Navigating Criticism: Personal Growth and Self-Care Strategies

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Familiarity breeds contempt, "but why does it feel like those closest to us often become our toughest critics?" Discover the intricate dynamics of personal growth and how the most intimate observers in our lives can sometimes challenge our journey. Join me on "Have a Cup of Johanny" as we unravel the reasons behind this phenomenon, exploring the roles of vulnerability, projection, and envy. Learn the crucial art of setting boundaries to protect your mental health and make informed decisions about who gets a front-row seat to your story. In a world of oversharing, find out how to discern what you reveal and to whom, securing your peace and well-being.

Transitioning to self-care and goal pursuit, this episode equips you with practical tools for enhancing emotional resilience. Experience the transformative impact of voice and textual journaling, and discover the power of a "compliments folder" to lift your spirits. We talk about the liberating practices of forgiveness and letting go of grudges. Personal strategies like taking "crying breaks" and visiting anger rooms are shared to help process emotions effectively while emphasizing the importance of moving at your own pace. Recognize your self-worth beyond external perceptions and keep celebrating your unique journey. As the November series wraps up, these insights are designed to bolster your personal growth, preparing you to stride confidently into the coming months. Don't forget to subscribe, share your thoughts, and join us for more enriching discussions.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh, we could, we could fly.
Welcome to this new season ofthe have a Cup of Johanny
podcast.
So I want to title this newseason that I'm embarking on
with I'm growing, so this isgoing to be the season of growth
and that's what I'm going toshare with you throughout the

(00:20):
season.
So I thank you for coming overhere and sitting with me, and I
hope you enjoy.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
Hola, vasitos, and welcome back to have a Cup of
Joani.
I am your host, joa for shorthere with another round of
cafecito and conversation.
This month we've been exploringnavigating personal growth amid
external challenges, a themethat was inspired by some

(00:46):
personal reflection and a bit offrustration, if I am to be real
.
In today's episode we'retackling a tough but very
important, if you ask me, topicabout why familiarity breeds
contempt and how to navigatebeing undervalued by those who

(01:07):
know you best.
And if you ever felt like yourbiggest critics are the people
closest to you, this episode isfor you.
Are you ready?
Of course you are.

(01:30):
Let's go, all right.
So let's start with the phrasefamiliarity breeds contempt, and
that's a mouthful, if you askme.
It's also early in the morning.
But what does it really mean?
Essentially, the more peopleknow you, the more they see your

(01:52):
flaws, your mistakes and yourstruggles.
I equate this as somebodyhaving a front seat to your life
.
They have a better shot atseeing everything, or most of
what goes around in your life.
So, for some reason, thisdeeper knowledge can sometimes
lead to less respect, butusually it doesn't lead to more.
It's frustrating, right?

(02:15):
It's just it's frustrating.
And you think that those whoknow your journey up close, that
have those front row seats.
Your hard work, your sacrificeswould be your biggest
cheerleaders, but often they'rethe ones who minimize your
achievements.
I'm going to take a pause herebecause it's like, yeah, why

(02:37):
does this happen?
There are a few reasons,vasitos.
There are a few reasons.
One is that they've seen you atyour most vulnerable and I said
this on the first episode inNovember.
They've seen it.
They've been there when youdated the same kind of guy over
and over, when you made allthose financial mistakes, you

(03:02):
know, credit score was probablyat like a negative zero or
something like that and they'vebeen there for that.
They've been there for all themissteps, all the moments of
doubt, and maybe even they'veseen you give up, you know, and
say fudge it.
So in their eyes you're not apolished version of success the

(03:23):
world might, Because they knowyour humanity, they know your
imperfections and for some thatmakes it hard to see your
success without skepticism.
I say that they have a hardtime believing that people
change and evolve and grow andgain wisdom.

(03:45):
But that's another episode foranother day.
Then there's the issue ofprojection.
Sometimes people reflect theirinsecurities onto you.
Your growth and achievement canhighlight areas where they feel
like they're coming up short.
We talked about that as well.
So instead of acknowledgingthat and using it as motivation,

(04:07):
they instead will choose tobelittle your success to protect
their own self-image.
That goes right along, I say,with envy.
So how do you deal with this?
I will say that first, it'simportant to recognize that
their reaction is more aboutthem than it is about you.

(04:30):
You got to separate yourselfOnce again.
Just listen to the previousepisodes.
Don't hold on to other people'sbaggage.
They are their baggage.
They must carry that throughlife.
I feel that when people projectthings onto me, it's almost like
they're trying to give me theircrap, their trauma, their
emotions.

