April 4, 2024 • 50 mins
The following episode includes a brief mention of sexual assault. Listener discretion is advised.
Imagine being a little girl growing up in Southern California with a world-renowned psychic as your Godmother, only to find out you, too, share a similar gift. That’s exactly what happened to today’s guest. In this episode, you’ll hear her story of self discovery, and you’ll learn how to tap into your own intuition and build stronger boundaries within yourself that can help create a more aligned, intentional life.
Guest: Dena Paduano is an accomplished intuitive consultant blessed with great intuition and an amazing healing touch. Her psychic gift is purely God given and she has been honing her talent for the past 18 years. Her clientele includes celebrities and professionals from various industries including film, finance, music, medicine, marketing and technology from all over the world. Many of her clients have been booking sessions with her for over ten years. Dena’s method employs psychometry which involves reading a client’s energy, voice, digital pictures and signature. Her approach is kind, objective and personal. Her goal is to help her clients gain insight and awareness to enable them to move forward to work on career, relationships and life vision. Often opening old wounds is necessary for growth but it only works with insight and the tools to move forward. Dena is highly skilled in offering choices and solutions with enlightening clarity and has astounded many clients with her insightful predictions.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
The following episode includesa brief mention of sexual assault.
Listener discretion is advised.
Imagine being a little girlgrowing up in Southern California
with a world renowned psychicas your godmother, only to find out
during your childhood that youtoo share a similar gift.
That's exactly what happenedto today's guest.
(00:20):
In this episode, you'll hearher story of self discovery and you'll
learn how to tap into your ownintuition and build stronger boundaries
within yourself that can helpcreate a more aligned intentional
Life.
I'm Jackie McDougal and thisis the Grown Ass Woman's Guide.
Dina Padawano is anaccomplished intuitive consultant
who has been honing her craftfor the past 18 years.
(00:43):
Her clientele includescelebrities and professionals from
various industries from allover the world.
Dina's readings involvereading a client's energy, voice,
digital pictures and signature.
And her goal is to help herclients gain insight and awareness
to enable them to move forwardto work on career relationships and
life vision.
Foreign.
(01:04):
Let'S start with your story.
At one point in your life wereyou like throwing out psychic predictions
to your friends?
When did you know you had a gift?
As you know, I have a famousgodmother when I was 9, would start
to notice my ability and thenas I got older, it would be funny
whenever I would date guys andI didn't even know like what kind
(01:28):
of gift it was.
And I would say things arelike, are you watching me?
Do you follow me?
How did you know that?
Are you going through my stuff?
And I'm like, no, dude, I'mjust, no, but I'm just super sensitive,
right?
And then as I got older, whenI moved to LA from Orange County,
I started doing themetaphysical workshops and meditations
(01:50):
that she would have and shewould record me on the phone and
she would be like, listen tohow negative you talk.
And she would make me listenback to.
I would just die if.
And I can't stand.
So I was trained at a veryyoung age to be very careful about
what I say and how I say it.
And then it wasn't untilaround like maybe I was 25 or 27,
(02:15):
I started putting it into use.
And still sometimes till thisday, it freaks even me out that I
know this stuff that I knowand I, I know that we are all psychic.
It's just that some of us area little bit more sensitive or we
have honed it better.
So I'm at a point now,especially since I've been gluten
(02:36):
free, no alcohol.
Like the cleaner my body is, the.
More intuitive I have Become interesting.
It's really interesting.
Like, I will tell you, I neverused to see spirit or anything before,
and I feel it now, and I seeit now.
Or, like, I could be on thephone with a niece, and then I'll
be like, do you have a headache?
And she'll be like, yeah, Ididn't want to tell you because I
(02:58):
didn't want you to get it.
And I was like, I got it.
It's too late.
And get the headache.
Yes.
And I will pick up.
So I've been really good abouttrying to keep this energy clear.
But, yeah, I've always beenthat person who was always empathetic.
And so I think empatheticwould go hand in hand with intuitive.
(03:22):
Right.
If you're Gen X like me, youmay have grown up associating psychics
with 900 numbers and DionneWarwick, but this episode is not
that.
After spending the first hourrecording a private, very insightful,
intuitive reading where Denashared everything from all of the
things that have been holdingme back, completely accurate.
And gave me confirmation thatsome of the things I want to do are
(03:44):
right on track.
But most of all, she opened mymind to the idea that we all have
intuition.
It's just the outside noisethat's prevented us from being able
to access it.
You make a living listening toyour intuition, but we all could
be tuning in more deeply intoour intuition.
(04:05):
Do you agree with that?
Absolutely.
And I think the onlydifference between me and somebody
else is that sometimes peopleare too afraid to listen to their
own intuition.
So then they'll come tosomeone like me for confirmation
of their intuition, right?
So a lot of times people havesaid to me, oh, my God, I was thinking
(04:26):
the exact same thing.
So you're confirming what I'm saying.
So now I get that I shouldprobably do that.
And I'm not saying that Idon't predict future things, but
I think that we were taught askids that everything we have or we
need is outside of us, right?
So listen to your pastor,listen to the elder, listen to your
(04:47):
teacher.
It was never.
Listen to yourself.
Listen to your intuition, right?
Listen to what your body'stelling you.
So it goes against everythingthat we were taught.
Even being touchedinappropriately as a kid.
It was like, well, I was toldto be polite to adults, to not say
anything, to not be, have asmart mouth, to not.
(05:10):
So it's like it feels wrong,but then you're doing the opposite,
right?
Because you're taught different.
And what we're all learningnow is that God is inside of us and
we are all an extension of God.
And everything we have, wealready need.
Because if God is inside of usand we are an extension of God.
(05:30):
Right.
And so that's what I've beenlearning for myself is that I was
never taught that anythingthat I had was abuse.
To me, it was to serviceeverybody else.
Right.
You, you're kind of blowing mymind right now.
Because if you think about it,it was like, respect this person,
respect that person.
It was never respect you.
(05:52):
Yep.
Never, never respect howyou're feeling, if you're feeling
uncomfortable, if that feelsinappropriate, if that doesn't fit.
And it's like, keep your mouthshut and be polite.
Right?
Absolutely.
And so when you mention God,are you.
Do you consider yourself areligious person?
Are we talking about, like,how are we talking about God?
Okay.
So in 2021, I had had thisreally incredible awakening.
(06:16):
I had a session with thisincredible lady and we were talking.
I used to believe in God inthe sky.
And he was, because I grew upChristian, born again Christian,
seventh day Advent, like youname it, my mom had tried it.
Right.
So I was very God fearing,religious fearing.
Then as I got older, I wasspiritual, not religious.
(06:38):
And now in the last like threeyears, what I believe God to be is
God is the universe.
God is a part of us.
We are energetically all acollective and it contributes to
everything is action and reaction.
Right.
So I no longer believe thatit's a man in the sky saying, you're
bad, you're going to go to hell.
I believe that it's thisenergy that we all create and we're
(07:02):
all responsible for.
I love that.
Right.
Yeah.
And by the way, that was ahuge part of my identity growing
up was being Christian and myfaith and all of that.
And I've had to figure out whoI am without that.
Yeah.
I grew up Catholic, where allyour actions were basically, did
they fall on the good or thebad, you know, side of that?
(07:25):
I'm a recovering Catholic andI live in Italy.
And I'm sorry, but everythingin this country is based on because
of the Vatican.
And so it's very run by religion.
And listen, I just findsometimes maybe some religions could
be like a little organized crime.
(07:47):
We'll just leave that there.
So if you're listening,understand the word, you know, the
term God.
And this is not necessarily areligious episode, but I do love
to discuss spirituality andenergy and connection and all of
that.
And so I feel that we're verymuch on the same page here.
(08:08):
So let's go back to intuition.
Do you think we all have it atthe same level as each other?
And then it's just thepractice of it.
So if Becky is listening rightnow, I don't know why I called you
Becky, but maybe your name is Becky.
But I'm psychic.
But if Becky is listeningright now, is she equally as intuitive
as Stephanie, who's alsolistening here?
(08:30):
I would say yes in the way ofmaybe her voice is louder, telling
her to be quiet.
That sounds stupid.
That's ridiculous.
That's.
So depending on what yournarrative is, is, and how open you
were allowed to be with yourthoughts and feelings.
Okay.
And what you're feeling, Ithink it depends on that.
(08:51):
And also, I'm a neurodivergentperson, so with the autism and the
adhd, I may be a little bitmore sensitive than most.
But we are definitely all intuitive.
Yeah.
All of us.
And I think it is about honinga skill.
I mean, think if you, you playa sport and you cultivate a practice,
(09:11):
you get better and better and better.
Right.
But there are some people whoare more gifted at said sport to
begin with.
True.
Totally true.
But I think that our innervoice can speak to us.
Forget about doing what I do,but I think if you learn to communicate
and have a relationship withyour intuition, it will serve you.
(09:33):
And I think it could be really great.
I just feel like we've neverbeen taught to do that.
Yes.
So here's my question.
Will you teach us today?
Oh, absolutely.
Thank you.
I feel that I'm very intuitive.
I mean, when I was in my 20s,we're out having drinks and one of
my coworkers and had invited afriend who I had never met.
And the friend walked in and Isaid, woo.
(09:56):
I just had a date, like justpop into my head and I feel like
I know your birthday.
And she said, if you know mybirthday, I will buy all the drinks
tonight.
And I said, It's February 23rd.
She's like.
And she slapped down herlicense and it was February 23rd.
(10:16):
That's amazing.
I still remember the date.
And it was so wild.
And I would have things likemy other friend would be also in
my 20s, like filling up herVolkswagen Jetta, which I did not
drive.
And I didn't know how much gaswas in her car or whatever it was.
She did the, you know, shemade it automatic so it would just
stop when it was full.
And I would like say the exactnumber, like $12 and 13 cents.
(10:37):
And yeah, I told you, I'm oldback when gas was $12 and 13 cents.
But it just.
Pop would stop and it would beright there.
And so there would be, and itstill happens.
And it's wild.
You said about gluten free andalcohol free and all of that.
Because I stopped drinking twoyears ago.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
And I absolutely feel moreconnected to my intuition.
(11:01):
I'll think about a person.
There's a person who hasn'tliked or commented or.
Or even been a presence on myFacebook in a long time.
And I recently thought, Iwonder how she's doing.
And boop, it popped up.
She liked something.
And it was just.
I don't know, I just.
It's.
It's right there.
(11:22):
And I love it because it makesme feel like a superhuman, you know?
Well, and also think if.
If you start practicing that,right, you'll start to realize how
powerful you really are.
So it's like, did you manifestthat energy or did she also feel
the vibration?
Because sometimes when I wantcertain people to call me, I will
(11:45):
literally go, dude, I need youto call me.
I need you to call me.
I need you to call me.
Like, 30 minutes later, theycall me.
And so sometimes I just get alittle lazy and I'm in my head, right?
But it does feel then.
But then what will happen isthe human in us will then get afraid
of being wrong.
