November 13, 2024 • 25 mins
What if your envy could be your greatest ally on the path to personal growth? In this compelling episode, I unpack a personal journey of confronting the uncomfortable and often misunderstood emotion of envy. Sharing a story from my time in the Army, where my initial envy of others' promotions led to self-reflection and growth, I offer insights into transforming envy from a stumbling block into a stepping stone. From the initial sting of being met with indifference when sharing good news to utilizing journaling for deeper self-awareness, this episode promises a fresh perspective on envy as a catalyst for change. With the wisdom gained from mentors and hard-won resilience, I reveal how envy can fuel ambition and help maintain focus on personal and professional goals.
Life's challenges demand a delicate balance between personal desires and professional duties. Here, I share strategies to protect your peace and recognize what truly matters, emphasizing the art of boundaries and self-preservation. As a self-proclaimed master of maintaining harmony between different facets of life, I impart lessons learned along the way, encouraging you to keep your aspirations clear and your heart open. Whether you’re battling the green monster or striving for equilibrium in your life, this episode is a thoughtful guide to navigating your emotions and using them to propel you forward. Join us for this eye-opening discussion, and let's transform envy into a powerful tool for growth together.
Are you ready to embark on a captivating journey of resilience and revelation? Then head over to https://www.haveacupofjohanny.com/ and buy your copy.
If you’re enjoying these conversations, check out my YouTube channel! Explore Defining Latinx, Latine, Latina, Latino, where I reflect on books by Latine authors and uncover the diversity and strength of our community.
Don’t miss #TheOrdinaryBruja, my serialized story about Marisol, a bruja rediscovering the power of her ancestry and her own worth.
Subscribe now to join the conversation and celebrate our stories together!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh we could, we could fly.
Welcome to this new season ofthe have a cup of johanni
podcast.
So I want to title this newseason that I'm embarking on
with I'm growing, so this isgoing to be the season of growth
and that's what I'm going toshare with you throughout the
(00:20):
season.
So I thank you for coming overhere and sitting with me and I
hope you enjoy.
Welcome back, vasitos, to havea Cup of Joani.
I am your host, joa for short,ready to pour another cup of
cafecito or tea or mimosa,whatever it is that you're
drinking, with some thoughtfulconversation.
(00:43):
This month's theme, if you'rejust tuning in, is navigating
personal growth amid externalchallenges, and this is a theme
that hits home for me and reallygot under my skin, and it is
inspired by a recent experiencewhere sharing my own good news
(01:04):
was met with something less thanenthusiasm.
Last week we talked about thestruggle for recognition, that
sting when those closest to youdon't acknowledge our
achievements, and today we'rediving into something just as
tricky but equally importantEnvy.
(01:25):
It's one of those emotions wedon't like to admit we feel, but
let's be honest, it creeps inmore often than we like and more
often than we like to admit.
Are you ready to talk about it?
Are you ready to talk about it?
(01:46):
Of course you are.
Let's go.
Envy is one of those universalhuman experiences.
Okay, we all get it.
We see someone else achievesomething.
We want a dream job, apromotion, a big milestone, a
nice car, dream job, a promotion, a big milestone, a nice car.
(02:09):
And then that little greenmonster inside all of us starts
whispering why not me?
I know it's reallyuncomfortable, it's also
humbling and it is a powerfulmirror.
If we're willing to look Now,envy is not inherently bad.
(02:30):
In fact, I will say it can be acatalyst for growth if we know
how to handle it.
The key is to recognize it right.
Knowing is half the battle.
We got to understand where it'scoming from and use it as a
stepping stone rather than astumbling block.
(02:51):
So let's start with recognition.
When you feel envy, just kindof like, sit with that.
When you feel envy, gosh, whatis it that goes through you?
Envy, gosh?
What is it that goes throughyou, like?
What are those physicalreactions?
(03:11):
Tightness in the stomach, thisclenching sensation, we
clenching our jaw?
First of all, we got tounderstand those emotions so
that way we are aware and we canrecognize it.
So, once we get to therecognition, so once we get to
the recognition, the first thingwe shouldn't do is shove it
down and ignore it.
No, no, no, no, no.
