December 11, 2024 • 19 mins
Can you imagine a world where letting go of control opens the door to more successful teamwork? Many of us cling to control as a shield against uncertainty. Yet, in this episode of "Have a Cup of Johanny," we venture into the transformative power of trust and collaboration. As a self-proclaimed control enthusiast, I share my journey of learning to balance my desire for control with the needs of a team. Through candid personal stories, I discuss the strategies I've started to embrace, like reframing my mindset and enhancing communication to foster a more cohesive and effective team environment.
Discover how acknowledging tendencies towards micromanagement can lead to stronger, more reliable teams. Setting clear expectations and implementing timely check-ins can ease anxiety and make room for personal and collective growth. Listen in as I discuss the importance of celebrating team achievements, which not only builds unity but also empowers us for future projects. This episode is a heartfelt exploration of the challenge—yet necessity—of relinquishing control to achieve shared goals, a principle that resonates in countless teamwork scenarios.
If you’re enjoying these conversations, check out my YouTube channel! Explore Defining Latinx, Latine, Latina, Latino, where I reflect on books by Latine authors and uncover the diversity and strength of our community.
Don’t miss #TheOrdinaryBruja, my serialized story about Marisol, a bruja rediscovering the power of her ancestry and her own worth.
Subscribe now to join the conversation and celebrate our stories together!
🌳 Step Under The Flamboyant Tree! 🌳
Experience a story of family secrets, magical realism, and the rich heritage of the Dominican Republic. Under The Flamboyant Tree follows Isabella Prescott as she unravels her past, seeking healing and redemption in her homeland.
Preorder today and be among the first to journey into this unforgettable world of resilience and self-discovery.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh we could, we could fly.
Welcome to this new season ofthe have a Cup of Chahani
podcast.
So I want to title this newseason that I'm embarking on
with I'm growing, so this isgoing to be the season of growth
, and that's what I'm going toshare with you throughout the
(00:20):
season.
So I thank you for coming overhere and sitting with me and I
hope you enjoy.
Hola vasitos, welcome to thesecond episode of December.
It's beginning to look a lotlike Christmas.
Welcome back to the have aCouple Joani podcast.
(00:41):
I am Joa, and today we arediving into a topic that might
hit close to home for my fellowcontrol enthusiasts like me, and
that is letting go of control,especially in teamwork and
community settings.
Now, I'll admit that I thrivewhen I'm in control.
(01:05):
It brings me certainty andorder and, honestly, it brings
me comfort because at least Iknow that I have a handle on
things, and, like I've told myhusband several times, is that
if I'm going to fail or I'mgoing to get in trouble for
something, I'd rather do it bymy own hands, and that has
(01:28):
always brought me a certainlevel of comfort in knowing that
I know where I was heading andI know how I was doing that and
I can answer questions aboutwhat was going on just because I
was the one doing it, but, but,but, but that's not always the
(01:48):
best thing to do, particularlywhen you're part of a team.
So it's something that I'velearned through working in group
environments is that achievinga collective mission requires
trust and, yes, collaboration,which means relinquishing of
control.
And, let's be real, though,that's not easy Certainly not
(02:10):
for me.
Perhaps some of you out therethis will be an easy thing and
this may not be a problem to you, but I know for me it really is
, because it takes me trustingothers to handle their part and
believing they'll get it done tothe standard that we agreed
upon, and that is incrediblyhard for me and anxiety ridden.
(02:34):
But then again, right whenwe're part of a team, working
together and collaborating, thatis so necessary.
So today, that's what we'regoing to talk about, vasitos.
We're going to see what aresome things that I learned, and
I got a caveat that I still I'mnot not even good at this.
You know, and this is I'mtalking about it, because the
(02:54):
more that I talk about it andresearch it and organize my
thoughts on it, it helps me tolearn it a little bit more,
because through sharing thisinformation with you, I'm
getting more comfortable with it.
So this is something that I'mlearning too.
