February 17, 2025 • 15 mins
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to my podcast .
Happily, even After I'm lifecoach, jen, I'm passionate about
helping people recover frombetrayal.
I rode the intense emotionalroller coaster and felt stuck
and traumatized for years.
It's the reason I became atrauma-informed, certified life
coach who helps people like younavigate their post-betrayal
world.
I have the tools, processes andknowledge to help you not only
(00:32):
heal from the betrayal butcreate a healthy future.
Today we begin to help you livehappily even after.
Hey friends, welcome to today'spodcast.
So if you haven't watched theMartha Stewart documentary, I
think it's really good.
I used to love Martha Stewart.
I mean, I still like her.
She's still around, right.
(00:52):
But my daughter we watched ittogether and she's like, oh my
gosh, anything about MarthaStewart.
She actually went to jail forsecurities fraud and anyways.
So in this documentary there wastwo things I wanted to say
(01:12):
about the documentary.
Well, it was.
It's really good.
Like talk about a woman thathas reinvented herself multiple
times and has just kept going.
I mean most people that if Iever had to go to jail I would
think, oh my gosh, my life isover.
And she made jail like amazing,like she taught them how to.
(01:35):
I mean I think it was like alower security jail.
Right, it wasn't the jail thatwe envisioned, but still she was
in jail and she educated thesewomen and helped them.
She lifted everyone up, which Ithink is so beautiful, such a
great lesson.
And then the other thing isthat the trailer that I saw was
(01:55):
like Martha Stewart had anaffair and I was like, oh,
that's so disappointing.
I was like, wait, she cheatedon her husband.
But then, if you watch it, herhusband had multiple, multiple
affairs and I would never sayhave an affair to get back at
your spouse for having an affair.
Having an affair ruins lives,lots of lives.
(02:16):
So absolutely not.
But it irritated me the waythey made it sound on her and it
was like, no, no, actually shehad been living with her spouse
for years and years in hisbetrayals and anyways, watch it,
it's really good.
But a term she said somewherein the documentary she talked
(02:37):
about repotting yourself and I,anytime I hear something that
really interests me or catchesmy attention, I'm like like I'm
going to do a podcast onrepotting yourself because I
just love the concept of thepicture.
Like, I am not a gardener, noram I a good plant owner.
(02:57):
I do have some plants andthey're alive.
But in general I don't know alot about planting but of course
, the analogy of you know yourgrass grows where you water it
and hence why having an affair,your marriage is dying and
you're over there with youraffair partner watering that
(03:17):
area, right Like you get theanalogy.
So I just think it's such abeautiful analogy.
Repotting means a lot of plants.
You know, as they grow theirroots they need a bigger pot.
And my friend this morning Iwas telling him this is what I
was talking about and I guessbonsai trees are really
(03:38):
particular about their pots andI was going to look it up, but
anyways, but they you have tolike get so much bigger, the
size of the bonsai tree becauseof their roots and it helps keep
them thriving and alive.
So I just want you to envisionyourself and really look at your
life and where would you liketo repot your life?
(03:59):
You know what areas of yourlife would you think you could
repot your life?
And my friend, when I wastelling her this, she was
telling me about her parents.
They had lived in their home.
I think they had 10 kids.
They just moved a few monthsago.
They sold the family home andthe dad.
(04:20):
They're in their 80s.
It was really hard for him andhe told his daughter that like,
thank you, I haven't seen yourmom thrive this much in years,
and I think because she felt herneighborhood.
She'd lived in thatneighborhood for so many years,
(04:41):
she had created a lot of labelsfor herself and she had dealt
with some depression and somehealth issues and so she kind of
put herself in this box, inthis neighborhood that she'd
lived in for so many years, andwhen she moved she became this
new person and I just love thatanalogy.
I think of my own parents, mymom, who was a stay-at-home mom
(05:04):
her whole life and now she's 78years old running a successful
business, while my dad ishelping her and supporting her,
where their previous life shewas the one supporting him in
his career, and now it'sreversed.
And so I think you're never tooold or never too young to start
(05:28):
or stop doing something.
And looking at your life, me, Ireally noticed repotting
happening when I got divorced Iknew I wanted to move and I
didn't want to move to adifferent state because that
(05:51):
would be really scary, right, Iwasn't ready to like change my
whole life, I just needed tochange it a little bit.
