May 23, 2024 • 44 mins
When the fabric of our lives is torn by trauma, the journey toward mending can be as daunting as it is necessary. Sarah Bowling and Isabell Bowling, a mother-daughter team and authors of "Road to Wholeness Healing from Trauma," join me to unravel the tangled threads of pain and recovery. Together, we delve into the heart of trauma, sharing personal anecdotes and generational wisdom that shed light on the path to healing. We discuss the importance of acknowledging and confronting our deepest wounds, offering solace to others, and the transformative power of faith in the process. The conversation turns to practical, faith-infused strategies for those seeking to lay their burdens at the feet of Jesus and thereby hanging out with Him for awhile.
Resources Mentioned on the Episode and suggested reading & social media handles:
- Road To Wholeness Healing From Trauma by Sarah Bowling and Isabell Bowling
- Psalm 51
- Lamentation 3
- Sarahbowling.org
- @your.pal.isabell
- @sarah_genuinelove
- Lyvitabrooks.com/contact
Calls to Action:
· Sign up for The Me Project Academy Newsletter for resources on decluttering your mind in order to grow in Christ, academy news and new releases of the podcast.
· Website: www.hangingoutwithjesuspodcast.com
· support@themeprojectacademy.com (for comments)
· YouTube Channel: Hanging Out With Jesus Podcast
Thanks for listening. I pray this episode was a blessing to you. Leave a comment or rate this episode . Then pass it on. Share this link: https://lyvitabrooks.com/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Lyvita (00:01):
Trauma.
Saints, what goes through yourmind when you hear the word
trauma?
Is it a memory?
Is it something that brings upa feeling?
Or both?
Is it an emotion or an eventthat you try to suppress?
(00:22):
You don't really want toremember it, but when you hear
the word trauma, it bringssomething to mind that you just
don't want to deal with.
Or have you dealt with it?
Or have you dealt with it?
Do you feel safer now that youhave dealt with it?
(00:46):
Do you feel any pain when youhear this word?
Or nothing at all?
Let's talk about that in thisepisode.
(01:10):
But more than what it is, howdoes it impact our lives?
How do we heal from it and howcan we help others who are going
through a traumatic situation?
I brought my friend SarahBowling on this episode to talk
about trauma.
Come to find out.
She and her daughter wrote abook on the topic of healing
from trauma.
It's called now get this,saints, "Road to Wholeness
Healing from Trauma.
(01:31):
Yeah, I got to say that againRoad to Wholeness Healing from
Trauma.
And guess what?
She co-authored this with herdaughter, isabel, who is also on
this episode.
Well, saints, you're going tohave to perk up your ears
(01:53):
because we have a lot to share.
And just in case I'm justwarning you, the birds are
talking loudly over here and I'min my third room trying to get
away from the birds, the airconditioner and the refrigerator
, so if you hear the birds, justthink of it as nice music.
(02:16):
Have y'all ever been in thatkind of situation?
100%.
Isabell (02:21):
Yeah.
Lyvita (02:25):
Now on to the intro.
Welcome to Hanging Out withJesus podcast, the podcast that
equips and encourage you tospend time with God in order to
decolor your self-talkintentionally and become more
(02:46):
productive, by providing youinterviews, information,
inspiration and implementationso you can go and do what God's
called you to do.
Hey, thanks, saints.
Thanks for listening andwelcome.
I'm LaVita author, Bibleteacher and speaker on a mission
with a purpose to help youbreak free from the things that
(03:10):
distract us from doing whatGod's designed us to do, and one
of those things is not allowingourselves to heal after
experiencing something that wasdevastating.
This is episode 101.
I pray this episode awakensyour senses to the truth of who
(03:36):
you are and whom you belong to,so you can let go of the lies
and embrace doing what you arecalled to do.
Let's get started.
So welcome, ladies.
Isabell (03:56):
We're so excited to be here.
Lyvita (04:04):
Oh, I am excited to have you Everyone.
This is Sarah and Isabel Poling, mother and daughter.
Team co-authors.
Isabell (04:09):
I'm so excited, mama it's great, yeah, so thanks.
Lyvita (04:14):
Before we get started, I want to give you some
background information intowho's a part of this episode.
Nowah has been on the podcastthree other times, wow I know
right, they keep coming back.
Sarah (04:30):
It must be like traumatic .
It's like it's a trauma run.
Lyvita (04:35):
Oh my goodness so she's been on episode 34, 27 and 19
and if you want to know moreabout her and her amazing books
that actually spark titles forthe episode, remember the one
that's called Can you have aReal Conversation with God?
(04:57):
Yeah, yeah, saints, I suggestyou take some time checking out
episodes 34, 27, and 19.
Now for those new to thepodcast.
Sarah Bowling is the co-host ofthe TV program Today with
Marilyn and Sarah.
(05:17):
That's also a mother anddaughter show.
She's the founder of SavingMoses, which is a global
humanitarian organization forsaving babies under five.
She's a wife, her and herhusband Reese.
They have three children.
She's a pastor's wife and alead pastor of Encounter Church
(05:40):
in Denver, colorado.
Sarah, I feel blessed to haveyou back on the show.
It's all good.
Sarah (05:49):
It's all good, so glad to be here.
Lyvita (05:52):
Yeah, cause it just seems like you know, cause in
January I pray and ask the Lordwhat the topics are.
And then it was like okay, god,I don't have anyone for this.
I need, I need a little helpwith this trauma thing.
And it was like you know what,you know how I do.
So I just waited out and herecomes tanya saying well, sarah
(06:15):
said and here's the book.
I said what that's?
Sarah (06:21):
okay yes.
Yes.
Lyvita (06:26):
It was perfect.
But now, isabel, can you tellus a little bit about you,
because you're new to us.
Isabell (06:37):
Yes, Hi, I'm Isabel.
I am 23.
This is my very first book thatI've ever written and I am so
honored that my mom would giveme a chance to get to write it
with her.
I just graduated college lastyear and I went on staff at
Maryland and Sarah Ministriesshortly after and I loved the
last year getting to grow in avariety of skills, learning a
(06:59):
lot from my mom, a lot from mygrandmother.
I live here in Denver, Colorado.
I go to church at EncounterChurch and I love it.
I have a real heart for thebody of Christ and building up
his bride and just honoringGod's people and honoring God's
heart towards his people.
Lyvita (07:20):
Oh, wow, you have been doing a lot.
I know that that's that'sthat's gotta be.
That's gotta be reallyinteresting to be in that spot
where you can see twogenerations living for Christ
and the impact that is actuallyhaving on you.
(07:40):
You know, as you grow andbecome whom you're supposed to
be in Christ Jesus and thenSarah, when I think about you,
we're kind of like in that other, we're the ones in the middle.
We have someone pouring into usas we're pouring into others.
(08:03):
So what is that like?
Being in the middle there, youknow, being able to reap the
benefits and receive that fromthose who've gone before us and
then trying to pour out into ourlegacies those that are coming
up behind us.
Sarah (08:24):
I think you know, just thinking in terms of a bridge,
but I think too, you know, andone of the things I like about
you, levita, is that you're keenon people being true to the
design that God has put in eachof us, and I think that's very,
very essential, not just for me,but also for Isabel and true
(08:46):
for my mom and we're.
You know we're not called to be.
God didn't design us to beechoes or repeats.
We have one.
That's enough, and let's haveone one, isabel, which is
fantastic.
We don't need multiple Isabells.
We don't need multiple Sarahs.
We certainly don't needmultiple Marilyns.
We don't need multiple Sarahs.
We certainly don't needmultiple Maryland's.
(09:07):
We don't need multiple Lyvita's.
We don't need multiple ands ormultiple Andrews, who are
helping here with the techsupport.
We just need each of us to beour best self.
So, whatever that is, our bestself is the design that God put
in us and really, really pushinginto that and letting God
continue to sculpt right.
(09:27):
I mean, if you look atMichelangelo and how he sculpted
out of, you know, marble andeverything, I like those ones
that are half shaped right, thatare still stuck in the block,
and it's like and he said thishe said whenever I sculpt, I see
what's inside the block and sothen I just chisel away to set
that, that image, free, and someof those sculptures that he's
(09:49):
done, he didn't finish, sothey're like still stuck in the
block, and I think that's kindof what God does with us.
You know like keeps hewing,keeps shaping, keeps sanding,
you know chiseling off and you,you know like molding, and
that's not quite right.