So it's not like some of theother subjects, when I have
overcome certain things or I'mclose to overcoming this.
(03:16):
I'm a very beginner at it, so Ijust want to caveat with that.
But today we're going to talkabout how I reframe my mindset
to help me let go of thatcontrol, and I'll tell you some
of the step-by-steps that I havedone to make me lessen that
anxiety that comes in when I amtrying to, or I'm, letting go of
(03:39):
control.
Are you ready?
Of course you are.
I mean, why else would you behere?
Let's go All right.
So if you're struggling, likeme, to let go of control in
group settings, here it is.
These are some of the thingsthat I've done.
(04:01):
It is not foolproof, so youwill need to tailor it to your
situation, to your environmentand to the people in your team,
because all of those factorsplay a role in how you do these
steps, or if you even do thesesteps.
So, step one what I usually liketo do is I like to be very
(04:23):
clear and direct, and this oftenjust like doesn't go well,
because some people get reallyhow can I say they're very
sensitive when it comes todirectness and I don't know why
I keep coming across people likethat that are very sensitive
when it comes to directness.
They view directness asrudeness and to me that is just
(04:44):
so weird sometimes because it'slike you see how I'm talking,
like I'm a little loud.
Well, you won't know that,because I even out the voice
when I edit the podcast.
But I'm fairly loud, I don'twhisper, I don't mumble, I'm
very direct and to the point.
And if I feel like I need toaddress someone or something, I
address it with not too muchqualms about it or with too many
(05:08):
flowery language to lessen whatI'm trying to say.
But I like to start that way,because what has happened before
is that I go and check out tosee either the progress of the
mission or the goal, or thecompletion of it, if it was done
to standard, the completion ofit, if it was done to standard,
(05:33):
and then I have gotten quite alot of I didn't know or I didn't
hear that, or things of thatnature.
So at the beginning, when I'mgiving somebody something, I
either have a product, atangible piece of something to
show them like what I'm lookingfor, and I leave the how to them
.
But I got to tell them what I'mlooking for.
(05:55):
What do I want at the end ofthis, what is the goal?
And I need to get that outbecause once again, my
experience, I have gotten the Ididn't know, or that's not what
I was tracking, or that's notwhat I heard.
So not only do I state what isneeded of that project, but I
also ask for verification.
(06:16):
Sometimes I say what did youhear me say, or do you
understand that?
And if they just nod and say,yes, I was like, well, let me
know, tell me, what did youunderstand?
How do you see this project?
And then we get into aconversation like that and then
from there I can assess whetherthey're getting it, they got it
or if they need more information, because also, a lot of the
(06:38):
time, once again, some peoplewith the directness and then the
loudness, they get intimidatedas well and they may feel a
little overwhelmed.
So I got to pay attention tothose things as well and even
more the reason why I need tocheck to make sure that they
understand it, because everyoneneeds to understand the
responsibility, the outcome thatI'm looking for, as well as the
(07:02):
timeline of it.
That is very important.
I have found out that if Idon't give a timeline on things,
then the timeline is left forinterpretation and more often
than not, that means that itwill be as long as that person
wants it to be.
So that's another note there,something that is good to use.
(07:25):
I'm a big advocate of sharedfolders, shared documents or
something to track, so that wayyou know, like, especially if
we're working, like, on a, on awriting project or something
like that.
A shared document is so good,especially when it comes to
editing, because you can see,you know, what has been done.
You can do it in faces and youcan define it.
(07:45):
Everybody gets a differentemoji or different color, so it
shows, like, what each teammatehas done, and you can even do a
task management tool as well, sothat way you can track the
progress of the project withoutencumbering the team too much.
The next thing that I havelearned to do is to focus on the
(08:07):
big picture is to focus on thebig picture, and sometimes for
me it's like I ask myself if Iget into the weeds on this, is
it worth it, you know, is itworth my time, is it worth my
energy to get that deep into thedetail of this project?
