Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to another
episode of the Happy Agent Co
podcast.
I am your host, lindsay Dreyer,and I am so excited you're here
Today.
I am going to dive into a topicthat I really love talking
about, and that is how nice girlenergy is quietly sabotaging
your growth and how you canreclaim your power and build a
(00:24):
business that you love, becauseyou are not a doormat, you are
not a fairy godmother and youare definitely not running a
nonprofit.
So I love this topic because Iknow a lot of women struggle
with this, so let's dive in.
I want you to be honest withyourself.
How many times have you saidyes to something you absolutely
(00:46):
did not want to do because youdidn't want to be quote, unquote
difficult?
Again, how many times have youbent over backwards for a client
, only for them to either ghostyou ask for a commission credit
or, just straight up, disrespectyou?
It has happened to all of us.
You are not alone and no, it isnot just a you problem, it is a
(01:09):
we were taught to be likable.
Problem and this is somethingthat so many women struggle with
is that we don't want to rockthe boat, we don't want to seem
difficult and we want to justcollaborate and compromise and
make everybody happy.
But this is sabotaging yourbusiness and you don't have to
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be mean, but nice girl energycan hold you back from building
a business that isn't justprofitable but also pays you
what you're worth.
Let's talk about a real lifeexample.
So I know that when I was peakreal estating, I would step out
(01:52):
of a dinner with my husband, sowe would be on date night and I
would be like sorry, sorry, Ihave to take this call.
Or I was putting my daughterdown for a nap and I am like
paying attention to my phonebecause I'm in like active
negotiations and like there goesher nap time because I'm stuck
on the phone with a listingagent for like 30 minutes.
Or you're rescheduling yourlife for a buyer who isn't even
(02:16):
pre-approved.
So these are all real scenarios.
Because we want to service ourclients well, we want to get
that commission, we want to makethat deal happen.
But it is exhausting puttingyourself out there and being
nice all the time, especially ifyou aren't doing it out of
alignment or out of authenticity.
(02:39):
When you do that out ofalignment or out of authenticity
, you get what I like to call anemotional hangover or an energy
hangover because you are justoverextending yourself and you
are doing things that you don'twant to do.
And we have this false beliefin real estate that if I'm just
nice enough, they'll pick me, orif I'm just nice enough they'll
(03:01):
respect me, or if I'm just niceenough, they'll refer me.
But really, what'm just niceenough, they'll refer me.
But really, what it comes downto is that being nice actually
isn't the problem.
The problem is that you arebeing nice at the expense of
your boundaries, at the expenseof your paycheck and at the
expense of your schedule, andthat isn't generosity, that is
(03:24):
not kindness, that's honestlyself-abandonment, that's
abandoning yourself, that'sabandoning your integrity and
it's costing you money guaranteeit.
It's costing you clientsbecause you're stretching
yourself too thin, and it iscosting your credibility.
So I want to reframe this,because I think that there is a
(03:45):
difference between kindness andniceness.
I think that kindness isaligned you can just be a kind
person, but niceness tends to beperformative.
So I want you to think aboutbeing kind in your business, and
that includes being kind toyourself.
So stop over-efforting, becausethat definitely is going to
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backfire on you and it alsomakes your client question your
authority instead of respect it.
I have a really funny storywhere my massage therapist
decided to list with someoneelse because she didn't know me
in the context of being a realestate agent.
She saw me as being nice.
(04:30):
She didn't see me as being agood negotiator, which, for
those of you who know me.
I am a bulldog.
Going to the car dealership andnegotiating deals is basically
my form of a hobby.
I love negotiating, so I waslaughing because that was an
instance where someone saw myniceness as a downfall in hiring
(04:54):
me as their real estate agent.
It made them question did Ihave the authority to get this
deal done or represent them inan aggressive way?
And so I will say that, like,sometimes it costs you deals.
So clarity and confidence andbeing able to communicate, that
is what builds that trust.
