Brujas, Mothers, and the Complicated Women Who Raised Us

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Raw, tender, and profoundly honest—this episode peels back the layers of maternal relationships that shape not just our lives, but the stories we tell. 

"I was raised by women who loved me and hurt me, and that's who I wrote." With these words, I invite you into the emotional core of "The Ordinary Bruja," revealing how Josefina and Mama Belén emerged from my own experiences with the complicated women who raised me. These characters aren't villains or saints, but something far more authentic—wounded healers carrying both damage and devotion.

Josefina's character holds the weight of maternal regret, including my most painful memory: being told by a professional to stop speaking Spanish to my young son. That moment of misguided protection still aches years later, even as I've learned the advice was wrong. Meanwhile, Mama Belén embodies those tough Caribbean matriarchs who rarely say "I love you" but demonstrate it through unwavering presence. These women taught strength and resilience but sometimes at the cost of emotional expression—patterns I unconsciously absorbed and had to consciously unlearn as a mother myself.

The transformative truth at the heart of this episode is that while ancestral trauma is real, so is ancestral healing. Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is recognize the cycle and say "this ends with me." Whether you're navigating your own complicated maternal relationships or seeking to parent differently than you were parented, this conversation offers validation, reflection, and a path toward healing. Join me in exploring how protection can become projection, how love manifests in unexpected ways, and how our most painful experiences often become our most powerful stories.

Take a moment this week to write to one woman who shaped you—with love, anger, grief, or whatever truth lives in your heart. Healing starts with honesty, and motherhood's messy glory deserves nothing less.

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If today’s episode hit you in the chest the way it hit me, don’t just walk away—walk toward something that reflects you.

Subscribe to the podcast, hit that YouTube channel for the behind-the-scenes, and if you’re ready to read a story about what it really means to come home to yourself—
👉🏽 Preorder The Ordinary Bruja.

https://haveacupofjohanny.com/product/the-ordinary-bruja-book-one-of-las-cerradoras-series-j-e-ortega/

It’s about a Dominican-American bruja who’s been running from herself her whole life until ancestral magic, generational wounds, and a haunted-ass hill force her to face the truth.

If you’ve ever felt “too much,” “not enough,” or like you don’t fit anywhere, you’re exactly who this story was written for.

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Because becoming who you are is the bravest kind of magic.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh we could, we could fly.
Welcome back to have a Cup ofJohnny.
This season isn't abouthustling harder.
It's about coming home toyourself, to your voice, to your
breath, to the quiet truth thatyou're still here and you're
not starting over.
You're starting again.

(00:21):
This is your space to reflect,reset and remember who, to tell
you why.
So pour your cafecito and let'sbegin.
I was raised by women who lovedme and hurt me, and that's who I

(00:42):
wrote.
Hey, vasitos, welcome back tohave a Cup of Joani.
I am your host, joa, and you'relistening to episode three in
my series, the why Behind theBruja.
Today's episode is titledBrujas Mothers and the

(01:03):
Complicated Women who Raised Us.
And before we begin, take abreath with me, because this one
yeah, this one is going to betender.
I was raised by women who lovedme and hurt me, and that's who

(01:26):
I wrote.
Those words live in my chestBecause when I sat down to write
Josefina and Mama Belén tambiénin the Ordinary Bruja, I wasn't
just creating characters, andif you've heard me before, you
know that I tap into experience,and that's why I'm saying like

(01:49):
I wasn't just creatingcharacters out of the blue.
I was writing through memory,through legacy, through grief.
You see these women in thenovel, they're not villains.
They are great characters, butthey're not villains.
But they're also not saintseither.

(02:10):
There is something murkier,more honest, more human.
They are wounded healers.
I think that's the best that Ican say about that.
They're complicated,contradictory, capable of both

(02:37):
damage and devotion.
So let's talk about Josefinafirst.
She is Marisol's mom.
And Josefina, she is a womanriddled with what ifs.
By the way, she's going to bethe third and final book in the
series, so you need to subscribe, okay, so that way you can stay

(03:01):
tuned for that one.
So that way you can stay tunedfor that one.
And the what ifs that she'sriddled with and stuck with is
like what if I had told mydaughter the truth earlier?
You know what if I would havepushed harder for her to know

(03:24):
the truth, to learn what sheneeded to learn?
What if I had passed down moreof the cultural and spiritual
knowledge, which is what sheneeded to learn right, so that
way she can know where shestands, how she stands right and
really the weight of the legacythat she embodies?
The weight of the legacy thatshe embodies.

(03:51):
What if she had trustedMarisolinov to see her for who
she was becoming.
You see what I'm saying.
So Josefina is the kind ofmother who carries her regret in
silence and I know that all sowell.
Remember, I tap intoexperienced people so well.
Remember, I tap into experiencepeople and I know it all so
well because I've lived it Tillthis day.
I still carry the ache of notteaching my son Spanish.

