Love Without Trauma: Creating Safe, Authentic Connection + Meditation

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Can love truly exist without pain, fear, or old wounds resurfacing?
 It’s a question that can feel both hopeful and confronting — especially when we’ve carried unhealed patterns into our relationships.

In this episode, I open up about what it really means to experience love without trauma — how to build safety, authenticity, and genuine connection, both with yourself and others. You’ll also be guided through a gentle healing meditation to help your heart, body, and nervous system remember what safe love feels like.

✨ One breath. One step. One breakthrough at a time.

With love,
 Dr. Evette Rose

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Episode Transcript

Speaker (00:06):
Welcome to Heal Within.
Here with me, Dr.
Evette Rose, trauma therapistand also creator of Metaphysical
Anatomy Technique.
And remember that this podcastis your safe place to explore
emotional healing, nervoussystem repair, and also deep
inner transformation.
And also, if you are ready togo deeper and you would like to

(00:30):
be supported on your journey,you can always book a one-on-one
session with me or any of mycertified metapsychology
coaching practitioners.
You can also join our upcominglife healing events and
workshops or retreats atmetaphysicalanatomy.com.
And now let's begin yourjourney back to wholeness, one

(00:53):
breath and one breakthrough at atime.
And I wholeheartedly welcomeyou here today to our episode,
Love Without Trauma, creatingthat safe, authentic connection.
You see, when I designed thetitle of this episode, it it
kind of ever so slightly evenalso provoked me a little bit.

(01:17):
I mean, it sounds quiteintimidating.
It really sounds intimidatingto believe that we can have love
without trauma.
You know, given that so manypeople have unresolved wounds,
and then we step into arelationship with these wounds,

(01:38):
and we find ourselves going overand over again where we're in
cycles where we get stuck andsomeone is triggering that
painful wound from the past,maybe with a parent.
Maybe we're bringing oldrelationship stress and
unresolved challenges, alsomaybe into a new relationship.
We sometimes forget to take theold partner's face out of the

(02:02):
equation and realize thatthere's maybe a new person
standing in front of us with newvalues, new behavioral
patterns.
And this is something that Imyself have been, you know, I've
I've been in these cycles aswell.
I'm not going to be preachingto the choir here, that I
absolutely can assure you.
And what one of my greatestchallenges were, it wasn't

(02:28):
necessarily as per se anunwillingness or a fear of
healing my blocks, which some ofus might have.
And I've been through thosephases as well.
But when I started to comethrough some of these phases, I
kept finding myself just goingback and back and back to the

(02:48):
same patterns, the sameoutcomes, sometimes in different
ways.
That is where I got stuck.
And I realized that thatmissing key, that missing point

(03:12):
for me during these phases,during these transitions, were
actually lack of awareness.
It was lack of awareness on mypart of these wounds.
Okay, well, if I feel this way,why is that?

(03:55):
If I feel this way, what do Ineed to adjust?
What do I need to look atfurther?
Where do I need to go deeper?
Because I don't know if you canrelate, but sometimes when we
are in a relationship and we aretriggered, emotions feel so
big, they feel so great that itpulls you in.
It completely absorbs you andit absorbed me as well.

(04:18):
We get into that triggerreactive state.
And then we find ourselves justgoing over and over again in
these cycles, and these cyclesbecome loops, they become a part
of our lifestyle.
I find, and especially for me,when there were things that I
felt stuck with and I couldn'tlet it go or I didn't know what

(04:40):
to do with it.
It's almost like there's a partof us just kind of like just
passively accepts it.
Like we don't want to, and it'snot a full embracing
acceptance.
It's for me, in my experience,it was more like a little bit of
a surrendering passive, like,well, I'm tired, I don't know
what to do with this anymore.
So I'm just kind of like goingto ignore it and see if it just

(05:04):
goes away.
Let's just see if it goes away.
And I've I have so been there.
It it this is I I'm laughingbecause I it's it's been such a
process.
It's been such a process.
And I'm thankful that I canspeak so openly about it because
no one is above relationshipchallenges, no one is above

(05:26):
having problems or um heartbreakor trigger reactions.
It it's just it's it's a partof life.
But just because it's a part oflife doesn't mean that our pain
has to become a way of life.
Pain's always going to bethere.
Triggers are always going to bethere.

