February 3, 2025 • 25 mins
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to my podcast .
Happily, even After.
I'm life coach, jen, I'mpassionate about helping people
recover from betrayal.
I rode the intense emotionalroller coaster and felt stuck
and traumatized for years.
It's the reason I became atrauma-informed certified life
coach who helps people like younavigate their post-betrayal
world.
I have the tools, processes andknowledge to help you not only
(00:32):
heal from the betrayal, butcreate a healthy future.
Today, we begin to help youlive happily even after.
Hey friends, welcome to mypodcast and I hope everyone is
enjoying their 2025 year and ifyou're not, I'm sorry.
There's been a lot going on inour world right now, but if you
(00:55):
remember, a few weeks ago I hada guest on.
Her name was Jessica Erickson,so if you didn't listen to it,
go back and listen.
I think it was December 30ththat she was on my podcast and
she helps people create visionboards.
So I hired her to help mecreate a vision board, because I
love making vision boards, butI like the concept of it and I
(01:20):
do like the creativeness of it.
But it was just so nice to meetwith her for an hour and a half
on Zoom.
I had come up with my goalsahead of time and then she's
going to print some differentsizes out so I'll be able to
(01:47):
have them in my house to remindme.
I just think having a visual ofwhat your goals are to remind
you.
And it's not too I think a lotof people get hung up on like,
oh, what if I didn't make mygoal?
Or or what if I'm behind, likeyou just realize you can't be
behind on a goal, just starttomorrow.
(02:09):
I have lots of thoughts For me.
I like to just say, okay, it'sone day at a time, or tomorrow's
a new day, or this is just anexperiment.
That has been really helpfulfor me in my business, because I
think before I was kind oftaking things personally, like
I'm doing it wrong, or why isn'tanyone hiring me, or why isn't
(02:33):
anyone listening to my podcast,or why aren't more people
interacting on my reel orwhatever, and I had to really
decide, like, wait a second,this is just an experiment.
I'm just experimenting becauseI've never done this before and
I'm just learning.
I'm not a professionalpodcaster or a professional
(02:56):
speaker.
I'm not a professional contentcreator, right, so I'm just
learning.
So that's been really helpful.
That thought has really servedme and maybe it will serve you.
And I think also like holdingloosely to your goals, like I
made some big goals and I'mgoing to share them with you,
some of them today, but I'm notgoing to make it mean anything
(03:17):
about me if I don't achieve theactual goal that I set for
myself, because at least I'mjust striving for it.
It's just helping me grow andprogress and become better at
things that I want to becomebetter at.
And also I think it's soimportant to make things fun.
So when you're thinking aboutdifferent things and realize
(03:40):
like you don't have to create orset your goals in January, you
could do it in February or March.
Like you get to decide how youryear ends, right, or when your
year starts.
I guess I mean we do taxes inApril, like so people's years
end and businesses, like theirtaxes are due in October.
So the government even hasdifferent year cycles.
(04:03):
Our schools start in August orSeptember, so you get to decide
when you want to start and endyour year.
It doesn't have to be inJanuary.
So don't feel like, oh my gosh,I'm behind, I haven't even had
a chance to think about what Iwant to do for the year, and you
can choose one thing to thinkabout or a lot of things.
(04:23):
Everyone's different.
So don't compare your goalswith what other people are
creating and, especially ifyou're experiencing betrayal
right now or going through adivorce or just experiencing a
lot of heartache, have lots ofcompassion for yourself, even if
your goal is just to make itthrough each day Like that's a
(04:45):
great goal, because sometimeslife is hard and we then make it
harder because we judgeourselves for not doing this
imaginary thing that we think weshould be doing.
So just have lots of compassionwherever you're at in your life
.
For me, I feel very driven andexcited because I have done a
(05:09):
lot of healing already frombetrayal and my divorce, and so
I feel like, okay, I'm ready, Iwant more, I want to ask a lot
of myself, but it's not foranyone else except for me, right
, it's helping me become theperson that I want to become.
So some ideas in your visionboard or making goals.
(05:33):
There's five parts of yourselfthat I think it's important to
consider if you want to grow.
You can choose one or all five,but a spiritual part of
ourselves and when I sayspiritual, I think people.
Some people get turned off like, well, I'm not religious, I
don't believe in God or I don'tgo to church, I have a lot of
(05:54):
church, hurt or whatever.
It's not about churchnecessarily.
It can be, but it's just likesomething that's bigger than you
, okay, and so it could benature or just whatever your
higher power is, and so yourspiritual self.
