Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Saints, I got a treat
for you today.
Uncle Quincy is joining me onthe podcast.
So, saints, do you feel a needto please?
Does it seem like you are theone always giving out at the
expense of your own self-care?
(00:22):
You know you need to go to thedoctors, but can't because you
have to take care of or helpsomeone else.
What about on the job?
Are you doing over and abovework because you feel you need
to impress someone in order toget ahead?
(00:42):
So you do extra work, and evenunrelated to your job, in order
to be accepted and validated andapproved by those over you to
promote you?
Are you a people pleaser in yourmarriage, doing everything your
spouse wants and alwayswondering when it's going to be
(01:04):
your turn to do what you want todo, or accepting stuff you know
isn't right in your marriage?
In order to keep the peace,wise women, do we feel the need
to take care of everyone elseand have everyone else succeed
at dispense of losing the loveGod placed in us for ourselves,
(01:30):
to love ourselves, to take careof our individual self,
unashamed and unselfishly.
By the way, what's wrong withsaying no or not at this time?
Who told us that saying thosethings were being selfish,
(01:52):
inconsiderate and harsh.
Here's my point we are so busyhelping others get to where they
need to be and in the meantime,we are holding ourselves back
from doing what God's called usto go and do.
So the question lies how muchof yourself are you willing to
(02:14):
give up, lose, in order toplease others so they can be all
God's called them to be, at theexpense of you not doing the
same?
That's our discussion on thisepisode, with tips on how to
recognize when you're trying toplease others, how to reduce the
(02:36):
urge so you can stop, and howto hang out with Jesus to build
up your confidence to more of aGod pleaser than this.
Now on to the intro.
Welcome to Hanging Out withJesus podcast.
(02:56):
The podcast is teaching you howto spend time with with God in
order to declutter yourself-talk intentionally.
Hi, I'm Lovita, author, bibleteacher and speaker on a mission
with the purpose to help thesaints break free from the
things that distract us fromdoing what God's designed us to
(03:20):
do, and one of those things isbeing a people pleaser.
This is episode 98.
I pray this episode awakensyour senses to the truth of who
you are and who you belong to,so you can let go of the lies
and embrace doing what you arecalled to do.
Let's get started, ladies.
(03:43):
Let's be clear.
We are not super women, nor arewe invincible.
None of us wear capes, exceptthe mommies, grandmoms and
aunties playing with their young.
We cannot do it all, nor werewe designed to do that.
That's why the word delegate isso important, and God has given
(04:09):
us so many different gifts andtalents for us to help each
other out.
We do not have to be there foreverybody all the time and at
every time and every place, orthe world will stop spinning.
Now that I got that out,because I felt that, even if I
(04:33):
didn't say it, we might think weare when we know in the back of
our heads that we are not.
We are better.
We are prayer warriors, womenof God.
I want to make sure we are onthe same page about what a
people pleaser is.
It's a person who consistentlystrives to please others, often
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sacrifice their own wants orneeds in the process.
Yeah, that's a people pleaser.
They are someone who cares alot about whether other people
like them and always wantsothers to approve of their
actions.
Sounds familiar For me.
(05:22):
I would find myself saying yeswhen I should have said no and
having to adjust my scheduleseveral different times to
accommodate everyone.
I'd learned that beingconfrontational in my own house
would not help be a good thingto do, so I began to silence
(05:43):
myself for the sake of peace,not realizing that it was
filtering in other areas of mylife.
You see, people pleasing canmake you sick, and anxiety is
one of those clues that you haveor have overextended yourself.
(06:05):
It's just easier to keepeveryone else happy while you
make yourself miserable,resulting in illness that you
are too tired to take care ofyourself, and sometimes these
illnesses can stop you in yourtracks.
Saints, we don't even know thatwe are doing it,
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people-pleasing sometimesbecause we have been doing it
for so long.
The core of people-pleasing forsome is just feeling that you
aren't good enough just as youare.
Let me say that again the coreof people pleasing for some is
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just feeling that you aren'tgood enough just as you are.
