Navigating the Sandwich Generation with Grace, Grit & Love

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In this deeply personal and emotionally honest episode of Growing Tall Poppies, host Dr. Nat Green shares what it’s really like to be part of the Sandwich Generation—those navigating life while supporting both aging parents and young adult or teenage children. The group of adults caught in the middle, caring for aging parents while still showing up emotionally, financially, and practically for young adult or teenage children.

As the eldest child, Dr Nat reflects on her early conditioning around self-sacrifice and responsibility. When her mother was diagnosed with metastatic cancer, she didn’t hesitate to move back home to help care for her. Now, 31 years after her mother’s passing, Dr Nat has lived more of her life without her than with her—and the grief of mothering without a mother continues to show up in profound ways at unexpected times and continues to ripple through the years.

She opens up about the heartbreak of seeing her beloved stepmum fading to Alzheimer’s and the recent, painful signs that her father is likely walking the same path. With raw vulnerability, Dr Nat describes the emotional toll of being “the strong one,” holding everyone together while silently navigating her own grief and exhaustion. The emotional weight has become very real.

In this conversation, She speaks honestly about the invisible emotional labour, the cost of being the strong one, and the quiet grief that builds when you're loving everyone deeply—but often putting yourself last.

This episode is a powerful exploration of love, loss, responsibility, and resilience—and a reminder that those in the middle are not alone.

If you're in this season too… This episode is for you.

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• A heartfelt look at what it means to live in the Sandwich Generation
• The emotional weight of caring for aging parents while raising or supporting adult children
• The ongoing grief of losing a parent young—and the ache of “motherless mothering”
• Navigating Alzheimer’s disease and anticipatory grief with loved ones
• How eldest daughters often carry invisible emotional loads
• The impact of long-term self-sacrifice and unmet emotional needs
• The hidden impact of eldest daughter syndrome and learned self-sacrifice
• How to hold space for everyone… without losing yourself in the process
• Why grace, grit, and love are essential tools for navigating this season of life
• Encouragement for anyone walking this path: you are seen, and You are not alone.

💬 Let’s Continue the Conversation:

If this episode spoke to you, I’d love to hear from you. Message me on Instagram  or Facebook and share the episode with someone walking a similar path.

This episode is a powerful exploration of love, loss, responsibility, and resilience—and a reminder that those in the middle are not alone.

If this episode resonates with you then I'd love for you to hit SUBSCRIBE so you can keep updated with each new episode as soon as it's released and we'd be most grateful if you would give us a RATING as well. You can also find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/drnatgreen/ or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/DrNatalieGreen

Intro and Outro music: Inspired Ambient by Playsound.

Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be deemed or treated as psychological treatment or to replace the need for psychological treatment.

Episode Transcript

Dr Nat Green (00:01):
Welcome to the Growing Tall Poppies Podcast.
I'm your host, Dr.
Nat Green, and I'm so excited tohave you join me as we discuss
what it means to navigate yourway through post-traumatic
growth and not just survive, butto thrive after trauma.

(00:23):
Through our podcast, we willexplore ways for you to create a
life filled with greaterpurpose, self-awareness, and a
deep inner peace.
Through integrating the manyyears of knowledge and
professional experience, as wellas the wisdom of those who have
experienced trauma firsthand.

(00:44):
We'll combine psychologyaccelerated approaches.
Coaching and personal experienceto assist you, to learn, to grow
and to thrive.
I hope to empower you to createdeeper awareness and
understanding and strongerconnections with yourself and
with others, whilst also pavingthe way for those who have

(01:08):
experienced trauma and adversityto reduce their suffering and
become the very best versions ofthemselves.
In order to thrive.
Thank you so much for joining meon today's episode.

(01:28):
hi, Dr.
Nat here, and I wanted towelcome you to this week's
episode of Growing Tall Poppies,the podcast where we explore
trauma, adversity, and allthings post-traumatic growth,
grief, resilience, andeverything in between.
Today's episode is a deeplypersonal one.

(01:54):
And I honestly have ummed andahhhhed about whether to share
this information or not.
However, I absolutely know thatthis situation rarely gets
spoken about, and yet it'shappening to so many of us, so

(02:17):
many people, particularly inGeneration X.
And I know that that is a hugepart of our listener base.
So today I am gonna share adeeply personal, vulnerable area

(02:38):
of my life.
And I honestly feel that thisreally needs to be spotlighted
as more and more of us face thissituation.
And I do not want you to befeeling as though you're facing
it alone.
Today I am talking about theweight of being part of the
sandwich generation.

(03:01):
What on earth is the sandwichgeneration?
Some of you might ask.
And to be honest, I did not knowwhat it was either until I
became part of it and someonecalled it that.
The sandwich generation is aspace that many of us never
imagined, but now find ourselvesfirmly wedged in.

