165: Beyond Content Communicating: Finding Strength in Painful Truths

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Truth can be both illuminating and devastating. When I recorded my very first podcast episode on "content communicating" with my then-husband, I believed we were strengthening our marriage by teaching others to "say what you mean and mean what you say." Little did I know he was actively betraying me throughout our entire year of podcasting together.

Looking back at that initial episode brings a mixture of embarrassment, pain, and unexpected wisdom. What began as a simple communication concept has evolved into something far more powerful in my life: telling the whole truth. Not just the polite truth or the partial truth, but the complete, nuanced reality of our experiences. This isn't just about clearly expressing whether you need a bathroom break on a road trip—it's about acknowledging the complex, sometimes contradictory truths that define our lives.

My truth included desperately wanting to save my marriage while ultimately choosing divorce. It included building a life coaching career focused on helping couples rebuild after betrayal, then transforming that practice when I realized I couldn't be the poster child for staying together through infidelity. The whole truth is messy, painful, and ultimately freeing. Through my own healing journey, I've learned that speaking our complete truth—first to ourselves, then to others—forms the foundation for authentic living after betrayal. Whether deciding to skip an event where seeing my ex would trigger dysregulation or setting boundaries that honor my wellbeing, this practice of whole-truth telling has become my compass. Original episode on Content Communicating I did with my former spouse: Cue the Cringe. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/happily-even-after-with-life-coach-jen/id1566971244?i=1000522868984

Ready to explore what telling your whole truth might reveal? Connect with me at [e-mail] or follow me on Instagram and Facebook @HappilyEvenAfterCoach. Together, we'll navigate the path to your own happily even after—one honest conversation at a time.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to my podcast Happily, even After I'm life
coach, jen, I'm passionate abouthelping people recover from
betrayal.
I rode the intense emotionalroller coaster and felt stuck
and traumatized for years.
It's the reason I became atrauma-informed, certified life
coach who helps people like younavigate their post-betrayal
world.
I have the tools, processes andknowledge to help you not only

(00:32):
heal from the betrayal butcreate a healthy future.
Today we begin to help you livehappily even after.
Hey friends, welcome to today'spodcast.
So for those of you that havebeen listening to me for a while
all several hundred podcasts Istarted doing this podcast with

(00:53):
my former husband, which I knowthat sounds crazy and now that I
think about it it's kind ofslightly embarrassing and
uncomfortable.
But you know, when I made thatdecision I had just become
certified as a life coach and Iloved Jodi Moore, her podcast

(01:14):
Better Than Happy, and I thoughtlet's do a podcast together.
This could be really connecting.
We're like working on a goalwhich is very helpful in
rebuilding a marriage and, ofcourse, my former spouse was all
on board.
This is going to be amazing.
He is much more well.

(01:35):
I would say my thought abouthim in my marriage.
He was much more entertaining.
He was a better, morearticulate than I was.
Right, I did have all theknowledge from life coaching
that I wanted to share and Ireally kind of maybe my niche at

(01:56):
the time that I was consideringwas like I still was kind of
focused on betrayal, but kind ofhow you could create this
amazing marriage after betrayalright, rebuilding your marriage.
And I was going to be theposter child, the poster person
for that niche.

(02:17):
Right, like my spouse and I, wewere the ones, we were the
couple that could make itthrough multiple betrayals and
stay married and have thisamazing marriage.
Okay, so this is what happened.
And when you start a podcast,we were told you need to do 10

(02:37):
podcast episodes.
Right, have those like in yourbank.
So we recorded 10 podcasts andI think we did it probably over
several sessions before weactually launched our podcast.
So we first introducedourselves and then we have this
concept we did our very firstpodcast episode on content

(03:00):
communicating.
Now the podcast started, Ithink, in May of 2021, but we
probably started recordingFebruary or March, april, right,
a few months before this to getthe 10 episodes we needed.
And now I know which I didn'tknow then was my spouse was

(03:22):
cheating on me during our entireyear of podcasting together, so
that makes it even more painful, right and more like I can't
believe that I did this.
So why it's embarrassing?

