December 18, 2024 • 30 mins
Could the relentless pursuit of perfection be holding you back from reaching your true potential? Join me, Joa, as I share my journey of overcoming perfectionism, which once masqueraded as ambition but left me feeling stuck and weighed down by self-doubt. Through personal stories of my own procrastination battles, you'll hear how perfectionism impacted my writing and career, and we'll explore how letting go of this sneaky impediment can foster growth, creativity, and joy. This episode is your invitation to embrace imperfection and discover the freedom that comes with prioritizing progress over flawlessness.
In a world that often equates perfection with success, let's challenge this notion and aim for just a 10% improvement each day. I reveal how therapy and journaling helped me tackle my own perfectionist tendencies, which were deeply rooted in a fear of failure. By sharing insights from my experiences in nursing and writing, I'll encourage you to reframe your mindset, question those nagging perfectionist thoughts, and move forward with authenticity. Tune in to "Have a Cup of Johanny" as we learn to welcome mistakes as opportunities for growth and transformation, reminding ourselves that a fresh start is always within reach.
Are you ready to embark on a captivating journey of resilience and revelation? Then head over to https://www.haveacupofjohanny.com/ and buy your copy.
If you’re enjoying these conversations, check out my YouTube channel! Explore Defining Latinx, Latine, Latina, Latino, where I reflect on books by Latine authors and uncover the diversity and strength of our community.
Don’t miss #TheOrdinaryBruja, my serialized story about Marisol, a bruja rediscovering the power of her ancestry and her own worth.
Subscribe now to join the conversation and celebrate our stories together!
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Experience a story of family secrets, magical realism, and the rich heritage of the Dominican Republic. Under The Flamboyant Tree follows Isabella Prescott as she unravels her past, seeking healing and redemption in her homeland.
Preorder today and be among the first to journey into this unforgettable world of resilience and self-discovery.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh we could, we could fly.
Welcome to this new season ofthe have a cup of johanni
podcast.
So I want to title this newseason that I'm embarking on
with I'm growing, so this isgoing to be the season of growth
and that's what I'm going toshare with you throughout the
(00:20):
season.
So I thank you for coming overhere and sitting with me and I
hope you enjoy.
Hola vasitos, and welcome toanother have a Cup of Joani
episode.
I am your host, joa, here togive you another cup in the
realm of letting go, because Iwant us to prep for this new
(00:46):
year, while we don't have towait for a new year to make
changes.
I feel that it helps thesymbolism.
It helps new year, new us, or afresher version of us, or a
better version of us.
I have a blog post where Icompletely crap on the new year,
(01:06):
new me thing.
Oh, my younger self I was.
So, yes, yes.
Nevertheless, this theme is toget us ready for that fresh
start, with the caveat that wedon't have to wait for a new
year to have a fresh start.
(01:27):
We can have a fresh startanytime we want, in the spirit
of letting go.
We are talking about theletting go of perfection.
Are you all ready?
Of course you are, why elsewould you be here?
Perfectionism is one of thosesneaky things that can
(01:50):
masquerade as ambition or highstandards, but in reality it
often leaves us stuck andexhausted and sometimes feeling
like we're not enough.
As I like to say, I am arecovering procrastinator.
That was hard to say and Inoticed when I was journaling
(02:13):
and trying to identify triggersand what was holding me back,
and that was at the beginning ofmy self-development phase.
I noticed that perfectionismwas one of those things, one of
those fears that held me backand I thought it was a badge of
(02:34):
honor, right, like I mean, whowouldn't want to do things
perfectly?
Who wouldn't want to do likethis perfection, trophy,
meriting thing?
But over time I realized thatperfectionism wasn't really
helping me.
It was either slowing me downor completely holding me back,
(02:55):
and that's what it does.
That's what perfectionism does.
It keeps us stuck in thisconstant cycle of self-doubt
Because we start thinking I knowI did.
If it's not perfect, why evenstart it?
Or if it's not perfect, Ifailed.
If I can't guarantee perfection, I shouldn't even try.
(03:20):
You see how these beliefs arecompletely counterproductive,
like they weren't getting meanywhere.
If anything, they wereparalyzing me and instead of
(03:40):
taking risks or celebratingprogress 10% better every day, I
was focusing on tinyimperfections and the things
that didn't go as planned.
And, let's be honest, there'slike a saying that goes like
have a plan and watch God laugh,or something like that.
And that saying is therebecause life rarely goes as
planned and for me,perfectionism showed up in so
(04:03):
many aspects of my lifedefinitely on the writing side
of my life and on my army careeras well and I found myself,
when it comes to the writing,just rewriting it, rewriting it,
rewriting it over and over andover and over.
And here's the thing like youwant to do a lot of rewrites
(04:26):
over.
And here's the thing like youwant to do a lot of rewrites,
you want to edit your projectsbecause you do want to give the
public, once you publish it, thebest version that you can do at
that time.
But I was going months andmonths, people, and it was too
much and I remember my intuitionwas like nagging at me and I
started questioning why am Istill on this chapter?