(04:15):
In this experience you're goingto see that I gave that to
Josefina in the book.
So you're going to see a scenewhere you will see this.
Just know that it came from me.
It's a little bit morefictionalized for the book, but
the seed of it it came from myexperience.
You know, and I was thinkingabout this, not too that I do

(04:37):
when things are heavy in myheart and I was telling myself
in the car, as I was recordingmyself, I was like I have like
very little regrets except forthis one.
I have this one regret and Godknows that I try to teach my son

(05:01):
Spanish.
But I remember being in FortBragg, north Carolina, sitting
in a counselor's office as ayoung, single mom I was 21.
And having my son there playingin front of me.
He doesn't know what's going on.
You know the counselor istalking to me and she is telling

(05:26):
me that he's behind on hisvocabulary and I feel like crap,
I feel like failure.
You know, I'm looking at my son, I'm looking at this lady and
the last thing that I want to dois hurt my son, hurt his
chances to progress in life.
And I felt like a completefailure when she told me that

(05:51):
and she continued on with thatsession.
But the implication was clear.
As she was talking to me, shewas like because I didn't have a
partner at home to reinforceone language, because she gave
me the example of, like, well,dual parents.
You know, one speaks onelanguage and the other one

(06:11):
speaks the other.
You know'm a single mom and Idon't have another partner there
to speak the other language.
Therefore, I need to stick toEnglish.
And I didn't know anythingabout anything Like I was so

(06:36):
unprepared I I believed her.
She's the one with thecredentials, not me.
You know I'm coming to see anexpert, you know.
So I know how to do right formy son.
So I stopped.
And it still makes me want tocry whenever I think about that
moment.
It's just seared in my memory.

(06:58):
And I stopped not because Ididn't want to pass it down, not
because I didn't want to passthe mother tongue.
You know part of our culture.
You know a way to communicatewith the family.
I stopped because I was scaredI was making things worse for my

(07:18):
son, that I was leaving himbehind, and it wasn't until many
years later that I found outthat she was wrong.
Now I know better and I wish Iwould have known then.
So you see that regret rightthere, that inadequacy that sits

(07:40):
heavy in a mother's chest andit sits so heavy for the rest of
our lives.
We carry that.
I still carry this moment withme, you know, because that's the
last thing that I want to do ishurt my kids, and you'll see
that in my through.
You see the things that I wish,we wish as mothers we would

(08:11):
have done differently, the waysthat we try to protect our kids
by stripping away parts ofourselves so that way we can
protect them, you see.
But when it comes to mycharacter, josefina, her love
for Marisol, like the love Ihave for my children, is fierce.

(08:32):
You know I would do anything toprotect them.
It is not performative, but itis also not perfect, but you
best believe it's unconditionaland it's that love unsp child in

(09:07):
one's womb, that lets a motherknow what that child is capable
of, you know.
So I drew that into Josefina togive her that hope that, even
though she may have come upshort, like a lot of us mothers

(09:28):
have, that she knew that Marisolwould be able to break the
cycle because she knew Marisolinside and out.
Then there's Mama Belén.
Then there's Mama Belen that Idrew from all the mother figures

(09:59):
and my grandmother from mydad's side, who are tough love
personified.
And you will see this inCaribbean women.
I mean, how they show you loveis through toughness.
And that's Mama Belen.
She's that older generation ofCaribbean women, the kind that
teaches more by showing thantelling you.
I remember talking to somebodybecause I noticed, like when I

(10:23):
came out of the house, howAmerican kids they would often
say I love you, I love you, Ilove you so much.
And I remember looking and Iwas like why y'all say it so
much?
I was like, don't you tell thatto your parents?
And, mind you, it was mygrandmother who raised me.
So whenever somebody wouldmention parents, I would

(10:45):
automatically go back to thinkabout how my grandmother raised
me.
Right, and I'm thinking aboutmy grandmother raising me.
This is my maternal grandmother,and she never said it.
She never said it, but I knew.
I knew that she loves me.
I knew that she loved me, she.

(11:06):
I knew that she loved me.
God has her in her embrace.
She is gone, but I knew for afact, no doubt, that that woman
loved me through and throughbecause she showed me every day.
But she never once said it andI never said it to her.
And I think the only time thatI did and that was after being

(11:30):
in the United States for so long, and that was a week after I
had my son was when she passed,and I will never forget that.
I always think like one angelhad to come down and the other
one had to leave, and that's howyou keep things balanced.
That's how I see that, and thatwas the one time that I told

(11:53):
her I love her was on that phonecall before she passed, but she
never once said it.
My paternal grandmother neveronce said it.
What they did show me was thatstrength, that endurance, that
magic in the ordinary, ineverything that they do.

