July 21, 2025 • 57 mins
In this powerful episode of Growing Tall Poppies, host Dr. Nat Green welcomes mentor and friend Melanie Benson to the show. Melanie, an expert in helping visionary leaders turn their brilliance into profitable visibility, shares her profound journey through personal trauma and professional growth. With over two decades of experience and a top 1% ranking podcast, Melanie discusses the deep-seated trauma that fueled her relentless ambition and the pivotal moments that led to her healing and transformation.
Listeners are invited to explore their own paths through Melanie’s insights on nervous system regulation, human design, and the power of integrating their experiences as pathways to becoming extraordinary leaders in their fields. Discover how to harness your inner strength, overcome obstacles, and make an unforgettable impact in the world.
Listen to Melanie Benson for an unfiltered, heart-expanding conversation about what really lies beneath chronic burnout, autoimmune illness, and the hustle to prove our worth.
Together, they explore how trauma—especially when left unacknowledged—becomes the silent driver behind overachievement, people-pleasing, and the need to control. Melanie vulnerably shares her own story of childhood trauma, chronic illness, and financial breakdown… and how these crises became catalysts for profound healing, reinvention, and purpose-driven leadership.
This conversation is a must-listen for high-performing women, coaches, therapists, and business leaders who are done performing success while silently struggling—and ready to reclaim their wholeness, and lead with sustainable impact.
💬 In this episode, you’ll hear:
- How unhealed trauma can manifest as overachievement, burnout, and autoimmune illness
- The moment Melanie realized her body was no longer willing to hustle for success
- Why childhood survival strategies often show up in business and leadership
- The grief of letting go of the old identity—and the freedom that follows
- The messy middle of reinvention and allowing yourself to not have it all together
- The healing power of becoming a “bonus mom” and breaking generational cycles
- Melanie’s tools for navigating visibility, intuition, and rebuilding from a place of truth
- A loving reminder that you are not behind—you’re on the edge of becoming
🔗 Connect with Melanie :
🌐 MelanieBenson.com
🎧 Amplify Your Success Podcast
If this episode resonates with you then I'd love for you to hit SUBSCRIBE so you can keep updated with each new episode as soon as it's released and we'd be most grateful if you would give us a RATING as well. You can also find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/drnatgreen/ or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/DrNatalieGreen
Intro and Outro music: Inspired Ambient by Playsound.
Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be deemed or treated as psychological treatment or to replace the need for psychological treatment.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr Nat Green (00:01):
Welcome to the Growing Tall Poppies Podcast.
I'm your host, Dr.
Nat Green, and I'm so excited tohave you join me as we discuss
what it means to navigate yourway through post-traumatic
growth and not just survive, butto thrive after trauma.
(00:23):
Through our podcast, we willexplore ways for you to create a
life filled with greaterpurpose, self-awareness, and a
deep inner peace.
Through integrating the manyyears of knowledge and
professional experience, as wellas the wisdom of those who have
experienced trauma firsthand.
(00:44):
We'll combine psychologyaccelerated approaches.
Coaching and personal experienceto assist you, to learn, to grow
and to thrive.
I hope to empower you to createdeeper awareness and
understanding and strongerconnections with yourself and
with others, whilst also pavingthe way for those who have
(01:08):
experienced trauma and adversityto reduce their suffering and
become the very best versions ofthemselves.
In order to thrive.
Thank you so much for joining meon today's episode.
I'm super excited and gratefultoday to bring you our next
guest on the Growing TallPoppies podcast.
(01:31):
It's my absolute pleasure towelcome an amazing lady who I am
privileged to have as a trustedmentor, and to now call a
beautiful friend.
And I was trying to work out howlong I've known her.
I think it might be since 2012,I think.
So quite a while.
And we have such a beautifulrelationship and I'm so grateful
(01:55):
and she has experienced her ownconsiderable trauma and
adversity throughout her lifeand has agreed to come and chat
with us today about her.
Personal and professionalexperience and to share her
wisdom with us.
So let me start by welcomingMelanie Benson.
Melanie is the go-to authorityamplifier for expert preneurs
(02:18):
who are ready to becomeunignorable.
With over two decades ofexperience helping experts and
visionary leaders break out ofbest kept secret mode, Melanie
specializes in turningoverlooked brilliance into
profitable visibility with highvalue clients ready to say yes.
A pioneer in the podcastingworld.
(02:40):
Melanie hosts The Amplify YourSuccess Podcast ranked in the
top 1% globally.
And I can tell you it is anamazing podcast where she shares
her proven visibility andmonetization strategies.
She's the author of Rewired forWealth and co-author of
entrepreneur dot com's startupguide to starting an information
(03:04):
marketing business.
Her work has been spotlighted inAuthority Magazine, Bloomberg
Business Week Woman's Day, andParenting.
Through her signature AuthorityAccelerator, she'll help you
claim your lighthouse messageand borrow million dollar
visibility streams so you riseabove the noise and get seen,
(03:24):
heard and paid.
Whew.
What a bio.
This really is a powerhouse,amazing woman.
So welcome, Melanie.
Melanie Benson (03:34):
Thank you, Nat.
It's always so fun to hear backhow people introduce you, and
I'm like, oh my gosh.
And yes, we have known eachother for a very long time and I
have been very privileged towatch you go through your own
transformation and to reallybring.
This extraordinary work out intothe world, and I'm just thrilled
(03:54):
to be here.
Thank you for the invitation.
Dr Nat Green (03:57):
Oh, thank you.
I've been waiting for thismoment for a very long time.
So I know I gave your formal bioand went through all of that,
but can we start with you maybegiving us a brief introduction
of who you are and what you doin the world?
Melanie Benson (04:15):
I am into human design as we were giggling about
in the green Room.
And I would say I, as amanifester in human design, I'm
what's known as a spark.
And what I believe my brillianceon this planet is I spark the
pure brilliance in other peopleand then help them learn how to
bring it out into the world.
(04:35):
So it's making them money, butit's also making an impact and
it's really.
Aligned.
And as a business leader, doingthis work is one of these things
that constantly keeps meevolving and growing, but it's
also super fulfilling as a humanoutside of business.
I am, a married, lady.
(04:58):
I live in Southern Californiaand I have two bonus children.
Interestingly enough, being abonus mom at this stage of my
life, that was one of the placesI had to do a lot of healing.
I had my own microtraumas andchallenges in that area growing
up.
And so saying yes to parentingand being an influence in these
(05:20):
exquisite people's lives was.
It was a growing opportunity forme, so that as on, on a personal
level is constantly keeping me,on my edge as well, you might
say.
And I'm a dog mom, so I have mytwo little fluff babies who are
constantly at my feet.
Dr Nat Green (05:38):
You do.
I know, and I love watching yourpictures of your beautiful
doggies, and I know you've beena lover and a beautiful dog mom
for a very long time, and Ilove, and it's the first time,
and maybe it's more an Americanthing than an Australian thing.
The very first time I heard yourefer to yourself as a bonus
(06:01):
mom, I thought, that'sinteresting and it makes so much
sense.
I love that, that you never tryto take the place of children's
mom, but you can be a bonus mom,and it's just another beautiful
layer.
But I imagine it comes with alot of personal work that needs
to be done as well along theway.
Melanie Benson (06:23):
Yeah I didn't want to.
Recreate the experiences I hadon the reciprocating side of
being someone's stepchild andthe step piece always just felt.
A disconnect to me.
I didn't want that energy.
Like I wanted them to feel likeI was a bonus in their life.
And it's really cute.
(06:43):
My young, my youngest bonuschild, he, when he gives me
cards for Mother's Day, weactually have bonus mom day, but
he will actually put bonus.
Mom,
Dr Nat Green (06:52):
I love it so much.
Melanie Benson (06:54):
Yeah.
It's just, it's really workedfor us and our family and it's
just felt energetically morealigned than putting the step
parent into it.
Dr Nat Green (07:03):
I get exactly what you mean when you say it's that
disconnect.
I have a stepmom and she'sbeautiful, but even just saying
it, it's like almost just sayit's my mom because she has
taken on a mother role.
So I love that bonus.
Mom is so beautiful and so you,
Melanie Benson (07:21):
thanks.
Yeah, I love that.
Yeah.
Dr Nat Green (07:24):
So as we know the guests that I get.
And privileged enough to bringon the show have usually
experienced trauma or layers oftrauma.
And let's be real, the majorityof people have been through
something in their life and theyare kind enough to share their
experience around what happened,how it impacted their lives.
(07:48):
So I'm wondering if you couldshare an overview of what has
happened for you.
Melanie Benson (07:52):
Yeah.
So I am one of those peoplethat, that old saying you peel
the onion and you find the nextlayer.
I definitely was am an onion andhave had multiple onion layers
peeled away.
And I will, I'm gonna start withtoday and go backwards because.
It wasn't until I hit mymenopause years and was
(08:13):
exploring my health andrecognizing that there was some,
an undercurrent that I couldnever quite grasp that it turned
me to looking at.
There's something else that I'mnot aware of and somebody in my
family was doing their ownexploration.
Uncovered that there was someabuse by a significant person in
(08:35):
our lives as children, a parent,and that kind of like.
Unearthed me.
It, it just rocked my worldbecause I thought as a teenager
that I had done the work.
I thought I had uncovered whatthe trauma was.
It was benign compared to whatwas revealed later.
And so I don't have any memoryof it.
(08:56):
I don't have any consciousawareness.
I have an energetic awareness.
Okay.
And I recognize now that therehave been so many phases of my
life that were driven, I call itthis trauma fueled ambition that
I was constantly overperforminghigh achieving being an exceller
(09:22):
at everything I did in order tocompensate.
For this deep wound inside theessence of my being.
And it wasn't until, and Ithought I had worked on it, I
have been in so many therapysessions.
I have been through coaching, Ihave done NLP transformation
(09:43):
work, I have done, you name it,I have done the personal
development program.
I really feel like it gave mepowerful tools, but what it
didn't do was get me to the rootbecause I was always solving the
surface problem, not really thewhat was at the root of it.
And so I think that.
Lack of understanding of whatwas trapped in a very deep
(10:05):
recess of my mind, and nothaving the clarity of what
actually occurred created thisthis.
Dissonance of I, I am going tobe the best version of me.
I've learned all these tools.
I'm a high achiever, and yetthere was always an anchor that
was attached that was keeping mestuck at a certain level that I
(10:29):
could never get past.
And I think, this part of mystory that.
As I really got into business,my first year was tragic.
It was hard.
I couldn't outrun my limitingbeliefs and all of the embedded
conditioning of struggle.
(10:49):
And I went through my NLPtraining and I was exposed to
tools that literallytransformed.
Who I was being on this planetNLP, meaning neurolinguistic
programming.
If you're listening and you'reunfamiliar with that term, and I
basically was given the keys tothe kingdom of how to rise above
(11:09):
the conditioning that I felt wasconstantly like quicksand
pulling me under.
And I created a massivelysuccessful multiple six
stretching into almost hittingseven figure business.
And yet if you understandtrauma, you know you can't
outperform your trauma.
Dr Nat Green (11:29):
Yes.
Melanie Benson (11:30):
And I hit the trifecta or probably the 10
fecta, if that's a thing.
The perfect storm of all of theaccumulation of unresolved
trauma triggers, identitywounds, all of the stuff, and
hit this massive landmine whereI literally had my partner who
(11:51):
was growing my business with me,walk out of the business and at
that moment.
