October 14, 2025 • 33 mins
Do you ever feel like responsibility is slowly weighing you down — no matter how much you do, it never feels like enough? You may be carrying more than what’s truly yours.
In this episode, I explore what really happens beneath the surface when responsibility turns from empowerment into a quiet trap. From childhood conditioning to subconscious patterns and nervous system responses, we’ll uncover why letting go can feel so hard — and how to find your way back to clarity and freedom.
To support this shift, I’ll also guide you through a gentle meditation to help you release what no longer belongs to you and reclaim your energy with ease and compassion.
✨ One breath. One step. One breakthrough at a time.
With love,
Dr. Evette Rose
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker (00:06):
Welcome to Heal Within.
Here with me, Dr.
Evette Rose, trauma therapistand also creator of Metaphysical
Anatomy Technique.
And this podcast is your safespace to explore emotional
healing, nervous system repair,and also deep inner
transformation.
And if you are ready to godeeper and you would like to be
(00:28):
supported in your journey, youcan always book a one-on-one
session with me or with any ofmy certified metapsychology
coaching practitioners.
And also join our upcoming livehealing events, workshops,
retreats atmetaphysicalanatomy.com.
And now let's begin yourjourney back to wholeness, one
(00:49):
breath and one breakthrough at atime.
Let me start by asking you aquestion.
Do you ever feel almost likeresponsibility is just crushing
you?
No matter how much you do?
You see, today we're going tobreak down what responsibility
(01:10):
really means and why it feels soheavy and how burnout happens
when we actually confuse what'sours to carry and what is not.
Can you already start torelate?
Maybe not by pinpointingspecific moments, but there's
already a feeling of resonance.
(01:32):
Let's dive right first of allinto defining responsibility.
So when we look at thetraditional view, it's almost
like it feels like this heavy,like a burden, and at least for
me, almost like a punishment.
But the true definition is it'sa response-ability.
(01:55):
And that means the ability torespond consciously.
So taking responsibility alsoactually means it equals inner
freedom, empowerment, and alsoconscious choice.
Now, without responsibility, wecan feel that we constantly
(02:15):
stay stuck in a state ofreactivity, meaning we feel that
things are happening and we arealways just reacting to it.
Now, subconscious patterns thatcan start to come forward as a
result of perhaps maybe maybe itcould be due to unresolved
(02:36):
childhood wounds.
It can be feeling responsiblefor a parent's happiness and
often being blamed as a child.
This can actually lead to thislong, lifelong
over-responsibility, feelingresponsible for people's
happiness, feeling responsiblefor their well-being, and
(02:56):
throwing all our energy, all ourpower, basically, into these
dynamics to help other peoplethrive.
Because when they're happy,when they're thriving, that is
when we can maybe sometimes, notall cases, but in most cases,
have the attachment and theconnection that we are looking
for.
Is it necessarily theattachment that you really truly
(03:20):
want?
Probably not.
But as a child, we normallytake what we can get.
And this often also sets thebarometer for how much we give
and how little we become used toreceiving in return.
And this also has a directimpact on our self-esteem.
(03:44):
And then also our ability toknow and understand where's our
threshold, where's ourlimitations, what are our
boundaries?
All these extras, such asboundaries, self-esteem, kind of
takes the back seat.
Because what is most importantis to be able to attach.
(04:06):
So during these very vulnerableyears, a lot of associations
are being formed.
And something that I neverreally truly appreciated until I
really got it.
You know that feeling whensomeone keeps saying something,
you know, like, yeah, yeah,yeah, no, I I hear you, right?
(04:29):
Yeah.
But then another day comes andsomeone says the same thing, and
it's like it just hits adifferent way, and you feel
like, now I get it.
This is a moment that I myselfhave been through as well.
I completely, completelyunderstand it, of course, from
my perspective, howresponsibility was to
(04:52):
consciously choose and to havethe ability how we would like to
respond.
But now the challenge is it'smuch easier to respond when we
know what our boundaries are andwhen we know where our
self-esteem is.
What is our relationship tothat?
(05:14):
What will we accept?
What will we not accept?
That is when we can start torespond with a more stronger,
resilient, healthier responserather than from a wounded
response.
People who have issues andchallenges with boundaries, they
(05:35):
can still say no.
But it could maybe be thatknee-jerk reaction, you feel
really angry.
How dare you even ask?
No, I'm not going to do that.
No, get out.
Right?
It almost has this feeling ofthat extra offense or feeling
hurt even by someone suggestingsomething or overstepping your
boundary.
But we're going to touch alittle bit more on that closer
(05:57):
to the end.
The biggest challenge that weoften have with responsibility
is actually our associationswith it.
Normally, in most cases, peopleand what I when I work with my
clients and students, what I seeis a lot of strong associations
that's tied to responsibilityand feeling blame.
(06:20):
Tied to responsibility orfeeling, for example,
punishment.
Now, it's normally that innervoice for me personally when I'm
faced with a situation where Ifeel, should I take
responsibility?
