February 3, 2025 • 34 mins
Life is too fleeting to be lived in distraction. Alex shares her journey from tragedy to triumph, illustrating how embracing boredom and reflection led her to self-discovery and purpose after losing her fiancé. This episode encourages listeners to confront their realities, let go of what holds them back, and find clarity in stillness.
• Alex's journey from running to yoga
• The impact of terminal illness on personal growth
• Understanding the 'Two by Four Moments' in life
• The struggle to let go of loved ones
• The dynamics of loss in various forms
• Importance of embracing all emotions
• Exploring boredom as a catalyst for change
• The necessity of a reflective practice
• Finding light amid darkness and grief
• Cultivating self-awareness through stillness
Learn More at: www.Redefine-Fitness.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hello and welcome to how to Finish Redefined.
I'm your host, anthony Amand.
Today we have another awesomeguest, alex, on in our brand new
2025 season.
Wow, five years.
I still I'm going to say thatevery episode, but I told myself
when I started the show going ayear, it's way past that.
(00:28):
Here we are five weeks later.
Anyway, without further ado,we're going to talk about Alex.
Alex, welcome to the show andtell the audience a little bit
about yourself and how you gotinto the health and fitness
world.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Thank you, happy New Year and congrats on your five
years.
That's no small milestone, soyou should be really proud of
yourself.
Congrats on your five years.
That's no small milestone, soyou should be really proud of
yourself.
I have not always been superinto health and fitness.
I eventually became a runner inmy late 20s and I was living in
Chicago and ran the ChicagoMarathon to prove to myself I
had some level of discipline.
I'm proud to say that Ifinished and I don't care how
(00:59):
long it took, period the end.
So I was one and done there.
But just kind of the physicaltoll that running was taken on
my body led me to the yogastudio and I got really hooked
into hot power yoga andpracticed I don't know, five,
six days a week and justabsolutely loved it and it was
totally in the physical for me.
(01:20):
So I don't know how manylisteners are in the yoga world,
but yoga has a couple ofdifferent components to it.
There's certainly a physicalelement, but there's a lot of
mental and emotional benefits tothe practice as well.
And in the midst of my yogaaddiction I became the primary
caregiver for my fiance who wasdiagnosed with terminal brain
cancer.
(01:40):
And as I entered that space ofyou know totally life altering.
You know you're one way and youwake up and you're another way
when you go to bed.
The only thing that I could doconsistently for me was yoga and
it was during that time when Isay yoga's higher power really
struck.
I didn't have the power, Ididn't have the endurance and
(02:04):
you know, any of thatphysicality to really like
chaturanga my way through thepower.
I didn't have the endurance andany of that physicality to
really chaturanga my way throughthe class.
I could really show up and laythere and it was kind of this
profound moment when a teachergave me permission and the
invitation to show up in any way, shape or form.
I was in the moment to simplybe no judgment, no expectation,
just the studio is my home, andto keep going and fast forward.
(02:26):
About six years later, fiveyears later, I opened up a yoga
studio in Palm Desert,california.
A lot, career-wise kind ofhappened in the middle, but I
think the seed that was plantedas I was given that permission
to just show up and be reallycame to life when I opened the
doors of Soul Dive Yoga in 2022.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
What a story?
Is he still alive today or no?
Speaker 2 (02:49):
He's not so.
He passed us over two years ago.
He actually died the day that Iwas given the keys and took
possession of the space that isnow the studio.
Wow, yep.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
That must have been not a fun day.
A little shit yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, no, it's tough.
No-transcript it sure as hellisn't right now.
So it was tough.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Yeah, that must've been just the experience of
going through it all.
Most people would have justshut down, put their head down
and disappeared Like that's it.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Yeah, I think we've all had.
I coined them two by fourmoments.
It's the first chapter of mybook and it's just really that
you know when you're kind ofgoing along in your life, and
I'm sure we've all been therewhere we've probably ignored a
little tap or a little whisper Icall them, you know it's angel
communication or you know thissubtle divine intervention, and
we're either too busy or we'retoo noisy and we're just like I
(03:53):
can't right now, like you know,I don't want to go there and
eventually what happens is weget slapped upside the head by
whatever the thing is, you know,and it's.
It comes in many, manydifferent ways, shapes and forms
depending on the person, whereyou are in your life.
For me, this diagnosis came andwoke me up.
It was, you know, ultimatelythis mirror moment where I was
(04:14):
really faced with who am I andwhat the heck am I doing here?
And as much as it had to dowith him, and certainly life
altering and life threateningfor my fiance, it was definitely
kind of a moment like that forme too.
You know what are you doing,and if you keep going like this,
it's not going to go well foryou.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
So I mean, it's the realization how short life is
and you never know when that isgoing to be taken away from you,
either altogether or even inpart.
And it's something I've talkedabout a lot.
But I just think it'smind-blowing that the people in
this industry are like you and I.
They went through somethingcrazy right, and the ones that
(04:55):
are truly passionate are theones that should make a
difference.
Unfortunately had to go throughsomething really hard.
So as tough as it is for I'mjust to use myself as an example
, because I don't know how youfeel.
So I don't want to put words inyour mouth but for me, the best
thing that ever happened in mylife was for me to get hurt,
because if that never happened,I wouldn't be where I am today.
(05:16):
I wouldn't have a son, Iwouldn't have my wife, I
wouldn't have a dog, I wouldn'thave my gyms.
I probably would have been insome dead end job and been
miserable.
That tragedy, like you said,slap on the head, get the fuck
up and go.
It was like okay.
Then we continued on to abetter path.
(05:39):
So for you personally, hearingthat, is that something you can
align with?
I mean, I know yours is great,it's a great loss, but just kind
of get your feedback from it.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Yeah, it's from tragedy to triumph, right, and
we all have a choice.
We can.
We can fall away and drinkourselves into the abyss and
ignore and put the wool over oureyes and, you know, kind of
ignore all the things that arethat are trying to get us, get
our attention.
Or we can wake up and we canchoose to keep going and move
(06:06):
through it and understand andlearn and and as you, as you
move through the entireexperience, like dots will
connect, you will understand thewhy, you will get more clarity
on what you're doing.
And it's in those moments of, Ithink, really true surrender
that we can really get you know,through and beyond, whatever
(06:28):
that life altering incident was,and and yeah, I talk about this
with a lot of people because,you know, in these types of
interview sessions, you knowwe're not in the same room, it's
, you know we're not, we don'tknow each other well, and, and a
lot of people say, what you did, it's like, oh, that was a
really tragic loss.
Mine was a little different,but I really mean it when I say
this Death is death and, yes,there is the physical leaving of
(06:50):
the planet, of, like what weknow.
As you know, you bury them andyou celebrate the life.
But death comes in many ways,shapes and forms.
It comes in divorce, it comesin injury, it comes in job loss,
it comes in moving across thecountry.
It's happening all the time.
And what we as humans are notcomfortable with is the very
thing that our life isguaranteed to have, which is
death, and so we avoid it and wepush it off and we throw the
(07:14):
duct tape and the bubble gum orwe put something that shouldn't
be on life support, on all lifesupport, because we just can't
let go.
And I think when you really gethonest with yourself and you're
like but it's fading away for areason, and if we can just
loosen the grip and allow it topass, we're going to be so much
better off if we just go throughthat uncomfortable process and
it's not pretty and it's not fun.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Yeah, you just sparked a debate in my head.