What do you want to do in thatarena?
(06:15):
Your physical body, youremotional self, your
intellectual self and yoursocial self.
So I think those are greatcategories if you need help
deciding like, okay, whatcategories could I think about?
The other thing that I lovepicking a word of your year to
kind of have it that be yourtheme for the year, and my word
(06:39):
that I picked this year isabundance.
I had three that I was thinkingabout, but abundance just felt
really like the right word forme, especially with the goals
that I'll be telling you aboutthat I've chosen that for me,
living in abundance means thereis always enough and more to
give, and a lot of times peopleare like, well, that's just a
(07:01):
money goal.
That actually, abundance can beabout money, but it can be
about time or energy or people,so you can have an abundant life
and not have a lot of money,like it doesn't have to be about
money.
It's really your thought abouthow you feel, and you know
(07:22):
people that live in scarcity,right, and so there's just never
enough and they're always thevictim.
So sometimes it's easy to gointo scarcity, and especially
for women that have experienceddivorce and have been a
stay-at-home mom, like I, wasterrified, right, like I totally
(07:44):
went into scarcity and so I'mlike no, I don't, I don't like
feeling that way, I want to bemore abundant.
So that's the word I chose.
So I think, if you can choose aword and put it somewhere, so
you're always like oh yeah, whenyou find yourself maybe
reverting back to your pastthoughts, you can just think
more yourself.
(08:05):
Maybe, reverting back to yourpast thoughts, you can just
think more.
Whatever your word is, thinkmore that way.
So for me, like, how is this inmy favor, right?
Like what?
The fact that you know I was ina car accident the other day?
It was minor, but okay, how canI think abundantly about this,
right?
So I think different situationit just can be really helpful to
(08:25):
have a word that you'rethinking about.
Another thing that I would lovefor you to do, if you're
interested, is writing a letterto 2024.
Writing a letter about what youloved about last year, what was
really hard for you, what youwant to let go of, what you wish
would have happened, orwhatever you want to write in
(08:45):
the letter, kind of personifythe year, and then either you
could burn it, you could rip itup, you can keep it, but I think
that could be really empoweringto do, because, especially for
those of you that found outtheir spouse was having an
(09:05):
affair or got divorced, or justa health diagnosis like
something that was really hard,it can just feel really
empowering to like let go ofthat.
Then write a letter to 2025.
What do you want to happen?
What do you hope happens?
What are your dreams?
What's your intention for theyear and I love the word
(09:29):
intention, like what's yourintention for this year?
What's your plan?
What kind of ideas do you wantto carry out?
What do you want to happen?
It can be a goal or a purpose,something you're aiming for.
It can be a goal or a purpose,something you're aiming for.
So I just think writing thatletter, and maybe December 31st
(09:52):
or whenever you decide your yearends, or whenever you want, you
could then read the letter andthank yourself for what you did
do.
It's not to judge yourself andbe like, oh my gosh, like I had
all these hopes and dreams andnothing happened.
Right, Like, of course there'sgoing to be good things about
2025 and really hard things andwe've already seen that in our
world today.
(10:13):
But I just think it's reallygood to kind of manifest what
you want to happen, what youhope, and it's not to say like,
oh, I hope my husband changes.
It's like no, what do you wantto change?
How do you want to be?
Who do you want to be?
So, really focusing inwardinstead of outward and I think a
really good exercise also is tolike just close your eyes and
(10:34):
how do you want to feel?
Like, go in your body, how doyou want to feel in a year If
you're feeling like how do youwant to feel in a year if you're
feeling like devastated, sad,really negative emotions?
Close your eyes and can youenvision yourself feeling a
different emotion?
What would that be?
Several years ago, I think itwas right around the time I was
(10:55):
getting divorced I did thisexercise and the image I and I
drew it.
I'm an artist, but I did draw apicture of me like floating
above ground and I wrote theword free and I still have that
picture because that's reallyhow I wanted to feel.
And now, two years later,almost three, I totally feel
(11:21):
free.
I feel like I've let go of mypast, of the hurts, of the
wrongs that I feel were doneagainst me, but I feel that
emotion and it feels so muchbetter than feeling devastated,
sad, unfair, all those negativeemotions.
(11:41):
I'm not saying I don't feelnegative emotions anymore, but I
think it's so good to help youenvision who you want to be,
what you want to feel like right, and really get in touch with
how you feel right now.
And then, what would you liketo change about that feeling?
