November 5, 2024 • 21 mins
Feeling burnt out from having too much on your plate?
Are there people who need you constantly—whether at work or in your family?
Trust me, you’re not alone.
Setting boundaries can be hard, and taking time for self-care can feel next to impossible when time is short. It can feel like pushing through is the only option, hoping the universe will eventually hand you a break.
Today, I want to share a few reminders to help you create more peace and acceptance in your life right now. Let's make space for what truly matters—starting with you.
Ready to ease your anxiety and set kind, loving boundaries, so you can prioritize yourself without guilt?
Click here to schedule your FREE 1:1 Stress Relief Coaching Session
Chat with me on Instagram @Mrs.Hard_TimesNoMore
Find your peace Mrs-Hard.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi, I'm Alessandra Tolome Hard, aka Mrs Hard, and
this is Hard Times no More, apodcast for people who are tired
of struggling with boundaries,people-pleasing and relationship
problems.
I have overcome some hard times.
Within three years, I stoppeddrinking, my mom died of cancer
and my house burnt down in aCalifornia wildfire, and those
(00:22):
are just the highlights.
I have a lot of reasons to bemiserable, but I'm not.
The truth is, life was morechallenging before these events
happened.
If you are tired of waiting foryour circumstances to change to
find happiness and peace ofmind, you are in the right place
.
Join me as I share the tools Iuse in love to transform
(00:43):
challenges into assets andinterview others about their
relationship journeys.
Together, let's learn how tohave a happy life full of
healthy, meaningfulrelationships and say goodbye to
hard times for good.
Hey everyone, welcome to theHard Times no More Relationship
(01:04):
Podcast.
I'm Alessandra Ptolemy-Hard,aka Mrs Hard, your host.
So I know it's been a whilesince I've recorded a podcast
and that is because I've beengoing through some really deep
internal healing, emotionallyand physically, the last six
weeks and I'm not really readyto talk about the full story.
(01:29):
But I'm excited to be here backon the podcast today.
During this time, I had to takea step back.
I paused the podcast, I pausedshowing up on social media and a
couple of extracurricularthings that I have been doing,
just to take some much neededtime to go within, because it's
(01:51):
very important to me that Ipractice what I preach in terms
of taking space for myself.
The same way, I suggest thatpeople I work with take space
for themselves.
And this time was kind of funnybecause at the beginning, when
I was feeling the calling to gowithin and to stop doing so much
(02:16):
and to stop putting myself outthere like I normally do, it
felt like I was having thisconversation with the universe,
where the universe was tellingme all right, it's time for you
to slow down and stop.
And my response back to theuniverse was no, this isn't a
(02:36):
good time, I have too manythings to do, I'm very busy,
people need me and it's veryinconvenient for me to pause my
life right now.
But I felt it in my body, Ifelt it spiritually that I had
two options where I could, on myown will decide to stop and
(03:01):
slowly let things go, becausethis was a process of letting
things go or, if I continuedwhat I was doing, the universe
would find a way to stop me, andwe've all had that experience
before.
You know, sometimes your backgoes out, sometimes you get sick
.
You know the universe has a wayof forcing you to stop when you
don't want to, and I've beenaround the block enough times to
(03:25):
know that I would rather do itin a way that's in compliance
and a mutual loving way with theuniverse and my higher power,
instead of ignoring these signsand symptoms and continuing full
speed ahead and then settingthe stage for the universe to
(03:48):
force me into submission.
So one of the successes of thistime was that there wasn't a
huge breakdown.
There wasn't anythingcatastrophic that I was just
called to take some much neededspace and time to process so
much.
And, like I said, there will bea time where I go more into
(04:08):
this and talk about it openly.
But the dust is still settling,so it's not the right time
right now.
But today I do want to shareabout something I heard a couple
of weeks ago, and it's a sloganfrom Al-Anon awareness,
acceptance, action.
This slogan really struck mebecause when I heard this, I
(04:30):
thought about all the times Imove from awareness meaning
something's wrong, somethingneeds to change to action
without considering acceptanceand I believe that acceptance is
the healer of so many things.