So repotting doesn't mean youhave to like tear everything
down, like I talked about withthe fires, but it's just like
okay, I just want something new,a refresh, right.
And so I just moved literally afew miles away on one side of
(06:13):
my city to the other side, butit is a new neighborhood, a new
house.
I still have a lot of the samefurniture and a lot of, you know
, obviously the same kids, butit does look different, right,
it feels different.
I go a different way to thegrocery store and to the gym and
all the things.
So it was a way that I couldrepot myself after my divorce
(06:38):
and have enough of a change.
But it wasn't too much change.
So I just think it's really.
I just love the concept.
Okay, and every few years orevery year or something, I think
, looking at your life anddeciding like where do you feel
stuck?
Where do you feel like you'renot growing Because if you're
(07:02):
not growing, you're they say,like you're not growing, you're
dying, right, but where are youkind of stagnant in your life
and maybe decide like what'sgoing to help you?
Asking yourself some hardquestions.
Start by asking yourself why doI want to make a change.
What is it inside of you?
I mean, I think some peoplehave the problem where they want
(07:24):
to change all the time and thatcan be exhausting and maybe, I
don't know, I'm not going to sayright or wrong reason, but just
like it's their why matters.
Don't know if I'm not going tosay right or wrong reason, but
just like it's their why matters.
But just consider why do youwant to make the change?
(07:45):
And then listen, what comes toyour mind?
Do you want a big change?
Or just you want to plan avacation?
What do you need?
Will you be able to thrive andsucceed if you make the change?
So pay attention.
Like, is this going to help you, like, get out of the rut?
I look at my daughter.
She wanted to go to England.
It was always a dream to do astudy abroad and she'd missed
(08:08):
the opportunity because of COVID.
And we found this otheropportunity and she was able to
go live there for a year and itwasn't a big risk.
It was one year, right, but shewas able to get out of her
comfort zone and change and move.
So I just think asking yourselfthese questions is important.
(08:28):
It could be you just want tolearn.
Maybe when you were younger youlike to dance or paint.
You just want to take apainting class.
Or could be small or bigger,right, moving is a bigger
commitment.
Or switching your job, orstarting a podcast, or starting
(08:49):
an instagram account, whateveryou feel called to do, like.
I think you just need to goinward and think, like, what
would help you, what would helpget you unstuck?
And I think when you'veexperienced trauma, especially
betrayal trauma, you feel verystuck.
So if you can just find onelittle thing to help get you
(09:11):
unstuck and just envision you'retrying to repot your self into
something better, okay, knowyour limits.
I think is important, right, Ithink it's important to listen
to your heart.
Take a risk, but don't take toobig a risk.
(09:32):
Right, make sure you'refinancially can do whatever
you're trying to do.
Right, you don't want to gointo debt for something, unless
I mean you're starting abusiness, maybe that's okay.
But just be really mindful, Ithink, of when you're thinking
about your ideas of repottingkids.
(10:08):
I had a son still in high schooland so did I want to uproot him
, like that would have neverhappened, right, he would have.
I don't know what would havehappened, but you do need to
consider people in your lifethat are living with you.
It might not be the best time,right, like pay attention, make
sure you're checking in withthem if it's going to affect
them.
But someday, when my kids areolder, I imagine myself like
(10:29):
going to live in France for amonth or something.
That sounds really exciting tome, like I would love to do that
.
I'd love to go back to HongKong and live, spend some more
time in Asia.
So that's going to be easierfor me when my kids are more on
their own.
Okay, so just consider.
I think it's important to beeasier for me when my kids are
more on their own.
So just consider.
(10:50):
I think it's important toconsider your loved ones.
Celebrate the endings of achapter.
I think we tend to make things,whether we are divorced, that
that's a failure.
It's not a failure, just thatthe chapter of your marriage
ended and you didn't expect it,you weren't planning on it, but
(11:12):
that's just what it was, and wecan celebrate that and then
decide what next.
What do we want now?
If you are switching jobs orcareers, right, you didn't fail
at the job you had before.
You just are wanting somethingdifferent.
Something inside of you iscalling right.
When you say goodbye to a house, that house just, you needed a
(11:37):
change.
