November 20, 2024 • 26 mins
Ever felt like you're juggling too many balls, trying to keep both your personal growth and professional aspirations aloft? You're not alone! This episode of Have a Cup of Johanny delves into the art of setting boundaries between personal and professional lives—a skill I've honed out of sheer necessity. I share revealing anecdotes from my own life, illustrating how creating these boundaries has been pivotal in maintaining my peace and sharpening my focus. We'll uncover the importance of being selective with whom you share your milestones, ensuring your energy is uplifted by those who genuinely appreciate your efforts.
As we explore this balancing act, we distinguish between truly supportive friends and those who merely agree with everything you say. A nourishing network is key to fostering both personal and professional growth, and I'll share strategies to help you curate this essential support system. From personal stories to practical tips, learn how to create distinct spaces for your personal and professional life, and how a supportive partner, like my husband, can encourage your journey without stifling your creativity. Through trial and error, find what works best for you and build an environment where you can thrive, sharing your achievements with those who will genuinely celebrate them.
Are you ready to embark on a captivating journey of resilience and revelation? Then head over to https://www.haveacupofjohanny.com/ and buy your copy.
If you’re enjoying these conversations, check out my YouTube channel! Explore Defining Latinx, Latine, Latina, Latino, where I reflect on books by Latine authors and uncover the diversity and strength of our community.
Don’t miss #TheOrdinaryBruja, my serialized story about Marisol, a bruja rediscovering the power of her ancestry and her own worth.
Subscribe now to join the conversation and celebrate our stories together!
🌳 Step Under The Flamboyant Tree! 🌳
Experience a story of family secrets, magical realism, and the rich heritage of the Dominican Republic. Under The Flamboyant Tree follows Isabella Prescott as she unravels her past, seeking healing and redemption in her homeland.
Preorder today and be among the first to journey into this unforgettable world of resilience and self-discovery.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh we could, we could fly.
Welcome to this new season ofthe have a Cup of Chahani
podcast.
So I want to title this newseason that I'm embarking on
with I'm growing, so this isgoing to be the season of growth
and that's what I'm going toshare with you throughout the
(00:20):
season.
So I thank you for coming overhere and sitting with me and I
hope you enjoy coming over hereand sitting with me and I hope
you enjoy.
Hola, vasitos, welcome back toanother episode of have a Cup of
Johanny podcast.
I am Jo, for short, here withmy cafecito, already drunk and
ready to dive into this realtalk that I like having with you
(00:43):
.
This month's theme, in caseyou're just joining us, is
Navigating Personal Growth AmidExternal Challenges.
It's all about dealing withthose tricky dynamics that come
with growing as a person, whilemanaging the responses of those
around you the responses ofthose around you.
(01:07):
Today, we're exploring a topicI've had to master out of
necessity, which is keepingpersonal and professional lives
separate, because, let's be real, it's not always easy, but for
me it's been a game changer inprotecting my peace and staying
focused on my goals.
(01:28):
Are you ready?
Of course you are.
I know you are Okay, let's divein.
So here's the thing.
Dive in.
(01:48):
So here's the thing.
Sharing your achievements andambitions with those closest to
you should feel natural, shouldfeel good, right.
But what happens when theirreactions don't match your
excitement, when their responsesleave you feeling dismissed,
criticized, mocked, belittled.
This is where the art ofself-preservation comes into
(02:14):
play.
Take it from me, yourself-preservation queen.
Over the years, I've learned tocreate boundaries between my
personal and professional lives,hard boundaries.
Why?
Well, because past experiencestaught me that not everyone in
my personal circle understandsor support my professional
(02:38):
journey, and that's okay.
But what's not okay, though, isletting those reactions weigh
me down or derail my progress.
That's not what I'm going toallow.
Let's break this down, becausethere's more than just this, too
Separating professional frompersonal.
(03:01):
First, there's the emotionalprotection that goes into place
when you keep your professionalwins to yourself or share them
only with those who you havevetted and you know genuinely.
Genuinely celebrate you, youshield yourself from unnecessary
(03:22):
negativity, and that is justyou being proactive and
protecting and helping yourself.
And this isn't about secrecy orbeing secretive or anything
like that, but it's about beingselective.
Okay, there's a differencebeing selective with whom you
(03:42):
share your journey selective,with whom you share your journey
?
Now you might be thinking but,joah, shouldn't the people
closest to you be your biggestsupporters?