Let's, let's do this.
Lyvita (10:08):
So I think it's good, I think it's really good and I
like how you, how you that was agood description here, because
that reminds me of I readsomewhere about a tree, because
our whole topic today is abouthealing from trauma.
But I read somewhere where atree grows, continues to grow
(10:31):
even though it has a spot on itthat has been through some
trauma, has been through a lot.
It's like it has somethingencased around that area that is
holding the part that has beentraumatized, so that the rest of
(10:52):
the tree can grow.
And that's like what you saythis painter, the sculptor.
He saw something and he broughtout using trauma, because
that's sculpting.
I mean, you got to cut somestuff away, right, so that that
image that he saw could come tolife.
(11:15):
And when I think about peoplegoing through a traumatic
situation, that's a part ofcrawling situation, that's a
part of growing.
It may feel like death, youknow.
It may feel horrible, it mayhurt, it may be painful, but
(11:46):
that's a part of growing as well.
So let's talk a little bitabout trauma.
What is that?
How does it show up in ourlives, how does it feel?
Because I know in the book yougive some great descriptions and
I was saying, oh yeah, I didfeel like that.
Oh yeah, so give us all anunderstanding of what trauma is,
so we can all be on the samepage.
Isabell (12:10):
Yeah, so trauma is something that happens to you,
that permanently affects yourbrain.
We talk in the book there'sthree different types of trauma.
There's physical trauma, whereyour body has been assaulted,
like something happens to, whereit lingers.
There's sexual trauma, and thenwe also talk about abandonment,
(12:31):
and so these are all likehorrific events, something that
harms you but that leaves scars.
And then the result of traumais like trauma responses, and so
there are parts of your brainthat are rewired to where, when
you face something that has todo with the trauma you
experienced, you have thethreefold response fight, flight
(12:54):
or freeze.
And so this is trauma.
It's a wound that happens, thatleaves scars in your brain that
you know you really need toheal from.
And I think everybodyexperiences trauma and I.
We just don't have the capacityor to recognize that a lot of
our responses to trickysituations are a result of
(13:16):
trauma couldn't have said it soso are there like different
levels yeah, we think of liketrauma, like in terms of ptsd,
um, and so people who haveexperienced something drastic
(13:36):
and like forever, life-changinggoing to war, um, sexual assault
, all these things and those arevery traumatic situations, um.
But there are also things likewhen, like you're a baby, let's
say, and you're the youngest ina family and you feel like you
never received attention fromyour parents, or like mom shares
(13:56):
this story in the book how shewas left at school.
(14:16):
Um, oh, yeah, the bus stop.
Yeah, somebody didn't collectme at the bus stop.
A car accident and I was thepassenger and it was a pretty.
It wasn't a terrible accident.
But for like a solid threemonths afterwards, whenever I
was a passenger in a car, Iwould get all anxious and
jittery and I was like, why am Ianxious?
Like I trust that my brotherwould drive me around, and I
(14:38):
would like be like, did youcheck your blind spots?
And he was like, what is wrongwith you?
And then I realized, oh, I wasin this car accident and now my
brain is freaking out because itthinks that I'm going to get in
one again, and so justrecognizing this is a trauma
response.
This is irrational.
I need to get healing from this.
Lyvita (14:57):
And you know, and that's tricky, but yeah, now I, yeah,
it's your brain, it it triggersyour brain.
It triggers your brain.
So you know what On page thatreminds me?
On page I believe it's 39.
Can I read a sentence on yourbook y'all Definitely?
(15:17):
It says the problem with traumais that it is an echo of past
pain that can influence and evencontrol the present.
So can y'all speak a little biton that?
Because when I think about it,even if you suppress trauma,
(15:38):
it's still going to impact you,right.
Sarah (15:42):
Yeah, right, yeah.
And I think, um, Isabell gave agreat example.
Um, when I, when I got left,somebody accidentally didn't
collect me when I was inkindergarten from the bus stop,
but I think too, and the greatexample with the car wreck, um,
(16:02):
I remember I was five years oldone time and put a trampoline
and I did a back flip off of itand landed on my head and they
told me like I went unconsciousand my nose started bleeding.
I guess that's some kind ofbrain injury maybe, but I have
this like instinctual anything Itry to do backwards is a real
problem, like it's just.
I have this like instinctual,visceral.
You know that I don't, I won't,you know, and it's, that's some
(16:26):
of that, that instinct thatcontrols my present, and so, but
you know, like that's, in thegrand scheme of things, doing
things backwards isn't a keyrequirement in my life.
So I'm okay with that.
Isabell (16:44):
Yeah, and another example is like, let's say you
had a really negative experiencewith, like female friends when
you were growing up or you werebullied as a child.
You might have a difficult timemaking friends and trusting
people going into adulthood.
So if you are experiencingtrauma in your childhood you and
you never got healing from itand you repressed it, like you
(17:05):
said, that trauma can start tocontrol you and you have a
difficult time trusting peopleand even it can affect your
relationship with the Lord if wedon't get a hold of it and
really seek out healing and youmake a good point there.
Lyvita (17:18):
How does it impact?
I mean, so let's say you'vebeen through rape and you're
coming out of this.
How might it impact yourrelationship with the Lord?
Or you've been bullied, and howdoes trauma impact that
(17:41):
relationship with the Lord?
Or should I say what is it thatwe need to do to keep us from
allowing trauma to overtake us?
Sarah (17:55):
Well, I think one of the things I think from the first is
to be honest, to be truthfuland to recognize.
I mean, if you're not honestand you're not truthful, then
you're kind of going to getstuck in it and you're going to
be trapped.
And so I think, ground zero youhave, because, at the very
(18:17):
fundamental, how we navigatepeople even it's important, no
doubt, but how we navigate withGod is even more essential.
Right so?
And I think that honesty withGod I think someone who has been
a victim of rape, you know, andprobably could be angry with
God you know why did, why didyou let this happen?
(18:38):
How come you didn't protect me?
And I think it's good to behonest with God and if you're
angry, don't suppress the angerbut talk to God and unzip your
heart, but, at the same time,keep your heart unzipped so God
can interact with you andparticipate and speak into that
(18:59):
space and to the experience.
There was a time in my life Iwas really angry with God.
I felt like he left me.
And later on, 10 years later,and I remember talking with God
hey, what you know, this was.
And I felt like God revealed tome Sarah, I didn't leave you.
I was here in the room with youwhen you thought I left you,
but I was actually here all thetime and I was weeping because
(19:22):
you didn't recognize that I waspresent.
And so I think it's reallyessential that we speak to God
and that we're we're forthright,cause I think we're like, well,
you can't be angry with God oryou know you can't be, and and
God knows all of that and all ofthe self-talk and the things
that go through your head thatare kind of ugly thoughts and
maybe some ugly words.
(19:43):
God knows all of that and it'snot making God like anxious or
oh my goodness, she said, or she, you know, god's not anxious
about that.
If you look at across humanhistory, God's kind of navigated
a variety of people and it'snot like God is, like you know,
(20:12):
freak it out.
So I think it's reallyfundamentally, you have to be
forthright with God and havethat, have candid on ongoing
conversations, you know, andreally speak to God.
This is what the deal is.
This is what I'm wrestling with.
This is what I'm going through.
Isabel, what do you think?
Isabell (20:24):
Yeah, I'm just reminded of one of my favorite stories
in the Bible is David andBathsheba, and she experienced a
great trauma at the hands ofDavid, who was supposed to be
God's like chosen one.
But I think when we read Psalm51, I think it's important to
recognize, not only because inthe book we talk about you
(20:44):
experience trauma, but also wecause trauma and I think it's
important to recognize that.
And if we sit in the shame ofhaving caused trauma and we
don't let God heal that part ofour hearts, like that just
extenuates the circumstance andthat can become traumatic.
And then also we talk abouthelping others to heal from
trauma.
(21:04):
And so if you go into Psalms 51, david is begging the Lord for
mercy and he's begging the Lordfor purification and he's
begging the Lord for a cleanheart and joy of your salvation.
And I think that's a greatpractical tool is, if you're
experiencing trauma, if you'reexperiencing the guilt and the
shame, that's double the amountof trauma.
(21:27):
And so, reading Psalm 51 andputting what happened to you at
the feet of Jesus and saying,lord, this happened to me, it
wasn't fair.
I'm angry, but I trust you withthis Lord.