It is the answer to so manyproblems, and I can look back on
my life and see many, manytimes where I jumped from
(04:52):
awareness to action, trying tosolve or fix a problem, rather
than taking some intentionaltime to create acceptance.
And once you take intentionaltime to create acceptance,
usually your action is differentand it doesn't have as many
repercussions.
For example, if you're goingfrom awareness to action because
(05:12):
you want to help a loved one, afamily member, fix or solve a
problem, you may choose anaction that perpetuates their
need to depend on you, versusaccepting where they are at this
time in life, in this season oflife, who they are and their
willingness to change or notchange.
Also, if you're applying this toyourself, if you don't consider
(05:35):
acceptance, accepting yourenergy level, how you're feeling
in your current life situation,you may create a rigid schedule
for yourself, trying to createmore control because you're
feeling uncomfortable, becauseyou're aware that something
isn't going well or that youdon't have enough energy.
Control because you're feelinguncomfortable, because you're
aware that something isn't goingwell or that you don't have
enough energy or that you'refeeling burnt out, and so the
(05:55):
action might be caffeine itmight be.
I need to organize my entireschedule and create control so
that I can manage this, insteadof accepting that you're human
and that you may need to take adifferent action or reduce the
amount of action in your life tofind peace, to heal and to
(06:16):
process whatever you're goingthrough.
And so that slogan reallystruck me, and I want to talk a
little bit more about it todayand talk about how you can
cultivate more acceptance inyour life so that the actions
you take steer you in thedirection that you actually want
to go, instead of continuing torepeat patterns in your life
(06:38):
that aren't serving you.
So I want you to think of atime in your life when you felt
burnt out or overwhelmed.
Maybe you feel that way now.
Maybe you're remembering a pasttime where you were already
doing too much and said yes totoo many things and agreed to
help, let's say, your dad cleanhis garage and reorganize it.
You agreed to plan a birthdayparty for your best friend or
(07:00):
your kid, and then you agreed totake a trip with your partner,
and the trip you're going onisn't exciting.
It's really just becoming onemore thing you have to do and
overwhelming.
Trip you're going on isn'texciting, it's really just
becoming one more thing you haveto do and overwhelming because
you don't really have the energyto show up the way you want to
in life right now.
And so, long story short,you've put other needs ahead of
(07:21):
your own, and this is so easy,especially if your life is a go,
go, go kind of life and youdon't feel like you have a lot
of time in the season of lifeyou're in, or you just don't
tend to find it easy to take alot of time to pause and
consider is this really what youwant for yourself?
What is your energy like rightnow?
(07:42):
How are you feeling right now?
Is this right for you?
Instead of needing to fixsomebody else or a problem or
create a solution, instead ofaccepting how you are feeling,
giving yourself permission totake things off your plate, to
take a pause or accept anotherperson as they are, instead of
(08:03):
trying to fix them, help them behealthier, pay their bills on
time, go to physical therapy,eat a vegetable, make their life
easier at the expense of yourown mental health and well-being
.
And your mind may be tellingyou.
You know you're not really asbad off as this other person.
They definitely need help andyou're the one that they rely on
(08:25):
.
Or you may have a mantra thatgoes on during those times of
like I will get through this, Ican get through this, I will
push through.
But the need to push powerthrough, fix and control can be
a sign that there's a lack ofacceptance.
These things can bedistractions.
(08:45):
Other people can bedistractions.
Saying yes to many things andperpetuating the feelings of
burnout in your life canactually be a distraction from
taking the space and time toreally sit with your feelings.
I've at times asked people whenfeelings are coming up, what
are you afraid of?
(09:06):
And sometimes people are afraidof getting stuck in the feeling
and never coming out of it.
Or they have a limiting beliefa belief that's not really true
that if they keep on overworking, that they'll be financially
secure, that if they controltheir parent or control their
(09:26):
kids, then everyone in theirlife will be happy, stable and
secure, when really they don'thave a lot of true control over
that.
And sometimes we use thesedistractions in a way to
validate our worth instead offinding worthiness from within
ourself, and I feel like ourculture and just the way so many
(09:47):
of us have been raised has ledus to put a lot of value on what
other people think.
