The Post That Broke Me

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A thoughtless comment about Dominican identity became the catalyst for an unexpected journey into memory, heritage, and the stories we choose to forget. What began as a simple observation about how Dominicans often embrace their Spanish roots while minimizing African and Taíno influences sparked a firestorm of criticism that changed everything about my writing and my understanding of cultural identity.

The backlash was intense—being called a traitor, uneducated, and a "pick me" for daring to suggest we might need to reclaim parts of our heritage. But one comment struck deeper than the rest: "Dominicans don't need to reclaim anything. We already know who we are." This assertion, contradicted by the same voices that elevate Spanish heritage while remaining silent about other influences, revealed a profound disconnection that I couldn't ignore. It forced me to ask: What happens when we forget who we are? What becomes of someone taught not to explore their lineage? And what occurs when that person begins to remember?

These questions transformed "The Ordinary Bruja" from a lighthearted comfort story into something more profound. Marisol's journey became a reflection of generational amnesia—the way communities cling to what's acceptable while abandoning what makes them whole. Hollowthorn Hill evolved from a simple setting to a place of ancestral memory, calling to Marisol even as she runs from it. Her magic stopped being merely aesthetic and became necessary, ancestral, and complicated. The story now explores returning to yourself even when everything around you says it's better to forget. Join me next week as we delve into the mothers—those complicated, often inadequate, always human women who shaped this story and our understanding of identity. Have you ever had to unlearn something about your own heritage? I'd love to hear your story as we remember together.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh we could, we could fly.
Welcome back to have a Cup ofJohnny.
This season isn't abouthustling harder.
It's about coming home toyourself, to your voice, to your
breath, to the quiet truth thatyou're still here and you're
not starting over.
You're starting again.

(00:21):
This is your space to reflect,reset and remember who we tell
you.
So pour your cafecito and let'sbegin.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
It was supposed to be a lighthearted comment about
Dominican identity and how itshows in our music, in our
culture, in our food, right.
But this one little commentjust turned everything upside
down.
Hey y'all, welcome back to havea Cup with Joannie.

(01:06):
I am your host, joa, and inthis episode 2 of our series,
the why Behind the Bruja, we'regoing to talk about some things.
Last week I talked about howthe ordinary bruja was born,

(01:27):
this unexpected comfort storythat started in Instagram
stories, otherwise known asinstant stories, during lockdown
.
It was light, sweet and magical, but then it wasn't.
And today I'm talking about thepost that broke me and how one
internet comment I should sayreally many internet comments
became a turning point forMarisol's story and mine.

(01:51):
So let's rewind to a randomevening bedtime, phone in hand,
mind scrolling when it shouldn'tbe, and I came across a post
that was talking about Dominicanidentity and how Dominicans
don't tend to claim our fullheritage yet it's so prevalent

(02:15):
in a lot of things that we havein the island, and I commented
it was nothing wild.
I was agreeing with the creator, naturally, julie, and it was
nothing wild, just honest.
It's something like.
You know, I used to live inEurope and it was something
about how Spaniards don't claimus the way that we, as

(02:40):
Dominicans, seem to always claimthem.
Yet growing up in the island,no one really talked about
Africa and the Taino culture andhow we are interconnected to
those two.
Yet talks about Spain andthings about Spain in our
textbooks are very prevalent Atleast that was my experience

(03:03):
growing up in the DominicanRepublic.
So that was it.
That was the comment that Imade, based off of, once again,
my experience of being born andraised in the DR and also living
in Europe for a little bit.
That was it, but the responsesthat was it.

(03:49):
But the responses.
Jesus, I was basically called avendepatria, a turncoat per se.
I was told that I was twistinghistory, that I was ungrateful,
that I was uneducated, that Iwas a pick me, that I was trying
to be something that I'm notand, my favorite one Dominicans
don't need to reclaim anything.
We already know who we are.
That really threw me for a loop,people, because it's like, out
of all the comments, out of allthe comments, and I get the
personal attacks, becauseusually when people hear
something that is uncomfortableto them and they don't really
have a good retort, they wouldgo towards personal attack at
home, and that's normal.

(04:11):
I learned that in my rhetoricclass, part of the MFA program,
where you get to learn all thelogical fallacies that exist and
then you're made to readcertain arguments and watch
videos so you can see it in reallife, at play, how they look
and at home and in personalattacks are one of the most

(04:32):
prevalent logical fallacies thatare used to argue around the
main idea of the argument or theargument itself in order for
the other person who reallydoesn't have anything to go
against that argument can saveface or can seem as if they're
doing something, but they're not.