And I was not blameless forsure, but it triggered all of my
stuff.
And instead of having the toolsthat worked for me to go, okay,
how are we gonna navigate this?
I just imploded.
(12:12):
Yeah.
And it was those.
Days in that quagmire ofconfusion and trauma and being
activated.
And I was like, what ishappening?
That activated my autoimmuneissues and my thyroid tanked and
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
So all of the things startedcrashing, and that's when I.
(12:33):
Got to look at, okay, what'sreally going on under the hood
and am I really at the root ofthe issues?
And it took another 10 yearsbefore the truth came out that I
could actually go, oh, okay, nowI get it.
Now I get why all this stuffconstantly pulled me under.
Yeah.
But I feel sometimes, and I knowthis is what your work is so
(12:55):
beautiful at Nat is that you,you look at the triumph in the
trauma.
What's the gift, what is thehealing?
And first of all, going throughthat phase when my own business
tumbled and I had to recalibratewho I was gonna be, I feel like
there was always a part missingin my coaching up until that
time.
Dr Nat Green (13:15):
Okay.
Melanie Benson (13:15):
And the part that was missing was a deep
empathy.
I had awareness andunderstanding, and I could hold
space, but I was missing someempathy.
And all of a sudden I am beingexposed to a world of nervous
system regulation and traumahealing and understanding this
(13:36):
range of what trauma does onwith at a whole nother level.
And I started to become awarewhy so many of my clients
struggled with being successful.
And instead of going workharder, let's get some
productivity tools.
Let's rewire the neurons so theyfire properly.
I'm like, oh.
Yes, this is going to require atotally different kind of
(13:57):
transformation.
Dr Nat Green (13:59):
Very powerful.
I, I begin to think where weshould start to unpack that
Amazing, multilayer component ofwhat you just said.
I think one thing that reallystands out is, yes, there's that
gift in the trauma that it feelshorrendous while you're in it.
(14:21):
But as we know that our bodysends us messages when we are
not listening.
We get the autoimmune disorders,the thyroid issues, the
exhaustion, the burnout.
And I know that you'veexperienced burnout over the
years as well, and not justonce, but came back.
And came back because, as yousaid, the root cause hadn't been
(14:47):
dealt with.
As you've gone through whenyou've identified, oh, there's
something deeper here, there'ssomething deeper here, and done
the work, what do you think oneof the key factors for you was
to see that missing piece?
Melanie Benson (15:05):
So I'm not sure this is the answer to the
question you're asking, so if Idon't get to that, let me know.
But what's coming up for meright now is tying back to this
idea of trauma fueled ambition.
Yes.
Because when your trauma isfueling your goals and your
dreams and it's like sparkingthis desire to do more and be
(15:27):
more what I think happenssometimes is you align yourself
to what's possible, even if it'snot aligned with your energetic
truth and.
I for many years, I used themodel of the role modeling
(15:47):
elements of NLP and hypnosis andto really look at the
calibration of who do I need tobecome to have that yes, instead
of what is the mostenergetically expansive version
of me.
And what am I here to do?
And I'm not saying the otherthing is bad, it does serve a
(16:08):
purpose.
It can be a jumpstart, right?
Yes.
It can be an activator, it canhelp you evaluate where you have
maybe dormant strengths that youcould activate.
But where I went awry in allthat is I was letting my trauma
fuel it, which meant.
Being in performance mode.
(16:29):
Being in high productivity atthe expense of the energetic
healing I needed to do maybegaslighting myself and not even
like really honoring.
The truth that was emerging inmy body, part of the reason my
business imploded when I lookback and I now look at it
through the compassion and thegrace of trauma healing and
(16:51):
recognizing what trauma does tothe brain, I was stretching into
such an outrageously bigfinancial.
Goal, and I was overextendingmyself and my body was going,
Nope, not the right move.
And I was like, oh, fear'stalking.
Let's like not listen to fearand put it in the box.
(17:11):
Called like fear.
Fear is fear.
And yet do it anyway.
No, I was speaking to my truththat there was a disconnect and
an out of alignment peace that Igaslit myself all the way into
massive financial destruction.
Dr Nat Green (17:29):
Wow.
And it was really devastating.
Oh, it would've been absolutelyheartbreaking so I can only
imagine how devastating thatwould've been when you'd worked
so hard to build things up andyou thought you were honoring
everything that you were workingfor.
You describe that really well,that we just put that fear to
(17:53):
the side because at a surfacelevel, we think, no, we just
keep working harder, work harderbecause, and you've taught me
this very much when I've had todo my own work with you, that
moving away from.
Rather than moving towards, soyou were out running, trying to
outrun your trauma.
The same as I have done manytimes.
(18:15):
Keep going, work harder, but weknow that is in contrast to what
our body energetically needs andwhat our nervous system is
holding.
Melanie Benson (18:29):
Oh my gosh, I'm getting chills if we'd only
known this now.
That's like rewind.
But that's that.
This is our path and this is howwe have empathy.
This is how we hold space forpeople who are up in it, is like
we now could look back withcompassionate empathy and grace
for those versions of ourselves.
But yes, at the time I was justkeep going forward and I was
(18:50):
also the only.
Earner like I was the financialresponsibility for my wellbeing.
And the, so you're, and Iunderstand this so much,
especially in women who are thesole providers.
There's this I have to perform.
I can't let the thing that I'vebuilt crash combined with, I
don't know if I can hold thisanymore.
(19:12):
My energetic system is.
Falling apart and I'm crumblingtrying to hold this together and
it's not working anymore.
And that's where I believe ourenergetic body starts to push
back and say, Nope, we're takinga break.
(19:33):
So that dance, as I know you'refamiliar with it as well, has
been really my greatest teacher.
Dr Nat Green (19:41):
Yes, that having to stop to rest, to take a
break, that I know for me hasbeen, that was my greatest gift
because I had never stopped fullon A DHD.
You keep going and you neverstop.
But it wasn't working and I lovethat you were able to recognize
(20:03):
that.
So tell us a bit about whathappened when you stopped and
you pivoted.
Melanie Benson (20:09):
And I'll be fully transparent, like I never
stopped, but I allowed anevolution to occur and I fought
it.
I held wanted to hold so deeplyonto what had worked before, and
I realized actually I had a hugeawareness a few years ago.
That me trying to hold on to thesuccess of before was actually
(20:36):
the greatest barrier to theevolution of what was pulling me
forward.
Because when we're, and I'vebeen doing some messaging around
this lately on my socials, islike when you're filtering your
future work through themessaging of who you've been.
It's a disconnect, right?
Like it, it's going to have thisenergetic flatness to it.
(20:57):
And I had to create, I had tolet go of what I was trying to
get back to.
'cause that's really what itwas.
I'm trying to get back to thisand then I had to realize like
there is no this to get back tothat does not exist anymore.
The identity of that person.
And part of what was wrapped upin this Nat and I know you talk
about this a lot, there wasshame.
(21:18):
Oh, I had extraordinary shamefor being the version of myself
that didn't have it all figuredout because I was given the
message very early on in mycareer by very successful
people.
You don't hang your dirtylaundry.
You are the person who, you're arising star.
(21:38):
So if you are crashing, whatdoes that mean for the rest of
us?
Oh.
I even had one of my bestfriends is a super famous
author.
And really well known.
And I remember her saying onetime like, oh no, you don't talk
about that because you have tomake sure everybody knows you
have your shit together.
Yay.
Hopefully I can say that here.
Dr Nat Green (21:59):
Oh, you can say that here.
Absolutely.
And have you heard I have youmet me?
Melanie Benson (22:04):
Yes.
Just making sure.
But yeah, and I, and so I hadall of this conflict about,
because I wanted to share.
Then when I did share, I had somuch shame and I would have
people like, oh, I'm so sorry.
I'm like, oh my God.
The vulnerability shame is offthe charts.
And really it's because Iwasn't, I was sharing too much
from the open, gaping wound.
(22:26):
Not enough from a healed place,but also I hadn't gotten the
shame process through, and Idon't even know that I fully
have.
But now I've.
I've come to a place ofacceptance and grace and knowing
that everything that I'veexperienced on this journey as a
human, but also as a businessowner has made me so much better
(22:48):
at what I do to hold, to be ableto walk in the fire with people
who are in it and don't knowwhat to do.
And not to pull back from it orjudge it, but to be in it with
these leaders who it's like,holy crap, everything I've been
working for just fell apart.
And I'm like, yeah, and guesswhat?
(23:08):
Here's where we are.
We're integrating.
We're not repelling, we're notpulling forward, we're
integrating, and that was thekey for me, is integrating what
do I need to integrate from thisjourney, from the pain, from the
trauma, from the awarenessesthat I had, parts of me that
really weren't probably what Iwanted them to be, but could I
accept that and integrate thatinto the wholeness of the power
(23:32):
and the value and the great workthat I do for people and for
myself and my family.
Dr Nat Green (23:37):
Oh, I love that so much gold.
Absolute gold nuggets in there.
Let me start with something thatyou touched on then, which I am
a firm believer on, is thatwhole realizing that you were
trying to go back to that oldversion of you, and that's what
I see so often and I know ourlisteners will relate to really
(24:01):
that I wanna get back to who Iused to be, but what we know is.
The absolute reality is that weare never gonna be that person
again.
And it's really important toknow that, to hear that and go,
okay, I'm not gonna be thatperson again.
But that's okay because we takethe experiences we've had, the
(24:26):
lessons, the learnings, thegifts from that experience and
the trauma, and it helps us moveinto recognizing.
How to be the best version ofourselves authentically.
And that's the next part thatyou touched on, that whole being
who you are and not showingthat, not showing up as you
(24:50):
authentically and truly who youwere does a lot of damage,
doesn't it?
As you found out, as I found outthat until we embody that.
We work through the layers andthere's lots of layers of that
shame and go, okay, I can show alittle bit of me.
(25:11):
People can see it.
And if the world didn't blow upby showing a little bit of
ourselves, we might show alittle bit more and a little bit
more.
Melanie Benson (25:21):
There's so much gold in what you just said, and
this is one of the reasons why Ilove the work you're bringing
out into the world so muchbecause you are providing tools
for the part of the journey thatmost people don't access.
And one of the things thatreally worked for me.
I was in a very personalexperience of letting go of the
(25:44):
relationship I had with certainfamily members that was toxic
and draining and energeticdepleting that kept me in this
really uncomfortable, horrificanxiety loop all the time.
And I finally got to this placewhere I'm like, if this was a
friend.
We would not be friends, wouldnot be holding onto this.
(26:04):
Like, why am I holding onto thisso deeply?
And all of a sudden it unraveledall the ways in which I was
holding onto.
I need to get back to thisversion from my safety net, from
my own security.
And what if I allowed that to bea new norm and I fell in love
with the norm that was becomingwhat would be possible?
(26:25):
And so it happened in a fewsteps, but what I realized was
in my business, I wanted to getto certainty in my personal
relationships.
I was trying to get back to whatfelt good in the past.
None of it existed anymore.
There wasn't certainty in that,but what I could do is accept
the new norm.
I could really get present tothis is where we are now.
(26:50):
What's next?
What am I willing, who am Iwilling to become in order to
usher in a new version, a newnorm that feels aligned with
where I'm going now?