It's a very natural humanexperience and emotion to be
concerned about that, and it'sgood to remember and check in
with yourself that, like, thoseexternal validations may be
(10:07):
driving you in the directionthat you don't really want to go
, and it can be a little bitmore challenging to find your
worth from within.
And to find your worth maybefrom a higher power or the
universe or something that is alittle bit easier to grasp is
like if you look at your bestfriend and I know I've talked
(10:28):
about things like this onprevious podcasts but when you
look at your best friend, do youthink that your best friend
needs to prove their worthinessby being of service to others,
or do you believe that they'reworthy because they're a
wonderful person and theydeserve worthiness just like a
human birthright?
When you look at it like that,you can transfer that same
(10:50):
compassion you would have foryour best friend to yourself,
and when you make that time andthat space to cultivate
acceptance, which is reallybeing present, it may lead to
another layer of awareness andshift the direction, that of
where you're heading, moving youoff of the hamster wheel into
(11:17):
the direction that you reallywant to go in life so that you
can experience a more balancedlife inside and out.
Because a lot of us talk abouthow we really want inner peace
and for some reason our mindwill trick us into believing
that inner peace will come whenour life is in order, when you
(11:39):
have control over theuncontrollable people, places
and things.
But really that inner peacecomes from within and it comes
when you have that acceptance ofthings exactly the way they are
and you're not needing externalcircumstances to change for you
to find happiness way they areand you're not needing external
circumstances to change for youto find happiness.
(11:59):
And with my clients and peopleI work with, one of the big
things that moves the needle isreleasing the need for external
validation and coming back toyourself and doing things to
cultivate that feeling ofworthiness from within, elevate
that feeling of worthiness fromwithin and, like I said, that
can come from a connection tohigher power, to God, to the
(12:20):
universe, and recognizing thatit's okay to have the full range
of human emotions.
It's okay to feel tired.
When it's inconvenient to betired, it's okay to cancel
commitments when it'sinconvenient, if you're not able
to show up as your best selfand you find yourself
sacrificing your wellbeing forthe greater good of others.
(12:41):
Also, when it comes tocaretaking, you know, allowing a
certain amount of time to bedevoted to caretaking and then
making sure that you have acheck and balance system where
you're filling your cup as yougive and so that you're not
giving from an empty cup.
So that can look like getting amassage, going to a coaching
(13:05):
session, going to your favoriteyoga class, signing up for a
retreat, whatever it is thatfills your cup.
It doesn't have to be somethingbig.
It can be even journaling ordrawing at home, or coloring in
a coloring book or reading amurder mystery.
There are so many things thatyou can implement throughout
(13:26):
your day.
It also doesn't have to be anall or nothing shift where like,
oh, these people really drainme, so I have to cut them off,
and then I have to join a 30-daysilent meditation retreat and
that's how I'm going to get mylife in order.
Like that is where controlshows up again and that can be a
(13:47):
lack of acceptance.
You know, sometimes you do gotto cut people off, but it's
better to first get right withyourself and then see if that is
still the right action for you.
And that's how you find morepeace and balance is once again
cultivating that from within,doing things that bring you joy,
(14:07):
whatever that looks like foryou, and not needing to prove
your worth or your validationand get confirmation from
external sources.
And so when you take thoseactions, there's less pushing,
there's less forcing, there'sless needing to keep it all
together and there's morepresence in your life, so you
(14:29):
can really soak in the sacredtime that you spend with your
family, with your partner, withyour kids, walking in nature,
whatever brings you joy andconnection.
So today, after you listen tothis podcast, I want to
encourage you to take some timeto pause and check in with
yourself.
How have you been sleeping overthe past couple of days or
(14:51):
couple of weeks?
Sleep can be a huge indicatorof your mental health in terms
of if you're not sleeping well,you may have too much on your
plate and you may be stuck infight or flight.
I probably don't have to tellyou that, you may already know
it.
And then, if you do havetrouble sleeping and it's a
chronic thing are you takingenough time in your daily life
(15:14):
to balance that out, like, canyou take an afternoon nap or can
you take time to meditate?