And so then we won't speak up.
Or then somebody will go,like, if I go to a party or something,
(12:07):
people will go, well, tell mesomething about myself that I doubt
now.
And it's like, I'm not a partytrick, dude.
I'm not, like, doing this for,like, fun.
And I don't need to provemyself to you.
That is why I stopped usingthe word psychic.
I use the word intuitivebecause really, if you think about
it, a psychic will tell you,oh, you're going to have a red shiny
(12:28):
car and open.
And I'm.
I'm not saying that I don't dothat, but what I believe is it is
not fair to crack opensomebody's emotions and bring up
a bunch of things and tellthem a bunch of things, but not give
them any tools on where to gowith it.
That's why I mixed coachingwith intuition, right?
Because the fact is, someone'slike, okay, great, now I have all
(12:51):
this information.
Now what?
Right?
And then you're like, okay, gothis way.
Take this class.
Try reaching out to this person.
Do that thing.
So I think what happens withour inner intuition is sometimes
we don't know if that.
That inner voice is Us, thestuff that's happened to us.
(13:12):
So we don't know if we cantrust it.
Right?
Right.
And so how you start tappingin is fresh in the morning, right?
In the morning when you wakeup, you I want you to say out loud
how you want this day to be,what you want from this day.
So like when I get dressed, Ilike to send a message to the universe
and it's like, what do you see today?
(13:33):
Unicorn.
Kawaii.
Right.
And I'm like, yes, queen, herewe are.
And then that sets myvibration for the day, my intuition
for the day.
Right.
And so I will literally startasking myself questions like what
do you think of this?
What do you think of that?
And then I'll write down something.
(13:53):
I don't fixate on it, but Isee if I am willing to allow myself
to trust myself.
Right.
And so I think really, I feelreally it comes down to your intuition
and trusting is what kind ofrelationship do you have with yourself?
And I think that yourintuition serves you when it's easy
(14:17):
and it's fun.
But if your life was dependingon it or your job was depending on
it, you probably wouldn'ttrust it as much because you want
to do something.
Right?
Right.
You bring up such a good point.
Because we all have intuition,we all have those little feelings,
those gut feelings.
I have met more women who haveexperienced a variety of things in
(14:41):
their lives, right?
That all this outside energycomes in whether it's a significant
other, past or present, familyof origin, bosses, where it's kind
of crazy when somebody sayssomething negative.
You could just take that likewear that like a cloak, right?
Somebody could say positive,you need to hear positive.
Like I don't even know howmany, there's some research on this,
(15:04):
but how many times we need tohear something positive for us to
actually own it.
And you could hear somethingnegative once.
And then we're like, oh, thatis who I am, that's part of my identity.
But for me, and what I see isself trust is the challenge.
The intuition is not thechallenge, it's.
The self trust and therelationship you have with yourself.
(15:24):
And can you trust yourselfbecause of decisions we've made in
the past and we haven't letourselves, we haven't always saved
ourselves, right?
So how trustworthy can I be ifI put myself in compromising positions
or I lived with a narcissistor I was abused and how would I know?
And that's where I say my trust.
(15:46):
I've been in therapy 27 years.
I'm still with my therapist.
He's 87 and he will never retire.
Like it's never happening.
Listen, therapy, relationshipwith yourself and everything is like
going to the gym.
You always have to stay consistent.
You always have to do theworkout, you have to do the work.
So for me, I trust myself now.
(16:08):
I don't trust myself alone inthe house with cookies, but I do
trust myself in ways nowemotionally, that I'm not a people
pleaser enough anymore thatI'm willing to sacrifice my happiness
for your happiness.
Do you see what I'm saying?
So if my intuition tells meno, I'm going to trust that I know
(16:31):
we're doing what's best for mebecause I built that trust with myself.
A lot of people who haven'tbuilt that trust and done the internal
work, they'll be like, well,no, you're just saying that because
you're being a bitch.
Or you're being that becausehow many times have we said no to
family members?
And they're like, you're so selfish.
You're so this, you're so.
It's never considered, oh,good for you for taking care of yourself.
(16:53):
Right.
It's always been thrown backat us.
Well, it's only, it's good foryou for taking care of yourself as
long as it doesn't affect me totally.
The minute your selfpreservation impacts my life, then
I'm going to call you all thethings that try to get you to change
your mind totally.
And so I think it's soimportant for us to remember that
(17:14):
that's all stuff that we'veheard and people have thrown at us.
And if we were to askourselves, if we were to write it
down, am I a bitch?
Am I this, am I that?
And then we would askyourself, is this true?
No, I'm not a bitch.
I'm one of the nicest people I know.
Can I be a bitch?
Absolutely.
But in this moment, no.
Right.
So my name growing up was theHoliday Ditcher because I don't like
(17:39):
big groups of chaos and people.
And it turns out now it's theneurodivergence, right?
So I would always offer to work.
I worked at Coco's as a hostess.
I would always offer to workduring Thanksgiving or like Christmas.
And then when I was up in la,I would volunteer to work those days
because I couldn't trust them.
(17:59):
And so was it my intuition Iwas too chicken to say no, so then
I made an excuse.
Yeah, right.
But now I'm okay enough withsaying no, I'm sorry.
I can't come.
Thank you for the invitation.
But why?
But I'm just sorry I can't come.
And that's been one is thatI'm trusting my no without justifying
my no.
(18:19):
Right, Right.
And so because I've justifiedfor so long to so many, because people
are looking for loopholes,they want to, well, can't you come
after?
Well, can't you come before?
Well, can't you come in between?
No.
No is a complete sentence.
Right.
And so what I'm trusting is Ideal with a lot of medical stuff,
right.
And when doctors gaslight meand tell me I don't have something,
(18:43):
when I've gotten tests, I havethe proof, I.
I just know for me, that'swhere I shut down and I'm done with
that particular doctor.
I'll finish out the meetingand then I regroup and then I go
in and I go someplace else.
But before, I used to believewhat they said, did what they said
and didn't trust my own bodyand my own intuition and my own gut.
(19:05):
I'm living this stuff.
But you're telling me it'simpossible that I have pain here.
Because you don't see anything somewhere.
Well, you're telling me not totrust myself, but to trust you.
Everything we do is taught tonot trust ourselves.
I want to sit with that for a second.
Say that again.
Everything we do, we aretaught to not trust ourselves.
(19:27):
Yeah.
When you go to the doctor,they tell you what to do.
They give you a prescriptionfor your body, for you.
Every time I try to talk to, Ieven write, I type that stuff out
in two different languages.
When I go to the doctors here,do you know how many refuse to read
it?
It's this crazy thing.
And I get it.
I went to school.
(19:48):
I'm the professional.
Yes, but you're not in my body.
Right.
Where else do you see that?
Telling people about thethings that happened to me as a kid,
of the inappropriate touchingof father's friends or this and that.
No, there's no way.
Blah, blah, blah.
Well, wait.
So because you don't see it,it means it didn't happen?
(20:09):
What happened to, oh, my God,I'm so sorry.
Because no one wants to haveto take responsibility of the guilt
or the blame.
I wasn't guilting or blaming anyone.
I was trying to share.
But everyone automaticallywill deny or whatever because they
don't want to take that on.
Right?
Yeah.
Or think about when you'rewith friends who really care about
(20:29):
you or family, and you'relike, oh, My God, I'm going to start
this new project.
And there would be like, thatcosts a lot of money, you know, that.
That takes so much time, youknow, so it's like, wait, don't trust
all of the things.
And by the way, I'm nottalking about the people who start
something new every other weekor whatever.
I'm talking about.
It's taken a lot of time tomuster up the strength, right?
(20:51):
And to have confidence enoughin yourself.
And then you show up to thepeople you love the most and they
think that.
That they're helping you bytelling you, right?
When I used to wait on tablesand pursue acting every time, it
never failed.
So what do you do?
I'm pursuing acting.
You know how tough that is?
You know, that's so hard.
And I used to go, but can'tyou say it's so amazing that you
(21:14):
have the courage to dosomething that I don't, Right?
And then they would just sortof shut up.
But it's just like, wait, sodo we think we're doing someone a
favor by warning them of allthe fears that we have through our
filter, through our stuff?
Because, you know, you've meta lot of people who are like, yeah,
I went to LA and my fourth daythere, I got something.
(21:36):
So it's not true for everyoneall the time, right?
But if you believe and someonetells you enough how far it is, I
mean, let's talk about weight.
Don't eat this, don't eatthat, don't trust this, don't trust
that.
Don't you have to do this kindof work?
Because everybody's trying tosell something.
Of course.
Because fear, I mean, thefamily stuff, I get it.
They want to keep you safe, right?
(21:57):
And safe to them might meandifferent things.
You're absolutely right.
And that there's fear, butother people are trying to sell you.
And that's one thing I wouldsay is like, stop for a second.
And when someone tells you youneed to, there's something about.
I don't know if it's being the11th kid, but when someone says you
(22:18):
need to, and then whateverthey say it could be, watch this
show, read this book, eat thisfood I like, will not.
I will dig my heels in.
And I'm like, I will never dothat thing because you just told
me I need to.
Because I don't trust otherpeople and their reason for telling
me that in my life, I need todo something.
(22:38):
Yes.
And I'm totally with you there.
Because let's be realistic.
I am 54 now.
And I've listened to a lot ofwhat a lot of those other people
said.
Do you know how far behind Iused to feel like I was?
Or I didn't get momentumbecause I sat in fear with them.
Yeah.
Or I sat and.
(22:58):
Yeah, they're right.
You know what?
Or like, my ex, he was.
It's just an Italian way.
Even if I wanted to go to the market.
Well, don't go now becauseit's crowded.
Wait until after lunch.
And I'm like, dude, but I wantto go now.
Like, what?
Like, why does there have tobe a whole story?
And it.
I felt suffocated.
Like, I just felt like.
And then finally I just gavein because I was tired of always
(23:21):
arguing with it.
And then I sat there for nineyears and listening to everything
he said and having that be my narrative.
And not everyone in yourfamily is going to have the same
moral compass as you do.
Not everyone in your family iswilling to do the work that you are.
They're seeing it throughtheir filter.
(23:41):
So they may mean well, but noone's living in your head with you.
Right.
That is why we have to trust ourselves.
Yes.
So step number one, correct meif I'm wrong, to really leaning into
your own intuition is maybeunderstanding, and this might require
a lot of work in itself, butunderstanding the motives or the
(24:05):
experience of those who aretrying to enforce their own views
on you.
Exactly.
So whether it's likeconfirmation bias.
Yes.
So whether it's your spouse oryour, like I said, your family of
origin, your friends, whoever.
So, like, if somebody'ssaying, don't become a professional
intuitive who works withclients and betters people's lives,
(24:26):
like, no, no, no.
People might think this or whatever.
Pay attention to what they'resaying, don't follow what they're
saying, but try to understandwhere they might be coming from.
Is that.
Is that a good first step?
Yes.