(05:15):
It's what builds that authorityand people pleasing honestly.
It does not build confidence.
It does not build trust.
It does not build authority.
When clients can walk all overyou or get whatever they want,
those clients aren't necessarilygetting the best experience
from you.
So it is important to know thatover niceness is sabotaging you
(05:40):
.
It is self-sabotage.
I think it's important for us todive into a little bit of where
does this nice girl energy comefrom?
And I mean honestly, a lot ofit comes from our trauma or our
upbringing or the culture we areraised in, but it ultimately is
rooted in fear and it's thatfear of rejection, of people not
(06:04):
liking us, of people not lovingus Like we want people to
accept us.
It also can come in the fear ofjust being too much, like maybe
people told you you're too loudor too fat or too whatever, and
there's also that fear of beingjudged.
So maybe you were ridiculed orbullied as a kid or as an adult
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and you're just scared of beingjudged.
I know for me it comes down tobeing seen and being loved and
accepted and that is where mynice girl energy came from.
And it was really, really hardfor me to reprogram my brain and
realize that when I set aboundary or if I say no, it
(06:50):
doesn't mean that they hate me.
It means that I am protectingmyself, it's that I am doing
what's in alignment with myself.
So playing small and that nicegirl energy, it is a survival
strategy.
I really don't think we'redoing it consciously, but it is
not a business strategy.
And so when you get intentionalabout your kindness.
(07:13):
I think that that is a reallygreat way to move forward in
your business.
So, now that we've talked aboutwhere it comes from, what the
problem with nice girl energy is, let's talk about what do you
do instead.
I think the first thing is thatyou need to stop over
accommodating people.
Is that you need to stop overaccommodating people and it
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comes down to saying what youmean without apologizing, and
being clear in yourcommunications.
And it also comes down tohaving a clear process that you
follow and clear boundaries thatyou follow.
My favorite saying, larryKendall Lynch, is selling.
You control the process, yourclient controls the decisions,
(07:59):
and you are the expert.
You are the one that they'releaning on to carry them,
shepherd them through thisprocess.
Truly believe now I didn'talways believe, or I really
wasn't always good at it whichis boundaries and setting
boundaries.
That is professional, that isnot rude, and I really respect
(08:24):
people who are able to setboundaries in their business.
So, whether that is times youare available, days that you
work, how many properties youwill see at one given time, how
you handle offers, how youhandle open houses, whatever
boundaries you feel like youneed to set, you need to set
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them and my clue is I will takea beat and it will be something
like I don't want to do this, orI feel like this is a bad idea,
or I knew I shouldn't havetaken this.
How many times has thathappened, where you meet with a
client and you're like, oh shoot, I shouldn't have taken that
(09:08):
client.
So it's like listen to thatintuition, listen to that little
voice, because it is trying tosave you from nice girl energy.
It is telling you whensomething is out of alignment,
when a client is out ofalignment, when a situation is
out of alignment and it is okayto say no, it is okay to say I
(09:30):
can't do that right now or I canfind another solution or
someone else to do this for you.
So you need to listen to thatlittle voice inside of you
because it's really important.
I know that if I got a calllet's say it's during my son's
birthday party that little voiceinside of me is like you should
not take that call.
(09:50):
Do not take that call.
This is your son's birthdayparty.
Do not take it.
There was a point in time whereI would have taken that call
because I wanted to be ultraavailable, hyper responsive to
my clients.
And, yes, I do feel likeresponsiveness is important, but
there is a difference betweenresponsiveness and hyper
(10:12):
responsiveness.
So, for example, setexpectations.
If you send me an email, it isa 24 hour response time maximum.
If you send me an email, it isa 24-hour response time maximum.
If you send me a text, it is anhour maximum response time.
If you call me, I'll know it'surgent and I'll get back to you
as soon as possible.