(04:49):
Why can't I let it go?
And I started Googling likewhat is too much editing?
I think I read somewhere thatit's like if you change
something and then you gothrough another round and you
change it back to what it hadand then you go through another
round and you change it back towhat it had, you may have done
(05:11):
too much.
And then I was like, oh shoot.
I was like, oh shoot.
Yes, I've done that severaltimes in this chapter and I had
(05:34):
to sit with that and I had tounderstand that I was doing that
out of fear, not necessarilybecause the story needed it or
that paragraph or that chapterneeded it.
I was doing that out of fearbecause I was so scared of what
would people say if they findanything wrong with it.
They're going to trash me outthere, they're going to give me
horrible reviews and all of thaton my books and things of that
nature.
(05:54):
And that kept revolving in mymind.
But it kept revolving for solong that eventually it kind of
like just became backgroundnoise.
But when it comes to negativeself-talk, background noise is
just as powerful as loud noisebecause it's still there.
It's very insidious per se.
It just it erodes a hole in youto where it becomes part of you
(06:19):
, if you let it, if that makessense.
So I had to sit with that and Ihad to understand that I wasn't
making progress and the focuswas on every word being perfect,
because I fear the outcome ifit wasn't, can you relate to
(06:40):
that?
And if you do relate, you'renot alone and you don't have to
carry this mindset into the newyear.
But let's go into why lettinggo of this mindset matters,
because it's just way deeperthan finishing projects or
(07:03):
checking off that box of yourto-do list or checking off that
box of your goals.
It's more about freeingyourself from that constrictive
mindset, because when you let goof perfectionism now, you are
making space for creativity, forgrowth and for joy, because we
(07:25):
are allowing ourselves to try tomake mistakes and learn from it
.
I want to say something, becauseI saw Salma Hayek say something
, this short snippet of hersaying something.
When it comes to mistakes, shewas like own it.
If they say you did this andthis and that and they're trying
(07:47):
to like put that mistake onyour face, like shove it, you
know, down your throat, you sayyes, and, and she said it like
so formidable, like, so, like Idon't give a bleep, bleep, you
know.
And I was like oh my God, yes.
And like.
When she said that, I was like,yes, yes, I did that and I
(08:12):
learned from it.
Hell, I have a whole podcastabout it.
I love that I got to see thatvideo and I love that it
reinforced that which I'm doingright now and it also gave me
strength to continue doing it.
Because, yes, I mean, I think alot of this fear perfectionism
(08:36):
is because we're fearful ofembarrassment, of judgment, of
people not loving us or notliking us or not putting us in
this certain light when theyfind out that we're not so
perfect or what we do is not soperfect.
You see, and I think it goeshand in hand sometimes Fear of
(08:57):
perfectionism, fear ofembarrassment, fear of rejection
and fear of judgment, and Ithink all of those are kind of
like in a group together andthey all affect and go along
with procrastination, with whatis keeping us from finishing
things, because perfectionismtell us that mistakes are
failures and then we accept thatas truth.
(09:20):
But the truth is, like SalmaHayek said, mistakes are just a
stepping stone.
Mistakes are proof that you'regrowing.
Because you try something, youfound out it didn't work a
certain way and you have grownfrom that.
So I wish we will start lookingat mistakes not as failures,
(09:45):
but as a sign of growth and as asign of trying, and I think
when we start encouraging peoplefor trying and encouraging
people for their efforts, Ithink, eventually this mindset
will come off of the shouldersof society, because it's so
(10:09):
pervasive to think that it is sopervasive, and I didn't realize
how much that had become partof me until I noticed that I was
feeling that way Once I started, like excavating all my
emotions and the things thatwere putting me on the path to
(10:29):
procrastination over and over.
But here's a thought that I wantyou to hold on to as we go
through this episode, and thatis that we should strive for
progress over perfection 10%better each day.
I know you've heard that before.
(10:49):
Right, progress over perfection, just small progress every day,
because every step forward, nomatter how small or imperfect,
it's worth celebrating, so keepthat in mind.
So now, if you're nodding rightalong with me and we're here in
the same boat with our cafecitoin hand and you're like, okay,
(11:13):
I'm ready to let this go, buthow do I actually do it?
Let me tell you some of thethings that have worked for me.
Keep in mind, though, thatevery individual is different.
Every situation is different.
I love this podcast because Ishare with you all some of the
things that I've tried, failedand learned from.
(11:35):
You see that.
I told you to remember that,but again, right, I'm not you,
you're not me, but I may giveyou some sort of inspiration or
some sort of insight into howyou can do it for yourself, if
you have the means and all ofthat, okay, or you can do it
within the constraints of yourlimits and your means and your
(11:55):
resources, all right.
So the first thing, the firstthing and you kind of heard me
talk about this is that I had toadmit that I had
perfectionistic tendencies, and,remember, I told you, I got
really curious when I noticedthat I had a lot of unfinished
projects, a lot of unfinishedthings.
(12:18):
I am a person with diverseinterests.
I have done so many things, somany things Nursing.