And then also you can add onto that is, it's so nice that they
love me so much and they'reworried about me, but I'm going to
(24:47):
do what I need to do for me anyway.
Yes.
Because you have to add thatdialogue in there for yourself.
Like, you'll be talking toyourself a lot in the beginning about
going, oh, shut up.
There's no way.
No, seriously, you need to do that.
No, don't do that.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Like, I.
I literally sometimes willpractice with my friend on my podcast,
my partner, and sometimes I'lltry to, with my intuitiveness, see
(25:10):
what she's wearing.
And a lot of times we show upin the same shirt and she's like,
you're such a jerk.
Like, why do you do that?
But I just like practicingwith little things to start to trust
that I know what I'm talking about.
Right.
So I'm gentle to myself.
I show up for myself.
So I make it playful or I makeit simple.
It doesn't have to be so hard.
(25:33):
But how do you know what isyour intuition and what is your narrative?
They're very different things.
Your narrative is going to fear.
It's like fear mongering.
You can't.
Yeah, but blah, blah, blah.
Your intuition is yes, and,and we can try it.
And I got you.
And don't turn left here, goright here.
(25:53):
Because whatever is going tolike start to ask yourself that.
Not my narrative or is that my intuition?
And start being playful.
It doesn't have to besomething that you have to work at
and another thing that youhave to do.
I think we will all benefitfrom having a better relationship
with ourselves.
Yeah.
And I love that.
(26:13):
I love the idea of starting small.
I, I, for some reason, theCostco parking lot just popped into
my brain.
Right.
My husband will say, which aisle?
Because I often will use my intuition.
And I'm like, down here.
And he's like, boom, there's a spot.
But I could also sometimeshear the narrative where it's like,
oh, it's too crowded today.
We're never going to find a spot.
(26:34):
There you go.
Making sure I sort of tap back in.
Yeah.
So visualize perfect parkingis the how I very first learned is
like, just visualize perfect parking.
Wherever I go, parking will be there.
So my ex, I kid you not, thisis so funny.
He used to call me on thephone and he would be in a park.
Can you visualize me perfect parking?
(26:55):
I go, dude, I'm not the one inthe car with you.
You have to do it.
Yeah, but they don't know how.
But do you see theunwillingness to do the emotional
work?
Oh, we could have a wholeepisode about the emotional labor
that is put on women.
But that's a whole other topic.
No, totally.
(27:16):
But I'm just saying is hestarted believing.
Oh, and then the Mercury in retrograde.
Like he would then startquoting Mercury retrograde because
he didn't believe me at firstwith all the woo woo.
And then when he saw me puteverything into effect, then he started
becoming a believer.
Then he started showing up andgetting curious.
(27:36):
Do you know what I mean?
So be the example.
And if People go, you're crazy.
Say, thank you.
Oh, my God.
You know, like, girl, what'swrong with you?
You so great.
Thank you so much.
It's the best compliment ever.
Right?
Because to some people, itseems crazy that you're willing to
jump off whatever ledgebecause their narrative tells them
(27:58):
that they can't.
Yes.
That's why I stoppedannouncing things to.
People, because they have opinions.
Well.
And then I would realize thattheir opinions would dilute and contaminate
my intuition.
And then I would make it anarrative so I would have all of
this hype.
And then I was looking forconfirmation bias.
(28:20):
And then you go to the wrong person.
They're like, are you nuts?
And you're like, oh, my God.
It didn't even occur to me.
Am I.
Instead of going, no, I'm not.
Right.
And so what I've learned is I,A lot of times will tell people after.
Yeah, and that's a good point, too.
Who are you going to for yourconfirmation bias?
How many times do people dothat where they're like, oh, my gosh,
(28:40):
I'm going to go tell thisperson about this exciting thing.
And then that person has allthese like, well, what about this
and this and this?
And you're like, why did I goto you?
And now you're deflated.
Totally.
And what I've done now is Igo, why are you calling this person?
You know that they've nevershowed up in the last 755 times you
called.
But there's always that hopethat this call, they might be different
(29:04):
and that they might show up ina different way, and then you get
destroyed.
So I'm learning now to hang upthe phone.
Yeah.
And I'm learning now to do allof that.
But before, I thought that Ihad to hang on to that, every word.
And that word was, you know,like, for me, finding out later in
life that I have autism was.
I'm a literal thinker.
(29:25):
So if someone told mesomething as a kid, I literally thought
that that was true.
Right.
And so now I'm relearning alot of different things, emotions
and all of that.
So I've used my intuition,too, when I'm on the street.
Like, you practice and practice.
When you go into a room of thevibe you get.
(29:47):
Like, you know, when you gointo a room, they're either not your
people or they're your people.
You're like, oh, this seems cool.
This seems not cool.
Right.
So start trusting that insteadof pushing through, thinking it's
your own anxiety, and you haveto work through it to be okay.
And that.
So good.
You see?
Yes.
Oh, my gosh.
So I have to tell you, when Ichange the branding of my podcast
(30:11):
from for it was formerly 40thrive to the grown Ass Woman's Guide,
it was the best thing I'd ever done.
Because even though I may havelost some listeners, when I tell
someone, oh, I'm the host ofthe Grown Ass Woman's Guide, I either
see them lean in for moreinformation or they're out.
And they're physically.
Like, I could see them physically.
(30:32):
And it just, like, itdeclutters my space and my energy
so quickly because I know.
And it's not that I don't wantto talk to people who don't care
about my podcast.
Not like I'm walking aroundparties, like, but it's so nice to
know that somebody who mightnot be aligned with who I am and
what I believe and what Istand for, they kind of, like, just
(30:53):
melt away a little bit.
Yeah.
And you don't have to try toconvince them or recruit them of
what you're doing is right foryou or for them.
It's the name getting for me.
We're aligned.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
And that's what I think we allneed to start doing.
Right.
Is that so?
I live in a country where itis not normal to greet people in
(31:17):
the morning to be like, good morning.
Good morning.
People will literally taketheir sunglasses and go, do I know
you?
And I'm like, nope, just good morning.
And then I thought to myself,well, do I change to accommodate
the country, or do I just keepbeing myself and my right people
will show up?
And so we know I have notchanged myself.
(31:38):
And I use my dogs a lot to belike, good morning.
And I'll say it even louderand more obnoxious because the people
who get it, get it, and thepeople who don't, don't.
And like you said, it weeds itout quicker and I don't want to waste
my time.
And I've also, lately, I'm notselling myself to people anymore.
Like, I'm not convincing youhow good I am and what I bring to
(32:01):
the table.
You either like the exchangeor you don't.
It's like so many people takeyour number and never use it.
Okay.
No, thank you.
Closed door, Right?
So I'm learning what my closeddoors are and my open doors are,
and that's also getting older.
Right.
I think that we all kind ofunderstand, but I'm also not willing
(32:22):
to give myself away anymore.
Yeah.
To People who don't even want it.
Right.
Because we do that.
We try to bend over backwardsand into this pretzel formation to
somebody who probably isn'tgoing to like us anyway.
And sometimes those are peoplewho've been in your life a very long
time.
Sometimes those are people whoare related to you, and you feel
(32:42):
like you're like, I'm tryingto become this person so you'll like.
But guess what?
Regardless of how hard you tryto please them, they're not coming.
So be yourself.
Please yourself is.
Show up for yourself.
Be the parent that you never had.
I remember in the secondgrade, my mom saying, what do you
want to do when you get older?
(33:03):
And I said, I want to be an actress.
And her exact words were, youbetter think of a fucking backup
career, because that's nevergoing to happen.
I was in the second grade,and, I mean, unfortunately, my mom
did not have the luxury ofhaving hopes and dreams and a bunch
of things.
So she was just thinking thatshe was saving me a future of torture
(33:24):
and letdown and disappointment.
Right?
Right.
But as that child, I didn'tknow that for a very long part of
my life.
I tried proving her wrong.
So was I really acting?
Trying to pursue actingbecause I wanted to, or I wanted
to prove her wrong or whatever?
And then you always have somany people who are in the.
It's really hard.
(33:44):
Maybe you should.
You know what?
Let me just do what I'm doing.
Right.
And so, as you will see, evendoing a podcast or things like that,
you see who shows up for you consistently.
You see who's in your corner,who's got your back, and who's showing
up and praising you andencouraging you.
Right.
That stuff doesn't go unnoticed.
(34:05):
And it's not like I'm counting.
But before, I was moreinterested on getting the people
who didn't like me to recruitthem to like me than to appreciate
the people who were alreadythere liking me and support.
Oh, yeah.
I had a history of.
If I walked into a room andthere were 10 people and nine of
(34:26):
them were lovely and one ofthem didn't like me, I would spend
so much time and energy tryingto change that one person.
And now, I mean, I actuallysell T shirts now that say, I'm not
for everyone, like, that's a.
That's something I've taughtmy kids.
You are not for everyone.
There will be people who don'tprefer you, and it's okay.
You don't have to bend overbackwards to try to get them to like
(34:47):
You.
And the shocking thing aboutthat is no one ever told us that
we weren't going to be for everyone.
It was so important to haveeveryone like you.
Yeah.
So no one was ever saying tome, it's not a big deal that they
don't like you.
You are who you are.
You are the prize.
So then I was like, well, nowI got to convince them that I'm worth
it.
Right.
And what's wrong with you thateveryone doesn't like you?
(35:09):
That was more of the messaging.
Right.
And to go back to your pointof being a.
A child who maybe had someinstincts or some intuition, that
gut feeling.
We were to no fault people,you know, this is not like a.
Oh, they, these people didthis blame session.
Most people do the best theycan with what they have, of course.
(35:31):
And so we grew up at a certain time.
Right.
But it was like, no, no, no.
We don't create conflict.
We avoid it.
We sweep it under the rug.
We know, don't notice, don'tcause a problem.
And now we live in a timewhere I think the pendulum in some
ways has like, people areburning shit down when they really
don't need to be.
(35:51):
But I think there's a way tostand up for yourself and just speak
up for yourself and what youbelieve effectively.
You don't have to be louder.
You just have to be confidentin what your convictions are.
And it's okay to ruffle a fewfeathers in order to protect yourself
and those who maybe need your protection.
(36:14):
Totally.
And then think about it.
When you start believing inyourself, there is nothing stopping
you.
Right.
Because you believe whatyou're saying.
You're not trying to convinceyourself that you're enough.
You're not trying to convinceyourself that they should break you.
I'm not everyone's cup of tea.
(36:34):
And that is okay.
No one ever gave me thatpermission before.
No one ever gave me thepermission that it's okay if not
everyone likes you.
You're incredible who you are.
You live in your own home withyour own head and your own family,
your own things.
And I'm like, wait, what?
So it's interesting that I'min Italy and I feel like I escaped
(36:57):
my history.
Right.
Where no one I know from mypast life can pop up on me at any
time.
And I've been realizing whatthat's from is I grew up in hustle
culture and it was always,what are you doing?
It's 8:30 on a Wednesday.