But sleep can be a hugeindicator that something within
you isn't going well, especiallyif you've had a pattern of
sleeping well for a period oftime and then your sleep becomes
disrupted for several weeks.
(15:34):
And then how have you beenfeeling?
You know, sometimes, as acaretaker, you may be focusing
so much on how others are doingand feeling.
Are you taking time toacknowledge your feelings?
Are you needing something tosupport your feelings during
this time?
And so, once again, to recapawareness, acceptance, action.
(16:03):
Awareness is becoming aware ofyour feelings, your body and if
any part of you is tired, burntout or needing something.
In particular, acceptance isall about accepting yourself,
embracing your own limits, notneeding to be the strong one or
the perfect one or the one thatgets it all done, and allowing
(16:26):
yourself the same space andgrace you would your best friend
, allowing yourself to be humanand take time for yourself
without guilt.
If you're needing a little bitof acceptance around someone
else, it's recognizing that youcannot control or change
another's behavior or responseand then making actions in
(16:50):
alignment with that, so servingyour highest good over
sacrificing yourself to appeaseothers.
And if you're needing toprocess this deeper, I am
accepting one-on-one clientsright now and this is something
we get into.
I'm really good at helpingpeople create boundaries and
(17:12):
transform challengingrelationships, because it only
takes one to change arelationship.
There is a way to find peaceand acceptance with other people
and allow the relationship thatis best for both of you to come
forward, and finding that is somuch easier when you have
guidance from somebody who'sbeen through that many, many
times.
(17:33):
And then, after you findacceptance, moving into action.
And the ironic thing here isthat sometimes the acceptance
you find makes it so that you nolonger feel the need to take
action.
It can relieve you of feelingthe need to do something to fix
someone or something.
And other times, findingacceptance first will validate
(17:56):
your intuition, it'll validatewhat you felt, it'll create a
lot of clarity about the nextright action for you, and that
next right action will be of thecaliber of the vibration that
is going to take you in thedirection of where you want to
go in life, instead ofperpetuating a cycle that you've
tried to break out of many,many times before.
(18:20):
And this is a great time toconsider the slogan awareness,
acceptance, action because we'regoing into the holidays and if
you're somebody who loves tohelp others, the holidays can be
extra stressful because you'retrying to navigate family
dynamics, you're trying to makesure everyone feels included and
(18:42):
happy with how the holidays aregoing.
You may feel like there's a lotof expectations, to buy
presents, to make a bunch offood, to show up to multiple
gatherings, and so let's startlaying the groundwork now to
create more stability fromwithin you and so that you can
decide what's right for you asthe holidays approach and then
(19:05):
you can be very present for theholidays.
Because, how I see it is likethe goal for most people isn't
to create more distance bytaking time for yourself.
It's actually going to createmore connection because, like
I've said before, when you taketime for yourself, when you fill
your own cup, it doesn't meanthat you're selfish and that's
(19:27):
all you're doing all day.
Every day is just filling yourcup more for you, your cup
overflows and you're a naturallygiving person and you need to
acknowledge that about yourself,and acknowledging that can
really take the pressure off ofyou feeling like you need to do
enough.
Instead, you can trust theprocess and trust that you know
(19:48):
when you have the energy to give, you show up 110% and things go
so much more smoothly andeasier.
You don't find that you're asresentful or as stressed, and
then you get to really bepresent with the people you love
and the activities you chooseto do.
In my mind, it's about havingit all.
You know you get to show up,but you get to feel good doing
(20:09):
it instead of burnt out.
So, moving forward from here,I'm not sure how often I'm going
to be recording a podcast overthe next couple of months.
There is a special project thatI'm going to start working on
behind the scenes, and that'swhy the podcast is going to be a
little bit more fluid for alittle while.
And so if you're on my emaillist, you will get notifications
(20:32):
when podcast episodes areavailable.
If you subscribe to thispodcast, you will get a when
podcast episodes are available.
If you subscribe to thispodcast, you will get a
notification when episodes areavailable, and if you follow me
on Instagram at mrshardtimesunderscore no more you'll see it
on my stories when a newepisode is available, so you
won't miss out.