Talk about a topic.
Let's break into that, becauseI think that's something I've
never talked about on this show,and I think it's important to
talk about People withsignificant others or not even
parents, loved ones, siblingswhen it gets to that point we
(07:59):
get to the, they're in thehospital, they're terminal,
they're on life support.
People lose their minds andthey end up trying to keep that
person alive, not for thatperson but for themselves, and
they're afraid to push throughwhen realistically we can say
you know most of these scenariosit's better if that person let
(08:22):
go.
I talk about this with myself.
My wife and I made a pact whenwe got married.
I said if I ever getAlzheimer's, do not let me live.
When I get to the point I don'tremember you, it is not worth
being alive, Let me go.
Call it a day.
If I ever get to the point Ilose my memory, whatever the
case may be, let me go.
If I get to the point I can'twalk and I'm in bed and I'm on a
(08:44):
breathing sheet, let me go, Donot keep me alive.
I do not want to be that personthat's alive quote, unquote to
be alive and she feels exactlythe same way.
And we panic when somebody elsegets there because people are
going to get mad at me, but Idon't think I care.
We panic and we keep thesepeople on life support, not
(09:07):
because of them, like I said,because of ourselves, because of
our own insecurities, becausewe maybe didn't say I love you
enough, and that's how we feelinternally and it's selfish,
it's selfish reasons that we dothat and that that's selfish,
not selfishness.
Selfishness has tied into howwe treat the medical community.
So now these doctors and thesehospitals are forced to keep
(09:30):
people alive that shouldn't bealive and you're literally
tormenting them.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
So yeah, that's totally one part of the argument
and I love that you and yourwife are not on the same page
about that, because it's sort ofone of those fundamental issues
in a relationship that youmight want to agree on.
But if you think about it inother scenarios, like just a
relationship, like if you werejust dating somebody and it's
really not that great and you'reboth kind of miserable, but you
just want, you know, you can'tlet go, you can't trust that
(09:59):
something great exists beyondthe good or the mediocre or even
the bad, because you get socomplacent and comfortable
within that.
You know what.
You know that we're too scaredto let go and move on.
And I think that I think itapplies to a lot how many people
listening are staying in thejob that they hate.
You're getting up every day todo something you hate.
(10:20):
Why, you know?
Maybe not these listeners.
There's a lot of people outthere that are punching the
clock because maybe they don'tthink they're worthy of
something more.
They don't trust that somethinggreater exists.
And this stuff doesn't happenovernight.
I mean, I can tell you that forme, entering the space of my
life getting flipped upside down, and this dream I thought was
finally coming to reality, I metsomebody.
We fell in love.
I thought it was finally comingto reality.
(10:40):
I met somebody.
We fell in love, we got engaged, we were looking at houses and
then he gets sick.
Being a wife, being a mother,all that stuff started to get
lit on fire in a moment and whatI did was try to save it.
And we were talking about thisa little bit before we got going
.
And when you get into thoselighter fight moments, the
(11:02):
element of control comes frontand center.
It did for me, because I'm nota.
I'm not a fleer, I'm a fighter.
So I doubled down and I startedto grip, grasp and force and
control anything I could in thescenario.
I'm not proud of that, but Iwant to admit it because I think
a lot of people can findthemselves in this part of the
story.
It came down to the food, likewhat we did every hour of the
(11:27):
day, like who, what, when, where, all the things, anything I
could wrap control around, Iwould do it.
And what that was doing wascausing me to live in this
fantasy world that it was allgoing to be okay and it wasn't.
And I think that's where youknow we talk about losing loved
ones or leaving a job, orleaving the relationship or
(11:49):
whatever form of death we becomeface to face with.
We don't want to admit it's notokay.
We just don't because we'rewired for life, we're not wired
for death as people.
And the second we can getreally honest with ourselves and
say it's not okay, but it is.
This is real, like this isactually what's happening right
here, right now, and I just haveto let go.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Yeah, I mean that ties into a lot of different
things.
So you mentioned divorce.
How many people do we know inour miserable marriages Is that
light, like they look at it, andthey don't love their spouses.
They look for outside, pleasureseeking things, and they're
miserable in their shelter.
They just do everything theycan to avoid being home.
But isn't the point of going toa job, working, making money, to
(12:34):
eventually have the time whereit's just you and your spouse to
be able to cherish your finalmoments together With the flip
side of that, even refusing tolook in a mirror about your own
moments, together With the flipside of that, even refusing to
look in a mirror about your ownpersonal health and someone's
complacent with I'm happy.
And they pretend and they goonline and they make TikTok
videos of look how happy I amand meanwhile they're 150 pounds
(12:55):
overweight, they have heartdisease, there's so much
pressure on their lungs.
Their heart attack is justimminent at this point, but
you're supposed to be happy withthat and they're afraid.
They're afraid to face thereality.
They're afraid to face asignificant other in life
support.
They're afraid to face the jobthey hate.
(13:16):
They're afraid to face anything, anything.
It takes tragedy and for peopleto like.
He's like I like when you saidthe beginning of the show gets
smacked in the head, so wake thefuck up to everything else.
Yeah, it doesn't have to bethat way though.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
I got to tell you I'm a stubborn.
I'm a stubborn learner.
I always was, as made evidentby you know, by my life journey.
But I do believe we, a don'thave to stay that way and, b
there are plenty of people outthere who are tapped in and
tuned up to the subtleinvitations and hints, and I
(13:56):
believe in the power of prayer.
I believe we're spoken to bythe divine, by angels.
I mean.
I've asked to upgrade my angelteam hundreds of times.
I'm like I can't hear you, Idon't know what you're saying.
Be more clear.
You know, I don't want to takea hint.
I want to like really know, andwhen we slow down and we can
pause and we can create somespace in our lives to like hear
(14:16):
our own thoughts, we can be alittle bit more receptive to the
messages that are trying toreach us.
So I don't think it's like oh,you're stubborn, you're going to
be that way forever.
You know, I do think with again, just being honest with where
we're at can really give us alot of peace.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Yeah, so OK, I can go off of that.
Take that back 100 years, right, or 200 years, and research has
shown time and time again, thepursuit of a goal is the biggest
definition of happiness andsuccess in someone's life.
So working for something andnowadays we have so many
(15:02):
distractions, like you said,which is so true how many people
binge Netflix shows?
They work all day.
They come home Don't let theirbrain think at all.
It's always on, on, on, on, on.
They crash.
They wake up.
They're looking at their phones, scrolling social media, back
to work, still scrolling socialmedia, checking their emails
home, netflix, all the freakingtime, not letting yourself be
(15:22):
bored.
Where that boredom, the brainstarts, thinking about other
things you start hearing.
If you're religious, it is thatit's taking time to prayer and
it's technically like you'refocusing on one thing.
It's a sign of not beingdistracted, or it's meditation
sign of not being distracted.
It's sitting in a room justwith nothing around you and just
(15:45):
saying, okay, what's going onin now?
Where am I presently?
And that's what people used todo.
There was no, nothing.
There was literally nothing.
You want to go from New York toPhilly.
It took you a couple days, soyou're on a horse going down
walking through the woods withno one freaking around.
(16:06):
And what are you doing?
You're self-reflecting, andthat's when ideas start going
and that's why a lot of thingswere invented around a certain
period of time the biggestinventions and then it kind of
tapers off to just a few people.