You're not going here.
You're not already at the gymyou're not already dressed for the
day.
You're not.
(37:18):
And it didn't just happen inmy household.
It's a culture of like, sowho's your agent?
How many auditions are yougoing on?
What car do you drive thatgave me such anxiety all the time
that me showing up at me wasnever enough.
It was.
What was I going to add toprove myself to be enough?
Right.
And never mind.
(37:38):
In la, if you meet a newperson, there's this like, oh, well,
I'm going to ask you about youbecause I really want to know what
you can do for me.
Exactly.
And you know, in Italy, that'sconsidered a very rude question.
What do you do?
Like, cars aren't a big dealhere because the robberies and the
things.
But so.
So I've been very humbled.
(37:59):
But also, no one's evercommented about my weight here.
No one's ever commented aboutmy job here.
No one's ever commented aboutmy car.
How are you today?
Would you eat for lunch?
Oh, the weather's amazing.
Oh, you look so beautiful.
Oh, how are the dogs?
Like, it's just all verypolite now.
I'm not saying the country'sperfect, but I am saying being culturally
(38:20):
different, it was such arelief, and I'll tell you, such a
relief to the first 10 yearsthat I lived here, I gained 60 pounds
because it was for the firsttime in my life that it wasn't constantly.
What are you doing?
Diet, diet, diet, diet, diet.
And it was the first time.
And thankfully now I'vereleased it.
But I didn't realize what animpact every day about my physical
(38:45):
appearance had on me.
Yeah, right.
And so now I find that I'mrecovering from all of that.
Right.
I'm like, coming out of PTSDfrom, like, childhood, just surviving,
like, everything.
And these last couple years,I've been able to sort of get it
all out, show up for myselfand see what that looks like.
(39:07):
I love that.
And yeah, and it's.
Not everyone has the luxuryall the time, but I live a very simple,
low demand lifestyle because Ideal with a lot of physical stuff.
But I had to do that in orderto get to know who I am, because
I will get distracted and thenoffer to go cook dinner for 10 people
(39:28):
and then my back will kill andthen I'll go offer to make Halloween
decorations.
I'm not.
No, no, no.
It's.
Now you got to focus on you.
Because before I serviceeverybody else.
Yeah.
And look where that got me.
I'm 34.
Surgeries for autoimmuneslike, it comes with the price tag.
Right.
Was it because of your healthor how were you able to release that
(39:51):
need to please everyone else?
It was living with my ex andcontinually crying and being distraught
that he didn't think I wasworth changing for.
Right.
And then, of course, withtherapy and then studying lots of
things, I'm not going todiagnose him.
But then finding out the waymy brain works, and then it wasn't
(40:13):
until I stopped drinking thatdid I find out that I knew I had
adhd, but I didn't knoweverything it entailed.
But then when I studied mybrain and then the autism, the way
everything works, I realizedthat, wait a minute, I'm not depressed,
and I'm not this.
I'm just autistic or I justhave adhd.
So let me figure out how tohack it and how to work it in that
(40:35):
direction and see if that'sfits me.
So I changed my whole kitchen around.
I changed everything aroundbecause I'm someone out of sight,
out of mind.
Right.
So now I have a shelf in my kitchen.
Everything's in glass jars.
So when I go there, I can lookand I can assess and I can do.
And so what I startedrealizing is that when no one was
(40:55):
around was when I was gettingrest and I didn't have those thoughts
of myself.
It was that when people werearound telling me who I was, because
I didn't really know who Iwas, I believed them.
Hmm.
And then I started showingmyself who I am.
And then sometimes I'll seeparts of me and I'll go, I.
(41:16):
When I started releasing moreweight, I was like, I remember you.
Hey, girl, it's been a while.
Like, you know, the thinner,the childlike part of yourself, or.
A friend called me who I wasfriends with when we were in our
20s, and she goes, oh, my God,I can't believe you live in Italy.
Do you remember when you were20, all you ever said was, I'm moving
to Italy.
I'm moving to Italy.
I go, I did.
(41:36):
Did.
And there I was, 21 yearslater, I moved to Italy.
But I forget parts of myselfthat had dreams and hopes and things.
I let men and bosses and theindustry or whatever crush all of
that.
Yeah.
And then I became everythingthat I thought I was supposed to
be, to be good enough for that.
Right.
But you take all that away,and you're just stuck with yourself.
(41:58):
You have no other choice butto look at yourself.
You're absolutely right.
I remember when I was in my20s, it was like, I'll make six figures
before 30 and I'll buy a houseand I, and I would like find the
love of my life.
Check, check, check, check.
And I would have all thesecheck marks.
Right.
They were all, they allhappened because I had a map a little
(42:19):
bit.
And I think what's reallyimportant for me now at 52 is having
that map or those, those goals.
And also understanding thatnot everything is in your control.
Like Jackie in my 20s waslike, okay, these are the things
I want.
This is how it happens.
And that, that part is thetricky part.
(42:41):
Right.
And so one of the things yousaid in my reading just a little
while ago, you talked aboutreally knowing where I want to go.
And I think like I said in my20s, I was like, this is where I
want to go.
This is how I get there.
And then after maybe in my50s, I'm like, well, things happen
(43:01):
in a different way than whatyou expect.
So I'm just going to hand itall off to the universe or to however
the chips may fall.
I think there's maybe what I'mlearning from you today and you can
jump in and correct me ifthere's a correction here, but we
need to have those goals.
We need to still create the arrow.
Right.
These are the places, the mapwhere I want to go.
(43:24):
Yes.
And then be open to ithappening in creative solutions.
Yes.
In its own way.
So can you speak to that alittle bit?
Yes.
Because the adult in us andthe realist in us and the reality
checker will be like, well,you know, it's going to cost this
much and you may not be ableto do that.
No, no, no, you're with thedream side.
(43:46):
Like, leave that part up tothe universe.
Like, that is none of your business.
State your intentions.
And of course, if you want tobe a millionaire and you don't play
the lotto and you're nothiring your education, you're not
having a job, well, that'sjust ridic.
Right.
But I'm saying for those of uswho are doing the work, who are mapping
things out, who are doingthings, it's so important for you
(44:09):
to literally give instructionsto your manual of like, okay.
And that's why we put a dateon it.
Because if you don't put adate on it, universe is like open
ended.
Right?
Here we go.
No, we're gonna.
I have a friend who sometimeswanna knock her out, but she literally
woke up.
I don't believe in calories.
Wayne Dyer said that I'meating ice cream.
(44:31):
But, ooh, it's no calories,and it's so good.
She never gains weight.
It always works for her.
Is it annoying?
Yes.
But she will state things andput things out there, and sometimes
you just want to.
But it always works, so youcan't argue with her.
Yeah.
It always works out for her.
And she totally trusts the universe.
I'm not saying everyone has tobe that way.
(44:52):
Her direction and the way shegets it works for her.
Right, Right.
I'm somebody who.
I like to put things into motion.
Right.
And so, sure, I'll help theuniverse out, but I'll tell you when
something.
And it might be a little offtopic, but I think it kind of comes
(45:13):
down to this.
Is that, are you living anhonest life?
And what that means is, youknow, like, oh, I've been really
watching my eating, and I'vebeen really blah, blah, blah, and,
I don't know, not losing weight.
Well, okay, let's write down every.
And by the way, my therapistdid this to me.
Let's write down every singlething you're eating.
And then you write it down.
(45:33):
And then he goes, go get the packages.
I go get the packages.
We look through, and we foundhidden sugars, and we found hidden
carbs, and we found hiddenthings that.
In my mind.
But I know better enough thatI should have been reading the labels,
and I wasn't.
So I was trying to, you know,take shortcuts.
Yeah.
And I was trying to do it theeasy way, and I adapted a narrative
that suited my victim mode.
(45:55):
Right.
But what I am saying is, ifyou're ready to be honest and you're
ready to start manifesting andgetting the things that you really
want, are you honestly willingto do the work?
And I always say to people,success is preparation and being
ready.
There are a lot of creativewomen out there, especially who listen
to this, who do all thiscreative, incredible work.
Everyone's looking for thatnext client.
(46:17):
Right.
Everyone's looking for thenext speaking gig.
Like, do you have that speech?
If you're someone who wants tobe a speaker, do you have this speech
ready?
So that when somebody says,oh, my gosh, we just had a cancellation.
Can you hop in there?
So it's about being intentional.
We think we're showing up.
We think we're doing all theright things, and then we do get
into victim mode of, why isn'tthis happening for me?
(46:39):
And it's like, are you reallydoing the thing to support yourself?
Are you really showing up?
I talk about this all the time.
If you've listened to the show before.
You've heard me.
So manifesting, you know,there are people who are like, okay,
let's go to manifest all the things.
Right.
I'm going to manifest a new job.
But if you don't go out andapply for jobs.
Exactly.
(46:59):
Or go to networking events orwhatever, nothing's going to happen.
And you got to be veryspecific about the job.
I want a job that pays me acertain amount after taxes.
I want coworkers that I getalong with.
I want it to be close to my house.
I want to have a parking space.
I want to.
You.
You gotta be very, very right.
(47:21):
In my vision board, I had Italy.
It never occurred to me.
It was like a bridge out of awedding book.
And it was the bridge thatgoes from outside of Rome into Vatican
City.
Right.
But I forgot to say I want myhusband to be romantic or kind or
like all.
I got all the Italian.
I got all that, right?
Yeah.
But I forgot the rest of the stuff.
(47:43):
Right.
And so I think intentional isreally important.
Meaning I want to do somethingthat I'm proud of, that makes me
happy, that gives me growth,that, you know, it has longevity.
Dina is available for privatereadings and coaching from the comfort
of your own home.
And if you're a grown assWoman's Guide listener, which clearly
you are, you get $30 off yourfirst reading or coaching session.
(48:05):
When you mention this episode,Dina is as passionate as I am about
helping women access the toolswe need to live as our absolute best
selves.
In fact, if there's only onething you take away from this episode,
it's this.
What do you want a woman wholistens today to walk away knowing
or.
Feeling that she is enough, nomatter what she has to offer, physically,
(48:28):
sexually, anything.
That if you look down deep andyou know who you are, you have everything
you need, you are enough.
I just think that everyoneneeds to understand we are going
through unprecedented timesright now.
And it is okay to feel heavy.
It is okay to feel scared.
But don't do it alone.
(48:50):
Don't isolate yourself.
Show up with trusted friendsand trusted people.
That's how we get through this together.
That's how we cultivate friendships.
That's how we start showing upfor each other, is we start trusting
in each other and showing upfor each other to support each other.
To say, you got this and I'mbehind you and I will catch you if
(49:11):
you fall and I will rise youeven higher when you rise.
Thank you so much for listening.
For more information, links torelated episodes and a transcript
of this episode, visitgrownasswoman guide forward slash
episode 196 and let's connecton social at grownasswoman guide.
Until next time.
(49:32):
You are a grown ass woman.
Act accordingly.