(03:26):
This is an episode aboutresponsibility, grief, strength,
and tenderness about showing upeven when we feel like we're
falling apart.
So what on earth is the sandwichgeneration?
The sandwich generation refersto those of us who find

(03:50):
ourselves stretched between twogenerations, caring on one hand
for our aging parents, whilealso supporting our own
children, many of whom are stillfinding their way in early
adulthood.
It's a term that sounds simpleenough, but living it, it's

(04:13):
anything.
But we are the ones attendingmedical appointments with our
parents while helping our teensthrough high school exams and
choosing university preferences,managing aged and dementia care
while navigating heartbreakscareer changes or mental health

(04:33):
struggles with our kids.
Paying for medications,appointments, managing finances
and aged care support while alsohelping our children with rent,
groceries, or therapy.
We are sandwiched in the middlebetween love and responsibility,

(04:56):
between holding it all togetherand quietly falling apart.
And often we do it withoutasking for help because it's
what's expected, because itfeels like love because we were
taught to be strong and becausewe generally want to give back

(05:19):
and to honor our parents for allthat they did for us.
But what's rarely talked aboutis the emotional cost of this
role.
Today, I thought I'd share a bitof background and my journey to
today and the reality through myown lens, and I know I'm not
alone in this.

(05:41):
I'm the eldest daughter, andthat role comes with a quiet,
unspoken, yet sometimes crushinginheritance.
I learned early on thatself-sacrifice was love and just
what we did as mothers to ensurewe could give the best for our
kids.

(06:03):
That being the responsible one,the reliable one, the fixer was
part of who I needed to be.
So when my Mum was diagnosedwith cancer that had
metastasized.
There was no question.
I moved home, I helped, Imanaged.

(06:23):
I didn't just want to be there.
I felt I needed to be there.
It was ingrained in my bones,and I treasured every special
moment with my mom, and I'mhonestly so grateful for the
extra time I got to spend withher.

(06:44):
And she eventually died when Iwas 24.
And here we are now 31 yearslater, and I've lived more years
without her than I actually didwith her.
That math breaks my heart andthat truth, when I actually take

(07:07):
the time to go there still hasthe power to stop me in my
tracks.
There were so many moments whenI longed for her meeting, the
love of my life, gettingmarried, and then what followed
was an experience that I was notprepared for becoming a mother

(07:31):
without a mother.
There's no handbook for thatkind of grief.
No Checklist for the momentswhen you wanna pick up the phone
and share a first word, ascraped knee, or later on a
graduation, the grief doesn'tvanish.
It morphs.
Of course it does.

(07:51):
It whispers in the middle of joyat times.
It lingers in the spaces whereshe should have been, and I know
that she would've adored ourkids.
And I know that they would'vebeen so loved and spoiled by
her, and I'm so grateful for theamazing friends of my Mum's who

(08:17):
stepped up and into and ownedthat space of being surrogate
grandmas to my kids.
Like Mums to me, and I'm sograteful.
The beautiful relationships thatI still have with them as
they've moved into theireighties and are still shining

(08:40):
stars and guiding lights in mylife, I'm so grateful.
And we know that life as it doesmoves forward.
And I was.
Blessed so lucky in that we werefortunate that my Dad eventually
found love again with abeautiful soul who has embraced
our family with open arms.

(09:03):
She never tried to replace Mum,but carved her own sacred space
in our hearts, and she hasfilled that space with love and
care.
She became Grandma to ourchildren and we all love her
deeply.
That kind of love, the chosenkind, it's precious and we have

(09:26):
cherished every single moment,but life as it does through
another curve ball.
And a few years ago we gotanother diagnosis that you never
want to hear Alzheimer's.
She has Alzheimer's.

(09:46):
Phew.
The slow, cruel decline of theperson that you love.
Watching her change, watchingher decline bit by bit has been
heartbreaking.
Beyond heartbreaking.
There are many days where she'sstill great, whilst others not

(10:07):
quite.
It's honestly.
I can say it's like holdingwater in your hands knowing that
you can't keep it, and it'lleventually trickle through
grieving someone who's stillalive.
It's a different kind ofheartbreak and another layer of
grief to peel back.

(10:30):
And just this week we've heardsimilar news about my Dad.
The memory lapses, confusion,emotional outbursts, all signs
point down the same path, andsuddenly it's all become so
very, very real.

(10:51):
The people who raised us whowere our anchors now really need
anchoring themselves.
This is the invisible weightthat we carry while we're
navigating aging parents,doctors appointments, medication

(11:16):
schedules.
We're also supporting our youngadult children as they step
forward into their own futures.
They still need us emotionally,financially, energetically.
We wanna be there for them.
We are there for them.
But it's possible that theweight on our shoulders grows

(11:38):
heavier with every step.
And of course we wouldn't changeit, but the toll is real.
And often our own needs areburied beneath at all.
What is the true cost of thesandwich generation?

