that came
out a few months ago, we talked about your book
What Do You Need, how women of color can take
ownership of their careers to accelerate their past to success,
(01:34):
and about how some of the advice that you gave
in this book could even apply to parenting. So now
in this episode, we want to hear from Lauren Wesley Wilson,
author and CEO of Colorcom about the joys and challenges
of being a new mom. So I always like to
start these conversations with asking about how you were parents,
and so tell me. I know you were born in
Missouri and you grew up in the suburbs of Saint Louis,
(01:56):
but tell me about family life. Do you have siblings,
what was the neighborhood like.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
No siblings, only child. It's just my parents had me
later in life. So they were married for a decade.
They had me late mid to late thirties, kind of
just like what I'm doing right now having Nora in
my late thirties, So there's some parallels there. Yeah, I
mean it was a very isolated environment. It wasn't a
(02:23):
whole lot of diversity, Although I am in Saint Louis,
you would think, but I went to two working parents
in the corporate world, and they were I was the
first one getting dropped off to school and I was
definitely the last one getting picked up. So needless to say,
they worked a long time. My education was in like
(02:45):
the private school system in Saint Louis, and grew up
watching my mom be a business owner like I am
today and my dad in the corporate space.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
So you grew up in the neighborhood that wasn't particularly diverse,
and you were schooling wasn't particularly verse. Do you have
a recollection of how it impacted you? Did you were
you conscious of not seeing a lot of people that
look like you or yeah?
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I thought that was just like the way it was.
I mean, I just I didn't realize that there was
so much diversity among my race and just in general
until going to an all black Women's College Spellman College.
But I just thought that, like, that's just the way
it was. I didn't think that, like I thought that everyone.
(03:31):
I thought that a lot of people lived similar lives
as me. I thought that there were just maybe like
not a lot of black people where I was, or
just many black people are an environment where they're alone,
or not that many people of color in their own environment.
I didn't realize that there was much of a difference.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Do you remember your parents talking to you about the
differences between you and your friends. I my children were young,
when they were about four, they all very kind of
realized suddenly that they didn't look like some of their friends.
And how did they make you feel confident about that
it was okay to be different.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
I think I always like lead with confidence until I got,
like to be an older teen, That's when I think
the confidence was in question. But I think growing up
I was definitely aware of of our differences. I mean,
I think I brought it to their attention about me
being different. But then also it was a lot of
education that I remember, Like, for example, I was maybe young,
(04:37):
I can't remember how I was, maybe I was like
eight or nine, and I like cut my hair, and
then my mom has to educate me like you can't
cut your hair and your hair is not going to
grow back as fast as someone else who cut their
hair like five inches, Like your hair is not going
to grow back that fast. And I'm like, wait a minute,
what I thought my hair was going to grow back
(04:58):
as fast as you know, the Suzies and you know
things like that. There were like constant differences that my
parents constantly had to educate me on, just like the
things that you do as a black woman is different
than the white women that you socialize with and that
you go to school with.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Yeah, so two working parents to parents in the corporate world.
Were they focused on you in school and did they
have expectations and how did they convey those to you?
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Yeah? So my dad always says education was super important,
and my mom always says, while education was important, we
needed to put you in private school because like of
the like after school daycare and it was close to
their home. Like for her it was more of a
convenience as it was like public versut private. They didn't
have a lot of thought on that. She was just
(05:50):
more like this is convenient, They're gonna watch it from
seven to seven, that's what the money goes for. It
was more like that versus you know, my dad was
really on education. But I mean, I mean I had ideas.
My parents were very high achieving people, and especially my mother,
and she'll always remind you, like she got all a's
(06:11):
in high school, and she was Pi Beta Kappa in college,
and she went to Howard on a full scholarship and
grad school on a full scholarship. Social always remind you,
like how you know how smart she was. But I
think for me, I wasn't the best student. I wasn't
not that I wasn't capable growing up, but I was
kind of just I didn't study. I was a I
(06:33):
learned it in class and then I'm you know, I
was there to socialize. So my my, I wish I
could do it all differently, but I wasn't, as I
wasn't always giving my best effort candidly.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
And so you went from your predominantly white world neighborhood
schools to as you said, a predominantly black college.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Yes, I was very jars to go from one extreme
to the next.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
So yeah, what was that transition?
