July 28, 2025 • 17 mins
Grief comes in many forms, but society often ranks and responds to them differently. Research suggests that divorce—particularly after betrayal—can be more painful than losing a spouse to death, though making this claim often raises eyebrows. The key difference lies not in the intensity of pain, but in how we process these losses and how others respond to our suffering.
When someone dies, you're permitted to keep loving them. Your memories remain untainted, and their absence, while devastating, doesn't force you to question if anything was ever real. With divorce after betrayal, every memory becomes suspect. That anniversary trip? Was your spouse texting their affair partner throughout? That family Christmas? Was it all a performance? This questioning of your entire shared history creates a unique form of trauma.
Society's response amplifies this pain. Widows receive casseroles, company at church, and flowers on anniversaries. Divorcees often face silence and isolation. As one client repeatedly expressed, feeling "rejected" compounds the abandonment. Co-parenting requires regularly facing the source of your pain—like voluntarily stepping into fire multiple times weekly. The healing journey demands moving from love to temporary hatred before reaching neutrality, a complex emotional path not required when grieving death.
This isn't about comparing tragedies or diminishing the profound grief of losing a spouse to death. Rather, it's a call for equal compassion and understanding for different forms of loss. Both experiences require deep healing, support, and time. If someone you know is going through divorce, especially after betrayal, consider showing up for them with the same care you'd offer a widow. They're grieving too, just in a different way. Sometimes the person who needs a meal delivered or company on a hard day isn't who we traditionally think needs support—but they're hurting just the same.
Ready to transform your post-betrayal journey? Follow me on social media @happilyevenaftercoach or email hello@lifecoachjenwithonen.com to learn how we can work together toward your own "happily even after."
Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.
Email me: hello@lifecoachjen.com for any comments or questions.
Thanks for listening, please like and review as well as share with your family and friends.
My website is www.lifecoachjen.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to my podcast .
Happily Even After.
I'm life coach, jen.
I'm passionate about helpingpeople recover from betrayal.
I rode the intense emotionalroller coaster and felt stuck
and traumatized for years.
It's the reason I became atrauma-informed certified life
coach who helps people like younavigate their post-betrayal
world.
I have the tools, processes andknowledge to help you not only
(00:32):
heal from the betrayal butcreate a healthy future.
Today we begin to help you livehappily even after.
Hey friends, welcome to today'spodcast.
So today I'm going to talk aboutsomething that may feel
controversial for me to say, andyou might be like Jennifer, you
don't know what you're talkingabout, but I did some research
(00:52):
and there is a lot of researchthat they say divorce is even
more painful than your spousedying.
So I know some of you mightdisagree with me, especially if
you had your spouse die, but I'mjust going to talk to you about
why I think this is true.
Okay, I haven't didn't have myspouse die, but to me I feel
(01:15):
like I would have rather had himdie, and I know that sounds
harsh.
And I'm just going to tell youwhy.
And I have had people that Ilove very much die in my life
and I'm just going to tell youwhy and I have had people that I
love very much die in my lifeand I don't know.
We don't necessarily need tocompare it Like, oh yeah, well,
my tragedy was worse than yourtragedy.
That's not really what I'mtrying to say.
(01:35):
I just want you to think, likeour society, how we treat
divorce versus how we treatdeath.
Okay, both are a mourning, aloss, a grief.
We have to feel grief.
I think people of course,already know if your spouse or
your dad or brother know you'regoing to feel grief, but I don't
(01:57):
think they quite get it.
When we get divorced, I don'tthink people get.
The grief is the same andsometimes heavier because that
person that you loved is stillon earth.
Yet now you hate them, right.
It's like and I'm not sayingyou have to hate who you divorce
(02:21):
, but you kind of do, in myopinion, to get over the divorce
it's like a process, but whensomeone's spouse dies, you still
get to hold on to all thosememories of your entire life.
They die and you still lovethem, right, and you still get
to enjoy all those memories indivorce.
(02:41):
And I'm going to add betrayalIf your divorce is because your
spouse had an affair, hadbetrayed you, and then all the
things that go along with thatemotional abuse, manipulation,
lying, just all those toxicbehaviors that are usually
attached to betrayal.