(12:01):
We don't talk enough about theemotional toll, the sleepless
nights, or the burnout thatdoesn't go away after a good
night's sleep.
If you're lucky enough to haveone of them and quiet
resentment.
Really can live alongside deeplove and guilt.

(12:24):
Oh, the guilt that we even dareto think or feel that guilt when
we feel like we are not doingenough or doing it all wrong.
The marriages that strain underthe pressure, the financial
strain, the friendships thatfade when you just don't have
the energy.

(12:46):
The dreams we quietly shelvedbecause there's just no time or
no bandwidth.
The overwhelm that doesn'tdisappear with a bubble bath or
a walk.
And yet we show up every day.
Every single day because we lovethem all fiercely.

(13:12):
Sometimes that love meansbreaking yourself a little,
hoping that you can glue thepieces back together later.
But honestly, that love doesn'tmean we have to abandon
ourselves.
What I've learned, and let'sface it, it's always a learning

(13:34):
curve and I continue to learn,is that strength doesn't mean
martyrdom.
It's okay to ask for help tolower the bar, to feel joy and
sorrow in the same breath.
To grieve what was, what'schanging and what might never

(13:55):
be.
There's no perfect strategy, buthere's what I've learned, what's
helped me hold it together.
And some days that's not realwell, but even when it's hard.
Here are some tips.

(14:15):
Ask for help.
You don't have to be the onlystrong one.
Lower the bar.
Some days good enough is atriumph.
Hold space for your grief.
Past and present.
Let people in.

(14:36):
You don't need to wear the maskall the time.
Talk to someone, whether it be afriend, a therapist, a coach, a
group who gets it.
Just talk to someone.
Keep something just for you,even if it's small, in fact,

(14:57):
especially if it's small, andacknowledge your humanity.
You can love fiercely.
And still feel overwhelmed ifyou are listening and you are
carrying all of this too.
I see you.

(15:17):
You're not alone in thiscomplicated, messy, beautiful
burden called life.
This episode wasn't about givingyou a perfect solution.
It was just about sharing thetruth that love is messy, that
life doesn't follow ourtimelines, that sometimes the

(15:42):
strongest people are the onessilently holding up the world
For everyone else, it's aboutgrieving who your parents used
to be while watching them slowlyfade.
For me, and I'm sure for many ofyou, it's been the ache of not

(16:04):
having your own mother by yourside as you mother, your
children.
It's at times resentment andguilt wrapped together,
resentment for how heavy itfeels and guilt for even feeling
it in the first place.
It's exhaustion, love, devotion,and heartbreak.

(16:25):
Living in your body all at once.
If you are in the sandwichgeneration too, I want you to
know you are allowed to grieve,to be tired, to feel joy, to
feel lost, and still be enough.
You're doing more than you knowand your presence matters.

(16:49):
Thank you from the bottom of myheart for letting me share my
story today.
If you are in this season too, Isee you and I want you to know
that you are not alone.
You are doing sacred work.
You're doing the impossible,loving across generations while

(17:10):
still trying to hold ontoyourself.
Please be gentle with yourheart.
Seek support, speak up, cry ifyou need to rest when you can.
Please don't forget yourself inthe process.
'cause the middle is hard, butyou matter too.

(17:33):
If this episode has touchedsomething in you, I'd love For
you to reach out, send me amessage, connect with me on
Instagram or Facebook, and Iinvite you to share it with
someone who you think might needit too.
We need to stick together and asalways, take gentle care of

(17:57):
yourself.
Until next time, keep growingtall.
Keep shining your light.
Even in the hardest seasons.
Bye for now.
Thank you for joining me in thisepisode of Growing Tall Poppies.

(18:20):
It is my deepest hope thattoday's episode may have
inspired and empowered you tostep fully into your
post-traumatic growth, so thatyou can have absolute clarity
around who you are, what mattersthe most to you, and to assist
you to release your negativeemotions.

(18:40):
And regulate your nervous systemso you can fully thrive.
New episodes are published everyTuesday, and I hope you'll
continue to join us as weexplore both the strategies and
the personal qualities requiredto fully live a life of
post-traumatic growth and tothrive.
So if it feels aligned to youand really resonates, then I

(19:04):
invite you to hit subscribe andit would mean the world to us.
If you could share this episodewith others who you feel may
benefit too, you may also findme on Instagram at Growing Tall
Poppies and Facebook, Dr.
Natalie Green.
Remember, every moment is anopportunity to look for the

(19:27):
lessons and to learn andincrease your ability to live
the life you desire and deserve.
So for now, stay connected.
Stay inspired.
Stand tall like the tall poppyyou are, and keep shining your
light brightly in the world.
Bye for now