(04:51):
You know everything and that'snot for me.
I didn't make any of thosethings.
That's for that person to carry.
So remember that, because it'sa reflection of their internal
struggles, not a commentary onyour worth.
It has like no proof of that,and understanding this can help

(05:11):
take some of the sting out ofthat criticism, some of that
hurt.
And then I would say let's talkboundaries and we're revisiting
this because it's important.
I think that I can never talkboundaries enough, especially if
you're part of the Latinacommunity.
I feel like I cannot say enoughthings about boundaries and how

(05:36):
that is important and how thatis a life-saving skill to have,
because protecting your mentalhealth means it's deciding who
gets to be part of your journey,who gets to share your wins
with you, so that way you don'tcome out of an interaction

(05:56):
feeling drained or unappreciatedand it's okay to pull back,
it's okay to say you know what?
No, I changed my mind.
It's okay to say you know what.
I am not going to give energyto this situation or to this
person, because not every aspectof your life needs to be shared

(06:19):
with everyone.
And take that from a person who, when I first got Facebook many
years ago, I was such anoversharer, such an oversharer.
Looking at it now, it was likecringy.
Even my sister.
She jumped in there and she waslike oh, you're sharing too

(06:39):
much.
And my sister is an overshareas well, okay.
So when she told me that, I waslike I knew that I had gotten
out of hand.
But you see what I'm sayingDoing that kind of stuff, kind
of like, opens you up tocriticism from people that you
don't necessarily need to hearfrom right, or criticism from

(07:01):
your inner circle.
If you're like me and yourFacebook is filled with family
and friends, right, and I'm justsaying, protect that, protect
your peace, because all I had todo back then was just be more
discerning about what Ipublished there.
And now, as I look back at it,I'm also thinking about like

(07:24):
taking away, taking off some ofthose things that I put in there
at the beginning, just becauseit's like it's too much.
It's too much.
People can use that to don'tjudge me now based on my past
self.
Then, and that's how I look atit when people have grown up

(07:47):
with me or they know me for along time, that they will
continue to see that version ofme, as opposed to the current
and improved and always evolvingversion, to be honest, and an
improved and always evolvingversion, to be honest.
So pull back if you have to andbe discerning about who you
share your wins with, who youshare things on Facebook with,

(08:10):
because, once again, not everyaspect don't be like me not
every aspect of your life needsto be shared with everyone.
Another strategy is to lean on asupportive network.
For me, I feel like I'm socompartmentalized in my life
because for me it's like I havekind of like an army network.
I have a writing network, Ihave a chicas network, I have a

(08:37):
book club network.
So for all these buckets whereI throw love in, I have a
network within those.
The overarching network for me,somebody that I share,
everything that I do within allthose buckets, is my husband.

(08:57):
So that is kind of like theumbrella over all of that.
But I have people within everysingle one of those I don't know
what to call it faces of mylife or sections of my life,
because I have a lot ofinterests.
So I think that's why I do itthis way.
So if you're like me and youhave a lot of various interests

(09:23):
or you are part of variousgroups, this may work for you.
Where you have a certain groupof people within each of those
networks that you're part of,that you know for a fact, will
uplift, you, will vibe with you,will not demean you or minimize

(09:43):
your good news when you bringit to them, because that
demoralizes people.
And this could be mentors.
This could be colleagues orfriends who get it.
Remember, they have to get it.
And as someone who writes it,remember they have to get it.
And as someone who writes, I seepeople minimizing that,

(10:04):
especially at the beginning.
It's like, oh, you wrote thatlittle book, little, first of
all.
First of all, it's like 55,000words.
That's a lot, okay, but you seethings like that and I see it a
lot in that space, especiallyat the beginning.
But now that I've been doing itfor a while now five years I

(10:25):
have been able to vet the peoplethat won't do me that way.
When I share my wins small,medium or large wins, whatever
they won't use those diminutivewords, they won't minimize it or
they won't belittle it, makefun of it or put it down.
So do what you got to do.

(10:45):
If you need to make a list ofall the people that you know for
a fact are vibing with you andyou know that you can share
things with them, write themdown.
Have that list if that's whatyou need to do, so that way you
know who to go to.
But it's also let's go into thenext point, which is to
practice self-validation,practice self-validation.

(11:08):
We're gonna wrap all of this up, okay, self-validation you
gotta remind yourself that yourjourney is valid, your
achievements are real and youdon't need external approval to
know your worth.
Okay, Do that happy dance, likeI told you all at the beginning

(11:31):
of this month, it is nothingwrong with that, because
sometimes you may be the onlyperson that gets it.
You know the only person thatgets it and you got to do what
you got to do to keep going.
So if that is like tapping yourown shoulder and saying, hey,
good job, joah, you know doingthat happy dance in front of the

(11:54):
mirror and telling myself I didthat, you know I'm a badass, I
did that, I accomplished that,then do that.
We need this in order to keepgoing.
Hear me out on this one Humanbeings, we need that motivation.