I was a sixth grade catechismteacher at one point.
I just it's like I try my handat nursing hands-on practice and
(12:41):
all of that.
Finally, I just I kept goingback to my first love, which is
writing, and eventually,everything just led me back to
that, and that's where I amright now, where I write
fictional stories and I havethis podcast.
That also fills my love bucketbecause I'm able to share things
(13:02):
with other people, and I foundout through introspection that
that helps me to feel as if Ihave a purpose.
So saying that that's a longway around of saying that.
I had to observe myself tounderstand that I was a
procrastinator and the thingthat was keeping me from
(13:26):
finishing projects were mytendencies to be a perfectionist
.
So with anything that you wantto solve, you have to first
identify the problem.
That's how I identified myproblem.
I had to kind of like backtrackmy step.
It's like crumbs in a mysteryseries, right, that are in every
(13:48):
episode and finally, in episodefive, you're like ah, I know
how those crumbs got there.
And I knew that myprocrastination was because I
wanted things to be perfect.
And then I had to ask myselfwhy again.
Well, I wanted things to beperfect because I'm afraid of
embarrassment and I have a fearof failure and I have a fear of
(14:11):
rejection.
See, so all those things weretied together, making me a
perfectionist.
So that way people won't judgeme, people will like me and love
me and people will leave me.
You see, but I had to uncoverall of that through therapy,
(14:32):
journaling and all of that, yousee, and it's going to get a
little dicey sometimes, it mayget a little messy, and I have a
big smile on my face as I'msaying this, and I have no shame
or qualms about sharing thisjust because I'm okay with it,
you see, like I'm not ashamed ofthat, and that's where I wish
(14:55):
more people will be at once.
They uncover their truths andwhat's hiding in the shadows and
be like what Salma Hayek saysyes, I am like that and yes, I
did that and embrace it, own it.
Another way that you can goabout is by asking yourself
(15:16):
questions.
One of the questions that youcan ask is where am I holding
myself to an impossible standard?
Is it in your cooking?
Are you like me?
Is it in your writing?
Is it in your cooking?
Are you like me?
Is it in your writing?
Is it in your mothering andyour parenting?
Is it in your job, job?
Is it in your side hustle?
Is it in your relationships?
And then you go from there.
(15:39):
When I first started, I askedmyself questions and from that
question I answered it, andafter that I will ask myself but
why?
And then I'll answer that on apiece of paper and then I will
ask again why?
And then I'll answer thatBecause I learned this in a blog
post, a psychology blog post,that I was reading way back,
(16:01):
when it told me that it was like, if you want to find out the
gist of something, it told methat it was like, if you want to
find out the gist of something,keep asking yourself why, and
when you feel your emotions riseup into a bigger emotion, where
you're crying, you're shaking,you're having this immense
feeling, that's when you havefound your truth and that's how
(16:24):
I found out everything that Ijust told you, and I was able to
identify that I haveperfectionistic tendencies.
Okay, so once you figure thatout, then you got to reframe
your mindset.
Yes, this is an ongoing thing.
(16:47):
I got to say I hope people thatthat listen to this don't think
like you just got to do thesesteps once and then you're done.
This is a constant people Lookconstantly.
I am reframing my mindconstantly, every day, 10 times
a day, constantly, constantly,whenever I edit this podcast,
(17:09):
you know, cause I want to makeit like as tight, as perfect as
possible, you know.
But then I'm like well, johnny,I mean, are we just not going
to publish any episodes becausethey're not perfect enough?
You see what I'm saying.
So I have to reframe my mindset.
I have to.
I have to reframe my mindset, Ihave to combat that.
I have to argue myself down andremind myself that it is
(17:32):
progress over perfection, thatit is better to be done than to
not be done at all, and that issomething that someone who is a
perfectionist needs to know.
So when you reframe yourmindset, my perfectionistic
basitos out there tell yourselfprogress is better than
(17:56):
perfection.
Or you can say this is what Itell myself you're better off
doing it than not doing it.
I remind myself that because atleast when I do it, it's done.
I got it done, I published it,I post it, you know, whatever,
whatever, but I did it.
And now if I find mistakes,then that is something that I
(18:19):
write down so that way I canmitigate on the next one, and I
use that as a learning tool.
Then the next thing that I didwas set realistic expectations,
and you have heard me talk aboutthis.
I get overwhelmed with big goalsthat have a lot of subtasks I
(18:39):
really do, but when I challengemyself with things that are
achievable and I break them intosmaller, manageable steps and I
celebrate my small wins, thenthat perfectionistic tendency
tends to be less, tends to beless.
(19:06):
You see, and it may be becausewhen I get overwhelmed it's more
stress, and I think I readsomewhere that when somebody is
stressed they just go back totheir old patterns.
It's like going back to factorysetting or something like that,
to where you started.
So some of your new habits thatyou have implemented in order
to combat your oldcounterproductive habits
resurface during stress.
So if you can take away thestress by managing your big
(19:32):
goals into smaller, manageablesteps, then you'll be able to
mitigate this from happening andonce again focus on the effort
that you're putting in, not theoutcome.