(03:01):
Then you get divorced and thenyou look at your whole life and
you're like was my life real orwas that pretend?
What part was real?
Like every vacation youquestion, were they having an
affair during that vacation?
So they were on the vacationbut they were texting their
mistress back home, right?
And so all these things playinto this, right, and so all
(03:29):
these things play into this.
Okay, so that's how I think itfeels.
Harder and different, maybe,than your spouse dying.
I recently had a good friend,slash neighbor of mine.
Her husband died and it wastheir wedding anniversary a few
days ago and someone sent herflowers, which I think is really
sweet.
I think I've also have a reallygood friend.
Her husband died I think fiveyears ago now and I think I sent
(03:52):
her flowers on her weddinganniversary, or at least I know
I've sent her flowers a fewtimes and I'm not telling people
like, oh, you should send meflowers, people like, oh, you
should send me flowers, but noone, I don't think is sending
people flowers on theanniversary when you get
divorced, right, even thoughthat is a extremely hard day
(04:13):
especially the first anniversaryafter you get divorced for most
people, especially if you werethe one that didn't necessarily
want it or you were the betrayedpartner, right, like for me, I
wanted the divorce, but stillall those firsts were extremely
hard for me and my kids, right,the birthdays, the Christmases,
(04:37):
the Thanksgiving, all those werereally hard.
And so I think our society, wethink of the oh, the widow or
the widower.
Those are really hard and maybeacknowledge it more than the
divorcee, and we don't need tochange.
I just want you to be aware,especially if you have people in
your life that are divorced,maybe start thinking about it
(04:58):
differently.
Maybe that is hard and it'slike well, aren't they glad to
be rid of so-and-so yes, andit's still sex and it's still
hurtful.
And it's like, well, aren'tthey glad to be rid of so-and-so
yes, and it's still sex andit's still hurtful and it's
still hard.
Okay, and especially if youhave kids I was talking to my
kids about this because I thinkthat they, for them too, it
might have been better had theirdad died, because people might
(05:20):
have like, like, come to helpthem, whereas, oh, your parents
are getting divorced.
Let's stop talking to them.
It kind of felt like that tothem, and it's not only your
dad's getting divorced.
Your dad had an affair and isgetting remarried to his affair
partner, right?
So it just.
It's almost like people justdon't know what to say and so,
(05:43):
instead of saying anything, theysay nothing and avoid you.
Right, that goes back to wedon't know what to say, and so,
instead of saying anything, theysay nothing and avoid you.
Right, that goes back to wedon't like to feel uncomfortable
, so let's not say anything thatcould maybe really help someone
.
Okay, loving someone thatdoesn't love you back and
choosing someone else isdevastating Things you feel when
(06:04):
you get divorced.
You feel abandoned, unwanted,unlovable, rejected, as one of
my clients keeps on saying.
I just feel rejected, and sothat's really hard.
You feel all those things, andso you're in that moment, if you
can imagine yourself like hereyou've gotten divorced and then
(06:27):
no one calls, no one comes over,no one's bringing you dinner,
no one's saying anything to you,but on the flip side, if your
spouse had died, you're gettingmeals brought in, people are
coming sitting by you at church,they're texting you right, it's
(06:48):
just different.
So maybe I'm just trying to getus to think about this.
Think about my friend at churchshe never sits alone and I
usually am the one that tries tosit by her because I'm sitting
alone and but someone, if I showup a little bit late, someone
has already gone to sit by herand then I go, you know, and I'm
(07:10):
not mad, I'm not sad, I'm notfeeling sorry for myself, but
like, is someone making theeffort?
Like, oh, that woman, she'sjust got divorced.
Maybe let's really try to makesure she sits by someone, right?
I don't know if we're thinkingthat.
I haven't had that experienceand I'm not judging anyone.
(07:30):
I'm just having you think aboutit For me, my healing journey
for me, and divorce I stillloved my husband when I divorced
him and I know that soundscrazy because, yeah, he caused
me lots of pain, but I stillloved him.
I really still.
(07:51):
I wanted to stay married and Ithought surely he could change,
but he didn't, and so I was okaygetting divorced.
Thought surely he could change,but he didn't, and so I was
okay getting divorced.
But when you love someone, it'slike for me, I had to go to the
complete opposite end and tryto hate him.