Should I react?
Should I should I get involved?
There's always that littlevoice, should I?
(06:41):
Should I take responsibilityfor someone else's stress?
Should I take responsibilityfor someone else's problems?
When am I actually oversteppingperhaps their boundary by
trying to take responsibility?
You see, there's this such afine line when we start to look
at responsibility.
In our mind, we're trying to beuseful, we're trying to bring
(07:04):
value to someone else'sexperience.
But often our need for thatvalue or that to needing to
support someone to feel that wewe have worth translates into
taking responsibility.
And for someone else who's onthe receiving end of that, they
(07:25):
might see that or that couldpotentially translate as maybe
us interfering, or maybe theythey love the fact that we're
stepping in and they just go,oh, perfect, can you can handle
that?
Brilliant, I'm gonna take astep back.
And either way, it'sdisempowering both people if
(07:45):
it's done with the wrongmotivation.
So if we take responsibilityfor someone else's challenges,
it could potentially disempowerthem because that person might
not be learning andunderstanding how to step up in
life in a certain way.
So, in future, if the samething happens again and you are
(08:08):
not there to help, are theygoing to step up to the plate or
are they going to wait forsomeone else to save them?
Now, granted, this is notapplying to every situation.
Granted, there arecircumstances where sometimes
stepping in and supporting andhelping someone or maybe taking
(08:28):
responsibility to a certainextent is the appropriate step
to take.
I get that.
That this is when we now startto take that step back,
especially when you are indoubt.
Because there's a reason whyyou are in doubt.
Should I or shouldn't I?
Is it a fear?
(08:49):
Or is it maybe your intuitionspeaking to you, indicating to
you and telling you maybe weshould allow that person to go
through that and be afacilitator rather than taking
over, rather than taking theburden.
Maybe we can guide them, maybewe can give advice, maybe we can
just be the compassionatewitness for them to lean on
(09:10):
while they go through certainexperiences.
You see, when we often cansubconsciously use taking
responsibility for someone elseas a way often even to avoid
dealing with our own challengesin our life.
You see, sometimes takingresponsibility can also be an
(09:32):
escape.
As hard as tough as itsometimes feels, I'm burdened,
you know, I don't want to, youknow, carry all your stuff.
Well, what would you have to doinstead that you maybe don't
want to do if you were notcarrying that baggage?
Are there stones in yourbackpack that you maybe don't
want to look at or pick up?
You see, this is whereresponsibility, it can it can be
(09:55):
quite a messy topic to unpack.
Because the reason why we takeresponsibility is fundamental to
understand.
Because those underlyingdrivers is what's going to
indicate to you whether it'shealthy, whether you need to
take a step back, whether maybethere's something in your own
(10:15):
life maybe that's going on thatwe don't feel resourceful to
tackle or address or deal with,and carrying someone else's
burden feels safer than lookingat ours, right?
So, and and I'm saying that I'mspeaking openly because let's
be honest, I think in mostcases, maybe not all, I mean
think I think a lot of us haveprobably stepped into that, into
(10:37):
that trap, and I definitelyhave.
And what I also notice withresponsibility, apart from these
underlying drivers, it can alsobe a very cultural family
conditioning, right?
Being tied to beingresponsible, always having to
help, always needing to save theother person, right?
(11:00):
So we always have these groupsand dynamics where drama
thrives.
There's always a problem,there's always a crisis, there's
always someone that needs to besafe, there's always, you know,
there's always somethinghappening.
So when we look at why we fearresponsibility, more so
(11:20):
responsibility taking, you know,responsibility for our lives.
It's much easier to takeresponsibility for someone
else's, right?
Because again, I just I can'tput enough emphasis on this.
It's that it's those pastassociations of responsibility
that can sometimes come withthat blame.
It comes with that punishment.
And I know for me, takingresponsibility for other
(11:44):
people's stress or strain oftenwas an indirect reflection and
fear that I had of stepping intomy own personal power.
And I know my experience withthat was feelings of
defensiveness, anger, um,avoidance of responsibility, and
(12:05):
being easy.
It was just easier to just givethat energy away to someone
else's struggles because itwould it helped me to feel more
detached from mine.
So let's tap on what emotionsdo we attach responsibility to?
(12:26):
Because these are a lot of theunderlying driving factors that
I would like to touch on that wealready briefly started to
gently introduce in ourconversation.
The first one that I see a lotis positive.
It's positive.
I mean, there's pride, there'sempowerment, there's freedom,
(12:48):
there's a maybe a sense ofaccomplishment.
Now that's the aftermath oftaking responsibility.
But it still is not necessarilythe deep-rooted cause as to why
we responded in that way.
So this is what often can masktaking responsibility because it
(13:11):
releases maybe endorphins.
We feel good, it's dopamine.
So is it really truly good oris it bad?
Even though it makes you feelgood, it doesn't mean that the
underlying driving factors arehealthy.
That's really important toremember.
Then we have the negative flipside, right?