And if they're not, why arethey even that close to you?
In an ideal world?
Yes, yes, those closest to youshould be your biggest
(04:05):
supporters.
But I want you to go back tothe first episode of November of
this theme and so that way youcan realize that that's not
always realistic, that's notalways how it plays out.
Because, remember, thoseclosest to you are probably
closest to you, or sometimesclosest to you because of the
(04:27):
longevity, the time that theyhave known you.
They have been with you throughthick and thin.
They know you through thedifferent faces of your life.
And some of those people, whilethey are close to you, they're
still looking at you through anextinct lens, your past self
(04:50):
lens, and when they don't let goof that frame of thought, then
they're not looking at thepresent you, they're not looking
at the current you, the realyou that is with them in that
moment.
So those people are the onesthey just cannot reconcile your
past self with your current self.
(05:11):
Those are the ones that, whilethey are close to you and y'all
share a lot of things together,they may not be the right kind
of people to share your winswith.
Just think about that.
To share your wins with, justthink about that.
And that's why I say that justbecause they're closest to you
doesn't necessarily mean thatthose are the people to share
(05:34):
your wins with.
Just because some of thosepeople, while they are closest
to you, they are looking at youthrough a lens that is no longer
valid, and sometimes thosepeople, like I said, struggle to
adjust their perception of youas you grow and find it hard to
see you any other way, and thenthis can lead to a frustrating
(05:58):
cycle of seeking validation frompeople who aren't equipped to
give it.
I go back to like we shouldn'tbe asking legal opinions from
somebody who doesn't have anylegal expertise, kind of like
that.
Like, look at it through thatlens, because it's gonna be
frustrating if you're seekingvalidation from someone who is
(06:22):
looking at you through anincorrect lens.
They just they're not equippedto give it.
So stop asking them to givethat to you.
Stop looking at them as theperson or the source to gain
some sort of validation from.
And that's where boundaries comein right, and we talked about
(06:43):
that in the last episode alittle bit right About
boundaries, and they're veryimportant because now boundaries
are going to help us to beselective, sharing our personal
wins, our personal andprofessional milestone, and
we're going to ensure that ourenergy is spent in places and
(07:08):
spaces where it's valued anduplifted.
So I'm going to say it again,boundaries will help us to be
selective Selective in sharingour professional and personal
milestones, because it willensure that our energy is spent
(07:29):
in spaces and places where it isvalued and uplifted.
And for me, this has meantkeeping my personal social media
spaces focused on family andday-to-day life and my
professional achievements.
You may ask those are reservedfor my business platforms and
(07:50):
share with a community thatunderstands the work and
dedication behind them, behindthem and you will hear about my
platforms here through mypodcast, because through this
podcast I share those platforms,I share my business platform.
So everything that has to dowith advocating diversity in
(08:13):
literature and books and inchildren's books and own voices
from authors that have livedthose experiences, that are part
of those communities, you'regoing to see it here through
this platform that I have.
When I shift to sharing thingson my personal platforms, it's
(08:34):
all about family.
I keep most of my militarymilestones out of that one and
my publishing, writing businessstuff out of that one as well.
I am very, very selective, very, very selective of what I put
in my personal family platform,just because I know that the
(08:58):
people there are family members,are friends from high school
and friends that know methroughout the years.
But I know, in fact, that thereare people there that still
view me through the lens of thatskinny, lost little Dominican
(09:19):
girl that recited back then inmy past and they are unable to
reconcile with this woman thatis in front of them currently
trying to do and achieving allthese things.
So that's why, when I say I'mselective, like I'm very
selective, like stringently soselective when it comes to that.
(09:44):
Another aspect of keeping theseworlds separate is also that it
helps me to avoid burnout.
When you blur the lines betweenpersonal and professional, it's
easy to feel as if you'realways on.
I hate feeling that way and Ihave gone through certain phases
(10:05):
in my life where I haveachieved burnout because of that
, because I melded the twotogether and it felt as if that
switch stayed on the entire timeand I was exhausted.
I was mentally exhausted andthat was one of the reasons
actually why I separated mysocial media, because I know I
(10:27):
was going back and forth at thebeginning and even some writing
colleagues, writing peeps in thecommunity were saying some
disagreed, some agreed, somewere saying, oh, that's just too
hard, that's just too much.
