The Art of Returning to Self

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What if the key to moving forward was actually going back—to the routines, the rituals, the habits that once grounded you?

In this episode of Have a Cup of Johanny, I share how 43 taught me the power of structure, and why “winging it” wasn’t the freedom I thought it was. From journaling to morning rituals, from tracking my water intake to honoring my body's needs, I relearned the importance of showing up for myself on purpose.

This is a love letter to anyone who’s ever felt lost in the chaos and is ready to come home to themselves.

✨ Whether you're rebuilding after burnout or simply craving more alignment, this episode invites you to reflect on what actually works for you.

🎧 Grab your favorite drink and listen in.

📚 And if you're drawn to stories about identity, ancestral magic, and self-discovery, don’t forget to preorder my upcoming novel, The Ordinary Bruja, a haunting, heartfelt journey of a woman reclaiming her power.

Available now at https://haveacupofjohanny.com/product/the-ordinary-bruja-book-one-of-las-cerradoras-series-j-e-ortega/

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If today’s episode hit you in the chest the way it hit me, don’t just walk away—walk toward something that reflects you.

Subscribe to the podcast, hit that YouTube channel for the behind-the-scenes, and if you’re ready to read a story about what it really means to come home to yourself—
👉🏽 Preorder The Ordinary Bruja.

https://haveacupofjohanny.com/product/the-ordinary-bruja-book-one-of-las-cerradoras-series-j-e-ortega/

It’s about a Dominican-American bruja who’s been running from herself her whole life until ancestral magic, generational wounds, and a haunted-ass hill force her to face the truth.

If you’ve ever felt “too much,” “not enough,” or like you don’t fit anywhere, you’re exactly who this story was written for.

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Because becoming who you are is the bravest kind of magic.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh we could, we could fly.
Welcome back to have a Cup ofJohnny.
This season isn't abouthustling harder.
It's about coming home toyourself, to your voice, to your
breath, to the quiet truth thatyou're still here and you're
not starting over.
You're starting again.

(00:21):
This is your space to reflect,reset and remember who we tell
you.
So pour your cafecito and let'sbegin.
Hello everyone and welcome backto Habacucbo Johnny, the
podcast, where we sip truth andspill stories.

(00:46):
And since it's August, mybirthday month, I am dedicating
this entire month to lessons Ilearned while I was 43.
Let's call it 43 and becomingme, because this year it gave it

(01:06):
stripped and it taught a lot.
Today's episode, I am callingit, unless I change it, the art
of returning to self, but Igotta warn you, it's not as
graceful as it sounds.
Y'all ready?

(01:27):
Let's get it.
There's a lie.
I sometimes tell myself that Ican wing it, that I've been
through enough, lived enough,figured it out enough to just
freestyle my way through thehard stuff.

(01:47):
I don't know why I continue totell myself this lie.
I don't know why I have proventhis lie to be wrong so many
times.
I don't know why I continue totell myself and it upsets me, to
be honest with you, that Istill believe it, because this

(02:09):
past year it reminded me onceagain that returning to myself
means returning to what works,and for me, what works is
structure.
It's not winging it.
It's not winging it.
It's not the rigid kind, okay,it's not that one, the one that

(02:29):
leaves no room for breath, butit's the kind, though, that
holds me steady when the chaosaround me starts to creep in.
That's the one that I need.
It's the kind that reminds mewho I am when everything else
tries to tell me I am not enough.
It's that grounding kind ofstructure.

(02:52):
That's what I'm talking abouthere, and this year I realized,
actually accepted hopefully youdon't hear me saying this again
that I need my morning routine.
I benefit from knowing what I'mdoing with my time.
I feel better when I journal,even if it's just three

(03:15):
sentences.
I feel grounded when I writedown what I eat, how much water
I drank, how many steps I took.
To some it may be like that's alot, but to me it's not.
It's not pedantic, it's notobsessive.
It's me showing up for myselfin ways that no one else can,

(03:39):
and it is something about doingthat that just keeps me grounded
, it kind of like guides my wayevery day.
When I wasn't doing that for oh,so many months this year, I
felt so lost.
I wasn't journaling, I wasn'twalking, I wasn't tracking

(04:00):
anything, I was just waking likeback in the day and just hoping
the day would sort itself out.
And it was almost like I wasback in my 20s and in my 30s and
I'm like, oh, why am I goingback there, you know where
everything is so chaotic?
And that's how it felt, youknow, because of course the day

(04:21):
is not going to sort itself out.
Of course I felt tired,disoriented.
My anxiety just came back,swinging harder than before.
My health started slipping back, swinging harder than before my
health started slipping.
But most of all, I feltdisconnected from my body, from
my creativity, from myself, andeverything just seemed so hard

(04:45):
to do because I wasn't runningon this structure that kept my
flow going, when I could wake upand know, okay, this hour is
for fitness, for moving, hey,this other hour is for writing,
hey, this other bit of minutesis from journaling, this one is
for meditating.
It's something about thatstructure that gives me a sense