(03:43):
Right, like here, I thought wewere working on our marriage,
yet he was not working on ourmarriage, he was still having
affairs, so it was, in a way,feels like a lie, but actually,
like the information I wassaying, like I really believed

(04:04):
it, like I picked all of ourtopics and I really wanted to
help people, and I still reallywant to help people.
But I just have a totallydifferent perspective now
because I am divorced about myformer marriage, as well as
betrayal and how devastating itis, because at that time I also

(04:34):
didn't know how much trauma Iwas holding on to and how much
trauma I had that I had for over20 years, and so, anyways, I
thought I would revisit our veryfirst podcast together and what
we talked about.
We called it contentcommunicating, and it was a good
podcast.
I re-listened to it the otherday and I didn't erase them from

(04:55):
the world, which my kids werelike why not, mom?
Why would you want those outthere?
But for me I think it's a goodreminder where I was, who I was
then and who I am now.
So they are out there.
I don't usually talk about them, but I thought, why not?
Because it's actually goodinformation.

(05:16):
And I have a little differentspin on it.
But it was called contentcommunicating and it was
something we actually taught ourkids and we did in our family.
It's say what you mean and meanwhat you say.
And there was Dr John Lund.
He was like a I don't know apsychiatrist or something.

(05:39):
He wrote a book and we read hisbook and we actually listened
to it on CDs.
So that's how it was like inthe early 2000s that we learned
this concept, when you used tohave a CD player in your minivan
and anyways.
So we talked about this and we,you know, taught our kids like

(06:00):
say what you mean and mean whatyou say.
And now, like fast forward tothe things I've learned with
coaching and I love Jodi Moore.
She's like I learn so much fromher.
I listen to coaching every daybecause I want to be a better
coach, I want to help my clientsbetter.
So I always am in training andlearning and growing and really

(06:22):
it's more about telling thewhole truth.
That's kind of the premise moreabout telling the whole truth.
That's kind of the premise backwhen Dr John Lund was around,
but now what Jodi Moore she'snamed it is like telling the
whole truth, and what that meansis the whole truth is that I

(06:43):
was working on like, if we'regoing to go to the podcast, I
did a podcast with my formerspouse and I was really trying
to save my marriage.
I did not want to get divorced.
I had an amazing life.
I had four kids.
I had this dream that my familywas going to be forever and

(07:04):
that I could do hard things andthat I could become the version
of who my spouse wanted me to be, like I could change for him.
Right, he for sure was notwilling to change for me, but oh
, I could, because I could fixit, I could rebuild it, I could
do these things, I could becomea good podcaster, I could become

(07:28):
a great coach.
All these things were true andmy spouse was unfaithful to me
and he lied to me.
And he lied to me while we weredoing our podcast and I was
devastated and it broke me inways that I never knew.

(07:49):
I could feel broken.
It fell at times that I wouldbe destroyed.
How would I ever recover fromthat, knowing that he was lying
to me during those podcasts,knowing that he was lying to me

(08:13):
during those podcasts?
And how embarrassing was thatand how uncomfortable and what
are people going to think of me?
And how will someone trust meif I didn't even know that he
was doing that?
How can I trust myself?
How could I ever recover?
So the whole truth is a lot morenuanced and painful and

(08:36):
interesting, right, and soContent communicating 100% is
important.
Right, it's important to speakour truth, but sometimes the
truth is really hard to hear andsometimes it's really hard to
say of your story.

(09:00):
I think the stronger you willbe, the more confident you're
going to be, the more honest.
What if both are true?
What if the truth is just morecomplicated?
We're human beings living ahuman life and I think it's

(09:21):
important to teach our kids like, yeah, mom, I want to do the
dishes, I want to help you dothe dishes, but I can't right
now, but can I do them later orwhatever.
I mean it doesn't have to belike heavy things, right, it can
be with everything, like, hey,can you watch my child?
You know well, the truth is, Ireally love you and I want to

(09:44):
watch your child.
However, I have a lot going ontoday and just today is not
going to work.
That's the whole truth.
So the more you can get clearabout what the whole truth is,
just the more happier, the morefulfilled your life is going to
be.
And in a marriage, it can bereally hard to say the whole