So let me kind of go over somegoals that I created for myself,
(12:05):
and I'm saying them, puttingthem out in the universe.
So maybe I think, when we saythings out loud, they sometimes
happen, sometimes they don't,but it can be helpful for, I
think, our brains to be like oh,I'm really committed to this,
I'm really gonna do this.
So, as far as my business goes,really committed to this, I'm
really going to do this.
So, as far as my business goes,I committed to make creating a
(12:26):
thousand reels and those arejust things on Instagram, little
video clips, and since I'vedone Instagram, I had done a
total of like 500 over threeyears or something.
So I was just doing a couplehere and there, but really
focusing and a thousand reels islike two to three a day, which
(12:50):
is a lot Like I know people cando a lot more than that and then
less or whatever, but for meI'm like no, I'm just going to
experiment, I'm just going totry this and I actually really
love making them and beingcreative, so that's something
that's a real push for me.
I'm not going to be devastatedif I don't make the goal, but
I'm just going to try it and seeif I can do that With my
(13:13):
podcast.
I'm going to really try toinvite.
Well, I'm going to invite 12guests is my goal, and so that
means a guest a month to be onmy podcast.
So if you're listening to thisand shame and then the worry,
like what is someone going tosay?
(13:46):
You know I want to be privateor whatever, and I'm sure we can
figure that out, but I thinkour stories are powerful and
they help other people so much,so I think that's important.
Sending out emails I don't knowif people get irritated, I don't
care, you can unsubscribe ifyou don't like getting my email.
(14:08):
But I'm like how can I givesomeone every day a little
bite-sized piece of help?
Because I know for me when Iwas in the depths of betrayal,
like just anything, I justneeded any reassurance, like I'm
going to be okay.
So I like to send out emailsand my goal was to send five a
(14:29):
week.
I mean, we get a lot more fromlots of companies or less.
And the great thing about mesending you an email, you can
decide like, oh, I don't wanther emails anymore and just
unsubscribe and that's okay.
I'm not going to take itpersonally, I'm still, but
that's the goal for me to do andyou get to choose if you want
to listen to it or not.
So those are just some of mybusiness goals.
(14:52):
I have lots of other businessgoals, but those are just a few
of them.
Also, connecting with friends Ikind of talked about this, a
lesson I learned a few weeksback on my podcast that if I
want to have a social life, I'mgoing to need to be the one to
create it, and so I've beenreally intentional about
(15:13):
inviting some of my marriedfriends, some of my divorced
friends, people that I want toget to know better, to dinner or
well, I've only gone to dinneror lunch, but maybe plays.
This year we bought the HaleCenter tickets.
It's just a local place thatdoes these amazing performances,
and so I'm going to be lookingfor things that I want to do and
(15:37):
then maybe buying the ticketsand then inviting people.
I just think it's reallyimportant for me to get out of
my comfort zone, my house, andgo connect with these other
women, these other people, and Ireally love doing that, but
it's also it just takes a littleeffort, but I think the path is
(16:01):
so much greater than I realizeit is is connecting with these
other people, and so that's areally big goal for me to do
that.
And the big news of the year isthat I've committed to go on one
date, which I know I haven'tbeen on a date yet.
So I don't know, I'm going tobe pretty picky about this one
(16:24):
and it terrifies me to do that,but I'm like, no, I should get
this out of my system, right, goon a date I haven't dated.
I haven't gone on a date withanother man since I was 24 years
old and I'm now almost 54, sothat's a long time.
Unfortunately, my husband youknow my former husband he went
(16:46):
on lots of dates through thattime period and so he was a pro
at it when we got divorced, butmyself I have not.
I was loyal in my marriage andso, but I committed to try to go
on one date.
The other thing that I'm doingis I am taking my jewelry and
(17:07):
creating.
I call it like divorce jewelryor something I don't know.
I think it has a name.
My daughter was like mom.
That's like divorce jewelry,anyways.
But I'm going to take some ofmy jewelry that's nice, you know
my wedding ring and createsomething that I can actually
wear, that I want to wear, thatI've recreated into a more
(17:28):
meaningful piece of jewelry forme and that's something that I
am working on creating that Ilike to have parties.
I love entertaining.
When I was married weentertained a lot and I love
hosting parties and havingpeople in my home, and I really
haven't done that a lot sinceI've been divorced.
(17:50):
I for sure have kids at myhouse a lot, but not
intentionally for me, and so Iam planning on doing that.
My first one is in a few weeks,and if you know what hygge is,
having a hygge party.