Maybe you outgrew it or maybe,for whatever reason, you're
moving okay.
So I think it's reallyimportant to celebrate what
you're moving from to whatyou're moving to.
So, as you're just thinking, Ijust want you to know like
growth requires movement.
(11:58):
If you want to grow, you'regoing to have to take some risks
, you're going to have to makesome decisions, and growth can
feel uncomfortable, and that'swhy a lot of people, I think,
don't do things that they wantto do, but they're either scared
of failure, scared of beinguncomfortable.
Right, we don't like thefeeling of discomfort.
(12:19):
Right, we live cushy lives, butthat's the only way that you're
going to grow lives, but that'sthe only way that you're going
to grow.
So I would just challenge youto look at your life and are
there areas that you might wantto try to repot and to change up
and to do different?
They don't have to be big, hugechanges.
(12:40):
You don't have to move acrossthe country or, you know, get
divorced.
You can stay married and dothis.
But I just would encourage youto look inside of yourself and
where's an area in your lifethat you would like to push
yourself a little bit.
I think it can be reallypowerful, a confidence booster.
(13:04):
It can be just a way to becomethe person that you envision
yourself being.
So I just really liked theconcept.
I'm sure other people have saidbesides Martha Stewart, she's
just the first person that whenI heard it, I was like, oh, this
is so fascinating.
(13:24):
So I would just love you toconsider how you're going to
repot your life, and I'm goingto be contemplating on that
issue as well.
I feel like I've done a lot ofrepotting the past few years,
but there's always room for moregrowth and more learning and
more doing.
(13:44):
Thanks so much for listening.
And more learning and moredoing.
Thanks so much for listening.
If you are experiencingbetrayal, I just want you to
know that it is possible to heal, and I have created a course
that can help you, and I wouldlove I'd love to meet you and
see how I can help you heal andbe a part of your healing
journey.
Thanks for listening and I willtalk to you next week.
If you want to learn how tolive happily, even after, sign
(14:08):
up for my email at hello at lifecoach Jen with one ncom.
Follow me on Instagram andFacebook at happily even after
coach.
Let's work together to createyour happily even after.
Welcome to my podcast .
Happily, even After I'm lifecoach, jen, I'm passionate about
helping people recover frombetrayal.
I rode the intense emotionalroller coaster and felt stuck
and traumatized for years.
It's the reason I became atrauma-informed, certified life
coach who helps people like younavigate their post-betrayal
world.
I have the tools, processes andknowledge to help you not only
(00:32):
heal from the betrayal butcreate a healthy future.
Today we begin to help you livehappily even after.
Hey friends, welcome to today'spodcast.
So if you haven't watched theMartha Stewart documentary, I
think it's really good.
I used to love Martha Stewart.
I mean, I still like her.
She's still around, right.
(00:52):
But my daughter we watched ittogether and she's like, oh my
gosh, anything about MarthaStewart.
She actually went to jail forsecurities fraud and anyways.
So in this documentary there wastwo things I wanted to say
(01:12):
about the documentary.
Well, it was.
It's really good.
Like talk about a woman thathas reinvented herself multiple
times and has just kept going.
I mean most people that if Iever had to go to jail I would
think, oh my gosh, my life isover.
And she made jail like amazing,like she taught them how to.
(01:35):
I mean I think it was like alower security jail.
Right, it wasn't the jail thatwe envisioned, but still she was
in jail and she educated thesewomen and helped them.
She lifted everyone up, which Ithink is so beautiful, such a
great lesson.
And then the other thing isthat the trailer that I saw was
(01:55):
like Martha Stewart had anaffair and I was like, oh,
that's so disappointing.
I was like, wait, she cheatedon her husband.
But then, if you watch it, herhusband had multiple, multiple
affairs and I would never sayhave an affair to get back at
your spouse for having an affair.
Having an affair ruins lives,lots of lives.
(02:16):
So absolutely not.
But it irritated me the waythey made it sound on her and it
was like, no, no, actually shehad been living with her spouse
for years and years in hisbetrayals and anyways, watch it,
it's really good.
But a term she said somewherein the documentary she talked
(02:37):
about repotting yourself and I,anytime I hear something that
really interests me or catchesmy attention, I'm like like I'm
going to do a podcast onrepotting yourself because I
just love the concept of thepicture.