We feel guilt, we feel shame,we feel resentment, we feel
(13:33):
anger, we can, we can even feeloverwhelmed.
And when we takeresponsibility, something that I
and then that I myself haveexperienced and I see a lot in
in people that I work with isfear of making the wrong
decision.
You know, that paralysis andthen that burnout.
Should I, shouldn't I, is thisthe right thing?
(13:55):
Should I get involved?
You know, whether it's someoneelse's life or even with your
own, right?
At some point it can triggeroverwhelm.
It can trigger, am I giving toomuch?
And if I am, have I now alreadyset the standard and the limit
of how much I give?
How do I backtrack from that?
So it can have a lot ofboomerang effects.
(14:15):
And then over time,responsibility can also maybe
flip from feeling empowering tosomething that you now just want
to avoid.
So it can really jump in thesedifferent directions.
Now, how do we get ourselvesinto this?
(14:38):
This is that reactivity versusthe conscious choice that we
already started talking aboutearlier, right?
So there's two modes of living.
One is that reactive mode,which is automatic, it's
emotionally driven, it's um, andoften it's also because of we
are repeating learned patterns.
(15:00):
And then the conscious choiceis when we feel calm, there's
deliberate intent, we are alsoguided by a clear sense of
awareness and also guided by ourvalues.
Does it feel good?
Does it feel bad?
Does it feel wrong?
Does it feel right?
Because reactivity will alwaysbring chaos, conflict, and
(15:26):
burnout.
So if you're takingresponsibility and you find that
that is your pattern, then mostlikely it could be possibly are
you coming from a reactiveplace instead of a conscious
choice?
Because conscious choice isfeeling that freedom within that
(15:49):
responsibility.
You feel clarity, you feel thatthis is a healthy dynamic,
right?
It feels good.
Because if not, there's goingto be burnout and there's going
to be confusion as to what isours and what is not.
And before we know it, we weare living in other people's
(16:10):
lives.
Because burnout always comes inlinear with responsibility.
Because when we take too muchresponsibility without
boundaries, you're going to feelexhaustion at some point.
Because if you don't have clearboundaries within your
responsibility roles, how areyou going to recognize where
(16:34):
your threshold is?
Exhaustion should not be yourthreshold.
That's damage control.
Now you're in damage controlmode, right?
You want to catch that pointbefore you hit that point and
moment of exhaustion.
Because when we find ourselvesconstantly in that repeated
space, this is when we start toalso form these negative
(16:55):
associations with takingresponsibility because
responsibility feels exhausting,it feels bad, it feels chaotic,
it feels conflicting.
I don't want this, I feeltrapped.
And so these associations canthen follow us in other areas
where we might have to show upwith responsibility for
ourselves or maybe for kids orin certain responsibility roles
(17:18):
that you might have in certaincareers or relationship
dynamics.
And it can start to feel, well,I don't like this environment.
This doesn't make me feel good.
And sometimes it's notnecessarily the environment.
Not in all cases is it theenvironment's fault or someone
else that might make you feelresponsible.
It could potentially be therelationship that you have with
(17:40):
responsibility that's now beingbrought into a new dynamic.
And so this is where we startto swing from feeling
over-responsible to feelingavoidant and just really checked
out, exhausted.
It could be that that sudden,you know, moment where you quit
a job, that sudden knee-jerkreaction when you leave a
(18:03):
relationship, where you give upon projects maybe out of
exhaustion.
So this is where healthyresponsibility really truly
means knowing your limits,setting boundaries, and choosing
consciously.
Because consciousness andawareness is fundamental.
(18:24):
Let's unpack that a little bitbecause consciousness equals our
core self.
It's not just our thoughts,it's not just our imagination,
it's our core sense of self, howwe identify with ourselves, our
awareness of the I in I am.
And when we look at theseemotions, these thoughts and
(18:47):
these sensations, they are alltools.
They are tools like hammers anduseful when needed, but they
don't have to be carried 24-7.
And when we start to suppressthese emotions, when we don't
allow them to flow, when wedon't allow these emotions to
(19:08):
surface and to be hurt, this iswhen we can start to feel
illness, stress, burnout.
This is when we fail tounderstand and notice when we
are overstepping our ownboundary in terms of how much
responsibility we are taking.
So what we want is to feel thatfreedom, that space where you
(19:30):
can pause, that space where youcan build awareness in
relationship to how do I feel,where you can build awareness in
relationship to your values inthis dynamic that you are taking
responsibility, and thenchoosing consciously, and not
from a place of obligation orpressure, because that already
(19:53):
can make you understand andrealize well, is this a
projected responsibility thatI'm now accepting, or is this
really a truthful matter thatthat needs my support?
And am I willing to take thatresponsibility?
So let's look at theneuroscience of responsibility,
(20:14):
and when we start to getoverwhelmed with it, we all know
that I'm mygdala, it was it itcan actually start to interpret
responsibility as danger.
It associates responsibilitywith fear and with
hypervigilance.
And then we have our prefrontalcortex.