And how I did that was I had anotes app and I put everything
(08:13):
horrible that he did, all thelies, all the women, all the
things right.
Anytime I had a memory pop upand I thought, oh my gosh, I
can't believe he did that, putit in there.
So in the moments at midnightor two in the morning where I
would wake up crying or sad orlike, oh my gosh, why did this
(08:36):
happen to me?
I would read those and be like,okay, I remind myself that's
why I got divorced.
So it's like almost I had tohate him.
Then I don't like hating peopleand I really don't hate the guy
.
I feel bad for him.
So it's then I had to bringmyself back to neutral, right?
So then I'm not triggered byhim.
(08:56):
I really had to work on that.
But I believe you totally can,going from loving someone to
hating them, to feeling neutralabout them.
That's where I'm at today.
When someone dies, when yourspouse dies, you don't have to
do that.
You get to stay loving them.
You can like even remarrysomeone else and be like, oh my
gosh, I still love my spouse,and that's endearing and sweet
(09:18):
and kind and have lovingthoughts with your kids and talk
about them.
I can't even talk about myformer spouse with my kids,
right?
So it's just, it's like a wholepart of my life that I don't
talk about with people and noone talks about it with me
really, really besides my momand my dad, because he still
(09:39):
forgets that I'm divorcedsometimes.
So he'll bring it up and ask mequestions, but anyways.
So I just want you to be awarehow this could be painful for
someone that is divorced.
Another hard thing is that youcan still see them.
You still have to co-parent,especially if your kids are
little.
You still have to see thisperson that caused you so much
(10:01):
pain all the time.
So it's like, okay, let me gostep in the fire three times a
week or two times a week.
Now for sure we can get throughthat pain and love them to hate
them, to neutral, right.
But that's going to take sometime and it's going to take a
lot of work and a lot of energyand a lot of intentional
(10:22):
awareness to do that.
Lots of therapy, lots ofcoaching.
So of course, that's the ideal.
So it's not that way forever.
But the beginning of the divorceis hard.
Those people need just as muchsupport as someone that is a
widow that their spouse dies.
(10:43):
In my opinion, they need help.
They can't get out of bed.
I had a lot of help.
I had.
I have someone that cleans myhouse, someone that does my yard
through my divorce Thankgoodness, because I don't know
what would have happened, right.
But there's a lot of peoplethat are not as privileged as me
(11:04):
and don't have that opportunity.
So it's like they still have todo the laundry, still have to
get their kids ready, take themplaces, take care of them, and
when you're divorced, you'redevastated and it's really hard
to do all that.
So maybe consider if you have asister, a friend that got
divorced.
Maybe they actually do needhelp.
(11:25):
You have to grieve someone likethey died, right, but they're
still alive.
I kind of was talking about thesupport.
So just there's, I think, alack of support with divorced
people and a lot more supportwith widows, and maybe that's
okay.
(11:45):
Of course it's okay, like I'mgrateful, like thank goodness,
help everyone that their spousedied, for sure.
But maybe let's consider andchange the narrative a little
bit, like maybe people that getdivorced also need our help.
They need our support, right?
I think people do treat youdifferently, right, it's like
(12:07):
more of like, oh, you're a widow, like, oh, you're divorced, hmm
, I wonder what's wrong, like Ieven kind of think that.
Still, it's like, oh, whathappened to you, why did you get
divorced?
And I'm thinking that's me, Igot divorced and so the stigma I
think is still there a littlebit in our society.
If you disagree, please tell me.
(12:29):
I want to know, I want to hearwhat you're thinking.
I think divorce it's like whatdid you do wrong?
A little bit right, did you dosomething wrong?
Maybe?
I think even people that aremarried, all marriages are
complicated, right, it's justthe divorce it's more of an
announcement to the world.
Like our marriage for suredidn't work out.
(12:50):
We decided to end it.
But I do love that.
I was in a group, in amastermind of coaches and I
announced I had been with themfor a year.
My last meeting, in-personmeeting I announced it it was
with Jodi Moore and like 25other coaches and friends, and I
(13:13):
announced my divorce andeveryone stood up and clapped
and honestly, that was sovalidating and it felt amazing
that these peers who were manyof them my same religion, all
Christian, you know believe inmarriage, right, supported
marriage, and they all stood upand cheered for me and they were
(13:36):
so proud of me.