(05:47):
People that are not always inalignment or fully on board with
the way that you see certainthings, they're always going to
be there.
So what that means is that thatthat pain activation and the
stress that we feel inrelationship to relationships.
It's always going to be there.
And what I realize is that Iwas maybe pushing back a little

(06:14):
bit on developing full awarenessas to the pain that I was
feeling, but more so to thereason why.
Because I felt like I have beenthrough so much, I have done so
much, and now I have to keepdigging deeper.
And every time when I digdeeper, I go into it with the

(06:35):
mindset of what is next, whatelse is wrong?
Why might am I not respondingthe way that I want to, or
probably know that I should.
What else is broken in me?
And that was quite that was abig breakthrough because I kept

(06:56):
revening, you know, remincingover these questions again and
again.
And every time when I did it, Ifelt worse.
I felt so bad.
I'm thinking, goodness, I don'twant to keep going back into my
life and thinking what iswrong.
Because if you go into yourbody or into your mind or into
your life with an attitude andthe intention to find what is
wrong, your body in the universeis going to go, you want to
know what's wrong?

(07:17):
No problem.
And it gives you this pile oflists of stuff and emotions and
an outpour of sensations.
And you're overwhelmed by itbecause now I'm thinking, My
goodness, I started out with anintention, and now I'm feeling
I'm looking at a mountain ofproblems.
You see, I realize that it'sone thing to have an awareness

(07:41):
of what our challenges are, butthe intention that we adapt to,
to move into and through thesechallenges, is going to make
this a very painful experienceor a very potentially graceful
experience.
If you go into learning andunderstanding how can I create

(08:04):
safe love in a relationship, andyou go into that with that, you
know, we have that thought, wehave that desire, we have that
intention, but now our woundsdon't align with that intention.
This is going to be hard work.
It's gonna be hard work.

(08:25):
That's why you always hear alot of people say, marriages are
hard work.
And let me or relationships arehard work.
Let me tell you, they are, butit doesn't always have to be
hard work.
And one thing that I found thatreally helped to come back to
that place of safety, to comeback to that place of graceful

(08:47):
alignment is number one, theintention that you approach a
problem with when you aretriggered in a relationship.
So every time when I findmyself in the trigger or in the
conflict, I immediately say,okay, my intention is to resolve

(09:08):
this gracefully and tounderstand what's going on.
Instead of flying into it and Ineed to be heard, here is my
opinion, you're not listening tome.
That intention, and also whengracefully expressed, can really
bring the other person onboard.
It really can bring the otherperson on board because

(09:28):
indirectly your intention isestablishing and stating, well,
I'm not feeding this gasoline tofight anymore.
I'm now opening up a space tounderstand what is going on, and
sometimes what I realized is wecan have this approach, it can

(09:52):
work really well, but thenthere's a second element to it,
a second element that took mequite a few years to understand
and realize why I was there.
Why is it that I created somany relationships with so many
intentions and positiveintentions, consciously walking

(10:16):
into it, stepping into it,applying so much what I had
learned.
I learned the most valuable andvital lesson.
Are you ready?
The lesson that I learned waswhen I walk into a relationship,

(10:39):
we we create relationshipsbecause we have needs.
Sometimes we, of course,there's genuine love, but there
can also be different elements.
And the element for me thatreally stood out was I attracted
a certain relationship wherethat person fulfilled a very

(11:01):
deep wound, an unmet need that Ihad, so much so that I
overlooked the red flags.
You see, that person fulfilled,if I look at my healed self
now, that person fulfilled fivepercent of what I was lacking

(11:21):
and longing for.
But at the time, I was lackingit so much that that five
percent felt like the 95%.
And so when I received it, Iwas like, wow, this is it, this
is the ultimate relationship,and I brew myself into it, and

(11:45):
then when that 95% woundedpercent or perceived, false
perceived percent was beingfulfilled, and I started having
that emotional need met,everything fizzled out so fast,
so fast that it went back tobeing the 95%, and I realized

(12:10):
this person is sitting in the95% mark of what I don't really
want or relate to or need orwant or even are attracted to
because that false 5% thatbecame the 95% was so strong, it
was so powerful that I couldn'tsee clearly what was going on.

(12:35):
I was completely, you know,pulled into all these positive
emotions, and then when Istarted to heal that, that is
when clarity came in, the veildropped, and everything was now
clear.
And what was interesting, thiswas quite, I mean, it just shows

(12:59):
you how the universe sometimesworks because it was the same
for that other person.
I was also the false 95%, whichwhen from a heal perspective
only became the 5%, and so weactually mutually just grew
apart, we mutually grew apart,and it was a very graceful

(13:20):
ending and separation, but Iacknowledge that it's not going
to be the case for everyoneelse.
Sometimes one person heals, andthen they the veil drops, and
they understand and see whatcould have been going on.
I'm not saying this is the casefor all relationships, but this
is absolutely one powerfulelement that I learned about how

(13:42):
to create a loving relationshipwithout trauma, creating that
safe, authentic connection.
And that lesson that I learnedwas very strong, it was a
powerful connection that I madewithin myself.
Because after that, the nextrelationship, I was very

(14:04):
conscious, very clear in what Iwanted.
I looked at my woundedresponses, I looked at my
wounded needs, and I made surethat they were not dominating.
I made sure that my commonsense and my common logic and
what the healed part of me alsowanted, and that there was a
really graceful balance betweenthe two.