This happened, I did this tosomeone and I hate myself for it
, but I trust you with this andI trust you with this, lord.
This happened, I did this tosomeone and I hate myself for it
, but I trust you with this andI trust you with this person,
lord.
This happened to a friend ofmine.
It's gross and it's ugly and Idon't know how to handle it, but
(21:48):
you know how to handle it, lord.
And so here is this trauma.
No matter what form it takes,please, lord, purify it, make it
clean.
Lyvita (22:00):
Saints.
We will get back to the episode, but I wanted to remind you to
subscribe to Create Space, ournewsletter, which is designed to
help you grow as a believer andbecome more productive.
Click on the link in the shownotes to find out more.
And oh, by the way, god and I,we love you.
(22:25):
Now back to the episode.
Okay, we have talked a lotabout what trauma is, so let's
get into the healing part oftrauma.
Are there like three things youcan share that would help a
listener who are going throughright now?
Maybe they had a troubledchildhood or experienced
(23:04):
something that is crippling intheir life, or were part of a
toxic relationship, or they'vebeen raped, or they were caught
in a lie, or they just came outof jail for something they
didn't do.
So how is it that we can beginthis healing process you want to
speak into?
Isabell (23:13):
that.
Yeah, there are lots ofdifferent opportunities and
obviously each person isindividualistic in how the Lord
will meet you in that place andbring healing.
But the first one we've talkedabout it bring it to the Lord.
Just be honest.
God already knows what happens.
But when we open up that chainof communication, it creates
intimacy and it allows the darkplaces of our hearts to have
(23:36):
light shine in them and the Lordcan work where there's light.
The other thing is, especiallyif you have experienced an
extremely significant traumalike rape, like physical assault
, it is not admitting defeat toget therapy or counseling.
If you had a broken arm, youwould go see a doctor for your
broken arm.
(23:56):
If you have a part of yourbrain that's broken, it is okay
to believe in Jesus and also forJesus to use therapy.
I've been in therapy for almostfour years and the Lord has
really used my therapist tospeak into my heart and bring
healing in a lot of ways.
If you are a victim of assault,you need to reach out, tell
someone it's okay, the Lordloves you.
(24:17):
We want help, we want there tobe healing and really if
something is kept in thedarkness, that is no good.
Let's shine light into it.
You are supported, you areloved, you are treasured.
Reach out, get help, findcommunity.
Sarah (24:31):
I think too, and I a hundred percent agree and I'm
going to look at, you know, the.
This book Road to wholenessrelates to kind of digs down
into the good Samaritan, theparable of the good Samaritan.
And you know, the victim in thein this parable is the guy
walking on the road of life, youknow, and he gets jumped,
(24:53):
accosted by this band group ofbandits and they beat him up,
they leave him half dead andthey take all of his clothes.
So those are three traumaticthings, right, that kind of hits
, all of the trauma stuff.
But if you think about the goodSamaritan, who is the hero?
He's the hero in this story.
(25:14):
What are the things he does?
Number one he has compassion,and I think it was really
important for us.
When we see a person who hasbeen traumatized or they're
acting out of their trauma, ittends to be repulsive, ugly, and
we don't like it.
And the priest and the Levite,they saw the trauma and it was
(25:39):
repulsive to them and they keptwalking.
He'd just keep walking.
But the good Samaritan hascompassion.
So, rather than seeing thetrauma and how ugly and
disgusting and repulsive it is,let's have compassion, and I
think, compassion for ourselvesas well, and that's the other
thing.
The guy couldn't get up, forourselves as well, and that's
(26:01):
the other thing.
The guy couldn't get up, hecouldn't remove himself from
that place, he was left halfdead.
And so a lot of times withtrauma we get trapped in it, we
get stuck in it.
And, to Isabel's point, youhave a Good Samaritan.
Good Samaritan can be atherapist.
It can be a collection, avariety of people.
It can be friends, it can befamily, it can be a pastor, it
can be therapist counselor.
I mean it can be a collection,a variety of people.
(26:21):
It can be friends, it can befamily, it can be a pastor, it
can be therapist counselor.
I mean it can be a doctor, likea whole variety of people.
But they're all participantsand we can participate.
We can be the good Samaritan aswell, with starting with
compassion, so.
But you can't get out of thetrauma, get removed from it
without help.
If you could, you would havealready done that Right.
(26:44):
So you have to think that way.
But I like to what he did.
He said it says he pours in theoil and the wine, you know, and
the point of that is one, todisinfect the wounds and two, to
bring comfort and soothing andhelp.
And it says he lifts him up andputs him on his own beast of
(27:05):
burden and carries him away.
But you also look at it.
It says he took him to an innand they spent the night.
So he paid the innkeeper andthen he bought time because it
wasn't enough.
It wasn't a one night recovery.
This took time and I think withtrauma we have to be aware that
(27:26):
.
You know, people participate,we participate in recovering
from trauma.
We have compassion and it takestime and it's not one person.
Is the savior complex, right?
So it isn't one person.
Isabel and I were talking abouta friend this morning that has
kind of a savior mentality andit's interesting that this
(27:47):
gentleman's recovery had acouple people participating in
it, not just one.
And so sometimes we're aninnkeeper, sometimes we're the
Good Samaritan.
Hopefully we're not the priestsand the Levite.
We prefer not to be the bandits, but sometimes we are.
So I think in this parablethere's a lot of participants
(28:08):
and I think for us we canpotentially see ourselves as
each participant at varioustimes.
But I think in terms ofrecovering from trauma, there's
some essential ingredients inthis parable that can be really
helpful.
Lyvita (28:22):
And I think it's just awesome how you took such a
little.
It's just, it's a parable, it'snot even the whole chapter, and
that reminds me that trauma isan event.
It's not the whole chapter ofyour life, it's just event, and
how we have blown it up.
(28:42):
Yeah, and then, and then I thinkabout the book, how, how
there's one parable you did awhole lot to, to to explain it,
to bring it to life, to to makeit today so it's more relatable.
And I just think that's awesomeBecause it's like we get
(29:05):
information and then we getfiction, you know, and then we
get info and a story.
I just liked how you put thebook together and you were
saying something aboutcompassion for self.
I think when we're goingthrough trauma, we have this
(29:25):
feeling of somewhere along theline, we did something, we
weren't good enough, we missedthe mark somewhere, and we start
beating up ourselves buthearing that it's not just you
(29:45):
self that helps you heal, it'sothers that come into play, that
help you heal.
So how is it that saints whosee you going through, how can
we actually help you withoutmaking you feel like something
(30:09):
is wrong with you?
Isabell (30:29):
If somebody went through a really like, if
there's been a loss in a familyor a physical injury, I mean
just showing up for the physicalneed, bringing food to families
, being Jesus in skin, is thebest way that we can.
But if you think about what theGood Samaritan did, I love the
wine, and then the oil, so thedisinfectant and then the
comfort, and sometimes we needpeople to pour disinfectant
which might hurt.
And so if you have a positionin someone's life where you can
be like you know, give them thetough love, like this wasn't
your fault and you need to letthis go, but also following that
(30:54):
up with the oil.
You're so loved, you're sotreasured, you're so valuable,
and a lot of times when we getstuck in places of trauma, we
let the trauma become ouridentity instead of letting
Jesus really tell us who we are.
And so the Good Samaritan tookhim from the place of trauma and
set him on the road again.
And so there will be peoplearound you that are stuck in
places of trauma and to come upnext to them to say you are not
(31:18):
what happened to you.
You are a daughter or a son ofthe King, and there are so much
more that the Lord has for you.
This is not the end of yourstory and I'm going to love you
and come up next to you and I'mgoing to listen to the voice of
the spirit and talk where I needto talk, listen when I need to
listen, because sometimes we saytoo much and we need to just
shut up and let the person talkand get it out.
And that's important too.
(31:38):
But, being very sensitive tothe Holy Spirit, I think too,
being present.
Sarah (31:43):
You know, sometimes we want to say something to fix it
or to solve it, and sometimesyou don't need to do that.
Sometimes you just need to bepresent.
Yep, and it can be.
You know, we're going to take awalk, we don't have to talk,
we're going to sit and watch themovie or what, just just being
present.
And regardless of what they say, a lot of times when, when a
(32:06):
person has trauma, they, theycan say some ugly things and say
some stuff that you don't agreewith, and you know that's okay,
not the end of the world.
Um, if you, if you stay steady,stay steady.