Okay, and then the next thing Ido and you heard me say this is
embrace mistakes as part ofgrowth.
(19:53):
You heard me say that, like,one of my pet talks is like, hey
, you're better off doing itthan not doing it.
And once I do it and then Ifind mistakes in it, then I use
that as a way to learn from it.
I write it down.
I know, when it comes tomarketing, I'm still very
frustrated about the whole thing, because to me that's such a
(20:15):
hard thing to do, a hard thingto do.
And so for me, I do a lot oftrial and error and
experimentation when it comes tomarketing.
I edit things, I publish thingswhen it comes to marketing for
my books and the podcast and allof that.
But I don't hold on to thingsas long anymore.
I publish it, put a littlebudget into it and then I assess
(20:42):
it Experimentation kind ofthing.
Then I'm like, okay, so I didthis for this post, put in like
$5 on that marketing budget forthat post, and this is what I
got, kind of like look into thewriting, the tone of the post,
my focus, audience on the post.
I look at that because allthose factors go into play and I
(21:05):
write all that data and then Itry again and then I compare.
You see, so now I'm looking atthings as a tool to experiment
in order to learn, in order toget better, and that makes me
happy and not frustrated.
(21:26):
You see, the next thing I do isthat I am kind to myself.
You know I don't beat myself upanymore.
I used to before and if youhear one of my previous or old,
I think there were last yearepisodes on this podcast.
I told you like I startedtrying to do self-development by
(21:49):
being like a big bully tomyself and then I realized like
that shit don't work.
I was demoralizing my own self.
I'm like no, and I think onceagain I read, or somebody told
me this like if you wouldn'ttalk like that to your child or
(22:10):
friend or somebody who you feelcompassion towards or a lot of
empathy towards, why are youtalking like that to yourself
inside your head?
And when I heard that I waslike oh shit, yeah, why am I
talking like that to myself?
That's so horrible, you know.
So practice self-compassion.
That's a big one.
(22:31):
That's a big step that willkeep you going and getting
better and lessen theperfectionistic tendencies.
Okay, the next one would beletting go of the need of
external validation.
You know I mean this is.
(22:51):
This is a big one because andyou heard me how like sometimes
the people closest to you, right, they kind of like crap on your
, on your goals and yourachievements and stuff like that
.
So I had to learn that, hey,those people may love and care
about you, but sometimes they'rejust not equipped to validate
(23:13):
you or to feed your ego.
So you got to go find somebodyelse or choose yourself.
Choose yourself, practicefocusing on what feels right for
you and if that brings you joy,look at yourself in the mirror
and say fucking good job, joanne.
You know what I'm saying.
Use your own name, please.
But you know, rather than justwait for somebody to validate
(23:37):
you or get really sad becausesomebody kind of crapped on your
achievement.
So, instead of allowing that tohappen, I will say be your own
cheerleader and don't have thatneed for external validation.
Take away that.
And if it happens, that's justicing.
(23:58):
What did I say?
Icing on the cake, right?
Great, it happened.
But you didn't need that tokeep moving forward, because I
don't care what people say.
You need encouragement to keepgoing forward, especially in
projects that are so long andgoals that are long-term goals.
(24:18):
You need encouragement andsometimes you're going to find
yourself in a place in lifewhere you are your own
encouragement.
I want y'all to get good atthat.
Okay, take it from me.
I want y'all to get good atthat.
Lastly is take action beforeyou're ready.
I will say it again Take actionbefore you're ready.
(24:41):
Uh, when I was young, young,young, young, teen twenties, I
swear like oh goodness, so manyyears wasted because I was
waiting for the perfect time toto be happy, to be joyful.
(25:02):
I just kept saying, oh well,when I leave for college, oh,
when I do this, when I getpromoted to this, oh, when you
know?
And I just kept pushing thetimeline time and time and time
again, as opposed to just likebeing happy.
Then, If the goal was for me tobe happy, I pushed that goal
(25:26):
every single time until it wasno time for me to be happy.
You see, like that's whatperfectionism does to us.
It leaves us in that planningmode.
So I had to challenge myself totake action.
No, I'm going to be happy today.
No, I'm going to do somethingto make myself happy.
(25:48):
Go get a pedicure, manicure, goget a facial, whatever,
whatever I can do with theresources that I have.
In that moment, when I gotmature enough and understood
that that I was just pawning offhappiness for this perfect
moment, I was like, oh, my God,I'm going to be so bitter by the
(26:08):
time I turn 40.
I was like, what's going on,you see?
So if you're on the youngerscale, please don't do that,
don't do that, don't do that,Don't wait to be happy.
Such a waste of time.
Do it now.
(26:30):
Take me with you as you go, gethappy, we'll go together, or
you can pause it and go.
That's more important, allright, did you do it already?
(27:03):
Okay, I'm watching.
All right, but the beauty ofimperfection is that that's life
.
Imperfection is where lifehappens.
It's where we grow, where weconnect, where we create.
Creativity stems fromimperfection.