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Like, I mean, I'm interested in how you were left
to Spilman and then how it was to actually go
to school there.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Yeah, I mean I touched a little bit on the book.
In my book what do You Need a little bit
about in the first chapter about belonging and feeling like
struggling to belong in both environments a little bit. You know,
there was a point in my teenage youth where I
didn't want to go to my high school anymore, where
I just I really understood myself a little bit better
(07:30):
as a black teenage woman, where I was starting to
feel different than everyone else. So I was starting to
feel like I don't like the same activities that were
forced to like or the same events or things, and
why don't I like that? And I think culturally because
it just wasn't as interesting. And so I you know,
I think both of my parents went to HBCUs and
so it wasn't something at my white private school that
(07:54):
was encouraged in their minds. It was like taking a
step back, like, you parents pay all that money for
you to go to this school. Who should be thinking
like Ivy League or Top twenty five or just bigger
institutions that are have a cachet. So the HBC thing
at you. Thing at the time wasn't like celebrated as much,
(08:16):
and they were like, oh, well, if you want to
go to a women's school, there's a whole bunch of
women's choices. But like, you know, not Spellman per se,
but my parents, which to their credit, like they did
their own They always were doing their own research. They're
always doing their own education. They're always doing like, we're
not going to listen to what the school says. We
think this is best for you. You know, what's best
(08:39):
for you would probably be in a black environment. You've
never really been around a lot of people who look
like you, and that's probably the best fit for you.
It took a lot of convincing from them, and it
took me as a as a junior in high school
going to see how close Spelman and More House was
because I really didn't want to go to all the
girls school. And it took them strategically but not pushing,
(09:03):
but like lightly delicately introducing me to another world, you know,
another world. And so that's that was kind of my
journey to HBCU because if I if I honestly just
listened to my school, I mean I wouldn't I wouldn't
be far from that.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
Interesting. Interesting, Just a quick aside.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
My father decided I should go to Spellman when I
was twelve and we were on a family trip and
was driving to Texas and he stopped in Atlanta to
show me Spellman Wow, so that you know this is
where you're going to call it. And it was so hot.
It was in August. It was all I remember is
that it was really really hot and there were big
gates and it didn't look at all appealing. And so
(09:42):
the note from that I did not go to Spelman.
But but the note from that is that it sounds
like your parents did it well. The the light touch
is the better touch, because my father sort of cemented
my not going there by the hard push hard.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Yeah, you have to, I think strategically, like most kids want,
and I think in general they want to come to
that decision on their own. And I think my parents
did a good job. Even though my mom will tell
you she like she knew Spahman was a choice for me,
But it's like I came to that decision on my own.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
That's key. Yeah, it's key.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
So fast forward to the present. Yes, now you have
your baby daughter, Noura how much of the parenting, how
much of the way that you were raised is impacting.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
I mean, there are a lot of parallels you've done already.
You're had a mom.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Who was very ambitious and very happily, working hard at work,
and so far she is an only child as you are.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
I know.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
So how are you feeling about parenting? Are you drawing
a lot on what you experienced.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Yes, I'm like everything my parents did I want to implement. Ah,
But at the time I hated my parents. I like,
they probably spent like three years of my teenage life
like hating your parents. And that's normal. But I think
that one of the things that my parents different than
the other students. As I was in a white environment,
I always felt that my parents were more strict, and
(11:07):
they were. They were older parents, and they were also
they're also black parents, and so being older and also
being black, they're going to be stricter. And I always
would make comparisons to what the other kids are doing
and the freedoms that they receive. And my parents never
ever cared, never bought into that, never try to rationalize,
(11:27):
which was great, never tried to understand me. They're like,
this is the way it is, and this is the
way that it will be. And I am very thankful
because I see some of my friend's parents that were
more lenient, had more freedoms and the trouble they got
into as kids, and also quite frankly, how that sometimes
(11:48):
not all the time, not all the time, but sometimes
that carries into adulthood. Your patterns of behavior as a teenager,
the setbacks that you choose to make as a teenager,
can reflect how you show up as an adult. And
you know, even for myself, I wasn't a good student,
and I know all the teachers always said, Lauren's not
(12:10):
giving her best, she's not trying, and I wasn't trying.