(12:15):
It was like magical, mostly mypaternal grandmother.
She had an altar and everything.
So y'all will see an altarright In the book and that's
where I get a lot of that isfrom her, that woman.
She practiced and whenever Iwould go to her house I would
see some things and she wouldshow us some things and, yeah,

(12:40):
she was very spiritual.
But sometimes through thatshowing of strength and
endurance and this stoicism,sometimes it leaves out the
grace right Like that.
Grace for those emotions, thegrace for tears, the grace for

(13:02):
softness doesn't always comeeasy for these tough, older
generation Caribbean women.
Right, and growing up, Iremember feeling like there were
things I had to be and dobecause I would look up to them,
these tough Caribbean women,and I was like I must do that

(13:23):
because that's what mygrandmothers are doing, you know
, and that's what I saw.
And they never told me this iswhat you will do or this is the
way for you.
I just saw them doing it and Iautomatically assumed that that
was my role as well.
But you see, those actionscarried weight as well, because

(13:44):
I internalized that as gospel,as that is the way for me.
I must follow in theirfootsteps.
So when I became a mother, Istarted doing the same thing
with my son.
I was trying to mold them intoa mini me.

(14:04):
And it was very forceful atfirst.
And I remember crying.
I remember him crying because Iwas trying to control
everything around him, how heacted, what he did, what he said
, how he dressed, so I couldsave him, because I wanted him
to be a certain thing, a certainperson, so that way I can

(14:28):
protect them from the world.
Until one day I asked myself Iwas like wait a minute, why am I
doing this?
Why do I want him to be amini-me?
You know, why am I treating myson like a second chance at my
own childhood?
Son like a second chance at myown childhood?

(14:53):
And let me tell you somethingunlearning that was hard,
because I look up to mygrandmother To this day.
That woman, she is the epitomeof what a matriarch is.
Both of them, my paternal andmy maternal grandmother, my God,
tough, resilient, like, gave noshit, but care for others.

(15:17):
You know, walk the walk, barelytalk.
But their actions said it allyou know.
So it was hard to unlearn that,but I had to accept that there
were some things that they didthat were not the best, but they
didn't know any better, you see, because that's what happens

(15:40):
sometimes, sometimes, we justpass down scars as parents, as
mothers, as fathers, down scarsas parents, as mothers, as
fathers, right, as caretakers.
We, just when we don't know anybetter, that's what we do.
We pass down scars to those whoare raising those children that
are born in our womb or thosechildren that become our

(16:02):
children.
You see, so I had to realizethat, so that way I can unlearn
that.
And I had to do that because myson is not me and I can't
parent out of fear, becausesometimes protection becomes

(16:23):
projection and that's how cyclesrepeat, right.
And so, you see, talking aboutJosefina, mama Belén, my own
experience hold on to untiltoday and for the rest of my

(16:59):
life, and they just seep into mywriting.
And that's why I write thesemothers, these brujas, these
survivors, because there is nomanual for motherhood.
Yes, there are books I readwhat to Expect when You're
Expecting, and other books,right, but it's still no way to

(17:23):
really decipher how to go aboutthis role.
Each situation is different,each child is different and as
children, right, as we're beingraised by these matriarchs, we
end up absorbing their woundsuntil someone somewhere down
that line says this ends with me, and that's what the ordinary

(17:50):
bruja is showing that ancestraltrauma is real, but so is
ancestral healing, thatsometimes the bravest thing a
woman can do is to choosedifferently.
So, vacitos, this is what I wantyou to do this week.

(18:11):
If you're ready, I want you towrite a letter or, like me,
record a voice note, record ajournal note to one woman who
shaped you.
Maybe it's your mom, yourgrandmother, a tia marina, a
stepmom, someone who left theirmark on you.
It doesn't have to belove-filled, it's okay.
It can be angry, it can begrieving, it can be a mix of

(18:35):
things, but get it out of yourbody, because healing starts
with the truth.
When you say that truth outloud and the truth is that
motherhood is messy, legacy,it's complicated and that's

(18:56):
totally okay.
Thank you so much for stickingwith me in this very heavy
episode Next week.
I'm diving into the heart of thestory itself Marisol, the
reluctant bruja who doesn't wantto be seen, who hides her

(19:20):
softness behind sarcasm and fear, who doesn't believe she's
enough but carries the poweranyway.
That episode is going to betitled Marisol is Me Hesitant.
Episode is going to be titledMarisol is Me Hesitant, haunted
and Holding On.
And if you've eversecond-guessed your own word.
If you ever try to shrink orthought of yourself not too much

(19:42):
or too much for people youwon't want to miss this one.
Until then, keep writing yourtruth and give yourself the
grace your mothers didn't alwaysknow how to offer.
All right, vasitos.
See you next week.
Bye.
If today's episode spoke to you, share with somebody who's

(20:09):
finding their way back too, andif you haven't yet, visit
haveacupofjoanniecom for morestories, blog posts and the
books that started it all.
Thank you for being here.
Until next time, be soft, bebold and always have a cup of
joannie.