Remember, this part now handlesthe our planning, decision
(20:35):
making.
Now, this can become veryfatigued under that constant
responsibility, that brain fog,poor decision making.
So that's where we can start tobecome maybe a little bit more
reactive rather than stayingconsciously connected to the
ability to consciously chooseand make a decision.
Then we have the anteriorcingulate cortex.
(20:55):
Now, this monitors mistakes anderrors, right?
So if this is overactive, thisis where we start to criticize
ourselves a lot more and quiteunnecessarily.
And then we have stresshormones that's being released:
cortisol, adrenaline, all thisprolonged responsibility burdens
(21:16):
that we're carrying, it's goingto throw any person in a fight
and flight response.
That defensiveness, thatfeeling that things are chaotic,
things are all over the place.
You can't quite get yourstructure.
And our default mode networkreplaces our past failures.
So that's why responsibilitycan feel endless.
(21:39):
Even when you rest, it stillfeels like it's endless.
It's like it's just not goingto shift.
Like that burden is followingme everywhere.
Now, it now just understandingthe neuroscience of it already
sheds light on why it can feelso hard to release
responsibility.
Because remember, we also wehave this biological imprint of
(22:02):
it now.
The nervous system is tyingresponsibility to emotional
survival.
Then we have the emotionalconditioning with guilt and
shame that is really locking aperson in.
And then we have the ACEs,adverse childhood experiences,
(22:24):
which is this hyperresponsibility becomes a
survival strategy.
I will only be accepted if Itake responsibility.
It really becomes a survivalstrategy.
If I take responsibility, I fitin.
I'm seen, I'm heard, I belong.
Now that leads into what wealready touched on earlier is
(22:45):
those neurochemical loops,right?
These stress hormones thatlingers and the brain stays on
alert.
And then we start to attach ouridentity to how responsible we
are.
And that's why letting go ofresponsibility, it can feel like
(23:05):
a failure, like a real hard,raw failure.
Because during our childhood,you know, children are born
fully conscious without habits.
So to learn reactivity bycopying our parents, peers,
environments, this is now wherea lot of this can actually go
(23:28):
wrong, where the wiring canbecome faulty.
Because a lot of adults, theylive like almost like in the
matrix of learned reactivity andrepeating patterns completely
subconscious.
So this is where it can becomereally, really frustrating,
especially if this is culturalfamily learned patterning and
(23:52):
behavior that we copied.
It's almost like a person isbirthed into that.
And so now, when you are ready,let's take a nice deep breath.
(24:39):
Very good.
And now I invite you to closeyour eyes very gently, and as
you do, taking a nice deepbreath.
Nice deep breath.
(25:02):
Feeling your body fullysupported by the ground beneath
you.
Allowing your shoulders, yourchest, and your jaw just to
(25:26):
soften.
Open your jaw just a little bitand notice as you do how it
quiets your thoughts.
Feels more peaceful.
And then imagine now rootsextending from your feet deep
(25:51):
into the earth, and with everyinhale, draw up calm, grounding
energy.
With every exhale, releasingstress, tension, and also just
(26:25):
the weight of responsibilitiesthat are no longer yours to
carry.
And now I invite you to pictureyourself holding a heavy
(26:46):
backpack filled withresponsibilities.
Some are yours and some arenot.
And now, placing your hand overyour heart, and whisper
(28:17):
silently, I only carry what istruly mine, and I release what
is no longer mine, and imagineyour heart glowing with
lightness, with clarity, andfreedom.
(28:44):
Responsibility shifts from aheavy burden into a gift.
The freedom to choose yourresponse in any situation.
(29:06):
And noticing how a beautifulhealing lights flowing from your
head down out your face.
And I'm going to affirm a fewpositive affirmations, and all
(29:33):
that you have to do is listen tomy voice.
I'm safe to let go of what's nolonger mine.
I choose responsibility asconscious freedom and no longer
as a burden.
(29:53):
My worth is no longer measuredby how much I carry.
I trust myself to know whatbelongs to me and what no longer
(30:20):
does.
I allow my nervous system torelax and reset.
I release guilt and shame tiedto responsibility, releasing all
(30:50):
that projected guilt and shame,and realizing that you no
longer have to accept that.
I can now create healthyboundaries that protect my
(31:12):
energy.
My response ability is my powerto choose with awareness.
I welcome balance, lightness,and calmness into my life.
(31:37):
I honor myself by carrying onlywhat supports my growth.
And as you're standing thereunder that waterfall, finding
(31:58):
yourself taking another nicedeep breath, exhale fully, feel
into the calm light, that energythat is within you, that
expansiveness, bringing yourfull focus and awareness to the
(32:24):
bottom of your fate, feelingfully supported by the surface
beneath you.
And when you are ready, gentlyopening your eyes and bringing
this freedom and this claritywith you into the rest of your
(32:46):
day and night.
Wonderful, welcome back.
And remember that you are notalone, you are healing one step
at a time, one breath at a time.