And at first I thought like Iwas trapped in that mentality as
well that perhaps having twosocial media accounts on on
(10:50):
Facebook and Instagram would betoo much for me to manage.
But then I started thinkingabout my mental health and the
burnout that I was currentlysimmering on and I figured that,
yes, it may be too hard,because I went through a whole
(11:10):
telling followers to go toanother page and like taking
them off of the family page andtaking families off of the
business page when they foundits way there and then just
shifting them through the familypage and I think I put like
several messages on both saying,look, this page is for this and
(11:30):
that page is for that.
And I'm going to in seven days,right, like I'm going to give
you seven days, and in sevendays I'm going to reconcile my
followers just to make sure thatthey're aligned with these two
social media platforms that Iwill be having, that I will be
establishing in seven daystimeframe.
And yes, it was hard at thebeginning.
(11:54):
And even now sometimes I findthat some people from my family
circle will go into the businesspage and I scrutinize that
movement and I scrutinize thatindividual and usually what goes
in my head is like, okay, howis this person, how has this
(12:17):
person been in my life, how dothey understand me currently?
And I ask all these questionsand it's kind of like this, this
equation that goes through myhead, just to see if that
individual is the right personto have on my business page.
Because, once again, if they'renot aligned with who my ideal
(12:37):
reader is, who my ideal followeris, then I just I don't want
them there because it's just I'mnot going to gain any traction.
You see what I'm saying?
It's just the traction is notgoing to be there because
they're just holding up a space,sucking up energy that is not
(12:58):
meant for them and it's alose-lose for both of us.
So that's why I'm a bigadvocate of I'd rather have
small follower count, butthey're real and they're there
and they want to be there, thanto have a crap ton of people or
forcing my family and friends tofollow my business account and
(13:19):
buy my books and listen to mypodcast and all of that, when I
know in fact it is not.
Those products are not for them.
You see what I'm saying.
I want this to be a win-win forall of us, and I think that's
what I discovered after I wentthrough that burnout period and
had to do the whole separationbetween church and state,
(13:41):
separation between personal joyand business joy.
I got you.
I got you.
I know I did.
It's also all aboutself-awareness.
I've learned to recognize whichpeople are safe for sharing my
ambitions, and it goes to whatwe just talked about here.
(14:02):
I really dissect thatindividual and it's not like
it's because I'm being criticalof them or anything like that.
I am dissecting and doing theseequations in my head because I
just want to make sure that thisis going to be healthy for both
of us, that this is going to beconducive for joy, happiness,
(14:25):
contentment, peace, grace forboth of us.
It has to be a win-win for bothof us and if not, then one of
us shouldn't be in my platform,and that one of us is not me.
One of us shouldn't be in myplatform and that one of us is
not me, that one of us is them,and it's not about isolating
myself, but, once again, I'm theself-preservation queen, so I
(14:49):
will protect my mental healthand ensure that my goals remain
a source of joy and motivationand not stress.
Remain a source of joy andmotivation and not stress.
And that's another reason why Ihave that separation there,
because I don't want somebodystressing me out with their
(15:09):
misguided opinions about what Ishould and shouldn't I do,
because they still thinking ofme as old Joah and not current
Joah, and that will stress meout.
That and that will stress meout.
That level of harassment willstress me out.
And let's not forget a big, big,big important thing, and that
(15:30):
is having a support networkaround you, whether it's a
mentor or a group of like-mindedprofessionals or even just one
or two trusted friends.
Having people who understandand appreciate your journey can
make all the difference.
Having those individuals aroundyou can be the one thing that
(15:53):
propels you from subtask tosubtask to culminating goal, to
achieving this dream that youhave had for a long time.
I am telling you, it's allabout the network of people,
those people that you havearound you, and I'm not saying
surround yourself with yes,people.
(16:15):
That's not what it is, and Ihope you didn't get that
perception out of this episode,because that's not what I'm
saying.
I am saying be aroundindividuals that know the
current you and are supportiveof your goals and ambitions.
You see what I'm saying.
So there's a difference there.
(16:35):
I'm not saying that they got tolike everything that you do and
they have to agree witheverything that you do.
A good friend, a real friend,will tell you when your
bullshittometer right is goingoff the rails.
But also a good friend, a realfriend, will be supportive of
(16:58):
your goals, not minimize it, notcriticize it, not belittle it
or mock it.