That felt amazing, like I was,like I didn't know that that
would feel so good, but it did,and so I just think, yeah,
divorce is sad but it's alsolike a liberation, like finally
you stood up for yourself, youhad courage to walk out on a
very emotionally abusivemarriage.
(13:57):
So I think both ways we canlook at it.
So what are your actions andyour thoughts?
Just, I think it's good who'sever listening to this is to
kind of consider like, do youthink about divorce and death
differently?
Do you know someone that died?
Like how did you react to them?
Versus how did you react toyour friend or your brother,
(14:20):
something getting divorced?
Like maybe there's things youwould like to do differently.
Start doing just things thatyou could implement right To
help people, because we all needeach other's help.
Healing is the way to get tothe other side of divorce and
death.
I think both you need healing.
(14:41):
Both are devastating, both arehard.
They're just a different heart,so not comparing them, just
different, and so healing fromthem is important to do.
And on the last note, justbecause I am starting to date a
little bit.
(15:01):
I even find myself like I likeI don't know if I would want to
marry a widow and I know I putlots of things I don't want to
marry or don't want to datebecause I'm like they're going
to be like, oh, I still reallylove my spouse, but I'm like I
(15:22):
just don't feel the same way,right, and do I want to marry
someone that's still in lovewith their spouse that died?
I don't know, and it's not thatI need my, if I do choose to
get married for them to hatetheir spouse.
Like I don't hate my formerspouse, right?
I just I'm glad I'm not marriedto him, but I don't know, I
(15:44):
just think it's an interestingdynamic.
I'm like I feel like widows arebetter off to marry each other,
but I may be wrong about that,I don't know.
I just was thinking about it.
I think it might be a little,just bit more challenging, right
, and then the kids are alwaysgoing to be carrying.
Well, you're not anything likeyour mom.
Now, that could totally happenwith someone that's divorced too
(16:06):
, but it just you have differentemotions when someone dies
versus getting divorced, andespecially when you get divorced
because of betrayal.
Anyways, those are deep thoughtsfrom me that I've been thinking
about, and so I would love toknow what you're thinking, if
you agree with me, if youdisagree with me.
(16:27):
I love when people disagreewith me.
It happens sometimes,especially on Instagram, and
it's usually men that disagreewith me, which I find
fascinating.
But anyways, if you liked thispodcast, I would love for you to
share it with your family andfriends and have a beautiful
week, and I will talk to younext week.
If you want to learn how tolive happily even after, sign up
(16:51):
for my email at.
Hello at life coach Jen withone ncom, follow me on Instagram
and Facebook at happily evenafter coach.
Let's work together to createyour happily even after.
Welcome to my podcast .
Happily Even After.
I'm life coach, jen.
I'm passionate about helpingpeople recover from betrayal.
I rode the intense emotionalroller coaster and felt stuck
and traumatized for years.
It's the reason I became atrauma-informed certified life
coach who helps people like younavigate their post-betrayal
world.
I have the tools, processes andknowledge to help you not only
(00:32):
heal from the betrayal butcreate a healthy future.
Today we begin to help you livehappily even after.
Hey friends, welcome to today'spodcast.
So today I'm going to talk aboutsomething that may feel
controversial for me to say, andyou might be like Jennifer, you
don't know what you're talkingabout, but I did some research
(00:52):
and there is a lot of researchthat they say divorce is even
more painful than your spousedying.
So I know some of you mightdisagree with me, especially if
you had your spouse die, but I'mjust going to talk to you about
why I think this is true.
Okay, I haven't didn't have myspouse die, but to me I feel
(01:15):
like I would have rather had himdie, and I know that sounds
harsh.
And I'm just going to tell youwhy.
And I have had people that Ilove very much die in my life
and I'm just going to tell youwhy and I have had people that I
love very much die in my lifeand I don't know.
We don't necessarily need tocompare it Like, oh yeah, well,
my tragedy was worse than yourtragedy.
That's not really what I'mtrying to say.
(01:35):
I just want you to think, likeour society, how we treat
divorce versus how we treatdeath.