When we let go of the need tobe perfect, we open ourselves to
the joy of simply being Justbeing.
(27:25):
So, asitos, as we step into thenew year, I encourage you to
reflect on where perfectionismmight be holding you back.
I want you to look into that,okay.
What would it look like torelease that and embrace
progress instead?
Think about that one, and thankyou so much for joining me on
this episode of the have a Cupof Joannie podcast.
If this resonated with you,share it with a friend who might
(27:49):
need a little reminder thatthey are more than enough.
And don't forget to subscribefor more episodes to help you
start the new year lighter andfreer.
Until next time, take care ofyourself, celebrate your
progress and remember you'realready super amazing, just as
you are.
(28:09):
Okay, bye.
Thank you so much for listening.
I want to hear from you.
Leave me a comment, do a rating, if you can, on the podcast,
share it with somebody you love,but, most importantly, come
back.
See you next time.
(28:30):
Bye.
Oh we could, we could fly.
Welcome to this new season ofthe have a cup of johanni
podcast.
So I want to title this newseason that I'm embarking on
with I'm growing, so this isgoing to be the season of growth
and that's what I'm going toshare with you throughout the
(00:20):
season.
So I thank you for coming overhere and sitting with me and I
hope you enjoy.
Hola vasitos, and welcome toanother have a Cup of Joani
episode.
I am your host, joa, here togive you another cup in the
realm of letting go, because Iwant us to prep for this new
(00:46):
year, while we don't have towait for a new year to make
changes.
I feel that it helps thesymbolism.
It helps new year, new us, or afresher version of us, or a
better version of us.
I have a blog post where Icompletely crap on the new year,
(01:06):
new me thing.
Oh, my younger self I was.
So, yes, yes.
Nevertheless, this theme is toget us ready for that fresh
start, with the caveat that wedon't have to wait for a new
year to have a fresh start.
(01:27):
We can have a fresh startanytime we want, in the spirit
of letting go.
We are talking about theletting go of perfection.
Are you all ready?
Of course you are, why elsewould you be here?
Perfectionism is one of thosesneaky things that can
(01:50):
masquerade as ambition or highstandards, but in reality it
often leaves us stuck andexhausted and sometimes feeling
like we're not enough.
As I like to say, I am arecovering procrastinator.
That was hard to say and Inoticed when I was journaling
(02:13):
and trying to identify triggersand what was holding me back,
and that was at the beginning ofmy self-development phase.
I noticed that perfectionismwas one of those things, one of
those fears that held me backand I thought it was a badge of
(02:34):
honor, right, like I mean, whowouldn't want to do things
perfectly?
Who wouldn't want to do likethis perfection, trophy,
meriting thing?
But over time I realized thatperfectionism wasn't really
helping me.
It was either slowing me downor completely holding me back,
(02:55):
and that's what it does.
That's what perfectionism does.
It keeps us stuck in thisconstant cycle of self-doubt
Because we start thinking I knowI did.
If it's not perfect, why evenstart it?
Or if it's not perfect, Ifailed.
If I can't guarantee perfection, I shouldn't even try.
(03:20):
You see how these beliefs arecompletely counterproductive,
like they weren't getting meanywhere.
If anything, they wereparalyzing me and instead of
(03:40):
taking risks or celebratingprogress 10% better every day, I
was focusing on tinyimperfections and the things
that didn't go as planned.
And, let's be honest, there'slike a saying that goes like
have a plan and watch God laugh,or something like that.
And that saying is therebecause life rarely goes as
planned and for me,perfectionism showed up in so
(04:03):
many aspects of my lifedefinitely on the writing side
of my life and on my army careeras well and I found myself,
when it comes to the writing,just rewriting it, rewriting it,
rewriting it over and over andover and over.
And here's the thing like youwant to do a lot of rewrites
(04:26):
over.
And here's the thing like youwant to do a lot of rewrites,
you want to edit your projectsbecause you do want to give the
public, once you publish it, thebest version that you can do at
that time.
But I was going months andmonths, people, and it was too
much and I remember my intuitionwas like nagging at me and I
started questioning why am Istill on this chapter?
(04:49):
Why can't I let it go?
And I started Googling likewhat is too much editing?
I think I read somewhere thatit's like if you change
something and then you gothrough another round and you
change it back to what it hadand then you go through another
round and you change it back towhat it had, you may have done
(05:11):
too much.
And then I was like, oh shoot.
I was like, oh shoot.
Yes, I've done that severaltimes in this chapter and I had
(05:34):
to sit with that and I had tounderstand that I was doing that
out of fear, not necessarilybecause the story needed it or
that paragraph or that chapterneeded it.
I was doing that out of fearbecause I was so scared of what
would people say if they findanything wrong with it.
They're going to trash me outthere, they're going to give me
horrible reviews and all of thaton my books and things of that
nature.
(05:54):
And that kept revolving in mymind.
But it kept revolving for solong that eventually it kind of
like just became backgroundnoise.
But when it comes to negativeself-talk, background noise is
just as powerful as loud noisebecause it's still there.
