Celebrating Three Years: Reflections on My Post-Divorce Growth

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Have you ever wondered what life could look like three years after making one of the most difficult decisions of your life? In this deeply personal anniversary episode, I reflect on my three-year divorce milestone and the remarkable transformation that's occurred since choosing to end my 26-year marriage after experiencing betrayal.

The journey hasn't been easy. That first year was brutal—selling our home, moving, and watching my children struggle as they rated their healing at near-zero on a ten-point scale. But sitting here today, those same children confidently declare they're at a perfect ten. They're thriving, no longer fantasizing about their parents reuniting, but accepting and embracing our new reality with surprising contentment.

What's changed for me personally is even more profound. The thoughts of my ex-husband and his new wife that once consumed my mental space have faded into neutral territory. I'm dating again—something unimaginable just a year ago—and can even envision remarriage with the right person (though they'd need to bring something truly special to the table). Most importantly, I've reclaimed my sense of self. After 26 years of not choosing me, I finally did—and that choice has transformed everything.

Whether you're just beginning to process betrayal, considering divorce, or somewhere in the middle of your healing journey, this episode offers honest reflection and genuine hope. Choosing yourself might be terrifying, but the peace waiting on the other side is worth every uncomfortable step. If you're ready to move from victim to hero in your own story, I'd be honored to help guide you there. Let's create your happily even after.

Year 2 episode:https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/happily-even-after-with-life-coach-jen/id1566971244?i=1000656124266

1st year of divorce episode: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/happily-even-after-with-life-coach-jen/id1566971244?i=1000613968858

Please follow me on instagram and facebook @happilyevenaftercoach and if you want to see what coaching is all about I offer a free 45 min. clarity call via zoom.

Email me: [e-mail] for any comments or questions.

Thanks for listening, please like and review as well as share with your family and friends.

My website is www.lifecoachjen.com

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to my podcast .
Happily, even After.
I'm life coach, jen, I'mpassionate about helping people
recover from betrayal.
I rode the intense emotionalroller coaster and felt stuck
and traumatized for years.
It's the reason I became atrauma-informed certified life
coach who helps people like younavigate their post-betrayal
world.
I have the tools, processes andknowledge to help you not only

(00:32):
heal from the betrayal butcreate a healthy future.
Today we begin to help you livehappily even after.
Hey friends, welcome to today'spodcast.
I have another episode that I amdoing here in my home.
I like recording here sometimes, but I hope everyone's having

(00:52):
an amazing week.
In a few days it is my thirdyear divorce anniversary and in
the past I have done a podcast,so now this will be my third
divorce podcast that I've doneabout my personal divorce.
I've done lots of episodesabout divorce, but I thought it

(01:16):
was just appropriate andactually this week I spent some
time re-listening to thoseepisodes and I'm going to put
them in the show notes becausefor me, listening to my voice,
listening to what I said, wasvery powerful and I hope,

(01:38):
whatever journey you are on,whether you are just, you are
not not just.
But if you're healing frombetrayal while staying married
or if you're healing frombetrayal after a divorce or
you're still not sure, orwhatever.
Your journey is that you keep ajournal or use a voice memo and

(01:59):
talk into it and tell yourselfthings, because it was really
powerful for me to listen to howI felt and what I was thinking
a year after my divorce, twoyears after my divorce and now
this is the third year, and somethings that I have noticed

(02:22):
about myself.
First of all, going into 2025, Iknew I felt different.
I feel so much more like who Ialways was and always wanted to
be.
Now, obviously, I'm a differentversion of that, because now

(02:43):
I'm in my 50s, I have fourchildren.
I had been married for 26 years, so of course, all those things
play into who I am today and Iam really grateful for all the
things I have learned in my life, even though some of them have
been truly so hard that I don'tthink I would wish them on my

(03:07):
worst enemy.
But I am just really I just amfull of a lot of gratitude for
where I am and that I'm standingand that I'm thriving in my
life.
I would say Anyways, and so Ijust am really grateful for this

(03:27):
.
I guess lesson this is my, thisis what I'm supposed to learn,
and I really feel strongly thatI was called to help others that
are in a similar situation withexperiencing betrayal.
I was alone for so many yearsthat I just feel so strongly

(03:53):
that I don't want anyone else toever feel alone.
And I know I'm not thatpowerful I can't you know.
Of course people are going tofeel alone even if they're
surrounded by people.
But if I could just, you know,help someone, that just feels so
rewarding and it makes my painnot feel so painful, if that

(04:14):
makes sense.
So anyways, here I am, threeyears out, and what I've noticed
?
First of all, I asked some of mykids how they're feeling,
because on my first year ofdivorce, my kids said that they
were at a zero or a one as faras healing.
It was a rough year.
It was a really rough year.

(04:35):
It's like I did everything hard, and so did my kids that you
can like, all the most stressfulthings we experienced almost.
We moved, we sold our house, wegot divorced, their dad got
remarried so many hard things.
It was a lot, and so I'm sograteful we're not there, and so

(05:00):
last night I was talking to twoof them and they're like mom,
we're a 10.
And we in my house I'm like,hey, from one to 10, where are
you feeling today?
And just like to use that as agauge, because if you're a three
, okay, maybe you need something.
If you're an eight or even asix, okay, you're doing good.
So I asked that question a lotand they both said a 10.