Okay, both are a mourning, aloss, a grief.
We have to feel grief.
I think people of course,already know if your spouse or
your dad or brother know you'regoing to feel grief, but I don't
(01:57):
think they quite get it.
When we get divorced, I don'tthink people get.
The grief is the same andsometimes heavier because that
person that you loved is stillon earth.
Yet now you hate them, right.
It's like and I'm not sayingyou have to hate who you divorce
(02:21):
, but you kind of do, in myopinion, to get over the divorce
it's like a process, but whensomeone's spouse dies, you still
get to hold on to all thosememories of your entire life.
They die and you still lovethem, right, and you still get
to enjoy all those memories indivorce.
(02:41):
And I'm going to add betrayalIf your divorce is because your
spouse had an affair, hadbetrayed you, and then all the
things that go along with thatemotional abuse, manipulation,
lying, just all those toxicbehaviors that are usually
attached to betrayal.
(03:01):
Then you get divorced and thenyou look at your whole life and
you're like was my life real orwas that pretend?
What part was real?
Like every vacation youquestion, were they having an
affair during that vacation?
So they were on the vacationbut they were texting their
mistress back home, right?
And so all these things playinto this, right, and so all
(03:29):
these things play into this.
Okay, so that's how I think itfeels.
Harder and different, maybe,than your spouse dying.
I recently had a good friend,slash neighbor of mine.
Her husband died and it wastheir wedding anniversary a few
days ago and someone sent herflowers, which I think is really
sweet.
I think I've also have a reallygood friend.
Her husband died I think fiveyears ago now and I think I sent
(03:52):
her flowers on her weddinganniversary, or at least I know
I've sent her flowers a fewtimes and I'm not telling people
like, oh, you should send meflowers, people like, oh, you
should send me flowers, but noone, I don't think is sending
people flowers on theanniversary when you get
divorced, right, even thoughthat is a extremely hard day
(04:13):
especially the first anniversaryafter you get divorced for most
people, especially if you werethe one that didn't necessarily
want it or you were the betrayedpartner, right, like for me, I
wanted the divorce, but stillall those firsts were extremely
hard for me and my kids, right,the birthdays, the Christmases,
(04:37):
the Thanksgiving, all those werereally hard.
And so I think our society, wethink of the oh, the widow or
the widower.
Those are really hard and maybeacknowledge it more than the
divorcee, and we don't need tochange.
I just want you to be aware,especially if you have people in
your life that are divorced,maybe start thinking about it
(04:58):
differently.
Maybe that is hard and it'slike well, aren't they glad to
be rid of so-and-so yes, andit's still sex and it's still
hurtful.
And it's like, well, aren'tthey glad to be rid of so-and-so
yes, and it's still sex andit's still hurtful and it's
still hard.
Okay, and especially if youhave kids I was talking to my
kids about this because I thinkthat they, for them too, it
might have been better had theirdad died, because people might
(05:20):
have like, like, come to helpthem, whereas, oh, your parents
are getting divorced.
Let's stop talking to them.
It kind of felt like that tothem, and it's not only your
dad's getting divorced.
Your dad had an affair and isgetting remarried to his affair
partner, right?
So it just.
It's almost like people justdon't know what to say and so,
(05:43):
instead of saying anything, theysay nothing and avoid you.
Right, that goes back to wedon't know what to say, and so,
instead of saying anything, theysay nothing and avoid you.
Right, that goes back to wedon't like to feel uncomfortable
, so let's not say anything thatcould maybe really help someone
.
Okay, loving someone thatdoesn't love you back and
choosing someone else isdevastating Things you feel when
(06:04):
you get divorced.
You feel abandoned, unwanted,unlovable, rejected, as one of
my clients keeps on saying.
I just feel rejected, and sothat's really hard.
You feel all those things, andso you're in that moment, if you
can imagine yourself like hereyou've gotten divorced and then
(06:27):
no one calls, no one comes over,no one's bringing you dinner,
no one's saying anything to you,but on the flip side, if your
spouse had died, you're gettingmeals brought in, people are
coming sitting by you at church,they're texting you right, it's
(06:48):
just different.
So maybe I'm just trying to getus to think about this.