(04:53):
So it really doesn't rile me upper se, because I understand
the reason behind it.
Whoever is commenting because alot of them were using kind of
like these troll accounts reallydidn't have nothing to hold on
other than their feelings werehurt, their ideas were being

(05:14):
challenged by somebody else andthey didn't like that.
So, as opposed to just ignoringmy comment or scrolling, they
just went ahead and did personalattacks on me.
So no big deal.
But then I am very sensitive tolies and to people that don't

(05:37):
want to see reality or that liketo live a delusional lifestyle
Right, and that always getsunder my skin because I'm like,
why, why would you do that toyourself?
Like I get it that the truth isuncomfortable.
Don't get me wrong.
The truth is uncomfortable andI don't know.
I really do believe that God hasblessed me with a lazy eye, and

(06:04):
I didn't believe that when Iwas growing up.
When I was growing up, Ithought I was cursed.
But as I've gotten older andlearned to love myself and
accept myself unconditionally, Irealized that this was more of
a blessing, because every day Iget to see my imperfection, from
Paige New's, imperfection thatI can never hide, that everyone

(06:27):
sees.
And yet I challenge myselfevery single day of my life to
walk with my head held high,knowing that I'm still worthy of
love and worthy of respect, andthat has become such a blessing
, was a blessing, is a blessingand will continue to be a
blessing, because just that justbeing born that way has taught

(06:50):
me so much.
It was a reckoning of sorts, asink or swim moment, and for me
I decided to swim.
So, yeah, I don't get to lie tomyself.
I do not get to lie to myself.
I get to look at the mostprevalent quote, unquote worst

(07:14):
imperfection you know, everysingle day in the mirror and I
say I'm okay with that, I'mgoing to roll with that, this is
me and I love it, I cherish it,I connect with it and I'm going
to go on with my life.
But not a lot of people havethat right.
I have that blessing ofsomething that they have to come

(07:35):
to terms with about themselves,that they can't wiggle
themselves out.
You see what I'm saying, so Ican see how people can grow up
and really make a whole life outof lying to themselves,
starting with little things andthen going on to bigger things,
to the point where they're justcomfortable in lies.
Their lies make themcomfortable has been kind of

(08:02):
like woven into that side of theisland, which is like we know
who we are, we don't need toreclaim anything, but yet with
the same mouth that says that,it's the same mouth right, that
lifts up Spain and Spaniardidentity, while it's the same

(08:23):
mouth that stays close when itcomes to anything else, which
then tells me that theirprevious words are not in line
with their actions, whichpasitos, that is essentially a
lie.
So, like I said, that one likegut punched me, gut punched me,

(08:44):
you know.
And there was another commentbecause I'm in the diaspora that
my opinion doesn't count, andthat one I shut down really
quickly.
I'm like you can't tell me.
You know, like, come on now,not even my own father tells me
what to say or what to do.
You really think like aninternet rando is going to do
that?
Absolutely not, absolutely not.

(09:07):
So that was a quick get out ofhere, you know, kind of thing,
but it was like comments likethis that really were the
breaking point for me.
At the beginning, though, I wasa little frozen because I
didn't expect it.
It was a thoughtless comment,y'all.
I did not expect this comment totake off like that, and it's

(09:28):
still taking off.
If you go on Instagram, it'sstill there.
It has 2,249 likes and aplethora of comments underneath
it.
Oh, and here's the kicker.
I'm not done.
Hold on, here's the kicker.
Some of them are like won'teven let me tag them.
So this is this is the funniestthing, because I find that to be

(09:50):
very coward-like.
And maybe it's not their intent, maybe that's just how they
have their profile set, you know, and they just they don't know,
they forget, and then they goin and commenting.
So it may not be that they'recowards, but the way that I see
it, right, it's like a cowardlyway because I'm trying to tag
the person so we can continue onthe conversation, but it's
almost like they take a jab andthen they run away.

(10:12):
That's, that's the feeling thatI get.
I'm like are you even worth it?
You know, are you even worth it?
No, I did take a jab at a fewand then screenshotted their
comments, because if they'regoing to be making public

(10:32):
comments, you know they shouldbe okay with a public backlash.
That's all I'm saying.
You know what I'm saying.
So, nevertheless, once Idigested all of this because,
yes, I was like completelyfrozen in shock at the beginning
, but then I was like F this,I'm not going to let no one punk
me out in the internet.
No Mi abuela.
No crió una pendeja coño.
And it made me ask the question, though that would change

(10:59):
really the trajectory of theordinary bruja.
Remember what I told you onlast episode, which I'm sorry,
masitos I hit the publish buttonlate.
I thought I had hit it and Ididn't hit it, and it wasn't
until Friday, so it didn't comeout on Wednesday as it should
have had.
That was completely my mistake.
Please, if you haven't listenedto the first one.

