September 2, 2025 • 58 mins
Breathe Like Your Health Depends On It: Midlife Stress, Sleep, & Cravings with Sandy Abrams
Is your nervous system stuck in overdrive?
Hot flashes, disrupted sleep, mindless snacking, snapping at your spouse—these aren’t just “midlife things.” They’re signs your body is begging for calm. And the fastest way to get there? Your breath.
In this empowering conversation, breath coach and author Sandy Abrams shows us how to use our breath as a powerful midlife survival tool—helping you manage stress, sleep better, tame cravings, improve digestion, and even show up more grounded in tough conversations.
Sandy breaks it down with simple, science-backed breathing techniques like:
- 💤 4-7-8 for deep, restorative sleep
- 😌 Coherent breath (5-in, 5-out) to stay calm during the chaos
- 🍽️ Pre-meal breathing to support digestion and stop stress snacking
- 🧠 Breathing + mantras to shift your mindset and self-talk
💥 No fancy equipment. No yoga mat. Just your breath—and 60 seconds.
We also dive into Sandy’s own energizing morning routine (including cold showers + Wim Hof breathing), and the mindset shifts that come when you realize you don’t have to power through midlife—you can actually breathe your way through it.
You can book Sandy Abrams for corporate trainings or events at https://www.theceom.com/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sandyabrams1/
📚 Grab Sandy’s book Breathe to Succeed and connect with her @sandyabrams on Instagram.
_________________________________________
💌 Have questions about 1:1 health and nutrition coaching or Faster Way? Reach me anytime at mfolanfasterway@gmail.com
✨ For more tips, science-backed strategies, and midlife health inspiration, sign up for my weekly newsletter:
👉 https://michelefolanfasterway.myflodesk.com/i6i44jw4fq
🎤 In addition to coaching, I speak to women’s groups, moderate health panel discussions, and bring experts together for real, evidence-based conversations about midlife health. If you’d like me at your next event, let’s connect!
OsteoCollective osteoporosis resources and community link: https://app.osteocollective.com/invitation?code=BE98G9
Transcripts are created with AI and may not be perfectly accurate.
Disclaimer: This podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing, or other professional healthcare services. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your qualified healthcare provider with any questions regarding a medical condition.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Michele Folan (00:00):
Looking for a speaker who actually gets
midlife women.
I'm Michele Folan, midlifehealth coach and host of the
Asking for a Friend podcast.
Whether I'm speaking to women'sgroups or moderating health
panels, I bring straight talk,humor and science-backed
strategies that motivate womento take action.
From bone health to hormones tostaying strong for the long
haul.
I make complex health simpleand inspiring.
(00:20):
Want me at your next event.
Reach out through the emaillink.
In the long haul, I makecomplex health simple and
inspiring.
Want me at your next event.
Reach out through the emaillink in the show notes Health,
wellness, fitness and everythingin between.
We're removing the taboo fromwhat really matters in midlife.
(00:42):
I'm your host, Michele Folan,and this is Asking for a Friend.
Midlife is loud.
Hormones shifting, stressspiking, sleep disappearing.
We're told to try moresupplements, more hacks, more
everything but the most powerfultool.
You already own everything, butthe most powerful tool you
(01:07):
already own your breath.
Today, I'm joined by my dearfriend, Sandy Abrams,
entrepreneur, breath coach andauthor of Breathe to Succeed.
Sandy has taught women andteams at companies like Google
how to use simple breathpractices to lower cortisol,
calm hot flashes, improve sleepand handle stressful moments
with ease.
We're cutting through the noiseand giving midlife women
practical breath.
(01:27):
Tools you can use in 60 secondsor less.
Sandy Abrams, welcome to Askingfor a Friend.
Sandy Abrams (01:35):
Thank you, Michele .
This is one of my favoritepodcasts and I'm thrilled to be
here because I'm sure we'll belaughing.
Michele Folan (01:42):
Yes, oh, we will be laughing, and we're laughing
already, because I ate yogurtbefore we started recording and
I'm a little phlegmy and Sandyknows she does a podcast, she
knows this.
Doing yogurt or any dairybefore you record is not a great
idea.
Sandy Abrams (02:00):
But did you know that laughter is my favorite
kind of breath and so it wasgreat?
We started our conversationwith you coughing and getting
that phlegm up, and so this isgreat.
Michele Folan (02:13):
I'm so excited to have you here because you're
not just a guest, you're my dearfriend and we've had so many
conversations off mic aboutmidlife and everything that
women are navigating.
You know, it's not just sleepand hot flashes, it's.
(02:33):
I think we're carrying aheavier load than ever and you
would think that we've gotten tothis point in life that we
should be letting some of thatgo.
What is going on?
Sandy Abrams (02:45):
Good question, Michele.
What is going on?
I have no idea, and that's whatI love about our conversations
that even though we're both outthere in the world and we're
sharing our insights andeducating people on certain
things, we are always stillasking ourselves you know what's
going on, how can we helpwhat's happening, how can we do
(03:06):
something, how can we takeagency, even a little bit, every
single day.
And that's what I love aboutour conversations and that's
what I love about what I do,because you can't master life,
and especially these days.
I do agree that we're carryinga heavy load.
Our modern lives, withtechnology moving at the speed
(03:30):
of.
We were not built to consumethe amount of information that
we receive every day, and so Ithink it all just starts with
self-awareness and trying tomanage stress in small moments
every single day, because we'llnever get ahead of it.
But we need to just be mindfulevery day about managing stress
(03:53):
because, yes, it's there andit's heavier than ever and it's
moving faster than ever.
Michele Folan (03:58):
Well, and this week, with Faster Way, we are
doing a cortisol reset.
I have never seen so muchengagement with my clients as I
have this week.
I feel like we're at thisprecipice of, I think, of
awareness right Of how stressaffects us and it's that
(04:21):
profound effect not just affectsus and it's that profound
effect not just our minds butour bodies and how our bodies
respond to that.
It's really incredible.
But I think the awareness pieceis the first step.
Sandy Abrams (04:34):
And I'm not surprised that you're having a
great response for that, becauseI feel like it's podcasts like
yours and conversations like wehave all the time where we're
just planting the seed withpeople, like just to be more
self-aware, because I thinkwhat's happening is, you know,
these platforms, social mediaplatforms, were designed for the
(04:54):
dopamine hit and so, no matterhow mindful you are, it's
science that, like, even my handstill reflexively grabs from my
phone when I didn't even thinkto myself I want that or I need
that and so, yeah.
So I think that it's wonderfulthat you're getting a great
response for that, because, yeah, cortisol, you know, is
(05:15):
important on so many levels, andalso just being aware of the
physical manifestations ofstress in your mind and your
body, and the more that youpractice breath because breath
really helps you reconnect toyourself so the more that you
practice breath in small moments, the more aware you become of
(05:36):
oh, wow, my heart's racing, oh,or oh wow, that I feel that
headache coming on or my stomachfeels uncomfortable or whatever
it is Like.
For me, it's like my shouldersand neck that's where I feel it
first, and my shoulders are upto my ears, and so it's like you
notice, you change your breathand you can change your
physiology.
And breath Isn't just, you know, most people think it's for in
(05:59):
that crisis moment, like, justbreathe, it'll calm you down and
while it does deliver in thatsituation, you can calm, balance
or boost your energy, your mood, your mindset simply by
changing your breath.
Michele Folan (06:13):
Yeah, I have to go back here because Sandy was a
guest on episode four of thepodcast.
Four of the podcast.
I have like 169 episodes now.
So first of all, can youbelieve?
Sandy Abrams (06:30):
that, yes, I knew you would be a natural and that
it would be a podcast.
Michele Folan (06:42):
You're really sweet, but Sandy was a big part
of this because she helped me agreat deal with just learning
the nuts and bolts of podcasting, so thank you for that.
So, anyway, I had to.
I had to bring that up, thankyou.
You know, at some point thoughand we don't have to go into
your whole genesis of how yougot to where you are, but I do
want to dig in a little bit onwhen you realized that breath
(07:06):
was this overlooked tool.
Sandy Abrams (07:09):
Yeah, and that was a long time ago and it still is
so underutilized.
I had my own sort of aha momentwith breath in a yoga class
back in 1989 when I firststarted yoga, and I am wired to
be just fast paced.
I'm a type A entrepreneur and Iloved yoga because I started
(07:33):
this rigorous practice that wascalled power yoga at the time
and I just loved it.
But I was known as the girl wholeft yoga class right before
Shavasana because, like, why dowe need to lie there and be
still for the last five minutesof every single class?
And I started to go to thestudio every day, sometimes
(07:55):
twice a day, because I loved itso much.
And the teacher started callingme out and they would explain
that that pose, known asShavasana or corpse pose, is the
most important pose in yoga.
And it literally blew my mindbecause I just I didn't know
anything about the ROI ofstillness.
(08:16):
And so shortly after that Igave it a try out of respect for
the practice, which I loved,and the teachers who I loved,
and I was lying there and mypalms were sweaty, my heart was
racing but I was listening toher cues about slowing down your
breath and all of a sudden, itwas like you hear that music in
(08:36):
your head and it was the firsttime I ever felt stillness in my
body and that was my aha momentand it made me curious about
taking that power of those.
It was three deep breaths offmy yoga mat and into my life to
try to find some stillness in myday, because it was right then
(08:57):
that I realized how fast I wasmoving all the time.
Then I went into a deeper diveabout just a little bit, about
some different kinds of breath,and I started practicing every
single day and it continues tosave me from myself every single
day, in small moments.
And what I love about breath isthat it's free, it's accessible
(09:20):
to everyone, and even now, inour modern world.
Yes, there are great apps thathave breath practices and guided
breath practices, but the truthis you can use it in real time
when you need it most, withoutany equipment, without any wifi
and just the basic foundation.
The basic foundationalprinciples of mindful breath are
(09:42):
so simple and they allow you totake agency over your nervous
system, so that in real time,you're having a difficult
conversation or you're on abumpy flight all of a sudden, or
you get news that wascompletely unexpected.
You know how to immediatelycheck in with yourself, calm
your nervous system and learnhow to respond versus react, and
(10:08):
also learn how to manage stress, because stress these days is
the biggest source of doctor'svisits I think it's something
like 80 some odd percent ofdoctor visits these days are
stress related, and stress ispreventable and manageable.
Michele Folan (10:24):
Oh man, you are not kidding.
I'm going to take a quick break, sandy, and when we come back
let's talk about what's going onout there in the realm of
stress.
So how's that nightly wineo'clock working out for you?
Or those 3 pm carb crashes thatmake you want to faceplant on
your desk?
And let's not even talk aboutthe look your doctor gave you at
your last checkup carb crashesthat make you want to face plant
(10:45):
on your desk.
And let's not even talk aboutthe look your doctor gave you at
your last checkup.
Yeah, that look.
Listen, midlife isn't a freepass to let your health slide.
You can't just hope your genesstill fit and call it good.
If you don't take charge now,your body's going to send you a
bill later and, trust me, it'sexpensive.
That's where the faster way tofat loss comes in.
(11:07):
We're talking real strategies,fueling with the right macros,
strength training that actuallyworks and habits that keep you
out of the nursing home and onthe dance floor.
So what's it going to be?
More excuses or more muscle?
Your move?
The link's in the show notes.
Come join me.
Okay, we are back.
(11:29):
You know, before we took thebreak, you were talking about
how many doctor visits areattributed to stress when you
start thinking about what'sgoing on.
With midlife women, we maystill have kids at home.
With midlife women, we maystill have kids at home.
(11:49):
We have kids that have flownthe coop.
But I always say bigger kids,bigger problems.