(03:31):
We got to say, hey, I see you,you're there, and on top of that
, say to ourselves okay, I'mfeeling envious, I am
recognizing all these physicalreactions to it, but why?
Why am I feeling that?
Why has the green monsterdecided to make a cameo
(03:55):
appearance today?
The answers may be someone elseachieved something that we
wanted, and then, if that is theanswer, then that's a good
thing, right?
That means that it'shighlighting an area where we
feel less than, or we feel as ifwe're falling short, coming up
(04:18):
short.
So, right there, just by doingthat, first understanding our
physical reactions to it, so wecan understand that that is the
emotion that we're feeling, thenidentifying that we are feeling
that emotion, and then goingdeeper and identifying why we're
feeling it and understandingthat it is because we see
(04:38):
something in someone else thatwe wish will be in our lives.
So now we're coming to asolution, a potential solution,
because it is highlighting theroot cause of that green monster
making a cameo appearanceduring that moment.
And that is good because thatis constructive.
(04:59):
We can work with that rootcause Now that we recognize it.
Now the next step to that willbe reflection.
You are going to continue tohear me talk about journaling,
because that is so importanttowards self-awareness and
reflection, and that issomething that I use on a daily
(05:21):
basis to help me understandmyself and my reaction to things
around me, and particularlywhen it comes to envy.
Envy is a powerful motivatorwhen you use it to understand
what you truly want.
For instance, if you're enviousof someone's career milestone,
(05:47):
right, you see somebody getpromoted.
Oh, my goodness, this was me Inthe Army.
I think I held on to SergeantE5 rank for, like it felt like
10 years.
It was actually five years, butour points are so high we
needed a certain amount ofpoints to make it to the next
(06:08):
rank and it was almostimpossible.
Achieving that many amount ofpoints meant that I would be
virtually almost perfect.
Quote unquote air quotes here ona lot of different aspects.
That has to do with the wholesoldier concept and to me that
was just such an insurmountablemountain to climb.
So of course I will seeeveryone else that was not part
(06:32):
of my specialty get promotedbefore me and I will feel that
green monster coming out Like Ipushed myself to be happy for
them because I understood envyto be bad, a bad thing to feel.
So I would shove it and thenjust cover it up, wrap it up
with happiness, but it was thatkind of happiness that your
(06:55):
smile wouldn't reach the cornerof your eyes.
Therefore, it was the fakehappiness, right, but I knew
something was wrong there, whatI didn't know at that time, and
it wouldn't come until later onthat I could have used that to
motivate me and eventually Ifigured it out intuitively, so
(07:15):
it wasn't decisively, so it wasmore like I stumbled upon that
knowledge.
And this is why another reasonwhy I love having this podcast
because then perhaps those ofyou listening don't have to
stumble upon certain things.
Perhaps you can listen to thestories that I share and then
have a easier time and easierexperience, particularly when
(07:39):
you encounter that green monster.
Because what I didn't do at thattime while I knew that I was
envious, I didn't admit it to it, but I knew I was envious of
that person getting promotedbefore me and I was angry about
it, but I didn't admit it at thetime what I should have done is
(08:01):
use that to motivate me toreach that goal.
What I should have done backthen is ask myself what about
their success?
Do I admire?
And then take that further andask myself what steps can I take
to achieve something similar?
(08:22):
Like I said, eventually I gotso mad, but mostly because of my
impatient nature.
I was there for five years.
Folks, come on, vasitos, giveme a break, give me some grace
here.
I was there for five years, ohgoodness, goodness, goodness.
(08:43):
And eventually that impatienceturned into anger and that anger
motivated me to like crush anAPFT and then to go to the range
and do like miraculous things,and that's the thing.
We can talk about that onanother episode.
But for me, anger has been likeoh goodness, oh, I can move
(09:04):
mountains with just that emotion.
But that is not sustainable,folks.
That is not sustainable.
That's something that we needto discuss in another episode.
I have come to realize and gainsome wisdom through that.
However, in that point in mylife, in my twenties, I fueled
(09:28):
that desire to get promoted withthe anger of being held back,
with the anger of seeing myselfas an underdog, an unappreciated
underdog.
Once I realized that that issomething that I really, really
wanted and I saw people that Ithought was underserving get it.