I mean, realistically, there'sa shit ton more of us.
So there's a shit ton more ofus.
There should be a shit ton morepeople inventing more things,
and so it seems to be the sameamount of people.
(16:28):
So many of the percentages areexactly the same.
So it's the boredom thatdisappeared, and people are
afraid to face boredom.
So maybe the real key is theafraid understanding of getting
in their own head and getting inthe way.
Here's a true story After myaccident whatever, a lot of
(16:50):
people know the whole story ofmoving on.
Let's move up.
Three and a half years before Idecided to actually own my own
gym.
I was lost.
I was in the same boat you werein.
The injury pushed me to startworking out, but I really knew
what the hell I wanted to dowith my life.
I was going out drinking, I wasbeing stupid, I was around
stupid people Not a funsituation.
Nothing successful for my life.
(17:10):
It took me just be hitting 25and having this like oh shit
moment.
I just wasted my entire life togo to my girlfriend's.
My wife's house at the time layon her floor instead of ceiling
for four and a half hours.
I'm just watching the fan spinand my life is just spitting and
(17:30):
I'm just relating to like, wow,I got nothing going for me Just
watching it.
But what I noticed was afterthe first hour of just being
like what the hell am I doing?
I'm going out of control, thatboredom kicked in and things
just started clicking because Ididn't have distractions.
(17:51):
I had nothing around me thatwas pulling me a hundred
different directions back andforth, back and forth, and
that's when I really got thegame together, realized oh, this
is what I need.
I need the turn it all off kindof approach.
Yep.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Yep, I couldn't agree more.
And I had a similar moment kindof in the midst of my
caregiving.
My dog at the time was also onbed rest.
So I had a human on bed rest, adog, I mean it doesn't get any
worse, it really doesn't.
So I brought the dog down tothis little patch of grass
behind my apartment I was livingin Chicago doing his thing and
(18:29):
I was just sitting there and Ihad this small little moment of
awareness that said this is thebottom and there won't be a time
in your life where it ever getsany worse than this.
You're there.
That's good news and bad news,because it's nice to arrive and
it's really nice to know you'vearrived.
But the gray area comes in likewell, how long am I going to be
(18:49):
here and what's it going to taketo get out?
And it's different foreverybody and it just depends on
how much you're really willingto surrender and let whatever's
lit on fire just burn, just go.
Otherwise it's like, ah, we tryto put it out and put water on
it, whatever, and really at theend of the day it just really
needs to crumble.
And what was happening for meis life I thought I was going to
(19:10):
live was burning to the ground.
My relationship was obviouslyup in smoke.
The city I was in love with,being Chicago, was no longer the
same.
My career was about todrastically change my interests,
my hobbies, my friendships, Imean all of it and it took about
five years for everything toreally just go down.
(19:34):
And I remember the moment when Iwoke up and it was on my 38th
birthday and I was with myjournal, which is always the
first place I direct people todo exactly what you're talking
about Go get bored and writedown what comes up in your mind
and I guarantee you it's goingto be gold, because this is the
Google.
200 years ago we didn't havethe, you know, we didn't need it
, we just had to, like, thinkabout it, just sit and see what
(19:56):
comes up.
And I remember on that day,things just feeling easier,
there was a lightness, there wasless grief, there was less and
he was still alive at the timethat this was all you know, kind
of cycling and, um, it does getbetter, and I will, you know.
I'll end this point with withthree, with three things.
(20:19):
And there were three reasons whyI wrote this book and it's
called soul dive.
Number one so people knowthey're not alone and that's
probably one of the majorreasons you share your story too
is because we can put ourselvesin isolation and no good is
going to come of that.
Number two you have to laugh,and no matter how heavy and sad
and tragic and how much you wantto feel sorry for yourself,
(20:41):
finding those moments oflightness and the things you are
grateful for and the things youstill have are so important and
if you can throw a little humorin there, I guarantee you it'll
help.
And number three you have tokeep going, and keep going in
the sense of get up every day,get into your routine, stay
devoted to your practice, justkeep going.
(21:01):
You're not going to skirtaround it, you're going to go
through it, but you're going tojust do it day by day and that's
it.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
I would add.
I mean, this was my biggestmotivator.
Shit can't get worse.
Yeah, what I mean by that isjust like I can take risks, it
doesn't matter, I don't care.
That's what got me to open thegym with no money in a bank
account.
It was if I lose everything, gobankrupt.
(21:29):
Everyone laughs at me.
It's not worse than what myworst was.
Like.
Who cares?
Yeah, fast forward to covid.
I lost everything again.
2020, march 3rd, march 16th, 20.
I'll never forget that freakingday.
I broke down for a day.
The next day woke up and I wenthey, this isn't bottom, the
fuck you doing.
(21:50):
And I made a game plan to getout of it.
That's why I started thepodcast.
So you look at that and you'relike if you hit bottom, there's
always an up right, you canalways work your way up.
But the biggest million dollarquestion, which I don't have the
answer to, maybe the answer isto get bored.
(22:11):
I don't know how do you teachpeople that have not been in
that situation Meaning they'venever had.
They feel like their life'sgreat, they feel like their
lives, they're happy with what'sgoing on, but they're afraid.
So how do you talk to thesepeople to say you need to get
your shit together before shitgets really bad, because we see
(22:33):
people after shit gets bad, butI want to talk to those people
before it even happens at all,to prevent it from happening in
the first place.
So how do you do that?
Speaker 2 (22:42):
I think I have a kind of a twofold answer.
Number one when I talk topeople that are young teenagers
middle school, even college thatare young teenagers, middle
school, even college the chancesare lower of them having this
super dramatic life alteringevent, although divorce is, I
think, up above 50% now.
(23:02):
So, and I think that's prettytragic for a kid.
But I don't think you look atit comparing like incident to
incident.
I think you have to look at itrelative to like where you are
in life.
So to me, the 16 year old thatgets her heartbroken for the
first time is feeling the exactsame emotion that the 42 year
old that's going through divorceis feeling, because it's not
breakup versus divorce, it'suniting those experiences
(23:25):
through emotion.
It's feeling anxious and sadand heartbroken and all those
things that come with thosedifferent experiences.
So I think, once we take awaythis apples to apples you know,
comparison of well, because thisis what I did.
I was like well, I'm 33 and I'mtaking care of a terminally ill
cancer patient.
Who's like me?
(23:46):
Nobody, boom, I push everybodyaside.
I push all the support, thelove, the help.
I don't need you because youcan't understand what I'm going
through.
That's not the way, and that Iwill smack the taboo buzzer on
every time I hear it, because ifyou do that, you're going to go
through it alone and we ashumans are not meant to go
through these things alone.
(24:07):
Outside of that, I mean, ifyou've lived this very charmed
life, I'm stoked for you and Idon't know any of these people,
by the way because I think whenwe get really really honest
about where we are and whatwe've been through, what we've
experienced, our hearts have allbeen broken, we've experienced
(24:28):
loss, we've gone through boutsof anxiousness and worry, we've
had debilitating fear, and itcan be in any category and again
, the emotions are all reallysimilar.
So that's my take, that's myhot take on that.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
No, I understand.
So basically, just everyone'sbeen in certain situations.
It's just crying is cryingirregardless of what the
situation is over.