People pleasers never reallyget to know themselves.
Pleasers never really get toknow themselves.
They find it difficult to knowthe authentic, the real, the
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precious.
The God made you because youhave been pleasing others more
than knowing yourself.
People pleasers are constantlybeing someone else or saying
things you might not believe orresonate with you.
Keeping silent when you want tospeak up, you are portraying
someone you are not and holdingback the real you so you won't
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be rejected or hurt.
This can lower your self-esteem.
Saints, I want to be clear.
I'm talking about peoplepleasing pleasing others at your
sacrifice.
People pleasing is connected toanxiety or being obsessed about
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every word a person says to you.
It's unattainable because itaffects the body and it becomes
exhausting.
This is how one can getconfused about their identity.
Because they want to pleaseothers, be a part of the group
and advertently begin toconvince themselves that they
(08:23):
are something or someone theyare not.
Like following your family tocontinue the gardening business
when you really would be happierdesigning dresses with flower
imprints.
Now, some of you might bethinking.
Matthew 22, verse 39, tells usto love our neighbor as yourself
.
Verse 39 tells us to love ourneighbor as yourself.
(08:44):
So our question to you is sowho are you?
How can you love someone, likeGod is instructing you to do,
when you don't love yourself?
Your first mistake is that youaren't treating yourself the way
God's treating you.
(09:05):
And if you are treating peoplebetter than you at the expense
of you, then you are nothonoring the God who made you.
You are just as important aseveryone else.
You are not any good to anybodyIf you aren't taking care of
(09:31):
yourself.
Saints, we will get back to theepisode, but I wanted to share
that next month we will becelebrating our 100th episode
and the major transition thatoccurred in my life to propel me
into the trust zone.
If you want to know what'shappening on future podcast
(09:52):
episodes, learn more aboutplanning productivity and
getting organized, with weeklyencouragement so you can go and
do what God's called you to do,then sign up for our email
community.
It's free Links in the shownotes.
Now back to the episode.
So here is how you can make ashift from being a people
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pleaser to more of pleasing Godso you can be whom he designed
you to be, without sacrificingself for others.
First, you need to be totallyhonest with others and yourself.
This will result in lastingrelationships, which consists of
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being vulnerable with eachother and trusting each other,
with each other and trustingeach other.
But, saints, being honest withyourself, that's also developing
within you a confidence inChrist, a confidence in who you
are, you get to learn you andremember you're hidden in Christ
(11:03):
.
So, therefore, whom do you goto to learn more about you?
That's right, the word of God,okay?
Second, facing what you areafraid of.
Oh, and this is a good one,y'all.
Facing what you are afraid of.
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You never know what will happenwhat you are afraid of.
You never know what will happenif you don't try.
Face your fears by disputing it.
I've been reading this bookcalled SOS Help for Emotions.
It was recommended to me by mytherapist.
You see, it's not the situationthat upsets you, but your
beliefs about that situation.
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The coulda, shoulda, woulda,what ifs.
I can't take this awfulizingand condemning self-talk is
clogging your thoughts.
This is why we have to disputethe emotion when it arises,
because it helps you face yourfear.
So let's take my fear flying.
(12:08):
I don't have it now, but I didso.
It was to the point where Irefused to fly unless it was an
emergency, and then my anxietylevels were on high alert.
So when I confronted thosefears, we're on high alert.
So when I confronted thosefears, shared what happens and
how it made me feel I pivot.
(12:30):
By disputing the thoughts thatwere arising from the fears, I
reminded myself that it's notthe situation that is upsetting
me, but what I believe and tellmyself about the situation.
I tell myself that I can dealwith it and begin to analyze my
(12:51):
self-talk, asking the HolySpirit to help me.
A third shift in learning how togo from people pleasing to
being a more authentic you islearn how to say no without
being mean.
It is so important that youlearn to confidently say no,
without getting upset, defensiveor looking like you're really
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saying yes.
Yeah, that last one, becausesometimes we can say no, but our
body, actions and everythingelse is saying yes.