(08:28):
Or would it be better for thatperson to self-discover and to
get some learning, someself-learning, from the project
and from doing the project?
And I ask myself that quiteoften and a lot of the times I
just let it go, believe it ornot.
I let it go because I find outthat no, it's not, it's not
(08:49):
worth it.
It's better and this may soundhorrible, but sometimes it's
better for me to get like 70 oran 80% or even sometimes,
depending on how important thatthing is, maybe a 60%, what
would I say, like a 60% grade ona project, than to go into the
(09:10):
weeds and go back and forth withthis person, potentially
demoralizing them, or becausepeople, they learn the way that
they want to learn, they seethings the way that they want to
see things, and it's just likeit's two different worlds trying
to combine to focus on oneproject.
And I have to always rememberthat that my way is not
(09:32):
necessarily the right way or theonly way of accomplishing
things.
And, yeah, that person may giveme like a 60% grade on that
project, but maybe that's theirstarting line.
Maybe the next time that I givethem that same project, then
they'll give me a 70% and an 80%, and then I can trust them with
more riskier projects, becauseright now I know that they have
(09:56):
done all these other ones andthey have progressed through
those projects, you see.
So that's what I mean when Isay focus on the big picture.
That's some of the things thatI do.
I really do ask myself is itworth it for me and for them?
I really do ask myself is itworth it for me and for them,
you know, to get into the weedsof it, and more often than not
it's not.
It's not.
If I do, it needs to be like ahigh visibility project, but
(10:18):
then more often than not, if itis a high visibility project,
I'm putting the A team in, so Iwouldn't need to be in that
level of detail either when itcomes to that.
Next thing is to practice trustand delegation, and it goes back
to those questions that I askedmyself is it worth it?
Is it worth it Me derailingtheir time and their
(10:40):
self-discovery just to appeasemy nervousness of how this
project is coming along or howthis project is being completed.
Now that doesn't mean that I'mnot checking.
I'm just saying I'm notoverchecking and I'm not going
to be over their shoulder either, because I used to hate it when
people do that to me.
I will think like I'm amicromanager in a sense that I
(11:04):
ask a lot of questions and Ithink some people find that to
be like micromanaging.
But that's just because I justwant to know where that person's
headspace is and what they'rethinking, because then it'll
give me an idea of how they'reapproaching that project and how
they're working on that project.
But I'm not a micromanager inthe sense that I'm constantly
looking over somebody's shoulderIf I feel that that person is
(11:27):
not going to get it done andwe're short on time and I'll
give them another shot someother time.
But practicing trust anddelegation so important Once
again it's hard to do, becauseyou just got to trust them that
they're going to do it.
You got to trust them that whenthey say, yes, I got this and I
have this and this and that,that you're like, okay, good,
(11:50):
then you let it go and then youfall back, that right there
where I falter a lot of thetimes, that right there, because
I'm like going on to the nextstep and reframing negative
thoughts, that little naggingvoice in there because of all
the times that I've been burnedbefore it.
Just it gets really loud andit's like yeah, nah, they're
(12:14):
gonna mess this up.
You know, yeah, they're gonna.
They're just gonna leave me outto dry.
You know, the thing is gonnaget inspected and it's gonna be
like a crap.
Show out there, you know, andall this other stuff.
So that's where I falter,because once that trust is not
fully there, the know and allthis other stuff so that's where
I falter, because once thattrust is not fully there, the
negative thoughts take over.
(12:35):
So that's why I say it'simportant to trust and delegate
and reframe negative thoughts.
And I think for me to alleviatemy anxiety is to have more
checks and then give theexpectations clearly up front,
to have those checks already setand to have those checks be way
(12:57):
before the actual deadline.
That's what works for me, shortto what I would accept.
Then I have a buffer of timethere to either teach that
person and have that person redoit, or, if it's to a point
(13:19):
where I don't feel that thatperson can learn that fast to
overcome and finish the project,then I can bring somebody else
in, you know, to do it.