The Grown Ass Woman's Guide isproduced by Grown Ass Creative, a
media and marketing agencypowered by grown ass women over 40.
Spring has sprung, and withthe change of seasons sometimes comes
an increase in vitality.
If you're feeling in the moodfor a little more personal time,
(49:53):
may I suggest Coconu?
Kokano is all about providingclean and natural ingredients when
you're enjoying your mostintimate moments with or without
a partner.
Naturally safe productsdeveloped by people who are obsessed
with quality.
Get 15 off with promo codegrown ass at grownasswoman guide
forward slash cokanoo that's15 off with promo code grown ass@grownasswoman
(50:18):
guide forward slash Coconut.
The following episode includesa brief mention of sexual assault.
Listener discretion is advised.
Imagine being a little girlgrowing up in Southern California
with a world renowned psychicas your godmother, only to find out
during your childhood that youtoo share a similar gift.
That's exactly what happenedto today's guest.
(00:20):
In this episode, you'll hearher story of self discovery and you'll
learn how to tap into your ownintuition and build stronger boundaries
within yourself that can helpcreate a more aligned intentional
Life.
I'm Jackie McDougal and thisis the Grown Ass Woman's Guide.
Dina Padawano is anaccomplished intuitive consultant
who has been honing her craftfor the past 18 years.
(00:43):
Her clientele includescelebrities and professionals from
various industries from allover the world.
Dina's readings involvereading a client's energy, voice,
digital pictures and signature.
And her goal is to help herclients gain insight and awareness
to enable them to move forwardto work on career relationships and
life vision.
Foreign.
(01:04):
Let'S start with your story.
At one point in your life wereyou like throwing out psychic predictions
to your friends?
When did you know you had a gift?
As you know, I have a famousgodmother when I was 9, would start
to notice my ability and thenas I got older, it would be funny
whenever I would date guys andI didn't even know like what kind
(01:28):
of gift it was.
And I would say things arelike, are you watching me?
Do you follow me?
How did you know that?
Are you going through my stuff?
And I'm like, no, dude, I'mjust, no, but I'm just super sensitive,
right?
And then as I got older, whenI moved to LA from Orange County,
I started doing themetaphysical workshops and meditations
(01:50):
that she would have and shewould record me on the phone and
she would be like, listen tohow negative you talk.
And she would make me listenback to.
I would just die if.
And I can't stand.
So I was trained at a veryyoung age to be very careful about
what I say and how I say it.
And then it wasn't untilaround like maybe I was 25 or 27,
(02:15):
I started putting it into use.
And still sometimes till thisday, it freaks even me out that I
know this stuff that I knowand I, I know that we are all psychic.
It's just that some of us area little bit more sensitive or we
have honed it better.
So I'm at a point now,especially since I've been gluten
(02:36):
free, no alcohol.
Like the cleaner my body is, the.
More intuitive I have Become interesting.
It's really interesting.
Like, I will tell you, I neverused to see spirit or anything before,
and I feel it now, and I seeit now.
Or, like, I could be on thephone with a niece, and then I'll
be like, do you have a headache?
And she'll be like, yeah, Ididn't want to tell you because I
(02:58):
didn't want you to get it.
And I was like, I got it.
It's too late.
And get the headache.
Yes.
And I will pick up.
So I've been really good abouttrying to keep this energy clear.
But, yeah, I've always beenthat person who was always empathetic.
And so I think empatheticwould go hand in hand with intuitive.
(03:22):
Right.
If you're Gen X like me, youmay have grown up associating psychics
with 900 numbers and DionneWarwick, but this episode is not
that.
After spending the first hourrecording a private, very insightful,
intuitive reading where Denashared everything from all of the
things that have been holdingme back, completely accurate.
And gave me confirmation thatsome of the things I want to do are
(03:44):
right on track.
But most of all, she opened mymind to the idea that we all have
intuition.
It's just the outside noisethat's prevented us from being able
to access it.
You make a living listening toyour intuition, but we all could
be tuning in more deeply intoour intuition.
(04:05):
Do you agree with that?
Absolutely.
And I think the onlydifference between me and somebody
else is that sometimes peopleare too afraid to listen to their
own intuition.
So then they'll come tosomeone like me for confirmation
of their intuition, right?
So a lot of times people havesaid to me, oh, my God, I was thinking
(04:26):
the exact same thing.
So you're confirming what I'm saying.
So now I get that I shouldprobably do that.
And I'm not saying that Idon't predict future things, but
I think that we were taught askids that everything we have or we
need is outside of us, right?
So listen to your pastor,listen to the elder, listen to your
(04:47):
teacher.
It was never.
Listen to yourself.
Listen to your intuition, right?
Listen to what your body'stelling you.
So it goes against everythingthat we were taught.
Even being touchedinappropriately as a kid.
It was like, well, I was toldto be polite to adults, to not say
anything, to not be, have asmart mouth, to not.
(05:10):
So it's like it feels wrong,but then you're doing the opposite,
right?
Because you're taught different.
And what we're all learningnow is that God is inside of us and
we are all an extension of God.
And everything we have, wealready need.
Because if God is inside of usand we are an extension of God.
(05:30):
Right.
And so that's what I've beenlearning for myself is that I was
never taught that anythingthat I had was abuse.
To me, it was to serviceeverybody else.
Right.
You, you're kind of blowing mymind right now.
Because if you think about it,it was like, respect this person,
respect that person.
It was never respect you.
(05:52):
Yep.
Never, never respect howyou're feeling, if you're feeling
uncomfortable, if that feelsinappropriate, if that doesn't fit.
And it's like, keep your mouthshut and be polite.
Right?
Absolutely.
And so when you mention God,are you.
Do you consider yourself areligious person?
Are we talking about, like,how are we talking about God?
Okay.
So in 2021, I had had thisreally incredible awakening.
(06:16):
I had a session with thisincredible lady and we were talking.
I used to believe in God inthe sky.
And he was, because I grew upChristian, born again Christian,
seventh day Advent, like youname it, my mom had tried it.
Right.
So I was very God fearing,religious fearing.
Then as I got older, I wasspiritual, not religious.
(06:38):
And now in the last like threeyears, what I believe God to be is
God is the universe.
God is a part of us.
We are energetically all acollective and it contributes to
everything is action and reaction.
Right.
So I no longer believe thatit's a man in the sky saying, you're
bad, you're going to go to hell.
I believe that it's thisenergy that we all create and we're
(07:02):
all responsible for.
I love that.
Right.
Yeah.
And by the way, that was ahuge part of my identity growing
up was being Christian and myfaith and all of that.
And I've had to figure out whoI am without that.
Yeah.
I grew up Catholic, where allyour actions were basically, did
they fall on the good or thebad, you know, side of that?
(07:25):
I'm a recovering Catholic andI live in Italy.
And I'm sorry, but everythingin this country is based on because
of the Vatican.
And so it's very run by religion.
And listen, I just findsometimes maybe some religions could
be like a little organized crime.
(07:47):
We'll just leave that there.
So if you're listening,understand the word, you know, the
term God.
And this is not necessarily areligious episode, but I do love
to discuss spirituality andenergy and connection and all of
that.
And so I feel that we're verymuch on the same page here.
(08:08):
So let's go back to intuition.
Do you think we all have it atthe same level as each other?
And then it's just thepractice of it.
So if Becky is listening rightnow, I don't know why I called you
Becky, but maybe your name is Becky.
But I'm psychic.
But if Becky is listeningright now, is she equally as intuitive
as Stephanie, who's alsolistening here?
(08:30):
I would say yes in the way ofmaybe her voice is louder, telling
her to be quiet.
That sounds stupid.
That's ridiculous.
That's.
So depending on what yournarrative is, is, and how open you
were allowed to be with yourthoughts and feelings.
Okay.
And what you're feeling, Ithink it depends on that.
(08:51):
And also, I'm a neurodivergentperson, so with the autism and the
adhd, I may be a little bitmore sensitive than most.
But we are definitely all intuitive.
Yeah.
All of us.
And I think it is about honinga skill.
I mean, think if you, you playa sport and you cultivate a practice,
(09:11):
you get better and better and better.
Right.
But there are some people whoare more gifted at said sport to
begin with.
True.
Totally true.
But I think that our innervoice can speak to us.
Forget about doing what I do,but I think if you learn to communicate
and have a relationship withyour intuition, it will serve you.
(09:33):
And I think it could be really great.
I just feel like we've neverbeen taught to do that.
Yes.
So here's my question.
Will you teach us today?
Oh, absolutely.
Thank you.
I feel that I'm very intuitive.
I mean, when I was in my 20s,we're out having drinks and one of
my coworkers and had invited afriend who I had never met.
And the friend walked in and Isaid, woo.
(09:56):
I just had a date, like justpop into my head and I feel like
I know your birthday.
And she said, if you know mybirthday, I will buy all the drinks
tonight.
And I said, It's February 23rd.
She's like.
And she slapped down herlicense and it was February 23rd.
(10:16):
That's amazing.
I still remember the date.
And it was so wild.
And I would have things likemy other friend would be also in
my 20s, like filling up herVolkswagen Jetta, which I did not
drive.
And I didn't know how much gaswas in her car or whatever it was.
She did the, you know, shemade it automatic so it would just
stop when it was full.
And I would like say the exactnumber, like $12 and 13 cents.
(10:37):
And yeah, I told you, I'm oldback when gas was $12 and 13 cents.
But it just.
Pop would stop and it would beright there.
And so there would be, and itstill happens.
And it's wild.
You said about gluten free andalcohol free and all of that.
Because I stopped drinking twoyears ago.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
And I absolutely feel moreconnected to my intuition.
(11:01):
I'll think about a person.
There's a person who hasn'tliked or commented or.
Or even been a presence on myFacebook in a long time.
And I recently thought, Iwonder how she's doing.
And boop, it popped up.
She liked something.
And it was just.
I don't know, I just.
It's.
It's right there.
(11:22):
And I love it because it makesme feel like a superhuman, you know?
Well, and also think if.
If you start practicing that,right, you'll start to realize how
powerful you really are.
So it's like, did you manifestthat energy or did she also feel
the vibration?
Because sometimes when I wantcertain people to call me, I will
(11:45):
literally go, dude, I need youto call me.
I need you to call me.
I need you to call me.
Like, 30 minutes later, theycall me.
And so sometimes I just get alittle lazy and I'm in my head, right?
But it does feel then.
But then what will happen isthe human in us will then get afraid
of being wrong.
And so then we won't speak up.
Or then somebody will go,like, if I go to a party or something,
(12:07):
people will go, well, tell mesomething about myself that I doubt
now.
And it's like, I'm not a partytrick, dude.
I'm not, like, doing this for,like, fun.
And I don't need to provemyself to you.
That is why I stopped usingthe word psychic.
I use the word intuitivebecause really, if you think about
it, a psychic will tell you,oh, you're going to have a red shiny
(12:28):
car and open.
And I'm.