And it was such a reallypowerful awareness and journey
for me.
It made me stronger, it helpedmy resilience.
It also helped me shed somethings that I was holding onto
(27:12):
that just didn't serve meanymore.
And I was like, okay, I don'thave to keep tracking this stuff
with me where I'm going next.
Dr Nat Green (27:19):
Yes, definitely.
Because as we peel back thoselayers and we start to step into
who we're becoming, as you said,rather than who we were and move
towards, it changes everything,doesn't it?
And I love what you said aboutnot coming from that gaping
wound.
(27:39):
Those wounds are still there,but we can work on healing them.
And you've obviously done a lotof work around that and it's
been a work in progress and it'sa journey and it's always still
a journey, isn't it?
Melanie Benson (27:53):
Yeah.
And I really believe that thetools that we have and our
toolbox have to grow as we.
Grow as humans, but also uncoverpieces that were like, oh, okay,
here's a new piece that I get tolook at.
And so oftentimes we need newtools.
And it was about that time thatall the nervous system work was
(28:13):
starting to really gainpopularity.
People were starting to talkabout it more.
I was watching some very highprofile CEOs talk about how.
Where they were going in theirbusiness could not be
energetically sustained'causethe level of anxiety and having
to make these difficultdecisions, to have the pressure
of performing, to have peoplelooking to them to guide them
(28:36):
and lead them where they weregoing.
And I thought, wow, this is whatI've been dealing with.
But I felt like the lone wolf inthis for a long time.
Like I couldn't navigate thepressures of the responsibility
of the leadership I had at thattime.
And so the energetic reboot,being able to give myself the
grace to step away when I neededto, but also to incorporate
(29:01):
breathing tools, energymanagement tools new
conversations in my mind, and toreally give, to be much more
graceful with myself.
Really, that was the cornerstoneof it all.
It's like I was really hard onmyself.
I could activate a shame loop atany moment, yes.
And go down that rabbit hole,and yet that doesn't serve
(29:23):
anybody, and it certainly isgoing to add to my energetic
constriction.
Dr Nat Green (29:29):
And deplete your nervous system because as we
know, that just stays stuck inthere.
Every bit of stress,particularly I know the
background you have before yougot into working for yourself
was corporate, really highfunctioning, so huge levels of
stress, performance, anxiety,that need to perform and be on,
(29:51):
on all the time.
What does that do to our nervoussystems?
It's not good for us, is it?
Melanie Benson (29:59):
No.
Although there are certain typesof people that feed on that.
And that can be there is oneparticular human design type
that that always on piece.
There is a current that worksfor them.
However, most of us are notwired for that.
And we need to be able to taketime away.
We need to be able to unplug.
(30:20):
One of the things that helped mewas understanding as a human
design manifester that.
I am built to be all in and thenall out.
And when I need to be all out,if I try and push myself, I'm
gonna tank.
And I had to really embrace,yes, you can push, but then you
(30:41):
gotta give yourself space toreintegrate and to heal and to,
to be in a lull and let that beokay.
Dr Nat Green (30:47):
I know you are a huge fan of human design and you
opened my eyes to that world andI'm a manifesting generator.
Yes.
And I just, can I just ask then,if you are a manifester, for
example, and you are on on, andthen you need to pull out, if
(31:09):
you don't get to switch off andremove yourself, what happens?
Melanie Benson (31:16):
Yeah, that's when I can get in a really dark
place emotionally because whathappens is.
The frequency in which I'mbuilding from the frequency in
which I'm operating from is nolonger from the spark of what's
possible.
It's out of obligation andforce.
And so it's, it will go deeperinto depleting my already
(31:39):
compromised energy system.
And it also what happens is yourmotivation switches from moving
towards something, as we weretalking about earlier, to
pushing away from somethingyou're afraid of.
And that pushing away is notsustainable.
And that is that's likebasically throwing me in the
(31:59):
fire and it's like that I'm justgonna burn, not a good burn, but
a really depleting burn.
And I'm gonna burn through mylife force at a catastrophically
fast pace.
And yeah, I can be depleted forweeks if I operate in that
space.
Dr Nat Green (32:15):
Yeah.
And that makes really good.
Perfect sense.
And no, it was very powerfulmoment for me when you taught me
some of the human design.
I was like, oh no, that can't beright.
I can't be that, but of course Iam.
And it was very apt and veryfull on.
So understanding that the sameas, for me with the trauma
(32:36):
archetype work, same sort ofthing, when we have a core area
that we can really knowourselves better than.
Anyone else knows us and then weknow ourselves normally is very
powerful.
When we get to know it and weuse it the way it's meant for,
it can work through ourvulnerability, shame, it can go,
(33:01):
ah, that's why I can't sustainthis type of work.
That's why I can't work in thisway.
It's not me.
I'm not bad.
Which we often go to, don't we?
After some sort of trauma, wethink there's something wrong
with me.
No, we're just not activatingthe healthiest parts of our
(33:24):
human design, our traumaarchetype, whatever it is.
Melanie Benson (33:28):
Yeah, I love that you're bringing up the, I,
there feels like somethingthat's broken in me and I
certainly spent a lot of timetrying to understand like why I
felt like I was broken.
And I think when you dependingon your childhood experiences
and or your adult experiences,at times you can have a
conditioning around you thatyou're not enough.
(33:49):
Yeah.
That there's somethingfundamentally wrong with you
because you're not meeting theexpectations or living the way
other people do.
And I, I definitely incorporatedall that as a small child.
And so I think that was a bigpart of my trauma fueled
ambition was like, I will provethem wrong.
I am capable.
And I think that crack that,that exists there it acts like a
(34:12):
energy leak.
And so your good energy isalways gonna leak through your
need to prove something.
And I think when we are holdingspace for others, when we're
doing healing work, we're doingtherapy, we're doing coaching,
we're holding these really bigleadership spaces for what's
possible in the world.
When we have that crack, we'realways gonna leak the good
(34:34):
energy as well as let the badenergy have an influence over
us.
Yeah.
So I think one of the reasons Ilove what you're doing with your
ABS method and the traumahealing is you are actually
incorporating the gifts so thatyou're not looking through the
world through the lens of, I'mbroken.
There's something wrong with me.
This happened to me.
(34:55):
Nothing can get better, butyou're looking through, okay,
this happened.
Now as we're talking about thatin cor, that integration, guess
what?
I am now uniquely equipped to dothis thing that is so needed and
necessary.
Like I was listening to some ofyour guests from previous weeks
where they talked about thesehorrific things that happened to
(35:16):
them, and yet they've turned itinto these beautiful gifts of
service and these programs andthese ways that they are going
to give life to other humanbeings.
And so I feel like my gift is, Iuniquely understand what it's
like to be here to do somethingsignificant and yet to feel
(35:37):
trapped by this unnamed traumaor these shackles that you don't
understand.
Or at least maybe a place whereyou're holding a piece of your
amazing gift back'cause you'reafraid of what could happen if
you allow that part of yourselfto be seen.
Dr Nat Green (35:52):
Oh yes, definitely.
And I know that, I absolutelylove the work that you do, and
that feeds perfectly into thatbecause what we do when we've
been through trauma or arecoming from that place of fear
or gaping wounds, is we shrinkourselves.
(36:15):
That's why they're growing tallpoppies.
It's about helping people growand rise and not be ashamed of
who they are.
So by keeping small andshrinking, we keep ourselves
invisible and hide from theworld.
So that's why I absolutely lovethe work that you do in the
world, which is about.
Helping be a lighthouse andshining light and guiding people
(36:40):
with our messages.
So I'd love for you to share alittle bit about the work you
now do, if that's okay.
Melanie Benson (36:46):
Oh yeah.
I love that.
Thank you.
Again, integrating all theparts.
I started this journey in thislike high performance, how
people attain productivity toachieve goals they didn't even
know was possible.
And then that turned into likehow do you achieve these
lifestyle type businesses?
I just, it was like a fast burnfor me.
(37:07):
I was like, there's gotta bemore to this.
And as I went through mytransformation, my, my own pain
fueled evolution, I got reallydeep into the power of our
mindset.
And that's how we first met.
Yeah.
And I started to teach peoplethe significant power of
transforming our thoughts totransform our realities.
And then I knew there wassomething more.
(37:28):
And so what it's brought me totoday is helping really amazing
people who have expertise, butfeel like they're stuck in this
best kept secret mode.
And what I get to do is helpthem really recognize what
they're here to do, what they'reknown for, and how to express
that so it's fully congruent andaligned with their power, and it
(37:51):
makes them unignorable in theirmarket.
It makes them the go-to, likethe person that only they can
they serve these people and onlythey can do that work.
And so it just transforms theirconfidence.
It activates a power in themthat didn't even know they had.
And it gives them clarity of howto monetize these gifts that
(38:12):
they're like I know I got thisthing and I just dunno what it's
supposed to do yet.
Dr Nat Green (38:17):
And yeah, don't.
Know how to verbalize it aswell, and I love that's what
you've been able to help me withand many others that are in your
Authority Accelerator program,which by the way, is amazing.
If anyone's interested, go checkit out.
Melanie Benson (38:33):
Thank you.
Dr Nat Green (38:34):
It's been very powerful in helping really fully
embody who I am.
And get clear on how I really amto bring my gift to the world
and pay it forward.
So like you said, all the gueststhat I have on are doing amazing
things in the world from a placeof adversity, trauma, and awful
(38:59):
things, but they've turned thatexperience.
Into a way to pay it forward andbe of service to others.
And that's really important tome and to the people that I get
on the show.
Yes.
Melanie Benson (39:11):
Yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you for saying that.
I've noticed that most of myclients too have had some kind
of trauma or challenge that'scaused them to hold a little
piece of themselves back whereit doesn't feel safe to be seen
in a greater way for whateverreason, and so I've, that's how
my trauma is really transformingmy work in the world is
recognizing it, being able tohold space for it to have new
(39:33):
tools and again, the power ofthe podcast on both sides of the
microphone as a host and aguest.
But you've gotta be willing tobe seen to really lean into it
and make it work so.
Dr Nat Green (39:44):
And it's funny, isn't it?
Because even though it's yes,I'm willing to be seen, there's
still, with a podcast, you stilldon't have to be seen.
Yeah.
So it's that you can still hideout and have a podcast.
So for me it's okay, I take thatstep, they can't see me.
But that's what I love as well,that you can do it as a video
(40:04):
and you can share that and beshowing up more.
So it's.
Great transition for someone tostart a podcast or guest on
other people's podcasts withouthaving to be seen all the time,
but get the message out and thengrow into that, isn't it?
Melanie Benson (40:22):
Yeah.
And I think people underrate thepower of taking baby steps.
Yeah.
And I, and when you do havetrauma that you are navigating
sometimes taking one little stepand allowing yourself to anchor
into that.
Exactly what you need to do.
Rather than try to take a bigleap, completely unstabilize
(40:43):
yourself and activate yournervous system.
That was my go-to.
Take a big leap.
Holy crap, what have I done?
I'm free falling here.
And so that was what I thoughtit was supposed to look like.
And now looking back, I knowthere's a time to leap and
there's also a time that youneed to anchor that next little
step, that next little step.
(41:03):
And both of them are valuablefor different reasons at
different times with differentparts of the journey.