And the affirmation for todayis I honor myself by carrying
(33:10):
only what supports my growth.
And if this episode touchedyou, then please share it with
someone that's maybe perhapsalso on their healing journey.
And as always, breathe deep,listen within, and stay gently
curious.
And until our next episode,thank you for your love, your
(33:31):
time, and your energy.
I love you all.
Be the light that you are.
Welcome to Heal Within.
Here with me, Dr.
Evette Rose, trauma therapistand also creator of Metaphysical
Anatomy Technique.
And this podcast is your safespace to explore emotional
healing, nervous system repair,and also deep inner
transformation.
And if you are ready to godeeper and you would like to be
(00:28):
supported in your journey, youcan always book a one-on-one
session with me or with any ofmy certified metapsychology
coaching practitioners.
And also join our upcoming livehealing events, workshops,
retreats atmetaphysicalanatomy.com.
And now let's begin yourjourney back to wholeness, one
(00:49):
breath and one breakthrough at atime.
Let me start by asking you aquestion.
Do you ever feel almost likeresponsibility is just crushing
you?
No matter how much you do?
You see, today we're going tobreak down what responsibility
(01:10):
really means and why it feels soheavy and how burnout happens
when we actually confuse what'sours to carry and what is not.
Can you already start torelate?
Maybe not by pinpointingspecific moments, but there's
already a feeling of resonance.
(01:32):
Let's dive right first of allinto defining responsibility.
So when we look at thetraditional view, it's almost
like it feels like this heavy,like a burden, and at least for
me, almost like a punishment.
But the true definition is it'sa response-ability.
(01:55):
And that means the ability torespond consciously.
So taking responsibility alsoactually means it equals inner
freedom, empowerment, and alsoconscious choice.
Now, without responsibility, wecan feel that we constantly
(02:15):
stay stuck in a state ofreactivity, meaning we feel that
things are happening and we arealways just reacting to it.
Now, subconscious patterns thatcan start to come forward as a
result of perhaps maybe maybe itcould be due to unresolved
(02:36):
childhood wounds.
It can be feeling responsiblefor a parent's happiness and
often being blamed as a child.
This can actually lead to thislong, lifelong
over-responsibility, feelingresponsible for people's
happiness, feeling responsiblefor their well-being, and
(02:56):
throwing all our energy, all ourpower, basically, into these
dynamics to help other peoplethrive.
Because when they're happy,when they're thriving, that is
when we can maybe sometimes, notall cases, but in most cases,
have the attachment and theconnection that we are looking
for.
Is it necessarily theattachment that you really truly
(03:20):
want?
Probably not.
But as a child, we normallytake what we can get.
And this often also sets thebarometer for how much we give
and how little we become used toreceiving in return.
And this also has a directimpact on our self-esteem.
(03:44):
And then also our ability toknow and understand where's our
threshold, where's ourlimitations, what are our
boundaries?
All these extras, such asboundaries, self-esteem, kind of
takes the back seat.
Because what is most importantis to be able to attach.
(04:06):
So during these very vulnerableyears, a lot of associations
are being formed.
And something that I neverreally truly appreciated until I
really got it.
You know that feeling whensomeone keeps saying something,
you know, like, yeah, yeah,yeah, no, I I hear you, right?
(04:29):
Yeah.
But then another day comes andsomeone says the same thing, and
it's like it just hits adifferent way, and you feel
like, now I get it.
This is a moment that I myselfhave been through as well.
I completely, completelyunderstand it, of course, from
my perspective, howresponsibility was to
(04:52):
consciously choose and to havethe ability how we would like to
respond.
But now the challenge is it'smuch easier to respond when we
know what our boundaries are andwhen we know where our
self-esteem is.
What is our relationship tothat?
(05:14):
What will we accept?
What will we not accept?
That is when we can start torespond with a more stronger,
resilient, healthier responserather than from a wounded
response.
People who have issues andchallenges with boundaries, they
(05:35):
can still say no.
But it could maybe be thatknee-jerk reaction, you feel
really angry.
How dare you even ask?
No, I'm not going to do that.
No, get out.
Right?
It almost has this feeling ofthat extra offense or feeling
hurt even by someone suggestingsomething or overstepping your
boundary.
But we're going to touch alittle bit more on that closer
(05:57):
to the end.
The biggest challenge that weoften have with responsibility
is actually our associationswith it.
Normally, in most cases, peopleand what I when I work with my
clients and students, what I seeis a lot of strong associations
that's tied to responsibilityand feeling blame.
(06:20):
Tied to responsibility orfeeling, for example,
punishment.
Now, it's normally that innervoice for me personally when I'm
faced with a situation where Ifeel, should I take
responsibility?
Should I react?
Should I should I get involved?
There's always that littlevoice, should I?
(06:41):
Should I take responsibilityfor someone else's stress?
Should I take responsibilityfor someone else's problems?
When am I actually oversteppingperhaps their boundary by
trying to take responsibility?
You see, there's this such afine line when we start to look
at responsibility.