(14:27):
And when I started to approacha relationship from that
perspective, that was a gamechanger for me.
A complete, utter game changer.
Very powerful.
Because lack of awareness ofthese wounds, this this is this

(14:50):
is problematic because this iswhere we tend to continue to
stay in that place of pain.
We stay in that place of painbecause when we look at our
past, trauma wires our nervoussystem.
It wires it to relate to and tofeel familiar with certain
behavioral patterns, certainemotional responses, certain

(15:13):
environments.
But it doesn't mean it'sbecause it feels safe, it feels
familiar, that it's actuallysafe in a healthy definition, in
a healthy, familiar definition.
Now, what is even a healthydefinition of safety and
familiarity?
Something that doesn't causeyou emotional distress and

(15:34):
emotional psychological harm.
Right?
That's really important.
And what we end up doingbecause of this programming is
that instead of love, we oftenact out of fear.
We either act out of avoidance,control, people pleasing,
overly needing, overly beingdependent on getting something

(15:59):
specific from a person becausewe lacked it so much in our
childhood that when we finallyget it, it feels like the it
feels like this incredibleexplosion of just euphoria.
And then we hook onto thateuphoria and we look for that
euphoria again and again andagain in that relationship, but

(16:20):
we're never able to get back tothat euphoria because that need
was met because of an incrediblelack, of such a deep lack.
And this is where and howpeople sometimes can get hooked
into and stuck in unhealthyrelationships.
They're looking for thateuphoria, and they're not

(16:44):
getting it.
Or maybe they get it, but insmall amounts and drips and
draps, but sometimes just enoughto keep that person hooked into
a very unhealthy relationship.
And this is where ourattachment styles can it can
play a really big role, right?
That secure versus thatinsecure attachment, you know,

(17:07):
anxious, avoidant, disorganizedattachment.
Because old trauma, it canreinforce these insecure
attachment styles.
And this is what can make itfeel so much harder to find our
place of safety, to find thatlove without trauma within.

(17:28):
You see, love begins when westart to understand these
patterns instead of attackingthem, instead of judging them,
instead of making them wrong.
What am I doing wrong?
Right?
We touched on this in thebeginning, and we're coming full
circle.
It's about really, trulyfinding that place of safe love.

(17:52):
When we start to understand ourpatterns, instead of going into
it, oh, what did I do wrong?
Oh, what is next?
Oh, this, oh, that.
Go into it with an intentionand with a mindset.
Number one, what am I actuallydoing right?
What can I improve?
This is more a constructiveapproach to yourself, a more

(18:18):
constructive question to ask tothat wounded part of you.
Because now we're in solutionmode, we're not in
problem-seeking mode.
It's hard to feelsolution-oriented or to feel
that there's hope when all thatyou see are problems, right?
You see how that splits thepowerful difference between you,

(18:39):
your intention, and theoutcome.
Because when we look at therole of co-regulation, if we
rely on an unhealthy partner toco-regulate us, you can already
see how that also feeds intothis block that we might feel to

(19:05):
creating safe love and lovewithout trauma in a
relationship.
Because relationships are notabout fixing yourself for the
other person or fixing yourselfto becoming the best partner.
When you work on yourself andyou work on yourself for you,
that self-love that you tapinto, that that that authentic

(19:27):
confidence that you that youease into, that becomes
attractive all in itself tosomeone else, to the right
person, where you can be thehealthy version of you and not
feel locked into old trauma andpatterns because that person
needs you to be in these states,because that's what they were
attracted to in the first place.
This is where trauma bondingcan be can be quite unhealthy,

(19:51):
because two people really trulycan hold one another back.
Right.
So this is where co-regulationcan be a positive element and it
can also be a negative element,depending on the foundation of
the co-regulation.
So, what we want to do in arelationship to start to move

(20:14):
from being in a lovingrelationship with our trauma.
I mean, we're always going tohave patterns, we're always
going to have wounds, there willalways be triggers, but at
least we can find a place tomove into where we can start to
feel more comfortable, more atease, more safer also within
ourselves.