So see, it's a difference therewhen you say be around people
that support you and nourish you, versus be around people that
are, yes, people in your life.
(17:18):
Yes, people are going to drownyou in the pool.
Supportive people are going tothrow you a lifeline and then
tell you you know what I toldyou, but I'm here for it, I'm
here for you.
Let's try again.
You see there's a differencethere.
(17:40):
There's a difference.
Yes, people will be like thenyou're drowning, drowning,
drowning.
They just get in their car andgo Supportive people, they're
petty like me.
They're going to tell you.
I told you so while throwingyou a lifeline and then just
saying let's okay, now, once youcough up all the chlorine water
(18:01):
, let's get back into the pool,let's try again Differently this
time, but let's try again See.
See that difference?
I hope so.
I hope so, vasito.
I hope I am talking clearly toyou and we are going through
this learning process togetherand just becoming better people
(18:22):
together.
I hope so.
So how do we implement theseboundaries so that way we can
separate these two things,personal versus professional.
And you heard me.
One of the things that I didwas just create, literally
create two houses, two socialmedia platforms, platforms.
(18:54):
But I will also say to startsmall.
As with anything, if you'relike me, you get overwhelmed
when you have a task that is sobig and you just feel like it's
this insurmountable goal,insurmountable mountain that you
must climb, and your thighs,your legs are already hurting
just thinking about it.
So I would say start small.
Decide first what aspects ofyour professional life you're
comfortable sharing with yourpersonal circle.
(19:16):
Know that beforehand.
Maybe it's just the bigmilestones, or maybe it's just
nothing at all.
Maybe you would like to hold onto things for as long as
possible before we release it tothe world, and that is
perfectly okay If that's whatworks for you, vasitos, that's
what works for you.
I'm not here to judge you.
(19:38):
You know what I'm saying.
So go for it.
Go for it.
Do that.
I did the same thing.
I was selective with who I wassharing things and I'm also
selective with what I am sharing.
I tend to not share when thingsare in the developmental phase.
I like to share once thingshave come to fruition or when
(20:04):
they're close, and I am certainthat it will come through
fruition.
You see, now I have a group ofindividuals and when I say group
of individuals I mean myhusband, my cat, my dog that I
share things in the beginningfaces.
And I do that because I knowfor a fact that my husband is
(20:28):
not going to put it down.
He's not going to put it down.
He's not going to put it down.
He's not going to be like yousuck, what are you thinking?
You know he's not going to like, punch that hope away.
Now I know other people in myclose circle may do that.
There's a good chance that theymay do it, because they think
that they're trying to protectme from failure by doing that,
(20:53):
my husband has learned that Ineed to fly and he knows this is
going to sound cheesy, but heknows that he's like that wind
that propels me to fly evenhigher.
And that's what he does.
And it can be like a crappyidea, a crappy developmental
idea, like when I'm thinkingabout a book idea.
(21:16):
Right away I tell him and hewas like, oh, that reminds me of
this or that reminds me of that, and I'm like, oh yes, I'm
right in the money.
Some other people have done itand it's been good.
I can put my own twist on it,you know, and it's kind of like
that, like he hypes me up andsometimes just by talking it out
loud to him, sometimes I findfaults within that idea, but I
(21:41):
find that out on my own, throughmy own reasoning, through
talking it out loud with him orto him.
You see what I'm saying, notbecause he pointed out the flaws
or he pointed out how stupid itwas, or something like that.
You see what I'm saying.
So I know my husband is going togive me the wind.
(22:03):
I need to just erect my wingsand start flying as high as
possible with these goals, thesedreams that I have, and I know
that other people, while theylove me, they are not apt.
They don't have that aptitudeto do that.
They don't have thatinterpersonal knowledge.
They don't have that deepknowledge of me to give that to
(22:28):
me, you see.
But it doesn't mean thatthey're horrible people or that
they love me any less.
It's just they don't have that.
But remember, at the end of theday, I'm giving you things that
work for me.
It doesn't necessarily meanthat it will work for you.
That's where trial and errorand experimentation comes into
play here, so that way you cantry things out and you can see
(22:50):
what works or what doesn't workfor you, for your lifestyle, for
your abilities.
And remember, by creating theseboundaries, you're not just
protecting yourself, you're alsofostering an environment where
you can thrive, both personallyand professionally.
All of that is part of you.