It's very insidious per se.
It just it erodes a hole in youto where it becomes part of you
(06:19):
, if you let it, if that makessense.
So I had to sit with that and Ihad to understand that I wasn't
making progress and the focuswas on every word being perfect,
because I fear the outcome ifit wasn't, can you relate to
(06:40):
that?
And if you do relate, you'renot alone and you don't have to
carry this mindset into the newyear.
But let's go into why lettinggo of this mindset matters,
because it's just way deeperthan finishing projects or
(07:03):
checking off that box of yourto-do list or checking off that
box of your goals.
It's more about freeingyourself from that constrictive
mindset, because when you let goof perfectionism now, you are
making space for creativity, forgrowth and for joy, because we
(07:25):
are allowing ourselves to try tomake mistakes and learn from it
.
I want to say something, becauseI saw Salma Hayek say something
, this short snippet of hersaying something.
When it comes to mistakes, shewas like own it.
If they say you did this andthis and that and they're trying
(07:47):
to like put that mistake onyour face, like shove it, you
know, down your throat, you sayyes, and, and she said it like
so formidable, like, so, like Idon't give a bleep, bleep, you
know.
And I was like oh my God, yes.
And like.
When she said that, I was like,yes, yes, I did that and I
(08:12):
learned from it.
Hell, I have a whole podcastabout it.
I love that I got to see thatvideo and I love that it
reinforced that which I'm doingright now and it also gave me
strength to continue doing it.
Because, yes, I mean, I think alot of this fear perfectionism
(08:36):
is because we're fearful ofembarrassment, of judgment, of
people not loving us or notliking us or not putting us in
this certain light when theyfind out that we're not so
perfect or what we do is not soperfect.
You see, and I think it goeshand in hand sometimes Fear of
(08:57):
perfectionism, fear ofembarrassment, fear of rejection
and fear of judgment, and Ithink all of those are kind of
like in a group together andthey all affect and go along
with procrastination, with whatis keeping us from finishing
things, because perfectionismtell us that mistakes are
failures and then we accept thatas truth.
(09:20):
But the truth is, like SalmaHayek said, mistakes are just a
stepping stone.
Mistakes are proof that you'regrowing.
Because you try something, youfound out it didn't work a
certain way and you have grownfrom that.
So I wish we will start lookingat mistakes not as failures,
(09:45):
but as a sign of growth and as asign of trying, and I think
when we start encouraging peoplefor trying and encouraging
people for their efforts, Ithink, eventually this mindset
will come off of the shouldersof society, because it's so
(10:09):
pervasive to think that it is sopervasive, and I didn't realize
how much that had become partof me until I noticed that I was
feeling that way Once I started, like excavating all my
emotions and the things thatwere putting me on the path to
(10:29):
procrastination over and over.
But here's a thought that I wantyou to hold on to as we go
through this episode, and thatis that we should strive for
progress over perfection 10%better each day.
I know you've heard that before.
(10:49):
Right, progress over perfection, just small progress every day,
because every step forward, nomatter how small or imperfect,
it's worth celebrating, so keepthat in mind.
So now, if you're nodding rightalong with me and we're here in
the same boat with our cafecitoin hand and you're like, okay,
(11:13):
I'm ready to let this go, buthow do I actually do it?
Let me tell you some of thethings that have worked for me.
Keep in mind, though, thatevery individual is different.
Every situation is different.
I love this podcast because Ishare with you all some of the
things that I've tried, failedand learned from.
(11:35):
You see that.
I told you to remember that,but again, right, I'm not you,
you're not me, but I may giveyou some sort of inspiration or
some sort of insight into howyou can do it for yourself, if
you have the means and all ofthat, okay, or you can do it
within the constraints of yourlimits and your means and your
(11:55):
resources, all right.
So the first thing, the firstthing and you kind of heard me
talk about this is that I had toadmit that I had
perfectionistic tendencies, and,remember, I told you, I got
really curious when I noticedthat I had a lot of unfinished
projects, a lot of unfinishedthings.
(12:18):
I am a person with diverseinterests.
I have done so many things, somany things Nursing.
I was a sixth grade catechismteacher at one point.
I just it's like I try my handat nursing hands-on practice and
(12:41):
all of that.
Finally, I just I kept goingback to my first love, which is
writing, and eventually,everything just led me back to
that, and that's where I amright now, where I write
fictional stories and I havethis podcast.
That also fills my love bucketbecause I'm able to share things
(13:02):
with other people, and I foundout through introspection that
that helps me to feel as if Ihave a purpose.
So saying that that's a longway around of saying that.
I had to observe myself tounderstand that I was a
procrastinator and the thingthat was keeping me from
(13:26):
finishing projects were mytendencies to be a perfectionist
.
So with anything that you wantto solve, you have to first
identify the problem.
That's how I identified myproblem.
I had to kind of like backtrackmy step.
It's like crumbs in a mysteryseries, right, that are in every
(13:48):
episode and finally, in episodefive, you're like ah, I know
how those crumbs got there.