Only when I was a senior in high school, and
maybe a junior headed senior, I knew I had to
get my GPA up, and I got all a's and
all the hardest classes and took ap whatever just because
I was like, Okay, I need to get my grades
up to have a better choice for some schools. But
in my school, they didn't show us our GPA. It
(12:32):
wasn't a comparison thing. So we never really knew in
high school how we were doing. And I never frankly cared,
I felt like I'm fine, And so I say all
that to say that, you know, as it relates to
some of the tough choices you have to make in parenting,
Like I think that I would just kind of follow
(12:53):
some of those things that my parents have done.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
We'll be right back after these messages. Welcome back to
the show.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
Yeah, no, it's true.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
I mean my parents are a little older, and I
remember being the one that couldn't do the things that
because they've.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Seen it all, they know how it's going to end.
They might they might be an older parent, but they
watch their friends. They see how the movie is going
to end, and they're trying to protect you, and they
know and they actually know. Sometimes young parents they don't
know what they don't know, right, they're learning as we
all go along. But you get a little bit older,
you see some things and you know absolutely, okay, this
(13:28):
is not going to happen.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
And the more distance you have between you and the baby,
the more you clearly understand that this is the child
and you're the adult.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Right.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
So you see so much in so many different school worlds,
particularly when the parent gets it conflicted, they get it,
they get twisted and they really like the life that
their child is leading, and they really want they put
themselves back in that position that's like I wish I
could have, you know, stayed out all night or done whatever,
and so they're like, yes, go and do live the life.
Speaker 3 (13:56):
I didn't have.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
And so I definitely definitely second that concept that you
got to children actually really thrive with limits. Limits are no,
it's hard, but it's really important, and not having limits,
even though it's easier in the short run, makes it
really tough for them into adulthood for sure. So now
(14:16):
I know you've had this question before, but as you
transition to momhood, of course we must ask you what
do you need? And I know that you have answered
it's flexibility, And can you talk a little bit more
about what that means for you?
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Flexibility. I need flexibility in terms of, you know, you
have these goals to set up and like let's say
meet with friends, or or maybe after work you're going
to do some activity, or maybe after work you're like,
I'm going to come home and I'm gonna knock out
like this assignment, or I'm going to knock out like
(14:53):
another project that's due. And it doesn't always happen that way.
And I think before pre child, I was able to
kind of keep to more of those things that I
said I was going to do. And now you add
a childng to the mix, and it just feels like
no day is the same and you can have these
(15:14):
plans to do certain things and then they change because
now you have another human who has other needs, Like
it just does. Everything doesn't go as planned all the time,
like sometimes it does, but then sometimes it doesn't, you know,
And I just that type of flexibility. Like there's my
daughter's getting christened this weekend in Washington, d C. And
(15:35):
there's people coming in town and we're all getting together
and and I owe we have the in the in
the Episcopal faith, you have there's two godmothers and there's
a godfather. And so I'm you know, the godmothers were
calling me, They're like, what's the plans for this weekend?
And I'm like, okay, I'm gonna definitely call you back
tomorrow morning. Where you're talking like it doesn't happen like
(15:56):
I like, I'm not. I never was that person and
now I'm flaking on every I'm more of a flake
than ever right right now. And it's because I just
like things keep moving, keep changing, and then I don't
have the energy or the capacity to like really have
that substantive talk that I owe you and not just
a quick two minutes, but I owe you some plans,
(16:16):
I owe you some things. And that's what I mean
by like flexibility.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Right, it sounds like you need flexibility on two fronts.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
First of all, you need to have internal flexibility because
as someone who managed expectation exactly, someone who is very
goal oriented, when you expect to get ex done by
why when you don't it it's a burden a bit.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
I mean, it's not you can't just say okay, never mind.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
And so the flexibility to acknowledge that, Okay, my world's
expanded exponentially here. And the beauty and the challenge of
a child is that even when you actually see the
pathway to get from point A to point B, the
child will do something.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
That will deter you.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
So there's this other whole kind of ability to just
mess up the schedule that you can't control.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
That you love dearly, but I need you to go
about it exactly. Are we still awake?