While I was still sitting therewaiting, I did something about
it.
I utilized the anger to crushthat two mile run and I utilized
(09:49):
the anger to get 38 out of 40targets and it was yeah, it was
insane.
I have a funny story, so let metell you all that.
So in the range, I forgot whatduty station that was in, but I
got kicked out because I didn'tdo something safely.
(10:10):
I forgot what it was.
I don't know if I stood upbefore the range, said that it's
all clear, we can stand up.
It was something like that, andit was rightfully so.
It was one of those dutyassignments that they take that
stuff very, very seriously.
Rightfully so, Right.
Once again, I was in my 20s,impetuous Right.
I was this being that hasn'treally hadn't developed yet,
(10:35):
hadn't reached a level ofmaturity yet that I have now,
and so forth.
Like I said, I was angry.
I was just trying to get mineand I went about it.
You know the wrong way in thatinstance.
So they kicked me out.
They kicked me out of thatrange and I remember calling my
NCO, and I am so appreciative ofthese NCOs that will go to bat
(11:00):
for me no matter what, likeblindly so.
And this NCO grabbed the Humveeno, tc.
Went down that long road, foundme.
No, tc Went down that long road, found me, talked to the range
officer there and was like look,look, look, I really need you
(11:22):
know she's going to the boardand so forth, so forth.
Please give her a chance.
My SEO stayed with me was mypersonal safety and all of that.
And I was so angry because Iwas like they're kicking me out,
they're trying to hold me back,because I was like they're
kicking me out, they're tryingto hold me back.
And when I went back in it waslike boom, boom, boom, boom,
boom, no hesitation.
We went from position toposition.
At that time it was less thanwhat we have now.
It was easier as well.
(11:43):
And yeah, 38 out of 40.
And my NCO was like this has tobe enough.
That means that you have tocrush the APFT.
He told me that means that yourAPFT needs to be like perfect,
because my points were that highand I was like I'll go with it,
you know, because I knew likethey weren't going to allow me,
like that was like a Hail Marythat we pulled through that day.
(12:06):
I went back home per se withthat score, knowing that it may
not be enough, but it was thebest that I can do at that time.
And then I believe, like a dayor a week after that was my
board and once again, once againlike hear me out, like I
carried this chip on my shoulderfor the longest time and the
sergeant major kicked me out ofthat board as well.
(12:27):
I forgot what she said.
She was like if you can't sellyourself here and expect your
NCO to sell you, she was likeyou're in the wrong business or
something like that.
I can't quote her.
It was awesome what she saidand I remember getting so
flustered I was like my armpitswere sweating, I was angry.
(12:49):
I was angry and she kicked meout.
I held my tongue, I did anabout face and rolled out of
there and once again, my NCOwent to bat for me and he was
like you know, sorry, major, shejust came out of maternity
leave, you know, and all thisother stuff.
Right, because I did right andI had been studying during
(13:12):
maternity leave, withbreastfeeding my son.
I had my son in one hand and mybinder in the other studying
for this board because I reallywanted this and I go back in
after my NCO once again went tobat for me I owe my life to
these NCOs and she was like lether in.
And I went in and I was adifferent person.
(13:33):
It was like this differentbeing just took over me and I
remember like having nohesitation in introducing myself
and telling her why I should bepromoted, and I didn't know
this when I did it.
I figure out later, from thecomment that she gave me after I
was done and she dismissed me,that I had yelled the entire
(13:56):
board.
I was so angry.
I was so angry.
Once again, I was like I wantthis promotion, other people are
getting it and I'm not.
Therefore I must take it.
And if that means going throughthe board, humbling myself and
yelling at the top of my lungsthe NCO creed and every answer
(14:16):
that that board gives me, thenthat is what I will be doing and
that's what I did.
And when she dismissed me, Iyelled the motto and before I
did an about phase, she was likedon't you dare come back into a
board yelling at people.
I was like Rogers, our major,did an about face and I left and
(14:40):
I got a perfect score and thatwas what I needed to get
promoted, because I crushed theAPFT.
I crushed the board, didn'tcrush the range, but that was
all I needed.
Once the points went down, Imissed it.