I think that's one of the mostimportant things and you know
that's one of the scripturesthat we read in Lamentations 3.
Great is your faithfulness, thefaithfulness of God.
(32:29):
And you know, at the end of theBible it says well done my good
and faithful people.
Right, it doesn't say highachiever, you produce results.
This is faithful, and I thinkthere's just a whole lot of
value in showing up, beingconsistent and being faithful.
(32:51):
And a lot of times, what we sayisn't the end isn't as helpful
sometimes as just being steadyand present.
So I think there's a lot ofvalue in that and and not
freaking out.
People say things, people, youknow they cuss or they, you know
whatever, mad at god, I'mwalking away from god.
Okay, that's fine, you know.
(33:12):
It doesn't mean I'm leaving, Ijust I get it and and that's
where you're at today and thisis a place in your journey.
But it doesn't mean I'm cuttingbait and I'm out.
I get it.
I have my own struggles anddoubts and and that's not, it's
not the end, all be all.
We're just one human.
I, my dad, used to say this I'mone baker showing another baker
where there's bread.
You know, my dad used toremember him saying that yeah,
(33:37):
yeah, my my dad would say I'mjust one baker showing another
baker where there's bread.
Lyvita (33:45):
Oh, wow, yeah.
Sarah (33:47):
And my dad was.
You know, he was good at someof that.
He was also a little quirky, Alittle different.
Lyvita (33:57):
Oh, I like that.
So how do we know that we arehealing from?
Isabell (34:02):
trauma.
Yeah, so a great temperaturechecker is your self-talk.
We talked about that If you'reable to talk well about yourself
and if you're able to look inthe mirror and see what Jesus
sees and not what happened toyou.
The other thing is the traumaresponses are fight, flight or
freeze and so like for me, whenI was in the car after the car
(34:28):
accident and I'm freaking outbecause I'm in the passenger
seat, there's that fear and thattrauma response.
I recognize that that was atrauma response and so, moving
forward, I'm able to check inwith myself.
If I'm sitting in the passengerseat of a car, am I scared
anymore?
Am I frightened?
Is this causing me to freeze up, to lock up, to get scared, to
want to leave the car?
(34:50):
And then also in the way thatwe treat the people around us
you were talking about, ifsomebody is going through a
trauma, they might say somereally cruel things to you and
you might lash out to the peoplethat are close to you and you
know through your healingjourney, if you're able to
understand like the peoplearound me are not here to you,
(35:10):
know, hurt me, but they're hereto help me, and so when you stop
lashing out and are able toforgive yourself and also to
forgive God and um, just to sitin peace, too, and to let
yourself be mad.
But to let yourself be happyand to experience the range of
human emotions is reallysignificant too, because after a
(35:31):
trauma you can freeze up andget numb, but if you're able to
grieve, but you're also able toexperience joy, that's a really
good sign.
Like you're not numb,congratulations, that's really
good I think I think too.
Sarah (35:45):
Um, one of the things for healing, too, is that I
recognize it and then that thereare triggers that that I can,
that, if I'm aware of some ofthose triggers and my behaviors,
I recognize this behavior is aninstinct or trigger from this
experience.
Right, and then I think too,choosing, I have free will, I'm
(36:11):
not controlled, I'm notdominated, and I think the whole
fight, flight or freeze, if youfind yourself being combative
and hostile and aggressive, orif you find yourself like
shutting down, you know, thenthose are those trauma instincts
a lot of times and think aboutit, is this my best self or is
(36:33):
this the trauma self?
If I'm hostile, if I'maggressive and I'm, you know, I
have friends who that's, theirfirst instinct is to fight, you
know, and I'm like my firstinstinct is to run away.
I'm a flighter, yeah Right.
Sometimes I freeze too.
(36:54):
I was about to say I'm a freezer, yeah, but if, if we find
ourselves doing that, then wehave to and and recognizing oh,
that's what I'm doing, but it'snot my best self.
So I think it's a little bit ofof awareness and I think it's
really important.
Holy spirit leads us into truthand I think we have to have
(37:16):
Holy spirit.
He is our comforter.
Holy spirit speaks truth to us,leads us into truth about
ourselves as well as others.
So I think that's a veryessential ingredient for us in
continuing to heal.
Lyvita (37:35):
I want to sum this up by saying we talked about bringing
it to the Lord, talking it,talking it through, recognizing
it.
Recognizing that we have trauma, that we've gone through
something, Recognize thetriggers, Be honest.
And that brings me back to canwe talk to God?
(38:00):
Remember the boy.
Isabell (38:03):
Yeah.
Lyvita (38:05):
So it's about talking to him and also making sure that
when we're in the state thatwe're with community, yeah, 100%
.
I want to say thank you forbeing a part of this episode,
because trauma was a big thingfor me this year.
(38:27):
What's in the future for thetwo of you?
Isabell (38:30):
I mean later today I'm gonna be getting lunch um are
y'all gonna plan another book,or yes?
Sarah (38:41):
we are, we are.
We're working right now on kindof a sequel to this.
So this is called Road toWholeness and then the sequel is
the Road Home and it's based onthe Prodigal Son.
Oh, stop, yeah.
And one of the things that'scool on this, this project, is I
wrote the nonfiction part, likeall the Bible stuff, and Isabel
(39:05):
has written the second half ofit.
So it's a joint project.
She's done the fiction part,which is a modern day allegory,
and the allegory makes it sohelpful to us because sometimes
you read the bible and it's likeyou know somewhere three
thousand two.
It doesn't relate.
But Isabel, when you wrote thefiction piece, tell us a little
(39:28):
bit about kind of your heartbehind that.
Isabell (39:30):
So Jesus used parables throughout his whole ministry,
and the power of story is sosignificant.
And there's a reason why heused parables because his
audience could imaginethemselves into a story better.
And so I think that when wepresent this parable as a modern
day allegory, it's easier toimagine ourselves into the story
(39:53):
if it's more relatable, and soI love the power of story.
Cs Lewis is one of my favoriteauthors and I feel like when you
read Narnia and you fall inlove with Aslan and then he dies
, you're like what?
And you're like, oh my gosh,it's Jesus.
What, that's crazy.
And so I had so much fun withthis allegory and just kind of
(40:15):
let my creative gifts flow.
But this next one, the RoadHome, is going to be the
retelling of the Prodigal Sonparable, and there's going to be
some characters from this firstbook that show up in the Road
Home Interesting, yeah, thecharacters that you know and
(40:36):
love.
You might see again.
Oh, okay.
Lyvita (40:40):
Okay, you know y'all know my email.
Oh, okay, okay, I'll be.
You know y'all know my email.
That's great.
So how can we reach?
How can the listeners contactyou, find out more about you?
Isabell (40:56):
Yeah, you can get the book on Amazon, on Barnes and
Noble.
You can follow us on socialmedia.
My mom is Sarah Genuine Love.
I'm your pal, isabel.
I'm only on Instagram, though.
You can get the book on.
Sarah (41:10):
Amazon, Barnes and Noble I think there's a couple of
mortar brick stores that havethem as well, so it's easy to
grab one easy.
Lyvita (41:18):
But say, if you get the Create Space, you'll actually
have the book review, so you canfind out even more.
Okay.
So any last words about healingfrom trauma before we close out
.
Isabell (41:33):
Don't be afraid of the healing process.
I know that it can be reallydifficult to start that journey
into healing, especially ifyou've been sitting in trauma
for years, into healing,especially if you've been
sitting in trauma for years.
But if we give those littleareas of our heart that are
still scarred to God, you cancreate something very beautiful
out of that.
Sarah (41:50):
I agree.
Lyvita (41:51):
Yes, yes.
So, isabel, can you pray us out?
Isabell (41:57):
Yeah, absolutely, lord.
I thank you right now for theopportunity to get to come
together in unity and to get tocome together, um, to really
seek your heart for for traumaand for traumatic situations.
And I thank you, lord, that yourheart is not for us to stay in
that place of brokenness, but tocome up next to each other, to
lift each other up and tocontinue on our own journey, um,
(42:19):
and our own road to wholeness.
And I thank you, jesus, thatthat every person listening
would experience your HolySpirit in a new way to receive
not only the healing for thingsthat have happened to them, but
also to best help those aroundus who have been dealing with
traumatic situations.
Thank you, jesus, for helpingus learn to recognize trauma,
(42:39):
but not only to recognize, butto learn to grow and to heal and
to move forward hand in handwith you.