Speaker 1 (17:08):
So you need some you know, the deep breaths and
the flexibility to say, Okay, this did not work, so
we'll figure out plan B. But also it sounds like
you need the sort of community flexibility because your friends
that have these expectations of you based on Lauren pre Nora,
I mean, they haven't changed. And so I mean I
(17:29):
say this, I have lots of friends who girlfriends from
long standing who ended up not having children, and so
they are I've had to really manage the expectation of
can you do this?
Speaker 3 (17:42):
Do you have time to do this?
Speaker 1 (17:42):
And in fact, in my own world, I've got the
group of friends who will understand if on the dime
I say, oh no, can't do it now, And then
the friends that don't understand that.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Right, those people are pibly like, okay, good, I hope
she can't. I hope she can't make it because I'm
actually trusted to too much as well.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
Exactly no, my my mom friends, and even though our
kids are all gone, you know, we know, I mean
even down to the phone call. If somebody calls, you
got to hang up immediately, because you know, if your
kid's calling, you hang up immediately, and everybody understands. Then
there are people that just wouldn't so your community will
be over time, they will certainly be become a flexible,
but it's important and good that you recognize that that's
a thing that you'll need to sort of socialize with
(18:20):
your friends. The concept of look flexibility like I am
still that very efficient and amazing woman that you know
and love. It's just going to look a little different now.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
And so yes, so my mom says, so what she
tells me, stop committing to things, like stop what my
problem is? I'll say yes, I'll say yes I can
do this book, talk yes I can do this, and
I'll say, you know, I'll raise my hand for all
the things she's like, stop committing to things. Your new
phrase needs to be thank you, let me check, because
(18:51):
you can't do it all and now you're saying yes
to it all, and then you owe the people you
said yes to.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
I wish I could tell you that as your children grow,
it gets better. With that that becomes easier. It doesn't,
I mean, until of course they leave the nest, and
then yeah, then you don't have to worry about it
so much, but they still call. So a couple more
questions before we end. What keeps you up at night?
Like this is a crazy world. I'm sure there are
lots of things politically and worldwide that keep you up,
(19:19):
you know, global issues, But what are the kinds of
things that you may be surprised to find yourself thinking
about as a new mom? I mean, what are the
things that you kind of that you wish you knew
more about?
Speaker 2 (19:34):
Time management? I mean, it's just, you know, it's amazing
to see, like we've talked about this, the amazing ambitious
leaders and CEOs and how they're all like have families,
you know, and it obviously it can be done. You know,
there's definitely role models, women of color, role models, but
(19:58):
it just sometimes feels like all consuming and even though
like I have help, I'm like, you know, I'm lucky.
I do have help, and I pay for the help
that I have, so I do have help, but at
the same time, it still doesn't feel like enough. I mean,
that's great, that's help during the hours that I'm not
at work. What about after work? Because in my capacity,
(20:20):
it's never a nine to five situation, right, There's always
work to be done as a leader, as a CEO,
There's just things that need to get done that you're
not going to just get done by sitting at work,
there's you know, the whole host of things, and it
just feels like the constraints on your time are even
(20:43):
more limited. And it's like, well, how do you get
to the goals that you want to get to, you know,
given the limiting time that you have. And also not
just time, but it's energy. You have to have energy.
A baby takes up a lot of that energy. Yes,
it is your marathon, it is your workout. That's the energy.
(21:05):
That's how much energy that's being expended.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
Yes, no, it's true.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
But in terms of time management, the answer lies in
part with again going back to being flexible, sort of
a reorientation of what's important. And I don't mean deciding
that work is not important and children are important, but
it's a re orientation of sort of the priorities of
what's within each thing, the priorities. And then I'm going
(21:32):
to give you a little tip that could save a
lot of angst.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
Oh yes, please, I'm here.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
So the core of the concern about time management is
the thinking that somehow you are doing something not great
for your child, or damage to your child in some
way because they are not getting enough of you. I
mean and that's the sort of a guilt of not
being there always is real, and that's what makes us feel.