We may be caring for parentsright now.
We may be in job transition,trying to figure out how we're
going to retire.
We may be losing a marriage,how we're going to retire, we
may be losing a marriage.
So there's all these things andI would love to kind of talk
(12:10):
about how we, throughout our day, take different modes of breath
and how we can apply those forcertain moments moments?
Sandy Abrams (12:30):
Sure, it's a great question, and breath is.
Dr Elissa Epple is a stressexpert and she has so eloquently
said that breath is the fastest, most direct path to relieve
stress in the body.
And it is so.
Again, it starts with thatself-awareness, noticing how you
feel.
Because these days, again, withour devices all the time in
front of us, we tend to live onautopilot mode, so our breath is
(12:52):
shallow, rapid, we're not eventhinking about it.
And when you're in thatautopilot default mode, that
actually keeps you in alow-grade state of chronic
stress, and when you're in thatstate you can't build health
while you're ingrade state ofchronic stress.
And when you're in that state,you can't build health while
you're in a state of chronicstress.
So that's why small moments ofbreath make such a difference.
(13:14):
And the more you practice thosesmall moments of relaxing and
also balancing breath and I'llgive you a couple of practices
in just a second the more youpractice, the more it just
becomes second nature.
And so that's preventative forstress to build up, because
while you're walking to therestroom, while you're filling
(13:34):
your water bottle, while you'restanding in line for coffee, you
just take the mindful, slowerbreaths that immediately signal
your nervous system.
I'm safe, I'm calm, becausebefore you know it, you are
building up that stress again.
Because you looked at yourphone, you saw an email you
didn't like, you saw somethingon social that triggered
(13:55):
something, and so it's just allabout doing breath when you
don't need it, doing mindful,slower breathing when you don't
need it, because then you canturn on a dime so much faster
when you do need it.
Michele Folan (14:08):
You brought this up and I want to say this how
often are we in line at the bank, in line at Starbucks, at a
stoplight, and we pick up ourphone, and we pick up our phone.
(14:28):
What if we took those smallmoments and, instead of picking
up that damn phone, take sometime to do some very intentional
breath work?
Sandy Abrams (14:34):
Yes.
Michele Folan (14:35):
Yes, Yay.
Sandy Abrams (14:37):
Michele, like, yes , a full body.
Yes to that, because and it'sgame changing and I know that
this community will get itbecause you will see immediate
difference and I think I also.
That reminds me that I want tomention the most important time
to utilize the power of breathand staying connected to
(14:59):
yourself is, first thing in themorning, to give up that reflex
to grab for your phone, to lookat your device, to scroll,
because you feel like it'srelaxing, it is crashing your
day.
And so if in the morning, whenyou get up, instead of reaching
for your phone, that's the firstmoment where you close your
(15:21):
eyes again and you just take therelaxing breaths, the breaths
that aren't in the chest andthey're not fast, they start
down at your belly and you takea slow inhale through your nose.
A proper deep breath.
Deep, slow, nourishing breathis around five or six seconds on
the inhale.
So let's just take one now andpeople can close their eyes if
(15:44):
they want.
So let's just take one now andpeople can close their eyes if
they want.
And also notice, when you closeyour eyes, that can feel so
luxurious.
You're setting that boundaryfrom external distractions, from
looking at that blue light togoing inward and just checking
in with yourself.
And then you start the breathdown at the belly and you inhale
(16:04):
through your nose slowly,lightly, and then you fill up
and then you trace the breath upto the chest and then you
slowly exhale through the noseor the mouth, on the exhale for
that same five or six seconds.
That's called a coherent breath, that's a balancing breath.
(16:26):
And again, you don't have toclose your eyes.
You can do this one whileyou're in line or while you're
walking or while you're driving,and you just are balancing your
nervous system.
That mindful breath, it's thelove language of the nervous
system.
So you've just spoke thelanguage to your nervous system
that again says I'm safe, I'mwell, I'm balanced, I'm calm.
And you've just spoke thelanguage to your nervous system
that again says I'm safe, I'mwell, I'm balanced, I'm calm,
(16:48):
and you can do those on the go.
So now I forgot what was thequestion.
Michele Folan (16:55):
Is that for you or what?
No, but it's starting the dayout very mindful, right.
Yes, we have to set our day upright, and part of that is I
tell my clients get outside inthe morning, get sunshine, get
that light in the back of youreyes to reset your circadian
(17:16):
rhythm.
Make this breath technique partof that moment where you get to
reset everything.
Actually, you should probablydo while you're still lying in
bed.
Sandy Abrams (17:28):
Yeah, but, as you know, I love my morning beach
walks to get outside first thingin the morning, and then I also
do some boosting breath work inthe morning while I'm still
lying in bed, and then I balanceit with the slower, more
balancing practices while I'mwalking, because that I agree
(17:51):
that pairing of breath when youfirst get up, instead of looking
at your device and then gettingoutside, getting that light
even if it's overcast, you stillget that kind of light that
will help regulate circadianrhythm.
And with sleep, as you talkabout so much, with sleep being
such a key pillar of wellness,it really is important to get
outside first thing and youstart to regulate circadian
(18:11):
rhythm and then also, wheneverpossible, get outside in the
late afternoon or early eveningduring summer for the sunset
light to again down-regulateyour nervous system but also
help to regulate the circadianrhythm.
It's so beneficial and you'llsleep so much better.
Michele Folan (18:28):
Oh yeah, Actually I was talking with a client
this morning and she reallystruggles with sleep.
She knows who she is.
She may listen to this podcast,but we were talking about early
morning evening.
Go walk the dog after dinner.
You're getting tons of bang foryour buck.
So you're getting that earlymorning or early evening light,
(18:51):
you're helping your blood sugarDo some breath work to set the
stage for a good night's sleep.
I just think there's so many wecan wrap breath into all these
other habits.
We're not adding just one more,you know thing right, because I
think there's that overwhelm.
Oh God, Michele, you're addingone more thing.
Sandy Abrams (19:14):
Exactly, and this is not adding, it's just.
It's like habit stacking.
You're just supplementing.
All of the other wellnessmodalities are amplified and
they're more effective when youbreathe in certain ways along
with them.
So all of your vital systemswork better when your
respiratory system is optimized.
(19:36):
And also regarding the sleepthing, which I also talk to so
many people who just don't sleepwell, when you just get in bed
and you think you're going to beable to fall asleep right away,
and then your mind startsracing and ruminating.
The rumination is what causesstress.
That's where slow breathingcomes in, so helpful, because
(19:58):
otherwise it's like trying topark a car while your foot is on
the gas pedal.
You need to spend just a fewminutes down-regulating your
nervous system before you expectto go to sleep.
It makes all the difference inthe world, and so for that
there's two breath practicesthat I love, and the general
rule of thumb in order to relaxyour nervous system is to make
(20:22):
your exhales twice as long asyour inhales.
So, as you're in bed, start tobreathe in through your nose to
a count of about four, if you'rea new breather, and then, as
you exhale through your nose ormouth, try for a count of six
and then maybe seven or eight,and then, as you begin to
(20:43):
practice, your inhales mightextend to five or six, and then
your exhales might extend toeven longer.
And within two or three minutesyou notice how your nervous
system feels.
You notice that you'vedownregulated, your heart rate
is slowing.
It's those exhales, the longexhales, is when your heart rate
(21:04):
slows down, and so that's great.
And then Dr Andrew Weil, theintegrative medicine doctor.
He created 4-7-8.
So it's that same principleInhale to 4, exhales double long
at eight, and in the middle youretain the breath.
And if you're not used toholding your breath, retaining
for a count of seven might seema little bit much.
(21:26):
So try just retaining thebreath for two, a two second
count, then three and then four,and you'll notice when you
retain the breath in the middlethere guess what happens?
Your thoughts usually shift tothe fact that, oh, I'm retaining
my breath, so you've stoppedthe ruminating, and that the
four, seven, eight will get meback to sleep in the middle of
(21:48):
the night like clockwork in twoor three minutes.
So yeah, those breath practicesare so helpful for sleep, yeah.
Michele Folan (21:57):
It's the counting that helps me.
If I'm counting, I'm notthinking about what I have to do
the next day or whatever'sgoing on in my life, whatever.
Whatever, you know, here iswhat I think we deal with a lot,
and I was sharing with Sandythat I had the lovely
(22:18):
opportunity last night to meetup with some former work
colleagues.
So much fun.
But you know I was out pastnine o'clock, which is I'm
getting way too old to hang outwith these people sometimes.
But they're wonderful and itwas such a treat to see
everybody.
But I'm exhausted today, wiredand tired.
(22:42):
How do we manage that wired andtired afternoon where we just
were hitting a wall?
Do you want to say what youactually called it this morning?
Oh, I said I was dragging ass.
Do you want to say what youactually called it this morning?
Oh, I said I was dragging ass.
Sandy Abrams (22:57):
I was like what?
I've never heard that before.
But I get it, I get it, itworks, it works.
And yes, the wired and tired isdefinitely very common and
again, breathwork helps for thatin different ways.
And so what I love about breath, again, is that it's
(23:18):
customizable.
So often I really like torelease physical stress and
tension before I will go intorelaxation breath practices.
So for Wired and Tired it mightseem like sort of like a
contradictory to do some reallyrobust breath practices, but I
(23:40):
really like that.
So I might do.
First of all, I might just dosome shaking of my hands,
stomping of my feet, doing likelion's breath, which is when you
close your eyes and then youtake a deep inhale and on the
exhale you shake out your hands,you stomp your eyes and then
you take a deep inhale and onthe exhale you shake out your
hands, you stomp your feet, youstick out your tongue, you bulge
(24:01):
open your eyes, you sort ofroar like a lion that's why it's
called lion's breath and yourelease physical stress and
tension.
So when you're feeling wired ithelps to just release.
So get that out first, or youcan do a boosting breath
practice if you find that itworks for you.
However, there is acontraindication to some of the
(24:24):
boosting breath practices, likethe really popular Wim Hof
method, which is where you'retaking really deep, fast breaths
for like 25 or 30 times andthen you do a long breath hold
on the exhale and a shorterbreath hold on the inhale.
You can adapt that.
But if you tend to have panicattacks or if you're pregnant,
(24:47):
things like that, there arecertain contraindications to the
more extreme breath versions,especially the ones that involve
hyperventilating or holdingyour breath.
So you find what works for youand if you're wired and tired
and you get that physical out,the physical manifestations of
stress, then I feel like thebalancing breath is restorative
(25:10):
and it's really nice to just situp either on a chair or a couch
and close your eyes and, foreven just three minutes, do the
balancing breath, that coherentbreath of slowly inhaling to a
count of about five, slowlyexhaling to a count of about six
, five or six, and then that'slike it's also known as
(25:35):
non-sleep deep rest, and it'slike taking a mini nap.
And your body even though thatwas a calming and balancing
exercise you actually restoreeverything, all of the vital
systems in your mind and body.
So when you open your eyesafter three or five minutes, you
feel completely rebalanced,reset, open mind, you have the
(25:59):
space that's needed, you havethat headspace for creativity,
you don't have brain fog anylonger and you feel so connected
to yourself.
So, yeah, so it starts withbeing self-aware of yeah, you
know what I feel tired thismorning, or I am wired and tired
and then going to thosepractices that you know work for
(26:22):
you.
Maybe it is only slow breath,maybe it is boosting breath,
maybe it's a combination.
There's really no rules.
You mix and match for whatfeels good in your body.
Michele Folan (26:32):
You know, it was probably three and a half years
ago.
Well, it was probably aroundthe time you were on my podcast
the first time and Dr AndrewHuberman, which we all know
Huberman Labs he was talkingabout.