I want to thank you for beingpart of this community, and if
(20:59):
you're listening to this, you'remost likely a caretaker in one
capacity or another, and theworld is so lucky to have you,
and I'm so excited for you totake some space to really check
in with yourself and see whatyou need, and I hope that you
heard something that will remindyou to put yourself first and
(21:22):
to find your worthiness fromwithin, so I look forward to
talking to you next time.
Until then, take care.
Hi, I'm Alessandra Tolome Hard, aka Mrs Hard, and
this is Hard Times no More, apodcast for people who are tired
of struggling with boundaries,people-pleasing and relationship
problems.
I have overcome some hard times.
Within three years, I stoppeddrinking, my mom died of cancer
and my house burnt down in aCalifornia wildfire, and those
(00:22):
are just the highlights.
I have a lot of reasons to bemiserable, but I'm not.
The truth is, life was morechallenging before these events
happened.
If you are tired of waiting foryour circumstances to change to
find happiness and peace ofmind, you are in the right place
.
Join me as I share the tools Iuse in love to transform
(00:43):
challenges into assets andinterview others about their
relationship journeys.
Together, let's learn how tohave a happy life full of
healthy, meaningfulrelationships and say goodbye to
hard times for good.
Hey everyone, welcome to theHard Times no More Relationship
(01:04):
Podcast.
I'm Alessandra Ptolemy-Hard,aka Mrs Hard, your host.
So I know it's been a whilesince I've recorded a podcast
and that is because I've beengoing through some really deep
internal healing, emotionallyand physically, the last six
weeks and I'm not really readyto talk about the full story.
(01:29):
But I'm excited to be here backon the podcast today.
During this time, I had to takea step back.
I paused the podcast, I pausedshowing up on social media and a
couple of extracurricularthings that I have been doing,
just to take some much neededtime to go within, because it's
(01:51):
very important to me that Ipractice what I preach in terms
of taking space for myself.
The same way, I suggest thatpeople I work with take space
for themselves.
And this time was kind of funnybecause at the beginning, when
I was feeling the calling to gowithin and to stop doing so much
(02:16):
and to stop putting myself outthere like I normally do, it
felt like I was having thisconversation with the universe,
where the universe was tellingme all right, it's time for you
to slow down and stop.
And my response back to theuniverse was no, this isn't a
(02:36):
good time, I have too manythings to do, I'm very busy,
people need me and it's veryinconvenient for me to pause my
life right now.
But I felt it in my body, Ifelt it spiritually that I had
two options where I could, on myown will decide to stop and
(03:01):
slowly let things go, becausethis was a process of letting
things go or, if I continuedwhat I was doing, the universe
would find a way to stop me, andwe've all had that experience
before.
You know, sometimes your backgoes out, sometimes you get sick
.
You know the universe has a wayof forcing you to stop when you
don't want to, and I've beenaround the block enough times to
(03:25):
know that I would rather do itin a way that's in compliance
and a mutual loving way with theuniverse and my higher power,
instead of ignoring these signsand symptoms and continuing full
speed ahead and then settingthe stage for the universe to
(03:48):
force me into submission.
So one of the successes of thistime was that there wasn't a
huge breakdown.
There wasn't anythingcatastrophic that I was just
called to take some much neededspace and time to process so
much.
And, like I said, there will bea time where I go more into
(04:08):
this and talk about it openly.
But the dust is still settling,so it's not the right time
right now.
But today I do want to shareabout something I heard a couple
of weeks ago, and it's a sloganfrom Al-Anon awareness,
acceptance, action.
This slogan really struck mebecause when I heard this, I
(04:30):
thought about all the times Imove from awareness meaning
something's wrong, somethingneeds to change to action
without considering acceptanceand I believe that acceptance is
the healer of so many things.
It is the answer to so manyproblems, and I can look back on
my life and see many, manytimes where I jumped from
(04:52):
awareness to action, trying tosolve or fix a problem, rather
than taking some intentionaltime to create acceptance.
And once you take intentionaltime to create acceptance,
usually your action is differentand it doesn't have as many
repercussions.