You know, I need more time, they need me more
and if they don't get me something, there'll be some
(21:58):
detriment that I will be responded contifore So the little
the tip that I'm going to give you is that
get that out of your mind, because it doesn't matter
how much time, how present you are, or how much
time you spend with your child, they will always believe
that you could spend more.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
I kid you well, they will. As one who had
a very very.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
Flexible work life where I did a lot of volunteer work,
nonprofit work, and and I ran a very small business
that didn't take up a whole lot of time, and
I actually prioritized the child bearing years, much to my
own surprise. I can't tell you the number of times,
particularly that last child love you drew, but the last
child who made very clear that that day that I
(22:41):
missed library reading when I was supposed to be there,
no way permanently. So, I mean, we laugh about it,
but they have their memories.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
They were selective.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Yeah, there is no amount that you have to try
to parents everywhere you got the guilt thing is not
useful at all. You can and the way you try
to mitigate the guilt is to be president. Am I
doing the best thing that I can do? I mean,
because the other part of it is that if you
are end up doing a lot of things you don't
want to do for the service of your child, you're there,
(23:14):
but your energy is not there, and that's not helping them.
And mommy looks really kind of mad and distracted all
the time. What that's not a good influence either. So
time management, I get it. It's important, and it's a
shift because now you have this person that's a new person,
But it's it is the guilt and the concern about
doing something terrible because of these little things. This too,
(23:36):
really shall pass. Let me tell you it shall pass.
So when the going gets really Ralph, just take a
deep Beth and remember that you know they really are fine.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
They'll be fine.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Yes, good to not Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
The last question, I'm going to ask you a question
I asked all the CEOs who come on the podcast.
And this is a little early for you, so I
mean your child hearing, but you may have an answer.
So what work skills are you finding most helpful in
parenting and the converse. What parenting skills have been really
useful at work?
Speaker 2 (24:07):
All right, I would say the ability to say no
and to recognize that you're not going to do at all.
Your to do list may not get complete, and that's okay.
You know, if I don't get a completed do list,
that's fine, But like look at your to do list
and try to complete like seventy five percent. It's really
(24:28):
just about checking off all those tasks. But the ability
to say no is so important. You got to you
got to start saying no, no, no, no no.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
And that's that's from that's on both fronts.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
That's on both fronts. That's from work to parents, like
work to child, child to work as well.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
So I'm gonna I'm going to come back to you
in a few years.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Okay, that's how I'm doing. That's see how I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
Say that question about the work transfer, because I have
found talking to mom CEOs that there's a lot of
I mean, as odd as it may seem, there's some.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
Home practices and parenting practice.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
This is one CEO told me that trying to negotiate
arguments between my kids, you know, it makes me a
better manager at work, she said, I if I treat
them all like they're all like kids in the playground, it.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Makes it easier. I would also say the ability to
think ahead, Like as a business leader, you're always thinking ahead.
You're thinking you know, I'm already thinking about next year,
Like you're already thinking about what's next in so many
different capacities, whether it's financially, whether it's business, whether it's activity,
whether it's operationally. And that's the same thing when having
(25:37):
a child. You have to think ahead. You have to
think about all the contingency plans, like we're going away
this weekend. We're going to Washington, DC. Like my child's
on solids now. She wasn't on solids before when we traveled.
Now she's eating real food. Okay, what does that look
like when we're in a different city, you know, all
(25:58):
the things that we need to be prepared for. Like
it sounds simple and it sounds easy, but it's not.
If you kind of already have your rhythm and method
at home.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
No, no, that you have put your finger on one
of the most important things about parenting that a lot
of people don't focus on, and that is the thinking ahead.
You really have to be semesters ahead. You have to
be like it's January, you need to think about summer camps.