We need to start settingcommunication boundaries like
that, because that's what givesyou a life and, ultimately,
(10:34):
that's what gives your client apredictable, great experience.
I don't think our clients areexpecting us to be available
24-7.
And if they do, they're not theright client for you, but they
do want to expect when they'llhear back from you.
So, setting those boundariesbeing clear about what the
process is, being clear aboutyour communication, what's going
(10:54):
to happen when you areavailable it is so crucial to
stop over-accommodating thoseclients.
I also think directness isclarity and clarity is trust.
And ultimately, don't we wantall of our clients to trust us,
because that's what's going tolead to a referral business down
the road.
(11:15):
And here's some phrases that youcan use that won't work for me,
but here's what will work forme.
I am fully booked that day, butlet's look at next week.
Here's how I can work best foryou so you can get the best
results.
It's all about communicatingyour needs, which I know is
really hard if you are inpeople-pleasing mode or you are
(11:36):
used to just rolling over andmaking everybody happy.
But it is time that you makeyourself happy and stop just
exhausting yourself Like youremotional, physical, mental
energy is too important and Iguarantee you will see the
results.
Another place I see nice girlenergy really shoot people in
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the foot is compensation thecommissions that you are
charging.
Your pricing is not anegotiation.
Most of the time it is areflection of your value that
you bring your skills, yourexperience and, honestly, your
ability to get results for thatclient.
(12:21):
And if you have to explain yourvalue or you feel uncomfortable
explaining your value, it meansthat you are not owning what
you are charging.
I really feel like discountingyour commission, no matter what
your charge is people pleasingin disguise.
It's basically like I am notworth whatever I am charging you
and I don't know about you.
(12:42):
But anytime I take a discounton what I am charging, it leads
to me overworking, or actuallyprobably both.
It leads to resentment, so I'moverworking and I'm resentful
because I shouldn't have done it.
I feel like it's like Murphy'slaw right, we go out of town and
we get lots of clients, butit's the same.
When you discount a commission,it's going to be like your
(13:04):
hardest deal.
So don't do it if there is nota strategic business reason for
doing it.
Here are some phrases that Iwould like you to practice, the
answers to here's how I'mcompensated and why it's worth
it to you.
This is my commission and Idon't discount my service.
(13:24):
And here's why You're hiring meto make you more money and get
you better results, and that'sexactly what I'm going to do.
And lastly, if you're lookingfor the cheapest option,
unfortunately that's not me, butif you're looking for the best
outcome, I'm your woman.
It infuriates me to see how manywomen under charge for their
services.
That is like one of the biggestthings I talk to about coaching
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clients is I have them pulltheir look back and commission
rates, and almost all of themare like I wish I charged more,
and I think that that's just oneof the things.
It's like.
Women just want to make peoplehappy and we don't believe in
what we bring to the table, butyou should.
You don't go to your doctor oryour lawyer and ask for a coupon
(14:08):
.
So I want you to stop treatingyour expertise and your time and
your energy like it's somethingthat's on Facebook marketplace,
like it's up for negotiation,because it really isn't.
You're delivering a incrediblyprofessional service that
delivers a shitload of value,and you should not ever second
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guess yourself, and youshouldn't let nice girl energy
get in the way of that.
Playing small does not serveyou and it absolutely doesn't
serve your clients, and everytime that you shrink to make
someone else feel comfortable,you are robbing the world, your
clients and yourself of yourfull impact.
And you don't have to be meanto be powerful.
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You just have to stopapologizing for taking up space.
I really hope that you stopbeing a nice girl and you start
being a kind girl who isstanding in her full power.
So cheers to the kind girls.
If you have a fellow agent whoyou think is being a little too
(15:17):
nice and letting people walk allover them like a doormat,
please share this with them andif you want to DM me your nice
girl moment that you are donewith.
You can find me on Instagram,lindsaydryer, and I really hope
that this helps you step intoyour power because, girl, you
are amazing.
Until next time, stay happy.