Think about my friend at churchshe never sits alone and I
usually am the one that tries tosit by her because I'm sitting
alone and but someone, if I showup a little bit late, someone
has already gone to sit by herand then I go, you know, and I'm
(07:10):
not mad, I'm not sad, I'm notfeeling sorry for myself, but
like, is someone making theeffort?
Like, oh, that woman, she'sjust got divorced.
Maybe let's really try to makesure she sits by someone, right?
I don't know if we're thinkingthat.
I haven't had that experienceand I'm not judging anyone.
(07:30):
I'm just having you think aboutit For me, my healing journey
for me, and divorce I stillloved my husband when I divorced
him and I know that soundscrazy because, yeah, he caused
me lots of pain, but I stillloved him.
I really still.
(07:51):
I wanted to stay married and Ithought surely he could change,
but he didn't, and so I was okaygetting divorced.
Thought surely he could change,but he didn't, and so I was
okay getting divorced.
But when you love someone, it'slike for me, I had to go to the
complete opposite end and tryto hate him.
And how I did that was I had anotes app and I put everything
(08:13):
horrible that he did, all thelies, all the women, all the
things right.
Anytime I had a memory pop upand I thought, oh my gosh, I
can't believe he did that, putit in there.
So in the moments at midnightor two in the morning where I
would wake up crying or sad orlike, oh my gosh, why did this
(08:36):
happen to me?
I would read those and be like,okay, I remind myself that's
why I got divorced.
So it's like almost I had tohate him.
Then I don't like hating peopleand I really don't hate the guy
.
I feel bad for him.
So it's then I had to bringmyself back to neutral, right?
So then I'm not triggered byhim.
(08:56):
I really had to work on that.
But I believe you totally can,going from loving someone to
hating them, to feeling neutralabout them.
That's where I'm at today.
When someone dies, when yourspouse dies, you don't have to
do that.
You get to stay loving them.
You can like even remarrysomeone else and be like, oh my
gosh, I still love my spouse,and that's endearing and sweet
(09:18):
and kind and have lovingthoughts with your kids and talk
about them.
I can't even talk about myformer spouse with my kids,
right?
So it's just, it's like a wholepart of my life that I don't
talk about with people and noone talks about it with me
really, really besides my momand my dad, because he still
(09:39):
forgets that I'm divorcedsometimes.
So he'll bring it up and ask mequestions, but anyways.
So I just want you to be awarehow this could be painful for
someone that is divorced.
Another hard thing is that youcan still see them.
You still have to co-parent,especially if your kids are
little.
You still have to see thisperson that caused you so much
(10:01):
pain all the time.
So it's like, okay, let me gostep in the fire three times a
week or two times a week.
Now for sure we can get throughthat pain and love them to hate
them, to neutral, right.
But that's going to take sometime and it's going to take a
lot of work and a lot of energyand a lot of intentional
(10:22):
awareness to do that.
Lots of therapy, lots ofcoaching.
So of course, that's the ideal.
So it's not that way forever.
But the beginning of the divorceis hard.
Those people need just as muchsupport as someone that is a
widow that their spouse dies.
(10:43):
In my opinion, they need help.
They can't get out of bed.
I had a lot of help.
I had.
I have someone that cleans myhouse, someone that does my yard
through my divorce Thankgoodness, because I don't know
what would have happened, right.
But there's a lot of peoplethat are not as privileged as me
(11:04):
and don't have that opportunity.
So it's like they still have todo the laundry, still have to
get their kids ready, take themplaces, take care of them, and
when you're divorced, you'redevastated and it's really hard
to do all that.
So maybe consider if you have asister, a friend that got
divorced.
Maybe they actually do needhelp.
(11:25):
You have to grieve someone likethey died, right, but they're
still alive.
I kind of was talking about thesupport.
So just there's, I think, alack of support with divorced
people and a lot more supportwith widows, and maybe that's
okay.
(11:45):
Of course it's okay, like I'mgrateful, like thank goodness,
help everyone that their spousedied, for sure.
But maybe let's consider andchange the narrative a little
bit, like maybe people that getdivorced also need our help.
They need our support, right?
I think people do treat youdifferently, right, it's like
(12:07):
more of like, oh, you're a widow, like, oh, you're divorced, hmm
, I wonder what's wrong, like Ieven kind of think that.