Yes, and I think the biggestpiece is to really get clear
what am I here to do and what amI willing, what do I need to
shift, or what am I willing tobecome to be able to do
something of value?
(41:23):
With this gift, with thisknowledge, with this
transformation, and turn thattrauma into something that, that
is a valuable resource.
And not everybody's here to dothat, by the way.
No.
You don't have to take yourtrauma and make it something.
No, but I think those of us thatfeel that pull, it's I need to
do something with this.
Just knowing that there areresources to help you learn how
(41:45):
to put it into something that isaccessible and.
It actually can activate yourconfidence to do that.
Dr Nat Green (41:54):
Beautifully said, and I, it's not.
Missed on me that the majorityof people that I have on the
podcast and that listen to ourpodcast and reach out and send
beautiful messages are highachieving professionals.
And I think that
Melanie Benson (42:12):
seems to be my niche.
Dr Nat Green (42:14):
Yes, that desire to continue to move forward no
matter what gets in our way.
So huge.
But like you said, it's thatlittle dance of a little step
and anchor it in and then thebig leap.
So there's a combination, notjust a push, push because that
(42:37):
will tip us over and activateour nervous systems and lead to
burnout, exhaustion, and.
And isn't pretty, as we allknow.
Yeah.
So I think that balance is,you've beautifully articulated
the little dance we need to do.
That's very important.
Melanie Benson (42:55):
Yeah.
Dr Nat Green (42:56):
So what would you say, if you could share one
thing with our listeners thatwould help them as they navigate
post-trauma, that could helpthem move into post traumatic
growth?
Melanie Benson (43:16):
I think it's just saying a start right where
you are.
I think becoming aware, whereare you right now and.
How does that feel?
Do you feel the way you want tofeel?
And some of us are numb, right?
We don't even know how we shouldfeel.
Yes.
So you're not feeling lit up bysomething.
(43:39):
You're like slugging throughenergy every day.
You're going into your workfeeling like it's a prison and
you're having to do theobligations rather than what
you're like the gift of whatyou're here to do, then.
Yeah, you're probably not.
Energetically congruent.
And there's opportunity to getreally clear, what do I need to
(44:00):
integrate?
Is there trauma that I need toheal?
Is there an out of alignmentthat I'm in?
And just get present to it.
Getting present can be reallyflippin' scary, so don't try to
do it alone.
I've not done any of my healingon my own.
I have.
Spent extraordinary amounts ofmoney healing.
(44:23):
Nat, the program you havedesigned is extraordinary for
people who are ready toincorporate their trauma into
their transformation, and Ihighly recommend it to anybody
who's in that space of burnout.
And you're like, yeah, this is abig load to carry.
I don't know if I'm ready forit.
Do the work.
Get your body, your mind, andyour energy ready.
(44:44):
For the work that you're here todo.
'cause the world's calling usforward right now, Nat.
It is.
And for those of us that werelike, I'm stepping in, like I'm
gonna be part of the solution,I'm gonna be part of the
transformation.
Now's a really good time toprepare the vessel.
Get ready.
Dr Nat Green (44:59):
Oh, I love that.
Getting me excited.
It gave me goosebumps when yousaid that, but it's, yes, it's
so true.
It's time for us to use ourvoice to do what we were born to
do, and if we're not sure aboutthat.
Do the work, as you said,there's lots of ways, there's
lots of outlets to do that youcan go into your program and do
(45:22):
your authority accelerator toget really clear on your
message.
Come to me and you can work onwhatever still needs to be
healed.
It doesn't matter.
But like you said, it's notabout doing it alone.
It's about having community.
Having community around you isso important.
And yeah, definitely communityand mentorship.
Melanie Benson (45:44):
And mentorship.
Yeah.
Community and mentorship.
Yes, absolutely.
Dr Nat Green (45:48):
Someone who's a step ahead that can hold that
safe space as well and help yougrow into who they often see.
More than what we see ourselves.
And I think that's really a keything as well.
And the other thing that youtouched on was about,
energetically aligning, but alsothe fact that after trauma, a
(46:11):
lot of us are numb.
It's that three brain thingthat, I bang on about a bit, the
head, the heart, and the gutthat after the trauma we are
often in our head going over andanalyzing and really getting
stuck into our old stories orour old way of doing and trying
to be who we used to be.
(46:31):
And until we can reconnect andstart to feel and really.
As painful as it is, just sitwith what's going on in our
heart and look at what is it wereally want and who we really
are.
Then that healing isn'tintegrated.
(46:53):
So yeah, that's a reallyimportant key piece to be in
your head, but also to use thatto do the mindset work, to
navigate where you need to go.
To feel it, but also to check inwith your gut to know what feels
right.
Melanie Benson (47:16):
Yeah.
Knowing your barometer forwhat's aligned and what's not
aligned makes all of the rest ofit work.
That I know for sure.
That was a big learning for me.
And by the way, all of us havedifferent barometers.
Very, so you have to really knowyour barometer.
Dr Nat Green (47:34):
and there's no right or wrong..I love this so
much Nat.
Melanie Benson (47:36):
No, there's no right or wrong.
And by the way, even if you messit all up and you do it wrong
and you go backwards a millionsteps, it's okay.
You get to make a new choiceevery day and move forward.
Dr Nat Green (47:51):
Definitely.
Yeah.
Really important points.
So would you think there's anyspecific quality or personal
attributes?
As being key to moving fromtrauma into post-traumatic
growth?
Melanie Benson (48:08):
The two words that came up are commitment and
resilience.
I also think curiosity.
I think sometimes we forget thatthere's a lot of power in being
curious about what else ispossible?
Curiosity about what would itlook like if I was to shift this
part of me, or I was to, maybelet that part of my life go and
(48:31):
it's like curiosity doesn't haveany judgment with it.
I think this is something youand I have explored at times,
right?
Yeah.
It is what would happen if wegot curious about that rather
than be in a regimented, it'sgotta be this or that.
And it creates some freedom andsome space inside of an
experience to learn and grow andand, evolve from it.
But I think for me.
(48:52):
My commitment to bring my workout in the world and be the best
version of me.
So that high achiever qualitythat has been destructive at
times.
The good part of it the gold init is that I do keep going.
I do keep working.
I do keep transforming.
I do keep coming back to newwork.
I do keep looking for what isthe next way that I need to
(49:15):
evolve and grow and shift sothat I can be the best coach,
the best mentor, the best guideto my clients and to the people
that I am influencing.
And then the resilience is, it'sgonna be flipping hard.
You're going to hit landmines,you're gonna blow some shit up
and get really uncomfortable.
Yep.
And you have to have theresilience to say, okay, that
(49:37):
sucked.
I don't like how that felt atall.
And.
I'm gonna learn from it and I'mgonna plug back in and decide
what am I gonna do next.
I have more failures in everypart of my life than I've had
successes, but I don't let thefailures define me.
I let the successes and theenergy of someone just like you
(49:57):
who keeps coming back andsaying, we have more work to do.
Yes, you and the clients likeyou and the people that I get to
work with, like you are why Ikeep coming back.
Why I keep doing the work I do.
Dr Nat Green (50:11):
Oh.
And I'm so glad you do.
I love the work you do.
I'm a huge fan girl.
I always will be.
And just hearing you be morevulnerable and share.
This part of you and your realjourney behind the scenes, under
the mask, whatever we wanna say.
I feel really grateful andhonored that you've been able to
(50:33):
do that today.
Melanie Benson (50:34):
So thank you for creating a space where I don't
even wanna say it's safe to doit, but that this is what this
is here for.
Yeah I'm honored.
Thank you.
Dr Nat Green (50:44):
Thank you.
And one thing that stood outwhen you were saying that, what
are the attributes?
And one thing you said wascommitment, being committed.
And I'll never forget, it wasmany years ago, you said, are
you interested or committed?
I'm sure you remember sayingthat to me and I was like I'm
interested.
Yeah.
But yeah.
(51:05):
And it's about backing yourself.
Committing regardless of whetherit's the right or the wrong
decision, but making thatcommitment to yourself.
Because until we are ready tocommit to ourselves, we can't do
what we wanna do in the world.
So thank you for reminding me ofthat.
Very powerful.
(51:27):
Now as we move to wrapping upthe conversation, just wondering
if you could share with ourlisteners.
where they could find more aboutyou and find you online.
Melanie Benson (51:41):
Of course.
I'm on pretty much all thesocial media coach Melanie
Benson or Melanie Benson,depending on which platform.
I'd love to connect with youthere.
And I also, you and I aretalking about this idea of
moving from.
Maybe a place where we'reblocking being visible or
blocking like those next stepsto really making the commitment
to be unignorable.
(52:03):
And I have followed a pathseveral times whenever I was
ready to recalibrate and opensomething up again, there's
seven influences or factors thatgo into how to really be the
unignorable expert.
And I will share that with you.
I've put together a scorecardand a little guide what those
(52:25):
steps are and how to reallyassess like, where are you at
with it.
If you go to melaniebenson.com/tallpoppies, see what
I did there?
Tall poppies.
I love it.
You won't forget it'cause it'spart of the podcast.
Dr Nat Green (52:36):
Oh thank you.
Melanie Benson (52:37):
And you can download it as my free gift, but
what I would recommend.
Is when you go get it and youdefinitely wanna get it while
it's fresh on your mind,download it, and then just do a
quick scan of the scorecard andreally check in with yourself.
How is this landing for me?
Do I really have this fullyoptimized?
Is this how I'm bringing mybrilliance to the world?
Is it landing here so that otherpeople can not only see me, but
(53:01):
choose me when it's time to dothe work that I'm here to do?
And that's really the key aboutbeing unignorable.
You wanna not just be lingeringout there waiting for people to
find you, but be the person theysee when they're ready to do the
work.
And then how they know to chooseyou.
That's what's happening in thatunignorable expert framework.
Dr Nat Green (53:24):
Oh, thank you so much.
That's very generous and I will.
Put all your ways to get incontact with you in the show
notes and definitely thatvaluable resource, and I'll
share that in our newsletter anddefinitely highly recommend that
we all take that.
I'll be taking that when I getoff this program.
That's really exciting.
(53:45):
Now, I always like to end withasking my guests, what do you
think your youngest self wouldthink of what you've done, what
you're doing in the world now?
Melanie Benson (53:59):
That's such an interesting question for me
'cause I don't have a lot ofmemory of being young.
But I do remember being youngand being very shy.
And I still am shy, but I alsonow am really, I'm more
committed to being of serviceand to that being an impact and
influence in the world.
So I think my younger self wouldbe so proud and so inspired.
(54:24):
By the version of me I am today.
'Cause I didn't let the shacklesof my conditioning hold me back,
which it did to other siblingsof mine.
I didn't let the trauma defineme.
I let it become fuel and I didsomething with it that I think
is pretty significant and Ireally feel like that youngest
(54:47):
version, that young version ofme that was so held back.
Would just be like I would be alight in her world, which is
what I'm here to do.
Be a light in someone's world.
Dr Nat Green (54:59):
I love that so much.
And how better to embrace, fullyembrace your story.
Pay it forward than to do thatfor yourself and for others.
Oh, thank you so much forsharing your wisdom and story
and journey with us today.
I am so grateful and so blessedthat you're a friend in my life.
(55:22):
Thank you, Mel.
Melanie Benson (55:22):
Oh, I feel grateful for you too, Nat, and
thank you for bringing this workout to the world.