I'm not saying that I don't dothat, but what I believe is it is
not fair to crack opensomebody's emotions and bring up
a bunch of things and tellthem a bunch of things, but not give
them any tools on where to gowith it.
That's why I mixed coachingwith intuition, right?
Because the fact is, someone'slike, okay, great, now I have all
(12:51):
this information.
Now what?
Right?
And then you're like, okay, gothis way.
Take this class.
Try reaching out to this person.
Do that thing.
So I think what happens withour inner intuition is sometimes
we don't know if that.
That inner voice is Us, thestuff that's happened to us.
(13:12):
So we don't know if we cantrust it.
Right?
Right.
And so how you start tappingin is fresh in the morning, right?
In the morning when you wakeup, you I want you to say out loud
how you want this day to be,what you want from this day.
So like when I get dressed, Ilike to send a message to the universe
and it's like, what do you see today?
(13:33):
Unicorn.
Kawaii.
Right.
And I'm like, yes, queen, herewe are.
And then that sets myvibration for the day, my intuition
for the day.
Right.
And so I will literally startasking myself questions like what
do you think of this?
What do you think of that?
And then I'll write down something.
(13:53):
I don't fixate on it, but Isee if I am willing to allow myself
to trust myself.
Right.
And so I think really, I feelreally it comes down to your intuition
and trusting is what kind ofrelationship do you have with yourself?
And I think that yourintuition serves you when it's easy
(14:17):
and it's fun.
But if your life was dependingon it or your job was depending on
it, you probably wouldn'ttrust it as much because you want
to do something.
Right?
Right.
You bring up such a good point.
Because we all have intuition,we all have those little feelings,
those gut feelings.
I have met more women who haveexperienced a variety of things in
(14:41):
their lives, right?
That all this outside energycomes in whether it's a significant
other, past or present, familyof origin, bosses, where it's kind
of crazy when somebody sayssomething negative.
You could just take that likewear that like a cloak, right?
Somebody could say positive,you need to hear positive.
Like I don't even know howmany, there's some research on this,
(15:04):
but how many times we need tohear something positive for us to
actually own it.
And you could hear somethingnegative once.
And then we're like, oh, thatis who I am, that's part of my identity.
But for me, and what I see isself trust is the challenge.
The intuition is not thechallenge, it's.
The self trust and therelationship you have with yourself.
(15:24):
And can you trust yourselfbecause of decisions we've made in
the past and we haven't letourselves, we haven't always saved
ourselves, right?
So how trustworthy can I be ifI put myself in compromising positions
or I lived with a narcissistor I was abused and how would I know?
And that's where I say my trust.
(15:46):
I've been in therapy 27 years.
I'm still with my therapist.
He's 87 and he will never retire.
Like it's never happening.
Listen, therapy, relationshipwith yourself and everything is like
going to the gym.
You always have to stay consistent.
You always have to do theworkout, you have to do the work.
So for me, I trust myself now.
(16:08):
I don't trust myself alone inthe house with cookies, but I do
trust myself in ways nowemotionally, that I'm not a people
pleaser enough anymore thatI'm willing to sacrifice my happiness
for your happiness.
Do you see what I'm saying?
So if my intuition tells meno, I'm going to trust that I know
(16:31):
we're doing what's best for mebecause I built that trust with myself.
A lot of people who haven'tbuilt that trust and done the internal
work, they'll be like, well,no, you're just saying that because
you're being a bitch.
Or you're being that becausehow many times have we said no to
family members?
And they're like, you're so selfish.
You're so this, you're so.
It's never considered, oh,good for you for taking care of yourself.
(16:53):
Right.
It's always been thrown backat us.
Well, it's only, it's good foryou for taking care of yourself as
long as it doesn't affect me totally.
The minute your selfpreservation impacts my life, then
I'm going to call you all thethings that try to get you to change
your mind totally.
And so I think it's soimportant for us to remember that
(17:14):
that's all stuff that we'veheard and people have thrown at us.
And if we were to askourselves, if we were to write it
down, am I a bitch?
Am I this, am I that?
And then we would askyourself, is this true?
No, I'm not a bitch.
I'm one of the nicest people I know.
Can I be a bitch?
Absolutely.
But in this moment, no.
Right.
So my name growing up was theHoliday Ditcher because I don't like
(17:39):
big groups of chaos and people.
And it turns out now it's theneurodivergence, right?
So I would always offer to work.
I worked at Coco's as a hostess.
I would always offer to workduring Thanksgiving or like Christmas.
And then when I was up in la,I would volunteer to work those days
because I couldn't trust them.
(17:59):
And so was it my intuition Iwas too chicken to say no, so then
I made an excuse.
Yeah, right.
But now I'm okay enough withsaying no, I'm sorry.
I can't come.
Thank you for the invitation.
But why?
But I'm just sorry I can't come.
And that's been one is thatI'm trusting my no without justifying
my no.
(18:19):
Right, Right.
And so because I've justifiedfor so long to so many, because people
are looking for loopholes,they want to, well, can't you come
after?
Well, can't you come before?
Well, can't you come in between?
No.
No is a complete sentence.
Right.
And so what I'm trusting is Ideal with a lot of medical stuff,
right.
And when doctors gaslight meand tell me I don't have something,
(18:43):
when I've gotten tests, I havethe proof, I.
I just know for me, that'swhere I shut down and I'm done with
that particular doctor.
I'll finish out the meetingand then I regroup and then I go
in and I go someplace else.
But before, I used to believewhat they said, did what they said
and didn't trust my own bodyand my own intuition and my own gut.
(19:05):
I'm living this stuff.
But you're telling me it'simpossible that I have pain here.
Because you don't see anything somewhere.
Well, you're telling me not totrust myself, but to trust you.
Everything we do is taught tonot trust ourselves.
I want to sit with that for a second.
Say that again.
Everything we do, we aretaught to not trust ourselves.
(19:27):
Yeah.
When you go to the doctor,they tell you what to do.
They give you a prescriptionfor your body, for you.
Every time I try to talk to, Ieven write, I type that stuff out
in two different languages.
When I go to the doctors here,do you know how many refuse to read
it?
It's this crazy thing.
And I get it.
I went to school.
(19:48):
I'm the professional.
Yes, but you're not in my body.
Right.
Where else do you see that?
Telling people about thethings that happened to me as a kid,
of the inappropriate touchingof father's friends or this and that.
No, there's no way.
Blah, blah, blah.
Well, wait.
So because you don't see it,it means it didn't happen?
(20:09):
What happened to, oh, my God,I'm so sorry.
Because no one wants to haveto take responsibility of the guilt
or the blame.
I wasn't guilting or blaming anyone.
I was trying to share.
But everyone automaticallywill deny or whatever because they
don't want to take that on.
Right?
Yeah.
Or think about when you'rewith friends who really care about
(20:29):
you or family, and you'relike, oh, My God, I'm going to start
this new project.
And there would be like, thatcosts a lot of money, you know, that.
That takes so much time, youknow, so it's like, wait, don't trust
all of the things.
And by the way, I'm nottalking about the people who start
something new every other weekor whatever.
I'm talking about.
It's taken a lot of time tomuster up the strength, right?
(20:51):
And to have confidence enoughin yourself.
And then you show up to thepeople you love the most and they
think that.
That they're helping you bytelling you, right?
When I used to wait on tablesand pursue acting every time, it
never failed.
So what do you do?
I'm pursuing acting.
You know how tough that is?
You know, that's so hard.
And I used to go, but can'tyou say it's so amazing that you
(21:14):
have the courage to dosomething that I don't, Right?
And then they would just sortof shut up.
But it's just like, wait, sodo we think we're doing someone a
favor by warning them of allthe fears that we have through our
filter, through our stuff?
Because, you know, you've meta lot of people who are like, yeah,
I went to LA and my fourth daythere, I got something.
(21:36):
So it's not true for everyoneall the time, right?
But if you believe and someonetells you enough how far it is, I
mean, let's talk about weight.
Don't eat this, don't eatthat, don't trust this, don't trust
that.
Don't you have to do this kindof work?
Because everybody's trying tosell something.
Of course.
Because fear, I mean, thefamily stuff, I get it.
They want to keep you safe, right?
(21:57):
And safe to them might meandifferent things.
You're absolutely right.
And that there's fear, butother people are trying to sell you.
And that's one thing I wouldsay is like, stop for a second.
And when someone tells you youneed to, there's something about.
I don't know if it's being the11th kid, but when someone says you
(22:18):
need to, and then whateverthey say it could be, watch this
show, read this book, eat thisfood I like, will not.
I will dig my heels in.
And I'm like, I will never dothat thing because you just told
me I need to.
Because I don't trust otherpeople and their reason for telling
me that in my life, I need todo something.
(22:38):
Yes.
And I'm totally with you there.
Because let's be realistic.
I am 54 now.
And I've listened to a lot ofwhat a lot of those other people
said.
Do you know how far behind Iused to feel like I was?
Or I didn't get momentumbecause I sat in fear with them.
Yeah.
Or I sat and.
(22:58):
Yeah, they're right.
You know what?
Or like, my ex, he was.
It's just an Italian way.
Even if I wanted to go to the market.
Well, don't go now becauseit's crowded.
Wait until after lunch.
And I'm like, dude, but I wantto go now.
Like, what?
Like, why does there have tobe a whole story?
And it.
I felt suffocated.
Like, I just felt like.
And then finally I just gavein because I was tired of always
(23:21):
arguing with it.
And then I sat there for nineyears and listening to everything
he said and having that be my narrative.
And not everyone in yourfamily is going to have the same
moral compass as you do.
Not everyone in your family iswilling to do the work that you are.
They're seeing it throughtheir filter.
(23:41):
So they may mean well, but noone's living in your head with you.
Right.
That is why we have to trust ourselves.
Yes.
So step number one, correct meif I'm wrong, to really leaning into
your own intuition is maybeunderstanding, and this might require
a lot of work in itself, butunderstanding the motives or the
(24:05):
experience of those who aretrying to enforce their own views
on you.
Exactly.
So whether it's likeconfirmation bias.
Yes.
So whether it's your spouse oryour, like I said, your family of
origin, your friends, whoever.
So, like, if somebody'ssaying, don't become a professional
intuitive who works withclients and betters people's lives,
(24:26):
like, no, no, no.
People might think this or whatever.
Pay attention to what they'resaying, don't follow what they're
saying, but try to understandwhere they might be coming from.
Is that.
Is that a good first step?
Yes.
And then also you can add onto that is, it's so nice that they
love me so much and they'reworried about me, but I'm going to
(24:47):
do what I need to do for me anyway.
Yes.
Because you have to add thatdialogue in there for yourself.
Like, you'll be talking toyourself a lot in the beginning about
going, oh, shut up.
There's no way.
No, seriously, you need to do that.
No, don't do that.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Like, I.
I literally sometimes willpractice with my friend on my podcast,
my partner, and sometimes I'lltry to, with my intuitiveness, see
(25:10):
what she's wearing.