It's a Danish, it's just a wayof living that I envision, like
(18:12):
candles and sweats, and we'regoing to be doing some goals and
goal setting and stuff.
But I'm in a mastermind ofwomen and I just think it's
going to be a fun evening.
We're probably going to havecheese and crackers and
sparkling cider, but I justenvision having a group of women
coming to my home andconnecting and spending time
(18:35):
together and learning something,anyways.
So I have lots of ideas forparties.
I do really enjoy doing parties, so that was something else.
My fitness goals.
I think this is the first yearin a very long time that I
haven't been fixated on losingweight, because for the past two
years I've been focused onlosing weight.
(18:55):
Because for the past two yearsI've been focused on losing
weight.
I've talked about this before,but weight was a huge issue in
my marriage and I think my bodysomehow just like did not lose
weight very well, because Ithink all the stress that I was
under, that I didn't evennecessarily recognize that I was
under, and so for me I justwant to maintain my weight, but
(19:17):
I'm really focusing on gainingmore muscle.
I think in your 50s, they sayto really focus on eating more
protein and lifting weights andgaining muscle.
So that's something that I'mworking on doing.
I have a trainer that helps melift weights because I'm not
very dedicated to do it on myown.
But you know, I go walking withmy friends most every morning
(19:42):
and I love if you've ever heardof high fitness, it's like dance
aerobics and I love to danceand I used to do high fitness
all the time and then for thepast year and a half or
something, I haven't done it atall.
So I'm like wait, I'mrecommitting to doing high
fitness because I love it somuch and it makes me so happy
(20:03):
and it's also an amazing workout.
So I think, really focusing onthings you love, things that
bring you joy, that are going tofeel easy to do, like of course
, some of these are going to behard, but that's just what I'm
really focusing on.
Another, with my family.
I have a goal to get our familypicture taken.
(20:26):
The last family picture we didwas at my daughter's wedding and
I love the picture, but I knowI was totally devastated in that
picture and my kids weretotally devastated in that
picture and we put on a greatface for our daughter and her
(20:48):
husband at that wedding, and I'mso grateful that they got
married and we were there, butit was.
We were all pretending, we wereall completely devastated that
I had just gotten divorced eightweeks before.
It was just a really hard timefor our family, and so I just
want a new family picture, andso I'm going to figure out a way
(21:10):
to get that done, whichhopefully is doable.
So I've I have a lot more on myboard, but those are ones that
I'll share.
For now it's not about me, right?
I want it to be about you andyou creating your own vision,
because I just want you to knowlike life is happening and why
(21:32):
not, you know, make it happen onpurpose?
Why not choose intentionallywhat you want to create in your
life?
And I know life is heavy andlife is hard, and some years are
better than others, and whetherthis is a good year or bad year
for you, that's okay.
Choose one thing.
(21:54):
Books are another one I chose.
My daughter reads ferociously.
She loves reading books, and Ijust don't.
I used to love reading books asa teenager which sounds weird
and I think, as a young adult,but I just lost that love and I
have a really hard time readinganything that isn't educational
(22:15):
or like I'm not learningsomething and I'm not ready to
veer from that.
But and I when I say read, Imean listen to Audible, because
that's the way I listen to abook and every now and again I'm
like, oh, I've got to buy thatbook so I can, like, read along
with it while I listen.
(22:36):
Anyway, so just, I just want youto have lots of compassion for
yourself.
But this is your life, likequit waiting for someone else to
tell you what to do, quitwaiting for your husband to give
you permission, quit waitingfor your wife, quit waiting for
these imaginary things?
Or your kids to, you know, getolder, right, because they're
(22:57):
going to get older, but so areyou.
And I promise, like, why notlearn and grow and become a
different version of yourself?
Like that's why we're here, inmy opinion, is to learn from
each other and from ourselvesand from our lessons.
(23:18):
And yes, there are really hardthings that all of us have gone
through or will be going through, but that just doesn't mean
that you can't continue havingdreams and having goals and
doing amazing things.
So I hope this was helpful.
I don't want you to be like, oh, what's wrong with me, like
(23:38):
nothing's wrong with you, right,you're doing your best.
I just want you to have aglimpse of what my goals are,
because maybe that will inspiresomething inside of you.
If you liked this podcast,please like and share with your
friends and family, and I wouldlove for you to send me a text
about any podcast that you wouldlike me to do.
(24:00):
I will pretty much talk aboutanything, and so I just love for
you to share that so I can finda way to help you in whatever
you're struggling with right now.
Have a great day and I willtalk to you next week.