I mean particularly in cities like New York, very busy
cities with a lot of people who have a lot
(26:26):
of interest in programs.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
It's key.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
And you find so many parents who naturally want to
be Oh, we don't want to pressure them, we don't
want to think about that, we don't want to make
these decisions right now. But now that skill is going
to serve you really well. And don't let anybody tell
you you're being to to nerdy or to uber focus.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
There's no too much of a plan I used to
get growing up. You're too much of a planner. You're
too much of a planner. I mean you would need
to have a plan. You do, and you need to
have a plan.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
The beautiful balance of parenting is being able to knowing
you need a plan, being able to make that plan,
and then being okay when that plan blows up.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Yes, yes, being okay when that plan blows up. And
the reason why you do need to plan is because
things just aren't available when you decide and you're ready
because when you, like you said, the moment you're ready
to do something. Everything's booked, especially in New York. All
the programs are book exactly, et cetera. And you want
to be able to make sure you're you know, in
that time slot that you want, arevingtly.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
So planning is key. So, Lauren, I can't thank you enough.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
I'm so always thrilled to talk with moms of little ones,
and I'm so excited for you as you start this
amazing journey of motherhood. And I'll be curious to see
how much you're able to apply the lessons of your
book to your parenting. Yes, so one quick thing before
we go, I need you to play the GCP very fast,
(27:49):
the GCP Lightning Round.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
Oh sure.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
So I'm going to ask you four quick questions. First,
is a favorite poem or saying or something that you
just you hear yourself saying a lot, or something that
that your mom said a lot to you.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
My mom recently has been telling me and just in
all of my friends that she mentors if you want more,
you need to do more.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
I love that. That's good. I love that challenge.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
And your favorite two children's books and they can be
either once you read to Nora or once that you
grew up with that you remember.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
I love the Caterpillar book. I love that because I
read that to Nora all the time. And then I,
I mean, who doesn't love like Cat in the Hat?
I know, Doctor's so good.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
So this may be an early question too, because you
haven't had so many mom moments, But are there any
mom moments already that you kind of wanted to do over?
Meaning that you did something You're like, ooh, I could
do that differently.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Yes. I the other night, I like warmed up the
food too hot and I definitely burned my daughter and
it took about forty five minutes crying. So yes I would.
I would. I would taste the food again and I
would put that in the ice machine and I would
have just you know, I would have done that differently.
(29:12):
But I don't know if you're talking about anything else.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Yeah, no, no, No, that's a great answer, and it happens,
and it's just you know, your daughter's fine.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
I mean, she won't remember that.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
To because she it was a night, it was a whole.
It was a ripple effect to going to bed, and
I was just like, I give up. I give up today,
I give up.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
So to counteract that give me a moment where you
nailed it as a mom.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
Gosh, I haven't been a mom long enough to nail it.
I don't know my nailing it. Maybe the Christmas photo
shoot that nobody wanted to participate in. Nor was asleep
half the time, but I was happy. I felt like
I nailed it. We got some good photos and we
got some memories for her. So that is so precious.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
And as one who has literally Christmas pictures from the
time my children were very little, all stacked up on
a wall in my kitchen, treasure those pictures.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
I think so right, Like nobody wanted to do it,
and then I put my mom in it. Of course
Alan was in it, and everyone's like, we're getting up
early it seven am. I don't want to do it.
And then they're like, oh the photos. I love the photos.
Can you send me the Christmas photo?
Speaker 3 (30:18):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Really, no credit? No sorry, no no thank you, just complain,
complain And now you're like, it's framed in your house
and you absolutely love it.
Speaker 3 (30:28):
Yes, and you will have to keep taking those pictures.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
I'm telling you, you know, I'm gonna keep making them
get up early.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
I think they will love it absolutely, Laurence, thank you
so much. I really appreciate it, and our listeners will
love hearing all about you and your new momhood.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
Thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
I hope everyone listening enjoyed this conversation that you'll come
back for more. Please subscribe, rate and review where you
find your podcast, and tell your friends. For more parenting
info and advice, please check out the Ground Control Parenting
website at wwwgroundcontrolparenting dot com. You can also find us
on Facebook and Instagram at ground Control Parenting and on
LinkedIn under Carol Sutton Lewis. Until the next time, take
(31:12):
care and thanks for listening.
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