And as we wrap today's episode,I want to leave you with this
(23:12):
thought Boundaries are a form ofself-care.
Boundaries are a form ofself-care.
They're not about keepingpeople out.
They're about letting the rightpeople in, protect your peace,
focus on your growth and shareyour journey with those who will
(23:35):
genuinely celebrate it.
Next week, we'll be digging intoour final topic for this month.
I'm so excited.
It will be why familiaritybreeds contempt, and how to
navigate being undervalued bythose who know you best.
(23:55):
Oh, I know it hurts.
It's going to be a good one, soI want you all to stay tuned
for that and, as always, don'tforget to subscribe, leave a
review and share this podcastwith someone who you know needs
it.
Keep your cups full and yourspirits high, and I will see you
, vasitos, next time.
(24:15):
Besos, thank you so much forlistening.
I want to hear from you.
Leave me a comment, do a rating, if you can, on the podcast,
share it with somebody you love,but, most importantly, come
back.
See you next time.
Bye.
Oh we could, we could fly.
Welcome to this new season ofthe have a Cup of Chahani
podcast.
So I want to title this newseason that I'm embarking on
with I'm growing, so this isgoing to be the season of growth
and that's what I'm going toshare with you throughout the
(00:20):
season.
So I thank you for coming overhere and sitting with me and I
hope you enjoy coming over hereand sitting with me and I hope
you enjoy.
Hola, vasitos, welcome back toanother episode of have a Cup of
Johanny podcast.
I am Jo, for short, here withmy cafecito, already drunk and
ready to dive into this realtalk that I like having with you
(00:43):
.
This month's theme, in caseyou're just joining us, is
Navigating Personal Growth AmidExternal Challenges.
It's all about dealing withthose tricky dynamics that come
with growing as a person, whilemanaging the responses of those
around you the responses ofthose around you.
(01:07):
Today, we're exploring a topicI've had to master out of
necessity, which is keepingpersonal and professional lives
separate, because, let's be real, it's not always easy, but for
me it's been a game changer inprotecting my peace and staying
focused on my goals.
(01:28):
Are you ready?
Of course you are.
I know you are Okay, let's divein.
So here's the thing.
Dive in.
(01:48):
So here's the thing.
Sharing your achievements andambitions with those closest to
you should feel natural, shouldfeel good, right.
But what happens when theirreactions don't match your
excitement, when their responsesleave you feeling dismissed,
criticized, mocked, belittled.
This is where the art ofself-preservation comes into
(02:14):
play.
Take it from me, yourself-preservation queen.
Over the years, I've learned tocreate boundaries between my
personal and professional lives,hard boundaries.
Why?
Well, because past experiencestaught me that not everyone in
my personal circle understandsor support my professional
(02:38):
journey, and that's okay.
But what's not okay, though, isletting those reactions weigh
me down or derail my progress.
That's not what I'm going toallow.
Let's break this down, becausethere's more than just this, too
Separating professional frompersonal.
(03:01):
First, there's the emotionalprotection that goes into place
when you keep your professionalwins to yourself or share them
only with those who you havevetted and you know genuinely.
Genuinely celebrate you, youshield yourself from unnecessary
(03:22):
negativity, and that is justyou being proactive and
protecting and helping yourself.
And this isn't about secrecy orbeing secretive or anything
like that, but it's about beingselective.
Okay, there's a differencebeing selective with whom you
(03:42):
share your journey selective,with whom you share your journey
?
Now you might be thinking but,joah, shouldn't the people
closest to you be your biggestsupporters?
And if they're not, why arethey even that close to you?
In an ideal world?
Yes, yes, those closest to youshould be your biggest
(04:05):
supporters.
But I want you to go back tothe first episode of November of
this theme and so that way youcan realize that that's not
always realistic, that's notalways how it plays out.
Because, remember, thoseclosest to you are probably
closest to you, or sometimesclosest to you because of the
(04:27):
longevity, the time that theyhave known you.
They have been with you throughthick and thin.
They know you through thedifferent faces of your life.
And some of those people, whilethey are close to you, they're
still looking at you through anextinct lens, your past self
(04:50):
lens, and when they don't let goof that frame of thought, then
they're not looking at thepresent you, they're not looking
at the current you, the realyou that is with them in that
moment.
So those people are the onesthey just cannot reconcile your
past self with your current self.
(05:11):
Those are the ones that, whilethey are close to you and y'all
share a lot of things together,they may not be the right kind
of people to share your winswith.