And I knew that myprocrastination was because I
wanted things to be perfect.
And then I had to ask myselfwhy again.
Well, I wanted things to beperfect because I'm afraid of
embarrassment and I have a fearof failure and I have a fear of
(14:11):
rejection.
See, so all those things weretied together, making me a
perfectionist.
So that way people won't judgeme, people will like me and love
me and people will leave me.
You see, but I had to uncoverall of that through therapy,
(14:32):
journaling and all of that, yousee, and it's going to get a
little dicey sometimes, it mayget a little messy, and I have a
big smile on my face as I'msaying this, and I have no shame
or qualms about sharing thisjust because I'm okay with it,
you see, like I'm not ashamed ofthat, and that's where I wish
(14:55):
more people will be at once.
They uncover their truths andwhat's hiding in the shadows and
be like what Salma Hayek saysyes, I am like that and yes, I
did that and embrace it, own it.
Another way that you can goabout is by asking yourself
(15:16):
questions.
One of the questions that youcan ask is where am I holding
myself to an impossible standard?
Is it in your cooking?
Are you like me?
Is it in your writing?
Is it in your cooking?
Are you like me?
Is it in your writing?
Is it in your mothering andyour parenting?
Is it in your job, job?
Is it in your side hustle?
Is it in your relationships?
And then you go from there.
(15:39):
When I first started, I askedmyself questions and from that
question I answered it, andafter that I will ask myself but
why?
And then I'll answer that on apiece of paper and then I will
ask again why?
And then I'll answer thatBecause I learned this in a blog
post, a psychology blog post,that I was reading way back,
(16:01):
when it told me that it was like, if you want to find out the
gist of something, it told methat it was like, if you want to
find out the gist of something,keep asking yourself why, and
when you feel your emotions riseup into a bigger emotion, where
you're crying, you're shaking,you're having this immense
feeling, that's when you havefound your truth and that's how
(16:24):
I found out everything that Ijust told you, and I was able to
identify that I haveperfectionistic tendencies.
Okay, so once you figure thatout, then you got to reframe
your mindset.
Yes, this is an ongoing thing.
(16:47):
I got to say I hope people thatthat listen to this don't think
like you just got to do thesesteps once and then you're done.
This is a constant people Lookconstantly.
I am reframing my mindconstantly, every day, 10 times
a day, constantly, constantly,whenever I edit this podcast,
(17:09):
you know, cause I want to makeit like as tight, as perfect as
possible, you know.
But then I'm like well, johnny,I mean, are we just not going
to publish any episodes becausethey're not perfect enough?
You see what I'm saying.
So I have to reframe my mindset.
I have to.
I have to reframe my mindset, Ihave to combat that.
I have to argue myself down andremind myself that it is
(17:32):
progress over perfection, thatit is better to be done than to
not be done at all, and that issomething that someone who is a
perfectionist needs to know.
So when you reframe yourmindset, my perfectionistic
basitos out there tell yourselfprogress is better than
(17:56):
perfection.
Or you can say this is what Itell myself you're better off
doing it than not doing it.
I remind myself that because atleast when I do it, it's done.
I got it done, I published it,I post it, you know, whatever,
whatever, but I did it.
And now if I find mistakes,then that is something that I
(18:19):
write down so that way I canmitigate on the next one, and I
use that as a learning tool.
Then the next thing that I didwas set realistic expectations,
and you have heard me talk aboutthis.
I get overwhelmed with big goalsthat have a lot of subtasks I
(18:39):
really do, but when I challengemyself with things that are
achievable and I break them intosmaller, manageable steps and I
celebrate my small wins, thenthat perfectionistic tendency
tends to be less, tends to beless.
(19:06):
You see, and it may be becausewhen I get overwhelmed it's more
stress, and I think I readsomewhere that when somebody is
stressed they just go back totheir old patterns.
It's like going back to factorysetting or something like that,
to where you started.
So some of your new habits thatyou have implemented in order
to combat your oldcounterproductive habits
resurface during stress.
So if you can take away thestress by managing your big
(19:32):
goals into smaller, manageablesteps, then you'll be able to
mitigate this from happening andonce again focus on the effort
that you're putting in, not theoutcome.
Okay, and then the next thing Ido and you heard me say this is
embrace mistakes as part ofgrowth.
(19:53):
You heard me say that, like,one of my pet talks is like, hey
, you're better off doing itthan not doing it.
And once I do it and then Ifind mistakes in it, then I use
that as a way to learn from it.
I write it down.
I know, when it comes tomarketing, I'm still very
frustrated about the whole thing, because to me that's such a
(20:15):
hard thing to do, a hard thingto do.
And so for me, I do a lot oftrial and error and
experimentation when it comes tomarketing.
I edit things, I publish thingswhen it comes to marketing for
my books and the podcast and allof that.
But I don't hold on to thingsas long anymore.
I publish it, put a littlebudget into it and then I assess
(20:42):
it Experimentation kind ofthing.