So, jesus, we welcome you intoall of the dark and twisty areas
of our heart, the scary parts,and we ask you to just be our
comforter and bring light andjoy and wholeness, and we thank
you and we praise you in yourname.
(43:00):
We pray, amen, amen, amen.
Lyvita (43:08):
Saints, thanks for tuning in.
If you enjoyed this episode,then get your free newsletter
called Create Space to help youdeclutter your mind, make sense
of your heartaches and improveyour self-talk so you can go and
do what God's called you to do.
All this and more can be found,including my contact
information, onHangingOutWithJesusPodcastcom or
(43:31):
the show notes.
So until we meet again on theairwaves, intentionally and
daily hang out with Jesus Shalom.
Isabell (43:50):
That's so cute.
Trauma.
Saints, what goes through yourmind when you hear the word
trauma?
Is it a memory?
Is it something that brings upa feeling?
Or both?
Is it an emotion or an eventthat you try to suppress?
(00:22):
You don't really want toremember it, but when you hear
the word trauma, it bringssomething to mind that you just
don't want to deal with.
Or have you dealt with it?
Or have you dealt with it?
Do you feel safer now that youhave dealt with it?
(00:46):
Do you feel any pain when youhear this word?
Or nothing at all?
Let's talk about that in thisepisode.
(01:10):
But more than what it is, howdoes it impact our lives?
How do we heal from it and howcan we help others who are going
through a traumatic situation?
I brought my friend SarahBowling on this episode to talk
about trauma.
Come to find out.
She and her daughter wrote abook on the topic of healing
from trauma.
It's called now get this,saints, "Road to Wholeness
Healing from Trauma.
(01:31):
Yeah, I got to say that againRoad to Wholeness Healing from
Trauma.
And guess what?
She co-authored this with herdaughter, isabel, who is also on
this episode.
Well, saints, you're going tohave to perk up your ears
(01:53):
because we have a lot to share.
And just in case I'm justwarning you, the birds are
talking loudly over here and I'min my third room trying to get
away from the birds, the airconditioner and the refrigerator
, so if you hear the birds, justthink of it as nice music.
(02:16):
Have y'all ever been in thatkind of situation?
100%.
Isabell (02:21):
Yeah.
Lyvita (02:25):
Now on to the intro.
Welcome to Hanging Out withJesus podcast, the podcast that
equips and encourage you tospend time with God in order to
decolor your self-talkintentionally and become more
(02:46):
productive, by providing youinterviews, information,
inspiration and implementationso you can go and do what God's
called you to do.
Hey, thanks, saints.
Thanks for listening andwelcome.
I'm LaVita author, Bibleteacher and speaker on a mission
with a purpose to help youbreak free from the things that
(03:10):
distract us from doing whatGod's designed us to do, and one
of those things is not allowingourselves to heal after
experiencing something that wasdevastating.
This is episode 101.
I pray this episode awakensyour senses to the truth of who
(03:36):
you are and whom you belong to,so you can let go of the lies
and embrace doing what you arecalled to do.
Let's get started.
So welcome, ladies.
Isabell (03:56):
We're so excited to be here.
Lyvita (04:04):
Oh, I am excited to have you Everyone.
This is Sarah and Isabel Poling, mother and daughter.
Team co-authors.
Isabell (04:09):
I'm so excited, mama it's great, yeah, so thanks.
Lyvita (04:14):
Before we get started, I want to give you some
background information intowho's a part of this episode.
Nowah has been on the podcastthree other times, wow I know
right, they keep coming back.
Sarah (04:30):
It must be like traumatic .
It's like it's a trauma run.
Lyvita (04:35):
Oh my goodness so she's been on episode 34, 27 and 19
and if you want to know moreabout her and her amazing books
that actually spark titles forthe episode, remember the one
that's called Can you have aReal Conversation with God?
(04:57):
Yeah, yeah, saints, I suggestyou take some time checking out
episodes 34, 27, and 19.
Now for those new to thepodcast.
Sarah Bowling is the co-host ofthe TV program Today with
Marilyn and Sarah.
(05:17):
That's also a mother anddaughter show.
She's the founder of SavingMoses, which is a global
humanitarian organization forsaving babies under five.
She's a wife, her and herhusband Reese.
They have three children.
She's a pastor's wife and alead pastor of Encounter Church
(05:40):
in Denver, colorado.
Sarah, I feel blessed to haveyou back on the show.
It's all good.
Sarah (05:49):
It's all good, so glad to be here.
Lyvita (05:52):
Yeah, cause it just seems like you know, cause in
January I pray and ask the Lordwhat the topics are.
And then it was like okay, god,I don't have anyone for this.
I need, I need a little helpwith this trauma thing.
And it was like you know what,you know how I do.
So I just waited out and herecomes tanya saying well, sarah
(06:15):
said and here's the book.
I said what that's?
Sarah (06:21):
okay yes.
Yes.
Lyvita (06:26):
It was perfect.
But now, isabel, can you tellus a little bit about you,
because you're new to us.
Isabell (06:37):
Yes, Hi, I'm Isabel.
I am 23.
This is my very first book thatI've ever written and I am so
honored that my mom would giveme a chance to get to write it
with her.
I just graduated college lastyear and I went on staff at
Maryland and Sarah Ministriesshortly after and I loved the
last year getting to grow in avariety of skills, learning a
(06:59):
lot from my mom, a lot from mygrandmother.
I live here in Denver, Colorado.
I go to church at EncounterChurch and I love it.
I have a real heart for thebody of Christ and building up
his bride and just honoringGod's people and honoring God's
heart towards his people.
Lyvita (07:20):
Oh, wow, you have been doing a lot.
I know that that's that'sthat's gotta be.
That's gotta be reallyinteresting to be in that spot
where you can see twogenerations living for Christ
and the impact that is actuallyhaving on you.
(07:40):
You know, as you grow andbecome whom you're supposed to
be in Christ Jesus and thenSarah, when I think about you,
we're kind of like in that other, we're the ones in the middle.
We have someone pouring into usas we're pouring into others.
(08:03):
So what is that like?
Being in the middle there, youknow, being able to reap the
benefits and receive that fromthose who've gone before us and
then trying to pour out into ourlegacies those that are coming
up behind us.
Sarah (08:24):
I think you know, just thinking in terms of a bridge,
but I think too, you know, andone of the things I like about
you, levita, is that you're keenon people being true to the
design that God has put in eachof us, and I think that's very,
very essential, not just for me,but also for Isabel and true
(08:46):
for my mom and we're.
You know we're not called to be.
God didn't design us to beechoes or repeats.
We have one.
That's enough, and let's haveone one, isabel, which is
fantastic.
We don't need multiple Isabells.
We don't need multiple Sarahs.
We certainly don't needmultiple Marilyns.
We don't need multiple Sarahs.
We certainly don't needmultiple Maryland's.
(09:07):
We don't need multiple Lyvita's.
We don't need multiple ands ormultiple Andrews, who are
helping here with the techsupport.
We just need each of us to beour best self.
So, whatever that is, our bestself is the design that God put
in us and really, really pushinginto that and letting God
continue to sculpt right.
(09:27):
I mean, if you look atMichelangelo and how he sculpted
out of, you know, marble andeverything, I like those ones
that are half shaped right, thatare still stuck in the block,
and it's like and he said thishe said whenever I sculpt, I see
what's inside the block and sothen I just chisel away to set
that, that image, free, and someof those sculptures that he's
(09:49):
done, he didn't finish, sothey're like still stuck in the
block, and I think that's kindof what God does with us.
You know like keeps hewing,keeps shaping, keeps sanding,
you know chiseling off and you,you know like molding, and
that's not quite right.
Let's, let's do this.
Lyvita (10:08):
So I think it's good, I think it's really good and I
like how you, how you that was agood description here, because
that reminds me of I readsomewhere about a tree, because
our whole topic today is abouthealing from trauma.
But I read somewhere where atree grows, continues to grow
(10:31):
even though it has a spot on itthat has been through some
trauma, has been through a lot.
It's like it has somethingencased around that area that is
holding the part that has beentraumatized, so that the rest of
(10:52):
the tree can grow.
And that's like what you saythis painter, the sculptor.
He saw something and he broughtout using trauma, because
that's sculpting.
I mean, you got to cut somestuff away, right, so that that
image that he saw could come tolife.
(11:15):
And when I think about peoplegoing through a traumatic
situation, that's a part ofcrawling situation, that's a
part of growing.