(15:02):
One month they didn't go downand the next month, finally,
they came down and I picked itup.
Without knowing.
I felt that envy, that greenmonster that turned into
impatience, into anger, and Iused that, without knowing, to
(15:26):
feel my actions and doeverything that I needed to do
to get what I wanted and what Iwas seeing other people get.
And, like I told you as I wastelling you this story, I am so
grateful for all those NCOs.
I owe them my life, I owe themwhat I have now.
(15:47):
And that leads to my next point.
When it comes to envy,practicing gratitude and you
have heard me talk about this.
It sounds cliche, I know, butit works.
When you feel envy creeping in,yes, let it fuel you, allow
(16:14):
yourself to feel everything thatcomes with it and once you're
done with that, look at what youcurrently have and take a
moment to acknowledge thosethings and be grateful for it.
Be grateful about theaccomplishments that you have
the lessons you've learned, theprogress that you've made thus
(16:39):
far, because gratitude refocusesour mind.
It reminds us that, yes,jennifer got that promotion.
Yes, but look at what I haveaccomplished thus far and I will
(17:01):
remind you that, while Jennifer, success is admirable, you
still have some good thingsgoing on.
Another way to look at it and begrateful and happy for someone
else's success, I tell myself alot of the times when I see
other people achieving things,especially if they're in my
(17:23):
circle, I tell myself, soon itwill be my turn.
I feel as if their success is aripple effect that will
eventually touch me if I justkeep going.
Which leads me to my next point, which is celebrate other
successes.
Because when you're genuinelyhappy, when I tell myself those
(17:49):
things, it helps me feel happygenuinely for them.
It helps me smile harder.
My smile reaches the corner ofmy eyes because I know that
their success is a ripple effectthat is coming my way, and it
(18:11):
also means that their success islike sunshine that will shine
on me as well, and it lifts myspirit to think about it this
way and it's contagious.
I now say like, yes, I'm goingto live through you.
And that's how I feel sometimeswhen I see other people in my
circle achieve things.
(18:32):
It's almost like a ray ofsunshine that touches me and I
get this joy.
You know it's so contagious.
I get this joy through them andthat is the best feeling to
have.
Now let's talk a little bitabout self-compassion, because
(18:53):
envy often stems from a place ofself-doubt or a place of
feeling inadequate.
Often stems from a place ofself-doubt or a place of feeling
inadequate, and it's soessential to be kind to yourself
.
Recognize that everyone'sjourney is different, and it's
(19:16):
okay if you're not where youwant to be yet, because what
matters is that you're movingforward at your own pace.
Each step is going to bedifferent.
Each step.
You may move a little faster onsome, slower on others, but the
focus is, when you're lookingat the steps that you're making,
is that you are moving forward.
However fast, however slow, youare moving forward.
(19:40):
However fast, however slow youare moving forward.
And remember, it's not acompetition.
Yes, I held on to a rank forlike so long, for five years.
Looking back at it, I'mgrateful for it because I
learned a lot while being heldup there.
That became the basis of myleadership and it's one of the
(20:03):
most important ranks to have,because that is where I got to
learn the basics.
It's almost like if you don'tget kindergarten, it's very hard
for you to move on to the otherones, and in a way, it was like
the universe was like you'renot ready yet.
Let me hold on to you here,because this is going to be your
(20:28):
trampoline.
This is going to be whatcatapults you forward.
This is me now looking back atthat, and now I can see that it
was not a competition between meand all those other peers that
were getting promoted before me.
It was a competition betweencurrent Joannie and future
(20:51):
Joannie.
Current Joannie needed to levelup, to prep the future me for
where I am right now, and itworked.
Perfect timing, perfectplanning.
It worked and there's room foreveryone's success.
There is room for everyone'ssuccess.
(21:11):
That is something else tounderstand.
Your path is yours and itdoesn't look like anyone else's.
So next time you feel envycreeping in, take a deep breath,
recognize it, feel the emotionsreflect on it and use it as
(21:34):
fuel to push yourself forward,and maybe through anger at first
, and I hope that eventually itcomes through gratitude.
You can do this, I know you can.
You got this.
As we wrap up today's episode,I want to leave you with this
(21:54):
Envy is a natural emotion, butit doesn't have to control you.