And then the last, the lastresort will be like, well, I
just roll up my sleeves and doit, but there's usually always
somebody, somebody available, anexpert, somebody that is really
good at that specific task todo it.
(13:40):
And then the next step will beto focus on what you can control
.
And that is easier said thandone, vasitos.
That is easier said than doneBecause you can't really control
other people's actions, youcan't control other people's
(14:00):
perceptions, you can't controlother people's lives.
What they might have going on,that is taking their focus away.
So many things are out of yourcontrol.
And I think when I put thatinto perspective and I just give
them grace and give myselfgrace, then the turmoil that I
(14:22):
feel inside as I try to let goof control to finish projects
just eases quite a lot.
And I just kind of focus on,like, what am I doing to support
them, you know, without doingit for them?
So when I focus on that, am Ibeing supportive?
And if that means like justhaving somebody stay behind, so
(14:46):
that way I can teach them alittle something if I see that
they're not really grasping apart of the project right, or if
that means showing somebodyreally quick and then watching
them do it, just to make surethat they got it you know things
of that nature then that iswhat I can control.
Or if I see somebody that isjust not getting it or just has
too many things going on towhere I know that their mind is
(15:09):
not in there, I can controlpulling them back and replacing
them.
You see what I'm saying.
So I just think sometimes I gettoo caught up on the project.
It's just gonna suck and it'sgonna fail, and I let that run
its course in my mind and nottry to appease it, to bring it
(15:30):
down, bring that energy down,and just try to observe what I
can control out of the situationbefore going to like the
ultimate you know, pushingpeople away and doing it myself
and just seeing all the otherthings that are within my
control are within my purviewfor me to do and execute.
And I will say, lastly,celebrate the wins together.
(15:56):
You know, celebrate when it'sdone, say good job, you know.
Or have a pizza party oracknowledge their individual
efforts in front of the team andhow they accomplish this big
task together, because then itreinforces kind of like we're a
team, we do great thingstogether and we can trust one
another for future projects.
(16:18):
And, before you know it, if youhave like the same kind of
projects back to back and youkind of like utilize that team
it's almost like your teambuilding them, that team
eventually, if they're not yourA team, they will become your A
team, you see, and then you caneven grab another team, so that
way they can be your A-team.
They will become your A-team,you see, and then you can even
grab another team, so that waythey can be your A-1 team.
You have these little groups ofexcellences that you can plug
(16:41):
in to get things done, all thewhile having like a great time
doing it and, most importantly,being a piece as you're trying
to manage all these teams toaccomplish a project which you
will not be able to do ityourself.
And that is also something thatI have to remind myself.
I can't do that myself, youknow.
(17:01):
I need a team to do it, so Ineed to be able to do all these
steps to ensure that they get itdone, you know, without any of
us losing our hairs.
So the takeaway for this one,vasitos, is that I am still
working through it.
But letting go of controldoesn't mean letting go of your
standards or values Not at all.
Keep those.
(17:22):
It just means trusting peopleto get it done, focusing on the
big picture, finding peace andknowing that you are all working
toward a shared goal, reframingnegative thoughts, controlling
what you can control, andcelebrate the collective wins
(17:42):
once you reach that milestoneand it's not always easy, but
it's worth it.
Like the feeling when youactually do something like that
and you get it done.
It's like very freeing.
You're like, oh, so this iswhat it feels, this is what it
feels to manage something, toencourage folk.
(18:05):
That way they can finishsomething through you, and it's
great sense of accomplishment.
You know, and you may not havedone nothing physically per se,
but you were there, you weretheir support, you encouraged
them, you pushed them, so it'sso worth it.
It's so worth it and becauseit's so worth it, that is why I
(18:26):
continue to work on this.
I continue to work on thisbecause I know I continue to
work on this because I know themore that I do it, the easier it
will get, and the more that Ido it, then the more of these
freeing wins that I will haveand I can't wait to feel more of
that.