It may feel like death, youknow.
It may feel horrible, it mayhurt, it may be painful, but
(11:46):
that's a part of growing as well.
So let's talk a little bitabout trauma.
What is that?
How does it show up in ourlives, how does it feel?
Because I know in the book yougive some great descriptions and
I was saying, oh yeah, I didfeel like that.
Oh yeah, so give us all anunderstanding of what trauma is,
so we can all be on the samepage.
Isabell (12:10):
Yeah, so trauma is something that happens to you,
that permanently affects yourbrain.
We talk in the book there'sthree different types of trauma.
There's physical trauma, whereyour body has been assaulted,
like something happens to, whereit lingers.
There's sexual trauma, and thenwe also talk about abandonment,
(12:31):
and so these are all likehorrific events, something that
harms you but that leaves scars.
And then the result of traumais like trauma responses, and so
there are parts of your brainthat are rewired to where, when
you face something that has todo with the trauma you
experienced, you have thethreefold response fight, flight
(12:54):
or freeze.
And so this is trauma.
It's a wound that happens, thatleaves scars in your brain that
you know you really need toheal from.
And I think everybodyexperiences trauma and I.
We just don't have the capacityor to recognize that a lot of
our responses to trickysituations are a result of
(13:16):
trauma couldn't have said it soso are there like different
levels yeah, we think of liketrauma, like in terms of ptsd,
um, and so people who haveexperienced something drastic
(13:36):
and like forever, life-changinggoing to war, um, sexual assault
, all these things and those arevery traumatic situations, um.
But there are also things likewhen, like you're a baby, let's
say, and you're the youngest ina family and you feel like you
never received attention fromyour parents, or like mom shares
(13:56):
this story in the book how shewas left at school.
(14:16):
Um, oh, yeah, the bus stop.
Yeah, somebody didn't collectme at the bus stop.
A car accident and I was thepassenger and it was a pretty.
It wasn't a terrible accident.
But for like a solid threemonths afterwards, whenever I
was a passenger in a car, Iwould get all anxious and
jittery and I was like, why am Ianxious?
Like I trust that my brotherwould drive me around, and I
(14:38):
would like be like, did youcheck your blind spots?
And he was like, what is wrongwith you?
And then I realized, oh, I wasin this car accident and now my
brain is freaking out because itthinks that I'm going to get in
one again, and so justrecognizing this is a trauma
response.
This is irrational.
I need to get healing from this.
Lyvita (14:57):
And you know, and that's tricky, but yeah, now I, yeah,
it's your brain, it it triggersyour brain.
It triggers your brain.
So you know what On page thatreminds me?
On page I believe it's 39.
Can I read a sentence on yourbook y'all Definitely?
(15:17):
It says the problem with traumais that it is an echo of past
pain that can influence and evencontrol the present.
So can y'all speak a little biton that?
Because when I think about it,even if you suppress trauma,
(15:38):
it's still going to impact you,right.
Sarah (15:42):
Yeah, right, yeah.
And I think, um, Isabell gave agreat example.
Um, when I, when I got left,somebody accidentally didn't
collect me when I was inkindergarten from the bus stop,
but I think too, and the greatexample with the car wreck, um,
(16:02):
I remember I was five years oldone time and put a trampoline
and I did a back flip off of itand landed on my head and they
told me like I went unconsciousand my nose started bleeding.
I guess that's some kind ofbrain injury maybe, but I have
this like instinctual anything Itry to do backwards is a real
problem, like it's just.
I have this like instinctual,visceral.
You know that I don't, I won't,you know, and it's, that's some
(16:26):
of that, that instinct thatcontrols my present, and so, but
you know, like that's, in thegrand scheme of things, doing
things backwards isn't a keyrequirement in my life.
So I'm okay with that.
Isabell (16:44):
Yeah, and another example is like, let's say you
had a really negative experiencewith, like female friends when
you were growing up or you werebullied as a child.
You might have a difficult timemaking friends and trusting
people going into adulthood.
So if you are experiencingtrauma in your childhood you and
you never got healing from itand you repressed it, like you
(17:05):
said, that trauma can start tocontrol you and you have a
difficult time trusting peopleand even it can affect your
relationship with the Lord if wedon't get a hold of it and
really seek out healing and youmake a good point there.
Lyvita (17:18):
How does it impact?
I mean, so let's say you'vebeen through rape and you're
coming out of this.
How might it impact yourrelationship with the Lord?
Or you've been bullied, and howdoes trauma impact that
(17:41):
relationship with the Lord?
Or should I say what is it thatwe need to do to keep us from
allowing trauma to overtake us?
Sarah (17:55):
Well, I think one of the things I think from the first is
to be honest, to be truthfuland to recognize.
I mean, if you're not honestand you're not truthful, then
you're kind of going to getstuck in it and you're going to
be trapped.
And so I think, ground zero youhave, because, at the very
(18:17):
fundamental, how we navigatepeople even it's important, no
doubt, but how we navigate withGod is even more essential.
Right so?
And I think that honesty withGod I think someone who has been
a victim of rape, you know, andprobably could be angry with
God you know why did, why didyou let this happen?
(18:38):
How come you didn't protect me?
And I think it's good to behonest with God and if you're
angry, don't suppress the angerbut talk to God and unzip your
heart, but, at the same time,keep your heart unzipped so God
can interact with you andparticipate and speak into that
(18:59):
space and to the experience.
There was a time in my life Iwas really angry with God.
I felt like he left me.
And later on, 10 years later,and I remember talking with God
hey, what you know, this was.
And I felt like God revealed tome Sarah, I didn't leave you.
I was here in the room with youwhen you thought I left you,
but I was actually here all thetime and I was weeping because
(19:22):
you didn't recognize that I waspresent.
And so I think it's reallyessential that we speak to God
and that we're we're forthright,cause I think we're like, well,
you can't be angry with God oryou know you can't be, and and
God knows all of that and all ofthe self-talk and the things
that go through your head thatare kind of ugly thoughts and
maybe some ugly words.
(19:43):
God knows all of that and it'snot making God like anxious or
oh my goodness, she said, or she, you know, god's not anxious
about that.
If you look at across humanhistory, God's kind of navigated
a variety of people and it'snot like God is, like you know,
(20:12):
freak it out.
So I think it's reallyfundamentally, you have to be
forthright with God and havethat, have candid on ongoing
conversations, you know, andreally speak to God.
This is what the deal is.
This is what I'm wrestling with.
This is what I'm going through.
Isabel, what do you think?
Isabell (20:24):
Yeah, I'm just reminded of one of my favorite stories
in the Bible is David andBathsheba, and she experienced a
great trauma at the hands ofDavid, who was supposed to be
God's like chosen one.
But I think when we read Psalm51, I think it's important to
recognize, not only because inthe book we talk about you
(20:44):
experience trauma, but also wecause trauma and I think it's
important to recognize that.
And if we sit in the shame ofhaving caused trauma and we
don't let God heal that part ofour hearts, like that just
extenuates the circumstance andthat can become traumatic.
And then also we talk abouthelping others to heal from
trauma.
(21:04):
And so if you go into Psalms 51, david is begging the Lord for
mercy and he's begging the Lordfor purification and he's
begging the Lord for a cleanheart and joy of your salvation.
And I think that's a greatpractical tool is, if you're
experiencing trauma, if you'reexperiencing the guilt and the
shame, that's double the amountof trauma.
(21:27):
And so, reading Psalm 51 andputting what happened to you at
the feet of Jesus and saying,lord, this happened to me, it
wasn't fair.
I'm angry, but I trust you withthis Lord.
This happened, I did this tosomeone and I hate myself for it
, but I trust you with this andI trust you with this, lord.
This happened, I did this tosomeone and I hate myself for it
, but I trust you with this andI trust you with this person,
lord.
This happened to a friend ofmine.
It's gross and it's ugly and Idon't know how to handle it, but
(21:48):
you know how to handle it, lord.
And so here is this trauma.
No matter what form it takes,please, lord, purify it, make it
clean.
Lyvita (22:00):
Saints.
We will get back to the episode, but I wanted to remind you to
subscribe to Create Space, ournewsletter, which is designed to
help you grow as a believer andbecome more productive.
Click on the link in the shownotes to find out more.
And oh, by the way, god and I,we love you.
(22:25):
Now back to the episode.