Like, I am not a gardener, noram I a good plant owner.
(02:57):
I do have some plants andthey're alive.
But in general I don't know alot about planting but of course
, the analogy of you know yourgrass grows where you water it
and hence why having an affair,your marriage is dying and
you're over there with youraffair partner watering that
(03:17):
area, right Like you get theanalogy.
So I just think it's such abeautiful analogy.
Repotting means a lot of plants.
You know, as they grow theirroots they need a bigger pot.
And my friend this morning Iwas telling him this is what I
was talking about and I guessbonsai trees are really
(03:38):
particular about their pots andI was going to look it up, but
anyways, but they you have tolike get so much bigger, the
size of the bonsai tree becauseof their roots and it helps keep
them thriving and alive.
So I just want you to envisionyourself and really look at your
life and where would you liketo repot your life?
(03:59):
You know what areas of yourlife would you think you could
repot your life?
And my friend, when I wastelling her this, she was
telling me about her parents.
They had lived in their home.
I think they had 10 kids.
They just moved a few monthsago.
They sold the family home andthe dad.
(04:20):
They're in their 80s.
It was really hard for him andhe told his daughter that like,
thank you, I haven't seen yourmom thrive this much in years,
and I think because she felt herneighborhood.
She'd lived in thatneighborhood for so many years,
(04:41):
she had created a lot of labelsfor herself and she had dealt
with some depression and somehealth issues and so she kind of
put herself in this box, inthis neighborhood that she'd
lived in for so many years, andwhen she moved she became this
new person and I just love thatanalogy.
I think of my own parents, mymom, who was a stay-at-home mom
(05:04):
her whole life and now she's 78years old running a successful
business, while my dad ishelping her and supporting her,
where their previous life shewas the one supporting him in
his career, and now it'sreversed.
And so I think you're never tooold or never too young to start
(05:28):
or stop doing something.
And looking at your life, me, Ireally noticed repotting
happening when I got divorced Iknew I wanted to move and I
didn't want to move to adifferent state because that
(05:51):
would be really scary, right, Iwasn't ready to like change my
whole life, I just needed tochange it a little bit.
So repotting doesn't mean youhave to like tear everything
down, like I talked about withthe fires, but it's just like
okay, I just want something new,a refresh, right.
And so I just moved literally afew miles away on one side of
(06:13):
my city to the other side, butit is a new neighborhood, a new
house.
I still have a lot of the samefurniture and a lot of, you know
, obviously the same kids, butit does look different, right,
it feels different.
I go a different way to thegrocery store and to the gym and
all the things.
So it was a way that I couldrepot myself after my divorce
(06:38):
and have enough of a change.
But it wasn't too much change.
So I just think it's really.
I just love the concept.
Okay, and every few years orevery year or something, I think
, looking at your life anddeciding like where do you feel
stuck?
Where do you feel like you'renot growing Because if you're
(07:02):
not growing, you're they say,like you're not growing, you're
dying, right, but where are youkind of stagnant in your life
and maybe decide like what'sgoing to help you?
Asking yourself some hardquestions.
Start by asking yourself why doI want to make a change.
What is it inside of you?
I mean, I think some peoplehave the problem where they want
(07:24):
to change all the time and thatcan be exhausting and maybe, I
don't know, I'm not going to sayright or wrong reason, but just
like it's their why matters.
Don't know if I'm not going tosay right or wrong reason, but
just like it's their why matters.
But just consider why do youwant to make the change?
(07:45):
And then listen, what comes toyour mind?
Do you want a big change?
Or just you want to plan avacation?
What do you need?
Will you be able to thrive andsucceed if you make the change?
So pay attention.
Like, is this going to help you, like, get out of the rut?
I look at my daughter.
She wanted to go to England.
It was always a dream to do astudy abroad and she'd missed
(08:08):
the opportunity because of COVID.
And we found this otheropportunity and she was able to
go live there for a year and itwasn't a big risk.
It was one year, right, but shewas able to get out of her
comfort zone and change and move.
So I just think asking yourselfthese questions is important.
(08:28):
It could be you just want tolearn.
Maybe when you were younger youlike to dance or paint.
You just want to take apainting class.