It's so extraordinary.
Thanks for having me.
Dr Nat Green (55:30):
Pleasure.
Bye for now.
Thank you for joining me in thisepisode of Growing Tall Poppies.
It is my deepest hope thattoday's episode may have
inspired and empowered you tostep fully into your
post-traumatic growth, so thatyou can have absolute clarity
(55:54):
around who you are, what mattersthe most to you, and to assist
you to release your negativeemotions.
And regulate your nervous systemso you can fully thrive.
New episodes are published everyTuesday, and I hope you'll
continue to join us as weexplore both the strategies and
(56:15):
the personal qualities requiredto fully live a life of
post-traumatic growth and tothrive.
So if it feels aligned to youand really resonates, then I
invite you to hit subscribe andit would mean the world to us.
If you could share this episodewith others who you feel may
benefit too, you may also findme on Instagram at Growing Tall
(56:40):
Poppies and Facebook, Dr.
Natalie Green.
Remember, every moment is anopportunity to look for the
lessons and to learn andincrease your ability to live
the life you desire and deserve.
So for now, stay connected.
Stay inspired.
(57:01):
Stand tall like the tall poppyyou are, and keep shining your
light brightly in the world.
Bye for now
Welcome to the Growing Tall Poppies Podcast.
I'm your host, Dr.
Nat Green, and I'm so excited tohave you join me as we discuss
what it means to navigate yourway through post-traumatic
growth and not just survive, butto thrive after trauma.
(00:23):
Through our podcast, we willexplore ways for you to create a
life filled with greaterpurpose, self-awareness, and a
deep inner peace.
Through integrating the manyyears of knowledge and
professional experience, as wellas the wisdom of those who have
experienced trauma firsthand.
(00:44):
We'll combine psychologyaccelerated approaches.
Coaching and personal experienceto assist you, to learn, to grow
and to thrive.
I hope to empower you to createdeeper awareness and
understanding and strongerconnections with yourself and
with others, whilst also pavingthe way for those who have
(01:08):
experienced trauma and adversityto reduce their suffering and
become the very best versions ofthemselves.
In order to thrive.
Thank you so much for joining meon today's episode.
I'm super excited and gratefultoday to bring you our next
guest on the Growing TallPoppies podcast.
(01:31):
It's my absolute pleasure towelcome an amazing lady who I am
privileged to have as a trustedmentor, and to now call a
beautiful friend.
And I was trying to work out howlong I've known her.
I think it might be since 2012,I think.
So quite a while.
And we have such a beautifulrelationship and I'm so grateful
(01:55):
and she has experienced her ownconsiderable trauma and
adversity throughout her lifeand has agreed to come and chat
with us today about her.
Personal and professionalexperience and to share her
wisdom with us.
So let me start by welcomingMelanie Benson.
Melanie is the go-to authorityamplifier for expert preneurs
(02:18):
who are ready to becomeunignorable.
With over two decades ofexperience helping experts and
visionary leaders break out ofbest kept secret mode, Melanie
specializes in turningoverlooked brilliance into
profitable visibility with highvalue clients ready to say yes.
A pioneer in the podcastingworld.
(02:40):
Melanie hosts The Amplify YourSuccess Podcast ranked in the
top 1% globally.
And I can tell you it is anamazing podcast where she shares
her proven visibility andmonetization strategies.
She's the author of Rewired forWealth and co-author of
entrepreneur dot com's startupguide to starting an information
(03:04):
marketing business.
Her work has been spotlighted inAuthority Magazine, Bloomberg
Business Week Woman's Day, andParenting.
Through her signature AuthorityAccelerator, she'll help you
claim your lighthouse messageand borrow million dollar
visibility streams so you riseabove the noise and get seen,
(03:24):
heard and paid.
Whew.
What a bio.
This really is a powerhouse,amazing woman.
So welcome, Melanie.
Melanie Benson (03:34):
Thank you, Nat.
It's always so fun to hear backhow people introduce you, and
I'm like, oh my gosh.
And yes, we have known eachother for a very long time and I
have been very privileged towatch you go through your own
transformation and to reallybring.
This extraordinary work out intothe world, and I'm just thrilled
(03:54):
to be here.
Thank you for the invitation.
Dr Nat Green (03:57):
Oh, thank you.
I've been waiting for thismoment for a very long time.
So I know I gave your formal bioand went through all of that,
but can we start with you maybegiving us a brief introduction
of who you are and what you doin the world?
Melanie Benson (04:15):
I am into human design as we were giggling about
in the green Room.
And I would say I, as amanifester in human design, I'm
what's known as a spark.
And what I believe my brillianceon this planet is I spark the
pure brilliance in other peopleand then help them learn how to
bring it out into the world.
(04:35):
So it's making them money, butit's also making an impact and
it's really.
Aligned.
And as a business leader, doingthis work is one of these things
that constantly keeps meevolving and growing, but it's
also super fulfilling as a humanoutside of business.
I am, a married, lady.
(04:58):
I live in Southern Californiaand I have two bonus children.
Interestingly enough, being abonus mom at this stage of my
life, that was one of the placesI had to do a lot of healing.
I had my own microtraumas andchallenges in that area growing
up.
And so saying yes to parentingand being an influence in these
(05:20):
exquisite people's lives was.
It was a growing opportunity forme, so that as on, on a personal
level is constantly keeping me,on my edge as well, you might
say.
And I'm a dog mom, so I have mytwo little fluff babies who are
constantly at my feet.
Dr Nat Green (05:38):
You do.
I know, and I love watching yourpictures of your beautiful
doggies, and I know you've beena lover and a beautiful dog mom
for a very long time, and Ilove, and it's the first time,
and maybe it's more an Americanthing than an Australian thing.
The very first time I heard yourefer to yourself as a bonus
(06:01):
mom, I thought, that'sinteresting and it makes so much
sense.
I love that, that you never tryto take the place of children's
mom, but you can be a bonus mom,and it's just another beautiful
layer.
But I imagine it comes with alot of personal work that needs
to be done as well along theway.
Melanie Benson (06:23):
Yeah I didn't want to.
Recreate the experiences I hadon the reciprocating side of
being someone's stepchild andthe step piece always just felt.
A disconnect to me.
I didn't want that energy.
Like I wanted them to feel likeI was a bonus in their life.
And it's really cute.
(06:43):
My young, my youngest bonuschild, he, when he gives me
cards for Mother's Day, weactually have bonus mom day, but
he will actually put bonus.
Mom,
Dr Nat Green (06:52):
I love it so much.
Melanie Benson (06:54):
Yeah.
It's just, it's really workedfor us and our family and it's
just felt energetically morealigned than putting the step
parent into it.
Dr Nat Green (07:03):
I get exactly what you mean when you say it's that
disconnect.
I have a stepmom and she'sbeautiful, but even just saying
it, it's like almost just sayit's my mom because she has
taken on a mother role.
So I love that bonus.
Mom is so beautiful and so you,
Melanie Benson (07:21):
thanks.
Yeah, I love that.
Yeah.
Dr Nat Green (07:24):
So as we know the guests that I get.
And privileged enough to bringon the show have usually
experienced trauma or layers oftrauma.
And let's be real, the majorityof people have been through
something in their life and theyare kind enough to share their
experience around what happened,how it impacted their lives.
(07:48):
So I'm wondering if you couldshare an overview of what has
happened for you.
Melanie Benson (07:52):
Yeah.
So I am one of those peoplethat, that old saying you peel
the onion and you find the nextlayer.
I definitely was am an onion andhave had multiple onion layers
peeled away.
And I will, I'm gonna start withtoday and go backwards because.
It wasn't until I hit mymenopause years and was
(08:13):
exploring my health andrecognizing that there was some,
an undercurrent that I couldnever quite grasp that it turned
me to looking at.
There's something else that I'mnot aware of and somebody in my
family was doing their ownexploration.
Uncovered that there was someabuse by a significant person in
(08:35):
our lives as children, a parent,and that kind of like.
Unearthed me.
It, it just rocked my worldbecause I thought as a teenager
that I had done the work.
I thought I had uncovered whatthe trauma was.
It was benign compared to whatwas revealed later.
And so I don't have any memoryof it.
(08:56):
I don't have any consciousawareness.
I have an energetic awareness.
Okay.
And I recognize now that therehave been so many phases of my
life that were driven, I call itthis trauma fueled ambition that
I was constantly overperforminghigh achieving being an exceller
(09:22):
at everything I did in order tocompensate.
For this deep wound inside theessence of my being.
And it wasn't until, and Ithought I had worked on it, I
have been in so many therapysessions.
I have been through coaching, Ihave done NLP transformation
(09:43):
work, I have done, you name it,I have done the personal
development program.
I really feel like it gave mepowerful tools, but what it
didn't do was get me to the rootbecause I was always solving the
surface problem, not really thewhat was at the root of it.
And so I think that.
Lack of understanding of whatwas trapped in a very deep
(10:05):
recess of my mind, and nothaving the clarity of what
actually occurred created thisthis.
Dissonance of I, I am going tobe the best version of me.
I've learned all these tools.
I'm a high achiever, and yetthere was always an anchor that
was attached that was keeping mestuck at a certain level that I
(10:29):
could never get past.
And I think, this part of mystory that.
As I really got into business,my first year was tragic.
It was hard.
I couldn't outrun my limitingbeliefs and all of the embedded
conditioning of struggle.
(10:49):
And I went through my NLPtraining and I was exposed to
tools that literallytransformed.
Who I was being on this planetNLP, meaning neurolinguistic
programming.
If you're listening and you'reunfamiliar with that term, and I
basically was given the keys tothe kingdom of how to rise above
(11:09):
the conditioning that I felt wasconstantly like quicksand
pulling me under.
And I created a massivelysuccessful multiple six
stretching into almost hittingseven figure business.
And yet if you understandtrauma, you know you can't
outperform your trauma.
Dr Nat Green (11:29):
Yes.
Melanie Benson (11:30):
And I hit the trifecta or probably the 10
fecta, if that's a thing.
The perfect storm of all of theaccumulation of unresolved
trauma triggers, identitywounds, all of the stuff, and
hit this massive landmine whereI literally had my partner who
(11:51):
was growing my business with me,walk out of the business and at
that moment.
And I was not blameless forsure, but it triggered all of my
stuff.
And instead of having the toolsthat worked for me to go, okay,
how are we gonna navigate this?
I just imploded.
(12:12):
Yeah.
And it was those.
Days in that quagmire ofconfusion and trauma and being
activated.
And I was like, what ishappening?
That activated my autoimmuneissues and my thyroid tanked and
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
So all of the things startedcrashing, and that's when I.
(12:33):
Got to look at, okay, what'sreally going on under the hood
and am I really at the root ofthe issues?
And it took another 10 yearsbefore the truth came out that I
could actually go, oh, okay, nowI get it.
Now I get why all this stuffconstantly pulled me under.
Yeah.
But I feel sometimes, and I knowthis is what your work is so
(12:55):
beautiful at Nat is that you,you look at the triumph in the
trauma.
What's the gift, what is thehealing?
And first of all, going throughthat phase when my own business
tumbled and I had to recalibratewho I was gonna be, I feel like
there was always a part missingin my coaching up until that
time.
Dr Nat Green (13:15):
Okay.
Melanie Benson (13:15):
And the part that was missing was a deep
empathy.