Even at Stanford Medical Center, they had protocols, breath
(26:54):
protocols for patients.
I mean we've missed somethinghere.
I mean, you know, we haven'tmade this really mainstream and
it really should be.
Sandy Abrams (27:05):
Yeah, that is really my mission for this
career 2.0, because doctorsdon't talk about it.
I mean, even you know you gofor your annual physical exam
and the doctor never asks howare you breathing?
And how you're breathing is howyou are.
It is so indicative of yourlevel of stress.
And so these conversations areso important because, yeah, it
(27:30):
is the fastest, most effectivebreath tool and Andrew
Huberman's lab last year was theone that did that research on
the physiological psi, andscience is finally catching up
with these breath practices thathave been part of yoga and
Eastern philosophies forthousands of years.
But I think, because theyhaven't been peer-reviewed in
(27:52):
the most elite scientificjournals until now, that it's
been sort of ignored.
And so that physiological sidethat he talks about it's two
parts on the inhale.
So the first part of the inhaleyou fill your lungs almost
three quarters of the way full,and then the second part you
completely fill up, so theinhale sounds like this fill up.
(28:17):
So the inhale sounds like thisand then the exhale through the
mouth, and his labscientifically proved that
that's the fastest breath tocalm your nervous system.
And I think the reason thatbreath is still underutilized is
because it's just sciencereally hasn't caught up and now
it is.
Now there are studies moreabout it, but it's really
(28:39):
lacking in regard to women,hormones, menopause,
perimenopause, menopause, posteverything.
And so there are some like.
I work with the Health and HumanPerformance Foundation, which
is run by an incredible woman,Tanya Bentley.
She's a PhD who studies breathand its effects on it, and she's
(29:01):
around our age and I had askedher.
I didn't know her and I reachedout to her one time a few years
ago and said what's with thepower of breath for hormones?
Because I really did have itpretty easy all the way through
from perimenopause to where I amnow and I said is there a
relationship between the powerof breath, which I've been
(29:22):
practicing for over 30 years,and this hormonal balance or
imbalance?
And she said there's really alack of that research.
And so now her health and HumanPerformance Foundation is
working on that, and now youfinally have people like Oprah
and Maria Shriver andcelebrities who are in their 60s
(29:44):
and up finally talking aboutmenopause and what we can do,
and I feel like breath isdefinitely a modality that helps
because, number one, when youhave, say, you know, a hot flash
at night, it triggers anxiety,or what if you have a hot flash
(30:05):
and you're at a businessfunction or you're in a meeting,
or you're leading a meeting oryou're speaking on stage or
something and all of a suddenyou just want to pull off your
top and you get red and you'resweating Breath.
Again it can be used somecalming breaths to signal your
nervous system to not let it getblown out of proportion, and
(30:28):
again you calm the nervoussystem, because how you feel in
your nervous system is reflectedin everything in the way that
you speak, in the way that youact, in the way that you,
everything.
So again, just using thoseslower, mindful, relaxing and
balancing breaths will help sothat you don't get out of
control the minute that hotflash happens, because it's
(30:52):
usually not in the optimal place, it's not when you were just
about to get in the shower andyou know whatever it's like
inconvenient.
Michele Folan (31:01):
You're by yourself.
Sandy Abrams (31:04):
It's like so that's a great time to just tap
into breath and also, whenyou've been practicing for a
little while, you you'll havethat security of knowing this is
okay, I can control it and youjust.
I mean, you know, maybe youcan't control the level of sweat
or heat that you feel, but youcan control the nervous system
(31:25):
and just be kind to yourself Canyou define the difference
between parasympathetic andsympathetic?
Yeah.
So it's sort of like night andday.
We need both in our lives.
And the sympathetic nervoussystem, also known as fight or
flight, is what gets us up inthe morning or what keeps us
safe from.
(31:46):
In the olden days that was whatkept us safe from the tiger or
whatever.
And the parasympathetic nervoussystem is also known as rest
and digest.
So one is activating, which isgreat.
We need that.
We need that in the morning toget up.
We need that to be energizedand to think clearly.
The rest and digest, theparasympathetic now, is just a
(32:09):
balancer now for our nervoussystems, because we live in
fight or flight mode and ournervous system is not built for
that.
That's what starts to triggerand for stress to build.
So it's really important thatyou find the balance, just like
night and day.
It's really important to turnoff, to sleep.
That's where all therestoration happens in your
(32:31):
brain and in your body.
So it's just it's important forpeople to understand the
balance.
That sympathetic nervous systemis not bad, and that's where I
think that's sort of a myth thatpeople think you know, oh, I
can't live in that sympatheticnervous system because it's bad.
It's not bad, but it's harmfulif you're not balancing it with
(32:52):
rest and digest andparasympathetic.
And I know you're such anadvocate for physical fitness
and for eating well, and so Ijust want to touch on where
breath can help you with that.
Getting into rest and digest,relaxation mode before you eat
is really important.
It makes such a difference.
If you're eating while you'redoing emails and your body's in
(33:14):
fight or flight, you cannotabsorb all the nutrients, you
cannot digest well, and so manypeople don't realize why they
don't really feel well aftereating lunch and doing emails.
That's why, and also, 70% oftoxins leave the body through
the breath, holy cow.
(33:34):
So if you're not fullybreathing well and optimizing
your respiratory system, you'renot fully using detoxification,
which is big for metabolism too.
And so, and with fitness, I wasjust reading Dr Peter Atiyah's
book called Outlive.
Have you read it?
Michele Folan (33:53):
No, but I love him.
Sandy Abrams (33:55):
Yeah, he's so good and it's the kind of book where
I just sort of read littleparts at once.
Otherwise it's overwhelmingbecause it's so big, but it's so
informative.
And recently I went back tothis part that said that
striving for physical wellnessis meaningless if emotional
health suffers, becauseemotional issues will decimate
(34:18):
your health if they're notaddressed.
So it's true.
It's like you focus so much onphysical activity and eating the
right things, but if you're notrelieving stress and taking
agency over your emotionalissues, it's not working.
Michele Folan (34:35):
Yeah, I want to go back to something you said
about eating and being, you know, dialed into your electronics
or email or whatever, and Ithink this would be a good time
for just a reminder to everyoneand I am guilty of this, so this
is a reminder for me as well.
Right, but let's think aboutwhen you're eating lunch,
(34:59):
because that's usually when wemay be by ourselves is to sit
down.
Don't stand at the counter likeI do 90% of the time for
breakfast and lunch.
Sit down, put the phone away,put the laptop away, read a
magazine, read Sandy's book,breathe to Succeed, read Dr
(35:22):
Atiyah's book.
But I think that's a greatpractice to get into the habit
of let your body take thatmoment to process your food,
because if you are in asympathetic state, then you're
probably not getting everythingout of that meal that you want,
(35:45):
definitely.
The other thing that Sandymentioned was is that we need
the sympathetic as much as weneed the parasympathetic, and we
talk a lot about that withcortisol.
Cortisol in itself is not bad.
We need to have cortisol.
It can go rogue.
There are steps that we cantake to manage that, just like
we can managing our bodies inthat sympathetic state, but you
(36:09):
have to be aware and have thosetools.
So I think this is.
I just love this.
Sandy Abrams (36:16):
Yeah, and I think, regarding the being mindful
while you're eating, also thinkabout it as being productive,
the act of resting and actuallylooking at your food and
enjoying what you actually tookthe time to buy and to make, or
even if it was deliveredwhatever, you probably spent a
(36:37):
decent amount of money on thatlunch.
So think of the time spenteating.
Even if it's just 15 minutesand you make it mindful, you're
being more productive duringthat time than emailing while
you're eating.
That is not productive, it'scausing problems and that's
another myth that I feel likemidlife women mistake busyness
(37:01):
for productivity, rest and beingin that parasympathetic part of
your nervous system, the restand digest calming part.
That's where the healinghappens.
It is so productive to giveyourself rest and so if we can
shift that in our thought, thenthere will be no guilt of like
(37:22):
yes, I'm going to read the paperor read a magazine, read People
magazine, like whatever.
Go to your guilty pleasures,turn on Netflix, watch Netflix,
whatever it is, but just allowyour mind to sort of just clear
and sometimes just do nothingbut look at your food or just
feel how nourishing it can feelto rest and do nothing.
(37:47):
Just look around, eat outside,look at nature.
Sit close to a window and justobserve nature.
Close to a window and justobserve nature, whatever it is.
Think of that time resting timeand slowing down and
reconnecting to yourself as themost productive and nourishing
thing you can often do.
Michele Folan (38:05):
Okay, Since we're on the food topic, this is a
great segue, because one thingthat I know women really
struggle with are food cravings.
It could be sugar, salty snacks, even alcohol.
How can we incorporate breathinto those moments when we're
(38:30):
having those cravings?
Sandy Abrams (38:32):
Okay, hold on, I'm going to put away my chocolate
and my tortilla chip.
Hold on just a second, because,yes, I'm an emotional eater too
, and so I think again, likewith breathwork, it starts with
self-awareness and it startswith just being more mindful,
because the older I got, themore I realized I can't really
(38:54):
get off track as often as I usedto.
And, yeah, the sugar cravingsare real, and so it's an
adjustment of noticing like,especially in the evenings for
me, I used to always wantsomething sweet, and now I've
gotten into intermittent fasting, which has really helped me cut
(39:17):
off my eating window earlier inthe evening and I don't crave
as much.
It doesn't mean I don't craveit, but when I do, I do turn to
breath and I also ask myself whyam I craving that?
And it's always emotional, it'scomfort food.
I just want to like get into acarb coma and just like numb
(39:38):
myself out or whatever, and soI'll do the other things.
I also now just don't want toeat later at night because I'll
gain weight so much easier.
So I'll either go outside again, take a little bit of a walk,
or I'll do the calming breathwork, sort of talk myself off
the ledge, and you just feel somuch better the next morning
(40:00):
that then you realize you canbreak the cycle.
However, I also believe thatself-care can look like a
delicious salted chocolate chipcookie sometimes, and that's
okay, as long as you don't eatit and then feel terrible after.
Enjoy it, get a quality one, ormake a quality something, a
(40:21):
quality ice cream.
These days you can really makeall the dupes of ice cream or
cookies using qualityingredients.
Michele Folan (40:31):
Yeah, and then enjoying that food and then
moving on, yeah, and not feelingguilty because you had it right
.
Yeah, we call that eveningsnacking, we call that the
pantry crawl, and at 9 pm you'relike, and some of it's boredom,
(40:54):
you know.
But I think if you have sometools to breathe through those
moments, you know it's the oh,the Chardonnay.
Oh, there's a bottle of openChardonnay in the fridge.
I don't know why you useChardonnay, because I don't even
like Chardonnay, but that is anexample all the time.
But, yeah, I don.
(41:15):
Yeah, I always want to thinkabout okay, how will I feel the
next day, will I be able tosleep, if I have this sugary
something at 9 pm?
But, yeah, having the breathwork to kind of talk myself off
the ledge, I think that'sperfect.
Sandy Abrams (41:33):
It works.
Yeah, it works.
Talk myself off the ledge, Ithink that's perfect, it works,
yeah.
And again, I do believe in theindulging but knowing when it
feels best.
So like after the morning walk,what if you have like a
breakfast type cookie then,rather than at 9 pm, when you
know it's just going to sit andit will interrupt your sleep.
So the more that you start tolearn about your physiology and
(41:57):
your biochemistry and what feelsgood when I think we make
better choices as we are in themiddle of this, you know the
hormone change and stuff.
Michele Folan (42:07):
You know?
One other thing, just apractical tip here.