(18:50):
When you let go of control, youmake space for creativity,
connection and collectivesuccess, and I hope this episode
Recitos resonated with you andgave you some practical tools to
let go of control in communitysettings.
And remember, it's a processand if you didn't hear me, I
will tell you I am still workingon this process, so you are not
alone in working through this.
If you love this episode, sharewith somebody who you know
(19:14):
might need a little nudge toloosen their grip on control,
like I do, and don't forget tosubscribe to have a Couple
Johnny podcast for more episodeslike this.
Thank you for listening and, asalways, take care of yourself
and each other.
You got this, we got this.
Oh, we could.
We could fly.
Thank you so much for listening.
(19:37):
I want to hear from you.
Leave me a comment, do a ratingif you can on the podcast,
share it with somebody you lovebut, most importantly, come back
.
See you next time.
Bye.
Oh we could, we could fly.
Welcome to this new season ofthe have a Cup of Chahani
podcast.
So I want to title this newseason that I'm embarking on
with I'm growing, so this isgoing to be the season of growth
, and that's what I'm going toshare with you throughout the
(00:20):
season.
So I thank you for coming overhere and sitting with me and I
hope you enjoy.
Hola vasitos, welcome to thesecond episode of December.
It's beginning to look a lotlike Christmas.
Welcome back to the have aCouple Joani podcast.
(00:41):
I am Joa, and today we arediving into a topic that might
hit close to home for my fellowcontrol enthusiasts like me, and
that is letting go of control,especially in teamwork and
community settings.
Now, I'll admit that I thrivewhen I'm in control.
(01:05):
It brings me certainty andorder and, honestly, it brings
me comfort because at least Iknow that I have a handle on
things, and, like I've told myhusband several times, is that
if I'm going to fail or I'mgoing to get in trouble for
something, I'd rather do it bymy own hands, and that has
(01:28):
always brought me a certainlevel of comfort in knowing that
I know where I was heading andI know how I was doing that and
I can answer questions aboutwhat was going on just because I
was the one doing it, but, but,but, but that's not always the
(01:48):
best thing to do, particularlywhen you're part of a team.
So it's something that I'velearned through working in group
environments is that achievinga collective mission requires
trust and, yes, collaboration,which means relinquishing of
control.
And, let's be real, though,that's not easy Certainly not
(02:10):
for me.
Perhaps some of you out therethis will be an easy thing and
this may not be a problem to you, but I know for me it really is
, because it takes me trustingothers to handle their part and
believing they'll get it done tothe standard that we agreed
upon, and that is incrediblyhard for me and anxiety ridden.
(02:34):
But then again, right whenwe're part of a team, working
together and collaborating, thatis so necessary.
So today, that's what we'regoing to talk about, vasitos.
We're going to see what aresome things that I learned, and
I got a caveat that I still I'mnot not even good at this.
You know, and this is I'mtalking about it, because the
(02:54):
more that I talk about it andresearch it and organize my
thoughts on it, it helps me tolearn it a little bit more,
because through sharing thisinformation with you, I'm
getting more comfortable with it.
So this is something that I'mlearning too.
So it's not like some of theother subjects, when I have
overcome certain things or I'mclose to overcoming this.
(03:16):
I'm a very beginner at it, so Ijust want to caveat with that.
But today we're going to talkabout how I reframe my mindset
to help me let go of thatcontrol, and I'll tell you some
of the step-by-steps that I havedone to make me lessen that
anxiety that comes in when I amtrying to, or I'm, letting go of
(03:39):
control.
Are you ready?
Of course you are.
I mean, why else would you behere?
Let's go All right.
So if you're struggling, likeme, to let go of control in
group settings, here it is.
These are some of the thingsthat I've done.
(04:01):
It is not foolproof, so youwill need to tailor it to your
situation, to your environmentand to the people in your team,
because all of those factorsplay a role in how you do these
steps, or if you even do thesesteps.