I had awareness andunderstanding, and I could hold
space, but I was missing someempathy.
And all of a sudden I am beingexposed to a world of nervous
system regulation and traumahealing and understanding this
(13:36):
range of what trauma does onwith at a whole nother level.
And I started to become awarewhy so many of my clients
struggled with being successful.
And instead of going workharder, let's get some
productivity tools.
Let's rewire the neurons so theyfire properly.
I'm like, oh.
Yes, this is going to require atotally different kind of
(13:57):
transformation.
Dr Nat Green (13:59):
Very powerful.
I, I begin to think where weshould start to unpack that
Amazing, multilayer component ofwhat you just said.
I think one thing that reallystands out is, yes, there's that
gift in the trauma that it feelshorrendous while you're in it.
(14:21):
But as we know that our bodysends us messages when we are
not listening.
We get the autoimmune disorders,the thyroid issues, the
exhaustion, the burnout.
And I know that you'veexperienced burnout over the
years as well, and not justonce, but came back.
And came back because, as yousaid, the root cause hadn't been
(14:47):
dealt with.
As you've gone through whenyou've identified, oh, there's
something deeper here, there'ssomething deeper here, and done
the work, what do you think oneof the key factors for you was
to see that missing piece?
Melanie Benson (15:05):
So I'm not sure this is the answer to the
question you're asking, so if Idon't get to that, let me know.
But what's coming up for meright now is tying back to this
idea of trauma fueled ambition.
Yes.
Because when your trauma isfueling your goals and your
dreams and it's like sparkingthis desire to do more and be
(15:27):
more what I think happenssometimes is you align yourself
to what's possible, even if it'snot aligned with your energetic
truth and.
I for many years, I used themodel of the role modeling
(15:47):
elements of NLP and hypnosis andto really look at the
calibration of who do I need tobecome to have that yes, instead
of what is the mostenergetically expansive version
of me.
And what am I here to do?
And I'm not saying the otherthing is bad, it does serve a
(16:08):
purpose.
It can be a jumpstart, right?
Yes.
It can be an activator, it canhelp you evaluate where you have
maybe dormant strengths that youcould activate.
But where I went awry in allthat is I was letting my trauma
fuel it, which meant.
Being in performance mode.
(16:29):
Being in high productivity atthe expense of the energetic
healing I needed to do maybegaslighting myself and not even
like really honoring.
The truth that was emerging inmy body, part of the reason my
business imploded when I lookback and I now look at it
through the compassion and thegrace of trauma healing and
(16:51):
recognizing what trauma does tothe brain, I was stretching into
such an outrageously bigfinancial.
Goal, and I was overextendingmyself and my body was going,
Nope, not the right move.
And I was like, oh, fear'stalking.
Let's like not listen to fearand put it in the box.
(17:11):
Called like fear.
Fear is fear.
And yet do it anyway.
No, I was speaking to my truththat there was a disconnect and
an out of alignment peace that Igaslit myself all the way into
massive financial destruction.
Dr Nat Green (17:29):
Wow.
And it was really devastating.
Oh, it would've been absolutelyheartbreaking so I can only
imagine how devastating thatwould've been when you'd worked
so hard to build things up andyou thought you were honoring
everything that you were workingfor.
You describe that really well,that we just put that fear to
(17:53):
the side because at a surfacelevel, we think, no, we just
keep working harder, work harderbecause, and you've taught me
this very much when I've had todo my own work with you, that
moving away from.
Rather than moving towards, soyou were out running, trying to
outrun your trauma.
The same as I have done manytimes.
(18:15):
Keep going, work harder, but weknow that is in contrast to what
our body energetically needs andwhat our nervous system is
holding.
Melanie Benson (18:29):
Oh my gosh, I'm getting chills if we'd only
known this now.
That's like rewind.
But that's that.
This is our path and this is howwe have empathy.
This is how we hold space forpeople who are up in it, is like
we now could look back withcompassionate empathy and grace
for those versions of ourselves.
But yes, at the time I was justkeep going forward and I was
(18:50):
also the only.
Earner like I was the financialresponsibility for my wellbeing.
And the, so you're, and Iunderstand this so much,
especially in women who are thesole providers.
There's this I have to perform.
I can't let the thing that I'vebuilt crash combined with, I
don't know if I can hold thisanymore.
(19:12):
My energetic system is.
Falling apart and I'm crumblingtrying to hold this together and
it's not working anymore.
And that's where I believe ourenergetic body starts to push
back and say, Nope, we're takinga break.
(19:33):
So that dance, as I know you'refamiliar with it as well, has
been really my greatest teacher.
Dr Nat Green (19:41):
Yes, that having to stop to rest, to take a
break, that I know for me hasbeen, that was my greatest gift
because I had never stopped fullon A DHD.
You keep going and you neverstop.
But it wasn't working and I lovethat you were able to recognize
(20:03):
that.
So tell us a bit about whathappened when you stopped and
you pivoted.
Melanie Benson (20:09):
And I'll be fully transparent, like I never
stopped, but I allowed anevolution to occur and I fought
it.
I held wanted to hold so deeplyonto what had worked before, and
I realized actually I had a hugeawareness a few years ago.
That me trying to hold on to thesuccess of before was actually
(20:36):
the greatest barrier to theevolution of what was pulling me
forward.
Because when we're, and I'vebeen doing some messaging around
this lately on my socials, islike when you're filtering your
future work through themessaging of who you've been.
It's a disconnect, right?
Like it, it's going to have thisenergetic flatness to it.
(20:57):
And I had to create, I had tolet go of what I was trying to
get back to.
'cause that's really what itwas.
I'm trying to get back to thisand then I had to realize like
there is no this to get back tothat does not exist anymore.
The identity of that person.
And part of what was wrapped upin this Nat and I know you talk
about this a lot, there wasshame.
(21:18):
Oh, I had extraordinary shamefor being the version of myself
that didn't have it all figuredout because I was given the
message very early on in mycareer by very successful
people.
You don't hang your dirtylaundry.
You are the person who, you're arising star.
(21:38):
So if you are crashing, whatdoes that mean for the rest of
us?
Oh.
I even had one of my bestfriends is a super famous
author.
And really well known.
And I remember her saying onetime like, oh no, you don't talk
about that because you have tomake sure everybody knows you
have your shit together.
Yay.
Hopefully I can say that here.
Dr Nat Green (21:59):
Oh, you can say that here.
Absolutely.
And have you heard I have youmet me?
Melanie Benson (22:04):
Yes.
Just making sure.
But yeah, and I, and so I hadall of this conflict about,
because I wanted to share.
Then when I did share, I had somuch shame and I would have
people like, oh, I'm so sorry.
I'm like, oh my God.
The vulnerability shame is offthe charts.
And really it's because Iwasn't, I was sharing too much
from the open, gaping wound.
(22:26):
Not enough from a healed place,but also I hadn't gotten the
shame process through, and Idon't even know that I fully
have.
But now I've.
I've come to a place ofacceptance and grace and knowing
that everything that I'veexperienced on this journey as a
human, but also as a businessowner has made me so much better
(22:48):
at what I do to hold, to be ableto walk in the fire with people
who are in it and don't knowwhat to do.
And not to pull back from it orjudge it, but to be in it with
these leaders who it's like,holy crap, everything I've been
working for just fell apart.
And I'm like, yeah, and guesswhat?
(23:08):
Here's where we are.
We're integrating.
We're not repelling, we're notpulling forward, we're
integrating, and that was thekey for me, is integrating what
do I need to integrate from thisjourney, from the pain, from the
trauma, from the awarenessesthat I had, parts of me that
really weren't probably what Iwanted them to be, but could I
accept that and integrate thatinto the wholeness of the power
(23:32):
and the value and the great workthat I do for people and for
myself and my family.
Dr Nat Green (23:37):
Oh, I love that so much gold.
Absolute gold nuggets in there.
Let me start with something thatyou touched on then, which I am
a firm believer on, is thatwhole realizing that you were
trying to go back to that oldversion of you, and that's what
I see so often and I know ourlisteners will relate to really
(24:01):
that I wanna get back to who Iused to be, but what we know is.
The absolute reality is that weare never gonna be that person
again.
And it's really important toknow that, to hear that and go,
okay, I'm not gonna be thatperson again.
But that's okay because we takethe experiences we've had, the
(24:26):
lessons, the learnings, thegifts from that experience and
the trauma, and it helps us moveinto recognizing.
How to be the best version ofourselves authentically.
And that's the next part thatyou touched on, that whole being
who you are and not showingthat, not showing up as you
(24:50):
authentically and truly who youwere does a lot of damage,
doesn't it?
As you found out, as I found outthat until we embody that.
We work through the layers andthere's lots of layers of that
shame and go, okay, I can show alittle bit of me.
(25:11):
People can see it.
And if the world didn't blow upby showing a little bit of
ourselves, we might show alittle bit more and a little bit
more.
Melanie Benson (25:21):
There's so much gold in what you just said, and
this is one of the reasons why Ilove the work you're bringing
out into the world so muchbecause you are providing tools
for the part of the journey thatmost people don't access.
And one of the things thatreally worked for me.
I was in a very personalexperience of letting go of the
(25:44):
relationship I had with certainfamily members that was toxic
and draining and energeticdepleting that kept me in this
really uncomfortable, horrificanxiety loop all the time.
And I finally got to this placewhere I'm like, if this was a
friend.
We would not be friends, wouldnot be holding onto this.
(26:04):
Like, why am I holding onto thisso deeply?
And all of a sudden it unraveledall the ways in which I was
holding onto.
I need to get back to thisversion from my safety net, from
my own security.
And what if I allowed that to bea new norm and I fell in love
with the norm that was becomingwhat would be possible?
(26:25):
And so it happened in a fewsteps, but what I realized was
in my business, I wanted to getto certainty in my personal
relationships.
I was trying to get back to whatfelt good in the past.
None of it existed anymore.
There wasn't certainty in that,but what I could do is accept
the new norm.
I could really get present tothis is where we are now.
(26:50):
What's next?
What am I willing, who am Iwilling to become in order to
usher in a new version, a newnorm that feels aligned with
where I'm going now?
And it was such a reallypowerful awareness and journey
for me.
It made me stronger, it helpedmy resilience.
It also helped me shed somethings that I was holding onto
(27:12):
that just didn't serve meanymore.
And I was like, okay, I don'thave to keep tracking this stuff
with me where I'm going next.
Dr Nat Green (27:19):
Yes, definitely.
Because as we peel back thoselayers and we start to step into
who we're becoming, as you said,rather than who we were and move
towards, it changes everything,doesn't it?
And I love what you said aboutnot coming from that gaping
wound.
(27:39):
Those wounds are still there,but we can work on healing them.
And you've obviously done a lotof work around that and it's
been a work in progress and it'sa journey and it's always still
a journey, isn't it?
Melanie Benson (27:53):
Yeah.
And I really believe that thetools that we have and our
toolbox have to grow as we.
Grow as humans, but also uncoverpieces that were like, oh, okay,
here's a new piece that I get tolook at.
And so oftentimes we need newtools.
And it was about that time thatall the nervous system work was
(28:13):
starting to really gainpopularity.
People were starting to talkabout it more.
I was watching some very highprofile CEOs talk about how.