For example, if you're goingfrom awareness to action because
(05:12):
you want to help a loved one, afamily member, fix or solve a
problem, you may choose anaction that perpetuates their
need to depend on you, versusaccepting where they are at this
time in life, in this season oflife, who they are and their
willingness to change or notchange.
Also, if you're applying this toyourself, if you don't consider
(05:35):
acceptance, accepting yourenergy level, how you're feeling
in your current life situation,you may create a rigid schedule
for yourself, trying to createmore control because you're
feeling uncomfortable, becauseyou're aware that something
isn't going well or that youdon't have enough energy.
Control because you're feelinguncomfortable, because you're
aware that something isn't goingwell or that you don't have
enough energy or that you'refeeling burnt out, and so the
(05:55):
action might be caffeine itmight be.
I need to organize my entireschedule and create control so
that I can manage this, insteadof accepting that you're human
and that you may need to take adifferent action or reduce the
amount of action in your life tofind peace, to heal and to
(06:16):
process whatever you're goingthrough.
And so that slogan reallystruck me, and I want to talk a
little bit more about it todayand talk about how you can
cultivate more acceptance inyour life so that the actions
you take steer you in thedirection that you actually want
to go, instead of continuing torepeat patterns in your life
(06:38):
that aren't serving you.
So I want you to think of atime in your life when you felt
burnt out or overwhelmed.
Maybe you feel that way now.
Maybe you're remembering a pasttime where you were already
doing too much and said yes totoo many things and agreed to
help, let's say, your dad cleanhis garage and reorganize it.
You agreed to plan a birthdayparty for your best friend or
(07:00):
your kid, and then you agreed totake a trip with your partner,
and the trip you're going onisn't exciting.
It's really just becoming onemore thing you have to do and
overwhelming.
Trip you're going on isn'texciting, it's really just
becoming one more thing you haveto do and overwhelming because
you don't really have the energyto show up the way you want to
in life right now.
And so, long story short,you've put other needs ahead of
(07:21):
your own, and this is so easy,especially if your life is a go,
go, go kind of life and youdon't feel like you have a lot
of time in the season of lifeyou're in, or you just don't
tend to find it easy to take alot of time to pause and
consider is this really what youwant for yourself?
What is your energy like rightnow?
(07:42):
How are you feeling right now?
Is this right for you?
Instead of needing to fixsomebody else or a problem or
create a solution, instead ofaccepting how you are feeling,
giving yourself permission totake things off your plate, to
take a pause or accept anotherperson as they are, instead of
(08:03):
trying to fix them, help them behealthier, pay their bills on
time, go to physical therapy,eat a vegetable, make their life
easier at the expense of yourown mental health and well-being
.
And your mind may be tellingyou.
You know you're not really asbad off as this other person.
They definitely need help andyou're the one that they rely on
(08:25):
.
Or you may have a mantra thatgoes on during those times of
like I will get through this, Ican get through this, I will
push through.
But the need to push powerthrough, fix and control can be
a sign that there's a lack ofacceptance.
These things can bedistractions.
(08:45):
Other people can bedistractions.
Saying yes to many things andperpetuating the feelings of
burnout in your life canactually be a distraction from
taking the space and time toreally sit with your feelings.
I've at times asked people whenfeelings are coming up, what
are you afraid of?
(09:06):
And sometimes people are afraidof getting stuck in the feeling
and never coming out of it.
Or they have a limiting beliefa belief that's not really true
that if they keep on overworking, that they'll be financially
secure, that if they controltheir parent or control their
(09:26):
kids, then everyone in theirlife will be happy, stable and
secure, when really they don'thave a lot of true control over
that.
And sometimes we use thesedistractions in a way to
validate our worth instead offinding worthiness from within
ourself, and I feel like ourculture and just the way so many
(09:47):
of us have been raised has ledus to put a lot of value on what
other people think.
It's a very natural humanexperience and emotion to be
concerned about that, and it'sgood to remember and check in
with yourself that, like, thoseexternal validations may be
(10:07):
driving you in the directionthat you don't really want to go
, and it can be a little bitmore challenging to find your
worth from within.