So technically you've gonethrough it because you've had
that same experience.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Yeah, you're feeling the same.
I look at the emotions and it'sjust if we went around trying
to just relate to people who'vehad the same experience that we
have, I mean, we'd be in a lotof silos, and so I think we can
relate and learn from peoplewho've walked very different
paths yet have felt very similaremotional responses.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Very interesting.
No, I can see that, and I thinkthat a lot has to do with how
we learn how to control ouremotions.
I can see that and I think thata lot has to do with how we
learn how to control ouremotions, and then a lot of the
times like just typical answeryou're 16, you're going to cry a
lot more than when you're 40.
Just, you learn how to dealwith depressing situations.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
So it's okay.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
If I take this, I know how I felt during that.
I got over it, so I'll get overthis.
So I'll get over this yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
I don't know.
I would say that I mean, I'm 39.
I turned 40 in June and thetears are abundant and it's just
, it's very.
I think it's refreshing to getto a point in your life where
you can just sit with whateveremotion it is and be there and
then understand that it's goingto be fleeting.
And it's actually very easy todo.
When you're grieving, like whenyou're sad and you are bawling
(26:16):
your eyes out on the bottom ofyour bathroom floor and we've
all been there it sucks.
That's okay, cause you knowit's going to get better.
What sucks is when you're inthat like moment of joy and
you're like, oh shit, this isgoing to go away too.
It's this whole practice ofnon-attachment and we learn it
in yoga and we've learned it indifferent, you know, kind of
areas, walks of our lives.
But being in the moment, whichis being present, which is
something we do practice in yogaand other you know.
(26:38):
You know meditations ormovement practices, you know can
offer that kind of one-on-onewith being present, but not
attaching to how you are rightnow, because in an hour or in a
week or in a month or a yearthings are going to be very
different.
And that again, that surrenderand allowing and honesty with
(27:00):
where you, with where you are,is just going to help you move
through.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
Yeah, I mean, I agree , I'm not a yoga person like
total, full disclosure.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
This dumbbell here isn't representative of a yoga
mat.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
I've tried yoga.
It's definitely not for me.
I do like people that do it,but I really.
What I like about it is thesame thing I like about hitting
the gym.
It's detachment.
It's, let me.
You're taking time an hour, 45minutes, whatever it is, and
detaching yourself and you'refocusing on one thing.
(27:36):
I'm doing yoga.
I'm focusing on me breathingthrough yoga.
I'm lifting.
I'm focusing on this one rep.
I'm ignoring everything elsearound me and I don't have 500
stimuli coming in at once andthings fighting for my attention
all the time, especially comingthrough phones.
I just feel like overwhelmedand anxious.
So that's what I love about it.
(27:58):
I think it's important.
I love the breathing aspect ofit, like bring breathing to
consciousness.
I think there's a lot more goodfor us than we pretend it does.
Cortisol level drops from justbreathing and doing it
intentionally are huge.
So it's especially important forthose that feel like their
life's getting overwhelmed toavoid the Google rabbit hole of
(28:21):
hey, I have a headache.
I went to the doctor.
He said I have this thing I'venever heard of in my life.
I'm going to Google it andeverything I see is just side
effect death.
And then I'm going to breakdown all that and then spend six
weeks researching this specificthing and recharging the
stories.
I get so caught up with them,ignore everything else in my
life and everything wants totell me like, oh, you're gonna
(28:42):
die, you're gonna die, you'regonna die.
I'm gonna put myself in a holewhen really you need to turn
everything off.
And electronics and especiallyai and all that fun stuff now
are great for what they're goodfor.
But making it think for youfrom a whole and not taking time
to yourself and not justdisappearing and cutting off
(29:03):
from the world is huge.
I don't sleep with my phone inmy room.
I did for a while.
Again, sometimes I go to thehabits of in and out of the room
because I can forget, but Inoticed that when the phone's
even in the room, that's when Iwake up more anxious and uptight
because I'm just waiting for itto go off.
You know that like constantlyyeah so it's just little
(29:24):
practices like that that canhelp create that sense of
boredom and getting comfortablewith being bored.
Um, I heard listen to a podcastand it's about jerry springer,
and you know someone'smentioning what jerry springer
used to do in order to writeskits, where he would have a
separate room for himself towrite it.
Everything was blacked out.
(29:45):
There's no windows, noelectronics, there's just one
light and a pen and paper.
That's it.
And he scheduled himself to gointo that room every day for two
hours.
It didn't matter if he didn'twrite anything, but he had to go
into that room every day fortwo hours.
It didn't have to writeanything, but he had to go into
that room every two hours.
And he said that what started?
(30:06):
What would happen is first yousit there, your tools pen, get
bored, look around and thenrealize there's nothing else to
do, and then all of a suddenhe'd get into that oh, I need to
start writing.
And then he would startscribbling down scripts and
writing the things he needs tofocus on that was his practice.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
I think that's brilliant.
Yeah, I think the practice is.
I like the word, the practice,and as much as I like yoga, and
it's been such a catalyst for mein my journey.
I don't care what you do asyour practice.
You can be into gardening, youcan walk, you can sit by the
ocean, you can journal.
There's a million differentways where you can get out of
(30:42):
the ring of life and tap intowhat's going on in your mind and
body.
And it's like by doingsomething else or by, you know,
walking down the street sitting.
It doesn't, it really doesn'tmatter.
That is a powerful practice.
That is becomes a superpowerwhen you repeat it, and I think
when people can get into thattype of a routine develop just
(31:05):
like going into the room for twohours or having a regular
movement schedule or going tothe gym, whatever it is.
You are then set it, you'restacking the deck, so you're
setting yourself up to becarried through those moments of
great victory and intense pain.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Yeah.
I couldn't agree more.
I think the key of this andwe're both kind of on the same
page is go get bored and thatwill be your ultimate cure, so
you don't have to go throughshit, trauma and depending on
where it lies from, or even youlearn how to cope with things
better just by having thataspect of just turning
everything else off and focusingon yourself, taking those steps
(31:43):
for yourself, and then yourealize, oh, this is actually
what I need to work on.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
Oh, this, is more important and your priority
starts shifting.
Yep, this is super well-timed Ihave.
I know I'm three hours earlier,so it's 3.45 in California In
the afternoon.
I know I'm three hours earlier,so it's 345 in California In
the afternoon.
This is my last meeting.
I have nothing else on mycalendar today and when this
computer goes down I have a facemask waiting.
I have a foot mask waiting.
(32:08):
I might take a bath.
My journal is sitting rightnext to me.
It has not been opened yet, in2025.
Like I am stoked to be born, mydinner's already made.
I'll just heat it up.
Love it.
I'm ready, I love that.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
After me it's dinner and hang out with the wife and
kids, so that's it.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
It's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
But, alec, thank you so much for coming on.
I'm going to ask you two finalquestions.
I ask everyone.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
First one is if you're going to summarize this
episode in one or two sentences,what would be your take on
message?
Take some time to get quiet andgo be bored.
I love that.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
And then the second one how can people find you, get
a hold of you, find your book?
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Yep, you can find me on Instagram at Alex Sabag.
My website issoulfulalchemistcom.
The book is called Soul Dive myJourney Into the Deep.
You can find it through mywebsite, instagram and on Amazon
.
And if you are in SouthernCalifornia and want to practice
yoga, you can find me at souldive yoga.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Thank you, alex.