Then I'm like, okay, so I didthis for this post, put in like
$5 on that marketing budget forthat post, and this is what I
got, kind of like look into thewriting, the tone of the post,
my focus, audience on the post.
I look at that because allthose factors go into play and I
(21:05):
write all that data and then Itry again and then I compare.
You see, so now I'm looking atthings as a tool to experiment
in order to learn, in order toget better, and that makes me
happy and not frustrated.
(21:26):
You see, the next thing I do isthat I am kind to myself.
You know I don't beat myself upanymore.
I used to before and if youhear one of my previous or old,
I think there were last yearepisodes on this podcast.
I told you like I startedtrying to do self-development by
(21:49):
being like a big bully tomyself and then I realized like
that shit don't work.
I was demoralizing my own self.
I'm like no, and I think onceagain I read, or somebody told
me this like if you wouldn'ttalk like that to your child or
(22:10):
friend or somebody who you feelcompassion towards or a lot of
empathy towards, why are youtalking like that to yourself
inside your head?
And when I heard that I waslike oh shit, yeah, why am I
talking like that to myself?
That's so horrible, you know.
So practice self-compassion.
That's a big one.
(22:31):
That's a big step that willkeep you going and getting
better and lessen theperfectionistic tendencies.
Okay, the next one would beletting go of the need of
external validation.
You know I mean this is.
(22:51):
This is a big one because andyou heard me how like sometimes
the people closest to you, right, they kind of like crap on your
, on your goals and yourachievements and stuff like that
.
So I had to learn that, hey,those people may love and care
about you, but sometimes they'rejust not equipped to validate
(23:13):
you or to feed your ego.
So you got to go find somebodyelse or choose yourself.
Choose yourself, practicefocusing on what feels right for
you and if that brings you joy,look at yourself in the mirror
and say fucking good job, joanne.
You know what I'm saying.
Use your own name, please.
But you know, rather than justwait for somebody to validate
(23:37):
you or get really sad becausesomebody kind of crapped on your
achievement.
So, instead of allowing that tohappen, I will say be your own
cheerleader and don't have thatneed for external validation.
Take away that.
And if it happens, that's justicing.
(23:58):
What did I say?
Icing on the cake, right?
Great, it happened.
But you didn't need that tokeep moving forward, because I
don't care what people say.
You need encouragement to keepgoing forward, especially in
projects that are so long andgoals that are long-term goals.
(24:18):
You need encouragement andsometimes you're going to find
yourself in a place in lifewhere you are your own
encouragement.
I want y'all to get good atthat.
Okay, take it from me.
I want y'all to get good atthat.
Lastly is take action beforeyou're ready.
I will say it again Take actionbefore you're ready.
(24:41):
Uh, when I was young, young,young, young, teen twenties, I
swear like oh goodness, so manyyears wasted because I was
waiting for the perfect time toto be happy, to be joyful.
(25:02):
I just kept saying, oh well,when I leave for college, oh,
when I do this, when I getpromoted to this, oh, when you
know?
And I just kept pushing thetimeline time and time and time
again, as opposed to just likebeing happy.
Then, If the goal was for me tobe happy, I pushed that goal
(25:26):
every single time until it wasno time for me to be happy.
You see, like that's whatperfectionism does to us.
It leaves us in that planningmode.
So I had to challenge myself totake action.
No, I'm going to be happy today.
No, I'm going to do somethingto make myself happy.
(25:48):
Go get a pedicure, manicure, goget a facial, whatever,
whatever I can do with theresources that I have.
In that moment, when I gotmature enough and understood
that that I was just pawning offhappiness for this perfect
moment, I was like, oh, my God,I'm going to be so bitter by the
(26:08):
time I turn 40.
I was like, what's going on,you see?
So if you're on the youngerscale, please don't do that,
don't do that, don't do that,Don't wait to be happy.
Such a waste of time.
Do it now.
(26:30):
Take me with you as you go, gethappy, we'll go together, or
you can pause it and go.
That's more important, allright, did you do it already?
(27:03):
Okay, I'm watching.
All right, but the beauty ofimperfection is that that's life
.
Imperfection is where lifehappens.
It's where we grow, where weconnect, where we create.
Creativity stems fromimperfection.
When we let go of the need tobe perfect, we open ourselves to
the joy of simply being Justbeing.
(27:25):
So, asitos, as we step into thenew year, I encourage you to
reflect on where perfectionismmight be holding you back.
I want you to look into that,okay.
What would it look like torelease that and embrace
progress instead?
Think about that one, and thankyou so much for joining me on
this episode of the have a Cupof Joannie podcast.
If this resonated with you,share it with a friend who might
(27:49):
need a little reminder thatthey are more than enough.
And don't forget to subscribefor more episodes to help you
start the new year lighter andfreer.
Until next time, take care ofyourself, celebrate your
progress and remember you'realready super amazing, just as
you are.
(28:09):
Okay, bye.
Thank you so much for listening.
I want to hear from you.
Leave me a comment, do a rating, if you can, on the podcast,
share it with somebody you love,but, most importantly, come
back.
See you next time.
(28:30):
Bye.
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