And to find your worth maybefrom a higher power or the
universe or something that is alittle bit easier to grasp is
like if you look at your bestfriend and I know I've talked
(10:28):
about things like this onprevious podcasts but when you
look at your best friend, do youthink that your best friend
needs to prove their worthinessby being of service to others,
or do you believe that they'reworthy because they're a
wonderful person and theydeserve worthiness just like a
human birthright?
When you look at it like that,you can transfer that same
(10:50):
compassion you would have foryour best friend to yourself,
and when you make that time andthat space to cultivate
acceptance, which is reallybeing present, it may lead to
another layer of awareness andshift the direction, that of
where you're heading, moving youoff of the hamster wheel into
(11:17):
the direction that you reallywant to go in life so that you
can experience a more balancedlife inside and out.
Because a lot of us talk abouthow we really want inner peace
and for some reason our mindwill trick us into believing
that inner peace will come whenour life is in order, when you
(11:39):
have control over theuncontrollable people, places
and things.
But really that inner peacecomes from within and it comes
when you have that acceptance ofthings exactly the way they are
and you're not needing externalcircumstances to change for you
to find happiness way they areand you're not needing external
circumstances to change for youto find happiness.
(11:59):
And with my clients and peopleI work with, one of the big
things that moves the needle isreleasing the need for external
validation and coming back toyourself and doing things to
cultivate that feeling ofworthiness from within, elevate
that feeling of worthiness fromwithin and, like I said, that
can come from a connection tohigher power, to God, to the
(12:20):
universe, and recognizing thatit's okay to have the full range
of human emotions.
It's okay to feel tired.
When it's inconvenient to betired, it's okay to cancel
commitments when it'sinconvenient, if you're not able
to show up as your best selfand you find yourself
sacrificing your wellbeing forthe greater good of others.
(12:41):
Also, when it comes tocaretaking, you know, allowing a
certain amount of time to bedevoted to caretaking and then
making sure that you have acheck and balance system where
you're filling your cup as yougive and so that you're not
giving from an empty cup.
So that can look like getting amassage, going to a coaching
(13:05):
session, going to your favoriteyoga class, signing up for a
retreat, whatever it is thatfills your cup.
It doesn't have to be somethingbig.
It can be even journaling ordrawing at home, or coloring in
a coloring book or reading amurder mystery.
There are so many things thatyou can implement throughout
(13:26):
your day.
It also doesn't have to be anall or nothing shift where like,
oh, these people really drainme, so I have to cut them off,
and then I have to join a 30-daysilent meditation retreat and
that's how I'm going to get mylife in order.
Like that is where controlshows up again and that can be a
(13:47):
lack of acceptance.
You know, sometimes you do gotto cut people off, but it's
better to first get right withyourself and then see if that is
still the right action for you.
And that's how you find morepeace and balance is once again
cultivating that from within,doing things that bring you joy,
(14:07):
whatever that looks like foryou, and not needing to prove
your worth or your validationand get confirmation from
external sources.
And so when you take thoseactions, there's less pushing,
there's less forcing, there'sless needing to keep it all
together and there's morepresence in your life, so you
(14:29):
can really soak in the sacredtime that you spend with your
family, with your partner, withyour kids, walking in nature,
whatever brings you joy andconnection.
So today, after you listen tothis podcast, I want to
encourage you to take some timeto pause and check in with
yourself.
How have you been sleeping overthe past couple of days or
(14:51):
couple of weeks?
Sleep can be a huge indicatorof your mental health in terms
of if you're not sleeping well,you may have too much on your
plate and you may be stuck infight or flight.
I probably don't have to tellyou that, you may already know
it.
And then, if you do havetrouble sleeping and it's a
chronic thing are you takingenough time in your daily life
(15:14):
to balance that out, like, canyou take an afternoon nap or can
you take time to meditate?
But sleep can be a hugeindicator that something within
you isn't going well, especiallyif you've had a pattern of
sleeping well for a period oftime and then your sleep becomes
disrupted for several weeks.
(15:34):
And then how have you beenfeeling?
You know, sometimes, as acaretaker, you may be focusing
so much on how others are doingand feeling.
Are you taking time toacknowledge your feelings?
Are you needing something tosupport your feelings during
this time?