And a lot of times we show upin the same shirt and she's like,
you're such a jerk.
Like, why do you do that?
But I just like practicingwith little things to start to trust
that I know what I'm talking about.
Right.
So I'm gentle to myself.
I show up for myself.
So I make it playful or I makeit simple.
It doesn't have to be so hard.
(25:33):
But how do you know what isyour intuition and what is your narrative?
They're very different things.
Your narrative is going to fear.
It's like fear mongering.
You can't.
Yeah, but blah, blah, blah.
Your intuition is yes, and,and we can try it.
And I got you.
And don't turn left here, goright here.
(25:53):
Because whatever is going tolike start to ask yourself that.
Not my narrative or is that my intuition?
And start being playful.
It doesn't have to besomething that you have to work at
and another thing that youhave to do.
I think we will all benefitfrom having a better relationship
with ourselves.
Yeah.
And I love that.
(26:13):
I love the idea of starting small.
I, I, for some reason, theCostco parking lot just popped into
my brain.
Right.
My husband will say, which aisle?
Because I often will use my intuition.
And I'm like, down here.
And he's like, boom, there's a spot.
But I could also sometimeshear the narrative where it's like,
oh, it's too crowded today.
We're never going to find a spot.
(26:34):
There you go.
Making sure I sort of tap back in.
Yeah.
So visualize perfect parkingis the how I very first learned is
like, just visualize perfect parking.
Wherever I go, parking will be there.
So my ex, I kid you not, thisis so funny.
He used to call me on thephone and he would be in a park.
Can you visualize me perfect parking?
(26:55):
I go, dude, I'm not the one inthe car with you.
You have to do it.
Yeah, but they don't know how.
But do you see theunwillingness to do the emotional
work?
Oh, we could have a wholeepisode about the emotional labor
that is put on women.
But that's a whole other topic.
No, totally.
(27:16):
But I'm just saying is hestarted believing.
Oh, and then the Mercury in retrograde.
Like he would then startquoting Mercury retrograde because
he didn't believe me at firstwith all the woo woo.
And then when he saw me puteverything into effect, then he started
becoming a believer.
Then he started showing up andgetting curious.
(27:36):
Do you know what I mean?
So be the example.
And if People go, you're crazy.
Say, thank you.
Oh, my God.
You know, like, girl, what'swrong with you?
You so great.
Thank you so much.
It's the best compliment ever.
Right?
Because to some people, itseems crazy that you're willing to
jump off whatever ledgebecause their narrative tells them
(27:58):
that they can't.
Yes.
That's why I stoppedannouncing things to.
People, because they have opinions.
Well.
And then I would realize thattheir opinions would dilute and contaminate
my intuition.
And then I would make it anarrative so I would have all of
this hype.
And then I was looking forconfirmation bias.
(28:20):
And then you go to the wrong person.
They're like, are you nuts?
And you're like, oh, my God.
It didn't even occur to me.
Am I.
Instead of going, no, I'm not.
Right.
And so what I've learned is I,A lot of times will tell people after.
Yeah, and that's a good point, too.
Who are you going to for yourconfirmation bias?
How many times do people dothat where they're like, oh, my gosh,
(28:40):
I'm going to go tell thisperson about this exciting thing.
And then that person has allthese like, well, what about this
and this and this?
And you're like, why did I goto you?
And now you're deflated.
Totally.
And what I've done now is Igo, why are you calling this person?
You know that they've nevershowed up in the last 755 times you
called.
But there's always that hopethat this call, they might be different
(29:04):
and that they might show up ina different way, and then you get
destroyed.
So I'm learning now to hang upthe phone.
Yeah.
And I'm learning now to do allof that.
But before, I thought that Ihad to hang on to that, every word.
And that word was, you know,like, for me, finding out later in
life that I have autism was.
I'm a literal thinker.
(29:25):
So if someone told mesomething as a kid, I literally thought
that that was true.
Right.
And so now I'm relearning alot of different things, emotions
and all of that.
So I've used my intuition,too, when I'm on the street.
Like, you practice and practice.
When you go into a room of thevibe you get.
(29:47):
Like, you know, when you gointo a room, they're either not your
people or they're your people.
You're like, oh, this seems cool.
This seems not cool.
Right.
So start trusting that insteadof pushing through, thinking it's
your own anxiety, and you haveto work through it to be okay.
And that.
So good.
You see?
Yes.
Oh, my gosh.
So I have to tell you, when Ichange the branding of my podcast
(30:11):
from for it was formerly 40thrive to the grown Ass Woman's Guide,
it was the best thing I'd ever done.
Because even though I may havelost some listeners, when I tell
someone, oh, I'm the host ofthe Grown Ass Woman's Guide, I either
see them lean in for moreinformation or they're out.
And they're physically.
Like, I could see them physically.
(30:32):
And it just, like, itdeclutters my space and my energy
so quickly because I know.
And it's not that I don't wantto talk to people who don't care
about my podcast.
Not like I'm walking aroundparties, like, but it's so nice to
know that somebody who mightnot be aligned with who I am and
what I believe and what Istand for, they kind of, like, just
(30:53):
melt away a little bit.
Yeah.
And you don't have to try toconvince them or recruit them of
what you're doing is right foryou or for them.
It's the name getting for me.
We're aligned.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
And that's what I think we allneed to start doing.
Right.
Is that so?
I live in a country where itis not normal to greet people in
(31:17):
the morning to be like, good morning.
Good morning.
People will literally taketheir sunglasses and go, do I know
you?
And I'm like, nope, just good morning.
And then I thought to myself,well, do I change to accommodate
the country, or do I just keepbeing myself and my right people
will show up?
And so we know I have notchanged myself.
(31:38):
And I use my dogs a lot to belike, good morning.
And I'll say it even louderand more obnoxious because the people
who get it, get it, and thepeople who don't, don't.
And like you said, it weeds itout quicker and I don't want to waste
my time.
And I've also, lately, I'm notselling myself to people anymore.
Like, I'm not convincing youhow good I am and what I bring to
(32:01):
the table.
You either like the exchangeor you don't.
It's like so many people takeyour number and never use it.
Okay.
No, thank you.
Closed door, Right?
So I'm learning what my closeddoors are and my open doors are,
and that's also getting older.
Right.
I think that we all kind ofunderstand, but I'm also not willing
(32:22):
to give myself away anymore.
Yeah.
To People who don't even want it.
Right.
Because we do that.
We try to bend over backwardsand into this pretzel formation to
somebody who probably isn'tgoing to like us anyway.
And sometimes those are peoplewho've been in your life a very long
time.
Sometimes those are people whoare related to you, and you feel
(32:42):
like you're like, I'm tryingto become this person so you'll like.
But guess what?
Regardless of how hard you tryto please them, they're not coming.
So be yourself.
Please yourself is.
Show up for yourself.
Be the parent that you never had.
I remember in the secondgrade, my mom saying, what do you
want to do when you get older?
(33:03):
And I said, I want to be an actress.
And her exact words were, youbetter think of a fucking backup
career, because that's nevergoing to happen.
I was in the second grade,and, I mean, unfortunately, my mom
did not have the luxury ofhaving hopes and dreams and a bunch
of things.
So she was just thinking thatshe was saving me a future of torture
(33:24):
and letdown and disappointment.
Right?
Right.
But as that child, I didn'tknow that for a very long part of
my life.
I tried proving her wrong.
So was I really acting?
Trying to pursue actingbecause I wanted to, or I wanted
to prove her wrong or whatever?
And then you always have somany people who are in the.
It's really hard.
(33:44):
Maybe you should.
You know what?
Let me just do what I'm doing.
Right.
And so, as you will see, evendoing a podcast or things like that,
you see who shows up for you consistently.
You see who's in your corner,who's got your back, and who's showing
up and praising you andencouraging you.
Right.
That stuff doesn't go unnoticed.
(34:05):
And it's not like I'm counting.
But before, I was moreinterested on getting the people
who didn't like me to recruitthem to like me than to appreciate
the people who were alreadythere liking me and support.
Oh, yeah.
I had a history of.
If I walked into a room andthere were 10 people and nine of
(34:26):
them were lovely and one ofthem didn't like me, I would spend
so much time and energy tryingto change that one person.
And now, I mean, I actuallysell T shirts now that say, I'm not
for everyone, like, that's a.
That's something I've taughtmy kids.
You are not for everyone.
There will be people who don'tprefer you, and it's okay.
You don't have to bend overbackwards to try to get them to like
(34:47):
You.
And the shocking thing aboutthat is no one ever told us that
we weren't going to be for everyone.
It was so important to haveeveryone like you.
Yeah.
So no one was ever saying tome, it's not a big deal that they
don't like you.
You are who you are.
You are the prize.
So then I was like, well, nowI got to convince them that I'm worth
it.
Right.
And what's wrong with you thateveryone doesn't like you?
(35:09):
That was more of the messaging.
Right.
And to go back to your pointof being a.
A child who maybe had someinstincts or some intuition, that
gut feeling.
We were to no fault people,you know, this is not like a.
Oh, they, these people didthis blame session.
Most people do the best theycan with what they have, of course.
(35:31):
And so we grew up at a certain time.
Right.
But it was like, no, no, no.
We don't create conflict.
We avoid it.
We sweep it under the rug.
We know, don't notice, don'tcause a problem.
And now we live in a timewhere I think the pendulum in some
ways has like, people areburning shit down when they really
don't need to be.
(35:51):
But I think there's a way tostand up for yourself and just speak
up for yourself and what youbelieve effectively.
You don't have to be louder.
You just have to be confidentin what your convictions are.
And it's okay to ruffle a fewfeathers in order to protect yourself
and those who maybe need your protection.
(36:14):
Totally.
And then think about it.
When you start believing inyourself, there is nothing stopping
you.
Right.
Because you believe whatyou're saying.
You're not trying to convinceyourself that you're enough.
You're not trying to convinceyourself that they should break you.
I'm not everyone's cup of tea.
(36:34):
And that is okay.
No one ever gave me thatpermission before.
No one ever gave me thepermission that it's okay if not
everyone likes you.
You're incredible who you are.
You live in your own home withyour own head and your own family,
your own things.
And I'm like, wait, what?
So it's interesting that I'min Italy and I feel like I escaped
(36:57):
my history.
Right.
Where no one I know from mypast life can pop up on me at any
time.
And I've been realizing whatthat's from is I grew up in hustle
culture and it was always,what are you doing?
It's 8:30 on a Wednesday.
You're not going here.
You're not already at the gymyou're not already dressed for the
day.
You're not.
(37:18):
And it didn't just happen inmy household.
It's a culture of like, sowho's your agent?
How many auditions are yougoing on?
What car do you drive thatgave me such anxiety all the time
that me showing up at me wasnever enough.
It was.
What was I going to add toprove myself to be enough?
Right.
And never mind.
(37:38):
In la, if you meet a newperson, there's this like, oh, well,
I'm going to ask you about youbecause I really want to know what
you can do for me.
Exactly.