Just think about that.
To share your wins with, justthink about that.
And that's why I say that justbecause they're closest to you
doesn't necessarily mean thatthose are the people to share
(05:34):
your wins with.
Just because some of thosepeople, while they are closest
to you, they are looking at youthrough a lens that is no longer
valid, and sometimes thosepeople, like I said, struggle to
adjust their perception of youas you grow and find it hard to
see you any other way, and thenthis can lead to a frustrating
(05:58):
cycle of seeking validation frompeople who aren't equipped to
give it.
I go back to like we shouldn'tbe asking legal opinions from
somebody who doesn't have anylegal expertise, kind of like
that.
Like, look at it through thatlens, because it's gonna be
frustrating if you're seekingvalidation from someone who is
(06:22):
looking at you through anincorrect lens.
They just they're not equippedto give it.
So stop asking them to givethat to you.
Stop looking at them as theperson or the source to gain
some sort of validation from.
And that's where boundaries comein right, and we talked about
(06:43):
that in the last episode alittle bit right About
boundaries, and they're veryimportant because now boundaries
are going to help us to beselective, sharing our personal
wins, our personal andprofessional milestone, and
we're going to ensure that ourenergy is spent in places and
(07:08):
spaces where it's valued anduplifted.
So I'm going to say it again,boundaries will help us to be
selective Selective in sharingour professional and personal
milestones, because it willensure that our energy is spent
(07:29):
in spaces and places where it isvalued and uplifted.
And for me, this has meantkeeping my personal social media
spaces focused on family andday-to-day life and my
professional achievements.
You may ask those are reservedfor my business platforms and
(07:50):
share with a community thatunderstands the work and
dedication behind them, behindthem and you will hear about my
platforms here through mypodcast, because through this
podcast I share those platforms,I share my business platform.
So everything that has to dowith advocating diversity in
(08:13):
literature and books and inchildren's books and own voices
from authors that have livedthose experiences, that are part
of those communities, you'regoing to see it here through
this platform that I have.
When I shift to sharing thingson my personal platforms, it's
(08:34):
all about family.
I keep most of my militarymilestones out of that one and
my publishing, writing businessstuff out of that one as well.
I am very, very selective, very, very selective of what I put
in my personal family platform,just because I know that the
(08:58):
people there are family members,are friends from high school
and friends that know methroughout the years.
But I know, in fact, that thereare people there that still
view me through the lens of thatskinny, lost little Dominican
(09:19):
girl that recited back then inmy past and they are unable to
reconcile with this woman thatis in front of them currently
trying to do and achieving allthese things.
So that's why, when I say I'mselective, like I'm very
selective, like stringently soselective when it comes to that.
(09:44):
Another aspect of keeping theseworlds separate is also that it
helps me to avoid burnout.
When you blur the lines betweenpersonal and professional, it's
easy to feel as if you'realways on.
I hate feeling that way and Ihave gone through certain phases
(10:05):
in my life where I haveachieved burnout because of that
, because I melded the twotogether and it felt as if that
switch stayed on the entire timeand I was exhausted.
I was mentally exhausted andthat was one of the reasons
actually why I separated mysocial media, because I know I
(10:27):
was going back and forth at thebeginning and even some writing
colleagues, writing peeps in thecommunity were saying some
disagreed, some agreed, somewere saying, oh, that's just too
hard, that's just too much.
And at first I thought like Iwas trapped in that mentality as
well that perhaps having twosocial media accounts on on
(10:50):
Facebook and Instagram would betoo much for me to manage.
But then I started thinkingabout my mental health and the
burnout that I was currentlysimmering on and I figured that,
yes, it may be too hard,because I went through a whole
(11:10):
telling followers to go toanother page and like taking
them off of the family page andtaking families off of the
business page when they foundits way there and then just
shifting them through the familypage and I think I put like
several messages on both saying,look, this page is for this and
(11:30):
that page is for that.
And I'm going to in seven days,right, like I'm going to give
you seven days, and in sevendays I'm going to reconcile my
followers just to make sure thatthey're aligned with these two
social media platforms that Iwill be having, that I will be
establishing in seven daystimeframe.
And yes, it was hard at thebeginning.
(11:54):
And even now sometimes I findthat some people from my family
circle will go into the businesspage and I scrutinize that
movement and I scrutinize thatindividual and usually what goes
in my head is like, okay, howis this person, how has this
(12:17):
person been in my life, how dothey understand me currently?