Welcome to my podcast .
Happily, even After.
I'm life coach, jen, I'mpassionate about helping people
recover from betrayal.
I rode the intense emotionalroller coaster and felt stuck
and traumatized for years.
It's the reason I became atrauma-informed certified life
coach who helps people like younavigate their post-betrayal
world.
I have the tools, processes andknowledge to help you not only
(00:32):
heal from the betrayal, butcreate a healthy future.
Today, we begin to help youlive happily even after.
Hey friends, welcome to mypodcast and I hope everyone is
enjoying their 2025 year and ifyou're not, I'm sorry.
There's been a lot going on inour world right now, but if you
(00:55):
remember, a few weeks ago I hada guest on.
Her name was Jessica Erickson,so if you didn't listen to it,
go back and listen.
I think it was December 30ththat she was on my podcast and
she helps people create visionboards.
So I hired her to help mecreate a vision board, because I
love making vision boards, butI like the concept of it and I
(01:20):
do like the creativeness of it.
But it was just so nice to meetwith her for an hour and a half
on Zoom.
I had come up with my goalsahead of time and then she's
going to print some differentsizes out so I'll be able to
(01:47):
have them in my house to remindme.
I just think having a visual ofwhat your goals are to remind
you.
And it's not too I think a lotof people get hung up on like,
oh, what if I didn't make mygoal?
Or or what if I'm behind, likeyou just realize you can't be
behind on a goal, just starttomorrow.
(02:09):
I have lots of thoughts For me.
I like to just say, okay, it'sone day at a time, or tomorrow's
a new day, or this is just anexperiment.
That has been really helpfulfor me in my business, because I
think before I was kind oftaking things personally, like
I'm doing it wrong, or why isn'tanyone hiring me, or why isn't
(02:33):
anyone listening to my podcast,or why aren't more people
interacting on my reel orwhatever, and I had to really
decide, like, wait a second,this is just an experiment.
I'm just experimenting becauseI've never done this before and
I'm just learning.
I'm not a professionalpodcaster or a professional
(02:56):
speaker.
I'm not a professional contentcreator, right, so I'm just
learning.
So that's been really helpful.
That thought has really servedme and maybe it will serve you.
And I think also like holdingloosely to your goals, like I
made some big goals and I'mgoing to share them with you,
some of them today, but I'm notgoing to make it mean anything
(03:17):
about me if I don't achieve theactual goal that I set for
myself, because at least I'mjust striving for it.
It's just helping me grow andprogress and become better at
things that I want to becomebetter at.
And also I think it's soimportant to make things fun.
So when you're thinking aboutdifferent things and realize
(03:40):
like you don't have to create orset your goals in January, you
could do it in February or March.
Like you get to decide how youryear ends, right, or when your
year starts.
I guess I mean we do taxes inApril, like so people's years
end and businesses, like theirtaxes are due in October.
So the government even hasdifferent year cycles.
(04:03):
Our schools start in August orSeptember, so you get to decide
when you want to start and endyour year.
It doesn't have to be inJanuary.
So don't feel like, oh my gosh,I'm behind, I haven't even had
a chance to think about what Iwant to do for the year, and you
can choose one thing to thinkabout or a lot of things.
(04:23):
Everyone's different.
So don't compare your goalswith what other people are
creating and, especially ifyou're experiencing betrayal
right now or going through adivorce or just experiencing a
lot of heartache, have lots ofcompassion for yourself, even if
your goal is just to make itthrough each day Like that's a
(04:45):
great goal, because sometimeslife is hard and we then make it
harder because we judgeourselves for not doing this
imaginary thing that we think weshould be doing.
So just have lots of compassionwherever you're at in your life
.
For me, I feel very driven andexcited because I have done a
(05:09):
lot of healing already frombetrayal and my divorce, and so
I feel like, okay, I'm ready, Iwant more, I want to ask a lot
of myself, but it's not foranyone else except for me, right
, it's helping me become theperson that I want to become.
So some ideas in your visionboard or making goals.
(05:33):
There's five parts of yourselfthat I think it's important to
consider if you want to grow.
You can choose one or all five,but a spiritual part of
ourselves and when I sayspiritual, I think people.
Some people get turned off like, well, I'm not religious, I
don't believe in God or I don'tgo to church, I have a lot of
(05:54):
church, hurt or whatever.
It's not about churchnecessarily.
It can be, but it's just likesomething that's bigger than you
, okay, and so it could benature or just whatever your
higher power is, and so yourspiritual self.