So how, how do we do that?
After the person has asked thequestion, take a deep breath and
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hear yourself saying calmly no.
Then look them in the eyes andsay no, no explanation, just no.
And if they bug you, let themknow by saying that is my final
answer.
Then move on to another topic,even leave, if you find that
they are disrespecting yourwishes of not returning to a
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conversation you just answered.
Stand up for yourself.
A fourth shift that you can dois turn up the voice of the Holy
(14:23):
Spirit louder than the voicesof others by hanging out with
Jesus.
This means Bible study,memorizing Bible verses.
Praying in the spirit.
Hey, I purchased this bookcalled Color and Pray.
It was a prayer on one side anda picture to color on the other
.
I thought it was interesting soI tried it.
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I got it from Barnes and Noblesfor about $9.99.
Saints, I used the prayer as astarter and when I finished
coloring, I've prayed about somuch on my heart and you know
what it was really calming.
I didn't realize that thatcould actually work to calm you,
(15:12):
to get things off of your heart, to focus on the needs of
others.
Y'all that was a blessing.
And you see, there are timeswhen, when doing this, I
actually stopped talking andjust listened and I could just
hear.
You know the impressions thatGod was putting on my heart, the
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things that he wanted me tochew over and over and over.
It was a blessing.
And at one point I just got anepiphany and I wrote it down
real quick.
It's like whoa.
I'll put the link for it in theshow notes Now, just in case
(15:58):
you're interested.
I put the link in the shownotes.
I put the video in thecommunity email.
I put the video in thecommunity email.
Fifth way to shift from being apeople pleaser to more pleasing
God, so you can be whom hedesigned you to be, without
sacrificing yourself for others.
(16:19):
Deep breathing, saints.
(16:43):
Studies show that when youpractice deep breathing, it can
lead to better mental health,more focus, thinking clearly and
reducing feelings of anxiety,all of which can come from being
a paper blazer.
You have to take some deepbreaths.
Remember if you aren't takingcare of yourself, you really are
not helping anybody.
(17:03):
There is no way that you can beeffective, truly effective,
fully you if you're not takingcare of yourself and all you
want to do is take care ofeverybody else.
It's good you want to take careof everybody else.
It's bad that you're doing itat the expense of whom God has
designed you to be.
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You got to take care ofyourself, saints.
You gotta take care of yourself, saints.
So those are the five ways toshift from people pleasing to
taking care of yourself, so youcan please God.
Be totally honest with yourselfand others.
Facing what you are afraid ofsaying no.
(17:45):
Turn up the voice of the HolySpirit.
Deep breathing exercises.
So take some time today andanalyze whether you are a people
pleaser.
If you find that you are, thentake one of these suggestions
that I've spoken of on thisepisode and try implementing it
(18:12):
this episode and tryimplementing it Now.
If you receive the email theemail that I sent out twice a
month then you're going to findlinks in that on how to actually
do some of these activities.
Saints, it's all about beingwhom God has called you to be so
you can go and do what hecalled you to do.
Remember, we're each here on amission.
(18:34):
We've got to declutter the mind.
If you're sick or feelinganxious or fearful, all these
things clog up your mind.
They clog it up.
It's time to let it go.
It's time to take care of you.
Let's pray Our Heavenly Father.
(18:54):
Thank you for opening our eyesto what a people pleaser is and
does and then providing toolsfor us to pivot back to you.
Help us to seek out spendingmore time with you intentionally
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, so that we can declutter andbecome more focused.
And, following you In Jesus'name, we pray Amen and amen.
That's pretty good.
Thank you, uncle.
Saints, thanks for tuning in.
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If you enjoyed this episode,then get your free weekly
newsletter to help you declutteryour mind and improve your
self-talk, so you can go and dowhat God's called you to do.
All this and more can be found,including my contact
information onHangingOutWithJesusPodcastcom or
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the show notes.
So until we meet again over theairwaves intentionally, and
damn Hang Out With Jesus Shalom.