I appreciate coming on.
Thank you guys for listening tothis episode of health fitness
redefined.
Don't forget to share thisepisode, subscribe, hit all the
bells and whistles.
We don't want to add, so wejust do it off of you guys.
Appreciate it all, bells andwhistles.
We don't run ads, so we just doit off of you guys.
Appreciate you all.
No-transcript.
Hello and welcome to how to Finish Redefined.
I'm your host, anthony Amand.
Today we have another awesomeguest, alex, on in our brand new
2025 season.
Wow, five years.
I still I'm going to say thatevery episode, but I told myself
when I started the show going ayear, it's way past that.
(00:28):
Here we are five weeks later.
Anyway, without further ado,we're going to talk about Alex.
Alex, welcome to the show andtell the audience a little bit
about yourself and how you gotinto the health and fitness
world.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Thank you, happy New Year and congrats on your five
years.
That's no small milestone, soyou should be really proud of
yourself.
Congrats on your five years.
That's no small milestone, soyou should be really proud of
yourself.
I have not always been superinto health and fitness.
I eventually became a runner inmy late 20s and I was living in
Chicago and ran the ChicagoMarathon to prove to myself I
had some level of discipline.
I'm proud to say that Ifinished and I don't care how
(00:59):
long it took, period the end.
So I was one and done there.
But just kind of the physicaltoll that running was taken on
my body led me to the yogastudio and I got really hooked
into hot power yoga andpracticed I don't know, five,
six days a week and justabsolutely loved it and it was
totally in the physical for me.
(01:20):
So I don't know how manylisteners are in the yoga world,
but yoga has a couple ofdifferent components to it.
There's certainly a physicalelement, but there's a lot of
mental and emotional benefits tothe practice as well.
And in the midst of my yogaaddiction I became the primary
caregiver for my fiance who wasdiagnosed with terminal brain
cancer.
(01:40):
And as I entered that space ofyou know totally life altering.
You know you're one way and youwake up and you're another way
when you go to bed.
The only thing that I could doconsistently for me was yoga and
it was during that time when Isay yoga's higher power really
struck.
I didn't have the power, Ididn't have the endurance and
(02:04):
you know, any of thatphysicality to really like
chaturanga my way through thepower.
I didn't have the endurance andany of that physicality to
really chaturanga my way throughthe class.
I could really show up and laythere and it was kind of this
profound moment when a teachergave me permission and the
invitation to show up in any way, shape or form.
I was in the moment to simplybe no judgment, no expectation,
just the studio is my home, andto keep going and fast forward.
(02:26):
About six years later, fiveyears later, I opened up a yoga
studio in Palm Desert,california.
A lot, career-wise kind ofhappened in the middle, but I
think the seed that was plantedas I was given that permission
to just show up and be reallycame to life when I opened the
doors of Soul Dive Yoga in 2022.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
What a story?
Is he still alive today or no?
Speaker 2 (02:49):
He's not so.
He passed us over two years ago.
He actually died the day that Iwas given the keys and took
possession of the space that isnow the studio.
Wow, yep.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
That must have been not a fun day.
A little shit yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, no, it's tough.
No-transcript it sure as hellisn't right now.
So it was tough.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Yeah, that must've been just the experience of
going through it all.
Most people would have justshut down, put their head down
and disappeared Like that's it.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Yeah, I think we've all had.
I coined them two by fourmoments.
It's the first chapter of mybook and it's just really that
you know when you're kind ofgoing along in your life, and
I'm sure we've all been therewhere we've probably ignored a
little tap or a little whisper Icall them, you know it's angel
communication or you know thissubtle divine intervention, and
we're either too busy or we'retoo noisy and we're just like I
(03:53):
can't right now, like you know,I don't want to go there and
eventually what happens is weget slapped upside the head by
whatever the thing is, you know,and it's.
It comes in many, manydifferent ways, shapes and forms
depending on the person, whereyou are in your life.
For me, this diagnosis came andwoke me up.
It was, you know, ultimatelythis mirror moment where I was
(04:14):
really faced with who am I andwhat the heck am I doing here?
And as much as it had to dowith him, and certainly life
altering and life threateningfor my fiance, it was definitely
kind of a moment like that forme too.
You know what are you doing,and if you keep going like this,
it's not going to go well foryou.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
So I mean, it's the realization how short life is
and you never know when that isgoing to be taken away from you,
either altogether or even inpart.
And it's something I've talkedabout a lot.
But I just think it'smind-blowing that the people in
this industry are like you and I.
They went through somethingcrazy right, and the ones that
(04:55):
are truly passionate are theones that should make a
difference.
Unfortunately had to go throughsomething really hard.
So as tough as it is for I'mjust to use myself as an example
, because I don't know how youfeel.
So I don't want to put words inyour mouth but for me, the best
thing that ever happened in mylife was for me to get hurt,
because if that never happened,I wouldn't be where I am today.
(05:16):
I wouldn't have a son, Iwouldn't have my wife, I
wouldn't have a dog, I wouldn'thave my gyms.
I probably would have been insome dead end job and been
miserable.
That tragedy, like you said,slap on the head, get the fuck
up and go.
It was like okay.
Then we continued on to abetter path.
(05:39):
So for you personally, hearingthat, is that something you can
align with?
I mean, I know yours is great,it's a great loss, but just kind
of get your feedback from it.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Yeah, it's from tragedy to triumph, right, and
we all have a choice.
We can.
We can fall away and drinkourselves into the abyss and
ignore and put the wool over oureyes and, you know, kind of
ignore all the things that arethat are trying to get us, get
our attention.
Or we can wake up and we canchoose to keep going and move
(06:06):
through it and understand andlearn and and as you, as you
move through the entireexperience, like dots will
connect, you will understand thewhy, you will get more clarity
on what you're doing.
And it's in those moments of, Ithink, really true surrender
that we can really get you know,through and beyond, whatever
(06:28):
that life altering incident was,and and yeah, I talk about this
with a lot of people because,you know, in these types of
interview sessions, you knowwe're not in the same room, it's
, you know we're not, we don'tknow each other well, and, and a
lot of people say, what you did, it's like, oh, that was a
really tragic loss.
Mine was a little different,but I really mean it when I say
this Death is death and, yes,there is the physical leaving of
(06:50):
the planet, of, like what weknow.
As you know, you bury them andyou celebrate the life.
But death comes in many ways,shapes and forms.
It comes in divorce, it comesin injury, it comes in job loss,
it comes in moving across thecountry.
It's happening all the time.
And what we as humans are notcomfortable with is the very
thing that our life isguaranteed to have, which is
death, and so we avoid it and wepush it off and we throw the
(07:14):
duct tape and the bubble gum orwe put something that shouldn't
be on life support, on all lifesupport, because we just can't
let go.
And I think when you really gethonest with yourself and you're
like but it's fading away for areason, and if we can just
loosen the grip and allow it topass, we're going to be so much
better off if we just go throughthat uncomfortable process and
it's not pretty and it's not fun.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Yeah, you just sparked a debate in my head.
Talk about a topic.
Let's break into that, becauseI think that's something I've
never talked about on this show,and I think it's important to
talk about People withsignificant others or not even
parents, loved ones, siblingswhen it gets to that point we
(07:59):
get to the, they're in thehospital, they're terminal,
they're on life support.