In our mind, we're trying to beuseful, we're trying to bring
(07:04):
value to someone else'sexperience.
But often our need for thatvalue or that to needing to
support someone to feel that wewe have worth translates into
taking responsibility.
And for someone else who's onthe receiving end of that, they
(07:25):
might see that or that couldpotentially translate as maybe
us interfering, or maybe theythey love the fact that we're
stepping in and they just go,oh, perfect, can you can handle
that?
Brilliant, I'm gonna take astep back.
And either way, it'sdisempowering both people if
(07:45):
it's done with the wrongmotivation.
So if we take responsibilityfor someone else's challenges,
it could potentially disempowerthem because that person might
not be learning andunderstanding how to step up in
life in a certain way.
So, in future, if the samething happens again and you are
(08:08):
not there to help, are theygoing to step up to the plate or
are they going to wait forsomeone else to save them?
Now, granted, this is notapplying to every situation.
Granted, there arecircumstances where sometimes
stepping in and supporting andhelping someone or maybe taking
(08:28):
responsibility to a certainextent is the appropriate step
to take.
I get that.
That this is when we now startto take that step back,
especially when you are indoubt.
Because there's a reason whyyou are in doubt.
Should I or shouldn't I?
Is it a fear?
(08:49):
Or is it maybe your intuitionspeaking to you, indicating to
you and telling you maybe weshould allow that person to go
through that and be afacilitator rather than taking
over, rather than taking theburden.
Maybe we can guide them, maybewe can give advice, maybe we can
just be the compassionatewitness for them to lean on
(09:10):
while they go through certainexperiences.
You see, when we often cansubconsciously use taking
responsibility for someone elseas a way often even to avoid
dealing with our own challengesin our life.
You see, sometimes takingresponsibility can also be an
(09:32):
escape.
As hard as tough as itsometimes feels, I'm burdened,
you know, I don't want to, youknow, carry all your stuff.
Well, what would you have to doinstead that you maybe don't
want to do if you were notcarrying that baggage?
Are there stones in yourbackpack that you maybe don't
want to look at or pick up?
You see, this is whereresponsibility, it can it can be
(09:55):
quite a messy topic to unpack.
Because the reason why we takeresponsibility is fundamental to
understand.
Because those underlyingdrivers is what's going to
indicate to you whether it'shealthy, whether you need to
take a step back, whether maybethere's something in your own
(10:15):
life maybe that's going on thatwe don't feel resourceful to
tackle or address or deal with,and carrying someone else's
burden feels safer than lookingat ours, right?
So, and and I'm saying that I'mspeaking openly because let's
be honest, I think in mostcases, maybe not all, I mean
think I think a lot of us haveprobably stepped into that, into
(10:37):
that trap, and I definitelyhave.
And what I also notice withresponsibility, apart from these
underlying drivers, it can alsobe a very cultural family
conditioning, right?
Being tied to beingresponsible, always having to
help, always needing to save theother person, right?
(11:00):
So we always have these groupsand dynamics where drama
thrives.
There's always a problem,there's always a crisis, there's
always someone that needs to besafe, there's always, you know,
there's always somethinghappening.
So when we look at why we fearresponsibility, more so
(11:20):
responsibility taking, you know,responsibility for our lives.
It's much easier to takeresponsibility for someone
else's, right?
Because again, I just I can'tput enough emphasis on this.
It's that it's those pastassociations of responsibility
that can sometimes come withthat blame.
It comes with that punishment.
And I know for me, takingresponsibility for other
(11:44):
people's stress or strain oftenwas an indirect reflection and
fear that I had of stepping intomy own personal power.
And I know my experience withthat was feelings of
defensiveness, anger, um,avoidance of responsibility, and
(12:05):
being easy.
It was just easier to just givethat energy away to someone
else's struggles because itwould it helped me to feel more
detached from mine.
So let's tap on what emotionsdo we attach responsibility to?
(12:26):
Because these are a lot of theunderlying driving factors that
I would like to touch on that wealready briefly started to
gently introduce in ourconversation.
The first one that I see a lotis positive.
It's positive.
I mean, there's pride, there'sempowerment, there's freedom,
(12:48):
there's a maybe a sense ofaccomplishment.
Now that's the aftermath oftaking responsibility.
But it still is not necessarilythe deep-rooted cause as to why
we responded in that way.
So this is what often can masktaking responsibility because it
(13:11):
releases maybe endorphins.
We feel good, it's dopamine.
So is it really truly good oris it bad?
Even though it makes you feelgood, it doesn't mean that the
underlying driving factors arehealthy.
That's really important toremember.
Then we have the negative flipside, right?
We feel guilt, we feel shame,we feel resentment, we feel
(13:33):
anger, we can, we can even feeloverwhelmed.
And when we takeresponsibility, something that I
and then that I myself haveexperienced and I see a lot in
in people that I work with isfear of making the wrong
decision.
You know, that paralysis andthen that burnout.
Should I, shouldn't I, is thisthe right thing?