By recognizing it, practicinggratitude and focusing on your
own journey, you can turn itinto a powerful tool for growth.
Next week, we're going to betalking about keeping personal
and professional lives separate.
We do need that, an art thatI've come to master as part of
(22:19):
my self-preservation strategy,because yours truly is a
self-preservation queen.
It's also about knowing what toshare, when and with whom, to
protect your peace and stayfocused on your goals.
Now, vasitos, if you found thisepisode helpful, please
(22:39):
subscribe, leave a review andshare it with somebody who you
know needs to hear this.
As always, keep your cups fulland your hearts open Until next
time, vasitos.
Bye.
Thank you so much for listening.
I want to hear from you.
(23:00):
Leave me a comment, do a ratingif you can on the podcast,
share it with somebody you love,but, most importantly, come
back.
See you next time.
Bye.
Oh we could, we could fly.
Welcome to this new season ofthe have a cup of johanni
podcast.
So I want to title this newseason that I'm embarking on
with I'm growing, so this isgoing to be the season of growth
and that's what I'm going toshare with you throughout the
(00:20):
season.
So I thank you for coming overhere and sitting with me and I
hope you enjoy.
Welcome back, vasitos, to havea Cup of Joani.
I am your host, joa for short,ready to pour another cup of
cafecito or tea or mimosa,whatever it is that you're
drinking, with some thoughtfulconversation.
(00:43):
This month's theme, if you'rejust tuning in, is navigating
personal growth amid externalchallenges, and this is a theme
that hits home for me and reallygot under my skin, and it is
inspired by a recent experiencewhere sharing my own good news
(01:04):
was met with something less thanenthusiasm.
Last week we talked about thestruggle for recognition, that
sting when those closest to youdon't acknowledge our
achievements, and today we'rediving into something just as
tricky but equally importantEnvy.
(01:25):
It's one of those emotions wedon't like to admit we feel, but
let's be honest, it creeps inmore often than we like and more
often than we like to admit.
Are you ready to talk about it?
Are you ready to talk about it?
(01:46):
Of course you are.
Let's go.
Envy is one of those universalhuman experiences.
Okay, we all get it.
We see someone else achievesomething.
We want a dream job, apromotion, a big milestone, a
nice car, dream job, a promotion, a big milestone, a nice car.
(02:09):
And then that little greenmonster inside all of us starts
whispering why not me?
I know it's reallyuncomfortable, it's also
humbling and it is a powerfulmirror.
If we're willing to look Now,envy is not inherently bad.
(02:30):
In fact, I will say it can be acatalyst for growth if we know
how to handle it.
The key is to recognize it right.
Knowing is half the battle.
We got to understand where it'scoming from and use it as a
stepping stone rather than astumbling block.
(02:51):
So let's start with recognition.
When you feel envy, just kindof like, sit with that.
When you feel envy, gosh, whatis it that goes through you?
Envy, gosh?
What is it that goes throughyou, like?
What are those physicalreactions?
(03:11):
Tightness in the stomach, thisclenching sensation, we
clenching our jaw?
First of all, we got tounderstand those emotions so
that way we are aware and we canrecognize it.
So, once we get to therecognition, so once we get to
the recognition, the first thingwe shouldn't do is shove it
down and ignore it.
No, no, no, no, no.
(03:31):
We got to say, hey, I see you,you're there, and on top of that
, say to ourselves okay, I'mfeeling envious, I am
recognizing all these physicalreactions to it, but why?
Why am I feeling that?
Why has the green monsterdecided to make a cameo
(03:55):
appearance today?
The answers may be someone elseachieved something that we
wanted, and then, if that is theanswer, then that's a good
thing, right?
That means that it'shighlighting an area where we
feel less than, or we feel as ifwe're falling short, coming up
(04:18):
short.
So, right there, just by doingthat, first understanding our
physical reactions to it, so wecan understand that that is the
emotion that we're feeling, thenidentifying that we are feeling
that emotion, and then goingdeeper and identifying why we're
feeling it and understandingthat it is because we see
(04:38):
something in someone else thatwe wish will be in our lives.
So now we're coming to asolution, a potential solution,
because it is highlighting theroot cause of that green monster
making a cameo appearanceduring that moment.