People lose their minds andthey end up trying to keep that
person alive, not for thatperson but for themselves, and
they're afraid to push throughwhen realistically we can say
you know most of these scenariosit's better if that person let
(08:22):
go.
I talk about this with myself.
My wife and I made a pact whenwe got married.
I said if I ever getAlzheimer's, do not let me live.
When I get to the point I don'tremember you, it is not worth
being alive, Let me go.
Call it a day.
If I ever get to the point Ilose my memory, whatever the
case may be, let me go.
If I get to the point I can'twalk and I'm in bed and I'm on a
(08:44):
breathing sheet, let me go, Donot keep me alive.
I do not want to be that personthat's alive quote, unquote to
be alive and she feels exactlythe same way.
And we panic when somebody elsegets there because people are
going to get mad at me, but Idon't think I care.
We panic and we keep thesepeople on life support, not
(09:07):
because of them, like I said,because of ourselves, because of
our own insecurities, becausewe maybe didn't say I love you
enough, and that's how we feelinternally and it's selfish,
it's selfish reasons that we dothat and that that's selfish,
not selfishness.
Selfishness has tied into howwe treat the medical community.
So now these doctors and thesehospitals are forced to keep
(09:30):
people alive that shouldn't bealive and you're literally
tormenting them.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
So yeah, that's totally one part of the argument
and I love that you and yourwife are not on the same page
about that, because it's sort ofone of those fundamental issues
in a relationship that youmight want to agree on.
But if you think about it inother scenarios, like just a
relationship, like if you werejust dating somebody and it's
really not that great and you'reboth kind of miserable, but you
just want, you know, you can'tlet go, you can't trust that
(09:59):
something great exists beyondthe good or the mediocre or even
the bad, because you get socomplacent and comfortable
within that.
You know what.
You know that we're too scaredto let go and move on.
And I think that I think itapplies to a lot how many people
listening are staying in thejob that they hate.
You're getting up every day todo something you hate.
(10:20):
Why, you know?
Maybe not these listeners.
There's a lot of people outthere that are punching the
clock because maybe they don'tthink they're worthy of
something more.
They don't trust that somethinggreater exists.
And this stuff doesn't happenovernight.
I mean, I can tell you that forme, entering the space of my
life getting flipped upside down, and this dream I thought was
finally coming to reality, I metsomebody.
We fell in love.
I thought it was finally comingto reality.
(10:40):
I met somebody.
We fell in love, we got engaged, we were looking at houses and
then he gets sick.
Being a wife, being a mother,all that stuff started to get
lit on fire in a moment and whatI did was try to save it.
And we were talking about thisa little bit before we got going
.
And when you get into thoselighter fight moments, the
(11:02):
element of control comes frontand center.
It did for me, because I'm nota.
I'm not a fleer, I'm a fighter.
So I doubled down and I startedto grip, grasp and force and
control anything I could in thescenario.
I'm not proud of that, but Iwant to admit it because I think
a lot of people can findthemselves in this part of the
story.
It came down to the food, likewhat we did every hour of the
(11:27):
day, like who, what, when, where, all the things, anything I
could wrap control around, Iwould do it.
And what that was doing wascausing me to live in this
fantasy world that it was allgoing to be okay and it wasn't.
And I think that's where youknow we talk about losing loved
ones or leaving a job, orleaving the relationship or
(11:49):
whatever form of death we becomeface to face with.
We don't want to admit it's notokay.
We just don't because we'rewired for life, we're not wired
for death as people.
And the second we can getreally honest with ourselves and
say it's not okay, but it is.
This is real, like this isactually what's happening right
here, right now, and I just haveto let go.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Yeah, I mean that ties into a lot of different
things.
So you mentioned divorce.
How many people do we know inour miserable marriages Is that
light, like they look at it, andthey don't love their spouses.
They look for outside, pleasureseeking things, and they're
miserable in their shelter.
They just do everything theycan to avoid being home.
But isn't the point of going toa job, working, making money, to
(12:34):
eventually have the time whereit's just you and your spouse to
be able to cherish your finalmoments together With the flip
side of that, even refusing tolook in a mirror about your own
moments, together With the flipside of that, even refusing to
look in a mirror about your ownpersonal health and someone's
complacent with I'm happy.
And they pretend and they goonline and they make TikTok
videos of look how happy I amand meanwhile they're 150 pounds
(12:55):
overweight, they have heartdisease, there's so much
pressure on their lungs.
Their heart attack is justimminent at this point, but
you're supposed to be happy withthat and they're afraid.
They're afraid to face thereality.
They're afraid to face asignificant other in life
support.
They're afraid to face the jobthey hate.
(13:16):
They're afraid to face anything, anything.
It takes tragedy and for peopleto like.
He's like I like when you saidthe beginning of the show gets
smacked in the head, so wake thefuck up to everything else.
Yeah, it doesn't have to bethat way though.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
I got to tell you I'm a stubborn.
I'm a stubborn learner.
I always was, as made evidentby you know, by my life journey.
But I do believe we, a don'thave to stay that way and, b
there are plenty of people outthere who are tapped in and
tuned up to the subtleinvitations and hints, and I
(13:56):
believe in the power of prayer.
I believe we're spoken to bythe divine, by angels.
I mean.
I've asked to upgrade my angelteam hundreds of times.
I'm like I can't hear you, Idon't know what you're saying.
Be more clear.
You know, I don't want to takea hint.
I want to like really know, andwhen we slow down and we can
pause and we can create somespace in our lives to like hear
(14:16):
our own thoughts, we can be alittle bit more receptive to the
messages that are trying toreach us.
So I don't think it's like oh,you're stubborn, you're going to
be that way forever.
You know, I do think with again, just being honest with where
we're at can really give us alot of peace.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Yeah, so OK, I can go off of that.
Take that back 100 years, right, or 200 years, and research has
shown time and time again, thepursuit of a goal is the biggest
definition of happiness andsuccess in someone's life.
So working for something andnowadays we have so many
(15:02):
distractions, like you said,which is so true how many people
binge Netflix shows?
They work all day.
They come home Don't let theirbrain think at all.
It's always on, on, on, on, on.
They crash.
They wake up.
They're looking at their phones, scrolling social media, back
to work, still scrolling socialmedia, checking their emails
home, netflix, all the freakingtime, not letting yourself be
(15:22):
bored.
Where that boredom, the brainstarts, thinking about other
things you start hearing.
If you're religious, it is thatit's taking time to prayer and
it's technically like you'refocusing on one thing.
It's a sign of not beingdistracted, or it's meditation
sign of not being distracted.
It's sitting in a room justwith nothing around you and just
(15:45):
saying, okay, what's going onin now?
Where am I presently?
And that's what people used todo.
There was no, nothing.
There was literally nothing.
You want to go from New York toPhilly.
It took you a couple days, soyou're on a horse going down
walking through the woods withno one freaking around.
(16:06):
And what are you doing?
You're self-reflecting, andthat's when ideas start going
and that's why a lot of thingswere invented around a certain
period of time the biggestinventions and then it kind of
tapers off to just a few people.
I mean, realistically, there'sa shit ton more of us.
So there's a shit ton more ofus.
There should be a shit ton morepeople inventing more things,
and so it seems to be the sameamount of people.
(16:28):
So many of the percentages areexactly the same.
So it's the boredom thatdisappeared, and people are
afraid to face boredom.