And you know, in Italy, that'sconsidered a very rude question.
What do you do?
Like, cars aren't a big dealhere because the robberies and the
things.
But so.
So I've been very humbled.
(37:59):
But also, no one's evercommented about my weight here.
No one's ever commented aboutmy job here.
No one's ever commented aboutmy car.
How are you today?
Would you eat for lunch?
Oh, the weather's amazing.
Oh, you look so beautiful.
Oh, how are the dogs?
Like, it's just all verypolite now.
I'm not saying the country'sperfect, but I am saying being culturally
(38:20):
different, it was such arelief, and I'll tell you, such a
relief to the first 10 yearsthat I lived here, I gained 60 pounds
because it was for the firsttime in my life that it wasn't constantly.
What are you doing?
Diet, diet, diet, diet, diet.
And it was the first time.
And thankfully now I'vereleased it.
But I didn't realize what animpact every day about my physical
(38:45):
appearance had on me.
Yeah, right.
And so now I find that I'mrecovering from all of that.
Right.
I'm like, coming out of PTSDfrom, like, childhood, just surviving,
like, everything.
And these last couple years,I've been able to sort of get it
all out, show up for myselfand see what that looks like.
(39:07):
I love that.
And yeah, and it's.
Not everyone has the luxuryall the time, but I live a very simple,
low demand lifestyle because Ideal with a lot of physical stuff.
But I had to do that in orderto get to know who I am, because
I will get distracted and thenoffer to go cook dinner for 10 people
(39:28):
and then my back will kill andthen I'll go offer to make Halloween
decorations.
I'm not.
No, no, no.
It's.
Now you got to focus on you.
Because before I serviceeverybody else.
Yeah.
And look where that got me.
I'm 34.
Surgeries for autoimmuneslike, it comes with the price tag.
Right.
Was it because of your healthor how were you able to release that
(39:51):
need to please everyone else?
It was living with my ex andcontinually crying and being distraught
that he didn't think I wasworth changing for.
Right.
And then, of course, withtherapy and then studying lots of
things, I'm not going todiagnose him.
But then finding out the waymy brain works, and then it wasn't
(40:13):
until I stopped drinking thatdid I find out that I knew I had
adhd, but I didn't knoweverything it entailed.
But then when I studied mybrain and then the autism, the way
everything works, I realizedthat, wait a minute, I'm not depressed,
and I'm not this.
I'm just autistic or I justhave adhd.
So let me figure out how tohack it and how to work it in that
(40:35):
direction and see if that'sfits me.
So I changed my whole kitchen around.
I changed everything aroundbecause I'm someone out of sight,
out of mind.
Right.
So now I have a shelf in my kitchen.
Everything's in glass jars.
So when I go there, I can lookand I can assess and I can do.
And so what I startedrealizing is that when no one was
(40:55):
around was when I was gettingrest and I didn't have those thoughts
of myself.
It was that when people werearound telling me who I was, because
I didn't really know who Iwas, I believed them.
Hmm.
And then I started showingmyself who I am.
And then sometimes I'll seeparts of me and I'll go, I.
(41:16):
When I started releasing moreweight, I was like, I remember you.
Hey, girl, it's been a while.
Like, you know, the thinner,the childlike part of yourself, or.
A friend called me who I wasfriends with when we were in our
20s, and she goes, oh, my God,I can't believe you live in Italy.
Do you remember when you were20, all you ever said was, I'm moving
to Italy.
I'm moving to Italy.
I go, I did.
(41:36):
Did.
And there I was, 21 yearslater, I moved to Italy.
But I forget parts of myselfthat had dreams and hopes and things.
I let men and bosses and theindustry or whatever crush all of
that.
Yeah.
And then I became everythingthat I thought I was supposed to
be, to be good enough for that.
Right.
But you take all that away,and you're just stuck with yourself.
(41:58):
You have no other choice butto look at yourself.
You're absolutely right.
I remember when I was in my20s, it was like, I'll make six figures
before 30 and I'll buy a houseand I, and I would like find the
love of my life.
Check, check, check, check.
And I would have all thesecheck marks.
Right.
They were all, they allhappened because I had a map a little
(42:19):
bit.
And I think what's reallyimportant for me now at 52 is having
that map or those, those goals.
And also understanding thatnot everything is in your control.
Like Jackie in my 20s waslike, okay, these are the things
I want.
This is how it happens.
And that, that part is thetricky part.
(42:41):
Right.
And so one of the things yousaid in my reading just a little
while ago, you talked aboutreally knowing where I want to go.
And I think like I said in my20s, I was like, this is where I
want to go.
This is how I get there.
And then after maybe in my50s, I'm like, well, things happen
(43:01):
in a different way than whatyou expect.
So I'm just going to hand itall off to the universe or to however
the chips may fall.
I think there's maybe what I'mlearning from you today and you can
jump in and correct me ifthere's a correction here, but we
need to have those goals.
We need to still create the arrow.
Right.
These are the places, the mapwhere I want to go.
(43:24):
Yes.
And then be open to ithappening in creative solutions.
Yes.
In its own way.
So can you speak to that alittle bit?
Yes.
Because the adult in us andthe realist in us and the reality
checker will be like, well,you know, it's going to cost this
much and you may not be ableto do that.
No, no, no, you're with thedream side.
(43:46):
Like, leave that part up tothe universe.
Like, that is none of your business.
State your intentions.
And of course, if you want tobe a millionaire and you don't play
the lotto and you're nothiring your education, you're not
having a job, well, that'sjust ridic.
Right.
But I'm saying for those of uswho are doing the work, who are mapping
things out, who are doingthings, it's so important for you
(44:09):
to literally give instructionsto your manual of like, okay.
And that's why we put a dateon it.
Because if you don't put adate on it, universe is like open
ended.
Right?
Here we go.
No, we're gonna.
I have a friend who sometimeswanna knock her out, but she literally
woke up.
I don't believe in calories.
Wayne Dyer said that I'meating ice cream.
(44:31):
But, ooh, it's no calories,and it's so good.
She never gains weight.
It always works for her.
Is it annoying?
Yes.
But she will state things andput things out there, and sometimes
you just want to.
But it always works, so youcan't argue with her.
Yeah.
It always works out for her.
And she totally trusts the universe.
I'm not saying everyone has tobe that way.
(44:52):
Her direction and the way shegets it works for her.
Right, Right.
I'm somebody who.
I like to put things into motion.
Right.
And so, sure, I'll help theuniverse out, but I'll tell you when
something.
And it might be a little offtopic, but I think it kind of comes
(45:13):
down to this.
Is that, are you living anhonest life?
And what that means is, youknow, like, oh, I've been really
watching my eating, and I'vebeen really blah, blah, blah, and,
I don't know, not losing weight.
Well, okay, let's write down every.
And by the way, my therapistdid this to me.
Let's write down every singlething you're eating.
And then you write it down.
(45:33):
And then he goes, go get the packages.
I go get the packages.
We look through, and we foundhidden sugars, and we found hidden
carbs, and we found hiddenthings that.
In my mind.
But I know better enough thatI should have been reading the labels,
and I wasn't.
So I was trying to, you know,take shortcuts.
Yeah.
And I was trying to do it theeasy way, and I adapted a narrative
that suited my victim mode.
(45:55):
Right.
But what I am saying is, ifyou're ready to be honest and you're
ready to start manifesting andgetting the things that you really
want, are you honestly willingto do the work?
And I always say to people,success is preparation and being
ready.
There are a lot of creativewomen out there, especially who listen
to this, who do all thiscreative, incredible work.
Everyone's looking for thatnext client.
(46:17):
Right.
Everyone's looking for thenext speaking gig.
Like, do you have that speech?
If you're someone who wants tobe a speaker, do you have this speech
ready?
So that when somebody says,oh, my gosh, we just had a cancellation.
Can you hop in there?
So it's about being intentional.
We think we're showing up.
We think we're doing all theright things, and then we do get
into victim mode of, why isn'tthis happening for me?
(46:39):
And it's like, are you reallydoing the thing to support yourself?
Are you really showing up?
I talk about this all the time.
If you've listened to the show before.
You've heard me.
So manifesting, you know,there are people who are like, okay,
let's go to manifest all the things.
Right.
I'm going to manifest a new job.
But if you don't go out andapply for jobs.
Exactly.
(46:59):
Or go to networking events orwhatever, nothing's going to happen.
And you got to be veryspecific about the job.
I want a job that pays me acertain amount after taxes.
I want coworkers that I getalong with.
I want it to be close to my house.
I want to have a parking space.
I want to.
You.
You gotta be very, very right.
(47:21):
In my vision board, I had Italy.
It never occurred to me.
It was like a bridge out of awedding book.
And it was the bridge thatgoes from outside of Rome into Vatican
City.
Right.
But I forgot to say I want myhusband to be romantic or kind or
like all.
I got all the Italian.
I got all that, right?
Yeah.
But I forgot the rest of the stuff.
(47:43):
Right.
And so I think intentional isreally important.
Meaning I want to do somethingthat I'm proud of, that makes me
happy, that gives me growth,that, you know, it has longevity.
Dina is available for privatereadings and coaching from the comfort
of your own home.
And if you're a grown assWoman's Guide listener, which clearly
you are, you get $30 off yourfirst reading or coaching session.
(48:05):
When you mention this episode,Dina is as passionate as I am about
helping women access the toolswe need to live as our absolute best
selves.
In fact, if there's only onething you take away from this episode,
it's this.
What do you want a woman wholistens today to walk away knowing
or.
Feeling that she is enough, nomatter what she has to offer, physically,
(48:28):
sexually, anything.
That if you look down deep andyou know who you are, you have everything
you need, you are enough.
I just think that everyoneneeds to understand we are going
through unprecedented timesright now.
And it is okay to feel heavy.
It is okay to feel scared.
But don't do it alone.
(48:50):
Don't isolate yourself.
Show up with trusted friendsand trusted people.
That's how we get through this together.
That's how we cultivate friendships.
That's how we start showing upfor each other, is we start trusting
in each other and showing upfor each other to support each other.
To say, you got this and I'mbehind you and I will catch you if
(49:11):
you fall and I will rise youeven higher when you rise.
Thank you so much for listening.
For more information, links torelated episodes and a transcript
of this episode, visitgrownasswoman guide forward slash
episode 196 and let's connecton social at grownasswoman guide.
Until next time.
(49:32):
You are a grown ass woman.
Act accordingly.
The Grown Ass Woman's Guide isproduced by Grown Ass Creative, a
media and marketing agencypowered by grown ass women over 40.
Spring has sprung, and withthe change of seasons sometimes comes
an increase in vitality.
If you're feeling in the moodfor a little more personal time,
(49:53):
may I suggest Coconu?
Kokano is all about providingclean and natural ingredients when
you're enjoying your mostintimate moments with or without
a partner.
Naturally safe productsdeveloped by people who are obsessed
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forward slash cokanoo that's15 off with promo code grown ass@grownasswoman
(50:18):
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