And I ask all these questionsand it's kind of like this, this
equation that goes through myhead, just to see if that
individual is the right personto have on my business page.
Because, once again, if they'renot aligned with who my ideal
(12:37):
reader is, who my ideal followeris, then I just I don't want
them there because it's just I'mnot going to gain any traction.
You see what I'm saying?
It's just the traction is notgoing to be there because
they're just holding up a space,sucking up energy that is not
(12:58):
meant for them and it's alose-lose for both of us.
So that's why I'm a bigadvocate of I'd rather have
small follower count, butthey're real and they're there
and they want to be there, thanto have a crap ton of people or
forcing my family and friends tofollow my business account and
(13:19):
buy my books and listen to mypodcast and all of that, when I
know in fact it is not.
Those products are not for them.
You see what I'm saying.
I want this to be a win-win forall of us, and I think that's
what I discovered after I wentthrough that burnout period and
had to do the whole separationbetween church and state,
(13:41):
separation between personal joyand business joy.
I got you.
I got you.
I know I did.
It's also all aboutself-awareness.
I've learned to recognize whichpeople are safe for sharing my
ambitions, and it goes to whatwe just talked about here.
(14:02):
I really dissect thatindividual and it's not like
it's because I'm being criticalof them or anything like that.
I am dissecting and doing theseequations in my head because I
just want to make sure that thisis going to be healthy for both
of us, that this is going to beconducive for joy, happiness,
(14:25):
contentment, peace, grace forboth of us.
It has to be a win-win for bothof us and if not, then one of
us shouldn't be in my platform,and that one of us is not me.
One of us shouldn't be in myplatform and that one of us is
not me, that one of us is them,and it's not about isolating
myself, but, once again, I'm theself-preservation queen, so I
(14:49):
will protect my mental healthand ensure that my goals remain
a source of joy and motivationand not stress.
Remain a source of joy andmotivation and not stress.
And that's another reason why Ihave that separation there,
because I don't want somebodystressing me out with their
(15:09):
misguided opinions about what Ishould and shouldn't I do,
because they still thinking ofme as old Joah and not current
Joah, and that will stress meout.
That and that will stress meout.
That level of harassment willstress me out.
And let's not forget a big, big,big important thing, and that
(15:30):
is having a support networkaround you, whether it's a
mentor or a group of like-mindedprofessionals or even just one
or two trusted friends.
Having people who understandand appreciate your journey can
make all the difference.
Having those individuals aroundyou can be the one thing that
(15:53):
propels you from subtask tosubtask to culminating goal, to
achieving this dream that youhave had for a long time.
I am telling you, it's allabout the network of people,
those people that you havearound you, and I'm not saying
surround yourself with yes,people.
(16:15):
That's not what it is, and Ihope you didn't get that
perception out of this episode,because that's not what I'm
saying.
I am saying be aroundindividuals that know the
current you and are supportiveof your goals and ambitions.
You see what I'm saying.
So there's a difference there.
(16:35):
I'm not saying that they got tolike everything that you do and
they have to agree witheverything that you do.
A good friend, a real friend,will tell you when your
bullshittometer right is goingoff the rails.
But also a good friend, a realfriend, will be supportive of
(16:58):
your goals, not minimize it, notcriticize it, not belittle it
or mock it.
So see, it's a difference therewhen you say be around people
that support you and nourish you, versus be around people that
are, yes, people in your life.
(17:18):
Yes, people are going to drownyou in the pool.
Supportive people are going tothrow you a lifeline and then
tell you you know what I toldyou, but I'm here for it, I'm
here for you.
Let's try again.
You see there's a differencethere.
(17:40):
There's a difference.
Yes, people will be like thenyou're drowning, drowning,
drowning.
They just get in their car andgo Supportive people, they're
petty like me.
They're going to tell you.
I told you so while throwingyou a lifeline and then just
saying let's okay, now, once youcough up all the chlorine water
(18:01):
, let's get back into the pool,let's try again Differently this
time, but let's try again See.
See that difference?
I hope so.
I hope so, vasito.
I hope I am talking clearly toyou and we are going through
this learning process togetherand just becoming better people
(18:22):
together.
I hope so.
So how do we implement theseboundaries so that way we can
separate these two things,personal versus professional.