So maybe the real key is theafraid understanding of getting
in their own head and getting inthe way.
Here's a true story After myaccident whatever, a lot of
(16:50):
people know the whole story ofmoving on.
Let's move up.
Three and a half years before Idecided to actually own my own
gym.
I was lost.
I was in the same boat you werein.
The injury pushed me to startworking out, but I really knew
what the hell I wanted to dowith my life.
I was going out drinking, I wasbeing stupid, I was around
stupid people Not a funsituation.
Nothing successful for my life.
(17:10):
It took me just be hitting 25and having this like oh shit
moment.
I just wasted my entire life togo to my girlfriend's.
My wife's house at the time layon her floor instead of ceiling
for four and a half hours.
I'm just watching the fan spinand my life is just spitting and
(17:30):
I'm just relating to like, wow,I got nothing going for me Just
watching it.
But what I noticed was afterthe first hour of just being
like what the hell am I doing?
I'm going out of control, thatboredom kicked in and things
just started clicking because Ididn't have distractions.
(17:51):
I had nothing around me thatwas pulling me a hundred
different directions back andforth, back and forth, and
that's when I really got thegame together, realized oh, this
is what I need.
I need the turn it all off kindof approach.
Yep.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Yep, I couldn't agree more.
And I had a similar moment kindof in the midst of my
caregiving.
My dog at the time was also onbed rest.
So I had a human on bed rest, adog, I mean it doesn't get any
worse, it really doesn't.
So I brought the dog down tothis little patch of grass
behind my apartment I was livingin Chicago doing his thing and
(18:29):
I was just sitting there and Ihad this small little moment of
awareness that said this is thebottom and there won't be a time
in your life where it ever getsany worse than this.
You're there.
That's good news and bad news,because it's nice to arrive and
it's really nice to know you'vearrived.
But the gray area comes in likewell, how long am I going to be
(18:49):
here and what's it going to taketo get out?
And it's different foreverybody and it just depends on
how much you're really willingto surrender and let whatever's
lit on fire just burn, just go.
Otherwise it's like, ah, we tryto put it out and put water on
it, whatever, and really at theend of the day it just really
needs to crumble.
And what was happening for meis life I thought I was going to
(19:10):
live was burning to the ground.
My relationship was obviouslyup in smoke.
The city I was in love with,being Chicago, was no longer the
same.
My career was about todrastically change my interests,
my hobbies, my friendships, Imean all of it and it took about
five years for everything toreally just go down.
(19:34):
And I remember the moment when Iwoke up and it was on my 38th
birthday and I was with myjournal, which is always the
first place I direct people todo exactly what you're talking
about Go get bored and writedown what comes up in your mind
and I guarantee you it's goingto be gold, because this is the
Google.
200 years ago we didn't havethe, you know, we didn't need it
, we just had to, like, thinkabout it, just sit and see what
(19:56):
comes up.
And I remember on that day,things just feeling easier,
there was a lightness, there wasless grief, there was less and
he was still alive at the timethat this was all you know, kind
of cycling and, um, it does getbetter, and I will, you know.
I'll end this point with withthree, with three things.
(20:19):
And there were three reasons whyI wrote this book and it's
called soul dive.
Number one so people knowthey're not alone and that's
probably one of the majorreasons you share your story too
is because we can put ourselvesin isolation and no good is
going to come of that.
Number two you have to laugh,and no matter how heavy and sad
and tragic and how much you wantto feel sorry for yourself,
(20:41):
finding those moments oflightness and the things you are
grateful for and the things youstill have are so important and
if you can throw a little humorin there, I guarantee you it'll
help.
And number three you have tokeep going, and keep going in
the sense of get up every day,get into your routine, stay
devoted to your practice, justkeep going.
(21:01):
You're not going to skirtaround it, you're going to go
through it, but you're going tojust do it day by day and that's
it.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
I would add.
I mean, this was my biggestmotivator.
Shit can't get worse.
Yeah, what I mean by that isjust like I can take risks, it
doesn't matter, I don't care.
That's what got me to open thegym with no money in a bank
account.
It was if I lose everything, gobankrupt.
(21:29):
Everyone laughs at me.
It's not worse than what myworst was.
Like.
Who cares?
Yeah, fast forward to covid.
I lost everything again.
2020, march 3rd, march 16th, 20.
I'll never forget that freakingday.
I broke down for a day.
The next day woke up and I wenthey, this isn't bottom, the
fuck you doing.
(21:50):
And I made a game plan to getout of it.
That's why I started thepodcast.
So you look at that and you'relike if you hit bottom, there's
always an up right, you canalways work your way up.
But the biggest million dollarquestion, which I don't have the
answer to, maybe the answer isto get bored.
(22:11):
I don't know how do you teachpeople that have not been in
that situation Meaning they'venever had.
They feel like their life'sgreat, they feel like their
lives, they're happy with what'sgoing on, but they're afraid.
So how do you talk to thesepeople to say you need to get
your shit together before shitgets really bad, because we see
(22:33):
people after shit gets bad, butI want to talk to those people
before it even happens at all,to prevent it from happening in
the first place.
So how do you do that?
Speaker 2 (22:42):
I think I have a kind of a twofold answer.
Number one when I talk topeople that are young teenagers
middle school, even college thatare young teenagers, middle
school, even college the chancesare lower of them having this
super dramatic life alteringevent, although divorce is, I
think, up above 50% now.
(23:02):
So, and I think that's prettytragic for a kid.
But I don't think you look atit comparing like incident to
incident.
I think you have to look at itrelative to like where you are
in life.
So to me, the 16 year old thatgets her heartbroken for the
first time is feeling the exactsame emotion that the 42 year
old that's going through divorceis feeling, because it's not
breakup versus divorce, it'suniting those experiences
(23:25):
through emotion.
It's feeling anxious and sadand heartbroken and all those
things that come with thosedifferent experiences.
So I think, once we take awaythis apples to apples you know,
comparison of well, because thisis what I did.
I was like well, I'm 33 and I'mtaking care of a terminally ill
cancer patient.
Who's like me?
(23:46):
Nobody, boom, I push everybodyaside.
I push all the support, thelove, the help.
I don't need you because youcan't understand what I'm going
through.
That's not the way, and that Iwill smack the taboo buzzer on
every time I hear it, because ifyou do that, you're going to go
through it alone and we ashumans are not meant to go
through these things alone.
(24:07):
Outside of that, I mean, ifyou've lived this very charmed
life, I'm stoked for you and Idon't know any of these people,
by the way because I think whenwe get really really honest
about where we are and whatwe've been through, what we've
experienced, our hearts have allbeen broken, we've experienced
(24:28):
loss, we've gone through boutsof anxiousness and worry, we've
had debilitating fear, and itcan be in any category and again
, the emotions are all reallysimilar.
So that's my take, that's myhot take on that.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
No, I understand.
So basically, just everyone'sbeen in certain situations.
It's just crying is cryingirregardless of what the
situation is over.
So technically you've gonethrough it because you've had
that same experience.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Yeah, you're feeling the same.
I look at the emotions and it'sjust if we went around trying
to just relate to people who'vehad the same experience that we
have, I mean, we'd be in a lotof silos, and so I think we can
relate and learn from peoplewho've walked very different
paths yet have felt very similaremotional responses.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Very interesting.
No, I can see that, and I thinkthat a lot has to do with how
we learn how to control ouremotions.