And so, once again, to recapawareness, acceptance, action.
(16:03):
Awareness is becoming aware ofyour feelings, your body and if
any part of you is tired, burntout or needing something.
In particular, acceptance isall about accepting yourself,
embracing your own limits, notneeding to be the strong one or
the perfect one or the one thatgets it all done, and allowing
(16:26):
yourself the same space andgrace you would your best friend
, allowing yourself to be humanand take time for yourself
without guilt.
If you're needing a little bitof acceptance around someone
else, it's recognizing that youcannot control or change
another's behavior or responseand then making actions in
(16:50):
alignment with that, so servingyour highest good over
sacrificing yourself to appeaseothers.
And if you're needing toprocess this deeper, I am
accepting one-on-one clientsright now and this is something
we get into.
I'm really good at helpingpeople create boundaries and
(17:12):
transform challengingrelationships, because it only
takes one to change arelationship.
There is a way to find peaceand acceptance with other people
and allow the relationship thatis best for both of you to come
forward, and finding that is somuch easier when you have
guidance from somebody who'sbeen through that many, many
times.
(17:33):
And then, after you findacceptance, moving into action.
And the ironic thing here isthat sometimes the acceptance
you find makes it so that you nolonger feel the need to take
action.
It can relieve you of feelingthe need to do something to fix
someone or something.
And other times, findingacceptance first will validate
(17:56):
your intuition, it'll validatewhat you felt, it'll create a
lot of clarity about the nextright action for you, and that
next right action will be of thecaliber of the vibration that
is going to take you in thedirection of where you want to
go in life, instead ofperpetuating a cycle that you've
tried to break out of many,many times before.
(18:20):
And this is a great time toconsider the slogan awareness,
acceptance, action because we'regoing into the holidays and if
you're somebody who loves tohelp others, the holidays can be
extra stressful because you'retrying to navigate family
dynamics, you're trying to makesure everyone feels included and
(18:42):
happy with how the holidays aregoing.
You may feel like there's a lotof expectations, to buy
presents, to make a bunch offood, to show up to multiple
gatherings, and so let's startlaying the groundwork now to
create more stability fromwithin you and so that you can
decide what's right for you asthe holidays approach and then
(19:05):
you can be very present for theholidays.
Because, how I see it is likethe goal for most people isn't
to create more distance bytaking time for yourself.
It's actually going to createmore connection because, like
I've said before, when you taketime for yourself, when you fill
your own cup, it doesn't meanthat you're selfish and that's
(19:27):
all you're doing all day.
Every day is just filling yourcup more for you, your cup
overflows and you're a naturallygiving person and you need to
acknowledge that about yourself,and acknowledging that can
really take the pressure off ofyou feeling like you need to do
enough.
Instead, you can trust theprocess and trust that you know
(19:48):
when you have the energy to give, you show up 110% and things go
so much more smoothly andeasier.
You don't find that you're asresentful or as stressed, and
then you get to really bepresent with the people you love
and the activities you chooseto do.
In my mind, it's about havingit all.
You know you get to show up,but you get to feel good doing
(20:09):
it instead of burnt out.
So, moving forward from here,I'm not sure how often I'm going
to be recording a podcast overthe next couple of months.
There is a special project thatI'm going to start working on
behind the scenes, and that'swhy the podcast is going to be a
little bit more fluid for alittle while.
And so if you're on my emaillist, you will get notifications
(20:32):
when podcast episodes areavailable.
If you subscribe to thispodcast, you will get a when
podcast episodes are available.
If you subscribe to thispodcast, you will get a
notification when episodes areavailable, and if you follow me
on Instagram at mrshardtimesunderscore no more you'll see it
on my stories when a newepisode is available, so you
won't miss out.
I want to thank you for beingpart of this community, and if
(20:59):
you're listening to this, you'remost likely a caretaker in one
capacity or another, and theworld is so lucky to have you,
and I'm so excited for you totake some space to really check
in with yourself and see whatyou need, and I hope that you
heard something that will remindyou to put yourself first and
(21:22):
to find your worthiness fromwithin, so I look forward to
talking to you next time.
Until then, take care.
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