Or could be small or bigger,right, moving is a bigger
commitment.
Or switching your job, orstarting a podcast, or starting
(08:49):
an instagram account, whateveryou feel called to do, like.
I think you just need to goinward and think, like, what
would help you, what would helpget you unstuck?
And I think when you'veexperienced trauma, especially
betrayal trauma, you feel verystuck.
So if you can just find onelittle thing to help get you
(09:11):
unstuck and just envision you'retrying to repot your self into
something better, okay, knowyour limits.
I think is important, right, Ithink it's important to listen
to your heart.
Take a risk, but don't take toobig a risk.
(09:32):
Right, make sure you'refinancially can do whatever
you're trying to do.
Right, you don't want to gointo debt for something, unless
I mean you're starting abusiness, maybe that's okay.
But just be really mindful, Ithink, of when you're thinking
about your ideas of repottingkids.
(10:08):
I had a son still in high schooland so did I want to uproot him
, like that would have neverhappened, right, he would have.
I don't know what would havehappened, but you do need to
consider people in your lifethat are living with you.
It might not be the best time,right, like pay attention, make
sure you're checking in withthem if it's going to affect
them.
But someday, when my kids areolder, I imagine myself like
(10:29):
going to live in France for amonth or something.
That sounds really exciting tome, like I would love to do that
.
I'd love to go back to HongKong and live, spend some more
time in Asia.
So that's going to be easierfor me when my kids are more on
their own.
Okay, so just consider.
I think it's important to beeasier for me when my kids are
more on their own.
So just consider.
(10:50):
I think it's important toconsider your loved ones.
Celebrate the endings of achapter.
I think we tend to make things,whether we are divorced, that
that's a failure.
It's not a failure, just thatthe chapter of your marriage
ended and you didn't expect it,you weren't planning on it, but
(11:12):
that's just what it was, and wecan celebrate that and then
decide what next.
What do we want now?
If you are switching jobs orcareers, right, you didn't fail
at the job you had before.
You just are wanting somethingdifferent.
Something inside of you iscalling right.
When you say goodbye to a house, that house just, you needed a
(11:37):
change.
Maybe you outgrew it or maybe,for whatever reason, you're
moving okay.
So I think it's reallyimportant to celebrate what
you're moving from to whatyou're moving to.
So, as you're just thinking, Ijust want you to know like
growth requires movement.
(11:58):
If you want to grow, you'regoing to have to take some risks
, you're going to have to makesome decisions, and growth can
feel uncomfortable, and that'swhy a lot of people, I think,
don't do things that they wantto do, but they're either scared
of failure, scared of beinguncomfortable.
Right, we don't like thefeeling of discomfort.
(12:19):
Right, we live cushy lives, butthat's the only way that you're
going to grow lives, but that'sthe only way that you're going
to grow.
So I would just challenge youto look at your life and are
there areas that you might wantto try to repot and to change up
and to do different?
They don't have to be big, hugechanges.
(12:40):
You don't have to move acrossthe country or, you know, get
divorced.
You can stay married and dothis.
But I just would encourage youto look inside of yourself and
where's an area in your lifethat you would like to push
yourself a little bit.
I think it can be reallypowerful, a confidence booster.
(13:04):
It can be just a way to becomethe person that you envision
yourself being.
So I just really liked theconcept.
I'm sure other people have saidbesides Martha Stewart, she's
just the first person that whenI heard it, I was like, oh, this
is so fascinating.
(13:24):
So I would just love you toconsider how you're going to
repot your life, and I'm goingto be contemplating on that
issue as well.
I feel like I've done a lot ofrepotting the past few years,
but there's always room for moregrowth and more learning and
more doing.
(13:44):
Thanks so much for listening.
And more learning and moredoing.
Thanks so much for listening.
If you are experiencingbetrayal, I just want you to
know that it is possible to heal, and I have created a course
that can help you, and I wouldlove I'd love to meet you and
see how I can help you heal andbe a part of your healing
journey.
Thanks for listening and I willtalk to you next week.
If you want to learn how tolive happily, even after, sign
(14:08):
up for my email at hello at lifecoach Jen with one ncom.
Follow me on Instagram andFacebook at happily even after
coach.
Let's work together to createyour happily even after.
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