I can see that and I think thata lot has to do with how we
learn how to control ouremotions, and then a lot of the
times like just typical answeryou're 16, you're going to cry a
lot more than when you're 40.
Just, you learn how to dealwith depressing situations.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
So it's okay.
Speaker 1 (25:44):
If I take this, I know how I felt during that.
I got over it, so I'll get overthis.
So I'll get over this yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
I don't know.
I would say that I mean, I'm 39.
I turned 40 in June and thetears are abundant and it's just
, it's very.
I think it's refreshing to getto a point in your life where
you can just sit with whateveremotion it is and be there and
then understand that it's goingto be fleeting.
And it's actually very easy todo.
When you're grieving, like whenyou're sad and you are bawling
(26:16):
your eyes out on the bottom ofyour bathroom floor and we've
all been there it sucks.
That's okay, cause you knowit's going to get better.
What sucks is when you're inthat like moment of joy and
you're like, oh shit, this isgoing to go away too.
It's this whole practice ofnon-attachment and we learn it
in yoga and we've learned it indifferent, you know, kind of
areas, walks of our lives.
But being in the moment, whichis being present, which is
something we do practice in yogaand other you know.
(26:38):
You know meditations ormovement practices, you know can
offer that kind of one-on-onewith being present, but not
attaching to how you are rightnow, because in an hour or in a
week or in a month or a yearthings are going to be very
different.
And that again, that surrenderand allowing and honesty with
(27:00):
where you, with where you are,is just going to help you move
through.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
Yeah, I mean, I agree , I'm not a yoga person like
total, full disclosure.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
This dumbbell here isn't representative of a yoga
mat.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
I've tried yoga.
It's definitely not for me.
I do like people that do it,but I really.
What I like about it is thesame thing I like about hitting
the gym.
It's detachment.
It's, let me.
You're taking time an hour, 45minutes, whatever it is, and
detaching yourself and you'refocusing on one thing.
(27:36):
I'm doing yoga.
I'm focusing on me breathingthrough yoga.
I'm lifting.
I'm focusing on this one rep.
I'm ignoring everything elsearound me and I don't have 500
stimuli coming in at once andthings fighting for my attention
all the time, especially comingthrough phones.
I just feel like overwhelmedand anxious.
So that's what I love about it.
(27:58):
I think it's important.
I love the breathing aspect ofit, like bring breathing to
consciousness.
I think there's a lot more goodfor us than we pretend it does.
Cortisol level drops from justbreathing and doing it
intentionally are huge.
So it's especially important forthose that feel like their
life's getting overwhelmed toavoid the Google rabbit hole of
(28:21):
hey, I have a headache.
I went to the doctor.
He said I have this thing I'venever heard of in my life.
I'm going to Google it andeverything I see is just side
effect death.
And then I'm going to breakdown all that and then spend six
weeks researching this specificthing and recharging the
stories.
I get so caught up with them,ignore everything else in my
life and everything wants totell me like, oh, you're gonna
(28:42):
die, you're gonna die, you'regonna die.
I'm gonna put myself in a holewhen really you need to turn
everything off.
And electronics and especiallyai and all that fun stuff now
are great for what they're goodfor.
But making it think for youfrom a whole and not taking time
to yourself and not justdisappearing and cutting off
(29:03):
from the world is huge.
I don't sleep with my phone inmy room.
I did for a while.
Again, sometimes I go to thehabits of in and out of the room
because I can forget, but Inoticed that when the phone's
even in the room, that's when Iwake up more anxious and uptight
because I'm just waiting for itto go off.
You know that like constantlyyeah so it's just little
(29:24):
practices like that that canhelp create that sense of
boredom and getting comfortablewith being bored.
Um, I heard listen to a podcastand it's about jerry springer,
and you know someone'smentioning what jerry springer
used to do in order to writeskits, where he would have a
separate room for himself towrite it.
Everything was blacked out.
(29:45):
There's no windows, noelectronics, there's just one
light and a pen and paper.
That's it.
And he scheduled himself to gointo that room every day for two
hours.
It didn't matter if he didn'twrite anything, but he had to go
into that room every day fortwo hours.
It didn't have to writeanything, but he had to go into
that room every two hours.
And he said that what started?
(30:06):
What would happen is first yousit there, your tools pen, get
bored, look around and thenrealize there's nothing else to
do, and then all of a suddenhe'd get into that oh, I need to
start writing.
And then he would startscribbling down scripts and
writing the things he needs tofocus on that was his practice.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
I think that's brilliant.
Yeah, I think the practice is.
I like the word, the practice,and as much as I like yoga, and
it's been such a catalyst for mein my journey.
I don't care what you do asyour practice.
You can be into gardening, youcan walk, you can sit by the
ocean, you can journal.
There's a million differentways where you can get out of
(30:42):
the ring of life and tap intowhat's going on in your mind and
body.
And it's like by doingsomething else or by, you know,
walking down the street sitting.
It doesn't, it really doesn'tmatter.
That is a powerful practice.
That is becomes a superpowerwhen you repeat it, and I think
when people can get into thattype of a routine develop just
(31:05):
like going into the room for twohours or having a regular
movement schedule or going tothe gym, whatever it is.
You are then set it, you'restacking the deck, so you're
setting yourself up to becarried through those moments of
great victory and intense pain.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Yeah.
I couldn't agree more.
I think the key of this andwe're both kind of on the same
page is go get bored and thatwill be your ultimate cure, so
you don't have to go throughshit, trauma and depending on
where it lies from, or even youlearn how to cope with things
better just by having thataspect of just turning
everything else off and focusingon yourself, taking those steps
(31:43):
for yourself, and then yourealize, oh, this is actually
what I need to work on.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
Oh, this, is more important and your priority
starts shifting.
Yep, this is super well-timed Ihave.
I know I'm three hours earlier,so it's 3.45 in California In
the afternoon.
I know I'm three hours earlier,so it's 345 in California In
the afternoon.
This is my last meeting.
I have nothing else on mycalendar today and when this
computer goes down I have a facemask waiting.
I have a foot mask waiting.
(32:08):
I might take a bath.
My journal is sitting rightnext to me.
It has not been opened yet, in2025.
Like I am stoked to be born, mydinner's already made.
I'll just heat it up.
Love it.
I'm ready, I love that.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
After me it's dinner and hang out with the wife and
kids, so that's it.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
It's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
But, alec, thank you so much for coming on.
I'm going to ask you two finalquestions.
I ask everyone.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
First one is if you're going to summarize this
episode in one or two sentences,what would be your take on
message?
Take some time to get quiet andgo be bored.
I love that.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (32:45):
And then the second one how can people find you, get
a hold of you, find your book?
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Yep, you can find me on Instagram at Alex Sabag.
My website issoulfulalchemistcom.
The book is called Soul Dive myJourney Into the Deep.
You can find it through mywebsite, instagram and on Amazon
.
And if you are in SouthernCalifornia and want to practice
yoga, you can find me at souldive yoga.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Thank you, alex.
I appreciate coming on.
Thank you guys for listening tothis episode of health fitness
redefined.
Don't forget to share thisepisode, subscribe, hit all the
bells and whistles.
We don't want to add, so wejust do it off of you guys.
Appreciate it all, bells andwhistles.
We don't run ads, so we just doit off of you guys.
Appreciate you all.
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