(11:19):
Go listen to that one and thencome back to this one, okay, but
nevertheless, all thesecomments once I was able to
digest it, it begged thequestion.
I couldn't let go of thisquestion.
What happens when we forget whowe are?
What happens, you know, whathappens to a girl who's taught

(11:40):
not to dig too deep into herlineage.
What happens when magic ishidden, and not by accident but
on purpose.
And, most importantly, whathappens when that girl starts to
remember and I don't know.
I think I was working on thisstory.
I was working on this storyalready.
The Ordinary Bruja is one ofthose in-between stories,

(12:04):
because I was already working onUnder the Flamboyant Tree and
then the Devil that Haunts Me.
So I needed an in-between storywhile I'm in pause between
edits.
And the Ordinary Bruja was that.
And I was like, yeah, let mejust go ahead and do a rewrite.
Enough time has passed.
I have healed from the wholememory of quarantine and

(12:24):
pandemic and everything thathappened back then.
You know, let me start takinganother look at it.
And during that same timeline,that same time frame that's when
all of this was happening Imade that comment.
The comment section blew up andthen I started to ask myself
that question, which, because Iwas already working on the

(12:44):
Ordinary Bruja.
Obviously it led to the hill inthe story.
If you read the one onInstagram, the instance story,
you will see that it always hadthat hill.
That hill was a metaphor forwalking through your life,
walking up and down your lifeand going through all those

(13:08):
obstacles that one goes in orderto find themselves.
You see, so Hawthorne Hill wasalways there.
It was always this metaphor,right, and it was like where the
earth breathes, where ancestorswhisper, where memory just
waits and, like I've said before, it's always like being in

(13:33):
motion for me.
That, just, you know,percolates things out of me and
I start remembering or thinkingclearly and things of that
nature whenever I'm in motion.
And I wrote that hill as a kindof ancestral memory, one that's
been calling out to Marisoleven as she runs from it.

(13:53):
But here's the twist Marisolthinks it's the danger.
She thinks remembering it's thedanger because that's what
she's been told, becausesometimes what we've inherited
is not magic, but it's fear.

(14:47):
It wasn't going to stay soft, nolonger.
It was not going to be thatcomfort story that I wrote.
That's when I knew it andthat's when I knew it was going
to be somewhere darker.
To answer this question throughHollow, thorn Hill and Marisol
became more than a girl inhiding In the instance story she
was very much in hiding, shewas very much allowing things to
happen, but she became muchmore than that in this iteration
of the story.
She became a reflection of ourcommunity's generational amnesia
.
I will call it the way we clingto what's acceptable while

(15:11):
abandoning that which makes uswhole, which also incorporates
the bits that we don't want tolook at, the uncomfortable stuff
, that we don't want to look at,our imperfections throughout
history, that we don't want tolook at, the way we internalize
shame sometimes I think we callit pride, and the way we forget

(15:38):
on purpose.
Sometimes we call it progress.
And I couldn't write a lightstory after coming to that
conclusion.
I just I could not, becausethat comment section wasn't just
internet noise, it was mychildhood.
When I look back at it, I waslike this was my childhood, it
know, omitting Africa, omittingTaino, barely in whispers, if

(16:02):
that you know.
It was school books that erasedour entire lineage.
It was the silence around whatit means to be Dominican, mixed

(16:23):
Taino, african, the spiritualitythat comes with it, you know,
and yes, spani, but we still areworthy because we still have a

(16:52):
choice.
So, yeah, the story changed andMarisol's magic.
It stopped being aesthetic,really.
It became ancestral, it becameheavy, it became complicated, it
became necessary.
She started seeing shadows, shestarted remembering things that

(17:15):
weren't hers but had everythingto do with her.
And that's what the OrdinaryBruja became A story about
returning to yourself even wheneverything around you says it's
better to forget.

(17:36):
I'll let you all sit with thatone, because next week I'll talk
about the mothers, and I justcelebrated Mother's Day.
I'll talk about the mothers andI just celebrated Mother's Day
the complicated, ofteninadequate, always human women
who shaped the ordinary Ruha.
Writing them wasn't easy, andI'm going to have to share with

(18:01):
you why I love to write mothersBecause it forced me to look
back at my own mother figuresand the ways they failed me and
the ways I'm learning to forgivethem, but also the ways I
failed my children as well, andthe ways I am trying to forgive
myself and ask them to forgiveme.
So episode three is going to becalled Bruja's Mothers and the

(18:23):
Complicated Women who Raised Us,and I already know it is going
to be called Brujas Mothers andthe Complicated Women who Raised
Us and I already know it'sgoing to be a heavy one.
Expect some tears, if not fromyou, at least from me.
Until then, tell me, have youever had to unlearn something
you were taught about youridentity?
Dm me, email, tag me.

(18:44):
I want to know your stories too, because we're remembering
together now.
All right, take care, vasitos,and I'll see you next Wednesday.
Bye, bye.

Speaker 1 (18:56):
If today's episode spoke to you, share with
somebody who's finding their wayback too, and if you haven't
yet, visit haveacupofjoanniecomfor more stories, blog posts and
the good stuff started at all.
Thank you for being here.
Until next time, be soft, bebold and always have a cup of

(19:18):
joannie.