And that is good because thatis constructive.
(04:59):
We can work with that rootcause Now that we recognize it.
Now the next step to that willbe reflection.
You are going to continue tohear me talk about journaling,
because that is so importanttowards self-awareness and
reflection, and that issomething that I use on a daily
(05:21):
basis to help me understandmyself and my reaction to things
around me, and particularlywhen it comes to envy.
Envy is a powerful motivatorwhen you use it to understand
what you truly want.
For instance, if you're enviousof someone's career milestone,
(05:47):
right, you see somebody getpromoted.
Oh, my goodness, this was me Inthe Army.
I think I held on to SergeantE5 rank for, like it felt like
10 years.
It was actually five years, butour points are so high we
needed a certain amount ofpoints to make it to the next
(06:08):
rank and it was almostimpossible.
Achieving that many amount ofpoints meant that I would be
virtually almost perfect.
Quote unquote air quotes here ona lot of different aspects.
That has to do with the wholesoldier concept and to me that
was just such an insurmountablemountain to climb.
So of course I will seeeveryone else that was not part
(06:32):
of my specialty get promotedbefore me and I will feel that
green monster coming out Like Ipushed myself to be happy for
them because I understood envyto be bad, a bad thing to feel.
So I would shove it and thenjust cover it up, wrap it up
with happiness, but it was thatkind of happiness that your
(06:55):
smile wouldn't reach the cornerof your eyes.
Therefore, it was the fakehappiness, right, but I knew
something was wrong there, whatI didn't know at that time, and
it wouldn't come until later onthat I could have used that to
motivate me and eventually Ifigured it out intuitively, so
(07:15):
it wasn't decisively, so it wasmore like I stumbled upon that
knowledge.
And this is why another reasonwhy I love having this podcast
because then perhaps those ofyou listening don't have to
stumble upon certain things.
Perhaps you can listen to thestories that I share and then
have a easier time and easierexperience, particularly when
(07:39):
you encounter that green monster.
Because what I didn't do at thattime while I knew that I was
envious, I didn't admit it to it, but I knew I was envious of
that person getting promotedbefore me and I was angry about
it, but I didn't admit it at thetime what I should have done is
(08:01):
use that to motivate me toreach that goal.
What I should have done backthen is ask myself what about
their success?
Do I admire?
And then take that further andask myself what steps can I take
to achieve something similar?
(08:22):
Like I said, eventually I gotso mad, but mostly because of my
impatient nature.
I was there for five years.
Folks, come on, vasitos, giveme a break, give me some grace
here.
I was there for five years, ohgoodness, goodness, goodness.
(08:43):
And eventually that impatienceturned into anger and that anger
motivated me to like crush anAPFT and then to go to the range
and do like miraculous things,and that's the thing.
We can talk about that onanother episode.
But for me, anger has been likeoh goodness, oh, I can move
(09:04):
mountains with just that emotion.
But that is not sustainable,folks.
That is not sustainable.
That's something that we needto discuss in another episode.
I have come to realize and gainsome wisdom through that.
However, in that point in mylife, in my twenties, I fueled
(09:28):
that desire to get promoted withthe anger of being held back,
with the anger of seeing myselfas an underdog, an unappreciated
underdog.
Once I realized that that issomething that I really, really
wanted and I saw people that Ithought was underserving get it.
While I was still sitting therewaiting, I did something about
it.
I utilized the anger to crushthat two mile run and I utilized
(09:49):
the anger to get 38 out of 40targets and it was yeah, it was
insane.
I have a funny story, so let metell you all that.
So in the range, I forgot whatduty station that was in, but I
got kicked out because I didn'tdo something safely.
(10:10):
I forgot what it was.
I don't know if I stood upbefore the range, said that it's
all clear, we can stand up.
It was something like that, andit was rightfully so.
It was one of those dutyassignments that they take that
stuff very, very seriously.
Rightfully so, Right.
Once again, I was in my 20s,impetuous Right.
I was this being that hasn'treally hadn't developed yet,
(10:35):
hadn't reached a level ofmaturity yet that I have now,
and so forth.
Like I said, I was angry.
I was just trying to get mineand I went about it.