So oftentimes we have to have atough conversation yeah, could
be with your boss, your spouse,maybe it's your child, but I
mean, you're not going to dolion's breath in someone's face.
You're kidding, right Really?
Wait a minute, kid, let me.
Sandy Abrams (42:31):
If you both did it , you know it's really helpful.
Okay, If you both did it.
Michele Folan (42:34):
no, it's really helpful.
Okay, but you know we may notthink about it at the time when
we're getting ready to have thatconversation, because maybe
it's spur of the moment.
But what do you suggest to getyourself primed for a difficult?
Sandy Abrams (42:50):
talk.
It's such a great conversationand sometimes you might be the
one that doesn't have time toprime right, like you're in a
meeting and something is broughtto your attention in front of a
lot of people and, yeah, your,your nervous system immediately
is triggered.
And so that's when you do thebalancing breath of the five or
six on the inhale, five or sixon the exhale, and you just do
(43:13):
it through your nose on theinhale and the exhale and also
be comfortable in a silence, youdon't have to immediately
answer a question.
That's addressed and you canjust wait a second and take that
breath and if people getuncomfortable with the weight
(43:33):
that's on them, but even if it'sjust for you and it's a quick,
like three, three breath, you'retaking that few seconds to
pause and give yourselfpermission to get into a state
of mind where you can respondversus react.
And it changes the game because, like as a as a mom, you know,
(43:57):
I had two boys.
I have two boys and when theywere younger, their teenage
years, I would sometimes justyell or say something that I
regretted immediately afterthose words came out of my mouth
oh, get in line.
Right.
I mean, that's parenting, andso I feel like I learned to bite
(44:17):
my tongue and to not respondLike when my son either one
would say something that I foundreally shocking or surprising,
that they would even admit to meor bring up and taking a minute
to just be comfortable in thatspace in between, to bite my
tongue and not immediately saylike what are you talking about?
(44:38):
Why did that happen?
Why did you do this?
And just try to set the tonefor the conversation, because
energy is contagious and ifyou're going to match the upset
energy or that tone that mighthappen at a meeting, everything
can just go downhill quickly.
So I suggest just doing thebalancing or the down-regulating
(45:00):
, those longer exhales, and thenallowing yourself time to think
about an answer before yourespond and then continue to
think and continue to breathe,and it's not like lion's breath,
it's just the slow breath thatstarts at the belly.
Get out of the shallow rapidchest breath Because again,
(45:23):
that's just going to activateyour nervous system and keep you
in that state of fight orflight.
When you breathe more slowly,you're also getting better blood
flow to your brain.
You can think better whenyou're in a relaxed state.
You think more clearly when,fight or flight, you just want
to leave.
You want to run out that door,get out of that meeting, get
away from the person.
(45:44):
But that's what's importantabout taking agency over your
nervous system.
Michele Folan (45:49):
Every time Sandy says take a deep breath.
And I'm over here doing a deepbreath, and I'm going to bet you
, sure as God made green apples,that people listening to this
podcast are doing the exact samething.
They're intentionally aware oftheir breath and how they are
breathing in this very moment.
(46:09):
So, I think sometimes it's justthat little nudge to get you
started on this extremelyhealthy practice, and I think
for someone brand new, what doyou think would be the first
positive change that they'relikely to notice if they just
implement just a few goodpractices?
Sandy Abrams (46:31):
Feeling good, because with breath, you decide
I want to breathe this way sothat I feel this way.
It's kind of like the foodsituation, right, you know when
you grab ice cream it's becauseyou want comfort, but you know
you're not going to feel thatgreat later.
You know that if you're eatingprotein and leafy greens, you
(46:52):
know you're going to feelsustainable energy.
So you quickly influence yournervous system and you can feel
more calm and balanced andgrounded and centered.
You can also boost your energyby changing breath and all of a
sudden, you can also use amindset tool, which I talk about
in the book, which you can usea mantra.
(47:14):
So if you need to feel moreconfident in a situation, use a
mantra I am confident, I amready, I am, I am, I am.
And when you tell yourself howyou are and you use the
balancing breath, the pairing ofthose two things together, and
you create the embodied mindsetand energy that you want, and
(47:38):
then to me it's like addictive,because I want to feel a certain
way throughout the day, and soI use those mantras, I use
thoughts and I use those.
You know the the like tellingmyself um, I am confident, I'm
determined, I can do it.
I can like say kind things toyourself, like you would tell
(48:01):
your child or your best friend,say that to yourself and, as I
call it, like breathing andbelieving, and you breathe and
you create the thoughts and youcreate the energy, and then
watch.
That leads to strategic actionthat you've otherwise maybe been
afraid to take, or it leads tothat conversation that was
difficult or whatever, and it'sjust knowing that you have that
(48:25):
human superpower within you tocreate the thoughts, the mood,
the mindset, the energy that youneed in any given moment, and
the benefits are immediate.
You will quickly feel betterbecause you'll realize that
you're in charge of how you feel, and how you feel is directly
linked to how you feel.
Michele Folan (48:46):
Okay, this is so timely because yesterday I
interviewed a woman who is atthe heart of manifestation.
Okay, and what you are sayingis it's not just positive
self-talk you are laying thegroundwork for how your whole
(49:10):
day will go.
So you're tying in the breathwith good things are going to
happen today.
You know.
You sit there and you ask forthings in your life, act as if
you've already got them and tiethat into your breath and see
how much better your day goes.
Sandy Abrams (49:29):
It's magical.
I can't wait to listen to thatepisode because you know, yeah,
I'm into manifesting too, andbreath is energy, it's your life
force.
And also I think my dad hadtold me something when I was
young.
That was like there's a quote Iforget who it's attributed to,
but it is.
You can't afford the luxury ofa negative thought.
And that really hit me andresonated.
(49:52):
And then recently I read a bookcalled Don't Always Believe
what you Think.
I read a book called Don'tAlways Believe what you Think.
I think it was by Joseph Nguyen, but it's spelled N-G-U-Y-E-N
and it's fabulous.
It's a quick read and it talksabout again the power of your
thoughts and how they influencenot just your day, but your week
(50:14):
, your month, your years, yourdecades.
It turns into who you are, andso so many people that I meet
have had that inner dialogue.
That's negative, it's just onloop for decades at this point.
But the good news is it is nevertoo late to rewire that inner
(50:34):
dialogue and to be kinder toyourself, and that's
neuroplasticity.
You can change that right nowby noticing or thinking about oh
yeah, I've been repeating I amnot enough, I am not this, I am
not that.
For so long.
Flip the script, Come up with anew mantra right now.
That is I am Maybe it's threedifferent things I am ABC and
(50:58):
empower yourself with that,breathe into it, believe it, act
like it.
And then you start takingactions and all of a sudden,
instead of one day thinking toyourself how did I get here?
You're in a bad place, youthink to yourself how did I get
here?
This is wonderful, yeah, thisis all good stuff.
Michele Folan (51:16):
I hope people are going.
Yes, yes, yes, right, yay, I'dlove to know what your own daily
breath routine looks like.
Now I know, okay.
So if you follow Sandy which Ithink you should she lives right
on the beach, so she's out onthe beach every day walking, so
don't feel sorry for her, but Iknow she has a breath practice
(51:40):
that she does do every day, soplease share.
Sandy Abrams (51:43):
Yeah, I wake up in the morning and the first thing
I do actually is TMTranscendental Meditation.
So instead of even if I'm alittle tired, instead of going
back to sleep I love.
The one thing I love aboutmidlife is I get up so early,
right, like that alarm clockgoes off earlier that natural
alarm clock, and I really loveit.
(52:04):
And so when I open my eyes inthe morning, I sit up and I do
20 minutes of meditation andthen my breath practice is the
boosting, the Wim Hof method,and I adapt it.
Sometimes I want to do 30 ofthe full, robust breaths, and
then I do a long hold after theexhale and a short one on the
(52:25):
inhale.
I do three rounds of that andthen I take a cold shower cold
only, it's insane.
My son was the one that got meinto that.
It's also part of Wim Hofphilosophy.
But you get that hit ofdopamine.
And then I head right out tonature to get outside, to walk
(52:48):
and enjoy nature, and so whileI'm walking, I also do sometimes
I do listen to a podcast, butagain, this is what I love about
breath I can listen to apodcast, but again, this is what
I love about breath I canlisten to a podcast and I can
also breathe, and so I'll dolike humming breath, which is
relaxing, and there's so muchspace on the beach Like nobody
can hear me.
And so with humming breath, youinhale through the nose and then
(53:11):
you make a humming, buzzingsound for the entire length of
the exhale, like this, for theentire exhale.
And humming breath, also knownas bumblebee breath, is so
powerful to relax and calm yournervous system Because I do like
to balance from my boostingbreath in the morning to doing
(53:32):
more balancing breaths andrelaxing breath.
And also that humming itgenerates 15 times the nitric
oxide in your nasal cavity andnitric oxide is a vasodilator,
so the blood vessels open up,you get more blood flow to your
brain while you're relaxing yournervous system, and so humming
breath it's fun and I'll do thatand also do some slower breath
(53:57):
practices without even thinkingabout it honestly.
And that's the beauty of justdoing breath practice in small
moments all day long, wheneveryou think about it and attaching
it to those other things thatyou're already doing, then it
just becomes second nature andagain you'll tap into that
energy that you like so muchmore often.
(54:18):
But yeah, I mean breath, it's insmall moments for me all day
long and I do like when I get inmy car, I always take the first
couple of minutes.
When I walk to the restroom,when I walk to an errand in my
neighborhood, I'm always usingthose moments to breathe and to
(54:39):
think about what I'm thinkingalso, and just always
recalibrating thoughts andbreath and again it becomes so
second nature that it's not likeyou said in the beginning.
You're not like asking peopleto add an extra step, it just
happens, yeah.
Michele Folan (54:58):
It becomes second nature.
Yep, yeah, and I'll liken thatto how I eat now, after having
gone through the Faster Wayprogram.
I don't even think about itanymore.
It's just how I approach foodand it doesn't stress me out.
It doesn't add another layer ofcomplexity to my life.
(55:20):
It's just the way I do thingsnow.
So I I like I love the factthat it this is something that
anybody can do.
Sandy Abrams (55:30):
Anybody, and it is the same with Faster Ways.
Your philosophy is about eatingand exercising.
You know that it's good for youand you know how good you feel
after, and so you start to justmake more better decisions than
the other decisions.
But again, sometimes if youdon't feel like working out,
(55:52):
it's okay, don't Go read themagazine, go sit outside with
nature.
It's okay to eat the treat,it's okay to not think about
your breath.
And then when you get back tothose things, the healthy
choices, you just feel 10 Xbetter and so, yeah, everything
becomes easier.
(56:12):
So practical, so practical,sandy.
Much better than the decisionswe used to make back in college
yeah.
Michele Folan (56:19):
So Sandy and I've known each other for 30,
whatever, 35 years, 40 years.
How long it's so 40, 35 yearsand plus?
Are we, are we?
Yeah, we are aren't.
Oh, shoot, yeah, it is 40.
Yeah, oh Lord.
(56:40):
Oh, it's 40, plus years when Ithink about it.
Sandy Abrams (56:44):
Okay, All right, but that's good.
We're still here, we're feelinggood and making better
decisions.
Michele Folan (56:52):
That's all Most days, except for last night,
just staying out too late, yikes, but that's okay, that is, you
know, being social and beingaround friends, right, that's
part of it, it is.
It's so important, yeah, thatcommunity is.
Yeah, all right, sandy, wherecan people find Breathe to
(57:13):
Succeed?