(05:26):
And I was so happy to hear thatbecause I for sure I feel like
a 10.
Now, they personally don't feellike a 10.
, and that's okay.
They have their own struggles.
I mean, young adulthood isrough and it is challenging, so
I get that rough and it ischallenging, so I get that.

(05:50):
But as far as knowing andhaving their parents divorced,
they are at a 10.
So I feel so much gratitude forthat, because there's always
the kids that really just wanttheir parents to get back
together, because they think ifthey got back together they
wouldn't feel, you know,whatever right.
They believe theircircumstances are the reason
they're having all this dramaand all these problems.

(06:11):
But if you've been listening tome for any length of time, you
know it's our thoughts.
Our thoughts are creating ourfeelings.
Now, yes, sometimes thecircumstances do change how we
think and feel, just likesometimes, divorce for me, I
just couldn't have stayed andhealing could only happen

(06:36):
divorced for me and, I think,for my kids, and so they're not
fantasizing.
Oh, I hope my parents get backtogether right and so they're
older.
Maybe if they were little thatwould have been the case.
Who knows it?
Just if, whatever situationyou're experiencing, don't
compare yourself with otherpeople's experience, because

(06:59):
it's a different experience.
Yes, we may have a similarstory, but it is different.
You're unique.
Don't give up on youruniqueness.
Your situation is different,but also we are also very
similar and the same, so we canlearn from each other.
We can grow from each other.
Anyways, I just have lots ofgratitude For me.

(07:23):
I listened to my second year ofdivorce and that was better, but
still hard, and so I think nowI'm in the groove and I am in a
flow and I still I said thisbefore that I don't necessarily
identify as a divorcee.

(07:44):
I guess I mean I am, but Idon't feel.
I think I don't view it as anegative.
Like I am not ashamed that I'mdivorced, I think I don't view
it as a negative, like I am notashamed that I'm divorced, I own
it, I'm not hiding from it, butI don't feel like something's
missing.
I feel whole and complete on myown.
And I've really been thinkingabout this because I, you know,

(08:07):
started dating while I've beenon two dates with the same guy.
So I wouldn't, you know, say Ireally went deep into the deep
end on this yet, but it's justopened my mind to consider like,
oh, I actually could see myselfgetting remarried sometime.
Right, that's going to be thebest news for my former husband.

(08:29):
He'll be thrilled to not haveto pay me alimony anymore.
But you know, for me, I couldsee that, I could see that
happening.
And I couldn't see that lastyear I couldn't even imagine it.
But now I'm like, no, I thinkmaybe I could.
I don't know.
It'd have to be someone prettyamazing, and I'm perfectly fine

(08:53):
on my own.
So they're going to have tobring something really amazing
to the table.
And I don't mean a nice car andhouse, right, like I already
have a nice car and house.
I mean the qualities aboutrepair, about healing, about
owning their crap, and kindnessand honesty and love and willing

(09:17):
to work together, like that'swhat I mean.
So that's going to have to be apretty special person and you
know there's not a lot of thatout there.
I haven't at least experiencedit yet.
At least that are single, right, I'm sure there's a lot of
great men out there, but they'remarried, at least the ones that

(09:40):
I know.
That I think are pretty great.
So there's a few singles outthere, but I just who knows?
But at least I can see that formyself.
I can see, I want that.
I want my kids to have anothermale figure in their life, like
their dad is always going to betheir dad, but I just think that

(10:03):
would be helpful for them.
Divorce I just want you to knowif you're in day one or you're
considering it.
It is terrifying, it is soscary.

(10:24):
I remember I I mean, I wasstuck in fear for so many years,
so many years.
So don't judge yourself.
But what if?
What if it could be so muchbetter?
What if divorce is the answer?
I think we get stuck in.
We don't believe in divorce, orit goes against our values or
whatever, and I get that.
That's important.
Our values are important, butalso are your values that you're

(10:46):
staying married to someonethat's lying and having an
affair and cheating on you,refuses to get help and blames
you for all their behavior.
Right, like no, no, that is notthe way of it, that is not a
healthy way anyways.
So, yes, it is scary and it'samazing, like amazing.

(11:09):
I just I feel so at peace andlike in love with my life that I
can't imagine it getting better.
But maybe I just am expectingit to.
I'm like what else is going tohappen in my life?
What else amazing is going tohappen, because I feel so good
and I think my kids are in aplace they feel safe.

(11:34):
Emotionally safe, I don't.
We were never in physicalunsafety, right, like my former
spouse.
He was a, we're going to say,good guy.
Right, he was good in many ways, but emotionally safe,
absolutely not, definitely notemotionally safe, because super

(11:55):
critical and had all theseridiculous, in my opinion,
expectations.
And maybe they were normalexpectations, but for who I was
and who our kids were were notrealistic expectations.
And you know expectations,expectations.
What happens when we expectthings?