So, step one what I usually liketo do is I like to be very
(04:23):
clear and direct, and this oftenjust like doesn't go well,
because some people get reallyhow can I say they're very
sensitive when it comes todirectness and I don't know why
I keep coming across people likethat that are very sensitive
when it comes to directness.
They view directness asrudeness and to me that is just
(04:44):
so weird sometimes because it'slike you see how I'm talking,
like I'm a little loud.
Well, you won't know that,because I even out the voice
when I edit the podcast.
But I'm fairly loud, I don'twhisper, I don't mumble, I'm
very direct and to the point.
And if I feel like I need toaddress someone or something, I
address it with not too muchqualms about it or with too many
(05:08):
flowery language to lessen whatI'm trying to say.
But I like to start that way,because what has happened before
is that I go and check out tosee either the progress of the
mission or the goal, or thecompletion of it, if it was done
to standard, the completion ofit, if it was done to standard,
(05:33):
and then I have gotten quite alot of I didn't know or I didn't
hear that, or things of thatnature.
So at the beginning, when I'mgiving somebody something, I
either have a product, atangible piece of something to
show them like what I'm lookingfor, and I leave the how to them
.
But I got to tell them what I'mlooking for.
(05:55):
What do I want at the end ofthis, what is the goal?
And I need to get that outbecause once again, my
experience, I have gotten the Ididn't know, or that's not what
I was tracking, or that's notwhat I heard.
So not only do I state what isneeded of that project, but I
also ask for verification.
(06:16):
Sometimes I say what did youhear me say, or do you
understand that?
And if they just nod and say,yes, I was like, well, let me
know, tell me, what did youunderstand?
How do you see this project?
And then we get into aconversation like that and then
from there I can assess whetherthey're getting it, they got it
or if they need more information, because also, a lot of the
(06:38):
time, once again, some peoplewith the directness and then the
loudness, they get intimidatedas well and they may feel a
little overwhelmed.
So I got to pay attention tothose things as well and even
more the reason why I need tocheck to make sure that they
understand it, because everyoneneeds to understand the
responsibility, the outcome thatI'm looking for, as well as the
(07:02):
timeline of it.
That is very important.
I have found out that if Idon't give a timeline on things,
then the timeline is left forinterpretation and more often
than not, that means that itwill be as long as that person
wants it to be.
So that's another note there,something that is good to use.
(07:25):
I'm a big advocate of sharedfolders, shared documents or
something to track, so that wayyou know, like, especially if
we're working, like, on a, on awriting project or something
like that.
A shared document is so good,especially when it comes to
editing, because you can see,you know, what has been done.
You can do it in faces and youcan define it.
(07:45):
Everybody gets a differentemoji or different color, so it
shows, like, what each teammatehas done, and you can even do a
task management tool as well, sothat way you can track the
progress of the project withoutencumbering the team too much.
The next thing that I havelearned to do is to focus on the
(08:07):
big picture is to focus on thebig picture, and sometimes for
me it's like I ask myself if Iget into the weeds on this, is
it worth it, you know, is itworth my time, is it worth my
energy to get that deep into thedetail of this project?
(08:28):
Or would it be better for thatperson to self-discover and to
get some learning, someself-learning, from the project
and from doing the project?
And I ask myself that quiteoften and a lot of the times I
just let it go, believe it ornot.
I let it go because I find outthat no, it's not, it's not
(08:49):
worth it.
It's better and this may soundhorrible, but sometimes it's
better for me to get like 70 oran 80% or even sometimes,
depending on how important thatthing is, maybe a 60%, what
would I say, like a 60% grade ona project, than to go into the
(09:10):
weeds and go back and forth withthis person, potentially
demoralizing them, or becausepeople, they learn the way that
they want to learn, they seethings the way that they want to
see things, and it's just likeit's two different worlds trying
to combine to focus on oneproject.
And I have to always rememberthat that my way is not
(09:32):
necessarily the right way or theonly way of accomplishing
things.