And you heard me.
One of the things that I didwas just create, literally
create two houses, two socialmedia platforms, platforms.
(18:54):
But I will also say to startsmall.
As with anything, if you'relike me, you get overwhelmed
when you have a task that is sobig and you just feel like it's
this insurmountable goal,insurmountable mountain that you
must climb, and your thighs,your legs are already hurting
just thinking about it.
So I would say start small.
Decide first what aspects ofyour professional life you're
comfortable sharing with yourpersonal circle.
(19:16):
Know that beforehand.
Maybe it's just the bigmilestones, or maybe it's just
nothing at all.
Maybe you would like to hold onto things for as long as
possible before we release it tothe world, and that is
perfectly okay If that's whatworks for you, vasitos, that's
what works for you.
I'm not here to judge you.
(19:38):
You know what I'm saying.
So go for it.
Go for it.
Do that.
I did the same thing.
I was selective with who I wassharing things and I'm also
selective with what I am sharing.
I tend to not share when thingsare in the developmental phase.
I like to share once thingshave come to fruition or when
(20:04):
they're close, and I am certainthat it will come through
fruition.
You see, now I have a group ofindividuals and when I say group
of individuals I mean myhusband, my cat, my dog that I
share things in the beginningfaces.
And I do that because I knowfor a fact that my husband is
(20:28):
not going to put it down.
He's not going to put it down.
He's not going to put it down.
He's not going to be like yousuck, what are you thinking?
You know he's not going to like, punch that hope away.
Now I know other people in myclose circle may do that.
There's a good chance that theymay do it, because they think
that they're trying to protectme from failure by doing that,
(20:53):
my husband has learned that Ineed to fly and he knows this is
going to sound cheesy, but heknows that he's like that wind
that propels me to fly evenhigher.
And that's what he does.
And it can be like a crappyidea, a crappy developmental
idea, like when I'm thinkingabout a book idea.
(21:16):
Right away I tell him and hewas like, oh, that reminds me of
this or that reminds me of that, and I'm like, oh yes, I'm
right in the money.
Some other people have done itand it's been good.
I can put my own twist on it,you know, and it's kind of like
that, like he hypes me up andsometimes just by talking it out
loud to him, sometimes I findfaults within that idea, but I
(21:41):
find that out on my own, throughmy own reasoning, through
talking it out loud with him orto him.
You see what I'm saying, notbecause he pointed out the flaws
or he pointed out how stupid itwas, or something like that.
You see what I'm saying.
So I know my husband is going togive me the wind.
(22:03):
I need to just erect my wingsand start flying as high as
possible with these goals, thesedreams that I have, and I know
that other people, while theylove me, they are not apt.
They don't have that aptitudeto do that.
They don't have thatinterpersonal knowledge.
They don't have that deepknowledge of me to give that to
(22:28):
me, you see.
But it doesn't mean thatthey're horrible people or that
they love me any less.
It's just they don't have that.
But remember, at the end of theday, I'm giving you things that
work for me.
It doesn't necessarily meanthat it will work for you.
That's where trial and errorand experimentation comes into
play here, so that way you cantry things out and you can see
(22:50):
what works or what doesn't workfor you, for your lifestyle, for
your abilities.
And remember, by creating theseboundaries, you're not just
protecting yourself, you're alsofostering an environment where
you can thrive, both personallyand professionally.
All of that is part of you.
And as we wrap today's episode,I want to leave you with this
(23:12):
thought Boundaries are a form ofself-care.
Boundaries are a form ofself-care.
They're not about keepingpeople out.
They're about letting the rightpeople in, protect your peace,
focus on your growth and shareyour journey with those who will
(23:35):
genuinely celebrate it.
Next week, we'll be digging intoour final topic for this month.
I'm so excited.
It will be why familiaritybreeds contempt, and how to
navigate being undervalued bythose who know you best.
(23:55):
Oh, I know it hurts.
It's going to be a good one, soI want you all to stay tuned
for that and, as always, don'tforget to subscribe, leave a
review and share this podcastwith someone who you know needs
it.
Keep your cups full and yourspirits high, and I will see you
, vasitos, next time.
(24:15):
Besos, thank you so much forlistening.
I want to hear from you.
Leave me a comment, do a rating, if you can, on the podcast,
share it with somebody you love,but, most importantly, come
back.
See you next time.
Bye.
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