Okay, we have talked a lotabout what trauma is, so let's
get into the healing part oftrauma.
Are there like three things youcan share that would help a
listener who are going throughright now?
Maybe they had a troubledchildhood or experienced
(23:04):
something that is crippling intheir life, or were part of a
toxic relationship, or they'vebeen raped, or they were caught
in a lie, or they just came outof jail for something they
didn't do.
So how is it that we can beginthis healing process you want to
speak into?
Isabell (23:13):
that.
Yeah, there are lots ofdifferent opportunities and
obviously each person isindividualistic in how the Lord
will meet you in that place andbring healing.
But the first one we've talkedabout it bring it to the Lord.
Just be honest.
God already knows what happens.
But when we open up that chainof communication, it creates
intimacy and it allows the darkplaces of our hearts to have
(23:36):
light shine in them and the Lordcan work where there's light.
The other thing is, especiallyif you have experienced an
extremely significant traumalike rape, like physical assault
, it is not admitting defeat toget therapy or counseling.
If you had a broken arm, youwould go see a doctor for your
broken arm.
(23:56):
If you have a part of yourbrain that's broken, it is okay
to believe in Jesus and also forJesus to use therapy.
I've been in therapy for almostfour years and the Lord has
really used my therapist tospeak into my heart and bring
healing in a lot of ways.
If you are a victim of assault,you need to reach out, tell
someone it's okay, the Lordloves you.
(24:17):
We want help, we want there tobe healing and really if
something is kept in thedarkness, that is no good.
Let's shine light into it.
You are supported, you areloved, you are treasured.
Reach out, get help, findcommunity.
Sarah (24:31):
I think too, and I a hundred percent agree and I'm
going to look at, you know, the.
This book Road to wholenessrelates to kind of digs down
into the good Samaritan, theparable of the good Samaritan.
And you know, the victim in thein this parable is the guy
walking on the road of life, youknow, and he gets jumped,
(24:53):
accosted by this band group ofbandits and they beat him up,
they leave him half dead andthey take all of his clothes.
So those are three traumaticthings, right, that kind of hits
, all of the trauma stuff.
But if you think about the goodSamaritan, who is the hero?
He's the hero in this story.
(25:14):
What are the things he does?
Number one he has compassion,and I think it was really
important for us.
When we see a person who hasbeen traumatized or they're
acting out of their trauma, ittends to be repulsive, ugly, and
we don't like it.
And the priest and the Levite,they saw the trauma and it was
(25:39):
repulsive to them and they keptwalking.
He'd just keep walking.
But the good Samaritan hascompassion.
So, rather than seeing thetrauma and how ugly and
disgusting and repulsive it is,let's have compassion, and I
think, compassion for ourselvesas well, and that's the other
thing.
The guy couldn't get up, forourselves as well, and that's
(26:01):
the other thing.
The guy couldn't get up, hecouldn't remove himself from
that place, he was left halfdead.
And so a lot of times withtrauma we get trapped in it, we
get stuck in it.
And, to Isabel's point, youhave a Good Samaritan.
Good Samaritan can be atherapist.
It can be a collection, avariety of people.
It can be friends, it can befamily, it can be a pastor, it
can be therapist counselor.
I mean it can be a collection,a variety of people.
(26:21):
It can be friends, it can befamily, it can be a pastor, it
can be therapist counselor.
I mean it can be a doctor, likea whole variety of people.
But they're all participantsand we can participate.
We can be the good Samaritan aswell, with starting with
compassion, so.
But you can't get out of thetrauma, get removed from it
without help.
If you could, you would havealready done that Right.
(26:44):
So you have to think that way.
But I like to what he did.
He said it says he pours in theoil and the wine, you know, and
the point of that is one, todisinfect the wounds and two, to
bring comfort and soothing andhelp.
And it says he lifts him up andputs him on his own beast of
(27:05):
burden and carries him away.
But you also look at it.
It says he took him to an innand they spent the night.
So he paid the innkeeper andthen he bought time because it
wasn't enough.
It wasn't a one night recovery.
This took time and I think withtrauma we have to be aware that
(27:26):
.
You know, people participate,we participate in recovering
from trauma.
We have compassion and it takestime and it's not one person.
Is the savior complex, right?
So it isn't one person.
Isabel and I were talking abouta friend this morning that has
kind of a savior mentality andit's interesting that this
(27:47):
gentleman's recovery had acouple people participating in
it, not just one.
And so sometimes we're aninnkeeper, sometimes we're the
Good Samaritan.
Hopefully we're not the priestsand the Levite.
We prefer not to be the bandits, but sometimes we are.
So I think in this parablethere's a lot of participants
(28:08):
and I think for us we canpotentially see ourselves as
each participant at varioustimes.
But I think in terms ofrecovering from trauma, there's
some essential ingredients inthis parable that can be really
helpful.
Lyvita (28:22):
And I think it's just awesome how you took such a
little.
It's just, it's a parable, it'snot even the whole chapter, and
that reminds me that trauma isan event.
It's not the whole chapter ofyour life, it's just event, and
how we have blown it up.
(28:42):
Yeah, and then, and then I thinkabout the book, how, how
there's one parable you did awhole lot to, to to explain it,
to bring it to life, to to makeit today so it's more relatable.
And I just think that's awesomeBecause it's like we get
(29:05):
information and then we getfiction, you know, and then we
get info and a story.
I just liked how you put thebook together and you were
saying something aboutcompassion for self.
I think when we're goingthrough trauma, we have this
(29:25):
feeling of somewhere along theline, we did something, we
weren't good enough, we missedthe mark somewhere, and we start
beating up ourselves buthearing that it's not just you
(29:45):
self that helps you heal, it'sothers that come into play, that
help you heal.
So how is it that saints whosee you going through, how can
we actually help you withoutmaking you feel like something
(30:09):
is wrong with you?
Isabell (30:29):
If somebody went through a really like, if
there's been a loss in a familyor a physical injury, I mean
just showing up for the physicalneed, bringing food to families
, being Jesus in skin, is thebest way that we can.
But if you think about what theGood Samaritan did, I love the
wine, and then the oil, so thedisinfectant and then the
comfort, and sometimes we needpeople to pour disinfectant
which might hurt.
And so if you have a positionin someone's life where you can
be like you know, give them thetough love, like this wasn't
your fault and you need to letthis go, but also following that
(30:54):
up with the oil.
You're so loved, you're sotreasured, you're so valuable,
and a lot of times when we getstuck in places of trauma, we
let the trauma become ouridentity instead of letting
Jesus really tell us who we are.
And so the Good Samaritan tookhim from the place of trauma and
set him on the road again.
And so there will be peoplearound you that are stuck in
places of trauma and to come upnext to them to say you are not
(31:18):
what happened to you.
You are a daughter or a son ofthe King, and there are so much
more that the Lord has for you.
This is not the end of yourstory and I'm going to love you
and come up next to you and I'mgoing to listen to the voice of
the spirit and talk where I needto talk, listen when I need to
listen, because sometimes we saytoo much and we need to just
shut up and let the person talkand get it out.
And that's important too.
(31:38):
But, being very sensitive tothe Holy Spirit, I think too,
being present.
Sarah (31:43):
You know, sometimes we want to say something to fix it
or to solve it, and sometimesyou don't need to do that.
Sometimes you just need to bepresent.
Yep, and it can be.
You know, we're going to take awalk, we don't have to talk,
we're going to sit and watch themovie or what, just just being
present.
And regardless of what they say, a lot of times when, when a
(32:06):
person has trauma, they, theycan say some ugly things and say
some stuff that you don't agreewith, and you know that's okay,
not the end of the world.
Um, if you, if you stay steady,stay steady.
I think that's one of the mostimportant things and you know
that's one of the scripturesthat we read in Lamentations 3.
Great is your faithfulness, thefaithfulness of God.
(32:29):
And you know, at the end of theBible it says well done my good
and faithful people.
Right, it doesn't say highachiever, you produce results.
This is faithful, and I thinkthere's just a whole lot of
value in showing up, beingconsistent and being faithful.
(32:51):
And a lot of times, what we sayisn't the end isn't as helpful
sometimes as just being steadyand present.
So I think there's a lot ofvalue in that and and not
freaking out.
People say things, people, youknow they cuss or they, you know
whatever, mad at god, I'mwalking away from god.
Okay, that's fine, you know.
(33:12):
It doesn't mean I'm leaving, Ijust I get it and and that's
where you're at today and thisis a place in your journey.