Still, it's like, oh, whathappened to you, why did you get
divorced?
And I'm thinking that's me, Igot divorced and so the stigma I
think is still there a littlebit in our society.
If you disagree, please tell me.
(12:29):
I want to know, I want to hearwhat you're thinking.
I think divorce it's like whatdid you do wrong?
A little bit right, did you dosomething wrong?
Maybe?
I think even people that aremarried, all marriages are
complicated, right, it's justthe divorce it's more of an
announcement to the world.
Like our marriage for suredidn't work out.
(12:50):
We decided to end it.
But I do love that.
I was in a group, in amastermind of coaches and I
announced I had been with themfor a year.
My last meeting, in-personmeeting I announced it it was
with Jodi Moore and like 25other coaches and friends, and I
(13:13):
announced my divorce andeveryone stood up and clapped
and honestly, that was sovalidating and it felt amazing
that these peers who were manyof them my same religion, all
Christian, you know believe inmarriage, right, supported
marriage, and they all stood upand cheered for me and they were
(13:36):
so proud of me.
That felt amazing, like I was,like I didn't know that that
would feel so good, but it did,and so I just think, yeah,
divorce is sad but it's alsolike a liberation, like finally
you stood up for yourself, youhad courage to walk out on a
very emotionally abusivemarriage.
(13:57):
So I think both ways we canlook at it.
So what are your actions andyour thoughts?
Just, I think it's good who'sever listening to this is to
kind of consider like, do youthink about divorce and death
differently?
Do you know someone that died?
Like how did you react to them?
Versus how did you react toyour friend or your brother,
(14:20):
something getting divorced?
Like maybe there's things youwould like to do differently.
Start doing just things thatyou could implement right To
help people, because we all needeach other's help.
Healing is the way to get tothe other side of divorce and
death.
I think both you need healing.
(14:41):
Both are devastating, both arehard.
They're just a different heart,so not comparing them, just
different, and so healing fromthem is important to do.
And on the last note, justbecause I am starting to date a
little bit.
(15:01):
I even find myself like I likeI don't know if I would want to
marry a widow and I know I putlots of things I don't want to
marry or don't want to datebecause I'm like they're going
to be like, oh, I still reallylove my spouse, but I'm like I
(15:22):
just don't feel the same way,right, and do I want to marry
someone that's still in lovewith their spouse that died?
I don't know, and it's not thatI need my, if I do choose to
get married for them to hatetheir spouse.
Like I don't hate my formerspouse, right?
I just I'm glad I'm not marriedto him, but I don't know, I
(15:44):
just think it's an interestingdynamic.
I'm like I feel like widows arebetter off to marry each other,
but I may be wrong about that,I don't know.
I just was thinking about it.
I think it might be a little,just bit more challenging, right
, and then the kids are alwaysgoing to be carrying.
Well, you're not anything likeyour mom.
Now, that could totally happenwith someone that's divorced too
(16:06):
, but it just you have differentemotions when someone dies
versus getting divorced, andespecially when you get divorced
because of betrayal.
Anyways, those are deep thoughtsfrom me that I've been thinking
about, and so I would love toknow what you're thinking, if
you agree with me, if youdisagree with me.
(16:27):
I love when people disagreewith me.
It happens sometimes,especially on Instagram, and
it's usually men that disagreewith me, which I find
fascinating.
But anyways, if you liked thispodcast, I would love for you to
share it with your family andfriends and have a beautiful
week, and I will talk to younext week.
If you want to learn how tolive happily even after, sign up
(16:51):
for my email at.
Hello at life coach Jen withone ncom, follow me on Instagram
and Facebook at happily evenafter coach.
Let's work together to createyour happily even after.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Law & Order: Criminal Justice System - Season 1 & Season 2
Season Two Out Now! Law & Order: Criminal Justice System tells the real stories behind the landmark cases that have shaped how the most dangerous and influential criminals in America are prosecuted. In its second season, the series tackles the threat of terrorism in the United States. From the rise of extremist political groups in the 60s to domestic lone wolves in the modern day, we explore how organizations like the FBI and Joint Terrorism Take Force have evolved to fight back against a multitude of terrorist threats.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com