(20:35):
And when we look at safe love,it's not about pretending that
everything is okay.
It's more about honesty, it'smore about vulnerability, and
it's also sometimes allowing themessy to also sometimes be
there in the middle.
We can't always get it perfect.

(20:57):
But one thing that I learnedwith my healing journey and
progressing through that isauthenticity for me personally
speaking, this is what reallytruly helped me to ease back
into my place of safety.
But then again, we also need tofeel safe to move back into

(21:18):
that space of authenticity.
So you see how these two almostcome together.
It's like a pair, you can'treally separate them.
And this is where and what Ihave learned, amongst many other
things, but for today'sspecific podcast, this was quite
a vital and important pointthat I really wanted to share

(21:42):
with you today because I'vereceived a lot of messages about
this.
So this episode is dedicated tothat.
So I do hope that I answeredyour questions.
Very good.
And so now, as with all myepisodes, I would love to start
a healing meditation with you.

(22:03):
And so when you are ready, Iinvite you to take a nice deep
breath.
Very good.
And now finding yourself in anice comfortable position,

(22:28):
closing your eyes and taking anice deep slow breath.
And notice as you do, as you'rebreathing slowly, take a nice

(22:59):
deep breath through your nose,and then gently exhale out your
mouth, and noticing as you do,imagine roots growing from your
feet deep into the earth,anchoring you in safety and

(23:31):
stability, feeling that surfacealso beneath your body, feeling
so supported by it, and noticingas you do in that same moment,

(24:07):
gently scan also your body fromhead to toe, and noticing as you
do, observing how does my mindfeel?

(24:27):
How does my neck feel?
How does my back feel?
Scanning your body down, down,down, down, right to your face.
Just simply acknowledging yourbody.

(25:11):
I see you, I sense you, and Ihear you.
And noticing as you breathe,imagine a soft light surrounding

(25:32):
all these areas, bringing thisbeautiful warmth and calmness to
you.
And visualize exhaling out anyold heaviness, old energy that

(25:57):
just no longer serves you.
Each breath that you exhale outis releasing stress and fear
and store trauma, leaving yourbody going, going, going, gone.

(26:27):
Each breath in feels like arenewal of peace, love, and
vitality.
And placing one hand on yourheart, I invite you to imagine a

(26:56):
golden light expanding in yourchest, and with each inhale,
this light continues to grow andgrow and grow, filling your
entire body, and with eachexhale, it radiates outward,

(27:32):
touching your relationships,your past, and your future with
compassion, feeling that lighthealing and soothing these

(27:54):
different stages and parts ofyour existence, holding that
strong intention that I allowlove to heal me.
Also, let's continue to affirma few more positive

(28:24):
affirmations.
My body is a safe place forhealing to unfold.
With every breath, I releasepain and I welcome peace.
I am patient and gentle withmyself as I heal.

(28:54):
My nervous system knows how toregulate and restore balance.
Each day I grow stronger in mybody, my mind, and my spirit.

(29:24):
I gracefully release the pastand I allow myself to be open
with discernment to the presentmoment.
Love and compassion flowsthrough me freely.

(29:50):
I trust my body's wisdom toguide me to wholeness.
Healing happens naturally whenI create space for it.

(30:18):
I am worthy of complete andlasting well-being.
I listen to my body's messageswith kindness and no longer

(30:39):
fear.
Peace, balance, and harmony aremy natural states.
And visualizing yourself now aswhole, calm, and at peace.

(31:05):
Noticing how your body startingto feel lighter.
Your mind is feeling more quietand clearer.
I am safe.
I'm healing.
One breath at a time.

(31:26):
One step at a time.
And I invite you now to take anice deep breath.
And as you're exhaling, findingyour body moving into that

(31:46):
space of calmness and feelingeven more balanced.
Feeling that surface beneathyour body, wiggling your fingers
and your toes, giving yourselfa nice big stretch.
And then gently opening youreyes when you are ready and

(32:11):
welcome back.
Well done.
Well done.
And remember that you're notalone, you are healing one step
at a time and one breath at atime.
And today's affirmation isself-love and self-compassion is

(32:34):
flowing through every singlecell in my body.
And remember, if this episodetouched you, then please share
it with someone that's also ontheir healing journey.
And as always, breathe deep,listen within, and stay gently
curious.
Thank you for your love, yourtime, and your energy and being

(32:56):
here with me today.
I love you all.
And until next time, be thelight that you are.
Bye for now.