You know the wrong way in thatinstance.
So they kicked me out.
They kicked me out of thatrange and I remember calling my
NCO, and I am so appreciative ofthese NCOs that will go to bat
(11:00):
for me no matter what, likeblindly so.
And this NCO grabbed the Humveeno, tc.
Went down that long road, foundme.
No, tc Went down that long road, found me, talked to the range
officer there and was like look,look, look, I really need you
(11:22):
know she's going to the boardand so forth, so forth.
Please give her a chance.
My SEO stayed with me was mypersonal safety and all of that.
And I was so angry because Iwas like they're kicking me out,
they're trying to hold me back,because I was like they're
kicking me out, they're tryingto hold me back.
And when I went back in it waslike boom, boom, boom, boom,
boom, no hesitation.
We went from position toposition.
At that time it was less thanwhat we have now.
It was easier as well.
(11:43):
And yeah, 38 out of 40.
And my NCO was like this has tobe enough.
That means that you have tocrush the APFT.
He told me that means that yourAPFT needs to be like perfect,
because my points were that highand I was like I'll go with it,
you know, because I knew likethey weren't going to allow me,
like that was like a Hail Marythat we pulled through that day.
(12:06):
I went back home per se withthat score, knowing that it may
not be enough, but it was thebest that I can do at that time.
And then I believe, like a dayor a week after that was my
board and once again, once againlike hear me out, like I
carried this chip on my shoulderfor the longest time and the
sergeant major kicked me out ofthat board as well.
(12:27):
I forgot what she said.
She was like if you can't sellyourself here and expect your
NCO to sell you, she was likeyou're in the wrong business or
something like that.
I can't quote her.
It was awesome what she saidand I remember getting so
flustered I was like my armpitswere sweating, I was angry.
(12:49):
I was angry and she kicked meout.
I held my tongue, I did anabout face and rolled out of
there and once again, my NCOwent to bat for me and he was
like you know, sorry, major, shejust came out of maternity
leave, you know, and all thisother stuff.
Right, because I did right andI had been studying during
(13:12):
maternity leave, withbreastfeeding my son.
I had my son in one hand and mybinder in the other studying
for this board because I reallywanted this and I go back in
after my NCO once again went tobat for me I owe my life to
these NCOs and she was like lether in.
And I went in and I was adifferent person.
(13:33):
It was like this differentbeing just took over me and I
remember like having nohesitation in introducing myself
and telling her why I should bepromoted, and I didn't know
this when I did it.
I figure out later, from thecomment that she gave me after I
was done and she dismissed me,that I had yelled the entire
(13:56):
board.
I was so angry.
I was so angry.
Once again, I was like I wantthis promotion, other people are
getting it and I'm not.
Therefore I must take it.
And if that means going throughthe board, humbling myself and
yelling at the top of my lungsthe NCO creed and every answer
(14:16):
that that board gives me, thenthat is what I will be doing and
that's what I did.
And when she dismissed me, Iyelled the motto and before I
did an about phase, she was likedon't you dare come back into a
board yelling at people.
I was like Rogers, our major,did an about face and I left and
(14:40):
I got a perfect score and thatwas what I needed to get
promoted, because I crushed theAPFT.
I crushed the board, didn'tcrush the range, but that was
all I needed.
Once the points went down, Imissed it.
(15:02):
One month they didn't go downand the next month, finally,
they came down and I picked itup.
Without knowing.
I felt that envy, that greenmonster that turned into
impatience, into anger, and Iused that, without knowing, to
(15:26):
feel my actions and doeverything that I needed to do
to get what I wanted and what Iwas seeing other people get.
And, like I told you as I wastelling you this story, I am so
grateful for all those NCOs.
I owe them my life, I owe themwhat I have now.
(15:47):
And that leads to my next point.
When it comes to envy,practicing gratitude and you
have heard me talk about this.
It sounds cliche, I know, butit works.
When you feel envy creeping in,yes, let it fuel you, allow
(16:14):
yourself to feel everything thatcomes with it and once you're
done with that, look at what youcurrently have and take a
moment to acknowledge thosethings and be grateful for it.