(10:06):
truth.
In a family, it can be reallyhard to say the whole truth,
because the truth was Idesperately wanted to save my
marriage and yet I ultimatelychose to get divorced.
Because also the truth was Iwanted to be married to a man
that loved me for me and thatwas going to be honest and not

(10:31):
lie to me and not be sleepingaround with other women Like
that's not who ultimately Iwanted to be married to.
So I had to face the hard truthand ultimately decide to choose
to get divorced.
So I'm going to put the old ourpast content communicating
episode in the show notes and ifyou want to listen to it, it's

(10:55):
fascinating.
I mean we talk about thingsthat are trivial, about dishes
and like going out with friendsdoing things.
I did listen to it, but now Ican't remember.
As I'm talking to you.
I can't remember exactly thescenarios we gave, but like one
of them was a couple that hegave in his example, a couple

(11:19):
for like years and years.
She would ask her spouse likehey, have you read your
scriptures?
And he finally was so fed upwith his wife asking him if he'd
read his scriptures that hesaid quit asking me that.
And she's like I don't care ifyou read your scriptures or not,

(11:40):
I just want to know if I canturn the light off, right.
And so we have these littlethings in our marriages all the
time.
That he was assuming, right, weknow what happens when we do
that.
And then she wasn't reallyclear of why she was asking him
the question.
She wasn't saying hey, babe,are you done reading?

(12:03):
Because I want to turn thelight off and the lights on my
side of the bed, right, so wecould just be a bit more clear,
right?
Or the couple, that is, onestarving or one, has to go to
the bathroom.
And they're driving and theysay, hey, do you need to go to
the bathroom?
And they're like no, and thenyou sit and get mad, right?

(12:26):
Well, because you weren'ttelling the whole truth.
You weren't telling actuallyhey, babe, I need to go to the
bathroom.
Could we stop at the next stopor whatever, right?
So those are kind of the thingswe talked about Fascinating, I
think it's a great concept.
Fascinating, I think it's agreat concept.
But I like the idea of thewhole truth, the whole truth,

(12:56):
the whole like.
Looking at it, there isprobably some good truth, right.
Like, yes, I really want tohelp you and I'm booked today.
I can't.
Or, you know, I have things allthe time I have.
If you're working or have aschedule, like, someone will ask
you to do something and itfeels disappointing.
You want to do that, that funthing, and you're like, oh, I
have a doctor's appointment, butyou can't really change that.

(13:18):
You need to keep thatcommitment.
So the whole truth is, yes, Ireally want to go no-transcript
if you tell the whole truth andsome conversations are harder

(13:43):
than others I love you, son ordaughter, and the truth is we
can't afford it or I don't feelcomfortable giving you money for
that.
Could we brainstorm another wayfor you to get money for that
or I don't know.
I'm just randomly thinking ofthese things right now, but

(14:03):
anyways.
So that was my very firstepisode of my podcast.
Actually used to have adifferent name as well, but I
thought it was important and soI just wanted to revisit it,
because I actually use tellingthe whole truth, like I've
reframed that contentcommunicating into is this the
whole truth?
Like I've reframed that contentcommunicating into is this the

(14:23):
whole truth?
And sometimes I'm not evensaying it to anyone, I'm just
introspectively deciding what'sthe whole truth for me in this
situation.
Right, the truth is I am goingto get really dysregulated if I
have to go to that event and seemy former spouse, so I value my

(14:47):
regulated self more than Ivalue going to that event.
So just really getting honestwith myself and I think it's a
really important thing topractice doing.
Anyways, hopefully you enjoyedthe flashback of my very first
podcast that I ever did.
Besides, like the introducingof ourselves, and I think the

(15:10):
concept still stands, I just dida little different tweak on it.
Have a beautiful day and I willtalk to you next week.
If you want to learn how tolive happily even after, sign up
for my email at hello atlifecoachjenwith1ncom.
Follow me on Instagram andFacebook at Happily Even After.
Coach, let's work together tocreate your happily even after.