What do you want to do in thatarena?
(06:15):
Your physical body, youremotional self, your
intellectual self and yoursocial self.
So I think those are greatcategories if you need help
deciding like, okay, whatcategories could I think about?
The other thing that I lovepicking a word of your year to
kind of have it that be yourtheme for the year, and my word
(06:39):
that I picked this year isabundance.
I had three that I was thinkingabout, but abundance just felt
really like the right word forme, especially with the goals
that I'll be telling you aboutthat I've chosen that for me,
living in abundance means thereis always enough and more to
give, and a lot of times peopleare like, well, that's just a
(07:01):
money goal.
That actually, abundance can beabout money, but it can be
about time or energy or people,so you can have an abundant life
and not have a lot of money,like it doesn't have to be about
money.
It's really your thought abouthow you feel, and you know
(07:22):
people that live in scarcity,right, and so there's just never
enough and they're always thevictim.
So sometimes it's easy to gointo scarcity, and especially
for women that have experienceddivorce and have been a
stay-at-home mom, like I, wasterrified, right, like I totally
(07:44):
went into scarcity and so I'mlike no, I don't, I don't like
feeling that way, I want to bemore abundant.
So that's the word I chose.
So I think, if you can choose aword and put it somewhere, so
you're always like oh yeah, whenyou find yourself maybe
reverting back to your pastthoughts, you can just think
more yourself.
(08:05):
Maybe, reverting back to yourpast thoughts, you can just
think more.
Whatever your word is, thinkmore that way.
So for me, like, how is this inmy favor, right?
Like what?
The fact that you know I was ina car accident the other day?
It was minor, but okay, how canI think abundantly about this,
right?
So I think different situationit just can be really helpful to
(08:25):
have a word that you'rethinking about.
Another thing that I would lovefor you to do, if you're
interested, is writing a letterto 2024.
Writing a letter about what youloved about last year, what was
really hard for you, what youwant to let go of, what you wish
would have happened, orwhatever you want to write in
(08:45):
the letter, kind of personifythe year, and then either you
could burn it, you could rip itup, you can keep it, but I think
that could be really empoweringto do, because, especially for
those of you that found outtheir spouse was having an
(09:05):
affair or got divorced, or justa health diagnosis like
something that was really hard,it can just feel really
empowering to like let go ofthat.
Then write a letter to 2025.
What do you want to happen?
What do you hope happens?
What are your dreams?
What's your intention for theyear and I love the word
(09:29):
intention, like what's yourintention for this year?
What's your plan?
What kind of ideas do you wantto carry out?
What do you want to happen?
It can be a goal or a purpose,something you're aiming for.
It can be a goal or a purpose,something you're aiming for.
So I just think writing thatletter, and maybe December 31st
(09:52):
or whenever you decide your yearends, or whenever you want, you
could then read the letter andthank yourself for what you did
do.
It's not to judge yourself andbe like, oh my gosh, like I had
all these hopes and dreams andnothing happened.
Right, Like, of course there'sgoing to be good things about
2025 and really hard things andwe've already seen that in our
world today.
(10:13):
But I just think it's reallygood to kind of manifest what
you want to happen, what youhope, and it's not to say like,
oh, I hope my husband changes.
It's like no, what do you wantto change?
How do you want to be?
Who do you want to be?
So, really focusing inwardinstead of outward and I think a
really good exercise also is tolike just close your eyes and
(10:34):
how do you want to feel?
Like, go in your body, how doyou want to feel in a year If
you're feeling like how do youwant to feel in a year if you're
feeling like devastated, sad,really negative emotions?
Close your eyes and can youenvision yourself feeling a
different emotion?
What would that be?
Several years ago, I think itwas right around the time I was
(10:55):
getting divorced I did thisexercise and the image I and I
drew it.
I'm an artist, but I did draw apicture of me like floating
above ground and I wrote theword free and I still have that
picture because that's reallyhow I wanted to feel.
And now, two years later,almost three, I totally feel
(11:21):
free.
I feel like I've let go of mypast, of the hurts, of the
wrongs that I feel were doneagainst me, but I feel that
emotion and it feels so muchbetter than feeling devastated,
sad, unfair, all those negativeemotions.
(11:41):
I'm not saying I don't feelnegative emotions anymore, but I
think it's so good to help youenvision who you want to be,
what you want to feel like right, and really get in touch with
how you feel right now.
And then, what would you liketo change about that feeling?
So let me kind of go over somegoals that I created for myself,
(12:05):
and I'm saying them, puttingthem out in the universe.