Sandy Abrams (57:13):
and find you, sandy Abrams, you can find
Breathe to Succeed in anybookstore or you can ask your
indie local bookstore, or it'son Amazon, of course, and you
can find me on Instagram, whereI'm always sharing daily little
snippets of breath or just myphilosophies about how to easily
and seamlessly integrate smallmoments of mindful breath that
(57:36):
are life-changing into your life.
So Instagram is at Sandy AbramsS-A-N-D-Y-A-B-R-A-M-S, and I'm
on LinkedIn as well, because Ido a lot of corporate work, so
share the same type things there, and that's it.
Michele Folan (57:54):
Yeah, sandy, thanks for being here.
This is a lot of fun.
Sandy Abrams (57:57):
Thank you, Michele .
I always love talking to you.
Thank you and thank you forthis podcast.
It's a wealth of informationthat I always enjoy.
It's just a thrill to be on it.
Thank you.
Michele Folan (58:06):
Sandy, thank you for listening.
Please rate and review thepodcast where you listen and if
you'd like to join the Askingfor a Friend community, click on
the link in the show notes tosign up for my weekly newsletter
, where I share midlife wellnessand fitness tips, insights, my
favorite finds and recipes.
Looking for a speaker who actually gets
midlife women.
I'm Michele Folan, midlifehealth coach and host of the
Asking for a Friend podcast.
Whether I'm speaking to women'sgroups or moderating health
panels, I bring straight talk,humor and science-backed
strategies that motivate womento take action.
From bone health to hormones tostaying strong for the long
haul.
I make complex health simpleand inspiring.
(00:20):
Want me at your next event.
Reach out through the emaillink.
In the long haul, I makecomplex health simple and
inspiring.
Want me at your next event.
Reach out through the emaillink in the show notes Health,
wellness, fitness and everythingin between.
We're removing the taboo fromwhat really matters in midlife.
(00:42):
I'm your host, Michele Folan,and this is Asking for a Friend.
Midlife is loud.
Hormones shifting, stressspiking, sleep disappearing.
We're told to try moresupplements, more hacks, more
everything but the most powerfultool.
You already own everything, butthe most powerful tool you
(01:07):
already own your breath.
Today, I'm joined by my dearfriend, Sandy Abrams,
entrepreneur, breath coach andauthor of Breathe to Succeed.
Sandy has taught women andteams at companies like Google
how to use simple breathpractices to lower cortisol,
calm hot flashes, improve sleepand handle stressful moments
with ease.
We're cutting through the noiseand giving midlife women
practical breath.
(01:27):
Tools you can use in 60 secondsor less.
Sandy Abrams, welcome to Askingfor a Friend.
Sandy Abrams (01:35):
Thank you, Michele .
This is one of my favoritepodcasts and I'm thrilled to be
here because I'm sure we'll belaughing.
Michele Folan (01:42):
Yes, oh, we will be laughing, and we're laughing
already, because I ate yogurtbefore we started recording and
I'm a little phlegmy and Sandyknows she does a podcast, she
knows this.
Doing yogurt or any dairybefore you record is not a great
idea.
Sandy Abrams (02:00):
But did you know that laughter is my favorite
kind of breath and so it wasgreat?
We started our conversationwith you coughing and getting
that phlegm up, and so this isgreat.
Michele Folan (02:13):
I'm so excited to have you here because you're
not just a guest, you're my dearfriend and we've had so many
conversations off mic aboutmidlife and everything that
women are navigating.
You know, it's not just sleepand hot flashes, it's.
(02:33):
I think we're carrying aheavier load than ever and you
would think that we've gotten tothis point in life that we
should be letting some of thatgo.
What is going on?
Sandy Abrams (02:45):
Good question, Michele.
What is going on?
I have no idea, and that's whatI love about our conversations
that even though we're both outthere in the world and we're
sharing our insights andeducating people on certain
things, we are always stillasking ourselves you know what's
going on, how can we helpwhat's happening, how can we do
(03:06):
something, how can we takeagency, even a little bit, every
single day.
And that's what I love aboutour conversations and that's
what I love about what I do,because you can't master life,
and especially these days.
I do agree that we're carryinga heavy load.
Our modern lives, withtechnology moving at the speed
(03:30):
of.
We were not built to consumethe amount of information that
we receive every day, and so Ithink it all just starts with
self-awareness and trying tomanage stress in small moments
every single day, because we'llnever get ahead of it.
But we need to just be mindfulevery day about managing stress
(03:53):
because, yes, it's there andit's heavier than ever and it's
moving faster than ever.
Michele Folan (03:58):
Well, and this week, with Faster Way, we are
doing a cortisol reset.
I have never seen so muchengagement with my clients as I
have this week.
I feel like we're at thisprecipice of, I think, of
awareness right Of how stressaffects us and it's that
(04:21):
profound effect not just affectsus and it's that profound
effect not just our minds butour bodies and how our bodies
respond to that.
It's really incredible.
But I think the awareness pieceis the first step.
Sandy Abrams (04:34):
And I'm not surprised that you're having a
great response for that, becauseI feel like it's podcasts like
yours and conversations like wehave all the time where we're
just planting the seed withpeople, like just to be more
self-aware, because I thinkwhat's happening is, you know,
these platforms, social mediaplatforms, were designed for the
(04:54):
dopamine hit and so, no matterhow mindful you are, it's
science that, like, even my handstill reflexively grabs from my
phone when I didn't even thinkto myself I want that or I need
that and so, yeah.
So I think that it's wonderfulthat you're getting a great
response for that, because, yeah, cortisol, you know, is
(05:15):
important on so many levels, andalso just being aware of the
physical manifestations ofstress in your mind and your
body, and the more that youpractice breath because breath
really helps you reconnect toyourself so the more that you
practice breath in small moments, the more aware you become of
(05:36):
oh, wow, my heart's racing, oh,or oh wow, that I feel that
headache coming on or my stomachfeels uncomfortable or whatever
it is Like.
For me, it's like my shouldersand neck that's where I feel it
first, and my shoulders are upto my ears, and so it's like you
notice, you change your breathand you can change your
physiology.
And breath Isn't just, you know, most people think it's for in
(05:59):
that crisis moment, like, justbreathe, it'll calm you down and
while it does deliver in thatsituation, you can calm, balance
or boost your energy, your mood, your mindset simply by
changing your breath.
Michele Folan (06:13):
Yeah, I have to go back here because Sandy was a
guest on episode four of thepodcast.
Four of the podcast.
I have like 169 episodes now.
So first of all, can youbelieve?
Sandy Abrams (06:30):
that, yes, I knew you would be a natural and that
it would be a podcast.
Michele Folan (06:42):
You're really sweet, but Sandy was a big part
of this because she helped me agreat deal with just learning
the nuts and bolts of podcasting, so thank you for that.
So, anyway, I had to.
I had to bring that up, thankyou.
You know, at some point thoughand we don't have to go into
your whole genesis of how yougot to where you are, but I do
want to dig in a little bit onwhen you realized that breath
(07:06):
was this overlooked tool.
Sandy Abrams (07:09):
Yeah, and that was a long time ago and it still is
so underutilized.
I had my own sort of aha momentwith breath in a yoga class
back in 1989 when I firststarted yoga, and I am wired to
be just fast paced.
I'm a type A entrepreneur and Iloved yoga because I started
(07:33):
this rigorous practice that wascalled power yoga at the time
and I just loved it.
But I was known as the girl wholeft yoga class right before
Shavasana because, like, why dowe need to lie there and be
still for the last five minutesof every single class?
And I started to go to thestudio every day, sometimes
(07:55):
twice a day, because I loved itso much.
And the teacher started callingme out and they would explain
that that pose, known asShavasana or corpse pose, is the
most important pose in yoga.
And it literally blew my mindbecause I just I didn't know
anything about the ROI ofstillness.
(08:16):
And so shortly after that Igave it a try out of respect for
the practice, which I loved,and the teachers who I loved,
and I was lying there and mypalms were sweaty, my heart was
racing but I was listening toher cues about slowing down your
breath and all of a sudden, itwas like you hear that music in
(08:36):
your head and it was the firsttime I ever felt stillness in my
body and that was my aha momentand it made me curious about
taking that power of those.
It was three deep breaths offmy yoga mat and into my life to
try to find some stillness in myday, because it was right then
(08:57):
that I realized how fast I wasmoving all the time.
Then I went into a deeper diveabout just a little bit, about
some different kinds of breath,and I started practicing every
single day and it continues tosave me from myself every single
day, in small moments.
And what I love about breath isthat it's free, it's accessible
(09:20):
to everyone, and even now, inour modern world.
Yes, there are great apps thathave breath practices and guided
breath practices, but the truthis you can use it in real time
when you need it most, withoutany equipment, without any wifi
and just the basic foundation.
The basic foundationalprinciples of mindful breath are
(09:42):
so simple and they allow you totake agency over your nervous
system, so that in real time,you're having a difficult
conversation or you're on abumpy flight all of a sudden, or
you get news that wascompletely unexpected.
You know how to immediatelycheck in with yourself, calm
your nervous system and learnhow to respond versus react, and
(10:08):
also learn how to manage stress, because stress these days is
the biggest source of doctor'svisits I think it's something
like 80 some odd percent ofdoctor visits these days are
stress related, and stress ispreventable and manageable.
Michele Folan (10:24):
Oh man, you are not kidding.
I'm going to take a quick break, sandy, and when we come back
let's talk about what's going onout there in the realm of
stress.
So how's that nightly wineo'clock working out for you?
Or those 3 pm carb crashes thatmake you want to faceplant on
your desk?
And let's not even talk aboutthe look your doctor gave you at
your last checkup carb crashesthat make you want to face plant
(10:45):
on your desk.
And let's not even talk aboutthe look your doctor gave you at
your last checkup.
Yeah, that look.
Listen, midlife isn't a freepass to let your health slide.
You can't just hope your genesstill fit and call it good.
If you don't take charge now,your body's going to send you a
bill later and, trust me, it'sexpensive.
That's where the faster way tofat loss comes in.
(11:07):
We're talking real strategies,fueling with the right macros,
strength training that actuallyworks and habits that keep you
out of the nursing home and onthe dance floor.
So what's it going to be?
More excuses or more muscle?
Your move?
The link's in the show notes.
Come join me.
Okay, we are back.
(11:29):
You know, before we took thebreak, you were talking about
how many doctor visits areattributed to stress when you
start thinking about what'sgoing on.
With midlife women, we maystill have kids at home.
With midlife women, we maystill have kids at home.
(11:49):
We have kids that have flownthe coop.
But I always say bigger kids,bigger problems.
We may be caring for parentsright now.
We may be in job transition,trying to figure out how we're
going to retire.
We may be losing a marriage,how we're going to retire, we
may be losing a marriage.
So there's all these things andI would love to kind of talk
(12:10):
about how we, throughout our day, take different modes of breath
and how we can apply those forcertain moments moments?
Sandy Abrams (12:30):
Sure, it's a great question, and breath is.
Dr Elissa Epple is a stressexpert and she has so eloquently
said that breath is the fastest, most direct path to relieve
stress in the body.
And it is so.
Again, it starts with thatself-awareness, noticing how you
feel.
Because these days, again, withour devices all the time in
front of us, we tend to live onautopilot mode, so our breath is
(12:52):
shallow, rapid, we're not eventhinking about it.
And when you're in thatautopilot default mode, that
actually keeps you in alow-grade state of chronic
stress, and when you're in thatstate you can't build health
while you're ingrade state ofchronic stress.
And when you're in that state,you can't build health while
you're in a state of chronicstress.
So that's why small moments ofbreath make such a difference.