(12:16):
Right, it just brings lots offrustration and the amount of
resentment.
And then when you're living adouble life, right, there's no
room for error, there's no roomfor someone making a mistake.
You always can just see theirbad qualities, and I think I'm
actually going to do a podcastabout this, but anyways, so I

(12:39):
just feel really blessed and Ijust want to give any of you
hope out there that divorce, yes, is scary, but it also can be
amazing and you just have tokeep on taking one baby step at
a time.
I rarely like it's so great,like I honestly have so much.

(13:02):
Well, I feel very neutral aboutmy former spouse.
He used to consume and occupymuch of my brain space.
I thought about him all thetime.
I thought about his affair,partner slash wife.
All the time.
I was obsessed because, forwhatever reason, my brain was
telling me, in order for me tofeel safe, I need to think about

(13:24):
them, and then it would justcause me so much pain, all that
suffering that I did to myselfbecause it was so hard.
I'm like I loved him.
What's wrong with me?
Well, nothing was wrong with meand, quite frankly, I don't
know if I want to say what'swrong with him.
His preference was not me.

(13:45):
He didn't love me.
He didn't want to be married tome.
Well, he probably wanted to bemarried to me with someone on
the side, right, that would havebeen his preference, I'm
guessing, but I just I couldn'tdo it.
I was done.
I was like done doing that andthat's okay, like I hope he's

(14:06):
happy, I hope he is thriving inhis life.
I am very fortunate because Idon't have to see him really
ever.
I've seen him one time in theone year since the last time I
did this divorce, our divorceanniversary.
I've seen him once at mydaughter her graduation, and so

(14:28):
I luckily don't have to havethat.
I know it's a lot harder forthose of you that have to see
your spouse all the time, yourex-spouse, your former spouse
that's a bit more challenging.
It's harder to get them out ofyour head, anyways.
So I think I was thinking aboutI've never met his wife, which I

(14:50):
think is fine, but maybe odd, Idon't know.
So I was thinking maybe it'stime.
Maybe it's time to meet herbecause I do have four kids with
him and the odds of somethingeither good happening those are
pretty good odds and hopefullynothing bad but possibly that

(15:15):
we're going to have to get in aroom or be together or see each
other is pretty high with fourkids, especially our kids, the
ages of our kids.
Someone's going to have a baby,someone's going to get married,
you know, hopefully no one's inan accident, but you just never
know.
And so I was thinking I'm like,okay, I think it's time, I
think I'm in a good place, and Idon't know if we go to lunch,

(15:40):
I'm not sure what that lookslike, but I'll for sure let you
know.
I feel like I can do that, likeshe's not a threat to me, like
before.
I know the other woman isalways a threat.
It feels like a threat and forsure I have felt that I get that
, but I don't feel threatened orless than or.

(16:01):
Oh, poor me.
He didn't choose me.
He chose you.
Like, like, cry me a riverright.
Like, oh, I'm so sad buthonestly I'm so grateful because
guess who chose me Was me.
Finally, after so long, for 26years, I was not choosing me.
So lessons choose you, choosehealing.

(16:24):
You are worth it, you deserveit.
You.
You can get through the miseryof the hard of divorce.
There's things that are goingto come up.
It's always.
It always ends up being aboutmoney, which is so sad and
depressing, and but we needmoney to live, right.
So, anyways, that is my update.

(16:49):
I just can see that I amtransforming and becoming who I
always wanted to be, and thatfeels amazing and I feel very
honored and blessed.
To those of you that trust mewith your heart, with your

(17:12):
desire to heal that broken heartof yours.
I am so grateful that you havedecided like you are worth
choosing to get help and thatyou have chosen me as your coach
.
I will never take that forgranted and I feel so honored
that I'm able to do this workwith you.

(17:35):
And so, for those of you thatare listening, that haven't
taken that, haven't decided like, okay, I think I'm ready.
Right, you have to be ready andcommitted.
It's a commitment because it iswork and it's uncomfortable
work, but I know you can do itand I know you're worth doing it

(17:56):
for.
So I would love to talk withyou and I'd love to help you.
And I know that, even in a smallamount of time, the amount of
progress that you can make whenyou're doing something that is
intense and on purpose and itmakes you feel better, right,

(18:17):
instead of being stuck inbetrayal, misery, which I was
for so long and being the victimof your life is not fun.
So I just always think, likewhat if you're the hero of your
story Like, I feel like the heroof my life and I'm so grateful
that I chose me and I reallywant you to choose you.

(18:40):
Thanks so much for listeningand on you know, this third year
.
I can't wait to see what yearfour brings, but who knows, I
don't know.
Anyways, have a beautiful weekand I will talk to you next week
.
If you want to learn how tolive happily even after, sign up
for my email at hello, atlifecoachjenwith1ncom, follow me

(19:05):
on Instagram and Facebook atHappily Even After Coach let's
on Instagram and Facebook athappily even after coach.
Let's work together to createyour happily even after.