So maybe I think, when we saythings out loud, they sometimes
happen, sometimes they don't,but it can be helpful for, I
think, our brains to be like oh,I'm really committed to this,
I'm really gonna do this.
So, as far as my business goes,really committed to this, I'm
really going to do this.
So, as far as my business goes,I committed to make creating a
(12:26):
thousand reels and those arejust things on Instagram, little
video clips, and since I'vedone Instagram, I had done a
total of like 500 over threeyears or something.
So I was just doing a couplehere and there, but really
focusing and a thousand reels islike two to three a day, which
(12:50):
is a lot Like I know people cando a lot more than that and then
less or whatever, but for meI'm like no, I'm just going to
experiment, I'm just going totry this and I actually really
love making them and beingcreative, so that's something
that's a real push for me.
I'm not going to be devastatedif I don't make the goal, but
I'm just going to try it and seeif I can do that With my
(13:13):
podcast.
I'm going to really try toinvite.
Well, I'm going to invite 12guests is my goal, and so that
means a guest a month to be onmy podcast.
So if you're listening to thisand shame and then the worry,
like what is someone going tosay?
(13:46):
You know I want to be privateor whatever, and I'm sure we can
figure that out, but I thinkour stories are powerful and
they help other people so much,so I think that's important.
Sending out emails I don't knowif people get irritated, I don't
care, you can unsubscribe ifyou don't like getting my email.
(14:08):
But I'm like how can I givesomeone every day a little
bite-sized piece of help?
Because I know for me when Iwas in the depths of betrayal,
like just anything, I justneeded any reassurance, like I'm
going to be okay.
So I like to send out emailsand my goal was to send five a
(14:29):
week.
I mean, we get a lot more fromlots of companies or less.
And the great thing about mesending you an email, you can
decide like, oh, I don't wanther emails anymore and just
unsubscribe and that's okay.
I'm not going to take itpersonally, I'm still, but
that's the goal for me to do andyou get to choose if you want
to listen to it or not.
So those are just some of mybusiness goals.
(14:52):
I have lots of other businessgoals, but those are just a few
of them.
Also, connecting with friends Ikind of talked about this, a
lesson I learned a few weeksback on my podcast that if I
want to have a social life, I'mgoing to need to be the one to
create it, and so I've beenreally intentional about
(15:13):
inviting some of my marriedfriends, some of my divorced
friends, people that I want toget to know better, to dinner or
well, I've only gone to dinneror lunch, but maybe plays.
This year we bought the HaleCenter tickets.
It's just a local place thatdoes these amazing performances,
and so I'm going to be lookingfor things that I want to do and
(15:37):
then maybe buying the ticketsand then inviting people.
I just think it's reallyimportant for me to get out of
my comfort zone, my house, andgo connect with these other
women, these other people, and Ireally love doing that, but
it's also it just takes a littleeffort, but I think the path is
(16:01):
so much greater than I realizeit is is connecting with these
other people, and so that's areally big goal for me to do
that.
And the big news of the year isthat I've committed to go on one
date, which I know I haven'tbeen on a date yet.
So I don't know, I'm going tobe pretty picky about this one
(16:24):
and it terrifies me to do that,but I'm like, no, I should get
this out of my system, right, goon a date I haven't dated.
I haven't gone on a date withanother man since I was 24 years
old and I'm now almost 54, sothat's a long time.
Unfortunately, my husband youknow my former husband he went
(16:46):
on lots of dates through thattime period and so he was a pro
at it when we got divorced, butmyself I have not.
I was loyal in my marriage andso, but I committed to try to go
on one date.
The other thing that I'm doingis I am taking my jewelry and
(17:07):
creating.
I call it like divorce jewelryor something I don't know.
I think it has a name.
My daughter was like mom.
That's like divorce jewelry,anyways.
But I'm going to take some ofmy jewelry that's nice, you know
my wedding ring and createsomething that I can actually
wear, that I want to wear, thatI've recreated into a more
(17:28):
meaningful piece of jewelry forme and that's something that I
am working on creating that Ilike to have parties.
I love entertaining.
When I was married weentertained a lot and I love
hosting parties and havingpeople in my home, and I really
haven't done that a lot sinceI've been divorced.
(17:50):
I for sure have kids at myhouse a lot, but not
intentionally for me, and so Iam planning on doing that.
My first one is in a few weeks,and if you know what hygge is,
having a hygge party.