(13:14):
And the more you practice thosesmall moments of relaxing and
also balancing breath and I'llgive you a couple of practices
in just a second the more youpractice, the more it just
becomes second nature.
And so that's preventative forstress to build up, because
while you're walking to therestroom, while you're filling
(13:34):
your water bottle, while you'restanding in line for coffee, you
just take the mindful, slowerbreaths that immediately signal
your nervous system.
I'm safe, I'm calm, becausebefore you know it, you are
building up that stress again.
Because you looked at yourphone, you saw an email you
didn't like, you saw somethingon social that triggered
(13:55):
something, and so it's just allabout doing breath when you
don't need it, doing mindful,slower breathing when you don't
need it, because then you canturn on a dime so much faster
when you do need it.
Michele Folan (14:08):
You brought this up and I want to say this how
often are we in line at the bank, in line at Starbucks, at a
stoplight, and we pick up ourphone, and we pick up our phone.
(14:28):
What if we took those smallmoments and, instead of picking
up that damn phone, take sometime to do some very intentional
breath work?
Sandy Abrams (14:34):
Yes.
Michele Folan (14:35):
Yes, Yay.
Sandy Abrams (14:37):
Michele, like, yes , a full body.
Yes to that, because and it'sgame changing and I know that
this community will get itbecause you will see immediate
difference and I think I also.
That reminds me that I want tomention the most important time
to utilize the power of breathand staying connected to
(14:59):
yourself is, first thing in themorning, to give up that reflex
to grab for your phone, to lookat your device, to scroll,
because you feel like it'srelaxing, it is crashing your
day.
And so if in the morning, whenyou get up, instead of reaching
for your phone, that's the firstmoment where you close your
(15:21):
eyes again and you just take therelaxing breaths, the breaths
that aren't in the chest andthey're not fast, they start
down at your belly and you takea slow inhale through your nose.
A proper deep breath.
Deep, slow, nourishing breathis around five or six seconds on
the inhale.
So let's just take one now andpeople can close their eyes if
(15:44):
they want.
So let's just take one now andpeople can close their eyes if
they want.
And also notice, when you closeyour eyes, that can feel so
luxurious.
You're setting that boundaryfrom external distractions, from
looking at that blue light togoing inward and just checking
in with yourself.
And then you start the breathdown at the belly and you inhale
(16:04):
through your nose slowly,lightly, and then you fill up
and then you trace the breath upto the chest and then you
slowly exhale through the noseor the mouth, on the exhale for
that same five or six seconds.
That's called a coherent breath, that's a balancing breath.
(16:26):
And again, you don't have toclose your eyes.
You can do this one whileyou're in line or while you're
walking or while you're driving,and you just are balancing your
nervous system.
That mindful breath, it's thelove language of the nervous
system.
So you've just spoke thelanguage to your nervous system
that again says I'm safe, I'mwell, I'm balanced, I'm calm.
And you've just spoke thelanguage to your nervous system
that again says I'm safe, I'mwell, I'm balanced, I'm calm,
(16:48):
and you can do those on the go.
So now I forgot what was thequestion.
Michele Folan (16:55):
Is that for you or what?
No, but it's starting the dayout very mindful, right.
Yes, we have to set our day upright, and part of that is I
tell my clients get outside inthe morning, get sunshine, get
that light in the back of youreyes to reset your circadian
(17:16):
rhythm.
Make this breath technique partof that moment where you get to
reset everything.
Actually, you should probablydo while you're still lying in
bed.
Sandy Abrams (17:28):
Yeah, but, as you know, I love my morning beach
walks to get outside first thingin the morning, and then I also
do some boosting breath work inthe morning while I'm still
lying in bed, and then I balanceit with the slower, more
balancing practices while I'mwalking, because that I agree
(17:51):
that pairing of breath when youfirst get up, instead of looking
at your device and then gettingoutside, getting that light
even if it's overcast, you stillget that kind of light that
will help regulate circadianrhythm.
And with sleep, as you talkabout so much, with sleep being
such a key pillar of wellness,it really is important to get
outside first thing and youstart to regulate circadian
(18:11):
rhythm and then also, wheneverpossible, get outside in the
late afternoon or early eveningduring summer for the sunset
light to again down-regulateyour nervous system but also
help to regulate the circadianrhythm.
It's so beneficial and you'llsleep so much better.
Michele Folan (18:28):
Oh yeah, Actually I was talking with a client
this morning and she reallystruggles with sleep.
She knows who she is.
She may listen to this podcast,but we were talking about early
morning evening.
Go walk the dog after dinner.
You're getting tons of bang foryour buck.
So you're getting that earlymorning or early evening light,
(18:51):
you're helping your blood sugarDo some breath work to set the
stage for a good night's sleep.
I just think there's so many wecan wrap breath into all these
other habits.
We're not adding just one more,you know thing right, because I
think there's that overwhelm.
Oh God, Michele, you're addingone more thing.
Sandy Abrams (19:14):
Exactly, and this is not adding, it's just.
It's like habit stacking.
You're just supplementing.
All of the other wellnessmodalities are amplified and
they're more effective when youbreathe in certain ways along
with them.
So all of your vital systemswork better when your
respiratory system is optimized.
(19:36):
And also regarding the sleepthing, which I also talk to so
many people who just don't sleepwell, when you just get in bed
and you think you're going to beable to fall asleep right away,
and then your mind startsracing and ruminating.
The rumination is what causesstress.
That's where slow breathingcomes in, so helpful, because
(19:58):
otherwise it's like trying topark a car while your foot is on
the gas pedal.
You need to spend just a fewminutes down-regulating your
nervous system before you expectto go to sleep.
It makes all the difference inthe world, and so for that
there's two breath practicesthat I love, and the general
rule of thumb in order to relaxyour nervous system is to make
(20:22):
your exhales twice as long asyour inhales.
So, as you're in bed, start tobreathe in through your nose to
a count of about four, if you'rea new breather, and then, as
you exhale through your nose ormouth, try for a count of six
and then maybe seven or eight,and then, as you begin to
(20:43):
practice, your inhales mightextend to five or six, and then
your exhales might extend toeven longer.
And within two or three minutesyou notice how your nervous
system feels.
You notice that you'vedownregulated, your heart rate
is slowing.
It's those exhales, the longexhales, is when your heart rate
(21:04):
slows down, and so that's great.
And then Dr Andrew Weil, theintegrative medicine doctor.
He created 4-7-8.
So it's that same principleInhale to 4, exhales double long
at eight, and in the middle youretain the breath.
And if you're not used toholding your breath, retaining
for a count of seven might seema little bit much.
(21:26):
So try just retaining thebreath for two, a two second
count, then three and then four,and you'll notice when you
retain the breath in the middlethere guess what happens?
Your thoughts usually shift tothe fact that, oh, I'm retaining
my breath, so you've stoppedthe ruminating, and that the
four, seven, eight will get meback to sleep in the middle of
(21:48):
the night like clockwork in twoor three minutes.
So yeah, those breath practicesare so helpful for sleep, yeah.
Michele Folan (21:57):
It's the counting that helps me.
If I'm counting, I'm notthinking about what I have to do
the next day or whatever'sgoing on in my life, whatever.
Whatever, you know, here iswhat I think we deal with a lot,
and I was sharing with Sandythat I had the lovely
(22:18):
opportunity last night to meetup with some former work
colleagues.
So much fun.
But you know I was out pastnine o'clock, which is I'm
getting way too old to hang outwith these people sometimes.
But they're wonderful and itwas such a treat to see
everybody.
But I'm exhausted today, wiredand tired.
(22:42):
How do we manage that wired andtired afternoon where we just
were hitting a wall?
Do you want to say what youactually called it this morning?
Oh, I said I was dragging ass.
Do you want to say what youactually called it this morning?
Oh, I said I was dragging ass.
Sandy Abrams (22:57):
I was like what?
I've never heard that before.
But I get it, I get it, itworks, it works.
And yes, the wired and tired isdefinitely very common and
again, breathwork helps for thatin different ways.
And so what I love about breath, again, is that it's
(23:18):
customizable.
So often I really like torelease physical stress and
tension before I will go intorelaxation breath practices.
So for Wired and Tired it mightseem like sort of like a
contradictory to do some reallyrobust breath practices, but I
(23:40):
really like that.
So I might do.
First of all, I might just dosome shaking of my hands,
stomping of my feet, doing likelion's breath, which is when you
close your eyes and then youtake a deep inhale and on the
exhale you shake out your hands,you stomp your eyes and then
you take a deep inhale and onthe exhale you shake out your
hands, you stomp your feet, youstick out your tongue, you bulge
(24:01):
open your eyes, you sort ofroar like a lion that's why it's
called lion's breath and yourelease physical stress and
tension.
So when you're feeling wired ithelps to just release.
So get that out first, or youcan do a boosting breath
practice if you find that itworks for you.
However, there is acontraindication to some of the
(24:24):
boosting breath practices, likethe really popular Wim Hof
method, which is where you'retaking really deep, fast breaths
for like 25 or 30 times andthen you do a long breath hold
on the exhale and a shorterbreath hold on the inhale.
You can adapt that.
But if you tend to have panicattacks or if you're pregnant,
(24:47):
things like that, there arecertain contraindications to the
more extreme breath versions,especially the ones that involve
hyperventilating or holdingyour breath.
So you find what works for youand if you're wired and tired
and you get that physical out,the physical manifestations of
stress, then I feel like thebalancing breath is restorative
(25:10):
and it's really nice to just situp either on a chair or a couch
and close your eyes and, foreven just three minutes, do the
balancing breath, that coherentbreath of slowly inhaling to a
count of about five, slowlyexhaling to a count of about six
, five or six, and then that'slike it's also known as
(25:35):
non-sleep deep rest, and it'slike taking a mini nap.
And your body even though thatwas a calming and balancing
exercise you actually restoreeverything, all of the vital
systems in your mind and body.
So when you open your eyesafter three or five minutes, you
feel completely rebalanced,reset, open mind, you have the
(25:59):
space that's needed, you havethat headspace for creativity,
you don't have brain fog anylonger and you feel so connected
to yourself.
So, yeah, so it starts withbeing self-aware of yeah, you
know what I feel tired thismorning, or I am wired and tired
and then going to thosepractices that you know work for
(26:22):
you.
Maybe it is only slow breath,maybe it is boosting breath,
maybe it's a combination.
There's really no rules.
You mix and match for whatfeels good in your body.
Michele Folan (26:32):
You know, it was probably three and a half years
ago.
Well, it was probably aroundthe time you were on my podcast
the first time and Dr AndrewHuberman, which we all know
Huberman Labs he was talkingabout.
Even at Stanford Medical Center, they had protocols, breath
(26:54):
protocols for patients.
I mean we've missed somethinghere.
I mean, you know, we haven'tmade this really mainstream and
it really should be.
Sandy Abrams (27:05):
Yeah, that is really my mission for this
career 2.0, because doctorsdon't talk about it.
I mean, even you know you gofor your annual physical exam
and the doctor never asks howare you breathing?
And how you're breathing is howyou are.
It is so indicative of yourlevel of stress.
And so these conversations areso important because, yeah, it
(27:30):
is the fastest, most effectivebreath tool and Andrew
Huberman's lab last year was theone that did that research on
the physiological psi, andscience is finally catching up
with these breath practices thathave been part of yoga and
Eastern philosophies forthousands of years.
But I think, because theyhaven't been peer-reviewed in
(27:52):
the most elite scientificjournals until now, that it's
been sort of ignored.
And so that physiological sidethat he talks about it's two
parts on the inhale.
So the first part of the inhaleyou fill your lungs almost
three quarters of the way full,and then the second part you
completely fill up, so theinhale sounds like this fill up.