(13:55):
Should I get involved?
You know, whether it's someoneelse's life or even with your
own, right?
At some point it can triggeroverwhelm.
It can trigger, am I giving toomuch?
And if I am, have I now alreadyset the standard and the limit
of how much I give?
How do I backtrack from that?
So it can have a lot ofboomerang effects.
(14:15):
And then over time,responsibility can also maybe
flip from feeling empowering tosomething that you now just want
to avoid.
So it can really jump in thesedifferent directions.
Now, how do we get ourselvesinto this?
(14:38):
This is that reactivity versusthe conscious choice that we
already started talking aboutearlier, right?
So there's two modes of living.
One is that reactive mode,which is automatic, it's
emotionally driven, it's um, andoften it's also because of we
are repeating learned patterns.
(15:00):
And then the conscious choiceis when we feel calm, there's
deliberate intent, we are alsoguided by a clear sense of
awareness and also guided by ourvalues.
Does it feel good?
Does it feel bad?
Does it feel wrong?
Does it feel right?
Because reactivity will alwaysbring chaos, conflict, and
(15:26):
burnout.
So if you're takingresponsibility and you find that
that is your pattern, then mostlikely it could be possibly are
you coming from a reactiveplace instead of a conscious
choice?
Because conscious choice isfeeling that freedom within that
(15:49):
responsibility.
You feel clarity, you feel thatthis is a healthy dynamic,
right?
It feels good.
Because if not, there's goingto be burnout and there's going
to be confusion as to what isours and what is not.
And before we know it, we weare living in other people's
(16:10):
lives.
Because burnout always comes inlinear with responsibility.
Because when we take too muchresponsibility without
boundaries, you're going to feelexhaustion at some point.
Because if you don't have clearboundaries within your
responsibility roles, how areyou going to recognize where
(16:34):
your threshold is?
Exhaustion should not be yourthreshold.
That's damage control.
Now you're in damage controlmode, right?
You want to catch that pointbefore you hit that point and
moment of exhaustion.
Because when we find ourselvesconstantly in that repeated
space, this is when we start toalso form these negative
(16:55):
associations with takingresponsibility because
responsibility feels exhausting,it feels bad, it feels chaotic,
it feels conflicting.
I don't want this, I feeltrapped.
And so these associations canthen follow us in other areas
where we might have to show upwith responsibility for
ourselves or maybe for kids orin certain responsibility roles
(17:18):
that you might have in certaincareers or relationship
dynamics.
And it can start to feel, well,I don't like this environment.
This doesn't make me feel good.
And sometimes it's notnecessarily the environment.
Not in all cases is it theenvironment's fault or someone
else that might make you feelresponsible.
It could potentially be therelationship that you have with
(17:40):
responsibility that's now beingbrought into a new dynamic.
And so this is where we startto swing from feeling
over-responsible to feelingavoidant and just really checked
out, exhausted.
It could be that that sudden,you know, moment where you quit
a job, that sudden knee-jerkreaction when you leave a
(18:03):
relationship, where you give upon projects maybe out of
exhaustion.
So this is where healthyresponsibility really truly
means knowing your limits,setting boundaries, and choosing
consciously.
Because consciousness andawareness is fundamental.
(18:24):
Let's unpack that a little bitbecause consciousness equals our
core self.
It's not just our thoughts,it's not just our imagination,
it's our core sense of self, howwe identify with ourselves, our
awareness of the I in I am.
And when we look at theseemotions, these thoughts and
(18:47):
these sensations, they are alltools.
They are tools like hammers anduseful when needed, but they
don't have to be carried 24-7.
And when we start to suppressthese emotions, when we don't
allow them to flow, when wedon't allow these emotions to
(19:08):
surface and to be hurt, this iswhen we can start to feel
illness, stress, burnout.
This is when we fail tounderstand and notice when we
are overstepping our ownboundary in terms of how much
responsibility we are taking.
So what we want is to feel thatfreedom, that space where you
(19:30):
can pause, that space where youcan build awareness in
relationship to how do I feel,where you can build awareness in
relationship to your values inthis dynamic that you are taking
responsibility, and thenchoosing consciously, and not
from a place of obligation orpressure, because that already
(19:53):
can make you understand andrealize well, is this a
projected responsibility thatI'm now accepting, or is this
really a truthful matter thatthat needs my support?
And am I willing to take thatresponsibility?
So let's look at theneuroscience of responsibility,
(20:14):
and when we start to getoverwhelmed with it, we all know
that I'm mygdala, it was it itcan actually start to interpret
responsibility as danger.
It associates responsibilitywith fear and with
hypervigilance.
And then we have our prefrontalcortex.
Remember, this part now handlesthe our planning, decision
(20:35):
making.
Now, this can become veryfatigued under that constant
responsibility, that brain fog,poor decision making.
So that's where we can start tobecome maybe a little bit more
reactive rather than stayingconsciously connected to the
ability to consciously chooseand make a decision.
Then we have the anteriorcingulate cortex.