It's a Danish, it's just a wayof living that I envision, like
(18:12):
candles and sweats, and we'regoing to be doing some goals and
goal setting and stuff.
But I'm in a mastermind ofwomen and I just think it's
going to be a fun evening.
We're probably going to havecheese and crackers and
sparkling cider, but I justenvision having a group of women
coming to my home andconnecting and spending time
(18:35):
together and learning something,anyways.
So I have lots of ideas forparties.
I do really enjoy doing parties, so that was something else.
My fitness goals.
I think this is the first yearin a very long time that I
haven't been fixated on losingweight, because for the past two
years I've been focused onlosing weight.
(18:55):
Because for the past two yearsI've been focused on losing
weight.
I've talked about this before,but weight was a huge issue in
my marriage and I think my bodysomehow just like did not lose
weight very well, because Ithink all the stress that I was
under, that I didn't evennecessarily recognize that I was
under, and so for me I justwant to maintain my weight, but
(19:17):
I'm really focusing on gainingmore muscle.
I think in your 50s, they sayto really focus on eating more
protein and lifting weights andgaining muscle.
So that's something that I'mworking on doing.
I have a trainer that helps melift weights because I'm not
very dedicated to do it on myown.
But you know, I go walking withmy friends most every morning
(19:42):
and I love if you've ever heardof high fitness, it's like dance
aerobics and I love to danceand I used to do high fitness
all the time and then for thepast year and a half or
something, I haven't done it atall.
So I'm like wait, I'mrecommitting to doing high
fitness because I love it somuch and it makes me so happy
(20:03):
and it's also an amazing workout.
So I think, really focusing onthings you love, things that
bring you joy, that are going tofeel easy to do, like of course
, some of these are going to behard, but that's just what I'm
really focusing on.
Another, with my family.
I have a goal to get our familypicture taken.
(20:26):
The last family picture we didwas at my daughter's wedding and
I love the picture, but I knowI was totally devastated in that
picture and my kids weretotally devastated in that
picture and we put on a greatface for our daughter and her
(20:48):
husband at that wedding, and I'mso grateful that they got
married and we were there, butit was.
We were all pretending, we wereall completely devastated that
I had just gotten divorced eightweeks before.
It was just a really hard timefor our family, and so I just
want a new family picture, andso I'm going to figure out a way
(21:10):
to get that done, whichhopefully is doable.
So I've I have a lot more on myboard, but those are ones that
I'll share.
For now it's not about me, right?
I want it to be about you andyou creating your own vision,
because I just want you to knowlike life is happening and why
(21:32):
not, you know, make it happen onpurpose?
Why not choose intentionallywhat you want to create in your
life?
And I know life is heavy andlife is hard, and some years are
better than others, and whetherthis is a good year or bad year
for you, that's okay.
Choose one thing.
(21:54):
Books are another one I chose.
My daughter reads ferociously.
She loves reading books, and Ijust don't.
I used to love reading books asa teenager which sounds weird
and I think, as a young adult,but I just lost that love and I
have a really hard time readinganything that isn't educational
(22:15):
or like I'm not learningsomething and I'm not ready to
veer from that.
But and I when I say read, Imean listen to Audible, because
that's the way I listen to abook and every now and again I'm
like, oh, I've got to buy thatbook so I can, like, read along
with it while I listen.
(22:36):
Anyway, so just, I just want youto have lots of compassion for
yourself.
But this is your life, likequit waiting for someone else to
tell you what to do, quitwaiting for your husband to give
you permission, quit waitingfor your wife, quit waiting for
these imaginary things?
Or your kids to, you know, getolder, right, because they're
(22:57):
going to get older, but so areyou.
And I promise, like, why notlearn and grow and become a
different version of yourself?
Like that's why we're here, inmy opinion, is to learn from
each other and from ourselvesand from our lessons.
(23:18):
And yes, there are really hardthings that all of us have gone
through or will be going through, but that just doesn't mean
that you can't continue havingdreams and having goals and
doing amazing things.
So I hope this was helpful.
I don't want you to be like, oh, what's wrong with me, like
(23:38):
nothing's wrong with you, right,you're doing your best.
I just want you to have aglimpse of what my goals are,
because maybe that will inspiresomething inside of you.
If you liked this podcast,please like and share with your
friends and family, and I wouldlove for you to send me a text
about any podcast that you wouldlike me to do.
(24:00):
I will pretty much talk aboutanything, and so I just love for
you to share that so I can finda way to help you in whatever
you're struggling with right now.
Have a great day and I willtalk to you next week.
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