(28:17):
So the inhale sounds like thisand then the exhale through the
mouth, and his labscientifically proved that
that's the fastest breath tocalm your nervous system.
And I think the reason thatbreath is still underutilized is
because it's just sciencereally hasn't caught up and now
it is.
Now there are studies moreabout it, but it's really
(28:39):
lacking in regard to women,hormones, menopause,
perimenopause, menopause, posteverything.
And so there are some like.
I work with the Health and HumanPerformance Foundation, which
is run by an incredible woman,Tanya Bentley.
She's a PhD who studies breathand its effects on it, and she's
(29:01):
around our age and I had askedher.
I didn't know her and I reachedout to her one time a few years
ago and said what's with thepower of breath for hormones?
Because I really did have itpretty easy all the way through
from perimenopause to where I amnow and I said is there a
relationship between the powerof breath, which I've been
(29:22):
practicing for over 30 years,and this hormonal balance or
imbalance?
And she said there's really alack of that research.
And so now her health and HumanPerformance Foundation is
working on that, and now youfinally have people like Oprah
and Maria Shriver andcelebrities who are in their 60s
(29:44):
and up finally talking aboutmenopause and what we can do,
and I feel like breath isdefinitely a modality that helps
because, number one, when youhave, say, you know, a hot flash
at night, it triggers anxiety,or what if you have a hot flash
(30:05):
and you're at a businessfunction or you're in a meeting,
or you're leading a meeting oryou're speaking on stage or
something and all of a suddenyou just want to pull off your
top and you get red and you'resweating Breath.
Again it can be used somecalming breaths to signal your
nervous system to not let it getblown out of proportion, and
(30:28):
again you calm the nervoussystem, because how you feel in
your nervous system is reflectedin everything in the way that
you speak, in the way that youact, in the way that you,
everything.
So again, just using thoseslower, mindful, relaxing and
balancing breaths will help sothat you don't get out of
control the minute that hotflash happens, because it's
(30:52):
usually not in the optimal place, it's not when you were just
about to get in the shower andyou know whatever it's like
inconvenient.
Michele Folan (31:01):
You're by yourself.
Sandy Abrams (31:04):
It's like so that's a great time to just tap
into breath and also, whenyou've been practicing for a
little while, you you'll havethat security of knowing this is
okay, I can control it and youjust.
I mean, you know, maybe youcan't control the level of sweat
or heat that you feel, but youcan control the nervous system
(31:25):
and just be kind to yourself Canyou define the difference
between parasympathetic andsympathetic?
Yeah.
So it's sort of like night andday.
We need both in our lives.
And the sympathetic nervoussystem, also known as fight or
flight, is what gets us up inthe morning or what keeps us
safe from.
(31:46):
In the olden days that was whatkept us safe from the tiger or
whatever.
And the parasympathetic nervoussystem is also known as rest
and digest.
So one is activating, which isgreat.
We need that.
We need that in the morning toget up.
We need that to be energizedand to think clearly.
The rest and digest, theparasympathetic now, is just a
(32:09):
balancer now for our nervoussystems, because we live in
fight or flight mode and ournervous system is not built for
that.
That's what starts to triggerand for stress to build.
So it's really important thatyou find the balance, just like
night and day.
It's really important to turnoff, to sleep.
That's where all therestoration happens in your
(32:31):
brain and in your body.
So it's just it's important forpeople to understand the
balance.
That sympathetic nervous systemis not bad, and that's where I
think that's sort of a myth thatpeople think you know, oh, I
can't live in that sympatheticnervous system because it's bad.
It's not bad, but it's harmfulif you're not balancing it with
(32:52):
rest and digest andparasympathetic.
And I know you're such anadvocate for physical fitness
and for eating well, and so Ijust want to touch on where
breath can help you with that.
Getting into rest and digest,relaxation mode before you eat
is really important.
It makes such a difference.
If you're eating while you'redoing emails and your body's in
(33:14):
fight or flight, you cannotabsorb all the nutrients, you
cannot digest well, and so manypeople don't realize why they
don't really feel well aftereating lunch and doing emails.
That's why, and also, 70% oftoxins leave the body through
the breath, holy cow.
(33:34):
So if you're not fullybreathing well and optimizing
your respiratory system, you'renot fully using detoxification,
which is big for metabolism too.
And so, and with fitness, I wasjust reading Dr Peter Atiyah's
book called Outlive.
Have you read it?
Michele Folan (33:53):
No, but I love him.
Sandy Abrams (33:55):
Yeah, he's so good and it's the kind of book where
I just sort of read littleparts at once.
Otherwise it's overwhelmingbecause it's so big, but it's so
informative.
And recently I went back tothis part that said that
striving for physical wellnessis meaningless if emotional
health suffers, becauseemotional issues will decimate
(34:18):
your health if they're notaddressed.
So it's true.
It's like you focus so much onphysical activity and eating the
right things, but if you're notrelieving stress and taking
agency over your emotionalissues, it's not working.
Michele Folan (34:35):
Yeah, I want to go back to something you said
about eating and being, you know, dialed into your electronics
or email or whatever, and Ithink this would be a good time
for just a reminder to everyoneand I am guilty of this, so this
is a reminder for me as well.
Right, but let's think aboutwhen you're eating lunch,
(34:59):
because that's usually when wemay be by ourselves is to sit
down.
Don't stand at the counter likeI do 90% of the time for
breakfast and lunch.
Sit down, put the phone away,put the laptop away, read a
magazine, read Sandy's book,breathe to Succeed, read Dr
(35:22):
Atiyah's book.
But I think that's a greatpractice to get into the habit
of let your body take thatmoment to process your food,
because if you are in asympathetic state, then you're
probably not getting everythingout of that meal that you want,
(35:45):
definitely.
The other thing that Sandymentioned was is that we need
the sympathetic as much as weneed the parasympathetic, and we
talk a lot about that withcortisol.
Cortisol in itself is not bad.
We need to have cortisol.
It can go rogue.
There are steps that we cantake to manage that, just like
we can managing our bodies inthat sympathetic state, but you
(36:09):
have to be aware and have thosetools.
So I think this is.
I just love this.
Sandy Abrams (36:16):
Yeah, and I think, regarding the being mindful
while you're eating, also thinkabout it as being productive,
the act of resting and actuallylooking at your food and
enjoying what you actually tookthe time to buy and to make, or
even if it was deliveredwhatever, you probably spent a
(36:37):
decent amount of money on thatlunch.
So think of the time spenteating.
Even if it's just 15 minutesand you make it mindful, you're
being more productive duringthat time than emailing while
you're eating.
That is not productive, it'scausing problems and that's
another myth that I feel likemidlife women mistake busyness
(37:01):
for productivity, rest and beingin that parasympathetic part of
your nervous system, the restand digest calming part.
That's where the healinghappens.
It is so productive to giveyourself rest and so if we can
shift that in our thought, thenthere will be no guilt of like
(37:22):
yes, I'm going to read the paperor read a magazine, read People
magazine, like whatever.
Go to your guilty pleasures,turn on Netflix, watch Netflix,
whatever it is, but just allowyour mind to sort of just clear
and sometimes just do nothingbut look at your food or just
feel how nourishing it can feelto rest and do nothing.
(37:47):
Just look around, eat outside,look at nature.
Sit close to a window and justobserve nature.
Close to a window and justobserve nature, whatever it is.
Think of that time resting timeand slowing down and
reconnecting to yourself as themost productive and nourishing
thing you can often do.
Michele Folan (38:05):
Okay, Since we're on the food topic, this is a
great segue, because one thingthat I know women really
struggle with are food cravings.
It could be sugar, salty snacks, even alcohol.
How can we incorporate breathinto those moments when we're
(38:30):
having those cravings?
Sandy Abrams (38:32):
Okay, hold on, I'm going to put away my chocolate
and my tortilla chip.
Hold on just a second, because,yes, I'm an emotional eater too
, and so I think again, likewith breathwork, it starts with
self-awareness and it startswith just being more mindful,
because the older I got, themore I realized I can't really
(38:54):
get off track as often as I usedto.
And, yeah, the sugar cravingsare real, and so it's an
adjustment of noticing like,especially in the evenings for
me, I used to always wantsomething sweet, and now I've
gotten into intermittent fasting, which has really helped me cut
(39:17):
off my eating window earlier inthe evening and I don't crave
as much.
It doesn't mean I don't craveit, but when I do, I do turn to
breath and I also ask myself whyam I craving that?
And it's always emotional, it'scomfort food.
I just want to like get into acarb coma and just like numb
(39:38):
myself out or whatever, and soI'll do the other things.
I also now just don't want toeat later at night because I'll
gain weight so much easier.
So I'll either go outside again, take a little bit of a walk,
or I'll do the calming breathwork, sort of talk myself off
the ledge, and you just feel somuch better the next morning
(40:00):
that then you realize you canbreak the cycle.
However, I also believe thatself-care can look like a
delicious salted chocolate chipcookie sometimes, and that's
okay, as long as you don't eatit and then feel terrible after.
Enjoy it, get a quality one, ormake a quality something, a
(40:21):
quality ice cream.
These days you can really makeall the dupes of ice cream or
cookies using qualityingredients.
Michele Folan (40:31):
Yeah, and then enjoying that food and then
moving on, yeah, and not feelingguilty because you had it right
.
Yeah, we call that eveningsnacking, we call that the
pantry crawl, and at 9 pm you'relike, and some of it's boredom,
(40:54):
you know.
But I think if you have sometools to breathe through those
moments, you know it's the oh,the Chardonnay.
Oh, there's a bottle of openChardonnay in the fridge.
I don't know why you useChardonnay, because I don't even
like Chardonnay, but that is anexample all the time.
But, yeah, I don.
(41:15):
Yeah, I always want to thinkabout okay, how will I feel the
next day, will I be able tosleep, if I have this sugary
something at 9 pm?
But, yeah, having the breathwork to kind of talk myself off
the ledge, I think that'sperfect.
Sandy Abrams (41:33):
It works.
Yeah, it works.
Talk myself off the ledge, Ithink that's perfect, it works,
yeah.
And again, I do believe in theindulging but knowing when it
feels best.
So like after the morning walk,what if you have like a
breakfast type cookie then,rather than at 9 pm, when you
know it's just going to sit andit will interrupt your sleep.
So the more that you start tolearn about your physiology and
(41:57):
your biochemistry and what feelsgood when I think we make
better choices as we are in themiddle of this, you know the
hormone change and stuff.
Michele Folan (42:07):
You know?
One other thing, just apractical tip here.
So oftentimes we have to have atough conversation yeah, could
be with your boss, your spouse,maybe it's your child, but I
mean, you're not going to dolion's breath in someone's face.
You're kidding, right Really?
Wait a minute, kid, let me.
Sandy Abrams (42:31):
If you both did it , you know it's really helpful.
Okay, If you both did it.
Michele Folan (42:34):
no, it's really helpful.
Okay, but you know we may notthink about it at the time when
we're getting ready to have thatconversation, because maybe
it's spur of the moment.
But what do you suggest to getyourself primed for a difficult?
Sandy Abrams (42:50):
talk.
It's such a great conversationand sometimes you might be the
one that doesn't have time toprime right, like you're in a
meeting and something is broughtto your attention in front of a
lot of people and, yeah, your,your nervous system immediately
is triggered.
And so that's when you do thebalancing breath of the five or
six on the inhale, five or sixon the exhale, and you just do
(43:13):
it through your nose on theinhale and the exhale and also
be comfortable in a silence, youdon't have to immediately
answer a question.