(12:14):
We need that.
That is like fuel for us tokeep going.
So we got to learn how to liketune out things right.
Especially if you're around alow vibing group of people.
It's so important to have thatskill of where we can tune that
out in order to tune intoourselves or tune in within and

(12:39):
be our own cheerleader, our ownhype woman, hype man, whatever
you know, and just look in themirror and then go jump up and
down and say you got this andcelebrate yourself and what
feels good to you.
Okay, you've heard me say I usejournaling.

(13:00):
I do voice journaling as well astextual journaling, where I
reflect and say the things thatI'm very happy about, grateful
about, and things that Iaccomplish.
I also have a complimentsfolder in my Outlook email.
You know why.
You know why.
So when I'm feeling down, I canlook at that and then see all

(13:22):
the great things, the proof thatI can do great things.
And that helps if you findyourself just like me.
Sometimes I find myself whereI'm not really around people
that I can share good news with.
I can open up that folder andfeel good about it.
I can look at that folder andhave proof that I do great

(13:44):
things.
So if that's something thatspeaks to you and that's
something that you want to try,do it.
Make a compliments folder orkudos folder on your email.
So when somebody sends you goodjob on this, or I love how you
did that or that was awesome, oh, my God, I watched your video.
Oh, I read your book, this wasawesome, you know, save that.

(14:07):
Save that so that way you canlook at that and pep yourself up
, so that way you can keep going.
And lastly, the last point thatI want to make Vesitos, it's
forgiveness and moving forward.
I mean holding on to hurt, andgrudges never helped anyone.

(14:27):
I know I'm a petty individual,but I can admit that I have to
let it go.
Just let it go.
Let it go, you know what I'msaying.
And just dismiss it.
Brush the dirt off yourshoulders and keep going,
Because here's the thing I toldyou right we're not supposed to

(14:49):
carry other people's emotionalbaggage.
We're only supposed to carryour own.
It is too heavy.
It is not sustainable for us tocarry other people's emotional
baggage, okay.
It is not sustainable for us tocarry other people's emotional
baggage, okay.
So when you holding on to agrudge, that's what you're doing
you holding on to somebodyelse's emotional baggage.

(15:10):
Let it go.
Let it go like that song.
Okay, it's okay to feeldisappointed.
I give myself crying breaks sothat way I can let it all out
and I allow myself to have weepydays.
I tell my husband no, today Ijust want to cry and just like
watch TV and then not doanything, you know, but the next

(15:32):
day I'm up.
So it's okay to give yourselfthat space to feel sad, to feel
disappointment, to feel angry.
There are like angry rooms outthere where people just trash a
whole bunch of things with asledgehammer.
I try that too.
It is awesome.
But then, right once youexercise, those emotions come

(15:54):
back.
Come back because now it's timeto pursue your goals, to
continue pursuing your goals,because now it's time to pursue
your goals, to continue pursuingyour goals, and you can forgive
them, but you are forgivingthem for your sake, not for
their sake.
Or you can say you know what Idon't forgive them, and that's
okay.
Re-evaluate it later on and seeif you have changed your mind

(16:16):
or whatnot.
But if you don't want toforgive, move on with your time.
I hate it when people pushforgiveness so hard on others
that I think it just creates itsown set of problems If somebody
has done you so wrong that youfeel it in your heart that you
cannot forgive that person, thatis okay.

(16:36):
Just keep moving forward.
Eventually you're going to cometo a place where you can look
back at that and have adifferent perspective, a
different point of view, but Iwouldn't bog myself down over
forgiving somebody that has hurtme deeply and for which I have
no aptitude to forgive in thatmoment.

(16:58):
Care for yourselves, but mostimportantly is to keep pushing
forward and understand that noteveryone will see or understand
your journey.
That is a giving and that'sokay.
What matters is that you dothat.
You're growing, you're evolvingand that's something to be

(17:18):
proud of Just the fact thatyou're moving.
And as we wrap this episode,vasitos, I want to leave you
with this thought your worthisn't determined by others'
perceptions Ooh, I needed tohear that too.
Your worth isn't determined byothers' perceptions.
Keep striving, keep growing andremember that the right people

(17:41):
will see your light andcelebrate it.
And, bacitos, this wraps ourNovember series on navigating
personal growth amid externalchallenges, and I hope these
conversations have given yousome tools and insights to
navigate your own journey.
And, as always, if you enjoyedthis episode, please subscribe,

(18:02):
leave a review and share withsomeone who might need it.
Thank you for joining me onthis journey, vacitos, keep your
cups full and your spirits high, and until next time I will see
you all in December.
Bye, bye.
Thank you so much for listening.

(18:23):
I want to hear from you.

Speaker 1 (18:25):
Leave me a comment, do a rating if you can on the
podcast, share it with somebodyyou love, but, most importantly,
come back.
See you next time.
Bye.