Where they were going in theirbusiness could not be
energetically sustained'causethe level of anxiety and having
to make these difficultdecisions, to have the pressure
of performing, to have peoplelooking to them to guide them
(28:36):
and lead them where they weregoing.
And I thought, wow, this is whatI've been dealing with.
But I felt like the lone wolf inthis for a long time.
Like I couldn't navigate thepressures of the responsibility
of the leadership I had at thattime.
And so the energetic reboot,being able to give myself the
grace to step away when I neededto, but also to incorporate
(29:01):
breathing tools, energymanagement tools new
conversations in my mind, and toreally give, to be much more
graceful with myself.
Really, that was the cornerstoneof it all.
It's like I was really hard onmyself.
I could activate a shame loop atany moment, yes.
And go down that rabbit hole,and yet that doesn't serve
(29:23):
anybody, and it certainly isgoing to add to my energetic
constriction.
Dr Nat Green (29:29):
And deplete your nervous system because as we
know, that just stays stuck inthere.
Every bit of stress,particularly I know the
background you have before yougot into working for yourself
was corporate, really highfunctioning, so huge levels of
stress, performance, anxiety,that need to perform and be on,
(29:51):
on all the time.
What does that do to our nervoussystems?
It's not good for us, is it?
Melanie Benson (29:59):
No.
Although there are certain typesof people that feed on that.
And that can be there is oneparticular human design type
that that always on piece.
There is a current that worksfor them.
However, most of us are notwired for that.
And we need to be able to taketime away.
We need to be able to unplug.
(30:20):
One of the things that helped mewas understanding as a human
design manifester that.
I am built to be all in and thenall out.
And when I need to be all out,if I try and push myself, I'm
gonna tank.
And I had to really embrace,yes, you can push, but then you
(30:41):
gotta give yourself space toreintegrate and to heal and to,
to be in a lull and let that beokay.
Dr Nat Green (30:47):
I know you are a huge fan of human design and you
opened my eyes to that world andI'm a manifesting generator.
Yes.
And I just, can I just ask then,if you are a manifester, for
example, and you are on on, andthen you need to pull out, if
(31:09):
you don't get to switch off andremove yourself, what happens?
Melanie Benson (31:16):
Yeah, that's when I can get in a really dark
place emotionally because whathappens is.
The frequency in which I'mbuilding from the frequency in
which I'm operating from is nolonger from the spark of what's
possible.
It's out of obligation andforce.
And so it's, it will go deeperinto depleting my already
(31:39):
compromised energy system.
And it also what happens is yourmotivation switches from moving
towards something, as we weretalking about earlier, to
pushing away from somethingyou're afraid of.
And that pushing away is notsustainable.
And that is that's likebasically throwing me in the
(31:59):
fire and it's like that I'm justgonna burn, not a good burn, but
a really depleting burn.
And I'm gonna burn through mylife force at a catastrophically
fast pace.
And yeah, I can be depleted forweeks if I operate in that
space.
Dr Nat Green (32:15):
Yeah.
And that makes really good.
Perfect sense.
And no, it was very powerfulmoment for me when you taught me
some of the human design.
I was like, oh no, that can't beright.
I can't be that, but of course Iam.
And it was very apt and veryfull on.
So understanding that the sameas, for me with the trauma
(32:36):
archetype work, same sort ofthing, when we have a core area
that we can really knowourselves better than.
Anyone else knows us and then weknow ourselves normally is very
powerful.
When we get to know it and weuse it the way it's meant for,
it can work through ourvulnerability, shame, it can go,
(33:01):
ah, that's why I can't sustainthis type of work.
That's why I can't work in thisway.
It's not me.
I'm not bad.
Which we often go to, don't we?
After some sort of trauma, wethink there's something wrong
with me.
No, we're just not activatingthe healthiest parts of our
(33:24):
human design, our traumaarchetype, whatever it is.
Melanie Benson (33:28):
Yeah, I love that you're bringing up the, I,
there feels like somethingthat's broken in me and I
certainly spent a lot of timetrying to understand like why I
felt like I was broken.
And I think when you dependingon your childhood experiences
and or your adult experiences,at times you can have a
conditioning around you thatyou're not enough.
(33:49):
Yeah.
That there's somethingfundamentally wrong with you
because you're not meeting theexpectations or living the way
other people do.
And I, I definitely incorporatedall that as a small child.
And so I think that was a bigpart of my trauma fueled
ambition was like, I will provethem wrong.
I am capable.
And I think that crack that,that exists there it acts like a
(34:12):
energy leak.
And so your good energy isalways gonna leak through your
need to prove something.
And I think when we are holdingspace for others, when we're
doing healing work, we're doingtherapy, we're doing coaching,
we're holding these really bigleadership spaces for what's
possible in the world.
When we have that crack, we'realways gonna leak the good
(34:34):
energy as well as let the badenergy have an influence over
us.
Yeah.
So I think one of the reasons Ilove what you're doing with your
ABS method and the traumahealing is you are actually
incorporating the gifts so thatyou're not looking through the
world through the lens of, I'mbroken.
There's something wrong with me.
This happened to me.
(34:55):
Nothing can get better, butyou're looking through, okay,
this happened.
Now as we're talking about thatin cor, that integration, guess
what?
I am now uniquely equipped to dothis thing that is so needed and
necessary.
Like I was listening to some ofyour guests from previous weeks
where they talked about thesehorrific things that happened to
(35:16):
them, and yet they've turned itinto these beautiful gifts of
service and these programs andthese ways that they are going
to give life to other humanbeings.
And so I feel like my gift is, Iuniquely understand what it's
like to be here to do somethingsignificant and yet to feel
(35:37):
trapped by this unnamed traumaor these shackles that you don't
understand.
Or at least maybe a place whereyou're holding a piece of your
amazing gift back'cause you'reafraid of what could happen if
you allow that part of yourselfto be seen.
Dr Nat Green (35:52):
Oh yes, definitely.
And I know that, I absolutelylove the work that you do, and
that feeds perfectly into thatbecause what we do when we've
been through trauma or arecoming from that place of fear
or gaping wounds, is we shrinkourselves.
(36:15):
That's why they're growing tallpoppies.
It's about helping people growand rise and not be ashamed of
who they are.
So by keeping small andshrinking, we keep ourselves
invisible and hide from theworld.
So that's why I absolutely lovethe work that you do in the
world, which is about.
Helping be a lighthouse andshining light and guiding people
(36:40):
with our messages.
So I'd love for you to share alittle bit about the work you
now do, if that's okay.
Melanie Benson (36:46):
Oh yeah.
I love that.
Thank you.
Again, integrating all theparts.
I started this journey in thislike high performance, how
people attain productivity toachieve goals they didn't even
know was possible.
And then that turned into likehow do you achieve these
lifestyle type businesses?
I just, it was like a fast burnfor me.
(37:07):
I was like, there's gotta bemore to this.
And as I went through mytransformation, my, my own pain
fueled evolution, I got reallydeep into the power of our
mindset.
And that's how we first met.
Yeah.
And I started to teach peoplethe significant power of
transforming our thoughts totransform our realities.
And then I knew there wassomething more.
(37:28):
And so what it's brought me totoday is helping really amazing
people who have expertise, butfeel like they're stuck in this
best kept secret mode.
And what I get to do is helpthem really recognize what
they're here to do, what they'reknown for, and how to express
that so it's fully congruent andaligned with their power, and it
(37:51):
makes them unignorable in theirmarket.
It makes them the go-to, likethe person that only they can
they serve these people and onlythey can do that work.
And so it just transforms theirconfidence.
It activates a power in themthat didn't even know they had.
And it gives them clarity of howto monetize these gifts that
(38:12):
they're like I know I got thisthing and I just dunno what it's
supposed to do yet.
Dr Nat Green (38:17):
And yeah, don't.
Know how to verbalize it aswell, and I love that's what
you've been able to help me withand many others that are in your
Authority Accelerator program,which by the way, is amazing.
If anyone's interested, go checkit out.
Melanie Benson (38:33):
Thank you.
Dr Nat Green (38:34):
It's been very powerful in helping really fully
embody who I am.
And get clear on how I really amto bring my gift to the world
and pay it forward.
So like you said, all the gueststhat I have on are doing amazing
things in the world from a placeof adversity, trauma, and awful
(38:59):
things, but they've turned thatexperience.
Into a way to pay it forward andbe of service to others.
And that's really important tome and to the people that I get
on the show.
Yes.
Melanie Benson (39:11):
Yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you for saying that.
I've noticed that most of myclients too have had some kind
of trauma or challenge that'scaused them to hold a little
piece of themselves back whereit doesn't feel safe to be seen
in a greater way for whateverreason, and so I've, that's how
my trauma is really transformingmy work in the world is
recognizing it, being able tohold space for it to have new
(39:33):
tools and again, the power ofthe podcast on both sides of the
microphone as a host and aguest.
But you've gotta be willing tobe seen to really lean into it
and make it work so.
Dr Nat Green (39:44):
And it's funny, isn't it?
Because even though it's yes,I'm willing to be seen, there's
still, with a podcast, you stilldon't have to be seen.
Yeah.
So it's that you can still hideout and have a podcast.
So for me it's okay, I take thatstep, they can't see me.
But that's what I love as well,that you can do it as a video
(40:04):
and you can share that and beshowing up more.
So it's.
Great transition for someone tostart a podcast or guest on
other people's podcasts withouthaving to be seen all the time,
but get the message out and thengrow into that, isn't it?
Melanie Benson (40:22):
Yeah.
And I think people underrate thepower of taking baby steps.
Yeah.
And I, and when you do havetrauma that you are navigating
sometimes taking one little stepand allowing yourself to anchor
into that.
Exactly what you need to do.
Rather than try to take a bigleap, completely unstabilize
(40:43):
yourself and activate yournervous system.
That was my go-to.
Take a big leap.
Holy crap, what have I done?
I'm free falling here.
And so that was what I thoughtit was supposed to look like.
And now looking back, I knowthere's a time to leap and
there's also a time that youneed to anchor that next little
step, that next little step.
(41:03):
And both of them are valuablefor different reasons at
different times with differentparts of the journey.
Yes, and I think the biggestpiece is to really get clear
what am I here to do and what amI willing, what do I need to
shift, or what am I willing tobecome to be able to do
something of value?
(41:23):
With this gift, with thisknowledge, with this
transformation, and turn thattrauma into something that, that
is a valuable resource.
And not everybody's here to dothat, by the way.
No.
You don't have to take yourtrauma and make it something.
No, but I think those of us thatfeel that pull, it's I need to
do something with this.
Just knowing that there areresources to help you learn how
(41:45):
to put it into something that isaccessible and.
It actually can activate yourconfidence to do that.
Dr Nat Green (41:54):
Beautifully said, and I, it's not.
Missed on me that the majorityof people that I have on the
podcast and that listen to ourpodcast and reach out and send
beautiful messages are highachieving professionals.
And I think that
Melanie Benson (42:12):
seems to be my niche.
Dr Nat Green (42:14):
Yes, that desire to continue to move forward no
matter what gets in our way.
So huge.
But like you said, it's thatlittle dance of a little step
and anchor it in and then thebig leap.
So there's a combination, notjust a push, push because that
(42:37):
will tip us over and activateour nervous systems and lead to
burnout, exhaustion, and.
And isn't pretty, as we allknow.
Yeah.