But it doesn't mean I'm cuttingbait and I'm out.
I get it.
I have my own struggles anddoubts and and that's not, it's
not the end, all be all.
We're just one human.
I, my dad, used to say this I'mone baker showing another baker
where there's bread.
You know, my dad used toremember him saying that yeah,
(33:37):
yeah, my my dad would say I'mjust one baker showing another
baker where there's bread.
Lyvita (33:45):
Oh, wow, yeah.
Sarah (33:47):
And my dad was.
You know, he was good at someof that.
He was also a little quirky, Alittle different.
Lyvita (33:57):
Oh, I like that.
So how do we know that we arehealing from?
Isabell (34:02):
trauma.
Yeah, so a great temperaturechecker is your self-talk.
We talked about that If you'reable to talk well about yourself
and if you're able to look inthe mirror and see what Jesus
sees and not what happened toyou.
The other thing is the traumaresponses are fight, flight or
freeze and so like for me, whenI was in the car after the car
(34:28):
accident and I'm freaking outbecause I'm in the passenger
seat, there's that fear and thattrauma response.
I recognize that that was atrauma response and so, moving
forward, I'm able to check inwith myself.
If I'm sitting in the passengerseat of a car, am I scared
anymore?
Am I frightened?
Is this causing me to freeze up, to lock up, to get scared, to
want to leave the car?
(34:50):
And then also in the way thatwe treat the people around us
you were talking about, ifsomebody is going through a
trauma, they might say somereally cruel things to you and
you might lash out to the peoplethat are close to you and you
know through your healingjourney, if you're able to
understand like the peoplearound me are not here to you,
(35:10):
know, hurt me, but they're hereto help me, and so when you stop
lashing out and are able toforgive yourself and also to
forgive God and um, just to sitin peace, too, and to let
yourself be mad.
But to let yourself be happyand to experience the range of
human emotions is reallysignificant too, because after a
(35:31):
trauma you can freeze up andget numb, but if you're able to
grieve, but you're also able toexperience joy, that's a really
good sign.
Like you're not numb,congratulations, that's really
good I think I think too.
Sarah (35:45):
Um, one of the things for healing, too, is that I
recognize it and then that thereare triggers that that I can,
that, if I'm aware of some ofthose triggers and my behaviors,
I recognize this behavior is aninstinct or trigger from this
experience.
Right, and then I think too,choosing, I have free will, I'm
(36:11):
not controlled, I'm notdominated, and I think the whole
fight, flight or freeze, if youfind yourself being combative
and hostile and aggressive, orif you find yourself like
shutting down, you know, thenthose are those trauma instincts
a lot of times and think aboutit, is this my best self or is
(36:33):
this the trauma self?
If I'm hostile, if I'maggressive and I'm, you know, I
have friends who that's, theirfirst instinct is to fight, you
know, and I'm like my firstinstinct is to run away.
I'm a flighter, yeah Right.
Sometimes I freeze too.
(36:54):
I was about to say I'm a freezer, yeah, but if, if we find
ourselves doing that, then wehave to and and recognizing oh,
that's what I'm doing, but it'snot my best self.
So I think it's a little bit ofof awareness and I think it's
really important.
Holy spirit leads us into truthand I think we have to have
(37:16):
Holy spirit.
He is our comforter.
Holy spirit speaks truth to us,leads us into truth about
ourselves as well as others.
So I think that's a veryessential ingredient for us in
continuing to heal.
Lyvita (37:35):
I want to sum this up by saying we talked about bringing
it to the Lord, talking it,talking it through, recognizing
it.
Recognizing that we have trauma, that we've gone through
something, Recognize thetriggers, Be honest.
And that brings me back to canwe talk to God?
(38:00):
Remember the boy.
Isabell (38:03):
Yeah.
Lyvita (38:05):
So it's about talking to him and also making sure that
when we're in the state thatwe're with community, yeah, 100%
.
I want to say thank you forbeing a part of this episode,
because trauma was a big thingfor me this year.
(38:27):
What's in the future for thetwo of you?
Isabell (38:30):
I mean later today I'm gonna be getting lunch um are
y'all gonna plan another book,or yes?
Sarah (38:41):
we are, we are.
We're working right now on kindof a sequel to this.
So this is called Road toWholeness and then the sequel is
the Road Home and it's based onthe Prodigal Son.
Oh, stop, yeah.
And one of the things that'scool on this, this project, is I
wrote the nonfiction part, likeall the Bible stuff, and Isabel
(39:05):
has written the second half ofit.
So it's a joint project.
She's done the fiction part,which is a modern day allegory,
and the allegory makes it sohelpful to us because sometimes
you read the bible and it's likeyou know somewhere three
thousand two.
It doesn't relate.
But Isabel, when you wrote thefiction piece, tell us a little
(39:28):
bit about kind of your heartbehind that.
Isabell (39:30):
So Jesus used parables throughout his whole ministry,
and the power of story is sosignificant.
And there's a reason why heused parables because his
audience could imaginethemselves into a story better.
And so I think that when wepresent this parable as a modern
day allegory, it's easier toimagine ourselves into the story
(39:53):
if it's more relatable, and soI love the power of story.
Cs Lewis is one of my favoriteauthors and I feel like when you
read Narnia and you fall inlove with Aslan and then he dies
, you're like what?
And you're like, oh my gosh,it's Jesus.
What, that's crazy.
And so I had so much fun withthis allegory and just kind of
(40:15):
let my creative gifts flow.
But this next one, the RoadHome, is going to be the
retelling of the Prodigal Sonparable, and there's going to be
some characters from this firstbook that show up in the Road
Home Interesting, yeah, thecharacters that you know and
(40:36):
love.
You might see again.
Oh, okay.
Lyvita (40:40):
Okay, you know y'all know my email.
Oh, okay, okay, I'll be.
You know y'all know my email.
That's great.
So how can we reach?
How can the listeners contactyou, find out more about you?
Isabell (40:56):
Yeah, you can get the book on Amazon, on Barnes and
Noble.
You can follow us on socialmedia.
My mom is Sarah Genuine Love.
I'm your pal, isabel.
I'm only on Instagram, though.
You can get the book on.
Sarah (41:10):
Amazon, Barnes and Noble I think there's a couple of
mortar brick stores that havethem as well, so it's easy to
grab one easy.
Lyvita (41:18):
But say, if you get the Create Space, you'll actually
have the book review, so you canfind out even more.
Okay.
So any last words about healingfrom trauma before we close out
.
Isabell (41:33):
Don't be afraid of the healing process.
I know that it can be reallydifficult to start that journey
into healing, especially ifyou've been sitting in trauma
for years, into healing,especially if you've been
sitting in trauma for years.
But if we give those littleareas of our heart that are
still scarred to God, you cancreate something very beautiful
out of that.
Sarah (41:50):
I agree.
Lyvita (41:51):
Yes, yes.
So, isabel, can you pray us out?
Isabell (41:57):
Yeah, absolutely, lord.
I thank you right now for theopportunity to get to come
together in unity and to get tocome together, um, to really
seek your heart for for traumaand for traumatic situations.
And I thank you, lord, that yourheart is not for us to stay in
that place of brokenness, but tocome up next to each other, to
lift each other up and tocontinue on our own journey, um,
(42:19):
and our own road to wholeness.
And I thank you, jesus, thatthat every person listening
would experience your HolySpirit in a new way to receive
not only the healing for thingsthat have happened to them, but
also to best help those aroundus who have been dealing with
traumatic situations.
Thank you, jesus, for helpingus learn to recognize trauma,
(42:39):
but not only to recognize, butto learn to grow and to heal and
to move forward hand in handwith you.
So, jesus, we welcome you intoall of the dark and twisty areas
of our heart, the scary parts,and we ask you to just be our
comforter and bring light andjoy and wholeness, and we thank
you and we praise you in yourname.
(43:00):
We pray, amen, amen, amen.
Lyvita (43:08):
Saints, thanks for tuning in.
If you enjoyed this episode,then get your free newsletter
called Create Space to help youdeclutter your mind, make sense
of your heartaches and improveyour self-talk so you can go and
do what God's called you to do.
All this and more can be found,including my contact
information, onHangingOutWithJesusPodcastcom or
(43:31):
the show notes.
So until we meet again on theairwaves, intentionally and
daily hang out with Jesus Shalom.
Isabell (43:50):
That's so cute.
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