And, yeah, that person may giveme like a 60% grade on that
project, but maybe that's theirstarting line.
Maybe the next time that I givethem that same project, then
they'll give me a 70% and an 80%, and then I can trust them with
more riskier projects, becauseright now I know that they have
(09:56):
done all these other ones andthey have progressed through
those projects, you see.
So that's what I mean when Isay focus on the big picture.
That's some of the things thatI do.
I really do ask myself is itworth it for me and for them?
I really do ask myself is itworth it for me and for them,
you know, to get into the weedsof it, and more often than not
it's not.
It's not.
If I do, it needs to be like ahigh visibility project, but
(10:18):
then more often than not, if itis a high visibility project,
I'm putting the A team in, so Iwouldn't need to be in that
level of detail either when itcomes to that.
Next thing is to practice trustand delegation, and it goes back
to those questions that I askedmyself is it worth it?
Is it worth it Me derailingtheir time and their
(10:40):
self-discovery just to appeasemy nervousness of how this
project is coming along or howthis project is being completed.
Now that doesn't mean that I'mnot checking.
I'm just saying I'm notoverchecking and I'm not going
to be over their shoulder either, because I used to hate it when
people do that to me.
I will think like I'm amicromanager in a sense that I
(11:04):
ask a lot of questions and Ithink some people find that to
be like micromanaging.
But that's just because I justwant to know where that person's
headspace is and what they'rethinking, because then it'll
give me an idea of how they'reapproaching that project and how
they're working on that project.
But I'm not a micromanager inthe sense that I'm constantly
looking over somebody's shoulderIf I feel that that person is
(11:27):
not going to get it done andwe're short on time and I'll
give them another shot someother time.
But practicing trust anddelegation so important Once
again it's hard to do, becauseyou just got to trust them that
they're going to do it.
You got to trust them that whenthey say, yes, I got this and I
have this and this and that,that you're like, okay, good,
(11:50):
then you let it go and then youfall back, that right there
where I falter a lot of thetimes, that right there, because
I'm like going on to the nextstep and reframing negative
thoughts, that little naggingvoice in there because of all
the times that I've been burnedbefore it.
Just it gets really loud andit's like yeah, nah, they're
(12:14):
gonna mess this up.
You know, yeah, they're gonna.
They're just gonna leave me outto dry.
You know, the thing is gonnaget inspected and it's gonna be
like a crap.
Show out there, you know, andall this other stuff.
So that's where I falter,because once that trust is not
fully there, the know and allthis other stuff so that's where
I falter, because once thattrust is not fully there, the
negative thoughts take over.
(12:35):
So that's why I say it'simportant to trust and delegate
and reframe negative thoughts.
And I think for me to alleviatemy anxiety is to have more
checks and then give theexpectations clearly up front,
to have those checks already setand to have those checks be way
(12:57):
before the actual deadline.
That's what works for me, shortto what I would accept.
Then I have a buffer of timethere to either teach that
person and have that person redoit, or, if it's to a point
(13:19):
where I don't feel that thatperson can learn that fast to
overcome and finish the project,then I can bring somebody else
in, you know, to do it.
And then the last, the lastresort will be like, well, I
just roll up my sleeves and doit, but there's usually always
somebody, somebody available, anexpert, somebody that is really
good at that specific task todo it.
(13:40):
And then the next step will beto focus on what you can control
.
And that is easier said thandone, vasitos.
That is easier said than doneBecause you can't really control
other people's actions, youcan't control other people's
(14:00):
perceptions, you can't controlother people's lives.
What they might have going on,that is taking their focus away.
So many things are out of yourcontrol.
And I think when I put thatinto perspective and I just give
them grace and give myselfgrace, then the turmoil that I
(14:22):
feel inside as I try to let goof control to finish projects
just eases quite a lot.
And I just kind of focus on,like, what am I doing to support
them, you know, without doingit for them?
So when I focus on that, am Ibeing supportive?