That's addressed and you canjust wait a second and take that
breath and if people getuncomfortable with the weight
(43:33):
that's on them, but even if it'sjust for you and it's a quick,
like three, three breath, you'retaking that few seconds to
pause and give yourselfpermission to get into a state
of mind where you can respondversus react.
And it changes the game because, like as a as a mom, you know,
(43:57):
I had two boys.
I have two boys and when theywere younger, their teenage
years, I would sometimes justyell or say something that I
regretted immediately afterthose words came out of my mouth
oh, get in line.
Right.
I mean, that's parenting, andso I feel like I learned to bite
(44:17):
my tongue and to not respondLike when my son either one
would say something that I foundreally shocking or surprising,
that they would even admit to meor bring up and taking a minute
to just be comfortable in thatspace in between, to bite my
tongue and not immediately saylike what are you talking about?
(44:38):
Why did that happen?
Why did you do this?
And just try to set the tonefor the conversation, because
energy is contagious and ifyou're going to match the upset
energy or that tone that mighthappen at a meeting, everything
can just go downhill quickly.
So I suggest just doing thebalancing or the down-regulating
(45:00):
, those longer exhales, and thenallowing yourself time to think
about an answer before yourespond and then continue to
think and continue to breathe,and it's not like lion's breath,
it's just the slow breath thatstarts at the belly.
Get out of the shallow rapidchest breath Because again,
(45:23):
that's just going to activateyour nervous system and keep you
in that state of fight orflight.
When you breathe more slowly,you're also getting better blood
flow to your brain.
You can think better whenyou're in a relaxed state.
You think more clearly when,fight or flight, you just want
to leave.
You want to run out that door,get out of that meeting, get
away from the person.
(45:44):
But that's what's importantabout taking agency over your
nervous system.
Michele Folan (45:49):
Every time Sandy says take a deep breath.
And I'm over here doing a deepbreath, and I'm going to bet you
, sure as God made green apples,that people listening to this
podcast are doing the exact samething.
They're intentionally aware oftheir breath and how they are
breathing in this very moment.
(46:09):
So, I think sometimes it's justthat little nudge to get you
started on this extremelyhealthy practice, and I think
for someone brand new, what doyou think would be the first
positive change that they'relikely to notice if they just
implement just a few goodpractices?
Sandy Abrams (46:31):
Feeling good, because with breath, you decide
I want to breathe this way sothat I feel this way.
It's kind of like the foodsituation, right, you know when
you grab ice cream it's becauseyou want comfort, but you know
you're not going to feel thatgreat later.
You know that if you're eatingprotein and leafy greens, you
(46:52):
know you're going to feelsustainable energy.
So you quickly influence yournervous system and you can feel
more calm and balanced andgrounded and centered.
You can also boost your energyby changing breath and all of a
sudden, you can also use amindset tool, which I talk about
in the book, which you can usea mantra.
(47:14):
So if you need to feel moreconfident in a situation, use a
mantra I am confident, I amready, I am, I am, I am.
And when you tell yourself howyou are and you use the
balancing breath, the pairing ofthose two things together, and
you create the embodied mindsetand energy that you want, and
(47:38):
then to me it's like addictive,because I want to feel a certain
way throughout the day, and soI use those mantras, I use
thoughts and I use those.
You know the the like tellingmyself um, I am confident, I'm
determined, I can do it.
I can like say kind things toyourself, like you would tell
(48:01):
your child or your best friend,say that to yourself and, as I
call it, like breathing andbelieving, and you breathe and
you create the thoughts and youcreate the energy, and then
watch.
That leads to strategic actionthat you've otherwise maybe been
afraid to take, or it leads tothat conversation that was
difficult or whatever, and it'sjust knowing that you have that
(48:25):
human superpower within you tocreate the thoughts, the mood,
the mindset, the energy that youneed in any given moment, and
the benefits are immediate.
You will quickly feel betterbecause you'll realize that
you're in charge of how you feel, and how you feel is directly
linked to how you feel.
Michele Folan (48:46):
Okay, this is so timely because yesterday I
interviewed a woman who is atthe heart of manifestation.
Okay, and what you are sayingis it's not just positive
self-talk you are laying thegroundwork for how your whole
(49:10):
day will go.
So you're tying in the breathwith good things are going to
happen today.
You know.
You sit there and you ask forthings in your life, act as if
you've already got them and tiethat into your breath and see
how much better your day goes.
Sandy Abrams (49:29):
It's magical.
I can't wait to listen to thatepisode because you know, yeah,
I'm into manifesting too, andbreath is energy, it's your life
force.
And also I think my dad hadtold me something when I was
young.
That was like there's a quote Iforget who it's attributed to,
but it is.
You can't afford the luxury ofa negative thought.
And that really hit me andresonated.
(49:52):
And then recently I read a bookcalled Don't Always Believe
what you Think.
I read a book called Don'tAlways Believe what you Think.
I think it was by Joseph Nguyen, but it's spelled N-G-U-Y-E-N
and it's fabulous.
It's a quick read and it talksabout again the power of your
thoughts and how they influencenot just your day, but your week
(50:14):
, your month, your years, yourdecades.
It turns into who you are, andso so many people that I meet
have had that inner dialogue.
That's negative, it's just onloop for decades at this point.
But the good news is it is nevertoo late to rewire that inner
(50:34):
dialogue and to be kinder toyourself, and that's
neuroplasticity.
You can change that right nowby noticing or thinking about oh
yeah, I've been repeating I amnot enough, I am not this, I am
not that.
For so long.
Flip the script, Come up with anew mantra right now.
That is I am Maybe it's threedifferent things I am ABC and
(50:58):
empower yourself with that,breathe into it, believe it, act
like it.
And then you start takingactions and all of a sudden,
instead of one day thinking toyourself how did I get here?
You're in a bad place, youthink to yourself how did I get
here?
This is wonderful, yeah, thisis all good stuff.
Michele Folan (51:16):
I hope people are going.
Yes, yes, yes, right, yay, I'dlove to know what your own daily
breath routine looks like.
Now I know, okay.
So if you follow Sandy which Ithink you should she lives right
on the beach, so she's out onthe beach every day walking, so
don't feel sorry for her, but Iknow she has a breath practice
(51:40):
that she does do every day, soplease share.
Sandy Abrams (51:43):
Yeah, I wake up in the morning and the first thing
I do actually is TMTranscendental Meditation.
So instead of even if I'm alittle tired, instead of going
back to sleep I love.
The one thing I love aboutmidlife is I get up so early,
right, like that alarm clockgoes off earlier that natural
alarm clock, and I really loveit.
(52:04):
And so when I open my eyes inthe morning, I sit up and I do
20 minutes of meditation andthen my breath practice is the
boosting, the Wim Hof method,and I adapt it.
Sometimes I want to do 30 ofthe full, robust breaths, and
then I do a long hold after theexhale and a short one on the
(52:25):
inhale.
I do three rounds of that andthen I take a cold shower cold
only, it's insane.
My son was the one that got meinto that.
It's also part of Wim Hofphilosophy.
But you get that hit ofdopamine.
And then I head right out tonature to get outside, to walk
(52:48):
and enjoy nature, and so whileI'm walking, I also do sometimes
I do listen to a podcast, butagain, this is what I love about
breath I can listen to apodcast, but again, this is what
I love about breath I canlisten to a podcast and I can
also breathe, and so I'll dolike humming breath, which is
relaxing, and there's so muchspace on the beach Like nobody
can hear me.
And so with humming breath, youinhale through the nose and then
(53:11):
you make a humming, buzzingsound for the entire length of
the exhale, like this, for theentire exhale.
And humming breath, also knownas bumblebee breath, is so
powerful to relax and calm yournervous system Because I do like
to balance from my boostingbreath in the morning to doing
(53:32):
more balancing breaths andrelaxing breath.
And also that humming itgenerates 15 times the nitric
oxide in your nasal cavity andnitric oxide is a vasodilator,
so the blood vessels open up,you get more blood flow to your
brain while you're relaxing yournervous system, and so humming
breath it's fun and I'll do thatand also do some slower breath
(53:57):
practices without even thinkingabout it honestly.
And that's the beauty of justdoing breath practice in small
moments all day long, wheneveryou think about it and attaching
it to those other things thatyou're already doing, then it
just becomes second nature andagain you'll tap into that
energy that you like so muchmore often.
(54:18):
But yeah, I mean breath, it's insmall moments for me all day
long and I do like when I get inmy car, I always take the first
couple of minutes.
When I walk to the restroom,when I walk to an errand in my
neighborhood, I'm always usingthose moments to breathe and to
(54:39):
think about what I'm thinkingalso, and just always
recalibrating thoughts andbreath and again it becomes so
second nature that it's not likeyou said in the beginning.
You're not like asking peopleto add an extra step, it just
happens, yeah.
Michele Folan (54:58):
It becomes second nature.
Yep, yeah, and I'll liken thatto how I eat now, after having
gone through the Faster Wayprogram.
I don't even think about itanymore.
It's just how I approach foodand it doesn't stress me out.
It doesn't add another layer ofcomplexity to my life.
(55:20):
It's just the way I do thingsnow.
So I I like I love the factthat it this is something that
anybody can do.
Sandy Abrams (55:30):
Anybody, and it is the same with Faster Ways.
Your philosophy is about eatingand exercising.
You know that it's good for youand you know how good you feel
after, and so you start to justmake more better decisions than
the other decisions.
But again, sometimes if youdon't feel like working out,
(55:52):
it's okay, don't Go read themagazine, go sit outside with
nature.
It's okay to eat the treat,it's okay to not think about
your breath.
And then when you get back tothose things, the healthy
choices, you just feel 10 Xbetter and so, yeah, everything
becomes easier.
(56:12):
So practical, so practical,sandy.
Much better than the decisionswe used to make back in college
yeah.
Michele Folan (56:19):
So Sandy and I've known each other for 30,
whatever, 35 years, 40 years.
How long it's so 40, 35 yearsand plus?
Are we, are we?
Yeah, we are aren't.
Oh, shoot, yeah, it is 40.
Yeah, oh Lord.
(56:40):
Oh, it's 40, plus years when Ithink about it.
Sandy Abrams (56:44):
Okay, All right, but that's good.
We're still here, we're feelinggood and making better
decisions.
Michele Folan (56:52):
That's all Most days, except for last night,
just staying out too late, yikes, but that's okay, that is, you
know, being social and beingaround friends, right, that's
part of it, it is.
It's so important, yeah, thatcommunity is.
Yeah, all right, sandy, wherecan people find Breathe to
(57:13):
Succeed?
Sandy Abrams (57:13):
and find you, sandy Abrams, you can find
Breathe to Succeed in anybookstore or you can ask your
indie local bookstore, or it'son Amazon, of course, and you
can find me on Instagram, whereI'm always sharing daily little
snippets of breath or just myphilosophies about how to easily
and seamlessly integrate smallmoments of mindful breath that
(57:36):
are life-changing into your life.
So Instagram is at Sandy AbramsS-A-N-D-Y-A-B-R-A-M-S, and I'm
on LinkedIn as well, because Ido a lot of corporate work, so
share the same type things there, and that's it.
Michele Folan (57:54):
Yeah, sandy, thanks for being here.
This is a lot of fun.
Sandy Abrams (57:57):
Thank you, Michele .
I always love talking to you.
Thank you and thank you forthis podcast.
It's a wealth of informationthat I always enjoy.
It's just a thrill to be on it.
Thank you.
Michele Folan (58:06):
Sandy, thank you for listening.
Please rate and review thepodcast where you listen and if
you'd like to join the Askingfor a Friend community, click on
the link in the show notes tosign up for my weekly newsletter
, where I share midlife wellnessand fitness tips, insights, my
favorite finds and recipes.
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