Be grateful about theaccomplishments that you have
the lessons you've learned, theprogress that you've made thus
(16:39):
far, because gratitude refocusesour mind.
It reminds us that, yes,jennifer got that promotion.
Yes, but look at what I haveaccomplished thus far and I will
(17:01):
remind you that, while Jennifer, success is admirable, you
still have some good thingsgoing on.
Another way to look at it and begrateful and happy for someone
else's success, I tell myself alot of the times when I see
other people achieving things,especially if they're in my
(17:23):
circle, I tell myself, soon itwill be my turn.
I feel as if their success is aripple effect that will
eventually touch me if I justkeep going.
Which leads me to my next point, which is celebrate other
successes.
Because when you're genuinelyhappy, when I tell myself those
(17:49):
things, it helps me feel happygenuinely for them.
It helps me smile harder.
My smile reaches the corner ofmy eyes because I know that
their success is a ripple effectthat is coming my way, and it
(18:11):
also means that their success islike sunshine that will shine
on me as well, and it lifts myspirit to think about it this
way and it's contagious.
I now say like, yes, I'm goingto live through you.
And that's how I feel sometimeswhen I see other people in my
circle achieve things.
(18:32):
It's almost like a ray ofsunshine that touches me and I
get this joy.
You know it's so contagious.
I get this joy through them andthat is the best feeling to
have.
Now let's talk a little bitabout self-compassion, because
(18:53):
envy often stems from a place ofself-doubt or a place of
feeling inadequate.
Often stems from a place ofself-doubt or a place of feeling
inadequate, and it's soessential to be kind to yourself
.
Recognize that everyone'sjourney is different, and it's
(19:16):
okay if you're not where youwant to be yet, because what
matters is that you're movingforward at your own pace.
Each step is going to bedifferent.
Each step.
You may move a little faster onsome, slower on others, but the
focus is, when you're lookingat the steps that you're making,
is that you are moving forward.
However fast, however slow, youare moving forward.
(19:40):
However fast, however slow youare moving forward.
And remember, it's not acompetition.
Yes, I held on to a rank forlike so long, for five years.
Looking back at it, I'mgrateful for it because I
learned a lot while being heldup there.
That became the basis of myleadership and it's one of the
(20:03):
most important ranks to have,because that is where I got to
learn the basics.
It's almost like if you don'tget kindergarten, it's very hard
for you to move on to the otherones, and in a way, it was like
the universe was like you'renot ready yet.
Let me hold on to you here,because this is going to be your
(20:28):
trampoline.
This is going to be whatcatapults you forward.
This is me now looking back atthat, and now I can see that it
was not a competition between meand all those other peers that
were getting promoted before me.
It was a competition betweencurrent Joannie and future
(20:51):
Joannie.
Current Joannie needed to levelup, to prep the future me for
where I am right now, and itworked.
Perfect timing, perfectplanning.
It worked and there's room foreveryone's success.
There is room for everyone'ssuccess.
(21:11):
That is something else tounderstand.
Your path is yours and itdoesn't look like anyone else's.
So next time you feel envycreeping in, take a deep breath,
recognize it, feel the emotionsreflect on it and use it as
(21:34):
fuel to push yourself forward,and maybe through anger at first
, and I hope that eventually itcomes through gratitude.
You can do this, I know you can.
You got this.
As we wrap up today's episode,I want to leave you with this
(21:54):
Envy is a natural emotion, butit doesn't have to control you.
By recognizing it, practicinggratitude and focusing on your
own journey, you can turn itinto a powerful tool for growth.
Next week, we're going to betalking about keeping personal
and professional lives separate.
We do need that, an art thatI've come to master as part of
(22:19):
my self-preservation strategy,because yours truly is a
self-preservation queen.
It's also about knowing what toshare, when and with whom, to
protect your peace and stayfocused on your goals.
Now, vasitos, if you found thisepisode helpful, please
(22:39):
subscribe, leave a review andshare it with somebody who you
know needs to hear this.
As always, keep your cups fulland your hearts open Until next
time, vasitos.
Bye.
Thank you so much for listening.
I want to hear from you.
(23:00):
Leave me a comment, do a ratingif you can on the podcast,
share it with somebody you love,but, most importantly, come
back.
See you next time.
Bye.
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