(05:10):
of peace, like I said before itjust it guides my steps
throughout the day, because whenI'm able to accomplish my most
important things, which arethose habits, those tasks that I
have at the beginning, at thevery beginning of my day I don't

(05:33):
know how else to explain topeople, but it sets me up for
everything else that that dayhas to offer.
It just does, you know, when mybullet journal is set.
I have already looked at my daythe night before.
You know, I have jotted downwhat I woke up being anxious
about the thoughts in my head.
I jotted down the gratefulthings, the three grateful

(05:55):
things I am grateful for.
It's almost like I'm fuelingmyself, you see, at the
beginning of the day, so thatway I can just open that door
and I take off from there.
And I'm not saying that I haveperfect days because of it, but
I am ready to take it on.
I think that's like the bestway that I can explain it.

(06:18):
Most of the time I'm notreactive to things.
You see what I'm saying.
I'm not running on empty, orit's just it's smooth.
It's not easy, it's just it'ssmooth.
So that's what that structuregives me.
But the thing is that being inthe military and moving and

(06:39):
having these various things inmy life that just kind of throw
wrenches in my cycle, in myrhythm, for bouts of time.
This time it just twoback-to-back things happened
that it just like it threw meoff for like three months.
And it's hard when you're outof the game.

(07:01):
Quote unquote of habitSustaining for three months is
hard.
It's almost like I have to startfrom the beginning.
And here I am starting again.
And I started with a freshbullet journal because I wasn't
going to wait for the last fivepages of the other journal.
I was like, fuck it, I'm goingto start with a new journal and
something about starting freshwith a new journal and putting

(07:23):
my habit tracker there and thenstarting the 75 day Joesoft
challenge.
That has like gotten me backthere again, not to where I used
to be before, but like gettingthere, back to what I know
always helps, which is back towriting things down, back to

(07:45):
those quiet, intentional momentswhere I meditate and slow
everything down, back tochecking in with myself like I
was someone worth checking on.
And the wild part is that returndidn't make me feel restricted.
And I know people hearstructure, people hear schedules

(08:10):
and they may hear everythingbut free, but for me.
That's how it feels to havethat structure.
I feel free, I don't feelrestricted, with certainty that

(08:34):
those things are there for me todo first thing in the morning
and then from there, just my daywill open up.
You know, that makes me feel atpeace, free and prepared,
because when I'm taking care ofmyself, I'm not distracted by
that panic of neglect, I'm notcatching up with myself after
I've burnt out.
I'm ahead of the fall.

(08:54):
I'm watching it all unfold withme, not against me.
So, no, I cannot wing it.
I cannot wing it, not all thetime, emergency purposes only.
But I cannot wing it, not allthe time, emergency purposes
only.
But I cannot wing it, not whenI want to stay rooted.

(09:15):
And I want to ask you all whatis that one thing, or those
habits, or those tasks that youmust do in order to feel like
yourself, in order to feelgrounded, to feel at peace, to
feel like you're ready to takeon your day?
What are those?

(09:36):
And then, what happens when youdon't do those?
Because that, for me, was agood chunk of this year.
When I say this year, I'm nottalking calendar year, I'm
talking about my year as a43-year-old, now that I'm in my

(09:56):
birthday month, about to be 44.
So how was that for you?
What are those things that justground you, put you at peace,
give you that structure, thatfreedom If it's not structure,
maybe that freedom that you need.
And what happened when youstopped doing them, if you did
stop doing them?

(10:17):
Nevertheless, thank you so muchfor sitting with me on this very
short episode of the have aCouple Johnny podcast.
I'm gonna keep it short andcute on my birthday month
because I wanna go and celebrate.
Okay, I also want y'all to goand celebrate.
Okay, I also want you all to goand celebrate.
Okay, go and have fun.
Hopefully you all will listento me on the go or whatnot, but
go and have fun.

(10:37):
Go, do something that gives youthat sense of freedom, whatever
that is.
Go ahead and do that today.
And if this episode landed foryou, I'd love to hear.
Once again, don't forget how youreturn to yourself.
Tag me or DM me.
You know where I'm at onInstagram at haveacupofjoannie,

(11:02):
or on TikTok at acupofjoe,underscore H-A-N-N-Y.
Find me there.
Next week we are diving intowhat my body taught me at 43.
Oof, that is a doozy.
Be ready for that one, becausethis body of mine.

(11:22):
She stopped whispering and thenshe screamed All right, talk to
you all next Wednesday.
Bye, if today's episode spoketo you, share with somebody
who's finding their way back too, and if you haven't yet, visit
haveacupofjoanniecom for morestories, blog posts and the bits

(11:47):
that started it all.
Thank you for being here.
Until next time, be soft, bebold and always have a cup of
John.