And if that means like justhaving somebody stay behind, so
(14:46):
that way I can teach them alittle something if I see that
they're not really grasping apart of the project right, or if
that means showing somebodyreally quick and then watching
them do it, just to make surethat they got it you know things
of that nature then that iswhat I can control.
Or if I see somebody that isjust not getting it or just has
too many things going on towhere I know that their mind is
(15:09):
not in there, I can controlpulling them back and replacing
them.
You see what I'm saying.
So I just think sometimes I gettoo caught up on the project.
It's just gonna suck and it'sgonna fail, and I let that run
its course in my mind and nottry to appease it, to bring it
(15:30):
down, bring that energy down,and just try to observe what I
can control out of the situationbefore going to like the
ultimate you know, pushingpeople away and doing it myself
and just seeing all the otherthings that are within my
control are within my purviewfor me to do and execute.
And I will say, lastly,celebrate the wins together.
(15:56):
You know, celebrate when it'sdone, say good job, you know.
Or have a pizza party oracknowledge their individual
efforts in front of the team andhow they accomplish this big
task together, because then itreinforces kind of like we're a
team, we do great thingstogether and we can trust one
another for future projects.
(16:18):
And, before you know it, if youhave like the same kind of
projects back to back and youkind of like utilize that team
it's almost like your teambuilding them, that team
eventually, if they're not yourA team, they will become your A
team, you see, and then you caneven grab another team, so that
way they can be your A-team.
They will become your A-team,you see, and then you can even
grab another team, so that waythey can be your A-1 team.
You have these little groups ofexcellences that you can plug
(16:41):
in to get things done, all thewhile having like a great time
doing it and, most importantly,being a piece as you're trying
to manage all these teams toaccomplish a project which you
will not be able to do ityourself.
And that is also something thatI have to remind myself.
I can't do that myself, youknow.
(17:01):
I need a team to do it, so Ineed to be able to do all these
steps to ensure that they get itdone, you know, without any of
us losing our hairs.
So the takeaway for this one,vasitos, is that I am still
working through it.
But letting go of controldoesn't mean letting go of your
standards or values Not at all.
Keep those.
(17:22):
It just means trusting peopleto get it done, focusing on the
big picture, finding peace andknowing that you are all working
toward a shared goal, reframingnegative thoughts, controlling
what you can control, andcelebrate the collective wins
(17:42):
once you reach that milestoneand it's not always easy, but
it's worth it.
Like the feeling when youactually do something like that
and you get it done.
It's like very freeing.
You're like, oh, so this iswhat it feels, this is what it
feels to manage something, toencourage folk.
(18:05):
That way they can finishsomething through you, and it's
great sense of accomplishment.
You know, and you may not havedone nothing physically per se,
but you were there, you weretheir support, you encouraged
them, you pushed them, so it'sso worth it.
It's so worth it and becauseit's so worth it, that is why I
(18:26):
continue to work on this.
I continue to work on thisbecause I know I continue to
work on this because I know themore that I do it, the easier it
will get, and the more that Ido it, then the more of these
freeing wins that I will haveand I can't wait to feel more of
that.
(18:50):
When you let go of control, youmake space for creativity,
connection and collectivesuccess, and I hope this episode
Recitos resonated with you andgave you some practical tools to
let go of control in communitysettings.
And remember, it's a processand if you didn't hear me, I
will tell you I am still workingon this process, so you are not
alone in working through this.
If you love this episode, sharewith somebody who you know
(19:14):
might need a little nudge toloosen their grip on control,
like I do, and don't forget tosubscribe to have a Couple
Johnny podcast for more episodeslike this.
Thank you for listening and, asalways, take care of yourself
and each other.
You got this, we got this.
Oh, we could.
We could fly.
Thank you so much for listening.
(19:37):
I want to hear from you.
Leave me a comment, do a ratingif you can on the podcast,
share it with somebody you lovebut, most importantly, come back
.
See you next time.
Bye.
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