So I think that balance is,you've beautifully articulated
the little dance we need to do.
That's very important.
Melanie Benson (42:55):
Yeah.
Dr Nat Green (42:56):
So what would you say, if you could share one
thing with our listeners thatwould help them as they navigate
post-trauma, that could helpthem move into post traumatic
growth?
Melanie Benson (43:16):
I think it's just saying a start right where
you are.
I think becoming aware, whereare you right now and.
How does that feel?
Do you feel the way you want tofeel?
And some of us are numb, right?
We don't even know how we shouldfeel.
Yes.
So you're not feeling lit up bysomething.
(43:39):
You're like slugging throughenergy every day.
You're going into your workfeeling like it's a prison and
you're having to do theobligations rather than what
you're like the gift of whatyou're here to do, then.
Yeah, you're probably not.
Energetically congruent.
And there's opportunity to getreally clear, what do I need to
(44:00):
integrate?
Is there trauma that I need toheal?
Is there an out of alignmentthat I'm in?
And just get present to it.
Getting present can be reallyflippin' scary, so don't try to
do it alone.
I've not done any of my healingon my own.
I have.
Spent extraordinary amounts ofmoney healing.
(44:23):
Nat, the program you havedesigned is extraordinary for
people who are ready toincorporate their trauma into
their transformation, and Ihighly recommend it to anybody
who's in that space of burnout.
And you're like, yeah, this is abig load to carry.
I don't know if I'm ready forit.
Do the work.
Get your body, your mind, andyour energy ready.
(44:44):
For the work that you're here todo.
'cause the world's calling usforward right now, Nat.
It is.
And for those of us that werelike, I'm stepping in, like I'm
gonna be part of the solution,I'm gonna be part of the
transformation.
Now's a really good time toprepare the vessel.
Get ready.
Dr Nat Green (44:59):
Oh, I love that.
Getting me excited.
It gave me goosebumps when yousaid that, but it's, yes, it's
so true.
It's time for us to use ourvoice to do what we were born to
do, and if we're not sure aboutthat.
Do the work, as you said,there's lots of ways, there's
lots of outlets to do that youcan go into your program and do
(45:22):
your authority accelerator toget really clear on your
message.
Come to me and you can work onwhatever still needs to be
healed.
It doesn't matter.
But like you said, it's notabout doing it alone.
It's about having community.
Having community around you isso important.
And yeah, definitely communityand mentorship.
Melanie Benson (45:44):
And mentorship.
Yeah.
Community and mentorship.
Yes, absolutely.
Dr Nat Green (45:48):
Someone who's a step ahead that can hold that
safe space as well and help yougrow into who they often see.
More than what we see ourselves.
And I think that's really a keything as well.
And the other thing that youtouched on was about,
energetically aligning, but alsothe fact that after trauma, a
(46:11):
lot of us are numb.
It's that three brain thingthat, I bang on about a bit, the
head, the heart, and the gutthat after the trauma we are
often in our head going over andanalyzing and really getting
stuck into our old stories orour old way of doing and trying
to be who we used to be.
(46:31):
And until we can reconnect andstart to feel and really.
As painful as it is, just sitwith what's going on in our
heart and look at what is it wereally want and who we really
are.
Then that healing isn'tintegrated.
(46:53):
So yeah, that's a reallyimportant key piece to be in
your head, but also to use thatto do the mindset work, to
navigate where you need to go.
To feel it, but also to check inwith your gut to know what feels
right.
Melanie Benson (47:16):
Yeah.
Knowing your barometer forwhat's aligned and what's not
aligned makes all of the rest ofit work.
That I know for sure.
That was a big learning for me.
And by the way, all of us havedifferent barometers.
Very, so you have to really knowyour barometer.
Dr Nat Green (47:34):
and there's no right or wrong..I love this so
much Nat.
Melanie Benson (47:36):
No, there's no right or wrong.
And by the way, even if you messit all up and you do it wrong
and you go backwards a millionsteps, it's okay.
You get to make a new choiceevery day and move forward.
Dr Nat Green (47:51):
Definitely.
Yeah.
Really important points.
So would you think there's anyspecific quality or personal
attributes?
As being key to moving fromtrauma into post-traumatic
growth?
Melanie Benson (48:08):
The two words that came up are commitment and
resilience.
I also think curiosity.
I think sometimes we forget thatthere's a lot of power in being
curious about what else ispossible?
Curiosity about what would itlook like if I was to shift this
part of me, or I was to, maybelet that part of my life go and
(48:31):
it's like curiosity doesn't haveany judgment with it.
I think this is something youand I have explored at times,
right?
Yeah.
It is what would happen if wegot curious about that rather
than be in a regimented, it'sgotta be this or that.
And it creates some freedom andsome space inside of an
experience to learn and grow andand, evolve from it.
But I think for me.
(48:52):
My commitment to bring my workout in the world and be the best
version of me.
So that high achiever qualitythat has been destructive at
times.
The good part of it the gold init is that I do keep going.
I do keep working.
I do keep transforming.
I do keep coming back to newwork.
I do keep looking for what isthe next way that I need to
(49:15):
evolve and grow and shift sothat I can be the best coach,
the best mentor, the best guideto my clients and to the people
that I am influencing.
And then the resilience is, it'sgonna be flipping hard.
You're going to hit landmines,you're gonna blow some shit up
and get really uncomfortable.
Yep.
And you have to have theresilience to say, okay, that
(49:37):
sucked.
I don't like how that felt atall.
And.
I'm gonna learn from it and I'mgonna plug back in and decide
what am I gonna do next.
I have more failures in everypart of my life than I've had
successes, but I don't let thefailures define me.
I let the successes and theenergy of someone just like you
(49:57):
who keeps coming back andsaying, we have more work to do.
Yes, you and the clients likeyou and the people that I get to
work with, like you are why Ikeep coming back.
Why I keep doing the work I do.
Dr Nat Green (50:11):
Oh.
And I'm so glad you do.
I love the work you do.
I'm a huge fan girl.
I always will be.
And just hearing you be morevulnerable and share.
This part of you and your realjourney behind the scenes, under
the mask, whatever we wanna say.
I feel really grateful andhonored that you've been able to
(50:33):
do that today.
Melanie Benson (50:34):
So thank you for creating a space where I don't
even wanna say it's safe to doit, but that this is what this
is here for.
Yeah I'm honored.
Thank you.
Dr Nat Green (50:44):
Thank you.
And one thing that stood outwhen you were saying that, what
are the attributes?
And one thing you said wascommitment, being committed.
And I'll never forget, it wasmany years ago, you said, are
you interested or committed?
I'm sure you remember sayingthat to me and I was like I'm
interested.
Yeah.
But yeah.
(51:05):
And it's about backing yourself.
Committing regardless of whetherit's the right or the wrong
decision, but making thatcommitment to yourself.
Because until we are ready tocommit to ourselves, we can't do
what we wanna do in the world.
So thank you for reminding me ofthat.
Very powerful.
(51:27):
Now as we move to wrapping upthe conversation, just wondering
if you could share with ourlisteners.
where they could find more aboutyou and find you online.
Melanie Benson (51:41):
Of course.
I'm on pretty much all thesocial media coach Melanie
Benson or Melanie Benson,depending on which platform.
I'd love to connect with youthere.
And I also, you and I aretalking about this idea of
moving from.
Maybe a place where we'reblocking being visible or
blocking like those next stepsto really making the commitment
to be unignorable.
(52:03):
And I have followed a pathseveral times whenever I was
ready to recalibrate and opensomething up again, there's
seven influences or factors thatgo into how to really be the
unignorable expert.
And I will share that with you.
I've put together a scorecardand a little guide what those
(52:25):
steps are and how to reallyassess like, where are you at
with it.
If you go to melaniebenson.com/tallpoppies, see what
I did there?
Tall poppies.
I love it.
You won't forget it'cause it'spart of the podcast.
Dr Nat Green (52:36):
Oh thank you.
Melanie Benson (52:37):
And you can download it as my free gift, but
what I would recommend.
Is when you go get it and youdefinitely wanna get it while
it's fresh on your mind,download it, and then just do a
quick scan of the scorecard andreally check in with yourself.
How is this landing for me?
Do I really have this fullyoptimized?
Is this how I'm bringing mybrilliance to the world?
Is it landing here so that otherpeople can not only see me, but
(53:01):
choose me when it's time to dothe work that I'm here to do?
And that's really the key aboutbeing unignorable.
You wanna not just be lingeringout there waiting for people to
find you, but be the person theysee when they're ready to do the
work.
And then how they know to chooseyou.
That's what's happening in thatunignorable expert framework.
Dr Nat Green (53:24):
Oh, thank you so much.
That's very generous and I will.
Put all your ways to get incontact with you in the show
notes and definitely thatvaluable resource, and I'll
share that in our newsletter anddefinitely highly recommend that
we all take that.
I'll be taking that when I getoff this program.
That's really exciting.
(53:45):
Now, I always like to end withasking my guests, what do you
think your youngest self wouldthink of what you've done, what
you're doing in the world now?
Melanie Benson (53:59):
That's such an interesting question for me
'cause I don't have a lot ofmemory of being young.
But I do remember being youngand being very shy.
And I still am shy, but I alsonow am really, I'm more
committed to being of serviceand to that being an impact and
influence in the world.
So I think my younger self wouldbe so proud and so inspired.
(54:24):
By the version of me I am today.
'Cause I didn't let the shacklesof my conditioning hold me back,
which it did to other siblingsof mine.
I didn't let the trauma defineme.
I let it become fuel and I didsomething with it that I think
is pretty significant and Ireally feel like that youngest
(54:47):
version, that young version ofme that was so held back.
Would just be like I would be alight in her world, which is
what I'm here to do.
Be a light in someone's world.
Dr Nat Green (54:59):
I love that so much.
And how better to embrace, fullyembrace your story.
Pay it forward than to do thatfor yourself and for others.
Oh, thank you so much forsharing your wisdom and story
and journey with us today.
I am so grateful and so blessedthat you're a friend in my life.
(55:22):
Thank you, Mel.
Melanie Benson (55:22):
Oh, I feel grateful for you too, Nat, and
thank you for bringing this workout to the world.
It's so extraordinary.
Thanks for having me.
Dr Nat Green (55:30):
Pleasure.
Bye for now.
Thank you for joining me in thisepisode of Growing Tall Poppies.
It is my deepest hope thattoday's episode may have
inspired and empowered you tostep fully into your
post-traumatic growth, so thatyou can have absolute clarity
(55:54):
around who you are, what mattersthe most to you, and to assist
you to release your negativeemotions.
And regulate your nervous systemso you can fully thrive.
New episodes are published everyTuesday, and I hope you'll
continue to join us as weexplore both the strategies and
(56:15):
the personal qualities requiredto fully live a life of
post-traumatic growth and tothrive.
So if it feels aligned to youand really resonates, then I
invite you to hit subscribe andit would mean the world to us.
If you could share this episodewith others who you feel may
benefit too, you may also findme on Instagram at Growing Tall
(56:40):
Poppies and Facebook, Dr.
Natalie Green.
Remember, every moment is anopportunity to look for the
lessons and to learn andincrease your ability to live
the life you desire and deserve.
So for now, stay connected.
Stay inspired.
(57:01):
Stand tall like the tall poppyyou are, and keep shining your
light brightly in the world.
Bye for now
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