(20:55):
Now, this monitors mistakes anderrors, right?
So if this is overactive, thisis where we start to criticize
ourselves a lot more and quiteunnecessarily.
And then we have stresshormones that's being released:
cortisol, adrenaline, all thisprolonged responsibility burdens
(21:16):
that we're carrying, it's goingto throw any person in a fight
and flight response.
That defensiveness, thatfeeling that things are chaotic,
things are all over the place.
You can't quite get yourstructure.
And our default mode networkreplaces our past failures.
So that's why responsibilitycan feel endless.
(21:39):
Even when you rest, it stillfeels like it's endless.
It's like it's just not goingto shift.
Like that burden is followingme everywhere.
Now, it now just understandingthe neuroscience of it already
sheds light on why it can feelso hard to release
responsibility.
Because remember, we also wehave this biological imprint of
(22:02):
it now.
The nervous system is tyingresponsibility to emotional
survival.
Then we have the emotionalconditioning with guilt and
shame that is really locking aperson in.
And then we have the ACEs,adverse childhood experiences,
(22:24):
which is this hyperresponsibility becomes a
survival strategy.
I will only be accepted if Itake responsibility.
It really becomes a survivalstrategy.
If I take responsibility, I fitin.
I'm seen, I'm heard, I belong.
Now that leads into what wealready touched on earlier is
(22:45):
those neurochemical loops,right?
These stress hormones thatlingers and the brain stays on
alert.
And then we start to attach ouridentity to how responsible we
are.
And that's why letting go ofresponsibility, it can feel like
(23:05):
a failure, like a real hard,raw failure.
Because during our childhood,you know, children are born
fully conscious without habits.
So to learn reactivity bycopying our parents, peers,
environments, this is now wherea lot of this can actually go
(23:28):
wrong, where the wiring canbecome faulty.
Because a lot of adults, theylive like almost like in the
matrix of learned reactivity andrepeating patterns completely
subconscious.
So this is where it can becomereally, really frustrating,
especially if this is culturalfamily learned patterning and
(23:52):
behavior that we copied.
It's almost like a person isbirthed into that.
And so now, when you are ready,let's take a nice deep breath.
(24:39):
Very good.
And now I invite you to closeyour eyes very gently, and as
you do, taking a nice deepbreath.
Nice deep breath.
(25:02):
Feeling your body fullysupported by the ground beneath
you.
Allowing your shoulders, yourchest, and your jaw just to
(25:26):
soften.
Open your jaw just a little bitand notice as you do how it
quiets your thoughts.
Feels more peaceful.
And then imagine now rootsextending from your feet deep
(25:51):
into the earth, and with everyinhale, draw up calm, grounding
energy.
With every exhale, releasingstress, tension, and also just
(26:25):
the weight of responsibilitiesthat are no longer yours to
carry.
And now I invite you to pictureyourself holding a heavy
(26:46):
backpack filled withresponsibilities.
Some are yours and some arenot.
And now, placing your hand overyour heart, and whisper
(28:17):
silently, I only carry what istruly mine, and I release what
is no longer mine, and imagineyour heart glowing with
lightness, with clarity, andfreedom.
(28:44):
Responsibility shifts from aheavy burden into a gift.
The freedom to choose yourresponse in any situation.
(29:06):
And noticing how a beautifulhealing lights flowing from your
head down out your face.
And I'm going to affirm a fewpositive affirmations, and all
(29:33):
that you have to do is listen tomy voice.
I'm safe to let go of what's nolonger mine.
I choose responsibility asconscious freedom and no longer
as a burden.
(29:53):
My worth is no longer measuredby how much I carry.
I trust myself to know whatbelongs to me and what no longer
(30:20):
does.
I allow my nervous system torelax and reset.
I release guilt and shame tiedto responsibility, releasing all
(30:50):
that projected guilt and shame,and realizing that you no
longer have to accept that.
I can now create healthyboundaries that protect my
(31:12):
energy.
My response ability is my powerto choose with awareness.
I welcome balance, lightness,and calmness into my life.
(31:37):
I honor myself by carrying onlywhat supports my growth.
And as you're standing thereunder that waterfall, finding
(31:58):
yourself taking another nicedeep breath, exhale fully, feel
into the calm light, that energythat is within you, that
expansiveness, bringing yourfull focus and awareness to the
(32:24):
bottom of your fate, feelingfully supported by the surface
beneath you.
And when you are ready, gentlyopening your eyes and bringing
this freedom and this claritywith you into the rest of your
(32:46):
day and night.
Wonderful, welcome back.
And remember that you are notalone, you are healing one step
at a time, one breath at a time.
And the affirmation for todayis I honor myself by carrying
(33:10):
only what supports my growth.
And if this episode touchedyou, then please share it with
someone that's maybe perhapsalso on their healing journey.
And as always, breathe deep,listen within, and stay gently
curious.
And until our next episode,thank you for your love, your
(33:31):
time, and your energy.
I love you all.
Be the light that you are.
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